#*♱S. ⸻ ( threads ).

[stefandiaries]

#stefandiaries ⸻ MUTUALS    ONLY.   turned   by:    ( 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓈 )   ♡     25 +, she/her idependent & selective stefano giuseppe salvatore    BOOK    BASED   /   L. J. Smith VAMPIRE DIARIES * highly divergent ♱

*A STUDY IN: (. . .) he walks among the shadows of his own heart. the monster & the hero are intertwined in their essence ⸻ a mosaic of pain & sacrifice. a melancholy poem written on the pages of a life lived in the shadow of what he once chose to be. the brothers like two rivers (of blood) that flow together but never completely meet.

¹CARRD. ²PLAYLIST. ³MEMES.

affiliates: elena.

*TRIGGERS : anxiety,  death,  blood,  murder,  depression,  violence, torture, ambiguous morality, internal conflicts, self-punishment etc;

[diatr1bes]

𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.        versailles'    gardens,    let them eat cake event. 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.        sterling    salinger,    @scandcls

◜   ♱   :    abrasive    pride    is woven    with    tender    pain;    avoid    laced    and    diaphoretic    bodies,    lost    in    clouded    trance    as    ivy    wreathes    by    the    periphery.    a    staggering    taction    of    de    ja    vu    raptures    him    steady,    (    naivety    a    sacchrine    taste    once    upon    a    rotten    time.    )    his    blood    runs    cold    and    volatile    at    the    hollow shroud of an old friend.    "    un    fuckin'    believable.    "    a    cruel    setup    for    a    joke:    escaped    from    a    labyrinth    of    sycophants    and    this    is    the    dead    end    he    finds    himself    in.    a    bitter    chuckle    escapes,    a    guise    as    hands    immediately    reach    towards    a    fresh    cigarette.    "    buy    your    way    in,    did    you    ? "       

[stefandiaries]

a simple “thanks” made stefan’s chest tighten even more. the word, so small and unexpected, reverberated in his mind like a distant echo that he didn’t know how to process. it wasn’t the answer he expected, and somehow, that surprise hurt in a different way. her gratitude completely disarmed him, as if, for a brief moment, the entire wall he had built around himself had cracked. he didn’t deserve a “thanks”

elena’s tone was sincere, without hurt, and that made him even more uneasy. taking a deep breath, the air seemed heavy in his lungs, as if each breath was an effort. he opened his mouth, but the words came slowly, as if they were being extracted from a place too deep, loaded with emotions he didn’t want to face.

“no…” his voice was low, almost a whisper, mixing tiredness and frustration in equal measure. He ran a hand through his hair, in a vain attempt to ease the tension that was building in his shoulders. "you don't have to thank me. this… isn't about you." he continued, trying not to look at her directly, his eyes wandering around the room as he watched the other students engaged in the activity. stefan, ever the gentleman, hated acting this way toward her. It wasn't part of the good manners he had learned over the centuries. but he felt trapped, unable to do otherwise, and it frustrated him deeply. elena was kind.

he saw how she treated the people around her, and it only made everything harder. the more he tried to keep his distance, the more that kindness reached him, and stefan knew that with each passing moment, resisting it became more difficult.

lithe fingers drag through silken tresses , delicately tugging the stands to the back of her crown. the disruption causing a pleasant aroma of honeysuckle and amber present which briefly lingers through the static air. an anxious gesture to subdue the frustration leeched within , the feeling creating a home in the marrow of chipped ivories and festering.

the thought that this charade was a distraction does comes to mind , it was so much easier to frustrated than sad. keeping depression and hurt at bay . something to keep her mind , body , and soul unweary of the burdens she bore. but there was also the dreadful feeling of being rejected , something the brunette didn't often feel. most people liked her , nd has bratty as it may seem she couldn't place a single soul who didn't like her. it just didn't seem very fair.

she come back to , pushing past the barrier of her thoughts , back to eyeing him . catching the slight weight of his expression change , aiding the energy change , too . striking a chord in the tension as the word hate flees rosy lips . a part of her felt guilty , like maybe her questions or confusion was a formation torture to him. he didn't show much ... she could feel the tightness flood through the air in this heavy salty feeling . stuck between of place of feeling terrible for how it felt to be ignored and terrible for him . unfortunately nobody wins here .

sh couldn't believe it , blinking in a short succession but fast so she couldn't miss him , deep and brilliant chartreuse hues stumble within her sights , a connection formed that brought a stir in her chest . she was an ocean and his eyes were the erratic waves crashing all around her . but why did he do it now , what was different this time compared to others ? it was a small give but it felt like a seldom hope of progress .

gaze slips back on the paper , sucking in a another breath as her lungs panged in her chest as she was holding the air , cutting herself off from it because of this weight held on her chest. but his voice chimes , and her eyes grow wider now , stifled.

i don't hate you . the sentence repeated itself back to back in her mind as a new found swarm of emotions bear it's heavy weight on her cognize. somehow the sentence i don't hate you felt so much worse than when she was convinced that was the answer. because if not for hatred what does his actions pertain ? no relief found her in this confession. it only confused her more. she remains silent for a moment , lost in her own rampant thoughts trying to decipher the missing piece that gave any of this sense. ❛  thanks ..   ❜

[clov3sr]

Wholly | j. bellingham

. a/a — I. love. the. idea. of. mean. couples. Like oh my fucking. BRO.

