#(which is why my longer meta analysis posts have all been on pause for now)

[sapphire-weapon]

Curious if you have any headcanons for Leon after analyzing him for so long ?

hmmm

uhhh

I mean. yeah. But they're all kinda boring and benign. Some of you kids out here fuckin wildin with your goddamn headcanons (god bless), and my old ass is over here like

look at my shitpost about Leon's 90s white boy music tastes!! lmao

I do have some more serious ones, like -- Leon's parents think that he died in Raccoon City, and there are a myriad of reasons why he's never reached back out to them, if even just to let them know he's alive (he thinks it's safer for them, kinder to them, all that stupid Leon hero bullshit that he does). And he's pretty sure (like 99.99% sure) that there's a headstone up for him in a cemetery somewhere dated 1977-1998, and he thinks about that way more often than he probably should.

A really dumb headcanon that I have just for fun is that Leon and Ashley have some kind of lingering, intuitive bond due to them having once been connected to the same hivemind via their plagas. Like, on nights when Leon's depression gets really fucking bad -- like, "have you ever had the urge to just jump" bad (+100 points to anyone who gets that reference) -- Ashley suddenly gets overwhelmed with anxiety out of nowhere, and she feels like she really needs to call him for some reason, and she's not sure why. There's absolutely no canonical basis for this at all whatsoever; I just think it's fun.

Probably my spiciest Leon headcanon is that remake!Leon was definitely still a virgin during RE2. Like, I did write that whole thing as a shitpost, but I have actually adopted it as a headcanon lmao

But I also think that, like... the usage of the word "headcanon" has changed slightly over the years?

Back in my day, headcanons were considered gap fillers. Little factoids about a character's life that weren't ever mentioned in canon, but still something that you might need to have/know for a fic or something. Like, where is this character from/where did they grow up? Things like that.

It seems like, these days, "headcanon" is more a shorthand for "the way I interpret a character might be/act/react in x specific situation." And I think of those things as just being part of the whole character analysis thing that I already do. So I never really know how to answer when someone asks me about my headcanons.

If there's some specific thing or situation any of y'all would like to hear my thoughts on, re: Leon, then pls feel free to ask that. But in terms of just, like. General headcanons. idk I'm too fuckin old for a question like that LMAO break it down and make it simpler for me.

[maskeddevera]

I’m going to write a line by line analysis about the Fjord and Jester scene from last night. I had a bad day earlier this week, and the whole episode yesterday made me so happy, and this scene was beautiful, so I’m going to gush about it a bit. This whole episode really turned my week around (with the caveat that I went to bed so missed the final monster introduction.)

First of all, to set the scene, Jester has been struggling (but playing it off) ever since the spell stole a few years of her life earlier in the day. Fjord has been struggling because he realizes he didn’t even try to do anything to protect her, and the spell took a lot, and it could have been so much worse. He goes to her door, I think, mostly to confess that he feels badly that he wasn’t there for her and also vaguely aware that he might share his fear that they might not get that chance to deal with his baggage.

[Fjord knocks on her door.]

JESTER: Hello?

Jester is surprised. They often have heartfelt conversations, but Fjord doesn’t usually visit her room.

FJORD: Um, I was really worried about you...when you fell.

He just comes out with it...here’s the main thing, it was scary to see her fall.

JESTER:  Yeah...

It was also scary for her, too.

[heavy eye contact]

FJORD:  This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

I’m not sure if here he is talking here about visiting the north or initiating this conversation -- but either way, he laughs. He’s nervous.

JESTER:  I know. I can’t get the image out of my head...it’s scary.

Fjord gives Jester space to share. Like he said he would, he will listen to her. By initiating this conversation, she feels safe telling him that the image of the city that is haunting her.

FJORD:  What do you think will happen?

An open-ended question for Jester. Again, letting her share her thoughts and fears...wanting to know what she thinks.

JESTER:  I think if they bring it back, it will, um...it will absorb everything it can.

She sees the possibilities and how dangerous it could become.

JESTER [continued]: It felt like all of the people that lived there, like -- like they were part of the city now, like they could never escape. It felt like hell. It felt -- like torment.

She feels this so hard. It’s eating her up inside.

