#*alarm rings / timer beeps* “that's enough for now time to lock in”

[pandoraroid]

honey has scheduled breakdowns

honey who imagines guy's voice in their head whenever they're studying or working and things arent making sense and they're getting frustrated so they tune into guy's voice in their head and they just imagine it's him the mumbo jumbo jargon shit is all about and suddenly they're locked in again

[ifuckedchrisevans]

One Beer - Part One

*this is a work of FICTION. Don’t like? don’t read :)

*All pics in the collage are from pinterest 

This is also my first time attempting a mini series so please go easy on me! Let me know what you think.

Based off the song One Beer by Hardy you can listen to it HERE

High school sweethearts AU with Chris | You and Chris just graduated high school. You have an amazing summer planned before you and your friends part ways for the fall and go on to your separate schools. But what happens when things don’t go as planned?  

🎶Seventeen in a small town, weak knees in a CVS. Door locked in the bathroom, what’s it gonna be waitin’ on that test? 🎶

You took one more deep breath before climbing out of your car and quickly walking into the CVS. You wandered around the store for a few moments to make sure you didn’t recognize anyone. In a small town like this, it’s a miracle you don’t run into at least three people no matter where you go. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and walked under the sign that you'd been avoiding for so long, “Family Planning”. 

You grabbed the first one you laid your eyes on and hastily made your way to the counter to pay for the test. Your sweaty hands swiped the pink and white box off the counter and shoved it into your sweatshirt pocket.

After speeding home you ran inside for the bathroom, locking the door behind you. It was 3:00 pm. Your parents wouldn’t be home for another hour. That gave you just enough time to take the test and throw it out far, far away from the house. 

You placed the test on the counter and set a timer on your phone. With weak knees you leaned on the wall and slid down to the floor. 

“This can’t be happening” you whispered to yourself, blinking back tears. 

Through the tears a small smile made its way across your face when you thought about how much fun you had with Chris that night. 

*Flashback*

The alcohol was flowing and everyone was celebrating the end of senior year. You were finishing your fourth cup of jungle juice when you felt a pair or strong arms wrap around your waist. You closed your eyes and smiled, inhaling the oh so familiar scent of his cologne. 

“You look absolutely breathtaking tonight,” his raspy voice whispered in your ear. 

You turned around in his arms to face him. Your (Y/E/C) eyes looked up, meeting his drunken, goofy grin. You sloppily pressed your lips to his. 

“One more cup?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, please!” you giggled while you walked hand in hand to the kitchen. 

Chris poured you another cup of jungle juice and grabbed another beer for himself. Just as you were taking the first sip of your new drinks, “Country Roads” by John Denver started blaring from the speakers. 

Chris took your hand and the two of you made your way back to the make-shift dance floor in the living room to sing at the top of your lungs one last time with your friends. 

“I never want this night to end” you thought to yourself, looking at all of your friends around you laughing and singing along. In just three short months everyone would be moving away for their first year of college. 

You had gotten into your dream school and Chris was going to start pursuing his dream of acting. You were going to visit each other every weekend, taking turns on who would drive to who.

Chris' drunken voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“What do you say we ditch the send off and go straight to the room?” he said as his hands started to wander your body. 

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

The timer went off and brought you back to reality. Your shaking hand silenced the alarm. You closed your eyes, said one more silent prayer before you slowly stood up to look at the test. 

You stood there hoping you were reading it wrong. Maybe you read the instructions wrong? Maybe it’s the lighting?

Nope. It was right. Those two pink lines were staring you right in the face. 

“Fuck” you whispered. Wiping the tears from your eyes. 

Your phone lit up with the handsome brunette’s face on your screen. Chris must have just finished work. He promised he would call as soon as his shift ended. 

You took a deep breath and swiped the screen to answer.

“Hello,” you said quietly.

“Hey, baby! I just got off,” Chris beamed through the phone

“Oh, uh, that’s great!” you said, trying to sound like nothing was wrong.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, of course, everything is fine. I just, uh, woke up from a nap.”

“A nap? You never take naps, are you feeling okay?” Chris asked, his concerned tone only growing stronger. 

“I-I’m okay, I felt a migraine coming so I decided to close my eyes for a few minutes.” you said, rubbing your forehead.

Chris was not buying any of this. Why were you even trying to play it off? You were going to have to tell him anyway.

But what are the chances this is 100% true? These give false positives all the time. There was no sense of causing unnecessary stress. 

“Baby? You still there?” Chris' voice pulled you from your thoughts. 

“I’m here, I really need to go lie down, I think this is a migraine coming. Call me after you eat dinner?” you said with a sigh.

“Sure, get some rest and I’ll call you soon,” Chris said.

“Talk to you soon,” you whispered.

“I love you,” he said in a gentle voice. 

“I love you too, Chris.”

The line hung up and you looked at yourself in the mirror. 

“These things are wrong all the time, there’s no way this is right” you said to yourself.

You wiped the tears from your eyes and wrapped the test in toilet paper before you stuffed it into your sweatshirt pocket. You had to get yourself and the test out of here before your parents got home. 

