#(this what happens if you watched too much jimmy kimmel's tv show series a lot pffffftttt)

[streep-mulgrew-anderson]

💫 2022 💫

Going into to 2022, there were still many things from 2021 I was waiting for… those pre Emmy pics on the stairs and for Gillian to actually acknowledge Ninapharm. 

For me, I had nothing but hope and optimism at the start of the year. Surely it can’t get any worse… right??

So all of this is written in the moment. Well, it should be interesting to see if some vibes actually came to be. Here we go…

January 

January started off painfully slow. I believe Gillian was filming in Pennsylvania maybe?? Maybe not. Anyway. 6 days into January and what like 2 -3 weeks since we had seen her, Gillian was spotted eating scones and drinking tea and posed for a picture sending everyone into relief that she was in fact still alive. And then on the 8th she finally posted something; Nelson. But it wouldn’t be until the 26th that she would finally post a selfie… saving the world. January ended with two new videos. One of Gillian interviewing FLEE director Jonas Poher Rasmussen. Love how she started the interview completely American and then the next minute she’s full on Brit! And the other, Gillian wearing silk Pjs, giving a look to die for. So after January starting incredibly slowly, it ended with Gillian being back in her active on social media era. 

February 

February started with Gillian working with yet another beauty company, only, she’s promoting it this time. And of course, Stella joined in the fun. Then Gillian decided she was going to be more active in one day on Twitter than she has been in weeks, and legit asked to play Sarah Paulsen’s wife. Robin robin was nominated for an Oscar. She then did a sit down Q and A thing that was amazing. Gillian also seems to have gotten an Apple Watch for Christmas which surprise surprise has Stella as the background. Gillian also entered her podcast era which has not been as exciting as I thought it would be. She really only talks for the first and last 5 minutes. I’m sure she puts in a lot of time researching which story to use but I was a little disappointed (And it’s actually mostly written by her social media manager...but I didn’t tell you that) Feb ended with G’s appearance at Whodunnit 2’ at Park Theatre.

March

March started with a fresh pfp and header… which I had first on my Twitter so she clearly stole my idea. We got to see some behind the scenes shots of Gillian recording her podcast. Gillian went to LA…. Honestly didn’t see that one coming with a commitment in Cannes days after. As soon as I saw Robin Robin scored an Oscar nom, I thought… I so can see her going to the Oscars. Gillian did some First Lady press. I didn’t think press would start soon so but I’m not complaining. And I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for gillovny content. Of course though, none of that happened, we just got Stella playing ball in a London park. Gillian signed a deal with Netflix to produce some new tv shows and holy shit I’m so proud. And you know me, I’m a sucker for a good theory so in my humble opinion that certain contract with a certain someone really paid off, I just wish it didn’t have to play out like that. Her production company has actually been a thing for a really long time. 

April

April started off with Gillian being awarded the icon award at Cannes series. I found it odd though that nothing was posted to her socials of her getting ready beforehand because pretty much every event she goes to, she does. (? change in SM manager?) Though the next day before her Q&A she did post some before hand stuff and then did post stuff from the day before. Honestly am loving this phase she is going through. Though, it was at about this time that a fear crept into my mind. A fear that I thought was left behind in 2020… 

The first lady press that was filmed back in Match started airing. It definitely doesn’t seem like a strong Emmy campaign which I find strange too. Gillian also realised more stuff with windsor London, not that she promoted it. Gillian did end up going to LA again and attended Jimmy Kimmel in person which has always been a great interview. In a quick recap, she ran into a door and talked about eating her penis cake. Gillian also decided to start wearing earrings in her seconds again. And as someone who has their seconds pierced, I’m loving this and can’t wait to see if she continues to do it to get some inspiration. 

Gillian attended the First Lady premiere and omg I actually loved the bright pink pantsuit. I obviously only started following Gillian during lockdown so it’s actually so cool to see her back out again on red carpets. And then Gillian just casually dropped that Sex Ed has been pushed back again and won’t start filming till the end of summer through till march. Like are you kidding me. I don’t think I can wait that long. It better be fucking good. So within like 48 hours, Gillian jetted out of LA with a video reel on her Instagram which was adorable. I’m loving this era of Gillian. And also they re pierced her ears apparently for Jimmy Kimmel only because it was gone by the next day.

The First Lady started to air. The first episode left me a little on the fence. I think because the Obama and Ford eras are more recent than the Rossavelts, that’s why maybe it’s not exactly hitting the mark straight away. I’m actually okay with the timeline being all over the place. Gillian is obviously acing it but it is unfortunately that story line that so far is what is letting the show down. Gillian of course posted some behind the scenes shots to mark the show starting. The 18th of April passed with unfortunately no selfie update. Gillian also did a photo shoot for L’Officiel which is surprisingly her first one of the year and again was perfect. 

May

How are we in May already! May started with me holding on to a really slim hope that Gillian would attend the Met gala. I know she mostly hated it last year but there a few subtle clues indicating that she might attend. But then I realised that she already had an event booked for that day 😫 and then it turns out she didn’t even go to either event. Gillian, still in her Instagram reel era posted one of her time on set of the First Lady. Honestly though, she actually seems like so much fun to work with. Connie posted the absolute most gorgeous photo of Gillian and piper which of course Gillian shared. Gillian, still in her influencer era was spotted filming so ads in London. We had our first Gillovny moment of the year. Connie posted a pic of them and Gillian tagged David and added it to her stories. David let the team down and never publicly acknowledged it but we all know he slid into her DMs… well…. He was probably already there. 

So then this video of From Jimmy Kimmel came out and Gillian AND David were in it and next to each other (not really though)

The First Lady continued to air and holy shit seeing Gillian kiss a woman multiple times changed my life and made me rethink the last year of Gillian content. 

Gillian recorded a reading for Women's Prize for Fiction: Virtual Shortlist Festival 2022 which was completely toaster quality. 

As the First Lady continues to air, I’m surprisingly falling more in love with it. And then May ended with actually footage of Gillian and her most likely re heated soggy chips. If you know what I mean by this then don’t talk to me about it because I am holding onto a thin string trying not to do the same. I wish that toaster would just disappear. I’m not surprised just disappointed. And for people who hate the judgement, 1I’ve never dated someone that all my friends have liked. It’s basically the blue print of being a friend. As long as she’s happy that’s all that really does matter. We all know she could do so much better but at the same time we all know a fraction of the truth, which is all we should know anyway. Connie tried to save the day though. 

June

That ad G filmed in May was realised and like damn! Connie fed us again. She honestly needs to release a book. AND THEN gillian posted the same photo tagging David. David left us hanging again… publicly anyway. Like he's got a book to promote so you think he’d be all over her posts. But on said book promotion he actually sort of threw her under the bus. Someone needs to send these two some gillovny videos to remind them how perfect they are and to get over their egos but then yet again, we know nothing about the truth and I’m just gonna shut up. 

Gillian modelled for Chloe. 

The First Lady finished and I never thought I would become so attached to that show. It definitely missed the mark and I think that was because it wasn’t really all that linear in it’s story. I think having the 3 story lines was a bit much. But otherwise, Eleanor and Hick spin off?? It’s been ages too since I watched a show that you can just binge watch all at once so it made my Sunday’s just that more enjoyable. She then did an interview with gold derby and damn her nails! Glad she also confirmed that she hasn’t worked since February because I was starting to get worried and that she will be filming sex ed in September. Gillian went to paramount plus uk launch and holy shit I forgot how to breath. It’s the tan and the bleached hair that ended me. Disappointed she ditched her black nails for her usual colour but when considering the rest of the fit was perfect, how can you complain. The trailer for white bird a wonder story finally came out. G loved it up in Glastonbury. 

July 

July started off slow. Gillian did an amazing podcast about mental health which I loved. We are half way through this year and it’s been slow. I mean like she has said that she hasn’t been working a lot which is obvious. She only filmed one thing this year with possible 3 things coming out all up. And at this point nothing new has been announced. Not even from her Netflix deal. I’m a little worried maybe. More worried about what she’s planning… any way it definitely doesn’t seem that she is going full on campaign mode like she did for the Emmy’s last year which is a shame. Sex education has finally started filming which is making me nervous because I swear to god if they ruin one of my favourite comfort characters arc even more i will scream. Emmy noms came out and wtf. I thought for sure she would get one. The First Lady got completely snubbed which I get because it wasn’t amazing but I thought it would get at least something in the major categories. And then The Great leads all got nominated but that was it. So disappointing. At least Gillian really loved those characters but it is a major snub considering her clean sweep last year. I think the team behind the first lady just really really missed the mark. They had three amazing lead actresses who at least one of them could have got nominated but it didn’t happen. And July ended slow. 

August

Ah August. Got my clown costume ready to go! I’m glad the last few weeks have been quite because at this point in time I had a really bad work crush and was basically picking up as many overtime shifts as I could and was a very nice welcomed distraction. Anyway. 

The First Lady got cancelled which I’m disappointed with but not surprised. I’m mean at least it doesn’t effect Gillian because she wouldn’t be in the next season. I think they got it all completely wrong. Everything about it was just messy. 

Gillian entered her unhinged era on twitter. I mean, she practically always been there but clearly has stepped it up a bit. One thing she is in though is her unemployment era. 

David’s birthday came…. And David’s birthday passed. We all know they definitely spoke privately but yeah. I would like to think they are on a nice holiday together or something. At least G probably is before she starts filming sex Ed next month. I mean they both were unusually quite for this time of the year. But we love a last minute goofy selfie and some cute thank you replies. Thanks to David for a poorly timed tweet about a recent book he read. I’m not buying it. Maybe public birthday messages will be once every 2 years from now on. At least we got some tbt tags this year on Gillian’s behalf. 

The roller coaster that is sex education promotion started. 

And then we saw the second confirmation for the year about what should not be named. Look, we don’t know the ins and outs of her private life and all that matters is that she’s happy but I just don’t see it. And listen, for everyone who’s like I don’t understand people complaining about it, from my perspective, when you care about someone, your critical of them including their choice in partner. I’ve heard that much rumours that I don’t know what to think anymore. But also, until she confirms it and the words ( or photo) come out of her mouth, im taking it with a grain salt… unfortunately maybe a large grain of salt. They could actually be ex’s that are friends. But at the end of the day if it makes her happy that’s all that matters. 

August ended with ? Gillian in her swiftie era. But let’s be real, in 2016 she’s never heard of bad blood so….

September 

Ah September, you’ve been so anticipated. G finally started filming sex education. And just a reminder she basically hasn’t worked since February and has nothing else booked and this year has been painful slow with stuff relating to Gillian, at least compared to last year. She clealry must be working on something big considering she is not good at taking breaks. 

She now owns 4 chickens apparently too. 

Ninapharm continued to release pictures from that photo shoot campaign that Gillian has weirdly chosen to ignore. 

Gillian, once again for the how many time this year, returned from the dead to go to the Burberry show in London. Forgot we were still in that era. She was seated next to ANNA WINTOUR (also across from Kanye)…. So….. what's coming next. I don’t know, I find it all maybe slightly bizarre. Loving it, don’t get me wrong but just… interesting. I mean she has launched clothing before, maybe all this fashion stuff she is suddenly doing is research for something bigger?? She has been to fashion shows in the past but not as much as she is doing now. 

October 

… and Gillian enters the month still basically unemployed. I might be a bit nervous. White bird was suppose to come out this month, the pale blue eyes in December and sex education is probably half way through filming and then… nothing. I mean surely she’s working on something but still. 

But as my life pretty much feel apart, it’s good to see Gillian’s is not as she changed her twitter pfp to sponge bob. Yep, you read that right. All I would like to say is who gave her her twitter password back this year?? I thought she would only have it like that briefly but it stayed for like a week. A whole week. And the like 2 times she tweeted during that week, no one was taking her seriously. 

White bird a wonder story was supposed to come out this month but disappeared off the face of the earth. I never watch the first one but this movie seemed really good on paper. I know Gillian said they wanted to aim it for festivals but then the release date got pushed from September to October but when the trailer got released it got a really bad reception. I’m not totally sure why. Isn’t it a book? From what I understand people were shocked about some of its context but surely that’s the same as the book right? Anyway I was really looking forward to having more Gillian content because it’s been a hot minute but I guess the wait shall continue. 

So she now does adds for Netflix too. That producer deal is really being put to good work. For someone who had such a successful previous year, I don’t understand this one. I guess we are getting employed through doing ads now. I might keep that in mind. 

Photos and a trailer were released for pale blue eyes. Finally something!!

Stella dressed up as little bo peep for Halloween and Gillian continued to aid fuel to the fire that she has reclaimed back her twitter password… I mean… do you really think that’s it’s someone else tweeting things like that on a Saturday evening at midnight? Because wouldn’t something like that have to be approved because it’s written under her name. That’s why I think it’s actually her. 

And, I just have to add this because it hit me right in the feels, Piper wore one of Gillian’s dresses for Halloween and omg 

November 

November started off with a Gillovny moment! Winning! So Gillian re posted a fans remake of an iconic Gillovny photo shot for a Halloween. I absolutely love how much she has posted gillovny throw backs this year. David’s left us hanging every time though. But I’m is anyone else noticing how much she is reposting fans stuff lately?????? And surprise surprise, David left us hanging yet again. But not to worry, Connie continued posting Gillovny throw backs. 

Gillian went to the crown season 5 premiere which you don’t want to hear my opinion on. Hasn’t she been to enough of them?? Fair enough the last one didn’t happen ( side not… she was the only former cast member there) and she won all the awards but pleaseeeeeeee I don’t want to hear about it. But I mean… if it makes her happy and look I would be doing the same thing if my anxiety and overthinking didn’t always get in the way. …. Maybe he is the British version of Pete Davison?????

David also deleted his twitter. Mourning all the gillovny that gos with that. Gillian…. Don’t you dare. Really grieving all those twitter interactions. 

You know what else really annoys me, how critical people are of what she wears and how she does her hair. 

Twitter continues to live so Gillian continues to post penises but still RIP David. Either new social media girl is totally unhinged or Gillian has that password back. 

