#* . ⊹ 𝕃.ℝ. › hope 001

[hellishmuse]

001. laurie & hope @tribridcrsed

Since waking up nearly two years ago, life had been a whirlwind for the vampire who now stood inside an empty bar with a glass in his hand. Falling in love a second time had never been on his bingo card, and letting her slip through his fingers after a devastating incident certainly wasn't either. With the glass in his hand, he flipped through a folder of records with the other. All the places they'd been, the people they'd killed. He should have stopped keeping track months ago, but he couldn't. There had to be someone keeping tabs, someone checking in on them. Things were already well past alright, but keeping tabs was all he was capable of by this point.

He'd tried, god had he tried, to reel her back in from the beginning. He'd tried to be there for her when her family died, tried to be supportive when she turned her humanity off. For months he tried and tried, doing everything he could think of to bring her back down to earth. Despite her killing his one friend, he couldn't not try.

Even as his thoughts told him maybe it was time to give up, he just white-knuckled the glass of bourbon and closed the case files, dragging his hand through his hair before downing the rest of the glass. This nightmare had gone on for far too long. He'd thought by now, after a year that she'd find her way home, find a way to turn her humanity back on. But still, he stood alone, hope dwindling. Turning off his own humanity certainly would have solved the problem a lot sooner, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd been lost in that world for far longer than Hope, and he could still remember the guilt that came with turning it back on. He couldn't go through it again, but he could stand by and wait for her, wait to help her through it. Because despite her absence, everything he did was still for her.

He lifted his head, eyes finding hers immediately, barely recognizing them. They felt so different. Cold. He cleared his throat, looked away. "Missed stealing your old friend's liquor, huh?"

[hellonexrth]

He met her eyes and couldn't look away as she spoke. It felt like a flashback like he'd been thrown back in time and was looking in a mirror. He could remember all too clearly what it felt like to lose Elspeth, to watch her die when it should have been him. To then have to live hundreds of years with that guilt, the guilt of failing her, the guilt of surviving. It had weighed so heavily on him that he hadn't been able to feel it at all. Even a scrap of humanity had him breaking down. He'd decided life was no longer meant for him, and he'd thrown himself into as many dangerous situations as he could, thinking that if he kept killing and killing and killing, then maybe someone would finally put an end to him, that finally someone would put him out of his misery. Because that's all it was, really, a cry for help.

But it was impossible to realize at the time with that switch rusted in the off position, he never would have been able to put the pieces together on his own, never would have been able to realize why he did what he did. And it was because he hated himself. He wanted to be dead and that wasn't possible so he killed as many people across the country, across the globe, as he could. And it still didn't make a difference. It only made him worse and worse until turning the switch back on felt impossible.

And then he'd met her. And she'd seen him, she'd seen through the facade and saw something worth liking. And so did he. He saw through her just as much as he did the first day they'd met. He knew her down to her bones, knew what she was going through even if she wanted to pretend he didn't. Because he knew that move too, hell, he'd fucking invented it. If I pretend no one knows what I'm going through, they won't be able to connect the dots, they won't be able to put the pieces together.

At her last words he simply shook his head, his eyes never leaving her for a second. He reached out, taking her face with gentle hands, rubbing thumbs over cheekbones. "You being dead changes nothing, Hope," he said, his voice soft and kind despite her vicious words spat in his face. "Do not look away from me, do you understand? You are not some cosmic mistake, you are meant to be here, with me." He held her face firmly so she couldn't move away with ease. "I know what it is like to be alive when you shouldn't be, to feel guilt for continuing on when the people you love are taken away. But if you died, Hope, then their sacrifice would be for nothing. And if you can get any thoughts through that thick skull of yours, let it be this. Do not let their sacrifice mean nothing. Take this last gift they gave you, whether you believe to deserve it or not, and keep fucking going."

THE SLAM OF HER BACK against the wall felt like relief, making him angry was exactly what she'd been after. " look, i know it's damn near impossible for ANYTHING to sink under the layer of gel on your head. " her own hand had reached for his neck and it she who'd slammed him against the bar wall, twice as hard as he'd pushed her. ( how this rotting bar still stood was beyond her, this wasn't the first time either of them had done such a thing, granted other circumstances had been involved then ) " but a year really should have been ENOUGH time to get used to it, i'm not coming back. " what for? so she'd burdened by the knowledge that the people she loved had pushed every barrier to save her life, when she hadn't wanted to be here in the first place? that had to be the greatest irony of it all, the tribrid had been exhausted, when life worked as hard as it did to get rid of you ⸺ it was only a matter of time until you started to believe that not being around was the solution. so they hadn't allowed inadu to take her, something else was sure to rear it's ugly head soon and at least this way the prospect of missed DESTRUCTION, kept her fighting, because she had nothing left otherwise. her armor was mostly intact despite the small cracks, that he managed to put into it any time they had moments like these. and it was in that moment that she tore her gaze away from his, despite the violent nature of their current closeness, hope felt her heart race. and were she not hiding everything behind countless layers of rage, perhaps he would have gotten what he wanted. " so either, make peace with it or find a way to put me in the GROUND. " her nose grazed his as she spoke, distant blue eyes burned into his dark gaze, as she dropped the hand that had gripped his neck so tight. "how's that for a sick ' little fantasy ' lawrence. "

[hellonexrth]

If it had been real, he wouldn't have been able to control himself. He would have allowed Hope to tear open his chest and crawl inside for warmth if this were really his Hope. But it wasn't. This was a shell of the girl that he loved, all the cruel, destructive parts of her. And he loved those too, but he would not let her have the satisfaction of control. Not over him. Not after everything that they'd been through together.

