#(with the caveat that every year it gets scarier)

[dykealloy]

face of a man that narrowly escaped throwing hands with his ex's increasingly terrifying son

[honeylikewords]

pls give me your thoughts of coraline!! it's been in my netflix watch list for so long bc i feel like i should watch it. but im not really a big movie watcher so i havent had the motivation to actually sit down for it. (i've watched a lot of the movies you've talked about in the past and liked them so i trust your judgement uwuwuwu)

Oh, gladly!

So, Coraline is really interesting for a lot of different reasons! One, for me, is the animation; it’s absolutely beautiful and nearly entirely done in stop-motion. LAIKA Studios, the animation company that made that film, is truly amazing with the work they do and I really can’t think of any medium better to translate the story of Coraline through! I’ve always been super invested in stop-motion, ever since I was a wee baby, so I’m obsessed with how it looks and how it moves, how it’s so graceful and yet stilted; I love it!

I also think that, thematically, the story is really intense. I think the book is a lot scarier (the film is based on Neil Gaiman’s original book, Coraline), but the film isn’t too terrifying. It has some parts that actually do scare me, though, but that’s more as someone who has a lot of Anxiety(TM) about abuse, manipulation, etc.

If that’s a trigger for you, I do warn you to be careful about seeing Coraline. Gaslighting and parental abuse are a major theme in the book, as the major antagonist, The Other Mother, sort of represents the nightmare matriarch that is really famous in a lot of horror stories. She’s kind of the embodiment of sickly, obsessive, cruel motherhood, the kind that smothers and kills the object of its fixation, so if you’re at all upset by stories of abusive mothers or manipulation or emotional extortion, parts of Coraline may be hard for you to deal with.

There’s also mentions of eye trauma but nothing explicit or gory, more like a kind of fairy tale horror, in that for The Other Mother’s spell to fully take hold of Coraline, she has to “become like a doll” and “sew buttons into her eyes”, so if eye trauma or needles are at all upsetting for you, that’s another thing to be careful of.

Coraline is kind of horror-lite: like the horror and fear imbued into Grimm’s fairy tales or into folklore or ghost stories, but with more of a complete narrative arc to it, which I think works in its favor. I really, really love it, and it’s just so gorgeous to look at, too.

I was lucky enough to be able to visit the LAIKA exhibits at SDCC for the past few years and was able to actually interact with sets, props, figures, and even puppets used in Coraline, and they’re amazing. The attention to detail is fantastic, and every scene is like a living world unto itself, or like a perfect little dollhouse of the unnerving. 

I’ve watched it so many times because I’m in love with the visual aspects of it and Teri Hatcher delivers an INCREDIBLE job in dual roles as both Coraline’s real, Earthly mother AND The Other Mother. The film also manages to take the genuine, terrifying, very real horror of an abusive mother and take it to the Nth degree in The Other Mother, and I still shudder during a scene where she’s banging on a door and screaming at Coraline as Coraline runs away; “DON’T LEAVE ME, DON’T LEAVE ME, I’LL DIE WITHOUT YOU!”

That line shivers me down to the bone because it really is what it sounds like when an emotional manipulator and abuser is being left, and they somehow managed to encapsulate it all down into a short movie. The Other Mother has relatively few scenes but her whole arc-- every minute, start to finish-- matches with the exact patterns of abuse I’ve seen. From the lavish gift-giving to the promises of happiness and safety and love to the controlling and temper tantrums and lashing out to the “But I love you more than anyone else ever could” and “You can’t leave me, I need you!”, it’s amazing how the film is able to put all the elements of an abusive cycle into just one short film and one even shorter arc of a character. 

But even then, story aside, just watch it for the gorgeous visuals and worldbuilding. There’s only, like, one(?) scene that ever takes place away from the house, The Pink Palace, which is both incredible and incredibly sensible (given that building too expansive a world for a stop-motion movie can be damning to a project). The Pink Palace is where everything happens, and yet it feels like a whole universe, and it’s gorgeous. Everything, down to each floorboard and fiber of Coraline’s sweater, is meticulously detailed. I adore it.

I have such, such, such love for stop-motion and I think Coraline really sets the bar for how beautiful it can be. It’s an amazing narrative AND a visually sumptuous meal of a film and I highly recommend it. Of course, I throw in my caveats from before, but it’s not a horrific, frightening spectacle of a film. It’s only about as scary as your average Tim Burton movie, really, unless you’re particularly triggered by the things I previously mentioned. But, if nothing else, at least look up visuals from the film and see how gorgeous and detailed everything is.

I have my little Coraline doll (the actual doll-doll, like her little doll from the film) sitting on my shelf and I love to hold her and carry her around because I just... adore the film. I can’t get enough of it. I could spend all day answering questions about it, but for now, just take my word on it: go see it, and tell me what you think!

Thank you so much for asking and inciting this huge goofy semi-info-dump. I love and appreciate you!

[britneecatlett]

Get Your Sh*t Together

This is a love letter of sorts. To all of the people who had to figure it out on their own, who didn't have anybody pushing them to work harder, who had to be their own support system. Let me be that person for you. Let me be the one to tell you it's time. It's time to take responsibility, to make positive and productive changes, to get your shit together.

I grew up in an incredibly loving (and somewhat spoiled) home. Regardless, for how caring and loving my parents were, looking back, I didn't have any person who questioned my decisions. There was no one there to bring myself to my own attention. Now, don't get me wrong, I am one hundred percent responsible for myself, the things I do, and the way that I do them, BUT with a caveat. It is up to our guardians to push us, to help us along, while teaching us the important things in life. Now, this only applies if you are under the age of 18. After that, it's on you.

So, for any of you who don't know how to move forward, who want to be better, but have no idea what to do next, I offer the most important things I have learned this past year:

Stop spending your fucking money. This is hard to swallow. We are brainwashed as a culture to buy the best and newest with money we really don't even have. When you haveto use a credit card, YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY. When you have to take out a loan, YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY. When you have to financesomething, YOU DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING MONEY.  Let's stop spending money we don't have on things we don't need. You are most likely reading this using wifi or a cell data plan, on a technological device that somebody bought. We are more fortunate than most, but take that to insane extremes when we need to consume consume consume. If you want something, work hard and save the money. Which, brings me to my next point -

WORK HARDER. Work more hours, get a second job, start selling things on Ebay, Etsy, whatever. Just do something else. This is imperative. So many people want a bigger and better life for themselves, but are too lazy to make big changes. Creating a new source of income will allow for new sense of financial freedom. Process and act.

