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darkwingsofimagination · 4 years

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I have lots of thoughts and feelings about Madre Solo Hay Dos, and this post is an attempt to express it. Since I'm posting through the android app I can't use the keep reading option, so SPOILER ALERT IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED MADRE SOLO HAY DOS YET.

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So, when I began watching I couldn't find a trailer or a teaser, was relying solely on the small synopsis Netflix gave - which honestly was the best thing for me.

It also meant that at fisrt I was really surprised there was a husband at all not to mention two older kids in Ana's life, but I grew up watching enough mexican telenovelas to know that one way or another things would work out (I surely hoped so). But I liked how the story unraveled.

I was also VERY SURPRISED by Mariana and Elena's relationship because I definitely wasn't expecting Mariana to actually be with a woman before falling for Ana.

Juan Carlos cheating on Ana was both expected and utterly irritating (how could he do that when he had such an amazing wife and family?) And it cannot be justified by the fact she was controlling and workaholic. It just isn't, I mean he knew that control was how she showed love - he said it in episode two - and knowing he met her in university he must have known she was and would still be career driven. And to me that marriage was in the verge of ending and not just because he cheated, but for how he treated her. Always making her feel bad on focusing on having a successful career. I like him as a father, he is pretty good. But as a husband to her he was an asshole. I mean I could understand him asking her stop working a little to spend some time with the baby, for health and bonding issues, (and in a way she did need some rest) but I can't say I liked him in the first episode, because as soon as I knew he cheated that was it. But I tolerated him, he had some nice moments.

Pablo made me so pissed at him for the way he treated Mariana, specially after she said no to him. Although I didn't see him as being manipulative at first, I do agree he seemed to only want Regina if Mariana would go back to him. Besides, the fact he kept competing against Elena (he didn't see Ana coming at all and I really love that lol) irritated me. To me he was clearly treating Mariana as if she were some prize. As if she came back to him would prove he was better than Elena, that Idk Mariana was only with Elena because he left you know? Like getting her back was just to boost his ego - just my opinions. If he could work on not being an ass to Mariana just because she doesn't want to go back with him and still be in Regina's life and for all that's holy if he finally stops listening to the jerks he calls friends he could be tolerable.

I like Elena, I don't love her though, but I like her pretty much, however telling Mariana that she was just confused about how she felt for Ana was a jerk move. I get it, she is hurt and maybe she feels like getting revenge because what Mariana did to her wasn't nice (I mean, it was pretty clear she let Elena assume they were more than just friends who occasionally kissed) but still doesn't justify it. Honestly, I don't even think she should have told Mariana that she noticed she fell for Ana. Mariana needed to that on her own (which she was almost there if the gay panic on her face while she looked at Ana during their "bonding" ritual for Regina's spiritual reception was any indication). What happens is I think that Elena accepeted that she had lost Mariana to Pablo, and to her ir made sense: he was there first (in the sense he was her previous relationship), he was a man, and she was the first woman Mariana ever was with, so maybe she was trying new things and he is Regina's father, maybe she even thought Mariana was still in love with him on some level (which is even sadder, honestly). But seeing Mariana fall in love with Ana, made her realize that Mariana likes women, that she can fall in love with another woman, she just never fell for Elena. So yeah, if they don't make her into a manipulative bitch she could still be an awesome character - my headcannon is both Elena and Pablo getting their heads out of their asses and helping Mariana win Ana back.

All of the men in Ana's life are stupid.

Juan Carlos doesn't appreciate all the effort she puts in trying to be a business woman, a good mother and wife. Neither does Daniel, her ex, seems like he actually understood her. While he read a bit of his book to her she seemed very unconfortable, just as when he talked about not being able to keep up with her. And like he said, her smile is beautiful, yes (the woman is masterpiece of beauty) but she's way more than that. However her ex did look like a fool in love when he saw her again (which Juan Carlos never does) and I guess that's what drove her to him.

I'll save the best for last, so bear with me just a bit more before getting to Ana and Mariana. Before I'd like to talk about Teresa.

Even if I wish Mariana didn't hide from Ana what happened I do understand her. First Tere (beautiful woman, wich honestly this show just slayed me with so many beautiful women) is her mom and she is kinda manipulative (although I'm sure she sometimes means well most of the times she doesn't think about the consequences of her actions) and I don't know, I think as strong and as independent Mari is, she does want to have a family that gets along and people here in Latin America sometimes get in too much of that "family is blood" bullshit, and not only Latinex but the rest of the world seems pretty adamant in having children listen and forgive their parents and carry on toxic parent-child relationships because "they are your parents", which sucks, but it's true. And not only that as much as Ana feels hurt I don't think she would have believed Mariana if she told her. After all in 20 years Juan Carlos never seemed to show any signs of ever being unfaithful to her. Even if it was the right thing to do, it's not the easiest decision. It wasn't just a relationship of a married couple it would affect but also JC's relationship with the children, because it does change their view of the parent - hence he cutting Ana before she said to the children she cheated on him. And yes Tere is her mother and the thing about parents (and other immeadiate family members) is that even if they screw us up all the time we always feel like we have to stand by them someway, somehow. And (and it's a very unpopular opinion and I'm not sure if I'll manage to get my point across very well but I'll try) I guess Mariana felt guilty for what Tere did, not only for keeping the secret but for her actions as well. Mariana is always trying to fix things with and/or for Tere and I guess she might have felt guilty over bringing Tere into Ana's life, even if she knows it's not her fault anything happened... but guilt is something really weird, so yeah. why I think she feels guilty is because, well, I don't know how it is for other people, but when living with manipulative people they managed to make you feel bad for things you have nothing to feel sorry for, not to mention that her attempts of protecting and trusting her mother comes from a feeling of guilty of not being able to trust her - which is also another thing both Pablo and Teresa want from Mariana without ever giving her reason to and then making her feel bad about not being able to trust them.

And finally, what I thought of Ana and Mariana's relationship.

I love how Ana and Mariana balance each other, I like the age difference as well. I thinks it sends a great message as well, not only with the cliché that you may find lkve whenever, but that no matter how old or how young are life happens and you have to deal with it. Being married and having a stable life didn't stop Ana from having her life turned upside down, and the same with Mariana, in her case it just meant that her mess of life got even crazier but that just it.

I love how the relationship between Mariana and the kids just flows naturally as well. And I love how Mariana does support Ana and shows she is happy for her a lot more than her own husband. Even if they are not married they do act like each other's partners, at least to me.

I feel like their relationship begins to shift at the end of the first episode when they decided to live together - and 'Flotando' by Francisca Valenzuela playing during the scene, to me, it's a very beautiful and subtle way to say to us viewers that we can and should expect more from their relationship.

However the second episode it feels to me like it's fundamental, specially for Ana. They both fell very silently for each other, and without noticing and I think Ana began falling when Mariana not only broke her rules but defied her and told her the truth everyone else was afraid to say - and not only that that bond the girl began forming with both Ceci and Ro. I loved how she was super attentive in listening how Pablo was a jerk and then being super protective of both Mariana and Regina when he began coming around - but I also loved that she relented, albeit reluctantly, when she saw that Mariana really thought Pablo could be of importance to Regina. The fact that Mariana was so worried in making sure Ana approved of him showed more of how much she valued Ana's opinion than whatever she may feel for her ex, which to me was step 1 of Mariana falling for Ana, step 2 was definitely the scene where she makes faces at Valentina just so the baby would smile at Ana and the woman could be a little happier, and sideways hug was the cherry on top - the way she feels uncertain of it before doing was very well thought out and executed.

The scene where Ana introduces Mariana and Regina as her other daughter and Valentina's other mother without explaining further than "we are the mothers of the two babies" was really such a heartfelt moment I just died.

I loved how after those initial moments they were constantly checking on each other (I really do love when Ana goes check on Mariana after her disaster of day with Anuar and she gently tucks Mariana's hair out her face in such a beautiful caress).

The scene in which Ana is shocked about how Mariana's date went is definitely one great indication of the fact she was feeling something more (I mean, saying that if she were a man she would definitely hit on her? That has got to be the oldest play on the book, the famous "I'd kiss you if I weren't straight"). Also on the same episode but before the horrible date, she did ask Mariana to never again say she wasn't attractive, which I also saw as something more, 'cause she was able to read between the lines. Mariana out loud said she wasn't sure about her body, not really saying she didn't feel pretty but one could read it. I think it meant something because Ana seems not that much of an expert reading people, so to be able to be so certain would mean she really paid attention. When Ana said Mariana should try with someone she trusted I think that she wanted it to be hed, even if she didn't realize yet. Or maybe did. In the episode where she takes time off before accepting her promotion there's a scene after she wakes up that Juan Carlos begins to kiss her, clearly intending to have sex (and they did have it) but her face is like "god this is boring/I don't think I really want to" that just makes me think ok, maybe she's already realizing she wants someone else (I had this impression). The episode where they go away and not only Mariana manages to convince everyone to go without being intrusive it's really nice, I also loved how fast Ana embraced everyone else as family for Mariana and Regina. The pool scene, oh my, I melted. First how pissed Ana was to know that Tere got distracted and Mariana almost drowned and how she instantly went after Mariana to chek on her, and not only trying to calm her about the water, listening to her about her fears and at the end asking if she trusted her (like I said before I really think she already wanted Mariana and knew it) and then the way they looked at each other whilst in the pool with the babies. Perfect!

