#(tw for like literally every mental illness tw you can think of)

[eldritch-spouse]

You are running naked in the Jungle, searching frantically.

You look and you see another human, the first one you've seen in months and you run towards them.

“Thank God! Listen, we need to get out of here immediately, it's dangerous! Do you know the way out? Back to civilization?”

You feel a tentacle around your ankles

[Months? Couldn't be me, I'd just die. Let's downsize that to a week. Fem reader.]

TW: Reader has a self-loathing inner monologue; Reader is in a bad place mentally; Dubcon to full consent.

It was a stupid idea.

You knew that when you started it. So did everyone that tried to convince you otherwise. But common sense isn't something that could have stopped someone like you, someone who was ill enough to think taking a break from life in the middle of buttfuck nowhere would work out.

You didn't even have any sort of experience in this type of thing. Neither did you seek any kind of useful tips.

You just wanted to escape.

And you did, literally, into a forested nightmare that you got lost in not even hours after your arrival.

You just wish you could find your car, you just wish you could find somewhere warm and comforting to sleep in.

It's been days. Probably a week by now. Your stuff all disappeared, somehow. You swear you're not tripping, it all just vanished! Your phone, your bag, your keys...

Your back hurts, the nights are cold and humid and you're sure you're getting sick by now. Clean water would be a godsend, you've been drinking and cleaning yourself with some questionable-looking sources for a while. Not to mention you can't feed yourself properly, and you certainly don't know how to hunt.

Not that there's much to hunt. Every time you think you hear a peep, there's a brush of foliage and silence dominates seconds later.

You're going to die.

A horrifying reminder that has your chest pounding painfully and sweat glistening on your forehead.

You don't want to die.

But the modern human wasn't born for the wilderness, and you can only stand being clothed for a little longer before the sensation of being dirty has you clawing the skin off your body.

It was a fucking miracle that you managed to get a small fire going.

Finally.

You can heat up that fish you caught earlier.

If it's still good. Is... This is safe to eat, right?

You lean to sniff at the leaf-wrapped catch.

Eh. You can stomach it...

God, you're starving.

One thing that's been bugging you for a while is how... Deserted this whole place feels.

You're no wildlife expert, but isn't this kind of location supposed to be brimming with animals? Why is it that, everywhere you go, it's mostly just you and insects bumbling around?

Shouldn't there be some mammals here? Some birds? Maybe a squirrel or a snake... Aren't there predators you'd have to worry about in this kind of scenario?

Ironically, being alone makes you feel even more stressed out than if you were constantly surrounded by wild animals.

You huddle closer to the small fire.

Alone.

But always so on edge.

Always getting that tingling feeling crawling up your spine.

The one that screams- Look, look behind you! You're in danger!

The phantom feeling of something hovering behind your neck, goosebumps that hardly fade every time you do turn around to check and find nothing.

Is this a normal amount of paranoia for your situation? Is this your brain trying to cope with the fact that you haven't seen much wildlife so far?

Or is there something watching you from beyond the trees?

Something stalking.

A persistence predator, coming and going, to check on its latest prey.

Oh, and what a catch you are. Big and juicy compared to the things that probably roam this place -Roamed, more like...

Have you wandered into the territory of something that'll inevitably snap its jaws around your neck?

...

Just eat the fucking fish already.

Food.

Focus on the present.

The smell starts to hit your nose. Salt, oh what you wouldn't do for some simple salt. How do people get salt?

You're glad you got some berries along the way too, because this fish is probably going to taste like ass. You're sure they aren't poisonous or anything of the sort. If they are, then you've been eating them for the past few days so honestly you could keel over at any moment.

You'll see.

Once the fish has roasted enough where it's likely safe to consume, you peel it open messily and start munching indiscriminately, ravenous.

It's... Well, it's sustenance.

It's about the most nutritious thing you've eaten since you got here.

This survival thing is harder than the fake actors on TV make it seem.

A sudden crack of a branch has you pausing mid-chew.

You truly feel like a deer when your head snaps up and you stand very still to listen for a follow-up.

Nothing.

Tired eyes strain, trying to make sense of a darkened blob in the distance.

Huh.

What the fuck is that thing?

Tall.

Two legs...

Arms?!

Shit- Could it be?!

That can't be possible, someone else roaming around this maddening forest. Is that a sign that you're somehow getting closer to civilization? That you're making it out by sheer luck? What cosmic force could be on your side this time? Maybe they just live here, like some kind of off-grid retired agent- Okay, you've been watching too many movies.

Without stopping to think twice about frankly important concerns regarding this sudden development, you place the cooked fish down on the leaf it was previously wrapped in and start scooting forward towards the silhouette you saw.

That build can only belong to a man. Well, you assume as much anyway. It's hard to spot more from here, with the foliage covering their form.

" H- Hey... "

You haven't used your voice in a hot minute. Some part of you almost doesn't recognize it. A healthy dose of paranoia stops you from brushing aside the obstacles and facing this person.

But you need to at least try, right?

The worst that can happen is that you really are hallucinating for some reason or another.

With a surge of bravery, but mostly desperation, you push all the branches and greenery away to run towards this person, opening your mouth to greet them, to beg for help, ask for new clothes or just something cooked!

" Hey! Please, I need your... Help? "

Nothing.

There's no one.

But that doesn't make sense, you clearly saw a silhouette, someone was there! You didn't even have to run that far, how could it be that you already lost sight of them? That they could get away so silently?

No. Everything's wrong.

Before you know it, your vision is blurring and your face heats as tears stain your cheeks.

Why... Why would your mind fuck with you like this? Going from a shining shred of hope to complete despair in seconds has you screaming inside.

Why is this happening to you?

Are you really about to die in a stupid fucking patch of nothing just because you can't deal with the stress in your life like a normal person? Just because you made one bad decision when everything was weighing heavy on your conscience? Are you really so incompetent and so pointless as a human that this is how your story ends?

Anger and regret blind you to everything, fingers course through your knotted hair as you sob and tug, having no way to calm yourself and nothing to unleash your tension onto.

The moment you try to stomp your foot in a petulant act, you find it rooted to the ground. It takes a couple more insistent tugs upward for you to realize that something is coiled around it, keeping it firmly planted.

The train wreck of emotions and bile of self-hating thoughts takes a backseat, goosebumps pricking your skin from tip of the head to your very toes. The first thing you think of is some kind of snake, eyes bulging behind digits.

You look down frantically, shaking, but in spite of the sky being clear, all you see is this reddish mass, with neither end nor beginning. What... What the fuck is it?!

The thing tightens around your ankle, starting to slide up the length of your right leg, up to your knee. And immediately, you panic, kicking and shrieking, achieving absolutely nothing and getting promptly tugged to the ground.

Yeah.

Maybe freaking out isn't the best bet for your survival here.

Twigs and dirt get on your face, it takes some coughing and swiping to finally clear your field of view. But honestly...

You almost wish you hadn't.

Curved over your prone figure, staring down, is a creature you have never seen before.

Bipedal and quite large, like the silhouette you had glimpsed before, but so very far from human. The reddish coloration spanning the length of that bizarre body makes him -Because, again, you can only assume that is a male- Look as if he's made of flesh quickly molded together to imitate the figure of a human. What initially made you think he was skinless soon turns into the realization that there was never room for skin anyway.

Because his body is quite literally comprised of what you can only call tentacles. Tendrils and coiling tissue that clings and organizes itself in the vague lie of an organism like yours.

From elbows to fingers and knees to feet, the tendrils become a lot more discernable, coiling and uncoiling while he watches curiously. The thing around your leg is one of said tendrils, coming from the mass forming his own. Along the length of its torso, sharp-toothed mouths form and shift, almost seeming to have a mind of their own as they scent the air and snap at nothing.

That head has got to be the most striking feature. It's an amalgamation of tentacles all wrapped around each other, leaving room for an incredibly sharp golden eye to fix you in place. This thing looks like it crawled out of a sleeping ocean, like the roots and vines of an ancient jungle came together to form a totally new an extension of themselves. He looks like he's been sculped from the guts of others yet also composed in a way your mind could never hope to grasp.

Somewhere between trying to determine if you're dealing with an animal or a person, you reach the conclusion that an animal wouldn't stare you down for this long.

An animal would take a couple of seconds to determine if you're prey or predator and act accordingly. He would have snapped your neck or suffocated you like a boa constrictor with those tentacles by now.

And yet, he just stares.

Like you're the strangest creature to ever grace the woods this thing probably calls a home. You're as freaky to him as he is to you, enough so that he seems out of depth on how to proceed.

You stare back.

This has got to be the monster that you saw back there. Watching you. Now that you think about it, maybe this was the reason you'd always have a tingling sensation reminding you that you're not alone. Because he was there all that time, stalking.

Plenty were the moments he could have dug your grave until now. It's strange that he hasn't. Because surely, he's seen how you're failing to adapt to this location. Every step you take, you're stumbling and getting pricked, hungry, thirsty, afraid, disoriented- You're a fish out of water and he could have ended that misery a long time ago.

Odd.

Neither of you move. It blinks, vertically. You blink too.

And then, it makes this chitter.

Wet, like a gargle, followed by some kind of rumbling as more of those tendrils that form his limbs unwind, explore.

They reach down towards your frame when he squats, and you stifle the urge to scream at the sight of them getting nearer. Because who knows what he's going to do...

They poke and prod, grabbing lightly at parts of you, wet yet not quite. Two coil around your arms, then elbows, then wrists.

Other strays squirm around your sides, unintentionally triggering a squirming reflex as you muffle helpless laughter.

The monster seems intrigued by the noise anyway, making his own vocalizations as if attempting to communicate with you.

Abruptly, there's a blur of movement and you're yanked into the air by the arms, shrieking in fear and pain.

Not for long, because more of his freaky, flowing appendages wind around your middlesection, hips and knees, pulling in different directions.

In seconds, mere moments, this being has you suspended in the air.

Immediately, your panicked mind is going places where it absolutely shouldn't.

He seems more relaxed now that you're restrained, that gaze becomes softer, clouded with curiosity. To be monitoring you this long, you don't doubt he has his own questions and intrigue regarding how you work.

When that hulking red mass walks towards you, anxiety prevents your mouth from staying shut.

" H- Hi? "

A sound not too different from the peep of a skittish bird.

One that causes him to cock his head in a brief pause, processing the noise, and returning it with his own light gurgle. One of the mouths on his figure gets the pitch right down to a T.

Soon, he's lacing a hand through your hair, grabbing it, manipulating the protrusion and stroking your head inquisitively. He squeezes and almost scritches at your scalp, reminding you of the way someone acts when spotting a particularly cute cat. Yes, hair is likely a mystery to this creature, you can kind of understand why it'd linger here.

But that doesn't change the fact that you're being patted like a pet by a strange, unknowable creature- And that's morbidly hilarious.

When your cheeks start to puff with laughter, his attention finally deviates. You can feel the tendrils that form every digit when he splays them across your face, tracing your eyebrows, playing with the tip of your nose and even trying to poke into your ears- Something he halts when you jerk away rapidly each time.

When he starts trying to put a digit in your mouth, he's a lot more careful, aware that you have teeth and can bite, even if yours are quite small and blunt compared to the ones he sports. He succeeds, because your strength is nothing compared to that of a monster of his size and nature. The digit he dips into your mouth rests there placidly for a couple of moments.

You aren't sure what to do. Biting is not a bright idea when you know this creature can probably easily dismember you in this position. He himself looks slightly lost, as if he put his finger in your mouth out of impulse mostly. A false sense of security begets your own curiosity.

Perhaps you're just insane already -That probably says a lot about your overall mental fortitude- But seeing another living being that behaves and looks vaguely like what you might call a person makes you feel calmer than you have since the beginning of all this. You know it's an irrational feeling, that you're not any safer than before, but it's a thread of comfort you desperately cling to.

And it's what allows you to look this thing in the eye while you experimentally lick his bizarre tendril-clump of a finger.

It was only a little flick.

But naturally, he felt it.

The monster rumbles something incomprehensible at you, leaning closer still to cast a shadow upon your front. In this position, he looms between your clothed legs, though seems mostly unaware of the lurid position he's got you in, fixated on your mouth.

The sensation of his digit unfolding into two separate thin tentacles is bizarre. You picture a human finger splitting in two and curse your brain. Said tentacles poke and wriggle, capturing your tongue between themselves.

Yes, that's probably the part of your body that most closely resembles the mass of prehensile tissue composing his own.

The touch has you drooling, saliva trying to break down something probably few to no humans have ever come in contact with. He tastes slimy yet slightly rugged in some areas, not something you'd write home about.

Reflex has your poor muscle squirming to be freed, but that only causes him to tighten the grasp upon it. And, surprisingly, to let out this humid noise that sounds far too much like a groan of delight for you to interpret it as anything else.

There's a pause from your part as you wonder, incredulously, if this thing just got turned on.

There's not much time to ponder, because that digit very quickly slips out, and as he examines the sheen of drool on it, something else steadily approaches your mouth.

Ah, you've graduated from finger to proper tentacle mouthfucking. Commendable.

Making light of the situation is about the least recommended course of action, but after what you've endured so far, you think you deserve to be a little, tiny bit, insane.

Apparently convinced that you won't try to harm him, the crimson monster wiggles that darkened appendage and taps it against your lips, seeming very interested in how this is unfolding.

You should not have opened your mouth.

But you did.

And he visibly brightened up.

The tendril wedges itself in without much hesitation, resting upon your tongue. Much thicker than his digit, your jaw has no choice but to stretch, and your lips wrap around it in a rather phallic, dirty image. You barely realize you're making an effort not to scrape your teeth on the appendage. Perhaps because the sensation of it is a tad spongy and remarkably similar to that of any standard manhood.

And, as if to give reason to your lewd comparison, he shudders at the warmth of your wet mouth, the thing pulsing within you.

While he mostly simply lets the extremity sit there motionlessly, you do explore, trying to lick around it out of morbid curiosity. He watches you avidly, but apparently, what really gets to this bizarre entity is feeling you suck down the saliva that pools in your cheeks, swallowing.

Suction. Because of course he'd enjoy that. What man doesn't?

That begs the question, is the thing in your mouth part of his genitals?