Stop drinking alcohol. Actually, stop doing unhealthy shit. You will never be able to get to the next level of your life with an unhealthy body and mind. If that means you do free yoga on the device you're reading this on, then so be it. (May I recommend https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene) There is no shame in taking advantage of free resources to better yourself. Start meditating, smile at everybody you see. These small things add up in TREMENDOUS ways. You will start to meet the kindest people who's values align with your own. Always exercise caution, though, take what works for you and discard the rest.

There is so much information out there about "finding your passion." What that actually equates to is sticking with what you love. I am not saying it will be incredibly obvious at first, but keep working towards something that you think you might like and eventually you'll get there. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just fucking do it.

Read more books. I don't know why people have such an aversion to, like, actual paperback books now, but give it a fucking shot. There are millions of people who have come before us. They have so much knowledge to provide that every person should be taking advantage of it. There are systems these people have developed that are more efficient and more lucrative. They went through the hard shit so you don't have to. Start with this: https://tribeofmentors.com.

If you're in school TRY YOUR FUCKING BEST. If you try your hardest and take it seriously the first time, there is no need to live in regret in the future. You can move forward unencumbered. We live in a world that equates our GPA with our potential. Until that changes, do your fucking homework and go to fucking class. Trust me.

Lastly, DREAM BIGGER. You can do anything you want with your life. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING SMALL? I know stepping out of your comfort zone is scary, but you know what's scarier? Regret. I am terrified of not being able to do all of the things that I want to do before I depart this beautiful planet. Have you considered staying abroad during undergrad? Getting your PhD in a different country? Applying for a job that you're maybe a little under-qualified for? Asking out that incredibly good looking human you keep eyeing? Quitting your corporate job to become a yoga teacher? Starting a side hustle nobody but you believes in? Dude. It doesn't matter what it is, just be more. Be better than who you were yesterday. Fuck last year, just be better than yesterday.

If there is one thing I hope you take away from my tirade, it is this: When you keep making the same decisions, you keep getting the same outcomes.

[daraghmangan-blog]

We Don’t Need No Education

On Friday, May 1st the Irish Government unveiled its long awaited “roadmap for reopening society and business”, which outlined a phased approach to lifting restrictions put in place due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Outdoor shops such as garden centres were told they will be opening their doors on May 18th. Small shops and libraries would have to wait until June 8th to reopen, while cafes and restaurants would be permitted to begin trading again at the end of the same month. Phases four and five, which would open churches and hairdressers, would begin on July 20th and August 10th respectively. However, there was one part of society would not be able to reopen on any of these dates. Tucked away in the middle of the government’s guidance on phase five of their reopening strategy was the news that primary and secondary schools in Ireland would not resume until the beginning of the 2020/2021 academic year- Monday, August 31st.

In the days following the release of the Government’s roadmap, Ireland’s six o’clock news was saturated with stories of business owners talking up the importance of their industries and insisting that they should be allowed to open earlier than was outlined in the roadmap. Nightly news stories followed frantic attempts by publicans to outline social distancing measures they could implement in order to be allowed to open their establishments 6 weeks before the recommended date of August 10th. These stories were accompanied by endless shots of empty pubs, with owners mournfully standing at their deserted bar counters. The need for Irish people to get back into pubs was discussed ad nauseum, as if the right to have a pint was enshrined in our constitution. However, nowhere in any nightly news broadcast did RTE, the Irish state broadcaster, discuss the fact that is might not be a good idea to leave our nation’s primary and secondary schools closed for 172 days.

The discussion in Ireland surrounding school closures has largely come in two forms, both of which provide an insight into how we as a country view education. The first is the impact that the pandemic will have on the Leaving Certificate. State exams have been moved from June to July due to the pandemic, and many schools have emphasised the need for 6th year students to receive some form of in school instruction prior to sitting their tests. While final exams are undoubtedly important, the issue with the relentless focus on the leaving cert is that it ignores the importance of education at every other stage of a child’s development. In this narrative, the only meaningful outcome of primary and secondary education is the completion of state examinations. The skills learned in school, be they social, emotional or academic, are not in themselves viewed as inherently valuable, but rather are only useful in so far that they are used to assist students in attaining high marks in their final exams. The second discussion taking place around school closures is the impact that children have on their parents by not being in school. Children are framed as little more than distractions that disrupt the productivity of parents, who have to take time out of their working day to care for and entertain them. Discussions of this kind frame schools as glorified babysitting services that are used simply as places to house children so that workers can maximise their output. The issue with both of these narratives, which makes up the majority of the Irish media’s discussion around school closures, is that they ignore a large number of very real negative impacts associated with children missing large amounts of schooling.

The importance of formal education cannot be overstated. Research from America’s National Institute of Health indicates that children who receive early childhood education at three and four years old are less likely to end up in prison, have higher future educational attainment, and even have lower rates of depression in adulthood. This underscores the value that formal education has, especially for children from more deprived backgrounds. An Institute of Education study found that attending a good primary school improved a child’s development, especially in the areas of social behaviour and cognitive development. These effects were most pronounced for children with disabilities and children whose parents had few formal qualifications. In this respect, the negative consequences of ongoing school closures will largely impact already vulnerable groups of children.

Online learning can in some way mitigate the effects of school closures, but has been shown to be an ineffective method for educating children, especially at younger ages. While some areas of a curriculum can be taught through online teaching, more abstract skills that children develop in the early years of primary education, like perseverance and self-control are much more difficult to teach through a laptop. With online teaching, student equity also becomes a major issue. Children from more deprived backgrounds are more likely to be unable to engage in online lessons due to lack of internet access, or having to care for younger siblings while their parents are working. Meanwhile, middle class families are more likely to have friends or family who themselves are teachers, who can be reached out to for tips on home schooling or curricular guidance. The continuation of online learning while schools remain shut ensures that the educational attainment gap between rich and poor students will continue to grow. With this in mind, it is important to ask the question, why exactly are schools remaining shut for such an extended period of time?

