#(though I totally get why it bothers people in this case because bringing lex back without MR just to kill him in s8 was SO unnecessary)

[fairyroses]

"The Lex Luthor Ship of Theseus Problem" ohhh you're definitely not alone or crazy for thinking about this lol. Literally, here's a random snippet of writing that I threw in my notes app a year ago when I first found out about the SV finale:

😅 (I haven't publicly posted anything I've written in years, so pls don't judge me for this lol)

my hot take about the series finale of smallville, a decade too late, is that the character we are presented at the end of the show isn’t lex. and i don’t mean this in some tinhat conspiracy theory way or in a “the show writers ruined his characterization” way—i mean literally, on the page, the person we are presented with at the end of the show is a completely different person than the one who died.

like. lex died. the real lex dies. we know this is an objective fact within the smallville universe. after michael rosenbaum left the show, lex was killed off. the show runners could have chosen to leave him alive off-screen, but they did not. he died.

then the show decided to bring him back from the dead via cloning. except… that’s not how cloning works. they did not bring back the original lex luthor. they created a new person, via cloning, who had the same DNA as lex.

now briar, you may say, he has lex’s memories and personality! so doesn’t that mean he is lex? and i think that question is philosophically complicated, but if you look at it from a purely scientific point of view… no. the original lex is still dead. this new person may have all lex’s memories, and he may even believe he is lex, but critically—the original lex is still dead.

but even if you argue that having lex’s memories is enough—that even if the original lex is still dead, this still has all of his memories and personality (arguably), so even if he is not the original, he is still lex from a character perspective—he doesn’t even have that at the end of the show! they give him amnesia! he has no memories!

think of it this way (and i am showing my age with this metaphor, but bear with me): you buy a CD. then the CD gets lost, or stolen, or broken. you then burn a copy of that CD. it is not the original, but it still has all of the same songs on it. the sound quality is a little off, and you don’t have the case for it, but it’s still mostly the same. but then the CD gets corrupted somehow, and now none of the songs will play. do you still own that CD? i would say, definitively, no.

which means that at the end of the show, what we are left with is not the original lex returned from the grave. he isn’t even a copy of the original lex who is indistinguishable from the original. he may look like lex, he may sound like lex, he may even act a little like lex, but functionally? the character we are presented with is little more than a stranger with lex’s face.

[afaimsarrowverse]

Arrowverse: My 25 Favorite Fan-Ships

After doing my favorite Canon-Ships, here are my favorite Non-Canon-Ships of the Arrowverse. Like always . This is my blog, this is my list, it is in no way objective, everyone is entiled to their own opinion, so please don’t reblog or answer just to tell me how much you disagree with me. You can’t quantify love, well except with stupid lists like this, just because a ship is not on this list does not mean I don’t like it - except when it does - so…. yeah, here we go

  25. Snowbertallen (Caitlin Snow/Julian Albert/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at in: The Flash Season 3

 While I don’t really see Caitlin and Barry as a romantic pairing, both of them did work quite well with Julian and in a world where Barry couldn’t save Iris, I actually could see him ending up with those two instead. I always wanted to write a fic about that but never came around to, but this threesome exists in my Arrowmultiverse – read „Multiversity“.

 24.  Coldwestallen (Leonard Snart/Iris West/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at in: The Flash Season 2-3

 This is one of my ships, maybe a little bit guilty pleasure, and I can’t really see this happening in canon, but before I decided to bring Eddie back, I was toying with this idea as endgame for my A/B/O-Arrowverse, after all Leonard works very well with both of them, so yeah, I definifly loved this ship.

 23.  Kalex (Kara Danvers/Lex Luthor)

 Hinted at: Crisis on Infinite Earths, Supergirl Season 4-5

 I discovered this one for me during „Crisis on Infinite Earths“ and was like … why is this ship not more prominent, I mean after all there where some hints of it before. In any way their chemistry is great and it’s a shame that pretty much everyone has given up or fled the Supergirl-Fandom at this point so no one is going to write anything about them any time soon. But maybe someone will once try a Crisis-AU where they will be found.

 22.  Karry (Kara Danvers/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: Worlds Finest, Invasion, Duet, Crisis on Infnite Earths, Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 I actually prefer them as besties, because they each have an actual True Love in their own universe, but like anyone else, I love them together. They are probably to simelar to work as a couple on the long run, but as female partners for Barry go, Kara is definitfly up there at the top.

 21. BloodArrow (Sebastian Blood/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 2

 I discovered this while working on a Sebastian Blood Oneshot. I reread „Vengance“ and worked their relationship out and remembered how much I always regretted losing Sebastian at this point of his storyline, because those two had a connection. A better one than Laurel and Sebastian actually, and in many ways Oliver was more of an actual Love Interest for Sebastian than Laurel. Not that Ollie would ever go for this, but Sebastian might have. Who knows?

 20.  Tauriver (Tommy Merlyn/Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 1

 Back in Season 1 I shipped this, because I don’t really believe in love triangles between three people that geniunily love each other. So this would have been the obvious solution. If Oliver and Tommy would just haved shared Laurel or touched it other as well, well, that would have been up to them. I think that given it’s Tommy, Oliver might have actually gone full in for this.

 19.  Timekid (Wally West/Rip Hunter)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomororw Season 3

 After I saw Rip and Wally do karaoke and get wasted together I was expecting a load of fics, but somehow this pairings seems to have eluded almost everyone. Maybe because no one really cares about Wally? Or because Rip was in bad standing in the middle of that Season? I don’t know, but for me this was a non-brainer.

 18.  Saramaya (Sara Lance/Amaya Jiwe)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 2-3

 I really don’t know why everyone is going on about Kendra and Sara, when they could be going on about this ship were there is actual tension and actual chemistry there. And Doomworld. Don’t forget Doomworld. Where those two totally did it, you can’t change my mind about that.

 17.  Toliver (Tommy Merlyn/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 1-8

 This ship kept coming and going in my mind, because aren’t Oliver and Tommy more like brothers and than like lovers? In the end I saw the potential for a romantic love between them and stettled on it as something that could have been very interesting if done right. I dabbled a little bit with TommyX in that pairing, but why not real Tommy as well?

 16.  Monwinn (Mon-El/Winn Schott)

 Hinted at: Supergirl Season 2-3, It’s a Super Life

 To bad Winn came back married to someone that isn’t Mon-El, because this is what should have happened, you know? Of course Kara is Mon-Els One True Love, but he and Winn were always great together, and given Winn is open minded and Daxamites are not hetero normative this was what we would have wanted after losing both of them in the same episode of the show.

 15.  Kanvers (Kate Kane/Kara Danvers)

 Hinted at: Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths, The one and only Season of Batwoman

 I figured out why certain hate groups afflilated with „Supergirl“ hate Kate so much (It took me quite some time to rap my head around this), it’s because Kate is Karas only canonical female love interest and those people just can’t stand that thought. Now sady as gone for good as Batmoore Kanvers was what I would have originally wanted for Kara after it became clear that Mon-El was not coming back to the show. I mean I love Kate, and Kara did flirt back, so why the hell not?

 14.  Irivarry (Iris West/Oliver Queen/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1, Invasion, Crisis on Earth-X, Elseworlds

 While I stumbled over quite a few fics that include Oliver, Felicity, and Barry, I never really found this one, even though it’s much more obvious to me. After all this was set up way back in the first season of „The Flash“ and especially in Season 5 and a certain part of Season 7 of „Arrow“ I felt that it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Oliver to visit our favourite Canon-Pairing in Central City and crash on their couch indefinitly which would lead too many interesting things among them this threesome. And yes, again a fic I never got around to write.

 13.  Atomsteelwavevixen (Ray Palmer/Nate Heywood/Mick Rory/Amaya Jiwe)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 2-3

 I prefere Steelatom and Vixenwave as bros, but as a foursome those four rock the libido and the Waverider. Given how much I do ship Atomwave and Vixensteel and that I also do ship Steelwave und Atomvixen that shouldn’t be a surprise, and you should know by now, that I do believe more partners make (fictional) relationships easier instead of more complicated.

