#* you’ve been scandalously intimate with death for some time / aesthetic. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kinkykooksstuff · 6 years ago

Text

forbidden desire | 01

pairing: taehyung x reader ft. jungkook

summary: love isn't about joy and happiness. sometimes it can be gritty, possessive and dirty. that's what this was, a story of forbidden love between two young and troubled people. a story of how they fell in love and had to keep it a secret. a story about how the world was too small for love like theirs.

genre: romance, thriller (angst, smut, fluff)

warnings: mentions of sex, death, angst

series masterlist x

playlist x aesthetic

It was raining that night. Your clothes were soaked as you walked towards Rocky's diner. An old drive-in restaurant that was placed exactly on the exit of the city. The rain heavily fell on your shoulders, dripping down your arms and on the soaked asphalt. His hands traveled down your back as he opened the door for you. The rain immediately stopped and everything was much quieter now. It was past midnight, the diner was empty, except the waitress that greeted you with a smile on her face. Returning a one, weak smile, you made your way towards the booth in the back. The booth where it all started. The waitress slowly following you behind.

"Hello. What would you like to order?"

"Nothing really. We just-"

"One milkshake and one cup of tea please." He cut you off. Taehyung. Your boyfriend.

The waitress had a confusing look on her face, but nodding, she left and disappeared behind the other booths, leaving you in silence. You put your head in your hands and you heard him sigh, leaning back on the booth.

"This...This is so wrong. This is my fault." You whisper-yelled, lifting your head up and lowering it towards him.

He put his hand over yours on the table. "Baby, it's not your fault. Trust me."

"No, it is! We talked about it in the car, remember? Those polaroids shouldn't have been there. I shouldn't have put them in my book knowing that she always cleans my desk." Tears started falling slowly down your cheek. You couldn't shake off the heavy feeling in your chest.

"Did she open the book?"

"No! They fell." You said through gritted teeth. Mad at yourself for letting the polaroids be seen by other eyes than you two. Letting other people be aware of the relationship you had with Taehyung. Your grandfather's business enemy's grandson.

"I see," he said moving closer to you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you towards him. You felt safe instantly. You always did. He was your escape. He was the person you loved with all your heart. The person you feared to lose. "The most important thing is to stop beating yourself over it. It was not your fault. Accidents happen." His hand wiping your tears away.

"I know. Taehyung everyone knows now. Do you know what will happen when my parents tell yours?"

"They don't even talk. They hate each other." He said quietly, seeing the waitress from the corner of his eyes bringing the drinks over your table. You looked up, trying to crack a smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Enjoy your drinks." The middle-aged woman said and left with a smile on her face. Not knowing what kind of mess was going on in that booth.

"That's the point..." you said when she was out of sight.

"No, it's not, baby. Your parents won't tell mine knowing that if this gets public, it'll create a scandal. Think about it, y/n. If your parents tell anyone that we're dating, he will lose his business partners. Same goes with mine." Taehyung's words calmed you down, like always. He always knew the right thing to say, he was always right.

Afraid of your parents, your head fell on Taehyung's shoulder. Your mind was all over the place. He wasn't his grandfather nor his father. He was Taehyung, the sweet and caring guy you fell in love with. You tried telling your parents but they never listened. Although they somehow knew, the Polaroid was the breaking point. It was clear now. They know about your disappearances in the middle of the night, they weren't for nothing. Your mom never believed the lie you always told her. "I needed some fresh air" or "I'll be staying over at Jimin's". Everything was a lie. You could say that you lived a pretty normal life if it wasn't for Taehyung.

"And what do we do now?" You asked, hands reaching for the cup of tea. You were freezing, so it warmed you up a little bit.

"Nothing. We're gonna continue being together."

