#(which is why you should befriend a sommelier who is willing to buy the expensive bottles)

[culmaer]

oh, yeah, sure, perhaps I was exaggerating a bit (but not much). I used to work in the Cape Winelands and a sommelier friend of mine made it their mission to find red wines I'd enjoy. like cincault is alright, aromatic in a way that I enjoy, and I once had a light barbera which paired very well with whatever I was eating at the time (that's the other thing. as a vegetarian/pescetarian, white wine pairing is more straightforward and unless I have a sommelier's guidance, I'm just going to avoid reds lest it overpower the flavours of my meal)

and definitely let red wines breathe ! my general belief is that people throughout history have liked good flavours, and so these practices probably emerged for a reason other than ritualised pretentiousness

wine for idiots

WHITE WINE

if you want to make a wine person very unhappy, say that a white wine they like "is giving me a little green bell pepper?"

RED WINE

honestly the only two questions you need to start credibly talking about red wine are "does it taste like red fruits (strawberry/cherry/raspberry) or black fruits (blackberry/plum)?" and "does it taste oaky (i.e. gently sweet and earthy in a way youd associate with coffee or chocolate or warming spices)

if its a fancy dry wine (not a dessert wine, not port, manischewitz or markovic) dont say "sweet," say "juicy"

FIZZY WINE

if its red and fizzy its probably a lambrusco

if youre drinking champagne talk about the "minerality," even chalk notes if youre feeling gutsy. you dont have to taste it just say it

ORANGE WINE

this is very trendy. youre gonna want to talk about its "funkiness." if you use the term "gym socks" at the right time you will get a round of laughs or at least knowing nods. if you see shmutz in the bottom dont worry about it.

MISC

if you want a wine person to talk for a while and not ask you any questions just ask them how they feel about natural wine. theyll go on for a little and you can decide to agree or disagree based on how hot they are