FJORD: And we have to stop it, right?

Fjord acknowledges that with that information they need to stop it--as a team, but you can see that he is still struggling with his concern for her.

JESTER:  Yeah.

FJORD: I -- I may have an, uh, a problem. Uh...

The problem is he loves Jester and is worried that he would lose her. The problem is he feels like he wasn’t there for her. The problem is he is so scared.

JESTER [softly]: What is it?

Suddenly Jester is focusing on him, worried about what Fjord’s problem might be.

FJORD [continued]: I saw you standing on that pillar, and -- it was the first time where I kept myself from trying to stop something that was happening to you, and I didn’t do anything, and it’s--it’s bothered me.

Fjord feels like he screwed up and let her down. He feels like he could have lost her because he hesitated. Like he could still lose her if he hesitates.

JESTER: You couldn’t have done anything, Fjord. It was in my head, you know?

Jester isn’t sure why he’s beating himself up about this one - he didn’t even know what was happening.

FJORD: Uh. Yes.

I just like how he whispers the “yes,” like he knows it isn’t rational, but he still feels it.

FJORD: I don’t want you to gamble with yourself. I--I know we were playing, and it didn’t seem like much, and--it seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll. All I’m saying is, I just--I want you to be careful as we do this--I don’t think we’ll be the spectators that we thought we might be.

Here it is. Why he truly came time. He doesn’t want her to endanger herself. It’s a constant of not wanting her to be hurt or worse. He is starting to realize that they are involved deeper than they thought that they would be.

JESTER: Okay.

She listens.

FJORD: I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea, and go back to Nicodranus, and go back to where it’s warm and not f*ckin’ freezing, and...

Here the dream is stated. The happy ending. The sea, Nicodranus...her home, he’s imagining them returning together. A happy ending for both of them.

JESTER: Me too.

She is nodding. Same page. They have talked about this before, being together in a calmer time and place...some day. He is encouraged by her agreement.

FJORD: I just don’t know if that’s--I don’t feel as optimistic now.

More fears laid on the table. Maybe they won’t get there.

JESTER: Me neither. But...I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too.

She worries about losing the happy ending as well. She worries about his safety as well. He smiles when she shows concern for him.

JESTER [continued]: But if it comes down to it, if -- if it means stopping that Thing...I want to stop That Thing.

This decision is so important for Jester, and I love this for her ongoing arc. I also just really like that both clerics have this quest now. #TeamClerics

FJORD: I told your mother I would look after you.

So what I love about this sentence is Fjord absolutely takes his promise to Marion Lavorre very seriously, but that’s not why he says this to Jester. Yes, I do think he sees it as a vow (I love all the meta takes I have seen floating around about this being one of Fjord’s first steps into paladin territory), but what he is really doing here is the Fjord thing in which he uses others as a proxy for his feelings. So when Jester says she might endanger herself for the greater good, and he implies that her mother would be devastated if he had to tell her that something had happened to Jester, mostly he is thinking about how he would be devastated if anything happened to Jester.

JESTER: We’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Jester attempts to reassure him and re-establish how they are a team. You can tell he isn’t fully reassured. And then he says what he really meant when he said “I told your mother I would look after you...”

FJORD: I care very much for you.

His voice in this moment...so real. Notice he still doesn’t use the word love, a token bit of holding back, but love is what is coming from him, and she hears it.

JESTER:  Really?

Her trembling voice...all of the signs, and she thought maybe especially with recent events, but she wasn’t sure if she was reading into the gift and the eye contact and the pauses...she is so hopeful here. He nods, and takes a deep breath, and he just wants so badly to take the next step, but he is scared.

JESTER: Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

She says this to break the moment because she feels his hesitation, and also because she’s self-conscious about what happened today. And it’s the best thing that can happen because when they are silly Fjord forgets to be all in his head and nervous.

FJORD: It’s the longer horns...

He’s joking, but also he always seems to find her strength to be the most attractive physical characteristic about her, so of course he picks the horns to compliment.

JESTER: Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

FJORD: Yeah...gives you an intimidating look.

The truth is he was intimidated before the horns got longer. He wants to kiss her so much, so he pulls her in and asks...

