#*Jessie's song from toy story 2 plays in the distance*

[ahatintimepieces]

In Want of Stitching

I am delighted to present another little fic for the build-a-bear au by @smieska-draws​‘ and me! Smieska generously offered to let me post her incredible art above^ with this fic where Hattie is reunited with her favorite doll from her childhood! The doll is worse for wear, but Hattie knows just how to help! Be sure to give Smieska your love, and if you missed it, the previous fic is here. Without further ado, enjoy!

Words: 4,180

Hattie kicked her legs as she perched on the table in the breakroom. One hand was propped back, nestled between Dimitri’s bag and her backpack, and the other held her dwindling milkshake left over from dinner. While she waited for her dad to finish up with the last customer before closing, she watched Dimitri fuss with the supplies on the shelves.

He struggled to pull out one of the drawers and the sharp jostle of the handle caused the whole structure to shift. He froze and Hattie’s eyes widened as they waited to see if the cleaning items up top would tumble. While the bottles wobbled like a spinning toy wavering to a stop, they stilled without any avalanche and Dimitri and Hattie relaxed.

“I’m just going to deal with that in the morning,” Dimitri huffed, turning around. “Don’t tell your dad.”

Hattie gave him a thumbs up as she reached the dredges of her milkshake and the straw gurgled as it sucked air between the last of the frosty cream. While he crossed over to the rack of aprons, her gaze drifted down to the floor. The off-kilter shelf had shifted away from the wall, revealing a large dust bunny.

Narrowing her eyes, she tried to get a better look at the mound of grey that seemed to cover something else.

“See ya tomorrow, kid?” Dimitri prompted, snapping his name tag against the magnet on the wall.

“Probably!” She lifted her chin.

“Boss says a daycare center has scheduled a trip to the mall, so we might be busy,” he sighed, reaching for his bag. She scooted out of his way and nodded.

“That could be fun. But also noisy,” she offered, glancing up as she mentally noted to warn Belle, Mu, and Timmy that they needed to avoid the food court for lunch. Maybe hide in the café connected to the bookstore.

“Noisy is right.” Dimitri swung his bag over his shoulder.

“Will Dad have to work on the floor?” She lowered her empty milkshake.

“I imagine so,” he paused on his way to the door. When she placed the cup down and blew a raspberry as she slouched, he prompted, “why?”

“It just means I have to keep Mu and Timmy away. They’re trying to prove he’s magic and can blow things up with his mind.” Scowling, she swung her legs a little too hard and the table creaked underneath her.

“Is that why they asked him to heat up their—”

“Lunch?” She crinkled her nose. “Yeah.”

Dimitri sucked in air before bursting into laughter.

“They looked so mad when he used the microwave!” he wheezed, gesturing to the other table with the offending appliance. “Mu’s stink eye nearly killed me!”

“It’s dumb,” Hattie grumbled.

Catching her frustration, Dimitri reeled in his laughter and cleared his throat.

“There’s no harm in it,” he tried. “The boss can be a bit eccentric, and it can be fun to pretend, but I’m sure even Mu and Timmy know he’s not actually able to light things on fire or…” he paused, giving her a curious look, “steal souls.”

“They sure act like he does.” She turned away, cupping her chin in her hands.

“Have you told them it bothers you when they fixate on it?” Dimitri asked sympathetically.

“Yeah, and they ignore it because they think he actually does all of those things.” Her glare hardened.

“You could talk to the boss?”

“I don’t want him to know about the rumors.” After a beat, she looked up to meet Dimitri’s blank expression. “What?”

“He knows,” he said dryly. Her jaw dropped and he softened. “Listen, you might want to just talk with him about the whole Snatcher myth if it’s getting under your skin, but it’s not harming anyone. I think it also gets the store more foot traffic from teens, which isn’t usually our intended demographic. So, in a way, it even helps!”

Hattie groaned, flopping onto her backpack and staring at the ceiling.

“Hang in there, kid.” His shoes tapped against the tile as he walked towards the door. “But just talk to him. See you!”

“Night, Dimitri.” She gave a halfhearted wave as he left. Once the door shut, she fixated on the faint buzz of the lights in the breakroom.

Seconds ticked by.