Ana feeding Mariana the baby food was the cutest, and I know she said the girls weren't ready to be parted because she was afraid of she might have cancer I really do think she also meant because she wanted them there (let's not forget the lengths she went to make Mariana stay when Juan Carlos said he thought it was time to get back to normal).

Ana's "Te amo" makes lots of people think it came out of nowhere, but I don't think so. I really do believe she fell in love with Mariana, silently and without even noticing - the lingering gazes and gentle touches are some indication - and while she was drugged and asked Mariana to promise her to take care of the girls and she did I guess it hit her right then and there how much she fell for her and you know, most people do say that when you're drunk or high you tend to do and say the things you really want to because your filter just doesn't work. So yeah, I admit to me it was both unexpected and not at all.

I keep wondering if Mariana would have told Ana that she kissed her had she not told her she needed to do the biopsy to rule out cancer. Either way I love everything about the scene. How grateful Ana is to know that she can count on Mariana and how fearful Mariana looks. I loved that Mariana just stopped everything to accompany Ana to the hospital.

I loved that Mariana never for one second seemed to think of saying yes to Pablo and how even with all of her mother bs she refused to live with them because Ana needs her.

The baptism is the peak. Their bonding ceremony is not only wedding vows worthy but it's also the it finally hits Mariana that she fell for Ana, and I just love the gay panic she clearly has. I love her face of fool in love when Ana goes to her friends and how happy both of them look while holding the girls through the ceremonies.

Even if I'm very grateful for the declaration and the kiss we got - highlight for the lightning of this scene. The way the sun hits them helps give the impression that they will work it our - however Mariana should've processed her feelings first but I get her, she was afraid of losing Ana without a fighting chance - both for not telling and for Ana may having cancer. That scene is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking with both of them so miserable. The ending is one more proof of how well this show knows to pair scenes and songs. Cobarde's lyrics is so perfect it feels like it was made for the scene (or perhaps the scene was thought for the song).

I really hope we get these two together in season 2 - however I love me some angst, and usually is what we get, so I think that Ana's tests will come back positive and that Mariana will go back to take care of her and things will go on from that.

And that was my TedTalk, thank you for having the patience to read the ramblings of a very enthusiastic viewer.

#madre solo hay dos #daughter from another mother #mae so tem duas #paulina goto #ludwika paleta #lesbian #ana y mariana

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lia-jones · 4 years

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Growing Stronger - Chapter Twenty-Five - Lost In Translation

It had been Victor’s idea to go olive picking. Not that he was necessarily outright about it, but since Andrea had told him about it, he started mentioning it here and there, showing his interest. Andrea soon started making arrangements for their week in Portugal, although he could tell she was apprehensive about it. That was exactly the problem Victor had to address. He wanted Andrea to feel comfortable in having him in her life.

Victor also knew how important family was to Andrea, so it was important that he get along with them. Being welcoming as they were, that wasn’t a hard task at all. In the days they were at her parents’ house, he kept being invited by each one of the family members to engage in some kind of activity, for the purpose of bonding.

Joshua was the first, inviting him to the rehearsal of the orchestra that he played for and, a few days later, a soccer match with some of his friends. It had been an incredibly long time since Victor played soccer, always busy with work and his other duties, but he had to acknowledge that he enjoyed his time with Andrea’s brother. Joshua was a free spirit, much like his father, but had a competitive spirit that came out in the game. It was their mutual determination that made them connect and work together, leading them to victory. By the time they got home, they were bantering like they had been lifelong friends. The shared camaraderie made Andrea smile, and Victor knew he was on the right path.

It wasn’t difficult to find common ground with Andrea’s father, since enology was a shared passion. Jeremy would come home with a new bottle of wine from work and share it with Victor, or they would step down to his remarkable private cellar to enjoy one of his bottles. Although Victor had regarded Andrea’s father as a bit of a goof before, so particularly keen on saying inappropriate things at the wrong time or being completely oblivious to social cues, he soon learned that that man was incredibly cultured and well-traveled, and was a truly amazing encyclopedia of knowledge about the world. Conversations with him were stimulating and riveting, and Victor was pleasantly surprised to find that he learned things he knew nothing about before their conversation.

Mariana was the heart of the house, the voice of reason, and, being a therapist, human relations and emotions were her forte. Victor knew how closed off he could be, but Andrea’s mother read him like a book, always knowing when he wasn’t feeling comfortable and taking action accordingly to put him at ease. It was very easy to trace some of Andrea’s traits back to her mother, especially her strength and determination, her keen intuition, and insightfulness. Mariana would often invite Victor to help cook a meal, knowing it was probably the one place in the entire house he felt most comfortable in. And to Victor’s great astonishment, he found himself completely relaxed, sharing his view of the world and many aspects of his personal life while he happily chopped ingredients or stirred pots. Of all the members of the family, Mariana was the one he felt the most comfortable with, because she reminded him so much of Andrea.

There was a family member that Victor hadn’t made any intentions to bond with, but such had proven to be inevitable: Andrea’s baby niece, Ana. Victor was never really good with kids, and never felt any kind of attraction towards them or the idea of having a few of his own, until he started to date Andrea. One day Cristina showed up with the little girl, asking Victor and Andrea to babysit while she dealt with some urgent professional affairs, and he couldn’t help but feel captivated by those big green eyes and easy yet innocent smile. Soon, it had captured his interest to understand how the little child perceived the world, and how could he affect it. He took pleasure in playing with her, watching her learn and enthusiastically respond to new stimuli: his tie, his car keys, his very large hands holding her tiny ones. Soon enough, Ana became one of Victor’s favorite people, and the baby girl seemed to return the affection. Much like her aunt, he couldn’t be around her without a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his heart.

Now that he was in an even more foreign territory--Andrea’s grandmother’s farm--Victor realized he was starting to see these people as his familiar world. And invariably, these people were consistently by his side, helping him navigate the novelty of a strange culture and language. Victor, always so guarded and self-dependent, could now fully understand the feeling of having a family he could rely on, even if it wasn’t his own. That made him appreciate Andrea’s family even more, and deepen the already profound love he felt for his girlfriend. She opened his world to new and amazing experiences, and he couldn’t feel more grateful for having her in his life.

“Are you comfortable in your bed?” He heard Joshua speak above him. “We can trade if you feel better on the top bunk.”

“I’m comfortable here, you don’t need to worry.” Victor closed his eyes, preparing himself to meet Morpheus. He was exhausted.

“I’m sorry for the sleeping arrangements.” Joshua apologized with a tinge of bitterness in his voice. “My grandma can be so uptight sometimes.”

“It’s alright, reminds me of my college days.” Victor could feel the tension leave each and single one of his sore muscles. If only Joshua would stop talking and let him sleep.

“I mean, I’m married, for crying out loud. Why do I have to sleep away from my wife? What does she think, that Ana was brought by the stork?”

It was evident that Victor wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. The polite thing to do was to engage in conversation. Maybe Joshua would tire faster and finally shut up.

“No funny business.” Victor playfully warned. “Boys on one side, girls on the other.”

“No… She told you that? Way to welcome people.”

“She said something, but I couldn’t understand what. However, her impromptu sign language was quite explanatory.” Victor chuckled.

“Don’t tell me she made the gesture with her fingers making a circle, and her other finger…” Joshua laughed. “Priceless. I wish I was there to see it.”

“She did. And it wasn’t priceless, it was mortifying.” Victor complained in a flat tone.

“Yeah, she has this… aura around her. She can make an adult feel like a teenager again.” Joshua paused, and when he spoke again, his tone was much more serious. “I know she looks like a tough nut to crack, but she’s actually very sweet. Kind of like you.”

Victor wondered for a moment why people insisted on comparing him to a grumpy old lady. It wasn’t very flattering.

“I’m sure we’ll reach common ground soon. Good night, Joshua.” Victor put an end to the conversation, looking forward to a deep restorative sleep.

“Sleep well, Victor.”

It didn’t take five minutes for Victor to hear Joshua’s deep breaths, indicating he was asleep. However, Victor was not. The conversation has stirred old memories in his mind, making his brain particularly active. Should’ve just told Joshua to shut up and be done with it.

He tossed and turned in his bed, thinking about something he hadn’t considered in a very long time: his college days. Victor’s father was a devout follower and believer of discipline and rigor, so it wasn’t a surprise that when Victor revealed that he had been accepted in Harvard to take the Finance degree, he was told he wouldn’t be staying in the University’s dorm. “You are there so you can get an education, not experiment on illicit drugs and poor judgment”, his father said. Instead, Victor would sleep in the Military Academy dorm as a guest, where he would have the strictness and standards that make a boy a man.

At the tender age of eighteen, Victor found himself in quite the predicament. He was frowned upon at Harvard because he came from a wealthy family, and people assumed his father had bought his admission, which wasn’t the case. Victor had to work very hard to be where he was, since his father believed he shouldn’t rely on the family name, making a name for himself instead. He was also frowned upon at the Military Academy dorm by his roommates, who also had a prejudice against his family of origin. They believed that he was an entitled snotty kid, the kind he knew very well from boarding school, always relying on their parents to get them out of trouble, and slacking off on their commitments, because, truth be told, they didn’t need to honor them anyway.