 12. Captains3 (Sara Lance/Rip Hunter/Leonard Snart)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 1

 Given that Sara and Rip, Sara and Leonard, and Leonard and Rip would not last together, my solution to this would be to get together as a threesome. Which was after all my endgame in my biggest Fanfiction-Verse and turned out to be a smashing idea.

 11.  Eobarry (Eobard Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-6 (so far)

 Fanboy Eobard might have come to hate Barry, but a part of him never stopped loving the scarlet speedster as we all know. What kind of love that was may have varied, but this kind was probably among it, and I think that if he would prove to Barry that he could change Barry would always give him a chance, because that’s after all who Barry is.

 10.  GreenAtom (Oliver Queen/Ray Palmer)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 3-4, Legends of Tomorrow Season 1, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 A very underapprecaited ship that I love dearly. Ray und Oliver together have so much potential. I dabbled a little bit with that, but only few other ever did. Ray would basically be a better version of Felicity, having all what the fans love about their dynamic, but none of the issues that come with her. Also Oliver would date another hero, which is always a plus.

 9.      Elongflash (Ralph Dibny/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 4-6

 I frankly never understood why people did not ship them more and there are so little fanfics about those two, I mean it’s a classic love story really. Attraction first, misunderstanding leading to years of silence, meeting again and talking it out, becoming friend and eventually more. I did dabble with it a bit and wish others would have taken to that ship around Season 4 already and not only in the last couple of years.

 8.      Allenbert (Barry Allen/Julian Albert)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 3

 For a long time I thought that that would be the reveal about Julians problem with Barry. Appearantly so did the actors. Or at least they wished it were. Their hate-love was so enjoyable and fans had their fun with this at least but could have had more fun still. Tom mentoned that was ready to come back to the show sometime back, and while I have little hope for that I still want it to happen so that we can get more interaction between them on screen.

 7.      Winniac-5 (Winn Schott/Brainiac-5)

 Hinted at: Supergirl Season 3 and Season 5

 I am one out of two persons in the world who ships this, but I ship it hard. I wanted Winn to have love, but after it became clear that the actress who played his Season 2 love interest wasn’t coming back, it probably had also become clear that Jeremy did plan on leaving the show, so the writers didn’t bother anymore, but Brainy crashed so beautifully with him so I picked him for that role. And even though I love Nia and Brainia I love Winniac-5 more.

 6.      Olivarry (Oliver Queen/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 2-3, The Flash Season 1, Legends of Yesterday/Today, Invasion, Crisis on Earth-X, Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths, Arrow Season 7-8

 As unlucky as Olivers love life is, maybe that’s the case because the actual love of his life happens to be a man, which he is not willing to admit to himself of course. I mean we all remember the joke about Barry wanting to date Oliver and agree on that probably being true, but Oliver cleary is kind of in love with Barry too. He has been very different with him than most if not all other males in his life so there definitifly is something going on there.

 5.      Coldflash (Leonard Snart/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3, Legends of Tomorrow Season 1-2, Invasion

 Leonard flirts with everything that moves, but Barry has a special place in his heart and we all love that. Leonard ist a player however, and makes sure everyone knows that, but if there is one person out there who he would be willing to change for it would probably be Barry. If only they weren’t mortal frenemies and Leonard wasn’t �� you know – dead.

 4.      Thallen (Eddie Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3

 Barry und Eddie were crushing hard on each other, there is no denying that. They even had a moment onscreen where the tension between them was aknowleged (remember the sofa-scene?). I saw a pretty accurate joke about the Season 1 love triangle once which stated that Iris felt guilty about having feelings for Barry while dating Eddie, while Eddie at the same time was doodeling Eddie Allen in his notebook and that really nails it, doesn’t it?

 3.      Timecanary (Rip Hunter/Sara Lance)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomororw Season 1-3

 Sara has many admirers onscreen and out of all her many suitors Rip is the one I would want to see her ending up with. If he wasn’t dead, that is. Rip kind of had a thing for her from day one on and during Season 2 she seemed to realize that she had feelings for him too, but sadly Season 3 ripped them apart (pardon the pun) in every possible way. But there is still fanfic. I just wish there were more of it with them as the main couple.

 2.      Atomwave (Ray Palmer/Mick Rory)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 1-5, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 This is my Legends-OTP and I am still not over the fact that Ray is out of the show and so is this ship! When Iris und Barry got together on „The Flash“ even my brother was like: „Wait a moment … Barry und Iris are a couple, that means Mick still has a shot to get Ray next season!“ So yeah, no one could deny that their relationship was very prominent in the first two seasons. Sadly it faded in the backround when Ray met Nora Darhk, but in my opinion this would have been the much healthier endgame for him, which is why you find traces of this ship in pretty much all of my Arrowverse Fanfics.

  1.      Westhallen (Iris West/Eddie Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3

 This is how you solve a love triangle, that does not need to be one, when all three parties have certain feelings for all the other members of the triangle: Just get them all together. I mean I love Westhawne, I love Thallen, and I love Westallen, but most of all I love Westhallen. Too bad poly is still a taboo in TV, and don’t get me started on the sin of killing of Eddie and never ever bringing him back not even an alternate version of him or something like that, but yeah in my heart those three were happy with each other and when Eddie died both Iris und Barry lost the man they loved. (And sometimes they got him back and other times they never lost him at all).

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

A Little Family All My Own - fic

For @mayleebaby28! Thank you for donating to my fundraiser and being one of the kindest persons I’ve ever met on this hellsite. <333 Their reward request was an open prompt.

Characters: Kon-El, Tim Drake, bit of Damian and less of Bruce. Summary: Kon-El has a little brother named Jon. A/N: This is purposely vague and kind of universe-mixing (preboot, rebirth, whatever else) because I’m not reading current comics with Kon in it and only know what out of context panels I see. Does he have a baby? Is he married? I don’t know. So ignore all that. Damian also did not let Kon in the house, but knew he was there, and had recently had a similar conversation with Jon. So, he’s just a smart baby.

~~

The air in the manor always seemed different when a Kryptonian was visiting.

So when Tim slowly closed the front door behind him, he quickly began listing in his brain. No emergencies that he knew of from the League, or cases any of his siblings might have called in help for, or even holidays or birthdays.

Jon visiting Damian after school? It’d been a while since the two had had a sleepover, or time to be just friends outside of teammates.

No. As Tim passed the parlor, he could see Damian in there reading a book, absently petting the cat lying on his chest.

Clark visiting to talk about news or politics on his way between Metropolis and Kansas?

Nope, not that either, as Bruce appeared in the parlor out of the door connecting to the kitchen, newspaper under his arm and carrying two steaming mugs of tea for himself and Damian.

He gave Bruce a wave and smile when he glanced up, but continued towards the stairs without a word.

Kara here, with Dick maybe? Since the girls tended to stay with Barbara at the clock tower.

No, Dick is in Bludhaven, and the visits are rare these days. And even if he was here, he’d have been found with Damian at least.

So, he thought as he climbed the stairs and walked towards his room, who else would that leave?

But then he put his hand on the handle, turned it, pushed the door open. And found someone lying on his bed.

He blinked. Oh. Yeah.

Kon.

Kon, who’d been stuck in space and time for the last however many years. Kon, who he just refound, and so much had changed between them already.

Kon, who used to break into his city and apartment and office building all the time, so why is he surprised that it’s happened now, even after everything?

“Hey, Kon.” He said anyway, nonchalantly. Kon was sprawled dramatically along the end of his bed, arms spread from his sides as he stared blankly at the ceiling. “What’s up?”

Kon didn’t answer. Just sighed deeply.

“Everything…okay?” Tim tried, closing the door behind him. “What’s wro-”

“I have a brother.” Kon whispered.

Oh. Yeah. That was one of those big changes.

“…I know.” Tim offered. That seemed to get Kon out of his stupor. “I’ve met him.”

“Of course you have.” He snorted, sitting up. He dropped his elbows to his knees. Stared at the floor for a moment, then glanced over. “His name’s Jon. He’s…ten?”

“Correct.” Tim walked forward. “Have you met him yet?”

“No, I…” Kon shook his head as Tim sat next to him. “I don’t know…how.”

A pause.

“But you do.” Kon hummed. Tim cocked his head to the side. “You had a brother show up in your life when he was ten.”

