#(that one's typical actually but its even more annoying considering i told her & she just went “well that's too much i'm PROTECTING you”

[screamingfrenchfries]

hpii cd selling right as im about to launch commissions the universe is attacking me specifically today huh

[notsunnyowo]

Your Name

Bakugou Katsuki x Female Reader (part 4)

(part 3)

Today was an odd day..

Come to think if it.. This whole week has been odd in a way.

***

"Oi, extra." Bakugou's rough tone sounded, followed by the distinguishable sound of a hand slamming onto the wooden table below.

The blonde was towering over his supposed mortal enemy. His dark ruby eyes locked onto the girl in question, similar to how a predator looks at its pray, right before they're about to devour it right on the spot.

"Fight me."

"What?-"

"I said, fight me." The boy demanded, his tone stern and certainly not friendly.

Ever since the scare with Aizawa, and after (Y/n) got to show everyone her quirk, Bakugou had been pestering the poor girl non-stop about sparring with him. Not a single day had passed without him 'asking' her for a sparring session during training.

(L/n) sighed and looked up at him. (E/c) eyes meeting with the boy's vermillion own. "How many times do I have to tell you? - I'm not fighting you!"

Bakugou's constant demanding questioning was starting to seriously annoy the (h/c) haired girl. This was the forth time he'd asked her and the forth time she's told him no.

Was he dense or something? Or was it that he just couldn't take "no" for an answer? ~ The latter sounded much more like the hothead she had gotten to know throughout this past week.

What's the deal with this guy? Can't he just leave me alone already? I'm seriously beginning to consider the possibility that both of us are mortal enemies-

"Settle down class." Aizawa's tiered voice echoed trough the room. For someone with as unkept of an appearance as him, the man sure didn't act like it. He was probably the most strict teacher (Y/n) had ever seen! And that was saying something!

"We've got another training exercise for today."

This simple and short statement was enough to capture every student's attention immediately.

Another training exercise? Wasn't the one we did yesterday enough for the week? We've only just started with classes a week ago and were already doing combat training?

Then again.. This is Japan's best hero-school. So I guess this is to be expected from the country's number one.

The training exercise the class had done yesterday was the second time the students got to show off their quirks.

That includes a certain 'barbaric' blonde.

During the fight with Deku, whose actual name turned out to be Midorya Izuku, Katsuki didn't hold back. Not even a little!

He looked particularly scary during the fight, as well. Especially when he was about to pull the trigger on his comically large gauntlet. (L/n) seriously thought that he was actually going to murder his emerald eyed opponent.

His attitude sure didn't seem like one belonging to a future hero, if you'd ask her.

It was a much better fit for the typical category of someone far more sinister..

Someone villainous.

"Just like yesterday, you will all be split up in pairs - which have already been decided. Your objective will be to capture the other teams and handcuff both players of the opposing team."

"The last team standing is the winner. ~ Any questions?"

After receiving no questions from his students, Aizawa got to work, disclosing the teammates.

"First team consists of Kaminari and Kirishima. Then we have Asui and Uraraka, Midorya and Tokoyami..."

As Aizawa continued listing out names, and informing everyone about the designated teams, young (L/n) found herself impatiently waiting for her name to be announced.

And boy did she wait. As time passed, the options got fewer and fewer untill there were only four people left. Including her, of course.

Please let it be Todoroki. Please let it be Todoroki. Please-

"Todoroki and Mineta."

Oh come on!

"Which leaves us with the last team."

"(L/n) and Bakugou."

In that moment, (Y/n) wished nothing else, but for the ground to open up and swallow her whole. Out of all the people she could've been paired up with, why had it been him?

As the girl dared to sneak a glance at the scowling blonde a thought crossed her mind.

At least it's not Mineta..

Who knows how horrible it would've been to be paired up with the embodiment of lust, also known as Minorou Mineta. Even the mere thought of being forced to cooperate with that pervert was enough to send a shiver down her spine.

And who knows? Maybe Bakugou won't be such a pain to work with?

"You've all go five minutes to strategize before the exercise starts. Once you hear the bell ring you are all to return here for further instructions. Have I made myself clear?"

***

With a bit of hesitation on her behalf, (Y/n) cautiously walked over to the ticking time-bomb with whom she'd been paired up with. For one reason or another, the girl always seemed to find herself feeling uneasy whenever she had any sort of interaction with the explosive boy.

Focus (Y/n).. You can't let your feelings distract you. This is training, and right now, he is my partner.

And nothing else.

Taking a stand beside the him, she asked. "So how are we going to go about this?" Her question was followed by a raise of her brow. "Got any sort of plan?"

With a click of his tongue, Bakugou finally looked back at her with an unamused look on his face. "Go in there and blast every extra that comes in my way."

The boy's cocky response was followed by a mental facepalm from his partner. "Look, I get that you think you're all that, but you can't seriously expect me believe that you'd be able to singlehandedly immobilize and capture the members on every other team!"

Quirking a brow, the blonde stared back at her. If you'd look really closely you might catch something resembling a hint of amusement in those ruby gems of his.

"Oh yeah? Watch me."

Without another word, young Bakugou simply walked off, leaving (L/n) standing all alone, completely speechless.

***

Soon enough, the five minutes were up and everyone had returned back to the meeting spot. Aizawa, who had already been waiting there for his all students to arrive, quickly begun telling each team where their starting point was. Careful not to let anyone aside from the team in question hear of course.

Once everyone was in their designated spot, a loud horn sounded. The training exercise had officially begun.

(L/n) and Bakugou found themselves out in the open. Their starting position wasn't the best, as they were pretty much right in the middle of the training ground. Not the best place you'd like to start off in such an exercise. 

This only meant that the duo had to be on high alert. Knowing their classmates, if someone spotted the two, (Y/n) was pretty sure that they'd most likely attack. 

Provided, they feel confident enough to go face against the literal rage-bomb which was her spiky haired teammate.

Guess there really was something good about being paired up with him.

"Hey, uh. Bakugou-" (Y/n) began, quickly approaching her classmate, mindful of their proximity. In a much lower her tone than the one before the girl then continued. "Taking our location into account, it'll be best to seek cover somewhere. ~ That, or we could get someplace high up. Like on top of some of the buildings?"

Unfortunately though, it appeared that her rational  proposal fell on deaf ears, as Katsuki decided to straight up ignore the girl's logical deduction and do things his own way.

"If you think you can't take a few extras on then don't drag me down with you."

Turning his head back, Bakugou graced the young heroine with a casual glance at her. His smooth features easily managing to send her poor little heart into a frenzy. "I know my own capabilities and I sure as hell won't be beaten by a bunch of wanna-be heroes. ~ So if you can't keep up then don't get in my way."

"Yowamushi."

(Y/n) scowled at the nickname.

Me? A coward? Who's that angry porcupine calling a coward?!

Just as (L/n) was about to speak up against the name-calling boy. She caught sight of something behind him. 

Or rather, someone.

"Bakugou, behind you-!"

Almost instantly she opened the corg of a compartment in her utility belt, while quickly activating her quirk.

Katsuki was quick to spring into action himself, quickly turning around to face whoever, or whatever had caused his partner's sudden distress.

Only to be met with the hardened form of none other that the redhead who simply wouldn't leave him alone.

Ejirou Kirishima.

With a vilanously grin quickly taking over his features the blonde activated his quirk, launching himself straight into the air before sending an attack at the charging redhead.

And it seemed that he wasn't the only one with such an idea. A stream of water flowed out of (Y/n)'s belt compartment as her hands maneuvered the seemingly floating water with practiced ease.

Her quirk - Waterbend - was pretty self-explanatory: It allowed the user to "bend" water, or more precisely control and maneuver any type of liquid. However, the now hero-in-training mostly used it on water, hens its unique name. 

As the shockwave of his blast met with the oncoming water 'whip', the two attacks seemingly "merged", forming an even more powerful one.

This in turn, sent poor Kirishima staggering back, his arms and other vulnerable body parts hardened by his quirk.

"Go for it Kaminari!"

Ejirou's shout startalled the two.

"Gotcha!"

The electric blonde sounded as he immediately powered up his quirk, with a loud yell. "All out shock! Two million volts!"

Crap-

Just as (Y/n) was about to counteract, she felt a metal sensation in her mouth and before she knew it her whole body felt like it was on fire. Her muscles spasmed uncontrollably as her body fell to the floor. 

Well this was just great! Not only had she gotten paired up with the same person she wished not to be her partner, but she had also let her guard down and gotten hit! Some hero she was..

As her mind slipped in and out of consciousness, flashes of images from the past raced trough her mind.

"No, please don't go..!"

Her mind was fuzzy and her libs numb, yet the vague scene played out in her mind as if it was a record put on loop.

"Promise me you'll never give up (Y/n).."

Her whole body ached from the shock of Denki's attack. But something in her stopped the girl from slipping out of consciousness once more. Her vision was blurry but she still tried to focus on the targets at hand.

I won't go down without a fight..

Her body shook as she tried propping herself on her arms, (L/n) tried her best to stand back up on her feet. 

Thankfully the members of the opposing team were too distracted with her own partner to register the girl getting up.

Once her vision had cleared up, she could make out the tree boys battling it out with their opponents.

Bakugou was busy avoiding attacks from Kaminari while Kirishima charged at him. The blonde was doing a skilful job at keeping a good distance away from the two but his opponents were giving it their all and not allowing the blonde to find an opening.

They haven't noticed me yet..

(Y/n) thought as she quickly oppened another compartment in her utility belt. The girl always made it an effort to keep a reserve stash of some type of liquid in her belt. It was a request she'd made to the support item team when giving out the instructions on her hero costume. 

After the cap was out, the girl could feel the sense of alcohol invading her nostrils.

Ethanol.

Not only was it useful when treating wounds, but it was also highly flammable. Which if used right could be of great help to her.

Now all I need to do is coat their bodies with some and hope Bakugou blasts them while they're distracted.

With a quick motion of her hands the girl managed to splash the two boys with half of the ethanol she had available and used the other half to make a rope like extension towards Katsuki, giving him access to the flamable substance.

"What the?-" One of the boys questioned, while the other turned to look back at their opponent who the duo thought was out cold.

Before any of them could do or say anything else, the sounds of a loud explosion filled the air. The ethanol had come into contact with Bakugou's explosions and caught on fire burning the boys coated in it.

It took (Y/n) and Katsuki a while to handcuff both males, and once they did a loud horn was heard in the air, followed by Present Mic's voice.

"Team Kirishima and Kaminari - Eliminated!"

Guess they're the first ones out. (Y/n) thought as she approached the handcuffed duo in order to take their handcuffs.

With an apologetic look in her eyes the girl crouched down, looking for the metal objects. "Sorry for burning you guys up so badly." She apologized with a calm tone.

Kirishima shook his head, a slight hiss of pain slipping past his forced smile as the girl's hand brushed against his bruised up back. "No hard feelings (L/n)."

Seeing the disheveled state the young heroine was in, Kaminari sighed. "Sorry for knockin' ya out."

After finally finding the handcuffs (L/n) smiled and got up. Turning to the electric blonde, she spoke up. "Don't worry about it. Your quirk's super powerful. Maybe we could train together sometime?" She smiled, her offer immediately easing the gilt Denki felt for actually hurting such a pretty thing as herself.

The light mood was unceremoniously interrupted by none other than Bakugou. Or to be more percise, his abrasive comment. "Tch. If you're done chit-chatting, we need'a get goin'. There are still other extras that need a good beating."

Bidding a quick goodbye to the two boys, (L/n) walked over to her explosive comrade.

Let's just hope the others won't pose as much of a challenge as these two did.

(Part 5)

Author Note:

Well that sure was an interesting fight wasn't it?

Perhaps the next fight wont be as tough? Or will it be even harder? Dealing with our lovely explosion boy can be quite distracting after all. ;')

[minobe-household]

so i believe i mentioned minobe's illness here and there, but the thing about it is that i can't really think of a way to make it clear with my usual wacky storytelling. or asks, since yuuto — the one who Has it — actually doesn't even know much of it herself. her parents never spared her the details, they just told her something was wrong. and also THAT has a lot to do with her family relationship which is a whole nother can of worms. so i'm just doin this shit infodump style.

when she was born, most of her vitals were starkly low. her parents thought this would mean she was to die whilst in infancy, but she stuck through almost exactly like that of a typical child. (cont under cut so i don't annoy the fuck outta people who don't wanna scroll through it)

essentially, her body runs off of a 'bare minimum'. just about enough that she'd be (comfortably not fucking unconscious) able to move and all. which still isn't a very good look, but it meant she was still able to take up work with her family. though an important part of this is how that affects her functioning as she grew up.

on a positive note, it makes it so that she is capable of exerting herself further before experiencing exhaustion and such, so it may provide some extra edge in some cases. her strength and speed are both quite good in this regard (probably comparable to that of the pillars, but i can't quite scale her with them since it varies a lot and at a pretty big deal o range), and her stamina is bordering inhuman entirely.

also because of this she has a surprisingly good compatibility with total concentration (although she doesn't use total constant as it's kind of something she utilizes as a diversion tool with her breathing style). however, this requires she warms herself up before being able to reach these points, adding onto her more non-offensive fighting style early on.

as for its downsides, she is extremely susceptible to conditional factors such as illness or environment. and while she does get some extra leverage in skill, inactivity following it, as well as just in general, can take a bad toll on her. it might explain why she acts so different in the day compared to during missions... and also why she didn't do as much work in her household...... :^)

note this also applies to the demon slayer mark. especially so. when it activates, she's a huge force to be reckoned with - although due to the conditions it requires, it takes a lot more work out of her to awaken it. and the second it goes away... with the sudden change in bodily state, i think it's safe to say it's not gonna look pretty. think like a drug withdrawal but like... all of them. at once. and you don't get to die from all the damn drugs in your system or lack thereof.

i haven't really thought about if her condition makes any change to the mark's curse. of course, whether it actually is legit isn't really like... confirmed considering the only account being with himejima and kokushibo's interaction (iirc i might be forgetting something) but in the assumption it does exist it may push the 25 limit a bit closer, or even further, i don't really know. probably the former lol

[olderjodijournals]

Monday, May 1, 1995

 

I can't believe it's May already! Well, I don't really have anything to say right now, other than I hope I get my CD today. I'll write about the weekend later.

Tuesday, May 2, 1995

 

Better get on with the writing before I slip too far behind. I just may get this annoying lower gut of mine checked out now that I’ve got real insurance and real doctors. Tom and I are still sure it’s gas and lousy eating habits. However, If I go and tell a doctor that I’ve had these constant feelings of gas and bloating and that my lower right gut is more swollen, maybe I’ll be told some other tip to help it that I don’t know about. I discussed this with Mom and Tammy, and they said to see a doctor.

Bill’s home now after two months and I sent him a welcome home letter. Why I did when I never really cared too much for the guy beats me. Maybe cuz it’d make Tammy happy.

I also left Lenore a note after all. Yesterday I put a note on her door thanking her for understanding and considering my earlier request (yes, it’s been wonderfully quiet around here). I said I was home a lot and that she could ring the doorbell if she wants to chat or have coffee. I’m sure she’s a very busy person, but I only hope the oldest kid can watch all the others if she were to decide to pop on over.

I finished the two puzzles my parents sent, taped their backs, and put them up on the living room and kitchen walls. I had a music puzzle I had done a few months ago and I put that back together too, and up on the door of the little room off the back room. Luckily, I didn’t crumble it up when I stuck it back in its box, so I only had to redo 5% of it.

I also put my little white plastic shelf up in the bathroom that I got from Nancy H. That’s the one who lived in Jai’s studio the first time I was living on Woodside Terrace when I was 21. I was 20, actually, when I first moved into that apartment.

I put up a Nintendo game holder on the living room wall by the TV.

I sorted more disks in the back room and grouped the two sizes together. Tom and I have both done lots of sorting of all kinds of stuff in the back room. We’re gonna get more shelves for books, magazines, and disks.

I called the 800# where I ordered the 70s CD. According to them, I’ll get it on the 10th. Oh, I hope so!

Our modem is completely broken, so we’re gonna get a newer, faster one.

Dad probably spent last night somewhere in the Carolinas. He’s gonna be at Tammy’s tonight. Tammy isn’t too thrilled about the fact that he’s mostly gonna be in Brimfield and only spend a couple of days there. That’s how they usually are, though. He has friends there. The E’s. I met them back in ‘89 with Boo and Max, and Max wouldn’t shut his big mouth.

When I called ma I asked if dad was in the land of the old, ugly, and expensive and she goes, “Speak English.”

Typical response from her. She was pleasant, though, other than that. She said Heidi threw up all over. Max and Heidi are their dogs. They’re poodles. That’s all they’ve ever had since I’ve been alive.

Alex has no doubt been trying to get ahold of me through AOL, so I sent him a regular letter letting him know our modem was a goner, but that I’d contact him as soon as I could.

We did end up swimming on Sunday and I swam twice yesterday, too. Tom heated it up a little to give it a jump-start, even though it’s been between the upper 80s to low 90s. The pool temperature was 84º on Saturday, 86º yesterday and today it’s 81º. It’ll go up to 84º - 86º before the day’s out.

Yesterday Tom suggested I try to draw a cartoon and I tried to draw 6 scenes. The first 5 of a bunny running. The last scene was to have it meet up with another rabbit with a carrot. By the time I got to scene 3, it was like - no way! I’d need some pictures to copy. I’m not quite talented enough to be able to do it off the top of my head.

Later...

It is a hot one out there! I went to get my 10 minutes or so of gradual sun exposure and color while I did a word puzzle. Ten words later, though, I was frying and you know how fast I am at word puzzles. The pool’s 82º but it feels much cooler. Anyway, I am definitely getting color.

I’m gonna straighten my hair soon, so I’ll be back after I do that.

Later...

The pool is gonna wait a couple of days now since I straightened my hair. No problems with my ear when I went swimming. Dr. Nielsen was right when he said I’d be able to get water out if it easier cuz the canal’s straight. Yup, it ran right out.

The day before yesterday he went down on me and I came as usual. My desire’s picking up now since I’m mid-cycle.

As I said before, Tom gives off more desire to have a kid, but some things are still mixed and confusing to me. He says he doesn’t want to wait, but yet yesterday when I said I may be ovulating he said he’d rather have sex for fun and not worry about that. He says he can’t mix work with fun and that that’d be stressful. Well, I’ve seen him mix work and fun numerous times and millions of people have that on their minds, plan, and get pregnant. Most of the guys cum, though. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m with a guy who doesn’t cum. I love Tom and we’ll always be together, even though we’ll never have a child, but why? It doesn’t make sense for him to be playing with my head on this subject, cuz head players play in all subjects. Meaning, if he were leading me on with having a kid, he’d do it with other things and do other stuff that’s worse, right?

There was one situation a month or so ago that did bug and annoy me, though. He first started by saying, “We’re gonna be jealous of David and Evie.” It was almost like he wanted to give me a few seconds to think, oh, she’s having another kid and we don’t even have one. But the thing we were supposed to be jealous of was that they got a big-screen TV. What he really feels and thinks is sort of irrelevant, though, cuz it’s not gonna happen, cumming or not.

Andy told me that a girl who left her boyfriend moved into his place for his last month there. I hope he finds something by June 1st cuz he already gave his 30-day notice. I think his moving is foolish cuz he loves his apartment and isn’t gonna find anything much nicer for much cheaper.

Anyway, he told me all about this girl. Yes, he’s still the same old gossiper. It works out OK, though, cuz we’re not both this girl’s friend. He says she cleans well and is a cool person, but he’s not happy about her having company while he’s out, or tweaking. Tweak is a type of speed. He says carless, jobless losers along with assholes, mental cases, and druggies are all that are attracted to him. Yeah, I know all about that as for every one good person there are 1000 assholes. However, as I told him, that doesn’t mean he has to open his door and associate with these low-life jerks just cuz they’re all that’s available.

Later...

It sure is windy out there now and it seems to be a lot. It’s weird, though, cuz when I first got here it seemed that it was always dead still out.

I tried to draw a picture of Norah earlier. The picture came out OK, but it doesn’t look like her.

I took a blank notepad and divided it into 5 sections. 1. Letter notes to Kim and Bob. 2. Letter notes to my parents and Tammy. 3. Projects. 4. Story notes. 5. Journal notes.

I’ve often wondered what it’d be like and what I’d write if I were beginning my very first journal now. I’m sure my grammar, spelling, and vocabulary would be much better than in my first one. Maybe someday I’ll do this and see how I’d write as if it were my first one.

Hurry up, mailman!

Wednesday, May 3, 1995

 

My God, I honestly don’t believe it! Andy finally sent the card he got Tom for doing his taxes. Andy’s one of those who either never does what he says he’s gonna do or he does it 10 years after he says he’s gonna do it. Anyway, I’m not gonna open it cuz it’s addressed to him, but I’m sure he’ll be quite pleased and I’ll see it later.

The cutting of all the edit tapes is finally done. I have two 90-minute tapes filled up and half a side of a third.

We got a new modem which is faster and goes inside the computer. I sent Alex a message and got one from him. I’m surprised there weren’t several from him asking where the fuck I’ve been. He sent the sign language disk by UPS. Why is he using UPS and not regular mail?

I called CT and Bill answered. He’s doing OK and the girls got their letters. I quickly talked to Tammy, then Dad got on. He goes, “Jodi Lin! I went by your old place in Niantic and gave them the finger. We were by Genovese, Shop Rite, etc.”

Yup, that’s a 2-minute walk to Oakwood Knoll if you cut through the woods. I also reminded him that that’s Norwich, not Niantic. He asked if I got the package and what I thought about the catalog. I told him just what I typed in their letter about that and all the other stuff in the package. Ma said she’s saving all the letters in his drawer for him. He got the letter all about it right after he split.

He said when he left Florida, he left in shorts and it was 85º. It was in the 50s in North Carolina and last night it was raining and a chilly 47º when he arrived in CT. He said he had to sleep under the covers since it was cool.

Friday he’ll be at Larry’s.

Andy and I used to sing bits and pieces of this song called How Do You Do, but neither of us has heard it in years. Well, I got it taped today and left the bulk of it on his VM.

Thursday, May 4, 1995

 

Well, I’m dubbing the second edit tape right now for Andy. He’s gonna hang onto the backups. I won’t dub the third tape, though, till it’s filled up. The next step is to type up all the edits. I’ve already got a tape’s worth of them already typed up. When I’m done with that I’ll send Kim and Bob a copy, and I asked Andy if he wants one.

Yesterday I took a beautiful shirt that’s way too tight since my chest has grown a couple of inches and I took off its colored jewel stones. Then, I glued them on 83’s binder.

Friday, May 5, 1995

 

Amazingly, I finished typing all the edits yesterday. On a size of point 9 they take up 19 pages. I condensed it down to 11 pages with point 7 or 6, and I’m sending copies to Andy, Kim and Bob.

Yesterday I also got the signing program disk from Alex. It’s pretty cool, although some of the illustrations are poorly drawn. The quiz is no challenge for me since it’s really for beginners. A sign comes up with 5 words next to it and you click on the word you think it is and it tells you if you’re right. Boy, times have changed! When I learned, it was from a book. It’s so much easier and more convenient for people to learn on the computer where you can just scroll down a list in alphabetical order and the sign comes up with each word. It’s just harder to carry around with you like it is to take a book out to wherever.

Later...

I laid out earlier and did a few other things. I did some word puzzles when I was out. I washed my comforter, changed the bed, sang, made spag, did a few dishes, and typed a few letters. I think I’ll go type up some of 76 now.

Later...

Tom just got off of work at 4:00, but he mentioned stopping at a hardware store for shelves. We’re gonna put up more wooden shelves to replace those flimsy plastic ones. We’re also gonna put up ones that are only about 6” in depth (from the wall on out) for all his disks.

I’d like to check into clipart and decorating stationary. Papers I type letters on and journal stuff. Alex used that really cool FBI seal in his letter. Supposedly, there are ways to get pictures around or amid stuff you type. I’ve seen and done it before, but I’d like to know more about it. Especially how the seal was done. It was on the paper beforehand and it’s very light so your typing can be seen and read easily.

Gotta trim my bangs one of these days real soon. It looks really scruffy and I still have a million split ends.

A couple of mornings ago I was horny as Tom was going to work. He told me I’d have to take care of myself till he got back. I asked if he ever took care of himself when I’m asleep. He said if he has the time. I asked if he just gets himself horny and aroused, or does he go all the way? He said he only gets himself horny and aroused. God! I hate to call my husband a liar, but I just don’t see how this is possible. Especially for as long as we’ve been together. I mean, he may not be a typical male, but he’s still a guy. A human being. I’m sure he relieves himself whenever he can. Either that or he has wet dreams constantly. He probably just told me that so as not to upset me. Why would I bother getting upset over it after all this time? I might if it kept going on for years. Then again, maybe not, cuz I don’t expect a change even though he’s 100% sure it will. He says things can “suddenly” change and he says he doesn’t want to wait. Yet there are no actions to go with these words.

We were discussing last night how I’m afraid to succeed and move on, even with the stuff I want and it’s true. I told him, though, there are things he could do too, that’d help us both. I told him that as far as us sleeping together, to either move in or don’t. I still feel the same about that. I want him to cuz we love each other and would feel more “married,” but that’s a classic example of how changes and progress can scare me. I just don’t want to return to the days of having to deal with being woken up constantly. Also, he promises not to trash this room, but I still have to see that to believe it. As far as I’m concerned, the rest of the house is one thing, but this room is my space.

Time for a cigarette, then I shall return to write more.

Later...

I just listened to a message from Andy that he must’ve left when I was out back or had the music on. His roommate who’s 100% better, loved my little crayon can that I made him as well as the edits. Especially Karson’s. So many people like the edits, and two of his friends, Quinn and Goofy, have copies. I told him I gotta start charging people $5 per tape!

I’m gonna go food shopping this Sunday with Tom, but I sure as hell ain’t looking forward to the fucking crowd. I really hope he gets at least one weekday off soon, preferably two.

Later...

I just decorated several pages. My own homemade journal clipart.

Well, it’s almost 6:00, so I guess Tom wasn’t too tired. I was kind of panicky last night for the first time in a while. There is hope, though, of getting over and growing out of certain things.

Later...

Tom found a note for me on the front door dated March 8th. Two of the girls next door typed it up on their computer, which is a piece of shit like Tammy’s, but very sweet and sincere. I’ll put it in my binder with all my other letters.

I typed out a quick thanks-for-the-letter-and-understanding note and stuck it in their door next door. How can they play on the other side of their house, though, like they said they’ve been doing? The other side of their house would be the driveway of the other house next to them. Nonetheless, it’s been great around here and I’m so glad, cuz most people just don’t give a shit. I know all too well about that thanks to Barbara, Robert, and Andi.

Before I get into what Tom bought, let me back up to what I was saying right before he got home. The reason why I have the hope of getting over and growing out of wanting a child is cuz people’s desires and goals do change. Also, here are examples. When I was around 21, I knew it was never meant for me to be with a woman. Yes, I’m still right, as well as wrong with things I feel. It took me a few years, but I did live through it and got to the point where I could deal with it, accept it, move on, and get over it.

Tom got more shelves as I said he was gonna, but we’ll still need more. The guy’s got a lot of books, magazines, and disks. He got a fluorescent light for the kitchen, like the one by the computer. He got wiring for the garage, so we can have a light to flick on when we’re coming and going at night. Right now there are only 2 or 3 long fluorescent lights towards the center and back of the garage and one that’s sound activated. It looks like a nightlight. Lastly, we finally have a garbage disposal! Yes! No more scraping and straining food out to dump in the pail, and hopefully no more clogged sink either.

Saturday, May 6, 1995

 

Tom put up our new shelves in the back room and he's now installing the garbage disposal. Guess what came in the mail today? The CDs! Linda's Living in the USA came as well as the 70s one.

Monday, May 8, 1995

 

I went to bed last night close to 11 PM and got up at 4:30 this morning.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping, then over to his parents. Marge is gonna put straps on a halter-top I have that falls right down. Tom was showing her stuff on the computer, while Ray entertained me on the Pachinko machine.

After we left, we went to a park with life-size metal statues of people. They looked so real. Especially from a distance.

Lastly, we went to the Osco where I got 3 small 100-piece puzzles. They’re only 7 x 9, but they’re so cute. I got one of rabbits, cats, and dogs. They’re up on the kitchen wall now.

I also got makeup remover, nail polish, and a very smart purchase I saw advertised on a TV commercial. Oil of Olay has a body shampoo with a pink scrubbing puff and supposedly you won’t need lotion with this stuff. It’s great! It really lathers up well, all you need is a little drop and it really works. This is so much more convenient cuz putting lotion on is a pain in the ass. Especially when I’m trying to do my back. It’s greasy, too.

I forgot to mention what I got for only $9 at the grocery store. A lamp/organizer. The lamp is on a long stick-like thing you can adjust to wherever. It came with paper clips, thumbtacks, a notepad, and a built-in tape dispenser. The tape dispenser’s too low and all messed up, but this is OK since we’ve got 4 of them around here. It’s got other slots and grooves for stuff. On it, I’ve got pens, drawing pencils, erasers, paper clips, the notepad, address labels and stamps.

Andy left a message saying he got the typed edits. He said he couldn’t believe I could sit there and type that for hours, and he couldn’t see himself reading it unless he was totally bored. He will, though, he says, cuz of all the time and work I put into it.

Later...

You have no idea just what a relief it is to see them so quiet next door. For the first time since they’ve been here, I can honestly say I hope they don’t move. With my luck, they’ll move soon and another huge family will move in. The difference would be that the parents would be like most people and not give a shit.

I called Tammy who says Bill’s not doing too well. Dad will be there next Mon. and will be leaving the following Wednesday which is the 17th. On the 19th he’ll be back in Florida.