"Taehyung, it's impossible!" You said placing the cup on the table

He sighed. "It is. We just have to distance for a week. Let your parents calm down a little bit. After this, when you go home, you'll tell them that you ended things with me. You're gonna change my name in the contacts and get rid of my shirts. Give them to Jimin or whatever. Basically, they have to be convinced that we lost contact." He said. He must've noticed your shaking form and tears in your eyes. "Hey, hey. It's gonna be alright. They trust you baby. You're their little girl, their y/n. You're gonna continue going to school and dance practice. Everything's gonna be fine. One day they'll understand that I'm not my grandfather."

You nodded. It was going to be alright. You two could do this, together. Plus knowing that your best friend Jimin, and Namjoon - Taehyung's older brother, were by your side, it was easier. They knew from the very beginning. Jimin covered up for you so many times. It was easier for Taehyung since he was old enough to take care of himself. He was 23 and he had a part in the business. He was the CEO's son. He had no curfews, no bodyguards following him around, he was simply free. It was your life that was messed up. You were 5 years younger than Taehyung. Because of you, you two rarely went out in public places. This diner was the only place that you could eat together and have a proper date. Sitting in his Jeep was a routine. He owned an apartment with his brother, so when he was out you two would go there and spend the day cuddling or having sex. The sex was always great. When you first started dating, you were 17, so you both wanted to wait until you turn 18. When you did, you spent your birthday with him. That was the night you lost your virginity to Kim Taehyung. Your family's business enemy. He liked being in charge and you did too. The sexy lingerie he always bought you was buried somewhere in the back of your closet, along with his other gifts that now are going over to Jimin's. Jimin was simply an angel, which is why you decided to call him and let him know about what happened an hour ago.

"...and then he started throwing my stuff around. My mom had to calm him down. I couldn't take it so I left and Taehyung picked me up. Now we're at Rocky's." You said to Jimin who was silently listening from the other line.

"Are you okay? Both of you?"

"Yes, yes. Don't worry, but you have to pick me up. Taehyung can't drive me home." You said, looking at Taehyung who comfortingly placed his hand on your thigh.

"Yes, okay. I will. I'll be there in 30 minutes." He said. You nodded, not complaining, knowing how far was the neighborhood you lived in from the exit.

"Thank you, Jimin. I owe you big!" You laughed in what feels like an eternity. Hearing your laugh, Taehyung's face lit up. As you put down your phone he cupped your cheeks, turning your head towards him. He pulled you closer to him and he kissed you. His warm lips resting on yours was the most comforting thing ever. As his hand traveled down your back you swore you couldn't hear the rain anymore. Everything stopped. It always did with him. He was your sunshine, he was the contrast in your life.

"Do you remember how excited and scared you were when I asked you out exactly on this booth?"

"Yeah.." you laughed, remembering the first real date you two had. That was the time when you were still innocent, high school girl.You looked at him, silently remembering the warm September night.

12th September 2017

You watched as his blonde locks fell over his chocolate brown eyes. It was such a relief to be with him after the long day you had. You were a cheerleader. The football team won. You were happy and excited. As for him, this was his first time on a date with a high school girl. This was your last year.

"Your school jacket looks good with your skirt," he said, taking a sip from his milkshake.

"Thank you." you shyly said.

You've known Taehyung for a couple of months, but you never had a proper conversation until a month ago. One conversation leads to exchanging numbers and talking on the phone every night. One thing you knew for sure was that your parents could not find out about this. First, it was something about business, second, he was older. He told you himself to keep this a secret.

"I've never done this before. All I do is meet women at a bar and then bring them over my apartment. That's it. I've never understood this dating shit." He said

"Dating?" you asked. Sure, you made out a couple of times during the last month but he never mentioned anything about dating. You thought you were just a distraction from his work.

"Ah...You got me there. Look, y/n...I know this is wrong but I really like you. I can't just not have you, I want you to be mine." he admitted. Your heart started beating faster and faster, your hands were shaking and you couldn't keep a straight face. "I'll completely understand if you don't want any kind of relationship with me because I'm older and of course why would a senior date a 22-year-old guy who's never been in a serious relationship and works 8 hours a day and-"

You cut him off with a kiss. You were lucky the restaurant was almost empty so there were no eyes on you.