Again, thinking is a privilege you can't afford when that tentacle starts sliding down your throat experimentally. It doesn't take him long to trigger your gag reflex, a violent kick and curve forward from your part causing him to pull back quickly. But he continues to test the waters afterwards, probably seeking the sensation of your stressed throat muscles tightening around him.

Instinct takes over.

Because even if he seems truly out of his depth maneuvering a human body, he's curious and, if you had to guess, attracted to you. Enough to put sensitive things in your mouth, to fetishize that part of you. Hormones make things work, which means he soon realizes he can make repetitive back and forth motions to get friction.

And so, just like that, you're getting fucked in the mouth, inside the woods, by an eldritch abomination of a monster you might find in a cheaply made H. P Lovecraft rip-off.

It should not arouse you.

It should horrify you.

... But it doesn't.

Those reactions are missing, leaving you befuddled at your own enjoyment of the situation. Are you just happy to have someone around? Has it truly been so long since you received this type of attention that you don't mind if it comes from an entity of unknown origin who is clearly not civilized? Are you just a freak actively discovering new sides of your sexuality?

Who knows anymore.

All you know is that there's a wet noise ringing every time he thrusts that slimy thing into your mouth, that he's resorted to gripping your hips hard while making intense eye contact, that he growls and gurgles whenever you have enough control to suck at him. If you had to guess, it's his unwavering, lewd and fascinated observation of your face and lips that has you likely forming a wet spot on your poor pants.

You think your wanton squirming is subtle, but reality proves otherwise when the monster starts getting distracted, one of those pupils shifting to the rhythmic movement of your legs as you shamelessly seek friction. At first, he seems irritated, as if questioning why you'd want to leave when you'd been so docile so far.

Then it appears to click.

You can almost see it in his face, in spite of how inhuman it is, that eureka moment.

And the tendril in your mouth slows down to a crawl.

He starts pawing and pulling at your pants, but not aimlessly. Not at all. He's studied you, he knows what he's looking for, the button and the zipper. You pale a few shades, the only way this thing could know how to take pants off is if it saw you doing it, if it saw you relieving yourself or trying to bathe to avoid infections.

Just how many embarrassing moments did he catch?

Too many, probably.

Still, you're pleasantly surprised to see him so easily remove the garment, fluidly shifting the positions of his tendrils to avoid tangling the fabric in them. Your pants come off without a single blemish, aside from those they sustained previously. Is he removing them so carefully because he thinks you need them to survive or is he just being considerate?

Your underwear is treated the same way, he spares no extra thought to it, and only appears to pause once your pussy is exposed.

Usually, you'd feel self-conscious in this position. There's not a lot you can do to properly groom yourself without the simple privilege of soap and whatnot... But what does it matter here? As far as you know, for this monster, pussy is pussy regardless of it being shaved or bush-heavy, "perfumed" or au naturel.

And a soaked, needy hole is hard for a lonesome monster to ignore.

He looms closer to your womanhood, watching closely, gargling a string of vocalizations you still can't interpret, until another tentacle slithers into scene and slaps against your cunt.

No, literally.

The thing whips from mound to the bottom of your entrance, swiping up and down in a pace that has you seeing stars every time it flicks your clitoris and catches on a clenching entrance. To say your legs kick out occasionally from the intensity of the stimulus is no exaggeration, but he's quick to adapt his hold so you have no way of wiggling aside.

You don't know why it's doing that, but frankly, you don't care much, it just feels good. A racing heart and a heaving chest have you tipping your head back to moan against the thing stuffed in your mouth. You realize, a little belatedly, that he was probably mostly just trying to lube that appendage with your own arousal.

Your plump pussy still tingles when the assault stops on all sides, you strain to watch what he's doing, observing the monster evaluate the sheen now coating that wriggling extremity.

He's less careful than before now, a product of excitement no doubt, parking the somewhat thicker length at your entrance and pushing in tentatively for only a couple of moments before ramming a decent chunk of that tendril into your cunt.

Eyes bulging, you spit out a beastial sound that startles the monster, panting as you try to get used to the sudden stretch. He's reached a depth within you no one else has found before, and the pressure is such so that you've been robbed of the ability to speak.

He shouldn't be that far in you.

You may come from extremely distinct backgrounds, but some things are vastly universal, like the facial expression of pain. Which, credit where credit is due, he picks up on relatively fast. The moment the entity removes a good chunk of its length, you sigh and sag in momentous relief. That's a lot better. You still feel as if you're being stuffed to the brim, but there's no longer that stabbing pain.

He understands what he did wrong after a couple of still moments and some bizarre palping sensation from your insides.

Much like the previous tendril in your mouth, this one too starts to thrust back and forth, with more care now, experimenting with differing speeds and curling in various ways as he gets closer and closer to watch how you react.

You're no researcher, but maybe if the mounting pleasure wasn't swimming to your head and making it very very hard to think coherently right now, you'd be fascinated with the way this monster is being so thorough in his examination of you, wanting to learn what makes you tick in every way, what has you choking out noises and rolling your eyes.

So intense is the heat rushing through your body from his repeated, filthy motions that you hardly notice anything happening until his all-seeing eye is almost glued to your face. The tips of the tentacles that make up his rather disturbing head unfurl and appear to drip downwards, clinging to the sides of your face so he can fix it in place, observe every detail as soon as you part your mouth to moan and gasp and babble nonsense. Each noise you make is eagerly eaten up, he tries to mimic the same motions that make you squeal as if begging for more of them.

There's no time to warn or even shriek about it, your orgasm barrels its way down your body with the intensity of a bullet, curving you in its tentacles, a breathless "oh" being all you can offer as your abdominal muscles contract and you squeeze the life out of the tendril inside you, making a mess that drips to the ground between you two.

It may not have been easy to spot in that pleasured trance, but the monster halted to watch it all unfold, mesmerized. Retracting to test the nature of the new slick now grossly painting you.

By the time you're done riding the high of your climax, you've been shifted again, this time a little lower, and you find the entity staring down to the spot where your core meets something that wasn't there before.

You'll admit you didn't have the time to properly process the full extent of his appearance when he first appeared before your stunned self. Now you're unsure if this monster had some kind of pelvic pouch, or if he merely unfolded two more tendrils out of his mass where one would expect a dick to be.

The two appendages wriggle and roll impatiently, seeking each other before parting in search of heat, of wetness, slapping against your belly and thighs. They may not look like it, but you can only guess those are his cocks. And he's considering something quietly.

It's hard to tell what he's thinking right now, the communication barrier doesn't help. Maybe he worries that the length of them will hurt you. Perhaps he wonders if he can impregnate you this way. It could just be that he thinks perhaps mating with a strange human is not a good idea, but the way those things are spreading a coat of thick precum on your skin says otherwise.

Instead of letting his stall further, a small hand reaches down to feather over the tip of one of those members, immediately getting captured and pulled at in the process. His figure rattles, hips offering a useless piston before his head snaps back up to watch you.

" ... Try putting one in. "

You murmur, knowing damn well it can't understand a single word.

He looks back down, peels back to spread your cuntlips invitingly, then seems to make up his mind, allowing the very tips of both squirming cocks to connect with your entrance. They've found warmth and they're desperate to worm in, stretching and flirting with your walls.

You grin incredulously, already trying to guess what it'll feel like, gasping as soon as he leans forward and allows more exploration. The first hint of a burn arrives as he rumbles in delight-

But a branch snaps in the distance.

And the moment is ruined because he halts immediately, your cry of frustration ignored entirely.

His body twists in an unnatural way so he can glance behind, inhuman eye seeing through greenery and undoubtedly spotting something off.

In the tense quiet that has now settled, even you pick up on the faraway mumbles of what must be people.

Eyes widening, snapping out of this episode, you begin to squirm earnestly now, wanting to see them, to find a way back, to go home!

Finally, people came looking for you!

The monster snaps back around, making you realize how truly fucked you are in these circumstances. Something flashes in that gaze, a hint of contempt, of hurt maybe.

Something too human to fall upon such a nightmarish face.

You can only scream as more tendrils dart in lightening speeds to cocoon you inside them. That single noise being all that escapes before you're forcibly gagged and physically thrown over the monster's shoulder.

His molding body swings from tree to tree in a blur of movement, taking you God knows where...

And leaving your saviors in the dust.

[dootdootwriting]

hii can you do where like the genshin impact boys lovers are like taller than them?

featuring: albedo, alhaitham, ayato, baizhu, cyno, diluc, gorou, itto, kazuha, kaeya, kaveh, tighnari, venti, xiao, zhongli, (separate) tw: light foul language (scattered throughout), mention of violence/fighting (childe), mention of chronic pain/illness (baizhu), haitham is autistic because yeah. type: fluff, sfw, hcs reader: tall, gn, no pronouns, no use of y/n a/n: i was GOING to do literally all of them but i gave up after tighnari sorry i just did NOT have it in me. if you want hcs of this same scenario with different characters, do feel free to request that!

also not using canon heights for this bc they don't . make sense to me so you get mY HEADCANONS. (close to canon at least i promise)

ALBEDO

not hard to be taller than him tbh, he's like 5'4

i can't see him particularly caring about height in an s/o, rather just personality. if he likes you, he likes you and that's really it, you could look like just about anything

you could be three feet tall and he wouldn't care as long as you were understanding about the unholy hours of the night he has to stay up to in order to do his work

he won't deny the fact that dating someone tall has its advantages, though.

for one example, he finds it particularly difficult when an ingredient he's trying to get to is too far up for him to reach

and yes, he could just summon his geo flower and have it elevator his ass up the tree or whatever, but it's so much more convenient AND so much more comfortable to just have you pick him up so he can get higher

also, it's insanely hot

probably would be into it

DILUC

he's probably just a bit taller than average, i'd place him at about 6' or so

so it's not rare that he meets someone taller than him, it just doesn't happen every day

has no qualms about your height other than he finds it slightly annoying to look up at you when you're having a conversation

it's hard to be intimidating when the person you're talking to is looking down at you with an adoring smile, as you can understand.

other than that, if need be, he has the winery mansion adjusted to suit you

just some basic things like carving a bit out of a doorframe if you're prone to bumping your head on things. nothing too drastic

KAEYA

thinks it's hot

he's kind of a slut for people taller than him, i think. or just a slut in general maybe. either way, thinks it's hot

he's probably just a bit shorter than diluc, maybe at 5'11. diluc won't let him hear the end of it and it pisses him off

looks are the first thing he sees in a person. it isn't nearly the end-all be-all of choosing a partner for him (he really looks for someone with more mental acuity and wit), but it does play the part

being tall helps you with this

is the type to DEFINITELY be able to reach the top shelf and pretend he can't anyway so he can grin at you while you get things for him

asshole

VENTI

did someone say short-ass twink?

he's like 5'3 sorry i don't make the rules. short.

so yeah, again, not hard to be taller than him.

he's so playful about it too

"oh nooooo~ they put the apples all the way on the top shelf so i can't reach them~ whatever shall i do!"

bitch, you can fly. be fr

it doesn't matter. if there's something you can do (even if he can also do it) for him because of his height, he'll bat his eyelashes and flash you a grin so you can't help but show off and do it for him

also makes sharing the bed a hell of a lot more difficult. venti already flails around all over the place, and having someone taller sleeping next to him...? forget about it. you're both waking up on the floor.

BAIZHU

tall

probably like 6'1, and lanky too

there is no cabinet he can't reach, and besides he has changsheng to slither up in the rare situation that he actually can't reach something

however, the tables are turned on him completely when he's having a flare-up. a lot of the time, if he tries to exert himself reaching for something (or just getting out of bed at all), he'll dissolve into a fit of coughing and have to sit down

this is when having a tall partner really comes in handy, and you're more than happy to get him whatever he needs to help him calm it down

extremely grateful for your help, and lucky that he has you. anytime you get him something, especially when he's not feeling well, he'll thank you and give you a kiss

XIAO

joining the "it's not hard to be taller than him" club at a whopping (not really) FIVE FOOT TWO

bro is SHORT short

this doesn't bother him as much as you think it might. in xiao's own words, "height has little effect on one's ability to fight," and therefore he can protect you and fight for you even despite how small he is

will pretend not to be thankful if you help him with reaching things, but instead sends you a short glance that only you can decipher as being grateful

going out with him is a little bit like walking with a small but on edge dog

ZHONGLI

taller than REX LAPIS?? REX FUCKING LAPIS??? THE LORD OF GEO???

i think in his human form he's about 6'3, but he gets to like 6'8 with his draconic features out. no, i'm not counting his horns, i think he actually grows when he relaxes and stops hiding his features

is impressed that you're taller than him, and, honestly, a little worried about your back

with this tall of a couple, he definitely has to adjust his living situation. for sure has his ceilings raised and doorways sanded so the both of you can fit

walking around liyue harbor with him is a SIGHT. two giant sized folks casually going out for a stroll along the waterfront, enjoying their date as if they aren't big enough for a seagull to accidentally fly into their faces

also likes having you do things for him. he's tall, he can do them himself, but he's lying if he says he doesn't like watching you reach to screw in a lightbulb or the like.

AYATO

he's probably around 5'11, so he's tall but it's not unusual for someone to be taller than him per se

he's kind of a cheeky lil bastard? he puts everything on ridiculously high shelves on purpose so that he can watch you get them for him

"oh, sorry to trouble you my dear, but it seems the brown sugar is just a few inches out of my reach. could i trouble you to grab it for me?"

"there are like eighteen other different shelves you could have put it on."

"are there? i hadn't noticed! oh, well :)"

also likes to show you off. pulls up to the function (important dignitary meeting) with his tall ass partner

GOROU

little guy! he's probably around 5'4-5'5 so if you're even like average height you're probably a little taller than him

embarrassed about it, almost as much as he is about the whole tail cuddling thing

that isn't to say he doesn't love how gorgeous and tall you are (he does for sure!), he just is a little self-conscious about his own height

he WILL hide behind you if he sees yae miko approach. benefit #1 of having a tall partner: meat shield

also bonus for you: he is a dog, so when he wants you to grab something for him, he'll look up at you with the most adorable puppy eyes you've ever seen

ITTO

good lord you must be insanely tall . i think he's probably around 6'3

the first time he meets you he's blown away. bewildered. incredibly flustered. possibly already in love.

he's used to being the tallest guy around, used to being the big guy in charge. so when he finds you, and has to look up at someone else for a change, he's stupefied (in a good way)

there are no shelves he can ask you to get things from that he can't already reach. instead, he likes to watch you just pick people up

he'll gather some arataki gang members and ask them to stand in a line and have you go back to back with each one just to measure how tall you are compared to other people

he WILL give bear hugs. if you're more lanky, they may break a few bones... so, beware of that

KAZUHA

another almost short-stack, probably around 5'6

he hasn't ever really thought about his height, he isn't insecure about it or anything.

to him, your height is just another thing that he loves about you! he doesn't care much for physical appearance, it's what's inside that counts to him

and once he gets to know you, he finds everything about you stunning!

probably writes poems about how you look standing strong in the wind or something. really he'll write poems about you no matter what.

since you're taller than him, he enjoys being the little spoon. let him recite lines to you while you hold him!