. c/t w(s) — fem!reader, little spicy nothing crazy chill out, very haphazardly proofread so no promises

. ♫ — make me better; Fabolous, Ne-Yo

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ 2:22 ─────ㅇ─── 4:13

—— "the right when I'm wrong, so I never slip; show me how to move, that's why I never trip."

𓆩♱𓆪 THE BAR WAS crowded, riddled with drunk patrons attempting to flag down the bartenders. Jude much preferred the solitude of his private section, but from the bar he could watch you tap the pads of your fingers against your exposed thigh, teasingly looking down at him with that sly smirk that he's beyond proud to say came from him. He's used to hearing dire threats of a man's ego mutilating into fatal hubris, but he can't relate it to being your man; There can only be good that stems from knowing he's the only one who gets to inch his hand up your little dress, dragging his teeth across the sensitive skin of your neck. He's the only one who knows how much more overwhelmingly intoxicating your perfume is compared to the drinks he's getting for the two of you. and you're the only one who gets to scratch lightly at the base of his neck and grip his bicep, a warning of your very public location. There's not much else he can say looks as good on you as pure confidence and trust in him.

So much trust that when girls inevitably approach him, he watches as that coy smile widens eagerly, and his eyes don't — can't — leave yours.

He wholly belongs to you.

The hand that slaps his own is rougher than the usual groupies because it's not one. Instead, he glances momentarily to see another man leaning back against the bar counter with him, one who's not even looking at Jude, but straight upwards at you.

"Pretty as hell," is all he leadingly mumbles, and Jude scoffs a bit in annoyance, but it's lost on the former male.

"Yep." He spits in response. Your eyebrows lower slightly in confused amusement. Jude tilts his head up disapprovingly and shakes his head slowly; he adores the silent communication the two of you have developed naturally.

"What're the chances I can bag that?" the anonymous male chuckles, and Jude can feel the thin thread of his patience shearing by the millisecond.

"Zero."

This earns him an entertained grin, and Jude wants to throw his head back in exasperation right then and there. He's heard enough of your stories to know where this is going,

"That a challenge, man?"

It's so infuriating that he can't disprove you when you proclaim that men are trash.

"It was not." His eyes are still on yours, and by the way they degrade in brilliance with every word, you can tell he's not enjoying whatever conversation he's having. Unlike Jude, you find it extremely amusing, covering your mouth as you giggle. His expression is always so telling, and this guy is apparently so dense that he can't tell. That, or it's because the stranger's eyes haven't left you either, so he probably just hasn't seen it yet.

"Dressed like that? All alone in a section? Those types are easy. Just need a bit of attention."

Jude can feel the familiar heat of boiling anger bubble in his chest, but he quells it just barely. He could make his PR team hate their job tonight, but he won't be able to stop himself from rolling his eyes if he has to hear Hendo's fatherly scolding about it. He won't act in the way he desperately wants to, but he does need this guy to shut the hell up immediately.

"She's a woman, not a rescue dog. Watch your fucking mouth."

The man looks over in offense, obviously just now realizing that Jude is not the random bonding type of guy. He shakes his head, as if deciding to let Jude off easy, and pushes himself off the counter. While he begins to strut over to your section, he fixes his posture and pulls his shirt down in an attempt to neaten it.

Just after he takes his leave, the bartender makes it to Jude with a hurried apology, which he assures is unnecessary, and asks for the bottle you both prefer. Two in hand, he's seconds behind the stranger on the way toward you.

"Hello, beautiful."

The prior playfulness that you wore on your face was immediately infected with aversion, your eyes finally leaving Jude to look up at the guy standing over you. Oh, he doesn't know. Shame.

"Hi?" you pull your crossed legs in towards yourself, tilting your body direction anywhere but towards him. He won't get the hint, you've been through too many situations like this to believe he will, but it still makes you feel slightly less revolted regardless.

"You're too hot to be sittin' up here alone, yeah?" He's slurring his words, and you're sure if you were closer you could smell the stench of alcohol and cheap cologne, but the thought of being that close makes you shudder uncomfortably. To your satisfaction, you see Jude emerge with your favorite drink in both hands, and he provokingly sits them on the glass table with a purposeful clink.