When I told her that her genius brother-in-law put in a garbage disposal, she said, “So.” Then I remembered her house doesn’t have one, so maybe she’s jealous.

I told her big sisters are supposed to look out for little sisters and little sisters are supposed to tell big sisters about health and beauty stuff so I told her about that Oil of Olay body wash.

I had 3 songs on oldies #1 tape that are now on CD, so I stuck songs in their spots from an incomplete tape.

Tom and I had a hot debate a few days ago and I totally disagree with everything he said. He asked if I wanted him to get a vasectomy cuz he was sick of playing this game. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yeah, I can be contradicting on the subject of having a kid, cuz there are both reasons to do so, as well as to not do so, but he is just as contradicting about it. All I can do on my part in the hopes of getting pregnant is lay back and spread my legs. Meanwhile, he’s done nothing to put his actions where his mouth and desires are. Then he goes on to tell me he can suddenly start cumming just like that. Yeah, right. Then why doesn’t he?

Then he says he has to be sleeping with me before we can make a kid which I know wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. So, I finally told him, “Look. Don’t be leading me on. You say you think I’ll be pregnant between May and July and we both know this isn’t true. Next, you’ll say you think it’s gonna be between August and October, and well…don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

Plus, he knew we couldn’t be sleeping together full-time by May and July, so why did he say we had to sleep together to make it? Meaning, why’d he say May to July when he should know that’s too soon to sleep together? Our not sleeping together may make me feel “abnormal,” but it’s just not gonna happen. He said failing’s when you don’t try, not when you try and something doesn’t work out. Well, Saturday night we tried it and boy did I ever feel like a failure. He disagrees with me, but yes I did try and no I can’t change myself. It’s not that I don’t want to, cuz I can carry on my business of writing, listening to music, etc. It’s just not me. There are always some things about ourselves we cannot change and I don’t want myself or him to kid ourselves about it. Just like I couldn’t make myself be tall, I can’t sleep with him, maintain a schedule, have a kid, or quit smoking.

Like I said before, it’ll take time, but I’ll get over not having a kid. Most people don’t like or want the same things forever. I got over never being with a woman more often and I don’t miss not having that. There are only a few things I hope I never get sick of and bored with like Tom, singing, and writing. Well, actually, there’s lots of stuff I hope I’ll always be into.

Shit, I got a wart growing on the front of my thigh, a few inches above my knee.

Tuesday, May 9, 1995

 

I amazingly slept last night from about 10 PM - 8 AM. I slept solidly. I didn’t wake up to go to the bathroom and I can’t remember one dream. Just when I asked myself why I did that, cuz my schedule was actually backing up, I remembered having to take an allergy pill last night. I felt groggy upon waking up and I still do.

Yesterday Tom said he felt like he had a cold, and I finally began working on my story.

Tom had read the letter from the two girls next door. He never said anything about it and told me it was up to me to talk to them if I wanted to, but I wonder. He likes the sound of kids (or seems to) and told me months ago that he hoped I’d get used to it cuz he wants a kid someday. Maybe I’m wrong, but he always seemed to want me to be around when they were noisy. I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m around when he’s watching TV he flips the channel to kids’ stuff, cartoons, and shows. I’m beginning to feel more and more like he’s teasing me with the subject of a kid. Why, though? Why would he do this to me? I have a bad feeling that he knew all along since day one he’d never cum. He’s said just as much stuff about wanting one as he’s said about not wanting one, but I’m beginning to believe anything he’s ever said about wanting one was only to make me happy. Did he know all along he’d never cum? Was he against having a kid from day one? If he really is, and if he really is teasing me, then why? How can a guy who’s otherwise one in a million do this and play with my head this way? He denies teasing me, but if he really wants a kid that bad, why doesn’t he cum? Why say he wants it? Why say he thinks the responsibility would be good for me and that he feels I’d be a good mother?

I asked him a while back if he’d say he came every now and then cuz that’d turn me on and make me feel more normal, so to speak. He said he couldn’t do that cuz he’d feel like he was lying. Yeah, well, I have a feeling he said that as a cover-up for those other two times he claimed to cum which he didn’t.

I was half wrong about one thing, though, but he clarified himself yesterday. He said it’s not mandatory that he sleep with me to get me pregnant, but says it’ll help. I agree and can understand that, but people do get pregnant by people who don’t even live with them. The guy’s got too many excuses, whether they’re legit or not. He’s sick, he tired, he’s out of shape, got things on his mind, etc.

Well, there are still other facts to consider too, with or without him cumming. Is my plumbing OK? If there is really a God (which I’m not always too sure of) does He think it will kill me in the ways I always feared? Does He want me to keep this wonderful life I never thought I’d have with nothing to interfere with it or ruin it? Does He think it’s wrong? Does He want me to wait till I’m 40? Will the desire ever go away like others have? God, I have so many of the same never-ending questions. Will they ever get answered?

Later...

Tom would be the perfect husband if he’d only stop putting off things, trying to change certain things, and if I only knew and he could prove that this baby thing isn’t all just one big joke on me. There have been countless things we were gonna buy, make, or do that he constantly puts off. I know these things take time, aren’t always in the budget, and he’s been trying harder lately. However, I really think it’s part of his trying to force and instill patience in me. He denied that and I believe 95% or more of the stuff he tells me, but there are still some things I just cannot buy so easily.

He also tells me he’d never try to change me and how I’m such a good decorator. So why does he put stuff back in places he knows I don’t put them? I think it’s for two reasons. One’s cuz he’s trying to show me that my way isn’t the only way. He once even commented to me saying I have this certain assumption of how things should be. The other is cuz I really believe he’s obsessed with me picking up after him.

I’m skeptical about the final finishing of the back room. He’ll only re-trash it. Forget about doing his room and going through and ditching or sorting through a basket of old clothes of his. We were supposed to do that 6 months ago.

He said he wanted to call about getting business licenses on May 1st. He could’ve called or gone there after work. This business thing has me wondering just like with the kid. He’s full of shit!

Anyway, if life stays just as it is (even though he says change is inevitable), then fine. It’s better than my old life, but I’m always gonna be angry about being led on. I just wish he’d stop saying he’s gonna do stuff that he never does or that he does 6 months after he says it.

I proofread the stories he said he was gonna read long ago and says he’ll read this weekend.

Just when our 90º weather dropped off to the 70s and threw the pool temp down to 70º, it’s back. Back in the 90s, so soon it’ll be plenty comfortable for a swim. It’s 76º now and I know most people could deal with that, but it seems I can’t deal with it under 83º.

My stomach’s been looking and feeling so much better since I stopped eating dairy. Less gas, bloating, and constipation.

Wednesday, May 10, 1995

 

Tom had an interview this morning with Bank of America that I just know went well and has good benefits. I only hope the pay is good and his hours and days off are what we want.

We’re gonna be ordering some sex toys if Tom doesn’t forget, cuz you have only 10 days to mail it in if you want 50% off. We haven’t filled out the form yet, but some of the things we may get are chocolate cream (for when he goes down on me), a fruit-flavored body massage oil that warms the body as you rub it on, so you don’t get chilled. Maybe a clit vibrator too, for when I’m on my own.

Later...

Yeah!! That movie, A Woman of Substance with Norah in it is on this Sunday. The only problem is, the damn thing runs for 6 hours and 15 minutes. I’ll either have to have Tom record a half hour or so of it in his room or find a way to make sure I’m up to sit there and pause it on commercials till I’ve cut 15 minutes of those out. If only I didn’t have 3 fucking appointments this month to get in the way! I’ll ask Tom what he thinks is the best way to handle it and together we’ll figure it out.

I got up at 10:00 this morning and couldn’t get in to retrieve our messages. After an hour of being on hold and typing up several pages, I finally got through to a VM repairperson. They’re working on it now and they say we’ll get a discount.

Later...

Thank you, Kim!! We had a little chat yesterday about the birds and the bees which really helped me to feel less alone. When I called her I told her I’d thought about bringing this up to her before and was wary of it, till I told myself, hey, what are friends for?

I told her Tom’s never cum since we’ve been together and that he said he did once, but nothing came out. Well, she told me that she could never feel Mark or Doug cum, and that yes, that’s possible. Possible for them not to have a discharge or have only a very small one, I mean. I asked her if it were possible for a guy to cum while they’re going really slow. Yup, she said. Doug’s that way. She says Tom’s most definitely not kidding about sexual issues or about having a kid. This is cool, cuz while it’s natural for me to be a skeptic here and there, I know he’s been honest about everything else. Maybe except for when Kim, Phil, and Alex were here, though. She agreed with me that if he were playing with my head over this, he’d play with my head over all kinds of things. People don’t usually lie about 1-3 things. They lie about almost everything. Soon, I’ll write about what she asked me and what I told her that made her feel better and less alone.

Later...

About the question Kim had for me - she told me she’s never cum by penetration and wanted to know more about that. I remember when I was about 21 I had the same questions. I let her know that I, as well as half of the women in this world, can’t cum by penetration alone. When Tom’s in there, I have to do my clit with my hand as much as I enjoy Tom in there. Me telling her this made her feel just as good as it did me when she let me know I’m not alone. She also told me that Doug doesn’t always cum, not that he doesn’t enjoy what she does. She says he also goes from hard to soft a lot like Tom does and has no problems getting hard either.

OK - these people next door have been doing great, so why are the kids out there screaming now, and is it even them? I hear a boy that sounds older than the boy next door and I hear some vehicle running, but it doesn’t sound close enough to be next door, so who knows?

Thursday, May 11, 1995

 

I’m out back right now and it’s absolutely gorgeous. The perfect temp. Earlier it was pretty hot at 92º. The pool temp made it up to 79º today. Why does 79º feel like 59º? Well, I didn’t swim, but come late afternoon I was able to quickly dip in up to my neck.

I’m still troubled with thoughts of having a kid, but it’ll keep on getting less and less and I’ll outgrow it, I’m sure. Especially when I look at all the negatives of having a kid. While I may believe more what he and Kim say about his not cumming, I still believe he’ll never cum whether or not I mention a kid. And he knows this. I only hope the day will come that he’ll admit this and not be indirectly or directly leading me on. I sure as hell don’t want to believe for a minute that he could be leading me on about this one subject, but time will continue to tell. He may not be a TM (typical male), he may say he wants a kid and mean it, but he’s still a guy. Having a kid ain’t much of a guy thing.

I made our swing quite comfy. I stuck that twin-size foam mattress on it and threw a sheet over it.

Gotta go online with Alex soon.

Later...

I chatted with Alex for about 40 minutes. This time we had no problems sending each other private instant messages. He got a job with IBM up in Burlington Vermont which he’s moving to real soon. Vermont - yuck!

Saturday, May 13, 1995

 

We’ve sure been busy these last couple of days.

Tom’s putting together stuff for his parent’s computer that he’s gonna bring over tomorrow. His dad is 83 today.

Yesterday’s appointment was a waste as far as we’re concerned. They don’t really know what they’re doing in that particular area. She said a certain low pitch has gotten worse, but oh well. I know how I hear and that’s in between nothing and the good ear, so who cares about hearing tests? It’s probably a little gunked up with dead skin and he may want to vacuum it this time around when we go to Dr. Nielsen on Monday. At least it didn’t hurt and they didn’t put anything on to crush my skull. She just had me hold up one earpiece to my ear and didn’t test the good ear since that’s not what we’re concerned with.

After the boring hearing test, we went to the mall and ate. Then we went to a bookstore. Their journals were boring, but I did get another huge word search puzzle book. Who knows if my subscription will ever arrive? It seems like every other thing you order by mail never comes. Andy never got his 70s CD.

Tom got a computer disk with a book. I also got a few other things. A library book, and cuz he was a day late getting the last book back, he owed 30¢. I said, “Bad boy.”

Then the woman asked if the book was for me and I said yes. Then she says, “Don’t be a bad girl.”

I got my third doggie mug, so now I have a collie, an Irish setter and a cocker spaniel, and a huge puzzle of ice cream sundaes.

Sunday, May 14, 1995

 

Well, Norah’s movie will be going on in 7 hours. Tom’s gonna cut some commercials. I’m gonna set my alarm for noon and I’ll cut commercials when I get up too, if he was unable to cut 15 minutes’ worth.

Tonight will be the Judds movie.

I spoke to Mom today who got my card today and was laughing with her over what Lisa and Tammy told me. It was only 45º there! HA! And poor dad’s stuck in it.

Tomorrow we’ll probably go swimming. All it needs is 5-8 more degrees on it and it’ll be perfectly comfortable.

There are more odds and ends I suppose I could write about. However, I’m gonna go work some more on that ice cream puzzle.

Monday, May 15, 1995

 

This will definitely be the last huge journal I’ll get. I still like it. It’s just a little awkward to write in. Especially when I lay in bed.

A few nights ago I puked. Thankfully it wasn’t much and I only puked once. I was nauseous, though, for a few hours before and after. Tom helped calm me down and what he told me sure has had me feeling much better. You see, I told myself that if I don’t talk about a kid it may help him get off (this is what he says, but I don’t believe he’ll ever get off either way). The bad side of that, though, is that it gets all bottled up. I didn’t want to talk about it, though, cuz I didn’t want him to feel pressured.

Then he finally said, “Look. We can’t have you sick, so talk about it all you want. I don’t want you keeping it in and bottling it up any more than I would with any other issue.”

This has made me feel so much better. It’s actually made me even think of a kid less often. Sure, I still want one, however, I still do have my fears about it, love to sing, and do all my other hobbies and there’s no fucking way I can be a day person every day. The way I see it, though, is we’ll probably never be able to have one, but it’s good to know I can still discuss it. Especially when I know that not discussing it isn’t gonna magically change things.

He brought the computer over to his parents today and he brought back my halter-top. She put straps on it and did a great job.

I didn’t know the Judds movie was a two-parter, but it is. I saw part one. It was great.

As for Norah’s movie - all her clothes are pitiful, cuz it’s set in the early 1900s, but she really doesn’t look bad at all. Her hair’s not too long, but it isn’t short. It’s about shoulder length. All her movies are so boring, except for The Guardian. I love to watch her, though, and I’ve got lots more to see. Tom did a fine job cutting commercials so they’d fit.

I finished the puzzle and taped it. I’ll put it up on the kitchen wall tomorrow.

Gotta see Dr. Nielsen tomorrow.

Later...

Dr. Nielsen’s appointment went great. It looks so healthy, that it’s even producing wax. So, he cleaned out a few flakes of dead skin and now I don’t have to go back till August 14th! Then, 6 months after that, which will be 1996, then a year after that which will be 1997. Tom was right about it all. He’s right about everything except saying things will be done or happen at certain times, his getting off, and us having a kid.

I left Andy and my mom a message about my ear, then called Tammy’s. She goes, “I don’t want to hear about your weather or your pool.”

Then Dad got on the phone and said, “It was 40º this morning and when I was working outside in Brimfield it was nothing but freezing and rain.” Then he goes, “Wait a minute. Let me take off my gloves.”

I was cracking up and I told him it was that way just for him and that it’d warm up when he leaves. True, he says, the weather is to warm up Wed. He’ll be leaving tomorrow and will arrive in Florida Thurs.

He was happy about my ear and said he believes Mom’s taping the Judds movie. I told Ma on her machine to call me if she hasn’t taped it for whatever reason and that I’d send it if need be.

Andy’s taping a two-part Stephen King movie and he wants to see the Judds movie, so we’re gonna swap tapes.

The rest of the Norah movie wasn’t too impressive. She had a million different ugly hairstyles and outfits. Yup, she looked her best in The Guardian.

Got a Bob letter today and he enclosed a drawing from a magazine of a girl who sort of resembles Gloria. I drew it and it came out pretty nice, but I didn’t mean to make her fat. She’s got a mama’s face.

Later...

Tom got home an hour ago and he’s in his room watching his show, then he’s gonna crash. We’re both beat. He had to get up early and I had barely 5 hours of sleep.

After the appointment, he dropped me off, then went back to work. Then, I cried for a few minutes, believe it or not. There’s knowing it’s over; then there’s knowing it’s over. It really hit me today. It’s over!

I saw their dog tied up out front today. Guess they exterminated again. That goes with having one kid, let alone so many cuz of the way they throw food all over, spit, and puke.

Well, I’m just gonna go veg out and do some puzzles for now. Maybe I’ll get more into that library book. I’ve only read a few pages so far.

Tuesday, May 16, 1995

 

I was due for my period today, but so far it's been all cramps and no period. I hate that. Be back to write more later.

Wednesday, May 17, 1995

 

Why do I always miscount when I'm due for my period? I wasn't due yesterday, I'm due today. After this period, I'll be getting the next one the day before our anniversary. Lucky me, huh? There's nothing new to discuss now, so bye for now.

Thursday, May 18, 1995

 

There really hasn’t been much going on to chat about right now. I’m gonna finish typing 78 tonight.

Good God. I swear that guy next door works way the hell over 40 hours a week. Where does he find the time to keep getting his wife pregnant? He just came in. What a life, though, with so many kids. Probably nothing but home and kids for her and work for him.

Later...

Just got done watching a movie and Tom’s now getting ready for work.

I finished typing and printing out 78. Now I’ll begin 80.

Last night I began redoing a medley of my favorite songs. I’ll keep working on it.

Friday, May 19, 1995

 

Yesterday my dad returned to Florida. I’m sure he’s very pleased to be back home.

I feel better, as I usually do after getting my period which I got on Wednesday.

Today’s supposed to be 100º. I believe this is our first 100º day of the year. We’ve been having a mild summer so far. We usually have 100º days beginning in April. Sometimes even in March.

Alex and I still exchange email by AOL and we’ll probably chat live once a month. I sent a letter to Larry and them guys which they should get today. I asked if they have Prodigy or AOL. For the hell of it, I oughta look them up and the M’s next door, too. That may not do me any good, though, if they’re using screen names.

One of the straps on the halter Ma sewed on is too high, so I’ll have to have her adjust it. She said it would be no problem if I needed it adjusted.

Tom put a new word search thing in my world but I can’t figure the whole deal out. There’s a thing to make your own puzzles, but I can’t figure out how to do it. It says to hit a certain button I can’t find.

Can’t think of anything else right now, so I guess I’ll go work on my story. I also have my library book to read, as well as my medley to continue with.

Later...

It’s a real bummer that I’m tired now cuz in a few days I have that appointment. I have to push it as late as I can.

I was laying out, and the lounge chair isn’t gonna hold up much longer. I hope we can get a new one this year, as well as that bee thing. Like I said, that’s one of the few things that really annoys me about Tom. True, he has to work full-time, but I still say part of it is all him hoping he can “make” me patient.

Another thing that slows him down from doing stuff and throwing stuff into place is the fact that he’s got so much stuff. Mainly stuff he’ll never use that just sits there and hogs up space. I can bet you that when we get new lounge chairs, he’ll keep these ripped-up old rusty ones here hogging up space.

I just wish he wouldn’t kid us both. He wants to go into business, he’s got plans for my singing soon enough, we’re gonna have a kid… Yeah, right! My ass we are! The cigarette machine was supposed to be done eons ago. I can go through and list a million different things he’s said that either never get done or only get partially done. And why do the back room? He’ll only trash it again a week later. None of this makes me love him any less, but I’m sick of it!

I wonder if there have been new people living across the street. A month or two after the heavy metal music vanished, he did, too. Then came a new security door (the kind we want) and other new decorations. However, that old, ugly, pitifully obnoxious van is still in the back of the driveway where it has been for a long time now.

Off goes Daddy next door to work now for 12-18 hours. I wonder what he does.

Nah, that might have been the car on the other side of him or the pig across the street two houses away from the music house, cuz it doesn’t sound loud enough. Plus, I think he leaves at 8:30.

Anyway, Tom’s being a slob and having so much stuff is another positive to not having the kid I know we’re not gonna have. I wouldn’t want the kid to take after that. I mean, that’d teach it to totally be messy and unorganized. Also, we have enough stuff to put away or up high on shelves. There’s no way I could keep any kid out of all this stuff.

In his room this morning I was asking him how come he had grocery lists from 20 years ago all over and he said, “Cuz I don’t have time to throw them out.”

Oh, a big two-second loss of his precious time! Yet he thinks he has time to go into business and have a kid? No wonder the guy won’t let himself cum. I agree with him and Kim about part of his not cumming being out of his control, but I still say that’s 5% of it. He can cum just fine.

Sunday, May 21, 1995

 

Man, oh man, am I fucking pissed! I set the timer to record a movie I really wanted to see and fucked up on it. From now on, if I’m not available to watch or record something I want to see while it’s on - forget it.

I’m a major grub right now who desperately needs a shower, so I’ll return here later.

Monday, May 22, 1995

 

We had a great weekend, but I’m so tired right now that I don’t know if I’ll write much.

My longest journals are the ones from when I first began writing. In my first year and a half or so of writing, I had few journals go 6-9 months.

Saturday Tom worked for a few hours, then he came home for an hour with lunch from Jack-in-the-Box. Then he went to the races with his parents.

Yesterday was a busy yet fun day, but first, I made it loud and clear that I’m due for my next period to Tom the day before our anniversary. The 14th. Therefore, it’s easy to remember that’ll it’ll be around June 1st that it’ll be my more than likely time to conceive (if I can). Well, the point is, a little test. I want to see if Tom happens to be too tired on those particular days, regardless of how much he says he wants it and doesn’t want to wait.

Thursday, May 25, 1995

 

I am so backed up and have so much to write about, so I better get with it. I just went to change Piggy’s cage so Tom would have one less thing to do. Well, he had drilled the holes on the sides a bit too close to the edges and it ripped through. So, I had to kind of tape the side together that you remove to scoop the sawdust out. We’ll have to get longer brackets on and drill new holes further in.

Now, about the stuff we got last Saturday. If I can remember everything, Tom got a couple of things that he put on the block wall to wind the hoses up onto, a new sprinkler, and I think that’s pretty much all he got. He may have gotten a few other things for the yard. We also got a new lounge chair, seeing that the one I’ve been using finally gave out. It’s a really pretty floral one of cloth and not plastic. It’s even got arms on it and is in between a piece of shit and top-of-the-line. I got an adhesive ashtray and why I put it on the left arm when I’m right-handed, beats me. We also got drink holders that you stick in the dirt in the ground or at the beach. They have skinny metal poles and plastic holders on top for cans of soda. We got a white one and a blue one.

I got a puzzle of puppies and a new binder. I think that’s all we got.

Can you believe that Tom finally got the vanity table from Mary’s house? At first, I was like - where the hell am I gonna put this thing? I did manage, though, to fit it into my room without having to rearrange too much stuff. The dresser was at the foot of the bed by the two windows in the front and I moved that to the side of the bed in between the two closets. That’s where I put the vanity table which is nicer than I thought, even though we’re gonna strip the old ugly off-white paint which is peeling, and repaint it. It has a huge mirror and we’ve got to find a way to attach that, too. Its bench which is the shape of a rectangle had a red cloth seat with 6 tacky patches on it of blue with corny flowers. I took an old floral skirt with a torn waistband and cut it to fit on it. Then I tacked it on the sides and it looks so much better. I had had a couple of those plastic shelves where I moved the dresser and I took those out of the room altogether. It’s so convenient to do my makeup with this thing. It’s got 6 little drawers and I’ve got stuff in it like makeup, hair stuff, and other odds and ends.

Today’s Tammy and Bill’s 9th anniversary, so I called them. She told me Mom and Dad sent them a flag, wind chimes, and something about Noah’s ark. I wouldn’t be too surprised if she sent us a flag for our anniversary.

I went to the doctor’s yesterday for a female exam and sure enough, it’s never been easier after having sex with a guy. When they do the swab, that’s uncomfortable no matter what size woman you are or how sensitive you are. All looked fine except for a little inflammation on the cervix. She said that’s normal for some people and don’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ll have to take anything for yeast or any kind of infection, but I’ll be notified about it soon either way. She didn’t feel any spooky lumps down there or in my tits. She said the Theodur plays a part in aggravating my tits as well as the gas in the lower right quadroon as they call it.

She’s a primary care doctor and she was really nice with a great sense of humor that makes you feel comfortable right away. Her name is Dr. Rugg and she was about in her mid-30s. She was 5’ 10” with medium-long curly blond hair. She was between average and a little above average in looks.

When I said how I hated to go for these kinds of exams, she said, “I know how it is. I have a crotch, too.”

She did say she’s known DES daughters who’ve had kids and that infertility wasn’t the issue as much as with cancerous cells.

So, then we got to discussing asthma. When I told her the meds I’ve been on now since 1989, she said that was an old fashion way of treating asthma. Then I said I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. So she said there’s a guy there who was willing to see me that knows all about asthma. If it weren’t for my seeing how good Dr. Nielsen is, I’d have been skeptical, even though they’re different kinds of doctors. I told her that between coming to AZ and the Phase-Out system, my lungs have never been better and that my goal is to somehow cut down or get off the Theodur completely and just take inhalers as needed. So, she said to leave the Proventil and Theodur alone for now and take an inhaler called Aerobid instead of the Azmacort cuz it’s supposed to be much much more potent. She said it’s better to put the medicine right into your lungs where the problem is, rather than to deal with it with pills. From what she told me, I guess they usually take someone that’s taking 300mg twice daily and have them just take it once before bed. I’ve taken the Aerobid twice so far and I do believe I already feel better. I last took my Theodur 14 hours ago and I don’t feel like I need it at all and I’m gonna see if I can just take it before bed tonight. I don’t mean to be playing my own doctor here, but I don’t see how that can hurt me to experiment with that till I see Dr. Rauche. Lastly, I’ll be going tomorrow for an ultrasound to make sure that it is really only a gas problem I’ve been having down in my lower gut.

So this means two more appointments, but very worth it to me if it’s gonna save time, money, and worry in the future, then that’s what counts. I’d love to get off the Theodur and have my 95% sure feeling confirmed that it is just a gas problem and no tumors. I’m sure, though, that if it was a tumor, I’d not only sense it, but I’d have more pain and symptoms.

Friday, May 26, 1995

 

Going for that ultrasound today at 2:00. Gotta start drinking as much as I can at 1:00.

Yesterday I broke a record for the first time since 1989. I went for 24 hours with no Theodur! I’m gonna see about doing that every other day, if not daily till I see Dr. Rauche.

Two days ago, on Wednesday, I finally got my first puzzle book from my subscription.

I’ll catch up with lots more writing later!

Monday, May 29, 1995

 

The ultrasound I went for didn’t take too long, but I won’t know anything about that or anything else till next week.

I forgot to mention something Dr. Rugg said when she asked me about birth control. I said I wasn’t on any and that Tom didn’t cum. Then she said, “He doesn’t want to?” Then, “Or can’t he?”

Now, why would her first choice be to suggest he didn’t want to?

Something else also crossed my mind the other day for the first time, too. If he has a block about cumming, then why not a block on getting hard, too? He told me he’s relieved by wet dreams which are fine. We all have them. However, it’s a little insulting that that’s his #1 source of relief. Aside from having a kid, I wish he’d show me how much he appreciates me in bed here and there.

I still feel led on and teased about having a kid, but it’s his choice. If he really wants one, he’ll just have to cum, cuz despite what he says or Kim says, I still believe he has total control over it.

Other than that, we’ve had a fun day. We were swimming. We filmed that as well as Piggy swimming. It was really cool to see.

Andy and his roommate Diana brought the chair over. I’m wondering now if that wasn’t a big mistake. The back room’s never gonna be organized and there’s no room for it. Tom did clear out the little room out back, though, so now he’s got more room to work on stuff with. The couch is still here, and that being picked up by Goodwill has been put off like everything around here seems to be.

Tom says that unless he’s got a job interview, he’s gonna get business licenses this Thursday or Friday. Yeah, right! This I’ve got to see.

A movie’s going on soon that I want to see, so I’ll write more later.

Later...

I decided I’d write some more while the movie’s recording. I now only have two more journals to type up.

Last week I recorded myself singing a handful of songs to no music. Tom liked The Sweetest Gift the best. I wasn’t surprised. Nor was I when he said that I sing traditional country the best.

A tune to the song I wrote The Strangers Are Waiting flew into my head. I called Dad and sang a few lines to him cuz I wanted to see if it sounded familiar like a rip-off of some other song. He and Tom say it doesn’t sound familiar.

Dad also says a package is on its way.

Kim called a few days ago, too. She said it took Doug an hour and a half one night to cum. Still doesn’t make me feel any more confident that Tom will change no matter how much he says he can’t cum and he wants a kid. Before I continue on with my chat with Kim, I asked Tom if my telling him not to cum would make him go the other way and cum. His answer didn’t surprise me. He said, no, pressure to cum or to not cum would still keep him from cumming.

Kim says Doug’s finally found out who’s been sending him those crazy letters and she’s gonna leave him believing what he believes for now. He said he saw some ditzy-looking longhaired blond girl by his PO Box. He says she’ll now probably realize that the guy who last had that PO Box doesn’t anymore (he thinks she’s trying to write to the guy who previously had that PO Box). She said he almost threw the letters in her car. Too bad he didn’t, but Kim said he’d probably keep the letters forever.

Kim also says she got a letter out to me and is gonna send me a picture of her hair. She’s got something in it I can’t understand, that’s supposedly a big trend. She said something about sending directions on how to do it. Lastly, she took pictures of her apartment while we were on the phone that she’ll be sending.

Tom downloaded us some really cool games from AOL, but I’ll get into that later.

Tuesday, May 30, 1995

 

Tom and I had fun swimming after he came home and ate, but we didn’t screw around.

Where in the world has Alex been? I guess he’s busy with the move to Vermont cuz I haven’t heard from him by AOL in a couple of weeks. Since we had our last live chat anyway.

I’m kind of sunburned today. So even though the pool is at a very comfy temperature in the mid-80s, I’m gonna take a break from being out in the sun for a couple of days.