"I've wanted this since the day I laid eyes on you Taehyung."

"But you know we-"

"We have to keep this a secret. I know."

"God, you're such a rebel. You don't know what I'd do to you if you weren't a virgin," he said. You weren't weirded out because the past month you formed a really intimate relationship. You could talk about anything with him and he'd understand.

"You will." You winked and sat back on the booth, crossing your legs. He bit his lips and put his arm around you.

"My girlfriend. I'm so happy to call you that now."

"I'm so happy to hear you say that, baby."

A lot of kisses and touches were exchanged in his car that warm September night. The city outside that car was alive, more than ever. The night was full of noise and people, distant music from the stupid clubs. In that car, it was just the two of you, away from everyone and everything. You both wished to stay that way. That night was the most innocent and problems-free night you two ever had. And you sure know that you will never forget it

Present day

"Oh god...How I wish we could escape somewhere...somewhere far, just the two of us." You said, slowly tapping your nails on the table while Taehyung rubbed your back.

"Hey...It's okay. We'll make it work. I know we will and I promise you we will escape together. Finish high school first and I'm getting us both out of here." You buried your head in his chest, hoping for that day to come true. You believed him. He was the person that has been always honest with you. That's why you loved him dearly, and you would do anything to make this work.

As you both sat in silence, his hands wrapped around your small frame, your almost dead phone started ringing.

It was Jimin.

"Hey."

"I'm here." You heard him say from the other line as a car parked in front of the restaurant. You got up and Taehyung helped you put his coat around your shoulders since you were just in your hoodie.

"Okay, I see you. We'll be there in a second." You said and hung up, placing your phone in your back pocket. You both started walking towards the front.

"I need to pay. Go I'll be fast."

You nodded and opened the glass door from the old diner. Jimin got out of his car and you immediately hugged him. Tears started rolling down your cheek once again.

"It's raining, let's get you inside." He said, grabbing your arm and leading you towards his car. He opened the door from the passenger seat for you and as soon as he closed the door, you saw Taehyung jogging towards you. You were so cold to get out. The car heater was on and it felt really nice. They both greeted each other and Jimin got inside the car, leaving Taehyung lean by your window. You opened it a little bit so you can see him better.

"Don't just stand here, it's raining and you'll get a cold." You said, reaching to cup his cheek.

He put his hand over yours, smiling. "I'll be okay, baby. Don't think about me. Just don't worry about anything, okay? Everything is gonna be alright." He said comfortingly. You nodded.

"Okay Tae. I love you."

"I love you too y/n." He leaned in and placed a wet kiss on your mouth.

"Jimin, please be safe, okay?" He looked at Jimin who nodded.

"Don't worry buddy. I'll take care of her." He smiled.

You rolled on the window and Taehyung backed away from the car with a smile on his face. You leaned back in the seat as Jimin drove away, leaving Taehyung standing behind in the rain. He watched you drive away. The sound from the rain was louder than ever.

You watched his tall figure get surrounded by the heavy rain, but the view faded away when Jimin turned on the other street.

"How are you?" He asked, looking over at you with a concerned look.

You shook your head. "How could I be, Jimin? My parents found out about Taehyung." You said, massaging your palm with your hand.

"Now what?"

"Nothing. You'll get everything that belongs to Taehyung from my room and you'll keep it. I'll be going to school and then home with a bodyguard. Once my parents are convinced that I'm not seeing him anymore, I'll think of something." I said, looking around the city.

"Whatever you do, I'll be here to help. I know how much you love him and...I love you." he said placing his hand on your knee. You were grateful for Jimin. He was your childhood friend, your best friend.

"I love you too, Chim."

"So, um...What is exactly going on?" He asked, tapping his fingers on the wheel.

