#* [ queue. ] drifting down the river styx.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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@trashcanknight
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"... It is rare that I run afoul a Knight of Beauty." he can't help but frown lightly, murmuring something incoherent under his breath before smiling and offering a hand to the knight. "Aryin Ashland. Galaxy Ranger, if that matters to you, sir."
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dotshiiki · 7 years ago
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CoL, chpt 2
Okay, so I meant to post this yesterday but it took longer than I expected to get the content page and first chapter up and of course this HAS to be the week where I also have to pack for an upcoming trip and rehearse a presentation for said trip AND three meetings ... But I’ve got my CoL files on my USB stick now so I’ll duck in at lunch time and post another chapter then so I can get up to three today! Thanks to all of you who have checked this out! And feel free to send me an ask any time, I love hearing from readers! :)
II: NICO
Nico was used to the Underworld.
The first time he had entered it had been from the Labyrinth, while running from Camp Half-Blood after his sister Bianca had died. The dark caverns and twisting tunnels had seemed scary to him at the time, but he'd since grown accustomed to navigating his way around them. He knew what paths to take—and more importantly, which to avoid. Even as the son of Hades, there were places in the Underworld where he wasn't meant to go. He'd learned that the hard way.
Over time, he'd also learned of the various entrances from the mortal world: Charon's passage in Los Angeles, Orpheus's door in New York's Central Park, the roving Doors of Death that Thanatos used as his personal gateway. Nico didn't need any of them now, though. Shadow travel was convenient that way. He simply melted into darkness and was transported like a speeding bullet through cold, empty space until he popped out at his destination.
Just one of the perks of being a child of the Underworld.
The only problem was, hitting a precise location in the Underworld was always a tricky business. Although Nico could manage a shadow-jump into the Underworld from anywhere in the upper world, he couldn't always pinpoint where he'd end up when he arrived.
This time, he found himself on the banks of the River Styx. He could hear the deep baritone of Charon the ferryman drifting along upriver, humming that god-awful easy listening music he favoured. The barge was approaching, probably with a full load of newly-dead souls. Nico could feel their presence closing in, clamouring for attention. The recently-deceased tended to be like that: terrified and hungry for reassurance, still clinging to the identities they had held in life. If he listened hard, Nico could sense each one of them—the octogenarian who had passed away in his sleep, the car crash victim whose life support had been turned off, the teenager who had ingested a full bottle of Valium, and many others.
Percy wasn't among them—yet, Nico reminded himself. He turned away from the river and made his way up the shore of black sand, climbing the familiar winding path to the gates of Erebus. The checkpoints were running smoothly today, with the regular lanes moving along almost as quickly as the EZ Death line that went straight to Asphodel. Cerberus gave Nico a hopeful look when he passed through, but Nico shook his head at the enormous, three-headed Rottweiler.
'Not today, old friend,' he said. 'I'm in a hurry.'
He sped up through the Fields of Asphodel, which was easy since the vacuous, chittering spirits there parted before him as always. He usually took the path straight to his father's palace on the south-eastern edge, but this time he turned off towards the left, cutting a trail between the Fields of Punishment and the gated community of Elysium.
The first time he'd ever visited the River Lethe, he'd trudged all the way through the Fields of Punishment to where it was a rushing river gorge cutting through the upper rim of his father's kingdom. Fortunately, he knew enough of the Underworld geography now that he could take a more direct route to where the Lethe snaked down past the Cave of Hypnos to flow more sluggishly across the outskirts of Elysium. It would probably have been a nicer stroll through Elysium to get here, but Nico didn't have time to submit to the stringent security checks at the gates. Even the son of Hades was subject to a thorough frisking at the gates of the most secure community in the Underworld.
