#*fuckin dies bc lactose intolerant*

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

ZOMG???

TY!!!

Ta stinken da, people

Reference pic (my eyebol)

Finished piece 😋😋

Took roughly 3-4 hours of me blasting the same song in my ears :D

(The song is Dessous by Adás, listen to it, its good)

[0bsc3ne]

like. there's so many things in my medical history pointing to this. aunt on dad's side? lactose intolerant. dad? gluten intolerant (confirmed not celiac). grandpa on dad's side? died from some sort of digestive issue they never figured out. insane genetic predisposition right there. me? constant complaints of horrible, constant constipation from literally day one. even as a fuckin diaper baby it was an issue. as i got older? horrible anemia that didn't respond to supplements. turns out issues digesting iron is a common side effect of gluten intolerance. who'da thunk it. but no. instead it took me eating something with so much spice it triggered a week worth of earth-shattering pain and Complete Reevaluation of my eating habits and then a baguette absolutely Ruining my day for me to realise this has been an issue my entire life. literally all my digestive problems have been solved. it's so fucking crazy. AND I CAN EAT THREE MEALS A DAY AND HAVE A REASONABLY FLAT STOMACH BY THE END OF IT. I DON'T GO UP THREE PANT SIZES A DAY ANYMORE. I CAN USE BELTS WITH SET HOLES IN THEM AGAIN BC THEY'RE GUARANTEED TO BE COMFORTABLE AT THE END OF THE DAY ANYWAYS.

AND I CAN BE THE MANWHORE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AND WEAR CROP TOPS

[petestarebanks]

this turned into a lot of talking i’m drunk sorry

since i love talking about myself and i’m working on finishing all the random cider/alcoholic drinks in my fridge i appeciate @chitown-sounder for tagging me in this

1) How tall are you? I’m 5��7″ and I don’t have anything else to say about that. 

2) What Color And Style Is Your Hair? My hair is medium brown which is v boring I want to dye it like daaaaaaark brown in an attempt to match my fingernails and my wardrobe which are both slowly entering the shadow realm until I can finally take my rightful place as an all powerful witch of darkness where I belong. Lately I’ve been working on growing my hair back out, right now it’s just below the middle of my back bc a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to go back to the bob I had in senior year of high school. Generally speaking my hair is an awful mess.

3) What Color Are Your Eyes? Depending on the day/weather/my mood/the color of my shirt it varies between blues and greens and greys. I wish I was constantly crying so they could be green always. 

4) Do You Wear Glasses? Yeah and tbh people always ask me why I don’t wear contacts and like why the fuck would I? When I got glasses in the 10th grade (After 3 years of staring at a computer screen bc I got obsessed with writing and never wanted to leave the house I developed near-sightedness like a fuckin dope) I was hype af they somehow made my face look less round imo like honestly my glasses make me look older and less pudgy and I fuck with that shit. I, like my dawg Cody, also am getting new glasses in like a week or so (They’ll be in on the 11th and I’m reeeeady) and I got 2 pairs, one of which is the same rectangle shape I’ve always had and the other one is more fahionable and maybe I’ll like them??? I better bc they were expensive but they were literally buy one get one free so....... Idk they’re more round shaped I can’t wait to put new accessories on my face

5) Do You Have Braces? I never did and it’s funny I always had a fucked up dental situation ok my front 4 teeth on the top were shaped like |_|_/\_||_| it wasn’t a gap or anything my teeth were just angled like that??? Apparently there was a bone in my gum where it shouldn’t have been and it was keeping my teeth from growing right and so when I was like 8 they did a removal of all 4 teeth like - ya girl was in the third grade missing my 4 front teeth??????????? Embarrassing anyway they took out the teeth and when I went back a few months later to get the bone out there was literally no bone there? There was no explanation for it it just wasn’t there and my teeth grew back in perfect. My teeth aren’t perfect by any means like I have a severe overbite and my lower row has a small gap in the front and also I had a fuckin tooth that grew in the middle of the roof of my fucking mouth????????????????????????? Teeth are so weird anyway that tooth got taken out and I’m just here living with a semi-ok mouf now

6) What Is Your Fashion Sense? Whatever I feel like wearing when I get out of bed 15 mins before I’m supposed to be at work lmao whatever takes the least effort and still looks put together enough. There’s a lot of black and particularly black leggings bc they almost pass for dress pants which works for my job. Also a lot of camisoles paired with shawl/overshirt things idk what they’re called. And jean shorts whenever I’m not at work.