“Well, sure. But Damian and Jon could not be more different if they tried.” A slight smirk, as Tim thought about it. “Which makes it pretty funny that they’re best friends, honestly.”

“Tim, I’m serious.” Kon huffed. “I know Damian was…a monster back then and Jon probably isn’t, but…what am I supposed to do here?”

“I can’t answer that, Kon. You know that.” Tim sighed. “Damian and I aren’t biologically related. You and Jon are.”

“Still…” Kon shrugged. Tim watched him knowingly. “…What’s he like?”

Tim smiled. “He’s cute. Very…eager. Damian says he’s like a puppy sometimes.”

“…So a mini-Clark.” Kon smiled too.

Tim laughed. “A little, yeah. But also so very obviously Lois’s son.” A twist of his lips to think. “He’s a little…naive, though. But I guess most ten-year-olds are. My only experience with ten-year-olds is…Damian. And he’s a freak.”

Kon chuckled softly. “But you and the kid are good now.”

Tim shrugged himself. “We’re good enough. A lot…a lot happened while you were gone, Kon. Put a lot of things in perspective, for the both of us.”

Kon nodded. “Am I…I don’t…what should I be feeling?”

“About Jon? Whatever you want to feel.”

“I want to say I feel replaced.” Kon admitted, gently wringing his hands together. “But that would like…be like saying I ever wanted to be Clark’s son in the first place.”

“Do you feel replaced?” Tim pushed. “Because I know I did. So if you do, that’s totally normal.”

Kon shook his head. “Not really. I think I just feel…nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Because now it’s not just Clark. Now there’s two people who have my DNA. Now, I…I actually have a little family. Not just an unknowing sperm donor who’s doing his best. Now I have a little brother.” Kon’s voice became lighter and quieter and airy in disbelief the more he spoke. “That makes me a big brother. A real big brother. And…how do I do that? How do I be a big brother? How do I protect him? Am I even supposed to? Should I keep my distance? Should I bother at all?”

“Kon, relax. You’re getting ahead of yourself.” Tim put a hand on his shoulder. Squeezed until Kon took a deep breath.

“And then…the other problem.” Kon whispered, and when he looked up at Tim, he looked terrified. “Lex.”

Tim paused, blinked.

“Does Lex know about Jon? If I go meet him, will Lex find out? Will Lex try to use him against me? Will Lex try to hurt him?” Kon was shaking his head, and already his eyes were starting to mist. “I can’t let Lex hurt a ten-year-old, Tim. I can’t let this kid get hurt because of me.”

Tim blinked twice more, then laughed out loud. “You Supers, I swear.”

“What?!”

“I’m assuming Clark told you about Jon, right?” Kon nodded. “Didn’t he mention that Jon’s been developing his own Kryptonian powers? That he’s been going by Superboy for the last year? That he’s already tougher than my whole family combined?”

“That doesn’t matter. He’s ten.” Then a frown. “Or are you saying you’re fine with letting Damian go out on his own, say, against his stupid mom just because you know he’s really well trained?”

Tim returned the frown. “Low blow, man. I’m sure Clark told you what happened to Damian too.”

Kon looked down in remorse. Bit his lip and nodded absently. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“…I get your point though.” Tim admitted. “And it’s��adorable, that you’re already so worried about him. But I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about. Trust me, Jon’s already been through some real shit, worse than Lex could probably ever throw at him, and came out better on the other side.”

Kon didn’t move, but his body language said he didn’t quite believe that.

Tim smiled again. “…You love him already, don’t you?”

“Clark showed me a picture of him and Krypto.” Kon mumbled in embarrassment. “And he’s so fucking precious I want to die.”

Tim snorted and pushed Kon’s shoulder. Kon smiled weakly.

“What do I do, Tim? How do I…approach him? Should I just do it? Talk to Lois and Clark first? What kind of things does he like, should I bring him a present?” He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair. Stared at his shoes for a full minute in silence. Long enough for Tim to tune in to the rest of the house. Heard Titus barking, and the front door open. Soft voices in the foyer.

And as Tim was slightly distracted, Kon whispered: “Do you think he knows about me?”

Well, Tim couldn’t answer that.

“Do you think Clark told him anything? Or did he think I was gone for good, so just kept it all a big secret from the kid?” Kon breathed.

Tim silently listened, but found himself tuning back in to the voices in the hall. There was a group of people. Adults, female and male. Another dog? A child, or children. He could hear Damian talking to that one.

“And if he doesn’t, should I even bother?”

Someone on the stairs, someone walking towards Tim’s room. A dog trotting behind.

Then, a gentle knock, followed by the door immediately opening anyway. Damian appeared, looking curiously around the room before landing on the bed. He glanced at Kon only briefly, and didn’t seem all that surprised to see him.

“Drake.” He said instead, as Titus barreled into the room, trotting immediately towards Kon and giving him his best tail wag.

“What’s up, kid?” Tim asked nonchalantly, felt Kon sit up straight next to him, staring just as curiously back at the youngest of the Bat clan.

“The Kents are here.” Damian hummed, almost like he knew. And maybe he did. Maybe he knew Kon was here. Maybe he was the one who let Kon into the house, and showed him to Tim’s room. Maybe he knew what Kon’s dilemma was. Maybe he was the one who called the Kents over, under the guise of something else.

Regardless, he said nothing else. Just waited for Tim to nod in confirmation, then disappeared back into the hall.

“…Well.” Tim huffed, standing. Titus wagged his tail harder, and began tugging at Kon’s sleeve to make him follow Tim. Tim watched Kon with a smile, then held his hand out to him. “Only one way to find out, don’t you think?”

[katie-mcgrath-is-my-life]

Supercorp Coffee Shop Fic

Hey guys! So this is my first fic, and it probably won’t be very good, but I would love feedback so I can make it better and maybe write more stuff in the future.

Summary: So obviously it’s Supercorp (as the title says) but before they actually know each other. Basically Kara and Lena happen to have the same favorite coffee shop, Kara is very clumsy, and Lena thinks it’s adorable as heck.

__________ 

Apparently it was supposed to rain today, but Lena failed to get that memo as she’s sitting in her favorite coffee shop, raindrops dripping down the windows.  She hates the dreary weather; the clouds, the rain, the puddles, the general darkness.  Like she needed anything to further ruin her mood.  And to top it off, she didn’t bring an umbrella, so getting back to L-Corp was kind of an issue.  

As she slowly sipped her coffee, she was too caught up in her own thoughts to realize the frantic blonde that seemingly flew in the doorway.  As she walked up to the counter to order she left a trail of water because she was absolutely soaked.  The woman ordered an insanely sugary drink, and as she waited for the barista to make it, she looked around the little café.  The place was so busy she wasn’t sure there would be a place for her to sit until she noticed a particularly beautiful brunette sitting alone by the window.  As she thanked the barista for her coffee, she decided she was going to be bold and ask to sit with this stranger, even though she knew she would be a rambling mess around someone so pretty.  There was just a slight hiccup in her plan, though, because as she’s a step away and about to ask if anyone is sitting with her, she slips.

Lena was startled back to reality when she felt a hand hit her shoulder, and was about ready to tell someone off, when she saw a certain blonde, completely soaked, with her hand on her shoulder.

“I’m so, so sorry! I slipped and I grabbed your shoulder by reflex so I wouldn’t fall, I really hope I didn’t hurt you.  I was just coming to see if this seat was taken because there’s no where else to sit and I’d rather not go out in the rain again? Although if you don’t want me to sit with you I totally understand and I’ll just go, I’m sorry for bothering yo-”

Lena sat there smirking at the blonde and finally decided to cut off her rambling, even though it was rather cute.  “It’s quite all right, and no, no one is sitting there, I would actually enjoy the company.”

“Oh, that’s great! I’m Kara, by the way.”

“Well it’s very nice to meet you Kara.”  Lena gave her a small smile, and noticed for the first time that, even though she was completely soaked, the woman in front of her was quite beautiful.  She was a little confused as to why Kara was looking at her funny though, until she realized she didn’t introduce herself, although most people already know who she is.  “Oh yes, I forgot, I'm Lena.  Lena Luthor.”