However, Victor was determined and eager to prove all those fools wrong. At first, he kept to himself, suffering all the insults in silence, knowing that sooner or later, he would make them swallow their own words. He got up at 5 am every morning for the Academy’s mandatory hour of exercise, shower, and help his fellow dormmates prepare breakfast. After breakfast, he would make his own bed impeccably and tidy his room for the usual rounds. At 8 am, he was already in college, taking his courses and spending whatever time he had free at the library, studying, or working on assignments. Then he would return to the dorm, have dinner and help clean the kitchen and canteen, then have a quick shower and put on his pajamas and spend time alone in his room, reading a book or listening to some music as he worked on his laptop.

Victor didn’t have any friends, so he spent most of his time alone, focused on his real goal there: his education. He didn’t want to just graduate, he wanted to do it with high praise, his way to impress his father, in a secret hope of conquering his affection. Sometimes some girls would approach him, and while he let himself entertain with one of them for a while, the romance was short-lived, since Victor didn’t have any interest or time to invest much in it.

By the time the school year was nearly finished, he had conquered the respect of his peers, by showing them he was more than a rich kid with a pretty face. He was finally able to make a few friends, one of them being Ted Kasey, the extrovert red-haired guy that everybody seemed to love. However, Victor still kept to himself, opting to continue spending most of his time on his own. The experience had taught him that relationships were fleeting and volatile, but results were concrete and everlasting. This would be the policy he would adopt for himself for the rest of his life, his determination focused more on results than feelings or relationships.

That is, until he met Andrea. It wasn’t exactly that he was less driven or less focused after meeting her, but that Victor found the value of meaningful relationships. And in retrospect, he reckoned the time he spent in college would be a lot less hard if he had had a true friend to confide with, a pillar he could lean on in time of need. Andrea was that and a lot more: she was his lover, his best friend, his confidant. He finally felt he had someone on his team, rooting for him, making him reach newer heights, and helping him in the case that he tumbled down. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.

Which brought to his mind the matter of her grandmother. Like his mates back in college, he felt that she looked at him and saw nothing but a snob man in a suit. But like before, he would change her mind. He took every hard task she gave him that day and was respectful of her values to show her that he was worthy of Andrea’s love. He would show her he had a spine, honor and high values, and he was more than capable to nurture and provide for her granddaughter.

The feeling of confidence filled Victor’s heart with joy and pride, and he was finally able to find a comfortable position on that bed that barely gave him room to move. Victor imagined the warmth of his loved one in his arms, closed his eyes, and with a soft sigh, fell asleep.

A moment later, he heard Joshua’s voice again.

“Hey, Vic, wake up.” Joshua shook Victor’s shoulder.

Victor was not a violent man, but he could smack Joshua for having the audacity of waking him up by shaking him and calling him Vic. Opening one eye, he noticed the sunlight coming through the bedroom window. It was already morning. Early morning, but still, time to be in bed. Victor groaned, turning away from Joshua and the light. He could use a few more hours of sleep.

“Andrea needs us to go pick up the bread from the bakery.” Joshua shook Victor again. “She needs it for breakfast.”

The mention of Andrea’s name made Victor forget about her brother’s lack of manners and turn again to face him, opening both eyes.

“Alright.” He sleepily tried to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes. “Give me fifteen minutes to shave and get dressed.”

“This is the country, man.” Joshua chuckled. “You don’t need to shave. Be ready in five, I’ll be waiting for you outside. We need to hurry.”

Maybe Joshua didn’t mind walking around looking like a bum, but it wasn’t Victor’s case. He rubbed his face, trying to assess how long his stubble was. It seemed manageable, so he decided to get dressed and ready and shave when he returned. He found Joshua waiting by the car.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get decent coffee when we get there.” Joshua rolled out his window, letting the cool breeze in. “We both look like we need it.”

While they waited for the baker and his employees to prepare the many bags of bread they would be taking, Victor and Joshua enjoyed their coffee at a table outside in silence, appreciating the cool Autumn breeze.

“So.” Joshua started, his voice solemn. “My mom told me about the chat you had with her and my dad this week.”

Victor froze.

“You disapprove?” He watched Joshua’s reaction carefully.

“No, man, I’m happy.” Joshua smiled. “She deserves it, you know, after all she’s been through. And it’s pretty clear you care for her. You’re putting up with my grandmother. That’s quite the feat.”

Victor suppressed a smile, taking a sip of his coffee.

“She calls you Stretchy, you know?” Joshua laughed.

“Your grandmother?” Victor chuckled. “I was wondering what Esticadinho meant. It’s not as bad as I thought I would be.”

“You know, I didn’t like you very much at first.” Joshua narrowed his eyes at him.

“People usually don’t.” Victor lowered his eyes, remembering how Andrea seemed to loathe him during her first months in LFG.

“But you’re a good guy.” Victor looked up, noticing Joshua extending his hand for him to shake. “I’m glad you’re in my sister’s life.”

“I’m glad she’s in my life too.” Victor shook the twin’s hand with a broad smile. “I intend on making her the happiest woman in this world, if she’ll have me.”

Victor barely had the time to talk to Andrea, who was busy cooking and serving breakfast to all the people working at the mill. After the meal, her grandmother took him by his arm, leading him to the mill. As always, Victor followed with a smile. He was curious to know what task she had for him now.

“Isto é uma peneira.” Victor looked at what Bia was pointing, it looked like some kind of sifter. Perhaps the one Andrea was talking about the previous day. “Tu mexes as azeitonas com a rama, e a rama cai.”

Victor only understood azeitonas , which meant olives. The old lady understood his confusion.

She took a bag half-filled with the olives they had harvested the day before, dumping it on the contraption. She turned to him, raising her voice. Maybe he thought that if she yelled at him, he would understand her better. Most days Victor would find that painfully annoying, but in this case it made him laugh.

“Azeitona.” She picked an olive. “Rama. Ou folhas.” She picked some leaves. “Mexes assim.” She rolled the olives in the sifter, and he watched the leaves fall to the ground.

“Com força, não.” Victor knew força meant strength, and não meant no. He had to be gentle. He nodded to show he understood, rolling up his sleeves to start working.

“Tu não vais ser como o outro cabrão, pois não?” The grandmother asked him with emotion in her eyes. “Trata bem da minha menina.”

Victor had no clue what the old lady was talking about, but he recognized the word menina , which meant girl, so she was most likely talking about Andrea. This was a serious conversation, and he didn’t want to miss one single word of it, or give way to misunderstandings.

He had refused to use the app on his phone, considering it would act as a crutch and stall his learning. But at that moment, it would be useful. He took the phone out of his pocket and opened the app.

“Falas aqui.” His Portuguese was intolerably basic, but he hoped she understood that he wanted her to talk to the phone, so the app would translate it. She took his phone out of his hand with a suspicious look.

“Trata bem a minha menina. Ela já passou por muito. Ela não merece sofrer.” She said as she pressed the button he indicated her. He read the translation: Treat my girl well. She's been through a lot. She doesn't deserve to suffer.

“Eu amo-a.” Victor tried to pronounce the words right, speaking slowly. “Muito. Mais do que vida minha.” He hoped that what he said was that he loved Andrea more than his own life. He seemed to have gotten it right, because the lady smiled at him, for the first time.

“És um bom menino, Esticadinho.” She stroke his cheek in a motherly way, and he understood she was praising him, although calling him a good boy wasn’t exactly the praise he was looking for.

“Obrigado.” He smiled.

“Agora vê se te portas bem com ela e se o manténs guardadinho nas calças, sim?” She smacked him in the gut, just above the belt, hard enough for him to slightly double over. Calças meant pants. She was telling him to keep it in his pants. Victor didn’t need to be proficient in English to know that. Without any other word, Andrea’s grandmother left him to work.

Victor was finishing sorting his second bag when Andrea’s father came to him.

“Go help Andrea in the kitchen. We got this.” Jeremy took the bag Victor was pouring in the sifter from his hands.

“Dona Bia asked, I don’t mind.” He explained, thinking they were trying to give him some relief from all the chores.

“Andrea needs you, actually. Ana is not feeling well, Cristina had to take her to the village doctor. She’s one person short and, according to her, she needs someone capable .” Victor wondered if Jeremy had been tossed out of the kitchen, judging by how he said it.

The kitchen counter was filled with vegetables, with barely any wiggle room. Mariana was cutting vegetables, while Andrea was at the stove, busy with pots and pans.

“Do you want me to do that?” Victor approached Mariana. “I can do it a lot faster.”

“By all means! Go ahead!” Mariana handed him the knife, sounding relieved. “I’m going to tell Josh to start the fire at the mill, so we can cook the food.”

“We are cooking this in the mill?” Victor raised an eyebrow, while he quickly chopped the cabbage as he saw Mariana do. “What are we cooking anyway?”

“ Cozido á Portuguesa. A kind of Portuguese stew with pork and vegetables. Josh has to start a fire to begin extracting the oil from the olives, and we are using that heat to cook the ingredients in clay pots. It gives them an extra flavor. Didn’t my grandmother give you a tour of the mill? I thought that’s why she was taking you with her.” Andrea asked while she removed cooked meat from steel pots to clay ones.

“No, she wanted me to sift the olives.” Victor was done with the cabbages and moved on to peeling carrots.

“I’m sorry if she’s being too hard on you.” Andrea gave him a worried look.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m enjoying myself.” Victor offered her a smile, and as he predicted, the sparkle in her eyes returned. “I think she likes me better now.”