When the Irish government ordered all schools closed in the middle of March, the world knew very little about how Covid-19 was transmitted. And out of this confusion, an idea took hold of the global imagination; that children were so called super spreaders. If the history of the horror movie genre has taught us anything, it’s that there is nothing that society finds scarier than the idea that our innocent, adorable children may in fact be secretly trying to kill us. Politicians and journalists around the world began laying out hypothetical scenarios involving asymptomatic kids running home from school and gleefully spluttering virus particles all over their unsuspecting grandparents.

Thankfully, this scenario turned out not to have much scientific backing. Emerging evidence suggests that children are probably less likely to pass on coronavirus than adults. This is largely because they don’t often exhibit symptoms so are less likely to cough and sneeze the virus into the air. In fact, one review of current literature couldn’t find a single example of a child under ten years old passing the virus on to another person. Mounting evidence regarding children’s low risk of passing on Covid-19 even led the Swiss government to issue guidance that it was safe for grandparents to hug their young grandchildren. While it is important to add the caveat that research regarding the ability of children to transmit Covid-19 is still ongoing, it now seems clear that we are now working with a very different set of facts than we had when the majority of European countries made the decision to close schools.  

In recent weeks we have seen an increasingly large number of countries moving to reopen schools. Denmark opened their schools on April 15th. At the time, coronavirus cases in the country were still growing at a rate 3 percent per day, almost three times the rate of Ireland’s current daily increase. Notably, the Danes did not rush to get their older students in to school in order to facilitate cramming for final exams. They instead opened schools to the youngest students first, believing that early primary education was the area that would benefit most from the resumption of in person classes. New measures were implemented to reduce the chances of the virus spreading. As many classes as possible were taken outdoors, handwashing every thirty minutes was encouraged, and social distancing was maintained wherever possible. Three weeks later, Denmark has managed to keep its coronavirus reproduction rate below one, meaning that cases of Covid-19 continue to decline in the country.

During the month of May, students around the world will begin in attend school again. Germany, Finland, Singapore and Australia will all open their primary schools in the coming weeks, with secondary education resuming shortly afterwards. The governments in these countries have repeatedly talked about the importance of education and have cited mounting evidence regarding children’s potential for passing on the virus as a major factor in their decision to reopen. Meanwhile in Ireland, the government has remained largely silent on the issue of school closures, except to provide updates on the ongoing debate surrounding when to schedule the Leaving Cert exams.

The daily increase in new coronavirus infections has now remained at under two percent in Ireland for over a week. At this stage in their pandemic responses, most other developed countries were announcing the phased reopening of their education systems. The Irish Government’s indifference to the issue of reopening schools is indicative of a government that views public education as little more than a necessary cog in the machine of economic development. In the eyes of the current Fine Gael government, if they manage to hold the Leaving Certificate exams in July they can congratulate themselves on a job well done. The point of primary and secondary education is simply to prepare children to enter third level education, where they can be sculpted into the ‘young educated workforce’ that keeps multinational companies flocking to Ireland. In their neo-liberal worldview, education is merely a means to increase future economic output. They are seemingly blind to the wider social good that public education provides. As a safe haven for vulnerable children, an engine of social mobility, and as a means to bring diverse communities together in order to promote a shared set of principles and values. The decision to reopen any part of society during a pandemic carries with it an element of risk. One thing however should be clear; we should be spending more time as a nation discussing when children can resume their education then we do fretting over when next we’ll be able to order a pint.  

[thegloober]

Why I Skipped My Own Wedding to Save Money

[Hey guys! Please welcome back to the site today, Lyn Alden, who shares her take on wedding costs and why she decided to only spent $800 getting married this year! The pressure is real out there, but there are other ways if you’re open to it!!]

*******

The average cost of a wedding in the United States was somewhere between $25,000 and $33,000 in 2017, depending on which source you believe.

If that’s not a personal finance minefield, I don’t know what is.

But even scarier, the reasons that many people spend that much are concerning, particularly in the way they finance it.

Despite earning a considerably higher income ourselves than the average household (and having hundreds of thousands of dollars stashed away before our 30’s) my husband and I married in early 2018 for about $800, with most of the cost being the wedding bands.

Now, admittedly, that’s a bit extreme too, but even looking back on it 7 months later, I couldn’t be happier with our choice!

This article takes a look at where all the money goes for weddings, why people spend so much, how to spend less, and why we decided to skip it all.

Wedding Cost Breakdown

According to a survey of about 13,000 participants by The Knot, the average wedding in 2017 cost $33,391. They do these surveys each year with similar results, making the sample size over time pretty huge.

This number includes the engagement ring, but excludes the honeymoon. Here’s the detailed breakdown:

The biggest expense by far is the venue, accounting for almost half the total price tag.

The second or third biggest is the engagement ring, at $5.7k on average.

Catering is another huge expense at $70/person, which depending on the size of the wedding is one of the biggest expenses.

Then there’s the music, the ceremony, the florist, the cake, the photography, the dress, the multitude of other things, and all of it adds up to over $33k. Even all those paper invitations people send out total $408 on average. But geography plays a huge role too – the average wedding price ranges from $18k in Utah to almost $77k in Manhattan.

As a caveat, I think the sampling bias of surveys like this is a bit skewed. The types of people that would fill out surveys like this, and that visit wedding websites the most, are likely people more interested than average in elaborate weddings.

Based on another survey of over 10,000 participants in 2017 by CostofWedding.com, the average wedding was $25,764, and the median was a slightly tamer $15,000 or so. A third survey by Student Loan Hero placed the median at about $20,000.

Regardless of which source is the most accurate, it’s all still rather high, considering that the median amount that families aged 35-54 have saved for retirement is only about $60,000.

Why Do People Spend So Much?

If people’s reasons for spending so much on weddings were purely for happiness, there’d be less to comment on. After all, who I am I to tell anyone else how to spend their money?

Just because I’d rather stash more cash into my thrift savings plan or Roth IRA than spend on big things doesn’t mean everyone else has to.

But it’s murkier than that.

According to Student Loan Hero’s survey, 47% of couples felt pressured to have a big costly wedding, either by family, friends, or society:

And 74% of respondents in that survey said they are going into debt to fund their upcoming wedding, with a whopping 61% of them saying they went into credit card debt for it.

If someone sees a friend have a large wedding, it can feel inadequate to have a small wedding. Like it’s a direct comparison about how successful you are, or how big your set of friends and family is. It’s a status symbol.