Near the river's source in the volcanic mountains, the Lethe was a cascade of violent black water bubbling up from Tartarus, but here on the lower marshes, its colour lightened considerably to a dull grey. Outside the eastern gate of Elysium, a group of souls formed a line along the river to get their drink before reincarnation. One by one they knelt on the river bank and plunged their heads into the lazy river. When they emerged, their ghostly faces looked perfectly serene. The cleansed spirits flickered in the dim light of the Underworld caverns and then disappeared, presumably sent to be reborn into their new mortal lives.
Nico picked a spot a short way upriver from the queueing souls. He approached the banks and then he realised the snag in his plan. He had no jug or goblet or canister with him. In his haste to get here, he had completely forgotten about how he was going to transport the stuff back to the mortal world.
He let out a groan. It seemed he would have to visit his father's palace after all. Did his father even have containers in his palace? Nico wasn't sure. For obvious reasons, he never actually ate or drank anything when he visited.
Nico was about to turn and follow the path back to the palace when a voice hailed him.
'Di Angelo!'
He spun around. A girl with short, spiky black hair and a glowing silver bow slung over her back was walking up to him. There was a delicate silver circlet on her head that clashed badly with the rest of her outfit: a leather jacket adorned with rock band buttons, frayed black jeans, heavy boots, and a black t-shirt with the outline of a deer in the centre. She looked around his age—fifteen or sixteen—but Nico knew she was in fact much older than that. Thalia, the daughter of Zeus, had been that age when he'd first met her five years ago.
In her hands, she carried a bronze stamnos—a squat, circular Greek jar with two stubby handles high up on its sides. It was about half a foot in diameter and just as tall.
'Needing one of these?' said Thalia.
'What are you doing here?'
Thalia raised an eyebrow. 'Annabeth sent an Iris-message. I came to help.'
Nico scowled. 'I don't need help,' he muttered, even though her appearance with the stamnos was fortuitous. He had nothing specifically against Thalia—he didn't even know her all that well—but she led the Hunters of Artemis. He still found it hard not to hold a grudge against the band of immortal girls who had stolen his sister from him and then gotten her killed.
Yeah, okay, so it had been five years ago. But he was a son of Hades. Bearing grudges was his birthright.
'Aren't you forbidden to help boys, anyway?'
Thalia set the stamnos on the bank. 'Percy's a special case,' she admitted. 'Even Artemis has a soft spot for him. And I can see just how much help you don’t need,' she added dryly. 'I'm sure your bare hands would have been the perfect vessel to bring back some liquid Lethe. Super plan, down to the part where you'd definitely remember where you wanted to bring it.'
Nico ignored her sarcasm. 'How did you get here anyway?'
'You think you're the only one who knows about the door in Central Park? And I've been to the Underworld before, you know. It's not even my first time at the Lethe.'
Nico had almost forgotten that Thalia had been with him and Percy on that quest. They'd fought a Titan several miles upriver from this spot and ended up wiping his memories in the Lethe.
Maybe Thalia was thinking about that, too, because she asked, quietly, 'Are you sure about this, Nico?'
'No,' he admitted. 'But it's the only answer I have.'
'Well, let's get ourselves some Lethe water, then.'
Thalia took one handle of the stamnos and motioned for Nico to take the other. Nico was a bit disgruntled at how bossy she was, but it also reminded him slightly of Bianca. Together, they picked up the stamnos and tilted it to scoop up some river water.
'Just what do the two of you think you're doing?'
Nico and Thalia almost dropped the stamnos. They staggered back from the river bank as the ghostly form of a svelte young woman rose out of the water and hovered inches above its surface.
Nico thought at first she was an Underworld soul, one of the group from Elysium heading for rebirth, but she grew more solid as she surveyed them with her arms crossed. Her skin was milky white, which made her look like a marble statue not unlike the sculptures that sprung up every ten feet along the main avenue of New Rome. Except that the contours of her body remained undefined, as if she hadn't finished forming from smoke. Her black dress rippled like waves were moving across its folds. Dark, misty images flashed across the fabric and were absorbed into the creases. Somehow, Nico knew they were all memories, millions of them submerging into the water.