FJORD [continued]:  Can I kiss you?

Jester is delighted. She thought even if she wasn’t imagining things that this wouldn’t come any time soon. She shyly nods her agreement, and they kiss. I like how he nods and smiles, too, before kissing her -- he’s so relieved that she said yes!

FJORD: I don’t-- I don’t know how this will go. But I can’t promise that I’m going to let you just throw yourself at this thing. I don’t think I can do that.

This confession--he has made it to her before in a different way. Fjord will support her up to the point in which she could get hurt or die, and no more. And I also like how he always frames this confession as somewhat selfish, although it isn’t, because part of the reasoning is that he needs her. Also I think he is holding her this whole time because he never says that he lets her go.

JESTER:  I don’t have an argument.

She is fine with him serving as her protector. She’s giddy. Maybe they kiss here quickly again? In any case...

JESTER: Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

FJORD: Or, and, not when you’re underwater, drowning.

JESTER: Yeah, yeah...that’s what I mean.

FJORD: Umhmm.

After their first real kiss, they talk about their “other” first kiss - Fjord attempting to save her life. And we see here that while Jester previously wondered if it “counted” or not, it meant something to Fjord too and that he also saw it as a kiss, although it wasn’t the most ideal circumstance. And perhaps that is why they never spoke about it before, because it was easier to leave it in that nebulous area of maybe it meant something more.

JESTER: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

While this statement works for Jester, giddy and flustered, I think it also works for Laura who 100% was not expecting any of this to happen in this session.

FJORD: I’ve wanted to do it for a while...I’m kind of a big coward.

And now that it’s out there, now that she let him kiss him, he feels like he can tell her about how his fears held him back.

JESTER:  No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

Jester will always support Fjord and hype him up.

FJORD: I am very brave, aren’t I?

Being brave is facing your fears.

JESTER: Umhm.

FJORD:  I feel a bit...better.

This is what love is. Things can still be dark but your loved one lifts you up. He looks at her to gauge how she feels.

JESTER:  Me too.

[FJORD & JESTER overlapping voices as they teasingly discuss whether they really have to fight this city.]

FJORD:  We can get cats and just flee...

As mentioned in my other post, I think Fjord is discussing acquiring moorbounders, not attempting to abscond with Caleb’s fey cats. Again, this dream is the one about them leaving it all behind together.

JESTER:  We have to fight it.

FJORD: All right. I’ll see you in the morning.

JESTER: Okay.

FJORD:  Goodnight.

JESTER: Goodnight, Fjord.

[Jester goes to hold her little unicorn, falling asleep holding it. Fjord doesn’t sleep much.]

I just love this final image -- Jester now certain that the unicorn figurine means what she hoped it meant (and hopefully not breaking it in the night). Fjord keyed up and turned on and thinking about the conversation over and over, because he surprised himself with his choices but it went well, better than he ever expected.

[lifeinahole27]

I’m Quitting Fandom

Now, this probably doesn’t mean what most of you think it means, so let me explain. I’m not quitting Tumblr, I’m not quitting writing. I’m just quitting the bullshit.

When I joined this fandom, I had this naïve notion that everyone in the fandom (at the very least, everyone in this ship) got along. Horrible assumption, I know. But when I was fresh and new, and everyone seemed nice, this wasn’t a far-fetched idea. I made connections with people without knowing that they were part of different factions, different cliques, among the ship I joined.

Over the last two years, I have been immersed in this show. I love it. I love the characters, and I love seeing such fantastical things come to life on my screen every week. What I don’t love is fandom. I’ve never much been into speculation or meta. I don’t like to sit down and analyze every minute detail, and for good reason: I’m an English major. I have been steeped in analysis since I entered college. I went to grad school and had to analyze even more. I can pick apart the plot of a movie and apply it to Campbell’s famed hero journey in no time. I can argue the different aspects of an essay or story. I can break down a poem and find the flaws with only minimal pause.