“Oh my gosh I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you!”  Lena cringed as she heard this comment, because she knew what was coming.  How she’s a Luthor and she’s terrible and-

“I love the work that you’re doing, National City is really lucky to have you! “

Lena definitely wasn’t expecting that.  Someone actually thought she was good?  This woman didn’t even know her but already had more faith in her than anyone else ever had.  She was shocked, and it must have shown because Kara got that funny look again, a slight crinkle between her eyebrows.

“Did I say something wrong? I hope I didn’t offend you.  I mean, I was only trying to compliment you but I guess-”

“Kara.” Lena laughed a little at how cute this woman was. “I’m really flattered that you think that.  It just caught me off guard because most people wouldn’t even touch a Luthor with a ten foot pole.”

“I wouldn’t mind touching y- I mean, I’d like to be close to- I’m not scared of you.” Lena raised her eyebrow while Kara nervously readjusted her glasses.  Lena laughed as Kara blushed when she made eye contact again and nervously giggled.  God this woman was beautiful.  Lena was staring again, so she missed seeing the woman with short auburn hair walk up to their table.

“Kara.”  Both women jerked their heads in the direction of the voice.  Kara was blushing again, and Lena tilted her chin up, taking on her CEO persona.

“Alex! What are you doing here... Oh my gosh! I forgot our lunch date, I’m so sorry, I came in to get coffee and then I met Lena and I completely lost track of time.  How did you know I would be here?”  Upon hearing her name, the woman, Alex, turned to look at Lena and narrowed her eyes.

“Kara, this is your favorite place besides your couch.  Where else would you be?  But are you telling me that you stood me up for lunch for Lena Luthor?”  She was obviously very angry and Lena had to admit she was a bit intimidated, but she didn’t let it show.  She’s used to people reacting this way.  There was an edge to her voice when she spoke, but it wasn’t at all because she was jealous of this Alex person.  “I’m sorry Ms...”

“Agent Danvers.”

“Well, Agent Danvers.  I’m sorry for keeping her, I didn’t realize she had other obligations.  It looks like the rain is letting up, so I should be getting back to L-Corp anyway.  It was nice meeting you Kara.  Agent Danvers.”

As Lena stood up and began walking away, Kara glared at Alex.  “Alex, I can’t believe you-”

“Kara, she is bad news.  I think you of all people should know that.  She’s a Luthor after all.  After what happened between  Lex and your cousin-”

“Alex! She’s a good person.  Have you not seen what she’s been doing at L-Corp since she took over?  She’s working on so many projects and funding charities and just making a positive impact on the world.  She is her own person, she’s not like Lex.”

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose, already getting a headache and it wasn’t even noon.  “I’m not going to have this fight with you right now.”  As she said this, both of their phones vibrated, and they gave each other a look before checking them.  Of course there had to be another rogue alien terrorizing the city.  “You owe me lunch.”

“I know, Alex I really am sorry.”  As they hurried out of the coffee shop, Kara’s shoulders slumped as she realized she didn’t get Lena’s number.  Alex got on her bike and sped off as Kara headed to the nearest alley, checked that it’s clear, and changed into her supersuit before taking off to take down the alien.

_________

Kara usually got her coffee to go, but everyday for the last week she sat down to enjoy her coffee in the café, hoping to run into a certain brunette again.  As she started on her third cup, Kara decided to get up and go because Lena was obviously not coming today.  She started out the door and didn’t see the person as she proceeded to run into them head on, and managed to drop her coffee in the process.  “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you ther-”

Of course it was Lena.  She just plowed right into her.  Why did the universe always have to laugh at her?  She was brought back to reality when Lena spoke.

“Kara, what a nice surprise.  I know you said you wanted to be close to me, but I wasn’t expecting it so soon.”  There was a hint of a smirk on her face, and Kara blushed.

“I’m so sorry Lena, I was in a hurry, and I should really pay attention to where I’m going-”

“Kara.  It’s quite alright.  Are you late for a date with Agent Danvers again?”

“What?  No?  Why would I go- Oh gosh.  Alex and I aren’t-- We're not-- Alex is my sister.”

Oh.  Oh.  Sisters.  That made sense.  So Lena was totally not jealous for no reason.  “Well, in that case, would you like to join me for coffee?”

“I would love to!  I need another cup anyway since I dropped mine when I so gracefully ran into you.”  

“Kara Danvers, you are something else.”  Kara blushed and looked down at her feet, nervously adjusting her glasses.  They both walked into the coffee shop, and as Kara reached the counter, the barista looked amused.  “Back for a fourth cup?”

Kara’s face went red and nodded while Lena smirked at the blonde.  “For someone in such a hurry, you spent a lot of time drinking coffee.”

Kara pouted, and Lena honest to god melts.  No one should have a pout that powerful.  “I’m just joking Kara, relax.”

Kara perked up a bit as she grabbed her fourth cup of coffee and went to sit at the table by the window while Lena ordered.  As she waited for her coffee, Lena couldn’t help but watch the blonde and smile as it looked like she was taking a selfie with her coffee.  She really was adorable.  As Lena made her way to the table with her drink, Kara looked up and smiled at her, and Lena couldn’t contain her own smile.

“So why so much coffee today?”  Lena really was curious why a person would need four cups, especially all at once.

“I was... waiting for someone?”  Kara adjusted her glasses again.  Lena noticed it.  Must be a nervous habit. “Who were you waiting for, Ms. Danvers?”

“Oh, um, well I...” Kara tried to come up with an answer, but her shoulders slumped in defeat because she didn’t have an excuse and she knew she was terrible at lying.  “Honestly, I was hoping you would come back and I’d get to see you.”

“Oh really?”  Lena raised her eyebrow at that, and her heart skipped a beat, because maybe, just maybe, this adorable blonde woman liked her back.  Kara blushed at the comment, and before she lost the nerve, asked Lena what she’d been waiting to ask all week.

“Um, yeah.  Actually, I was wondering if I could maybe have your number? “

Lena was looking into beautiful blue eyes and really, how could anyone ever say no to this woman?  “Of course.  Just let me see your phone so I can type it in.”  Kara handed Lena her phone and waited for her to put in her number before handing it back.  She noticed that next to her name, Lena put a heart.  Kara grinned at that.  She glanced at the time and did a double take as she realized that she was already twenty minutes late for work, and rao Snapper is going to be so mad.

“I’m so sorry Lena, but I really have to go, I’m late for work.  I’ll text you later?”

“Of course.  It was nice seeing you again Kara.”  She gave the blonde a warm smile as she turned to walk out of the coffee shop. 

_________

It was almost 8:00 p.m. when Lena finally heard from Kara.

Unknown: Hey! It’s Kara. :)

Lena: Hello Ms. Danvers :)

Lena didn’t usually use emoticons but Kara’s text did make her smile.

Kara: So I have a question.

Lena: And what would that be?

Kara: Well, I um... I was wondering if maybe you would like to get dinner with me sometime? 

Lena got butterflies in her stomach.  Kara wanted to go on a date with her!

Lena: Kara, are you asking me on a date?

Kara: Maybe?  If you want to?

Lena: I would love to.

Kara: Really?!? That’s great! Friday night at 7:00?  I’ll pick you up.

Lena: Sounds great. I can’t wait :)

Kara read the last text and couldn’t keep the huge smile off her face.

“Kara, what are you smiling at?” Kara’s smile slowly faded as she looked up to see Alex looking at her.  Oh crap.  Alex wasn’t going to like this.

_________

The end.  I hope you guys like it.  Again, feedback is much appreciated.  :)

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War - Part 3 : Isn’t it Ayronic?

Part 2

Welcome back to Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: The Name is Very Long.  When we left off, we were in Evans Castle, preparing to fight back a terribly dangerous and exciting attack on our way of life!  So you know what that means… time to learn about new gameplay mechanics whoo!

Welcome to the castle screen, wherein you start every chapter except the first one.  In here we can have characters visit the local town, wait to heal up, assign them to guard the castle, and obviously decide who will be in the army you sortie for each map. There’s no character limit, so you can send everyone; and unless they end up totally shitty and useless (ALEC AND NOISH) you might as well, honestly.  

Let’s start off by visiting the village.  

As you can see, there are six options when in the castle town, and you’ll be needing about four of them.