I forgot to mention a couple of past events. Last Sunday Tom attached the mirror that goes to the vanity table. He did a great job. It’s nice and sturdy and stands perfectly upright.

Also, Andy’s become good friends with his neighbor Pam, who’s on disability. He’s really changed with time. Even he admits that he was very selfish and insensitive the first year or two after we met up. Back then, I’d be wary about discussing a headache with him, knowing he’d freak out about it. But now, I could talk to him about anything and he’d listen and try to cheer me up. A lot of people are afraid of stuff they don’t know about or understand and he was afraid of those with disabilities, be it physical or mental, but now he’s not so afraid and paranoid. There are always gonna be Ellies and Frans out there, but he knows not all people on SS or SSI are fucked up. Here’s the funny part of it, though. When we first met up, he called my mother and asked her if he should be afraid I’d go after him with a knife or something like that. Well, he said to me regarding Pam, “I didn’t even call her mother to ask if she were dangerous or anything like that!”

I just got done recording his soaps for today and am gonna tape them again tomorrow. Hopefully, the cable will then be set up, as he was told it would be. He’s already got his new number which is easy to remember.

As for the games we got off of AOL, there are some really cool ones. We got more for his parents that I don’t like, like crossword games and cryptograms.

Here are the ones which he put in my world which are really growing. I mean, when I first got into this computer I had only about 4 things in my world. There’s a kitty puzzle, a connect the dot game, and a telephone game where you make words out of the numbers on the phone pad. There’s also a sliding number game where you have to put numbers in order from 1-15 on a square board. Meaning, 3 rows of 4 numbers, then the 13, 14 & 15 on the bottom. I also have a quilt game where you have to match a sample quilt design. Lastly, concentration games which I’ve always liked. One of them is with a deck of cards. Another is with colors that you have to match.

Guess what next door was doing on and off last night from 12:30 to about 2:00 in the morning? Hammering away. I wasn’t pissed cuz I was awake, and if I’d been asleep, the fan would’ve drowned it out, but that’s really rude! It was distracting, though, cuz I was trying to read, but I was mainly worried and pissed off for Tom. He did get woken up but said it was no big deal cuz it’d be only once in a blue moon that he’d be hammering at that hour. (I hope!) He said he thinks the wife and kids split to Idaho and this is why he’s catching up on home repair. That makes sense cuz you can’t get much done or accomplished with kids around. I know they practically never sleep, but that’s still really rude and selfish. I don’t know if they’ve gone to Idaho, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did and if it was him that was hammering. You see, I never felt that Lenore didn’t care about others’ peace around them; it’s him that’s like most others. He just doesn’t give a damn about those around him. I could always tell that from certain statements. Like when he said the kids might get noisy. And when Lenore said that she told Dean she was worried he’d wake the street up by pounding on the piano in the middle of the night, and when the kids said in their letter to me, Dad keeps opening the windows on the side by our house. Anyway, if it doesn’t happen again, it’s no big deal. If he pounds away tonight then yes, I’m gonna call over there for Tom’s sake, cuz I know Tom would never do shit about it no matter how many nights he was woken up or how pissed he got. If he won’t take care of any problems dumped on him, his loving wife will. I’ve met lots of childless people who were selfish and only cared about themselves, but it seems that people with kids are much worse for the most part. They think that just cuz they have kids, they own the world. They can do anything, and to hell with anyone affected by it.

We screwed around yesterday and like I said before, I made it clear to him that my “middle” was around the 31st and the 1st, so we’ll see if he conveniently avoids me. I was thinking of confusing him for the July period so he’d be thrown off as to when my middle would be then, but then I thought about it. I then realized it doesn’t matter where I am in my cycle. If he doesn’t cum, there’s no way for me to get pregnant if I can. So I said, fuck it. If he really wants a kid, he’ll cum. He’ll either never do so, or he will when he’s ready if he’s truly holding back. What are my guesses as to why he’s holding back? Well, they don’t go with what he’s said at all, but you never really do know if someone’s bullshitting you just to make you happy. Meaning, maybe he doesn’t want one but doesn’t have the heart to tell me and so he says he does want one. Maybe he really doesn’t think I’d be a good mom. Maybe he does fear for me physically and mentally the same way I do. Meaning, about the lack of sleep, the stress, the pain, etc. I know he’s capable of being jealous, so that could be it too, as well as the stuff we’re planning to do, the job change, and shit like that. It could be money. It could be a lot of things he doesn’t tell me, or that he tells me the exact opposite of.

I have a plan that I may have mentioned before that I’m thinking of starting to put into action. I’ll do it around July 1st, plus this is also what he claims will help him. Well, it’ll be hard for me to get used to, but I’ll omit all talk about cumming and having a kid and see if there’s a change in a couple of months or so. I have a very bad feeling, though. One that tells me nothing will ever change with him no matter what I do or do not say. I love this man and I don’t want to leave him, but the more months that pass with no changes makes me wonder what’s really going through his mind about everything and anything. I know the sayings like, life is full of false promises and people don’t always do what they say they’re gonna do, but if I find out for sure, or have a strong sense that he deliberately lied and led me on about a kid or other stuff, it’s gonna make me do some thinking. It would be the point of the matter that may have me thinking about our being together. I hope to God it never comes to that for either of us, but what else would I do or think? When I see that nothing will change month after month as I fear will be the case, what do I do? Stay cuz of how wonderful everything else is? Or leave and call him a head player and a liar? I’d like to think that I’ll be able to say to myself when this time comes, OK, he was never serious about cumming and having that kid, but no one’s perfect. At least all his other qualities are wonderful, if not, almost wonderful, and it’s not worth going off the deep end over and walking away from him. He has given me so much and has taken care of me in so many different ways be it chatting with me, caring for me when I’m sick, and the way he keeps food in this house and buys me journals and stuff like that. All stuff he could say he doesn’t care to buy or to take me to buy. He could’ve never bought me anything, kept barely two bites of food around, pushed me away when I wanted to talk, and never given a damn when I got sick or never dealt with my ear surgery.

I’ve reached the final straw with these mailmen and I called the PO today. I said I’m sick of having mail I sent returned to me that I know isn’t too thick or heavy. And I’m also sick of getting next door’s mail, and I know our mail’s gone elsewhere too. He said he’ll take care of it. Let’s hope so. I know that Irene W would return to us anything that looked important, and she has. I would think Lenore would too, but I don’t know about Dean or any other households.

I got a letter from Bob today and in it, he enclosed a small envelope that he addressed to me and put a stamp on. Well, the PO put a message on it saying something about the envelope not being of standard size. So, I tore the stamp off and put it on an envelope addressed to Kim with another stamp we had here. I put his remaining edit pages in it with a note to her about the problem and asked her to mail it to him. I know she’ll do me the favor and I can count on her. She also sent me a letter today. Deerfield has a new rule and that is that they don’t return letters to the sender that has postage due. In other words, if I send Kim a letter where there’s postage due, she has to pay for it.

Wednesday, May 31, 1995

 

Not much to report at this time. I was watching TV, then I layered my bangs. Now I’m gonna hang out here in my room and read so I can hear if that weirdo starts hammering so I can jump on the phone and give him a piece of my mind.

I went another 24 hours with no Theodur last Sunday. I hope they call soon, though, about setting a time to see Dr. Rauche. Or Roushe. Or however the hell you spell it.

I spoke to Andy at his new apartment. Diana read the little journal I wrote to him for his birthday last February.

Tomorrow night Andy and Diana are going to see Melissa Ethridge in concert, then they’ll be stopping over here to get their stuff. I mean Andy’s soaps, the Judds movie, the backup edit tapes, and the pad I wrote this year’s horoscopes in.

Later...

No hammering at all last night as I finished my library book.

The red van of theirs is there, so if Lenore and the kids went to Idaho, they didn’t go in the van. Personally, I wouldn’t trust that piece of shit outside of Phoenix. Also, I think I may have heard one of those kids wailing.

As Tom was leaving for work this horrible smell of rotten eggs woke me up just as I was knocking off. The cooler does that when the water gets stale, but I said, that’s impossible! He just put the cleaner in that takes away that smell. Then when I came out of my room I realized it was coming from the bathroom, so I thought he had a serious stomach problem. Later he told me he treated the clogged drain.

I wonder if we’ll screw around today. For some reason, I doubt it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was too tired to screw and only wanted to go down there which is fine, but I’m not stupid, either. We didn’t screw around yesterday either, and the opportunity was there, too. I have a feeling that we won’t be screwing until this weekend. It’s his choice, though. He says we can have a kid, we want a kid and we don’t have to wait. Well, it takes two to make a baby, so he’ll just have to put his actions where his mouth is.

Got a letter from Andy and Diana today which she wrote. It was cool and she has nice handwriting. Andy said I could send her a letter and she’ll write back.

No package from mom and dad yet. I was right in sensing it wouldn’t come today.

I was also right, unfortunately, on sensing I’d have to tape Andy’s soaps tomorrow and Friday, too. The cable guy fucked up.

I had a weird, yet wonderful memory last night. It’s not that it’s something I forgot all about. I just hardly ever remember it. I believe I was 9 and it was definitely the summer I went to the first of the two camps I got kicked out of in Maine. The second one was Camp Meadowlark, but this was Camp Naomi. The memories are very vague, few, and quick. There was this one camp counselor that I was special to. She was probably somewhere in her 20s back then. I don’t even remember her name, but for some reason, the name Robin comes to mind. I can’t see her face or any of her in detail. If I had to guess, though, I’d say she was thin, average height, medium complexion, with brown eyes and hair. Her hair was maybe shoulder length and she may have had a plain face.

I may have had a vague memory of playing volleyball when she was around. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how many times I saw her.

I stood in a rectangular cabin. There were about two rows on opposite sides of the two longer walls with maybe 8-10 beds on each side. I remember stealing the barrette that belonged to the girl in the bed next to me. That was one of the reasons I got kicked out. I’m sure it was mainly cuz I was the hyper, obnoxious, little rebellious kid I usually was. I hated camp.

One night, though, I guess most of us kids were having trouble sleeping, including me. I remember lots of coughing going on, so maybe some kids had colds. Then there she was by my bed telling me, “Go to sleep before I kiss you all over” (not sexual of course; just playful). She might have said something about tickling me, too.

The next thing I remember, I was taken to her cabin. It was very small with 2 twin beds and a little kitchenette. I’m not sure if there was a bathroom in there, but there probably was, and a shower stall, too. She had a medium-sized dog. A mutt with 2 or 3 colors of brown. All I really remember is talking her to sleep. We were laying on our beds that were a few feet apart and I was yacking away as usual. I remember she fell asleep, then I guess I did right after.

The next morning, I think she cooked us breakfast. Maybe bacon and eggs. I think this was also the day my dad would be picking me up.

The last memory I have of her is of us in the woods with her dog. I remember being amazed at how she’d hide and the dog would always find her. Then she said, “I’ve got a present for you.”

It was a Polaroid of the dog. I ditched it when I was around 22, though.

Then I think I was waiting nervously for my dad, knowing how pissed and disappointed at me he’d be. I think I was alone with her and I might have said something like, “What am I gonna do till my dad arrives?”

She might have picked me up and spun me in the air playfully and said, “You’re gonna stay with me!”

We were outside by the office, possibly sitting on a bench or wherever. Then she was crying as Dad drove up and I got in the car and was gone.

Throughout the years I always got the feeling that if at that second no one ever wanted to have anything to do with me, she would’ve taken me in and been so good to me as I grew up. I would’ve been good, too. I always respected those who were good to me and therefore stayed out of trouble.

To the best of my knowledge, this woman wasn’t married and had no kids. I have no idea what she did regularly or where she lived. Did she live in Maine or some other New England state? For all I know she could be living right here in Phoenix. I thought about trying to look for her shortly after I went out on my own, but I wouldn’t have known where to begin.

Who was she? Why was I so special to her? Did I remind her of someone? Why did she treat me so well when no one else there wanted to deal with me or even acknowledge my existence? Does she ever think of me and wonder who, what, and where I am today? I guess I’ll never know.

[comfortbucky]

Hey! If requests are still open I was wondering if I could request a fluffy fic where reader is having a bad day and Bucky notices and cheers them up? 💗💗

HELL YEAH!!!

REQUESTS!!! ARE!!! OPEN!!!

𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗲𝘁 ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ｡˚ ☁︎ ˚

pairing: bodyguard!bucky x fem!reader

warnings: anxiety, anxiety attack

tags: grumpy!bucky, bodyguard!bucky, fluffy bucky!!!

A/N: okay i have never written bodyguard!bucky before but i just thought it would be such a sweet concept to see him being soft🥺

sorry if the ending is kind of bad😭 i didn’t know how to quite wrap it all up, but i hope u enjoy!!!!!!!! <3 i had so much fun writing about bodyguard!bucky!!!!!

word count: 2.9k

my masterlist!

completed requests!

Y/N groaned as her phone alarm went off and hit snooze for the fifth time. She reached her hand out, head facing away and resting on her pillow, fumbling for her phone to turn off the incessant sound. Before she could shut it off, the noise stopped. Y/N turned her head slightly to see a large, dark figure in the corner of her eye. She turned her head fully to see her bodyguard with a frown on his face as he shut her alarm off.

“Your alarm, it’s annoying,” Bucky grumbled. “You should get up anyways, busy schedule today.” He walked out of the room before she could respond. Super soldier hearing was no joke if he was able to hear her alarm from his bedroom down the hall. Y/N sighed as her face planted into the pillow.

She was not looking forward to the events planned out for the day. During the day, there was a slew of interviews she had, back to back, and at night, a gala she was being forced to attend by her father.

Being the daughter of a wealthy tech tycoon had its perks for sure, but Y/N did not consider all of the press she did as a part of them. She never liked being in the spotlight but was forced to be, a birthright she had. Growing up with her dad, she’d developed a fascination for tinkering with computers, game consoles, and everything in-between. She spent a lot, practically all of her free time, with her dad when her mom had passed away. Her dad ended up throwing himself into his life’s work and she worked with him closely in the beginning, but slowly started to drift apart from him as she started to make a name for herself.

Earlier that week, her dad had sent her a text, informing her that a big announcement would be made at the gala. Big parties and large crowds weren’t really her thing, but it seemed like she didn’t have the option to avoid this one.

She got ready for the day, walking down to her kitchen to see her bodyguard, Bucky, sitting at the table, reading a book. As soon as he heard her come down the steps, he stood up and put his book away.

“C’mon, we’re already running late,” he mumbled, making his way to the door. Y/N rolled her eyes in response, grabbing a granola bar as she briskly followed behind him.

When her dad became a big name in the world of tech, the last thing Y/N thought she needed was a bodyguard, but her dad felt otherwise. It took one, very close call, of her almost getting mugged for her dad to immediately assign a personal bodyguard for her. She insisted that it was unnecessary, seeing that she was a fully grown adult, but her dad refused, as he was the one paying for Bucky’s salary.

Bucky had always been rather closed off since the beginning, and not much had changed since he was first assigned to her a little over a year ago. He kept their relationship very professional, only speaking when necessary and leaving the room whenever he wasn’t needed. She had tried to get him to open up more, learn about his past, but he always shut her questions down by either ignoring her or changing the topic to discussing something work-related. He was an enigma to her, which only left her wanting to solve the mystery that was James Bucky Barnes but couldn’t seem to crack the code.

Her first two interviews went smoothly, exactly what she was used to. A couple of questions about her current projects at work, some about her dad sprinkled in, and what she had planned for the future. It was a format she was used to and had come to appreciate, not exactly enjoying being the center of attention. During her last interview, however, she was caught off guard by one of the last questions she was asked.

“I know this might be an awkward question to ask, but I just have to! The people want to know: do you think your dad’s ever going to return to the dating pool?”

Y/N choked on her saliva. She knew her dad was an attractive man, seeing posts on social media of people fawning over him. Although she found it to be very weird and uncomfortable, she just brushed it all aside, not wanting to think about it as it only led to her thinking about the loss of her mom, a sore spot for her.

Y/N cleared her throat and forced out a chuckle. “I think that’s a question only he can answer, I don’t always know what’s going on in that crazy head of his.”

The interviewer laughed and proceeded to transition into the next segment. Y/N quickly thanked the interviewer and left, Bucky swiftly following behind. He had a feeling that something was off, as Y/N would typically stay behind to chat with the interviewer, crew members, even the service staff, whenever she finished an interview. It was always something he admired about her, how down to earth she remained, despite all of the privileges she had. She went out of her way to thank everyone on set, no matter how small their role might seem. He always told the drivers to pull the car up a little later than originally planned, just so she would have the extra time to talk.

Y/N pushed the doors open, only to find an empty street. She turned around and gave Bucky a curious look.

“Sorry, the driver just texted me,” he said, as he sent a text to the driver, telling him to come now. “He’s running late.”

Y/N nodded and leaned against the wall, looking down to fiddle with her hands. Bucky leaned against the opposite wall, facing her, his arms crossed over his chest.

“You okay?”

Y/N looked up at Bucky to find a gentle look in his eyes, slightly taken aback at the sight. She always found herself drawn to his piercing blue eyes, but they usually had a colder glint to them. This was a look she’d never seen before.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” she replied, averting her gaze down as she felt her cheeks flush at the sight of Bucky’s soft gaze.

The car arrived, cutting off Bucky’s train of thought as he was thinking of what to say to her. For a moment he debated on continuing the conversation in the car but figured she already had a long night ahead of her and didn’t want to push any further.

After a quick pit stop back to Y/N’s place, allowing her to change into an evening gown, the car headed to the venue of the gala. Bucky got out of the car before her, walking around to the other side to open her door. Before she stepped out, Y/N took a deep breath in and exhaled, plastering a fake smile on her face as a surge of flashing lights from cameras greeted her. Bucky watched, seeing her seamlessly transform from Y/N, the girl who needed to set a million alarms before actually waking up, to Y/N, tech extraordinaire, one of the most powerful people in the tech world.

Once they were inside the venue, Bucky stuck to his usual routine. Scope out the exits, look for any potential threats, and make sure Y/N was in his eyesight. Bucky kept close by but also kept his distance. He wanted to make sure that he gave her enough space whenever they were out, knowing that having him around was her dad’s idea and that she wasn’t too fond of having security detail in the first place. So he did everything he could to make himself blend in with the crowd, allowing her to roam freely, only following her when she moved out of his line of vision.

Y/N walked around, not knowing a single soul but making polite small talk with the rest of the guests. She became accustomed to knowing how to act at these types of events over the span of her adult life. Food, drinks, more food, home. Crowds made her uneasy, but she always felt calmer when she saw Bucky in her peripheral vision. Y/N would never admit it out loud, but over the last year, he had become a constant source of relief at these public events. Just knowing that he was there if she felt uncomfortable, unsafe, or wanted to leave early made her public outings much more bearable.

“Hey, sweetie! I’m so glad you made it.” Y/N turned around at the sound of her dad’s voice and smiled, moving in to hug him.

“Yeah well, you said you had a big announcement, so I figured I’d stop by,” she joked, eliciting a chuckle from her dad as they pulled away from each other.

“I’m about to make it now,” he started, placing his hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “And I was wondering if you could join me on stage for it? I know that’s not your thing, but it would mean so much to me, Y/N.”

While she absolutely hated the idea of having to stand in front of thousands of people, she reluctantly nodded. Y/N and her dad had slowly grown apart the past several years, only talking a couple times a month to catch up. With both of their busy schedules, they always seemed to miss each other. Despite their growing apart, she would do anything for her dad, especially if it meant so much to him.

Bucky slowly followed behind, as Y/N and her dad walked up to the stage. Y/N glanced behind her to give a slight smile to Bucky, to which he nodded back. He stood backstage, watching them from behind the curtains.

“Hi everyone, thanks so much for coming out tonight,” Y/N’s dad spoke into the mic. She was standing beside him, hands clasped in front of her, trying to look calm and not totally anxious.

“Since the success of my brand, people have said that I am a man who has everything. And I definitely have a lot to be thankful for, my company, my friends, and most importantly, my daughter.” Her dad extended a hand out to point to Y/N and the crowd cheered. Bucky couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. Despite his brooding attitude, he had come to grow fond of Y/N, being able to see her for who she truly was. She was smart, witty, and had a heart of gold.

“The only thing I’ve been missing,” her dad looks down at the ground for a second, before looking back out at the crowd. “Is someone to share it all with.” Y/N’s smile faltered and felt her stomach drop. She couldn’t fully register the words coming out of her dad’s mouth.

“After Sarah, my wife had passed, I didn’t think I would be able to love again. Until I met Alyssa.” Y/N was frozen in place upon hearing her dad’s confession. She’d never heard of anyone named Alyssa during any of their catch-up calls and now he was saying he loved her? Y/N quickly turned as a woman walked out on stage. The woman walked over to her dad and he wrapped one of his arms around her waist before speaking.

“Now I feel complete, now I have everything.” He pulled Y/N to him and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, smiling for the cameras ahead. There were a lot of strategies Y/N had devised over the years to deal with potential unexpected and uncomfortable situations in a composed manner to avoid having a PR nightmare.

She didn’t have one for this.

Tearing herself from her dad’s hold, she ran off stage, heading towards the exit that led to the outside. Y/N took in the fresh air, trying to stop her hyperventilating. It wasn’t working. Her chest felt tight as she began gasping for air, struggling to take in oxygen.

She was having a panic attack. It was nothing she hadn’t experienced before, but it had been so long since she’d had one. The last time she remembered, was at her mom’s funeral.

Her mom. Her dad. Alyssa.

Her thoughts were pushed aside as her vision blurred, her eyes swelling up with tears. Y/N felt like she had no control over her body and shut her eyes, allowing the panic to consume her.

Then, a firm, but gentle, warm feeling in her hands.

Y/N blinked her eyes open to reveal Bucky, standing in front of her. She looked down and saw that it was his hands in hers, holding them tight.

“Can you breathe for me, honey?”

His voice came out in a soft whisper, accompanied by the warmest and welcoming smile. She shook her head, unable to control her quick and rapid breaths. Bucky squeezed her hands a little tighter, rubbing his thumb in small circles on the back of her hand.

“Yes you can, just breathe with me, okay?”

He started to breathe in and out slowly and eventually, she was able to follow his lead, deciding to focus on his eyes. There was that look from before the ride to the gala, the gentle look in his eyes. She’d always felt that his blue eyes reminded her of stormy seas, but now, now they made her think of the calmness of the ocean in the early morning, waves crashing softly on the shores.

As she regained her composure, she realized she’d been staring into Bucky’s eyes for, probably, far too long. Bucky felt her tight grip on his hands loosen and reluctantly let go of her hands. He immediately missed the softness of her hands and how small they were in comparison to his much larger, calloused, hands.

“T- Thank you,” she stuttered out, her gaze locked on the ground, as she placed her hands to her sides.

“It’s no problem. I get them too,” he replied. She looked up at him as he clarified. “Panic attacks. PTSD from serving overseas.”

Y/N face drops, her stomach churning at the thought that Bucky had ever experienced panic like she had. She returned her gaze to the ground as a silence washed over them.

“He didn’t tell me about her,” she spoke in a quiet voice. “Never brought her up once. But I guess she must be pretty special for him to do all of this.”

Bucky stood a couple steps in front of her, seeing teardrops fall from her face. She lifted her head up to wipe away her tears, her hands shaking from anxiety. Y/N placed her hands on her face and started to sob.

She was slightly hurt by the idea of her dad loving any other woman than her mom but knew that he’d have to move on eventually. What hurt her the most was the fact that he didn’t tell her, not until they were on stage, standing before a crowd of people. It was too much for her to handle and she reached her breaking point.

Bucky’s heart dropped at the sight. He cautiously stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly. Something his PTSD had taught him was how pressure from a hug could help relax the nervous system and calm him down. He held her firmly in his arms until he felt her breathing slow. She looked up at him, remaining in his embrace, her eyes glassy from crying, nose red and sniffly. Bucky felt his heart skip a beat and immediately pushed the thought away.

“You wanna leave, honey?”

She nodded in response, staying in his arms for just a second longer before pulling away. Y/N longed for his warm touch, feeling like a child who had their security blanket taken away. It didn’t help that it was also cold outside, sending a chill down her spine.

Bucky noticed and shrugged his suit jacket off to wrap around her shoulders. She beamed a smile at him and he smiled back.

The pair walked around the outside of the venue to find the car when they ran into a mob of paparazzi, shouting questions at Y/N about her sudden exit. Like a reflex, she grabbed hold of Bucky’s hand and he gave her a comforting squeeze as he cleared a path towards the car.

Bucky and Y/N were sat next to each other in the car, which was not the typical seating arrangement they usually had, usually sitting on opposite ends of the car. But Y/N hadn’t let go of his hand, not quite ready to separate herself from his warmth. Bucky had absolutely no problem with that, mindlessly rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand. She felt safe. She always felt safe with Bucky around.

Y/N felt her eyelids become heavy, struggling to keep them open. She was exhausted from her long day, and her panic attack had taken most of her energy away.

Bucky felt a weight on his shoulder and turned his head slightly to see Y/N’s head resting there. He felt a warmth rush to his cheeks and smiled, resting his head on top of hers.

“Thank you for tonight, Bucky,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed. “You always make me feel so safe.”

Bucky felt a surge of tenderness rush through him. That was all he ever wanted to do. He wanted to keep her safe. He kissed her forehead, causing her to snuggle closer to him.

“Of course, honey. I’m here, always.”

[chelleztjs18]

Lost in Assistance - Ch. 5

Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

GIF: I do not own this GIF.

Summary: Y/n is a professional celebrity's personal assistant in Hollywood got hired with two years contract to be the assistant of the famous and talented Elizabeth Olsen / Lizzie by her manager. Both Y/n and Lizzie hate each other since day one, and they have mutual friend. One is as stubborn as the other, will Y/n stay when Lizzie gives attitudes and tries her best to make her quit before the contract ends?

Warning: fluff, angst, smut (in future chapters), swearing words ( +18 only)

All chapters

“Hey, I’m leaving now. Are you there yet?” Lizzie texted shortly after she turned on her car. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” Aubrey replied. “Okay, on my way. It won’t get me too long to get there.” She tossed her cell phone onto the passenger side seat and started to drive.

It’s almost lunch time hour, the traffic is getting undeniably more crowded. It’s typical L.A traffic with its uncertainty crowd flow on random parts here and there. While driving Lizzie starts to think about the meeting today. A part of her actually feels bad knowing that you might have heard what she said on the phone. Deep down she knows it’s not your fault to be caught in the middle of this whole matter. The more she thinks about it, the more it triggers her memory that your were actually the girl who smiled nicely to her at the coffee shop who didn’t do anything that made Lizzie get recognized when she was trying to not to be and that was why Lizzie nodded and smiled as an appreciation towards you.

Of course once her common sense slowly starts to get her to think in the right way, her stubbornness quickly erupts and plays with her emotion again. Especially when her memory rewinded the view when your left hand grabbed the pen and signed the contract even after she gave you a cold intimidating statement then it was followed by the memory of all of her conversations with Jane and her mom who hired you without her agreeing to it. It makes her feel that they don’t think she is old enough to deal with this situation. Her anxiety only makes her more emotional in handling this matter and forces her to dislike you even more and to think what she should do to make you quit.

All the thinking while driving clearly makes it feels faster to get to the restaurant where she's meeting Aubrey. She parked her car, then walked into this quiet restaurant. She was greeted by the host then she explained she is meeting her friend here as her green eyes are searching for where Aubrey sits. “Lizzie! Over here!” Aubrey’s voice quickly caught her attention. Lizzie sees her sitting at the table in the patio and walks to her.

“Hey, how are you? It took longer to get here than you thought huh?” She gave Lizzie a hug. “Hey, how are you? Yeah, sorry, I got caught in a little traffic.” Lizzie sighed then she took a seat. The girls order some food and drink to accompany them while they are catching up.

“Sooo, what's up with your text yesterday. What do you want to figure out together with me? From your text, I can feel you were upset.” Aubrey starts the conversation. “Really? You can sense how I feel from my text?” Lizzie rolled her eyes playfully. “Of course, we are best friends, more like a soulmate I think but seriously what’s going on?” She joked around but tried to dig into what's going on at the same time.

Lizzie starts with a sigh and takes a sip of her drink. “Do you remember when I told you that Jane and my mom are thinking of getting me a new personal assistant?”

“Yeah? They still talk about it with you?” Aubrey said as she took a bite of her food.

“Even worse! They hired one already regardless of the fact that I said that I don't need one. I met her this morning. She came by with Mitchel Elrod to sign the contract and everything. Turns out she is his best friend.” Lizzie explained with huge annoyance.

“Oh yeah, I remember him. I got my assistant from his company. Does she know how you feel about this thing?”

“Oh that part, she might have heard what I said when I was talking with you on the phone this morning because I didn’t know that she was sitting in front of me in the waiting room. I felt terrible actually but then in the meeting I was thinking fuck it so I told her bluntly straight to her face that I actually don’t need her and I’m here because I’m forced to give it a try so this better be worth it.” Lizzie put her head to her hands, her thumbs massage her temples a little bit.

Aubrey gasped, “No you did not! Then what did she say?” Aubrey got so invested with what’s going on.

“Nothing really. She just said she hopes I like the way she works. That’s all. I was hoping she would change her mind and say no to work for me after what I said to her, but then she signed everything like she was trying to say “challenge accepted” to me.” Lizzie motions an air quote then takes another sip of her drink to calm herself down. “It’s like a competition to me now. This just made me doesn’t like her more.” She added.

“So I need your help to figure out how to make her quit because the contract said it can be terminated if there is a mutual agreement from both parties. So if one day she says she wants to quit, I will agree to it and boom! Case close!” Lizzie told her idea with confidence.

“Why are you trying so hard anyway? I meant Jane and your mom have a point. She will be very busy, they just want someone to help to provide your needs at work. You're gonna have a few busy years sister with all the upcoming filmings and others. It’s for your own sake I guess.” Aubrey shrugged as she tried to talk Lizzie out.