So, the last thing I want to do in my personal life is sit down and analyze a television show that’s supposed to bring me enjoyment. The last thing I want to do when I’m trying to relax is have opinions shoved down my throat like propaganda. On both sides of issues that have popped up in this fandom, I’ve seen a lot of bandwagon and propaganda thrown around. I teach arguments for a living, so I can figure out when someone doesn’t really care about my opinion, they want to say things like “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion” and then not give a shit about mine. We know that hijacking posts is wrong, so why don’t we know that slamming each other is a bad thing?

I admit that I’ve participated in such activities. The post I made the other night, which is almost blatantly directed at another group, is not an adult move. It was something I did in the heat of the moment, and even at its childish base is still more adult than the other five drafts I had before I hit “post” so I’m not calling myself innocent in all this, nor am I taking it down. The post exists, as all my posts do, and I have no reason to hide it.

That’s exactly what led me to make this post, though. I’m quitting that side of this toxic environment. I will not engage in any “good -vs- bad” scenarios. I will still likely post spoilers, but I’m not going to speculate on what it all means, because there’s a chance that I don’t see the picture the same way someone else does. That doesn’t mean I won’t have opinions on things; I’m just going to keep them to myself, or talk about them with the people I know won’t immediately start name-calling or have melt-downs because I have a different brain than they do.

I want to keep the friends I’ve made here. I’ve lost quite a few already, for some reason or another. But the ones I do have, I like a lot, and I’m willing to have more friends. Just know that I will respect your opinions if you respect mine. I’ll discuss things if we can have open communication about it instead of “I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE WRONG, SO YOU NEED TO SHUT UP AND LEAVE.”

I’m done with the Tumblr “politics” and “popularity contests.” I’m a relatively small blog compared to the ones with thousands of followers, and I’m happiest that way. I don’t follow a lot of blogs, so I’m okay if a lot don’t follow me. I would prefer people follow my blog because they like what I post, they like what I write, they like seeing what I enjoy, instead of “I agree with their side, so I’ll stick with them.” I don’t want someone choosing to follow me simply because they agree with me on a side of an argument.

I’m quitting fandom so I don’t have to lose my happy place. I’ll be using mobile almost exclusively for chatting and checking notifications so that I can appropriately block and blacklist what I need to in order to keep my little area cultivated to things that will bring me peace or happiness.

I encourage anyone who ever wants to talk to stop on by. Even if we aren’t mutual, I’m happy to chat with whoever stops by. Just know that I’ll have limited things to say about what I think is going to happen on the show, and general reactions to an episode besides “I liked it” or “I think they could’ve done better.” I will not liveblog unless I have something I just can’t stop myself from saying, and even then, it’s likely going to be a detail I found interesting, or a nuance that I appreciate. It will likely not have anything to do with the worth of the show in general because we all have opinions on these things, and I’m happy to keep mine in my bubble so I can enjoy the show.

I could’ve done this all without ever making this post. I’ve seen a lot of people I follow (or followed) fall into the abyss and basically ghost out of the fandom. I entirely understand why they did this. The only reason I decided to make this post is to maybe get through to a giant group of people that there’s something wrong with the way we talk to each other. And there is. I’m not looking for arguments or discussions on whether I should be doing this, and whether I’m right or wrong on this issue. That would just be proving me right if you stop by and yell at me for being wrong.

This show is great, and I feel like it’s okay for me to admit how much I love it, even with its flaws and errors and inconsistencies. I’m a member of the general audience who masqueraded as a fandom member for two years, but I don’t have the dedication and (quite frankly) anger that some people do. I don’t have the energy to be as upset about things not going directly to my specifications. I have no right to tell the producers and writers how to do their jobs just because they did something that I don’t like.

And I will no longer subscribe to the ideals that if someone doesn’t agree with me then I need to side-eye and vague post them into a frenzy. I will not go back and forth with someone I’ve likely unfollowed because the views we had were too different. I will not seek out their posts decrying my lack of intelligence because I don’t find fault in every little misstep. I’m here just to be me, to enjoy myself, and to find gifs of my otp making out or being adorable, and to read about these two falling in love over, and over, and over again.

I don’t think any of you were exactly here for the plethora of meta and spec fic that I put out, so I doubt this will change my follower count because of that, but if you feel that this post warrants unfollowing me, you are welcome to do so without any hard feelings whatsoever. The door is always open.