She heaved herself up, bored with staring blankly and too tired to stew in her frustration any longer. After scooting to the edge of the table, she dropped down with her flipflops slapping against the ground. She intended to toss the milkshake cup and pester her dad while he closed the workshop, but her gaze shifted back towards the shelves. The oddly large dust bunny piqued her curiosity once more and she crossed over.

Crouching down, she prodded the clump of hairs and silver dust. A dead fly was caught in the webbing and bits of dirt or crumbs were suspended on the hairs. But when she pressed down, a firm something lay between her and the tile.

Shifting, she pressed her cheek against the wall and peered into the crack between it and the shelf. Behind the dust bunny lay a small doll, crushed and crumpled.

After a precursory check for spiders, she reached back and pinched one of the doll’s puffy sleeves. The dust bunny tickled her finger, and she crinkled her nose in disgust. As soon as the doll was pulled out into the open, she batted the wad of grey from its mitten hand, and the cloud of minuscule debris floated harmlessly to the ground. She gasped when she held the doll out in the light.

Beneath the grey streaks of grime, a missing button eye, the torn right arm, and a left hand hanging by a single thread, was the prince doll that she had loved so dearly when she was younger. Her heart soared, but the doll’s state soon had guilt souring her joy.

It had been ages. The last time she saw the doll, he had been a bit worn, but still intact. She had been near inconsolable when she lost him. Her dad promised to get her a new, better doll, but she loved the prince doll because of all the memories they shared. Despite all her searching and tears back then, her dad urged her to move on as the doll had continued to elude her. And no wonder! All this time, the doll had been in the breakroom rather than home. He must have somehow fallen behind the shelf at the workshop when she had been playing, only to be shoved deeper and deeper into the dark over the years.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, frowning at the frayed threads where a button used to be. When she poked the remaining button, it wobbled, threatening to soon snap away as well. She brushed back the yarn hair, covered in dust that caused the chestnut hue to appear murky. The felt crown looked more brown than yellow, and ashen stuffing dripped from the doll’s arm and broken wrist.

But… it was still her favorite doll. Though it had been years, relief surged through her chest.

“I’ll clean you up!” she promised to herself, gently giving the dusty, dilapidated doll a soft hug.

She knew how to sew, at least! And she had the materials at home. She could even surprise her dad! He always reacted positively when she showed him the hats or masks she made.

Scrambling to her feet, she carried the doll over to the table. She grabbed a couple of tissues to wrap him up, both hoping to keep him protected and intact and to prevent the dust from spreading in her backpack. She was just tucking him safely into her bag, nestled between new fabric she got from her millinery lessons earlier and a graphic novel that Timmy recommended, when the door thrust open.

She turned, noting her dad’s slouched posture as he removed his apron, which was common on days he had to both open and close the workshop. Holding his hand over his mouth, he tried to cover a wide yawn, but his sharp fangs still glinted in the light.

“Time to go?” Hattie prompted while zipping up her backpack.

“Finally, yes.” He paused, glancing towards the shelves. “Did Dimitri refill the sewing kits?”

She shrugged in Dimitri-solidarity when her dad turned back around. He accepted it without further prodding and tossed his apron onto a hook.

Hattie slipped on her backpack gently to keep from jostling the doll as her dad pulled out his hair tie and scratched at his scalp. He grabbed his keys and waited for Hattie to shuffle over.

Once he finished locking up and took her hand to lead her through the dark parking lot, she mentally went through the list of supplies she needed to fix up the prince doll. Neither she nor her dad said a word as their footsteps tapped against the still warm gravel. But that was normal for them. Her dad didn’t usually have much to say unless otherwise prompted by people or work, especially when he was tired. So, she continued her quiet pondering all the way home, staring blankly at the streetlights as the radio played family-friendly tunes at a hushed volume.

As soon as they got home, Hattie dashed into her room. She swept her arm across her workbench to clear away the new beret she was making and placed her top hat on the hat display stand her teacher had given her. Since she only had one, it was her favorite top hat that got the place of honor. Then, she dropped her backpack onto the ground and retrieved the prince doll.

He lay on the tissues that were now smeared with grey. Even just folding back the material caused Hattie to swiftly turn away and sneeze, jostling him as he perched on her palm. She’d need to clean the doll, but the open cuts in his arms worried her. After prodding around, she decided it might be better to pluck out the dusty stuffing, since his arms were closed off from his main body anyway. The loose button, too, she thought to remove to ensure easier cleaning.

