#*believe me i'd love to be the change i wish to see in this world (more images of 20 something year old barok pre-trauma and racism arc)

[blvckquill]

Why is it always the characters (or alternate versions of characters: i.e. when they were younger, one-off outfit, etc) that have very little official (or even clear since sometimes it's sometimes a character from 2004 so everything is kinda grainy) art that can be used as references for a commission that I get attached to 😔

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Look no one prepared me for the fact that we're getting rocker kihyun again this era-- and like I'm going to lose my mind-- every time his rocker version comes out my sanity crumbles just that bit more.

Anyways-- I'm vv excited for their cb-- and pls tell me why all of them look fine-- Pls i've been a mbb for 7 yrs and they never give us a break--.

I was discussing with my friend how your bias has the capability to wreck you even tho you bias them?! And I just find that fact so wild-- because it's so correct?! Now here i am as a Kihyun ult being absolutely destroyed-- Pls someone send an ambulance or sth- cause this cb is going to crush my heart-.

(I have so many thoughts on this and we haven't even gotten the highlight reel yet--).

[folie-a-deux]

A compilation of my favorite hannigram quotes, related lines or conversations throughout the series.

— Uhm... Just because?

S01E01: Apéritif

Hannibal: "God forbid we become friendly."

Will: "I don't find you that interesting."

Hannibal: "You will."

S01E04: Oeuf

Hannibal: "Feeling paternal, Will?"

Will: "Aren't you?"

Hannibal: "Yes."

S01E09: Trou Normand

Hannibal (to Will): "Who knows Abigail better than you and I? All the burden she bears. We are her fathers now. We have to serve her better than Garrett Jacob Hobbs."

S02E01: Kaiseki

Hannibal: "I miss him."

Bedelia: "You are obsessed with Will Graham."

Hannibal: "I am intrigued."

Bedelia: "Obsessively."

S02E09: Shiizakana

Hannibal (to Will): "No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them. By that love we see potential in our beloved. Through that love, we allow our beloved to see their potential. Expressing that love, our beloved’s potential comes true. I love you, Will."

S02E10: Naka-Choko

Hannibal: "Stay with me."

Will: "Where else would I go?"

–/–

Alana: "It's just hard to know where you are with each other."

Will: "We know where we are with each other. Shouldn't that be enough?"

S02E12: Tome-wan

Will (to Hannibal): "You're right. We are just alike. You're as alone as I am. And we're both alone without each other."

–/–

Will (to Hannibal): "I bond with Abigail, you take her away. I bond with barely more than the idea of a child, you take it away. You saw to it that I alienated Alana, alienated Jack. You don't want me to have anything in my life that isn't you."

-/-

Hannibal: "Achilles lamenting the death of Patroclus. Whenever he's mentioned in the Iliad, Patroclus seems to be defined by his empathy."

Will: "He became Achilles on the field of war. He died for him there, wearing his armor."

Hannibal: "He did. Hiding and revealing identity is a constant theme throughout the Greek epics."

Will: "As are battle-tested friendships."

Hannibal: "Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone. Took divine intervention to bring them down."

S02E13: Mizumono

Hannibal: "We could disappear now. Tonight. Feed your dogs, leave a note for Alana, and never see her or Jack again. Almost polite."

Will: "Then this would be our last supper."

Hannibal: "Of this life. I served lamb."

Will: "Sacrificial."

Hannibal: "I don't need a sacrifice, do you?"

–/–

Will: "You were supposed to leave."

Hannibal: "We couldn't leave without you."

...

Hannibal: "Time did reverse. The teacup that I shattered did come together. A place was made for Abigail in your world... You understand? A place was made for all of us, together. I wanted to surprise you. And you... you wanted to surprise me. I let you know me. See me. I gave you a rare gift. But you didn't want it."

Will: "Didn't I?"

...

Hannibal: "Do you believe you could change me, the way I've changed you?"

Will: "I already did."

Hannibal: "Fate and circumstance has returned us to this moment— when the teacup shatters. I forgive you, Will. Will you forgive me?"

S03E02: Primavera

Will: "A valentine written on a broken man."

–/–

Will: "I do feel closer to Hannibal here. God only knows where I'd be without him."

Abigail: "What did you see?"

Will: "He left us his broken heart."

Abigail: "How did he know we were here?"

Will: "He didn't. But he knew we'd come."

Abigail: "He misses us."

S03E03: Secondo

Hannibal: "He said he forgave me."

...

Bedelia: "Betrayal and forgiveness are best seen as something akin to falling in love."

Hannibal: "You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love."

–/–

Chiyoh: "How do you know Hannibal?"

Will: "One could argue intimately."

Chiyoh: "'Nakama'? It's a Japanese word for very close friends."

Will: "Yes, we were 'nakama'."

–/–

Chiyoh: "Why are you looking for him after he left you with a smile?"

Will: "I've never known myself as well as I know myself when I'm with him."

–/–

Jack: “Will Graham understands Hannibal. He accepts him. Now, who among us doesn’t want understanding and acceptance?”

–/-

Bedelia: “What your sister made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict."

Hannibal: "Or negotiate."

Bedelia: "I would suggest what Will Graham makes you feel is not dissimilar. A force of mind and circumstance.”

Hannibal: “Love. He pays you a visit or he doesn't.”

S03E04: Aperitivo

Jack: "You remember when you decided to call Hannibal?"

Will: "I wasn't decided when I called him. I just called him. I deliberated while the phone rang. I decided when I heard his voice."

Jack: "You told him we knew."

Will: "I told him to leave. 'Cause I wanted him to run."

Jack: "Why?"

Will: "Because... because he was my friend. And because I wanted to run away with him."

–/–

Dr. Chilton: "Will Graham is alive because Hannibal Lecter likes him that way."

Jack: "Maybe it's one of those friendships that ends after the disemboweling."

Dr. Chilton: "I would argue, with these two, that's tantamount to flirtation."

S03E06: Dolce

Jack: "Hannibal will slip away. Will you slip away with him?"

Will: "Part of me will always want to."

–/–

Hannibal: "If I saw you everyday, forever, Will, I would remember this time."

Will: "Strange seeing you here in front of me. Been staring at afterimages of you in places you haven't been in years."

...

Will: "I wanted to understand you... before I laid eyes on you again. I needed it to be... clear. What I was seeing."

Hannibal: "Where does the difference between the past and the future come from?"

Will: "Mine?"... "Before you and after you."

...

Will: "You and I... have begun to blur."

Hannibal: "Isn't that how you found me?"

Will: "Every crime of yours, feels like one I'm guilty of. Not just Abigail's murder, every murder. Stretching backward and forward in time."

Hannibal: "Freeing yourself from me and me freeing myself from you. They're the same."

Will: "We're conjoined. I'm curious whether either of us can survive separation."

–/–

Hannibal: "I would've liked to show you Florence, Will."

S03E07: Digestivo

Hannibal: "Do we talk about teacups and time, and the rules of the disorder?"

Will: "The teacup's broken. It's never gonna gather itself back together again."

Hannibal: "Not even in your mind?"... "Your memory palace is building, it's full of new things. It shares some rooms with my own. I've discovered you there, victorious."

Will: "When it comes to you and me, there can be no decisive victory."

Hannibal: "We are a zero-sum game?"

Will: "I miss my dogs. I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to find you. I'm not going to look for you. I don't want to know where you are or what you do. I don't want to think about you anymore."

Hannibal: "You delight in wickedness and then berate yourself for the delight."

Will: "You delight. I tolerate... I don't have your appetite."

Will: "Goodbye, Hannibal."

–/–

Hannibal (to Will): "I want you to know exactly where I am, or where you can always find me."

S03E09: ...and the Woman Clothed with the Sun

Hannibal: "Is there a child in your life, Will? I gave you a child, if you recall."

–/–

Will: "You called us "murder husbands.""

Freddie Lounds: "You did run off to Europe together."

S03E10: ...and the Woman Clothed in Sun

Bedelia: "Have you been to see him?"

Will: "Yes."

Bedelia: "You haven't learned your lesson have you? Or did you just miss him that much?"

–/–

Bedelia (to Will): "My relationship with Hannibal isn't as passionate as yours. You are here visiting an old flame. Is your wife aware how intimately you and Hannibal know each other?"

S03E11: ...and the Beast from the Sea

Will (to Hannibal): "I'm not fortune's fool. I'm yours."

S03E12: The Number of the Beast is 666

Will: "Is Hannibal... in love with me?"

Bedelia: "Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you and find nourishment at the very sight of you?... Yes. But do you ache for him?"

S03E13: The Wrath of the Lamb

Hannibal: "When life becomes maddeningly polite, think about me. Think about me, Will. Don't worry about me."

–/–

Will: "I knew you wanted me to know exactly where I could find you when I needed to."

Hannibal: "And you did."

Will: "I need you Hannibal." ... "Please."

–/–

Will: "It really does look black in the moonlight."

Hannibal: "See? This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us."

Will: "It's beautiful."

[yuri-is-online]

"The moon is beautiful tonight" bro if someone said that to me I'd choke 💀. So here's a request ig. Octavinnle and scarabia saying this phrase in casual conversation causes like. it doesn't mean anything in twst, but yuu doesnt know that. So yuu just looks at them like

And suddenly they're being a hell of a lot more affectionate towards them specifically, which is really starting to fuck with their emotion at this point. Cause like. "I've thought of what we'd act like as a married couple a million times and you are acting exactly like that"

So now like, idk, 2 months later or something, the boys basically do a "reject me so I can move on. Or not, please not, actually"

And yuus like? We've been together for 2 months now? I thought we were taking it slow but not this slow??

He doesn't even fully remember what he said, or the context that brought it up. If someone were to offer him all the world's wealth and power he wouldn't be able to tell them what brought about this change.

If he did he might find it ironic that in your world there was a place and time where "I love you" could be translated into "the moon looks beautiful tonight." For what else could he have been trying to say?

I LOVE THIS TROPE I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH. UNREQUITED REQUITED ACCIDENTAL LOVE CONFESSION MY BELOVED. Anyway yeah sure I can do this easy. Also can someone tell me what "ig" means I am an elderly woman ☆ヽ(o_ _)o notes: they/them used for Yuu, angst with the intent of comfort, not all of them follow the flow of the prompt exactly sorry, idk if I like this one? I'm so sorry it took so long I loved this prompt but for some reason when I sat down to write it my brain fried. More fic can be found on my masterlist here.

Azul

What He Says:

You can't actually see the moon from Octavinelle, so how the conversation topic got around to it is quite lost on you. "You just don't really seem like an astrology h- person to me?" It is all you can do to bite back a different description as you try to pretend your focus is on the silverware you are rolling and not the ever so slightly disheveled octomer across the office. You treasure these times, though you have to wonder just how intentional they are. Azul always has an aura of manufactured perfection around him, so to see him with ink stained hands and a crooked tie... you wish you were quick enough to get a picture with something other than your mind's eye.

"I could say the same about you," he smiles as he speaks in a way you want to believe is affectionate "though I suppose it shouldn't, every planet large enough to host life will have a moon." Your fingers fidget with the napkins as you wonder where to take this talk, talking with Azul is a lot like a dance at a masquerade you haven't been invited to. One small slip and he has you at his mercy.

"I was surprised your moon looks so similar to mine." You try. "It was very comforting to know it still represents my deepest, truest self."

"Then it must look beautiful tonight." Azul says softly, as if he is more testing the words in his mind than he is saying them. But still you startle and drop the silverware and make him jump.

"I'm sorry?" You stumble over yourself to pick it up and see a worried Azul standing in front of you.

"I said the moon must look beautiful tonight." He says as he bends to help, so casually that he has to call out to you again to make you realize this isn't a dream.

"It is." You pull yourself up and stand closer to him than you have ever previously dared.

When He Breaks (Two Months Later):

Ramshackle Prefect: Morning Azul ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Azul stares at his phone as if he is unused to the words on his screen. His thumb hovers over the heart as if he could reach out and touch what sits on the other side and know.

You: Morning, a bit early for you isn't it?

Not that he is upset exactly, this is a lovely thing to wake up to. But it's torture, pure torture to lack the context for any of this. When you started messaging him in the morning he had been too pleased to think critically. His mind conjures up images of how sweet you could sound when half asleep, what it would be like to hear that wish from you every morning out loud instead of on a screen. He shakes his head trying to blink back the tears as he rises, these thoughts are like one of those mirages he'd heard Jamil describe before. If he looked too hard it would disappear and leave him with nothing but sand, and there is nothing a merfolk fears more than the absence of water.

Ramshackle Prefect: (｡•̀ᴗ-) Ramshackle Prefect: hehe im goin back to sleep now. Ramshackle Prefect: dont overwork urself. it's supposed to be the weekend!!!