But the same thing goes for the cars we drive, the houses we buy, and the clothes we wear. It’s important to step back and make sure the things we buy are truly making us happy, and that we’re not just buying things to keep up appearances or stay competitive with peers.

Why We Spent Almost Nothing on Our Wedding

My husband and I spent a few hundred bucks on our wedding. We just hired a chaplain to marry us in an adorable little coffee shop, and then went out for a nice dinner together. We kept it a day just for us two to share.

The two of us are located very far from both of our families, and our families are located very far from each other, so the traveling logistics of setting up a wedding would have been a nightmare.

Moreover, our families are of two totally different religious and cultural backgrounds, with very different traditions, which would have made planning the ceremony and the reception complex. My husband comes from an Egyptian Muslim background, while my family is partially Catholic and partially New Age.

But despite its simplicity, it was just as memorable as any wedding I could have imagined having. Our favorite love song happened to play on the coffee shop radio as we got married, and I may or may not have cried happily about that coincidence. Little details like that are what make a day memorable.

We also skipped the engagement ring. My then-boyfriend and I were on a vacation in Hong Kong a few years ago, relaxing in our hotel bed looking over at the city’s beautiful skyline, and I casually asked if he wanted to marry me. No ring, no public display, and no concern about which gender is supposed to pop the question.

And lastly, one of the biggest reasons for us skipping everything was to save planning time! The idea of planning for months for a single-day’s event was exhausting to think about. We decided to spend that time getting extra exercise, traveling, building our business, and more realistically, watching reruns of Friends on Netflix together.

In the end, it does come down to personal taste. I don’t like wearing expensive jewelry, and neither of us were interested in being center-stage of a huge gathering. But in addition to fitting our tastes, we had to push back a bit at society’s expectations of how we should do it and how much we should spend.

In making this choice, we now have more than $30,000 extra money stashed away in cash and investments than we would have had with a normal wedding.

Here Are 2 Major Ways to Spend Less on Weddings

At $33,391, the average 6-hour wedding (ceremony + reception) comes out to $5,565 per hour.

Put another way, if you had $33,391 at age 30 and instead of spending it on a wedding you stashed it away in index funds or dividend stocks for 30 years earning just 7% per year in total returns, you’d have over $250,000 by the end of that period.

That one decision alone would give you more retirement savings than the average person without ever saving another dime! Even after adjusting for 2% annual inflation, you’d have over $140,000 in today’s dollars:

Alternatively, you could also use that $30,000 savings in other fun ways, say, by going on a $5,000 dream vacation every year for the next six years! Imagine all the stories and experiences you’d have at the end of those!

But if you don’t want to go all-out and skip the wedding costs like we did, here are two high-impact ways to at least significantly trim them.

#1. Relax on Engagement Ring Rules

There’s a lot of pressure on men to save up for months to buy their fiancée a diamond engagement ring.

According to the American Gem Society, this tradition started in the 1400’s when Archduke Maximillian of Austria gave a diamond engagement ring to his fiancée, which started a trend among European aristocracy.

It was only in the mid-1900s that the De Beers diamond mining company began advertising the concept heavily to middle-class Americans. They even specifically marketed the idea that a man should save up a month’s income for the diamond ring, and then later revised it to two months’ income – which they were happy to sell!

So, it’s a rather recent tradition for everyday folks, and essentially built on a marketing campaign.

But it’s also self-perpetuating, because now if a man doesn’t spend thousands of dollars on a ring, people think he’s some broke hipster. And if you’re a woman explaining to friends or family that you got engaged, but don’t have a ring (or at least one without a big diamond), you’ll get a field of skeptical looks.

It’s important to remember though that if you don’t have the title “Archduke” in front of your name, it might not be the smartest move blowing through a month or two’s income as you’re starting your lives together. Really ask yourselves if it’s something the two of you truly want, or is it something you’re doing just because it’s expected of you?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: I definitely fell into the latter trap and didn’t even second guess the cost of the ring when I picked it up a decade ago. $7,000 right out the door like that, and my wife doesn’t even wear it anymore! Haha… I wouldn’t have had the balls to go against the grain back then, but I would now.]

#2. Keep it Small (or Let’s Say, “Cozy”)

At about $15,000, the reception venue is usually the biggest wedding expense. And the cost of a wedding scales as you invite more people. More people means a bigger venue, more food, more flowers, more invitations, and more complex photography and videography.

Keeping the guest list intimate – close family and best friends only – helps control costs. If you’re the ones spending money on it, you can make your special day as big or small as you want it. It’s for you, not for everyone else!

A natural venue can help as well. Although there are downsides, having a beach wedding, a park wedding, or a backyard wedding can be beautiful ways to keep the cost down.

Brides.com has a useful article on park weddings, including the pitfalls to avoid and details to be aware of. If you pull something like that off successfully, you can save a ton of cash while still having a beautiful time. You’re already paying the taxes for the park, so you might as well benefit from it!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: This is another thing I would have probably changed too… We had a ton of fun dancing through the night with 180+ people, but looking back we would have been just as happy with maybe only 50-60 of them (and definitely without all the random cousins and people you never hang out with in life anyways). It was definitely a party for everyone else more so than us. Though I did almost tear up when 10 of them went out and got mohawks during the break from the wedding and the reception

Such a cool surprise!!]

Final Thoughts

A wedding is a deeply personal thing, and colored by tradition.

For some people, not having a large and expensive wedding would be unthinkable. And for them, the best thing they can do is budget for it ahead of time.

But for a lot of people, perhaps even half, they feel pressured to have a big wedding, and even go into debt to finance it. It’s not necessarily that they specifically want a big wedding, it’s that they feel they should.

The problem is that doing things the common way leads to the common outcome. Most people with middle-class incomes have low net worth, too much debt, and are not on track for retirement.

The whole personal finance blogosphere is meant to help us re-examine everything, to take a step back and figure out where we actually should spend money and where we can save a ton. That way, we can maximize our happiness but still have rock-solid finances.

I like spending money on travel, healthy food, decent clothes, and various hobbies, but not a ton else. Big events and jewelry, not so much.

The best thing we can do for our finances, I think, is separate what makes us happy from what is common or expected, and make sure we spend mostly on the first category.