Gillian left the house again and went to a screening of pale blue eyes. 

December 

And so we have reached the final month… and Gillian is still unemployed. So hoping she is working on something big. That Netflix deal looking like a flop right about now?? Almost a year out of the two signed for done. 

So it turns out Gillian started a beverage company, G-spot in march… so that’s what she’s been doing?? And other production company… something bigs coming right?? But at the same time, she had it for how long and done nothing with it. The website was also created in July and barely touched. I just want to really know what someone who doesn’t understand the word relax has been doing for 12 months. But like at the same time, she started Fiddleheads something like 20 year ago and it only ever was reported once so I’m not that hopefully about all these. Just like how her novels were going to be turned in a series…

Gillian started doing press for The Pale Blue Eye… again, a role that is probably going to be less than 10 minutes is getting more press from her than the last season of Sex Education. And she annoucemed her unemployment era is ending in January and from the way shes talking, 2023 sounds booked and busy. At least we don’t have to wait long. I’m surprised she only said… “i have a thing I’m starting i Jaunary that hasn’t been aoounced”. Usually she would be all like I’m doing this thing with… about… but i can’t talk about it. And it actually sounded like she said she had two things coming up…. Dr Who maybe? And maybe she kows White Bird A Wonder Storys new realise date as well because she mentioned that was coming up soon. 

And to finish it all, she wished everyone a Merry Clitmas Christmas which took me wayyy to long to pick up. 

So, hey! We made it! This year for me has been on pair with last year.. actually probably worse. I’ve lost a damn lot this year and been through things that I didn’t see coming. But maybe that’s what happens when you stop being silent and putting up with crap?? Safe to say all I did this year was survive. 

Any way, davidduchovny on twitter I miss you. Gillian… I love you… but what is going on. 

Next year is one I’m definitely excited for. I’m spending 4 weeks in Vancouver which co insides with the x files 30th anniversary and then the following 2 in London. I’m nervous but excited. And I’m so hopping I get to meet Gillian. I’m apprehensive about booking too much of the trip because I am definitely the person who will drop anything to be where she is during the 6 weeks… just as long as it doesn’t fall on the day of the wedding I’m going too. I’m also planning on maybe resigning from my job when I get home from the trip which scares the shit out of me that I'm ready to walk away from my dream job😬 the 6 weeks is also going to be me seeing if maybe I could maybe take the plunge and move over to London… all I care about is that my cat can come too. But there is a part of me that wants to stay just to prove a point 

So here’s to 2023; more Gillovny, a brand new chapter and finally hopefully positive vibes and progress. 

Oh, and Gillian, no more penis posts please!

[missorgana]

everything i do (gonna think of you)

pairing: finn/poe dameron

fandom: star wars (sequel trilogy

rating: teen and up

word count: 4690

warning: swearing, alcohol

summary: Finn and Poe are on a break. Neither of them are okay. But Finn hears Poe singing about him on the radio, and they'll be okay. Always. (musician poe, artist finn, long distance break-up + getting back together)

(it’s been ages but my space bfs, it’s good to be back!! a long overdue installment in my finnpoe alphabet series. did not expect e to be the most difficult letter to work with !!! thank you to Cat / @wendigostag​ as ALWAYS for beta reading and supporting my messy ideas 🥰 love uuuu. enjoy??)

read on ao3

“And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I’m sure!”

The audience erupts in a half-laughter, half-cheer, and the host smiles, looking a bit too tired for his age.

“Tonight’s special performance is by someone who has, quite frankly, taken the whole of America - and dare I say the world? - by storm!”

Previous cheers resurface, louder and more certain than before. Even a few wolf whistles, making the presenter laugh as well.

“Here to perform his new single ‘cardigan’ from the debut album ‘folklore’, Poe Dameron!”

Quite literally everyone in the studio goes crazy, and as the camera directs towards the stage, a light turns on and reveals the curly haired man in all his glory.

He smiles slyly to the audience. A few noises, bordering on the line of screaming, makes him chuckle, but he puts all his focus on the guitar. Snaps, strums, and as the piano starts accompanying him, a soft voice forming strange and unfamiliar words.

Finn wipes the tear away in frustration before it even gets a chance to move, just tiny droplets stinging his vision. He’s sniffling, and biting his cheek, staring at the already half-empty bottle of red wine on the table.

Never in his life has he ever felt more pathetic, that’s true.

He doesn’t know why he’s watching this. And judging by the two texts pinging in on his phone, his best friend Rey somehow knows he’s doing it, too.

His vision’s too blurry to type, he thinks. Fuck it, pour another glass of wine. Who cares?

On the screen, Poe smiles while singing each word. But Finn knows the man better than anyone in that studio to know that it’s not really a smile. It’s the kind that his boyfriend- ex-boyfriend put on at their last FaceTime call. The one where he suggested they took a break.

He figures he should turn off the television when the performance comes to an end. No need to rub anymore salt in the wound, as Rey said.

Yet Finn sticks around for the interview because… because what? He hates himself? He hates Poe?

Neither. Maybe he misses him. Of course he misses him, enough to fight back the sobs, far from sober. But he’ll fight that obvious realisation, as well.

“Thank you for coming in tonight!” the host tells the singer, who thanks him in turn for the opportunity. Always the golden boy. The image of polite, kind, heart full of love, yet so goddamn stubborn.

“Mothers love me.” Poe had told him, back in college, the smug idiot. Finn’s mother loves him.

It’s mostly questions about the album, the upcoming tour, pictures of his parents and his pearly whites gleam when he speaks of them, how proud they are of him. It envelops Finn like a warm embrace. Huh. They haven’t hugged in five months.

They haven’t seen each other in five months.

Then the host starts grinning like a maniac, and he’s got a hunch what’s coming now is what he’s been wanting to ask all along, “Evidently, you got a lot of ladies who love you here.”

Audience cheers. Poe runs a hand through his hair. He’s so nervous, it’s adorable.

“You got a special lady in your life?” a question that quiets the audience significantly, still, waiting.

The singer glances at his shoes like they’re the most fascinating thing in the universe. Finn can’t hold his glass still, because, yeah. He looks like he’s thinking about it too hard. He wants to save him from that situation.

And although it feels like a million years pass, it’s probably only ten seconds before the reply settles, “Not at the moment, no.”

The crowd is nothing less than thrilled. And not only women, as the host implied, nah, everyone in that studio recognizes what a heartthrob Poe Dameron is. Finn couldn’t agree more.

What he knows about his ex-boyfriend that the strangers in the TV don’t know is, obviously, that Poe’s not interested in the ladies.

So does his family and close friends, anyone out of show business, really.

He also knows why his ex-boyfriend isn’t out to the public about his sexuality, yet. Or he’s got an idea. Maybe. Finn convinces himself of that, because then, he can also convince himself that he’s not the only one still feeling he’s being torn to pieces by this breakup. Feels better.

*

Although the screen connecting to his boyfriend’s call tugs on his heartstrings with its familiar warmth, Finn is, above all, pissed.

And for some reason, he feels ashamed for that. He knows he shouldn’t.

Poe hasn’t been home in a month. He was supposed to be here two weeks ago, but due to press bookings, credit to his boyfriend’s brand new agent, he called Finn late at night apologising like a broken record and promising to make it up to him.

And it makes him feel like shit.

Every apology made him feel more guilty for… harboring his time. Which is crazy, because they’ve been going steady for three years. They talked about this, the possibility of long distance, and knew, definitely, that it was gonna be hard, especially since they’ve been attached by the hip for so long.

Thing is, this has happened three times now, and it’s made Finn question himself.

Is he good enough for Poe? then later, another thought creeps in, Is Poe tired of him? or… is he not in love with him anymore?

Finn feels like he’s going crazy.

And even when he sees his boyfriend’s soft curls and eyes full of sunshine pop on his phone, it’s those thoughts that still inhabit his head. Fuck.

“Baby!” Poe says, excitement gleaming right through him and into Finn’s bedroom. They’ve been talking about moving in together, but, well, with long distance, mostly only talk for now. He’s off chasing the fame, which he deserves more than anyone, thank you very much, and Finn’s already booked up with art galleries and auctions eagerly grasping for his paintings. It feels like they’ve made it.

Except, “Phasma’s got me on Jimmy Kimmel! Like, can you believe that?!” his boyfriend spills out everything from this week, and it warms Finn’s chest, his gut, all the way down to his toes. But at the same time, this being Poe’s first words to him stirs weirdly alongside that warmth.

His career’s important. Of course. Finn’s happy for him, like, over the moon, all the way across the solar system happy.

He wants him to be successful. So then… then why does it feel like Poe prioritises it over them? It’s probably him overthinking it, he reasons. Again.

Finn can definitely feel he’s supposed to be sleeping right now; that’s another thing, cursed with being in vastly different time zones. He listens, smiling half-tiredly, thoughts wandering to everything and nothing.

Which is why he finds himself, all of a sudden, replying to his boyfriend’s, “I, uh, I’m actually writing you another song. Don’t laugh, please,” with, “A secret kind of song? ”

It takes Poe by surprise, visibly, and it takes himself, as well.

Finn bites down on his tongue in the cringe of it all. His boyfriend’s blinking, slowly, probably waiting for some sort of elaboration, but when he has no idea what to say, Poe inquires, “What do you mean?”

He sighs. Wholeheartedly, wistfully, nostalgic.

Finn thinks about when Poe asked him out, driving up to his window in true cheesy romantic comedy style and having offered to write essays in exchange for a school marching band performance.

Their first date, eating cotton candy and the curly haired boy insisting on trying and failing to win Finn a prize, until finally facing defeat. He won Poe a prize instead, first try, so the previous grumpiness faded in a matter of seconds. The butterflies threatened to burst his stomach the entire day.

Their first time, clumsy and awkward, teeth clanging in kisses and stupid buttons in Finn’s shirt being stuck and they laughed until they were out of breath. It was more perfect than anything either of them could’ve imagined.

He thinks about this, because neither of them were out before they got together.

This coming out thing? It scared the shit out of Finn. He was so lucky to have a supportive family, supportive friends. The school was a mixed experience, but he and Poe were in it together. His boyfriend tried to play it cool, but he knew how scared he was, too. He knows like the back of his hand, almost.

And this concern, it makes him feel so guilty he might vomit.

“I just… I was just wondering if you wanted to be official.”

“We are official, Finn.”

“No, I-I mean, public.”

He gulps around the growing lump in his throat. Poe goes scarily quiet.

This is also something they’ve talked about before. Fame is so new, it’s a whole new leap, learning how to handle all this, so it didn’t bother either of them to be secretive about their relationship, so to speak.

Their close network still knew, obviously, but the music industry, Hollywood, that’s way, way different than Finn’s newly established and growing network of artist connections and colleagues.

It wasn’t a problem. Until it was.

Coming out is personal. But ever since his boyfriend said he wanted to go public, then didn’t, as they were both on edge, then decided they should move in together and go public to slam down journalists linking Poe to a member of a girl group he met last summer, then didn’t.

It’s happened a couple of times. And finally, it seems, Finn is coming to terms with being tired of being ready and then backing out.

He’s terrified. Terrified of Poe being embarrassed of him, which he knows sounds crazy, also. But fuck.

“Baby, we’re gonna do it,” his boyfriend reassures him, but he’s distraught now, “You know we are. My agent just talks about my image, you know, I need to make sure-”

“Your image?”

That… that pisses Finn off. Conclusively. Because what the fuck?

“Phasma thinks we should do it at Christmas, season of love, you know?” Poe smiles shyly, he always loved the holidays. And he just doesn’t know how to react. “She’s fine with it, like, she didn’t ask me to fake being straight, like the guy I talked with before. Just-

“Are you embarrassed of me, Poe?” he finds the words slipping out before he can stop his mouth.

His boyfriend’s eyes widen significantly on the small screen, opens and closes his mouth several times, and there’s definitely a yell from somewhere in the studio, but Poe ignores it completely, “Of course not. Finn, I’m the luckiest guy in the world because of you. I just really… really think we need to time this right.”

“I,” Finn starts, but he’s barely sure where he’s going with the sentence. All he knows is that he’s scared Poe might tell him that all this time meant nothing to him. He doesn’t know why he leaps to that, but he does. His boyfriend might find something better than him in the limelight, “I know. You’ve told me, and I get it, I do. It’s just difficult being so far away from you, and then…”

He feels himself drifting off into a cloud of numbness and nothing, but Poe interrupts the sentence, “I thought you’d be more supportive of my career.” Finn nearly jumps. The words don’t sound cold, per say. But it’s weird. The good old butterflies flutter hesitantly, sort of in question.

“I am, darling, I-” he sighs again, “I’ve always been. You’ve just seemed like you’re ready, and I got the feeling that your agent didn’t want you to, and-” “Phasma wants it.”

“But on Christmas, Poe. This Christmas. I’m just scared you’re…” Finn shakes his head at himself, decides to be completely honest, because that’s how relationships work. Right? “Waiting for the moment to end this.”

“End this?” his boyfriend’s voice raises just an octave, looking perpetually confused. He also, admittedly, looks pissed. Hurt. “Do you want to break up with me?”

“No! Why would I-

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

Finn rubs his eyes, feels like they’re on goddamn fire. Poe’s biting his lips, rummaging around after moving what he assumes is a more private room than before, and avoiding eye contact. They shouldn’t be doing this on the phone. They shouldn’t be doing this at all.

He wishes his boyfriend was next to him, so he could curl up on his chest and sleep the entire weekend. It’s all he wants.

Ultimately, Finn makes the suggestion, “Baby, I’m sorry, I just… why don’t I call you next time you’re free? Or can you… are you getting back anytime soon?”

He doesn’t know how to describe this feeling, what’s happening, in any other way than it seems like Poe’s on a different planet than him, drifting in a meteor rain.

What Finn doesn’t expect least of all is his boyfriend’s answer, “Nah, you know, if you feel like that, we should take a break. A breather.”

And Poe smiles, but he sees through that bullshit. It doesn’t reach his eyes.