'You're—'
'The goddess Lethe, of course,' she said, looking put out. 'You're taking my waters and you don't even think to ask?'
'We didn't think—' Thalia stammered. 'I mean, we didn't know you—'
'Everyone forgets about me!' Lethe pouted. 'Just because I'm not as fiery as Phlegethon, or as whiny as Cocytus. Is that why? I'm just as powerful as them! More, even—none of them have the power to cleanse the mind of everything.'
'Um, maybe it's because you're the river of forgetfulness,' Thalia ventured. 'That might be why people—er—forget.'
Lethe nodded. 'I am, aren't I?' She trailed the hazy edge of her dress along the water's surface. When she looked up again, her brow was furrowed. 'What was I saying again?'
'You were giving us some water,' Nico said quickly.
Lethe stared at the stamnos. 'Was I?'
'Sure you were!' Thalia said. 'We're just going to get it and be on our way…'
'I don't know,' said Lethe. 'That's high irregular. In fact, I think drinks have to be consumed in-house. I don't do to-go. At least,' she pondered this for a while, 'I don't think I do?'
'Oh, but it'd be great for business,' Thalia said. 'I mean, all the best restaurants have take-away. How else would you make sure people remember you if they don't get to try your products?'
Lethe tapped her chin. 'It's true, I hardly get up to the mortal world. Acheron totally has a monopoly on those streams…and really, I am more powerful, you know. What's Acheron got? Only pain. That's so overdone. Tell me, what other rivers have the power to erase everything? To cleanse the mind and soul completely? Pain, suffering, despair—bah! I can erase all of that!'
Nico leaned forward eagerly. 'Can you heal the mind, then? I mean, if your waters can take away pain and suffering…'
'Of course! What bit of cleansing the mind don't you understand?'
Nico looked at Thalia. This seemed like confirmation that they had hit on the right solution. All they needed now was to actually get the water.
'Wait.' Lethe looked at Nico suspiciously. 'You've been here before, haven't you? You've tried the Lethe treatment?'
'Um, sort of,' Thalia said. 'We've been here. But you didn't appear to us. And we definitely didn't touch the water.'
'Well, maybe not you,' Lethe said. 'But you.' She looked directly at Nico and frowned. 'Ugh, why can't I remember?' She stamped her foot. Nico and Thalia had to jump back to avoid being splashed. 'Hmph. Well, maybe I can't remember, but I can feel it.' She sniffed at Nico. 'You have my mark. The Curse of Lethe.'
'Nico, what's she talking about?'
'It was…before,' Nico muttered. 'Before the Lotus Casino. My father had Bianca and me dunked in the Lethe after our mom died.'
Thalia looked confused. 'But Bianca…she remembered stuff—'
Lethe interrupted. 'I knew it! Though I suppose if you only got dunked…it's not as effective if you don't actually drink, you know. Oh, the memory loss is powerful, of course, but the mind isn't cleaned out. The memories aren't actually dissolved. They can come back, given the right…well, prodding, I suppose.' Lethe scratched her head. 'Hmm. Why am I telling you this again?'
The conversation was making Nico's head spin a little. 'Never mind why. You were saying—it's different if you drink?'
'Well, yes. Souls have to drink. That's the rule—no drink, no rebirth. Can't have people bringing any part of their old lives with them, after all. Drinking cleanses everything: mind and soul. Memories aren't just in the mind, after all. The most important ones, they live in the soul. And I have the power to absorb that—dissolve the core of someone's identity.'
'Is it all in the water, then?' Thalia asked, looking into the murky depths of the river with interest. 'Is that how you get it back?'
Lethe threw her an irritated glance. 'Haven't you been listening, girl? If you drink, there's no getting them back. My waters flow all the way to Tartarus, and beyond that, into the depths of Chaos. That's where everything that is lost goes, in the end. And good luck retrieving anything from that pit.'
'But if you don't drink—say, you just…took a dip,' Nico pressed.