ALHAITHAM

tall ass guy. prolly around 6'1

is surprised that you're taller than him, but other than that doesn't really care all that much

while he does care for physical traits such as height, he mostly values intelligence and wit, so as long as you can keep up with him in a conversation, you're good enough to date

he has parameters, you understand. you have to fit to a certain standard in a series of specific categories, including age, wit, compatibility....

he might be a little autistic.

my point is, height doesn't really factor in there

still enjoys being the big spoon, even if there's more of you or if you don't quite slot together ideally in that position

it doesn't matter if you're 8 feet tall, this guy Will hold you

CYNO

putting him in around 5'5

despite his small stature, he's a force to be reckoned with. everyone around him knows it, even if he sometimes wishes they didn't care as much

has absolutely no trouble asking you to get things for him if he can't reach them. unbothered king.

this comes less from a place of him not caring about being short and more of a place of him knowing his limitations and understanding when he needs help!

doesn't really care about being shorter than you. well... unless you tease him about being short, then he gets a little miffed. he doesn't mind being the shorter one as long as he isn't just called short

doesn't mind being the little spoon if you suggest it

KAVEH

i wanna say he's about average height, 5'8-5'9 ish!

he's comfortable with his height. he doesn't really think about it very often

that being said, i do think he would be very into someone who's taller than him. i just get those vibes

PLEASE please lean in a doorway and look at him or something. he thinks it's so attractive

probably will ask you to reach up and get things for him just so he can like... poke you in the side??? for no reason?? while you do it

likes to show you off but is also shy about it. will hold your hand when you walk around in public but also really doesn't want anyone to notice. there are two wolves inside of him.

TIGHNARI

I AM A 5'6 TIGHNARI TRUTHER. idk. he gives 5'6 vibes and i don't know why!!!

honestly couldn't give two shits about his height. As long as he can get to the samples he's trying to study, he doesn't care!

Thinks every part of you is stunning, so to him your height is a part of that!

Looks come second to personality to him. This isn't to say he doesn't find you attractive, just that the second he actually starts to like someone all of a sudden oh, they're really pretty actually.

lowkey wants to do like, a family gene chart of you? He wants to learn everything about you, down to where all your different traits come from!

[sunkissedscribbles]

Only Thing That Keeps Us Apart...

pairing: theodore nott x borderline!fem!reader

genre: angst

tw: mental illness, SA, suicide

word count: 1735

summary: theo has to leave you on his father's will

a/n: @inksoakedparchment i hope this is what you wanted<3

playlist: IF NOT FOR YOU – Måneskin / TIMEZONE - Måneskin / THE LONELIEST – Måneskin

masterlist

dividers by @chachachannah

You miss him. How could you not? He was your best friend, your saviour, your boyfriend. The man you were supposed to end up with; marry and have children with. How did you two end up like this? – You’re wearing the old clothes he left at your place before he simply disappeared and erased himself from your life. He left – without any explanation, a note, or any clue about where he was going.

As if he were dead.

As if your love didn’t mean anything.

Your flat is cold and empty without the sound of his stupid whistling while doing the simplest of things like chores, him arguing with the old cooker in Italian when it won’t work properly, without his bright personality he’d only let you see, or the bickering over meaningless things like what film to watch – what film to get bored of in the middle and have a better idea on what to do instead, rather.

Now that he left your life like that everything seems so dull and boring, so dark, so pallid and achromatic. Life seems to have slowed down and the once clear sky you have seen daily during Theo is grey and so overly clouded that the sun won’t shine through the thick layer.

Sometimes you feel like he was just a game of your imagination, like it has completely fooled you. But how could he have been fake? It was so real, too real, even. If you really try you can still recall even the littlest of touches, like him brushing his nose against yours in the morning to stir you awake or the way he held you against his body to reassure you you’ll be together, forever.

What a bullshitter.

There'll be no summer There'll be no spring If not for this love of mine Thornes without flowers Bars with no drinks If not for this love of mine

All the lights All the parties would just fade out Shut them down

He didn’t want to leave, but he didn’t have a choice. He had thought after Voldemort’s defeat things would be different; lighter, easier, and that he’d have a sharper vision of your future together.

Was he naive?

Why on earth had he even thought his father would get sent to Azkaban if he survived the war? Why did he think he’d get a chance to start over, with you?

He had plans, just like you.

Italy – it was his plan. He wanted to take you there, take you home with him, all the while he would have told you about his mother who he lost as a kid. He would’ve shown you all the best places and the best food, and he knew exactly where he wanted to propose to you. Hell, had he bought the ring before he got the call… The plane tickets were purchased, and his place in Italy was all set for the two of your arrival.

And all his plans now are going down the drain because of the family business.

He memorised your landline number – he remembers every time he walks past a phone booth, but he knows he has to stay sensible and responsible. He wants to tell you he’s losing his mind without you, he wants to run away from his father and the literal mafia he’s the leader of but that would only put you in danger. And that’s the last thing he wants.

But what if…

Now I know you're sleepin' Where I'm supposed to be in Wish I could've stayed Only thing that keeps us apart Is seven thousand miles, running like a mad dog Only thing that keeps us apart Is a different timezone So fuck what I'm dreaming, this fame has no meaning I'm coming home Only thing that keeps us apart Is a different timezone

You’re trying to move on – but how could you if these memories of you during Theo just won’t leave your mind?

That one time he was walking down the hallway at your place when he suddenly stopped by the bathroom. It was a thing you two used to do – leaving the door open so that you could still talk whenever either of you was in the bathroom.

“Is that blood?” he stared at you half-sitting, half-lying in the bathtub with one leg on the edge of it, a razor in your hand. His face went completely white as he thought you were hurting yourself on purpose, until he noticed the razor.

“...No?” you raised an eyebrow until you saw the red liquid along your shin. “Oh, shit, it is,” you laughed it off with a shrug. You shouldn’t have – he quickly sat down on the edge of the tub and held you an infinitely long lecture about how not to cut yourself with a razor while tending to the little wound. Little did he care that you had another leg to be done that evening.

Or the memory of your first kiss? All he said was ‘woah’ but you understood him perfectly. No wonder he went in for another to devour you.

But there was the time he tried to braid your hair. He had no idea what he was doing, and your explanation of it with your hands and sentences like ‘this over that and the other that over this’ didn’t help the slightest.

But it hadn’t always been happy all the time, either – there was a reason for him to be scared you were self-harming that night in the bathtub as you had a tendency for depressive episodes.

Before Theo, you had no idea what to do with your life – you had been down so bad you didn’t see the light anymore and your episodes were starting to get to your head – you couldn’t handle them properly and you felt like you could never get your life back from the hand of an external force. So when he found you in the Astronomy Tower with fresh cuts he wouldn’t have left you alone. You had many arguments because of this, because of your BPD.

His presence irritated you at first – he was like a lost puppy, running after you–

"Let's put that down, principessa," he stared into your eyes as he reached for the blade in your fist. There was something about his eyes, about those blue irises that were so effective of getting anything he wanted out of you, and that gaze that seemed to be staring right into your soul.

–but you got used to it after a few weeks and warmed up enough to open up to him. It hasn't been difficult to talk about your mental illness anymore, not like this, that he knew what the worst he could expect from you was. Because he showed you that he really did care about your well-being. And because he loved you, even at your worst.

Yes, he did fall in love with your worst and as time went on and your relationship progressed your mental health only improved during Theo.

You're still the oxygen I breathe I see your face when I close my eyes It's torturous Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

He fell for you. It took him some time to give in to his heart, and for you to accept that you're loveable but you did it. You both did.

He's counting the hours, the time difference – he has been since he had to go, and he can't stop thinking about you. He was a player before you, a man as well as a kid during you – but who is he now? He can't find the answers to his current existential crisis. You probably think he's dead. And you think that perfectly. His life has lost its meaning without you, no colour, no more Nirvana, no Billy Jean, no dancin' if you're not part of his life anymore.

'How could I wake up How could I sleep How could I be someone?'

So, what if...

Tomorrow, I got another plane, I'm not gonna take it Mm, instead, I'm gonna fly straight to you, I paid double for the tickets And I don't give a shit about the contracts that I signed And they can say whatever, we'll be making love, I'm fucking you tonight

Your flat is cold and empty – it's his first remark. He walks farther in, calling out for you, "Y/N? Tesoro, I'm home!" and he's waiting for the moment you run out of the bedroom or from the kitchen to greet him with a fist to his nose for leaving you and kiss him senseless right after.

He walks into the bedroom – no sign of you.

Then into the kitchen.

Where the hell are you?

He spots you in the bathtub, fully dressed. "Y/N! I've been calling for you for minutes, honey. What are you–?" he takes in your pale complexion as he walks closer to you.

Closer to your cold and lifeless body.

The realization hits him like a dozen rocks

"No, no, no," he crouches down next to you, seeing the clear and sharp cuts. "Fuck! Please wake up, please wake up! Y/N, this is not funny. Stop this... Please, baby..." he lets out a ragged breath, trying to collect himself. He lifts your hand to check your pulse.

And just waits,

and waits.

He can't let you go. "Had I not told you to be careful with the razor?" he cries out. You couldn't have died, right? You must be hearing him, must be playing a very sick game with him. No, no, you're alive. You're alive... right? He starts tending to your wounds but deep down he knows there's no point in doing so. You're not gonna wake up. He can't look at your face, he's not strong enough as he knows there won't be a smile on it. The smile he loves so much.

The smile he loved so much.

You were lost and afraid before Theo. You were happy and stable during him. But there's no after Theo. There never will be. Not for you. And you’ve known it all along.

You'll be the saddest part of me A part of me that will never be mine It's obvious Tonight is gonna be the loneliest You're still the oxygen I breathe I see your face when I close my eyes It's torturous Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

tag list: @inksoakedparchment @mqstermindswift @reys-letters @girllblogging777 @yelanare

[authorxxxxxx]

Jitterbug | Bayverse!Optimus Prime x fem!human!reader

Pairing : Bayverse!Optimus Prime x fem!human!reader ( she is Sam's younger sister )

Summary : At first she was the exact same as her brother Sam , but after some tragic events she became a little bit distant . But when he came - she was confused . She did not know how to react when she realized that she loved him . When him and the Autobots landed on the Planet Earth , he expected humans like Sam to be intrigued by them , what he did not expect was to fall in love for a certain girl with bright blue eyes.

Tw : mental health issues , diagnosis of illness , angsty feelings , a very concerned Ratchet , confused Optimus , parents stupidity , but fluff at the end.

English is not my first language so if you spot any mistakes please just bare with me .

Ps : I got away with this one because OPTIMUS DESERVES SOME LOVE , but I really enjoyed it so I hope you do too .

Edit : I think it is so bad for some reason . Some people will say that the song does not fit with the imagine , but I think it is better this way .

11k words

______________________________________________________________

Let's just say that your first encounter with the Autobots was not like you've imagined it to be .

Not that you've ever imagined about meeting extremely tall and big aliens that can turn into cars .

You've never imagined that you'll fall in love for the leader of the Autobots when you first saw him either .

It was a cold night in the early days of October when you and your older brother Sam got into a really big fight .

Things got even worse when your parents came upstairs to calm you both , but instead of doing that they intervened and the situation escalated .

From arguing with your brother about something that you both forgot after a while , to both be arguing with your parents about literally anything .

Their criticism about Sam's progress in school that was not so good , how you were being a not so helpful person because of your mental health issues .

" How much more oblivious can you both be ? Sam do you even realise how much money we are going to spend for your college if you do not graduate form High School with at least decent grades ? "

Your father had told your brother , but he did not answered .

He believes that in situations likes this one - silence is the best option.

But when your mother turned to you . . . Sam saw red .

" And you Y/N haven't we spent enough money for your therapy ? Buying pills every God damn month ? It happened long ago , you should have been able to forget it by now . I mean , it is like you are doing it on purpose ."

He immediately grabbed your right wrist and dragged you out of your house .

Your parents yelling at you to come back at the house immediately or else -

That is how you found yourselves in the middle of nowhere eating McDonald's and drinking coffee inside his car .

Dad bought him a yellow Camaro with black details a couple of days ago , but he was experiencing some weird problems with it .

The most common one - the radio turned all the time on its own .

You loved it .

And so did Sam that night .

The radio was playing some funny jokes to help you both forget the ugly situation back at the house .

Uncontrollably laughing you did not hear a big track changing its form to a 22ft alien robot .

Optimus Prime thought that Bumblebee was still into his alt - form just because he enjoyed it .

The thing is that Bee was so happy that you both were laughing at the jokes , that he did not even noticed his leader looking down at him .

" Mother of Primus . Are you even listening to to me ? " Optimus Prime asked a little louder this time and Bee frozed in his spot .

When Optimus realized that Bee had passengers inside the car he left a breath he did not know he was holding .

Bee opened his doors slowly telling you to get out before he could change into his original form .

Both you and Sam were shocked beyond repair .

Bee was looking down embarrassed when Optimus kneeled on the ground to take a better look at you - both .

Coming close to your faces he asked :

" Are you Samuel Witwicky descedant of Archibald Witwicky?"

" Yeah . " Sam had answered holding at you like a teddy bear .

" My name is Optimus Prime . We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron . "

" But you can call us Autobots for short . " Another one said .

Where did he come from ?

" What's cracking little biches ? This looks like a cool place to kick it . " Another one asked .

You heard yourself silently laughing .

" My first lieutenant the designating Jazz . " You heard Optimus deep voice saying .

