#*Please don't blame me if this doesn't work where you're from. It's totally legal in Australia.

[dwendog]

Dear Northern Hemisphere First Year Teachers,

Hello from The Land of Academic Years That Line Up With Calendar Years Because We Are Not Savages! 

We’re currently a little over half way through our school year, which has been my first year with my own kidlets (I borrowed other teachers’ when they were sick/at PD for the last 6 months of last year). Please know that I feel your terror/nerves/pain/10,000 other emotions you’re having as the new school year starts. The last 6 months has been...long. And rewarding. And terrifying. And hard. And amazing. And exhausting. And hilarious. In light of this, here are some thoughts about your first year/things I wish people had told me before I started (it got long, and I didn’t want it to devour people’s dashes, so the actual useful part is after the jump).

Please accept now that you will be tired for a very large portion of the next year. I have never, ever been so tired in my whole life. And I have been tired pretty much every waking moment of my entire life. I just really like sleeping, okay? But the point is, it’s not just you. You’re effectively performing all day long. That’s HARD. It’s okay to be tired. There is no reason you can’t go to bed at 7:30 at night if you’re pretty much falling asleep standing up. No one is judging you. 

On a related note, there is no point having a beautifully planned lesson if you’re too exhausted from only getting 4 hours sleep to teach it properly. You can finish that lesson in the shower tomorrow morning. Or the car on the way to work. You cannot sleep in either of these places. You can, however, sleep at school if necessary. Places I have napped this year include my desk in the staff room; the bed in sick bay; and the pile of cushions in the reading corner in my classroom (that was actually a pretty good nap). Sometimes, that 20 minute nap at lunch time is the only thing standing between you and killing a child, and it’s worth taking it instead of spending 20 minutes marking.

Please accept that this is probably the last week or so that you will be properly healthy before school finishes for the year. I’m not saying that you will be SICK all year. I’m just saying that you won’t be WELL for a lot of it. I have had low grade sniffles since about week 3 of term 1, and I am not usually a person who gets sick that often. There are about a million different germs floating around schools, and your immune system won’t know how to cope with it. And you’re going to be tired, so it REALLY won’t know how to cope with it. And if you work with the tiny/small humans, you’re like, quadrupling the germiness. Echinacea, Garlic, Zinc & Vitamin C tablets will keep the worst of the germs at bay most of the time. Sometimes, you’ll still end up sick anyway, but really, that will happen once or twice a year in ANY job.

The kids will make you cry. In both the good way and the bad way. They will make you laugh until you’ve got tears streaming down your face and you can barely breathe. They will make your heart want to explode with love and happiness, but it can’t do that, so the explosion will come out your eyeballs instead. They will also frustrate you immensely, and don’t even get me started on their freaking parents. Just try not to bad cry in front of them, because they see it as a sign of weakness. The rest of the staff, however, have probably been there at some point, and will generally be very supportive. Sometimes, they’ll even pull all your homework booklets apart and reassemble them for you with the correct sheets in them when said homework is the reason you’re crying.

Lessons are wildly unpredictable. Some lessons will go EXACTLY as you plan, and it will be amazing. Some will not go at all how you plan, and it will be terrible. Some will go EXACTLY as you plan, and it will be terrible. Some will not go at all how you plan, and it will be amazing. Sometimes the lessons you spent hours on will be the ones that flop. The lesson that you make up on the spot when you discover that the librarian is out sick today and there’s no one to cover for them, so you suddenly have an unexpected 45 minutes to teach may be the best thing you teach all week. There will be days when you are teaching the kids about kinship in Indigenous Australian families and end up talking about how the water treatment process removes fish poop from the water for 10 minutes (any sort of poop will cause a 10 minute tangent. You just can’t always predict when they’ll somehow manage to work poop into the conversation). Just learn to roll with it, and always remember the kids don’t know what was in your program. They don’t know that there was another activity you planned on doing this lesson before they got caught up in this thing that was supposed to be a relatively minor part of the lesson and were having too much fun to ruin. They don’t know that you were planning on spending an extra 10 minutes on that activity, but they caught on so quickly that now you’re starting the next lesson early. It takes so much of the stress out of those situations when you realise that you can actually do more or less whatever you want AND THE KIDS WILL NEVER KNOW.