'Ah, like you did, I suppose? You'll still lose your memories. But like I said…hm, or did I? Anyway, you'd forget everything, but your soul would be intact. You could restore your memories, but it's extremely hard.'
'But not impossible,' Thalia said, looking relieved. 'That's great.'
'Not if he has to drink the water to be cured,' Nico reminded her.
'So…what was it you wanted again? Are you after getting your memory back? There's someone else who does that…starts with an "M"…' Lethe rolled her eyes Olympus-ward and stamped her foot again. 'Ugh, why can't I remember?'
'Mnemosyne?' Thalia supplied.
'Maybe. Why do you ask, anyway?'
This conversation was going round in circles. Nico cut in. 'Look, we just need to fill this jar so we can save a life. That okay with you?'
Lethe shrugged. 'Why didn't you say so in the first place?'
She held out her hands for the stamnos. Thalia looked like she was trying not to roll her eyes as they hefted the jar into Lethe's arms.
The murky grey water turned milky white when Lethe scooped it up. She set the filled stamnos down on the river bank. Thalia produced a lid from her pocket and capped it. Nico plucked a leaf from a random plant and carefully wiped off the stray droplets rolling down the side of the jar.
'Easy peasy,' Lethe said. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to…hm, I've forgotten.'
Nico and Thalia didn't wait for her to continue. Lifting the stamnos between them, they hurried off before Lethe could start questioning them again.
'Thanks for the jar,' Nico said when they reached the main path, which was lined with towering oaks that cast long shadows across the ground. One thing about the Underworld—there was never a shortage of shadows. 'I'm going to shadow travel back, so—'
'Can you take me along?' Thalia asked.
Nico had kind of imagined Thalia would leave the same way she'd come, probably going back to New York or wherever the Hunters were right now. He didn't really know what the rules were with them. He always avoided anything to do with the whole group as much as possible.
But Thalia was Percy's friend, too.
'Hold the jar,' he told her. 'Make sure that lid's really tight.'
He took her arm and they slipped into darkness.
OoOoO
Nico stumbled when he landed himself and Thalia back in the infirmary of Camp Jupiter. The stamnos landed on the ground with a loud thud, but fortunately Thalia's grip on the lid was firm. The liquid Lethe stayed safely inside.
'Huh—what—I'm awake, sir!' Clovis, who must have been snoozing again, leapt out of his chair and smacked his head against the elbow of a tall, broad-shouldered Chinese dude.
In the time Nico had been gone, two more demigods had joined the worried circle around Percy, making the infirmary seem a lot more crowded. Or maybe it was just that one of them was Frank Zhang, the bulky Praetor of the Twelfth Legion, who was big enough for two people.
The other was Nico's sister Hazel, who must have sorted out the shape-shifting demon horse that Annabeth had handed off to them. She and Frank were holding hands—hers was so tiny, it disappeared completely in his grasp.
Thalia went straight to Annabeth and hugged her tightly. Annabeth returned the hug in a distracted sort of way. She had been sitting by Percy's bedside with a book open in her lap, gently stroking his hair. There were tear streaks on her cheeks that she hadn't bothered to wipe off. Nico wasn't sure she was even aware of them.
Will caught Nico's eye and mouthed, Gatorade.
I'm fine, Nico mouthed back, although his legs felt a little shaky after his second shadow travel.
Will gave him a stern look and jerked his head towards a side table where he'd already laid out the sports drink.
Nico rolled his eyes, but a secret part of him sort of enjoyed Will's fussing. Not that he'd ever admit it.
At least his boyfriend wasn't being obtrusive about it. Nico drank the Gatorade and felt the energy trickle back into his limbs.
'How does this go, then?' Hazel asked. She eyed the stamnos warily, as if it were another demon horse that might change shape and start spewing its contents at them. 'He has to drink it?'
Thalia looked at Annabeth sadly. 'The healing power comes from drinking. But the memory loss is irreversible.'