"Hmm," your fingertip taps your bottom lip ironically, and for a brief second, you wonder where this side of you came from. There is just something about Jude's conviction that you're his that makes any attempt at you criminally insolent. You'll make sure anybody who tries to get at you or Jude, and everybody around them, know never to try moronic shit like this again, "I am, aren't I?"

Jude frustratingly collapses at your side, practically on top of you, and automatically resumes his position kissing fervidly down your jawline. Occasionally, he'll spend longer on a particular spot, accompanying it with a taunting squeeze of his large hand around your smooth thigh, even as it inches farther up by the second. He's still aware enough, however, to allow you to lean forward a little and grab the neck of your bottle and your glass. He smiles for the first time since this altercation when he hears your breath hitch in pleasure, legs tensing slightly in seek of friction.

As you somehow manage to pour the drink into your glass without spilling it, your eyes dart back up coldly to the man who's still standing there like a deer in headlights. You almost feel bad, but Jude's fingers begin digging into your thigh again, and any mercy you had is stripped away instantaneously. Maybe he's a bad influence in this way, but it's a thrill you wouldn't give up for anything. Your eyebrows furrow in judgment, your nose scrunching up just to seal the look of pure disgust.

Jude's hand leaves your thigh, and you sigh disappointingly at the loss of warmth and pressure. The displeasure is soon sidelined, though, when that hand flicks twice towards the man, a blatant fuck you, shoo, and then returns to rubbing up and down your side. It's like Jude knows just how to spur you on, how to weed out that twinge of evil that you're sure originates from your mother's side. Right now, you decide you want to reward him for giving you that spirit, reciprocally assure him you wholly belong to him, and it's that conviction that laces your spitting tongue with a ruinous venom,

"Why're you still here, freak?"

. a/pn(s) — Mean. Couples. ahehehaha.

[fruit-of-infidelity]

♱ DIABOLIK LOVERS: Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sakamaki Ryuuto | Manservant Ending ♱

[ ✥ "Normal" Ending, unlocked only through selecting the sadistic choices. ✥ ]  

⌜ Scene: Garden ⌟

ー Ryuuto and Cordelia walk side-by-side. ー

Yui:The garden? Nfu…

When you said you had “somewhere important” to take me, I never assumed you would have meant the garden, of all places.

Will you finally tell me why you’ve led me all the way out here?

Could you have some sort of surprise in store for me, I wonder?

Ryuuto: … …

ー Another set of footsteps approach. ー

Richter: Cordelia, Ryuuto. Might I join you on your stroll?

Ryuuto: … …I think you’d much more enjoy the warmth of the fireplace than a midnight stroll, Father.

Yui: I don’t think he wants an audience, you know, Richter.

I can’t imagine why. He’s being awfully suspicious〜

Richter: An audience? Three is hardly a crowd, in this case.

Yui: I agree. Whatever it is, Richter can stay. Just don’t keep me waiting, hm?

Ryuuto: …Very well. Then, if I might continue…

It’s been some time since Father and I have resurrected you, some time since you’ve taken over this body for yourself. What’s more…

Not very long ago, you said that Yui no longer exists within you. Is that correct?

Yui: She is barely hanging on by a thread, if that. She’s certainly stubborn, no matter what I do. But, there’s little reason to worry about that.

It’s far too late for her anymore. After all, I’ve completely adapted to this vessel, now.

Ryuuto: …I see.

In that case, I do indeed have something for you, Mother.

I brought you here as to ensure your vessel – this body and this soul – continues to remain with me, forever.

Please, come closer, Mother…

ー Cordelia embraces Ryuuto. ー

Richter: With a heart as strong as hers, I had few doubts that the awakening would fail from here on out, myself. Althoughーー

ーーDo you mean to say you have found a way to ensure it certainly goes to plan?

Yui: Ufufu… I wouldn’t mind being a Vampire, once again, if that is your idea.

ー Ryuuto pulls something from his pocket. ー

Ryuuto: I mean to sayーー

ー Ryuuto suddenly plunges a knife into Cordelia’s back. ー

ーーYou’re free! Yui!

Yui: G-Gaa…!!

( Wh-What happened?! This reaction…! )

Richter: C-Cordelia…!!

ー She collapses at his feet. ー

Yui: ( Ryuuto-san!! )

Y-You… pierced right th-through my heart!! F-From behind!!

You’re trying to murder me, turning against me!?

And to think it’s… a-all for that girl?! I…

Richter: Cordelia!!

Yui: R-Richter…! Hurry…!

( There’s so much blood!! )

( She’s losing consciousness, I’m almost there! )

Richter, again! S…ave me again…! Don’t let me…

Die…!!

( I’m almostーー )

ー Yui suddenly regains control as Cordelia becomes unconscious. ー

ーーFree!