“Well, she never hated you.” Andrea came closer to him, taking the knife out of his hands and placing it on the board. “It’s the whole Daniel experience, you know. It takes them longer to trust. It was only a matter of time until they saw the real wonderful you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“I can’t even recall the last time I kissed you.” Victor held her in his arms, enjoying the warmth of her body close to his. “I have barely seen you these days.”

“No time like the present.” Andrea smiled, and Victor glanced at the door. “Nobody will come, trust me.”

Well, Victor wasn’t known for wasting time. His lips touched Andrea’s softly, and soon he realized how much he had really missed her. And she was just as hungry as he was, judging by the way she fiercely deepened the kiss, one hand grabbing the back of his neck, the other roaming his pectorals, one of the things she knew positively drove him insane.

Victor’s rational side knew that he should make it stop, they should keep cooking, time was of the essence, someone could come in at any moment. But Victor had a beast inside him that was begging to be fed, and was ignoring any plea his logic was making. Before he could be any wiser, he had already sat her on the counter, and was rubbing himself between her legs, lost in her scent, her breasts, her curls. He would have had her right there and then, surrounded by cabbages and carrots and potatoes, if not for the sound of a door opening and closing, making them jump out of each other’s arms.

“Look who’s feeling so much better!” They heard Cristina as she entered the kitchen, a smiling Ana in her arms. “Oh. Did I interrupt something?”

“My beautiful baby!” Andrea ran to Ana, taking her in her arms. “Are you feeling better, honey?”

Victor stayed behind the counter, busying himself with the vegetables, hoping his erection would go away fast.

Cristina took Ana inside for a nap, and in the meantime, Mariana returned to help. Soon all four were busy with their tasks, and Victor was assigned to dessert duty.

“Do you want me to make something in particular?” He asked, while in the pantry, figuring out what ingredients he would need. “Is fermento baking soda?”

“Do whatever you like. As long as we get to eat it, we don’t mind.” Andrea’s mother chimed in. “And yes, it’s baking soda.”

Soon enough, Mariana was ringing the bell, calling the rest of the people for the meal. Victor went to the wood oven in the mill to take out the dessert he had made.

Andrea was absolutely right. The wood oven gave the food a wonderful taste, and it made the whole difference. His dessert would be delectable too, if it absorbed some of the aroma.

After the cozido, Mariana went to get the plated puddings from the kitchen. Everybody started eating, Dona Bia making a pleased remark.

“É bom!” She hummed, and Victor understood she liked it. “Quem fez?”

“O Victor.” Andrea answered with a smug smile. Bia’s eyes opened wide.

“Muito bom!” She smiled, giving him a thumbs-up, seemingly impressed. “Tens jeito, rapaz!”

“She says you’re a good cook.” Joshua, who was sitting next to Victor, translated it.

“Quem quer bica?” Dona Bia asked, and everybody showed their hands.

“What did she ask?” Victor asked Joshua, not understanding her question.

“It’s slang for coffee.” Joshua explained. “But since you are a man, you don’t say bica , you say bico . Tell my grandmother Quero um bico, por favor.”

Victor turned to the old lady, happy for being able to say a whole sentence in Portuguese.

“Quero um bico, por favor.” He did his best to pronounce it correctly.

Suddenly, there was a deadly silence at the table, every single person staring at Victor with eyes wide. Victor felt his face burn with embarrassment. Did he say something wrong? What did he say? Andrea’s grandmother gave a hearty laugh.

“Ó filho, já estou muito velha para essas coisas.” Everybody started cackling, and Victor was more confused and embarrassed by the second. “Dou-te uma bica, pode ser? Um bico não.”

“What are you laughing about?” Victor snapped at Andrea, the heat spreading from his face to his blood, making it boil. “What did I say? What did she say to me?”

“You asked her for a blowjob.” Andrea doubled over laughing and could barely breathe, let alone talk. “She told you she was too old for that stuff, but she would get you a coffee instead.”

There was this expression that Andrea used to express her mortification, she would say she would like to dig a hole and stay there. Victor used to tease her about it, he found the expression very amusing, to dig a hole and hide. Until this precise moment. Victor was in dire need of a hole. Victor also wanted to burn a hole into Joshua’s head.

“Mark my words.” Victor warned, which made Joshua laugh even harder. “You will pay for this.”

“As long as it’s not in bicos!” Joshua stifled a laugh and slapped Victor in the back. “Come on, it’s just some brotherly hazing.”

“Right.” He looked from Andrea's brother to the coffee now in front of him, wondering if he even wanted to drink it in the first place. Now every time he had coffee he would remember this very embarrassing moment.

As Victor took a moment to breathe and calm himself down, he was struck by some amazing realizations. The first was, despite being incredibly embarrassing, Joshua’s hazing meant acceptance. It was the kind of thing Andrea and her brother would do, playing pranks at each other. That could only mean that he was truly being accepted into the family, like one of them, not the foreign CEO everyone should be careful with and tiptoe around.

Second, he had completely forgotten about LFG during those days. He used to define himself by his achievements, taking an immeasurable pride in his work, always putting it first. For the first time in a long time, Victor allowed himself to let go of the cover of financial mogul and relentless conqueror, and be just himself. He no longer felt the need to prove anything to anyone, he no longer felt the need to measure his success. He could be just Victor.

Third, he used to hate the unexpected. Victor enjoyed adventure from time to time, but always in a controlled manner, every step of the way completely transparent and expectable. He had been called a control freak innumerous times due to his need to plan and prepare for any setbacks. And yet he had come to a foreign country, knowing close to nothing about its language, sleeping in the house of a stranger, doing things he had never done in his life, and he couldn’t be happier about it. He felt comfortable, at home, relaxed. That’s when it dawned on him. He felt safe because home had been with him all along. Andrea was his home. His solace. As long as she was close to him, laughing and shining that bright light of hers, he was home.

Victor watched her as she bantered with her family, glowing as usual, the world around her always better than what it was before. He took out the spreadsheet he had done a few weeks ago from his mental drawer and inserted his new conclusions. And what was a certainty at first, now felt like a calling: they belonged together, and only a lifetime with her would be acceptable. She was the most precious thing in his life, and he would do whatever it would take to make her happy and safe.

#Growing Pains - Series #growingstronger #mlqc fanfic #victor x oc #victor mlqc #mlqc li zeyan #mister love queens choice #love and producer

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ficdirectory · 7 years

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x09 “Prom”

It’s the last twin recap of The Fosters 5A. Honestly, this could not have come fast enough, and neither could the news that “ There’s been some response from people in the disabled community about how we have talked about Jesus and that has really informed how we’re talking about him in the next season, how we have structured his story in the next season,” according to Peter Paige.

@tarajean621 and I are both cautiously optimistic that the change we have seen in the last 24-48 hours with regard to how the writers are discussing Jesus in interviews will translate to the writer’s room, and indicate a more respectful portrayal is on the horizon for 5B...

GABE’S LETTER TO JESUS:

I NEED TO TAKE THE JOB IN TAHOE, AND YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. WHEN YOU’RE A SENIOR, MAYBE WE CAN FINISH THE TREEHOUSE BUT FOR NOW IT’S BEST FOR BOTH OF US TO GET BACK ON OUR FEET. I’LL BE IN TOUCH. GABE

Tonia: Well, this is just devastating. I hate it because it just reeks of manipulation to me. Whether he intended it to come off that way, I don’t know. But for Gabe to disappear and tell Jesus he needs to go back to school and that “maybe when he’s a senior” they can finish the treehouse? When nobody even talked to Jesus about any of it? It’s yet another adult attempting to coercively control Jesus and get him to do what they want. (Gabe and Moms.)

Tara: The letter, while not overtly negative, does nothing to fill the empty space left by Gabe. Tonia speaks a lot about abandonment being Jesus’s worst fear, and now Moms are actively engineering it to happen?

This feels like punishment for “Post-TBI Behavior” because it is (from Moms). But Jesus will not experience it this way. He will experience it as his bio father leaving because Jesus as he is now failed to live up to Gabe’s expectations.

Holding that treehouse as a bargaining chip is just plain manipulative.

I do not approve.

JESUS, MARIANA AND JUDE - JESUS AND JUDE’S ROOM:

Mariana: He’s a man of few words.

Jesus: [defeated] Yeah, he couldn’t even say it to my face.

Tara: Jesus’s face looks so sad :(

Mariana: Look, I’ve learned to not expect much from Gabe and Ana. They’re not our parents.

[Lena and Stef walk in]

Lena: Okay, you guys, I’m gonna ask one more time.

Jesus: I didn’t break the model.

Mariana: We had nothing to do with it.

Jude: Nothing.

Stef: Okay. We believe you.

Tara: You cannot tell me that Moms don’t know at this point that Gabe left - if for no other reason than they apparently asked him to leave. They walk into the room, see the twins’ faces, and then proceed to ask about the model? You made this bed, Moms. The very least you can do is follow up with the fallout.

Tonia: I noticed, too, first, that Jesus and Mariana don’t hesitate to talk about Gabe and Ana and their upset in front of Jude. Because as a fellow adoptee, they know that Jude gets this. Whereas of course they would not feel comfortable discussing this in front of Moms (or Brandon, I would hazard to guess.) And, to be clear, it is on Moms, as the parents, to at least check in with Jesus and Mariana about this, if not have a more in depth conversation.