"Supposed to be the weekend" he wants to die. His heart hammers away at his chest as reads and re-reads his messages searching for a sign of how or why he is getting these messages. It's a thankless task, he's done this every day for... it feels like years but he knows from his carefully kept notes it's only been two months one week and three days. And he does mean notes, so what if he's taken to keeping Yuu's file in his night stand it's still kept in a file which means it isn't a diary. Not that it would be a problem if he did-

Ramshackle Prefect: oh before I forget is it ok if I stop by the lounge later? I tried making a pudding and want to know if it tastes good Ramshackle Prefect: y'know to people who don't eat literal dirt

-so no he wasn't keeping a diary but maybe Jade is on to something and he should really start because he hears those are good for managing stress.

~~~~

"Not that I am unimpressed with your efforts," is what Azul says out loud with a great deal of effort "but is it just me or have you been trying to cook a lot more lately?" It had started with little sandwiches and maybe a salad on days he was still at work late into the night, dropped off with the claim that Yuu was worried he wasn't taking care of himself but they never actually stayed to watch him eat it. This was new, as if they were testing the waters of something from their position on his couch, face still puffy with sleep as they settle themselves deep into its puffy cushions and watch him at his desk. Maybe they were concerned he would not want a desert and intended to stay and make sure he didn't throw it out. That had to be it, but then why visit dressed so casually? He can count on one hand the times he has seen Yuu out of an NRC uniform, and none of those allowed him a glimpse of their actual preferences in clothing.

It's like they've forgotten who they are dealing with.

"Well yeah, it's a good skill to have." Yuu looks at him with a genuine unguarded smile. "Besides it's fun to get your opinions on my food, I don't always understand how you come up with them but I feel like it helps."

"My I didn't realize you held my advice in such high esteem." He feels much more like himself now with this information. Of course Yuu has been messaging him more, they need him for something. It might sting, but it's safe. Logical. Something he can work with. "Maybe I'll just have to start charging you, can't have you taking my secrets and stealing away my customers, can I."

But for some reason this just makes you laugh. "No need to worry about that, I only really cook for you. And Grim I guess but like I said, he literally eats dirt. I mean just the other day-

"What did you say?" Azul's voice sounds strained.

"About Grim eating dirt?" You say, and Azul finally for someone so smart and so proud on his ability to read people thinks that he might have made a mistake. "He says he's making a tier list."

"Why are you so painfully human?" His smile is strange, you can't say you have ever seen him like this before, it's a strange mix of happiness and resignation. "Your heart is so- prefect do you trust me?"

"Yes." You answer, seemingly confused as if your answer to that question shouldn't have been something he doubted.

"Would you trust me with your life? Your secrets?" He makes his way out from behind his desk to stand above you, to look down at you and confirm that for some damnable reason you are still calm. "Would you trust me with your life?"

"...only if you wanted it." Finally he sees a trace of fluster in you, finally you feel as nervous around him as he does around you constantly. He places a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him.

"Then tell me how you feel about me truthfully. Because everything you have said and done up to this point has been driving me crazy into thinking I have a chance." You blink. Once. Twice. And then a look of pure confusion distorts your perfect face.

"You- you don't know? But I thought- I mean you said-" And then suddenly Yuu has managed to jump out from the couch and the intensity of the moment stutters closer to comedy as Azul watches you curl under his desk like it's an octopot. "You said the moon was beautiful."

It's Azul's turn to blink. Once. Twice. He feels like he should be holding back tears, or disappointed in some way but- "I did say that... but what does that have to do with, anything?" You don't move and Azul considers his options, and decides to walk slowly to his desk and pick up the pudding before settling himself just out of sight from where you are hiding. And he waits, he waits for you to speak like his hands aren't clammy and he is not worried at all about what you might have to say.

"In my world when you say that it means something." You sound so small and alone, but still he waits. "I was really happy to hear you say it, but I didn't think... no I just didn't think. I'm so so so sorry."

"What did you think I said?" His mind is racing with the possibilities, but he has an idea because really what else could he have said that would explain all of this behavior?

"I don't wanna say it. It's embarrassing." You sound close to tears and Azul can't have that now can he? He crouches down to look at you curled under his desk and thinks that Floyd must have been wrong when he called you a shrimp, how could you be anything other than another octopus, waiting for someone who understood them too?

"As embarrassing as saying it again?" He doesn't wait for you to reply. "The moon looks beautiful tonight." He watches your breath hitch in delight as he fully invades your space and whispers what it looks like he should have just said all along. "I love you."

And gets to hear the one thing he has wanted most. "I love you too."

Jade

What He Says:

"And that is the Hero constellation." Jade makes sure to keep his hand as close to you as plausible, resting the back of it against yours as he uses his pencil to point at the star chart you are examining to avoid having to move it away from your addictive warmth. He delights in the way you try to suppress your shudders yet make no move to shake him off, what a dangerous game it is you have decided to play tonight. "Named after the Hero who dove into the underworld to fetch back his beloved from death itself."

"It looks familiar." You swallow and try to focus on the stars, Jade had been kind enough to offer you some "opinions" (because help would cost you and he has no intention to charge yet) when he saw you struggling to read your astrology homework. "But I don't think it was as important to astrology back in my world..."

"Oya? Your world also values the guidance of the stars?" Jade is always hard to read, but even more so in the dark. Something to do with his natural habitat you suppose, not that you are excited about the potential he sees you as some sort of prey. Not that you couldn't be if you knew just what sort.

"Well yeah sometimes. But I think it has more to do with the zodiac constellations and the position of the planets." You smile and hope this little bit of information is enough for Jade to take as payment instead of a favor but he simply hums.

"Yes I do seem to recall you saying something like that." He says with a smile and you desperately wrack your brain for how he could know that when you know damn well it wasn't to him.

You were only sort of right, he had been there, just out of sight listening intently as you described the differences in the mythological origins of the various signs and their importance in match making.

"Only in some cultures Ace!"

But you had made no mention of whether or not that culture was yours, which was all Jade really cared about. Not that he placed much interest or faith in the stars but if you did that was important data. But no matter how carefully he tried to poke the only thing you ever seemed to really like talking about was the moon. "The moon looks beautiful tonight." Jade says, bitterly, head full with ideas that he wants to give but cannot without overplaying his hand. And yet-

"Do you mean that?" He turns his head abruptly, blinking in confusion down at your flustered self. Jade knows right away that he has said something without meaning to, your reaction screams it but just this once- no he is always selfish when it comes to you. So in keeping with his habits, he drops the pencil and folds his hand around yours properly.

"Every word." It is all he can do to keep his teeth from showing as he watches you fold into him. Normally when Jade offers to walk you home you make up an excuse or outright decline, but when he offers tonight you are happy to accept. You even let him help you pick up your things and when he decides to push his luck and ask for your hand-

You let him take it. His brain is fried, the only thing he can think of and feel is the texture of your skin and the weight of your fingers intertwined with his. Neither of you speak on the way back to Ramshackle, Jade barely hears himself whispering you a goodnight as he swears you stare at his lips in the same way he always dreams of yours.

His mind works overtime as he walks back to his dorm, thinking and re-thinking his words and wondering if he has reached the right conclusion. Data, he needs more data on this change. You have let him get close to what he wants in moments of weakness before, but you have never let him touch and as much as he wants to throw himself into you and be consumed with his assumptions...

When He Breaks (3 months later):

He is long past collecting data at this point, he is just being a coward. Jade is fairly certain that Yuu is courting him... but that pesky doubt keeps creeping back in the longer he looks at them. Not that Jade is unfamiliar with doubting himself, or waiting to strike but you...

"Are you alright, Jade?" You're laid across his lap without a care in the world watching that damn moon again, completely unaware of him unraveling beneath you. "You've been spacing out a lot lately."

"I've just had a lot on my mind~" He caresses the side of your face and you let him, you even whine a bit when he retracts it and speed up his heart rate just enough to make him hyper conscious of his breaths. "Can I ask you something?"

"Technically you already have." You squirm to try and dodge his flick but don't seem too fussed by it. "But sure, what's bothering you?"

"Do you hate me?"

"What?" Oh that look of shock on your face is precious he hasn't seen it in a while. Slowly, giving you just enough space to run if you want Jade bends towards you, smiling wide and tootful as he repeats the question.

"I was wondering if you hate me dear Prefect. Because you see," he sniffles and tries to pretend he doesn't hear you groan in exasperation "our relationship these past few months has been nothing but pure torture for my poor self."

"Oh has it now." You don't sound like you believe him how tragic. "I didn't realize I was such bad company."

"Oh the worst sort." He whimpers. "The sort of company that takes advantage of the thin lines between you and does all sort of things to your poor heart."

"... thin lines?" Finally. FINNALY. You sound just as worried as he's been these past three months. He ceases his blubbering and looks at your embarrassed face properly. It's adorable, he'll have to ask for your forgiveness later for his lengthy pause admiring it later.

"Please be truthful." He whispers just a tad lower than is necessary. "And be gentle with me in your rejections so I can move on if I must but first-"

"We're not dating?!?!?" How rude you don't let him finish before you interrupt and try to run away. His long arms interrupt your retreat, pulling you down with peels of laughter (from him it's clear you don't find this funny) as he rolls you onto the grass, pinned directly beneath him. You look good like this, eyes focused entirely on him and no longer pining after the moon.

"There seems to have been a misunderstanding." He says and you try your best to glare threateningly up at him. "I can't quite remember anything I might have done to make you think we were together. Was it something I said?"

"You said... I'm so stupid."

"I don't seem to recall ever having said that outloud." You try to knee him in the groin but he pins your leg down with his own, such useful things though a tail would have made this entire confrontation much more efficient.

"Of course it doesn't mean the same thing. This is a different world." You look genuinely distraught, and though Jade doesn't regret his teasing one bit he doesn't want to keep you in suspense much longer. So he bends his face directly next to your ear and whispers.

"The moon looks beautiful tonight." Your breath hitches and Jade rolls to his side, pulling you up onto his chest before you can go back to being angry at him. "You're right, it doesn't mean whatever you think it should here. After all if I wanted to say how I feel about you I wouldn't use a metaphor."

"And just what would you say about me?" You sound so impossibly small, just as in need of reassurance as he had been just mere moments ago.

"I would say that I love you, of course." It's hard to say out loud, but worth the reward of your warmth settling into him once more, with clarity this time and no need for cowardice.

Floyd

What He Says:

Floyd has been in a strange mood lately, not quite bad, not quite good, and yet somehow very clearly not somewhere in between either. Reflective is the word you would choose yourself, but no one is really asking your opinion they just want you to fix it.

Not that you have any real clue how you are going to do that, you will be the first to admit you didn't have much of a plan when you asked if Floyd wanted to climb up to Ramshackle's roof and shoot the breeze. Not that you are really complaining it had been funny watching him try to figure out the climb.

"I though you were supposed to be good at this." You laugh from your perch waving a bag of flavored potato chips in encouragement as Floyd snorts just below you.

"I'm real good at parkour, just haven't really climbed trees before. I ain't a monkey fish." Still he manages to hoist himself up just fine and plop himself next to you with a thud that reminds you of just how much weight there is to him. He's tall and lean, his figure seems to go on forever as he stretches himself out next to you, eyes fluttering shut as he lets out a breath and holds out a hand for a chip.

You stuff it into his mouth and try not to laugh too hard when he chokes. He spits some of the chip shards back at you and tries not to smile too wide when you sputter and whine about how gross he is for spitting on you.

"Ya do this a lot back home?" It's not the first time Floyd has asked about your world, but it is certainly the most random.

"We've got stars in my world too." You snort, trying to think about just how you are going to turn this conversation around into something more cheerful. "But nah, pretty sure someone would have called the cops if they caught me on the roof at 2 am." Floyd rolls onto his side, propping himself up on his arm to really look at you as you look through your grocery bag of loot deciding which of the drinks you brought up you want to drink.

"I meant invite people to hang out real late." You stop your search to look down at him and find your words caught somewhere between your heart and your throat. Not like this. You want to say. Not for this reason. But instead you shrug and try to offer a bottle he doesn't take. You aren't avoiding the question tonight. "Ya gotta have done something for fun, right?"

"Sometimes I'd walk around a store or something." It's weird explaining stuff to a merman, sometimes they get what you're trying to say but other times they come back with "so it's like that time Jade and I got caught chasing a dolphin around the school playground and got yelled at for tying him up in seaweed" and you just have to smile and say "yeah totally" because what the hell. You're pretty sure it's not but you lack all sorts of context to try and make him understand. "Or we'd sneak out and just drive around and talk about stuff. There's- not a bunch of exciting things I know how to do I guess." If this was a normal night Floyd would roll his eyes and lie back down, whine about that's why you always make him do all the work because shrimpies have shit for brains and his plans are always so much better.

But he doesn't. He reaches over and tugs on your leg, gently enough that you can run away if you want but clear in his desire to have you closer. So you move, expecting his hand to drop but it doesn't, not until he settles his head in your lap and he physically can't keep it there anymore.

"Ya ever talk about things that matter with those guppies?" Maybe he's homesick and that's why he's so focused on this. "Things that make ya miss them?" Maybe he's just projecting that onto you since he knows you will listen and be nice about it. But then his hand reaches up and turns your head so you can look him in his eyes.  They're glowing, you barely realize your own hand going to cup Floyd's cheek before he moves his other to keep it from going.  "You ever miss one of em in particular?"

"Not really."  How could you when Floyd looks like this?  "It'd be nice to see my friends again, sure, but it's not like there's one specific person I miss."  Floyd lets out a breath that it sounds like he has been keeping in for a long, long time.  His hands both fall to his side as he lets you look away in embarrassment, wiggling in slight happiness when you choose to rest your hands on his shoulders.

"The moon looks beautiful tonight." Floyd's voice sounds sleepy and oddly content.  Your eyes immediately snap back to him, but he isn't looking at you now. There is a a slight red tinge to his ears that makes you laugh quietly as you run a finger over the shell of one.  So that's what this is about.

"It's always beautiful with you around Floyd."  And finally he is looking at you with a smile.

When He Breaks (2 weeks later):

When you gave Floyd a guest key to Ramshackle he'd been extremely happy. Sure he'd acted like it was no big deal in front of you, beyond a few teasing comments about how buttering him up wouldn't get you anywhere unless you put it in writing. But back at his dorm he had been beyond insufferable, obsessing over just what color thread he should attach to it (purple for the sea witch, teal for the eel, or grey for ramshackle? decisions decisions), wanting to keep it close at all times until he had an excuse to replace it with you.

Because that's what he needed right? An excuse? Floyd wasn't exactly... shy in showering you with his affections but you. You. Until that stupid conversation on the roof a month ago you had always been sort of shy about it, if not outright dismissive. He assumed it was because you just didn't reciprocate but now...

"Floyd?" You can't really remember the last time he knocked, even before you gave him the key he sort of just let himself in. But today he knocked, only once and waited for you to open the door in eerie silence. Even when Floyd was coming over because he was bored he still managed to drag himself through the door or a window if he was so inclined.

So why not today?

"Not having a good day?" You try softly, he walks into your lounge with an eerie quiet about him. The last time you saw him something very nice happened, so you can't exactly say you are too worried but. It still sucks to see someone you care about in distress.

"Kinda." Floyd doesn't look like he had much of a plan now that he's in your dorm. "Had a lot on my mind is all."

"Aw that's no fun." You both stand doing nothing for what feels like an hour but you're sure is only a few seconds. "Do you uh want to talk about it?"

"..." And just like that Floyd feels really silly. He wanted to see you so that's why he came, but he wants to be as far away from these painful feelings as possible. "I kind of want to take a nap."

"Oh?" You don't sound surprised, but are clearly confused. Floyd begins to head towards the guest room without looking back. The guest room feels like you just enough that it can soothe his longing and distance himself from his internal conflict. "Would you like to use my room?" Or he could just not be allowed to distance himself at all because you could just say- "I've got some stuff to do but I can join you af-"

"Are you fucking serious." Floyd's voice is dangerously low and he is dangerously close to your face like you have said something wrong. "Look Shrimpy-" He swallows, like he's really considering what it is he has to say so he breathes and just goes for it "Yuu. You're killin me with this. Humans are already so fucking confusing. I give ya a shell and you get all cold for a week, and now, now you wanna sleep with me?" He pouts at you, like your suggestion had been scandalous. "'s like you think we're together or something."

"... we're not?" That's the only thing you can think to say even though the fact you have to say it answers the question for you.

"No?" Now Floyd sounds confused. "Ya- you can't do this to meeeeeeee." Despite his protests he seems just fine with grabbing onto you and dragging you into an embrace and resting his cheek on your head so you can't see his face anymore. "There's supposed to be a process to these things ya know? I'm supposed to give you gifts, and then you're supposed to give me some back and then I tell you I love you but every time I tried that I said something stupid instead. Like 'oh wow the moon looks beautiful tonight or some shit." He huffs and he puffs and he waits for you to say something. But you don't, you take a deep breath.

And laugh.

"Is this fucking funny to you?" Floyd is taken so a back he lets go of you only to find you laughing harder. You stand and reach to cup his face. Floyd doesn't like being squeezed, but there's something about the light squish you give to his cheeks that he likes, he likes a lot.

"No- well maybe a little bit. It's just, I knew. I knew what you were trying to say." Yuu says it like it is the most obvious thing in the world, like it's something Floyd should have known all along. "I owe you an apology, I should have asked, made sure you knew. In my world, it's sometimes considered too forward to say 'I love you' so instead..." You close the distance between you once more, leaving just enough room that Floyd can back away from you if he wants, "instead we say 'the moon looks beautiful tonight.'" Floyd takes in a deep, deep breath and you wait. The anger and frustration slowly fades as he exhales, shoulders sagging as he searches your face for signs.

"The moon looks beautiful tonight." He says it slowly, voice dipping low with the same strange gravity it had the first time he said it.

"It does, doesn't it?" You smile, and Floyd finally reaches for you, arms wrapped much more loosely than you ever thought possible.

"You're really mean sometimes ya know that." As if he doesn't find that attractive.

Kalim

What He Says:

Sometimes you worry about Kalim. He has this way of talking about things that, if it had been anyone else who said it, should be a major cause for concern. But because Kalim seems relatively happy most all of the time and has a family with a bunch of money no one really makes much of a fuss about it.

So when he says, off handedly, completely as a joke, that you should listen to his worries sometimes you don't give him a chance to play it off. You sit up from where you had been lying down in the Scarabia Lounge and move just a bit closer to where Kalim is relaxing so he can see how serious you are.

"Of course you can talk to me if you have worries." Your voice must have been abnormally serious because Kalim doesn't respond immediately. At first you wonder if the noise of the party behind you had somehow drowned out what you said but then you see Kalim's face. He looks conflicted, as if there is something he desperately wants to say, but instead he looks at you with a smile.

"I don't really have any." But he doesn't laugh when he says it, not that he sounds unhappy exactly just thoughtful. He doesn't move away from you either.

"Even if it's something you think might be silly," you say slowly forcing yourself to continue even as Kalim looks away "of if you're able to dismiss them. If something makes you sad for even a moment, you can tell me. I won't offer my opinion if that's not something you want, or won't help, I can still listen."

"You're really insistent about this huh?" Kalim sits up now too and you turn to look up at the stars decorating Scarabia's night sky. You wonder briefly about how exactly they might have gotten that to work when he says it. "The moon is beautiful tonight." He sounds so wistful but it's gone in a blink as he reaches for your hand and doesn't let you respond to his admission. "C'mon! Let's take the magic carpet and get a better look." You try to contain your excitement as he lets you lace your fingers together and doesn't even try to let go.

What He Breaks (1 week later):

Technically, Kalim isn't the one who breaks. He notices, of course he notices, the way you are more comfortable in seeking him out. How comfortable you now are with his casual touches, how willing you are to hold his hand and even give it a little squeeze. It's heaven, like he found the treasure cave the Sorcerer of the Sands had searched so long for. If it was up to him he would have let it go a little longer.

But it isn't exactly up to him, it never is. Not that Jamil looks angry exactly, but then again as Kalim has come to accept he's not the best at reading his moods.

"I thought you said you weren't going to ask Yuu out?" No Jamil sounds confused and Kalim fidgets with his bracelet under his questioning stare because he knows what he's about to say will probably actually make him mad.

"I didn't." Jamil takes a deep breath and Kalim immediately waves his hands to try and soothe him. "Promise! I remember everything you said about wanting to know and I agree it's just... are you sure you aren't misreading things? That Yuu isn't just... comfortable around me now?"

"... it's always a possibility given just how weird the prefect can be, but no. I'm pretty sure you must have said something that's given them the wrong impression." Jamil sighs and rubs his chin thoughtfully. "It's going to be awkward, but you should probably clear things up with them and tell them how you really feel."

"You mean tell them I'm not allowed to-"

"Like I said before," Jamil actually smiles now, and Kalim really hopes it's real "it's not my place to tell you who you can and cannot date. Sure your parents might have an idea about what they want you to do, but you and I know that a political marrige would never really work for you. It's just not how you're built." And with that he leaves Kalim to his thoughts.