7) Do You Have Any Siblings? I have 4 step sibs and 3 sisters - my sister Candace is 28 and got married last year, we always argue about politics (we are on the same side but she is a realist and I’m a romantic) but we love each other even though she makes me cry from emotions and frustration. My step brother John is 27 and he’s always been a fuckin dickhead even when we were kids and they were just my neighbors and not my step sibs - yes my father is dating a woman who used to live across the street from us in the neighborhood I grew up in - He is v strong and has strong opinions, has a lot of tattoos and is a misogynist. My sister Jackie is 26 and is a human fucking landfill who I haven’t spoken directly to in 4 months bc she got mad at me when I showed concern about her boyfriend being abusive, then he did beat her ass and when I tried to talk to her about it she fuckin blocked me on Facebook. Oh yeah and she’s pregnant with his kid and won’t stop smoking cigars. Fucking landfill. My step sis Amanda is 23, always a good time even if she’s a super thot, she has 2 babies who I love more than anything and she lets men make a fool out of her more often than not. I love her. My step brother Chris is my fave step sib mainly bc he went from being an actual juvenile delinquent, arrested and then on parole at age 15 even, to being the first of his family to graduate high school on the same day as me, with a steady job and a wife and a baby and paying his own bills I’M SO PROUD OF HIM. My step sister Tory is 19 and she doesn’t have a real name she’s just Tory, is a bigger fuckin thot than Amanda literally this bitch is in the DM’s of every dude I know and I’m not shaming her like boo do whatever u wanna do but be better at it? Be a boss ass bitch and don’t let ppl make fun of u for being a human disaster?  My younger half-sister Dalaney (Literally, named after Dale Earnhardt thanks to my trash father lmao) is 11 and she lives with her mother in Minnesota. She comes to see us every summer and she is so fucking funny, she is a tomboy and she is a sassmaster just like the rest of us I love her sfm. 

8) What Kind Of Student Are You? I was an honors sudent, took AP classes and barely skirted by (But passed the final exams while my geek fuckin classmates sobbed bc they failed lmao) I graduated with a 4.89 so like, I was litty. I never studied bc why would i read the same thing twice? I also missed a day a week from 6th grade to graduation, bc I was “sick” but really I didn’t feel like going. My mom thought I was lactose intolerant bc I faked sick so much. One time Amanda and I let my mom drive us to school only to walk home (3 miles) and get stopped by a police officer 20 feet from my front door, he wanted to know why we weren’t at school and we lied and said we missed the bus but our moms were fine with us not going to school that day. That fuckin cop offered us a ride to school so we had no choice but to go to school after all that!!!! Then in senior year when my mom left me to live with Jackie I was literally missing 2-3 weeks at a time until the AP was like “If u miss 40 days of school this semester you will be considered a drop out” and I was like “Fuck” so I finished and graduated and never went to college because fuck the education system tbq fuckin h. 

9) What Are Your Favorite Subjects? Math, History, English, Human Geography. I loved learning, that was why I never wanted to be at school, everything was fucking boring but when I had the right teachers, in these subjects in particular, I actually wanted to be there. 

10) What Are Your Favorite TV Shows? I never watched TV until like the last year, I finally got a Netflix subscription and caught up on shit people have been raving about for years but I was completely late on - Shameless, Orange Is The New Black, American Horror Story, Bates Motel, How To Get Away With Murder, in particular. Otherwise I just watch sports. Literally the only reason I pay for cable is so I can watch sports. 