A second thing I noticed was Moms’ quickness to believe the kids here. I wonder if the scene would have played out the same if it was only Jesus and Moms. Would they have taken just Jesus’s word for it? Because I can’t help but think that without Mariana and Jude there backing him up, Moms would not be so quick to believe him.

Lena: It’s not going to be as easy to convince Drew...There is something you’re not gonna like: Drew is cancelling prom.

Mariana: What?

Lena: He thinks that if someone is upset enough to deface school property, that things could get out of hand at a party where some kids might be drinking.

Mariana: That’s bullshit!

Stef: Mariana...

Mariana: Okay well what if we throw our own prom? Raise the money ourselves? How can he stop us?

JESUS, MARIANA AND CALLIE - COMING DOWNSTAIRS BEFORE THE REBEL PROM FOR PICTURES:

Stef [to Jesus] Hello, handsome!

Lena: You look like you’re going to a firing squad, not a prom.

Stef [to Lena] Hey!

Tonia: A tiny moment, but this made me cheer a little bit inside.

Jesus: Yeah, well, I don’t have a date, I can’t dance, and I’m probably gonna see Emma, so I wish I WAS going to a firing squad...

Stef: Funny!

Tonia: I find it interesting that last episode nobody even answered Jesus about whether he could go to prom, and here, the expectation is very clear that he go, even though he doesn’t want to.

Also, Stef? He’s not trying to be funny.

Tara: At what point will this arbitrary dancing ban be lifted from Jesus? As a brain injury survivor who was never steered away from activity during recovery, I’m asking.

Also Moms? Please take Jesus seriously when he references wishing to die. :(

Lena: Let’s take pictures! Okay everybody! Say cheese!

[All except Jesus]: Cheese!

Stef: [scolding] Jesus, you didn’t say cheese!

Jesus: [defeated and still trying to smile] Cheese.

Stef: [chastising] Jesus!

Tonia: Nothing in Jesus’s storyline this episode got to me quite as much as this sad, quiet, matter-of-fact “cheese” Jesus says. It actually makes me scared for him. That he is clearly depressed and no one around him seems to notice.

Tara: Perhaps instead of insisting that Jesus hide his unhappiness for your sake, you talk to him about how he’s doing?

He has had to adjust to a life-changing injury. He broke his engagement with his girlfriend (his only visitor) after learning that she accepted his proposal just to urge him back to school. His biological father left unceremoniously, and the treehouse which was his only hobby is now on hold indefinitely.

This is too much for any 16-year-old to take on without the support of parents or concerned adults. But Moms have wanted a lot of this to take place, while actively avoiding having conversations with Jesus for fear of his “outbursts.”

The way this storyline is progressing, it is far too easy to see why disabled people are 2 to 10 times more likely to experience depression than the nondisabled population.

onewordtest’s idea that Jesus not saying “cheese” might be aphasia-related is also worth noting.

JESUS AT REBEL PROM:

[Seated in a chair, he scans the warehouse for Emma]

Tonia: Jesus’s POV here is literally mine at most social gatherings. I find a chair and I sit. And I people-watch. It’s isolating, but it is also my choice. The difference is, Jesus is being forced to sit out, when we know he and Poppy had a good time together last party.

Tara: Jesus was literally me at every social function post-brain injury. On the outside looking in. Feeling separate. Having no energy for interacting. Being deeply and quietly depressed.

I think the combination of having a seizure after the last warehouse party, Lena’s warnings about inpatient institutionalization, Stef chaperoning the event and his overall depression has lead to Jesus sitting on the sidelines almost the whole night. (Note that while Stef is there, she never checks in with him as he is Being Good - never mind that he is miserable.)

Poppy: Do you want to take a picture with me?

Jesus: Uh...yeah. Sure.

Tonia: I like that Poppy seeks Jesus out here. How it’s clear she’s attracted to him. I actually like all of Poppy’s interactions with Jesus. Because she knows a little about his injury, but mostly she knows him, and treats him as she would anybody else. Not with kid gloves.

Tara: It says something, though, that Jesus - who previously got along and had a good time with Poppy - will now only grudgingly interact with her. :(

Photographer: [to unsmiling Jesus] Smile! You’ve got a beautiful girl on your arm!

Jesus: [looks at Poppy and both smile at each other]

Photographer: That’s it! [Snaps pictures]

[Emma looks on as Jesus and Poppy now pose back to back. Emma is not happy.]

Tonia: I know this is not necessarily what this scene was going for, but the photographer telling Jesus to smile really reminds me of The Face that many disabled people must wear in public. The photographer doesn’t know Jesus from anyone. Jesus’s disability is invisible. But it doesn’t change the fact that he does have one.

Existing in public is a tricky thing when disabled. Either people find you “so inspiring” for showing your face in stores or at social gatherings or they assume your life must be “so tragic.” Either way, the inclination is there to always smile. As a disabled person you are vulnerable and your smile can be your only weapon to diffuse a situation. To soften words that nondisabled people may need to hear but will not like.

Smiling is protective, and the fact that Jesus can’t smile genuinely right now just speaks to his level of sadness, and vulnerability here. Existing in public while disabled, we very much exist for the Nondisabled Gaze. Because whether seeing us “inspires” a nondisabled person or whether they feel awful for our “tragic” life, the end result is the same: The nondisabled person comes away feeling better about themselves.

That is spoken to here in an indirect way, because just like earlier, when Jesus was asked to smile a certain way to put Moms at ease? Here, he’s asked again to smile, to put the photographer at ease, as well as Poppy.

Jesus’s depressed demeanor is uncomfortable, so he must smile. Fake it. To make those around him comfortable.

Because as is often the case: a nondisabled person’s comfort - their feelings - are placed at a higher level of importance than a disabled person’s safety.

And if he can’t express his unhappiness even through a reluctance to smile, where do all those negative feelings go?

In my experience? It just makes you hate yourself more. Because you’re trying to live up to this expectation that is impossible. And you know that if people around you know you’re disabled? They will assume that is the single reason you are depressed. When in reality? In addition to adjusting to his new disability, Jesus has broken up with his girlfriend, Gabe has left, and Moms are controlling everything he does, even down to how he smiles.

It’s more than just disability, which can take time to adjust to. It’s the way you’re treated by people who don’t even know you, and by your friends and by your family. Sometimes, it can feel like there is no escape from it.

That’s why I’m so worried about Jesus.

Tara: Repression of negative feelings leads to either breakdown or outburst. Sadness or anger. Sometimes both at the same time.

After I went back to school post-injury, I became a subject of interest to an adult studying brain injuries. She met with me on a few occasions. Asked where I struggled academically. About my physical limitations. But when she asked about how I was impacted socially, I broke down sobbing.

This was significant because, post-injury, I felt an intense disconnect with my emotions. Everything felt distant and deadened. As if my entire being was trapped in cotton batting.

Did that mean that I never had an “inappropriate outburst?” No. I had a few.

You might say that breaking down in front of a relative stranger in an academic setting is inappropriate in and of itself.

The fact remains that the social impact of a brain injury cannot be understated. This is also why Moms meddling unnecessarily with Gabe and the treehouse is so harmful.

JESUS, STANDING WITH OLIVIA - LOGAN’S DATE - WATCHING MARIANA TALK TO MAT:

Olivia: Is THAT Mariana’s date?

Jesus: No. That’s--that’s her ex.

Olivia: They’re back together.

Jesus: They are?

Poppy: Oh! Yeah! They’re TOTALLY back! That’s her prom date.

Jesus: Wait. Really? She’s back with Mat?

Poppy: [to Jesus] That’s not Wyatt?

Jesus: No.

Tonia: I liked this conversation, because, for once it wasn’t people actively lying to Jesus. Poppy doesn’t know all the details of Mariana’s past relationships and Olivia knows even less. So any faulty information Jesus gets here is purely accidental.

MARIANA AND POPPY - REBEL PROM:

Mariana: What is so important?

Poppy: Jesus told Olivia that Mat’s your ex, so she think’s HE’S your prom date!

Mariana: Well, maybe he WILL be...

Poppy: Well, he’s hot!

Tonia: And again here. It’s clear that Poppy’s not reporting back to Mariana that Jesus’s brain injury made him irrational and so he told Olivia Mat’s her ex. It’s just stated as fact.

Likewise, Mariana’s reaction isn’t to blame Jesus’s TBI either. She says maybe Mat will be her prom date! (This suggests, that at least in this moment to Mariana, Jesus’s words have weight.)

JESUS AND POPPY - SITTING AT A TABLE AT PROM:

Jesus: [Watches Mariana and Emma dance with each other.]

Poppy: Is that the girl you just broke up with?

Jesus: How do you know I just broke up with someone?

Poppy: Because you’re SO miserable, and I’m SO hot, and you haven’t even noticed!

Jesus: I--uh... I’m sorry. You look nice.

Poppy: Gee. Thanks.

Jesus: [Still watching Mariana dance with Emma] I didn’t even know they were FRIENDS again...

[Later, Jesus is still watching. Poppy is still sitting with him.]

Jesus: Why are they slow dancing?

Poppy: Because it’s a slow song.

Tonia: What strikes me here is that Poppy has sat with Jesus at this table all night. But it isn’t because she pities him. It’s because she’s hoping he’ll ask her to dance. She finds him attractive. She likes his personality (what she saw of it at the last party, for sure.)