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EDITOR’S NOTE: If you’re already married reading this, how much did you end up spending on your wedding? Were you happy you did, or would you have done things differently?

Thanks for the insightful article, Lyn! And for not bashing those who DO love a big fancy wedding!

——— Lyn works in engineering management, running the day-to-day operations and finances of an engineering facility. On the side she does website development and freelance writing, and creates in-depth guides on financial topics at LynAlden.com. You can also see Lyn’s first featured guest post – and quite the juicy one! – here: What Being Homeless Taught Me About Money and Happiness.

Thank you for reading Budgets Arrghh Sexy! We hope you liked today’s guest post

If you’d like to submit one of your own juicy ideas over, we’ll gladly review: contact us

Source: https://bloghyped.com/why-i-skipped-my-own-wedding-to-save-money/

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: Coping with Fear, About Those Blood Drops...

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-coping-with-fear-about-those-blood-drops/

Ask D'Mine: Coping with Fear, About Those Blood Drops...

October is the month for fear and blood, no doubt. We're right on message in this week's edition of our diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

Thanks to all for sending us your queries related to life with diabetes — nothing is off-limits here! (except of course specific medical instructions for your own care; that's what doctors are for)

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Gary from Oklahoma, type 1, writes: I'm newly diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and I'm scared out of my wits. When does this feeling go away? What can I do to cope with the "fear factor?"

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: What's scarier: Being in a crowded life boat in shark-filled waters watching the ship sink, or being on the sinking ship watching the over-filled life boat bobbing around in the shark filled waters?

Well, come to think of it, I guess they're both equally scary, but I think we can all agree that being in the lifeboat is the more enviable place to be, given the two options.

Gary, welcome to the lifeboat.

Type 1 diabetes can be scary. There's a lot to learn. A lot of things have changed. Your own mortality has just been brought into sharp focus. But the good news is you're not alone, and that's the best medicine for your fear. In fact, you've already taken your first dose! You found us. That means you've found the Diabetes Online Community, called the DOC. I personally find that name highly appropriate, even though it was accidental (some members call it the Dee-Oh-See, but I pronounce it 'the Doc,' as do many others).

The reason I find the name of our online world so appropriate is that the DOC is a doctor of sorts. Oh dear. Did you hear that sound? That's the folks at the AMA sharpening their pitch forks and lighting their torches again to deal with me once and for all. So let me quickly state that the DOC not a place for specific medical treatment advice.

But the DOC is a great prescription for fear, and a great antidote to the feeling of being all alone. When you poke around the diabetes corner of the internet you'll find blogs written by people like you. People who started out scared out of their wits. People who aren't scared anymore. You'll find communities where you can engage with others of your kind. Others who may be more scared, or less. You'll find news and information. And support. It's a community in all the best senses of the word.

Oh. Right. And you'll also find some complete BS, too, because anyone can say anything online. Caveat emptor. That's Latin for the oldest consumer advice in the world. It comes to us from the ancient Romans. It translates to buyer beware. So if someone wants to sell you a "proven cure" for diabetes, ya might want to ask your doctor first.

But to cure your fear, you've come to the right place.

Lynn from North Carolina, type 2, writes: I read that you should NEVER use the first drop of blood from your finger, but rather squeeze one drop, wipe it off, then use the SECOND drop, because the blood is from the vein and gives a more accurate reading. Is this correct? I hate the idea of having to squeeze out so much blood every time, especially when I'm trying to test more often.

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: You should test the first drop if the British are coming by land, and the second drop if they are coming by sea.

But seriously, relax. You've been reading old material.

Give your poor little fingers a break. The first drop is fine. But the legacy of the old info is kinda interesting.

The first thing you need to know is that even with the biggest, deepest, nastiest lancing needle you can find, you won't be testing blood from a vein. Fingersticks tap into capillary beds. Capillaries are microscopic itsy, tiny bottom-of-the-totem-pole parts of the circulatory system.

The second thing you need to know is that before the dawn of the glucose meter there were other medical tests that used capillary blood from fingersticks, too.

The third thing you need to know is people used to worry that poking a bunch of holes in the skin could lead to infection. (This has been proven to be false.) Thus, for many years, we PWDs were advised to clean our fingers with an alcohol pad before testing.

OK, now to the distant, dark origins of the two-drop recommendation. Many of the capillary blood lab tests take a lot of blood. In fact, back in the day, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, our blood glucose meters required a lot more blood than they do now. When you poke a hole in your skin, blood platelets start to aggregate, forming a platelet "plug." Yeah. The little Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke. It's the body's first step at making a blood clot. The problem here, of course, is you don't want the finger to stop bleeding before you can get enough blood for whatever test you are trying to run. Wiping away the first drop wipes away the initial platelet plug and lets the finger bleed longer. Of course modern blood glucose machines need only ridiculously small drops of blood, so this really isn't an issue anymore.

Similar other-lab-test-worries also carry a legacy to this day. The first drop of blood sometimes has more "tissue fluid" and/or higher potassium levels, either of which can effect some other tests, but have no relevance to the accuracy of a blood sugar test.

And remember that whole alcohol pad thing? Well, back when we were told to use them, folks would often rush to test before the finger was dry (or blow on the finger, defeating the alleged purpose of making the finger sanitary). With a wet finger, the first drop is half alcohol and half blood. The second drop was more likely pure blood.

Not surprisingly, using an alcohol pad is no longer recommended. It's not necessary and there're no documented cases of infections from finger lancing (clarification, never share your gear), and as noted, use of an alcohol pad can throw off the results from some meters.

So that's the myth's origin — the Garden of Eden story for the two-drop recommendation. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away we needed more blood, we worried about the mix of body fluids in the first sample, and we worried about mixing the sanitizing alcohol with the blood sample. All false worries in our modern world. Just make sure you finger is clean and you're good to go. A quick wash with soap and water will remove the cake frosting from your fingertips.

Of course, you'll still meet some older and/or out of date medical pros who will tell you to do the double wipe thing. And at some hospitals and clinics they still do it because some of those other lab tests still need a ton of blood and it's easier to teach staff to do all lancing samples one way than to expect them to remember many different rules.

But for us at home, just drink the first drop.