~~~~

"Have you ever considered throwing smaller parties?"

"Haha this is a smaller party~ I only invited you and your freshmen friends." So Kalim says and so you see, but you suppose everything Kalim does comes from a rather skewed sense of small. It's nice to look out on though, Ace is amusing one of your other classmates with his card tricks while Jack and Deuce take turns at arm wrestling. Epel even manged to get Sebek to participate in something, though he might have regretted making it an eating contest. And above it all, tucked away in a little alcove, Kalim rests his head on your shoulder and hums along with the music playing through his dormitory loudspeakers. It feels domestic in a way despite the grandiose display around you.

"It's very nice Kalim." You lean your head on top of his and he sighs in contentment. "But you said there was a worry you wanted to tell me about?"

"Mhm. I'm worried I said something accidentally that made you realize that I liked you." If he wasn't holding you so intimately his words would have been like ice water over your self confidence. You still cringe and Kalim laughs slightly, happily holding you just a bit closer. "Hey I didn't say that I don't like you, I just want to make sure you understand what that means. I could put you in a lot of danger you know?"

"More than half a dozen overblots?" You lightly joke but Kalim just hugs you a little harder at the thought. "We'll cross those bridges when we come to them, it doesn't make me love you any less. After all," you press a gentle kiss to his forehead and smile as he shakes in happiness "the moon looks beautiful tonight." Kalim gives a little gasp.

"Oh that's a wonderful way to say it!"

Jamil

What He Says:

"I get that your world is a bit behind ours because it doesn't have magic, but really?"  Jamil's voice lacks the usual venom that would accompany his teasing if he hadn't been the one to propose this idea.  "Wanting to make a mix tape has got to make you practically per-historic."   You try to suppress your own smile as you watch him work from across the floor.

"I prefer vintage."  Your smile breaks free as Jamil finally laughs, you wonder if he knows just how beautiful he is as he swipes a misbehaving hair out of his eyes and gives his stereo another once over.  "I'll have you know making mixtapes have a long and storied tradition in my world."  You keep some of the possible implications to yourself, and try to pretend the concept hasn't been swirling around in you brain since he first suggested this.  "Why aren't you using magic to clean it?"

"Because I get to keep you here longer."  The words dance on the tip of his tongue and he forces them away with a smile.

"It's old, and I don't really want to go searching for a new one if I break something."  The lie has just enough of a trace of truth to fool you, but Jamil isn't one for taking chances.  "Aren't you supposed to be looking for stuff you like?  You won't get that by staring at me."

"Not like I'm going to find anything till your done cleaning."  You snort and finally take your distracting eyes away from him and direct them to his tapes.  "I don't know any of this stuff."  But you can still tell this collection is pretty impressive.  Some of the tapes look newer, but there are others that while well cared for are clearly old.  Album art featuring sandy landscapes and people posing is sandwiched between vaporwave cartoons and aesthetically confusing 3-d models.  This belongs to Jamil so you have a feeling it's organized, but you can't tell how.  Not that he leaves you wondering for long lightly taps your nose with a new cotton swab and nudges your pouting face towards a specific section of the box.

"Here, I set some aside based off the kind of music you said you liked."  And some that just reminded him of you, but that's nothing you need to know, yet if ever.  "Anything else you can think of?"

"Do you have any songs about the moon?"  The question pops out of your mouth before the thought that birthed it is fully formed, making you stumble over your explanations.   "Yeah go ahead and laugh there's just... this one song I miss."  It makes you think of him, from the few words you can remember.  You've written it down again and again to try and make sure you don't forget them, but the tune has begun escaping you; much like all your memories of home will one day be fragmented, not that the reality makes it hurt any less.  "I'm worried I'll forget what my moon looks like."  Jamil's amused confusion remains, but his eyes soften in response to your distress.

"Is there a specific reason you need the song?  Yo- The moon is beautiful tonight, do you need the exact song to see it?"  Jami

"N-no."  Your voice shakes.  Neither of you move to look away, what gives you the strength to move yourself to sit next to him you don't know.  But he doesn't move away and you let out a deep breath from sheer and relief and joy.  "I think I'll be able to see it just fine next to you."

What He Breaks (two months later):

Things have been going missing from Jamil's room lately. Nothing he actually needs really, the sort of little things you would take if you were really desperate to remember the feel of a person. The sort of things you would take if you were dating that person, which isn't at all the thought he would have had if he didn't know who was taking them. Not that Jamil could come up with a reason for Yuu to be taking these things, his first thought had been to take something of Yuu's the next time he visited Ramshackle, but that seemed to make you happy. "Fair game" he'd thought. "I want an excuse to see you and you want an excuse to see me."