After gathering your purse and your keys, you run out to your car. You find yourself mindlessly driving around town. Twenty minutes pass before you decide to park in the mall parking lot. You chose the lot near the entrance of the now out of business SEARS department store. 

“How am I supposed to tell him?” you wondered out loud. “I have to tell him.” You said to yourself. 

Your trembling hand reached for your phone to call your boyfriend. It only took two rings before Chris answered. 

“Hey, baby! How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m alright,” you said quietly, “c-can you meet me somewhere?” you stuttered.

“Of course, (Y/N), are you okay?” you could hear the fear in his voice.

“No,” you squeaked, “can you come meet me at the mall? I’m parked in the back lot.”

“I’m on my way,” Chris said, rushing out his front door and into his car. 

 Ten minutes passed before Chris’ car pulled up next to yours. You felt sick to your stomach when you saw him. His blue eyes locked with yours. 

You got out of your car and climbed into his passenger seat. 

“Baby, what is going on?” Chris asked, cupping your face in his hand. 

“Will you still love me after I tell you?” you asked in a low voice, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“Nothing in this world could make me stop loving you,” he whispered. 

You took a deep breath and reached into your sweatshirt pocket. You unfolded the paper that was wrapped around the test, and sat it on the center console between the two of you. 

It felt like hours passed before Chris said anything. 

“A-are you sure?” he stuttered out. 

“I think so,” you said, your voice was barely over a whisper. 

“Chris, what are we going to do?” You cried.

He leaned over and wrapped you in his arms, “it’s okay, shhh, we’re gonna be okay.”

Chris pulled back from the hug and cupped your face in his hands. 

“I’m not going anywhere, we’re in this together,” he stated, his blue eyes watered and a single tear fell on his cheek. 

With a soft smile, you wiped it away with your thumb. 

“I’m scared,” you admitted. 

“Me too,” he whispered.

[peraltasames]

when you’re scared and alone (just know that i’m already home)

Jake is in prison, and Amy is three days late.

so emma @fourdrinkamy prompted me w this and i may or may not have teared up a little writing the last part and had to remind myself that they are together and happily married now omg enjoy the angst

title from already home by a great big world

read on ao3

It takes Amy three days to notice that she’s late.

It shouldn’t take that long, she’s as meticulous about her period as everything else in her life. She marks them on her calendar each month and checks taking her birth control pill off her to-do list each day. Never before in her life has she been three days late.

Never before, though, has she been spending hours after each shift combing through files upon files about Melanie Hawkins and her team, looking for the slightest inconsistency or slip-up. Never before has she been surviving on four hours of sleep (if that), fuelled by coffee and the motivation to get her boyfriend out of jail before he’s beaten or shanked or worse.

It isn’t until Friday morning, while she’s sitting at her desk yawning after a particularly long night and jotting a note down in her calendar to visit Jake’s mother this weekend, that she spots the little X marked on Tuesday of that week.

Twenty minutes and one frantic trip to the bodega across the street later, she’s perched over the sink in the precinct bathroom, waiting for a tiny symbol to dictate whether or not her life is about to change drastically.

She’s thought about kids a few times over the past year: watching Jake play with Nikolaj in Charles’ living room on Christmas Eve, babysitting Cagney and Lacey and realizing maybe they could handle parenting after all, helping her nephews build a blanket fort after dinner at her brother’s house. These thoughts have materialized in her brain as a faraway possibility for after they’re married. Ideally, she would already be a lieutenant or higher. Ideally, the father of her child would not be indefinitely locked up in a prison a thousand miles away.

Just as she sets the timer on her phone for three minutes as instructed by the box, the bathroom door swings open. Amy cautiously looked around the bullpen before scurrying off to take the test and made the judgement that the few women on the floor had gone to the bathroom recently enough that she would not be interrupted. Her worn-out, panicked brain did not take into consideration that Gina is very pregnant and gets up to pee very frequently.

“Amy, what are you - oh.”

By the time Amy meets her gaze, Gina is already looking at her with complete bewilderment.

“Are you-“

“I haven’t looked at it yet,” Amy says quietly.

Gina nods, slowly approaching her as if she’s made of dust and the slightest movement could make her disintegrate on the floor. It dawns on her that she must look as weak and helpless as she feels.

“No matter what it says, you’re not alone,” Gina promises her, her hand cautiously grabbing Amy’s, still gripping the edge of the counter for support. “You guys are gonna get him out, and even if you don’t…you’re not alone, okay?”

The sentiment of her friends supporting her is comforting, but another person being here, knowing that she may actually be carrying a child, tips the scale in her brain from stress and worry to full-blown panic. She isn’t alone, she knows that, but no support system could make doing this without Jake any less terrifying.

Nothing could make the idea of raising a baby, his baby, without him there every step of the way an even remotely acceptable possibility.

She doesn’t feel the tears until they’re soaking into Gina’s shirt over her shoulder, barely registering the sobs until they’re wracking her body and she’s clinging onto her friend for dear life.

“It’s gonna be okay,” she hears Gina say, her voice sounding distant, as though Amy is underwater and drowning.