When you work with tiny/small children, any time can be story time. Lesson came up short? TIME FOR A STORY! Kids being ratty? I’M GOING TO READ TO YOU! You just had a stressful parent meeting and need a few minutes to get your shit back together, but you also have to be teaching right this second? WHO WOULD LIKE TO PICK A BOOK FOR ME TO READ THE CLASS? Similarly, if you’re tired and over it and CBF with a real lesson plan, The Magic School Bus is almost always acceptable, because it teaches science, but you can also treat it as a visual text for English. Or a study of narrative structure. And as a way of presenting factual information in a fictional text. And if you play it from your Netflix account, you used Netflix for work, and you can therefore claim part of your subscription as a tax deduction.*

It’s important to take time to be silly. Obviously, I can only speak as a teacher of the smalls, but I think this applies to the mediums, too. When you’re trying to focus on the million and one things required to be a good teacher, it can be very easy to get caught up in being serious. And sometimes you do need to be, because you ARE the adult in the room, and there are some topics that are actually serious. But silliness is also an important teaching tool. Did you know that it’s Very Likely that at some point today, Ms R will talk about puppies or unicorns? Were you aware that the soldier settlement scheme after WWI was actually one of the main contributing factors to The Emu Wars? Have you ever considered that Katniss Everdeen would be a better candidate for president of a country than Bruce Wayne (but weirdly enough, Batman would probably be at least on par with Katniss)? These are all things that I’ve actually taught kids at some point in the last year in relation to completely serious things that are actually on the syllabus. I love my Emu Wars lesson so much that I’ve taught it at least 5 times since I wrote it about 12 months ago, and it’s the lesson that the kids continually tell me they love and beg me to repeat. It teaches critical and creative thinking, as well as visual texts, and some tangential links to the history syllabus**. There are other, more serious lessons that teach all those same things to the same age group, but no one enjoys them as much. That lesson fixes even the shittiest of casual days on a year 5/6 class. BECAUSE WHO DOESN’T LOVE GETTING TO SAY “And we lost THAT battle because an emu came over to see what was going on in the car and got stuck in the steering wheel, and the army went ‘Yeah, nah, we are SUPER done right now.’ and retreated for the day.”