He’s trying to play it cool. Fuck. Why are Finn’s eyes stinging, now?

“A break?”

“Yeah.”

That’s so much to process. Fucking process it. The protests are bubbling under his skin, boiling and ice cold at the same time, but he doesn’t get the time when the yells on the end of the world resume.

“I really should go.” Poe tells him, but he doesn’t sound like he wants to.

“Poe…” he tries to breathe around the butterflies currently panicking inside of him. He’d scream at them to stop for just five seconds, if he could. His boyfriend’s already getting up from the seat, which is why Finn pinches the bridge of his nose and tries not to look at him, “Okay. Okay.”

The silence that settles between them, then, until they end the call in confusion and boiled up emotion, is far from the comfort they’ve been accustomed to. It ends without a goodbye. Without an I love you.

So, naturally, he gets absolutely zero sleep that night.

*

Whenever Rey told them they were being overdramatic, she was probably right. This is no exception.

Ever since the damnation of their FaceTime call, Finn tried to get into his head what went down. Namely, him and his boyfriend speaking over each other’s heads. It settles in the morning, the realisation that Poe assumed the worst of what he said, while he himself didn’t understand why he couldn’t come home . Just one day. Just to talk this out.

But in a recognizable stubborn fashion, his boyfriend ignored his calls and texts for the weekend. Finn tried so, so hard not to get pissed again. But also, Poe actively avoiding him made him want to cry. Not being able to just hear his voice made him want to cry.

Naturally, the following week, when his boyfriend decided to reach out, Finn became the one to ignore all forms of contact. It felt like they were walking in circles.

This is new and raw territory.

Finn and Poe don’t fight. It’s a basic law of the universe. 

Which is why he doesn’t blame Rey for widening her eyes in shock at this new development. He also knows that she wants to intervene, badly so, given how protective she is of them, but because she’s lovely she always somehow knows when Finn needs his own space to think. Or scream into the void a little bit, whatever does the trick.

He’s pretty sure she didn’t expect this to go on for four months, now. He sure as hell didn’t expect it.

But… they’re both to blame. Finn’s pretty much dug himself a hole in the ground filling up with all his feelings, and as every week passes by, waits for his boyfriend to make the first move. He expects Poe to do the same. Nothing’s moving forward.

So, if Rey didn’t know him as she did, she’d ask him why.

Why don’t you just call him? He could. When his boyfriend stopped ignoring him, that is. Thing is, Finn’s world is sort of crumbling right now, and a confrontation with that isn’t something he can handle, he thinks.

It’s the thought of losing Poe for good. It’s the thought of Poe thinking Finn doesn’t want him anymore, when in fact he fears the exact opposite.

After watching that interview, though, he could breathe a little easier, he’ll admit.

And it’s weird. He felt inherently about a hundred times worse during it. The day after, he just kept thinking about Poe and his stupid curls and his nervous smile and what he might be doing while Finn was helping his sister with the dishes.

Maybe it’s knowing his boyfriend- ex-boyfriend (?) is okay. Does look more okay than himself.

It calms him. The next day, it makes Finn want to burn up all their polaroids and mail the ashes to the singers’ hotel in a massive envelope. As said before, this hole is deep, too deep, making it difficult to be rational.

A week after the interview, he’s just about on the edge to complete numbness.

Maybe he’s been reading those hilarious dumb gossip magazines whenever his boyfriend was on the cover. Shut up. If he acknowledges the ridiculousness of that, it’ll only make it worse.

Finn feels weak for being this torn up after a breakup… or break. He’s had breakups before Poe, but none of them hurt like this. Does it ever just fucking stop?

Apparently not, because when he picks up the phone with Rey’s name flashing, Finn expects it to be another question of what’s going on. How he’s doing, or not even a question, but an order to let her in as she’s probably already standing in front of his building carrying ice cream and bad horror movies.

He doesn’t get why she doesn’t just use the key he got her already, but it’s still endearing. Except, “Turn on the radio.”

“What?

“Finn, turn on your radio. Trust me.”

And so he scrambles around, the determination in her voice definitely not something to mess around with. Finn eventually uncovers it underneath the mountain of Poe’s vinyl records, and while his best friend doesn’t even tell him what station she’s referring to, he’s got a feeling about it. Also, it’s the first station that pops through the speakers when he turns it on, so.

Then, he has absolutely no idea what to listen for. The hosts are making some jokes about the song they’re gonna play next, thereozing about a “lost love” , and Finn’s about to ask until he realises Rey’s hung up on him, and a text.

just wait. u won’t regret it.

It’s too ominous for his best friend’s usual shenanigans. He’s a little worried.

But unlike the last hellish, unbelievable four months, Finn doesn’t have much time to worry, before the voices announce, “We present an exclusive live performance from our new favorite heartthrob, Poe Dameron!”

Oh God. Oh God, oh shit, oh my god.

Naturally, Finn’s anxiety kicks in like a punch in his gut.

In fact, he’s about to pull up his best friend’s contact again, sick of hearing the single that Poe wrote for him and not even being able to revel in the feeling anymore. Only it’s not ‘cardigan’.

Four months ago, a few days before they decided to take a break, his boyfriend sent him a couple of voice notes, containing lyrics and guitar pieces and other bits for the album he wanted Finn’s approval on. He always wanted his opinion first. It makes him all warm again.

This song, however, is brand new, unheard to everyone’s ears. Including Finn.

  “I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit

Been saying "yes" instead of "no"

I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

I hit the ground running each night

I hit the Sunday matinée

You know the greatest films of all time were never made”

  The melody has the same calm like the other songs he’s heard, an image of fairytales and bare feet dancing in the woods and stars twinkling in the night.

The melancholy is unfamiliar, though.

  “I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now”

  Finn’s thumb hovers over Rey’s contact name, but he can’t bring himself to move.

It’s the alright part. Except, despite how much he tries to lie to himself, he swears to everything god that his boyfriend’s voice breaks over the word. It’s subtle enough that the interviewers could pass it on as him being hoarse, he reasons, but Poe can’t fool him.

He wants him to be okay. Actually, no, because being okay means not missing Finn like Finn misses him, and that would hurt more than anything he can imagine. But also, he’s too far away for a reassuring hand. That’s why he wants him to be okay.

  “But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you”

  For some reason, it’s only then it settles into Finn’s mind.

Oh.

Oh.

The song keeps going, and his emotions keep going, from the chaotic jumbled mess he’s become accustomed to a quiet buzz. He feels like his breathing’s slowed down, and a pocket in his heart is being emptied onto the floor.

Poe feels exactly the same way, he imagines. He has to.

Finn’s abandoned his phone somewhere unknown between the couch cushions, and he’s stuck staring at the empty wine bottle he hasn’t had the energy to get rid of, his microwave dinner half eaten, until his ex-boyfriend’s song comes to an end.

‘the 1’ is the title. He doesn’t know if he’s crying or not, which sounds a bit dumb in his own head.

“Poe Dameron!” one of the interviewers yells obnoxiously, clearly trying to hold in their excited giggling, “Those were quite emotional lyrics. I’m guessing there’s a story there somewhere?”

Finn could roll his eyes into the next century at that comment. Jesus Christ.

The singer’s complained about these kinds of people before, of course, he chuckles, politely, hesitantly, probably spinning the best way to avoid opening that door of vulnerability on open air, “I think everyone writes from their own experience, really.”

His voice has the same elegance and softness and gruff that makes Finn think of home, despite the tinny speakers and distraction that vibes off of him, all the way over in the states. It’s unbelievable.

The interview keeps going in the most standard way possible, a couple more questions Poe subtly circles around (including about dating, obviously), some jokes, and they eventually get to that segment where the listeners can call in and ask their own question to the dreamy man.

Some are boring, some are weird, some are intrusive, some are just teen voices in awe of his relatability and what not, mountains of flattery which his boyfriend is all too shy and starstruck to handle.

Finn bites his lip.

They repeat the number of the radio twice. The programme ends at nine. That means about forty five minutes of fan questions.

He shouldn’t. This is ridiculous. But what if… what?

Poe’s voice somehow carries his hand to fish the phone up again, though, like a strike of magic. And then the tone sounds, one, two, three, and it’s too late to take it back now. Shit.

“You’re live! Can our next lucky listener introduce yourself and your question?”

He tries so hard, desperately so, to swallow around the lump in his throat, seeming impossibly massive. The eerie silence is simply too painful to bear, though, so Finn squeezes his eyes shut hard for two seconds, before forcing the reply out.

“Yes, uh, hi. This is Finn Solo. From Pennsylvania.”

A beat. “Pennsylvania?! Well, honey, that’s actually Poe Dameron’s home state, isn’t it?”

Two beats. The singer clears his throat. “Yeah.” Clearly, he recognizes his voice in an instant. Well, obviously, he’d be shocked if he didn’t. Still, Finn feels like curling up in a ball and hiding from the world. He wonders if Rey’s listening, right now.

The interviewer seems unfazed from Poe’s hesitated answer, or they just choose to ignore it, he supposes. “The floor is yours, Finn. Ask ahead!”

So… how is he supposed to do this, again? 

This is the worst idea Finn’s had in his entire life. Seriously. And he accepted Rey’s dare to swing all the way up and around the swingset in fifth grade, he’s well aware of what reckless looks like. This is it.

Still, he’s stuck now. Poe’s listening to him. Kind of forced to.

And against his own better judgement, Finn silences the million overthinking thoughts in his inner ear by simply saying whatever hits him first, “Did you mean what you said? In the song?”

Seconds feel like fucking hours right now.

“Sorry, can you-” one of the hosts start, but he feels moved to continue. “When did you write it?”

It’s low, the feedback of his boyfriend’s microphone can just be made out. He prays that was only comprehensible enough for Poe’s own ears, because Finn could never possibly live with himself if he outed the person he loves most in the world. Seems so, given the interviewer once again asks the singer in confusion.

“What do you say, Poe? Do you need, uh… for him to elaborate?”

“No.” the man says simply, shyness seemingly having faded away in a glimpse. “Finn, I wrote this back in May.”

Four months ago. Same month as their FaceTime call.

“Only a week after our call. Took me five hours. I needed to get every word just right.” Poe says those words so steadily it shocks Finn. His hand feels numb and itchy around the tiny device, and one of the hosts gasps.

“I-” he starts, but has no idea where to go, where to turn. Finn didn’t expect any of this tonight. A deep breath is needed, “Do you mean… you wrote it about me?”

He feels like an absolute idiot for asking, even doubting it, but given the emotional rollercoaster he’s been through up until now, he’s grasping for straws of confirmation. Poe chuckles, barely audible.

“All my songs are about you, darling.”

What the fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Another gasp is heard in the studio, a little louder this time, but he sends a silent thanks, still, to them being too taken aback to intervene.

Okay, these are definitely tears in Finn’s eyes, now.

One rolls down, cool against his hot cheek, and he almost wants to laugh widely, processing what’s happening over and over in his brain.

What’s mostly replaying is the nickname that he’s missed… too much.

If they were in the same room, in front of each other, alone , he could say and ask a million things. This conversation is impossibly too vulnerable for open air, but Finn really thinks, really, that this step was needed. At least, it’s something he’s been longing to hear.

Instead of breaking down in the happiness and sadness he’s feeling, instead of talking about the miscommunication they’ve been the victim of, he smiles. Can’t stop. It’s hurting his whole face, actually, but his chest feels endlessly lighter.

“If… uh,” Finn chuckles at himself again, him and his stupid emotions, probably laced obviously in his voice, “Is there a chance that you still want to write songs about me?”

Poe laughs back, warmer and wobblier than before. “Of course. Of-fucking-course. There’s no one else I’d rather write about.”

Those hosts over there are probably freaking out big time, but Finn can’t bring himself to care much.

They sigh rather in unison. Him and his boyfriend. Breathing shaky and yet steadying themselves, almost. Together.

“Okay. Okay. Thank fuck,” he finds himself sniffling, “Okay.”

“They’ll always be about you.”

[angelic-holland]

Palm Trees // th x fem!reader

Summary: You were starring alongside Scarlett Johansson in the new Black Widow movie, she’s a younger spy that Nat saves from the Red Room, trains her to be better. You meet Tom prior to the premiere of The Red Room and he agrees to be your date. 

Part of my Drive North series. Based on the song Palm Trees by the SWMRs, listen to it while reading. As you will hear in the song, it discusses the corruption of Hollywood and younger more naive people being taken advantage of in the industry. 

Warnings: brief sexual harassment (not Tom), angst

Word Count: 6.1K

Sarah! Sarah! Look over here! Sarah! Smile!” You hear people shout and you wave and grin as your security walks you inside Jimmy Kimmel’s studio. Your stage name, Sarah Winters was being called left and right.

You know that they were really waiting for Scarlett who would be arriving soon, but they knew a little about your role in the movie, they’ve seen the behind the scenes photos and they’ve seen the trailer, so they’ve got some idea of who you are.

You made your way inside, getting put in your own dressing room which was literally a dream, something you’ve been thinking about and hoping would happen since you were a little girl.

When Scarlett arrived she hugged you tight. When Jimmy asked you questions about the movie, you talked excitedly and animatedly, almost spoiling a huge plot point when Scarlett put her hand over your mouth.

“Looks like Holland’s gonna get a run for his money on the spoilers,” she laughs and you’re blushing, you totally knew what you could and couldn’t say but this was the first big, TV interview you’d ever done. You were just incredibly excited.

Later that night you posted some photos on your Instagram, the first one being a shot of Scarlett’s hand over your mouth with your eyes wide.

You laughed as you captioned it, “let’s play how to keep Y/N from spoiling the entire Black Widow movie”.

You posted it and as you got ready for bed, exhausted from the long day of press. Before falling asleep you saw some comments, most of them were funny, a lot were tagging Tom saying that you were coming for his title.  