She got to work, walking back and forth between her room and the bathroom as she ferried supplies. If her dad wondered what she was up to, he didn’t comment as he settled down in the living room to quietly read.

Setting up a doll bath in the sink by lowering the plug, she submerged the doll into the water with iridescent bubbles lining the porcelain. His one arm threatened to come off and his other hand floated at an odd angle. Undaunted, Hattie stuck out her tongue as she scrubbed the dust and cobwebs from his hair. The felt crown popped off at one point, and while she rescued it, the original gilded color seemed beyond saving so she decided to replace it. But she kept the crown nearby so that she could copy the size and shape.

Once the years of neglect were scrubbed away, Hattie drained the sink and rinsed the soap suds from the doll. The chest felt heavy with the water, even more than the lolling head. But hopefully the doll would dry just fine.

While wringing out the water, she tried to squeeze the doll gently, intent on preserving the fragile threads. Finally, she laid him out on a towel and used another to dab up as much water as she could. Wondering if she could borrow her dad’s hairdryer to speed up the process, she hurried into the living room.

“Da-ad,” she called as she padded onto the carpet. “Where’s your hairdryer?”

“Under the sink in my bathroom. Why?” He turned the page of his novel without looking up.

“It’s a surprise.” Arcing around the table, she peeked at the title. She recognized it as Ember’s latest recommendation from her book club. Curious, she slipped over to the armrest where he reclined. She leaned over his shoulder and identified Ember’s annotations that lined the margins in pencil, confirming that she had loved it enough to lend him the book.

“Should I be worried about this surprise?” he asked, unbothered by her hovering.

“Nope!” she chirped cheerfully as she jumped back to face him.

“Carry on, then,” he muttered, his golden eyes flittering back and forth as he read.

The amber light from the lamp behind him skipped across the strands of his hair, painting the coal-colored locks with flickers of iridescent violets. With his cheek pressed into his palm and his elbow on the armrest, his gaze momentarily flickered away from the book as he used his pinky finger to turn to the next page.

“Need something else, kiddo?”

Instead of answering right away, she hopped onto the couch and crawled onto his chest. He held still as she flopped onto her back, staring up at the book.

“Is the story good?” she prompted.

“It’s crafted well.”

“But are you enjoying it?” She tilted her head back into his shoulder. He kept his eyes ahead.

“Not really.” He sounded calm as he said it.

“But you don’t hate it?” she clarified.

“No.” He turned the page.

She sighed, not expecting anything different.

Usually, it didn’t matter. But she didn’t want the same reaction if she asked how he felt about the rumors of the Snatcher. She knew Dimitri thought she needed to talk to him about it but…

“What would you do if you had magic powers?” she asked instead.

“What?” That got him to look down. He quirked a brow and she shrugged.

“If I had magic powers, I would make my top hat like a bag of holding. I could carry all my stuff everywhere and be prepared for anything.”

“Oh.” He relaxed and lifted his gaze back to his novel.

“So, what would you do?” she repeated.

“Hm?”

“What would you do with magic?”

He hummed, lifting his head and reaching over to help steady the book as he turned the page. Once he settled back, he shrugged.

“I’d use it to heat up my coffee.”

For a split second, she wondered if he was also privy to Timmy’s and Mu’s speculations.

“That’s boring.” She narrowed her eyes.

“I’m a boring person,” he provided.

She grumbled and he continued to read. Scooting closer to his arm holding the book, she wedged herself into the crook formed by him and the back of the couch. He shifted slightly, but otherwise let her get comfortable. She curled up so that the side of her head pressed against his chest.

There was a muffled crackling sound, like crinkled paper.

“Hey Dad, do you know about the Snatcher?” She tensed.

“You mean what everyone calls me at work?” He managed a snort. “Or do you mean all that talk of soul-stealing?”

She snapped her head up, baffled.

“Y-you’re okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He met her gaze, though from the way his palm squished his cheek and he leaned back, he seemed far from interested.

“Because it’s not true!” She gestured wildly. “Isn’t that something your dumb books talk about? Unfair deformation of character.”

“I think you mean defamation,” he corrected with a sly grin.

“That too!” she insisted.

“It gets us more customers and makes my job more interesting. So, no. It doesn’t bother me.” He started to tear his gaze away, “But speaking of my dumb books—”

“But you don’t snatch souls or eat them!” She sat up, knocking his book back. He huffed as he lowered his arm. She perched on his stomach. “People are scared of you!”