So he let her go about her ministrations, but he did not react. He stood still under her touch and felt nothing in response. Thankfully his brain could tell the difference between her manipulations and her true touches. These only felt cold and distant and fake. They didn't endear him to her any further, only pushed him further away. Made him feel cast aside more than anything else, forgotten in search of reckless abandon.

She kissed him and he remained still until she pulled away. In one quick movement, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her against the wall, holding her there as he leaned forward to whisper into her ear. "You know better than anyone that there's no act. It's all pressure until you break or find balance, and I found the balance, Hope." He pulled away to meet her uncaring eyes. "You can play your games and throw darts into people's eyes, but I see you under all those callous layers, and I'll be here when you find your way back to the surface. But I will not be so easily manipulated for your sick little fantasy, witch."

HE WAS RELENTLESS AND while that had been a quality that she'd valued once upon a yesteryear, now in this vary moment? it proved to be nothing more than an inconvenience in the twisted game she had cooked up in her head. because she remembered, every single part of their ' whirlwind ' romance , from the moment they met and all the nights spent getting lost in each other, to the days where he'd been the ONE thing that kept her standing, it was all there engraved in her head the only difference? she felt NOTHING about it. as if the memories belonged to somebody else, she had been different then, naive... ' good ' and far easier to break. the girl she was would never be again. too much had happened and too many feelings had gone forgotten for that to change. still that initial shock that had been sent through her when their hands touch, it made room for something else, an ' itch ' by all means one that she hadn't scratched from the moment she'd left him behind and maybe she could play her way into getting it. propping herself up from the chair she'd been sitting on the tribrid, closed the space between them, a hand trailed up the vampire's chest only to stop in the middle of it as she pushed him towards the wall. her face inched closer to his, but she hadn't kissed him no, instead she let her lips graze his. " do you really not want to play? " she challenged with a twinkling smirk. " come on lawrence, toe the line with me ⸺ let the hero act go, it's not REAL anyway, remember? i know YOU. " a hiss slipped her lips before she closed the distance between them with an alluring kiss, and then she pulled back.. taunting him brought her little satisfaction but it was either that or giving in to what he WANTED and that, she knew she wouldn't do. " then again, maybe it is true... you've lost your edge, pity, and here i find myself with a voracious appreciation for DERRANGED. "

[hellonexrth]

Meeting her empty eyes hurt more than her year-long absence. He wanted to look away, wished that he could just ignore her, pretend she'd meant nothing to him in the first place, and hide in the shadows stitching up his heart. But shoving her away completely? He loved her. That didn't stop just because she'd turned off her humanity and turned into a killing machine. He didn't think badly of her. He couldn't. His kill list was so long that he'd likely killed the population of multiple small towns in his hundreds of years. It'd been one year. He'd had his humanity off for two hundred. She would find a way back with or without his help, and he would be there when the overwhelming guilt eventually reared its ugly head.

He licked his lips and then pressed them into a tight line. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of his stress. But then their hands touched and the shock sent him reeling. He swallowed thickly and forced a slight smirk onto his lips, shaking her head at his question. "He's doing fine," he said, through gritted teeth. "No thanks to you." That whole situation, for lack of a better word, had been a headache, but he'd managed to help the already-annoying-as-a-human vampire through his transition without too many hiccups.

"His mother, on the other hand, has seen better days. I'm not sure she'll ever forgive you." He cleared his throat, not wanting to spend too long dwelling on the details that didn't matter to her. Guilt didn't reach her, he knew. But what about memories, what about love? Those things, the reminder of what they'd been, maybe he could bring the old Hope to the surface. He leaned over the bar on his elbows, lowering his head so they were only a few inches away. "I watched The Sound of Music this past weekend. Not nearly as fun without you mouthing the lines next to me," he said with a smile, then hummed the tune to one of the songs he remembered from when they'd first watched it together. "Shame we never got to take that vacation, maybe in a few years when you're not feeling so you know," he lowered his voice, "murderous."