Ryuuto: Fufu… As am I.

ー Ryuuto now stabs himself with the same blade, and collapses. ー

Yui: R-Ryuuto-sa…n…!

( Th-The pain! Suddenly, it’s overwhelming!! )

( My… body… feels so heavy… But, more importantlyーー )

Ryuu…to…san, you saved me…! So, wh-why then did you…

ー A dying Ryuuto embraces Yui one last time. ー

Ryuuto: Together… We d-die together, fufu.

Dying in the arms of your master. And m-me… in the arms of my Pet.

Richter: R-Ryuuto! What have you done!?

ー Richter rushes over. ー

Yui: R…yuuto…san…

( Am I really going to die… with Ryuuto-san? )

( So, after all… He really did… care? )

( For some reason… I don’t feel scared… )

Ryuuto: K…iss me, Yui.

ー They kiss. ー

Yui: Ryuuto…san...

( I… love you… )

ー Together, they die. ー

… …

ー Richter drops to his knees and pulls Yui’s body from Ryuuto. ー

Richter: C-Cordelia…! Cordelia!!

Open your eyes…!! T-Tell me wh-what to do!

Sh-Shall I carve your heart out again…? So w-we might start anew, on-once more?!

Kc… Co-Cordelia…

ー Richter lets out a few wails, hugging her tight. ー

P-Please… Don’t slip… away f-from me again…

Not like th-this…!!

ー He now grabs hold of Ryuuto’s body. ー

R-Ryuuto… Ryuuto…!!

How could you!? After all we did together, to th-then cowardly l-leave me!?

ー Shaking his body, something falls out of Ryuuto’s pocket. ー

Sniff…

Wh-What…

… …

Hah…Haa…Ahah!

Th-This… This drug!!

C-Cordelia, the one you told me about!! Ryuuto had it a-all along!

Th-There’s a way for you to come back to me…!

Beloved, here… D-Drink.

✥ THE END ✥

─────── ≪ °♛° ≫ ───────

←  [ ✥ Ecstasy Epilogue ✥ ]

[stefandiaries]

for: @survivcrsgvilt.

he walked through the school hallways, his footsteps almost silent, contrasting with the vibrant buzz around him. it was an autumn afternoon, and leaves were falling softly from the trees outside, but inside the school, the energy was intense.

the voices echoed in his mind, an echo of laughter and conversation, the mix of emotions everywhere. he closed his eyes beneath his sunglasses for a moment, trying to concentrate, but the voices only seemed to get louder.

"𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑚. . ." a female voice murmured, full of curiosity. stefan bit his lip, irritated. other people's opinions were like bee stings in his mind, bothering him and distracting him from his thoughts.

since returning to school, it had been a long time since he had allowed himself to be around so many people. the last time he felt like thi s was before his transformation, when social interactions were natural and not a mental battlefield.

he held up the class schedule for the day that was in his hand, observing the schedule of subjects he would face.

[stefandiaries]

stefan glanced at her, forcing himself to maintain his composure as the rhythmic sound of elena's pencil tapping against the table rang in his ears. the sound seemed to echo with the weight of the words she had said, words he tried, unsuccessfully, to ignore. what was happening between them – it was becoming impossible to ignore.

he heard her apology, and the soft tone of her voice made him blink rapidly, as if pulled back to reality by that simple sound. but it was when she mentioned "hate" that something inside him stopped. a deep crease formed on his forehead where a strand of his hair fell in a slight wave, darkening his expression. hate? those words hit him.

it wasn't hate. never been. he barely knew her. it was fear, guilt, and something much darker and deeper, something he wasn't ready to face – much less admit.

he felt the tension build, tensing his shoulders, making his posture more rigid. It felt like he was being pulled into an unavoidable abyss as the students' voices resounded around him, becoming less and less meaningful. stefan still avoided looking directly at her, but he felt the weight of those big brown eyes, burning in his direction.

it was impossible not to feel her presence, the echo of something he already knew so well and at the same time, completely new.

when she mentioned that she couldn't change what had happened, stefan frowned, confusion etched into every line of his expression. the line between his eyebrows deepened, and he asked himself, in a whirlwind of thoughts: what does she know? it was impossible for her to know the truth, but for a moment, it seemed like elena was talking about more than just them.

finally, he looked away from the empty spot in front of him and looked at her, even if it was only for a brief moment. her deep eyes stared at him, trying to search for answers, and stefan couldn't help the tension that took over him. he opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. i was trapped, in the middle of an internal hurricane, confused. was she giving up? or was there something more behind his words?

elena waved, suggesting he let it go, relief didn't come. instead, a tightness grew in his chest. he wanted to accept that exit, leave what was happening behind. pretend none of it was real. but her words reverberated in his mind, mixed with his own guilt.