“There are worst things,” he said in a lackadaisical tone. Since he couldn’t read, he swiveled his head in his chin to look out at the living room. He tapped his sharp nails against his cheek pensively.

“But Dad—”

“Hattie, it doesn’t bother me,” he interrupted, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. “Didn’t you have something you were in the middle of? The whole Snatcher thing doesn’t matter. It’s not worth getting worked up over.”

She pressed her lips into a tight line to keep from pouting.

“But why doesn’t it bother you?” she tried once more after a moment.

“Kid, that’s enough.” He wiggled his arm trapped behind her back to coax her off. “Go run along.” He suddenly sucked in a breath and covered a noisy yawn. The creases under his eyes deepened as the shadows stretched away from the light.

Hattie deflated.

“Fine,” she grumbled, scooting forward.

He grunted when she leapt off his stomach, but his focus returned to reading without another comment.

Hattie retrieved his hairdryer and returned to her bathroom, where the prince doll remained drenched. She turned the setting to no heat and plugged it in. While the drone of the hairdryer filled the bathroom, she zoned out.

All this time, she had been trying to shelter her dad from the rumors but apparently, she was the only one who cared that people thought he could suck souls out with his fangs like some sort of vampire who loved to sunbathe and didn’t mind garlic.

“It’s not fair,” she muttered under the whirling hairdryer. She glared down at the faceless prince doll. His mitten hand fluttered precariously while the gash in his bicep caught air and caused his arm to fluff up like it had stuffing again.

Her features softened as she carefully tilted the dryer back and forth.

She would rather her dad wasn’t upset by the rumors, which is why she waited so long to say anything, but somehow it felt lonelier than ever when she was the only one who cared.

With a slight slouch, she turned the dryer away and then carefully rolled the doll onto his stomach. She finished drying him out and placed him on a fresh towel while she cleaned up. And though she passed her dad as he returned from the kitchen with a steaming mug while she was on her way to the laundry room, he didn’t question her bundle of towels under his hairdryer.

Her step gained an enthusiastic bounce when she was finally ready to fix the doll. She carried him back to her workbench and gingerly set him down. For reference, she carefully pried the old storybook from her shelf and opened to the most crinkled set of pages, worn from love and constant rereads under her covers at night.

“Here it is, Prince!” She presented the first illustration of the kindly character with puffy sleeves greeting bluebirds, bunnies, and deer. She winced at the doll’s blank face. “Whoops. You can’t see. But don’t worry! I’ll fix that!”

She propped the book back against the worktable and used the beret and open sewing kit to pin it open. After she grabbed a handful of stuffing from her reserves in one of the drawers, found a button to match his eye, and sorted through the spools she’d need, she finally sat down.

Now that the doll was clean, his vibrant crimson coat and purple boots looked just like the illustration. But the blush on his cheeks had faded and one of the stitches meant to look like laces on his boots had frayed. With steady hands familiar with detail work from all her hat making, she looped thread through a sharp needle and got to work.

Fixing the boot and resewing the buttons was a bit tricky, but once the prince had his eyes again, his blank features regained the warmth she remembered. She stuck her tongue out as she restuffed his arms. At first, she wondered if she could add a little muscle definition but no matter how she finagled the lumps, she couldn’t get them to look right.

“Sorry, you’re stuck with noodles for arms,” she lamented dramatically, tugging out the extra fluff.

His large button eyes stared at the ceiling.

The final challenge was stitching his hand back on, and only because the mitten hand was so tiny. She struggled to keep it in place as she threaded the needle through his wrist. After having to backtrack and redo the area a couple times, she eventually got the hand snuggly back into place. The stitches lined his wrist, mostly concealed by the edges of his sleeve.

Then, she only needed to close the tear in his bicep and was able to hide the work under the gold band of his puffy shoulder. Once she placed the scissors down after snipping the final thread, she leaned back with an exhale. As she stretched out her back, she appraised her work.

“How do you feel?” she asked, cupping the prince doll and giving his arm and wrist a few squeezes. When she tapped his button eyes to ensure they remained firmly in place, she glanced up at the illustration to compare. She jolted.

“Your crown!” She whirled around, looking for the dull accessory that had popped off during the cleaning. Her head snapped down and she heaved a sigh of relief when she noticed it had fallen onto her carpet.