Still he wasn't prepared for this.

"Jamil!" there is something refreshing about how calm your happiness is. You've always had a way of extending that calm to him, wrapping him in it and allowing him some space to breathe. But today, today. Today the Ramshackle Prefect has decided that he wasn't allowed peace, because yesterday they had stolen his sweatshirt, and today they have decided to wear it. "Everything ok?

"ha." Jamil wants to tug the hood of his dorm uniform over his head. He wants to run, he wants to shake you, he wants to scream. He wants to do a three act play complete with an interpretive dance because that would be easier than trying to speak. But he has to, because there's only so many deep breaths he can take before you reach out to make sure he's ok. So he takes your hand in his as you do and places it directly over his heart. "You know," for some reason he finds it easier to smile now that you know how nervous he is "you can't have taken that without knowing what people might say."

"Oh I don't know." You smile and bring yourself into his space, that strange calm he finds in your happiness begins to weave itself around him again. "Maybe I wanted to clear some things up. Make it good and clear where I belong." Jamil takes another deep breath, your arms go around him and he makes sure to look long and good into your eyes to make sure there isn't a shred of a crimson glow. That this is something you have decided of your own free will and not a dream or an accident involving magic.

"I never properly asked you out..." Technically he never asked you out at all, but Jamil would rather die than say that out loud. Maybe sometime long long in the future when he's ready to laugh at it and not now when he needs you to confirm that's what you thought he did in the first place.

"Oh! That's not-" You bury your face in his chest with a light laugh and he tries not to die in the time between the seconds until you respond. "I was so happy to hear you say the moon line it didn't really occur to me you might be worried about that."

"Who wouldn't?" Not that he's worried now, every other possibility has been ruled out so he can say exactly what he's been wanting to for so long. "Will you be mine?"

"I already was." It sounds so much better outloud than he could have ever dreamed.

[heartysworld]

Love across the finish line// OP81

Oscar Piastri x Reader

W. C: 2.5k

This one is a request!

MASTERLIST

It was during the small hours of the night when the Piastri family home echoed with celebratory screams and sounds of glasses clinging against each other. Earlier, the same day, some inexplicable force had made you cancel your plans for the next day and join your boyfriend's family to watch Oscar's race in Hungary. Now, hours later, you were jumping around Oscar's sisters and his parents as they hugged each other, celebrating their boy's maiden win in Formula 1.

You couldn't help but tear up as memories from years ago flooded your mind. Little specs from when you and Oscar would talk about different dreams you wished to achieve one day. They all changed and varied as the years went by. However, for Oscar, once of those dreams never changed - reach F1, win a race, and become world champion. There he was now, a decade later, having achieved two out of three of those, making you prouder than ever.

As you watched the trophy ceremony, you admired Oscar's smile, it being one of the brightest you've ever seen. Despite what happened during the last minutes of the race, he was up there in P1 as the winner. A gentle tap on your shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts. Looking up from your spot on the couch, you were met with Nicole's beaming smile.

"Honey, come take a picture of me. Can't let that moment pass without one!" She said, handing you her phone as she made her way towards the TV on the wall, waiting for the cameras to show Oscar again.

" Girls, I am happy to say we will not be attending our 6am pilates session. This calls for a celebration!" Oscar's mom said, earning a laugh from everyone.

You waited a few hours for all the commotion to pass alongside all of Oscar's post-race interviews and media obligations before you tried calling him. It took a while, and you were ready to hang up before your boyfriend's beaming face popped up on your screen, making your heart melt for the hundredth time in the past couple of hours.

"Oscar! You did it, love! I'm so happy for you! Oh my goodness, I still can't believe this happened!" You shouted, now in the confines of your own apartment where you wouldn’t be disturbing anyone. " I'm so proud of you, baby! I never doubted your talent and determination to do this!"

"Thank you, baby! I still can't believe this happened. Oh, how I wish you were here." Oscar said, a tired smile nestling on his face.

" I wish I could've been there as well, baby, but you know how it is. Duty calls in hour of the day and corners of the world." You said, earning a chuckle from the tired man on your screen.

" I'll try to come home for a few days before Belgium, love. I need to see you as soon as possible. " Oscar said, his smile faltering a bit.

" I'll be waiting for you, baby, keeping warm hugs and kisses from when you arrive." You said, trying to lighten up the mood.

" I don't know what I'd do without you, love. I miss you so much, but I think I've got to get going. Celebratory dinner is impending. I'll try to call you again as soon as we're done!" Oscar said, blowing a kiss in your direction.

" And don't forget to ring your mom! Or she'll lock you out of the house the next time you try to come back home!" You added, returning hus gesture.

" At least I'll get to spend more time with you in your place then! I love you, I have to go now! " He said, you could tell he was in a rush now.

" Love you too, bye!" You said before hanging up and laying down on your couch. While your boyfriend celebrated his first win, you were in desperate need of a nap before the Piastri family rings your doorbell in a couple of hours to go celebrate Oscar's win as well.

You didn't expect to be woken up in the early hours of Tuesday morning, but alas, it happened. As you rubbed away the sleepiness from your eyes, you made your way to the entrance of your apartment, not even bothering to use the peephole first before swinging the door open.

At the threshold of your apartment stood your boyfriend, a goofy smile on his lips ,a suitcase in one hand, and a bouquet of white roses in the other.

" Surprise!" He said sheepishly, opening his arms to welcome your tired form.

"Baby..." You mumbled as your head found its way to the crock of Oscar's neck, your arms enveloping his waist as you pulled him in for a hug. " Don't think I'm not enjoying this, but...it's 6am in the morning."

" I couldn't wait longer to see you. I needed you in my arms, badly." Oscar said before placing a gentle kiss on the side of your head.

You lifted your head from its comfortable position, heading directly for his lips.

" I love you so much." You whispered, smiling gently as you looked him directly in the eyes.

Your tired ones were met with Oscar's, which were bubbling with love and excitement from the past few days' events.

" These are for you." Oscar said as your attention fell on the white roses he held in his left hand.

" Thank you, baby. They're beautiful, just like my Formula 1 race winning boyfriend. " You grinned as you accepted the flowers, their gentle fragrance touching your senses immediately. " You are the one who won a race, and still you are giving me flowers." You said, making him laugh

"Well, I had to make sure you knew how much I love and appreciate you," he replied, his eyes twinkling with affection.

"You're too sweet," you murmured, leaning in to kiss him again. The kiss deepened, filled with all the longing and love that had built up during your time apart. When you finally pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, one of your hands now caressing the base of his neck, makjng him yawn at the soft touches. "But we should really get some sleep. You must be exhausted."

Oscar chuckled softly. "I am, but I just wanted to be with you. Let's go to bed."

You nodded, taking his hand and leading him inside. The bouquet found its place in a vase on the kitchen counter before you both headed to the bedroom. Oscar dropped his suitcase at the door, and you climbed into bed, finding solace in each other's arms. As you drifted off to sleep, Oscar whispered, "I love you," and you knew that no matter the distance or time apart, your love for each other would always prevail.

The next morning, the two of you were awoken by the soft light filtering through the curtains. You stretched lazily, turning to find Oscar already watching you with a content smile.

"Good morning, love," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair from your face before one of his hands cupped your cheek gently.

"Good morning," you replied, smiling back. "I still can't believe you're here."

"Believe it," he said, pulling you towards him for a quick kiss. "But we should probably get up. I think my mom will kill me if she finds out I'm back and we didn't go visit her."

You laughed, nodding. "Yes, we don't want that. Let's get ready and head over."

After a quick shower and breakfast, you both made your way to Oscar's childhood home. The door swung open to reveal Nicole, who immediately pulled Oscar into a tight hug.

"You didn't call me after your win!" she scolded, but her eyes were full of pride and joy.

"I know, mom, I'm sorry," Oscar replied, hugging her back. "but I called the most important person first." he added, glancing at you with a cheeky grin.

Nicole laughed, shaking her head. "Well, I guess I can forgive you for that. Come on in, both of you. We have so much to celebrate!"

The day was spent in a joyous celebration with Oscar's family. Stories were shared, laughter echoed through the house, and the pride everyone felt for Oscar was palpable. As the evening drew to a close, you found a quiet moment with Oscar in the garden.

"Thank you for being here," he said, pulling you close. "I couldn't have done this without your support."

"You would have done it regardless, but I'm glad I could be here for you, even if "here" means on the other side of the world." you replied, resting your head on his shoulder as you felt Oscar chuckle at your response.

Oscar pressed a kiss to your temple. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Oscar."

A few weeks later, the buzz in the paddock was different. You and Oscar made your way through the crowd. You had finally found a possible way to you to travel for a while and spend time with Oscar while still managing your workload.

As you walked past a group of journalists, one of them called out, "Oscar, what's your secret to staying so calm under pressure these days?"

Oscar smiled, glancing at you before replying, "I've got the best support system in the world. That makes all the difference."

He said as he lifted up your joint hands for everyone to see.

You squeezed his hand, heart swelling with pride and love. Together, you faced the world, knowing that no matter what challenges came your way, you would always have each other.

And as the race weekend continued, you couldn't help but smile at the whispered conversations around the paddock, all noting the same thing—Oscar Piastri was happier than ever, and it was all thanks to the love and support you shared.

The end of the race saw Oscar once again on the podium, and as he looked out into the crowd, his eyes found yours. He lifted the trophy high, dedicating hus success to you with a simple, heartfelt gesture that spoke volumes. It was a new chapter in both your lives, filled with love, triumphs, and the unbreakable bond you shared.

MASTERLIST

[kteezy997]

The Heart of a Bene Gesserit- Part Four//Paul Atreides//Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen

Warnings: cursing, smut, threesome, f and m receiving oral sex

“As a Bene Gesserit, I feel that it is my duty to see how you are being treated here. But please trust that I have no ulterior motives. I’m not wholly certain of the conditions of the slave quarters, but I’d like to find out.”

“Well, the food is shit, they give you just enough water to stay alive after being out in the scorching desert all day, and the beds here are hard and cold, but other than that, it is rather pleasing.” the biting sarcasm from the youngest Harkonnen was palpable.

“Mm-hmm.” you nodded, “I will speak to the Emperor, he needs to be more generous to the men who mind his spice. What you have is not enough.”

“That is very honorable of you…”

“Y/n.”

“Y/n.” he said your name, smiling and giving you a glimpse of his teeth. “But I fear that your suggestions will fall upon deaf ears. I cannot blame Atreides, if our roles were reversed, I'd have him enslaved as well, or I'd have just killed him. Our families have held hatred for one another for centuries, you should already know that."

“But he shouldn’t hate you, Feyd. You were just a boy, the same as Paul, when his father was killed. You were not a conspirator against the Atreides.”

“I have to ask: why are you lending yourself to my cause? Is it because Atreides has rejected your advances? Has he refused to give you the heir you were sent to acquire?” his dark eyes narrowed down at you, putting you on the spot.

You shook your head, “How did you know about the mission?”

Feyd-Rautha shrugged, “People talk. We don’t have much down here besides talk of spice. But the slaves have learned much about you, y/n.”

“Hm.” you huffed, “Well, you may know that I never did advance on Paul. He is my friend.”

“Friend? An Emperor has no friends, only followers.” he knew this to be true, as he was almost Emperor himself.

“Paul and I knew each other as children on Caladan.”

His non-existent brows raised up, he blinked slowly, “Oh, a childhood crush, is it?” he smirked.

You looked down, "I do not wish to speak of this."

"I suppose he rejected you, and now you're bored, so you're after the next best thing-"

"Silence!" you used the Voice.

Feyd's eyes closed, the movement of his mouth ceased against his will. "I see you've mastered the Voice."

"I am Bene Gesserit, of course I have. They do not let you graduate without doing so."

"I can also see that this is a sensitive topic for you, so I'll change the subject." Feyd slowly walked over toward the shadow edge of the roof. "I have a request for you, since Atreides won't likely show me any kindnesses."

You were intrigued, but also worried at what he could have wanted from you. "What is your request?"

"Get me off-world, back to Geidi Prime. Somewhere I can hide out from the Emperor."

"Feyd, he would kill you if he even knew you asked me that." youj warned.

"Precisely. Which is why he would never know."

You sighed, "You have given me much to consider, but I should be leaving. I have a feeling we are being watched by one of the servants."

Feyd gave you a smirk, "Well darling, if I knew we were being watched, I would have given them a show."

........

You left Feyd-Rautha and the slaves' quarters, returning to your wing of the House. You felt a little bit exhausted after your conversation with the Harkonnen and all the thoughts of Paul's reaction. You just wanted to sleep. You couldn't believe how quickly your life had come to revolve around two men.