"What do you mean? I told you." You said, raising your brows.

"No, no, I mean you never told me the whole story. I know about the business thing but I don't know the whole, whole story. I'd like to know." He said.

You nodded. "Well...Basically mine and Taehyung's grandfathers were business partners in the past, out companies worked together. Then his grandfather got access to some parts in our holding and he sold them for a lot of money. Since then our company struggled a lot. My father was the one who helped to make it successful again. Now, my parents and his don't talk and they consider each other as enemies even though nothing happened between the two, at least I know that. Taehyung has a big part in their company, so when we met and he told me he works at Kim's holding, I immediately remembered all those stories my parents told me about that family." I said, taking a big breath. "Jimin, Taehyung is not like them. He's not his parents or his grandfather. He's just...Tae. I don't want to lose him."

"You won't lose him, y/n. One day your parents will understand." He comforted you.

"You know..." You giggled, crossing your legs on the seat. "He said we'd go somewhere far away once I finish high school."

"Hey! You're not gonna leave me here in this ugly city, are you?" He joked.

"Of course not. We'll go somewhere far away and I'll find you a hot girl."

"Speaking of a hot girl...I made out with a girl yesterday at the party. I didn't even get her number." He said.

The party, right. Since you got with Taehyung, you rarely went to parties. You lost contacts with a lot of friends. That popular cheerleader was no longer there. She was just a girl that was getting picked up with a black Jeep after the classes. Everyone was curious but no one dared say anything.

"Oh my God, I miss going out with you guys. How's Hobi?" You asked, thinking of the hype man.

"He's great! Our dance classes keep getting harder and harder. Yoongi visits us now more often since they're dating."

"I'm so happy for them. They're gay and happier than me." You laughed. Yoongi and Hoseok were Jimin's friends. You adored them both from the day you met them. They recently started dating. Their families were supportive of them both, and here you were, soaked from head to toe, cold, in your best friend's car instead of your boyfriend's, going home scared from your parents. The truth was you were scared from your dad. Your mom wasn't so angry at the fact. She wasn't angry that you were dating Taehyung, she was angry you broke your dad's promise that you'll never have any kind of relationship with the Kim's. She was your mother, after all, she knew almost all your secrets. She was a decent person, unlike your dad who only cared about the money. He wasn't a bad man, no, he just cared a lot for the money. "Ugh, I don't want to go home at all."

"What are you planning to do?"

"Nothing. Can you come over and stay the night please?" You asked, hoping he would say yes.

"Yes. I will." He said after a couple of seconds.

"Thank you so much Jimin. You're the best. I'm sorry for pulling you in this mess though." You apologized. You really felt bad for the guy. Jimin's heart was made of gold. He was beautiful inside and out. His blonde locks were wet from the rain. He looked ethereal as you watched from the passenger seat. Gratefully.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He asked, punching my knee playfully.

I laughed at his gesture, "Nothing, you're just cute and I'm so grateful for you."

"Same, y/n. I may be the one always getting you out of trouble but you are the biggest strength in my life. Trust me." His kind words making you more emotional than you already were.

"Same, Chim."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked you. Eyes still on the road. "You're not completely here."

"I'm thinking about Taehyung. I can't get him out of my mind. I'm afraid that something bad will happen to him, you know my father." You said, playing with the bracelet that Taehyung gave you on your 18th birthday.

"Yes but I also know your mother who wouldn't let your father hurt any of you. Besides, your father isn't that bad, I love that man."

"Jimin you know how bad this situation is. He was really mad."

"Hey, all you gotta do is be careful. I told you, everything's gonna be alright. Taehyung told you too."

"I know." Was the last thing you said before drifting off to sleep. You were tired and your body was weak. Your heart was broken but you couldn't let the little piece of hope go away, not when you had Taehyung by your side. You dreamed about the summer, the summer you met him. You dreamed about the sea hitting the horizon, you dreamed about freedom. He was freedom. The only source of happiness in your life was about to be taken away from you and you couldn't do anything. You were crushed. Words weren't enough, you needed him.

