#* john davenport : self para.

[seattlites]

self para.

flight 4542 from seattle to new york.

it was a 5 hour flight, the journey from london to seattle had been longer and yet, john felt more anxious this time than anything ever before. when he crossed to ocean months ago, he had a goal, a plan — get nancy back, save his marriage, be there for his daughters. all had crumbled like a castle of cards and he could have never predicted what the future would hold for him. he sat uncomfortably on his seat, figuring out what he would do. usually he would get some work done, or sleep, but he could none. he was too impatient, too restless to do anything. all he could think about was his son, the baby boy that he was on his way to meet for the first time. he had seen pictures on savannah’s phone but john wondered if he had changed. if he could already smile, how much he had grown, if he would feel at ease in his arms. the thoughts in his mind never stopped running, all the possible scenarios for the meeting going thousand miles a hour in his head. john had never felt like this before and it was a terrifying feeling. he was a father already, been through the experience of a new baby twice before and yet... this time felt different.

upper east side, new york city.

waiting for the firm’s car to pick him up felt like an eternity so john took one of the many yellow cabs outside of jfk. he had no time to waste. he was sure savannah would warn her mother he was coming,had  not even given him her address. however, john knew the right people and whenever he needed something or someone found, it would be done in seconds. savannah’s mother was no different. he rang the brownstone’s bell, shifting his weight from one leg to another while waiting. it felt like he was waiting for years when she opened the door. by the look on her face, it was clear she had been warned. he was just thankful she hadn’t run away. he walked in, absorbing everything, even seeing pictures of a young savannah he had never met. he made his case, just like he was fighting on court and whether she had decided to let him see oliver or not, his words probably made an impact because she nodded and asked him to follow her. 

the room was all white and blue, perfectly staged with toys and light tones. by the corner, there was a crib and he held his breath as he walked in. his heart was pounding, his hands shaking beside his body but all stopped the second he saw him. a perfect baby boy, peacefully asleep, unaware of the craziness of the world. his vision blurred as a couple of tears ran down his cheeks. the second he rested his hands on the crib’s edges, oliver opened his big brown eyes and john felt at peace. his heart slowed down, his hands got steady and he smiled at his son who smiled back. despite all the mess that had become his life, none of it mattered. the two of them could get through anything. gently, john took the baby out of sheets. ��hello oliver.” he held him on his arms, carefully support his head on his arm. “hi. it’s me, your daddy. i know i’m a little late but i’m here now. you’re safe now.” he kissed the top of his head, a smile on his lips as oliver fell asleep again. so innocent, so perfect. better than any scenario his head could cook up on the five hours it took him to get to him. “everything will be okay. we’re going home now.”

———————————

to make the change as smoothly as possible, john stayed in new york for the whole week. he had told nancy he had to go to new york in business, left all his cases with jason and gabriela. the only person beside savannah who knew what he was actually doing was jason. he just needed time to get everything sorted. savannah’s mother didn’t put up a fight, possibly warned by her daughter that it would be impossible to stop john davenport. so they settled a schedule for john to spend more and more time with oliver as the days passed. sure he was only a four month old baby but it had been a long time since john had taken care of a baby. he had been present with mabel, every single step of the way, but with aubrey... he leaned more on nancy. he would help during the nights, or taken care of mabel while nancy had aubrey but looking back, he had left them alone for most of the time. oliver? oliver was his responsibility. he wanted savannah to be part of his life but he also didn’t want to force her into motherhood. so he had to do it alone until she was ready and while it was hard for him to accept it, he didn’t really had any other choice. when the day came to go return to seattle, john and oliver were already settled into a routine, just the two of them. and it felt great, meant to be.

getting back in seattle, he had a whole lot more to take care of. a babysitter, setting the house and a new room for oliver. introducing him to mabel and aubrey. going to savannah. asking jason to be his godfather. talking to nancy because having a baby now would change things for them, with the girls’ schedules and probably their custody battles too. working from home until he could trust someone with oliver full time. a whole shit ton of things to do that he had never given his (ex-)wife credit for. fatherhood was about to get ten times harder than before but john was ready.

[sgmwesters]

━━ ✦ LARISSA SOUSA: SELF PARA                 AN OVERDUE ADIOS: “NOT GOODBYE FOREVER”

Ever since her conversation with her aunt, Larissa had been toying with the idea of heading back to the east coast. She and her father hadn’t had the best relationship since her mother had passed away, but with everything that was going on with her at the moment it seemed as though he didn’t want to lose his daughter in the same way that he’d lost his wife years prior. Her aunt seemed optimistic too, that they’d all get along and stick together to get Larissa to a position of health where she might not feel so restricted again. 

She’d said her goodbyes at the hospital, most of them at least. John Davenport seemed almost thrilled for her to be leaving, on the assumption that he’d no longer have to be the medical proxy for a nurse that he didn’t even know. It made sense, even if forcing him to pull the plug on her would have given her some semblance of satisfaction in the after life. She thanked him though, for his help and advice, and assured him that he wouldn’t be contacted by her again. Not soon, at least.

The hardest goodbyes had come after that. Teddy, and Andrea. The cardio chicks. They’d brought her back from the brink, literally. She’d put Teddy through so much, especially after losing Henry, and she’d never be able to apologise enough for that. She supposed that by moving back to the east coast she’d ease her friend’s mind, keep Altman from worrying too much and finally get out of her hair. And Andrea had become the mediator between them both as things had become more heated, but she knew it had all been out of love. As a final act of kindness for them both, she’d ordered a couple of t-shirts with the words ‘cardio chicks’ written on, just as the final inside joke for them all. She had one for herself too, more to prompt fond memories of the times they’d worked together, and not of the problems she’d caused in the end. 

Her goodbye to Sam had been the hardest. She was a sister to her, the closest thing she’d ever had, but she knew her heart was going to be distracting to her residency, or so was Larissa’s outlook on life. Being back home meant she’d be close to Sam’s family too, the pseudo family who’d taken her under their wings while she’d been studying, and honestly? She was excited to be near them again. Sam was going to thrive, and she couldn’t wait to see to the surgeon that she was set to become - just from a distance this time. 

Was she going to be a nurse again? That she wasn’t sure. But she was going to get better, or at least make the effort to try. Even if it didn’t last as long as everyone might hope, she’d make sure she gave it her best shot.

This was going to be a good thing.

This was not goodbye forever. This was an au revoir - goodbye until we meet again.