'Actually,' Will gestured at the book on Annabeth's lap, 'we were doing some research while you guys were gone.'
Annabeth held up the book and nodded. 'I asked Reyna and she found me this from the Senate library. Turns out the Lethe has been used in potions before: the nepenthe.'
'The drug of forgetfulness,' Will translated. 'Helen of Troy gave it to Odysseus's son to ease his suffering. We just need to add a drop of Lethe to a cup of nectar.'
Hazel looked at them dubiously. 'How is that different? It's still the Lethe. Does diluting it even help?'
'And will it be strong enough?' Frank added. 'I mean, that's a pretty big nectar to Lethe ratio. How much Lethe does he actually have to ingest? There's probably a limit to how much nectar he can take, right?'
'I don't know,' said Annabeth. 'But the records mention that the drinkers had temporary memory loss after drinking. We thought…well, we hoped it would at least give him a chance.'
'A chance is better than nothing,' Thalia said firmly.
Will nodded. 'I think our best shot is to start with the base recipe and monitor him. I can slowly up the concentration of Lethe if it doesn't seem to be working.'
'Can he even drink? Or do you have to, like, IV-it into him?' Frank asked.
They all looked at Percy's comatose form. Will frowned and scratched his head.
'IV is probably the way to go,' he admitted. 'Do you guys have anything for that set up?'
Frank got to his feet. 'The university will have something. I'll go.'
'Hurry back,' Will warned. 'I feel…well, I don't think he has much time.' He gave Nico a significant look.
Nico knew what he meant. He'd always been able to sense when death was imminent, and he could feel that aura thickening around Percy, a cloying layer of smog that was almost tangible. Soon it would start to vibrate with the buzz that alerted the god of death that there was a soul to be collected. Nico didn't think Will had the same ability, but he was probably getting a corresponding message through his healer senses.
Hazel put her hand on Frank's arm. 'Let me go, then,' she said. 'I'll be faster.'
Nico raised an eyebrow when he realised what she was intending to do. 'Are you sure? I could—'
Will shot him a look that said don't even think about it.
'I've practised a couple of times,' Hazel said. 'Besides, it's just across the Field of Mars.'
She took a deep breath and slipped into the shadow of the infirmary door. Watching his sister disappear was disconcerting. Did Nico look like that too when he shadow-travelled—just melting into nothingness? No wonder Will always worried about him.
Annabeth made a strangled noise like a half-stifled sob and took Percy's hand in hers. Thalia patted her on the back.
'It'll be okay,' she said. 'We'll get him back and then you can kill him.'
Annabeth's sob turned into a slightly hysterical laugh. She squared her shoulders and looked at the stamnos. 'We should—we should brew the nepenthe.'
Will was already on it, pulling nectar from the cupboards and carefully measuring out a cup. He brought out a plastic dropper and hesitated. 'We'll need to add a drop of Lethe for now, but someone's going to have to add more at intervals.'
Annabeth uncovered the stamnos. Although her face was resolute, her expression carefully controlled, her hands were shaking so badly Nico thought for sure she would just end up spilling liquid Lethe all over herself.
Clovis, who had surprisingly not dozed off again, grabbed her wrist.
'I'll do it. I'm more familiar with the stuff than all of you. Plus…well, I spend most of my time in dreamland, anyway.' He shrugged. 'There's not much for me to forget.'
Clovis dipped the dropper into the stamnos and came up with it full of milky Lethe. With a steady hand, he added precisely one drop to the cup of nectar. The golden liquid barely changed shade. Nico thought it looked a little paler, but only just.
Hazel sprung out of the shadow of the stamnos right between Will and Clovis. The latter jumped and nearly knocked the whole jug over.
'Geez, just startle us into spilling mind-wiping water everywhere, why don't you?' Thalia sniped.
'Sorry!' Hazel gasped. She held out a rectangular kit to Will, who took it and began assembling the IV bag and needles inside. Hazel lurched away unsteadily. Frank caught her around the waist.