Educhums are the absolute greatest and they will help you with everything.  Many of them also have great stories about their dogs and/or offspring, and they have some of the best “You will not believe what the little shits in my class did today” stories I have ever heard. Which I realise are not directly related to teaching, but it’s always good to know when you’ve had a bad day. Because Avery Jones is the Best Good Boy, Mae is Top 2 Best Good Girls (Best Good Girl is currently napping next to me), Tomes’ Bebe says the most hilarious stuff (and has all the best Trash Truck stories), and Toddler Kaaay’s fashion sense is totally on point.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Distract me Rio: ? Rio: As much as it's one of my favourite things to do Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: I can catch you up on what's happened since you left if you like Rio: Never a dull moment Buster: Go on Buster: Tell me Rio: Well, Indie got caught riding her dirtbike again so the garda took it off her Rio: cue the phonecall that she's kicking off and me having to go down there and basically beg for it back/them not to actually charge her Rio: got away with a warning and not inducing Ro into labour by keeping it hush hush Buster: Bet Drew was really helpful over the whole thing Rio: As if he's voluntarily going anywhere near the station Rio: or Indie would bell him Buster: Sure she will after the fact to show him what a rudegirl she is, like Buster: 😂 Rio: 🙄 Not wrong Rio: the things she's gotta do to make her Da proud Rio: let's not Buster: Agreed, let's not Rio: I'm thinking if there's been much else drama Rio: aside from the obvious Rio: Everyone kinda letting Nance have her moment, idk if that's a good thing Rio: tell 'em to up their game Rio: So, what's wrong? Buster: I can't talk about Nance right now, okay? Buster: I've had a shit enough day as is Rio: 'Course Rio: She's alright, though, don't worry Rio: What can I do? Buster: Tell me I can get on a plane right now and not have to come back here until I want Rio: I mean Rio: You can do whatever you want, yeah? Buster: Until I miss too much school and my grades drop, like Buster: End of the world as the fam knows it Rio: Not naming names but you're probably good for a minor blip right about now due to, like Rio: That bad? Buster: Nah, gotta hang onto that golden boy tag for as long as, you know Buster: It's standard. That's what makes it bad. Does that even make any sense? Rio: Don't blame you, babe Rio: Completely Rio: Fuck the cunts, do something selfish, that's what you'd tell me Buster: Yeah Buster: But you're the only thing I want and I can't come and get you Rio: I can come and be with you Buster: I can't ask for you to just drop everything for me Rio: You don't have to Rio: Still coming Buster: What about Indie? Buster: Plus work Rio: She's got School too, like Rio: What's one more for Ma to drag in by her hair? Rio: I'll worry about work later Buster: Babe Buster: You don't need to worry about me Rio: Who else is gonna if not me? Rio: And I wanna, so let me Buster: Well, I want you here so I'm not gonna argue any more Rio: If I could make time go faster I would Rio: fuck this year Buster: You do Buster: That sounds really stupid but like Rio: Babe Rio: You know you deserve to be happy, yeah Buster: Shh Buster: You make me happy Rio: Good Rio: S'a start for sure Buster: Are you serious about coming here just 'cause I'm being a mopey cunt? Rio: Yeah Rio: like I need much of an excuse Rio: completely selfish, naturally 😉 Buster: 'Course Buster: Speaking of, we should probably start planning my birthday Buster: Get your lies and excuses ready for that at least Rio: I've literally been pondering on your gift so hard Rio: You're hard to buy for Rio: What do you want, baby? Buster: You do reckon you're gift enough? Rio: For every day? Obviously Rio: but it's your special day Rio: you get whatever you want Buster: Yeah but it's not like its an important one, what am I gonna do, go vote? Buster: Everything else I can do already Rio: I know you wanna be in charge always but like, yeah, do your civic duty, boy 😜 Rio: but now you can do it legally, fun fun fun right? Rio: adulthood, babe Rio: we'll make it important Buster: 😂 Buster: Let's go somewhere Buster: Not be surrounded by cunts for a change Rio: You wanna be surprised or you wanna look together Buster: Surprise me Buster: Anywhere but Skerries, like Rio: Damn Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm on it forreal, no caravans or fam in sight Buster: One of many reasons I love you Rio: If you get stuck for ideas for my upcoming Rio: just write that list, babe Rio: not that i'm already making this about me Buster: 'Course not 😇 Buster: Only room for one selfish cunt Rio: Already competing with Halloween Rio: how many costume parties can one boy have Buster: Good thing blind folds and ball gags aren't technically costumes so you can still wear them for me without me wasting a wish Rio: 😳 Rio: Okay, and