She grabbed the felt crown and procured a piece of scrap cloth leftover from the bright yellow beret she intended to give to her dad when it was finished. Snipping the dull crown to flatten it out, she traced its pattern on the scrap fabric. After she cut it out, she glued the edges together, careful to keep it seamless as she held the ends with tweezers.

“Perfect!” She held the new crown next to the prince’s head. She found a lump near the base of the yarn hair where the other crown had been glued previously and glued on the new crown its place. Once the glue had dried and the crown remained fastened to his head, Hattie beamed at her work.

“You look perfect!” She leapt to her feet, hugging the doll to her chest. “Let’s show you to Dad!” She darted over to the living room, shouts of excitement welling from her pride, but she skidded to a stop when she found him fast asleep on the couch.

She heaved out a sigh that dissolved into a blown raspberry.

Oh well.

Since even the book flopped open on his chest visibly quivered from his shivering, she crossed over to the wicker basket filled with throws and blankets and grabbed his favorite from the top. She dragged it over him with one hand, but when she reached the book with pages folding at odd angles, she looked from the blanket pinched in one hand and the prince doll cradled in the other.

“Watch him for me for a second,” she whispered to the prince, dropping the blanket and trading him for the book.

Her dad flinched in his sleep at the sudden shift, but she was too busy locating his bookmark on the coffee table to notice. After guessing where he left off, she placed the closed book next to his mug, which still had a puddle of coffee. She turned back around to find her dad twitching.

“Dad?” She reached out but recoiled at how much heat he radiated.

While his eyes remained squeezed shut, his chest jerked under the limp doll. Panicked panting gripped his restless slumber but before Hattie could try to wake him, he turned to his side, flinging the doll away as he twisted. Hattie bent to catch the prince as her dad’s breathing slowly returned to a calmer pace.

She placed the doll back on the table, fretting as she watched her dad’s tight brows relax. His long, spiky black hair tumbled over his sweaty features, but once his exhales fluttered out like a flickering ember, he began shivering again. Hattie crinkled her nose, holding the back of her hand to his forehead covered by hair and then to his clawed fingers.

Almost like ice.

Unsure whether she wanted to wake him after that, she tugged the blanket the rest of the way and watched him for a few seconds longer. He usually felt colder at night, often kindling the image of a campfire dwindling as those around it slept, but his sudden spike in temperature concerned her.

Was he getting sick?

A few more moments passed, and he remained steady. Hattie gnawed on her lip but decided not to worry. If she woke him up when nothing was wrong, he’d just get grumpy. She’d make sure to check on him later, though.

When grabbing the prince doll, she found it trembled in her palm. She tried to meter her own breathing to soothe herself, thinking her dad’s temperature spike had left her more shaken than she realized. She calmed enough to stop shivering after nestling the doll into the plush pile next to her pillow. But as she walked away to get ready for bed, she did not realize that the prince doll continued to tremble on his own.

Slowly, and like a heartbeat that just remembered its pulse.

[eggymovies]

Favorite Movies of 2019

Last year I used this space to post a list and short write-up of my favorite movies of 2018. This year, I’ll be doing the same a bit. I’m not much of a writer, just someone who likes movies and wants other people to like them too.

I went to the movies 101 times and watched about 250 movies in total between the theater and home viewings. Two highlights of non-2019 movies that I discovered for the first time this year and haven’t stopped thinking or talking about: Teddy Bear (10 timer til Paradis) (available on Amazon Prime)

Somewhere (rent it on iTunes, Amazon, or anywhere)

I’d also like to use this space to praise Cold War, which was distributed after my 2018 list came out but would have made it to the top 5 of the year. An achingly romantic epic (though only 88 minutes in length) directed by Polish master-filmmaker Pawel Pawlikowski, who won the best foreign film Oscar for 2013′s Ida, Cold War depicts the tragic love story of two musicians spanning multiple decades in post-WWII Europe. It’s available for free on Amazon Prime.

Alright... here is my top 20 films of 2019 list, which changed yesterday, will change a little tomorrow, and will look completely different in a year: 20. Toy Story 4

A perfect end to a near-perfect franchise. I’m not sure anyone believed this would be more than a cash-grab, but Pixar employed it’s flagship franchise and characters to explore ideas about growing up and letting go. That might sound like a rehash TS3, but the fourth installment proved itself unique and worthy of addition to the canon. Let’s just hope Disney/Pixar ends things here. 