Blacksmith: Repairs your weapons and staves for money. The better the weapon, the more it costs, but characters with good weapons have the easiest time making money because…

Arena: Fight in gladiator matches to earn experience points and money. Only characters that can fight, obviously; those who don’t have an offensive weapon to bring in need not apply.  There are seven fights to go through in each chapter, each harder than the one before it, and honestly there are some characters who simply cannot make it through them all, period (ALEC AND NOISH). But you should always try to get everyone as far as they can for the extra EXP and the sweet, sweet money.  

Also, it can be save scummed. See, Genealogy is super huge, so it lets you save the game at the start of every turn, as long as none of your characters have spent their turn. Using the arena does not count as using a turn.  So there’s nothing stopping you from saving and reloading after victories until you get favorable RNG in terms of winning battles and gaining levels. But that would be morally wrong.  Bwhahahaha.

Pawnbroker: Buys and sells weapons/items. Because characters cannot trade weapons to each other, because this game was designed by the Devil, the only way to move an item from one character to another is to have them sell it to the Pawnbroker and then buy it back with a different person.  

Augury: Look up what units are approaching a Romance with each other, and how many kills a unit has. Interesting, but not super useful since your control over Romances are fairly limited (if two characters are showing up as ready to romance here, then you have to be very lucky to stop it), and knowing how many kills they’ve gotten is neat but doesn’t actually help anything.

Supply: Store items you don’t have room for. Really aren’t enough items in the game to bother with this, because if a character doesn’t have room to hold something, they should probably sell it to someone who can put it to use.  

Armory: Sells a limited supply of new weapons for better prices than the pawn shop, but you can’t sell your own things to them and their supply is limited.  Restocks occasionally throughout the campaign, so check it every chapter. To start:

Nothing great, but I have Finn buy the Javelin to give him a distance option, upgrade Lex to a Steel Axe (but do not sell his Iron Axe! It’s important later, seriously!) and have Arden buy the Slim Sword to help his accuracy a little. I also go to the Pawnshop, and sell Sigurd’s Steel Sword to let Alec buy it.  Now it’s time to cheese the shit out of properly and politely face the Arena. It’s super tedious to both do and watch, so I’ll do the basics first and then proceed to do it off-screen with everyone.

Step 1: Enter the arena and pick a weapon to use.  

Step 2: Be told who your enemy will be, so if they’re not a good match for the weapon you picked you might as well just quit, go back, and pick a different one if you can.  

Step 3: Kick ass. All battles in the arena are to the finish; units will just keep attacking like in normal battles until one is defeated. Don’t worry if you lose; you don’t die, it will just leave your unit back in the castle with 1HP.  Conversely, if they win, they’re healed to full.  

Step 4: Get money! Each tier gives you a 500 more than the tier before it, so winning all of them is a pretty hefty payday.  

Now, let’s do this. See you in sixty years.  

Sigurd:  7 wins, gained two levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck

Quan:  7 Wins, gained three levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength,  + 1 Luck, +2 Defense

Arden: 5 wins, gained one level.  +1 HP +1 Speed

Noish: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Speed +1 Defense

Lex: Five wins, gained three levels.  +2 HP, +2 Luck, +3 Defense

Azel: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck

Ethlyn: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Alec: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Resistance

Finn: 4 Wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed

Midir: 5 wins, gained two crappy levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill

Not… great. I was hoping more people would be able to win, but tier four is a super fast sword guy that tripped a lot of people up, and tier six is a stupid fast wind mage that tended to crush the people who made it past him. Only Sigurd and Quan were badass enough to finish the whole thing. I’ll try again with some of them near the end of the chapter, after they’ve gained some levels in the field.

That done, let’s head right on out, and meet the Verdane invasion. I assume they’re still coming, even though we spent ten million years in the arena.

So here we go. Three enemy castles, one neutral castle at Nordion, and our home base in Evans. There are also three villages; one directly south of Evans, one to the south-central portion of the map near the second enemy castle, Marpha, and one directly to the west of that. All of them just give out money and lore info, so if you miss one it isn’t a huge loss, but we’ll try to get them all anyway. And of course, before we do anything else, checking the menu screen…

Shows Quan and Finn have a conversation to have.  We send them out of the castle to chat.

Quan: Thank you, Finn.

Finn: Even so, I am but a page… It honors me to have your confidence, but I doubt I’ll be much use to you.  

Quan: Is that so? In that case, what better time than now for a spot of hands-on training? Draw, Finn!

Finn: Yes, sir!

This conversation gives Finn a permanent +1 to Strength, Skill, and Defense, and now you start to see why he is better than Alec and Noish. This is not the last time Quan or Ethlyn just randomly gives him an awesome present; apparently the Lenster Royal Family are great bosses.   We deploy the rest of the army, move them as far toward Genoa as they can travel, and end our turn. No enemies are close enough to reach us or to reach any of the villages, so the enemy phase goes by quickly, and…

(Oh, hey, story is happening. You might remember Prince Jamke from the chapter start cutscene. He is handsome, young, and not smirking like a jackass, so you probably guessed he was the good prince. Well, you weren’t wrong.)

Jamke: You need to get as far away as you can before Gandolf finds out!

Aideen: Pardon me, Prince Jamke, but are you not joining us?

Jamke: No. I won’t stand for my brothers’ vile ways, but I won’t just betray my father, either. I’m going back to the capital. I’m going to try, one more time, to convince my father.

Aideen: You’re right… we must do all we can to end this war as soon as possible. Prince Jamke, I would sooner not burden you alone, but you are our only hope to persuade King Batur to end this.

(Oh good, the obnoxious child character is joining the cast. I really love how everything needs to have one of those.)

(Jamke, you’re okay in my book.)

Jamke: If Aideen hadn’t insisted on letting you go too, you’d still be sitting in chains. Now, what did you promise to do?

Dew: I know, I know. I promised Aideen too. I’m washin’ my hands of thievin’ from now on. Can I go now?

Jamke: I’ll take your word for it. Now, go already!

(Jamke heads back to Verdane Castle, and we zoom in to Marpha to see Bandana Rapist learning his life has gone wrong.)

Gandolf: Gah! Damn my rat of a brother! Boys! We’re taking the wench and the brat back! If they put up a fight, kill ‘em if you have to!

Well, on the down side, we got an entire second army heading our way now. That’s not ideal. But hey, two new characters! Let’s check ‘em out.

First, Aideen, the team’s first Priest. Her class can’t fight at all until they promote, and she has no abilities at all, so she’s not gonna be super good for dealing with this army that’s right next to her. But hey, she’ll be wonderful when we get her home, because she’s a much better healer than Ethlyn. Her magic is higher, and her Mend staff is better than Ethlyn’s Heal staff on top of that; I might have them trade out later, but for now they can stick where they are.  In addition, her speed, luck, and resistance are all solid, so she can do a very good job of tanking against mage units when we run into some.  She does have Minor Ullur Blood, but can’t get the greatest benefit from it because the weapon it empowers is Bows, which can’t use. It does improve her HP Growths by +20% and her Luck growths by +30%. She can also have a conversation with Ethlyn that will get her a gift. They did grow up next door to each other, after all.  

And… then there’s Dew. He’s… I just hate him so much.  As you can see, he is a melee unit despite having Strength and Defense that are total garbage.  His Speed and Luck are excellent, so he’ll dodge well, and he’s level 1 so he’ll grow quickly, but at this point in the game he will break like cheap glass under any attack at all.  

That said, he’s not worthless, and in fact is very useful if leveled up.  He comes with three abilities that are all quite excellent: Steal, which lets him take the gold from any enemy he lands a hit on; Sol, which has a chance of causing any damage he causes to heal him; and Bargain, which cuts the prices in half for him when shopping at stores.  Plus, as a Thief, he is the only class that can give his gold to any other unit, where most units can only give gold to their own Lover.  So you see, his primary role in the army for the foreseeable future will be to rob the shit out of axe dudes who can’t hit him, and then give that money to people who are useful.  Then, with luck, he will gain a few levels while doing this and his reasonably good growths will give him the stats to actually contribute to the army.

TL;DR, I hate Dew but I’mma use him anyway because he’s actually not a bad unit, despite having a very slow start. I just hate him anyway because I’m a miserable child-hating bastard. 