You saw a notification that Tom had commented on your post as well, probably because everyone kept tagging him.

tomholland2013: as spoiler king, you can be spoiler queen, no stealing my title

You rolled your eyes, blushing a little. You ignored the onslaught of people commenting, lots of those sideways glancing eye emojis, a few keyboard smashes. You’ve never even met the guy. A few moments later you noticed he had followed you. You wondered if he would be at the Black Widow premiere, then maybe you could meet him. Since before you were cast as the young woman who Natasha takes under her wing, you’ve always been a fan of Marvel movies, the smallest crush on the actor who played Spiderman. He was attractive, seemed nice enough, your age; what more could you ask for?

You sent a quick text to Scarlett, asking if other MCU actors would be at the premiere.

Scarlett: why? Hoping a certain someone might show up?

You: psshhh no I don’t know what you mean

Scarlett: Tom might be there, let me ask

You: no omg he’ll wanna know why you’re asking

Scarlett: no he won’t give me a second

You groan, putting your phone on the edge of the bedside table and trying to sleep.

You wake up the next morning by your alarm. You’ve got a flight to London to do one last round of press before the premiere in a week.

You shower quickly and toss on a comfortable sweatshirt and gym shorts before shoving your PJs into your suitcase, making sure you had everything from your hotel room. You make it to the car that was waiting for you on time, miraculously, before checking your phone.

You noticed a text from an unknown number and frowned, opening it as you got in the backseat.

“Airport?” The driver asks.

“Yes please, thank you!”

Unknown number: Hey so I heard you need a date to the Black Widow premiere.

You: sorry who is this?

You check your texts to Scarlett.

Scarlett: a certain someone may or may not have asked if you’re going with anyone to the premiere, told him you weren’t, think you might be interested in having him on your arm for the night

You: wait, like, Tom Holland , that’s who we’re talking about? No way you didn’t convince him out of pity

You’re heart is sort of racing as you wait for a response from Scarlett.

She sends back a screenshot of her conversation with Tom, her asking if he’s going to the premiere. Then him asking if you have a date. And Scarlett telling him you didn’t, but he better act fast and then she sent your phone number.

You quickly add the unknown number in your phone.

You: I mean, you don’t even know me like at all, what would make you want to be my date?

You’re shocked by how quickly he answers.

Tom: well I could get to know you.

You: you know everyone and their mother is freaking out about that insta comment of yours?

Tom: their mothers too? Quite nosy aren’t they?

Tom: So, when can I meet you? See if you’re truly the spoiler queen

You:  I ALMOST say one thing and suddenly I’m the spoiler queen? At least I didn’t actually spoil any big plot points from the movie

Tom: fine fine you haven’t earned that title yet

Tom: you and Scarlett will be in London tomorrow right?

You: you stalking me?

Tom: no, just asked Scarlett

“Miss? We’re at the airport.”

You look up and sure enough your driver has pulled up to the airport. Someone opens the door, greeting themselves as your security, taking your suitcase from the trunk and offering to hold your backpack.

“I’m fine thank you,” you say as he walks you into the airport. Thankfully there aren’t any paparazzi or fans of Scarlett here, who was taking a later flight.

You check in and your suitcase is sent off before you go through security, Todd, the security person following you. He let you know he’d be with you until your flight and then when you landed in London there would be another person waiting for you.

This was all new to you, having security with you at airports, when you went to press events, the rare occasion of being recognized when you’re out and about.

You checked your phone again while waiting to board. It was a short wait, another thing you’ve never experienced, one was plane flights in general, the other was getting to be in first class. You felt so fancy you lost your mind the first time you flew with the cast to a filming location in Europe.

You waited for your seat location to be called, seeing another text from Tom.

Tom: I’ll be in London for the next few days, call me when you land

You gulp, quickly responding before boarding.

You: will do

The entire plane ride you attempt to sleep, try not to think of Tom fucking Holland asking you to call him. It doesn’t work. You sit there, watch movie after movie, trying to keep your mind off the boy. You gave up and put on Spiderman: Homecoming. You’ve seen it before so you let yourself get a little lost in the story, falling asleep about halfway through. You’re woken up by the rumble of the plane touching down.

***

You make it to your hotel with limited problems, you at first couldn’t find the security person waiting for you then realized he was holding a sign with your stage last name and not your real last name.

“Hi Miss Winters, I’ll be working with you while you’re in London, names Rick, shall we head to the hotel?”

“That’d be great, thank you,” you say, noting he’s already got your suitcase.

You see another text from Tom and blush as you sit in the car.

Tom: don’t wanna sound like a weirdo tho so ur totally not obligated to go out with me if you don’t want to

You: who said anything about going out?

Tom: I just meant, like to get to know each other before you whisk me away on the red carpet

You: I’ll see if I can sneak away from the hotel tonight, don’t have press until tomorrow

Tom: I could come to you

You: huh

Tom: we could hang in your hotel room, order room service, besides if we are out and about together the instagram comments would be the least of our problems

You: problems?

You frown, problems? You didn’t want to stir up trouble, you didn’t want to get death threats from teenagers over Tom either, considering you don’t even know the type of person he is, considering you’re just going to hang out.

Tom: well I’m just not really in the mood to be swarmed on the street by paps and fans and stuff

Tom: unless you wanna go out then we can, it’s whatever

You: no, no id much rather that not happen, hasn’t really happened to me yet and I’d prefer it to stay that way

Tom: after this you’ll be so famous you won’t know what to do with yourself

You laugh to yourself, Randy glancing at you.

You: highly doubt I’ll be loved nearly as much as you are

Tom: nonsense

You: I’ll be at The Savoy hotel, you know it?

Tom: I can use google

You: idk I heard you were pretty bad with technology

Tom: you’re right, google and texting are the only two things I feel 100% sure I can do

“Miss Winters? We’re at the hotel. Your schedule for the next few days should be in your email. You have the rest of the day off though.”

You nod, time zones were messing with your head, “what time is it right now?”

“10am.”

“Thank you,” you say as you both get out of the car. You check into your room and thank Rick for your suitcase.

You toss your backpack and suitcase down before flopping onto the bed, checking your phone.

Tom: are you at the hotel now?

You: yea

Tom: ok

You checked out the room service food, realizing since you slept on your flight you were starving. You decide to order pizza even though it’s early, you called and they said they could get some delivered from a local shop. You check your phone and see that Tom texted you again.

Tom: on my way, what’s your room #

You: 413

Oh, he was already on his way, shit. You practically jump out of bed and open your suitcase. You know it shouldn’t matter what you wear. But you change out of your oversized sweatshirt into a plain white T-shirt, keeping your gym shorts on. You thank god that your job and press required you to shave. Because although you didn’t think anything would happen, you wanted to feel confident if it did.

You changed quickly and brushed your teeth, jumping back into bed. You grabbed your book, East of Eden, your favorite book, it’s had plenty of wear and tear since you’ve read it so many times but you couldn’t get rid of it or get yourself a new copy.

You picked up where you left off, the story of young Adam Trask and his brother Charles, arguably your favorite and the best part of the book, seeing the dynamic between the two of them, then seeing how Adam grows for the rest of the book.

The door rang as you finished the chapter. You set the book upside down and grabbed your wallet, you checked through the peephole to confirm it was your pizza, as if on cue your stomach was rumbling. You thanked the person and tipped them, the pizza charged to your room.

You settled back into your bed, about to open the pizza when your doorbell rang again. You got up and looked through the peephole.

Tom was standing outside your room, hands in the pockets of sweatpants he was wearing, paired with what looked like an oversized hoodie. Okay, maybe you weren’t underdressed previously. You opened the door, leaning against the frame.

“Hi spoiler king,” you grin.

“Nice to finally meet you spoiler queen.”

“Finally?”

“Yeah, been wanting to meet you since you started filming Black Widow.”

“Didn’t know you knew I existed until a few days ago.”

“Well, surprise,” he laughs, shrugging, “you gonna let me in or should we continue this conversation here?”

“Oh my god sorry I’m such an idiot, come on in,” you say, walking backwards into the room. You feel the heel of your foot hit the back of your suitcase and you can’t stop yourself from falling. Tom rushes forward and catches you, arm around your waist and pulling you back up.

“How in the world are you playing this super spy when you trip over a suitcase?”

You chuckle, blushing as he helps you steady yourself, nudging your suitcase to the side as he closes the door.

“I play a super spy in training thank you very much,” you say as his hand leaves your waist and you quietly miss the feeling of his hand there.

“Well, guess you’re excused then.”

“Do you, want some pizza?” You ask, sitting on the edge of your bed and opening the box.

“Little early for pizza,” he observes.

“Haven’t eaten, in, oh god I don’t even remember, since the night before I got on the plane to come here from LA?” You say, stomach rumbling.

“Then I think you should dig right into that pizza,” Tom says, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you.

“Good plan,” you say, ignoring how awkward you feel and taking a bite of a slice. He grabs your book and reads the title.

“East of Eden, never read it before.”

“I mean I would act all offended because it’s my favorite book but I know that like not a lot of people who have read it. You should though, if you find the time.”

“Yeah this looks long and I’m way too dyslexic to read that without giving up halfway through.”

“Oh shit sorry I had no idea.”

“All good, kinda a running joke with my fans and people.”

“That you’re dyslexic?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, thumb running through the pages.

You finish your pizza, watching his face as he reads the description on the back of the book.

“Stole it from 10th grade English class when I first read it,” you say before picking up another slice.

“Solid,” he laughs, looking at the list of last names written on the front cover along with the year, “Don’t see your name here Sarah.”

“That’s cause I didn’t have a stage name till I auditioned for Black Widow, name’s Y/N, Y/L/N,” you say, pointing to the last name put in the book.

“Oh, well nice to meet you Y/N, do you prefer that over Sarah?”

“Honestly, yeah.”

“Well, Y/N it is.”

You’re silent, you eating your pizza, Tom flipping through your book, laugh at some of the notes you have written in it.

“Cool if I have a piece?” he asks, setting your book down.

“All yours,” you say, gesturing to the pizza box sitting between you.

“So Y/N, how did you enjoy working on the movie? It was your first movie right? Know you beat out some names for the role.”

“Yeah, guess so, don’t know why.”

“Because you were best for the role, obviously.”

“Don’t know why they’d choose a nobody over people like Chloe Grace Moretz,” you shrugged.

“Because you, they saw potential in you, they also love to cast new faces, make newer actors famous,” he says.

Your mind starts to race with reasons why they might’ve cast you and you start to doubt your ability as an actress, because you’ve done theatre, been the lead in shows in your town and region but never movies or TV shows.

“Hey you know, I think you’re quite talented from the clips we’ve seen in trailers.”

“Uh, thanks,” you say, hand rubbing your neck, why are you so fucking awkward?

“So what kinda dress will you be wearing?”

“Huh?”

“To the premiere, so we can match.”

“Oh yeah, yeah lemme send you a picture of it,” you say. You were wearing a pretty dark red dress with black lace adorning the bodice.

“Sweet I’ll see what I can do about getting a matching tie and stuff.”

“Cool, you know it’s nice of you to uh, be my date,” you say, fiddling with your hands.

“Yeah, you know, wanted to see if you’d give me a run of my money.”

“With what?”

“Spoiling stuff.”

“Yeah,” you laugh, “don’t need to worry about that after the movie comes ou- FUCK.”

That definitely wasn’t something he should’ve heard.

You watch as he pieces what you just said together, “oh my god, hey even if that happens, well I think you’ve outdone me.”

“Listen at least I didn’t say that in front of a live audience or something.”

“What am I? A dead audience?”

“No, you’re just one person.”

“Ah that’s right, I don’t count.”

“Nope,” you say, tucking your legs underneath you.

You and Tom hang out and talk about filming, about the movie industry, about your favorite things, it felt like he learned everything about you in the time that you talked.

You stopped yourself a few times, apologizing for rambling.

“It’s fine, like to listen to you talk.”

At some point, you two had set the pizza box on the ground and were lying with your feet swinging off the edge of the bed.

“So, what about you? You excited for what’s to come for Spiderman?”

“Yeah, totally, I mean I want to branch out and do more movies, doing the voice stuff for Onward, the Pixar film; was really cool.”

“Have you done any auditions recently?”

“Some yeah, should hear about them soon.”

“That’s awesome. I honestly don’t know what I’m gonna do after this,” you groan, still unsure why you’re telling Tom any of this.

“Well did you enjoy your time on set? Did you enjoy acting in a film? Enjoy the people you worked with?”

“For the most part yeah,” you say, looking away.

“For the most part? Alright who do you hate? Which actor?”

“No, the actors are all great, I love them. Just, nah it’s stupid,” you sigh, because honestly you had no idea if what happened was weird, if it was out of the ordinary or if that’s just how it was.

“Nothing’s stupid, hey, I might be able to give you a tip to help deal with it.”

“Just, one of the ADs, Jack , he uh, he’d always hug me, like if I did a good job on a scene, he’d just like hug me really tight and uh, like sniff my hair, like press his face right into my hair and like not even ask me if he could hug me which I don’t know, I never stopped him from hugging me I just never hugged back but that’s stupid it’s a stupid thing to have a problem with.”

It’s quiet for a moment and you start to overthink and doubt yourself, doubt why you told him this story. Did Jack make you feel uncomfortable? Yes, absolutely but that’s just how it was, how you figured the industry worked.

“Did he do this in front of everyone?”

“Nah, just on my way back to my trailer or my hotel room or whatever.”

“Does Scarlett know?”

You sit up quickly, looking at him, “no, no she doesn’t. Nobody does it’s stupid I don’t know why I told you.”

“It’s not stupid Y/N, you know, if you want to talk to someone, you should. I can be that person if you want. But if you want you should tell someone higher up, they might be able to do something about it.”

“I don’t, it’s not worth it,” you sigh, laying back down.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“Talking about this.”

“Don’t be.”

“Yeah?”

“Course, it’s just, I've seen a lot of people, young new people who don’t really have any idea of how this industry works, see them getting taken advantage of, whether it’s by asshole directors who don’t know how to teach young people, treat them like, I don’t know, like they’ve got some power over you.”

“Oh, well thanks I guess.”

There’s a very awkward tension now and you have literally no idea how to move past it.

“So now that you know all about me, what’s there to know about you?”