"I don't hate you." the words escaped before he could control them. short, dry and loaded. he looked at her, even if for a brief moment, and the intensity of his green eyes met hers, trying to convey a truth that not even he himself fully understood.

to hear her name spoken felt like a shock to her cortex . this unfamiliar turn of events has elena at a complete state of loss . was she selfish in her need for understanding ? did he really owe her an explanation as to why he won't dare thread their connection ? who knows how he was feeling , what turmoil flusters his soul , the horrors he's witnessed . he was enigmatic that way . confusing , frustrating , stubborn , broken .

maybe it was time to let it go , every day passes and she's waiting for this weird and cruel joke to end but it never does . it was obvious he was holding something deep inside of him . something that hurts him . she wasn't blind nor was she responsible . she couldn't be . it wasn't like her to give up , not this easily . but she was doing a lot of things that weren't like her lately .

nimble digits grab hold of the pencil on her desk , tapping the eraser to push lead out enough to function , scribbling answers in blank spaces . she didn't know if they was right , she didn't care . trying to find the will to focus felt so much harder . why was it so difficult to just move on ? it was clear there was no intention to clear the air , to make life any easier . maybe she'll save herself the mental anguish this way but she had to say her piece . ❛ i'm sorry i can't change what happened , it must've been terrible . .. ❜ tone warmer now , more collected and smooth . ❛ but -- i also cant change how you treat me , i wish i knew why you hate me so much ... . . ❜

the more deep brown eyes lingered over him , the worse it felt . taking in how tense his stature had become . it looked like he was in pain , in a way . like he was drowning in it . something elena could relate to . whatever he was dealing with had to be unimaginable . whatever it was . hand slips up , waving him off , giving him an out . ❛ nevermind , really just - forget about it .... .. ❜

[stefandiaries]

"e-elena. . ."

he saw it in her expression — her eyes wide with surprise, her cheeks tinged with a faint blush that denoted genuine embarrassment. there was none of katherine's cold arrogance, like a shadow lurking in the depths. instead, there was something pure, a disarming vulnerability, an honesty that made stefan's chest tighten in a painful, unwanted way. it wasn't katherine.

stefan took a deep breath, feeling the weight of a past that insisted on emerging, a familiar pain spreading like a slow poison, while the emptiness inside him seemed to grow, dark and ravenous. he forced a half smile, trying to hide the turmoil in his mind, but the eye contact he maintained with her soon proved unbearable — that gentle gleam in her eyes made each memory cut deeper.

he raised his fingers, adjusting his sunglasses in an almost automatic gesture, as if trying to erect a barrier between them. the shadow of the lenses hid the conflict in his eyes, the bitter mixture of sadness and relief, of fear and fascination. he knew he needed to get away, needed to escape that moment before the feeling grew, before the weight of the past became an unbearable burden.

without saying anything else, stefan avoided her, his steps quick and firm, almost a desperate escape. he walked away down the hall, not looking back, not daring to take one last look. the murmurs and curious looks of the other students around went unnoticed — nothing else mattered other than the urgent need for distance. the school seemed to shrink around him, the walls closing in, suffocating, as every face around him became a silent threat. he needed to leave.

as soon as he reached the exit door, sunlight enveloped him, and he felt the fresh air fill his lungs, bringing brief, almost illusory relief. he quickened his pace towards the outside of the school, where he knew there would be no one to witness the storm that was boiling inside. when he finally stopped, leaning against the trunk of a tree, stefan closed his eyes, trying desperately to regain some control, some sense of stability that seemed to have slipped away.

that girl… elena. it was as if fate was mocking him, bringing back katherine's image — but now tinged with something brighter, sweeter, like a distorted reflection of the past and that scared him more than anything.

the lamb sits in confusion , wishing for nothing more than to find the nearest exit and run as fast as slender legs would take her  . today was turning out to be harder than she'd ever thought .  everyone  dwells  in  hushed  whispers  ,  contorting  their  gaze  in  sympathy  as  she  walks  past  .  she  acknowledges  it  with  a  small  smile  and  a  wave  ,  ignoring  the  sullen  ache  that  blooms  in  amidst  her  chest .  and  to  top  it  all  off  this  .  running  straight  into  the  new  kid  .  as  if  being  new  wasn't  hard  enough  .  a  soft  sigh  slips past plushy petals  ,    tucking  back  a  couple  chestnut  tresses  behind  her  ear  .