You found yourself wrestling with thoughts of them both. You loved Paul Atreides, but there was something charming and also forbidden about his cousin Feyd. Were you attracted to the anti-Paul?

You took an afternoon nap, and your dreams became increasingly indecipherable from reality. First, there was Paul, your sweet Paul, his rich, dark curls falling in his face. The look of tenderness on his face warmed you up from the inside out. Then, the smooth, naked skin of Feyd-Rautha, his piercing eyes sending chills all down your body.

In this dream, you were in bed. Were they, taking turns with you? Feyd was waiting patiently by the bed, while Paul was kissing you all over. You were naked and breathless, trembling, even.

Paul had moved his face between your legs, flicking his Fremen blue eyes up at you. He started to lap his tongue between your folds. But it seemed that Feyd was having a difficult time only watching. As Paul sucked at the tiny bundle above your opening, you felt the bed sink at your side.

Feyd placed his big hand on your head, smoothing your hair back. He traced his fingers along your face, trailing down your chin, your chest, all to cup your breast in his hand. You gasped as he pinched your nipple.

Paul nibbled and kissed your inner thighs and rubbed your clit with his fingers.

You noticed Feyd's other hand at his waistband, and he pulled his pants down. Your eyes met his pale, veiny cock as he brought it to your lips. You opened your mouth, obediently, inviting his length. You moistened him with your saliva, sucking as best as you could.

Paul was moving up your body, his lips traveling along your stomach. He too, cupped your breast. Each man held your breasts, and your nipples hardened against their palms.

Paul's face was now close to yours as you had Feyd's cock in your mouth. He watched you, adjusted his body between your legs. You could then feel the tip of his cock prodding at your wet entrance.

You were then in a horny daze as you were abruptly woken by a servant barging into your bedroom.

"Sorry to wake you, my lady, but it is time for dinner."

"Who gave you the right to barge into my room while I'm sleeping?" you barked, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

"Well, His Majesty, the Emperor, does, my lady."

You rolled your eyes, "Of course he does."

…….

That evening at dinner, you didn’t sit next to Paul, you didn’t talk to him, you didn’t even look at him. You wanted him to feel your absence, your neglect of him. He had been cold and rude toward you, so why should you warm up to him?

As you ate, you looked over at Gurney Halleck, sensing something about him. You were nearly positive you were being watched with Feyd-Rautha earlier. Gurney was behind it, you were certain. But why? Was it Gurney acting alone in his suspicion of you? Or did Paul put this into place?

As the meal ended, you made it a point to get up from your chair and simply head back to your room, without trading words or even a glance with Paul. No Bene Gesserit tricks, as you promised. You would get him to come to you, if he so wished, the natural way. Deprivation.

It was nary a moment after you closed your bedroom door before there was a knock. You knew who it was. You opened the door, “Paul.”

“Y/n.” said the Emperor. “Are you alright? I heard you spent the whole afternoon in your room. You did not come to council. Are you ill?”

“No, I am not ill. You should not bother yourself with worry about me, Paul Atreides. You have much more important duties.”

“You know you are important to me.” he said, resting his hand on the door frame. “You are my one true friend. As long as you are alive, I will care for you. That is all this is.”

“A true friend? Is that why you sent a spy for me?”

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake

[undiscovered-horizon]

Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi | Have a request?

It is nights like these that make Coriolanus ponder the 'what ifs?' the most; it is nights like these that bring Lucy Gray back to his mind, even after all this time. Even if she's unwelcome.

If he was a better man, a little less power-hungry and a little more altruistic, he would have missed all of this. He never would have found you - a deer so susceptible to the wolf's skilful machinations. So impressionable, so devoted... And what gamesmanship it truly is to make the prey believe there's some grace in being eaten alive.

He's leaning against the doorframe leading to the nursery - awake, although you have told him to go back to sleep when your newborn daughter woke her parents up. Coriolanus is watching the scene unfold from afar, never letting even the smallest of details escape his attention. He wishes to gloat, to bathe in his own triumph.

Your face, which once smiled so brightly only for him, now smiles for another. What's strange, is that it doesn't make Coriolanus as angry or bitter as it usually would. That territorial beast residing deep in his viscera is wary but not bothered. Not yet, at least.

The baby's cries die down as you cradle her in your arms. In gentle, almost fearful, movements, you rock the newborn. Coriolanus sees your lips move but the whisper is too low for him to discern any words. Whatever it is you say to the youngest Snow, it makes her giggle and babble. The sound reminds him of your own laughter, which he so easily elicits with the smallest gestures of affection. Maybe too easily - although just as exciting, it was never a challenge.

You gently lay the baby back down in her cot. For a moment, you study her face with an expression so loving it's almost pathetic. Coriolanus feels his skin crawl. Something animalistic within him beckons the man to do truly terrible things only to ensure that it's him and him only that you look at with such adoration.

But the urge dies down when you turn away from the newborn and meet his gaze across the room. He's back in the centre of your attention, where he belongs. Suddenly, something changes in your eyes.

That glint of devotion is clouded by something much more mischievous, something he used to absolutely hate until he learned about its nature. Since he met you, you've been looking at him with a hint of insightfulness as though you could see right through his facade and read about his sins on the pages of the open book that was his soul. He felt seen and not in a good way. Then, after learning a few things about you, Coriolanus realized that this perceptiveness is the best thing he could hope for - you were smart enough to connect the dots, to notice patterns not many deemed obvious and yet, too blindsided by love, you thought of his wrongdoings as right. Not in the ethical sense, perhaps, but in logic. There was a method to his madness and a very effective one at that. After all, how utterly foolish would it be to play nice while in The Capitol? In a world of "eat or be eaten", Coriolanus was going to throw a feast. You knew it early on and appreciated the wit and grit it takes to do so.

Standing now in front of him, you slightly lift one of your eyebrows, silently asking him what's on his mind.

"You're beautiful," he confesses.

Your lips curve into a smile. "Tell me something I don't know."

His blue eyes bore into yours. The intensity of his gaze makes you want to look away but prohibits you from doing so at the same time. "I'd burn the whole world for you," he whispers, his tone gravely serious.

Coriolanus feels himself shudder when the back of your hand gently brushes his cheek. Still looking at you, he tilts his head to kiss your fingers.

"I said 'something I don't know', love," you retort in an equally low voice. "Now come, the morning is still far away."

You take his hand in yours, pulling him back towards your bedroom. And, for some strange reason, he lets you guide him.

If he was a better man, he would lead a different life. A more peaceful one, perhaps. But he's not a better man - in fact, he's far from being considered "good" or even "decent". Which is why his life is pleasant, instead of peaceful. And if awful things have brought him so much joy, why, pray tell, should he ever be anything but despicable?

_____

Me? Writing dark characters with dark themes? In other news, the water is wet.

[wherewritersgotodie-blog]

What He Don’t Know—Jimmy Darling x reader

warnings: smut. fingering (duh). penetration. cheating. you fall in loveeee

don't let your husband stop you from finding the love of your life!

p.s. i'm backkkkk!!! thank you for the request!

It was your husband’s idea to go. You thought Freak Shows were demeaning and it made you sad to imagine people being made spectacles of, made fun of for their differences.

“I wish they could just make money like everyone else, you know? Hows’it fair, they gotta dance like monkeys for us to make a buck? It ain’t right,” you’d said to your husband.

He didn’t understand your empathy, however, he convinced you that you couldn’t change the way of the world all yourself, so you’d be helping at least to put money in their pockets for the time being.

“I’m gonna go get us some tickets,” he’d said, “Stay right here.” His tone was always harsher than necessary.

The carnival was lit with bright, golden light. You walked arm in arm with your husband under the arch at the entrance of the carnival.

You stood on the lawn, staring up at the glistening ferris wheel. It reminded you of what you thought a city might look like. You’d always wanted to get out of town, but never did. You married at seventeen, and you had been trapped ever since. You dreamed you and your husband would leave town together, but he never wanted that, so you let it go. You wondered what your life would look like if you'd never married him.

“Hey, sweetheart,” a voice broke you from your thoughts.

You snapped your neck to the source of the voice, eyes finding a tall, handsome blond with two dimples aside his smile. “Hello, there,” you nod politely, not shifting your body to face him.

“You all alone, sweet thing?” he asks, cocking his head to the side, his hands in his pockets. His voice was smooth as silk, eyes deep brown as dark chocolate.

“No, I,” you look around, seeking your husband with your eyes. He’s talking to a woman in line. “I’m here with my husband.”

“Oh, really?” he said. “Can’t believe he’d leave you unattended. Pretty, young little thing like you could get swept away in no time, I reckon.”

Your cheeks turn a light pink at his words. Your husband hardly ever complimented you anymore. “I think he trusts me, is all,” you speak, still turning to your shoulder to look at him.

"Well, you do seem trustworthy. But if you were my girl, I'd never let you out of my sight," he says casually. He has a toothpick in the corner of his smile. He swirls it with his tongue.

"Well, I don't need a chaperone," you assert, slightly offended.

"Of course not, honey," he says, "I'm just saying, times are changing, and you can't expect a beautiful woman to stick around when you leave her to her lonesome."

You stare at him over your shoulder, eyes glittering in the light, deciding what to say. "Yes, well, one would hope there would be enough morality left in the world to prevent such a scandal."

He laughs, kicking up dirt with his shoe, then looks back up at you, “But, I mean, a guy like me sees a stunning girl like you, I can’t help but wonder where this husband is.”

You stare at him, blinking. You bite the inside of your lip, shake your head, then point toward the ticket booth, “The man in the cap, next to the blonde.”

Jimmy was not impressed. He scoffs. “Luck is the damnedest thing,” he says under his breath. “What’s your name, darlin’?”

“(Y/N),” you tell him, your body facing towards him now, both your hands on your handbag.

“That’s a lovely name.”

“Thank you,” you smile. There's a heat creeping up your neck that you're trying to suppress, but it's nearly impossible.

“My, my, little girl, you sure do blush a lot,” he spoke cockily.

You smile shyly at him, an ironic laughter taking the last bit of breath you had to spare.

“Well, you’re the sweetest little thing I ever met, I’d say,” he stares into your eyes.

When you don’t respond, he glances over your shoulder at your husband, who is still chatting up the blonde, holding your tickets now.

“He sure is in no hurry,” he says.

“He’s just friendly,” you defend.

“You love that husband of yours a whole lot, I reckon?” he looks at you.

“I,” you pause, “I do.”

“Does he take good care of ya? Not like a house or bread on the table, I mean,” he smirks.

“How do you mean, then?” you drop your head slightly to the side. Sweet little thing.

He chuckles, “Like, does he take care of you in private, sweetheart?”

“Oh, my,” you put your hand to your chest. “Well, I,” you inhale, “How would he…?”

“Well, I apologize, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says, laughing, “I just think it’s a crime that a man can go through his life being married to the most gorgeous girl in town and not even give her the time she deserves, it seems.”

“I don’t understand what you mean, really,” you say.

He lets out a breathy laugh, then walks to close the space between you both, then says next to your ear, looking out to the line where your husband stands, “Sounds like no one’s ever done you right, darlin’.”

You look up at the side of his face, attempting to read his intentions. You come up blank.

“Your husband wouldn’t notice if you disappeared for a little while, would he?” he asked.

“Well, I…” you trail off.

“C��mon, sweetheart, we won't take long,” he puts a hand on your lower back.

“I… I can’t,” you whisper, breathless.

“Sure you can, sweetheart,” he mumbles, looking at your husband over you shoulder.

“What are we gonna do?” you ask.

It’s at this moment you notice he still hasn’t taken his hands out of your pockets.

“Can you just trust me, darlin’?” he says with a gentleness you’re not used to.

“Well,” you breathe in and out deeply, looking over your shoulder at your still unknowing husband, “alright.”

He smiles, then offers you his elbow. You wrap your arm around his, his hands still stuck in his pockets.

You walk with him through the carnival of people. He flashes you a smile from time to time.

You notice a few carnival-goers sneaking glances at you from the corner of their eye. You chalked it up to local characters wondering why you weren’t with your husband. You’d surely make up some lie to cover for yourself; in town, people trusted you.

As you approach his trailer, you see that it’s still in the carnival. Odd.

Then, as you step closer, you begin to make out blue writing on the side of the trailer.

"LOBSTER BOY: The Amazing Jimmy Darling In Person"

You squinted to get a clear view. Was he a part of the show? He didn't seem like he'd fit in very well, you thought.

As you walk to the trailer, he turns to you.

"I gotta be honest with you, sweetheart."

You stare at him, confused. "Yeah?"

He pulls his hands out of his pockets. Now you understood. He was Lobster Boy.

"If you're afraid of me, that's alright, honey." He steps back.

