#(wouldnt you rather your loved one was at peace feeding nature- instead of literally having arythmia heart problems daily?) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andillbeancuteboyifiwantto · 2 years ago

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best by dates featherless, full can in hand consumed by inner turmoil bare feet on kitchen tile yet it has slipped away, white noise thoughts of stupid human shit waste absurd etched scars of all the lies why are we this way is it really even your life to live? one accident could end it and others can debate pulling the plug keep you selfishly alive, despite organ failure the thought makes me tremble or that to barely scrape by- costs more than is possible healthcare, or bills box of pasta/can of sauce or toothpaste you can’t afford any of it even if you worked twenty jobs when am i allowed to pull the plug? i don’t want to be dead, not really don’t qualify for the circus of governmental bs can’t earn a single cent best by dates my expiration is long past years of mental illness, poverty this body is crumbling in prolonged agony heart in constant pain nothing fixes it 22 years at risk of heart failure from 22 far too long years on this rock hurtling through space this suffering is cruel, naught for any purpose yet it’d be oh such an waste in other eyes best by dates, stupid can in my hand abandoned

#suicidal thoughts cw #chronic illness cw #poverty cw #spilled ink #my poetry #(full of rage over the state of the world and just... dont get why me being in literal agony with no likelyhood of a future is priority..)#(over i don't know acknowledging sometimes people just don't live long lives)#(my literal heart is trying to eat itself basically and like my loved ones should understand that paired with my diseased brain...)#(the best thing would be if I died just not even from being tired of life mentally but logically as well)#(wouldnt you rather your loved one was at peace feeding nature- instead of literally having arythmia heart problems daily?)#(with no hopes of even being able to afford food or bills let alone healthcare they need or even the odd like candy bar?)#(not ill enough to qualify to become an jester begging the government for help but not remotely able to grit teeth into nothing either)#(screaming into the void because im just... so fucking tired and in so much actual pain mentally+phsyically)

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