I also love that she just talks to Jesus like he’s any guy. She answers his questions, but she’s still a little annoyed that he won’t ask her to dance. (I want him to dance, too, Poppy! He should get to have fun!)

Tara: Most proms last a good 6 hours. And Jesus is sidelined for 99% of it. And no one is concerned.

JESUS WAITING FOR EMMA OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM, EMMA’S REALLY DRUNK:

Jesus: Hey, Emma. So...are you and Mariana friends again?

Emma: We’re lovers.

Jesus: [squints]

Emma: Just PRETEND lovers so that your neighbor’s girlfriend doesn’t think that she’s after him? Whatever. I have to get back to my girlfriend.

Jesus: Hold on. Emma, hold on. Look, I--I love you. Okay? I love you and I am an idiot. I don’t care if--if you don’t...want me forever. All I care about is right now. And, I-- I know that I haven’t...been...myself...lately but I WANT to be me again. For me. And also...for you! I--I wanna be the man that you deserve. Would you please just give me another chance?

Tonia: This part really bothered me. Mostly because Jesus had finally gotten to speak up for himself. Have his own thoughts and feelings that were not dictated by those around him. And here he is like days later, taking it all back.

I can justify it, given his character, to a point. Does it make sense that he would want to get back with Emma, especially after Gabe left, so that way at least he’ll have someone? Yes.

But all I can hear in his plea to Emma is the writers, okaying one more instance of Jesus being degraded because of his injury. The fact that nearly an entire episode passed with no one calling him “stupid” and then he calls himself an idiot? Proving Mariana’s words about him were right all along?

Tara: But if enough people call you stupid, or an idiot, or the R-word - or do not refute the notion - you will eventually begin to see yourself that way. And in Jesus’s case, he already felt that he was not smart.

Tonia: And for Jesus to be so hung up on “wanting to be the man Emma deserves” with the strong implication that Jesus must change himself in order to be loved or lovable? It’s just difficult, in these moments, to ignore that nondisabled writers are at the helm here, and that - at this point at least - it feels like their own ableism informed most of this speech by Jesus.

This is the last thing the audience hears from Jesus. The message they will carry about him for months until 5B airs. That not only do people around Jesus think he’s irrational, aggressive, ridiculous and stupid - Jesus actually feels this way about himself.

In an episode that was mostly free of ableism (in his storyline at least). This was the parting message and Jesus is saying it out loud, just drives home what everyone else has already said:

“I’m an idiot and I need to be nondisabled - to ‘get better’ - in order to have a prayer of being loved.”

Maybe it’s because it’s the last episode, which means it’s the ninth week in a row we have had to hear these types of sentiments, but this one was just one too many for me :(

Tara: I want to focus on this part of Jesus’s speech: I know that I haven’t...been...myself...lately but I WANT to be me again. For me. And also...for you! I--I wanna be the man that you deserve.

To me, this feels as if the writers have attempted to envision what Jesus is going through and how he would feel - perhaps by likening it to a person dealing with substance abuse. Because with substance abuse, there can be a stopping.

There is no stopping when you’re living with a brain injury.

Do I understand Jesus’s sentiment about wanting to be himself again? Absolutely. I grieved my former self for years. However, this speech implies more than wanting. It implies choosing. It implies, once again, that if Jesus only puts in the hard work, he can fully heal his brain. And this is not the case.

I have thought many times, “I wish the injury hadn’t happened.” “I wish I was the person I was before, because who I am now feels strange and new and different.” But saying it out loud would have felt futile. Because no amount of work was going to change the way my brain thought, the way I experienced things, the way I felt my emotions. My brain injury changed me on a fundamental level.

And wanting to be the man Emma deserves? This implies that Jesus is not enough or whole as he is. And if he continues striving toward impossibility - becoming nondisabled again - instead of taking small steps toward self-acceptance, he will only persist in hating himself.

MARIANA, LOGAN AND OLIVIA:

Olivia: [To Mariana] Where’s your girlfriend?

Mariana: She’s in the bathroom.

Logan: Isn’t that your girlfriend kissing your brother?

[camera pans to show that Jesus and Emma are kissing]

Mariana: [Smiles for a split second before feigning outrage] MY OWN DAMN BROTHER?! This is the worst prom ever!

Tonia: Mariana’s comic timing here was everything.

But there are so many loose ends. So many things left unaddressed.

1) Jesus is still not back to school (this will be covered in 5B, according to interviews)

2) Moms are still planning to take Jesus to LA for shock treatment “in a couple weeks.”

3) Moms still operating very much out of treating Jesus like “symptoms” rather than their son. I would love to see them having a conversation with him. Listening to him. Just generally, I’d love a decrease in the ableism by 100%.

4) Moms need to acknowledge their part in Gabe leaving. Talk about it with Jesus and Mariana.

5) Jesus is depressed. I’d like someone to notice. Be there.

6) IMO, Lena’s threat to institutionalize Jesus has never been appropriately addressed. As an adoptee, this would have struck lasting fear in Jesus (which Tara referenced earlier in this recap.) It’s not just going to vanish because they gave him a hug. (I know, as adoptees ourselves, Tara and I are still holding our breath each week about the possibility of Jesus being sent away.)

WHAT ABOUT GRACE?

Tonia and Tara: Also in this episode, we learned that Brandon’s girlfriend, Grace, has leukemia for the third time. As seems to be the case whenever there is another story featuring a disabled/chronically ill character, whichever is less “tragic” at the moment seems to take a back seat. IMO a big reason we did not see many of the Unaddressed Things get addressed with Jesus was because Grace’s storyline took priority over Jesus’s.

(And quiet parts of us are adding that Disabled People Hurting never matter as much as How Disabled People Hurting Make Nondisabled People Feel. That will always be the story.)

Unlike with Grandpa Adams, we won’t be contrasting Grace with Jesus. we’ll be comparing them:

In the episode, Brandon tries to figure out why Grace has to move. When her mom is reluctant to break her daughter’s trust, Brandon says he will ask Grace himself. Mom outs Grace’s medical information, telling him Grace has leukemia.

Compare: Brandon once outed Jesus’s medical information to Grace. Moms have outed Jesus’s medical information to Tess and Dean and the other kids, outside of Jesus’s presence.

Brandon is not honest with Grace about what he knows.

Compare: Brandon’s not honest with Jesus about things that concern Jesus. The family is not honest with Jesus. This is framed as okay because Nondisabled People Know Better. And we can just see Brandon’s respect for Grace as a whole person fading, as he is overwhelmed by her illness.

Grace is a plot device. It’s not about her. It’s about how losing her is making Brandon feel.

Compare: Thus far, Jesus’s TBI has also been little more than a plot device to talk about how hard it is to live with a disabled person. It’s not about Jesus, but how Jesus is making his family feel.

XIMENA FINDING SANCTUARY FROM ICE IN THE CHURCH:

Tonia: Though not disability related, I have to say, before I go, that choosing to humanize DREAMers like Ximena, who received DACA as a child could not have come at a more (sadly) perfect time. And seeing Ximena find sanctuary in the church, brought this clip from The Hunchback of Notre Dame instantly to mind (from around 2:00-2:30) but if you’re like us, you’ll want to listen to the whole song.

So powerful to see this. I do hope Ximena is okay.

And I hope that my desire for a more respectful, less ableist 5B is not unfounded.

Tara: Thank you all for reading along. This half-season has been a rough one, and it is so heartening to know that there are people out there who care. Who want to learn.

Please know that our ask boxes are always open for discussion or questions - we would love to hear from you!

Click here to read writer/executive producer Bradley Bredeweg’s response to this review

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters #5x09 #prom #jesus adams foster #tbi #traumatic brain injury #representation matters

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ficdirectory · 8 years

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x13 “Cruel and Unusual”

Super excited about doing this recap with my sis, @tarajean621, who graciously agreed to share her thoughts on Jesus’s scenes. Like Jesus, she also survived a brain injury at age 16. You can see her comments in italics below:

Far Too Many Secrets Going on Around Here, So The Doors Are Coming Off: Stef is not happy having learned all the three remaining kids at home are getting high and committing academic fraud. She is not messing around either. I love that she gives the hammer to Brandon and expects him to take the doors off and he does it, and then he, Jude and Mariana all carry it downstairs together. They know Mom means business.

Going to the Hospital/Can I Come? Stef, you can’t keep Mariana and Jesus apart forever. Twins need each other, even moreso than siblings who were born alone. I even mentioned this to my Grandma, and while she does not watch The Fosters, she was quick to say: “They have to let them be together. They’re twins! They’ve been together their whole lives!” <3

What Kind of Job Are You Doing as Parents? Really, Robert? Although, I can’t help but think that maybe Stef would take Robert up on letting him hire a lawyer for Callie. Like, if it will help her avoid being in juvie, wouldn’t Stef and Lena do whatever it took?

Why Don’t You Wanna Hang Out With Me?/It’s Not Personal: Callie, I’m so scared for you dealing with this creepy guard. I hope you stay safe!