Jimin looked at your small figure, head against the window, hands between your legs. Taehyung's jacket was around. He smiled to himself. He knew that you didn't deserve any of this. You were a young girl full of life and adventures. Your heart was wild yet so fragile. You loved once in your life, and life took advantage of it. He was aware of the fact that your love was bigger than this world. He trusted Taehyung with his heart. One day he would have to let you go because that was where you belonged. You belonged with Taehyung. He was home.

"Wake up, y/n. We're here." Jimin carefully touched your shoulder. You immediately opened your tired eyes.

You nodded. "Is it still raining?"

"No. C'mon."

You opened the door and stepped outside. The cold air hit you and you wrapped Taehyung's jacked around you tightly. Your red converse were still soaked from the rain. I fastened my pace with Jimin following behind. Your front yard was very big, so it took some time to get to the front door. Before you could reach the handle, your mom opened the door. You stood there with wet hair and clothes, tears rolling down your cheeks once again. Jimin giving her a soft smile from behind you.

"Oh, honey. I was so worried about you." Your mom gave you a warm and long hug. Her scent calming your nerves.

"Jimin, thank you for bringing her home."

"It's nothing, really," Jimin said, still standing outside.

"Actually mom, Jimin will stay the night."

"Okay, honey." She said, turning around for a second, staring at the living room then back at you. "By the way, you might wanna give that jacket to Jimin because I don't know how your father will react if-"

"Mom. It's okay." You said taking off Taehyung's jacket and handing it to Jimin.

"Look who decided to come home." A voice appeared from behind your mom.

It was your dad

You flinched and closed your eyes. Your mom took a step aside, revealing your shaking body to him.

"Dad...Not now."

"What not now? y/n are you aware of what you did?" He asked, taking a step forward.

"We're over." You said quietly. He just stood there with his arms crossed. Now you were the one who took a step forward. "Dad, Taehyung and me, it was nothing serious. I told him to back off and everything's over now. You can trust me."

"How can I trust you when you broke the promise?"

"I'll prove it. Hire a bodyguard again for me." The words were leaving your mouth so fast, you couldn't process what were you saying. All you knew is that you had to convince him.

He sighed. "y/n, I don't want a bodyguard following you around. I want when you leave this house, to know that you're safe and that I can trust you." He was now standing in front of you, his hands brushing your sides.

"Okay. I want that too. I'm sorry again." you gave him a weak smile and turned towards Jimin, who was standing next to the stairs.

"Just to let you know, if I see that boy near you again," He pointed his finger at you. "Things will be more difficult than now. Now goodnight to both of you." He said and walked past the three of you, climbing up the stairs.

You let out a long sigh, looking down.

"Let's go to your room." Your mom said.

The first thing you did when you entered the room was flopping down on your bed.

"I need to take a shower. Jimin you can go after me-"

"No. Let's sit here for a couple of minutes. I haven't talked to you guys for a long time." Your mom laughed, sitting down next to you. Jimin sat at the end of the bed. You turned around and rested your head on your soft pillow, facing them both.

"How serious was it, y/n?" Your mom asked you.

"We were pretty serious, mom. I don't know how I'll handle this..."

She sighed. The frown on her face was a sign of disappointment. "You're strong, baby. I'm sorry you had to go through this." She took a deep breath. "How long has this been going on?"

You looked at Jimin who sat still, his expression full of sadness. "Seven months."

She nodded, slowly.

"They were pretty cute, though." Jimin cracked a joke. It lightened up the mood. You expected a frown from your mom but instead, she giggled.

"I can imagine. I've never seen the boy. Do you have a picture?" she asked. You felt as your wounds were being completely opened. You nodded, reaching for your phone from under the sheets. You scrolled through your gallery and found a picture of him driving, looking at the camera. You smiled and turned your phone so she can see the photo. She took a look closer and smiled. "He's so handsome, y/n. Do you have a picture of the two of you?"