I have Aideen run away, and have Dew camp out on the village nearby. He basically can’t be hit by the axe units of Verdane as long as he’s standing on a defensive terrain of some sort, and while he won’t kill anything, he can at least chip away and steal some gold.  

Back to the main army, we move south to start the attack on Kinbaith’s army. He himself isn’t anything special, and his army is mostly crap despite his two Leadership Stars buffing them, but he’s a pain in the ass for one specific reason:

Note that little bag icon next to his Hand Axe? That symbolizes an item which will drop when the enemy is killed, ending up in the inventory of whoever kills them. Now since units cannot trade items because of the dark influence of Satan Who Is the Devil, this means you preferably want any unit with a drop item to be killed by someone who can put it to good use right away. This is annoying from the very get go and never stops being annoying.  This is actually one of the less terrible ones; the only person who can use the Hand Axe at all is Lex, so we want Lex to kill Kinbaith if at all possible. At least Lex can fight, so that ain’t too bad. Time to rock!  

First, the unit going for the nearby village gets to meet Sigurd.  

I don’t think he enjoyed the meeting. It’s okay, neither did I, that level was pretty crap.  Everyone else has been put onto a forest to let Kinbaith’s idiot squad crash against us like waves upon the sand. Let’s watch.  

I would like to thank my kids for their expert dodging.  Don’t know how Noish pulled it off, since he has been playing the game like he has a magnet in his face, but hey. Only one person took a hit, and two kills. And Dew is so guaranteed to dodge the enemy didn’t even take a swing at him. Wimps. I start off my turn by having Aideen run away, and letting him take a shot of his own.  

God, look at that shit damage. Everything about you is bad, Dew. Thanks for the money, though. Other characters take their shots at the units Noish weakened in his bout of random matrix dodging. Azel, Quan, Noish, and Sigurd all get kills of weakened enemies, but only one person gains a level on this turn…  

And he’s starting to scare me. Just… who is this guy. I’ve never had Finn turn out this good, never. He’s going from ‘pretty okay’ to ‘endgame tier’ with surprising speed.  I’m not complaining, exactly, but I’m starting to worry if he’s sucking the power out of everyone else to fuel his demonic rise.  

Um… end turn, I guess. We broke the back of Kinbaith’s army and the rest are set to charge a giant wall of metal once again. That should be funny.

… Unless Alec ruins this for me. Don’t ruin this for me, Alec.

… Why would he go after Midir? The one person who could counter him?

Guys. There’s a whole other army of people who can’t fight back against you.

I shouldn’t be having to give you tactical advice!

… You know, I mean, I shouldn’t complain, this was pretty great for me. But it’s almost frustrating to see it happening.  

The enemy phase ends when the little army near Dew takes on swing at him; the commander has a small shot to connect, and tries. It doesn’t work.

This may take awhile. I have him attack and rob another random axe dude, and then go back up to the main army and rock shit out.  Arden! Kill!

I’m almost relieved that wasn’t amazing. It feels more normal. FINN! KILL!

BEHOLD MY POWER! NOISH! FAIL ME!

We’ve grown so amazing that even Noish can’t fail us anymore! Bwhahahahahaahahha… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  SIGURD, TEACH KINBAITH TO FEAR ME!

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXX!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* I’m… sorry. I mean. I’m not used to things lining up so beautifully on this run, so I went a little mad with power. That was just… that was goddamn textbook. And Lex even gained a perfect level to cap it off and… what’s happening. Is this joy? I’m feeling joy.  *sigh* It’s nice. It won’t last, but it’s nice.  

Two enemies left. Azel walks up and eats the archer….

*sniff* I may cry. One guy left and three people to four people to hit him with.  Just to be safe, I run Ethlyn in to heal Alec, then feed the last kill to him and Midir.

Midir takes a hit, just to make me unhappy after his perfect performance, but he gets the kill. I’ll allow it. End. Turn.

… Yeah, before we do anything with Ayra, we need to get people down there to help Dew. He has a 6% chance to die and I don’t trust those odds.  Ethlyn heals up Midir, and then takes the nearby village.  

(Well, I have good news for you, then.)

Woman who wasn’t paying attention: Barely a month goes by without him settin’ his army on us. It’s terrifyin’! King Batur, his father, used to do such a fine job of keeping him check. I can hardly imagine what’s goin’ on… anyway, glad you stopped by!

Great conversationalist, that one.  Run, run, run to the southwest, my minions!  Go and save the annoying child character!

Who is, to be fair, not doing super bad. Would have liked some strength there, but I can live with more speed. Lower that 6% chance to die until I can get some friends your way.

Back with the main army, Aideen has finally reached the team. I have her and Midir chat setting them up to one day have beautiful romance.

Midir: I’m so sorry I failed to protect you. Please, forgive me…

Aideen: The important part is that you’re safe as well, Midir. Please, don’t worry about it. You gave your all to protect me, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that, even if you didn’t succeed. For now, I’d like you to remain with Sigurd. He could use your strength.

(Ordinarily I would challenge that assumption, but in this case she’s actually not wrong. Midir has been rocking out this run.)

Midir: Certainly, Milady. He’s done so much for me, for you, and for all of Jungby. I’ll do all I can to return his kindness.

That done, we have Aideen heal his ouchies and move the army down another run toward Dew. We’re coming, little dude! Slowly are we coming!

Right after we have more conversations!

Aideen: Please accept my apologies. I’ve put the people of Chalphy through nothing but danger…

Sigurd: Don’t worry about it. Everyone will be glad to know you’re safe. You’ve nothing to worry about anymore. The road back to Jungby is secure for you, when you’re ready.

Aideen: No, I wish to remain here. Injuries are inevitable in war. As a humble servant of the gods, it is my duty to stay here and aid the wounded.

Sigurd: Say… Aideen, as I recall, you declined to pursue a knighthood and instead joined the clergy. Am I right? I shouldn’t be surprised, knowing how easily people warm to you, and you them. I’d do well to learn from your example!

Aideen: Thank you, Lord Sigurd, but that isn’t entirely true. Initially, I sought priesthood in a bid to help me find my sister. Even now, I still believe this is the answer I seek.

Sigurd: You mean Bridget… I’d heard she went missing as a child. So all this time, Aideen, you’ve been praying for her sake, haven’t you?

Aideen: Yes. I know we’ll meet someday. No matter what happens, I must give her this: her sacred birthright, the bow Yewfelle!

… … … I am suddenly very much looking forward to meeting Bridget, oh yes.  The army moves southwest again, Quan and Alec stopping in range of Verdane’s second army, and Ethlyn stopping next to Aideen. One more conversation to have…

Aideen: It’s difficult to convey my thanks, but please, take this staff. I think you’ll have more use for it than me.

Ethlyn: Is this… a Return staff?! Oh, thank you, Aideen! I’ll put it to good use to help us all.

Yes, thank you, Aideen! The Return staff let’s Ethlyn warp a unit back to our home base from anywhere on the map, which is very helpful if unexpected enemies appear or you just want to get a new unit home to run the Arena.  Even better, it gives Ethlyn roughly triple the experience of healing someone, so it helps her levels shoot up much faster. All in all, a great new toy.  

With that, we move Alec and Quan into range of the enemy, and end our turn. Let’s see how this goes.

… Not great. Alec dodges, but Quan takes two hits despite being parked on a forest. My own dumb fault, I forgot to unequip his Javelin.  Luckily, nobody else can get to him, and the rest of the team is near enough to help on our next turn. Rest of the team! Help!

Well… Lex helps, anyway. Alec reminds us he’s here to disappoint, taking a shot that puts his health in the danger zone. I have him run back to Aideen, and move Quan to save himself, as he was always destined to do.

With that out of the way, he runs back to his wife for a kiss and hot cocoa, while Sigurd runs forward to assassinate the enemy commander.

… Almost. Dew lightly pokes another gentleman, and… *sigh*… I might have screwed up. They have 0% chance to hit Dew, so... End turn…

Yeah, picture this exact scene six times as Sigurd steals all the experience for himself. Dammit, did not think this through.

…. I mean… I totally planned this. Yeah. All part of my master scheme.