DROPPING HER BAG THE tribrid's line of sight shifted to anything but his dark gaze, the last thing she WANTED was to see all that ' concern ' and ' love ' reflected in them. the desire to do nothing but be wrapped up in him was a feeling she'd buried underneath of layers of anger, bitterness and spite ⸺ most of it aimed at herself, because while DESTRUCTION was the result of what little she could ' feel ' the ultimate goal was self-implosion. every life she'd taken, every wrong choice she'd made since she'd turned it all off were in a way a TWISTED punishment, because she was still alive, despite life's best attempt and all it had cost was her FAMILY. which begged the ultimate question of why should she be allowed to continue breathing if they weren't? why was she burdened with their absence and their wishes that she live a ' happy life ' ⸺ she didn't want that, she didn't deserve that and it had been those exact voices inside of her head that drove to do the one thing everyone feared from the moment she was born. she'd broken every single expectation set out for her without remorse, her hero act had finally taken a back seat and it felt so good to not be weighed down by the need of CARE, because that had been exactly what killed her family. " rolling her eyes, her line of sight fell to the glass that was offered, the sight of the vampire's hand made her doubt for a moment but if she was to have another mind numbing conversation, alcohol would be the ONE way she'd get through it. so she'd reach for it, her hand closing over his as she attempted to pull the filled glass towards herself. but her body did spark, despite her best efforts if there was anyone who knew how to still dig under all of the walls and layers she built it was HIM. the man who despite her lack of acknowledgement now, she did love ⸺ he was HOME and that was enough to make her pull her hand back, sans drink. clearing her throat, she shook her head. " why returning the FAVOR of course, or is stalking and buzz killing only appropriate when it's you doing it? " her tone dripped with sarcasm, the pout that had been present on her lips was even more defined now. " plus, i have a prodigy to check up on , how's darling theodore? adjusting well? "

[hellishmuse]

Seeing her again always hurt something deep in his soul. It brought up old memories, reminded him of being curled up with her on the couch, and reminded him of their I love yous that felt so recent and yet like they'd occurred in another lifetime entirely. They'd been different people then, both of them. Her: attached to reality and him: clinging to her like he would fade away otherwise.

Despite the cold distant gaze she leveled at him, he could not look at her and see anyone else but the woman that he loved. And it pained him, squeezed his chest tight in a way he didn't want to think about, to look at her and feel everything he knew she didn't. And yes, it would have been so much easier to cave, to turn over his own soul for the bloodlust that haunted every waking moment. But where would that get him? Where would it get them? If he indulged her, there would be no turning back.

To save her, he needed to keep his own head above water. And while, yes, of course, it was about saving her, somewhere along the way it became about saving himself too. In losing her, he found himself somewhere along the way. He figured out how to control himself, how to remain stable, even in her absence, in the absence of love and friendship, and everything that kept him grounded.

But looking at her over the bar, god did it stir up those feelings again. It always did. Every time he'd found her out on the road, even if they didn't speak, even if it was just from a distance, his heart clenched, the bloodlust groaned. It would have been so easy to look away. Not just then, but always. And maybe he should have, maybe it would have been better for his sanity if he'd just moved on. But as simple as it seemed, in reality, it was impossible. There was no thought on the matter, in fact, it had never even crossed his mind to give up on her. Giving up on her would be giving up on himself, and he needed the stability more than anything else these days.

So he let his eyes bore into hers, soft, gentle, caring. I love you, they said. He looked at her the same way he did before everything. Like it was still a year prior and they were curled up on the couch watching musicals and not watching them.

He refilled his own glass and poured one for her as well, offering it out without releasing his hand. No, he wanted her to touch him. Wanted her to feel the sensation of his skin on hers, even for a moment. Wanted that shock to go through her fingertips. Another small moment, another offering. I'm still here and I still love you. Feel something. I dare you.

Offering a small smile, he said, "Ah, well. Ripping heads off gets old, in my opinion." The desire to reach out and touch her was so loud. His free hand balled into a fist at his side, out of her view. "Why are you really here, Hope?"

FINDING HERSELF IN NEW ORLEANS, had happened by mere coincidence ⸺ the rumors of a city that was up in constant flames, seemed the perfect backdrop for her new found love of DESTRUCTION. “ she’d left her mark in every place she’d visited, the hundreds of lives she’d claim were not enough, because with every kill came a thrill, one that she no longer fought but instead embraced. a woman on a power trip, hope mikaelson had finally decided to live up to the FEAR and PANIC her birth has warranted twenty eight years ago by becoming something much worse than anyone’s worst nightmares could have told them.

but even mass slaughter could become routine and the curiosity for her old stomping grounds did linger in the back of her mind. so what was a small stop, to say hello? she’d pulled the bar door open without thinking through it twice, propping herself on one of the bar stools ⸺ with an icy blue stare and a smirk on her features as she waited to be noticed by the ONE piece of her ‘ new ‘ puzzle that had been missing.

the failure in not being able to drag the vampire down with her, was one she could forget about most days, because’ missing him ‘ would require emotions and it had already been established that they were useless. no it was more so an unscratched itch that felt more like a minor inconvenience, where as before being apart of him would have devastated her. “ rumor has it that nostalgia’s a bitch ⸺ figured i’d test the theory. “ a pout formed on her lips. “ i’m bored. “