AJ, I Hate to Interrupt Your Playdate/I Love You! OMG AJ and Bella! I love that he kisses her on the cheek and tells her he loves her once Mike tells him he’s going to be late for school. (We so rarely get to see black teenage boys loving on babies so I loved that this scene was included <3 )

Do You Think That They’d Let Me See Him? I Don’t Want to Overstep: I love that they show Ana asking about going to visit Jesus <3

You and Isabella Move in with Me and AJ?/Okay. As Long as It’s Okay With AJ: Thank you, Ana! Mike, this scene with you asking Ana to move in is really sweet, but you needed to have a conversation with AJ first (at least.)

He Bags Every Girl He Can: Joey, the creepy guard, seems even creepier with each passing comment. And he apparently has scary nasty drugs that can make you go to the infirmary and never come back...

What About Their Privacy?/They Don’t Deserve Privacy: These lines always make me laugh, Lena is so concerned and Stef is just over it.

He’s Going to Need Encouragement: Good words from the neurologist, I think. Glad Moms know ahead of time to manage their expectations and their faces.

Hi Sweetheart/Hi, Love: First, things first: I have to suspend my disbelief in terms of the room Jesus is in. It is way too bright for someone recovering from a brain injury. I don’t think I saw daylight or fluorescent light until almost a week later. The ICU was dark and quiet, and I slept a lot.

Now for the positives: The first thing I appreciate seeing is how exhausted Jesus looks. There is no way to adequately convey the level of fatigue that comes with a brain injury, but Jesus shows us that he does not have even half of his usual energy. As Stef kisses his forehead, we see him struggle to keep his eyes open. I can’t comment much on the right-sided tremor/twitching/neuro symptoms that Moms notice - only that it must be unnerving for Jesus especially, having so little control over his own body.

I’m Dr. Danville. I’m Your Neurologist. Can You Tell Us Your Name? Time to suspend disbelief again: because a neurologist would not do a speech evaluation. This is pure simplification for TV viewers. A speech language pathologist would do this in real life (and would most likely not whip a hammer out of their medical bag.)

I appreciate the doctor’s use of pauses and simple sentences here, though. It is crucial that Jesus be given adequate processing time when spoken to, because when the brain is injured, there is often less capacity to filter sensory input and process information. (In 4x11, we saw how agitated Jesus became when subjected to the rapid fire interview by the police officer - this is why. It is also why disability training is so important for law enforcement.) Dr. Danville is not pausing excessively or speaking in a manner that suggests Jesus does not understand, he is simply clear and patient.

Jesus: It takes Jesus about 10 seconds to speak his name here. We see his brow furrow as the word he is looking for is not readily accessible to him, as well as some stress-induced blinking. Think of a time when a word you want is on the tip of your tongue. You know it. It’s in your mental files somewhere, but for the life of you, you can’t say it. This is where Jesus struggles. He knows his name. He knows he should be able to say it. It’s just not there for him to access in the moment when he is asked the question. So instead, he verbalizes. He approximates. And eventually, the word - Jesus - comes back to him. He looks to Moms for reassurance, and they in turn look to the doctor with relief.

Can You Tell Me What This Is That I’m Holding?/A Screwdriver: And here we have the most unsettling moment. Where it appears that Jesus cannot identify a simple tool. As someone who deals with aphasia as well, let me attempt to shed some light on this. We have another situation here where Jesus knows what the object is. His fatigue makes the recognition difficult to see, but bear with me. The doctor asks Jesus to name the object. We see that once again, the word Jesus is looking for is not there immediately. He is, however, able to assign a name to the object within a few seconds.

Are You Sure?/Good: Here, the doctor asks if Jesus is sure about his identification. Jesus raises his eyebrows in an affirmative response.

That’s Actually A Positive Sign. He Knows The Category. That It’s A Tool: Moms look super concerned at this moment, and the doctor takes the time to reassure them. I don’t necessarily like that the doctor talks about Jesus in front of him here, but it definitely does happen in real life unfortunately. We also are able to see Jesus’s face when the camera pans out. He’s staring at Stef with so much fear and uncertainty. This is the moment where I believe Jesus realizes that his identification of the object was actually just an approximation. His brain supplied him with a word in a matter of seconds that was close - in the same category - and he said it, assuming that it was correct. Hearing the doctor’s words, however, let Jesus know that something was amiss. And there is nothing scarier than that feeling.

It’s A Hammer, Right? You Hammer Nails. Can You Say Hammer?/Hammer: I appreciate the doctor’s matter-of-fact demeanor while he corrects Jesus. He also shows him how the hammer is used, as well as contextualizing it by saying, “You hammer nails.” All of these things will help Jesus’s brain to form a connection to the word. Also, by asking Jesus to repeat the word, the doctor is further assessing the type of aphasia he has. (Certain types of aphasia are characterized by an inability to repeat words or phrases.) I feel terrible seeing the fear on Jesus’s face as he says, “Hammer.” He’s obviously confused as to what is happening with his brain and body. :( We see that even though Jesus is supplied with the word hammer, it still takes several seconds for him to process and verbalize the word. He is going to need time and patience from those around him as well as from himself to start to work through this new reality.

Good./That’s It, Bud. Way to Do It. Way to Do It: Love the reassurance Moms give, even though Stef in particular looks scared to death. (x)

As You Can See, He’s Experiencing Some Cognitive Deficits: This terminology seems to have been used on purpose to sensationalize what Jesus is experiencing rather than to contextualize it as normal, given the trauma his brain has endured. Dr. Danville taking Moms aside is better than talking about Jesus in front of him, like before. They were still in the room with him, so he was not alone. I’m sure, at that point, frequent breaks from everything were needed. Jesus would not deal well with someone by his side 24/7.

He’ll Need Some Assistance Walking. A Walker or a Cane. Not a Wheelchair: Stop the presses! Dr. Danville is a mind-reader! He can tell just by looking at Jesus in the bed that he’ll need some assistance walking, (but not a wheelchair) even though the majority of brain injury survivors need a wheelchair, at least early on... God forbid, Jesus might need one. It’s not as if a wheelchair might offer him mobility and/or stability. A walker or a cane are clearly superior options. (Note to the readers: this paragraph is sarcastic.)

Do You Remember What This Is?/It’s a Screwdriver: I was given a heads up by @kattahj that this particular scene starting with the neurologist asking Jesus to identify the hammer looks to have been almost entirely lifted from a documentary on coma patients recovering. (The scene in question starts at about 8 minutes and 30 seconds into the video.) It’s notable that they lifted the entire scene from the coma documentary except for the very end. In the documentary, the woman can correctly identify the hammer when she sees it again. But Jesus is shown to persist in calling it a screwdriver, as if to make him seem like an especially hopeless case.

I’m Afraid Something’s Really Wrong With Jesus. I Just Really Want to See Him: Seriously, Moms need to let Mariana see Jesus. It feels terrifying enough to know your twin is in serious medical danger, but to not be allowed to see him after the fact? I was allowed to see my sis a couple hours after she was out of surgery. It was scary, but good to be able to see her and talk to her. I didn’t leave her side for two weeks, except at night. I was always there. I don’t know how Mariana’s dealing right now. Or how Jesus is dealing with not being able to see her when we know his coma dreams were pretty exclusively focused on his sister. They’re twins. They need to be together. :( I am very glad she has Mat, though. In those moments, whenever friends reassure you, it’s super helpful.

Is There a Chance Mariana Could Be Pregnant?/I Don’t Think She Can Be...With Me: Brandon, this is a super awkward conversation to be having with Mat in the middle of the hall at school.

We Don’t Want to Leave Jesus Alone: I love this conversation between Lena and Monte and how respectful Lena is of Jesus and his privacy. Looks like she is struggling to keep up at work, though and does not want to take a leave of absence since they’ll need to pay for a lot out of pocket :(

I Know There’s A Lot Going On at Home...Something to Make You Smile: Noah, I would be touched but I have a sneaking suspicion that your idea of what will make Jude smile is something illegal...but I hope I’m wrong. (Looks like Lena has the same suspicion.) Also? That’s the same backpack Jude had when he was tiny and cute. <3

I Didn’t Do Anything Wrong and I’d Have to Stay in Juvie Until I’m 18? Horrifying, Callie. I kinda hope Stef agrees to let Robert’s lawyer help you. I have a friend, who’s an adoptive parent and seeing that scene, she said that if her child’s bio parents showed up and offered to help that child in a really tough situation, she would definitely let them help, for the good of her child.

But She’s My Girl: OMG AJ. How can anybody say no to you? And how awkward that Robert is the next one in line to see Callie in juvie and that AJ has to introduce himself and try to pass along his letter to her?

She Has a Record. Ana’s a Convicted Felon/SHE’S Not Fostering Him/I Don’t Think That’s Going to Matter to CPS: Ana’s come so far that I honestly forgot she has a record. Good thinking, though, Stef. Mike obviously loves Ana, but he has not thought this through, and needs to get used to considering AJ.

Makes Me Feel Like I Made a Huge Mistake Letting Them Adopt You: Robert, for real? I do like that he agreed to pass on AJ’s letter, but I hate that he keeps talking about how he never should have signed away is parental rights. I’m glad Callie asked him not to talk about that with her. No matter who our parents are, we make mistakes. And it’s got to be confusing for her to hear that Robert would rather have her than let her Moms keep her because she’s making mistakes.