And just for the hell of it, I whipped out my Presto meter just now, did a first-drop test, and got a 205 mg/dL. Then I wiped the drop away and squeezed out another drop. The second drop tested at 202 mg/dL. The two readings are well within the expected accuracy range of the meter.

Science in action. There's no statistical difference between the two readings.

What's my blood sugar doing in the 200s, you ask? Ummmmmmm..... I think I might have mentioned that I'm a better tour guide than a role model...

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

[godsandvillainsrpg-blog]

Congratulations ABI! You have been accepted as ZAINE CHAMBERS.

Note from Admin Hannah: So I knew when I wrote Zaine that he was a sympathetic character with a tinge of sadness to him...but you just amped up both factors beyond reason. I am still emotional after reading your app, I feel like I need a box of tissues. You captured Zaine’s goodness and his sadness exactly as I would have hoped - actually, even better. I wanted a tragic character, and you gave it to me. Your interpretation was everything I envisioned and more. From your character explanation, to his motivations and plot ideas, all the way to the sample and extras not only was I hooked, but I knew that you understood this character just as well if not better than I do. ��I literally cannot wait to see Zaine on the dash and see what plays out for his future.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Abi Age: 21 Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: EST Activity Level: 7/10 - I work a lot but I should be around for a few hours most evenings!! Triggers: REMOVED Anything Else? nope! thanks for reading my app (:

IN CHARACTER

Desired Character: Zaine Chambers

Describe this character in your own words:

—– ZAINE’S AESTHETIC !! a calm & misty day at the beach ; loose tea leaves in the bottom of your mug ; that smell right before it rains ; a cozy jumper with a hole in the sleeve just big enough for your thumb ; soft dirt underneath your feet ; water rings on antique end tables ; freshly baked bread ; wringing hands ; a desk full of messy papers and smudged ink

—– CHARACTER STRENGTHS !! 1. empathetic ;; “showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another. ” ***** In another life, Zaine would have been a writer. People fascinate him. And not in a distant, creepy sort of way; in an up close and personal sort of way that makes everyone he meets feel like they can share their deepest and darkest with him, just because he listens and he understands. Or, if he doesn’t understand, Zaine has always tried his very best to see things from that person’s point of view. It’s a talent, really, how good he is at it. Maybe it’s his own virtuous spin on his mother’s ability to read people. The irony in that being that his mother constitutes as one of the few souls out there where his kindness has no effect, but that’s only a reason for Zaine to try harder. There’s not a single person on the planet Zaine doesn’t want to know and the idea that most of those people are one’s he’s related to bothers him. 2. dedicated ;; “ devoted to a task or purpose; having single-minded loyalty or integrity. ” ***** Zaine’s entire life is dedicated to the well-being of others. Whether that be playing mediator to his family or studying for his entrance exams to medical school, Zaine has never found it hard to put his mind to something. Maybe that’s another positive spin on one of his parent’s traits ( maybe he’s more like them than either side wants to think ) and Zaine certainly isn’t complaining. The dedication he feels towards his family is more of a struggle than other aspects of his life, but Zaine figures soon enough he’ll reach his tipping point. Soon enough Zaine will find the linchpin holding together whatever monstrous wall separates himself from the rest of his family and they’ll all get their happily ever after. Or, at least, that’s what his optimistic nature has him holding out for. 3. passionate ;; “ showing or caused by strong feelings or a strong belief. ” ***** At first, most people would think passion and dedication go hand in hand. Zaine thought the same thing until he started studying medicine. He’s never been so passionate about anything before and feels like, for the first time, he actually understands what that word means. He truly has found his calling and Zaine thinks he’d do anything to keep it. Though it seems like his life has been overtaken with passion lately; ever since Salvatore’s made an appearance in Zaine’s life. The physical side of things was where the passion started, but eventually that passion evolved into something more for Zaine. And just like with medical school, he’s never felt this way about anything. Or anyone. The only caveat to that is sometimes Zaine thinks that maybe Sal doesn’t feel the same way.

—– CHARACTER FLAWS !! 1. co-dependent ;; “ excessive emotional or psychological reliance. typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction. ” ***** For all the things that Zaine is, the one thing he certainly isn’t is dependent. It started with a dependency on his family that Zaine has still yet to break. He looks to them for money, food, shelter… but most of all, attention and love; scraps he only gets thrown his way every once in awhile. As he’s grown up, that constant need for validation from his family has become easier to conceal, but harder to swallow and some days Zaine feels like one wrong word could break him. // His co-dependency only worsened when he started looking for that validation outside his own home and within the hearts of others. Liam wasn’t the first boy to bear the brunt of Zaine’s neediness, nor was he the last, but he was the most important. He was the one who finally woke Zaine up to what he was doing. Even though Zaine wasn’t one to complain or talk about any negative feelings he may be having, he would make up for it by smothering the people who showed him any kindness. Which is why he’s so reluctant to push Salvatore into anything permanent when some days he knows all Sal wants to do is push him away. He can’t risk having his heart broken again so soon even if it means starving his co-dependency. 2. reserved ;; “ slow to reveal emotion or opinions. ” ***** Zaine is one of those people most others have a hard time cracking. The kindness he grew up with ( and still does have ) has molded into a selfdefense mechanism. Now Zaine is always nice. He’s always kind. He’s always someone you can count on. The only problem is Zaine’s always been hard-pressed to find someone willing to be that person for him. Those that he’s opened up to have either not understood or outright rejected him for it, so if Zaine’s not talking someone else through their problems, he’s probably not saying much. It’s not in his innate nature and it’s definitely not how he wants to be, but showing how your really feeling is a scary thing. Especially when, over the years, you’ve been shown it might be even scarier for you and you’re situation. 3. vulnerable ;; “ needs special care, support, or protection due to age, disability, or risk of abuse/neglect. ” ***** Due to Zaine’s general goodness, he’s been left vulnerable to other people. He’s been used and abused throughout the years by family members, classmates, friends, and significant others all because he’s never learned how to say no. He’s done twelve page reports over night, played sports he had no interest in, and gone too far, too soon with people he probably wouldn’t have done that with if they hadn’t asked him to. He’s never been one to be taken for a fool, but Zaine also never been one to refuse a stranger the shirt off his back. It’s a dangerous road to walk down and Zaine’s sister, Kiah, sometimes seems like the only one making sure he doesn’t get hit by traffic.

What are this character’s motives? What drives this character? What are their goals?