Your smile disappeared from your face but you tried to find one. You found a picture of you sitting in his lap in your booth. Namjoon took that picture.

"Oh...Who took this picture?"

"Namjoon. His older brother." You said, locking your phone.

"Who knew about you two?"

"Only me and his brother," Jimin said.

Your mom just nodded.

"Okay...I guess it's time to give you his stuff, Jimin." You stood up.

"You have his stuff here?" Your mom stood up after you.

"Yeah." You didn't want to turn back to see her expression. You've had enough.

You opened your wardrobe and got the bag you kept all his shirts and little gifts, including the lace underwear. Deciding to keep it, you got it out and threw it inside, closing it afterward.

You put the bag on your bed and reached over Jimin's backpack. They watched as you shoved clothes into it, wiping your tears away now and then.

Then it was time to give him the bracelet. You didn't want to. It meant the world to you. That bracelet was your innocence. You brushed your finger through it and smiled.

"Keep that." Your mom said. "I really don't want to take that part from your life away from you."

You smiled, dropping your hands to your sides. "I'd like to shower now."

"Sure. I'll leave you guys alone. It's 3 in the morning, I'm going to bed." She kissed your head. "Goodnight kids." She said and closed the door quietly.

You instantly broke down.

"Hey, hey. Are you okay?"

"How can I be okay, Jimin? I want to see my boyfriend. I want my boyfriend." You cried in his chest.

"You'll have him."

"No! I want him now. I want him every minute of my life. I need him, Jimin." His hands were holding you close to him.

"Go shower, please."

You nodded.

The water falling down your body felt amazing. It felt like you were born again. You stepped out, the cold floor meeting your toes made you flinch. Before you wrapped your towel around you, you stared at your body in the mirror. He knew every single inch of your body. He has touched every inch of your body.

Wrapping the towel around you, you opened the door only to see Jimin playing Overwatch on your laptop.

"Seriously?" This boy never failed to make you laugh.

"What? I'm better than you in this." He looked at you then at the screen.

"Yeah, yeah whateverrr." You said. "Go and take a shower."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Jimin, I'm not letting you sleep in my bed if you don't take a shower." You looked at him through the mirror reflection.

"Okay, okay."

"I'll let you sleep in Taehyung's clothes."

"I really, really don't want that dude breaking my jaw."

"Jimin, go!"

"Fine!"

You watched as he closed the door behind him. You took that time to put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Grabbing your phone from the table you walked to your bed, getting under the sheets. Just when you unlocked your phone, a message from Taehyung popped up. His name in your contacts was Chim2 now.

Chim2: Are you home safe?

You: Yes. You?

Chim2: Yes baby,

You smiled. Him calling you baby was your favorite thing ever. You felt pain in your chest that he wasn't here at the moment.

You: I miss you so fucking much

Chim2: I miss you too

Chim2: Is everything okay with your parents?

You were doing better but the thought about your dad ruined your mood.

You: Yeah. My mom was actually curious about our relationship. She said you were handsome 😂

You: But I can't let her know that we're not broken up.

Chim2: Yeah. We don't want any problems.

"y/n, where is- Why the fuck are you smiling at your phone?" Jimin asked, his head peeking through the door.

"I'm texting Taehyung." You mouthed his name, carefully.

"Oh, sorry. I'll find my backpack myself." He said, revealing his half-naked body, you bit your lip.

"Oh my God, Jimin, I sometimes want to fuck you so bad." You joked.

"Shut the fuck up before your boyfriend kills us both." He faked a laugh, unzipping the zipper of his backpack.

You: Yeah. Okay, I and Jimin are heading to bed.

Chim2: Aha alright. Be careful. I love you. Tell Jimin I said hi ;) ❤

You: Goodnight Tae ❤

"Taehyung says hi."