“I-I can’t do it without him-“

“I know, girl. I know.”

The vibration of her phone, accompanied by the same loud, repetitive beeping sound that wakes her every morning, makes Amy jump out of Gina’s arms.

“Do you want me to look?” Gina asks, her eyes a little softer and more sympathetic after seeing Amy completely unravel before her. She’s kept most of her breakdowns since Jake’s been gone private and tries to put on a brave face at work, knowing that they’re all missing him and Rosa too.

Amy nods weakly, shakily wiping away tears with the sleeve of her blouse. She waits as Gina surveys the three tests on the counter (all different brands, to get the most conclusive result possible) and looks back up at her.

“All negative.”

The two words pass over her with a wave of relief, her body collapsing back against the wall behind her and sinking to the floor.

“I’m not pregnant?” she sputters, making sure she heard her correctly.

“You’re not pregnant.”

Gina comes to sit on the floor next to her, shoulder-to-shoulder, and pats her knee gently. Amy leans into her slightly as her stream of thoughts begins to clear.

“I’m three days late.” She tries to make sense of her body’s tardiness now that the most likely explanation is off the table, coming up with nothing. “I’m never late.”

“If you want, I can bring you to my OB/GYN appointment after work today to get checked out,” Gina offers. “She’s dope, we listen to Beyonce during my ultrasounds.”

Amy musters a small smile, nodding her head.

“Thanks, Gina.”

-

Just like every day, regardless of whether she’s still at the precinct or already home for the night, Amy is waiting anxiously by the phone for Jake’s call at ten o’clock. She picks up on the first ring, as always.

“Jake?”

“Hey, babe.”

His voice rings through her ears like a symphony. Their daily half-hour phone calls (as long as he can risk without a guard walking by) since he managed to acquire a contraband phone have been heavenly interruptions from an otherwise Jake-less existence.

“How are you doing?” she asks. “Is everything okay?”

The pause on the other end is a little bit too long, but it’s followed by an assured response that she knows is only for her benefit. “I’m doing okay. Just missing you.”

She subconsciously wraps his warmest, coziest blue hoodie tighter around her body. It’s one of the only ones that she hasn’t already worn to the point that she needed to wash it, one of the only things that still smells like him after nearly three weeks.

“I miss you too,” she sighs. “So much.”

“Is something wrong, Ames?”

It’s truly a testament to how well he knows her that he’s able to detect that something is off from so few words. She’s spent the past two hours since returning from the doctor’s office wrestling with whether or not to tell Jake about her false alarm today, or about the cause of it, which Dr. Abrams referred to as “alarmingly high stress levels.”

Though she doesn’t want to burden him with worries concerning her (she thinks she’s worrying enough for the both of them), there is nobody that she wants to - needs to - talk to about this more than him.

“I, um-“ she fiddles with the edge of the comforter, closing her eyes as she lets out a deep breath. “I had to take a pregnancy test today. I was three days late.”

“Was it - are you-“

“It was negative, don’t worry.” She cuts him off before the worried thoughts that had saturated her brain earlier today can reach him. “It was just scary for a minute.”

Once again, her head spins with anxieties over the thought of what may have happened if the test had been positive.

“You never miss your period. Did you see a doctor?” His voice has lost its confident steadiness, a facade that she can tell he puts on for each phone call just to ease her mind.

“I did, I’m totally fine,” she swears, hoping that she’s convincing enough to put his mind at ease. “It’s just, you know, regular stress.”

It would be a better lie if she hadn’t been stressed about something every single day that he’s known her.

“Ames, please promise me you’re taking care of yourself,” he pleads, now discernibly worried.

“I’m good, babe, you don’t have to worry about me.”

She adds it to the growing list of lies she’s told him lately: yes, I had dinner; no, I haven’t been crying; work was fine; I left the precinct hours ago.

“Okay,” he says, voice still laced with skepticism. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you today.”

Her heart breaks, as if it can shatter any further. It is so annoyingly, utterly Jake to apologize for not being able to comfort her when he’s the one behind bars.

“God, I love you,” she murmurs, tears falling onto the pillow supporting her head.

“I love you too,” Jake echoes, the words heavy with the weight of the miles between them. “And Ames, about the test…we’ll do that for reals one day, okay?”

She has to believe for her sanity that he’s right, that it won’t be fifteen years and that they won’t miss their window. The idea of doing the whole “married with children” thing with anyone else is not an option that she’ll even begin to consider, as she told her mother shortly after Jake received his sentence. He’s been it for her for a long time, probably even longer than she’s realized.

“We would have cute kids,” she agrees, a small smile creeping on her face at the idea of creating something that is half-her and half-Jake (god, she hopes they get his hair and her organizational habits).

“The cutest. Our kid would put Terry and Charles and Gina’s kids to shame.” She can practically hear his trademark grin through the phone, though it’s a poor substitute for the real thing.

They spend the next twenty-eight minutes talking about hypothetical kids and the life they’re going to continue to build together. Afterwards, she sleeps the best she has in weeks, dreaming of the day that their happily ever after is no longer on hold.