The only exceptions to the remorseless one-sided slaughter are one guy who goes up to hit Lex… and misses… and the Commander, who takes another shot at Dew… and misses. When my turn comes around again, I have Midir execute Lex’s attacker. He levels…

And you know, forget Aideen, I want to marry Midir at this point.  Finn runs down to Javelin the second-to-last soldier, who is attacking the village Dew was sheltering in. Ethlyn runs down to join them, giving the commander another target; I’d like Dew to get the kill, but on the way there I want him to have 100% perfect health just to be safe. She levels up from healing the little bastard.

… What is with you this run, honey? You’re letting your husband and brother down. Still, we have things mostly under control, so…

Well fuck you too, buddy. And worse, the commander I wanted Dew to kill foils my scheme and takes a shot at Finn instead.  

So Finn is wounded, badly. Reinforcements are coming. Time to run! Ethlyn heals Finn and they both make a break for it. I leave just Dew, sitting on a tree, as a distraction. Without that commander, nothing can hit him, so he’ll be a perfect roadblock as long as he stays on defensive terrain. It’s time for the rest of the team to go… *twitch*… go… try to recruit Ayra.  You might think with Kinbaith dead she’d be friendly. This is not true. And getting near her is incredibly risky for one. Big. Reason.

Astra is a venerable Fire Emblem special ability, and Ayra is (unless I’m mistaken) the first user of it, back when it was really broken. Later versions have those five strikes do half damage, but Ayra’s is just five normally-powered strikes in a row. If she hits you with that, pretty much any unit will die. And if they don’t die, they might kill her, because she’s not very durable. So I need someone she can’t Astra and who definitely won’t be able to kill her, to act as a distraction…. Huh…

Hahahaha, no. Maybe if you hadn’t spent this whole game being a sack of garbage and had gotten some good levels, but as you are now she won’t even need Astra to kick your ass. Get back in the corner, Alec. We will be using Finn, who will run from her when she gets close. Run like a coward. End turn!

I realize it doesn’t look like it, but I’m totally winning this map.

Finn gets close enough to Ayra to set her off. The idea is to have her run after him around the forest while Sigurd runs in, kills all her little buddies, and takes the castle. Once Shanan is free, then she can be reasoned with. Sigurd is ready, Finn is close enough… I think… and a few helpful units are near enough to draw a little pressure off Dew while we work. End turn…

Shit her little handaxe bros came out after us first!  This could go badly. This… this could be bad. Please don’t be bad, game, please…

…………. I mean… I planned this. Yeah.

Did not plan that though. Azel is supposed to be support but he could die here and ruin my happy accident cunning plan with Finn if he gets attacked and hit again.  

Oh God bless you, you beautiful caped madman.  

…. Here she comes. I heal Azel, move the rest of the army away from Ayra, and… and pray, mostly. Go after Finn. Go after Finn you evil bitch. Please. Please, he set you off.

Meanwhile, Verdane’s army pulls some stupid stuff. Most of them go after Lex, who levels from it, but Azel gets a few as well and also gains.  

Tolerable, if not the raw perfection I’m used to this chapter. Noish gets some ‘love’ and levels up too, but I didn’t screencap that because he got literally nothing. No points. In anything. I hate him so much.  

On my turn, we’re in a very precarious situation. Ayra is in a position where she could chase Finn, Quan, or Sigurd, and I can’t be sure who she’ll go for.  Meanwhile, the army itself is outnumbered by Verdane. This is turning into a shitshow, so my first priority even above Ayra is to thin the enemy’s numbers. Alec and Azel start by getting kills and…

… Huh. It finally happened. Even Alec doesn’t want to be associated with Noish anymore. Damn.  Dew plinks away at the enemy yet again, gaining his second level.

Maybe Noish’s role in the army is to inspire everyone else to not be like him? I know it sounds like I’m joking, but everyone else on the team scores a kill without being damaged.

Meanwhile, Quan, Finn, and Sigurd are all still in Ayra’s range. Two are parked on forests with spears to give them weapon advantage. One is not. This will be… ugly.

Please, game. Show some mercy.

The enemy phase goes perfectly fine for most of it. Nobody levels, but nobody dies and that’s a fair damn trade in my book.

And then Ayra goes for Finn.

Come on Finn…

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FINN…

*sigh* Astra.

Reset! I figured I’d lose at least one to her, but still. Frustration. 

Restarting from the beginning of the turn, things proceed identically up to that point. Dew gets a slightly different level because I send him a different unit, changing the RNG of his level; a point of Speed instead of a point of Defense, not really a fair trade for him, but otherwise it’s the same.

This time, with Sigurd and co, I have them not kill Ayra’s buddies, and instead have them run like terrified children. Sigurd toward the castle, Quan and Finn away.  Maybe this will work.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!  Okay. For now, we just need to have Quan and Finn up there stay out of her range at all costs, while Sigurd goes and besieges the castle by himself. That is much more realistic than fighting Ayra. Trust me.

Game is saved, and I win. Eventually. I start my turn with Aideen healing, and unlike Ethlyn she knows how we do here.

Welcome to the team, Ms. Of Jungby.  I’m very pleased to see you here. From here, I have the team rush out to meet Verdane head on, kicking ass, taking names, and nobody levels up except Alec.

Eh, still better than Noish!

Now, this was super risky and I might very well regret it. But, unless I’m wrong there’s just not enough of them left to really kill anyone; pretty much everyone is full health and they’re guarding each other’s back in a big way. Hopefully I’m not wrong.

If I am wrong, well, I did just save. Two resets is not bad.

Quan and Finn run away like frightened children, and Sigurd goes to storm the castle.   Nothing much happens, though; the castle guard has tons of health, but can’t hit Sigurd because hand-axes are inaccurate against swords. Then he immediately kills himself rushing against Siggy again on the enemy phase. Now all we need is for the main army to live!

… Ethlyn, if you fuck this up for me, I swear.

Thankfully, the others all go for Dew and miss him, so we’re pretty set. All that’s left of Verdane’s army on the map is two archers, two axe dudes, and Ayra. And soon, not even that.  Sigurd wrecks axe-dude number one, levels,

I’ll take it. And while we’re on the subject, I will also take the castle! 

Sigurd: What’s the matter? Why are you silent? I want to know why you were held here.

Shanan: You’re not one of Kinbaith’s lot… are you?

Sigurd: We’ve dealt with Kinbaith. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Shanan: Oh! So Ayra doesn’t have to keep fighting! My Aunt Ayra was forced to fight ‘cause Kinbaith had me! Please! You’ve got to help her!

Sigurd: That swordswoman. Huh. I thought there was something amiss about her… Very well! I’ll let her know that you’re safe. Now, what’s your name?

Shanan: Shanan. I’m Shanan, the prince of Isaach…

(OH. Um. Well. Awkward.)

Sigurd: Isaach’s prince, you say… I can barely begin to imagine what you’ve been through, Shanan. For now, though, you’re welcome to stay with our army. Don’t worry. One day, you’ll make it home. I’ll do all I can to ensure that.

(Awwwwwwwwwww, Sigurd, you big old softie.)

Oifey: Pardon me, sire, but we’re currently at war with Isaach. If we’re going to harbor its prince, shouldn’t we inform the king?

Sigurd: He’s a child, Oifey. That war has nothing to do with him. I’ll find a way to get him home safely, but for now, we need to look after him.

Oifey: Understood, sire. … Just as I thought. Lord Sigurd really is such a kind man…

Well, we got the castle, and with that the worst part of the map is over, so I believe it’s time to call this update.  Next week, we chat with Ayra, finally get to feed Gandolf his own bandana, experience some delicious plot development, and see perhaps the most pathetic romance in gaming.  Look forward to it!  

Total Resets: 1.  Better than I was expecting, honestly! 

[forged-through-trials]

Despite Ruin’s misgivings, I managed to convince him to chill in a room at the Merchant’s Inn, while I saw to business that night. Ruin: “Stay out of trouble, this time.” Trials: “No promises!” Ruin: “...” He shook his head. “Then try to keep the body-count to a minimum. Or at least, don’t join the body-count.”