“Well, got three brothers, Harry and Sam are twins, and Paddy is a little younger than me. Got a dog, Tessa, she’s amazing, truly my favorite being on the planet.”

“God I wish I could have a dog, mom’s allergic.”

“You should meet Tessa sometime, she’s a sweetheart. Mum’s a photographer, dad does a bunch of stuff, comedy, writer, blogs, stuff like that.”

“I’d love that.”

You feel his hand brush against yours, meeting between your bodies.

“Oh, sorry,” he says as he feels your hand stiffen under his.

“No, it's just, why?”

“Why what?” He says as your hand holds his hand tightly.

“Why’d you do this?”

“How many times have I told ya Y/N.”

“Just, dunno why you’d care.”

“Can’t help it, I guess, you’re funny, at least from the interviews of you I’ve seen, and you’ve made me laugh bunch today.”

“Yeah counterbalance all the deep shit I told you.”

He laughs, thumb rubbing the skin of your hand, “see? Anyways, I should get going, supposed to have dinner with my brothers but I’ll see you later? Maybe we can hang out while you’re still in London, if you’re not busy being super famous and with press.”

“Yeah, we can always text too if I am. And I’ll see you at the premiere? You can always just not show up, never talk to me again if you don’t want to,” you say, watching as he gets up.

You follow him to the door and he turns to face you.

“Hmm, good offer but I don’t think I will.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah I think it’ll be much more fun to be your date than ditch you, plus I already know what’s gonna happen in the movie so we can sit and be not surprised together.”

“Sorry I spoiled it for ya,” you say, blushing.

“You’re fine, it was nice to meet you Y/N, I’ll see you later,” he says, you don’t even realize your hand is still in his until he lets go, leaving you alone in your hotel room.

“What is wrong with me?” You groan, jumping back into your bed.

****

You and Tom text throughout the week, a lot actually. Sometimes he’ll ask you random questions about your family, about your favorite place to eat back in your hometown.

You’re in a dressing room, just about to go for an interview when he texts you.

Tom: I love learning all this stuff about you, just wish I could hear you talk about it in person

You: why’s that?

Tom: because, when you’re really passionate about something you talk like really animatedly and it’s really fun to watch

You blush, having no idea how to respond you leave your phone there before making your way to the interview.

****

You’re on your way to the premiere, the flight from London just as long and exhausting as the last. You didn’t have much time when you got to LA to relax, you could put your suitcase in your hotel room and go straight to the premiere where you would spend the rest of your time getting ready. People were doing your hair, makeup, helping you into your dress, it was going to be a whole ordeal. For now, you had an hour to yourself in your dressing room, to relax, to breath, whatever you wanted. Tom let you know he’d be there in two or so hours, he didn’t have as much prep as you had. Basically just had to put on clothes and his hair would take less than half the time yours would.

You were nervous, your first premiere, first red carpet or whatever, your mom wouldn’t be able to make it, she was working, always working, but she sent you her love.

You were laying on the couch in your dressing room, scrolling through your twitter feed when you heard a knock on the door. Maybe it was Tom, you got your hopes up a little. Frowning at your leggings and baggy sweatshirt, you didn’t want him to see you until you were all dressed up.

You reluctantly got off the couch, opening the door.

“Oh hi,” you say, as you see Jack standing in front of you.

“Hi,” He smiles, “Can I come in?”

“What?”

“Just wanted to talk to you, congratulate you,” he says and you reluctantly step back from the door, letting him in. He closes the door behind him and you sit down on the couch, setting your phone on the dressing room table. What you didn’t see or hear was the click of the lock as he locked your door.

“You’re going to be a star Sarah, I can make you great,” he says, sitting next to you. His leg was right against yours and you shift away, body pressed up against the side of the sofa until his leg wasn’t touching yours. You didn’t mind that he called you by your stage name, you preferred it actually. That way everything he said wasn’t really directed to you, at least you could pretend it wasn’t.

“You? Why would you be the one to make you great?” You frown, that’s your job, audition, get your name out there.

“I know people, they’ll cast you, like I convinced them to.”

“Huh?” “Saw something special,” he says, and you freeze when his hand rests on your shoulder, “could’ve cast anyone, any big name, but we chose you.” His hand moves to glide up your neck and cup your cheek and your mind is screaming at you, MOVE, SLAP HIM, RUN but you’ve slipped into panic mode, which for you meant you were frozen.

“Wanna make you Hollywood’s next leading lady,” He says, face so close to yours you can smell his very gross breath, your heart is beating out of your chest.

You’re trying to think of something, anything.

You remember something Tom had told you back in the hotel a week ago.

****

“Just, if he’s weird again, don’t just go along with it, push him away, tell him he’s a fucking coward, he doesn’t get to use his position of power over you.”

“I don’t know if that would work.”

“Just try it, okay? Just, don’t let him hold anything over your head.”

****

His lips are pressing against yours and that’s when you use all your strength, breaking from your panic to push him off you, hard enough that he ends up on the other end of the sofa as you jump up.

“Get up! Get out, now.”

****

Tom wanted to surprise you, so he arrived earlier than he said he would, your wrapped present in one hand, he found out where your dressing room would be and made his way to it, frowning when it was locked.

He was about to knock when he heard you, screaming.

“Get the fuck out!”

“Sarah, don’t do this, you’re going to regret this.”

“No, I won’t, I’ll only regret letting you be a fucking creep for this long.”

You and the AD are in a screaming match.

He tries to doorknob again, wanting to break it up before other people heard.

“Come here,” Tom hears the AD say before you yelp, and there’s a clattering and “I’ll blacklist you, no director will work with you. Fucking ungrateful.”

“If you don’t get out now, I will scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone what just happened.”

“Bitch.”

****

Jack approached you, “come here.” You backed up into the table as he grabbed your arm tightly, causing you to yelp before he presses his lips hard against yours. Your other hand picks up your phone and your knees connects with his crotch as he let’s go of you and stumbles back before slamming you against the mirror, making you cry out as a sharp pain radiates from your head.

“I’ll blacklist you, no director will work with you. Fucking ungrateful.”

“If you don’t get out now, I will scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone what just happened.”

“Bitch,” he mutters before unlocking the door, swinging it open.

You whimper, sliding down to the ground and gently touching the back of your head, tears welling up in your eyes as he slams the door shut behind him.

That’s not how you expected this to go down. Your eyes widen when you see a little blood on your fingers.

You vaguely hear a knock on the door but you ignore it, arms wrapped around your knees. What a great way to start your first premiere. You’re laughing as tears stream down your face, something that your mom always said was a bad habit of yours.

***

Tom hears the door unlock and he steps to the side, slipping into the hallway next to your dressing room.

“Fucking bitch, who does she think she is?” Jack mutters as he walks past Tom, not even noticing him.

Tom knocks on the door, hearing you crying hurt him, he hated hearing anyone cry. He heard you laughing, it was a laugh verging on hysterical and decided to go in and check on you, just in case.

***

“Y/N.”

You look up through watery eyes and see Tom standing in your doorway, a red gift bag in his hand, eyes wide.

“Fuck,” you say, head dropping back down as you cry.

He quickly closes the door behind him and kneels down next to you.

“Y/N, I, I heard, I’m so fucking sorry, I shouldn’t have eavesdropped but he’s gone now, are you okay? Shit question of course you’re not okay.”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, trying your hardest to smile up at him.

“You don’t have to smile, Y/N.”

“What?”

“Don’t haveta smile for me, you can cry if you want.”

You sniffle, the tears slowly stopping.

“I’m fine,” you repeat, wincing as the pounding in your head brings you back to reality.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, eyes full of concern.

“Just, hit my head a little, it’s nothing,” you say, your hand instinctively reaching for the back of your head to check if it was still bleeding.

“What the fuck did he do to you?” He asks, seeing the blood on your fingers.

“Just shoved me, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, you’re bleeding, lemme get someone.”

“No, please Tom,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, pleading with him.

“Why don’t, why are you going to let this slide?”

“Because I can’t, he’s gonna, he’s gonna blacklist me, won’t get even a small cameo in a movie, he’s gonna ruin me.”

“Hey, no, he won’t, because you won’t let him. You stood up for yourself back there, I heard you. You won’t let him take away everything you’ve worked so hard for, and what you’ll continue to work hard for. Hey, let’s get some ice or something, clean up, see if you need to go to the hospital okay? Don’t want you passing out on me on your first premiere.”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“Not my story to tell, if you want to, when it’s time you can. There’ll be no pressure from me though,” he says as he helps you stand up. Your legs wobble a little bit and you’re afraid you’re going to fall but his arm is a comforting presence on your waist, steadying you. There’s no malintent in his touch as he soothes you, sitting you down on the couch.

You feel safe as he lets go, crouching down to open the small fridge, grabbing some ice from the freezer section.

“Here, turn around,” he says, nonchalantly ripping off a lower section of his shirt to wrap the ice in.

“Wh-,” you start, turning as his fingers sort through your hair.

“Just looks like a scrape, here,” he says, gently pressing his shirt with ice onto the area, hand rubbing your shoulder as you wince.

“Thank you,” you mumble, glancing at the bag he abandoned on the floor, “What’s that? Clothes all fit in there?”

He chuckles, “no, Issa present, for you, for your first premiere.”

“What? My, why's that, you already gave me a present you’re here with me.”

“Yeah but you deserve an actual present, here, hold the ice in place,” he says, palm over the top of your hand, moving it up to rest against the makeshift ice pack.

He reaches down and grabs the bag, pulling what looks like a wrapped book out of it.

“Was gonna give it to you little later but now’s perfect. Go ahead, open it,” he says, putting it on your lap and replacing your hand with his own on the ice pack.

You gently open the wrapping paper and gasp.

“This is, Tom you didn’t-,”

“Do you like it?”

“Of course I do, I mean, this is, wow this is the best gift anyone could have ever gotten me.”

“Well you only have a first premiere once,” he says, searching your eyes.

“I don’t, I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Don’t haveta thank me darling, why don’t we get ready for tonight?”

“Will, do you think we’ll see Jack?”

“He’d be an idiot not to show up, but hey, maybe you won’t run into him.”

“I like the sound of that,” you say, wiping your eyes.

“What did the stylists say they were going to do with your hair?”

“Think it was just gonna be curled, nothing fancy.”

“Okay well when they get here we’ll tell them no curling that part of your head.”

“Well then I’ll just look stupid.”

“Nah, you’ve got plenty of hair to go around up here,” he laughs, fingers running through the hair resting on your shoulder.

***

“Sarah! Tom! Smile for us! Look at you two!”

Photographers are shouting at them from up and down the red carpet, as Tom and Sarah walk, his arm gently resting on her waist, hers around his shoulder.

“You look lovely,” he whispers into your ear as you continue to walk.

“Not as handsome as you.”

He’s been saying nice things, whispering them to you all night, found it was the best way to make you smile, especially after what happened with Jack. You never did see him on the red carpet that night and didn’t bother asking anyone where he might be either.

***

“Wow,” you say, collapsing on the bed of your hotel room next to Tom.

“Fun right?” He asks.

“I mean, I wasn’t expecting such reactions from the crowd.”

“Yeah? Movie premiere crowds are always the rowdiest. But hey, they cheered, they laughed, they cried, you made one hell of a movie.”

“Guess so, I’m proud of it,” you sigh, gently opening the first edition copy of East of Eden, “how did you even find this?”

“I’ve got connections,” he smiles, watching as your eyes scan the first page, so different from your tattered copy from 10th grade.

“My 10th grade English teacher would lose her mind if I told her I had this. Scared to read from it, just wanna put it in a glass case and stare at it.”

“Well, it’s all yours so you can do anything you want with it.”

“Can’t believe this is all happening.”

“What is?”

“Everything, been my dream since I was a kid, to be famous, and well, yeah,” you sigh, not quite finding the words you’re looking for.

“You know, it might be, like, don’t feel obligated to say yes but would you maybe wanna, I don’t know, go on a date? Not now obviously, I think I could fall asleep right here but I’d like to take you out on a proper date.”

“Yeah? I mean the entire world already thinks we’re dating so sure, I don’t think a public date would hurt or help our cause.”

“Great,” you yawn, turning on your side.

“I should go, so you can sleep,” he says, standing up.

“Stay,” you mumble against your pillow.

He doesn’t respond and your heart almost drops, assuming he’s going to leave. Instead, he crawls into the bed, his arm hesitantly resting on your waist, until you scoot so your back is flush against his chest.

“Goodnight,” you whisper, exhaling, for the first time in over a year and a half you truly felt safe and comfortable falling asleep.

[ask-maou]

(So i made a new event since the first one is very shitty ugh so i'm going to tell that this event is going to be a better one.)

(Yes it's going to be a 'hate messages' section that i'll call "Maou no Roast time" and i'm going to tell you that you can throw EXTREMELY HARSH words towards them.)