“Oh my God! Aubrey, you are supposed to be on my side. The problem is my anxiety. It’s hard to adjust with new people. This is also about how they don’t listen to my opinion or what I want. They hired her without finalizing it with me first.” Lizzie explains in frustration.

“It’s also about your ego isn’t it?” Aubrey added as she knows her best friends very well. 

“They know you would still say no even if they asked you before they hired her and honey I really understand your anxiety, I'm so sorry. Okay, I’ll help you. Why don’t you just give her hard times at work? Give her “hell” at work.” She suggested.

“And how do I do that?” Lizzie asked in confusion.

“I don’t know. Just be as bitchy as you can, ask ridiculous things. Make her do stuff that doesn’t make sense. So basically gets on her nerves every single day, I guess. Be difficult, you know what I meant.” Aubrey continues with her suggestions.

“I think you are right! Aubrey you are a genius! Thank you!” 

“What would you do without me?” Aubrey rolls her eyes joking around. “Anyway, what’s her name again? How does she look?” All of this conversation made Aubrey curious and pulled out her phone.

“Y/n Y/l/n. She looks okay and well dressed. A little taller than me. She’s - “ Aubrey all of a sudden cuts her off before she can even finish her sentence. 

“Wait! what?! Y/n Y/L/n?” Aubrey is as surprised as she can be, then looks at her phone and shows it to her confused friend. “Is this her?” Lizzie squints her eyes as she takes a look at the social media account profile Aubrey shows her. “YES! That’s her. Wait, how do you know? Please don’t tell me you know her too.” Lizzie covers her face with both of her hands as a sign of frustration.

“Actually, Yes I know her. I know her from a mutual friend quite a while ago. She also introduced me to Mitchel. I didn’t know she came back to work with him. I haven’t seen her for a while, we just sometimes text each other here and there just to say hi.”

“Aww, she hasn’t really changed. I always like the way she dresses and her good taste of music. Look, isn’t she cute?” Aubrey smirked jokingly as she continued checking Y/n’s social media on her phone and showed it to Lizzie.

“What are you talking about Aubrey? Cute or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset with this whole situation and I already do not like her, besides I don’t date girls. I’m dating Robbie. You know that! So can you focus here please?" Lizzie snapped her finger to regain Aubrey's attention back to the main topic.

“Haha, okay chill. I was just joking because you are so tense right now. You are dating Robbie but it doesn't look or feel like you guys are dating. You both barely spend time together. He is too busy with his band and his tours. You know what? I started to think he dates you just to boost his fame.” Aubrey casually points out her opinion to her best friends.

“Aubrey, I’m here not to talk about my relationship.” Lizzie reminded her why they are there.

“Okay okay!” Aubrey laughed. “Anyway, I don’t think I can help you to give more ideas to annoy y/n at work. I love you but I didn’t know it was Y/n you were talking about. She’s my friend too, I can't do that to her. At least I gave you the idea in the beginning but just considered I never tell you anything. Sorry babe, I hope you understand.”

“That’s too bad but okay, I understand.” She pouted but she can’t complain because at least Aubrey already gave her a little rough idea what to do.

The girls used the chance to also catch up with each other’s life but unfortunately it has to come to an end as one of them has to go home.

“Okay Liz, sorry I gotta go. I’ll see you when I see you, okay. Remember, don’t hate her too much if you don’t want to end up falling for her. Well that was what old people used to say, I think.” Aubrey teased Lizzie while giving her a goodbye hug.

“Aubrey stop! That won’t happen. See you soon. Thanks for the help.” Lizzie hugs her goodbye. Lizzie then got into her car and pulled her phone out.

“Hey Y/n, this is Elizabeth Olsen. On friday, we are supposed to drive together to my photoshoot location. Meet me at the office at 6 AM. We’ll take your car from there. Oh, don’t forget my coffee. The one I like. It’s on the list.” Lizzie texted Y/n with no signs of compromise in text.

“Hi. Ms. Olsen, I thought the schedule was at 8 AM but okay, I will meet you there at 6 AM on Friday, with your coffee.” Agreeing is all y/n can do. It’s the first day of work anyway, what’s the worst could happen.

Ch. 6

[justwonder113]

Midnight adventures

Matsukawa Issei x f.reader

WARNING: Angst to fluff, Slowburn, friends to lovers, mutual pining, kinda long and decent amount of cursing cuz I have no shame. Both reader and Matsun are kind of dumb.

word count 6.5k

You loved him, you really did, even though he sometimes drove you out of your mind and made you want to bash his head against the wall. And he knew that. He knew what kind of effect he had on you and he was amused by it.  He knew just to push the right buttons, he knew how to rile you up.

You were like an open book to him, so of course he knew you had a crush on him from the start, and you knew that he was aware of your feelings. At first, you were reluctant and refused to admit having the slightest feelings for him, but after some time you accepted the fact and realized that at some point you made your feelings seem obvious. Well, he was your first actual crush, and you were inexperienced.

Your friends would also tease you a lot and at some point, they locked you two together so you could finally confess. It was after their match against shiratorizawa in the third year. That was the day you had your first kiss with him, honestly, you didn't know what happened that night, one moment you were arguing with him because he wanted to leave the team, you were basically yelling how amazing player and teammate he was and the next second you were kissing each other. You expected that after he would confess to you, but he never did. He acted with you like the kiss never happened and that really broke you.

Maybe that is why after all these years you decided to move away, both literally and emotionally. You spent all your high school years waiting for him, waiting for him to make a move, but before you knew it you graduated. You finished school not even holding hands with another boy because you thought he felt the same, you thought that maybe you could be together? But now you realized that it was all load of bullshit. Why did you have to go so far for a person who didn't care about you that much? Why did you have to hold back when he never said no to all the attention he got from girls? You knew that they meant nothing to him and that he only saw them as one-time flings but it still really hurt you. Did you even mean something to him?

You felt mad at yourself, you wasted all these years swooning over someone who didn't return your feelings. But the thing that angered you the most was that you still weren't over him. Your heart would still flutter like crazy whenever you saw him and as much as you hated it he looked better and better every time.  You also hated the fact that you couldn't blame him for all this pain, you couldn't tell that you were heartbroken because he didn't love you, that wasn't much of a reason. You were the silly one here. Why were you even surprised? He knew you for years as friends. He probably only saw you as a friend and considered the kiss as a mistake.

To be honest, he never did anything wrong, he always treated you warmly, and with respect, he liked to piss you off but he never really crossed the line, you couldn't blame him for not loving you. You guys kissed like one time, he probably regretted it and didn't want to hurt your feelings that's why he never brought it up after that. He gave you space. He didn't tell you in your face that he didn't return your feelings, he never broke your heart, you were just the silly one, clinging tightly to that miserable string of hope. You were the weak one for falling for him. It would have been better if he screwed up, if he told you that he could never look at you romantically, maybe it would make you feel a little better, your heart would break but you would get over it? But no destiny said that he had to be perfect.

When you moved away to University you promised yourself that you would start everything from the fresh page, you would work on yourself and no longer be that helpless girl who couldn't even get over her crush. You spent months working on your self-confidence and other issues, you spent countless time getting yourself into shape. Let's say you worked on yourself pretty hard. And it paid off, you had finished university and were about to start your dream job, you had gotten an offer many would dream of, you did everything you wanted, you even got in a few relationships, you should have been satisfied right? Then why didn't feel so? Why was there a feeling of emptiness inside your soul and why was no one able to fill it? It made you furious, after all these years, how could you not move on? Why did you Think about Matsukawa when you kissed other men? Why did you keep comparing everyone to him? What did he even do to deserve a permanent place in your heart? Your heart still kept beating like crazy and it's been what? years? you were in your twenties already, you needed to move on!

You were back in the city to celebrate your friends' victory over his rivals. Oikawa being the flashy person he is decided to throw the biggest party possible and now here you were. You knew you would meet him here, he was his friend as much as you after all, but you didn't expect it to hurt this much. As you said time really had done its job on him, he looked more mature now, he was slightly taller and definitely more muscular, he decided to grow his hair too, you always knew that he would look amazing with slightly longer hair, he had also gotten a few tattoos that were seen through his rolled-up black shirt. Man, did it suit him, the shirt was a bit tight fit and it really complimented his muscular form. The tattoos looked amazing on him and were these rings he was wearing? And piercings! And he had his nails painted black, Really life? He looked like your dream man, thank you very much for nothing!

You knew you would run into him today and you tried to look your best, you knew it was silly but you felt like showing off, but after seeing him you felt kind of self-conscious. You wondered if your dress was a good choice, you chose it as it hugged your curves perfectly and really complimented them but now you were wondering if it was too much. Was your hair alright? You hoped it didn't get frizzy. Oh god, why was everyone staring at you? Your lipstick didn't smudge, right? Even though you were having a war inside your head it simply washed away in an instant as you saw the face of your best friend who was grinning like crazy. You quickly headed to her and engulfed them in a tight hug. God, you missed themso much! You felt lucky just by having them in your life, and they really helped you get through with your issues,they were with you every step of the way and you couldn't be more thankful. If it wasn't for them and your friends you doubted you would be standing here right now. Even though you still felt self-conscious sometimes like now overall you were a pretty confident person who radiated power. Even when you felt weak you managed to look powerful. Maybe this was your resting bitch face? You didn't know. You felt thankful that he didn't notice you he was too busy talking with some woman, typical.

"I missed you so much! Can't believe I'm seeing you after all this time. I really missed you all. And meeting on an occasion like this we just have to celebrate our reunion, I knew Oikawa would beat their asses someday," you grinned proudly. "Okay, I'm getting carried away, I really missed you tho. We have to catch on, let's ditch your them later and have some fun!" You ranted as you occasionally squeezed your best friend who kept chuckling.

"Now now Y/N-chan, you just came back don't go stealing my friends from me!" Oikawa came out of nowhere and snatched your best friend away from you, you pouted but chuckled in the end.

"Can't make promises Flattykawa. And in my defense, I knew them longer." You teased and made a face at him, Oikawa fake gasped and clutched his heart a smile never leaving his face. You missed this idiot and his dramatic shenanigans so bad.

"Again with a nickname! Y/F/N-chan she's being mean!" Your friend only chuckled at Oikawa's childlike behavior and patted his hand.

"She has a point tho." Your friend teased along.

"Betrayed by you too! What else should I expect today?" He whined, you only chuckled and opened your arms.

"I really missed you, you dork! I'm really proud of you," you said sweetly, Oikawa immediately hugged you, you smiled at the familiar warmth, Oikawa has been like an annoying brother to you, you weren't used to not hearing his constant whining and antics even after all these years living apart from them.

"I really missed you too! Nothing's the same without you!" You smiled at Oikawa's warm comment. You were glad they missed you the same way you missed them. You really tried to visit as frequently as you could but it was hard when all of you were covered in work. Out of all third years, Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed in Japan, you and others left the country for Universities. You felt really emotional, it had been such a long time without them...

"Look at her, hugging Oikawa and Y/f/n-chan first, don't mind me I'm just gonna stand here until you decide to acknowledge me. I thought we had something special Y/n, you're breaking my heart here." You heard a deep voice behind you, you smiled and turned back smirking.

"I would say she has her priorities set right? I mean it's me you are talking about,"Oikawa boasted, Your friend giggled.

"Missed you too Hiro," you grinned as you playfully hit his shoulder then hugged him. It was good to be home.

"Where's my grizzly bear?"  You asked as you searched the crowd for the angry spiky head.

"He's at the bar probably, Oikawa managed to talk his ears out already, he left a minute ago saying "I'm not drunk enough for this shit!" I'm sure he will be happy to see you." Makki smiled and wrapped his hand around your shoulder you smiled and leaned in on his touch. You had missed this so much!

You spent most of the evening chatting with people and having a nice time. Oikawa for sure knew how to throw a party, you even danced with some charming men. You felt uneasy tho, you and Matsukawa made eye contact a few times but none of you even moved to say something, you just smiled at each other awkwardly. Over the night you noticed how many girls approached him, well it wasn't surprising, he was a good looking young man, but you couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance on the inside. In the end, you tried your best to be your charming self. You talked to many different men and even danced with more of them, moving your hips passionately along the music. But you felt bored in the end. None of them were interesting, they didn't have a fire you wanted. How long were you going to be like this? Wasn't there someone who could I don't know sweep you off your feet?

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, the alcohol was starting to kick in and you swayed your hips with a bit more passion, your best friend was next to you, Oikawa had left you two alone to have your time.

"You haven't talked to him right?" As always, Your friend guessed what was bothering you in a second.

"No, and I'm not planning on doing so. If he didn't think I were at least a little bit important than the girls he was talking to then I'm not going to interfere. I have self-respect. He didn't even bother to say hi." You rolled your eyes and chugged another shot, the alcohol mildly burned your throat but you were used to the feeling. You just felt like dancing and maybe even washing your worries away. You wanted to have fun, and you had a reason too, your friend won a gold medal and defeated his rivals! You decided to go and do another shot, getting near the bar, you noticed a familiar spiky head, you smiled and got closer finally sitting next to the buff man.

"Is this seat taken handsome?" You asked seductively, Iwaizumi's shoulders tensed for a second but he relaxed as soon as he saw your grinning face.

"Y/N!" He greeted you with a smile and got up, you were quick to wrap your hand around him.

"Good to see you, daddy." You grinned teasingly, Iwaizumi flushed immediately. You had a habit of teasing him, you often called him daddy because of his aggressive yes, but caring demeanor, and you really enjoyed it when he got flustered. Truth be told you were probably the only person who got away with teasing him without getting punched or kicked.

"God, when will you stop with the dumb nickname? People are going to get a very wrong idea, it's embarrassing," he grumbled and pointed to the bartender by his eyes, who was looking at you from time to time sneakily, he heard you and was shocked, you smirked and gave him a wink, making the boy blush harder. You smiled, as you eyed the boy he was definitely cute.

"I will stop when you won't have an adorable reaction like this," you teased, Iwaizumi only scoffed, but he didn't look mad.

"It's awfully early for you to start drinking, did Oikawa really talk your ears out?" You chuckled, Iwaizumi scoffed again but he looked amused.

"Unfortunately for me yes, I swear to God he never stops talking." You chuckled, it was such an Oikawa thing to do.

"Yeah, I'm glad Oikawa won, I'm sorry for your team but he did work really hard for it and really deserved it." You smiled fondly after noticing Oikawa dancing with your best friend over some cheezy song which probably he had chosen.

"Yeah, I'm glad too. You should have seen him tho, the all smug Oikawa crying nonstop like a baby after he realized he had won, well of course after they left the court, he was like Iwa-chan I did it!" Iwaizumi mimicked Oikawa's crying voice, you giggled. It sounded like Oikawa, "Don't laugh, who do you think had to stop him from crying? "Iwaizumi shuddered as you had a hard time holding your laughter. You had such a good time, you didn't even notice a pair of dark brown eyes observing your giggling form.

"Now all I can see is Oikawa clinging to you like a koala and crying his eyes out."  Iwaizumi only looked at you with an unamused face, making you raise your hands in defeat, the deadly aura didn't go unnoticed by you. Iwaizumi rarely lost his cool around you, but it didn't mean you were immune to his rage. "I'm only kidding, Iwa baby, please don't get mad at me." You lightly pouted as you made puppy dog eyes at him, he only sighed and took another sip from his drink, you smiled and ordered a drink, you visibly relaxed, you didn't feel on edge anymore.

You talked for a while, but unfortunately for you, Iwaizumi had to leave, apparently drunk Oikawa was somewhere causing some trouble. You found it suspicious that was too much even for Oikawa but you didn't question it. Iwaiizumi only grumbled in annoyance and left, being used to all this stuff. You, on the other hand, Made small talk with the cute bartender, he was really good looking and surprisingly very charming and smooth. You were quite drunk already and you were feeling needy, so now here you were making out with him in some empty hallway. He was a good kisser, but you still didn't feel any spark. You wanted to feel the same tingling sensation as the one you felt when you had your first kiss with Issei. The situation was not at all romantic as you said, Oikawa and others locked you in the lockers, to make up after you had a little fight. You bickered at each other for a while, well it was you who was really arguing, you were really mad at him because he was bringing himself down and planned on leaving the team, and you were trying to get to his scull how amazing he actually was and soon your lips were against each other and it felt like the most magical feeling in the whole world. You had never felt anything like that when you kissed others and today was no exception, unfortunately for you. You tried to take the lead in the kiss maybe to make it feel more enjoyable for you but before you could even try, a hand made the man separate from you. You opened your eyes to see Issei, who didn't have a very pleased expression.

"I have business with Y/N, so I don't know, get lost?" Issei said without any emotion. You looked at him dumbfounded. He didn't even bother saying hi earlier, what business would he have with you? The boy, Souma was it? Looked at you two before speaking.

"Dude what the hell we were busy!" He groaned as he glared at Issei, who didn't seem really fazed.

"Do I really look like I care?" Matsukawa asked plainly, You took the chance to straighten up.

"Listen here you little..." Souma stopped before he would go on, as he felt chills run down his spine under Matsukawa's cold glare. You sighed and straightened up.

"I guess it's pretty important, I will contact you later ok?" You asked sweetly, but you both knew you weren't going to contact him. You didn't even have his number and you hadn't given him yours. Souma grumbled and left leaving you with Issei.

As soon as he left you were quick to smack Issei's arm. "Dude, what the fuck?" He only looked at you, grabbed your arm, and led you through the hallway. "What's with the cockblocking? He didn't seem too bad."

"I didn't like him." He said like it was the most obvious thing. It made you feel mad.

"Oh sorry, next time I will choose someone you might like, for future references what type of boys are you into?" You snarled lightly. You wanted to break free from his grasp but it was too strong. Soon your back made contact with the cold wall, and you were caged between Issei's strong arms. You tried to protest but before you could even say a word his lips were on you. You didn't know how to act, your whole body went stiff but after a second you felt your body relaxing.

"God, you're beautiful." He said as he kissed you again, his big hands snaking around your waist. You were speechless, you didn't really realize what was going on. But your body felt like it was on fire. His lips kept brushing against yours just perfectly, your skin was burning hot under his touch. Your heart was beating like crazy, you only managed to whimper against him and he took this as a chance to deepen the kiss. You tried to keep up but it was physically impossible. His kiss was deep and passionate, kind of possessive too. You could feel all his lust through it. You moaned lightly, unable to control yourself. You put your hands on his chest, you could even feel his strong yet fast heartbeat, you pushed lightly, Issei took the hint and leaned back. He stared at you, admiring your beautiful form, you looked so pretty all flustered and breathless, he had wanted to do this for such a long time, for the whole night you had basically been teasing him and his patience was running thin.

"What came over you. I..." You didn't know what to say, you were so confused.

"Do you remember our random sneak outs in highschool?" How could you forget, you just lived for the tiny adventures you, Makki and he used to have at three am. Sometimes when Hiro didn't feel like coming, you would go with him instead. Eating ice cream or random junk food at three am on your special spot, you lived for it. Sometimes you didn't even talk for a whole night but still felt so comfortable. Your chest tightened again at the memory. But why bring it up now? This didn't explain all the raging questions you had.

You nodded your head quietly, looking at him through glossy eyes. "I do. Why?" Your voice was so weak it made you cringe. You didn't know, what was this about? Why bring it up now.

"Would you go on an adventure with me? I know it's Oikawa's special day, but Y/N I... We both know that we need to talk." You looked up at him with wide eyes, you had never seen him like this, he looked so serious and desperate too? Despite feeling all furious and all you nodded and let him lead you through the crowd and to his car.

"I will text him, he might get worried. But what should I say? Where are we even going? We're in Tokyo, don't tell me we're going to Miyagi!" You asked as you sat down in his car, you were confused, all this stuff was confusing you.

"No, I don't plan to take you to Miyagi, I was thinking of ordering a shit ton of junk food via drive-in and then taking you to the place I found earlier. Don't worry I'm sure you will like it." Issei assured you as he got in his car, started the engine, and started driving.

"Are you really trying to get on my good side via food? I'm really mad it's not going to be that easy." You furrowed your eyebrows, Issei huffed a laugh.

"Maybe I am? We both know that you will sell your soul to satan for a bag of doritos! If I keep your mouth busy while I tell you something at least I won't have to worry about you biting my head off," Issei pointed out like it was the most obvious argument while smirking proudly, you scoffed.

"I will hit you so hard after you stop the car, I'm not doing it now because I value my life. And besides, it's not about whether or not I will like the place. It can be next to a strip bar or some abandoned place, what's important is that you will say and you know that." You said as a matter of fact and turned away from him, looking through the window.

"I know." He sighed after a second, the atmosphere was heavy, opposite of what you were used to. You started liking Mattsun because things were easy with him and that it was full adventures, but now... You had to calculate everything you said, how you moved, how you looked at him, and stuff. When did it become so painful to be in the same space as him? And the stuff he wanted to tell you terrified you. What if he admitted that he never saw you seriously? That he only felt desire for you at some doing and nothing else. You didn't even know what made him act up today, did he have at least the slightest feelings for you or did he just found desirable in that tight dress? Maybe he just didn't like the face another man tried to take you away. Either way, anxiety was eating you from the inside. Your heart kept beating rapidly and your fingers actually hurt from playing too hard with them.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even notice how he ordered and got the food. You only came back to reality only when he opened your door gently took your hand in his big one. "We're here." He helped you get out of it. The cold air immediately hit you, making you shiver slightly. "Here take this." He said as he put his jacket on your shoulders, it was so big you were basically swimming in it but on the contrary, it was really warm and soft and it smelled like him! Just perfect, you immediately snuggled in. Mattsun then took the food package from the backseat. He quickly locked the car and led you through again. You were now in front of a big clearly abandoned building, you hesitated for a second and tightened your grip around his hand, Issei looked at you, carefully examining your face."Are you feeling scared? I promise it's a safe place, I have been here. You still like exploring weird buildings like this right?" He teased lightly, squeezing back your hand. You only pouted.

"I do like exploring buildings like this, but when I said abandoned building I was joking you know that right? I like these kinds of places but not in dresses like this and especially not in high heels. I like being prepared to run from my life if there's a huge creep or some sort of monster, I don't know! And I haven't done something like that for such a long time, and we're not in Miyagi too, everything's new here!" You said as a matter of fact while playing with your hair, Issei only chuckled. You felt nervous. Before you could even comprehend what was happening Issei had already picked you over his shoulder. You felt like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh my god, Matsun what are you doing? Put me down!" You tried squirming away at the same time you clutched his shirt too afraid to fall. He started laughing, you felt vibrations through his back, you couldn't help but smile, you liked when he laughed.

"No way, I like carrying you and I have the best view too so no way princess."You could tell he was grinning while looking at your ass and it made you mumble in annoyance. You gasped when he spanked your bottom lightly, you smacked his back in response. "Do you like the view?"

"Shut up!" You whined, which made him chuckle harder. "Put me down, my dress is short!" You started wiggling again, but he had a death grip on you. You could feel the blood rushing to your face and at this point, you were not sure if it was from embarrassment, just having your head low and blood rushing to your head or just anger.

After a minute of him walking and you admiring his ass, he finally put you down. You looked around, the building was empty, there was no furniture and some of the walls were covered in graffiti. Other than that you enjoyed the place, it had a certain vibe to it. You wandered for a second, exploring the room. When you turned around you didn't see him, you walked around and eventually came out on the huge veranda. The sight made you gasp, Issei had laid the blankets on the floor and taken out the food, it looked so cozy! There were some pillows too. It was just like a little picnic, the dim streetlights also shone nicely with some fairy lights there and there and the sight in front of you of the night city was magnificent. Everything looked so simple yet so perfect.

"Okay, stop or I might have to actually marry you." You pointed at everything dramatically, you couldn't contain your smile. Everything looked like the pics you have seen on social media or in the movies. Issei smiled at you softly, you looked so cute all excited like that. His jacket really suited you too, you looked so perfect.

"I knew you would like this. I'm glad you actually agreed to come." He smiled and patted space next to him, you sighed and sat carefully, holding down your dress, it was short at it was you didn't want it to slide up too much.

"You knew I wouldn't refuse such tempting request, didn't you? I always liked our little adventures," you smiled fondly, recalling sweet high school memories.

You spent few minutes in silence watching the city, eating there and there, but it wasn't uncomfortable like before, your anxiety had calmed down a little too. You just sat there and enjoyed the moment. You didn't even notice when he took your hand but you didn't bother to take it back. You wished you could stay like this forever but you also knew it was wrong. You had to ask the question, even if hearing it could destroy you. You both knew that.

"Matsu, why did you kiss me earlier? I'm trying to understand what's going on between us but now I'm especially confused. Why did you do it? I thought you didn't like me," You were talking quietly, but in reality, it was really hard for you to contain your sea of emotions. Issei tightened his grip on your delicate fingers, neither of you bothered to look at each other in the eyes. He took a deep breath and started talking quietly.

"I don't know myself. I thought I had let go of you, I thought I was over you, but when I saw you again all feelings came crashing down on me again. You looked so breathtaking, I fell in love with you all over again. So pretty and all dolled up and this dress. God this dress, hugs you so perfectly on all the places I want to touch, I actually feel jealous of it. I want to rip it off and have you all to myself and never let go. I don't want to let go now that I tasted your lips again." He spoke lowly, his voice was raspy and it sent chills down your spine. " You are the most beautiful person here you know that right? You are probably the most beautiful person in the whole city, I think even in whole Japan or better the world!" Matsun kept going on and on setting your heart ablaze. You were mad, but at the same time, you were so at ease and felt so at comfort. It was like your mind and heart were battling each other and you had no idea which would win.

"I'm still really mad at you." You grumbled against his chest, Issei hummed and wrapped his hands tighter around your waist.

"I know and you have every right to." Issei hummed and pecked your hair, he then grabbed your chin lightly and made you look at him. "I'm really sorry Y/N, all I have been doing is to cause you pain. It was never my intention. I love you, god, I love you so much! I know you will be better without me. You can find so many who are way better than I am and would treat you like you really deserve. And I thought I came around with the fact that I wouldn't be the one to have you in the end. I always knew that. That's why I never made any kind of move on you. When you entered the party you looked like a different person. You were the most beautiful person I have ever met, you looked so confident and comfortable in your own skin and most of all you looked so happy! I didn't want to come to you and ruin it. I felt so proud too, you achieved so many things! God, you don't know how proud I am to even know you!" Matsun kept going on and on, you haven't even heard him talk this much in a row, he was always a man of few words. He looked so desperate too, and the way his voice broke, killed you too. You had known him for years but you still never had seen him like this. Honestly, You had no idea what to do. You wanted to yell at him and comfort him at the same time. You tightened your grip around his hand, your knuckles were starting to whiten but you didn't care. You wanted for him to know you were listening, that you were there.

"Matsun, I..." You tried to start but he interrupted you.

"Please let me finish." The tone of his broken voice immediately made you shut up. "I know it was my own choice to let you go, and I really thought I was fine with that but when I saw you... When I saw you something like snapped in me. I tried to take my mind away, I kept talking to this women to keep my mind off of you, but how can I pay any attention to these peasants when a literal goddess has taken over my heart? And when I saw you kissing that asshole I almost went feral! I would have murdered him if I had a chance. He was touching the one I basically find sacred so disrespectfully, I almost lost my mind. Then I got you to myself I couldn't help but kiss you. Your lips always look so welcoming I couldn't help myself. And I want to do it again and again. I don't ever want to let go. I miss you like crazy! I don't know if I can be apart from you again. I... God, I sound so pathetic, I don't even understand what's happening with me. I covered this place with blankets and stuff you love because I hoped you would come to another adventure with me. Funny thing is that I wasn't even planning on asking, I don't know how we ended up here. I thought I would end up coming here all alone, wallowing myself in self-pity again. I know I don't deserve it, and I know that everything's my fault and my fault only and I would understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but could you give me another chance? I don't think I can last any more minute without you. I miss you so much it actually hurts."

Matsukawa looked at you with pleading eyes, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, you were getting in his lap and were kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He was startled for a second, he clearly didn't expect you to have a reaction like this but he wasn't against it at all. In fact, in a second, he was the one taking the lead and deepening the kiss. His hands digging in your hair while you slid yours through his hair. He would have continued doing so before you leaned back and broke the kiss. He looked at you half dazed. You were quick to bring him back to his senses when you harshly smacked his head.

"That hurts!" He complained, which made you more fueled up and now you punched his shoulder.

"That's the point of hitting! I want it to hurt you asshole!" You yelled. "You know you're a huge fucking idiot right? What's with this bullshit about not being worthy to be next to me? If I didn't think your ass was worthy I wouldn't have fallen in love with you! My taste in men may not be that great but I'm not stupid! I appreciate that you're thinking about my happiness or whatever, even though it's totally uncalled for, and thank me for not beating your ass further! But I get to decide what's good for me and what's not. To your surprise genius, that comes to dating too! I get to decide whom I want to date and fall in love with and in this case, it happens to be you, fuck it always has been you! I had some partners but I didn't love any of them, cause your caterpillar brow ass has managed and captured my heart, I always come to compare them to you, and guess what they're not you! God, you can be so stupid for someone who is supposed to be smart! I'm really disappointed Matsun and mad too! I want to beat your ass even further! God, how did you even manage to come up with this bullshit? I swear to god!" You kept grumbling while messing with Issei who looked like he was still in shock, his cheeks were dusted pink and you couldn't help but squeal on the inside from how cute you found it. You made Issei blush! That was an achievement for sure and such an adorable one too! But you couldn't back down now, you felt actually mad that he had such dumb thoughts like this, but on the other hand, you found it very endearing and cute. He was trying to protect you! And by the looks of it, he was hurting just as much as you. But the fact remained the same, he loved you. Your dream came true, he shared the same feelings! You felt so happy, you wanted to kiss his face till your lips fell off.