" How you learnde to talk like that ? " Sam asked smiling .

" We learned Earth's languages through the World Wide Web . " Optimus answered while looking at you .

Shocked by his piercing blue eyes , you did not realised that another bot had said that your levels were unstable and your body was asking for some rest .

Sam looked worryingly at you .

" And you are ? " Optimus asked you .

" Huh ? " You asked him lost in his eyes .

" She is my younger sister Y/N . " Sam had answered for you .

Suddenly you heard George Michael's voice in Bee's speakers .

" You put the boom - boom into my heart

" You send my soul hig - sky

" When your lovin' starts "

Ratchet the medical's officer had stoped Bee with what it seems to be a laser .

Optimus tried to save you both from embarrassed when he properly introduced to Sam that Bee was his guardian .

And while Ironhide and Jazz were both not interested in the conversation , Ratchet decided to tell his leader that you needed a guardian too .

He offered to become yours so he can have you close by his side since of your unstable health levels but Optimus decided otherwise .

__________

Ratchet was never more anxious and afraid in his whole entire robotic life .

After their first encounter with you and your brother , he soon realized that Sam was the type of guy that tried to fing good in every bad situation . He was alaways happy and funny . Laughing at everything him and Bee did .

You on the other side were more close , introvert , sometimes you spent to many hours of the day alone , you had sleepless nights , you found peace in listening to 80's and 90's music in your earphones .

And of course he had realized that you and Optimus - your guardian had a think for each other .

Everyone seemed to know except you two .

Although after the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons you reached your breaking point .

__________

Anxiety and panic attacks , insomnia , sleepless nights , nightmares , constant fight with your parents , Sam's abstinence , Ratchet's healt questions , Bee's teasing about you and Optimus - Optimus .

You can not lie .

You two were closer that anyone else .

Ironhide believed that your bond was even stronger that the one of Sam and Bee's .

You loved him - more that n just love actually .

You could not imagine your life without the big bot .

And when one day were you were at your worst , Optimus did not returned home that night chasing after some Decepticons , you thought that he was dead .

Only Sam knew why .

You left the compound that night crying and when Optimus returned and did not found you , he knew that he was in deep trouble .

Sam told everyone the truth .

One year ago you had lost forever your bestfriend right in front of your eyes .

The memory was just too much for you and you slowly started getting depressed .

When the therapist diagnosed you with it it was too late you were already deep within it .

Sam told Optimus that you liked him .

And after that Optimus knew what he had to do .

__________

You heard the big truck coming to a stop and after a couple of seconds the sounds of Optimus changing from his alt - form .

" Are you alright Jitterbug ? " Optimus Prime asked you coming closer to you .

Jitterbug . . .

The nickname Optimus had given you after he found out that the song Bee used was your favorite .

Wake my up before you go by Wham!

Your silence made him even more worried .

"Sam told us what is going on and I wanted to say that . . .

I'm sorry Y/N .

If I realized sooner maybe I could have find a way to help you . " He said .

" It's not your fault Optimus . " You finally said to him , voice hoarse from crying .

When you looked up at him - even in the dark night sky he could see your red eyes .

Oh Sweetspark . . . he thought .

He placed his left servo on the ground near you .

After a couple of seconds you hopen up while he was briging you closer to his face .

" Y/N I would like to confess something to you that I hope it will not jeopardize the relationship with have build up . Sam told me - " Before he could complete whatbhe wanted to say you interrupted him .

" Did Sam told you that I like you ? " You asked , tears already building in your eyes .

" Is it not true ? " Optimus asked you .

" No it's not like that . Look you are Optimus Prime . You are a Prime . The leader of the Autobots . And I'm me . Just me . " You said . Taking it of your chest .

" That doesn't meen anything Y/N you humans have helped us with so much that we can call your planet Earth home . And in my home your in too . I am willing to help you get through your pain my Sweetspark . " He confessed to you .

" I thought I was your Jitterbug . " You said to him while placing your hands to his face plate pressing your lips in his dermas .

He stared in your blue eyes , the ones he grew to love so much .

" What do you think about going back to the compound ? It's about to rain and it's a long drive . " He said and slowly he transformed back to his al - form placing you inside his cabin .

" Can you please put our song ? " Your sweet voice asked him and he for sure did it with happiness .

Wake me up before you go by Wham! was playing .

Your song .

__________

" Y/N your back . Is everything okay ? " Your older brother Sam asked you once he saw you .

" I am going to kill you . " You said to him while running to catch him .

Sam started to scream for help while Bee and Jazz seem to enjoy the moment .

" Primus . What is going on ? " Ironhide asked Optimus but before he could answer Ratchet showed up .

" Well at least her levels indicate that she is doing better . Someone save Sam , his stress levels are duplicated .

__________

@unimportantbabymilksharkte

@k----a27s

[alaskan-wallflower]

Can you go more into your mental health hcs for Ponyboy like the body checks, addiction, etc

Sure!-obvious tw for addiction, eating disorders, self harm and suicidal ideation

Si obviously I think Pony used to suffer from chronic pain from track—even prior to his parents dying like he would just have splitting pain in his legs. So he started taking aspirin. He kinda noticed that the aspirin made his pain go away, and it also just made him feel better in a way. So once his parents died was when he started abusing the aspirins. He knew it took away physical pain, but would it take away mental pain? He didn’t know, but he also knew that the aspirin made him tired. So taking that much aspirin just became the norm for him. He’d feel pain, he’d want to sleep it off, he’d take 5+ aspirins, he’d be knocked out. I did read a fic (i think it was by @outsidersheadcanons) called Cold Turkey (one of the few fics i have read but it’s amazing, i’d totally recommend it) where they talked about Pony’s addiction and I agree with a lot of it—since aspirin tends to wear away your stomach walls, Pony had gotten a number of ulcers I think…his liver was also not doing so good either. He was hospitalized for having a failing liver (maybe it even got so bad he needed a liver transplant) but that was when Darry found out and he was pissed. Well not pissed…worried out of his mind, which came out as anger. He starts hiding medicine and is the one to administer it to Pony now. Like he hides all the medicine where he knows Pony won’t find it or get to it and god forbid he does Darry hides it again.

Mental illness��Pony definitely has some depression going on. It’s not so bad sometimes, some days it’s something that he can push down, some days it’s just a lingering feeling and other days it’s so bad that he can’t get out of bed. It really only started once his parents passed a way. Darry didn’t know what to do when that happened, he’d usually make Pony get up and at least eat something, especially fresh after their parents deaths, and post book he kinda realizes the true extent of Pony’s depression. Post book when Pont’s having a hard time eating, Darry is absolutely quick to try and get him in the right track because he’s so terrified that Pony’s going to end up liking how the pain of not eating feels, (Darry used to have an ED) but Darry gets so freaked out that he just physically tries to make Pony eat, and will try to encourage him to. Pony doesn’t notice but Soda does-Darry physically starts shaking around meal times because he hates seeing his baby brother not eating and he’s scared he’s going to slip through his fingers. I think Pony just did that because of how numb he was.

Body checks…well, I have a headcanons that Pony walked in on Darry self harming when Darry was about fifteen and Pony was nine-Darry very quickly true to just tell him that he was “giving himself tuff scars” so Pony would leave him be (and in his panic he just blurted out the first thing he thought of) and Pony followed along and tried to give himself a “tuff scar” across his neck…that was how Darry was outed, and Pony was nearly hospitalized. But Pony started cutting at 13 when his parents died-he started off with just nicking his legs or armpits when he shaved (do men shave there? idk…) but he started out small with that, and burning his fingers with cigarette butts (i don’t know if him playing chicken with curly was him wanting to forget his own pain or stupid teenage boy stuff) but regardless, Darry had come home early and heard Pony rustling in the bathroom and at first he thought he was raiding the medicine cabinet, and freaked out and literally broke the door down because Pony wouldn’t let him in and all he had to see was the blood. He made Pony show him all the scars right then and there. That was one of the only times Pong had seen Darry panic and cry. He obviously had to tell Soda which Pony begged him not to do-but Darry had to. It’s a weekly thing now, every week they make Pony just show them his arms and legs and chest to make sure he’s not relapsed. They make Darry start doing it too honestly.

Long post…whew

[scrumptiouskoalahottub]

☹️Thinking of you| George Clarke (sad) TW mentions of mental illness, su!c!de, therapy

[ You and George were best friends, had been since being children, although you knew eachother inside and out, there was always things George didn't know about you, how sad you were and how unable to cope with your emotions had you feeling, until one Tuesday morning when he stumbled upon a letter you left]

M o n d a y: 9am.

You wandered around your flat, a feeling of melancholy rose over you as your mental health had taken a dip recently, being unable to enjoy the things you normally would. Your phone buzzes, it's a text from George.

G:"Hey, we're having a games night at the flat if you're not busy, the lads asked if you wanted to join? x"

Y/n: "hey, what time? I'm a bit down so I could use a pick me up x"

G: "4pm, but I can come and see you beforehand? We can go shopping or grab a bite if you wanna escape your mind for a little while? x"

Y/n "I would love that geo, is 12pm okay? I wouldn't mind a stroll to some shops, only if you're not busy? x"

G: "my days free, even if it wasn't I'd make time, see you at yours for 12 x"

Y/n "🤍"

-

And with that your mood slowly lifted, although you knew after you go home tonight it would just plummet again, you suffered a while with low moods and just can't seem to escape the feeling of the world being better without you. A lingering feeling of annoyance to those around you and being a burden. You're in therapy 3 days a week to try and conquer your mind, nothing seems to help. You decide to try a make yourself feel better by looking better, you throw on some flare ripped jeans with an oversized hoodie over the top, your hair tried back into a claw clip as you apply minimal makeup, just enough to cover the black circles around your face.

The door knocks as you open it to reveal a smiley George who immediately embraces you into a hug, making you stumble from the force. "Nearly had me on my arse then geo, you that excited to see me?" You chuckle for the first time in weeks, George always seems to make you more happier every time you see him.

"Why wouldn't I be excited to see my bestie?" He says pulling away and ruffling your hair "where we off first?" He asks looking at you with content "I was thinking we could grab a bite first and then go explore? I don't have many places in my specifically" you say with a smile "okay, sounds good, I have one shop i definitely want to go to" he says with a mischievous smile "oh yeah where's that?" You ask "it's a surprise, now come on!" He says holding out his hand.

You both make your way to a quiet coffee shop on the main stretch of London and order a coffee, you know George wants to talk about how you're feeling. As he nurses his cup in anxiousness, "so, what's been going on lately? Why the need of a pick me up" he says taking a sip of his latte, you sigh as you know as a part of your therapy you must speak to people "I just feel so, unimportant to the world at the minute geo, my life seems very, I don't know, pointless I guess" you say unable to look at him, his face whitens as your words "y/n, you know deep down that's not true, you're important to a lot of people and your life is just starting to work out" he says with a reassuring tone "I know, but I just feel, stuck. Like if I wasn't here it wouldn't be much of a difference to the universe and it sort of settles me, I know it's not what you want to hear" you say with a sad expression, George's face turns even whiter "I need you here, me and the boys need you here, we all love you, has there been thoughts crossing your mind that I should know about?" You hesitate as his words, unable to pronounce them to him without your heart shattering, you mumble "there has been, but I'm trying to work through it" George's eyes become glassy, his palms sweaty as he hovers his hand over yours. "I need you to stay y/n, please don't leave, talk to me for gods sake, I would literally move heaven and earth for you if it means I can ease your pain" he says a tears dropping for his sad eyes, your eyes become raw "I know geo, I'm just tired of suffering right now and it just seems the only way-" George interrupts you "no!" His voice now cracking as he speaks sternly your eyes widen "George please don't make this a big deal" you say lowering your head "a big deal?! You're telling me you feel like the world would be better without you and you want me to act calm? You're my best friend! And I care!" Unable to match his gaze your head hangs in guilt, trying to fathom how to respond to your pleading best friend in hopes he would help you rethink your feelings towards yourself. "I'm sorry" you say, George sighs "you don't need to be sorry, I just want to help" he says looking at you with doe eyes "let me try and help" he advises.

You finish your coffees after a heated conversation, you feel strange and awkward around him, you've never felt like this before "I'm going to take you to the shop I wanted to, okay?" He says wrapping an arm around your shoulder "okay" you say softly, you both walk towards a familiar shop you've seen before on passing. It was a jellycat store, something you've always dreamed of visiting ever since you moved to London. Your face lights up in joy "the jellycat store!" You say looking at him, he smiles down at you "pick as many as you want" he says looking at you like you were a kid in a candy store. You hover round the store hoping to find the one you wanted, it was a small but sentimental plush for you, it was the pickle jelly cat, you see it poking out of the shelf as you hurry over to it "this one!" You say holding it up to show George "a pickle?" He says chuckling "yes! isn't he cute?" You say smiling, "yeah he is a little cute I must admit" George laughs "I want this one please" you ask "no more?" George says furrowing his brows "nope, just this little pickle" you say toodling over to the counter, George pays for the plush as they place it into the bag.

"You happy?" He says looking at you "yeah! Thanks geo" you say hugging him tightly, you held the hug for longer than normal, a feeling of warmth wraps your body as if you've never been hugged before, George doesn't let go until you do. "You're welcome" he smiles. You both walk round London for a little while, talking and catching up. George checks his watch "it's 3pm we should head back to the flat, the boys will be coming round soon" he says, you look at him with a pouting lip, enjoying the hustle and bustle of London. "Okay" you say shuffling along the pavement.

You arrive at the flat and George makes you a drink, awaiting the boys to turn up from filming. "I hope today's made you feel a little bit better" he says "it has geo, Thankyou. It'll be a long way before I'm back to my normal self but I think I'll get there with you by my side" you say, but the lingering thought of leaving still sits in your mind, although you were happy in this moment. You still weren't going to be happy forever, a sudden wave of guilt washes over you not wanting to hurt George with your actions or words. The boys walk in as they all embrace you for a hug "we're glad you could come" Chris says smiling at you "yeah me too!" You say back to him, you start off by playing monopoly, making your way through most of the games in the world you decide at 9pm to call it a night "I'm going to go home guys, I'm a little tired" George looks at you worried "you can stay here, in my bed, don't go yet!" He says, urging you to stay as he was worried about your feelings "thanks geo, but I prefer my own home comforts, bye guys" you say waving, George rises from his seat as he walks you over to the door "please don't go, I'm worried about you" he says "I'll be okay geo" you plant a kiss on his cheek "love you" you say walking away as tears form in your eyes, you felt wrong to tell him you'd be okay, you knew you wouldn't be. You clutch the jelly cat he bought you as you get into the lift.