it's  a  slow  gentle  gesture  as  elena  tenderly  extends  the  warmth  of  her  palm  until  it  sits  on  top  his  back  ,  ducking  just  a  little  further  to  soak  the  essence  of  the  strangers  features  .  capturing  his  gaze  in  her  own  .  the  first  thing  she  noticed  was  those  brilliant  chartreuse  hues  and  inside  ensnared  a  kaleidoscope  of  emotions  .  wonderfully high cheek bones , classically handsome . she  couldn't  shake  the  eerie  feeling  that  was  bubbling  up  inside  of  her  -  making  her  wish  that  she  could  just  disappear  .  but  then  a  name  that  hadn't  belonged  to  her  slips  past  his  lips  ,  brows  knitting  at  the  seams  as  she  tilts  her  head  and  shaking  it  .  ❛  wh-who  ?  ❜

who  is  katherine  ?  there  may  have  been  two  or  three  other  girls  named  katherine  at  birth  but  all  go  by  a  variation  that's  more  substantial  to  say  .  beyond  that  none  of  them  possess  a  single  resemblance  to  her  visage  .  she  sucks  in  a  slow  breath  ,  holding  the  oxygen  in  her  lungs  until  it  hurt  before  slowly  releasing  it  ,  dropping  her  hand  away  from  him.  ❛ i'm  sorry  but  i  think  you  have  the  wrong  person  ,  my  name  is  elena  .    ❜

[stefandiaries]

stefan had his hands clasped tightly on the table, his fingers so tense that the knuckles were pale, almost ghostly. elena's voice reverberated in his mind, each word penetrating like a thin blade, cutting deeper than he cared to admit. he forced himself to stare straight ahead, ignoring the uncomfortable weight in his chest, a growing pressure that he knew exactly where it was coming from but refused to name.

the crack in her voice tore him apart in a way he tried to suppress. how could I look at her? how could he face the face that bore so much resemblance to the past he tried to bury? and at the same time, how could I deny that there was something in elena — something that wasn't there in katherine — something that made that pain even deeper, more complicated?

he took a deep breath, trying to bring some sense of control to the chaos inside him, but it was useless. the discomfort, the conflict between past and present, only intensified. elena deserved an answer, he knew that, but anything he said would only deepen the chasm that separated him from her. worse, from yourself.

finally the words came out, dry and bitter, as if each syllable was a forced confession.

"elena. . ." the word escaped his lips with an unexpected weight, as if he were pronouncing a name that condemned him. It was the first time he had said her name out loud, and the sound struck him in a strange, disconcerting way. he closed his eyes for a brief moment, feeling the name reverberate in his mind. "let's just…do what we need to do."

human girl's heart descends from her chest into the pit of her stomach . a large part of her was yearning for him to ignore her like usual so she could just take on the assignment by herself and avoid this this harrowing feeling in her chest . but she wasn't so lucky . frustration coiled in her features as she haphazardly read through the assignment . it had been two full weeks of holding in any flight of an emotion when it came to this unbearable dynamic between them . she didn't understand what she had done to garner herself this type of treatment . whoever this katherine person was must have done a real number on him and somehow elena was the one stuck with the repercussions .

fate had a cruel way of prolonging her suffering , with every corner she turned there's a whisper of his physiognomy in her sights . it was as if he were ghost , a lingering presence that shrouded her existence . a physical entity yet hallowed in avoidance . and as pathetic as it sounds there's the grating acknowledgment that the sound of his voice actually soothed her . creepy in a way , listening in and enjoying the sound but never being on the receiving end of the conversation . his presence mocks her in that regard . feeling stronger than anyone's she'd ever met before . it tugs at her and pulls her in , like where he stands was exactly where her eyes needed to be in that very moment in time . she tried to fight it but it was futile , big doe eyes always search for his .

during these two weeks became an insurgence of this lingering inkling that she just couldn't shake . it felt deeply unsettling -- like eyes constantly everywhere around her , watching every move made . inside her home she does the dishes , letting the warm suds prune nimble fingertips as she gingerly scrubs each dish to near perfection before running them through the dishwasher . and although a mediocre chore at best it still felt like she was being watched . then, slowly she turns around expecting to see someone or something . but it's just empty space and a small buzzing from her brain as the anticipation that harbored her lead to nothing . it was only in the near hours of dusk when the sun as slipped away the moon shines bright is when she finally feels alone and at ease with her thoughts . maybe at the end of the day she had to admit that she'd hope that in the holes of far off places she'd' see his brilliant green eyes staring back at her .

a part of her thinks the overwhelming grief she cant seem to satiate was making her feel or see things that weren't truly there .she'd heard of this before . hallucination as a side affect of certain medicines or phenomenon . this seemed a little different though , more real . and it wasn't like she wanted to feel this way . to be noticed and considered was not linear as feeling watched . the confidence she felt in herself to keep a even keel was slowly beginning to dissipate . it was terrible to feel so exhausted yet overwhelmed all the time .

nimble digits pressing along the grit the page , lips pursing . how were they supposed to finish this without him even being able to look at her ? this thing - whatever was happening is too much , she needs answers . softened eyes slip to him , hiding behind dollish lashes . ❛  i don't believe that - it's not all good . ❜  brave enough yet still small , hushed , ❛ you can't even look at me .. . ❜ it can be heard then , a small crack in her voice . something broken .