You take a moment to reevaluate the situation. You concluded it was a horrible idea. Running off with a boy, a performer in the freak show, going to his cabin to do God-knows-what only a few corners away from your husband. You couldn't. You were going to leave.

But you don't. You can't. There's something primal possessing your body, a need of which you weren't aware before, but now you cannot shake it.

"I'm not," you look up at him.

His stomach twists. Your big, glossy eyes nearly made his knees weak. "Alright, honey," he smirks, opening the door to the trailer for you.

It's decently sized for a mobile home, a big bed and a kitchen. He shuts the door behind him. You stand awkwardly in the center of the room.

He turns to you, then steps forward to wrap his arms around your waist. He stares at you for a moment, eyes flickering between yours. Then, he closes the gap between your lips.

He runs his hands down your waist, along your hips, up the center of your back. He feels through every curve underneath your dress.

A high-pitched whimper comes from the back of your throat. You blush. He smiles into your mouth.

"You mind?" he whispers, and you realize his left hand is playing with the zipper on your dress.

You can only shake your head, as you are nearly choking and would surely have no air if you were to try to talk.

He unzips the back of your dress, and it falls to the floor. He takes a moment to look at you, stepping back, but keeping his hands at your sides.

"My, my," he says, "You are the prettiest little thing I've ever seen, sweetheart."

He walks you back and the insides of your knees hit the bed and you fall back ward. He comes down to lean over you, kissing you, running the back of his knuckles down the center of your stomach. You shudder under him, eyes glued to his.

He glances up at your face multiple times, checking to see if you were still comfortable with his hands. Every time, though, you look thoroughly content, if not a bit nervous.

It makes him rock solid.

He picks you up slightly off the bed, guiding you so your head was against the pillows. He kneeled on the bed by your knees.

You watch him intently. It was at that moment he realized you really hadn't had any experience being taken care of like this.

"Can I touch you here?" he presses his fingers lightly against your core. You nod, and he runs his fingers over the fabric between him and you. You tremble. His body lights up with adrenaline.

"Okay if I take these off, honey?" he whispers. You again nod. "I'm gonna need you to talk to me."

You swallow hard. "Yes, it's okay," you mumble.

He pulls off the lacy fabric down your hips and over your legs. He reaches his hand back up to press again into your core. You throw your head back and gasp. He has to choke down a groan at how wet you are. "You like me that much?" he teases.

You force your head back up, giving him a confused look.

"You're soaked, sweetheart."

"Is that bad?" you whisper.

He shakes his head, smirking. "No, it's not bad at all."

He continues working you, and you throw your head back again. He runs his fingers from your clit to your entrance, pushing in only slightly each time. "You want this?" he whispers.

"Yeah. I do," you mumble.

"Do you even know what it is you want?" he asks, trying to mask his slightly mocking tone.

"I don't, I just," you are completely breathless, "I just want more."

He chuckles, then pushes his fingers all the way into you, slowly, gentle, filling you almost completely. "Greedy girl," he taunts, almost so quiet you cannot hear him.

Your back is arched, and his body is leaned over you. He kisses your ribcage and stomach every few moments, his hand that is not between your legs holding your lower back.

"I can't believe your husband's never done this for you," he shakes his head. "If you were mine, I don't think I'd ever stop."

You begin to feel a tightness at your core. He capitalizes on this, using his thumb to push into your clit, his first two fingers pushing so deep you could feel it in your stomach.

You begin to grasp at the sheets, then wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you, your head pushing into the crook of his neck. "Oh, Jimmy!" you shout.

"Uh huh," he taunts, smirking into the side of your head.

You push your hips up and down against his hand and the bed, and you start to panic due to the sensation of tightness building up, but you don't have long enough to express your concern before you finish onto his fingers, moaning so loudly he was sure anyone outside the trailer could hear.

"Attagirl," he says. "That's it."

"Oh, my," you whisper.

"That alright?" he asks cockily.

"More than alright," you confess, looking into his eyes.

"Can I get you anything, honey?" he asks.

You stare at him, eyes flickering back and forth. You almost look disappointed, but he can't figure out why. "Don't you wanna...?"

"Oh, sweetheart," he smirks, understanding, "You want my dick, baby?"

You nod, turning bright red.

He smiles a cocky, boastful smile. "Alright, darlin', just give me a moment."

He walks over to a drawer, then takes out a condom. He walks to the end of the bed, opposite where you sit. "Come here, baby," he says smoothly.

You get up to your knees, then place your hands back on the bed, crawling over to him. "Uh huh," he smirks. "Can you help me take of this shirt, baby? Your soft little fingers'll do it much quicker."

You begin to undo the buttons down the center of his shirt. He unbuckles his pants. When he pulls off his shirt, he puts his hand in your hair, then whispers, "Thank you, baby."

He allows his pants to drop to the floor. You use your arms to push yourself back on his bed, and he follows you. He runs his hands over your waist, your back, your breasts. He unclasps your bra with his thumb and the flat side of his hand.

When he touches you, you don't flinch. You just smile, gasp, whimper. He wanted to earn those reactions from you forever.

"Oh, my," he smirks, staring at your chest. "Should have taken that off a while ago."

To his surprise, you hook your fingers in the waistband of his boxers and begin to pull, looking up at him with those glossy eyes. Your newfound boldness was not unnoticed. He nods, smiling, licking his lips.

He's much bigger than you expected, and he's solid.

He leans over you, resting himself between your legs. "You alright?"

You nod. He pulls the condom over himself, then situates himself at your entrance. He looks at you once more, and you whisper a pleading, "Yes."

With that, he pushes himself into you. You're the softest he's ever had, he thinks to himself. He can't help but rest his head in the crook of your neck.

He pushes in and out of you, cursing and mumbling to himself. He's much messier than with his dexterous hands, however, you still feel that tightening again.

He moves slowly. He grumbles into your ear, "Baby, oh, fuck!"

"Oh, Jimmy," you mumble, feeling yourself hit the edge again. He moves faster as you come again onto him.

He follows closely behind you, holding your waist with one arm, gripping your hair with his other hand.

After he finishes, he falls onto his back beside you.

You both lay and breathe for a few moments.

After a few beats, he cleans up, then returns to the bed, where you are still laying on your side.

He stares at you for a moment, brushing your hair out of your face. "Darlin', I don't know if I can give you back after this," he whispers.

You stare at him, a twinge of sadness hitting you expression.

He presses his thumb into your cheekbones. "I mean, you could always just come on the road with me," he says. "Ditch the old man."

Your eyes light up. You know it isn't realistic and he may not even mean it, but it's a comforting thought.

"I mean it, you know," he says. Like he’s reading your mind.

You stare into his eyes, and you knew it. Your old life was over.

Jimmy Darling was your new life.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM A COURT OF WINGS AND RUIN *  assorted lines from the novel by sarah j. maas, adjust as necessary

only you can decide what breaks you. only you.

tonight, i want you to wear that crown to bed. only the crown.

i believe everything happens for a reason.

this could be a very bad idea.

we can make whatever rules we want.

leave a note... or tell me next time.

you have every right to question me.

i don't see you spouting poetry.

i missed you. every second. every breath.

you're my equal. and as much as that means we have each other's backs in public, it also means we grant each other the gift of honesty... of truth.

is there a purpose to your visit, or may i return to my book?

kindness can thrive even amongst cruelty.

it's a rare person to face who they are and not run from it... not be broken by it.

it's fine if you drink directly from it.

i wish i had been there to stop it. i should have been there to stop it.

my goal was bigger than revenge.

i belong to no one, but my heart belongs to you.

i hadn't realized i was a villain in your narrative.

there are many types of strength beyond the ability to wield a blade and end lives.

you are your own person, you make your own choices.

i'd like a word.

you are a better friend to me than i ever was to you.

i want to share this bed with you. i want you to hold me.

remember that you are a wolf, and you cannot be caged.

we're all a little broken in our own ways... in places no one might see.

i would have waited five hundred more years for you. a thousand years.

you are a warrior, and warriors know when to pick their fights.

they took what is ours. and we do not allow these crimes to go unpunished.

i believe that everything happened exactly the way it had to... so i could find you.

it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters.

ready to be wicked?

one life may change the world.

i missed you, too.

this is war. we don't have the luxury of good ideas - only picking between the bad ones.

it is a new world, and we must decide how we are to end this old one and begin it anew.

i see all of you. and there is not one part that i do not love with everything i am.

it'll be dangerous.

i have no regrets in my life, but this.

i will find you in the next world, the next life.

what we think to be our greatest weakness can sometimes be our biggest strength.

i won't tell anyone unless you say so.

when you erupt, make sure it is felt across worlds.

you bow to no one.

leave this world a better place than how you found it.

you do not fear. you do not falter. you do not yield.

will you come with me on this adventure, and all the rest?

do not get distracted. do not linger.

it's already ended badly.

for someone who was just dead, you seem remarkably relaxed.

they're terribly cruel to me.

here's to family reunions.

i will fight with everything i have, too.

what time are we back in the training ring tomorrow?

daylight is a precious resource.

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑺: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑳 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  if we changed back then, we could change again.  ❜ ❛  what can i say? i'm a sucker for happy endings.  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry, are you talking to me?  ❜ ❛  i would give anything to be like that.  ❜ ❛  are we gonna have a problem?  ❜ ❛  you've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?  ❜ ❛  time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore.  ❜ ❛  you can join the team or you can bitch and moan.  ❜ ❛  mr. no-name kid, say who might you be?  ❜ ❛  it's fine if you don't agree, but i would fight for you if you would fight for me.  ❜ ❛  happiness comes when everything numbs.  ❜ ❛  does your mommy know you eat all this crap?  ❜ ❛  i learned to cook pasta, i learned to pay rent; i learned the world doesn't owe you a cent.  ❜ ❛  you heard it man, it's time to rage!  ❜ ❛  so wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot?  ❜ ❛  you're doing it wrong!  ❜ ❛  really? 'cause i feel great.  ❜ ❛  dreams are coming true when people laugh but not at you!  ❜ ❛  i didn't need your help.  ❜ ❛  i can't believe you actually came.  ❜ ❛  why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? people wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal.  ❜ ❛  thirty hours to live - how shall i spend them?  ❜ ❛  sorry, but i really had to wake you.  ❜ ❛  let's go you know the drill; i'm hot and pissed and on the pill.  ❜ ❛  you say you're numb inside but i can't agree.  ❜ ❛  how'd you find my address?  ❜ ❛  no sleep tonight for you, better chug that mountain dew.  ❜ ❛  no one sees the me inside of me.  ❜ ❛  keep going. this has to be good enough to fool the cops.  ❜ ❛  i never knew about her pain.  ❜ ❛  don't talk mean like that.  ❜ ❛  what did they do to you that you hate them so?  ❜ ❛  you are the only thing that's right about this broken world.  ❜ ❛  they'll die because we say they must.  ❜ ❛  what the fuck have you done?!  ❜ ❛  let's be normal. see bad movies, sneak a beer, and watch tv.  ❜ ❛  don't you want a life with me?  ❜ ❛  if you could let me in, i could be good with you.  ❜ ❛  so what's it gonna be? i wanna be with you.  ❜ ❛  but your love's too good to lose.  ❜ ❛  you're the one i choose.  ❜ ❛  there's nowhere to hide if i say the wrong thing.  ❜ ❛  but i believe any dream worth having is a dream that should not have to end.  ❜ ❛  no, you wouldn't understand!  ❜ ❛  try me! i've experienced everything you're going through right now.  ❜ ❛  you don't know what my world looks like!  ❜ ❛  they made you blind, messed up your mind but i can set you free.  ❜ ❛  i was meant to be yours!  ❜ ❛  don't give up on me now.  ❜ ❛  i can't make this alone! finish what we've begun.  ❜ ❛  i am all that you need.  ❜ ❛  please don't leave me alone. you were all i could trust, i can't do this alone.  ❜ ❛  no one here deserves to die except for me and the monster i created.  ❜ ❛  i wish we met before they convinced you life is war.  ❜ ❛  i wish you'd come with me ...  ❜ ❛  i am damaged, far too damaged, but you're not beyond repair.  ❜ ❛  hope you'll miss me, wish you'd kiss me.  ❜ ❛  i'd be honored if you'd let me be your friend.  ❜

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

North Star.

It's New Years Eve. Jake is tired of waiting.

Pairing - Jake Seresin x female reader

Warnings - None

Word Count - 1638

Author's Note - Thank you so much for all the love on The Orange - I've been giggling and kicking my feet reading all of your comments and tags. I loved writing it, and I loved writing this one too. Please feel free to send me any requests, ideas, prompts, comments or questions - I'll always read them. If I could kiss you all, I would x

Masterlist. Requests.

Multi colored lights adorn the beams of the ceiling. Metallic streamers hang from the bar. Music is blasting from the jukebox. The Hard Deck almost looks unrecognisable. 