you're acting like you don't have plans Rio: Damn Buster: No plans yet Buster: Just thinking Buster: Like I said, shit day Rio: Well, feel free to take it all out on me Rio: just keep me in the loop 'cos I wanna know Rio: Who's got you so mad though? Buster: You don't wanna know, babe Buster: I'm not trying to get you mad too Rio: I do but I dont need many guesses now Rio: What the fuck's she been saying Buster: Just ignore any screenshots you see 'cause you know the context isn't there Buster: Depends if you wanna be mad on my behalf or my sister's Rio: I'm sure I can manage both Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: Not amatuers Rio: She's a bitch on such a ridiculous level it should be comical Rio: but it ain't Buster: Yeah Buster: At least I as good as told her I have a girlfriend so hopefully that's the last time she'll find her way into my inbox Rio: Be nice but wouldn't put money on her being the respectful type Rio: See if she's got as much staying power as Ryan, ha Rio: I'm sorry Buster: Hardly respectful at the party from what I remember. And what I don't Buster: So I'm sorry too, like Rio: Don't apologise Rio: It's fucked up, she is Buster: Yeah Buster: She's so smug about it that's what's fucked Rio: That's gross Rio: Does she not realise what she's done or like? Rio: fucked up power trip, okay bitch Buster: [sends own screenshots because you suck Chlo] Rio: I hate her Rio: I'm gonna fuck her up Buster: You can't Buster: She's the exact type to get you in trouble if you tried Rio: Give a shit Rio: Who does she think she is Buster: You do give a shit though Buster: And so do I Buster: She's already fucked everything up, there's no way it's happening again Rio: Okay Rio: I'll get Billie to throw some bad juju her way then Rio: Oh, babe, now I know what you mean Rio: Fuming Buster: Same Buster: Like what can I actually do? Rio: Fuck her Rio: like, don't, ew Rio: but Rio: she's seriously not worth the aggro, avoid at all costs 'cos I weren't joking that she gives me those Ryan vibes Rio: you don't need that Rio: it's hard when she's winding you up like that but try not to engage unless you have to now Buster: Right pair me and you are Buster: How do we attract these types? Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Who don't we attract Rio: so irresistible, right? Buster: True Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you too Rio: not for long, like Rio: just sorting shit here Buster: How long can you stay? Rio: I dunno, baby Rio: As long as I can, that's for sure Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: She don't know shit, yeah, remember that Buster: I just wish she knew some shit Buster: It'd make things easier Rio: Who said that Rio: Can't argue with idiots, get you down to their level and win by experience, yeah? Rio: the lawyer in you gotta stay out of it babe Buster: Okay, you're right Buster: Just this once, obviously Rio: 😏 Rio: Won't even gloat Rio: 'cos I want you to feel like a winner too Buster: 👑 always Buster: Pormise Rio: Good Buster: What's Nance doing for Halloween, do you know? Rio: I've not heard yet Rio: Some cute nerdy goodness with June, no doubt Rio: I'll put the feelers out Buster: Like, can I be that selfish? You can't be in two places at once Rio: I'm sure I ain't all her plans hinge on Buster: Not with that attitude, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: Who's bday is it again, Nance? Rio: Do you want me to stay here? Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: I just Buster: Feel like more of a cunt than usual today, that's all Rio: Don't let her do you like that Rio: She seriously doesn't know you Rio: and she can't chat about doing Nance wrong Rio: trust me, I know who she actually hates, and it ain't you babe, promise Buster: Nance still ain't gonna forgive me though Rio: She will Rio: it'll take a lot Rio: and time, lots of probably too but Rio: even if you were a total cunt Rio: she ain't, yeah? Buster: Such a know-it-all Buster: Christ Rio: Don't act like you don't love it Rio: 😏 Buster: I can't Buster: I can imagine how buzzing you are right now at being so smart Buster: so cute Rio: 😋 Rio: Fun being a nerd, I see why you rep so hard Buster: You wish, babe Buster: If that's what you're after you're gonna have to trade me in when we go check out Harvard Rio: That's the plan isn't it Rio: if I don't hook me a prof for the daddy vibes Imma get me a future billionaire Buster: Well, my plan was to see how far around Campus we could get before I got you too turned on to resist me Buster: Standard Rio: Well that sounds like more fun Rio: you've got to focus though, so serious Buster: I'll focus on you Buster: that sounds more fun to me Rio: 😒 boy Rio: catch me packing nothing but turtlenecks and floor-length skirts Buster: 😂 Buster: Catch me planning the trip for summer then Rio: You're mean Rio: play fair Buster: I could say the same to you Buster: Denying a whole university campus that body Buster: So selfish, babe Rio: Right? Aren't you proud of me, daddy? Buster: You're learning Buster: Very appropriate considering where we're going, like Rio: Not got the cap and gown but Rio: you're a pretty good teacher, babe Buster: You can borrow mine Buster: I reckon you'll look pretty good in it Rio: Reckon I can borrow something of yours forreal Rio: not a label whore just miss you Buster: 'Course baby Buster: Whatever you want Rio: better stick to a plan tee, like Rio: could be anyone's Rio: long as it smells like my baby Buster: So smart Buster: And cute Rio: 😻 Rio: I just like the idea of having you wrapped around my body even when you're not Buster: Well now that's all I can think about Rio: Good Rio: You wanted distraction, right? Buster: Now all I want is you Rio: I'm going to be there so soon Rio: Should I get a hotel or am I making up an excuse for being in LDN again? Buster: I'll book you a room Buster: You deserve it for being so nice to me Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, babe? Rio: If you ain't gonna let me give you at least half, make sure it's cheap and cheerful yeah Buster: Not gonna happen Rio: It's not worth fighting you on this, is it? Buster: I mean, you can, and I'd enjoy it but I promise you'll enjoy the hotel more Rio: You're bad Buster: You love it Rio: All I know I love is that I can do whatever I want to you and not be disturbed Buster: You're not the only one with good ideas, babe Rio: I know Rio: tell me more about that blindfold and ball gag, like Buster: Thinking I need some silk scarves added to that list Rio: Yeah? Buster: I know you're gonna be here soon but I'm already thinking that I don't want you to leave Buster: It's one solution, like Rio: 🤤 Rio: Won't be complaining Rio: I don't wanna leave Buster: If you think that now, wait until you check in Buster: [sends fancy af hotel deets] Rio: Okay know I'm still mad but you spoil me so well Buster: Don't be mad I just want you close to me Buster: I can walk there if I need to Rio: I'm not Rio: I like it when you look after me but shh Rio: reputation already there without proving it Buster: I haven't even started to take care of you yet Rio: I'm meant to be looking after you Buster: I only asked you to distract me and you are Buster: I'm so fucking distracted right now Rio: My specialty Buster: Is everything you're packing a surprise or do I get to hear about what you're gonna wear for me 'cause that's part of your specialty Rio: I guess you gave me some spoilers to prepare me Rio: Only fair Buster: If you wanna play fair, yeah Rio: Decisions decisions Rio: Oh, I have some cute pjs Rio: wanna see? Buster: You know I do Rio: [Snap] Rio: Adorable, yeah? Buster: Babe Buster: Adorable ain't the word Rio: Give me the words Buster: I'll try, seeing as it's so unfair that you couldn't hear the sound I made when I opened that Buster: Fuck Buster: How do you keep doing this to me? Rio: Seriously unfair Rio: Your noises are my favourite thing Rio: Just doing what you asked me to do, babe Buster: You'll just have to get me to make them again Buster: Or others Rio: I want to so bad Rio: I want YOU so bad Buster: How bad? Buster: Show me Rio: I'm so wet it's embarrassing baby Rio: you should see my knickers then you'd know just how much I need you Buster: Embarrassing isn't the word, babe Rio: I've got no shame Rio: I'm your dirty slut, and I want you to know it Buster: Good Buster: You're perfect, I need you to know that Rio: Shh Buster: I'm trying to be quiet but you keep getting me to make all those noises you like so Rio: You better be recording yourself Rio: Or I'm gonna need you on the phone right now, like Buster: [Sends video] Buster: I know what you like, don't worry Rio: Yes, you really fucking do Rio: Fuck me Buster: I want to so badly Rio: I'm coming in the AM Rio: Flight booked, shit sorted Buster: I'll get you early check in so we can go straight there Rio: Good Rio: No better way to spend a Sunday Buster: It's gonna be the best, baby Rio: Yeah it is Rio: If you decide to go to School the next day though, I don't mind Rio: I can find plenty to do Buster: I'll mind Buster: Do me Rio: 😂 Rio: Just trying to make you behave Buster: That isn't what you really want Rio: No, but I only want to get you into fun trouble Buster: My attendance ain't nothing for you to worry about Buster: I'm a nerd, remember Buster: I'm not usually missing that many days Rio: Okay, cutie Rio: Stay with me then Buster: You ain't getting rid of me easy Rio: Not even gotta tie you up, yeah? Buster: I won't be mad if you want to but Rio: Hmm Rio: Might be fun to play look but don't touch with you Buster: Aren't we already playing that right now? Rio: Too true Rio: Didn't say it'd last long before I needed your hands all over me Buster: I know Buster: I need my mouth on you too so again, not mad about it Rio: Well, you can do that with you hands behind your back Rio: I believe in you, babe Buster: Yeah Rio: Indie is roasting me 😖 Buster: Dare I ask Rio: Thinks it's jokes how whipped I