"Oh, I'm dead."

"No, you're not. Come over here. I wanna cuddle with my best friend." You opened your arms for him. He turned off the lights and dropped the bag on the floor. He jumped on the bed next to you, covering himself with the sheets. You turned to your side and placed your hand under your cheek. Him doing the same.

"I'm so not used to being in the same bed with you anymore." You said.

"Why?" Jimin laughed, putting his phone on the table next to the bed.

"Because I always sleep with Taehyung."

"Oh, right." he stopped for a moment, looking at the ceiling. "Hey, how many times have you two had sex?"

"In one night or?" You asked.

"You are not fucking serious." He started playfully hitting you.

"A lot."

"That dude must've ravished you."

"He did. The sex is so fucking amazing, Jimin ugh."

"Where do you usually fuck?"

"At his apartment. Oh god, I love his apartment. I feel like home there. He used to make me breakfast." you smiled at the thought of him in the kitchen. "Knowing that it won't be the same, makes my heart ache."

"Hey. Let's just sleep okay? We have school tomorrow and it's like...almost 4 am."

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay.Goodnight."

"Jimin?"

"Yes?"

"Can we spoon?"

"Yeah, roll over."

And you did.

That night it didn't stop raining. You fell asleep in your best friend's arms while in a big apartment on the other side of the city was laying Taehyung, alone and broken in the bed you used to sleep in. In the sheets where your bodies rolled around. The sheets that smelled like you, comforted Taehyung.

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caveartfair · 7 years ago

Text

The Female Gallerist Who Discovered Rothko and Reinhardt Had a Little-Known Art Practice

Betty Parsons at her studio, 1969. Courtesy of Alexander Gray Associates.

The list of Betty Parsons’s adventures and accomplishments is immense.

As a gallerist, she gave Jackson Pollock, and myriad other Abstract Expressionists, some of their earliest shows. As a magnetic free spirit, she played tennis with Greta Garbo and danced weekly with Alexander Calder “for the exercise.” She topped her head with berets, took lovers like Josephine Baker, and traveled the world many times over.

Art history has remembered Parsons for all of these traits and triumphs. But the aspect of Parsons’s experience that made her happiest, has been largely ignored: her own art.

“When I’m not at the gallery, my own art is my relaxation,” Parsons said in a 1977 interview published in Art in America. “That’s my greatest joy.”

Installation view of “Betty Parsons: Invisible Presence.” Courtesy of Alexander Gray Associates. © Betty Parsons Foundation.

Parsons’s work is currently the subject of a spellbinding, long-overdue New York retrospective, “Invisible Presence,” on view at Alexander Gray Associates through July 14th. It celebrates her experimental practice with a selection of sculptures and paintings she made between 1922, when she was 22 years old, and 1981. For Parsons, her life as an artist predated her career as gallerist and continued—without pause—until her death in 1982.

“We’re trying to understand Betty Parsons the artist, aside from her role as a great dealer,” explains Alejandro Jassan, associate director at Alexander Gray Associates, of the motivation for the show. “Not many people are aware that she was a painter—and a very prolific and good one at that.”

The gallery began representing Parsons’s estate this May. “Invisible Presence” is its first of hopefully many shows to uncover her vast and inspired output—as well as connect meaningful dots between her personal practice and her role as a bellwether of Modern Art.

Parsons was born Betty Bierne Pierson in 1900 to a wealthy New York family. By age 13, she was already showing signs of rebellion from the role of high-society debutante she was expected to assume. After she visited the notorious 1913 Armory Show—where works by Matisse and Duchamp scandalized American audiences—she resolved to become an artist.

To Parsons, the radical art that she saw captured a “new spirit,” a phrase that doubled as her teenage mantra. In one interview, she recounted catching herself repeating “I am the New Spirit” as she strolled down Fifth Avenue.