Jesus. I Snuck in Here to See You, So Don’t Tell Moms That I’m Here/What? Wait. Why? I feel like they're using Jesus here. To say, "He looks like himself but he's not. He's different. He's a different person." When, in reality, Jesus is trying to ask questions, but he is overwhelmed and stuck repeating the same words over and over (perseveration.) His questions actually make a lot of sense, given that Mariana just let him know that she had to sneak in to see him and that he should not tell Moms. If they had just adequately prepared Mariana and answered her questions honestly, she could have reassured Jesus better, and this could have been an entirely different scene. One focused on them connecting, after a long time of not seeing each other.

You Cannot Cry in Front of Jesus, It Scares Him, Love. We Gotta Put on Brave Faces for Him: Yesterday, before this episode aired, my sis and I were talking, and I brought up what I was told before I went in to see her for the first time. It was very similar to what Stef is telling Mariana here.

I was told not to talk about school with her (because she was worried about having not been able to finish classwork, and thinking her teacher would be mad at her.) But at 16, our whole lives were focused on school. We did not have big social lives so most of our interaction with friends was at school. To have such a huge limit placed on what we could discuss was beyond difficult. Especially because she knew I wasn’t being honest with her. She could always tell. And it bugged her. (Rightly so!)

Prior to this, we told each other absolutely everything, so when she was recovering in the hospital, to have to resort to sanitized half-truths, when I really wanted to say sometimes: “You know what? This friend really sucks right now,” was tough. It created a rift between us that took years to begin to mend.

I was told to keep things as calm as possible, and not to get upset in front of her, because it would make her upset, too. This conversation impacted how we interacted for years. Until we realized that I had been functioning within this set of rules the entire time. I would make sure I left her vicinity if I needed to cry.

The big difference between myself and Mariana is that my family did answer all my questions honestly, and I appreciate that. I was told how she looked early on. I was told that they didn’t know what to expect when she did wake up. So, unlike Mariana I always had all the facts. And that first night, hours after my sis was out of surgery, my family made sure I could come and see her. Even though it was 9:00 at night and we didn’t leave until 11:00. Our family always knew that as twins we needed each other. She needed me as much as I needed her. Often, in those early days, I just sat in the room with her as she slept. It was comforting for both of us just to be near each other, and it makes me sad that Jesus and Mariana don’t have that. :(

I Think We Gotta Get You Back in Therapy/Okay: I love this exchange. And I love that Mariana is ready now.

I Am Constantly Thinking About You and Feel Like Your Guardian Angel at Times: OMG AJ. Callie definitely needed this letter from you. <3

Should We Be Taking Away Another Person From Jude? He’s Lost So Much: I have to say I agree with Lena’s thought train here, especially with the fact that Callie’s in juvie and Jesus is in the hospital. (And that what was in the envelope was not pot, but a “really bad poem” that Noah wrote for Jude about hope and strength, brought to you by Lena’s impromptu locker search.)

Now They Know We Got Drugs in Here/I Won’t Say Anything: Joey the creepy guard continues his streak of being creepy and awful by throwing Callie’s bucket at a window and saying she did it so she has to go into solitary all alone :(

I Thought You Loved Me/So Did I: Ohhh this is heartbreaking. Especially on the heels of Lena’s conversation with Stef about Jude and Noah, to see Mat break up with Mariana because Brandon had to ask him about the possibility of her being pregnant? It just breaks my heart. She doesn’t have Jesus. She doesn’t have Callie. And the one person she was able to rely on in all of this was Mat, and now Mariana doesn’t have him anymore either :(

I Saw Emma Buy a Pregnancy Test and Give You the Bag/She Was Buying Me Tampons! Yeah, Brandon! She was buying Mari tampons!

I Want to Adopt You: Okay. Seriously? Are we supposed to be happy about this? About Mike having previously given zero thought to AJ except as he pertains to the possibility of Ana and Isabella moving in? To me this just feels sad and it cheapens their dynamic. If Mike really wants to adopt AJ, great, but the way this is framed, it seems like he’s saying, I want to adopt you so I can have my girlfriend live here and not get in trouble. The ultimate goal for him is to have Ana there, and AJ is secondary. I hope AJ does not find out about this. As an adoptee, I can tell you, the feeling that someone is settling for you, or feels obligated to you is just about the worst feeling ever. Because you know deep down that it was not an act of love. Not because they loved you, anyway :(

Sue You for Custody, Which I Can Do By Proving That You Are Unfit Parents: Robert, how even dare you right now? I love that they are so careful about not mentioning any of this in front of Callie, but that Jude is right there looking freaked out the whole time. :(

Robert, You Live in a Privileged World: Right, Stef? Callie could absolutely be convicted. :(

I’m Not Going Back There. I Can’t. So We Have to Fight: I’d be more worried but Robert’s got his magical rich lawyer that can probably make all of this go away.

Loving Siblings, You See Them All Here: Not all of them. Jesus is not there :(

Send Miss Adams Foster and Her Case to Adult Court: I’d be more afraid if ‘adult court’ were a thing that actually existed...

No More Pot or This Will Be a Very Short-Lived Reunion: Seriously, Jude, listen to Moms.

Thanks for the Letter. I Love You, Too: Aw, I love to see Callie and AJ connecting <3

We Don’t Have Private Rooms and We Don’t Allow Families to Stay Overnight: Though fairly typical as far as rehab facility rules, this would not work for Jesus, given his background, so I understand why Moms made the decision they did and brought him home. He is not without follow-up care, as he will be doing outpatient therapy.

Check It Out, Finally Your Own Room/It Only Took a Nail in the Head: Um, that’s the living room, Brandon. It’s pretty damn public and not good for taking breaks or sleeping. Also, I am not sure about how much time has passed between the last time we saw Jesus in the hospital and now. But we can see that he is able to speak more now. This is similar to my own experience. I had no speech prior to surgery. Shortly after waking up, I progressed quickly, speaking one-word sentences, then two-word sentences and eventually full sentences in the same evening.

Good Job: Jude’s talking down to Jesus here in what he says and how he says it but he’s at the perfect age for not knowing how to react in this situation and assuming incorrectly that Jesus just doesn’t understand.

Taking a Leave of Absence. A Lot’s Going to Fall on Your Shoulders. We’re Going to Give You Lots of Support: I’m glad to know Stef and the rest of the family are planning to give Lena lots of support, because she will need it. But I’m nervous that it will become about how much is falling on Lena’s shoulders and how Jesus’s injury is impacting the rest of the family and not so much how it’s impacting him, and his own adjustment to it.

I’m Really Sorry, Mariana/It’s Not Your Fault: What strikes me most about Brandon coming to talk to Mariana here is where she is in relation to the rest of the family. She’s distancing herself, most likely, because she’s not okay, and does not want to upset Jesus :(

Get a Moooove On and Get Well Quick: Check out the seamless adaptation in this scene as Jesus holds the card with his less dominant hand and Emma is right there to assist, not only with the holding but also with the reading of the card. We also had an Emma during this time in our lives and are of the firm belief that natural, easy help is the best kind <3

What is the Round Thing?/Pepperoni. It’s Your Favorite/No/You Love Pepperoni/I Don’t Want It/Just Take a Bite and See How It Tastes/No. No/We’ll Take It Off! It’s a Cheese Pizza!/No! I Don’t Want It! I Told You! This is dismissive ableism in action. Jesus’s brain injury seems to have flipped a switch in Moms and Emma so that his consent (or lack thereof) no longer matters. They treat him like a toddler, instead of the teenager he is. This is alarming because it is so normalized. The way the scene plays, Moms seem completely in the right for not hearing Jesus out.

We can see that Jesus says no three times. He tells them he doesn’t want it. They still insist he try it. They remove the pepperoni and call it a cheese pizza. (Belittling much?)

Now that he is injured, his words fail to have weight. Jesus knows that, based on how he is treated. He has told them no multiple times, but they are not listening.

When a person has limited speech, their loved ones need to listen more, not less.

When you are disabled, the common assumption is that our needs and our reactions are unreasonable. Even though in any other situation, they would be seen as unreasonable for not listening to him. I'm not saying throwing the plate was okay. But given his limitations and his loved ones’ ableism, it is an understandable last resort.

Speaking of the plate - who has pizza on fancy plates during a pizza party?

Why would heavy dinnerware be the go-to option in this case? For no other reason than shock value. Throwing a paper plate on the floor might seem silly or pitiful. Shattering a ceramic plate on a hardwood floor? That seems violent. Aggressive. Dangerous. This was an intentional choice on the show’s part to further dehumanize Jesus.

Jesus is going out of the frying pan and into the fire here, so to speak. To take him from the hospital room where he only ever saw Moms, and then bring him home, where he's surrounded by all the siblings, Moms and Emma? It's no wonder he got overwhelmed. In this moment, when he’s saying no, no, no? He needs a break. He needs the lights off. He needs quiet. But they don’t realize that yet.

The truth is, Jesus is doing the best he can in his current situation, and his actions make complete sense. But the way the scene is framed leads the audience to believe that Jesus is being aggressive for no reason. Do not be misled. Put yourself in Jesus’s shoes. Try to imagine what he is going through. He wakes up in a hospital bed, and all he is told is that he is okay. That everything is fine. Clearly, something has happened to his brain and body, but he is not being given the full picture. And those he loves most are treating him like he is two years old. Personality changes, my ass. These reactions are legitimate. Jesus has changed, yes. But he is still Jesus. (For additional thoughts on this scene, click here.)

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters freeform #jesus adams foster #brain injury #4x13 #cruel and unusual

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