(And also i'm including Katsu and Teruru in this event)

(FYI y'all should stay as anonymous in this event,because Maou or Raruko might broke your TV screen lmao)

(This event will be tagged as "maou no roast time")

[canaryatlaw]

alright, well today was a bit of an adventure. I managed to get myself out of bed at 1 and not sleep any longer, lol. I had an email from my boss saying he hadn’t gotten to looking at the brief yet because he’d been at a conference, and that he’d take a look at it tomorrow. I had some breakfast, then set out on my task for the day which was to finally make macarons now that it was a sunny and not humid day like it’s been for the last few days. It was quite the process, and I may not remember all the details perfectly, but I’ll do my best. It starts with separating your eggs, and of course the first one I did I fucked up and had to trash, but the rest of them were fine. then they had to come to room temperature before whipping them because they whip up better that way. Start whipping, at sugar, get to stiff peaks. split into two batches and add food coloring. The recipe I was following was for “unicorn macarons” and involved multi-colored shells made with a swirl and I’m self-aware enough to know that accomplishing that was way over my head, so I was just going to do half of them blue and half of them pink. the next step was to sift together the almond flour and confectioners sugar, which became a bit of a task because the almond flour was not going through the sieve at all, so I ended up having to dump it into my new food processor and blitz it in there until it was fine enough to be sifted. Split that in half and add it to each batter, then fold it over and over again until it achieves the proper texture, which you test by seeing if you can drizzle an “8″ with the batter without it breaking, which sounds weird but it’s actually fairly simple to accomplish. I then had to rip my drawer apart trying to find my piping bags, and ended up finding two of them that were the last ones I had apparently. so I filled each of those with one color and started piping. I had printed out a template from the recipe I was using for piping accuracy and was using it under the parchment paper, but I think a lot of them ended up being smaller than desired, but oh well it doesn’t really matter that much. then they had to rest for 30 minutes before going in the oven for 16 minutes. at this point I was running low on time because I had to go to the chiropractor at 5, so I did two batches at once, one on each rack of the oven, and the ones on the bottom rack mostly ended up cracking across the top for some reason, so that had something to do with the rack I guess, but I was still in a rush so I did the next two in the same way, and pulled them out to cool right before heading to the chiropractor. The chiropractor was good, I really like my PT guy there (I like the chiropractor too, he’s really nice) because he coaches a co-ed soccer team so we’re always talking about soccer and I’m telling him the details of the game and when he saw the scrape on my knee he was like “!!! that’s new!! what happened???” so I had to explain how that went down. it was a good session overall. Went back home afterwards, the shells were cooled so I could move on to the next part, which was making the buttercream and filling them. I was following the recipe for the buttercream, it said to use 1 stick of butter and 16 to 24 ounces of confectioners sugar to get the texture right. I put the butter in the mixer and let that go for a while before sifting the sugar because they insisted you do that, which ended up taking a while. I started with 16 ounces because I could always add more. So once it was sifted I added it along with the food coloring and flavoring, the recipe called for using cotton candy flavoring but I actually used up all the cotton candy flavoring I had in my little kit of flavorings already so I opted for bubble gum instead, figuring that was the next closest thing, being careful to only add a few drops. Then I turned the mixer on and....just crumbs. it basically wasn’t coming together at all. it was really strange. I ended up dumping it all out and scraping the butter from the sides of the bowl which hadn’t spread out I guess and then added another half a stick of butter to actually get it into a somewhat usable texture. From there I loaded it into the reusable piping bag I have since I didn’t have any more of the disposable ones and started piping, or trying at least, because the texture of the frosting was still way too dry and wasn’t coming through at all, so I had to return it into the bowl and ended up just adding a splash of water (I would’ve used milk, but I didn’t have any so water was really my only choice) and that loosened it up and bit and made it more pliable. So I loaded that back into the reusable bag, and after doing like two cookies, the plastic tip attached to the bag part just straight up fell off. I attempted to repair it but quickly saw that was not going to happen. so I grabbed a ziploc bag and stuck the tip in the corner of it, added frosting and cut off the corner. this worked ok for a few cookies, but soon enough the tip got pushed out of the bag entirely. At that point I was just like fuck it, I’ll make this work however I can, the frosting texture was still somewhat dry and actually let me kinda shape it into balls like the way you would with cookie dough, so I’d take some from the bag and kinda roll it into shape and then stick it on the cookie and then add the top cookie, and it actually worked really well for the rest of them. It was funny, because the frosting actually like perfectly matched the color of bubble gum and with rolling it into balls it actually looked just like little pieces of gum, lol. The frosting was so damn good though, I ended up having a good amount extra so I’m gonna have to find something to do with that soon (I’m thinking funfetti cupcakes, probably). and the cookies all put together with the frosting were also very good. so after that I was finally done, I tried to clean up a little but I was also tired so a lot of it got left. I moved over to the couch and turned the tv on, deciding to start the show Good Omens that everyone’s been talking about, and ended up watching the first two episodes of that. it’s interesting so far, kinda random and somewhat hard to follow but I’m assuming that will all tie together as the series goes on. After the second episode ended I flipped over to the news and then watched Jimmy Kimmel before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I am here. So yeah, bit of a crazy day even if it was just for baking, but overall pretty good. It’s past 1:30 am, so I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight dearies. Hope you’re having a good week so far.

[jungtookthejams-blog]

Hoseok Imagine [2]

[inspired by the AMAs that I stayed up to watch c:]

type : normal !

genre : angst + fluff !

AU : american idol reader !

word count : 1392 !

summary : Imagine winning a huge award (as you are a famous actress, singer, AND comedian) and getting really emotional about it, and Hobi is the first one to greet you backstage.

-

You sat in your seat with a smile, dancing to the beat of Shawn Mendes playing his recent hit. Bangtan was a few seats to your left, and they were doing the same as you. You felt really happy to be there, at the AMAs. You felt out of place, even though you had exceptional fame yourself. You were a natural 22 year old star, and people knew it. You tended to be so humble and happy, though, and that made people love you even more.

It all started on YouTube, actually.

You were a lowly comedian on the site, doing collabs with the likes of PewDiePie and Markiplier, back when all three of you weren’t all that popular. You had recently dropped out of college and picked up YouTube to hopefully keep you going, and it worked. Your covers, skits, and hilarious commentary became a hit. A contractor called you and offered you a job in Hollywood, so off you went.

You started out on talk shows like Jimmy Kimmel and Ellen, getting word of your rising career around. Then you went onto a TV series called One Night Stand, which was hilarious and fun as Hell to star in. After that, you were put on a record label, however you were never an official artist. You did covers of other songs and many collaborations, but never released an actual album or single. That being said, you loved music, but your heart was in the entertainment of comedy.

You were on a few movies of all genres, guest-starred in a few shows, and eventually got your own talk show. You were a hit in all countries, considering you were also multilingual. You were what rising stars inspired to be.

And now, here you were, at the American Music Awards, dancing to Shawn Mendes alongside your boyfriend and his very successful group.

Yes, you were dating a K-Pop star. Jung Hoseok, to be precise.

It was funny, how you two got together. You were in a drama with Taehyung, one of Hoseok’s band members. You and the alien boy had gotten very close, and Tae internally knew you’d be a perfect match for the energetic rapper. So, he introduced the two of you, and love grew naturally.

You were surprised how the fans reacted when you went public, there actually wasn’t a lot of hate. People had been shipping you guys from the beginning.

With that pleasant surprise, you went on to spend a lot of time in the boys’ dorm, collaborating with them often on sidetracks such as 4 O’Clock and Change. You and Hoseok had a strong bond, and there wasn’t one moment that you doubted each other. Even you had your disagreements, but you always worked through them.

As Shawn Mendes walked off the stage, Kelly Clarkson took his place. She wasn’t singing, though. She was going to announce an award.

“So,” She said in the microphone, smiling broadly, “Tonight we have a special award. We want the winner of this award to tell everyone their story. Their entire story.

“This person is such an inspiration to young, rising artists. They have gone through so much, and still managed to make it another day. Another week, another year; they are so strong in so many ways. They have so many talents; singing, acting, comedy.

“They’ve been through it all, guys. Depression, anxiety, anorexia, and so many more. They are who struggling people look up to and say, ‘I want to be like them. I have to be strong like they were. I need to.’

“They are humble and sweet, and they deserve this award more than anyone I can think of. Really, they do.

“Please, let us stand and honour the winner of the Most Inspiring Artist Award; (Y/N) (L/N)!”

Your hands flew to cover your mouth as you slowly stood in shock, making your way to the stage. Cheers erupted from all around you.

You hugged Kelly, having her smile at you and tell you that all she said was true, and hand you the award. You held it up and beamed at the audience, who quieted down soon after to hear you talk.

“Wow,” You said, with a small waver in your voice, “Guys, what the Hell?”

Chuckles could be heard as you continued, “This is so amazing. You could’ve picked someone like Diana Ross or Kelly Clarkson, but no, you picked me. And that means so much to me. You see this? You made me cry, Good job.

“But all joking aside, Kelly told me to tell you guys my story. So, here it goes. Please, be patient with me, I am really emotional at the moment and I might have to pause a few times.

“Okay, so, I grew up in Fukushima, Japan. I had my parents and my brother, that was it. I spoke Japanese, of course, Korean, and English throughout high school. In 2011, Fukushima was practically destroyed due to an explosion in the nuclear power plant that was there. I was out of town for a plant study in botany, so I was not physically affected. My brother was visiting a pen pal in China, as he was twenty-one and I was fourteen. The disaster took the life of my parents and other family.

“My brother and I were devastated. Neither one of us ate or slept, we felt guilty that we made it out alive. Years were spent like that. I had gotten anorexia and had to fight for my life in a hospital, then I had to recover and gain weight again, which wasn’t easy.

“Like all things, it became a part of the past. It was something that made our sibling bond stronger. But then, it happened again, in France.

“You see, my brother became a neurosurgeon, and he was needed in  for a really difficult surgery. That was when the accident happened.

“On the way to the hospital, a big-rig had t-boned him and his driver, killing them both. That being said, I suffered from depression yet again. That was in 2015.

“But, you guys; my fans, my friends, my family, you brought me back up. You have me love and happiness. You taught me how to smile again. Not a fake one that I wore on TV, but a real one. And for that, I thank you.

“So, never lose yourself. Even if things are rough, you’ll always make it through. You are strong. You can achieve happiness. I know you can. I believe in each and every one of you. And I love each and every one of you.

“Thank you, so much. Thank for for giving me the opportunity to be here today. Thank you for saving me.”

The crowd went absolutely wild as you walked backstage. Celebrities were crying, as were you. The second you stepped out of view from the public, Hoseok stood there with his arms already open, with the rest of BTS behind him.

You practically ran into his arms, sobbing. He smoothed your hair and pressed kisses anywhere he could; your knuckles, your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your shoulder, your neck, and finally, your lips. His mouth silenced yours as he gently caressed your jawline.

“It’s okay,” He said, “You are so strong, Jagi. I am so happy to call you mine. And I’m even happier that you’re okay now, that you’re here. Let me help you put the past behind you. Let me help you start over.”

You sniffled as you nodded, “Please, Hoseok..”

He gently wiped your tears from your face as he nodded, “You really do deserve that award. When we get back, we’re all going to have a fun time together, okay? We’re going to do all your favourite things. Just the two of us.”

“That sounds wonderful, Hoseok. Thank you.”

“Anything for my Jagi.”

You then looked past Hoseok and chuckled, “Guys, come here. You’re my family, too.”

Taehyung bounded over and immediately scooped you in his arms, crying.

“I never knew my baby sister went through so much! I promise you we’ll all keep you very happy!”

You couldn’t help but giggle at Tae’s words, hugging him back as the rest of Bangtan joined you two in a group hug. These guys were your everything, and you couldn’t live without them.

[hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff]

Now that Cobra Kai is on Netflix, you have the chance to watch both seasons at least once. If you're like us, though, you already watched it on YouTube Premium when it first debuted in 2018--and have probably binged it a couple of times on its new streaming home for good measure.

Even if you have watched it more than once, you might not realize that both seasons of the series are jam-packed with references and Easter eggs that nod to not only the Karate Kid franchise, but the glorious 1980s they were set in. We've already cataloged a long list of Easter eggs in Season 1 that you should definitely check out.

There's still plenty to keep an eye out for in Season 2, though. We've compiled a sizable collection of references, from direct mentions of things that happened previously to music cues, pulled right out of the movies from the 1980s. Cobra Kai is a love letter to Karate Kid fans and these connections are only going to make you love it even more.

Take a look at the Easter eggs and references we've collected from Season 2 below, then get ready for Season 3 to arrive on Netflix.

1. Those trophies

Episode 1

The first thing we see in Season 2 is several trophies in the Cobra Kai dojo. While you can't see their inscriptions on the show, GameSpot visited the set of the series during filming of this season. It may surprise you to know they were all inscribed with the name Johnny Lawrence, showing just how good a student he was.

2. Say hello to the bad guy

Episode 1

Hey, look who's not dead! For the first time since Karate Kid III--and the final scene from Season 1--it's John Kreese, the former sensei at Cobra Kai and the man who taught Johnny karate.

3. A role reversal

Episode 1

At the end of the first Karate Kid movie, Kreese has a teenaged Johnny in a chokehold just like this one. Now, the shoe is on the other foot.

4. That car looks familiar

Episode 1

Here we see the car Miyagi gave Daniel for his birthday in the first film. Now, Daniel owns all of the cars--and Miyagi's former home.

5. Sand the floor

Episode 1

This is one of Mr. Miyagi's training exercises that's been passed down to Daniel. He's teaching his students the only way he knows how--muscle memory. Later, in Episode 5, Daniel goes through the motions once again with his new student Demitri. It doesn't go as well.

6. Paint the fence

Episode 1

Yet another Miyagi technique in action.

7. Wax on, wax off

Episode 1

And who could possibly forget waxing the car as an extension of karate?

8. Mr. Miyagi's house

Episode 1

No, this is not the house used in the first Karate Kid film. Unlike that movie, most of Cobra Kai isn't shot in California's San Fernando Valley. Instead, it's filmed in Atlanta, Georgia. In Season 2, the Cobra Kai team actually recreated the home, including the front and backyards, in the parking lot at the studio where the show was filmed.

When GameSpot visited the set of Cobra Kai, we realized the inside of the house was left largely empty, save for one room that was built to resemble the way it looked in the film. However, the front and backyard, along with the cars, were recreated as close to the original film as they could be.

9. Perfect balance

Episode 1

Balance is everything in Miyagi-Do. According to Mr. Miyagi, without balance, everything falls apart. Daniel has adapted the lesson into his own teachings to pretty hilarious results as it ends with his students falling into the water.

10. Upgraded to a Switch

Episode 1

In Season 1, Anthony, Daniel's son, couldn't be torn away from his PlayStation Portable. It made some sense, given this show is produced by Sony. However, it also made no sense since Sony stopped producing the PSP in 2014 and Season 1 came out in 2018. Now he's clearly upgraded to a gaming console people actually want.