—– ZAINE’S MOTIVATIONS !!

1. a desperate need for acceptance and love 2. a fear of never being good enough 3. dreading the idea of being / ending up alone 4. wanting to better other’s lives 5. to make the world a better place, one step at a time

—– ZAINE’S GOALS !! 1. make his family proud ;; Zaine has, from a young age, always had a desperate need for his family to love and accept him. Of course, this need wasn’t so desperate he was willing to commit any sort of dirty, evil, or unlawful act that might change his family’s perception of him. His good heart is the only thing Zaine can see that keeps him from being truly relatable with his family, but it’s also the one thing he’s not willing to give up. So, instead of taking the low road he knows would be easy (as being good, he’s learned, has always been the harder choice), Zaine’s determined to win his family over with kindness. If he can just prove to them that violence and cheating and breaking the law isn’t always the way to go then maybe he can finally have the family he’s always wanted to be apart of. 2. convince salvatore he’s worth loving & get over liam ;; After Liam, Zaine has taken on a bit of a notion that maybe, just maybe, Zaine isn’t worth loving. That that’s the reason his parents and family all shun him. Of course he knows, logically, that’s not true. Or he sort of knows that… Either way, Zaine is determined to get Sal to say the words eventually. The first problem being Zaine’s not entirely sure how to get to that point yet. The second, he might still be a little in love with Liam. It’s been less than a year since they broke up and his feelings for the boy were strong, despite how things ended. Zaine’s sure his feelings for Sal have to potential to ( maybe even have ) surpassed what he had with Liam, but he can’t bring himself to let his heart forget the first boy he ever really gave a part of himself to. 3. bring valencia and nico together ;; Nothing would make Zaine happier than to see Val and her estranged half-brother, Nico, be a proper family. He’s come up with a plan but he’s worried it might end up backfiring on him and he’ll be forced to pick between them. Zaine’s never been good with things like that and he’s worried he’ll lose them both. However, the drive to see the closest thing he has to a friend in his family happy with herfamily is strong enough to work past those nagging thoughts. 4. extend kindness & love to killian ;; Zaine has always been good at picking up on the people who need a friend the most and, recently, Killian’s been at the top of his list. Everyone needs a friend, a shoulder when times get tough, and Zaine is determined to become just that for Killian. They’ve had a rough life, Zaine’s sure of that much at the very least. So Zaine’s been jumping at Killian any chance he can get, trying to get them to show even the slightest interest in being friends with Zaine. It’s one of the toughest shells he’s had to break in a long time, but he’s sure they’ll crack eventually. 5.develop his kinship with kiah ;; The few hints towards an underlying relationship between himself and his sister have been sprouting up more and more often lately. At first, Zaine was convinced they were coincidences; it was only happening because it was in Kiah’s best interest. Now, he’s not so sure. So Zaine’s been pushing the boundaries a bit lately to see what he can get away with. If there’s anyone in his immediate family he wants a relationship the most with, it’s Kiah. These revelations have only fueled the burning fire Zaine has when it comes to building bridges with his family. 6. finish medical school / become a pediatrician ;; This goal is at the top of Zaine’s list. Or, it is for now. I have a feeling Zaine is going to let his compassion walk all over him, to the point where he fails out of medical school. Having a passion for something isn’t enough; especially when you’re not already gifted in that particular field and your mind is constantly on other people’s problems. However, for now, this is Zaine’s first and most important goal. Graduating from medical school will give him means to stop using his parents’ blood money, to potentially make them proud of him, and, most importantly, Zaine will be following his passion and doing what he does best: taking care of others.

What potential plots do you foresee for this character?

REMOVED

Would you be open to this character’s death?

REMOVED

PARA SAMPLE

“ I just can’t do this anymore, Zaine. When you’re with me, you’re never really with me. All you do is talk and talk and talk about your family’s problems and how your best friend keeps going back to her ex and how do I get her to stop, Liam? How do I save her? Because… ” Liam paused, running a hand through the shaved hair, “ That’s all you do. You go around saving the world from evil and then you come here and it’s like I’m all that’s keeping you together. That’s not healthy. This relationship isn’t healthy and I can’t… I’m sorry, Z, but we have to be done. This has to stop. ”

Zaine closed his eyes, as a thousand metaphorical knives were thrown into his chest. This hadn’t been what he’d wanted. He’d only been in the door five minutes. He’d only asked if Liam could come with him to a friend’s fundraiser. Granted it was their anniversary night, but Lorena needed him. How was he suppose to say no? He thought Liam would understand. Liam always understood, “ I can fix this, I promise. I’ll do whatever you want, Liam…. I’ll be whatever you want me to be, just please… Don’t. Please. We don’t have to go. ”

Liam looked as if Zaine had pointed a remote at him and hit pause for a second, before seemingly catching his breath, “ I’m sorry…. God, I’m so sorry. But you’re never around. You’re always at your parents house or helping a cat stuck up in a tree or whatever and that was endearing at first, Zaine, it was, I promise. But now it’s horrible. I just want you here. Except, I don’t want you here when you’re here, because it’s never about us, is it? It’s always about you and what’s going on in your life and your friends and family’s lives. I’m not your personal diary, here for you to pick up only when you need love and support and an ear to bend. That’s not how a relationship works. ” Liam stood up from his side of the bed and took a few steps towards Zaine, his hands clenched into fists by his sides, “ Well, no, actually it is but it’s got to be two sided. I’m done being you’re entire support system. Go find someone else to lean on. ”

The knives seemed to have dug deeper into his chest as now it felt like his entire heart was being sliced open. Liam was everything; his entire world stood right there in front of him telling him he wasn’t good enough. And of course Liam deserved better. Liam deserved everything. Zaine had always known he wouldn’t be able to give him that, but he figured the day Liam realized was far off in their future. Years down the road, even. But then again, Zaine had always had a tendency to latch on to the boys he dated, didn’t he? He’d have their entire life planned out before they’d even gone on a second date. It was just how Zaine worked and he always ended up taking that life for fact; certain all those dreams were going to come true every single time.