It's New Years Eve, and The Squad have agreed to spend it together. Hangman, Coyote and Payback are at the dart board, allowing Jake to show off his talent. Bob, Rooster and Fanboy are convened by the pool table, taking turns to shoot, unbothered by who's meant to be sinking what. You and Natasha are standing by the bar, waiting for Penny to serve you when she gets the chance.

"So, come on, who are you kissing at midnight?" Natasha looks at you with a glint in her eye. Mischievous girl. 

"Yeah. Right. You, if you're not careful," you warn her, teasing lilt in your voice. Honestly, you don't think she'd be the worst choice in the world. 

"As much as I'd love that, I don't think the squad could handle it," she winks at you cheekily. "Seriously, who?" 

"I don't know!" you laugh. But that's a lie. You do know. At least, you know who you'd like to kiss. 

Jake Seresin. Hangman. America's Sweetheart. 

Pilot, Texan, Heartbreaker. 

Your friend, your teammate, the man you've been in love with since you met him that first day of basic training. 

The two of you were partnered for the first few exercises that day, and you beat every other pair by a mile. You both figured out pretty quickly that you make a damn good team. 

That hasn't changed. If ever you have to pair up for an exercise, a mission, or just a class, Jake's eyes find yours immediately. A silent question. Shall we? And your answer, always - of course. 

You seem to have your own language, this shared communication. You don't have to speak to know what the other person is saying. On the ground, or in the air, you know each other's next moves. Predictable, but comfortable. 

Maybe that's the problem. 

You believe strongly that women are more than capable of making the first move. You've thought about grabbing Jake and kissing him stupid more times than you can count. But you don't. Every time there's an opportunity, you brush past it, let it go. Because the comfort isn't worth sacrificing. At least, that's what you're telling yourself. 

Your friendship with Jake has been built on years of trust, empathy, and reliance. You know that no matter what, he'll have your back. He's demonstrated it more than once. Countless times. Showing up for you, without fail. When you were harassed by a man at the Hard Deck, Jake showed up. When you had a family member's funeral and didn't want to go alone, Jake showed up. When you broke your wrist and ended up in the hospital, Jake showed up. He was your North Star. Always there, always guiding. Always comforting. 

So you can't help but repeatedly ask yourself - why hasn't he made a move? You're convinced you know the answer to that question, though. Because you're friends. He sees you as a friend. A teammate. Which you wouldn't change for the world, not by any means. But it doesn't stop you from wishing that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't hold his cards so close to his chest. Just for a minute. 

The Devil Himself sidles over to the two of you, still at the bar, and throws an arm over each of you. Natasha manages to wiggle under and away from him, but you stay put. You don't mind. 

"Hey pretty ladies," he beams, "whatcha whispering about?" 

"It's kind of impossible to whisper when you keep queueing Duran Duran on the jukebox at full volume, Hangman," Natasha barks back. 

He laughs, a real, full bodied laugh that shakes both him and you, still with his arm slung over your shoulder. You laugh with him. It's impossible not to. His laugh is contagious, you think. Unavoidable. He laughs, you laugh. That's the way it's always been. 

It's at this moment that Bob pushes his way through the crowd, grabbing Natasha by the hand. 

"Phoenix, I need you. Fanboy doesn't believe you can do that pool trick you showed me last week. Come and prove him wrong!" 

She grins at you, and allows herself to be pulled into the swarms of people, on her way to earn some respect. 

You turn back to Jake at the bar, and see that he's ordered a beer, and your usual. Observant boy. 

You take a sip of your drink, only for a drop to miss your mouth entirely. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's just his impatience, but Jake decides he's tired of waiting. He leans in to you, and slowly, deliberately, follows the journey of the drop with his tongue, from the bottom of your neck up to your jaw. He pulls back, and watches you with that gaze of his. Measured, careful. Adoring. Mischievous. Just so Jake. 

You feel the heat rise from your chest and up to your cheeks, but you don't break eye contact with him. It feels like a confession. You're baring your truth to him, silently, and he's understanding. That shared language. You're both saying so much, without saying anything at all. 

It's then that you realise where you are. The Hard Deck has somehow become even more crowded, and you keep being bumped left and right by people attempting to get to the bar. The music is too loud, the lights are too bright. You need a minute. As if he can read your mind, Jake speaks. 

"Let's get some air. It's hot in here." 

He grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers with his, and leads you out of the door, onto the deck outside. 

The cool night air hits you both, and you sigh with relief. You allow the breeze to flow through your hair, to ripple your dress, to cleanse you of your worry.

Jake's still holding your hand. Tighter, now. As if he's scared you'll blow away. Or run away, maybe. 

You lean into him slightly, and rest your head against his arm. He's warm, soft. He smells like Jake. Like love. Like home. 

"You okay?" he asks. Always so worried about you. Attentive boy. 

"I'm good. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess."

He starts to rub circles over the back of your hand with his thumb, grounding you. It's all so intimate, you don't know whether to pull him closer or sprint in the other direction. 

He makes the decision for you - closer. He kisses your hair, and then rests his head atop of yours. You can hear the squad laughing and cheering inside, all of them completely unaware that out on the deck, two of their teammates are baring their souls to each other. 

You have no idea whether it's been two minutes or two hours when Jake speaks again. 

"You're the prettiest girl in that bar, you know." Then, he says, a bit quieter, "You're always the prettiest girl in the room."

He says it so sincerely, so earnestly, that you want to rip your heart out of your chest and place it in his hands. You want to give it to him so that maybe he'll finally understand - it's already his. 

You don't know what to say, so you bring your interlaced hands up to your lips, and kiss each of his knuckles individually. He's so warm, so golden. Radiating light wherever he goes. Your North Star. 

You both listen to the gentle crash of the ocean waves, sitting with the weight of the moment. It feels like with every second that passes, silent revelations are being made. As if the love, the feelings, the comfort, are passing through your hands and into his. You're quite convinced that you could stay right where you are forever. 

Bury me like this, you think. Immortalise us here. 

All of a sudden, the sound of a countdown breaks through your solitude. 

Ten. Nine.

You smile gently, and look at Jake, to see him gazing down at you. Stars in his eyes. Cosmic boy. 

Eight. Seven. 

He glances inside, to see the squad all gathered together, arms around one another. His family. 

Six. Five. 

Jake turns to you, and cups your face in both of his hands. Those hands that have picked you up from the ground. Those hands that have wiped your tears. Those hands, so strong, but so gentle. That's him all over, though. Your gentle boy. 

Four. Three. 

He looks at you with promise in his eyes. You can understand, clear as day, what he's telling you. Life will never be the same, from this day forward. Neither of you can wait. 

Two. One. 

Jake leans in, and presses his lips to yours. He tastes like spearmint, and the future. One of his hands travels to the back of your neck, to pull you in closer. Now that he has you this near, he knows he's never going to be able to let you go. 

Bodies pressed together as close as can be, you kiss him with so much love, you're surprised he hasn't fallen over. He's breathing you in, trying to commit this moment to memory. He knows he'll tell your grandkids about this. Hell, he'll tell any damn person that'll listen. 

"Happy New Year, sweetheart," he murmurs against your lips. 

"Happy New Year, lover," you whisper back against his. 

Bright beams of light appear above your head suddenly. Explosions of color dance across the sky, illuminating Jake's face. You look at him, and feel the urge to burst into tears. He's not watching the fireworks. He's watching you. He's gazing at you like you hung the moon. You're looking at him like he's the North Star, guiding you home. And that's exactly where you are. Home.

[mochidoie]

with you and i - lee haechan

listen to: summer nights by the millennial club and die right here by david hugo genre: fluff, hopelessly in love badboy!haechan wc: 938 warnings: written in lowercase only

a/n: this is for the anon that requested a pt 2 to all i see is you :)

"it's always so nice with you." you peer over at haechan, catching him totally staring at you already. "how do you do that?"

"do what?" he scoots a bit closer to you on the bench. the cotton sky remains above the both of you and in this world, only you and haechan exist.

"make me feel so happy." your pinkies lightly touch, as you lean into him playfully at the serious statement. your smile is so shy that it tugs at haechan's heartstrings.

he knew the exact date to take you on and it wasn't what you two did for it to be perfect. it was how he made you feel so incredibly special to him. he doesn't know why you finally gave him a chance, but he was so thankful.

while you two hung out, he was very conscious of the boundary that being friends set. nonetheless, this date changes how he normally treats you. he could finally show you just how loving he could be. just how much he was in love with you.

under this summer sunset with you, he couldn't believe he found a love he's been dreaming of. around you, he could barely breathe. there weren't many things in the world that makes lee haechan nervous or even the slightest concern.

but you should know, that you're the only one that makes his palms sweat and his heart to race a million beats per second. you're the only person he would drop everything for.

if you wanted him to stop such a dangerous lifestyle, he would. you just had to say it. say that you want him and he'd be at your side in a flash.

"this feeling doesn't have to end." haechan tries to poke the bear, trying to see how much you're willing to give to him. all he wants is to see that bright smile shining on your pretty face. and if he was greedy enough, he wanted to be the reason behind every one of them.

you shoot him a quick look, but a sigh escapes your lips. "i don't know if i could do this to you without feeling like you deserve more than me."

shaking his head, his right hand lands on your knee to soothe any doubt in your mind. "there is nothing else in this world worth more than you. i could die right now and i'd be satisfied that i got to spend a date with you in this lifetime."

"don't be dramatic." you laugh and shit, he can't hold back his own dreamy smile at your contagious charm. the way your head is thrown back and pure happiness under these pink skies.

"i'm not the most into theatrics, you know that." haechan opens his palm up for you to take it. secretly, he is wishing upon every star, blowing out every candle, tossing every penny into fountains that you'd hold his hand.

when you show signs of hesitation, haechan respects it. he wants you to come to him on your own. "i want you, y/n, not in any malicious way. i want you in the way where you'd look at me like i'm the love you've been waiting for."

the silence creeps up on the both of you. haechan's hand still faced palm up on your knee and you're staring up at the summer sky, choosing your next words very carefully.

you love haechan as much as the moon loved their sun, it's a connection that is hard to ignore. you've always been so focused on your career that love was an after thought. however, with the love that haechan makes you feel is whole and free. you didn't have to think about anything, but him.

"you are the love i've dreamt of." and the look in your eyes is more than mesmerizing, the combination of your words and gaze causes him to freeze in his place. "i never told you, but i was falling in love with you."

"was it the near death experience or my totally not trashed apartment?" he doesn't know why he's making these unserious comments right now, maybe the mood was feeling too stuffy and too real. he couldn't believe what you were saying to him.

you don't laugh this time, instead, your fingers intertwine with his as you accept his hold so willingly. your grip is tight and haechan can feel his chest explode with fireworks from this contact.

"it's the way you sacrifice and the deepness of your love." his pupils dilate and his heart thumps against his ribcage so hard that he knows you can hear it. the way you have with words is absolutely poetic and he'll find himself falling in love with you over and over again.

you see him through and through. his vulnerability to you is so raw, so open. it's as if the heat of the summer night fills his lungs and he can breathe so easily around you. just how do you do that?

"y/n, i promise that i'd keep you safe and most importantly, really happy." haechan kisses the back of your hand, sealing the promise with his lips. "we don't have to date if you don't want to, but just let me be there for you."

"hyuck, let me lay with you tonight." your graceful words strike him before he could continue. the breeze in your hair adds to this incredible vision of you, not that you aren't already a beautiful sight on your own.

"as you like." with you and him here together, these are the blissful moments that haechan knows love is real.

[jessicaslittlelovesickmess]

And then she was gone

Pairing: Rebbeca Welton x reader

Warning: Angst, mentions of smut

You loved Rebecca aggressively as if your lungs should collapse without her and you thought that maybe she felt the same, how tantalising. It had been blissful the first three years minus the interference of her ex-husband but you worked around him- worked around everything.

Still, it never seemed enough, you simply never felt enough not when Rebecca's attention remained elsewhere you understood her job was demanding. Though blatantly there were times she simply ignored you, and found reasons to be in the office or out of the house.

It was okay at first, nothing big until people began noticing it too how miserable you had become and how quiet you were, things had changed. Today was your anniversary. You were scared shitless would she even attend? you wondered as you shimmied into a beautiful green gown matching Rebecca's eyes.

Getting ready for the night only filled you with more anxiety than excitement while you did your makeup, your hands slowly growing clammy and starting to tremble. You had made up your mind either this relationship was fixed or you had to leave it was only fair, you didn't want anything from the blonde.

The truth was you had been offered a new job and only needed one reason to decline, one reason to stay, one reason and that was the blonde you loved so furiously.

Rebecca loved you there was no doubt about it she just wasn't sure if she was still in love with you, she was always afraid you would leave and break her heart just as Rupert had. She sighed closing her laptop, she was tired and wished to go home hoping to catch a glimpse of you dancing in the kitchen or reading on the sofa.