'You okay?'
'Sure. Piece of cake,' Hazel said breathlessly.
Nico held out the Gatorade. She gave him a rueful smile.
'You did fine,' Nico reassured her.
'Clovis,' Will said, 'I'm going to hook Percy up now. I'll need you to add a drop when I say so.'
'Gotcha.' Clovis squared his shoulders and held the dropper like it was a gun he was preparing to shoot.
They all held their breaths as Will inserted the needle into Percy's arm. The pale gold nepenthe ran through the tubes, travelling up his veins.
Nothing seemed to happen.
'Add a drop,' Will said.
Bit by bit, Clovis added Lethe to the potion, which turned gradually milkier. The room was so silent, Nico could practically hear the flow of nepenthe into Percy's veins. He wasn't sure what the Lethe-to-nectar ratio was at this point. Half the cup was already gone.
And then he sensed it.
There was no visible change. Percy's face remained peaceful and blank. His body was still. But Nico felt the sense of imminent death back off a bit.
'It's working,' he said.
The room seemed to let out a collective breath.
'Should we keep this dose, then?' Will asked.
Nico shook his head, though he couldn't say how he knew this. 'Keep going,' he told Clovis.
Clovis refilled the dropper and continued to add Lethe to the nepenthe.
Will put his hands out in front of him, palms towards Percy. 'That's amazing,' he murmured. 'I've never seen anything like it.'
With only a quarter cup left to go, the physical changes began to be visible. Percy's pallor faded. His face twitched. The corners of his mouth quirked upwards and then his lips parted and he drew in a deep, shaky breath like he was cleansing his lungs.
Nico grinned. This was really working.
Then it started to go wrong. The colour in Percy's cheeks, which had come back with the nepenthe treatment, began to fade again. And it wasn't just his face. His entire form seemed to be fading, as though something was leeching his essence away.
'Stop!' Will told Clovis, who withdrew the dropper so quickly, it slipped from his fingers and fell into the stamnos.
It was too late, though. Percy's body became translucent and insubstantial, just like a ghost.
Nico shuddered. A memory flitted into his mind, of another demigod whose physical body had turned to smoke. Whose body Nico had converted into smoke.
But this wasn't quite like Bryce Lawrence, the treacherous Roman demigod whom Nico had ghostified during the Giant War. Bryce had gone black and smoky and sunk straight into the earth. Percy was dissolving into air itself. It was clearly a different thing. Yet Nico felt certain he'd seen it happen before.
The controlled stoicism on Annabeth's face melted into horror. She lunged forward to grab Percy, but her fingers swiped straight through him as his body evaporated completely.
Annabeth spun round to face Nico. 'Where did he go?' she shrieked. 'What happened to him?'
Nico rubbed his forehead guiltily. He'd told Clovis to keep going. But he still felt certain it was the right call. The veil of death wouldn't have lifted otherwise. This was something else, something they hadn't foreseen…
'I don't know…' He knit his eyebrows, trying to send his senses underground, but it was just as he'd ascertained before. Death no longer hovered over Percy. He wasn't in the Underworld.
Then he thought of the souls he had seen on the banks of the Lethe, disappearing after they drank. Ghosts, dissolving into their newborn lives. He thought of Bianca, how he'd lost any ability to track her once she'd chosen that path.
Oh, Hades.
'What?' Annabeth said, seeing the realisation dawning on his face. 'You do know.'
'I think…' Nico gulped. He had to force himself to meet her desperate, stormy eyes. 'I think Percy's been reborn.'
The nepenthe is referenced in the Odyssey as a potion that is supposed to quell all sorrows with forgetfulness. But the actual recipe is my own interpretation, of course!
Also posted on Ao3.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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@bravehope
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"I'm more of an archer, myself. But, I also dabble in swordsmanship! It's just, ah, not my strong suit, see? Um. As long as you don't answer to guns, I will probably be a good challenger!"