am Rio: no point trying to fool her these days Buster: As long as you don't tell her I am Rio: This is where the heroics stop then, yeah? Rio: Charming 🙄 Buster: If you need a hero tell her she's gotta shut and go so you can fuck yourself for me 'cause I need to cum for you Rio: BABY Rio: You can't just say things like that 😩 Buster: I just did Rio: The sound I just made was unholy and is so not helping my case Rio: Are you close? Buster: I'm gonna need you to make that sound for me right now Buster: Please Rio: Buster you're so fucking hot do you have any idea Rio: No one has ever turned me on as much as you, or as hard as you do Buster: I feel it too Buster: Like I said, you're perfect Rio: Maybe this is why we weren't meant to do this Rio: can't stop Buster: I don't care Buster: I don't wanna stop Rio: Me either Buster: I love you so much Rio: I love you too Rio: One day, we can let people know Rio: can't we Buster: Of course we can, babe Rio: It's not just that sneaking around is hard Rio: I want to too, you know Buster: I know Buster: Me too Buster: Even telling Chlo about you, sort of, was kinda nice in a way Rio: Yeah? Bet she was gutted Rio: Should be, bitch 🖕 Rio: Mine Buster: She just thinks I'm lying Buster: Give a shit Rio: Can see why but yeah, not gonna rush it just to wipe the smug off her face Rio: though it will be a nice bonus Buster: 😏 Buster: One day I'll be able to claim you properly, but for now I'll just have to settle with continuing to leave marks that only you can see Buster: As far as consolation prizes go, it could be worse Rio: I like 'em Rio: I'll put pictures up Rio: Gonna know I'm not just letting anyone do that, even if they don't know it's you, yet Buster: I know you do Buster: It's killing me to think about how much you like it Buster: And what seeing those pics is gonna do to me Rio: Hopefully wanna mark me some more Rio: Otherwise I've really fucked the shot Buster: That's what I always want Rio: Good Rio: I like your bruises 'cos I can see and feel how much you want me Buster: Good Buster: I've never wanted anyone as much as you Rio: Me either Rio: even before I'd ever had you Buster: I know Buster: And I can't act like it wasn't exactly the same for me Rio: Even the bad kiss was good, somehow Buster: 'Cause you loved me Buster: I could get away with anything back then Rio: Oh hush 😂 Buster: You so did though Buster: Take that mum and dad with your childhood love story, like Rio: 😩😬😶 Rio: How embarrassing, lil bitch Rio: you were cute Buster: You were beautiful and you ain't outgrown it Rio: Awh, bringing all the old feelings back here 😜 Buster: You're gonna have to wait until tomorrow for a kiss but at least this one actually will be worth the wait Rio: Looking forward to it, babe Buster: Bit rude if you ain't Rio: 😂 Rio: Bit weird too Rio: in it for the hotel room or? i'm not that desperate Buster: Glad to hear it Buster: Like I've gone whole nights without kissing girls on the mouth but I'm not trying to remember that right now Rio: How do you even... Rio: Never mind Rio: not remembering, I've got you Buster: I can show you if you're that curious Buster: But it's not rocket science Rio: I don't wanna Buster: Baby Rio: It'd make me sad Buster: I told you before, you don't have to worry about me Buster: Same goes for being sad Rio: I know, I know Rio: but I still do Buster: 'Cause you're perfect Buster: How many times am I gonna have to say this Rio: Erm, I ain't making you 😂 Buster: Yeah you are Rio: Babe Buster: Babe? Rio: You're a nerd Rio: and I love you Buster: Yeah, yeah Rio: 😠 Buster: What's that face for? Rio: You didn't say it back 😥 Buster: Well, you ain't a nerd really Buster: But of course I love you Rio: Ha ha Rio: 👀 you boy Buster: Good Buster: I love the way you look at me too so Rio: Who doesn't love 😻 Buster: Normally me but you make it work somehow Rio: 'Cos I'm actually seeing you Rio: not just your abs, though appreciating that too, of course Buster: Shhh Buster: You gotta keep my secrets, babe Rio: Yeah, that was way too close to sincerity Rio: Shut me up, babe Buster: I can't Buster: I need to hear every sound from you Rio: Well Indie's packed and gone so Rio: Call me Buster: Thank Christ Buster: I thought you'd never ask Rio: I know, poor baby Rio: Practically torture Buster: I'm not trying to cum when all you've done is breathe into the phone Buster: Who am I? Rio: Who am I breathing down the phone Rio: old school pervert in the phonebox, like Buster: 😂 Rio: not the sexy vibe i'm going for, babe Rio: can ask you what colour your undies are if that'll get you going Buster: Hurry up and show me your actual vibe then is all I'm saying Buster: Killing me here Rio: I know, soz, spend too much time with that one now I think I got jokes too 😏 Buster: We both know you've got jokes, babe Buster: But there's a time and place, like Rio: That's me told Rio: Gonna be good now, promise 😇 Buster: Not too good though, yeah? Rio: Duh, I already told you, slut for you always Buster: Good