You arrive home to your full, lifeless flat almost resembling yourself in its entirety you toss your keys on the side, not locking your door. You place the plus on your dinner table as you sit down with a notepad. Your eyes form the title reads.

"To Geo, this is everything I didn't say to you"

You start listing all the things you loved about him, the way he made you laugh, the way he lit up every room, the memories you shared, the love you had for him as you sign off the note

"Sorry I couldn't have stayed longer to watch your wings blossom more, instead mine needed to grow, I'll watch you forever and always and protect you for as long as I can, Thankyou for being my platonic soulmate in this life and hopefully the next, I love you more than I could've ever expressed in my whole time of knowing you, keep being amazing and filling those rooms with joy, I love you Geo x"

You take yourself to bed and release yourself from all your suffering, your flat still lifeless as you wallow in it. The door still left unlocked and your jellycat perched on the mantelpiece with the note beside it.

--

T u e s d a y : 11am

Your phone rings multiple times, George is calling you, multiple messages appear on your phone

G - good morning pretty x

You not awake yet?x

Y/n?

Hello?

I'm worried, call me

Please answer me

Your flat remains full, yet empty with your presence missing, George tries to call again with no answer. he begins to panic, calling the police to do a welfare check on you, they arrive busting down your door to discover you laid in bed, peaceful with no emotion. George is not far behind them as they deny him access

"Where is she!" He shouts at your door "I need to know she's okay" he bellows ones more, the police officers tell him that unfortunately you were physically here, but your presence wasn't. He falls to his knees in devastation " I knew I shouldn't have let her leave my flat last night!" He sobs, the officers comfort him as the coroner's arrive at your flat, George sees the jellycat perched on your mantle piece as he breaks past the officer to grab it, the note beside it. He clutches the paper as his tears drop to the floor. He opens the page as he starts to read the note you left, he sobs once more as he cuddles the plush he got for you less than 24hours before, it still smelled like you. The officers make George leave as they take you out of the flat, his body turns to jelly as he looks away, not wanting to picture you anymore than a happy bubbly girl who he loved dearly.

He goes back to his flat, as he calls the boys to come over, he opens his door to the with puffy eyes as he bursts into tears "she's gone, she's really gone" he says clutching the plush "who?" They all ask in unison, "y/n, she's gone" they all look confused "gone where?" They all say "she-she's passed away" he says, they boys all rally round him to comfort him as they come to terms with the news together. George decides to post into his insta to signal a break from posting.

Liked by Chrismd10,arthurtv,arthurnfhill,italianbach

Georgeclarkeey: if only you knew how loved you were, I'm sorry I couldn't take away your pain, you will forever be my best friend and I will miss you forever more, I'll make sure I live my life 10x more so you live through me, my platonic soulmate in this universe and any other always, your geo x (I am taking a break for a while)

Chrismd10: ❤️‍🩹

Arthurnfhill: ❤️‍🩹

Arthurtv: ❤️‍🩹

Italianbach:❤️‍🩹

---

If anyone of you are struggling please reach out to a mental health team or helpline, there's is many out there. Don't suffer alone ❤️

(I'm sorry this is deep but I have been feeling pretty much the same and I wanted to express it into writing)

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu Season 3, Episodes 1-6

//tw mentions of SA

Episode 1 - Fallen Heroes

I had a very long discussion with a friend of mine, who is a fan of medical settings, about how cool the existence of IV within the lore of Krosmoz is.

We didn't come to any conclusion. It was just us fanboying about this. Because my friend loves medical things and I love putting character into situations (some of which would not be survivable, if them being put on IV wasn't possible) (big fan of the concept of Joris getting poisoned and very sick and Kerubim and Atcham freaking the fuck out).

Funnily enough, during the making of my YouTube series, I discovered that there are two Sram-venerating women named Toxine in this franchise.

Adamai harbouring feelings of violence towards the members of the brotherhood is a good idea, (<- obviously the guy that wants Joris to beat the shit out of Kerubim would say this), but man, it could have been so cool if someone competent was working with this idea.

Episode 3 - Oropo's Tower

I should admit, this moment was probably a big win for Tristepin Mental Illness fans. Also, this is sadly the most explicit they can get with the reasons why Tristepin might hate being the Iop god in a cartoon.

He has plenty of reasons. Not only had Iop had 394824 demigods who hated him and felt abandoned by him while suffering fates worse than death (all gods have those) and just as many mortals he took advantage of using the power imbalance of godhood and promises of love (all gods have done that), he also canonically sexually assaulted a woman.

Ngl, if I was Tristepin, I would be considering killing myself — however, the kids and the wife would be sad.

They shuoild do this to Yugo too. He also had other wives. Albeit in an infinitely less insane way than Tristepin. Ankama.., please stop ignoring how existentially horrifying the Eliatrope demigods are.

In the Dofus MMO Kerubim pretty much calls the brotherhood of the forgotten an emo club of people with too much free time on their hands doing nothing but whining about their daddy issues.

And he was so real for that.

Btw canonically, Mishelle/Coqueline makes him feel intimidated (due to her grand age) while she herself doesn't really care about him (besides liking his good attitude towards animals), and is actually besties with Otomai.

Episode 4 - Beastly Girl

I like to headcanon that Joris's relationship with Coqueline is that he projects onto her ("oh god.... being 7 forever would make me kill myself.... even being 3ft tall is already horrible and makes me want to die..... the poor woman must be suffering") while she's like,, 1. probably doesn't think of herself as a "woman". I think she would describe herself as a creature, maybe a girlcreature, and 2. is literally chilling and doesn't give a single shit about anything but animal welfare and direct anti-god action.

I think talking to her would kill Joris because he'd realize that not every immortal person is as insecure about Literally Everything as he is.

She literally says, "the only good gods are ex-gods". We stan a leftist girlcreature?

This screenshot can be used as a reaction image for so many different shows. More fictional parents should say "my child is NOT ascending to godhood and shedding their mortality, becoming something beyond my comprehension, before they're of age. Fuck you."

Episode 5 - A Iop Hides Himself to Cry

You want to read @bitter-panacea's analysis posts about Goultard so bad.

Despite my negative feeling on s3, this is a WIN for Goultard fans, as far as I'm aware. (and Goultard enjoyers, since I kinda consider myself one)

I;'m going to walk into the sea.

Episode 6 - The Ecaflip's Scratching Post

YEAH BABY, A FULL ON IN-SHOW CONFIRMATION OF MY "USH HAS A DIFFERENT MOM THAN KERUBIM AND ATCHAM" HYPOTHESIS.

This might not seem like a contentious issue to normal people. Gods have... a lot of different lovers, so it seems normal to assume that Ush has one mom, while Kerubim and Atcham are twins like Eleley and Flopin, and have a different mom...

But a cancelled game that Tot really liked and still considers canon had really weird "there's an Ecaflip priestess who is the CEO of Giving Birth" lore, and was planned to be the mysterious mom of Kerubim and Atcham (and many other demigods), which contradicts a lot of previously established lore (ankama LOVES retcons. sadly).

I am quite open about thinking this is stupid and not considering this canon until they show her to me in an actual released media (and even then I will find a way to headcanon a better reality). Seeing the series itself acknowledge that Ush is not Atcham and Kerubim's full brother makes me feel quite better.

Hi Ush were you doing [SEXUAL ACTS REDACTED] upon cats again.

Cute...

A normal thing for a Bontarian to do. Blue-clad (metaphorically, he isn't wearing blue but white. Still very Bontarian though) man over here protecting kids and women. While also beating them up.

But unironically, I think it's cute that he has this gap moe of being an evil man who also saves people and cares about honour (because that's a proper thing to do) despite cheating constantly.

Somehow, his shallowness and "I mostly care about appearances, even if I do have a moral code" sort of behaviour is just as Extremely Bontarian as Joris's.... 30 mental illnesses.

THE OST IN THIS EP IS SO GOOD. ECAFLIP FANS WINNING ONCE AGAIN.

Hey past me! Maybe he really does pay these cats to put up with his insane behaviours. 🤨

Yugo, I'm gonna be real with you:

he's probably heard Joris and Kerubim say these exact words at least twice before,

He is reallllllly weird about cats and I am unsure if that's illegal in your setting,

He lured in people to kill in his tower for sport serial killer style.

He's bontarian. -20 morality and honor points immediately.

[maybeimamuppet]

Do you believe Regina is redeemable?

ohhhhh buddy the whole can of worms this opened

to make a long story short: yes.

to make a long story longer with a tw for mentioned child abuse/neglect and suicidal ideation

i think every iteration of her deserves a shot at redemption.

canonically regina is at most seventeen years old. yes, she’s almost an adult. yes, she does and has done despicable things at this age and even younger. but she is still young. she is still a child. to completely, black and white say, that she is at her core an unredeemable monster who doesn’t even deserve to try does a complete and utter disservice both to her and the people she’s hurt in her past. to say she will be the way she is forever negates all the suffering she goes through and puts others through in canon, misguided though it is.

regina is also basically the textbook for a personality disorder and specifically bpd. borderline is (in a lot of cases i’ll say rightfully) very harshly judged. there’s a lot of stigma around it and cluster b disorders as a whole. but bpd is also caused for the most part by neglect and abuse in childhood. we only ever see regina’s dad in 2004 canon, for a single scene, crying over regina wearing the rabbit halloween costume. he’s completely absent in both the stage show and 2024. and looking at her mom, it is very obvious something has happened to the both of them and that this child (or neither of these children if you include kylie from 2004) is/are not getting the emotional guidance, support, and attention they need. who knows what happened before canon as well. who knows what her dad was like.

speaking as someone who also probably has bpd (which i discovered through doing research to write her better) i can say it is a terrifying experience. i’m lucky in that i’m able to resist my compulsions most of the time, but having them at all is beyond terrifying sometimes. i am filled with rage on a hair trigger these days. sometimes i’m able to process this anger in a healthy way. i can rationalize. i can think through it. i can calm myself down.

other times i can’t. i can only glance through the mean girls tag on ao3 now because if i look at numbers or think for too long about it, i compare the new fics that have come with the 2024 movie to things i’ve written. to see these fics that, while fantastic, are much shorter or don’t have as much effort put into them as what i do get literally ten times the love does hurt, as much as i adore and appreciate what i do get.

by nature with my other illnesses i have to pour my entire heart and soul, blood sweat and tears into every word i put on a page. every fic i’ve done is a piece of me that sometimes feels like i’ve torn it out of myself and given you to read. sometimes seeing that get 150 hits compared to a cadina fic that’s half as long (but again, still amazing! they all deserve every hit and kudos and comment and whatever) getting up to 1, 10, 50k hits just latches to a particularly sadistic part of my brain and it’s all i can think about for weeks. and it makes me want to quit. either writing or living.

and that sounds dramatic because IT IS. and i’m fully aware having those thoughts and urges is irrational. i don’t want them. i miss feeling like i have a community on ao3 (i absolutely have one here and i love all of you in my little circle with my entire being.) i hate having to avoid reading about my favorite characters because it does that much damage to my mental health. i am afraid that it takes something that small for me to have these massive thoughts.

all of that to say is that bpd makes switches easier to flip. it makes bad choices easier to make.

the reason i’m still here. the reason i still write and i haven’t deleted everything i’ve ever done. the reason i haven’t done a number of other things that i won’t say because they aren’t really relevant. is because i have chosen not to. it is incredibly hard sometimes. but it is still a choice you have to consciously make. you have to consciously decide to hurt someone. you have to consciously decide to say things. you have to consciously decide to humiliate your best friend in front of countless other people.

regina did make those choices.

and for that she does deserve consequences. she deserves repercussions and she deserves flack. she does not deserve to get hit by a bus (except for it being the catalyst to help her realize she needs to change) or being force fed to reach her biggest insecurity and fear without her knowledge.

she made the earliest choice when she was either eleven or twelve years old, that we know of.

that is a child.

regina is a child who is clearly suffering in some way we don’t see. she absolutely should be held accountable for what she does and what she has done. but she also deserves to be allowed to apologize and try to make amends. she deserves to be allowed the opportunity for growth and to heal and to become a functional adult who is capable of meaningful relationships and success. she deserves to be allowed to try.

does she deserve immediate or any forgiveness? no. the people around her also deserve the ability to make the choices with her that they will. she has caused harm, people are allowed to process the harm she has put upon them however they will.

but she deserves the opportunity to make it a choice for them.

she deserves a chance at redemption.

[waistdoll]

I am new to jirai kei, but I just wanted to know some tips and other things I should be educated on in the subculture 🩷 I just don't want to come off as ignorant because Im new 🫶 so do you have any tips or things I should know? ⁠♡

TW: harmful behavior, s*x work, mentions of self-h*rm, i will try to talk about the differences, the stereotypes and the reason behind them, having the "jirai kei" as a main subject.

୨ৎ if you want to know more about the girly kei style you can ask me too!! like brand recommendations, tips on buying from japan, japanese clothes size, makeup, etc.

but please, keep in mind that:

• jirai kei 地雷系 (lifestyle) and dark girly kei (style that some of the jirai girls use) are two separated things and you can be jirai without using the style and you can use girly kei without identifying as jirai.

tl;dr: the western / social media vision of jirai is totally wrong. jirai kei in Japan isn't a style at all; jirai kei is a lifestyle that is seen as "unhealthy".

the term jirai kei came from “地雷系”. translates to “landmine-type”, not the literal meaning as “landmine”, is a japanese slang for "trigger" "red flag" “地雷を踏んだ”, meaning “i stepped on a landmine”. in reference to a person, a “landmine” is someone that’s so easily triggered over minor things that they keep exploding on others with abusive behavior, so you need to be as careful as if you were walking around a minefield.

this meaning has been around for about a decade, primarily used in dating advice articles about how to recognise “red flags” in a partner.