[stefandiaries]

stefan was standing still, staring at the class schedule in his hands, trying to decipher the information without actually seeing it. his thoughts were distant, submerged in the hope of blending in, disappearing among the youthful crowd. maybe, there, he would find some peace, some way to forget the ghosts of the past. but then, something changed. he felt her presence, a subtle force, but so impactful, that it hit him like an icy breath in the chest. the air around him seemed to become denser, as if he were sinking into an invisible tide, suffused with an energy that was too much for him.

the sound of footsteps approached down the hall, a rhythmic echo that stood out from the cacophony of the school. stefan looked up slowly, his fingers relaxing around the paper as a shiver ran down his spine, a foreboding he couldn't understand. then, he saw her. the vision hit him like a punch — there it was. the girl walked distractedly, her brown hair falling softly around her face, her gaze lost in distant thoughts. every feminine detail rose before stefan like a painful memory, evoking another person, another time, a life he tried to bury.

she was just like katherine. so identical that he almost lost his breath, as if the ground had disappeared beneath his feet. the same features, the same grace that he knew so well, that he had loved and hated with equal intensity. she was a cruel replic of the woman who had shattered his heart and dragged him into darkness. and yet, there was something different. something subtle, something he couldn't define.

doe eyes, big and soft, so different from katherine's cunning eyes. there was vulnerability there, something that evoked tenderness rather than distrust. stefan couldn't move. it was as if time had frozen, as if the entire world had stopped, leaving only that moment, that inevitable meeting. the paper with the time slipped a little from his fingers, forgotten, as he watched her approach, each step bringing her closer, until she finally collided with him.

the collision was gentle, but to stefan, it felt like an earthquake. he blinked, waking from his daze, as if waking from a dream — a dream that was too real, too palpable. his green eyes searched her face, his eyebrows furrowing in a mix of disbelief and shock.

"k-katherine?" was what he managed to mutter, so low that the sound was almost lost among the noise in the hallway. it wasn't possible, katherine was dead. . .

the  gloomy  angel  awoke   with  a  knot  in  her  stomach  ,  animosity  in  her  chest  ,  and  a  dastardly  will  to  stay  in  bed  .  it  was  the  first  day  of  school  and  there  was  nowhere  else  she'd  rather  be  than  home  in  the  comfort  of  her  blankets  where  she  had  made  a  nest  for  herself  these  past  couple  months  .  but  that  was  not  how  the  day  was  going  to  be  .  a  plastered  smile  splayed  on  rosy  lips   as she  pulled  herself  out  of  bed  ,  slipped  clothes  on  her  body  ,  and  practiced  the  way  she  was  going  to  present  herself  today  .

through  the  halls  the  thoughts  herding  her  attention  left  her  head  stranded  in  a  lingering  fog  ,  legs  and  feet  heavy   -  each  step  harder  than  the  last  as  gentle  echoes  of  her  evident  loss  dither  between  quiet  whispers  .  every  connection  made  through  those  big  doe  orbs  shows  a  never  ending  slew  sympathy  .  it  was  everywhere  .  and  as  much  it  was  sweet  that  people  cared  it  just  remained  a  constant  thought  to  sweep  her  cognize  -  the  grief  .  looking  down  in her bag to find her ipod  before  stumbling  on  her  two  feet  and  catching  her  fall  on  a  stranger  . 

petals  purse  softly  ,  a  small  crease  crinkling  on  her  forehead  ,  clutching  her  grasp  just  a  little  tighter  around  the  crossbody  that  clung  to  her  side  .  embarrassment prickled in her chest  ,  a  lume  of  radiance  grows  across  pallid  cheeks  ,  soft doe eyes searching  for  the  gaze  of  the  other  as  she  regained  composure  . ❛  i'm so sorry , i wasn't paying attention - are you okay ?  ❜ 

[stefandiaries]

two long weeks had passed since that fateful meeting in the hallway, and the distance, both physical and emotional, was the only way he could find to avoid the chaos that was boiling inside him. the first time he saw her, his senses collapsed—the shock of seeing someone so similar to katherine, the confusion that gripped his chest, and the overwhelming desperation to run away. he didn't know how to deal with it. how could i? her face, her delicate features, her silky hair… everything about her reminded him of katherine. but the eyes… elena's eyes were different.

during these two weeks, he had avoided any eye contact as much as possible. however, something inexplicable attracted him to her. every time they turned around in the hallways, it was as if fate was playing with him, trying to recreate a past he desperately wanted to forget. over the past few days, there had been something more disturbing growing inside him. he was consuming more animal blood than he needed, always going beyond the need. hunting had become an escape, a way to ease the pain and emptiness. stefan convinced himself that it was to maintain control, that saturating himself with animal blood would prevent him from succumbing to the thirst for human blood. but deep down, he knew.