"You know you don't have to straight ass roast me right?" Issei tried to look offended but he was having a hard time hiding his grin, you smiled and pinched his cheek making him roll his eyes.

"Oh baby, I'm not even started. What did you think I was going to forget everything? And don't be mislead Makki can't even come close to me when it comes to teasing. You're in for a ride sweetheart, teasing is only just begging, maybe if you find a few ways to shut me up, and you know what I mean, I could keep quiet for a while, you could atone for your stupid ass mistakes with many kisses for starters. I don't know Matsu get creative. The point is you're stuck with me and you can't even run from me now you got it? No more bullshit like I don't deserve you and stuff like that," You said as slowly and as seductively as you could having your face close to his and occasionally brushing your lips against his. Still being in his lap gave you the perfect leverage and you just loved the way he was tightly holding your hips, to keep your bodies close. You felt complete after such a long time...

The hurt and all the emotions didn't wash away immediately obviously, you knew that your wounds would take time to heal, but now at least you knew Issei would be next to you through the journey and that was enough. You knew that now, that you had talked things through, maybe yelled from your side but still, you knew that you could overcome many things together. You just needed to voice your thoughts out.

"Wasn't even planning on it baby," he growled while he closed the distance between your lips again making you squeal a little. Yup, you just loved your little midnight adventures.

God, I can't believe I actually wrote over 6500+words. No wonder my eyes hurt like a bitch lol. Anyway, I really hope you will like it. If you have any kind of feedback please notify me. I'll gladly take some healthy criticism. I really want to improve my writing and I promise I will do my best. This is a firts work I have ever published on tumblr and I really hope you will like it^^

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

"the way you flirt is shameful." Klavier (klapollo) and ema ?

"short fics," I said, like a liar.

anyway please enjoy almost 2k of Klapollo Nonsense.

Send me a random line of dialogue and some characters, and I'll write a short fic!

---

Another grey morning, another lukewarm cup of coffee. Apollo pulls his coat a little tighter around him, scowling at nothing in particular. It’s just his luck, isn’t it, that this week’s defendant is a fisherman, accused of murdering their boat’s captain out on the docks.

It’s also just his luck that it’s March, and he hadn’t even thought anyone would be out on the water this early in the year. Shows how much he knows about the fishing industry.

He jumps when an arm lands around his shoulders, and has to fight to keep his awful beverage from sloshing entirely out of its styrofoam cup. With an irritated huff, Apollo turns to reprimand his unexpected company, but the words die in his throat when he looks over to see Klavier Gavin—and, more specifically, the woolly hat perched on his head. It appears to be lovingly hand-knitted, in a shade of purple he’d swear he’d seen in scraps of wool lying around the office in previous weeks. It also happens to be emblazoned with Gavin’s ridiculous logo, the angular G as distinctive as ever.

“Uh…” he says instead, eyebrow raised in what he hopes is a skeptical, yet bewildered expression. He’s not sure he succeeds with that, though, considering the way Gavin’s casual smile crooks up at the edges into a more genuine grin.

“Ja, Herr Forehead? How goes the investigation?” Lazy curls of steam rise from the stainless steel travel mug clasped in his hand, dissipating into the pervasive fog that’s blanketing the docks. Typical. Apollo considers asking him if he’d like to swap drinks.

“Cold. Damp. And is this a good time to mention that I’m allergic to shellfish? I think that’s probably an important detail, considering….this.” he replies, poking an errant mussel with the point of his dress shoe. His dress shoe that he’s for some reason wearing to a crime scene out by the harbour, because Apollo has misplaced ideas of professionalism, apparently.

“Ach, it’s not that bad! For one, you have my company to brighten up your day! And for another thing...I have news for you about the case.”

“Really. And it’s not just going to be something that you’ll immediately rescind in court tomorrow?”

“HerrForehead, what kind of prosecutor do you take me for? We’re on the same side, you know—both seeking the truth.”

“That’s cheesy as anything.”

“But correct! Anyway. FräuleinSkye has just uncovered something tangled around one of the fishing lines on the boat, and she’s attempting to piece it back together. If you hurry, you might get a glimpse before it goes straight into the evidence dossier.”

Apollo hmms, considering. He’s not sure he wants to just take Klavier’s tip-off; it could be seen as collusion under some circumstances. But he’s really not accomplishing anything on his own, and any new evidence could help him prove Annette Sloop’s innocence.

He also realizes, belatedly, that Klavier still has his arm around his shoulders, and that he’s been unconsciously leaning into the warmth of the taller man’s down jacket.

“Okay, sure—it’s gotta be better than anything I can find here,” Apollo decides, and tries to subtly extricate himself from Klavier’s grasp without drawing attention to the fact that he’s actually found some kind of comfort in their proximity, that he’s really not particularly enthusiastic about losing his human space-heater.

Luckily, Klavier realizes that he’ll have to grant Apollo his freedom if he wants the shorter man to be able to take advantage of his newly-gained intel, and drops his arm back to his own side. Apollo stifles a shiver as the cool, damp air rushes back against him, clinging to his skin with a pervasive chill.

He’d assumed that Klavier had business to take care of on the dock, so the fact that the prosecutor follows him as he boards the fishing boat takes him by surprise. What also takes him by surprise is the intensity of the fishy aroma around the vessel, something that Apollo really should have considered as a factor beforehand. He wrinkles his nose and tries to breathe shallowly—and when that doesn’t work out, he buries his nose in the collar of his jacket.

And that brings with it its own set of problems, because somehow the short amount of time his jacket was in contact with Klavier’s own was enough to allow the other man’s sandalwood cologne to seep into the thin fabric. Apollo wishes this wasn’t his life. Isn’t this the kind of stuff teenagers write about?

Luckily, his panicking is cut short by Ema Skye clearing her throat from the other end of the deck, midway through spreading fabric scraps onto a plastic folding table. She appears decidedly unimpressed, but waves them over.

“Justice. I take it you were informed of the recent developments by the fop here?” she remarks, as disinterestedly as possible for someone who’s practically vibrating with the excitement of being able to do something actually forensically significant.

“Er...yeah, Klavier told me that you’d found something?” Apollo replies, trying to look as though he understands more of the situation than he actually does. He thinks he pulls it off. If not, Ema doesn’t comment on it.

Klavier, however, smiles impossibly wide at Apollo’s words, and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s because he’d called the man by his first name, as opposed to his more professional title. A slip of the tongue, nothing more! And yet…

If it’d get a reaction like that, Apollo might start using Klavier’s first name significantly more often.

“Oh, come on, do neither of you actually care about this T-shirt I found? This apparently-bloodstainedT-shirt?” Ema taps her foot against the plank wood of the ship’s deck. Apollo breaks out of his thoughts with just about enough time to look marginally interested in the new evidence—which he hopes is convincing.

And it’s not that he doesn’t want to solve the murder! It’s really just that—well, Klavier is just there, being distracting, like he always is—except it’s worse, recently, somehow. Apollo swears he used to be able to spend time focusing on other things, that he wasn’t always this preoccupied with what the prosecutor was doing, where he was standing, if he was looking at--

“Oh, for God’s sake. The way you flirt is shameful,” Ema says, entirely exasperated. She also seems to be looking at Apollo, for some reason.

“Are you talking to me?” he asks, confused. The detective rolls her eyes and sighs dramatically, visibly resisting the urge to throw up her hands.

“You, him, both of you! This used to be almost funny, you know, watching Gavin be all glimmerous in your direction and seeing you shut him down. But recently you’ve been playing into it and—you know what? I’m done! You don’t get to listen to my stunning forensic breakthroughs until you’ve sorted your shit out, because I just can’t be doing with this. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t you just act like adults?”

The outburst is followed by Ema Skye whirling around, the sensible shoes she’s wearing clacking against the ship’s deck. Halfway to the door to the crew’s quarters, she remembers that she’s left all her forensic materials spread out next to where Klavier and Apollo are standing, and backtracks with increasingly evident frustration.

“You know what? I’m not leaving! You two—off my ship!Go figure yourselves out, and I won’t tell you about this case-changing evidence until you’ve stopped acting like this.”

Apollo’s a little taken-aback—not the least because he doesn’t think that he’s been doing any flirting, especially not with Klavier. He’s been hiding his feelings far too well for that—right?

Klavier looks at him and shrugs, motioning with his head that they should retreat the way they’d arrived. It’s not necessarily the most dignified thing, climbing off a boat in shame after being reprimanded by the detective on the case.

Once they’re back on “solid” ground (as solid as one can call a fishing boat’s dock, anyway), Apollo turns to Klavier.

“So, what was that about? I’ve never seen her that angry.”

Interestingly enough, color rises to Klavier’s cheeks. “Well...I think that, perhaps, she’s...misinterpreting the situation?”

And if Klavier’s strange statement hadn’t been enough to tip Apollo off that maybe something strange is going on here, there’s the familiar pinch of warm metal against his left wrist, his bracelet constricting at the taller man’s fib.

And—they know each other well enough, by this point, that all Apollo has to do is level an unimpressed stare in the prosecutor’s direction, and deadpan “Klavier” with all the air of a man who is taking no bullshit for an answer, for him to deflate and give up, shoving a hand in his back pocket awkwardly.

“Ugh. Okay. Erm. So, HerrForehead, this wasn’t...exactly...unprovoked. It’s possible that FräuleinSkye has been on the receiving end of many conversations about how I would like to….uh…”

It’s quite something, seeing Klavier at a loss for words. Apollo hadn’t thought that the former rockstar could look as awkward as he does now, the hand not trapped in his pocket fiddling with a loose strand of his hair.

He really, really tries not to think about how endearing it is.

Klavier seems to have reached a point, however, where he’s just decided to say things and worry about the consequences later. So Apollo’s contemplations are brought to a screeching halt when the man sighs, flips his hair, and stares at him straight-on, enunciating with perfect clarity:

“Apollo Justice, would you like to go out with me? On a date? Because I must say, I’ve been trying to find the best way to ask you for a while now, but unfortunately all I’ve succeeded in doing is, apparently, annoying the FräuleinDetective until not even Snackoos are a valid enough weapon.”

And—this isn’t the setting Apollo had pictured, in his often-hastily-repressed daydreams about Klavier asking him out. For one, he’d not quite imagined the quantity of fish, or the less-than-steady footing. But Klavier looks so earnest about his request, and Apollo can’t deny the way his heart’s skipped a beat, the way he’s almost petrified to say anything just in case this isn’t real—and so, he takes a deep breath, steps forward, and twines his fingers with Klavier’s.

“You know what? I’d love to. I’ll go anywhere you’d like—with the exception of a sushi restaurant” Apollo smiles, hesitantly at first, and then more genuinely as he sees the softly disbelieving expression on Klavier’s face.

“Really?” the prosecutor asks, and isn’t that incredible—that Klavier Gavin had been worried about being turned down. Apollo can’t quite believe it himself, yet.

“Yeah, really,” he says, smiling up at Klavier, who beams down at him in return. He feels the other man squeeze his hand briefly, and can’t quite contain the impulse to lean in closer to him, consciously this time, sharing both warmth and physical contact in a meaningful way.

When they return to the fishing vessel, Ema takes one look at the two of them and narrows her eyes, proceeding to mime nausea at the way they’re still holding hands.

However, she does follow through on her promise—and by the time they’re ready to leave the crime scene, both Klavier and Apollo are fairly certain of the next day’s trial’s outcome—as well as of the location of their post-trial dinner date.

[andypantsx3]

conspire | 4 | confession

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

length: 13,307 words / 5 chapters

summary: Shouto Todoroki had definitely only asked you out in order to ward off his horde of interested suitors. So why does he keep actually taking you out on suspiciously realistic dates?

tags: romance, reader-insert, fake dating, misunderstandings

warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut

Your confusion only grew over the next few weeks.

Shouto continued taking you out on dates, continued to meet you for homework, and--strangely--continued to kiss you even when you were sure no one was around, though he never found another opportunity to put his hands all over you again.

You found yourself more confused than ever, one night when you were doing homework together, curled up in the lounge of the 3-A dorms. You had mostly separate classes but you shared a core curriculum, and Shouto had proved especially helpful on the subject of literature, which predictably was much less your area of expertise than math and the sciences. You supposed there was something to be said for being raised as a rich boy, when he knew every scrap of classical literature inside and out, and you used him to your advantage shamelessly.

“You know, you don’t need to keep doing all this,” you said that night, pausing over a worksheet.

Shouto looked up from his reading curiously. “What?”

“All these dates and stuff,” you said, fidgeting a little under his watchful gaze. “You don’t need to keep taking me out.”

“Do you not like it?” he asked, brow furrowing.

“No, that’s not--it’s nice,” you said, noting something in the margins of your worksheet so you didn’t have to look at his face. “It’s just, it’s not like you need to impress me.”

“I like doing it,” he said in his characteristically straightforward manner. He set his book down and leaned forward. “I like spending the time with you.”

Your face flamed. “I like spending the time with you, too.”

“Then it’s settled,” he announced imperiously, going back to his homework.

You’d settled back down to your worksheet as well, but something kept bothering you, wondering why he continued to find it necessary to spend so much time with you when the semester was winding down and graduation was rapidly approaching. He had only so much time with his own friends left, and as much as you liked the time you were spending together, you knew it wouldn’t last beyond that.

The thought made you a little sad, now that you were focused on it. Fake dating Shouto had been pretty amazing and you loved the time you’d spent in his company, enjoying all the unexpected ways that he flagrantly flauted what was typically thought of as his sexy ice prince persona. Shouto as a person was actually fun to be around -- smart, straightforward, and more awkward and mischievous than he was given credit for. He was unexpectedly hot tempered but was mostly patient with you, and he seemed to find your tendency to ramble soothing rather than annoying, letting you do a lot of the talking when the two of you were together.

You hoped that you would stay friends past graduation, even if you wouldn’t be spending every spare minute together in the interest of keeping up appearances.

A strange feeling followed you through your next date, a warm spring evening when he took you out for cold soba. You couldn't seem to focus on anything other than how much you enjoyed being with him, how easy the conversation was, how adorable he looked with his cheeks stuffed full of noodles. You couldn't stop thinking about how much you wanted this to last, how much you never wanted graduation to come. You realized with some alarm what it all meant when you returned to your dorm and he kissed you stupid outside the door.

You had feelings for him.

Panic gripped you over the next couple of days and you wondered wildly what you should do about this new discovery. The longer you thought about it, the more embarrassed you were to discover that you’d most likely liked him from the beginning, from the moment he’d sat down to your pair project and launched into a thoughtful question. Of course you’d been willing to go along with his little scheme if it meant you could be close to him, and that fucking senior project was hardly the excuse you’d pretended.

You’d been dating a boy you were maybe in love with for months, only none of it was real.

Finally, one evening in late March, as you were putting the finishing touches on a prototype of Shouto’s support item, a plan presented itself to you. You thought you knew what you wanted to do, but you needed advice.

You couldn’t talk to Shouto about this yet, not until you were entirely sure, but there were people close to him who might be willing to volunteer their opinions. You were certain that Shouto had at least let his closest friends in on his little scheme, so you wouldn’t be letting the cat out of the bag if you talked to one of them.

The next afternoon found you at the 3-A dorms again, having ducked Shouto’s quirk training to come find a potential source of help: Momo Yaoyorozu.

Momo was thankfully downstairs when you arrived, in the kitchen putting together an afternoon snack of biscuits and wielding a tin of very expensive looking tea. Her hair was down out of its usual meticulous, high ponytail, and her long hair made her look somehow even more intimidating and queenly than usual.

She caught sight of your nervous figure and gave you a bright smile.

“Hi Y/N,” she chirped and you gave her a little wave. “Shouto’s not here right now.”

You shook your head. “I actually came to see you, if you have a minute? I need help with something.”

She eyed you curiously, then slowly reached for another scoop of tea leaves. “Am I wrong to guess tea would help?”

You nodded, feeling weirdly like a preteen about to have the talk with her mother. “Sure, thank you.”

She pulled out another cup and added more water to the kettle. You watched her gather everything quietly, trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject. She pulled out another biscuit and poured water over the leaves, finally gathering up both cups, gesturing you over to the lounge.

“Did Shouto do something to upset you?” she asked once you’d settled into the loveseat, warm mug in hand. “He can be rather blunt.”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” you said, scratching a fingertip against the ceramic. “It’s just…” you paused, tentative, then decided what the hell. “I have feelings for him.”

Momo shot you a concerned look. “What?”

“I know,” you agreed miserably, fingers tightening on the mug. “It just happened, I didn’t expect--”

“No, wait,” Momo said, something like confusion creasing her delicate brow. “What do you mean you have feelings for him? Isn’t that normal?”

You threw her a wild look. Was it normal to catch feelings for your counterfeit boyfriend? Had she been in a situation like this before?

“Have you fake dated someone before?” you asked.

Momo’s jaw dropped. “Fake dated?”

A suspicion settled over you like a dark cloud. “Momo, has Shouto not told you we’re not really dating?”

Her dark eyes widened. “Shouto told me he’d asked you out on Valentine’s Day. He’d never said that any of it was a ruse. Why ever would he ask you to pretend to date him?”

“To fend off Himari,” you admitted, embarrassed, “among others. He did it because none of those girls would leave him alone on Valentine’s Day. I was with him when Himari confessed to him and he used me as a cover. I think it’s only until graduation, though.”

Momo looked thoughtful. “He never told me. He’s talked often of your time together but he’s never admitted as much to me. Shouto has always had this problem and it seems strange that he’d try this now, of all times. Are you sure he’s only dating you to fend off girls?”

You nodded. What other reason would he have? You were shocked that he hadn’t told her. “I’m sure.”

She looked troubled. “It just doesn’t seem like him.” She paused. “So, you’re saying that he doesn’t have feelings for you...but that you might have feelings for him?”

You cringed and took a bracing sip of your tea, embarrassment welling up inside you. “Yes.”

She stared down into her tea cup. “And you’re wondering what you should do about it.”

You nodded again.

She sighed. “I can’t pretend to know what the best thing to do is in this scenario. I just can’t believe Shouto would do something like this.”

You leaned forward, steeling your nerves. “Momo, I was thinking of telling him. I know he’d like this to go on through graduation but I don’t think I can pretend to date him when I actually really like him. It’s too overwhelming.”

You paused, fighting down an embarrassed blush. “What I came here to ask was if you think he would still be able to be friends with me, after. I know it might be weird for a little bit, but I think he’s kind enough. I just….wanted to confirm, with someone who’s known him for a lot longer.”

She watched you silently for a long moment, her fingers pale against her own tea cup. “Shouto is many things, but intentionally cruel is not one of them. I can’t promise that he wouldn’t hurt your feelings--you know how blunt he can be--but I don’t think he’d want to stop being your friend.”

A little relieved sobbing hiccup went through you and you quickly stuffed your face back into your tea cup to hide it, washing it down with a steadying sip.

“Thanks,” you said when you felt you could finally manage it. “That’s all I really wanted to hear.”

She gave you a fond smile. “Glad I could help.”

You took another sip of tea and Momo followed, the two of you descending into a companionable silence. A sudden thought weighed on you.

“Momo, do you know why Shouto may not have asked you instead? I know you two are close, it seems like he might have been better off asking you for the favor.”

Momo gazed into her cup thoughtfully. “I suppose he could have. I don’t know why he wouldn’t.”

You considered that. Was there some reason Shouto didn’t want to alter the nature of his relationship with Momo? Some reason that could also play into why he didn’t tell her you were fake dating in the first place?

….was Shouto maybe not trying to fend off suitors, but instead trying to make Momo jealous?

You entertained the thought for about thirty seconds, then dismissed it. Shouto wasn’t like that.

Honestly, after getting to know him as well as you had, it was surprising that he’d even schemed up the fake dating thing at all, considering how straightforward he was. It seemed wildly unlikely that if Shouto did have feelings for someone, that he wouldn’t just come out and tell them.

“I do know he spoke very highly of you after that project you did together. That’s why…when he told me he’d asked you out, it just made sense. Shouto doesn’t usually take to people that easily,” Momo said.

You fought down a blush. Maybe that’s why he’d asked you instead of Momo. He liked you enough but you hadn't known each other well, so asking for your help wouldn’t damage the fundamental nature of a close relationship. It made a certain sort of sense, you supposed.

The sound of foot falls just outside distracted you and you sat up as the door creaked open. Momo’s eyes betrayed a note of panic, and you looked over your shoulder to catch sight of Shouto toeing off his boots at the door. He looked a little unkempt and windswept from quirk training -- his hair a little rumpled and his skin glowing with sweat.

Your thoughts instantly dried up. Damn he looked good.

Shouto startled a little at the sight of you camped out with Momo. Then the small, secretive smile he sometimes wore curled the edge of his mouth. “Y/N, what are you doing here?”

You panicked. Crap. What was an appropriate response? You and Momo didn't even have anything in common other than Shouto. What would distract from being hand held through a romantic crisis?

“Talking shit about you,” you blurted. “I’m putting together a hit squad for what you did with the ice wave the other week. I did promise murder.”

You watched with satisfaction as Shouto’s eyes narrowed a little. Bingo.

He came stalking over, his manner shifting into something predatory. “I seem to recall coming to a mutually satisfying resolution.”

The tips of your ears went hot and your toes curled in your socks. “Uh, must have slipped my mind.”

A strong arm hooked over your waist from the back of the couch and that scent of mint washed over you, slightly muted by the scent of grass and sweat. Shouto pulled you up into his arms, a stern look on his face. “It seems I’ll have to remind you then. Momo, you’ll have to excuse us.”

He didn’t wait for a response, carrying you over to the staircase to the boy’s dorms. Over one broad shoulder, you could see Momo staring after you, her pink mouth parted in shock. She looked absolutely bewildered, her face a perfect illustration of your own feelings. What did Shouto think he was doing?

It took you hours to come back to this thought, or any thought at all. Shouto spent a long time reminding you of your mutual resolution, kissing you absolutely boneless against the sheets of his bed, and then very sweetly walked you back to your dorm. It was only after you'd shut the door behind him and started up the stairs to your own room that you thought back to the look on Momo’s face. It must have seemed to her that Shouto had no idea of the boundaries of a fake relationship; she must have wondered if you had even been honest with her in the first place.

As hard as it must have been for her to wrap her mind around, it was harder for you.

You didn’t know how or why Shouto was behaving this way with you, if the relationship was truly so casual to him that slipping into the mannerisms of a real relationship meant little, but you knew this meant you had to come clean. Shouto had to know how you really felt about him.

One week and you would finish his support item. One week and you would draw up the courage to tell him everything. One week, and you would break things off with Shouto Todoroki.

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice: Unlimited Part 7 - Adonis Route

Honestly, I find the way Ichika joined Zero's side to be pretty iffy even back then in the original game, so I kinda hoped something like Kazuki dying would have changed here but I guess not.. I feel sorry for Kazuki that they reconciled but she still ended up joining Adonis alongside Akito, it must be a pretty big shock having to deal with that. (EDIT: guess he is gone..) Ichika being at the top and training people in marksmanship and stuff is very interesting lol. She looks all right with short hair but yeah, I agree with Zero, I liked the long hair more. Anyway, Zero wants her to find out if there's a traitor amongst them before the next X-Day (since the one 2 years ago failed) in 30 days. Anyway, it seems like you go through each of the Adonis' executors' stories so that's interesting. I'm just going to go from the ones I least like to the ones I like the most haha, and then leave Mikuni for last I guess. Well, Hana's story first then~

Kobayashi Hana

I guess Hana is as bright as ever. I quite enjoy seeing her try and dress Ichika up and make her cuter lol. On the other hand, seeing her mercilessly cut through that panda cake was pretty hilarious. One thing I enjoyed insight into was hearing that Hana has been avoiding going to Isshiki's concerts to avoid causing any trouble to them with the police just in case they come to crash it because of her or something. Honestly, I was pretty impressed. Like, she's always been pretty selfish, and she's always prioritised her love for Isshiki above everything, but to see that she could stop herself to protect him was nice in its own way. Even though she's a pretty ruthless killer, and even though she's obsessed with Isshiki, I guess she does think things through a bit so that Isshiki won't ever have to suffer because of her. Hmm Ichika seemed to reminisce about Kazuki, does that mean he died? Anyway, these investigations are short? Are they really just segments of story for Ichika to become friends with each person? Lol. I mean, Ichika literally did nothing but talk about random stuff with Hana lol. I actually find it rather endearing that Hana and Ichika can fight so openly about their feelings and understand that they actually do want the best for each other, it's kinda nice how they became good friends under such circumstances.

Soda Manabu

Honestly, I kinda wish we could just pick one character and continue until the investigation completes because it's sooo annoying having to press on each one like 7 times just to get a couple of lines of story each time Zzz. Anyway, gotta admit Ichika is pretty judgmental towards Soda, and actively tries to "fix" him and thinks what he does is "wrong", which is pretty annoying tbh. Just because she doesn't understand games, she thinks it's useless to Adonis, and then judges him for his eating habits? Lol. Anyway, at least she tried playing his game though lol, and even got lessons from him haha. I see, I can understand why Ichika would go to Zero for "revenge" but not sure about the "sadness" thing if that's what she's going for tbh. Losing Yanagi, Enomoto, Shiraishi, Okazaki and Kazuki is a big hit and I can understand it shattering her world, but going to Adonis is basically breeding everything that killed everyone important to her. Anyway, Sasazuka's pained voice telling Ichika not to go to Adonis really hurt. I'm sure he's really hurting over the fact he didn't notice the weapons that ended up killing everyone, alongside survivor's guilt of being the only one who survived out of the group, and then now not even being able to stop Ichika from going over to the other side.. It's painful to see. Anyway, lmao, Soda is probably a tamer little brother than Kazuki. His words are harsh but you can tell he only talks like that to protect himself, so any time he swears, I don't bother taking him seriously, he's a hurt little kid. It's cute how Ichika mixed his hated eggplants into the gratin and he didn't even notice, but he ate the whole thing happily🤣 He's so adorable lmao, especially when his face went red and he told her he'd eat her stuff again (even though she shouldn't hear it), and then he ran off🤣

It seems like Soda regrets his actions much more than I initially thought. He was able to get revenge, but now he's even more scared of death because of what he had done, and now he's just in this never-ending cycle of fear, needing to have Zero's power to protect himself, doing his bidding so that he won't die, but at the same time being so scared of his life that the only time he probably feels "safe" is when he plays his games. I love how happy he was when Ichika gave him a SS tier rare item and he put it on, locked it and kept it in a special box🤣 That's so cuteee. Definitely enjoyed Soda's mini part more than I thought hahaha, he's such a cute little kid, which makes it kinda sad lol. Soda blowing up and getting mad at Ichika for playing solo and saying she didn't need connections when she made him realise he wanted to start building connections because of her was really...heartwarming. Soda gave up on people and a lot of things thinking that he could never have them because that's how it was considering how people are, but he changed his mind after Ichika so insistently barged into his life, and now to say that it's practically useless would be extremely hurtful to him. I was really impressed with Soda, and I'm happy that he even told Ichika that she can rely on him more, he's such a sweet boy🥲

Uno Suzune

Lmaooo poor Shion, the woes of a big brother. I found it hilarious how Suzune would give him the green peas she doesn't like even though Shion hates them too, definitely something siblings would do🥲 I superrrr agree with Suzune about handwriting diaries instead of writing a blog! I mean, I have both obviously, but I definitely have different feelings when I read my blog and when I read my writing in my diary. Through my blog, I can easily read my exact thoughts and get to the gist of what I'm talking about, but with my diary, I can see stuff like when I started getting tired of writing, when I felt like changing my pen, and a lot of other feelings that can't be seen or portrayed properly in a typed blog, and yes, the memories of me writing all this usually comes back better when I've written it, mainly because I either say it in the entry or because I can actually remember sitting there and putting time into writing about my life/day.

Guess Suzune's pretty yandere for her brother if any kind of possible romantic interest from Ichika gets her other self to come out and threaten her about it lol. Anyway, it's cute how she’s starting to kinda think of Ichika as a big sister. Suzune willingly taking Ichika to Shion and calling Ichika Chi-chan is probably the biggest improvement you can get considering she could stab you as the worst case hahha. Well, Suzune was definitely cuter than I thought and seeing her so vulnerable, shy but wanting to protect Shion and getting out of her shell for him was sweet. Are there endings for each executor? Well, anyway, Suzune saying she would be sad if anything happened to Ichika was really sweet.

Sugawara Rika

Lmao, I forgot Sugawara is obsessed with Zero, this is going to be fun I guess. It's kinda funny that getting a 50,000 yen strawberry entices her lol, I'm surprised Zero approved it as an expense, like dang, can I have one too, I'm curious lol. Lmao when Sugawara wanted to keep the strawberries as a memento instead of eating it😂 She should have been convinced when Ichika said it'll become a part of her hahahah. LOL when Sugawara started lecturing Ichika about dressing better in front of Zero, and then tried to get her makeup to make her look better, but then Ichika runs away😂

Okay, I loved the girls dress up night with Hana, Ichika and Sugawara. It was so funny how they started arguing about what Ichika should wear and then became fast enough friends to recommend each other stuff and then wear it for fun. I loveee that they had a CG for their new outfits because they're all so pretty, I love them! I think Hana's is my favourite because it's so simple but cute in a different way from her usual. I guess it's kinda cute how in Hana's investigation, Hana focuses on Ichika's clothing fashion, but Sugawara takes it further or I guess mainly focuses on skincare, makeup and haircare haha. I guess it's nice that Sugawara is definitely much more open about standing up for herself and other women when it comes to men who try to objectify them or think of them as "lesser". She's become stronger. I think it's kinda sad to see that amongst all the other happy mini endings with the other executors, Rika's one with Ichika is actually pretty sad because it was through them bonding that Rika noticed Ichika's true intentions of revenge, and that's why they can never truly see eye-to-eye and be friends.