"but OP, it isn't a style?"

in those dating stereotypes, even the most arbitrary traits were considered red flags and wearing dark alternative fashion is already enough to have someone considered a potential landmine, the style in question is called dark girly kei. (style used by many jirai kei girls)

around 2020, jirai kei didn’t have any associations with any particular fashions or interests, but when a popular japanese makeup vlogger started a “psycho girlfriend” dress-up challenge and called the final look a landmine-type cosplay. she contributed to the stereotype that the landmine-types were often fans of dark girly fashion, every influencer was getting in on the trend, and cosplaying as a landmine-type psycho girlfriend, generally also tagging with “yandere”, then a lot of influencers did the challenge and lots of girlykei brands started to use the "jirai kei" terminology to sell more.

"why would someone call themselves jirai knowing that it means "psycho woman" in other words?? wouldn't it be romanticizing?"

popularly, there's a lot of people who call themselves jirai kei knowing about the difference of jirai & girlykei because of their mental conditions, i, myself use jirai kei to feel a little better about my mental state and to connect to other people who struggle the same as me, even if they stopped calling themselves jirai they wouldn't stop their unhealthy behavior, they're not mentally ill because of jirai, they're jirai because of their mental illness. the spaces for real mentally fucked people in the internet are so few, these people that are called "psycho bitches" exist and they shouldn't feel bad about being like this, they are the people who most struggle with all of it and it's their business if they want to call themselves it. telling people to not use the jirai kei term will not stop them to engage on harmful behavior, at the end those people are still mentally ill and have more problems than the terminology they use. might be thinking the "jirai antis" are some sort of saviors or something like that, if you really want to help those people don't blame it in the community and style they've found themselves.

all jirais don't have the same behavior even if all of them have a fucked mental state, some of them might be posting self-harm for validation, some are obsessed with their s/o, some doing sex work for attention, some of us has violent thoughts and bpd, some of us are just neurodivergent, or have depression, etc, is a form of venting/expression, and venting ≠ encouraging someone.

some info:

• the term hadn't changed its meaning, please don't act like it's some sort of "feminist movement" or even empowering.

• part the association of girly kei with harmful behavior is related to "toyoko kaiwai" (トー横キッズ) who's around Kabukicho, many of the members have been wearing various dark j-fashion styles before the "psycho girlfriend dress-up challenge" became a trend. they're credited as the reason for why those styles are associated with the landmine stereotype to begin with. they're been connected to under*ge pr*stitution, dr*g ab*se, public self-h*rm, murd*r and theft.

they are around age 9-24, (firstly known as toyoko kids, but like, there's a lot of adults in this) they're often privileged children who were convinced to get away from home by bad influences. and many members have died or been hospitalized as a result. for more info search the Japanese spelling on any japanese news site, or their signature hashtags on social media:

#/toho横界隈

#/トー横界隈

#トー横

recently, their former leader “Howl”, died by suicide while waiting in custody for a trial, (<- click for more info) -> (also here) for convincing minors to run away from home in order to “work” for him and dress in a way he finds attractive.

all these minors he "convinced" are victims, you can use the style without agreeing with this behavior and be jirai without agreeing with this, they're all manipulated children and it isn't their fault.

[amiiancasselmanyet]

Fix Me is a Mid 2000's Classic, You're Just Not From Canada

before I start this essay series, I would like to clarify that this is NOT a series of reviews but just me genuinely expressing my feelings I have towards the albums in question because I’m a highschool dropout…bon appetite or whatever

also tw for eating disorders, self harm, general mental illness and addiction but this is fix me, you probably knew that

When most people think about early to mid 2000s rock albums that became staples and bands that became household names, there's a few that genuinely come to mind. Let’s get the “emo trinity” out of the way; From Under The Cork Tree was Fall Out Boys sophomore album from 2005 that is still widely loved for good reason. The songs are good and the lyrics hit when you least expect it. Every. Single. Time. Then, of course, we have The Black Parade. I cannot express my love of this album enough, it is quite literally my all time favorite and while Three Cheers has a more solid concept (man kills other men to try and get his lover back, homosexual antics ensues), there's a reason it’s arguably their most well known and beloved by the kids who used to bully you in middle school. Of course we have A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out coming in right after this, there’s not much I can say since this album truly deserves it’s own essay that I won't manage to write (Ryan Ross please come back the kids and I miss you) but, like the other albums, it's a STAPLE at Emo Nites and Emo Nite knockoffs (shout out to Sneaky Dees in Toronto). There is, however, an album among them that's a hidden gem due to the fact that . Fix Me was the debut studio album from Marianas Trench, arriving in 2006. This album stands out from the others in a lot of ways, its sound, its vulnerability and its general lack of a concept. This album was a shot in the dark and a testament to taking chances. Let's talk about it. 

If you’re even a little bit familiar with Marianas Trench (you definitely are because you are on a blog dedicated to the drummer, my beloved bias Ian Casselman), the sound you’re used to most likely isn’t here. This album is gritty, it’s production is grungy. When you look at the other albums at face value, it stands out as nothing like the rest. If you dig deeper, however, you realize that this album truly was the foundation of what was to come. The guitar heavy sound continues throughout the discography, even if it feels less clean than its successors. It adds to the aggression a lot of the songs have, it makes the lyrics hit harder. It was too rock for the pop charts but too pop for the rock charts.(I’m pretty sure Josh said that but this thing isn’t getting a bibliography, this is a more sophisticated shit post on a blog that, again, focuses on the silly drummer with mutton chops) While the sound is incredible, the true core of the album lies in its vulnerability.

Fix Me is essentially an auditory diary, with each track feeling like a new entry. There are themes focusing on the actual struggles Josh Ramsay dealt with at the time. There’s a lot about addiction (specifically heroin), self harm, eating disorders (specifically bulimia) and general depression. It's angsty. It's difficult  to hear at times. You're not supposed to get personal during essays but this is literally on a blog where I refer to the followers as “casselman nation”, it’s a lawless land and fuck you I’ll do what I want. This album, at its core, felt like it was almost a diary entry from a younger me. 

14 year old me was very different from the current me, I had a different name entirely, a different outlook on life and a lot of things that shaped me today had not happened yet. I was unmedicated and everyone else's problem. If you ever scroll down on the personal tag of my main (you WILL NOT, you DO NOT need to see my digital footprint and angst), you'll notice that there's a lot of themes on this album that pertained to me at that time. I was VERY depressed, undiagnosed bipolar 2, bulimic and…doing things in school bathrooms I shouldn't have with items from my art class I shouldn't have had access to in that state (not going to elaborate, I’m sure you get where I’m going). When you deal with those things head on, you tend to, from experience, seek out public figures, whether it be musicians or celebrities or youtubers (shout out to Dan and Phil lmao) who have similar experiences that you had. For me, a big one from the get go was Marianas Trench. There’s something oddly comforting in not only knowing you’re not only alone but that you’re ALSO going to survive. I truly wish I was able to hug 14 year old me but I also know that they’d be proud that I DIDN’T do the thing I wanted to do before I turned 17.

There’s another reason Fix Me is truly removed from other albums and it truly feels like the biggest component; there's no concept. Fix Me has its own identity but it's not through a story or through successful singles, it's through the fact that it has none of it. It shines through its simplicity, its impact is through the way it can stand alone. It’s an album by the band that could be, and should be at times, put on shuffle. It’s an album where you can pick any song, off the top of your head, and listen to it when you’re feeling angry or sad or full of unbridled angst. Sure, you CAN listen to other songs on other albums one at a time, Masterpiece Theatre is the first on I can think of off the top of my head, however, would you want to? Would you want to listen to The End of An Era and have it followed up with a song like This Means War? It 100% kills the immersive nature that the band has carefully crafted over the last 20 years. (yes they’ve been a band that long considering the fix me bsides are from 2001, yes it makes me feel geriatric) I think the biggest reason that it personally hits every mark imaginable for a grungy punk record is the fact that there is no secret meaning hidden in each song, its open and honest from the get go. It’s raw, real and does exactly what it needs to do.

Through its sound, its ability to be honest and vulnerable in its writing and the easily accessible material, it's a staple. Shake Tramp belongs in an Emo Nite just as much as something like Sugar We’re Going Down and more than Welcome to the Black Parade (I love that song but it doesn’t fit the vibe as well as House of Wolves or The Sharpest Lives, Emo Nite is just catering to the normies and preps). Decided to Break Its video should be as beloved as I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Marianas Trench deserve their flowers for being such a staple in the lives of canadian teens who are struggling, the adults who want to comfort their inner teen selves and those who, in general, are feeling small.

[imbecominggayer]

Writing Advice On Self-Harm (tw obvi)

Hi, even though this post is going to be about serious issues such as self-harm and suicidal ideation and all of that fun jazz, I am going to speaking about this topic with the same tone I always do. If that is considered offensive, just remember I am a person who has been sent to the crisis center and does self-harm :)

Remember, these are just my personal experiences. Everything is diverse and it's okay to mention that these experiences are not universal. HOWEVER, don't accuse me of lying about any of this shit!

TW: Talks About Self-Harm, Mental Illness, And Everything Related

Actual Introduction:

Despite the fact that whump and angst tend to include mention of suicidal thinking and self-harm, they rarely feel realistic in my own point of view. Obviously, there are various different motivations and actions for self-harm but I just want to see some of my own representation.

So here are some myths about self-harm and myths about mental illness in general since they tend to overlap.

A) Everyone Who Self-Harms And Thinks Of Suicide Is Mentally Ill

Yeah, this is pretty big misconception in the community so I just wanted to establish this.

Outside influences like unhealthy friend circles, stressful situations, and abuse which are linked yet not conclusive for mental illness can influence someone's desire to do self-harm.

While mental illness is a big motivator for self-harm, self-harm is just a coping mechanism. And not everyone who uses coping mechanisms are mentally ill

B) Self-Harm Can Only Happen Like [EXAMPLE]

There are various different ways of self-harming.

Personally, I tend to scratch my arms and specifically my left hand since my dominate hand is my right. It's also just an easy place to reach.

So I get a tinsy bit upset when the only "serious" type of self-harm is shown by cutting. Especially since I felt that the only way someone would ever take me seriously is by using a knife.

Remember, readers are going to be reading your shit so please try and diversify your self-harming from the physical and the mental since every single self-harm habit outside of "ritualistic cutting" tends to be judged as "less serious" or "not real".

Mental self-harm is real and self-destructive.

C) Self-Harm Is Dramatic

This may just be a me-thing but my self-harming mental struggle definitely isn't like how other people write it.

Genuinely, I treat self-harm like it's just another thing I do.

"Oh yeah, sometimes I write, do a bit of scratching, read a book, and watch youtube"

I self-harmed exclusively in public spaces since my self-harm is mostly conflated with my anxiety. And these people do not notice a thing. Genuinely. LIke, I have literally turned my entire hand red and bloody and nobody noticed.

It's just that nobody ever suspects it since people don't think of scratching casually in class when they think of self-harm.

When I was forced to go the crisis center since I expressed planning of suicide, I was making jokes the entire time.

When I shared a room with this amazing person(they/them) who had bipolar disorder. We just talked about our sexualities, job dreams, and watched The Amazing World Of Gumball.

I miss them.

GRAND CONCLUSION:

The point of this last section is to illustrate the fact that those with mental illness aren't removed from society in the way authors tend to write them.

In the minds of authors, once you express possible symptoms of a mental illness you become this melodramatic inhuman spectacle of misery.

I'm pretty normal. I have hobbies that have no deep psychological justification. I have a family that isn't just pure trauma in a trench coat. I have thoughts of normal sadness, happiness, peace, and anger.

I just also happen to self-harm sometimes.

Again, this section might be problematic and bad but it's just how I feel. And there is no such thing as a "problematic feeling". All there exists are problematic actions.

TO REITERATE, IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME THAT IS FINE. I AM NOT THE GOD OF MENTAL STRUGGLE. I JUST WANTED TO THROW OUT MY OPINION.

sorry for offending anyone :(

[pianocat939]

Can I have a headcanon for yandere donnie x therapist reader? just like how you did with raph's version? also love your writings! <3

We're all mentally ill here let me just point that out.

Thank you~ I always write at like midnight with little to no thoughts going through my head so it will never be my best work lmao (I still prefer writing at night than daytime tho. Just makes everything a little different).

Tw: Kidnapping, Mentally ill turtle, clingy af

Yandere Donnie with Therapist MC

So obviously, you need to build some trust with him. He's not going to expose the entirety of his mind with a friend he's known for a month. Once you are after the initial stage, does he start to spill out everything.

He's awkward about it for the first few times; he's not used to releasing all the problems and anxieties. I think he would be the type who would rather write it out than voice it. This may be my own interpretation, but part of the reason he doesn't like speaking his feelings is fear of being judged in a sense: Where I get this reasoning is that episode where he goes with April to a magic town. And he struggles to admit his views until towards the end (which also has influence from struggling to admitting wrong).

Anyway, it's a steady increase in exposure for him. After numerous times he starts to really show his mind. The dark thoughts, the fears, everything. And slowly his personality when around you will change. He becomes more obsessive, more desperate for attention. He craves your eyes and ears to be on him: it brings such ecstasy.

He's clingy, texting you every hour, every minute. At night he falls asleep to recordings of your conversations. He's never felt so loved, so appreciated, like fortune has finally been bestowed upon him. You're willing to listen to him! You want to let him express himself without getting bored or uninterested!

In the end, he becomes a mixture of Raph and Mikey: he doesn't want to stop talking to you at any moment's notice. He gets anxious if he doesn't have his darling therapist around! You're all the comfort he ever needs!

And before you know it, he's kidnapped you, with a lovesick grin plastered onto his face.

"Now we can peacefully talk for eternity without anyone bothering us~!"

——————————————————

Writing this while listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata hits different because the music literally follows the progression of Donnie's madness.

The first movement, where it's all sad, depicts his protectiveness and unfamiliarity with his feelings. The second, the forgotten one lmao, is all happy, where he's content with MC. And his therapy is going well. Finally, the third one, where everything is chaotic and dramatic, is the perfect representation of the obsessive behaviour he develops.

Now excuse my nerdy piano self.