11. After Karate Kid III

Episode 1

According to Kreese, he spent some time in Panama in 1989. That timing is interesting, given that Karate Kid III was released that year. However, the movie is set in 1985. In that film, Kreese tries to revive Cobra Kai once again, though LaRusso ultimately beats his top student one more time. We learn in Season 2 that after that happened, he claims he ran "off book" missions around the world. While he claims he reenlisted in the military, he later admits to Johnny that's not the case.

12. "That drum saved my life"

Episode 1

In Karate Kid II, Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel the "drum technique," which is a way of avoiding being hit. The movement is like that of a drum Miyagi has--the same one Robby is holding in this scene. Well, not exactly the same one. While this drum is made to look like the one Miyagi has in the film, it's not as thick.

13. The Medal of Honor

Episode 1

Daniel still has Mr. Miyagi's Medal of Honor, which he was awarded for his service in World War II. While the movies didn't dive too heavily into what Miyagi did during the war to earn the medal, he was shown wearing it to a ceremony.

14. The rules of Miyagi-Do Karate

Episode 1

Inside Miyagi's home, Daniel still has the rules of Miyagi-Do Karate displayed on banners. The first rule is that karate is for defense only. The second rule? First, learn rule number one.

15. Cobra Kai's Wrestle Buddies

Episode 1

Don't expect much professional wrestling in the plot of Cobra Kai, but seeing two friends each wearing classic WWE T-shirts is a nice bonus.

16. Rock and roll never dies

Episode 1

In this scene, Johnny is wearing a Metallica shirt. This shirt, in particular, is from the Damaged Justice tour, which ran between 1988 and 1989. We're guessing this isn't one of the original shirts from the tour, though, as it has been reproduced over the years. You can even buy it at Walmart.

17. Why did Daniel and Ali break up?

Episode 1

While recounting his romantic history to his teenage daughter, Daniel mentions Ali, the love of his life from the first film. When she asks why they broke up, he said that it's a story for another time. This is that time. It was revealed in Karate Kid II that Ali dumped Daniel for a football player at UCLA.

18. The gang is back together

Episode 2

Daniel is shocked to find out Kreese isn't dead after all. Why? Because in Season 1 of the series Johnny said he was. It's unclear whether he knew it all along or not. Naturally, the three relive some of their unfortunate history.

19. Cobra Kai never dies

Episode 6

Episode 6 sees the returns of Rob Garrison (Tommy), Ron Thomas (Bobby), and Tony O'Dell (Jimmy), as we get to catch up with some other former Cobra Kai members. Johnny spends the majority of the episodes reuniting with his former fellow Cobra Kai members, going on one last adventure before one of them, Tommy, dies. They also reminisce about the old days, with the group being shocked Johnny brought Cobra Kai back.

20. Daniel's biggest sin

Episode 6

In this episode, Daniel tells the story of Karate Kid III, in which he actually left Miyagi-Do and joined Cobra Kai. Yes, even Daniel went to the dark side once upon a time.

21. Daniel's mom is back

Episode 8

Randee Heller, who plays Daniel's mom Lucille in the movies, reprises her role in the eighth episode of both Seasons 1 and 2.

22. The jacket

Episode 8

If that jacket looks familiar, it's because Miguel borrowed it from Johnny. It's the one Johnny wore in the first Karate Kid movie. Honestly, there's probably some of Daniel's blood on there somewhere.

23. It never ends with these two

Episode 10

Even all these years later, it still always comes to blows between Johnny and Daniel. This fight, naturally, harks back to the climax of the first film. Now, though, this isn't a tournament bout. Instead, it's just two adults that can't seem to keep their cool and are karate fighting each other in a tiny apartment in the valley.

24. It was a cruel summer

Episode 10

As kids head back to school in this scene, the song "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama is heard. Released in 1984, it became a Top 10 single on the Billboard Hot 100 after it was featured in the first Karate Kid movie. It's also not the last time you'll hear it in this season, as a cover by Kari Kimmel is used at the end of this episode.

25. RIP Trapper Keeper

Episode: 10

For those of you out there that didn't grow up in the '80s or early '90s, the Trapper Keeper Johnny mentions in this scene--which has his son perplexed--was the coolest binder kids could ask for. They were often emblazoned with illustrations, geometric designs, or pictures of your favorite fictional characters.

26. High school karate riot

Episode: 10

Not really an Easter egg, but we can't not talk about the high school karate riot in the Season 2 finale. It's easily one of the best TV fight scenes in some time. What's more, it takes the rivalry between Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do to an entirely new level and has us assuming Robby's in jail after this. They should all be in jail, honestly.

27. Kreese's Cobra Kai never dies

Episode: 10

As if things weren't bad enough, Kreese has risen once again to take control of Cobra Kai, in an attempt to ensure that his vicious and destructive form of karate lives on.

28. What a cliffhanger

Episode: 10

Miguel might die, Johnny's lost Cobra Kai, and Daniel is giving up karate. That's a lot to leave hanging at the end of Season 2, but Cobra Kai had one more twist to drop on everyone--Ali is back in the mix. She's accepted Johnny's Facebook friend request and now we just need to hope she actually appears in Season 3.

from GameSpot - All Content https://ift.tt/3kOjkhH

[bornoffside]

Holland - Marco Reus (1)

April 25th, 2016.

California Blues?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s true! Cara Tate is is leaving La La Land!

For those of you 'Taters' who didn’t tune in to yesterday’s broadcast of Jimmy Kimmel Live! the London-born singer/songwriter, has officially announced that she will be returning to her homeland by the end of the month. Although Tate was hesitant to reveal any details as to why she was leaving, she did thank everyone in LA and the US for their overwhelming support.

“I’m so grateful for the opportunity and support everyone here has given me. I can’t believe how far we’ve come in such a short time, but I couldn’t have done it without you guys, so thank you!”

Many speculate that the move has something to do with her love life, but any potential rumours were shut down by her agent -Chris Lewis- who denied all claims that the move was anything but a strong case of homesickness. Tate has always kept a tight leash on the romance department, so whatever the real reason is, is anyone’s guess.

“It’s been a hectic three years for Miss Tate, from new albums to the awards, to touring…it catches up with you, and right now we think it’s best if she takes a well-deserved break. With that being said, she’s wanted to head back home for a while now, it was only a matter of time.”

But don’t cry just yet, the 11-time Grammy winner hasn’t entirely put her music on hold, mentioning that she’d definitely try to do as much work on her new -currently unnamed- album whenever her 'muse kicked in’. Either way, we wish her the best, and hope that we’ll see her stateside again in the future.

Homesickness? We weren’t entirely convinced, but let us know what you think in the comments section below! That’s all from us today, and stay tuned for more about Cara Tate and the mysterious move that’s about to take place!

Cara scrolled down, finishing the article before sighing lightly.

It was good to finally let the world know that she would be taking a break. The hectic lifestyle was definitely not something she had anticipated when she thought of celebrities, and there was no doubting that as soon as her career had taken off, she had to hold on for dear life.

She wished that she had a really inspiring story of how she had made it to the top of the music industry alongside the likes of Rihanna and Co. but the truth was, that she had been entirely too lucky on a long rainy night when she was 19.

She had gone out to celebrate her friend’s birthday party in a crowded pub somewhere in Victoria, and the night had ended with her drunkenly singing karaoke. How did that appeal to her agent? She had no idea. But all she could remember was waking up the next morning with a killer headache and Chris Lewis’ business card in her purse (which she was surprised to have not lost).

But now, things had changed. She was no longer just a physiology student living with her mother and trying to set realistic goals. No, she was a singer, a Grammy winner, a chart topper…she was a ‘somebody’.

And she was exhausted.

The tabloids liked to believe that everything in every celebrity’s life was related to some scandalous love affair, but that really wasn’t the case. She wasn’t leaving LA because some heartbreaker hurt her, she didn’t have to worry about that! She was leaving to try and take the spotlight off of herself for a while. She needed a break after being thrown into the deep end so quickly, and unfortunately, America couldn’t offer that.

She wasn’t stupid enough to think that she wouldn’t get similar treatment back home, but it was somewhere familiar. Somewhere that she could do whatever she wanted, and just enjoy her freedom for once. If she wanted to stay home all day eating pizza and watching good TV, then she would!

Not to mention the fact that she would have her mother there with her.

What nobody really knew about Cara Tate, was that she was adopted. Her foster mother had been kept out of the media for good reason - because Cara didn’t want to disrupt her life. But she knew that her team thought it would be bad for publicity. Why? She had no clue. If anything, it was more admirable in her eyes.

Her mother -Lisa- was of African decent, from the Ivory Coast to be specific, but she had lived in London her whole life. The woman was a complete saint in Cara’s eyes, she was so strong and loving that the young woman really couldn’t have asked for a better home to go to.  

But despite what her team thought, Cara couldn’t have been more proud to have Lisa as her mother. It’s what drove her to donate to orphanages and children’s charities -something her team was more than willing to have her do. It really bugged her what people would do for good publicity, and she really hoped that the world didn’t think that was the reason behind her donations.

She had never known her real parents. They died in a car accident just months after her birth. The only information she had was that they were a young couple that had moved to England a year before she was conceived. Her father was German, and had met her Greek mother at university. As far as the media was concerned, she was a London-born German, which explained why she had attended Germany’s international matches. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason, but she’d gotten a lot of grief from the English supporters for her choice of national team.

She was thrown out of her thoughts when the voice of a stewardess filled the silence, instructing passengers on safety procedures before takeoff. Putting her earphones in, she buckled in and waited patiently to finally be up in the air. The flight was over 10 hours, and she couldn’t wait to sleep through the whole damn thing, she had never been more grateful for first class seats!

“Hey, Götze!”

Mario looked up from the laces he had knelt down to tie, a questioning look on his face when he saw the man calling for him.

“What’s up?”

Thomas Müller nodded towards the large TV that was held up in the corner of the room, and Mario’s eyes followed it. His brows furrowed in confusion, seeing the familiar face on the screen, but not being able to hear anything because of the instant chatter of his teammates.

“Hey, shut up!”

He got up from the floor, walking over to turn the volume up, ignoring all of the stares that had been on him the moment he yelled. They never really paid much attention to any of the gossip shows, usually switching over to football while they were in the training room, or just listening to music instead. But he felt a small smile tug at his lips when he heard the news spill from the German reporter’s lips.

“…-shocked to hear that Cara Tate has announced a break from the music industry! Fans have been giving mixed signals over social media, most of them offering support, while others aren’t too happy with the decision. All we can say is that the superstar will definitely be landing in London later today, and we hope she enjoys the break!”

“Damn, she’s hot…” a low whistle followed the comment, and Mario gave the owner a incredulous look.

“Thomas, you’re married!”

He simply shrugged with a grin. “She’s still hot…just not as hot as my wife.” He gave the younger man a wink before tying his own laces.

A series of chuckles was heard throughout the room. Everyone knew that Thomas Müller was the joker of the team, it was refreshing and always cheered them up if they were having a bad game.

“You going to call her?”

Mario tore his gaze away from the TV to face the man speaking to him.

“I don’t know, Lewy…I don’t know when she lands.”

The Polish striker cocked a brow at his friend. “Then call her tomorrow?”

The whole team knew about Mario’s…crush on the singer, but he had assured them that they were just friends. Of course, now he was dating Ann-Kathrin, and he loved her…but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still nervous around his old friend.  

It seemed like the only person that didn’t know about his feelings was the young woman herself. But she often found herself asking him for advice, or talking to him whenever her life got too crazy. Mario was a really easy-going person, with an incredible ability to calm people down. He had done it more than once when she was freaking out while on tour, and she’d forever be grateful for his friendship. It was one of the only genuine ones she had. He’d even taught her German when she expressed her desire to learn her father’s language.

Cara was loved by the world. A lot of celebrities put on a pleasant face that fooled everyone, but she was genuinely a good person. She was real, and it was her normality that drew people like Mario in. She didn’t have to do all of the things she did -the charities, the fundraisers etc. but she did anyway, because that’s just who she was. She didn’t take things for granted, and Mario was one of the only people in the world to know why. She had told him of her parentage a while ago, deciding to trust him with her biggest unnecessary secret.

In return, he had trusted her as well, and surprisingly none of the paparazzi had managed to find out about their friendship just yet. They both knew what would happen if they did. So as a precaution, Mario had already mentioned it to his girlfriend so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea, and Ann-Kathrin was eager to meet the singer.

He hadn’t seen Cara in person for a year, but she always promised to visit whenever she returned to London. Munich was only about 2 hours away by plane, so she didn’t mind making the trip.

“I might…I don’t know. Maybe she won’t want to talk…she already said she wants a break.”

Robert rolled his eyes at Mario’s nervousness. He had never met Cara, not even while he was at Dortmund, but he knew that she was one of the most laid back celebrities in the world. Mario had nothing to worry about.

“A break from work, not from her friends. I think she’d be happy to hear from you, it’s been a while since you've spoken to her.”  

Mario thought it over for a moment, and decided that the Polish striker was probably right. Lewy was great at seeing the bigger picture and he was often the voice of reason when it came to Mario. Even though Marco was his best friend, he gave terrible advice!

“Yeah…actually, I think I might.” He shot the older man a grateful smile. “Thanks, Lewy.”

“No problem, now hurry up or Pep will kill us!”

[kyrianlyndon]

(via THOUGHTS ABOUT THE "ROSEANNE" MESS)

When you try to look at something from all angles, you make no friends, but I’m compelled to do it anyway. That said, I hesitated to write this because as others have wisely pointed out, horrible things are happening all around us every minute of every day, and here we are battling over a comedienne and the “right” to see a TV show.

Many seem to think this controversy is about one person insulting another. They’ve brought up Joy Behar, Jimmy Kimmel and other liberals who have “gotten away with it.”  I don’t watch The View or Jimmy Kimmel, but I do agree that anyone who has made bigoted statements or who does so in the future, should be called out the same way and, if necessary, face appropriate consequences.

I didn’t defend Michelle Wolf for roasting Sarah Huckabee Sanders or Kathy Griffin and her decapitated Trump photo. I did notice, however, that the same people who were appalled by those two incidents are okay with Roseanne’s crap and Ted Nugent’s crap. So, it’s kind of like pot/kettle. There’s a lot of, “but he said, but she said, and hey, he started it.” It all seems rather childish, except the anger we feel toward each other knows no depths, and the venom feels poisonous.