Once I had Nanny-Ruin off of my back, it was late enough that I could make for the Garden of Daeraloth to meet up with Armand Christophe. Surely, by now, I’d moved enough hot merch to get in the guild’s good-books. Armand: “I’m glad you stopped by. I have a... situation that you might be able to help with.” Trials: “If it’s about an alchemy accidnet; it’s the same advise they give for eating beans; snuff out your torch and crack a window.” Armand: “...” He eyed his torch briefly, before shaking his head. “No, this is about Hieronymus Lex. He actually collected taxes from everyone living here in the Waterfront!” Trials: I snorted at him with disgust. “Did he also call us all freeloaders while he did it?” Armand: “Yeah, and he talked about Bootstraps, too. Anyway, we need you to recover the money he stole from the poor.” Trials: “I’m totally on board, but may I ask why we’re doing this? I thought thieves were all in it for themselves.” Armand: “It has been tradition for a long time that the city not collect taxes from the poor of the Waterfront. It wouldn’t be worth the effort, and it would draw the ire of the Gray Fox, who has promised his protection to those of the Waterfront. Lex has broken that tradition, and thus tripped the Fox’s protection. We are thieves, but we are true to our word. So we ask you to do this task, as it will show the Elite who really runs this city. It’s a matter of pride.” Trials: “Huh.” I clicked my tongue, pensively. “Never had much pride. Never had much use for it. But I can understand wanting to help people. I’m in!” Armand: “Good. Find out where he’s keeping the taxes, and bring them to me. I’ll also need the tax records of what each citizen paid so we can return it.”

I had my job, and good ol’ Puny Ancus was sleeping on a bedroll near the Garden. It was a quick matter to hit him up for info, and after gracing his hands with a little gold, he pointed me in the right direction. The ‘South Watchtower’ in the Temple District.

Oh boy! Breaking into a guards’ tower seems like a really, really bad idea for a thief. But it’s the job the Fox has charged me with, and besides that, it’s to help people in need. So, in I go!

...yup, this really was a bad idea. And apparently these guys never sleep. Thankfully, I was born under the stars of the Shadow, and in my surprise, my Birthsign’s power kicked in, and rendered me invisible. The guard was confused. Understandably so. I’m sure he thought he’d seen a dorky Argonian just a moment ago, but now there was nothing there. He stomped around a bit, searching for me, but I was able to slip passed him and head further up into the tower.

At the top of the Watchtower, I found Hieronymus Lex’s private quarters. The man himself was asleep in the bed nearby. I thought briefly to dunk on him by picking his pocket, but thought better of it. I had a job to do, and robbing his desk right under his nose was probably just as good of a dab as picking his pocket while he slept. It only took a little jiggle of the locks to crack open Lex’s desk, and after that, I was plundering the pittance he’d collected in taxes, as well as the records. It’s actually pretty sad; I think the largest sum was from someone named “Ormil”, who got shaken down for a mere seven coins. And someone named “Hillod” apparently got roughed up for being broke! Because, apparently, having no money is a crime is this Hist-forsaken city! Huh. Someone named “Myvryna Arano” was listed as ‘exempted’. I wonder what that’s all about? But I had what I needed, and quickly I slipped back out the way I came in, rushing my way over toward the Waterfront and the Garden of Daeraloth to report my success to Armand. Armand: “Have you recovered those taxes?” Trials: “Sure did!” I handed over the records and the bag of gold. Armand: “Ah! The Gray Fox will be very pleased. We will make sure this gets back to the people!” Trials: I hold up a fist and beat my chest. “Yeah, power to the people!” Armand: “Can you believe that fool, Lex, even bothered to collect this paltry sum? You can keep it. I merely wanted the Watch to know they went too far.” Trials: “And your way is a much more effective strategy than my plan; making snarky comments behind their backs about how they’re all fat and lazy.” For my efforts, Armand promoted me to “Footpad”... kind of a crap title, especially considering how many bandits and highway men have threatened to ‘turn me into a pair of boots’. Well, I’ll just need to hurry up and get promoted out of it. Armand: “Good, glad you’re eager to move up the ranks. We have another job for you. The guild has received a ‘request’ to obtain a unique statuette. It is a bust of Llathasa Indarys, the recently slain Countess of Cheydinhal.” Trials: “...’Luh-Lah-Thah-Sah’? You mean the extra ‘L’ isn’t silent?” Armand: “No, and neither was she. Why do you think someone wanted her dead? “Anyway, we need you to go to Cheydinhal and pinch it. You’ll be paid a modest fee for your efforts. Now get to it!” Well, now I know where I’m headed after Bravil. But for now, I reasoned it was worth it to, first, get some rest. Then, the following morning, I went about to see if there was anything else to do in the Imperial City. I still had some hot merch to move, but with Bruma, ironically, too hot to travel to, I needed an alternative to Ongar.

Huh. A shop in a back alley, next to a Bathhouse? Looks like the kind of place that might move merch without asking too many uncomfortable questions. Worth a shot, I think. In, I went, and I met the proprietor, Derrien Venoit. Carefully, I broached the subject of moving some of my ‘wares’. Of course, I normally wouldn’t dare show hot-stuff to any usual merchant. Even I’m not that silly! But he had that kind of face that told me he was cool, so I offered him one of my specialty items.

Derrien: “Now, ain’t it funny? A little bird just told me that some of this stuff here was stolen, and now you stroll right into my shop and sell it to me.” Trials: I sweated. “IDidn’tDoEet!" Derrien: “It’s cool, my scaly lass. In fact, I’d certainly have no qualms about buying other things you’ve ‘acquired’. Quite on the contrary. I might even have some tips for you about where to find worthwhile loot.” Trials: I furrowed my brow at him. “...whoa, we talkin’ some kind of deal, here? Because I might be inter--are you a guard!?“ I got in his face, and jabbed a finger into his chest. “Because you gotta tell me if you are! That’s the rules.” Derrien: He reeled back, but smiled, and brushed my hand off of his chest. “Oh, I’m no guard, believe me. I’m on the level, babe. “Here’s the deal; you pay me for information. I tell you about a hot score. You pinch the item, and sell it to me. You get what you can haggle for it, plus a modest Finder’s Fee. Then I turn around and sell the item to an interested buyer for a profit. We both win, wouldn’t you say?” Trials: I considered the offer for a moment, scratching my chin, before laying gold on the table. “I’m in. Whatcha got for me?” I know I promised Ruin I’d stay outta trouble, but this is just too good of an opportunity to pass up. He laid out the first gig for me; Talos Plaza resident Ulen Athram bought a big, gaudy ring for his wife. It’s a bit too heavy and cumbersome to wear all of the time, so the pair keep it in their house. Derrien’s buyer wants that ring... because apparently they just like trashy baubles that are more showy than practical. Whatever. It’s none of my business. I just need to pinch the item and get it back to Derrien for sale. Who knew that taking a risk on selling so stolen props to some random bloke would pay off with more work? The job in question was pretty quick and easy. I arrived just in time to see the man of the house, Ulen, leave the home. Even though it was broad daylight, no one was looking my way save for a few beggars, and I already knew the beggars were cool, so I broke in. The lady of the house was still in, but she hadn’t noticed me. I moved like a shadow, and was upstairs in short order. Searching room after room, I found a locked jewelry case... with an especially complex lock. Curses! Even with the new picks I bought from Shady Sam, this lock was, perhaps, beyond me.

But I wasn’t going to be stone-walled. Not by some stupid lock. So I tried, and tried, and tried, continuing to rattle those tumblers. Jiggling my pick around in the lock, I got a feel for it, little by little learning a thing or two about how the locks were structured, what it felt like when you hit them in juuuuuust the right spots... asking the locks out for coffee and Sweet Rolls this Friday, that sort of thing. Finally...! [Critical Success!] I’ll be the first to admit, I got lucky. I slipped that pick in exactly the right spot, bumped the tumblers in just the right way, guessed the right kind of coffee the lock liked best, and it all just clicked, and the jewelry box popped open for me. Within, I found the ring... by the Nine was it a big’un. It weight a whole pound! I think you could melt it down and get a whole brick of gold out of it. I swiped it and stole out of the building quickly. Though after buying my hot goods earlier, Derrien didn’t have the gold to pay for the ring, so he told me he’d hit up the bank tonight and pay me tomorrow, and to just sit on it for now.