(It’s one of my favorite pieces, especially the 3rd movement)

- Celina

[notbojack]

Love like a dog

TW: alcoholism, drugs, mental illnesses, toxic men in love, brief suggestive theme (not really detailed but mentioned), furry (it's bojack horseman, what did you expect),

Yolo cuz they're married. Ikr it's Canon (I need professional help). BUT THEY'RE LITERALLY GRUMPY X SUNSHINE 😭 enemies to lovers, sun x moon etc. Toxic men in love goes vroom vroom

Anyway let's start 🤫🧏���♂️🧏‍♀️

Bojack and mr peanutbutter.. describing them together was difficult. A comic duo? Nemesis? Enemies? Reluctant friends? Mostly it varied from days to days, though most of the time mr peanutbutter was cheerful and friendly when bojack was a moody and grumpy dude.

The first time they met was in the 90s, during the infamous Era of the horsin' around that was very popular at this time. Mr peanutbutter of course loved the show, though loved was an understatement with how he was so excited with every episode each weeks to watch again, probably his favorite time of the week. He was rather busy with his own show though, basically a rip off of horsin' around but with a dog, the dog being mr peanutbutter of course.

But oh was he so excited to be invited at one of these parties for celebrities. Well, of course he was usually excited to go at any party but he was ecstatic when he found out the bojack horseman would be there to. He prepared hours before going, nervous to find what types of clothes to wear and all that shit. He was a nervous mess, walking around the house. He's never been so stressed to meet someone, but bojack isn't just anyone for him. So, after a lot of pep talk in the mirror, he gathered the courage to go, excited to finally see him

It was another crappy celebrities party for bojack. Just a bunch of actors showing off to other actors. What a bunch of hypocrite. He really wasn't sober enough for this shit. So, he ordered a strong drink from the bartender, wanting to forget he was even at this ass party as he thought. He did think about smoking but it wasn't allowed in the building and his agents were watching over him like owls to not do some shitty stuff like yell to some actor or do drugs.

Mr peanutbutter was euphoric to go to this party. When he entered, he saw people partying, some talking or drinking. Ah, social events, his specialty. Everyone just loved him! He came across many actors, starting friendly conversations with them but not really thinking, his thoughts set on finding bojack.

So when he saw him from across the room.. oh boy was it something. The actor was obviously looking like a grumpy alcoholic, even at this time, but oh he hung the stars to Mr peanutbutter. He could feel his heartbeat quicken and his ears going up, strange feelings coming up to him.

The horse was interrupted in arguing with the bartender about, I quote:"give me another drink or I'll do your mom" thing by feeling quick taps on his shoulder, like some fangirl wanting a picture. He grumbled, stopping mid way the argument to look at Mr peanutbutter, who held the most puppy dog eyes he ever met when looking at him

"What?" Bojack said, rudely. He didn't want another fan coming over, he wanted to he left alone.

The silly actor was nervous, he never imagined this day happening but here it was. "Bojack horseman and Mr peanutbutter in the same room! Was is this, a crossover episode?!" He said cheerfully

The horse raised a brow, both in confusion and irritation. "Who?" He said, not caring to not know this lab. Before Mr peanutbutter can continue bojack interrupts him. "Actually, I don't care of who you are, I just wanna spend my night alone and forget about this shitty party"

but Mr peanutbutter didn't care about any shitty stuff he was saying, looking at him as if he hung the moon while he was talking trash about the party. In fact, it ended up that bojack got more drunk rambling while his new "best friend" was looking over for him, listening to him with affectionate eyes, telling him occasional goofy and cheerful stuff to lighten him up. And of course he accompanied him home because he wasn't in a good state to drive.

Bojack thought it would be the last time he heard about that annoying dude. He could actually just forget about him now. But oh boy was he wrong.

In fact mr peanutbutter just kept calling or texting him to go on party, because somehow that dog found out his number. Stupid Hollywood contacts. It wasn't yet hollywoo. Even though he kept refusing, eventually, on a lonely night, he accepted out of boredom.

Mr peanutbutter was in fact shocked to see his favorite person comes up to his party. His happiness just got ten time worse. He practically rushed off to him

"Is that bojack horseman?!" He said while coming closer, obviously happy to see him there

Bojack though was irritated by how cheerful he acted, wanting to tell him to leave him alone and be realistic, but for some reason, he didn't. He just went on to reluctantly listening to Mr peanutbutter rambling about some crossover episode, wondering what he's even on about.

The party was rather full, most people just having fun. There wasn't an exception for bojack and mr peanutbutter who were both drunk on the couch after having spent a long night of drinking and of bojack trying to get him to not punch a mirror, the goofball having thought it was another dog mostly.

The dog giggled, feeling silly. "Hey wouldn't it be soo funny if we kissed" he said without thinking, too drunk to care. Not that he would care sober either.

The horse raised an eyebrow. "Can't you even hide how much of an attention whore you are" he said sarcastically, sarcasm still there despite how drunk he was.

Then, a moment of silence passed where they both looked into each other for a long while without saying anything. This eerily tense moment where the bursting sounds of the party became background noise where nothing else was more worth looking at at this moment than each other's eyes.

Then, suddenly, Mr peanutbutter leans in for a kiss, though slumping on the couch and missing him from close, their lips having been so close yet so far. instead his forehead now against his shoulder. He got off slowly, holding his shoulders as support.

"Sorry.. I made it weird" he said sheepishly with a goofy smile, but before he could try to get away, bojack leaned in and kissed him back. At first, the actor is surprised, not having thought this. But he quickly returned the kiss, wanting it to last forever as he clung into him

Bojack breaks the kiss after a moment to breathe. "You're already weird" he said sarcastically, though then Mr peanutbutter leans back into the kiss, them hungrily kissing while Mr peanutbutter gets on top of him on the couch, not caring if there was people around.

But bojack did. He was drunk, but he was still thinking of his reputation. What would people think if they saw him kissing this idiot that he was supposed to hate? So, the horse pushes him off, rudely telling him some insults such as idiot and stupid. The dog was just so confused, sitting there looking guilty as if he got caught red-handed. Bojack leaves the party quickly, embarrassed and angry at himself.

He did try to ignore his "best friend" for a while, but this guy is kinda hard to ignore. So he just told himself he'd go hang out with him and act like nothing happened. And it worked, for a while. Actually, for years. Until Mr peanutbutter invited himself into his home.

It was something stupid, something about his crew trying to get insects out of his house but ending up pestering the house or something. Honestly bojack didn't listen, or gave a fuck about the story behind it, he was just annoyed the lab was sleeping at his house and not at a hotel or something.

And, as expected, Mr peanutbutter did annoy him the whole day, constantly wanting to hang out, go at the park, literally anything. He even proposed skiing. But the horse was hearing none of this, instead wanting to watch horsin' around in peace while eating his entire stock of food. When he saw he couldn't convince him to go out, he settled for this calm afternoon, just happy being with him.

Though of course he couldn't keep his mouth shut. He had to comment at every scene or laugh loudly as if it was the funniest thing in the world. Bojack obviously tried to tell him to shut up, even threatening him to shove him down the toilet but he laughed at what he thought was a joke while he just looked at him with an irritated expression.

But finally, it was the time to sleep. And he could finally escape the lab's energy, at least for a little while.

Mr peanutbutter was sleeping on the couch, to bojack's demand because he apparently didn't want him in the guest room. But he didn't mind, being overly happy over sleeping on the couch. He curled up in a ball, kicking his feet occasionally in his sleep.

Well, the horse's rest was of little time because he saw his "best friend" entering the room in a hurry to get under bojack's blanket, looking like a scared dog

"Bojack, I had a nightmare! There was like vacuums everywhere!" Mr peanutbutter rambles, hiding his nose under his blanket.

"You're not five, go back to sleep" bojack said, irritated that he couldn't even sleep in peace.

The dog whines quietly, his silly nightmare affecting him. He got closer to bojack, clinging to him. The actor did try to push him off but he was surprisingly strong. He just groaned, annoyed.

Though that annoyance quickly turned into something else when Mr peanutbutter calmed down, but stayed, even getting on top of him and laying there comfortable.

"What are you doing you stupid idiot-" he said but he was cut off by him getting comfortable on him, feeling stirring feelings within him from seeing him from up close.

It didn't take long for the goofball to notice either, often picking up on things but not saying anything. He did noticed how close they were, leaning back a bit to put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him.

Now both of them were sober. But it happened way behind kissing. A long night. And a morning snuggling up. They both agreed that it wouldn't happen again.

But it happened again. Multiple times.

It did happen rarely at first, but it became more often. When they were drunk, when they weren't, when they were lonely.. though all of this was in secret. Bojack didn't want everyone to know this because obviously they were supposed to hate each other and all (bojack still was of course annoyed with what he qualified "dumbass bitch with a weird ass name"). But now.. it was different.

It wasn't the same anymore. Each time they were in a room together, they were awkward and bojack clumsily complimented Mr peanutbutter, though trying to make it sound sarcastic to not receive some bear hug by the dog if he got too excited.

But nonetheless, there was tension. Of course, the doggie was awkward too, but generally acted like usual, casual yet affectionate touches while bojack took his annoyed face, though hiding a smirk.

Once, when they were trying to listen to some Todd's speech about one of his goofy ideas, bojack wasn't listening at all, drinking again. He shoots an irrated glare at his nemesis, annoyed by Todd and his silly idea. Though before the horse knows, Mr peanutbutter shoots him a knowing glare with a smirk.

Dang.

It definitely took him off guards, nearly coughing on his drink while his eyes widened, trying to hide his obvious flustered self. I mean, his co-star only shoots him happy and goofy glares with his dumb smile, though now.. he didn't expect this. He probably did it accidentally though, at least that's what bojack told himself.

Todd pointed it out that he was acting weird, but he's so used to his friend doing weird shit that he quickly got over it while the one who started this sits there, clueless and tapping his friend's back to help him get over him nearly choking, unaware the contact made him more flustered.

After this moment, things started to go downhill. Practically everyone noticed bojack was distracted, even todd. Practically everyone commented on it but bojack just resorted to telling depressing stuff to get them to leave him alone. It worked, at least for most.

But his feelings didn't disappear.

It wasn't too surprising he would get feelings for Mr peanutbutter after sharing these intimate moments regularly secretly. Though the difference is, the dog accepted to love bojack like this, but the horse tried to push down his feelings. It didn't work. At all. It got even worse.

He did tried to admit his feeling to him. He got all pep talks in the mirror when his goofball threw a party at his house to finally admit it to him.

"Okay okay.. it's fine, just imagine him naked" bojack thought, imagining him. Though it was easy with how much moments they had while he walked to him, though slowing down.

"Fuck he's hot" bojack thought, having a deadpan expression as he gave up on admitting his feelings at that moment and got drunk instead.

The horse even started to try to ignore him. Emphasis on try. Because it's rather hard to ignore his co-star, plus when he was following him practically everywhere like a dog.

But bojack was obviously scared. He had clearly many unresolved issues. But Mr peanutbutter didn't care, he loved him like a dog. Despite his flaws.

So, after another shared moment between them, the horse accidentally slips off his feelings that he tried so hard to hide and repress.

"I love you" he said without thinking, still a bit breathless

Though he quickly realizes what he says, and the dog does too, looking at him with wide eyes and jaw dropped for a moment. Awkward silence.

"Uh.. no I don't!" Bojack said while quickly getting off the bed to run away. Run away where is the question, though at the moment he only thought to get away from this situation.

But before he can get far, Mr peanutbutter jumps off the bed, running nearly at the speed of light and practically tackling bojack into a hug.

"Doggie doggie what now?!" the dog says enthusiastically, ecstatic about this information. He just kept hugging him and nearly vibrating because of how happy he was.

His co-star grumbled, trying to hide the faint blush on his face and looking away before reluctantly returning the hug.

He could remember when he returned his hug like years ago for the first time, a long time ago. Mr peanutbutter was so happy he started jumping around, incapable to stay still.

"Oh you don't know how long I waited for this! This is just so..-" He said, nearly breaking down crying in happiness while bojack cringes.

"Don't get all excited now" he deadpans, rolling his eyes though secretly smiling.

"Does that mean we'll live in my house?! I'm so excited, I'll have your company everyday, I'll prepare breakfast in bed, play around and walk in the parc-" Mr peanutbutter started rambling enthusiastically, unable to stop, only taking breaks to breathe.

And that's it.

Then they kissed and lived happily in the dog stupid house foreva. The dog even replaced the "D" from Hollywood to "B" to mark how much he loved his alcoholic horse and they screwed. That's it bitches!

Proof they live together like a married couple:

(Therapists are scared of me)

[styxvii]

I'm sorry if this seems intrusive, but I'm really curious.🙏

Hello! It would be very interesting to know what inspired you when creating the song "Victimized". Or how you came up with it, what (what feelings, memories, experiences) did you put/create in the song?Maybe there are characters/people that are associated with this song?

Thank you🩷

omgg no ur okay!! rutbawierbt this is going to be long gomen 🙏 I think its important to share these experiences

for the sound i was listening to d3r and can of bliss a lot at the time 😭 TW for abuse ment, SA/harassment

FOR CONTEXT IM A LESBIAN I kept having dreams about one of my abusers breaking into my room and staring at me in my bed among like other dreams of him and it made me realize i was dealing with a similar situation all over again. I had a DIFFERENT person who was se/xually harassing me and getting off on crossing my boundaries and watching me panic and freeze up/not knowing what to do (which now that im writing this down i realize thats literally what was happening in my dream). I couldn't understand why i kept letting him take advantage of me and then walk away from the situation and be like?? why did i do that? why do i keep giving in to him when i feel DISGUSTING afterwards?? I feel so uncomfortable every time but i never stop him. and then i realized i WAS trying to stop him but he would persisted anyways, told me it was fine, told me it was normal, told me im freaking out over nothing, and i just didnt even know how to combat someone stomping over my boundaries so effortlessly? and id totally shut down and freeze and he'd look at me in this way, his eyes looked like they were devouring my fear. and this definitely wasn't the first time someone had done this to me, it was just the first time it clicked in my head what was happening. Through out all of it I was so frantic and I felt this intense feeling of dread all the time, but he kept telling me it wasnt a big deal, i was so confused 😭 so i suppose the song is about subconsciously knowing someones hurting u but not quite getting to the point where you KNOW it yet? and u just dont understand why u keep ending up with people like this over and over. It was bc i had no self worth and severe abandonment issues! and well people like that love people like me (at the time, im better now lol) bc we're easy to lovebomb, gaslight, and manipulate and we'll do anything to be loved (especially bc i was manic the entire time)

so also while im talking about this omg i wish people would stop being like "mentally ill girls are my type" or "im into girls with bpd" bc to me i hear it in his voice, and all my other abusers voices. like they like girls like that BC we'd do anything to be loved and these types of people feed of the desperation we have to find someone after time and time of being abused so severely we develop PERSONALITY DISORDERS, who will care for us in a genuine way. they want to take advantage of us :( (i get comments like this and they definitely were in my mind while i was writing this song)

[thinfatfit]

Tw suicide mental illness everything eating disorder

Isn’t it wild how if you have a physical illness and need to miss work you can be like my asthma or diabetes etc is acting up and ofc tons of jobs are shitty and will be like tough shit but for at least some they’ll be like ok np stay home sick whereas with a mental illness you can’t just be like I’m depressed you have to be like listen I haven’t slept in three days but the last time I did sleep it was for sixteen hours I don’t know when the last time is that I left the house I either don’t eat bc I’m too tired and depressed or I eat five tubs of ice cream and throw them up I might kill myself (dw I won’t literally at my followers) but I’m trying hard not to every day is lived minute to minute I also have constant ocd compulsions so do you think I could stay home this afternoon and they’re like ok fine but this afternoon only!!!!! I’m sad sometimes too yknow!!

