#(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

piplupod · 7 months ago

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would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[

#its just like suddenly everything bad becomes a crushing unbearable weight #like i can usually cope but this is just... Too Much fhdkdl #i wish i could just tell my brain and body ''hey i know this reality is intolerable but can we just like... chill?''#like theres nothing i can do for it fhdkdl so why do i have to act like a prey animal about it !!!#cant i just be silly and ignore the terrible reality around me ??? why do the body and brain refuse to cooperate !!!#its so infuriating dbjdksl #i know its looking for an escape or a fix but theres nothing !!! i have been attempting to figure this out for 5 years now !!!#unless something miraculous happens then there is no escape or fix !!! i would like to move on and just chill !!!#if there is no way out of hell then i might as well have fun w it yknow?#if nothing immediately terrible is happening then i should be able to just Ignore it all #but alas !!! nervous system and brain do not allow for that !!!#(actually there IS a way to cope w this and its called ''have a self destructive meltdown and forcibly get switched out'')#(but I'd prefer to not do that fhdkdl i have a lot of creative projects i want to work on rn LOL)#(also the others in the brain get very bored and lonely bc theres nobody to talk to and nothing much for them to do)#(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!)#anyways. rambling. im going to go eat dinner and hopefully that fixes at least a little bit of this fjfkdl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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