11) Favorite Books? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH Scott WESTERFELD ANRD NEAL SHUSTERMAN. LIKE OK I’LL BE A HARRY POTTER STAN ALL MY LIFE. BUT. SCOTT WESTERFELD WROTE AN INGENIOUS SERIES ABOUT SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY (uglies/pretties/specials/extras) AND ALSO HIS VAMPIRE SERIES WHERE VAMPIRISM WAS TRANSMitted through sex and cats (peeps, the last days) WERE THE ONLY VAMPIRE BOOKS I EVER READ LMAOOOO. then, fucking neal. fucking neal shusterman changed my entire life for the better with a series about a future where the pro-life/prochoice battle turned into parents literally having the option of just, not dealing with their unruly teens anymore by having their body parts fucking dispersed to ppl who needed like new hearts, arms, etc (unwind/unwholly/unsouled/undivided) FUCKING ICONIC and also THE SERIES NEAL WROTE ABOUT KIDS WHO DIED AND WERE STUCK IN LIMBO BC THIS EVIL BITCH WOULDN’T LET THEM GO TO HEAVEN (everlost/everwild/everfound) GOD I LOVE BOOKS SO FUCKING MUCH OK. ALSO FOR MY NON-RELIGIOUS ASS EAST OF EDEN BY JOHN STEINBECK IS FUCKIN EVERYTHING. LIFE OF PI ALSO FUCK AND TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD BOOKS ARE GREAT.

12) Favorite Pastimes? If I’m not Netflix binging or watching sports or going to the movies with my friends or drinking with the one friend I have who I can drink with, I’m writing. I have literally 25 characters now I’m fucking trash but I love them all so much ok leave me alone. 

13) Any Regrets? Nah I think I’m the smartest most reasonable person on the planet so I think everything I do is right and not questionable at all lmao. 

14) What Is Your Dream Job? Huh. Hard to say. I’m doing something I love now, and my boss has been in the business for 20 years and his business pulls in 5 mil a year so like.......... I could stand to keep doing this for a long time. Honestly I’ve never had a direction in life so now that I found an occupation that I love I think this might be my dream job. 

15) Do You Want To Get Married? No lmao marriage is a patriarchal social construct and what’s the point? To legally be able to call someone mine? I don’t like people enough to want to spend my entire life with one. 

16) Do You Want To Have Kids? I never in my life want to give birth to a child. That shit is not for me. I have 5 nieces and nephews, a pregnant sister, and another sister who plans on having at least 2 someday. I don’t need no babies. I’ll be the cool vodka aunt who encourages my trash siblings’ kids to follow their hearts and encourages them to be gay if they’re feeling gay. I have always liked the idea of waiting until I’m like 40-45 and rich, and adopting a 10-12 y/o kid bc those kids never get adopted and I’ll just be the best parent to them. 

17) How Many Countries Have You Visited? I’ve never left the United States lmao. Fuck me right???????????????/

I have finished 3 bottles of beer/beer-like substance while writing this and the Rangers just fuckin lost go figure. I want @gingeronastick and @chrisarchers to do this and also whoever else feels like it ok ily babes

[underoosie]

shuri & peter: memelords

they start whipping in the most inconvenient moments but they both do it anyway

peter: ‘a potato flew around my room before u came’ peter, shuri, ned and michelle 5 secs later: 'aAAAAAAAAAAAAA’

peter, seeing spider webs on a dirty abandoned house: 'oh look free cotton candy!!! i love cotton candy’

peter: 'so no suit?’ [throws his iphone 3gs on the floor and breaks a skateboard]

shuri @white people holding her blasters: 'someone left and ice on the floor and now my sock is wet, who the Fuck wanna di-’

peter a saturday morning at 6:34am after drinking 5 cups of coffee each playing the ouija: 'what’s your name?’ [ouija thing moves to Yes] peter, shuri, ned and michelle: 'what THW FUCK-’

shuri @peter: 'can you shoot spider webs outta your ass’

shuri at agent ross: 'when i leave, u wanna keep doing This 🗣, but yet when i Come Around, u don’t wanna Post Up 👋’

peter: 'u better watch out. you better watch out’

peter & shuri: 'You Better Watch Out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,’

shuri after being in an american school for 5 minutes: 'all i wanna tell u is that school’s not important. be whatever u wanna be. if you wanna be a dog, RWOOf, you kno?’