Ogata Tomoki

I guess I didn't expect Ogata to be the type to go to batting cages, but I even more didn't expect him to reserve sweets to make sure he can get them hahaha! It's nice that he enjoys wagashi though, I definitely should have tried it when I went to Japan, but I completely forgot😭 Aww, Ogata had such a sweet daughter! Whenever his wife wasn't looking, she would eat his hated tomatoes for him! Such a kind kid😭 I've never heard of monaka before, so I googled it and they look nice!! Kinda like an ice cream sandwich but not with ice cream and has red bean paste and other stuff inside I guess? I would totally eat it. Lmaoo at Ichika's impression of the typical salaryman😂😂 It's true though, I can't imagine Ogata going home to watch comedy shows with a beer in his hand🤣 Aww it was so cute how Ogata did an impersonation of a character in a drama because he got so used to doing it for his daughter. But lmao at Ichika though, telling him what he can improve on since Adonis might have end of the year parties he could use it for, imagine a bunch of terrorists partying for something so normal like the end of the year hahah😂😂

It's actually really sad how Ogata feels like he can't be a father anymore because he knows that he prioritises his current ideals and dreams more than his daughter. And I guess considering how long they've been separated and how much he has changed, it would probably feel awkward to try and be a normal father, but I guess at least through Ichika's encouragement, he's willing to try and reply to his daughter's letter of wanting to meet him. I think the reason why I've always liked Ogata is because he doesn't regret his actions. Like, he knows that he's killed people and that's why he doesn't want to see his family and get them involved with what he's doing right now, because he knows the gravity of his actions. But at the same time, his hatred for Fujii, the police and the whole mistaken arrest that led to such injustice for him and changed his whole perspective on life is something he can't let go of, and that's why it led him to Adonis and to fulfill his "new" ideals. He knows it's a path that will not necessarily have a "good ending" but he's willing to sacrifice everything for it, and I think that's what makes me attracted to his character. Anyway, LMAO at how insistent Ichika was on seeing young Ogata with a buzzcut playing baseball, absolutely hilarious when she was ready to tie him up with a rope and search his room😂😂 It's pretty sad to see that Ogata wanted to be like Isshiki and save people with his justice without faltering in this cruel world but he just wasn't able to do it because hatred was what fuelled him to move forward and not forgiveness or hope. But I'm glad he encouraged Ichika to listen to Isshiki's song and hear Kazuki's guitar, because seeing Ichika show her emotions again, even if just a little bit was nice...

Uno Shion

Aww, it's cute how much Shion cares about Suzune, but also so cute how he's embarrassed to say he likes chocolate🤣 It's nice that he's more cooperative than Suzune I guess hahaha. I never expected Shion to like to paint though, that's interesting. Anyway, it's pretty sad to think that the "outside world" was much more unforgiving to the Uno siblings, and that it was only after they joined this terrorist organisation did they get to feel safe and secure that they have shelter and food without people going crazy on them. In that sense, it's understandable how much more comfortable Adonis would be for them. Aww Shion and Suzune getting excited over a chocolate cake is so adorable. Them saving up to buy a home for themselves is so heartwarming, it makes me really want to cheer for them. I'm dying from how cute they are trying to feed Ichika the chocolate cake too because they really like her and think she's really kind like their mother was before. Shion buying a cheese tart for both Ichika and Suzune was sweet, she's like a part of his thought process when buying stuff for his sister hahaha. Lol when he just shoved it into her mouth instead of giving it to her like a normal person🤣 Lmaoo when Shion drew a portrait of Ichika stuffing herself with cheese tart🤣 To think that Shion was so serious about drawing that he's actually thinking about a future with it after the X-Day stuff..it’s so endearing.

Sera Akito

It must be difficult for both Akito and Ichika to talk to each other. Just seeing each other's faces would make them remember the past and compare it to the present, making their whole encounter just...painful to watch. It's so like Akito to hide that he dislikes shiitake mushrooms so that it wouldn't inconvenience Ichika and make her remove it from the cooking menu. Lmaooo at Akito being so scared of bugs, enough that Ichika has to call cockroaches dark fairies to make him feel more at ease🤣 I'm sure Akito must be hurting too, but his consideration for Ichika above himself really makes my heart feel so warm. Awww, my heart swooned when Akito said his ideal type was Ichika! If only there was an Akito route~ Anyway, I didn't expect Akito and Soda to really interact but lmaoo at Soda having spent millions of yen on in-game stuff, Soda is right though, gacha rates are cruel😭😭 Aww, it was so cute how honest Soda was about wanting to have defeated the boss with Akito instead of dumping him and killing it himself, since what Soda values is playing together with other people. So, Kazuki was stabbed by a guy who was influenced by Adonis into taking revenge against his bullies or something, and I guess Kazuki was killed when he tried to step in? Honestly, I feel terrible for Akito. He was already feeling doubts and guilt over getting revenge for his sister, but after experiencing Kazuki's death, he must hate his choice for joining Adonis even more than before. It honestly broke my heart to see Akito break down like that not knowing how he could atone for his sins in causing Kazuki's death. His heartwrenching screams really cut me and made me tear up from all the pain Akito must have been bottling up all this time. Akito will always be my favourite side character, I think his pain, his feelings and his emotions were portrayed so well.

Sanjo Keisuke

Aww, Sanjo's favourite food being ramen is very him, kinda hahaha. I can't imagine a 7kg bowl of ramen and having to finish that in 30 minutes😱 On the other hand, Sanjo being into arcades is kinda unexpected, lmaooo at Ichika thinking he would play the crane games😂 I didn't think about the fact that Ichika is a former cop just like him now, I wonder how he feels about that or whether he even cares😅 Lmao at Sanjo seriously answering Ichika what his type of woman is and then even describing the body shape with sound effects😂 I can't believe Ichika just tickled Sanjo and made him laugh like crazy, I would have liked to see that😆😆 I think it would have been so nice if Ogata was Sanjo's boss, I feel like their values and ideals of justice back in the day would have matched well since Sanjo probably desired something "pure" back in the day and hoped to be a part of an organisation that helped people, and Ogata was always helping people already, so they would have worked well together. It's just sad that they both got betrayed by their ideals of what the police should have been to them and others.

 The idea that you can't feel any fear because you don't value your life is a pretty interesting and saddening thought. Maybe because I get that feeling sometimes. I agree with Sanjo, Zero definitely doesn't truly care about those ideals of saving the weak that he keeps spouting, he's not like Mikuni, and that's also imo the reason why Zero believes that he and Mikuni will never truly understand each other. Ichika and Sanjo eating ramen together is so cute lol.

Mikuni Rei

Lmao at Zero calling Mikuni an old man for liking fish, disliking carbonated drinks and other junk food because they're not nutritional hahaha. Otherwise, nothing much to say tbh, Mikuni has always been a rather bland character to me? I like him, but at the same time I don't because even though it's interesting to see that he actually has "noble" goals compared to Zero, the fact is that Mikuni as he himself said has been told that he's a "saviour" of sorts, and I think that really exemplifies the type of person Mikuni is. Someone who believes that he can and wants to "save" people in his own way as if he is someone above them all, but at the same time, he is very apparently flawed exactly because he is like that. He's not someone who truly understands the people "below" him and he also doesn't seem to perceive that as something that can be helped, and that's why even though his goals are "noble", he's not really noble at all. But it doesn't really change the fact that Mikuni is kind in his own way though. Mikuni eating shrimp crackers is so cute😂

Saeki Yuzuru

To be honest, I've always liked the chill policeman Saeki, and I personally think Zero likes that version of himself too. I feel like he always enjoyed just talking about stuff with Ichika during their drinking charades, and had fun visiting her. But at the same time, I feel like because of the existence of Adonis and Mikuni, Zero never really allowed his negative emotions to be "accepted" in order for him to move on, so instead it just continued piling up inside to the point of indifference towards the world and others imo. Anyway, it's sad, seeing Zero and Mikuni happily play chess together. They really look like two brothers just having fun in their own way. Hearing them say that they've been doing this since they were kids makes it all the more saddening when they realised that despite how "close" they were to each other, they never really understood each other. In a sense, I feel like in the end, both Mikuni and Zero use Adonis as a way to get the things they want and feel like it's one of the only ways they can do it? I mean, I do feel like Mikuni treasures his relationship with Zero more than Adonis or anything else, because when it comes down to it, I feel like he tries really hard to understand Zero by trying to see things from his perspective and hanging out with Ichika, the one that Zero thinks understands him best and the one Zero likes the most. On the other hand, Zero seems to use Adonis as a way for revenge of his mother and as a way to vent those emotions and scars he got, but at the same time Adonis also granted him Mikuni (a brother), and it gave him opportunities and power.

Zero definitely loves Ichika in an obsessed way, probably the only way he thinks he can love someone, since he doesn't want to become "weak" like his mother was. So if he felt anything like love, he would prefer it to be a love that would destroy him, because in a sense I think I can understand that sentiment of wanting the person you love to solely focus on yourself and no one else, whether that is hatred or whatever emotion doesn't matter, because being the entire focus of someone else's is a sort of "love" to enjoy, so I don't blame Zero for his twisted "love" lol. Especially since you can tell how much he has always enjoyed his after work beers and just chatting with Ichika. I quite enjoyed their little date walking around reminiscing the past and discovering new things they missed out on, now I really want to eat crepes🥲 The ending where Ichika kills Saeki is pretty sad though. Seeing Saeki the most relieved and happy he has ever been is probably what made me kinda happy for him though. He still sucks, but like Ichika said, I can't hate him, because it was true that he did reduce the sadness of many (whilst creating sadness for many others too though) and at the core, he was like in a sense a guy who consumed so much sadness from everywhere around him, always in pain, always sad despite his appearance, and thinking that makes it difficult for me to truly hate him.

Overall, I like the Adonis route! Initially, I was a bit sceptical whether it was really necessary and whether it would be interesting at all but I really loved bonding with all the executors. Seeing more of the human and emotional sides, seeing them warm up to Ichika and become friends with her really made me enjoy the "what could never be" part of it all. I think I especially loved Akito's because of how emotional it was tying into Kazuki and everything. But I also really enjoyed seeing the different sides of all of them. It really makes me wish Ichika got an individual route with like Akito and Sanjo and Ogata because I loveee them🥲🥲

Overall Review

I definitely enjoyed CxM: Unlimited much more than I thought I would! In the beginning, Sasazuka and Okazaki's routes kinda made me wonder whether I really wanted to continue this, but I'm so glad I got through them because I enjoyed Enomoto's, Yanagi's and Shiraishi's routes a lot! If I ranked them, I probably liked Shiraishi's the most, then Yanagi, Enomoto, Okazaki and then Sasazuka. It's definitely what I wanted in a fandisk, which is more fluffy romance and just bonding with all the guys even more, and I absolutely loveeee the potential romances with Yoshinari and Minegishi, they were so unexpectedly nice. Definitely no plot but that's okay since it's a fandisc and I think it fulfilled really well what its goal was when it comes to more romance in the story haha. 8/10! I'm definitely going to miss the characters, I'm so attached to Enomoto and them lol.

[fallen029]

Nervous

"Are you nervous?"

"No."

"You sure?"

Mira tilted her head to the side though her eyes betrayed the cute, quirky questioning vibe she was going for as they, instead, seemed rather disbelieving. It was easy for Laxus to note it these days, having fallen like most other in the hall for her typical chaste trickiness and innocuous pretenses over the years, but after being far more than just a guild member to her now for a good number of them as well, he'd begun to pick up on the little things.

Like how she seemed forever trapped in a guilelessness that didn't quite entrap her as well as she thought it did.

But this was fine, the ease at which he disarmed her now, as Mira was able to pick apart the man's own fallacies and walls.

"Yeah," he grumbled to the woman's question, but she only grinned at him, as if victorious, as she picked apart his lies with ease.

"Then why are you biting at your nails?" she asked with round eyes. "You only do that when you're nervous."

And now she'd managed to annoy him.

"Mira-"

"I'm only curious," she insisted with a little shake of her head. "Dragon."

He huffed some, his chest deflating as he finally gave her his full attention. They were in the bar, as they typically were, but Mirajane had actually found a moment to take a break. Rest. S-Class trials were, at that very moment, going on and those who hadn't been chosen were sulking away from the guild for the time being while a decent sized group was off being put through the rigorous trials and tribulations that were associated with being designated part of the elite group of mages that were Fairy Tail S-Class wizards.

Laxus had no reason to be nervous.

He'd claimed his spot many years before and, at times, wondered if he even had eventually surpassed the old geezer all together. He'd be a wizard saint, someday, he knew, or at least told himself so, and that meant that he had far more concerns than something as silly as a guild distinction.

Not when may one day have the distinction among the entire continent.

S-Class trials had nothing to do with him and, if anything, he was mostly just glad to find that bar emptied out some that day.

"It's okay," Mira assured him then though and when she reached across the table, it was to grab his hand, pulling it down so that she could caress it as she looked deeply into the slayer's eyes. "I am too."

"You are what too?" he asked dumbly, confused equally by her words as he was calmed by her gesture.

"Nervous," she insisted.

"About what?"

"The same thing as you."

"I'm not," he told her, "nervous."

"Laxus-"

"What do I have to be nervous about, huh?" Then, frowning, he questioned, "What do you?"

"Well, actually, I'm nervous about a lot of things," she said, releasing his hand, but only so she could bring her own up to her cheek and rest her head there then, as she thought. "I have a shipment of meat that hasn't come in yet and I know, this weekend, if I don't get it, that I'll have to serve meals without any meat portion and the guys will be pretty upset about that, which will affect my tips, and I've been trying to save up money for my wedding. Which brings me to my next point, I've been saving for a wedding that can't yet happen because my boyfriend is dragging his feet with proposing to me even though we've talked about it a thousand times-"

"Mira," he warned, but she only shrugged.

"The dog I look after was sick last night, too," she finished. "I'm nervous about that."

Laxus, with a slight breath, questioned, "What's wrong with him?"

"He has the shits."

And he blinked. Then narrowed his eyes while the woman only gazed right back with hers earnest and honest.

Shrugging some then, Laxus said, "If you need help wrangling him down to a vet, I could-"

"Oh!" Mira sat up then. "And I'm super nervous because my baby brother is off on the S-Class trials and I want him to preform well." Shrugging, she added, "But I'm torn, because I also want all of my friends to do well. Including your best friend. Freed."

Laxus' face fell then as he realized he'd been duped (possibly; her street dog did have a hefty amount of ailments from time to time) and only looked off once more as he remarked, "Sounds like your problem. Not mine."

"Oh, it's not a problem. Laxus. To be nervous about such things." Sighing, she said, "It means that you care. About them. To be nervous for someone else. I want them all to come back, knowing that even though they can't all be the winner, at least invigorated and ready to start right back at training and trying their hardest to, eventually, be that winner. It's an honor to be nervous on someone's behalf. I'd gladly take all of Elf's nerves if it meant he could put all his focus into the trials right now."

Laxus snorted. "Yeah, well, bully for you. Freed can take care of his damn self. I don't need to worry about him, like you and your loser brother."

"Behave."

Snorting, the man looked off before saying, "I'm not worried. Over Freed. Or anything."

"Fine. Not worried then." Mira had lost some of her jolliness at the slight her boyfriend had sent towards her absent brother. "But you are thinking about it. Aren't you? Even just a little? He's your best friend. I would at least think-"

"I'm," he insisted to her with a finality in his tone he usually reserved for literally anyone who wasn't his demon, "not nervous about the S-Class trials. Or worried. Or concerned. Alright?"

Sighing, she looked off for a moment, considering the slight surge of people that had come in in the last ten minutes or so and weighing in her mind whether or not her break was officially over. Not quite ready to let it go though, when her eyes drifted back to her boyfriend, it was with another set of words on her tongue.

"If you're not nervous about the trials," she began in that tone and it was enough, just on its own, to make him regret coming into the hall that day, "then that must mean that you're nervous about something else, so what is it? Huh? Is it that you've been seeing someone else?"

"Mira, what?"

"Some other woman, is it, then? Who is she, Laxus? Huh? Don't think that I wont' make a scene here, right now, in front of everyone, because-"

"What are you-"

"-if you don't tell me what it is that you're so nervous about, then I have no choice but to assume that you're cheating on-"

"I'm nervous for my friend, alright?" And he usually wouldn't take such a tone with her, but he did then, snapping some, out of aggravation and, maybe it was a trick of the lights, but the woman could have sworn she even saw a flick of his fangs as the vein on the side of his head bulged and his eyes darkened. "I want him to be S-Class with me and I'm worried that your stupid brother or one of those other idiots will get it over him. Or that...that… He'll fuck it up himself. Is that what you want to hear? Huh?"

No.

The other people around the guildhall did not.

But they had, quite clearly, heard nearly every word of his little outburst and, feeling all those eyes on him now only made the man growl louder. He was primed for a retreat, storming off and staying away from the hall for a few days, until he could stomach a return without smashing in the face of the first person who questioned him.

Mirajane, however, wasn't going to let this happen.

Because, yes, she had been very happy with the explosion of information that had just fallen out of the slayer's mouth. She'd only been prodding at him her entire break. For it to result in such a satisfying revelation meant it hadn't all been for not.

"Awe," Mirajane giggled, clapping her hands at the slayer's misery. "You guys are just such good friends, huh, dragon? You feel a lot better, don't you? Getting that off your chest?"

"No," he told her with the same candor that he'd just exposed himself and his nerves to the entire guildhall. "I feel worse."

"Well," Mira hummed as, job complete, she got to her feet once more, she offered, "I feel better. Isn't that all that matters?"

"Demon." The moniker was more of a proclamation than an endearing term. "You're evil."

"I love you," was her purest of explanations and she meant it too, he could tell, as her deep blues flashed a bit of hurt. "Helping you admit your feelings for your friends is how I show that."

"Yeah, well," he muttered under his breath, "then you need to find new ways."

Laxus took off that night, before her shift was finished, but that was fine with the woman as she'd more than begun staying most nights at his apartment.

When she arrived, he was flicking through an old atlas, comparing it to a current map. Something for a job, was all he grumbled to her when she lightly questioned, and Mira let his tone go because, well, she had been rather insistent before, at the bar, and all things considered, he hadn't outright acted a fool.

Just mostly.

"If Elfman doesn't make S-Class," she did whisper, eventually, over dinner that night and she saw the man roll his eyes, thinking she was trying to goad him back into a conversation, "I'll cry."

Grunting, he only continued to stab at the steamed vegetables at his plate, never rightly bringing them up to his mouth, but not quite ready to admit, when he insisted in a huff that he be the one to make them, that this was a bad idea.

"Of course," she hummed again, "if he makes it, I'll probably cry then, too."

"Mira?"

"Yes?"

"I already told you what you wanted to hear," he told her plainly. "What else do you want from me?"

"I'd like you to make a big emotional plea again," she replied back with the same amount of flatness that it almost made the slayer recoil. At the sight of it though, she broke some as, with a giggle, she admitted, "I'm just talking, dragon. About my baby brother. Who wants this so badly-"

"If he wanted it badly, he'll come back S-Class," Laxus told her as, with a shake of his head, he went back to stabbing at his vegetables. "If he doesn't, then that means he didn't want it badly enough."

"Well, I'm not saying that to him, if he comes back not S-Class."

"Yeah, I figured."

"And I'm not saying that to Freed either."

"That's fine," Laxus told her. "I will. He knows where to go to hear the truth."

"A little kindness will get you a lot in life, Lax," she replied, but he only shrugged some.

"Won't get you S-Class," he retorted and, well, the next morning would finally put the entire conversation to rest.

Cana had never looked prouder than herself and, that night, never gotten drunker, than when she was finally, after wanting it for so long, so much, to find herself on the same Fairy Tail tier as her father.

He was there, Gildarts was, having been hanging around for a few days, prepared for this, and she seemed rather annoyed by all of his attention, shoving at the man's face any time he tried to hug her, but betraying her annoyance by the glistening in her eyes, every single time he, also drunkenly, announced to those amassed how proud he was of the guild's newest S-Class member.

His daughter.

Mirajane was caught as she always was, between dismayed at the heartbreak evident on the faces of those who weren't victorious and the one who was. As she comforted both Elfman and Natsu over their losses, she did take note, across the bar, of where Freed was very stoic and graceful in his defeat, but still being comforted in their own ways, by his two friends.

"Who wants to be S-Class anyways?" Bickslow questioned. "When you can be part of the most elite team in all the lands?"

"I would," Ever admitted under her breath though, still, she patted at Freed's shoulders sympathetically.

It was as they stood though that all three felt it. It had been looming, after all, the entire time. The presence of their most highly viewed mentor, Laxus, who came out of hiding, down in the game room. He'd been down there transferring his nerves into some rounds of pool, but Cana and Gildarts very loud commotion had finally caught his attention and he found himself not welcomed to the celebrations of the member he'd most desired.

At his approach, both Bickslow and Ever took a step back. They too had disappointed the man in the past, but never quite in such a grand fashion. Freed was primed to take the gold this time around, only to lose out to the guild drunk and Evergreen couldn't help but to glare over at the other woman, hating her more, even, than Titania, just for that day only.

Laxus came to a stop before the trio, eyes on Freed, and the rune mage forced himself to meet the gaze of the other man. It was just as he was beginning to open his mouth though that he caught sight of Mira, over at the bar, staring very pointedly his way and he took in a breath, instead of speaking, reconsidering his words before he was unable to take the back.

His gaze didn't soften, not exactly, but Freed was almost surprised when, instead of being reprimanded, he was welcomed with a pat at the shoulder from the man, as well as a slight grin.

"You kicked Elfman's ass, at least, right?" the slayer asked to which the other mage bowed his head a bit.

"Well, we did find ourselves across from one another and I found myself moving on while he did not, but-"

"All that matters."

"L-Laxus-"

"You'll want it more, next time," he told the other man simply. "After getting so close."

"Yes." And he balled up his fists then, Freed did, nodding his head at the man as he insisted, "I will!"

It was a celebration that night, not a pity party, as Cana was far from someone that anyone could look down upon (especially not with her father there, intent on making certain this didn't happen) and it was a good night.

For everyone.

The night peaked though, for Laxus, when towards the end of it, as he sat up at the bar drinking with the still far too giddy Gildarts, listening to the man go on about all of where he'd been (with some praise for his little girl sprinkled in there), Mirajane appeared at his side. The slayer originally thought it was to refill his mug, which he held up to help her with this, but instead of leaning down to fulfill this request, the woman instead pressed a kiss to his cheek, lingering long enough for Gildarts to giggle at the man.

"Mira," Laxus questioned with a bit of a rosiness to his cheeks as the woman rightened and did, finally, begin to fill his mug with golden ale once more. Such public displays were hardly their style and the man raised his head then to question, "What was that for?"

"I just like it when you're nice, dragon." She even giggled. "I like it a lot."

But the night was busy and she was being called off again, across the bar, which left the still somewhat blushing Laxus and grinning Gildarts.

"You caught a good one, Laxus. Proud of ya."

"Shuddup."

"No, seriously." And Gildarts glanced over his shoulder then, to the table where his daughter was plying herself with barrel after barrel while her guild members, all so thrilled by her accomplishment, sat nearby, happily congratulating her. "I fucked up. You know. Once. With the only one that mattered. Sometimes you don't get second-chances, man." His serious tone faded though as his face contorted in a smile that didn't seem to stretch right across it as he said, "Unless you're like my Cana! No need for second-chances; she's all S-Class!"

"Yeah," Laxus snorted, "she just needed fourth and fifth and sixth-chances."

"What did you say? Eh? Laxus?"

And when Gildarts turned his head then, his face had contorted into something far darker and Laxus found it best to just sip his beer in silence for awhile.

They left together that night, Laxus and Mira did, the man a bit drunk and the woman, who'd worked the entire night away, stone cold sober, but it was fine, as she seemed high on something else.

"I'm so happy," she insisted to the man. "For Cana. It almost washes away how badly If eel for Elf."

Almost.

She was twirling and skipping that night, slightly before her boyfriend, and he only watched her for a few moments then before speaking.

"Maybe," he offered with a bit of a shrug, "he could come out with me. Elfman could. And we could train some times. To get him ready for next year."

And she stopped dancing then, Mira did, to look over her boyfriend as she instead flel into step with him. Slipping her arm into the crook of his, she snuggled up close to the man who, even drunk, only rolled his eyes.

"You're so sweet, Lax," she assured him as the man only groaned. "When you wanna be."

Even though his reaction seemed the exact opposite, slowly, Laxus was learning that, maybe, he always wanted to be.

[jungshookz]

consider this... so ballet class is done for the day and jimin is rubbing down the bars/wiping the foggy mirrors and y/n sees him and shes like you guys go ahead. then she stays to help him bc he works so hard to be a good teacher BUT THEN WHEN THEY FINISH ITS LIKE AFTER HOURS and they attempt to leave the building but realize that the janitor locked up so they're trapped inside and they're forced to be alone together until the person jimin called for help finally comes. imagine the TENSION 🥺

➺ pairing; park jimin x reader

➺ genre; balletteacher!jiminiverse!!! mostly cute things happen but also some words r exchanged that make it a little hot n heavy heh 

➺ wordcount: 8k 

➺ what to expect; “what-“ your voice cracks, “-makes you think that, mr. park?”

➺ optional readings: one; two; three

➺ note; i hope u don’t mind but i changed the request a little bit!! there’s still plenty of y/n and jimin cleaning up the classroom but the janitor didn’t make it in as a character :’(( but i douBT you guys care about the janitor anyway because hello it’s jimin and y/n!!! as per usual this drabble spun out of control which is why it’s 8k words long :D also i’m realising that all the parts combined basically add up to one of my regular fics so i guess ballet!jimin could’ve been a fic but enough about thAT i hope this very large drabble pleases the crowd!!! (also i’m sorry i couldn’t find the original source of the gif but i found it off this pinterest page) happy reading!!

                                       »»————-　♡　————-««

you typically do not condone lying because you believe in the idea that if you tell a lie, that lie will come back sooner or later to bite you in the ass… so it’s always better to tell the truth!

honesty is the best policy, after all  

with that being said you aRe human at the end of the day and you can make exceptions at times when it comes to telling the truth

and this would definitely be one of those times

“how come you haven’t packed your stuff up yet, slow-poke?” lisa nudges your back with her duffle bag and you turn around from your locker to see her and a couple of the other girls all packed up and ready to go “and how come you’re still in uniform??”

you pause for a second before offering her a sheepish smile “i… uh…”

here’s what’s happening

you really appreciated that jimin went out of his way to get all of you guys valentine’s day presents because it was just such a sweet surprise and honestly you haven’t been able to stop thinking about how bashful he was when he was handing everyone’s flowers out

and of course you haven’t forgotten the fact that you were the only one who received a lavender rose when everyone else got light pink ones

anyways

you bought him a little gift as a way to return the favour just because you felt kinda bad that he didn’t get anything on valentine’s day

and at first you were going to ask the others if maybe all of you should chip in and get him something nice and expensive but the selfish little monster inside of you convinced you that no, you should keep this a secret and make yourself look like the beST student!!!

and you will admit that you felt a little bad at first about not telling everyone about your idea because it… does kind of make you look like a suck-up (and you hate suck-ups!!!) buT in your defence, if you suggested the idea then everyone would just round back to the whole ‘y/n and mr park sitting on a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g’ teasing nightmare and why the heck would you want to subject yourself to even moRE teasing???

usually after class everyone kind of just goes off on their own after saying goodbye but for some reason, it seems that the girls decided to take their sweet-ass time in leaving this afternoon

you’re not even sure if jimin is in the dang building anymore at this point

“i know we usually walk to the subway together, but-” lisa speaks up again after five whole seconds of you staring at her going uhhhhhh before she gestures behind her “the girls suggested an uber carpool situation and my legs are suPer duper sore so i’m going for that - do you want in?”

“oh, well, thanks for asking- i think i’m… probably just going to take the subway home!” you smile politely as you discreetly shut your locker so that they don’t see the neatly wrapped gift peeking out of your bag

“aw, really?” lisa purses her lips in thought, “since it’s a little late, we can all walk you there and then i guess we’ll call an uber after we say good-“

“no, no!” you snort before flicking your wrist “you guys head off, no need to worry about me. it’s going to take me a while to change out of the unitard and the skirt and the-“

“since when do you change out of your uniform after class? everyone just wears their clothes ovEr their unitards.” jisoo pipes up from behind lisa and you swallow thickly before letting out a chuckle and scratching the back of your neck

that is true

everyone usually just puts on sweatpants and a hoodie after class

no one ever changes into another outfit!!!!

you can feel heat beginning to travel up the back of your neck

you’ve never been good at lying!!!!! and now you’re getting nervouS!! and when you get nervous you become even worse at lying!!!!!!

“are you feeling okay?? you look a little flushed-” ailee’s brows furrow together in confusion and you rub your clammy palms on the back of your cardigan

o god

what do you say now???

oOH tell them you had a bad tuna sandwich for lunch and that you need some alone time with the toilet

…ok no that’s a little nasty aNd very too-much-information

what about if you tell them you applied for a job here as an after-hours janitor and that you need to start getting ready for that and then when they ask you why you got a job here you can tell them that you’ve been having financial struggles and as a young woman living alone in a big city you’re just trying to make ends meet but it’s been really hard and you can barely pay for these classes and every night you have to beg on the streets for dinner-

yeah thAt one’s a little melodramatic and straight up not true so that probably isn’t going to work either

“helloooo?? what’s the holdup, people??” seulgi yells out from the entrance of the changing room

“-my period just came and it’s going to take me a while to strip off and do my business!” you blurt out and a couple of the girls back up a little because of how louDLy you announced that

“oh! alright, that makes sense?” lisa snorts before shaking her head “i totally get the struggle. do you… need a tampon or anything?”