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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@strywoven
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"I never said it was easy, just that it was likely. It failing on us is probably due to a power overload. I wouldn't be so concerned, when we have the ability to mend this sort of thing, ah?"
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲
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aryin has always had a knack for being the "strong one". in recent days, this has become less and less the case, but in the times before meeting this group and letting their handmade, tailored walls of mirrors and glass paneling down, they used to be considered the one who could shoulder any burden. that was their role, after all. to keep balance, to keep safe those who couldn't do so themselves, to protect others, to defend the worlds with their life even if they were never recognized.
they were supposed to be the strong one. they were meant to shoulder that weight.
times long past, they would take on every grief and every sorrow, drowning until they could no longer see the sun. drowning in the deep dark depths of the tortured souls that relied on them. they didn't know what else to do, after all. it was hard to establish that line of connection with those who only wanted your ability to shoulder the world, like a new atlasean tale of the future.
but as of now, they're working on it. they can no longer shoulder the burdens so faithfully that they used to.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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@hauntedreality for gallagher or boothill
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"I do not like this place. It is much too... erh, stifling, I suppose is the word. Too loud, and too quiet. I wonder, em... I wonder if it's easier when I get a hold of something to drink, or if it's just my intuition."
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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@patraeonbenefits
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"I do not understand what you would get out of this." their lips twist into a sort of dissatisfaction at the idea of being caught on camera, being TRACKED. "I do not know how entertaining I would be on, eh, video? I'm here for security detail for... someone. I never got a name, only a description." admittedly, this lady fits pretty closely.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗵
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aryin's smile is a beautiful thing, and they do not hide it when it's actually shown. but, that is to say, they don't truly smile that often.
all of their smiles to most people are hollow. empty. fake. aryin doesn't mean to copy the smiles of their youth and the manor in which they grew up in, but after years of torture and torment and hatred and hurt, they can't decide what's worse: smiling truly at someone who won't smile back or faking a smile at someone who you know is going to leave or be upset with you constantly. they don't know and they don't want to know.
but aryin's smile is lovely. stunning, even. at this point, only family and true friends have ever seen them truly smile.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀
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aryin has found, at least in these recent harrowing times, that when you dream of something, you have to hide it. it doesn't matter how small or how large that dream may be - if you have a dream, hide it as if it is the only thing keeping you alive. there is so much more precious to this life than a dream, but a dream keeps everything else from seeming so much more daunting, so much more unattainable.
aryin had a dream once, used to dream more than they had any sort of nightmare. after all, they were heralded as a PERFECT DREAMER in their own right... but that changed when they lost their wonderful, imperfect but beautiful, dream of a future where they could be happy. when they lost their Heart and Soul in one fell swoop, leaving only the Body behind.
so keep your dreams hidden. keep your dreams tucked away.
war is an awful thing, after all. wars kill dreams.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆
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without question, aryin is a family man, and a hopelessly devoted one at that. he would die and kill and murder and so many other things just to ensure his family's SAFETY. though he has never had his own safety in mind when doing so, he has always had the best of intent behind helping those who need him.
he gets it from his adoptive father, grayson highwind (aka grey ashland), who would give the shirt off his back for those who needed his help - even as a full person, he was always so reckless as to care when others made the choice and active effort not to.
did you know?
once upon a time, aryin wanted a family of his own. he had two people who he could see a future with. he saw nothing but good tidings in their outstretched hands, and he would plan for days, weeks, months on end, just to ensure a single date in between moments of the war. he would go through exuberant effort just to have a moment to see his loves smile.
but all that which is gold cannot stay.
and all that which he loves is destined to die.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱
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aryin's childhood often times was rife with unparalleled perfection. that isn't to say that it was good and pleasant, but rather the opposite. it was stifling and corrupt and vicious, all in the pursuit of this twisted idea of BEING PERFECT. truth be told, they never understood the idea of perfection. as a previous-druid of the land, they found themselves in tune with the imperfections of society and the cracks and tears of the earth itself, wandering world to world in pursuit of something a little more substantial than some fleeting and ethereal stagnancy that people oft mistook for "perfection".