As far as comediennes go, I have always liked the ones who target institutions, government, and politicians. All of that to me is fair game. I’ll admit, too, there are people I don’t mind them poking fun of, but those people are usually guilty of offending us and putting themselves out there in such a way that you kind of feel they deserve what they get. They are comedy gold, and I understand that.

But this issue is not about insulting someone. It’s about destructive and divisive hate speech, i.e., racism. There’s a big difference.

Some people claim that what Roseanne said is not racism. Let’s see, there was the “Roseanne didn’t know Valerie Jarret was black because she’s light-skinned” argument. Except she knows damn well who Valerie Jarret is, enough to still be talking about the woman when Obama is not even in office anymore. Roseanne follows politics obsessively and knows all the players. She has made a run for President. At the very least, she didn’t know Ms. Jarret wasn’t black, but the ‘ape’ reference was not  a coincidence. And it wasn’t the first time Roseanne tweeted something racist.

Then there was, “Why are they offended if they believe humans evolved from apes?” “They” includes all liberals, I presume, because, of course, they must all believe the same thing when it comes to creation, right? Wrong.

People who make this argument don’t seem to understand what it means to evolve. Per Merriam-Webster, it means to undergo an evolutionary change. It is “a process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state.” So, you don’t evolve from something and still appear to be that something.

But the people who make that reference know this. They know full well that the ape reference is used to dehumanize and to subjugate. They did it to Michelle Obama. In fact, they were downright merciless in describing Mrs. Obama.

Those who make this reference believe they can pass it off as an innocent joke, or harmless insult, and that the rest of the world will be stupid enough to believe it.  Sorry, but no.

Alas, there is the freedom of speech cry! That is a good one when all else fails. People don’t seem to understand the First Amendment either. They think it means there should be zero consequences regardless of what we say, that no one should react unfavorably or reject it or use his or her power to handle the situation. These same people feel differently, however, when someone is saying something that they don’t like. Yes, double standards, indeed, but we’ll get to that.

Let’s get to that right now, in fact, because double standards exist everywhere between genders,  parties, religions, races, and more.

And, of course, I can’t speak for everyone, but when some celebrity gets caught with his or her pants down, as many have, I don’t care about their politics. It is not about left or right, and it shouldn’t be. It’s about right or wrong.

Yes, sometimes Democrats get away with things. Sometimes Republicans do. Just look at the “C” word argument. Both Roseanne and Ted Nugent have used the word against Hillary Clinton. That was way before Roseanne got a TV show and before Ted Nugent got invited to the White House.

The president gets away with saying despicable things all the time.

Similarly, people call out the predators and pedophiles in Hollywood, as they should, but then turn a blind eye to predators and pedophiles in the Catholic Church. They think because there are predators and pedophiles in Hollywood, all Hollywood celebrities are predators and pedophiles. No, wait—all liberals, according to some. Imagine if anyone said that because of pedophilia in the Catholic Church, all Catholics, or all Republicans must be pedophiles? Yes, it is absurd.

FFS, must everything be a competition?

Now, I am not here to defend ABC. Roseanne was the same person when they hired her. They knew who she was. Apparently, she also knows who she is, as she had serious reservations about doing the reboot in the first place.

It would have been one thing if she’d come on playing the character she played in the 90s, and the show didn’t have plans to explore and possibly heal the divisiveness with a real-life Trump supporter as the star pretty much playing herself, and liberal producers and writers. On the one hand, they were trying too hard to appease both sides. On the other hand, they were encouraging the series star in her belligerence and paving the way for her downfall.

Yeah, it was a bad idea.

And many won’t like this, but I do feel empathy for Roseanne. I can’t help that.  I do believe that this fallout has been hell for her and that she is not doing well. Besides that, something is clearly wrong with her.

Conservatives who watched her screech the national Anthem hated her then, and they hated her for many years after that, as she wasn’t their physical ideal or very ladylike, and they probably figured, on top of all that, she was a liberal. They pretend to support her now, but if they genuinely cared about her, they would not encourage her bad behavior.

The smartest tweet I’d read about this whole thing came from White House correspondent April Ryan when she tweeted Roseanne, saying, “Just stop.” Ms. Ryan told Roseanne to go on a retreat or something, stay off Twitter, off the phone, and stop listening to the enablers who are defending her mess. It’s easy to see that people are exploiting her in a way that will only make things worse.

She needs to fix this not dig a deeper grave.

And, okay, I couldn’t help laughing at the Twitter backlash she got from the Ambien excuse. She walked right into that, but I still feel bad.

Her “supporters” say she should not even have apologized. I say she should have stopped with the apology, no drama like, “I’m leaving Twitter,” only to come back and begin defending herself, justifying what she did with excuses.

It’s not a good feeling, watching someone self-destruct. It gives me no pleasure to see another human being crushed, humiliated, and used this way. There is that part of many of us, where we can’t look away from a train wreck, but it is no less awful.

And personally, I couldn’t keep quiet about any of it. I’ve hated racism and all forms of bigotry from the moment I was old enough to see it for what it was.  I was a child then, but I’d seen no evidence that any one group of people were superior to another and I’ve firmly believed that we are all entitled to dignity, justice, and respect.

Still, I don’t claim to be righteous and tolerant. I can’t because I am genuinely happy to coexist with people. I don’t claim to be tolerant because I am not a nice person who is just being politically correct. What I do or say along those lines is not for the sake of pleasing anyone.  When I speak out against racism, I am not defending the people targeted because they are more than capable of defending themselves. I’ve seen it. I am defending myself and what Ibelieve. I’m fighting for the world I want to live in. Lastly, I don’t claim to be tolerant because there are things I can’t and won’t tolerate. And, yes, racism happens to be one of them. It is crucial that we call it out when we see it, and it’s about time.

© Copyright June 1, 2018 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com.

Photo by Alexandra on Unsplash

[kansascityhappenings]

Emmys 2017: The big moments that have people talking

Watch Video

Sunday was all about the 69th Primetime Emmy Awards and we have a rundown here on all the action.

Stephen Colbert hosted with a mix of politics and humor.

Related: Emmys cast President Trump in key supporting role

Here’s what you may have missed:

10:00 p.m.

Hulu’s dystopian drama “The Handmaid’s Tale” wins the Emmy for outstanding drama series. Adapted from Margaret Atwood’s 1985 thriller, Hulu’s victory with the “Handmaid’s Tale” is a huge win for the streaming service.

Showrunner Bruce Miller closed the show with a thank you and a call to action.

“Go home, get to work, we have a lot of things to fight for,” Miller said.

9:55 p.m.

LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 17: Actress Elisabeth Moss attends Hulu’s 2017 Emmy After Party on September 17, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for Hulu)

No shocker that Elisabeth Moss has won the lead actress Emmy for her performance in the dystopian drama “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

She thanked her mom and had to be censored for a part of her tribute, which we can only assume included some swears.

Moss didn’t get far before Oprah Winfrey announced that her series had won for best drama.

9:52 p.m.

Sterling K. Brown won for outstanding lead actor in a drama for “This Is Us.”

He paid homage to “Homicide” actor Andre Braugher and his cast.

“You are the best white TV family that a brother ever had,” Brown said.

Folks were not pleased that Brown was not allowed to finish his acceptance speech, and some pointed out that it seemed he had not be given as much time as other winners before being played off the stage.

But fret not as the actor finished his speech backstage.

9: 45 p.m.

LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 17: Nicole Kidman attends HBO’s Post Emmy Awards Reception at The Plaza at the Pacific Design Center on September 17, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images)

Proof that you are never too big a star to get hit with nerves, the legendary actress Cicely Tyson had to pause a few times before presenting “Big Little Lies” with the Emmy for outstanding limited series because she was nervous she said.

“It’s been an incredible year for women in television,” said “Big Little Lies” star and producer Reese Witherspoon. “Can I just say bring women to the front of their own stories and make them the heroes of their own stories. Thank you for that opportunity and for audiences to wrap their arms around us.”

Kidman said the project came about because of the frustration that as women “We weren’t being offered great roles.”

“So, now, more great roles for women please,” she said.

9:30 p.m.

Riz Ahmed has got to feel good having beat out Robert De Niro to nab the outstanding actor in a limited series Emmy for “The Night Of.”

Nicole Kidman won her very first Emmy and graciously shared it with her “Big Little Lies” costar, Reese Witherspoon, who was also nominated for outstanding actress in a limited series.

Kidman’s husband Keith Urban got teary eyed when she thanked him and their two little girls.

The actress also thanked the Television Academy for recognizing her in a role that dealt with domestic violence.

“By you acknowledging me with this award, it shines a light on it even more,” she said.

9:22 p.m.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus didn’t have time to sit down before “Veep” won for best comedy series.

“Atlanta,” “Black-ish” and “the Trump White House” got shout outs as inspiration to the team behind “Veep.”

“This show works because we had sort of a no jerkoffs policy on the show and other than Julia, we really stuck to it,” joked showrunner David Mandel.

9:18 p.m.

“Veep” star Julia Louis-Dreyfus wins an unprecedented sixth consecutive Emmy Award for her performance as fictional politician Selina Meyer. No other performer has been honored with more Emmys for a single role.

The star joked they had a “Veep” storyline prepped about impeachment, but worried somebody else would get to it first.

9:15 p.m.

It’s Donald Glover’s night!

He wins for lead actor in a comedy series.

“I want to thank Trump for making black people number one on the most oppressed list,” Glover joked. “He’s the reason I’m probably up here.”

Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel do a fun joke about Oliver beating them.

The cocktails they are sipping are named after his show, they said.

“It’s so high quality that apparently they can only make one a week,” Colbert said.

9 p.m.

Don Roy King takes home the Emmy for directing a variety series for “Saturday Night Live.”

He also wins the award for best dad for getting his kid on the air by shouting out to the director of the Emmys to make sure to cut to her.

The Emmy for outstanding variety talk series goes to “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” for the second consecutive year.

In keeping with his adoration of Oprah, Oliver thanked her seat filler since Mama O apparently dipped out for a minute.

8:50 p.m.

Can we all just agree that Viola Davis classes up everything she touches?

She introduced singer Christopher Jackson who sang the Stevie Wonder hit “As” as the montage ran to pay tribute to those in Hollywood who we lost this year.

8:45 p.m.

Awwww, Reed Morano won for directing a drama series for “The Handmaid’s Tale.” She’s one of the youngest in the biz doing what she does.

8:35 p.m.

“Master of None” star Lena Waithe became the first black woman to win the Emmy for outstanding writing for a comedy series along with co-star and the show’s creator, Aziz Ansari.

She was honored with Ansari for the episode “Thanksgiving,” which poignantly featured a young lesbian navigating her family relationships after coming out.

Waithe is also the first black woman to be nominated in the category.

“The things that make us different, they are our super powers,” she said paying homage to the LGBTQI community.

And NBC’s “The Voice” won the Emmy for outstanding reality competition show.

8:30 p.m.

The skit with RuPaul as the Emmy statue was everything.

Accepting the Emmy for writing for his variety show “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver,” Oliver paid tribute to Oprah — just because.

“I’d like to thank Oprah because she’s sitting right there and it seems inappropriate not to,” he said.

Ann Dowd got us choked up with her win for outstanding supporting actress in a drama series for “The Handmaid’s Tale” — mostly because she was so emotional.

Pretty much everyone is getting played off by the music tonight, so we didn’t have much time to be moved.

8 p.m.

“I suppose I should say at long last Mr. President, here is your Emmy,” is how Alec Baldwin opened his acceptance speech for outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series for his work impersonating President Trump on “Saturday Night Live.”

He brought tons of funny to “SNL” this season.

Speaking of funny, we vote for Rachel Bloom to introduce the accountants on all the awards shows. The “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” star’s song and dance schtick was pretty cute.

Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Dolly Parton received a standing ovation.

The deserved it for how amazing they looked.

The “9 to 5” stars joked about being unwilling to be controlled by a “sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical, bigot” in that film — and now.

We have no idea who they were referencing (we kid, we kid).

7:30 p.m.

It seemed like the universe was all over it when Dave Chappelle joked about the diversity at the Emmys by saying, “I counted 11 of us here on the monitor” and then presented (along with Melissa McCarthy) the Emmy for outstanding director on a comedy series to Donald Glover for his show “Atlanta.”

“I want to thank the great algorithm that put us all here,”Glover said in his acceptance speech.

“Atlanta” has been hailed as one of the shows to usher in a golden age for black TV shows.

People on social media buzzed over Glover becoming the first African American to win the award.

Related: The golden age of black television

7 p.m.

Stephen Colbert promised a hot Emmys night, and he kicked it off politically-tinged song concerning current events. But not to worry, Colbert sang, “everything is better on TV.”

He was joined by talent from shows — including “This Is Us” and “The Handmaid’s Tail” — to express that while things are rough right now in the world, there’s always the escapism of television.

He even got a surprise assist from Chance the Rapper.

Colbert’s opening monologue included jokes about who the winners should thank (“Mainly ‘Game of Thrones’ for not being eligible this year”) to the fascination with the impeding death of Milo Ventimiglia’s character on “This Is Us” (“I’m just saying, your fans want to see you dead.”)

Viewers who looked forward to Colbert roasting President Donald Trump were not disappointed.

“Hello, sir, thank you for joining us,” he said. “Looking forward to the tweets.”

The late night host then reminded us that Trump has never gotten over not winning an Emmy for “The Apprentice.”

“Unlike the presidency, Emmys go to the winner of the popular vote,” Colbert joked.

LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 17: . (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

The audience lost it when former White House press secretary Sean Spicer appeared.

“This will be the largest audience to witness an Emmys period, both in person and around the world,” Spicer joked from a podium.

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports http://fox4kc.com/2017/09/18/emmys-2017-the-big-moments-that-have-people-talking/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2017/09/18/emmys-2017-the-big-moments-that-have-people-talking/