Her trip to the Armory Show sparked a period of classes with Gutzon Borglum, the artist best known as Mount Rushmore’s infamous sculptor. But Parsons’s art studies slowed when she married socialite Schuyler Livingston Parsons in 1919. It was an unhappy union, and in 1922, she hightailed it to Paris. There, she divorced her husband and signed up for sculpture classes at Antoine Bourdelle’s Academie de la Grande Chaumière, where she rubbed elbows with the likes of Alberto Giacometti.

Two sculptures in “Invisible Presence” emerged from this fertile time in Parsons’s life: small bronzes depicting a male figure and a small cat. But her style morphed significantly in the years that followed. First, her focus turned to portraits and loose, lively landscape paintings, which gradually shapeshifted into boisterous abstractions. The show gives space to all of these facets of Parsons’s work, and in the process, highlights her unrelenting appetite for experimentation.

Parsons’s life indeed evolved as a chain of adventures into uncharted territories, whether geographic, social, or aesthetic. “I was born with a love of the unfamiliar,” Parsons once said. “When I see something I can’t relate to I’m fascinated.”

This passion for the innovative and unusual emerged in her own work and on the walls of her gallery, which she opened in 1946 on 57th Street in Manhattan. There, she provided the first launchpad for Abstract Expressionism’s “Four Horsemen,” as Parsons christened Pollock, Mark Rothko, Barnett Newman, and Clyfford Still, at a time when few others dared to show their insurgent work.

She was also one of the first American gallerists to represent women, African-American, Latin American, and Asian artists, such as Agnes Martin, Louise Nevelson, Thomas Sills, José Bernal, Roberto Matta, and Kenzo Okada. “In terms of my galleries, I never thought about whether the artist was a male or a female,” she said in a 1977 interview. “I always thought: ‘Are they good or not good?’”

But Parsons never brought her own work into her gallery’s fold, despite encouragement from the artists she represented. When Ad Reinhardt prodded her to show at the gallery, she retorted with typical self-deprecating humor: “I don’t want to show in the gallery. There’s enough Betty Parsons going on with all of you.”

Reinhardt replied insistently: “You go away; take a trip and I’ll show your work and sell it. You’re much better than most of the artists you’ve got.”

The paintings Parsons made during her years as a gallerist make up the bulk of “Invisible Presence.” They host constellations, organic shapes, and bursts of bright lines, which occasionally suggest forms, places, and concepts. In Journey (1975), passages of hyper-saturated pink and blue push through a field of burnt orange, like a sparkling oasis discovered at the end of a long pilgrimage or the emergence of bliss after a long period of melancholy. Flame (1967) is similarly joyous. Its undulating concentric rings, which resemble the folds of a vagina or energy fields, seem to vibrate with an unseen force.

Together, the group of late canvases evidence Parsons’s passionate investigation into how abstract forms can harness emotion, from quaking sexual urges to long-awaited serenity.

Installation view of “Betty Parsons: Invisible Presence.” Courtesy of Alexander Gray Associates. © Betty Parsons Foundation.

In the mid-1970s, Parsons also returned to making sculpture, her first medium. Gathering flotsam and jetsam on the beach adjacent to her Long Island studio, where she spent nearly every weekend from 1959 on, became a ritual. She’d assemble these spoils into small sculptures resembling ritualistic objects, masks, and miniature homes.

These works are more than Parsons’s swan song (she made them until her death in 1982). They are also her most innovative and intimate work. In them, she combines objects culled from the Long Island landscape that not only became her refuge from the frenetic, itinerant life of a prominent gallerist, but also the quiet sanctuary where she did what she liked to do best: make art.

“I’d rather paint than breathe,” Parsons once said. “I don’t care if anybody sees what I do.…Painting is part of me.”

Arguably, Parsons’s work is the most important part of her. And, with “Invisible Presence,” it looks like the art world is finally on the path to recognizing that—and etching Parson’s life as an artist indelibly into her legacy.

—Alexxa Gotthardt

from Artsy News

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