19. Wild Rose

One of the strongest performances of the year, Jessie Buckley is enough to vault this pretty good movie into my top 20. A troubled young woman recently released from a Scottish women’s prison attempts to follow her dream of becoming a famous Nashville country singer. If that’s not enough to compel you to watch this film (streaming on Hulu), at least watch the music video for Glasgow, an original song from the film that is also one of my favorite songs of the year. 

18. Triple Frontier

If you know me at all, you should have seen this coming. Oscar Isaac, Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Garret Hedlund and Pedro Pascal (whom Netflix is smart enough to not hide behind armor and a helmet) are former Special Forces soldiers who team up to rob a South American crime boss. What seems like a typical heist movie about one more job surprises half way through by turning into a film about survival at any cost. The Metallica needle-drop as a helicopter flies over a South American highway and mountain range all but cemented this movie’s place on this list. I have no shame.

17. Us

The first time I saw Jordan Peele’s follow-up to 2017′s breakout hit Get Out, I liked it a lot and ached for a second viewing to pick up on all the easter-eggs and deeper meaning behind his choices. On second viewing every choice was cheapened and I found that I liked it less, saddened by what I saw as shallow metaphor and an ending that ripped of Karyn Kusama’s The Invitation. Over the next month or so I found myself telling people that Us was a blast, and that it’s intention was not to be read more deeply, but simply enjoyed as a brilliantly crafted and visually stunning modern horror masterpiece. Then I forgot about it for a few months. I don’t know exactly how I feel now but I know I want to watch it again and that I think about it frequently. 

16. 1917

A lot has been said about the filmmaking and “one-take” effect employed by Roger Deakins (cinematographer) and Sam Menders (director), which is impressive and worthy of the praise it’s received, but I won’t belabor that point. What worked for me was the chemistry between the film’s stars, George MacKay and Dean-Charles Chapman, who help turn a WWI epic into a tender story about friendship and family. A necessary breath of fresh air before the film becomes a somewhat oppressive and stressful POV take on the horrors of war. 

15. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

All hail Mariel Heller, who managed to direct America’s Dad as America’s Friendliest Neighbor without being overly saccharine or sentimental. Vanity Fair’s Kam Collins pointed out that “Close-ups on fred rogers hit different”, which was spot on. Rogers was always seen and felt from a distance, and while we spend a lot of time with him here, Heller’s film isn’t about him but rather his disarming effect on people who met and knew him. Taking the POV of the journalist who is profiling him works wonders.

14. Paddleton

This Netflix film starring Mark Duplass and Ray Romano went mostly ignored or unwatched in 2019 as far as I can tell, but I happened upon it one evening (thanks, algorithms) and was moved by it’s tenderness and Romano’s remarkable performance playing against type. Fans of Duplass’ early career as a mumblecore king will feel at home in this two-hander about best friends and neighbors navigating life as one of them is diagnosed with a terminal illness and plans for assisted-death. Me loving a move about male emotion and processing grief? Shocker. 

13. Midsommar

Speaking of grief, Midsommar hit the zeitgest in July and I’m sure if you’re reading this you already saw it or determined that it wasn’t for you. Someone on a Ringer podcast used the mixed-metaphor “Fish out of water getting shot in a barrel” which perfectly distills the events that transpire when a group of college students travel to Sweden for a midsummer festival that turns into something much, much scarier. It’s not a spoiler, you fucking know things aren’t what they seem. I could go long on Florence Pugh but she’s the performer of the year in my mind. Midsommar, Fighting With My Family (which rocks), Little Women (see below), and in late 2018 in Park Chan-wook’s adaptation of The Little Drummer Girl for AMC which was remarkable and as good as almost any film on this list. 

12. Under the Silver Lake

David Robert Mitchell followed up 2017′s excellent It Follows with this wonderfully weird paranoia soaked Los Angeles neo-noir stone flick. This film shares so much DNA with Chinatown, The Big Lebowski and Inherent Vice, but is it’s own strange exploration of the meaning (or meaningless) of life and art and the world that surrounds us. I’m still not sure I understand what the point was, if there was any at all, but I think that was also the point? You’ll understand what the means after watching the film. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know, it’s a fun one. 