aryin would often question their mother and father when both were around, curious as to why being perfect was more acceptable than being truthful. their mind could not comprehend what it meant to be untruthful, to be hateful towards those who fell just below or far below the mark without understanding where they came from. aryin was, in this way, much kinder than their brethren - and even moreso their own parents, who strove for different paths to perfection and absolute dominion over their own domains.
but when their mother decided that they would get themselves hurt believing that perfection was not achievable, that's when they had to grow up too fast, and think like an adult, a soldier, at age 6.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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which type of romanticism are you?
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SOLITARY ROMANTICISM.
spilled ink, liquor stained dress shirts, books lent but never returned: you're solitary romanticism. solitary romanticism is not to be confused with melancholic romanticism, however; it can be lonely at times but is not quite sad. solitary romanticism entails a complete wonder in one's head, fantastical in its feeling, yet simple in its probability. it's playing the piano to an empty house, hoping the wallpaper likes the tune, it's smiling at the sight of a happy couple, not out of jealousy, but by true admiration of love. you stop to notice the little things in life, yet can't help but wonder whether or not someday you'll have the privilege of being so content and caught up in your own life to have them slip your mind. you've a kind soul and a wandering mind, which makes for a wonderful person all around. "dedicated to everyone who wonders if i'm writing about them. i am." - k.s. thomas
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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what specifically named color do you embody?
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HARLEQUIN.
you're the life of the party, the one who everyone goes to for a laugh! you find it easy to be around people, and people find it easy to be around you! there are few moments where you don't have a person next to you, and there are few moments where you aren't talking. but… you value the quiet moments more than anyone else- more than any other person alive, you value the solace of solitude, and the ones who stayed the longest and continue to stay longer are the ones who stand beside you in silence as the day moves past you. you value the hard work of friendship, and the dedication of family - found or blood. you are you, before you are anyone else's.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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where will you go when you die?
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YOU GO TO THE SHORE.
you reach the afterlife already standing, feet half-buried in the shifting sand, the stars wheeling overhead. one foot is planted in seawater, and one on the sand. The shore is empty, as far as you can tell, just endless stretches of dark sea and tide, dunes and starlight. the horizon is distant, if there is a horizon, and the air is clear. eventually you pick a direction and start walking. the sun comes up, and you keep walking, and your feet never hurt, and you never get hungry, and you never get tired. you find other people who are also walking, and you walk together. you find strange landmarks, stone and bone and wood, relics from other adventurers. you find deep pools. you write your name in charcoal on the vast ribs of a creature unimaginably large. you tell stories. you sing. eventually, though, you always end up walking on. you have infinite freedom, but what are you searching for? what will you do when you find it?
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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what strangely specific scent do you give off?
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MELTED DISCOUNT VALENTINE'S DAY CHOCOLATE.
how sweet it must be, to have everything handed down to you with worn out edges and sanded down sharpness. the stickiness of your treats cling to the crevices of your fingers, the little marks where cuts were are coated in candy wax drips in between your hand and the ground. the world seems to love you, and you don't know why. people smile at you, and animals are never afraid or angry. it's sugary how everything seems to fall into place, and it leaves you hollow. you don't have to try. and it haunts you.
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stcrsmoke · 5 months ago
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how are you color coded?
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GREY CODED.
grey, a study in dreams, nightmares, and silver linings. you are the type of person who finds the good AND the bad in everything. some people might find you annoying. others may call you pragmatic. you see things the way they should be seen, even if that makes you depressed - even if that makes you angry with yourself. you know the world is not as bad as it seems, but you know it's not any better than it was yesterday. you want to fix this, if only starting on your own life and the lives of your friends. and indeed, you're going to need them, your friends. the journey starts here, starts now, with a single step forward. so where are we going, my friend?
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