“nope! i, uh, i’m all good. thank you, though.” you clear your throat and offer her a smile “but seriously, you guys go ahead and i’ll see you next week!”

you smile and wave as the last of the girls file out of the changing room before letting out a breath of relief

you appreciated them offering to walk you to the subway and all that but damN they were starting to get a little annoying!!

“okay… it’s not a big deal…” the present in your bag feels like it’s weighing you down as you make your way down the hallway back to the classroom  

for some reason it feels like you’re walking to your execution

it’s not a big deal!

it’s just a present for your teacher and that is noT a big deal

it’s a nice gesture and you’re doing this because you’re a nice person

…okay but if u think about it it is kind of a big deal because the person you’re giving this present to is park jimin and you don’t want him to think that you’re harbouring a little crush on him because a student crushing on her teacher is not only cliché but also kind of!!! pathetic!!!!!!

and if he knew that you had a crush on him he’d probably end up giving you a whole speech on being professional and respecting student-teacher relationship boundaries which is honestly very pitiful aND embarrassing and you’d much rather avoid that whole fiasco

hm

ok then maybe you should rethink this whole gift-giving thing

you can express your gratitude in other ways!

do you still have the receipt?

it’s probably crumpled up at the bottom of your bag  

you wonder to yourself if the store is still open right now and if you have time to return the-

“y/n?” you stumble backwards a little in surprise when the door suddenly swings open and jimin’s brows knit together curiously “what are you still doing here? was there something you wanted to talk about?”

oh there are pLenty of things you’d like to talk about with jimin

like the meaning behind the lavender rose he gave you and if he knows that it means what it means

“well, uh, i didn’t have something to talk about, necessarily…” you clear your throat as you follow him into the classroom “but i-“

“you know what, i’m actually glad you stayed behind.” jimin whips around and your eyes widen a bit

what’s that supposed to mean??

“you are?” you whisper faintly and jimin nods before offering you a smile

oh god

this is happening all too fast

a minute ago you were freaking out that jimin probably didn’t feel the same way but here he is now-

“the janitor said that he had to leave early tonight so i told him i’d stay behind after class to clean the classroom myself, but now that you’re here - why don’t you start wiping down the mirrors?” jimin gestures towards the grubby mirrors at the front of the classroom before pointing towards the door “and i’m going to go find the mop and bucket.”  

“oh!” you drop your duffle bag to the ground with a flop when jimin tosses a rag at you “well, mr. park, you see, i actually wanted to-“

“less talking, more cleaning, miss y/l/n…” jimin raises a brow at you before clapping his hands together “chop chop!”

“but i-“ you groan quietly when jimin slips out of the room before turning to look at the foggy mirrors

…okay why are the mirrors so dirty?????

you’re going to have to talk to everyone about maybe not smearing their hands all over the mirrors like animals

also you’re not sure how you’re supposed to give jimin his gifts when he’s given you the responsibility to help clean up the classroom

you didn’t sign up for thiS >:-(

right

so

it’s been about 20 minutes or so since you started cleaning

jimin put some music on so that the two of you wouldn’t be cleaning in awkward silence

he surprised you a little when he asked yoU what you wanted to listen to

(you ended up choosing one of those lofi mix videos on youtube because you felt like that would be a safe option)

(it’s an animal crossing gentle piano mix and it’s very soothing and is actually helping you calm down a little bit)

(“really? animal crossing?” “what?? you said i could choose!”)

you decided to take a break from the mirrors (wiping mirrors was noT as easy as you thought it’d be) so you’ve moved on to wiping down the bars instead

jimin’s on his hands and knees diligently scrubbing away at some shoe marks on the floor

he wore a white button up and slacks to class today which isn’t anything out of the usual except for the fact that now he’s unbuttoned the top couple of buttons and he’s rolled + pushed up the sleeves and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t bothered by it

the chain around his neck seems to wink at you under the lights and almost immediately you wonder what his chain would look like hanging above you

…oh boy

you swallow thickly before scrubbing harder at a smudge on the bar

okay you know what

this is ridiculous

you came here to give him something but here you are doing chores

and it seems that you’ve decided against giving him his gift simply because you are SHY

you’re weak

WEAK!!!!

a weak little wimp, that’s what you are

no offence (but it’s kind of tru)

“hey, mr. park?” you blurt out before you realise and your eyes widen slightly in panic

“yes?” jimin turns to glance at you over his shoulders for a second before returning to his vigorous scrubbing aaaaAAND you are now realising that his shirt is a little see-through under the lights and his back muscles are.,., well.,., they are definitely flexing.,.,

you cut your nails recently so it probably wouldn’t hurt him if you dug them into his shoulder blad-

oh my god

get a grip

PLEASE for the love of god get a grip

you know what

it’s because your period is late this month!! that’s why your hormones are completely out of whack

you wouldn’t be surprised if you reeked of pheromones right now

“also, you can call me jimin, you know. mr. park is kind of an in-class thing.” jimin teases

“right! …jimin.” you cough a little when your voice wavers slightly

it’s not that you’re uncomfortable with calling him jimin

it’s just that you’re used to calling him mr. park and jimin feels so informal and you knoW he’s only like two? three? years older than you so it’s not weird for you to be calling him by his name but!!!!! aHH

but then again you like saying his name :-) because it makes you feel closer to him :-) oh god u rly do like him :-)

(also he likes hearing u say his name)

“i, um-“ you hang the rag over the bar before quickly wiping your hands on the back of your skirt “the reason why i stayed behin-“

“hold that thought-“ jimin gets up off the ground and dusts his hands off before patting his stomach “i don’t know about you but i am starving, so i’m going to quickly get some food from that deli down the block - do you want anything? i feel a little bad that i made you stay after class to help me clean.” he grabs his jacket before checking the pockets to make sure he has his wallet with him

right

well  

maybe this is another sign from god to noT giving jimin this present

every time you’re about to do it something happens!!!

“oh gosh, don’t worry about it! i… didn’t have any plans, anyway, so…” you snort before turning away from him because woW you are very good at making yourself sound like a loser “but, uh- you don’t have to get me anything! thank you for offering…”

“alright, i’ll be back in twenty. feel free to take a break!”

as soon as jimin leaves you immediately smack your forehead against the glass

okay first of all ouch

but second of all

“c’mon, y/n. keep it cool!”

what is it about park jimin that reduces you into a fumbling, awkward little loser???!!!

jimin lets out a breath as soon as he steps out of the room

he has no idea what’s wrong with him today but for some reason he’s like extra jittery and he has no idea why

it probably has something to do with the three iced lattes he drank but aLso it doesn’t really help that for the last 20 minutes he’s been alone with you and it’s driving him crazy

you drive him crazy!!!

he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you

you’ve been grand jetéing all over his damn mind for the last two weeks!!

lately he’s just been finding it more than difficult to suppress and deny his feelings for you

like during the ten minute break in the middle of class he thinks it’s so sweet how excited you get when you pull your snacks out of your bag

the other day you brought in some cherries and you were making some of the girls crack up because you were trying to use the cherry juice to stain your lips for a make-shift lipstick but you were failing miserably

and then when you noticed he was watching you you immEdiately wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and ended up smearing cherry juice across your cheek and he had to try sO hard not to crack a smile at that

or when one of the girls asks you to help them out with a move you’re always so willing to help out

it’s pretty normal for jimin to give you guys about half an hour of class time to just get used to the routine and practice it on your own (and also this time gives him the chance to sit back and relax a little bit)

but he’s noticed that y/n the student is very different from y/n the teacher

“okay, 5-6-7-8- nope. no. try again. here we go, 5-6-7-up- okay, you need to get this timing right otherwise you’re going to be a beat behind for the entire routine.” you shake your head as you look at lisa in the mirror “are you paying attention? you go on the 8, you don’t go after the 8. i don’t know how many times i need to tell you that.”

“right, sorry…” lisa mutters as she gets back into first position and blows some hair out of her face

“don’t be sorry, just be ready.”

jimin’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull when he hears you say that because that’s what hE says to you guys all the time!!!

it’s adorable how you’ve been picking up on some of his techniques :’) the technique of being scary :’)

but also… he’s kind of very into y/n the teacher

miss y/n is hot

jimin immediately pinches his arm as soon as he thinks that before reminding himself to control himself

“alright, 5-6- ooh, wait, before we start- do you like my new leg warmers??” you ask excitedly before sticking one of your legs out and turning back towards lisa “strawberry patterned!!! strawberry!!!”

aaaand y/n the student is back

or the other day when you asked him for tips on a triple-pirouette because even though he taught that lesson a couple weeks back (ahem the day you sprained your ankle) you still haven’t been able to get the hang of it

it shouldn’t be that complicated!!! it’s literally just spinning on one foot so you don’t understand how you manage to fall off balance each time

anyways while he was walking you through the correct posture and all that he couldn’t help but notice the way that you were staring at yourself in the mirror

“neck straight and lengthened… eye-line is up.” jimin stands behind you but reaches around to tilt your chin up “and shoulders…”

there’s a little divot in between your brows and your tongue is poking out a little in between your lips and jimin doesn’t know how this is the first time he’s seen you make this face because you look like a little puppy and it’s adORABLE

damnit

every time he thinks he’s finally gotten control of his feelings for you you manage to reel him riGht back in

“mr. park?” jimin snaps out of it when you speak up and he blinks twice before looking at you in the mirror

“ah- sorry, what?”

“you… were saying something about shoulders?”

“shoulders! shoulders, yes.” jimin nods quickly and looks over your position “uh, shoulders down.”

jimin stares blankly into space as he waits for his order to be ready

he just doesn’t know what to do

he always knows what to do!

in fact, he prides himself on being able to handle anything that comes his way while remaining both level-headed and classy

but this

this is unknown territory

he’s a teacher, an authority figure, crushing on one of his students like a smitten little schoolboy and if he acts on his feelings, that could not only jeopardise his position at the school (and future positions at other schools) but also your enrolment at the school anD your relationship with your fellow peers (seulgi seems like the type to judge on the spot!!) aND!! your relationship with him!!  

because what if he tells you he likes you and you feel forced to tell him that you like him too because he’s your teacher??

would that classify as him abusing his power???

maybe in another universe if he wasn’t your teacher, you guys could be together

age definitely isn’t a problem because he’s only 3 years older than you which really isn’t that large of a gap

he could freely take you out all over the city

he could hold your hand whenever he wanted and he could kiss you whenever he wanted

you guys could go on dinner dates and movie dates and ice cream dates and museum dates and aLL the dates

maybe one night he could drive you to the outskirts of the city and you guys could have a picnic by the river and he could rest his head on your lap while you threaded your fingers through his hair

he wouldn’t have a care in the world because all that matters to him is you

and he doesn’t know if your whole “i, y/n y/l/n, am 110% attracted to park jimin-“ speech was just for entertainment purposes or if there’s truth behind your words but god he hopes it’s the latter

but at the same time, he has to be realistic about this

even if you do like him back… he can’t do anything about it

because at the end of the day he’s still mr. park and you’re still miss y/l/n

yeah

maybe in another life… just not this one.

“order number 48!”

jimin squeezes his way to the front of the crowd to grab his take-out bag

suddenly he’s lost his appetite

chakkachakkachakkachakka

“hey, mr. park, i actually have something for y- nope, no, he said to call him jimin-“ you mutter to yourself as you scrub vigorously at the grime in between the floorboards

god it’s like the janitor doesn’t even trY to clean this place up

everything’s so dusty and icky!!

“well, jimin, the funny thing is i actually stayed behind to- why is it funny? it’s not funny. you’re not funny.” you grumble and reach up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as you continue to scrub with the worn-out toothbrush

these people really need to invest in some proper cleaning equipment

also you’re scrubbing so hard that your arm is going to pop out of its socket soon

and you’ve been on your hands and knees for the last ten minutes so every joint in general is starting to get a little sore

maybe you should take a brea-

“okay, i know you said you didn’t want anything, but i noticed that you didn’t bring a snack in with you today so you must be at least a little peckish.” you jump three feet into the air when the door suddenly swings open and you quickly get up off the ground

you can’t help but hiss a little in pain when your knee cracks

ouCh

if anything this is a sign that your body wasn’t made for cleaning the floor and you should stick to mirror polishing

“but i’m almost done scrubbing the-”

“i got you a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato soup.” jimin looks back at you as he peels his leather jacket off and tosses it on top of his bag

“ooH i love grilled cheese sandwiches-!“ your eyes widen in excitement but you quickly dial it back when the corner of jimin’s mouth twitches in a smile “i mean… thank you, jimin.”

he nods in acknowledgement as he pulls the boxes out of the paper bag “come and sit. i have a wet-wipe for you if you wanted to clean off a little.”

okay

this is not a big deal

you and jimin are just… sharing a meal which is NOT a big deal

you’re having dinner together!

…oh god you’re having dinner with jimin

is this a date?????

are you on a date with jimin????

okay now you’re just spiralling

how many times do you need to remind yourself to keep it cool???

no

you know what

this isn’t a date, because if it were a date, then there’d be like candles and everything for mood lighting and you wouldn’T be wearing leg warmers and your hands wouldn’t reek of chemical cleaner

and these bright fluorescent lights in the studio completely kills the whole romantic thing so you’re fine!

“what did you-“ just as you get settled on the ground, the fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling crackles and burns out “…huh.”

on the topic of lights

the weirdest thing about this studio is the vast array of lights hanging on the ceiling

because there are little spotlight bulbs lined up where the mirror is at the front of the room along with the back of the room which are warmer toned

on the ceilings are the classic tube fluorescent lights which obviously have a whiter tint to them

nighttime classes aren’t a huge thing so most of the time you guys don’t even use the lights because the suN is your source of light so you never really understood why the studio was designed this way

anyway, the point is - bright fluorescent lights certainly don’t scream romance but now that they’re dead and you’re left with the warm, golden glow of the spotlight bulbs,..,,. this feels more like a date than a simple shared meal

you swallow thickly

“christ… i bet the janitor didn’t change the lights like i asked him to.” jimin scoffs as he looks up at the ceiling

that guy never listens to him!!!

“actually, this happens a lot more than you think.” he sighs as he sets the boxes down on the ground

“oh?” you clear your throat as you pull your box towards you

“i usually stay for a couple more hours after you girls leave and this isn’t the first time the lights have died on me. at least the spotlight bulbs are working…”

“a little dim, but as long as we’re not fumbling around in the dark, right?” you snort as you pop the lid of the soup container off

almost immediately the smell of tangy tomato soup tickles your nostrils

yuMMy

“you’re right, it is a little dim… lucky for us, i actually keep candles in the cabinet.” jimin claps his hands together before swooping down to open up the cabinets

…yeah so what were you saying about this not being a date setting??

as jimin works on lighting the candles, yoU work on figuring out things to talk about to kill the mood

“you know, um, when i make grilled cheese sandwiches for myself at home, i actually use mayo instead of butter!” you clear your throat as jimin takes a seat after lighting the candles

“i’ve heard about that hack… but i do have to say it sounds a little nasty.” jimin raises a brow as he unwraps his own sandwich

“hey now… don’t knock it til ya try it!” you gasp in mock offence before tearing the sandwich in half and watching the cheese stretch out

god

what a beautiful sight

gooey cheese should be considered as one of the seven wonders of the world

“are you playing with your food?” jimin watches as you wind the stretched out cheese from one chunk of the sandwich around the other sandwich

“playing with your food makes it more fun to eat. that’s a scientific fact.” you break it off before bringing it up to your mouth for a bite

“oh yeah? says who?” jimin teases as feeds himself a spoonful of soup

you swallow your bite and shrug “says me!”

a couple seconds of silence ticks by in which the two of you continue to munch quietly and keep to yourselves

you hate silence

it makes you itChy for some reason

“how about we play a game?” after one whole minute of nothing but the sound of quiet chewing, you decide that soMething has to be said

“what kind of a game?” jimin sits up straighter as he polishes off the first half of his sandwich

“how about…”

hm

you should have thought this through

okay

some kind of an icebreaker game

something safe

truth or dare sounds like it could wander into risky territory so maybe not that

“ooh! two truths and a lie - ballet edition.”

“ballet edition? how would that work?” jimin hums as he picks up the other half of his sandwich

you feel your heart hiccup as he tears it in half and stretches the cheese out

he’s copying u :’)

“lemme think…” you wipe some of the grease on your fingers off on a napkin before leaning back on your palms “okay. my favourite move is the grand jeté, my favourite performance was the nutcracker, and my favourite warm-up exercise is the butterfly stretch.”

jimin thinks to himself as he chews slowly

you smile a little as you pick up your sandwich and take a bite

“your favourite move is not the grand jeté. the other day when i said that i’d be incorporating it into our next routine, i swear i could see the light die in your eyes.” jimin snorts before dusting the crumbs off his hand “that was too easy.”

“can you blame me?? i’m not trying to sprain my ankle again!” you pout as you reach down to brush your fingers over your ankle (that has fully recovered, thank goD) “fine, you give it a try then!”

“so it can be about anything related to ballet?”

“anything at all.”

anything related to ballet

ooh he can talk about his education!!

“alright, let’s see.” jimin wipes his mouth with a napkin, “i graduated at the top of my class… i was the youngest student in my class… and… i am not drowning in student debt.”

“…jimin, the game is called two truths and a lie, not three brags and a nothing.”

“well- there are two truths and a lie!! i’m still playing by the rules!!”

“okay, fine - obviously you’re still drowning in student debt. everyone is!!” you scoff as you pop a piece of crust into your mouth

“ah-“ jimin holds a finger up before wagging it at you “that one’s actually true. i’m not drowning in debt because my education was paid for by the scholarship i was awarded- say, this game is fun! your turn!!”

you can’t help but roll your eyes “again, this isn’t three brags and a noth- hEY-“

you squawK in surprise when jimin suddenly throws a crumpled up napkin ball at you

“don’t roll your eyes at me, miss y/l/n…” he teases before threatening to throw another one “go!! your turn!!”

“alright, alright… let me try to think of something to brag about too!”

the two of you spend the next half an hour or so playing the game while finishing up dinner

at one point you nearly wipe your greasy fingers on your skirt and jimin swats your hand away before telling you that if you walked into his class with a dirty uniform on he would definitely kill you

“okay, give me one last one before we clean up and get back to… well, cleaning up.” jimin pops the lid back onto the empty cup and sets it aside

also you’re going to need to ask him where he bought dinner from because the grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup was actually incredible

“fine, but you have to promise not to get mad or anything- that one time i forgot to bring my pointe shoes was definitely on purpose… we have a nickname for you that i can’t say because the others would kill me for it… ooh, and here’s a good one-“ you snort as you perk up in excitement “all of the girls in class have fallen deeply in love with you after you gave everyone roses on valentine’s day.”

the smile falters on jimin’s face

…

uh oh

maybe that one was a little over the line

you forgetting your pointe shoes was an accident!!! you were in a rush and you forgot to pack them

“…”

your lips part to say something but then it hits you

‘all of the girls’ also includes yourseLF you idiot

‘all of the girls have fallen deeply in love with you’

wow

you are incredible

well you might as well go ahead and throw yourself at him too while you’re at it!!

“all of them, you say?”

if that one’s a truth then he hopes you really do mean all of the girls in class

“y’know, uh, speaking of those roses-“ your voice cracks and you feel your face heat up a little before you scramble up off the ground “i actually wanted to say thank you for the valentine’s day gifts you gave us which was why i hung back after class in the first place-”

“oh?” jimin perks up in interest as he crumples up his napkin and tosses it into the paper bag

he can’t help but smile fondly as he watches you fumble through your bag with your tongue poking out

there it is again!!!!

little puppy :-(

god

you make everything so cute

“yeah! i felt a little bad that you didn’t get anything and that… you know, you had to spend valentine’s day with us…” you pull the presents out and a small frown tugs at your lips when you realise the wrapping paper is a little smooshed

oh well

it’s the thought that counts  

and hopefully these presents will get his mind off of what u just said lol

“ah, that’s very nice of you, but you really didn’t have to get me anything…” jimin feels his own cheeks flush a little when you sit down across from him and your knee nudges against his own

“don’t be silly… you didn’t have to get us anything, but you did! and i thought that was very sweet of you.” you smile at him as you hand the presents over

okay WOW you might as well have tiny cartoon hearts floating around your head

reel it iN

“well, i’m glad you liked your rose.” jimin hums as he carefully tears the wrapping paper

you did a very neat job at wrapping his gift so he’s not just going to tear into it like an animaL

jimin’s eyes light up in excitement when he sees what the first present is

ooh!!!!!!!

metal straws!!!!!!

“they’re for those iced lattes you drink all the time!” you grin giddily as you look at his face to gauge his reaction

from the looks of it he seems like he’s a fan and hopefully he’s no longer thinking about your weird confessioN

“ah! i love these! you know, i was thinking about buying them but i keep forgetting, so this is great!”

he’s going to use these metal straws all the time!!!!

he loves them!!!!

save the turtles!!!!!

he’s feeling very trendy now

“also, i chose blue because it matches your hair.” your eyes flicker towards his pale blue strands and jimin unconsciously reaches up to run his fingers through his hair

“you noticed my blue hair? damn, i was trying to be subtle about it…” jimin jokes before moving on to the next gift

“did mr. park just crack a joke?” you gasp mockingly and jimin can’t help but roll his eyes playfully

“mean mr. park does have a sense of humour, you know-“

“for a while there i was seriously considering the theory of you being an android-“

“now look who’s being mean!!”

it’s weird that this is really the only time you’ve had a conversation with jimin outside of class

and it’s even weirder than he’s basically an entirely different person outside of class

with that being said

on monday when he reverts back to mr. park he’s most definitely going to still have the ability to make you pee yourself

as he begins to tear the second gift open you speak up again

“i noticed that the journal you used to take notes and stuff looked a little tattered, so i thought maybe it’d be nice for you to have a new one! obviously you don’t have to use it if you don’t like it, but i just thought that… yeah.”

it’s a handmade brown leather bound journal with his initials pressed (and painted gold!!) on the front cover

truth be told you were a little wary about this gift because it felt oddly… intimate? personal?

it just feels more like a gift you’d give to your significant other rather than your teacher

like if you gave your professor an apple that’s normal but if you gave your professor a box of chocolate covered strawberries that’s a lil.,,.,. a lil out of line and more ‘i love you!’ than ‘i respect you!’

but before you could change your mind about it the person at the store had already finished pressing the letters in and she said no refunds so

oops

“oh, wow… this is beautiful, y/n…” jimin breathes out as he smooths his hand over the leather

although it’s fairly obvious he likes the gift you’re still vERY nervous for some reason

you catch yourself twisting your skirt in between your hands and you quickly let go and clasp your hands together on your lap

“so you… you like it?” you press your lips together and jimin snorts

“like it? i love it!” jimin gushes as he flips through the book “thank you very much, y/n. these were very thoughtful presents, i really appreciate it.” he hums contently before looking up at you with a warm smile

you feel your heart skip a beat at the little twinkle in his eyes

he,.,., is literally..,,. the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid your eyes upon.,,.

also the two of you have unconsciously been scooching closer to each other this entire time and your knees are basically pressed up against each others  

you’re so focused on the fact that your heart is pounding in your chest that you don’t notice jimin’s gaze flicker to your lips for a brief second

god he wants to kiss you

after dinner you pulled out the strawberry-mint flavoured gum you’re always chewing on before class (you offered him a piece but he’d already pulled out his own plain ol’ spearmint gum for himself)

so he’d definitely taste strawberry if he kissed you

and he really likes strawberries

“also, i-“ you lean back quickly before letting out a nervous chuckle and getting up from the ground “i also wanted to take this chance to apologise for the… inappropriate comments i made a couple weeks back.”

“inappropriate comments?” jimin clears his throat and leans back a little as well

he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck

hOo

maybe he should turn the air conditioner on

it’s getting a little hot in here

he gets up off the ground before heading over to the front of the room where the switches are

“oh, right!” jimin flips the air con switch on and tugs at his collar a bit “you mean you telling the entire class that you’d like to sit on my-“

“tHAT waS-“ you interrupt jimin before he gets a chance to finish his sentence before clearing your throat loudly “see, the thing is, that was just seulgi getting under my skin- i’m sure you’ve noticed we have a best frenemies kind of situation going on-“

you roll your eyes as you start to polish the mirror again (because you’re getting nervous again and when u get nervous you nEED to do something with your hands) “basically some of the girls were talking about you and i stepped in to- y’know, make sure that they were keeping things respectful because you aRe our teacher-“

ok all this rant is doing is making you sound like a major teacher’s pet but pop off sis

“a-anyways, seulgi seemed to think that me defending you was because i had a crush on you, so then i kinda just said all that stuff to get her off my back, you know? does that make sense? i’m not sure if i’m making sense.” you babble on as you start wiping at one spot on the mirror a littLe too aggressively “and, you know, i would, um, under normal circumstances, i would nevEr ever ever disrespect my teachers like that and i just hope that you-“

jimin stops listening to your nervous babbling to flashback to that afternoon

‘i would 100% love to sit on park jimin’s face because i, y/n y/l/n, am 110% attracted to him.’

even the reminder of you saying that sends a shiver down his spine and sends blood rushing to multiple parts of his body

you know what

fuck it

he’s just going to go for it

he’s sat on this for far too long and if it doesn’t work out, he’s veRy good at acting like he doesn’t care about anything

so, either way, he’ll be totally fine!!!

…right??

“do you?” jimin cuts you off and you look at him in the mirror as he packs the gifts away in his bag

“do i- sorry, do i what?”

jimin zips his bag up loudly and you jump a little in surprise

“do you have a crush on me, y/n?”

your hand immediately freezes on the mirror and your grip tightens on the rag

all you can hear is the sound of the air con whirring above you and your heart beating in your ears

you-

did he just-

what are you supposed to-

is this really happening right now or are u having a fever dream

you force your hand to move but your movements make you seem more like a tin-man rather than a normal human being

“i-i don’t… i’m not sure i understand the, uh…” your heart seems to beat faster with every slow step jimin takes towards you “what exactly, um, what exactly do you mean by ‘crush’? b-because, y’know, crush… crush can be interpreted in… in a miLLion different ways, so…”  

…

reaLLY??

thAt’s your response??

gee mr. park can you define crush for me???

can you use it in a sentence sir???

“okay, fine.” jimin purses his lips before tilting his head “are you attracted to me, miss y/l/n?” your hand freezes mid-wipe on the mirror with an obnoxious squeak the moment you realise jimin is standing directly behind you

if u thought that being referred to as miss y/l/n in class was intimidating

hOo boy

“a-attracted?”

this is making you want to catapult yourself into the middle of a busy intersection

“attracted. romantically…” jimin looks at you through the mirror and for some reason you’re unable to unlock gazes with him “sexually.”

“what-“ your voice cracks, “-makes you think that, mr. park?”

the corner of jimin’s mouth tugs up in a sly smirk

well now he definitely knows how you feel about him

this is where it gets fun

“well, i notice that you become very flushed whenever i’m close to you. the apples of your cheeks and the tips of your ears turn bright pink… kind of like how they are right now.” you can feel the heat radiating off of jimin’s body from how close he’s standing to you

you swallow thickly when he reaches up to pluck the rag out of your hand before tossing it aside

you’re completely frozen from head to toe but you manage to slowly drag your hand down from the mirror

“and don’t think i don’t notice the way you look at me when you think i’m not paying attention.” jimin hums and reaches around to tilt your chin upwards as his other hand rests on your waist “look at yourself, y/n.”

miraculously enough you manage to drag your gaze away from jimin to look at yourself in the mirror

oh boy

you are flushed

and your pupils are so blown out to the point where they’ve almost completely consumed your iris’

your chest rises and falls as you continue to take in shallow breaths

“i see the moony look in your eyes… and they get extra moony when i come to class wearing white button-ups.” jimin whispers in your ear and you feel every single hair on your body prickle to life “i see the way you bite your lip when i roll them up like this-“ jimin presses both palms up against the mirror next to your head and you swallow thickly at the sight of his almost obscenely attractive forearms caging you in

“and when you bend down to fix your shoes or adjust your leg warmers… you know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” jimin purrs and reaches down to tilt your chin up again

your back is pressed right up against his chest

“you’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are…”

o god

you feel like you can’t speak

your mouth is just dRY

also you don’t know whether you should be feeling humiliated or.,,.,. slightly turned on

is it possible to feel both at the same time??

“tell me you want this as much as i do.” jimin feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest but it’s waY too late to take everything back

your head is reeling and you’re honestly not sure how to respond

because on one hand this is finALLY happening and your dreams are literally coming true right before your eyes but on the other hand this is finally happening and usually when you fantasise about jimin you never let it get this far so you haven’t had the chance to plan out your next move

meanwhile, jimin has no idea what to think and has no idea how to interpret your silence

he waits for another ten seconds to go by before deciding to call it

time of death is 7:48pm

well

this was mortifying

and he’s probably going to lose his job now!

so that’s great!  

“shit, i…” he lets his hands fall from the mirror before taking a couple steps back from you “god, i… i’m sorry, that was wildly inappropriate of me, i just thought- mmph!”

jimin stumbles back with wide eyes when you’re suddenly launcHing yourself at him and it doesn’t take long for him to start kissing you back

his arm snakes around your waist as he reaches up to cup your jaw

he was right

you do taste like strawberries

jimin feels a new kind of flame ignite within him when he hears a little whimper slip past your lips when he presses you up against the mirror

and yoU are just floating on cloud nine

jimin’s lips are so impossibly soft and pillowy and you feel like you could kiss him forever

jimin pulls away first to catch his breath and he can’t help but chuckle when you lean up to chase after his lips

“i’m not going anywhere, you know-“

“i know, but you’re a really good kisser-“ you breathe out as you nudge your nose against his

hOo

you could use a breather too

“i like you, y/n. i like you a lot.” jimin whispers and leans down to press his forehead against yours

you feel your heart soaring in your chest at his confession and if it’s even possible your cheeks get even pinker

“i like you too.”

and even though the two of you are currently encased in a warm bubble of love, one single question pops up in your minds at the same time:

what the hell am i going to do now?