[somekindofsentience]

reframing Omori, or are the endings really black and white?

MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS FOR EVERY SINGLE ENDING PLEASE PLAY THIS GAME I SWEAR ITS SUPER GOOD PLAY ALL THE ENDINGS (OR AT LEAST KNOW ABOUT THEM IF YOU'RE TOO SCARED TO PLAY THE NEUTRAL ENDING BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I WAS TOO)

TW: SUICIDE, GRIEF, LOSS, DEPRESSION, MENTAL ILLNESS, GAME-TYPICAL CONTENT

THIS IS ALSO REALLY LONG BECAUSE I'M INSANE. SORRY.

Right. This will be a big write-up of multiple interpretations of the different Omori endings. I feel like the game is quite black-and-white with how the endings should be interpreted, the achievements literally state what is good and bad for the player (and "other", which is also referred to as the neutral ending). But I don't think things are as good or as bad or as neutral as they seem.

Let's be explicit here - you're meant to get the good ending. The game does everything it can to ensure you get the good ending - even scrapping a daytime Hellmari jumpscare to ensure the player would keep opening the door for Kel. You're meant to save Basil. You're meant to defeat Omori. You're meant to uncover the Truth. You're meant to sit there and cry when Sunny and Mari play that Final Duet. And also, we like a story where there's the possibility for a happier ending! Don't you want these little babies you've follow around for 20 or 80 hours to get some closure and peace?

For these reasons, the good ending is usually considered canon, and I personally think the secret ending is also canon. I'll also be considering both canon for the sake of this post, although that isn't really relevant, since I'm going through all endings.

With this in mind, let's consider each ending.

THE "GOOD" AND SECRET ENDING.

This one is by far the easiest to flip the switch on. Since it's left ambiguous as to whether or not Sunny is forgiven by his friends, it could easily lead to a far worse ending where Hero throws Sunny down the stairs, or he is never forgiven, or other horrible events occur. Arguably, the point of the game is Sunny's personal acceptance, so whether or not his friends forgive him is so irrelevant that it's up for player speculation.

But that's all so simple, and all personal interpretation. I think considering the actual canon is far more interesting, particularly how it may affect Basil.

You could consider the secret ending to be an objective "good" ending - Sunny and Basil are smiling, and the Somethings fade away. But take a look where each Something goes.

Sunny's fades away entirely behind him, because his character arc surrounds finding and accepting the truth, and this means admitting to his friends what he has done. In this way, he also somewhat frees Basil from needing to obsessively hide the truth from the others, which is part of Basil's character arc, and quite crucial for the specific event that traumatised them both. This is healing specifically from Mari's death and the coverup.

But Basil's Something seems to... hide itself. It doesn't fade. It is still there.

Furthermore, the credits. Despite everything, Sunny does move from Faraway, the credits of a car rolling by definitely suggest this. I also don't think this fight would deter Sunny's Mom from wanting to start a new life - in fact, she'd probably want to do so more.

Basil's abandonment issues are unanswered.

I believe these issues have occurred for longer than the day of the recital - Basil takes photos of things he is "afraid to lose", we know Basil's parents are absent - and therefore they are a separate problem Basil needs to heal from. (omocat make an Omori 2 about basil pls it would be so good i swear i swear)

Basil means a lot to Sunny. We can see this in the numerous Basil-related things that appear in Headspace - all the little flower facts, the photo album's integrity to the group, Headspace's insistence they are best friends - and we juxtapose this to Basil's absolute state of panic over potential further abandonment, which is heartbreaking to witness, ending with his psychotic meltdown, furiously begging Sunny to stop leaving him. The abandonment of Basil had a massive affect on Sunny's mindscape, where his friend is constantly missing and tormented in Black Space, a forever reminder of the truth and the world he shut away. And from the way their Follow-Up Moves work, a hurt Basil is also hurt Sunny.

This comes to my final point - the Good ending is not objectively "Good" because of the implications it has for Basil, who has the ability to influence Sunny. Basil is missing a massive part of his healing, which is often why he is mischaracterised by the fandom as an insane yandere. Sure, the ending has the potential for future healing, but this ending also has the potential for further mental decline, and even points to the latter.

The ending is better than the others, yes. But it is far from a "good" ending.

Whether or not Sunny is aware of all this is up to you, which could be altered by whether or not you believe the two share dreams.

THE "BAD" ENDING.

Obviously the bad ending is bad. I am absolutely not encouraging the events of that ending, and I genuinely thought it was the worst possible ending - you did all that work to seek the truth and mend friendships and it leads to... that? - up until I watched this one amazing animation by _ysther. Please watch it for context.

Rolling Girl is about suicide, or severe mental illness, at least. Many people believe that the 'rolling' within the song is a metaphor for self-harm, but you may also consider that it is a metaphor for some half-baked existence - this feeling of being barely alive, surviving off the next hit of a potential future.

This animation frames the ending in a slightly different way, at least in my interpretation - that Sunny is exhaustedly trudging through Headspace, trying to see if there is something there for him, and there isn't. Omori and Sunny's hug at the end of the animation is notable - Sunny is in his hospital gown, and the headspace background fades through the air... this is implicit of the Bad Ending. This animation ends with the bad ending, and in the context of the song, Omori accepts Sunny's exhaustion, and sets him free.

Ultimately, the Truth is overwhelming. That's why Sunny repressed it for four years - it is so horrific that he cannot function in daily life without dissociation, and even with it, he's still a barely functional shut-in. He creates Omori and White/Black/Red Space, and daydreams to cope with his loneliness. At the end of the game, he faces Omori, who convinces him that death is the only option left in a seemingly sadistic way.

But Omori's purpose - just as any mind with suicidal intentions - is not to kill Sunny. His purpose is not only to repress the Truth, but to protect and support him. This is shown in Omori's final hug. When things get overwhelming, Omori convinces Sunny into suicide for their own freedom from suffering. It is a selfish act, which is why Omori spends time deeming Sunny worthy of committing it, but it is also a freeing act.

Furthermore, we know Headspace repeats over, and this repetitive cycle is innate to Sunny's (and many other people's) trauma. Repress, uncover, repress, uncover. Sunny's final fight with Omori was probably not the first, and if Sunny had survived the bad ending, it probably wouldn't have been the last. Omori is the absolute last line of defense, protecting Sunny and his friends from the Truth. This suggests that Sunny wasn't ready for healing, which lead to the bad ending.

The "bad" ending isn't explicitly bad - it is some twisted form of freedom. By killing him, Omori is freeing Sunny from the guilt and pain that has been destroying him for years. This suicide is the ultimate form of self-protection, Omori's final love note to Sunny.

But it is also a symbol of immaturity, though not necessarily a negative one. The bad ending is the implication that Headspace should have repeated, and the Truth needed further repression before Sunny could accept it. Sunny fell into Omori's trap because he simply wasn't ready, and this led to his death.

People always consider this ending in the context of what is best for the group and everyone outside of Sunny's mind, but they don't consider that, to himself and Omori, Sunny is a selfish person who is worthy of one final selfish act for peace.

THE "NEUTRAL" ENDINGS.

While the other segments were focused on greying out the black and white, demonstrating the more subtle implications of the endings, this will be proving that the word "neutral" should never be associated with these endings ever again.

Please note that I am only talking about the neutral endings that occur when you choose not to save Basil on the final night - we will discuss the implications of the Hikikomori route and its endings later.

The neutral endings are, hands down, the worst possible route you can take during the game. One of them is the only ending where three people explicitly die during the game. If you won't take this from a Basil lover, I'm going to prove objectively that this is the worst route for all members of the group, including Sunny.

Firstly, we have to talk about the dialogue that Aubrey, Kel and Hero say when Basil commit suicide.

Aubrey thinks it is her fault, for everything she did to Basil. Aubrey will forever blame herself for Basil's suicide, and this quote implies that. Looking at her expression, she's completely despondent. She isn't crying, she is feeling horrific guilt - not unlike the guilt Sunny feels for the truth. She might even slip into his habits of isolation and repression, or perhaps lash out further to cope.

Kel, on the other hand, is crying - which is incredibly notable for him, because his whole thing is ignorance and smiles - but he isn't blaming himself or the group or even Aubrey, but comparing this death to Mari's. Kel is such a complex character that I have difficulty analysing this particular line, but I personally think Kel is holding some of that childlike confusion, something similar to when he interacted with the depressed Hero. Why does this keep happening? Kel holds his own cycle of ignorance, and here it's broken. Perhaps he's questioning his own ability to "be happy" just as much as he is questioning the deaths.

idk. i'd love to here people's takes on this.

Hero's use of the second font is particularly notable. This font is associated with truth, and in particular, distortion. The most notable characters who use this distorted font are Basil during a breakdown and Omori - both characters associated with severe trauma and repression, trying to hide something. To me, this suggests that Hero is next.

Hero feels like he is the caretaker of the group - and he's failed, again. He thinks he hasn't been doing enough to protect everyone. He may experience another depressive episode, or that same repression followed by obsessively behaviour, trying to keep everyone alive safe. Whatever it may be, Hero is completely broken, as is the rest of the group. This is the end of any remaining functionality that they worked so hard to build up.

After this, viewing Basil's body leads to his door disappearing, as Sunny slips further into his repression. Something is yet again behind Sunny in the mirror, reminding him of the Truth.

I want to now draw your attention to something stated by the disembodied voice in the Map of Truth.

'They' is referring to both Basil and Mari, and at this point, Basil and Mari are dead. Sunny is the only person still alive who knows the Truth.

There is no way he can live with this, which is why the Knife Ending is readily accessible - but only if you explicitly seek it out. Within the knife ending, a dial-up rings forever for a call that will never be answered, as Sunny bleeds out on his bed. Sunny's Mom has lost both her children, and Kel, Aubrey and Hero have lost three of their friends, close enough to be family. This is in no way a "neutral" ending, this is the worst case scenario.

But even the Abandon Ending is unbearable. Sunny is the only one left who knows the truth of Mari's death. Implicitly, he has also killed Basil by the player's choice not to save him - which you could take as suggesting he somehow knew Basil was going to die.

The game shows to us that complete repression of the Truth is not possible. Even in the Hikikomori route, cracks of the Truth show in abstract ways - including Black Space 2 and the simulated Mari fight are good examples, as well as the horrific repeated jumpscares prevalent on the night in the real world before moving day. Even if Sunny moves away from the two ghosts he left behind, he will never be able to repress the Truth forever.

These endings are in no way neutral, and I think that's obvious to everyone. These are the worst endings you can receive, even the biggest Basil hater couldn't stomach all of this. I think.

THE HIKKIOMORI ROUTE.

If the good ending has elements of bad, and the bad ending has elements of good, and the neutral endings...

Well. Then the Hikikomori route is the perfect combination of both good and bad. It captures perfect game mechanics, and the peak of repression, but in some ways, it is the worst route you could consider taking.

On one hand, it's the perfect route for die-hard players. Peak exploration, unique information, the chance to level up and buff your characters, free access to the photo album, boss rush, and so much more. I personally love it, and I carefully plan out every aspect of what I'll do on that One Day Left. For Sunny, it is also a symbol that Omori has achieved his goal of "repression", or the façade of it, and will now sleep forever in peace. Dreamworld Basil is no longer a threat to Omori's perfect world (of which the meeting of the two literally felt like a wedding) and defeating the three Somethings achieves repression. Everything is okay, in Sunny's head.

On the other hand... it's the guiltiest route. The player is making an active decision to reject Kel and reality, which makes you feel guilty. It is incredibly difficult to take this route by pure accident, unless you were paralysed by the Hellmari jumpscare the night before. Unlike the other endings, Sunny never sees the truth in this route, only distorted fragments in Black Space and Black Space 2. Sunny never experiences the Something boss fight, but does still experience a Stranger fight, Headspace's final prayer to accept the truth, before Omori takes over forever.

And I don't know about you. But watching that piano fade away in the Lost Library... I felt shameful. It makes you want to apologise for the world you left behind.

It's quite easy to forget all this in the blur of Headspace, but Basil and Mari at the picnic blanket are a constant reminder. The blanket represents safety and protection, both for the party, but also the two left behind in it. Perhaps the fact he is present in the picnic blanket specifically suggests that Sunny is somewhat aware that Basil has committed suicide.

This route's endings are no more notable than the neutral endings, except Basil doesn't explicitly die in them, but it can be inferred he does from the results of the neutral endings. But the fact that we cannot confirm this just brings back that regret - Sunny has abandoned Basil and his old friends forever, for unrealistic Headspace reflections that Sunny made up. As I stated before, there is no way the Truth can be repressed forever, but it's pure speculation as to what happens after you abandon the group on the Hikikomori route.

thanks for reading, lol. i don't know how to conclusion. let me know your thoughts! this almost felt like stating the obvious half the time but i dunno, it felt cathartic to write.

i may write something about my journey with omori and i may not. this is a place for me to, idk, ruminate on things. i hope i don't become obsessed.