She found that she loved routine, you had built a routine that took years to create, a solo symphony just for her eyes after a long day where she could hold you in her arms. Maybe she was still in love with you to an extent but what is a relationship if it's only one-sided, sex was scarce so was affection until the day's end.

You drove silently to the restaurant and waited for the woman to arrive, your eyes roamed around the crowds hoping to catch a glimpse of her blonde hair as you sipped your water. However, Rebecca was shocked to see an empty house, it was strange for you to be out unless you had plans. you would've told her right?

The young waitress dropped you off a glass of wine with a sad smile you had been there for an hour and counting it was clear you had been stood up. With a sigh, you chugged back the glass before leaving a generous tip this was it you decided six years for this? you felt stupid no matter how beautiful you looked.

Rebecca rested in bed alone with a book in hand, glasses perched on her nose the lamp on her bedside casting a smooth shadow across the dark room as you entered the home kicking off your heels with a huff. Your makeup had begun to smudge as you ventured upstairs tears staining your face afraid to look her in the eye "You're out late" she spoke turning the page.

You laugh but nothing humorous "What's so funny?' she asked taking off her reading glasses "You really don't know?" a subtle anger simmered in your chest "No Y/n I don't know". Rebecca scoffed "It's our anniversary" you whispered gazing up at her watching how her facials had changed "oh" her eyes flickered with sadness.

"I'm sorry Y/n, I forgot but I will make it up to you" she promised but you shook your head "I can't do this anymore Rebs" you cried, the walls you built had crumbled into nothing. "I'm nothing but nausea, nothing but reverie, nothing but longing" you spoke with disgust as you stared at your hands "I love you but you make me so sad".

Rebecca had believed everything was fine and that nothing had changed no, she loved you, and she was terrified you would leave "I love you too Y/n/n" she smiled tear-eyed. "And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you"

"Do you truly love me or are you scared to be alone?" doe eyes stare at her silencing "Because I feel nothing but alone" You shook your head as you began to change clothes.

"W-we can fix this though surely?" she asked wide-eyed "Rebeca it's been years in the making, we're not growing younger" The blonde quickly got up reaching for your zipper. "Please Y/n/n. let me fix this" she cried pressing kisses to your bare shoulder her arms wrapping around your waist "You said it, we're not getting younger".

The light from the lamp flickered highlighting your shadow "And what if I'm only wasting my time?" you asked turning in her arms "You won't" she pleaded "but I might". Resting your forehead against her own "And I'm that I'm losing time" she sighed "So let me go" You looked into her gentle green eyes.

"One night?"

"One night and I'll be gone by morning"

One night of burning passion as Rebecca stored your body in memory, her words failed so she hoped her actions this night would count silently as you brought you to greater heights. "I love you" whispered along your skin in kisses, in pleas of don't leave, she was everywhere so suddenly it was intoxicating. Rebecca refused to sleep that night afraid she might miss you leaving, she knew there wasn't changing your mind she had already dealt her damage, a speech on her lips.

When you awoke she sat with a hand playing in your hair with a sad smile "Where will you go little dove?' she whispered "Sicily, I accepted a job offer there last night on my drive home" She pressed a kiss to your hairline and letting you get up. "So this is it? this is for real?" Rebecca swallowed harshly "I guess so" you sighed beginning to pack your things "But must you leave so soon?" she rested a hand on your arm. "I held off this offer for three weeks, I need to leave tonight" You bit your lip gazing off, Rebecca nodded "You will find me when you return, even if you're a thousand years late" she promised, she begged, she hoped and wished.

[notmorbid]

the drowning kind.

dialogue prompts from the drowning kind by jennifer mcmahon.

the dead have nothing to fear.

if they come for one of us, they'll have to take us both.

i'll know if you cheat.

you think you're protecting me, but really, you're just lying.

dreams can be scary, but they can't follow you into real life.

i know you're there. i can feel you listening.

if you're mad at me, i get it.

how can you be so mean?

you make everything look easy.

i didn't know you were living here.

can you come?

there are no secrets from the dead.

you hold things close to your chest. it makes you a fine card player, but at times, a difficult friend.

what do you see in the clouds?

does their need to be an occasion?

this place is obviously haunted.

i believe in a thousand little gods.

what's the difference between a ghost and a memory?

it was nothing. a trick of the light.

i love you dearly, but you're a bit of a wet blanket.

there are very old stories about this place. some say it's a door between worlds.

people are frightened by things that can't be explained with reason and logic.

i'm starting to think something must be wrong with me.

i didn't even know you were back in town.

the biggest changes happen so slowly, you hardly notice them.

why didn't you pick up the phone?

i feel like a sleepwalker. like i'm under a spell.

did something happen to you? something bad?

you're coming back to my place tonight. no arguments.

i loved you, in my own way. i really did.

sometimes i think our brokenness held us together.

they're just dreams. don't let them trouble you.

i could use a rational voice.

i was sorry as hell to hear what happened.

how can i be here for you if you won't let me in?

there's something down there. something grabbed me.

i know you're lying. i just don't know why.

if you need anything at all, call me. day or night.

grief can do funny things to the mind.

we come as a pair. there is no me without us.

you were smart to get out when you did.

what do you say to going for a little walk?

i double dog dare you.

why the sudden interest in ____?

you don't know how to live in the moment. you don't appreciate the here and now.

perhaps it's not for us to understand.

you've got some strange ideas about things.

i'm so happy you came. come sit with me.

your ____ would have been proud.

you look like ____, you know.

you've got to slow down.

please. you're not making any sense. start at the beginning.

you don't want to be out here after dark.

i'm not a big believer in closure.

that's what we do: pretend that if we don't talk about a thing, it didn't happen.

you knew. you figured it out.

how are you doing, really? the 'no bullshit' answer, please.

i'd love to say goodbye before you go.

secrets can fester, bloom into something much bigger.

you know what they say: you never get over your first love.

it seems impossible that we were ever that young.

i can't believe you're real.

the times i've felt most like myself, i've been with you.

you believe me, don't you?

i'm sure things will look better in the morning.

you've got to stop thinking so hard about what's real and what isn't.

i feel like i'm under house arrest.

you've seen ___, haven't you?

i was wrong to leave.

we have all we could ever need right here, don't we?

if you make a wish, you have to be prepared to pay a price.

i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done what i did.

have you ever seen things you didn't want to see?

i was your wish, and you were mine.

my life feels like a dream i had.

[beegalactica]

How I journaled every day in 2023, and you can too in 2024

I heard someone wants to become "that girl" in 2024...

Well, let me tell you, "that girl" is the type of babe who embodies consistency; consistency in her thoughts, feelings, words and actions. Now one of the ways I have personified this aura of consistency is through frequent inward reflection through journaling.

I know, we've heard it a million times now. And with the new year approaching, it's so easy to set the intention to journal every day and do it well. News flash, my love, you must do much more than just set the intention. Let me tell you how I did it so you can do the same ~

Equipment

Believe me, I've tried it all: countless notebooks, diaries, bullet journals, apps, all of it, but this past year, only one app *stuck* for me, and that is Notion. Whether you prefer to journal with a good old pen and paper, or even if you prefer to make a big Google document, go for it!

The reason I settled on Notion was its table view/ calendar view database features. I liked being able to add properties like what rating out of 5 I would give my day or being able to label whether I was on my period, or any major milestones. I found that these labels made it really fun to look back and laugh at all the crazy things that I came up with, and reminisce over those 5/5 star days when I really felt like that girl. (see example below)

What the hell do you write about?

"You can write about whatever you feel like!" is the usual response, and while that's great if you're anything like me, you'll need more detail than that. I opted for some classic prompts that I would simply respond to at the end of every day, but if you want to freestyle it, try some shadow work prompts, or even just sum up your day in one sentence, you are more than welcome to.

My prompts were:

1. Three wins of the day: 2. One thing I learned today: 3. One thing I will do tomorrow: 4. Am I worried about anything? 5. Favourite thing of my day: 6. Song of the day: 7. A story from today: 8. An affirmation for my mind to sleep on:

You don't have to write paragraphs upon paragraphs if you don't want to, and some days, it might be hard to even think of three wins, but an it girl can be present and celebrate the endless blessings in life, even when it seems like there are none.

How to be consistent?

Going back to the central theme of this post, consistency, it is important to acknowledge that no matter how pretty you make your journal, or how thought-provoking your prompts are, the most important thing is to actually do it.

Life is fluid, it's never going to be linear. Some days you'll feel amazing, gorgeous and ready to take on anything, but other days you'll just wish you were a flower instead that doesn't have to deal with anything. That's just life. Some days, the last thing on my mind was my silly little journal, but I knew it was something I needed to do for myself, so I took 2 minutes to write a few sentences down, even when I'd rather be doing other things.

How to maintain your consistency:

Set reminders - at the start of the year, I had 2 reminders every day to journal; after the first few months, I cut it down to just one at 9pm, and by the end of the year, I was just doing it because it had become a routine for me.

Reward yourself - at first, you'll just be able to say you journaled for 1 day, then it will be 2 days, then slowly up to 1 week, 1 month, and soon you'll be like me, bragging about how you did it for a whole year! It's an accomplishment! Never lose sight of that.

Be kind to yourself - ultimately, this should be something you do for you and you only, so if you miss a day, it's not the end of the world. Every now and then, I didn't journal for a day - maybe I was too busy, or just exhausted by the time my day was over - so I accepted it and caught up first thing the next day. You make your own rules.

JUST START!!!!!!! - do it! Even if you mess up, start again and again and again! Nothing changes if nothing changes.

What's the point?

You've read this far, and you may be wondering, what's the point of journaling?

Well, I can confidently say that journaling changed my outlook on life immensely. 2023 was the best year I've had so far. Yes, there were setbacks: I lost friends that I thought would have forever, I struggled with my mental and physical health, and I reached points where I thought I was too low to get back up. But recording little bits about my day every day showed me, with actual tangible proof, that I will always get back up. I also had some amazing moments this year: I started a whole new school and era of my life, I made amazing friends, I fell in love with myself again and I found my voice.

Journaling has helped me to see the little positives in everyday life. Even when a situation seemed absolutely awful and I thought that I could never recover from it, I developed the mindset that not only could I recover, but I would absolutely recover. This new mindset helped me to laugh at myself in moments when a previous version of me would've shrivelled up into a ball and disappeared from the outside world.

Looking back over my life these past 365 days has helped me cultivate a new outlook on life, where I don't see setbacks as obstacles or barriers to my success, but as little stories to journal and laugh about when I inevitably overcome them. If that isn't the most it girl attitude to have, then I don't know what else is!

Journaling changed my life, and I hope that it can change yours too! Happy 2024! 🎀

[enden-agolor]

When i tell you i screamed, i SCREAMED, Lukas and Petra's interaction with a very tense and very saddening vibe really adds to Petra's character of always and making sure not to let her emotions and feelings spill, keeping up her facade of a strong and very strict leader when deep down she just wants to go out and adventure with her friends again :( The whole mayor thing really doesn't suit her but she probably became one as to lead the people the way Jesse did but ended up with what she has now, when her frustration of keeping things to herself has spilled because of Lukas' and his similarities to Jesse had really made me sad as her way of dealing with grief is to not show it, when she said that he sounded like Jesse, it seems that the memories of her and Jesse instantly came up and she just kinda wanted to think about it, about what Jesse wants and for the first time she actually think about Jesse with how he'd go and scold her for turning BeaconTown like this and I'd like to think that she'll go to his treehouse and stay there as it helps whenever her head is in shambles and need to think :> JDIDJNEJD I LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER SO MUCHJH

YES. YOU GET IT.

I know this is a jesskas story but I very much deeply care about the other characters and making sure they stay true to their canon counterparts as well, even with all these new life changes. Petra is very much unhappy where she is now. Eventually, you'll see and understand why she's in the position she is, despite hating it. While she does feel very bitter towards Lukas for what he does as a job, it mostly comes from the jealousy she has that it's not her who is travelling the world the way she wanted to back in the day. Lukas is a walking reminder of something she wishes she had, and his care towards the people and the environment makes it even worse because he does think like how Jesse would. Jesse would do what he did in his situation, and that's to tell Petra that she's running BeaconTown wrong and that this just isn't right. Lukas has no relationship he fears of ruining with Petra, so snapping at her for running the town the way she is wasn't something he was scared of if there was any ounce of possibility that it could benefit the town, or maybe even Petra herself. Learning that she's an Order member definitely changed his perspective of her, understanding now that there is something much darker deep down inside her happening. Lukas doesn't despise her, but he certainly doesn't like her. He believes in her though. And that's something she really needed to hear. It means a lot, especially from an outsider who barely knows her or her situation.

There will be a lot more plot involving her in the future 😁