peter: 'YO WHATS’ THE SCOOP?’

shuri driving off on her ship: ’PENIS’

peter holding a kermit plushie and shuri laughing her ass off in unison: 'shawty i don’t,,. MIND’

shuri after peter ate the last piece of kit kat on the fridge: 'i thought u wete bæ. pft, turns out you’re just Fam.’

peter: 'hey can u hack the wifi password for me i gotta download league of legends on my ipod thanks’

ned: 'dude. shuri is able to create an entire flexible suit out of metal. that’s so cool she’s so smart’ peter: 'yea i remember this one time she and may reenacted that one scene from the lion king and shuri was holding may from 3ft above the floor while screaming the circle of life, may spent the whole night staring at her really shook’

shuri whispering to t'challa’s ear at 4am: 'dicks out for harambe’

peter: 'what would my fbi agent think of me?’ shuri: 'oh i know him he said you like to cry your eyes out at night bcs of a telenovela’

peter once asked her to drink the entire bottle of milk in one chug. guess who’s lactose intolerant

shuri: 'peter i swear to Fuck can you stop turning on and off the lights on your fuckin suit’s eyes at 5am for fuck’s sake’

tony and t'challa are those two neighborhood moms who drop off their children at each other’s house and gossip drinking tea while their kids are destroying the entire house

peter texting shuri while he’s sitting on a train eating gummies: 'the grind 👊🔥 never stops ✊💥👐🚫 gotta work hard 😤👀💪 to 🅱e an Avenger 💢🔥👄’

shuri at disneyland her first time: 'when you WISH upon a stAAR’ t'challa: 'nothing happens.’

peter: 'fluorine uranium carbon potassium yttrium oxygen uranium, arsenic sulfur hydrogen oxygen le’

when they fight they send each other bad kermit images

when they feel lovely and grateful for their friendship they send each other kermit images with heart emojis

any ocassion is a good ocassion for sending each other kermit images tbh

shuri when she sees how poorly advanced peter’s suit is:

peter the first time shuri shows up at the avengers building: 'h-’

shuri the first time she shows up at the avengers building: 'i can literally kill you with my bare hands.’

shuri begs t'challa to take peter on her lab at wakanda just to show him her new invention: edible tide pods

anyway i got a lot more but shuri and peter can take my eyes out and i’d thank them

[abandonedabandoned]

dear lactose intolerant people: uhhhh whats the signs of lactose intolerance bc it cant be a coincidance that almost everytime i eat dairy my stomach fuckin dies

[courfeyracs-swordcane]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAPPENED WHATS GOOD FAM???

OK SO THERES A LOT OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED AND ITS RLLY LONG AND I DONT WANT TO BUG PPL SO ITS UNDER THE THING

K SO CRAP THINGS FIRST BC THEN IT ENDS GOOD

Crap things-

•The One And Only Person In This World That I Hate And I’ve Actually Met is starting dance at my studio and probably doing the Nutcracker and she’s going to suck evERYTHING GOOD AND FUN out of it and I’m cry

•my best irl friend got dumped by her first boyfriend. She’s ok but it still sucks

• a senior (who helped my friend and I so much last year and I love her she’s great) asked my freshman son to prom and he’s going and besides the obvious creepiness that he’s 14 and she’s 19 I Do Not Trust Her Not To Hurt Him and if she does I’ll kick her ass but also I’ll cry and now I’m really worried about him especially bc since his best friend just dumped mine we’re not really hanging out as much anymore so I can’t keep up with everything that’s happening and I’m really worried

• my lips are really chapped and I’m dying

• I might have broken my little toe a couple weeks ago and it’s mostly good unless I’m spinning on that foot or if I poke it but when I was taking my sock off I accidentally twisted it and died a lil and now it hurts again