Tears welled up in his eyes, making it hard to see, but that was a blessing. Zaine didn’t want Liam’s angry eyes focused on him anymore. He blinked the tears away anyway, “ So that’s it then. You’re just… giving up on me? I thought we had a future together. A happily ever after. That’s what you were suppose to be. ”

“ Yeah. I thought that too. ” The hard edge to Liam’s tone softened, “ I really am sorry, love. I’ve, uh, packed up all the stuff you’ve left here. It’s in the box on the kitchen counter. You can pick it up on your way out. ”

And that was that, wasn’t it? All Zaine could do was nod and turn around, forcing his feet to walk out of the bedroom. Forcing his hands to pick up a box that felt like it was full of lead. Forcing himself into his car. Forcing himself down one street. Then the next street. Then the next and the next and the next until he was home. Not his parents’ home, mind. The apartment he’d gotten for himself. He’d never really liked living on his own and the flat reflected that. There weren’t many pictures or decorations or even food in the fridge, but Zaine didn’t mind. For once in his life, he craved being on his own.

The couch was the closest soft thing to the front door, though his bed would have been more comfortable. Stumbling face first into the cushions, Zaine finally let himself give way to the sobs he’d held onto for the past twenty or so minutes. In fact, he let himself cry so hard and for so long that when he eventually rolled over there was a face shaped puddle imprinted into the fabric. The shadows on the walls were long and Zaine pulled out his phone to check the time. It’d been nearly four hours since his heart had last been in his chest and Zaine figured he must have fallen asleep somewhere in between all the crying.

There wasn’t anywhere in particular he had to be, given his parents weren’t all that interested in where he was and his friends all thought he’d be with Liam, so Zaine took this infrequent down time to just stare at the walls; contemplating just where, exactly, he’d gone wrong with Liam. Maybe his boyfriend ( ex-boyfriend ) was right. Maybe he hadbeen leaning on Liam to often. It just wasn’t every day he found someone willing to actually listen to him just ramble on. In fact, it had been nearly impossible his whole life. And then there Liam was, almost as kind and gentle as himself, with a shoulder to lean on and an ear to chat with.

Somewhere, he supposed, lines had been blurred and that was all Liam had become. Zaine couldn’t even remember the last time they’d been intimate, something that had been integral to the beginning on their relationship when they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. A new cold rushed through him and he pulled a blanket off the back of the couch. It didn’t do much to help with the chill, but he pulled it up tight to his chin and closed his eyes, hoping to shield himself from the world ( and the truth ) for just a little while longer.

EXTRAS

m o c k b l o g ——- [[ link ]]

h e a d c a n o n s —

INFJ-T ;;

The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As members of the Diplomat Role group, Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

Advocates indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to Advocates, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Advocates find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extraverted types, but they would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.

[[ credit ]]

O-negative ;; the “Universal Donor”

He gives and gives and gives but rarely receives. The only help he can get is from others just like him; anyone else just wouldn’t match up.

Hufflepuff ;;

Dedication. Patience. Loyalty. All of these traits are characteristics of a Hufflepuff nature and even though Zaine has never truly thought about it ( he’s just never really gotten into Harry Potter, okay? he’s honestly sorry. ) it’s the house I’m sure the Sorting Hat would pick for him. This is the house with the least rivalries, the most hard-working students, and those who are most insistent on fair play and modesty. All of which are spectacular examples of traits people see in Zaine every day.

[lbcybersecurity]

Are We Becoming More Moral Faster Than We're Becoming More Dangerous?

In The Better Angels of Our Nature, Steven Pinker convincingly makes the point that by pretty much every measure you can think of, violence has declined on our planet over the long term. More generally, "the world continues to improve in just about every way." He's right, but there are two important caveats.

One, he is talking about the long term. The trend lines are uniformly positive across the centuries and mostly positive across the decades, but go up and down year to year. While this is an important development for our species, most of us care about changes year to year -- and we can't make any predictions about whether this year will be better or worse than last year in any individual measurement.

The second caveat is both more subtle and more important. In 2013, I wrote about how technology empowers attackers. By this measure, the world is getting more dangerous:

Because the damage attackers can cause becomes greater as technology becomes more powerful. Guns become more harmful, explosions become bigger, malware becomes more pernicious... and so on. A single attacker, or small group of attackers, can cause more destruction than ever before.

This is exactly why the whole post-9/11 weapons-of-mass-destruction debate was so overwrought: Terrorists are scary, terrorists flying airplanes into buildings are even scarier, and the thought of a terrorist with a nuclear bomb is absolutely terrifying.

Pinker's trends are based both on increased societal morality and better technology, and both are based on averages: the average person with the average technology. My increased attack capability trend is based on those two trends as well, but on the outliers: the most extreme person with the most extreme technology. Pinker's trends are noisy, but over the long term they're strongly linear. Mine seem to be exponential.

When Pinker expresses optimism that the overall trends he identifies will continue into the future, he's making a bet. He's betting that his trend lines and my trend lines won't cross. That is, that our society's gradual improvement in overall morality will continue to outpace the potentially exponentially increasing ability of the extreme few to destroy everything. I am less optimistic:

But the problem isn't that these security measures won't work -- even as they shred our freedoms and liberties -- it's that no security is perfect.

Because sooner or later, the technology will exist for a hobbyist to explode a nuclear weapon, print a lethal virus from a bio-printer, or turn our electronic infrastructure into a vehicle for large-scale murder. We'll have the technology eventually to annihilate ourselves in great numbers, and sometime after, that technology will become cheap enough to be easy.

As it gets easier for one member of a group to destroy the entire group, and the group size gets larger, the odds of someone in the group doing it approaches certainty. Our global interconnectedness means that our group size encompasses everyone on the planet, and since government hasn't kept up, we have to worry about the weakest-controlled member of the weakest-controlled country. Is this a fundamental limitation of technological advancement, one that could end civilization? First our fears grip us so strongly that, thinking about the short term, we willingly embrace a police state in a desperate attempt to keep us safe; then, someone goes off and destroys us anyway?

Clearly we're not at the point yet where any of these disaster scenarios have come to pass, and Pinker rightly expresses skepticism when he says that historical doomsday scenarios have so far never come to pass. But that's the thing about exponential curves; it's hard to predict the future from the past. So either I have discovered a fundamental problem with any intelligent individualistic species and have therefore explained the Fermi Paradox, or there is some other factor in play that will ensure that the two trend lines won't cross.

from Are We Becoming More Moral Faster Than We're Becoming More Dangerous?