11. Atlantics

To say much about the plot of Mati Diop’s brilliant debut film Atlantics would be a disservice to anyone who hasn’t seen it. Seriously, it’s on Netflix right now and is a stunning and spooky original story that demands your attention. I can’t stress this enough, the less you know the better. Prepare to be surprised in the best way possible. 

10. Transit

Christian Petzold’s Transit is an unsettling tale about identity and one man’s struggle to find human connection while in the midst of a chaotic attempt to escape a fascist state. Franz Rogowski is hypnotic and Petzold’s choice to film this WWII story set in France without period signifiers has a dizzying effect. Watch it on Amazon Prime right now!

9. Once Upon A Time in Hollywood

There’s been enough discourse around this movie and enough writing on it that I don’t need to get into it. It’s Leo, Brad, and Robbie. It’s LA in 1969. It’s Tarantino. It’s excellent. 

8. Ad Astra

A space movie starring Brad Pitt directed by James Gray. Do I need to say anything else? A movie about a sad man who goes to space to deal with his feelings, much like my favorite film of 2018. 

7. Little Women

Set across two timelines and jumping back and forth between them, Greta Gerwig brings her uniquely nimble and manic energy to this adaption of the classic Louisa May Alcott Novel and it works perfectly. I was disappointed to hear that Gerwig’s follow-up to her perfect debut (Lady Bird) with another hollywood adaptation of Little Women but her take on the store is one of a kind. The murderers row of talent top to bottom doesn’t hurt.

6. The Irishman

I can’t believe I doubted Scorsese after seeing the first trailer for The Irishman. How stupid of me and anyone who thought his latest epic wouldn’t be necessary and singular. A brilliant and tender take on the gangster film, Martin Scorsese crafted a film that acts as a sorrowful conversation with his own life and work and the careers of the three men at the center of this story. De Niro and Pacino are incredible, but Pesci is otherworldly. Lost in the brilliance of those three titans is Stephen Graham’s hilarious and devilishly mean and charismatic supporting performance.

5. Parasite

Nearly unanimous praise has been showered on Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, and this masterpiece is somehow still underrated. It’s funny and thrilling and perfect. I don’t need to convince you, you’ve already heard it all. If you haven’t seen it, go now. If you have seen it, see it again.

4. Pain & Glory

Pain & Glory is a brightly colored and tender reflection on the director’s childhood and ouvre. Banderas’ awe-inspiring turn as a stand-in for the director, master Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodóvar, is smart and sweet and devastating.

3. Marriage Story

I love Noah Baumbach’s films (Frances Ha, Meyerowitz Stories, Kicking and Screaming), unless I hate them (Greenberg, Mistress America, Margot at the Wedding). And even when I hate them, I revisit them constantly and think about them with more frequency than many movies I love. He already made one of the best divorce films ever (The Squid and the Whale) and redirects his acerbic wit and cynical view of people’s motivations and love toward the process of uncoupling (and to some extent, the city of LA). There’s something ultimately hopeful and light about Baumbach’s view of humanity and love here, even as we watch both deteriorate through most of the film. Driver and Johansson are terrific. 

2. Uncut Gems

A24 made a movie starring Adam Sandler centered around the outcome of a 2012 Boston Celtics playoff game that co-starred Lakeith Stanfield. If you didn’t know this movie existed, you’d think it came from a dream I had. It did not. Tense, tight, terrifying and hilarious, I saw this twice in theaters and will see it again. This is the Josh and Benny Safdie’s Goodfellas, and they will win an Oscar in 20 years for a movie that is less daring and less original and we will all look back on this year as the moment we failed to realize the torch had been passed. 

1. The Farewell

The Farewell starts by announcing it is “Based on an actual lie” and from those opening frames you know you’re in masterful hands. A heart-wrenchingly sweet and somber film filled with humor and honesty, it is the story of a family choosing to hide the matriarch’s cancer diagnosis from her so she can live out her final days without the anxiety and stress of knowing. Awkwafina, in a wonderful performance playing against type, is the Chinese-American granddaughter who struggles to find her place in the narrative her family is creating, torn between her ties to her Chinese heritage and American identity, feeling like the other in both worlds she inhabits. I have been unable to shake many moments in this film from my mind and would wholeheartedly recommend to anyone and everyone I know. It will not disappoint.