the nightmares had returned. for years, he had managed to imprison katherine's image in some forgotten corner of his mind. but now, every night, it was as if her spirit walked beside him. in her dreams, she looked at him with the same enigmatic smile, that look that promised so much. he would wake up panting, with his heart racing and cold sweat running down his skin. sometimes the nightmares were so intense he could almost feel her touch, as if katherine were still alive. that feeling of persecution suffocated him, mixed with the unbearable guilt for her death. stefan never forgave himself for not being able to save her. he always carried the pain of his loss with him, like a wound that would never heal.

as a constant reminder, stefan kept katherine's ring on a chain around his neck, hidden close to his chest. it was a lapis lazuli ring, delicate but heavy with the meaning of its presence. during all these years, he had never let go of it, as if the object kept him tied to it somehow. keeping it was his penance, a symbol of his eternal guilt. the necklace was slowly destroying him, but he refused to leave it behind. it was his most physical connection to katherine, and abandoning the ring would be abandoning what little he still had of her.

unconsciously, this guilt and obsession also always took him to the same place. every night, after consuming blood, his feet would guide him to the street where elena's house was. even without meaning to, he always ended up there, standing in the shadows, watching from afar, as if drawn by an invisible force. the dim glow of the lights in the house, the silent movement within it—it all reminded him of katherine and, at the same time, felt something different, something new. but whenever he got there, standing in front of that house, guilt suffocated him. he forced himself to return to the boarding house, suppressing the desire to stay, to get closer, to try to understand why she bothered him so much.

in anatomy class, the discomfort of being so close to elena was almost unbearable. stefan could barely pay attention. he was distracted, lost in his own thoughts, when he heard her voice for the first time since that incident in the hallway. the sweet, hesitant voice brought him out of his trance. he blinked a few times, coming back to reality, his chest tightening as he realized where he was.

he slowly turned to her, avoiding the doe-like gaze that seemed to want to pierce through him. his eyes roamed the delicate features of her face, the smooth contour of her skin. for a moment he almost spoke. the lips parted, and stefan felt a sudden urge to explain, to say that the problem wasn't her, but the ghosts she brought back to life. he wanted to say that the guilt, regret and pain were burdens he had carried for so long, and that, without meaning to, elena had become a cruel reminder of everything he had lost. the words died before forming any sound. throat tight.

"all good. . . let's do this." he looked away, eyes fixed on some distant point, as if to avoid any deeper connection.

anatomy was slowly becoming her most agonized class to attend as the days flood by . it wasn't for the subject or the teacher . no , in fact if had been with any other regard elena m gilbert would love this class and attend every day with an aspiration to learn . but her thoughts are clouded , distracted by this emanating anxiousness shared by her unfortunate table partner . stefan salvatore . everyone was talking about the mysterious man sitting beside her , expressing different forms of opinions and assumptions . wondering what she had learned about him by merely being placed next to him . she didn't know anything , and there was nothing but animosity growing in her chest every time they see each other . eye contact felt like the weight of the ocean crushing inside of her with the way his green eyes tangle within her . this perceived disgust pouring from pupils and entering her veins like venom . it made her ache .

it'd been two weeks since the mortifying fumble , extruding him to the point of casting himself away from the confines of the school . to escape her . it was as if his feet couldn't carry his weight fast enough , an obvious eagerness to flee . but something she couldn't shake kept flipping curiosity like a switch in her mind -- he called her katherine . the wheels turn , running through a plethora of questions she may never get the answers to . who was this other person ? and why did he seem so trepid to hold her within his sights ? and to what extent did they hold resemblance to eachother ? a bell signifying the beginning of class pulls her from her thoughts , using her long chestnut tresses as a barrier to hide away from the unbearable look twisted in his eyes .

today was different , dreadfully different . usually assignments in this class were done on an individual basis and didn't require group effort . an announcement by the their teacher advises differently . of a project , electing to make those who sit next to another partners . maybe it was her turn to flee . her breath trembles past petal tiers , gently tucking the only barrier securing herself from looking towards him behind her ear . she hadn't even heard what they were assigned to present , wracking her brain to find words to combine and formulate an actual sentence . she was aching to know why she repulsed him so , to understand what about her made him glance away and ignore her entire existence entirely . to run .

raspberry fingertips glide over the rubric , glancing at @stefandiaries through chocolate peripherals . ❛    hey --  ❜  brows cinch together , frustration tinged in her olive expression . ❛    if you don't want to work with me , i can just get this done myself ... i don't want you to be uncomfortable . ❜  finally turning her head does she search his face , heart dropping in her stomach , wishing to be anywhere but there .