• I forgot I might be a lil bit lactose intolerant and ate a bunch of ice cream and now I feel like death

• I went to bed rlly early bc I was exhausted but I had to stop talking to Aras rip

• I managed to get 35/60 on an OPEN NOTE TEST

• we had to do Italian fouettés at dance and I hate Italian fouettés I suck at them

• we had to do an adagio combination at dance and I hate adagios I suck at them

• I put some taffy in my pocket and forgot about it and went to bed and now there's taffy on my sheets

• I accidentally sat on my cat. He's fine it was just his legs but I felt really bad

• I had a headache and a sore throat all day yesterday and it sucked

• I get *angsty* when I'm sick and made myself sad and wrote sad things

• I got put in a group in drama with the One And Only Person I Hate Who I’ve Actually Met and she was trying to make the scene we were making up really stupid and terrible and insert a completely unnecessary romantical subplot when we had ten minutes to do the whole thing

• I ended up getting knocked out/shoved to my knees/tripping and falling SEVEN TIMES in the scene which was really fun but also now my knee is really bruised and I die

• we mostly ran out of food at my moms house and she doesn’t get paid until Thursday rip

GREAT things-

• we had locker checks yesterday so no pe which was Great bc I had a really bad headache and a sore throat and I probably would have died

• I came out to two of the older kids in the musical bc one of them was talking abt the guy he’s going to ask out after musical and then the other one was like yea dude there’s like five gay guys at this school aND ONE OTHER BI GIRL RIP and I was like *jazz hands* and they were like holy crap you’re bi what and it was freaking great bc that was the first time I’ve come out irl and yeA

• ALL OF THE SENIORS ARE REALLY FREAKING NICE AND I LOVE THEM OK

• yesterday was A REALLY GOOD BODY IMAGE DAY AND TODAY ISNT QUITE AS GOOD BUT BETTER THAN NORMAL WHICH IS PRETTY GREAT

• TAFFY IS GOOD AND I GOT TO EAT SOME

• the scene we made up in ten minutes was the best in the class and now I’m using the plot of our scene to write a book and yea

• I ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING EVEN IF IT WAS RIDICULOUS AND SAD

• I brought a dollar to school so I could walk to Taco Bell after rehearsal and get a freeze during happy hour and I missed it by five minutes and I was p disappointed but then I had enough change floating around to get one anyway!!! Even enough to get a large one!!! I really like Taco Bell freezes

• I went to bed early and got a crap ton of sleep

• I figured out a joke to come out to my best irl friend bc today I was face timing her and wandering my house as one does and ended up sitting on a giant pile of stuffed animals in my closet and I was like holy crap this is really comfortable and now I’m making it into A Place To Sit and so I’m going to FaceTime her sometime and be like ok I’m getting out of the closet now, btw I’m bisexual pls don’t hate me and then hang up bc I’m terrified bc her mom is kinda homophobic and just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

• one of our roommates got bread and it’s the Good Bread so I had an actual sandwich for lunch instead of like cereal or smth which was pretty great

• I’m at my dad’s house for the next two days and he has Good Food All The Time It’s Great

• there’s ICE CREAM AND IM GOING TO EAT SOME

• I lost my sister’s book (I didn’t know it was hers at the time) at a pool party in sixth grade and she hasn’t forgiven me and she always brings it up and my mom sides with her whenever she does and GUESS FUCKIN WHAT. I FOUND IT. HECK YEA. SHE CANT PLAY THAT CARD ANYMORE SO HA!!

• I found my chapstick

• MY CRUSH SAID HE LOVED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN A JOKEY FRIEND WAY BUT STILL!!!!!!!!!! AND I SAID IT BACK!!!! I CANT USUALLY EVEN SAY IT TO MY GRANDMA WHO I LOVE DEARLY!!!!!! I HAVENT STOPPED SCREAMING AT ALL SINCE AND THAT WAS LIKE FOUR HOURS AGO

SO YEA!!! AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY!!!!

(sorry for giving you pretty much a full summary of the last two days but I started going and just didn’t stop)