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[thefanficmonster]

Little Do They Know

Daniel x Taylor (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Romance, AU, Crossover

Summary: Promising to love a person who you’ve already loved till the end of time is the easy part of a wedding as Daniel has come to realize. There’s many other reasons why he’s so stressed and nervous though

A birthday gift for my best bro Kai aka @hopeveon Happiest of birthdays, bro! Hope you have an amazing day (despite having to go to school). The cult sends you a cake made of cookies to celebrate your special day but this fic is a gift from me personally. Love you 🤗💕

As Daniel cringes at his fifth attempt at tying his tie to his liking, he’s on the brink of a mental breakdown. His friends and cousins, some of which groomsmen and one of them the best man, are growing more and more concerned by the minute, observing as Daniel’s sanity is crumbling at the thought of having to face Taylor’s family before, during and after the ceremony. 

“You realize they are human, right?“ Matt inquires, “I mean, I don’t know them either, but I don’t believe they’ll be very hard to please especially since you’ve made Taylor be the happiest she’s ever been.“

“Wait, wait, wait...“ Conrad buts in, “You’ve NEVER met them? Like never ever?“

Letting out a heavy sigh he’s been holding in for far too long, Daniel slumps down on the little couch by the mirror he was just standing in front of. “I’ve met her cousin Anna but that’s about it. Her parents were out of state often so I never got the chance to be introduced to them.”

“I wouldn’t worry so much if I were you.“ His best man, Andrew, interferes, “I’m pretty sure they know you more than they would if they had actually met you considering Taylor won’t shut up about you to anyone she talks to.“

Pausing to process what Andrew has told him, the groom-to-be grimaces, “Why do I feel like that’s even worse?”

Rolling his eyes, Finn steps in, “Maybe because you’re overthinking literally everything. Not only now, but since you two picked a wedding date. For the love of God, you’re not marrying her family, you’re marrying Taylor, and she’s already more than head over heels for you and nothing on this planet can change that.” He’s the most mature and level-headed person in the room at the moment and it really shows.

Finn’s words manage to lessen the tension that has taken over every muscle of Daniel’s body the tiniest point but even that seems like a huge success at this point in time. It was enough to get him to crack a smile so that says a lot.

Relieved ever so slightly, he shoots a tired but still lighthearted look his cousin’s way, “Not even a crooked tie?”

Giving the groom another eye-roll, Finn nods, “Not that the tie was crooked what so fucking ever.”

Meanwhile, little do the guys know, a similar sort of panic has settled over on the bride’s side where Taylor appears to be stuck in a downward spiral of ‘what if’s that appear to be never-ending.

“This dress was a mistake.“ She murmurs, frowning at her reflection in the mirror, “And the make up is horrendous.“

Her best friend and maid of honor - Julia can’t help but let out a tense sigh, “Well, we can wipe the make up off of you anytime, but please don’t make up carry out a bridesmaids’ mission impossible and go fetch you a new dress.”

“I mean, it’s not like we wouldn’t if you asked, but please don’t ask. The last thing I wanna do is run in these heels.“ Sam looks over to the two girls, giving Taylor a sympathetic smile which she half-returns.

“I appreciate it but don’t worry, I won’t. It’s not like I have a dress on the back burner.“ The bride sighs, contemplating whether to have the make up wiped off her face or not.

“Trust me, this is typical pre-wedding behavior. I can confirm and probably so can Julia.“ Fliss says, side-eyeing the blond with a taunting smirk and only receiving a playful eye-roll in return.

“What are you even so worried about?“ Ashley asks, “The two of you already act like a married couple, this wedding is technically just a formality. If anything you’ll only love each other more.“

When put like that, this wedding really doesn’t seem like a big deal to Taylor. Yes, of course it’s a very meaningful day and one of the most important ones in her life. But very few things will change after it’s over with.

Her and Daniel will majorly remain the same.

But just love each other more.

And that is what finally manages to get a grin out of Taylor, replacing the frown that was present on her face for so long it really started to worry the girls.

Julia receives a text which she wastes no time on opening. After reading its contents she looks at the bride, an eyebrow quirked up, “Ready?”

The uncertainty has not completely left her, but it had mainly been replaced by the joy and adrenaline she feels at the thought of finally being able to call Daniel her husband.

Which is why, with little to no hesitation, she says, “Hell fucking yes.”

                                                            *  *  *

The wedding officiant is reciting the speech he’s probably said hundreds of times but Daniel and Taylor don’t hear a thing. Hell, Daniel was extracted from this world the second he saw Taylor walking down the aisle. He swears his soul left his body but he’s already willing to deny it when Andrew will ask him if that was a tear he shed in the meantime. Taylor wasn’t any different either. She too was far too mesmerized to see, hear or notice anything or anyone else. She didn’t care what she looked like anymore. And Daniel couldn’t care less about what her family thought of him. In that moment the only people present at that wedding from their point of view were the two of them. No one and nothing else mattered. Just them and the love that radiated off of and between them.

“I do.“

“I do.“

The words, life changing and promising, were spoken in a daze with the groom and the bride unable to take their eyes off one another.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.“

Those were the only words they really heard - the only words that mattered. And with the loud cheering of their families and friends behind them, the two shared their first kiss as an officially married couple.

“We should’ve done this sooner.“ Daniel mumbles when the two break the kiss to walk down the aisle and to the cars that will take them to the venue they had booked for the actual party.

Giggling, Taylor squeezes his hand tighter, “I gotta say, I couldn’t possibly agree more.” Pushing up on her toes she kissed his cheek. “These heels are a nightmare.” She grumbles, displeased as they keep walking.

“Say no more.“ He picks her up bridal style, earning him a surprised squeak, carrying her the rest of the way, “We’ll stop along the way to buy you some flats.“

Wrapping her arms around him as a gesture of gratefulness and to ensure she won’t fall she can’t help but smile, fighting back tears of joy she knows he’ll tease her about later, “Damn Daniel, you just can’t help but make me love you more, huh?”

“I’ll overlook the pun...“ he says with a playfully annoyed eye-roll, “But I’ll have to disappoint, I can’t not make you fall in love with me, it’s my specialty.“

Little does he know she’s well aware of that considering he’s only been making her fall more and more in love since day one. Little does she know he’s had the same experience.

And little do they both know how obvious it was to everyone around them before they themselves even admitted it.

[juniorgman187]

Serpent of Eden (Part 1 - Reid Series)

Maybe he stole her innocence. Maybe she never had any . . .

Summary: Reader’s one night stand with Spencer turns into a year-long semester. (yes, for all you PLL fans, this is largely based off of Ezra and Aria don’t @ me)

A/N: Strongly suggest listening to “From Eden” by Hozier while reading 😌 Couple: Fem!Reader x Professer Spencer Reid  Category: Fluff, Angst, Series Content Warning: allusions to teacher/student relationship, age-gap, allusions to penetrative, public sex Word Count: 3k

BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU TO @andiebeaword​ @inkstainedwritergirl​ @thelovelyrose​ and @imagining-in-the-margins​ for their help with the title!! 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Babe

There's something tragic about you

I’d been absentmindedly humming the song as soon as I heard the opening tune, giving the song more attention than the impatient bartender in front of me who had to wave her hand in my face to bring me back to earth. 

“Hello?” She set her weight on one hip, clearly annoyed with me. “What do you want to drink?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Just a water please.” 

Mild humiliation manifested on my face, earning the concern of the stranger beside me. 

“You okay down there?”

I laughed softly to mask my shame. “I’m a bit jet-lagged. I just got back from Europe.”

I hadn’t noticed him sitting there before, probably because I practically slept-walked into this place by happenstance, but once I answered him, my eyes naturally drifted in his direction. Consequently, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. 

Something so magic about you

Don't you agree?

He was charming in the most peculiar way. His hair was a mess of curls, that I positively adored for a reason I couldn’t quite figure out; a stark contrast to his clean suit that targeted my insatiable desire for sharply dressed men. 

“Where in Europe?” He asked with genuine curiosity, sipping from a mug with steam floating out of it. 

“Iceland.”

He raised his eyebrows in earnest surprise. “I heard it’s beautiful there.” 

“It really is. The waterfall we visited was insane. Here, lemme show you a picture,” Pulling out my phone, I leaned over the seat between us to show him a photo I’d taken of the waterfall, not even realizing how close he was until I smelled his cologne. It was such a unique scent that I knew I could only ever associate it with him, even if I were to never smell it again.

There's something lonesome about you

Something so wholesome about you

Get closer to me

I brushed aside the nervousness I felt from his close proximity and slid back into my rightful spot a seat away. “You should definitely go if you’re considering it. I’m planning on going back this summer.” 

“Yeah, I’m, um, I’m definitely considering it.” He grinned, displaying a pair of dimples that made me weak. I let myself wonder if I was the reason he was considering going. 

Unconsciously, I turned my bar seat fully towards him, showing that he had my undivided attention, and asked, “So do you go to Hollis?” Referring to the college just nearby that I attended. 

“No, no. I graduated ages ago, but um, I work at Quantico.” 

“Quantico? Like FBI Quantico?”

“That’s right. I’m, uh, I’m a profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. We specialize -”

“In building profiles for unidentified criminals. No, yeah, I totally know what you do! At the law firm I work at, the prosecutors use profiles all the time. That’s so cool that you do that.” 

He wasn’t even mad that I’d interrupted him, no, he was glad. He smiled, looking almost proud of me. 

No tired sigh, no rolling eyes

No irony

“So you work at a law firm?” His mouth hidden behind the rim of his cup. 

Doing my best not to look at the way he licked the taste of coffee from his lips, I had to consciously keep my eyes steady on his as I answered. “Yeah, I do. There are like generations and generations of lawyers in my family, so I’m just continuing that tradition, I guess.” 

The conversation paused for a moment again, while his stare lingering on me too long for comfort that I had to look away. 

No "Who cares?", no vacant stare

No time for me

“I love this song.” I muttered under my breath, simply bringing it up to find a reprieve from his overwhelming gaze. From my peripheral, I caught him smirking, still staring.

“From Eden. B-32.”

Him simply knowing the jukebox number for the song felt like a sign.

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror years ago

Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword

“Hozier wrote it in a tongue-in-cheek way from the point of view of the devil looking at something innocent and seeing it as a missing part. The song tries to woo a woman while admitting that the relationship would be deeply flawed.” He informed me.

“Wow, that’s beautiful. Almost makes me want a forbidden kind of love.” 

Oh, had I only known the irony of my sentiment.

“He’s so good with his prose and poetry. It’s actually what inspired me to go to Iceland. I thought a change of scenery might be good for writing. Not much here in Virginia that’s quite like the beauty of Iceland,” I rambled, catching myself and consciously slowing down the rate of my words. “But um, I don’t write anything really good, just stuff that’s for me mostly.”

“I’m impressed.” 

“Why?”

With the utmost nonchalance, he stood from his chair, sliding his drink down the bar with him as he took the empty seat closest to me. I tried not to let my vision drift from his face to his actions, in the same way that he kept his gaze firm on him while he spoke. 

“Well, I tried writing, but I didn’t get very far. You’re lucky. If you’re writing for yourself, it’s true passion,” He paused to glance at his empty glass, like he was debilitating whether or not to say this next part. “Maybe you’d let me read some of it?”

"Yeah. Sure. If you really want to.” 

“Yeah, I’d love to,” He chuckled. “You’re smart, you’re well-traveled - great taste in music. I’d like to know more about you.” 

Innocence died screaming; honey, ask me, I should know

I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Maybe the flattery got to my head, but I couldn’t help the sudden surge of confidence bursting through my veins. 

“I’d like to know more about you, too.” I confessed. 

Needless to say, we didn’t waste another second getting to know each other. 

Well, as much as you can get to know someone after you fuck them in the bathroom of a bar. 

Babe

There's something wretched about this

Something so precious about this

Where to begin?

. . . 

“And where have you been, young lady?” Holly asked, acting more like my mother than my roommate upon my return to the dorm. 

“The Hollis Bar and Grill.” 

“Doing what exactly?” 

I would be remiss not to take up the opportunity for witty banter. 

“Spencer.” 

She rose from her seat at an ungodly speed to chase me down and force me to explain everything. 

“Who is he?”

“Some guy.” I blankly answered, not finding it in my jet-lagged heart to recount every last detail. 

“So is it just Spencer? No last name?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you usually ask your one night stands for their last name?” I shot her an accusatory stare. 

“Oh, is that what we’re calling this? A one night stand?” 

My agreeing nod was interrupted with the ear-splitting squeal of joy that erupted from Holly. 

“You had your first one-night stand!”

“Say it any louder, would you?” 

“Sorry, I’m just so proud of you! My baby’s growing up.” Pretending to wipe tears from her eyes, Holly pulled me in for a hug. The only way I could manage to get out of it was if I promised to tell her every little thing in the morning when I was well-rested, and fingers crossed, less jet-lagged. 

As promised, in the morning, I revealed to Holly all the details of the night before, including, but not limited to our thought-provoking discourse, his appearance, and his performance.

“At the end, he told me, ‘I will never forget you.’” I gushed to Holly. 

And he definitely meant it, because after tomorrow, he most certainly would not. 

. . . 

The first day back from Spring Break is typically the hottest day of the year, and today was no exception. It was breaching the three-digit-degree mark, which is how you know it’s hot, but we were still forced to endure the cruel and unusual punishment of wearing a uniform anyway. One that consisted of a white button-up, a plaid pleated skirt, and some type of University cardigan over it. 

Usually, this didn’t pose a problem, and I would comply, but we’d recently been hit by an ongoing heatwave that didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon. 

Even as I got ready in the morning, with my windows shut and the air conditioning blasting, I was sweating like a pig. I had a paranoid feeling that my makeup would melt and run down my face by the end of the day, so I sat in front of the fan to cool myself off. I struggled with my hair - not that I didn’t normally struggle to style my hair every day because my kinky curls weren’t exactly manageable. But I had no interest in straightening it because I knew the humidity would just return it to its naturally curly state anyway, so I settled for letting it run wild. I’d probably work up a sweat trying to style it at all, honestly. 

As I packed the last of my things into my backpack, I finally slipped on my Uni cardigan over the rest of my uniform to complete it. I’d been delaying this part for the better part of an hour because I knew exactly what would happen the second I put it on. And just as I anticipated - I felt faint. My cheeks grew pink the minute I stepped out of my dorm; exposing myself to the sun that was visibly beating down on everyone in the courtyard. 

“Y/N!” 

Behind me was Christina, who was jogging to catch up with me. To be considerate, I stopped walking, giving me the opportunity to look at her wholly. She was only wearing the skirt and the button up, with her cardigan wrapped around her waist. 

“Are you allowed to wear your cardigan like that?” I asked after she finally caught up to me. 

“No, but I’m going to do it anyway. Stick it to the man!” She threw up her fist into the air with a proud grin plastered on her face.

Ah, yes - stick it to the man. One of Christina’s favorite five-word mantras that she stuck by. The other being - we do what we want. 

But, see, it was easy for her to say that because she never once faced repercussions for her actions. Take her hemmed skirt, for example. She shortened it by an inch - not allowed, by the way - but here she was, donning her hemmed skirt and receiving no punishment for it, not even earning a second glance from the campus security we just passed. 

How she managed to get away with as much as she did was beyond me. The only way I could describe it was that she had this magical gift of invincibility - she could never get in trouble for breaking the rules, completely untouchable. But for me, I knew the second I acted out, I’d be sitting in front of the whole school board, begging them not to expel me. My luck was just that bad.

“You don’t always have to do what they say, you know?” Her words were tempting fate.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why do you always have to be such a goody-two-shoes? Why can’t you just let loose? You’ll have so much more fun.”

“But that’s just it - I’m not here to have fun, Christina! I can’t afford to mess around every day and break the rules. I’m not like you, okay? I actually had to work to get here.” My voice had taken on much more anger than the situation warranted, which I instantly regretted. 

Her head cocked to the side in shock. “You don’t think I had to work hard?” Christina’s voice now matched my previous level of rage.

“I’m sor-”

“It’s fine. I’ll see you after class.” 

Great. 

I watched in lamentation as she briskly walked away from me, clearly upset. 

As if today wasn’t bad enough. 

Though I knew she wanted me to chase after her and beg for her forgiveness, I had much more important things to attend to. Plus, I trusted her word - she’d see me after class and I could apologize after then, but as for right now, I was going to keep my priorities in order. 

As per usual, I was the first to arrive, and the following class, I was, too, and so on and so forth. Christina would’ve rolled her eyes at my timeliness, but I preferred being early than being late.

By lunch time, I hadn’t seen Christina since our minor altercation in the morning, but to my delight, when I reached our lunch spot in the grass, she was right there waiting for me, just like she always did. 

“Hey, Chris. About earlier -”

“No need to apologize. I shouldn’t have pushed you to break the rules. Come sit.” She patted a spot on the grass under the shady tree for me to sit on, but not even the voluminous leaves above could mask us from the sun. 

It was noon now, probably the peak of heat, and I felt like I was being baked alive. Even the wind that passed through was a hot breeze, merely amplifying the humidity. 

And perhaps I was compensating because I had a suspicion that Christina hadn’t truly forgiven me, but I started to peel my sweater off my body with the guise that I was doing it because I was burning up, and not because I was trying to get back on her good side.

She was speechless at first, but then she hit me with a cheerful, “Yeah!” While she clapped in approval, I took off my cardigan and unbuttoned the top few buttons. 

I was almost enjoying myself and how rebellious I was being. It was very unlike me, but it felt nice not to care so much, but then I heard a voice too distinct to misplace. 

“Ms. Y/L/N!” 

Mine and Christina’s head both whipped around hastily to see Mrs. Whitman, who looked furious. 

“That is against the dress code. You will report to room R-412 after school for detention. Do not be late.” 

Lest I forget to mention, Christina was breaking the dress code, too, but again - her power of invincibility protected her - a power which I did not possess.

My jaw hung low in shock. 

“Oh my god,” I turned to Christina, with my hand covering my mouth. 

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

I shot up from the grass, replacing my cardigan where it should be on my shoulders and buttoning the top few buttons of my shirt to regain some dignity. 

“Where are you going?” Christina called out after I abandoned her at the table.

I didn’t answer, out of pure rage, not that it was Christina’s fault, but that I’d actually foolishly broken the rules - and enjoyed it. 

The rest of the day was spoiled after that thanks to the impending doom of heading straight to detention after school was over. 

Christina texted and called repeatedly to apologize, but it would be no use. I wasn’t necessarily mad at her, although it wouldn’t have been completely untrue to say that I was, but I was madder at the situation. 

My humiliation was reinforced when after the final bell rang, I had to go against the grain of students, who were desperately filing out of the classes to return to their dorms, while I was headed for yet another “class.” I normally would’ve been one of those students, briskly shuffling out of a classroom with a million other people, trying to cram through a tiny door to leave, but now I was an outlaw, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it.

I found the room in no time, having studied the campus map until I knew it as well as the back of my hand. I even recognized the room number from when I asked my counselor for an application to audit Dr. Reid’s Criminology class, but I was declined acceptance, giving me all the more reason to hesitate to enter. I clutched onto the doorknob and lingered in the doorway, trying to find the nerve to walk in and commence my punishment. 

With one exasperated exhale, I swung the door open and marched in with my head down and my tail between my legs. Taking a cursory glance, I didn’t see a teacher anywhere.

“Hello? Dr. Reid?”

My small voice ricocheted off the high ceilings and reverberated back to me, instilling me with the chills of being alone in this large, empty classroom. 

I hadn’t yet taken a seat, mainly in case I needed to run for my life, I’d just need to pick up my feet instead of get up from a seat, but more so because I expected someone to be in here to instruct me on where to sit. I was more surprised that it was just me here and not anyone else, which made me reflect even harder on the idea that maybe I was the only one here because everyone else in this school had more discipline than me. But I also had to consider that the kids that were troublesome enough to land themselves in detention probably had no intention of suddenly abiding by the rules and showing up to detainment as they should. 

Out of nowhere, I heard the clunk and thump of shuffling footsteps. 

"Dr. Reid?”

From the stage I saw a figure emerge, briskly walking with a satchel crossed over their body and a coffee cup raised to their lips. 

Those lips. 

I’ve seen them before. 

Flashbacks of the night before began replaying in my head at a million miles per hour. 

“You okay down there?”

“Iceland.” 

“Quantico? Like FBI Quantico?”

“B-32.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Maybe you’d let me read some of it?”

“I’d like to know more about you.”

I felt the ground sway beneath me when the source of his familiarity became glaringly apparent. 

We simply stood there, gaping at each other like we couldn’t believe this was actually happening, totally, and completely speechless. 

“Spencer?” 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 2 HERE!

comment to be added to taglist!

[wandaluvstacos]

"If they didn't want to do it, they wouldn't do it"

So whenever an animal rights activist shows up on some youtube video of an animal performing for human delight, the usual counterargument is:

"If this animal didn't want to do it, it wouldn't do it!"

This is partially true. You cannot pick up a horse and force it to jump a jump if it really doesn't want to jump it. Horses that have no passion or ability for jumping or cutting do not make it to very high levels of the sport, and if you have to spurt/whip a horse repeatedly to get it to do the thing you want, then you're not going to get far.

However, there are many violent ways you can get a horse to do want, such as horse "dancing".

Unlike the piaffe in dressage, which CAN be achieved through ethical and compassionate means, this sort of "dancing" is done by tying a horse between two poles and whipping it until it has to trot in place. Often its knees are struck until it picks them up higher. Eventually you remove the poles and you can get a horse to "dance" like this with the rider. It tends to swing back and forth because during training, they'll tie chains to their feet, and the swaying is how they avoid being struck by the chains.

There is also soring done to Tennessee Walker Horses:

This is where you "sore" their front legs (basically by rubbing chemicals on their legs and plastic wrapping it to "bake" it in) until they're sensitive/painful. This means they step higher in the ring, as a way to avoid being in pain. It's a very different gait than the typical TWH gait.

Both of these are instances in which you actually CAN get a horse to do something against its will; it's just that only the most tolerant, patient horses end up "doing well" because any horse with less tolerance flunks out.

There's also the blue tongue phenomenon in the highest echelons of dressage. And let's not forget the hot mess that are barrel racers.

Any animal can be coerced into doing your bidding. However, it's also ignorant to say that all animals must be violently coerced into performing; plenty of horses are happy and healthy doing the exact same disciplines as the horses that are forced into it. As someone who has ridden a variety of horses, you instantly know when a horse is a "jumper" and when it's better left off as a trail horse. There is no amount of whipping you can do to turn a lazy horse into an Olympic jumper, nor a winning racehorse. A lot of them HAVE to enjoy it in order to succeed as well as they do.

I've also been thinking about these weird freak-outs top tier dressage horses have, what I would call a complete "shut down". A LOT of barrel racers do this same thing. They absolutely refuse to move forward. They act spooked but there's no clear indication of what's spooking them. Kicking and spurring does little to convince them to continue. It's like you're trying to have a conversation and getting no feedback. Some might say that horse is "over threshold."

A lot of people in the comments of these videos will say "every horse has its days". But these are TOP TIER performance horses, not backyard ponies. They've been in dressage rings just like this a hundred times. And as someone who has a horse who is hot, she has simply never reacted to anything in this way, even on her worst days.

This is the sort of shit she pulls when she's displeased about something.

Usually she states her opinion and then we continue moving forward. Usually her opinion is that we are not going fast enough for her taste, lol. In this video, she saw some horses she wanted to go visit and I told her "no", and that's why she got so upset. Notice she comes right down to a loose-reined walk, and after that there is no issue.

I took her to her first show this weekend, and it was a shit show. It was her first time being in a ring with a bunch of horses, and she was NOT happy about it. It was a walk/trot class, which is obscenely offensive to her, apparently, and any time she wanted to canter, my aids bringing her back pissed her off so much she had to do her crowhopping thing. Needless to say, we were eliminated.

However, I noticed there was another horse in the class who WON both walk-trot classes, walked into the ring to jump, and absolutely shut down. Refused to go forward, both inside and outside of the ring, spun in circles, seemed like a completely different horse. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong with this horse, or that there was any abuse. What I found odd was how two different horses went about reacting to too much stimuli. Athena never "shuts down". She reacts to the thing she's mad about (almost always me telling her to slow down), we move forward. She happily jumps anything I place in front of her. She's an INCREDIBLY frank horse. If something pisses her off, she let's me know. And we just keep moving. Despite her hot and often cautious nature, she's never just refused work. It's kind of nice, in a way. If something is hurting her or bothering her, I never have to guess.

This horse, who was so well behaved in the prior two classes, was clearly saying NO, I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. I think more tolerant horses may be more prone to this shut down. They just let minor things coast off of them, but it builds and builds and builds and then just EXPLODES. These are the kind of horses most vulnerable to abuse, because they just take it-- until they can't anymore.

It also makes me think of my other horse Dragon, who is Athena's complete opposite. He is so stoic and tolerant, so much that when he got banged up in the trailer (no real reason beyond his own clumsiness; he'll be wearing extensive padding from now on) he barely hesitated to get back on afterward. Athena wouldn't have done that shit! You'd never get her on a trailer again if she hurt herself while on one! I imagine Dragon would be the perfect horse for an abuser, and who knows, maybe there's one in his past, considering how cautious he was around people when we first got him. An abuser would have a MUCH harder time with Athena.

This is what's most sad about abusive tactics in horseback riding-- it usually only works on the nicest horses, horse you could actually train with ethical methods if your only goal wasn't winning a show. Honestly, this is why I kinda like Athena's piss-and-vinegar attitude about stuff. Yes, it's annoying clownery especially at shows, but deep down I know she won't tolerate any shit from me, or anyone else.

Anywhere, here's a pic of here from the show where she acted like a lunatic and got eliminated, lmao. We were allowed a practice run over the 18" walk/trot crossrails that she jumped at full-out canter, having the time of her life. She is NOT a hunter pony, that's for sure, lol.

[lyranova]

The Proposal

Hi guys~! So here’s my first ever Greyche fic! I hope its good i actually really enjoyed writing this one hehe. This fic was actually supposed to be different and posted on Valentine’s day but I wanted to post it now 😂. I hope you guy’s enjoy it and I’m sorry it’s not as long as my other fics!

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,779

Warnings: None

————

To say Gauche was nervous was an understatement, he was downright terrified, and that was not a normal feeling for Gauche Adlai and it was one he found he did not like. At all. But he knew the cause of this feeling, tonight was the night that would change his life. For better or worse he didn’t know yet, but he knew one thing for sure; this was what he wanted to do. Tonight, he was going to propose to his girlfriend Grey. Gauche had considered taking this step for a while, he had even gone out and bought a ring for the occasion, but he forgot one major detail. How was he going to propose, Where was he going to propose, and most importantly, When was he going to propose? He had none of this planned out in the beginning. So Gauche did what anyone would do, he would go to the other members of the Black Bulls and get their advice. Well, some of the members.

First, Gauche started with Gordon. He asked the man if he knew of anywhere that was close by that was nice yet private. Gordon seemed in thought for a moment.

“ Actually, there’s a small cliff side nearby, it overlooks one of the most beautiful fields you’ve ever seen. I’ve only ever gone there at night but I think it’s-.” Gauche cut Gordon off.

“ Thanks Gordon you’ve been a big help.” Gauche turned on his heel and went to walk out of the room. But as he did he heard Gordon say softly.

“ Anything for my best friends!”

————

Gauche had managed to answer the where and when but still had to answer how. He didn’t have the faintest of ideas, anything he typically thought of when proposing just didn’t seem right. He couldn’t imagine himself getting down on one knee and being a complete romantic about it like some people, but he didn’t want to be the type to just throw Grey a ring and hope for the best. He wanted to do this right. So he went to the only member of the Black Bulls that was now married himself.

“ Couldn’t this wait Gauche? I’m probably going to be a while.” Yami shouted from the other side of the bathroom door, Gauche leaned against the wall next to the door.

“ Not really Captain. It's almost nightfall and I could really use the advice,” Gauche scratched the back of his neck nervously as though the captain could see him. “ how...how did you propose to Captain Roselei?” Sukehiro he mentally corrected himself. Gauche sometimes noticed that he would still call the Blue Rose Knights captain by her maiden name instead of her married one.

“ So you’re finally gonna pop the question to Grey huh?” Yami asked, Gauche felt his face heat up slightly and instantly began to, again, scratch the back of his head. For some reason, he nodded in confirmation even though the captain couldn’t see it.

“ Just ask her.” Was Yami’s reply, Gauche looked wide-eyed at the bathroom door. “ It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, with Charlotte I just said ‘So, wanna get married?’ And of course, she didn’t really like that approach.” Yami laughed and Gauche could help but let a small chuckle escape his lips, of course their captain would be blunt about it.

“ But after talking about it and explaining why I wanted to marry her, she said yes.” Yami continued softly, probably thinking back on the memory if Gauche were to guess. “ So just ask her, Grey doesn’t really strike me as the type to want a bunch of attention. So something small, simple, and quiet would be your best bet.” The captain finished as he walked out of the bathroom door, drying his hands off with a small towel.

“ You’re right Captain, thanks for the advice.” Yami only nodded his head and began to walk past Gauche, but he stopped and placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder.

“ I’m happy for you Gauche.” Yami told him with a small smile. Gauche was taken aback for a moment, he hadn’t really expected the captain to congratulate him or anything. He was so shocked by Yami’s words his brain couldn’t formulate a reply. The Captain patted him on the shoulder once more before walking away.

“ Don’t screw this up!” Yami threw over his shoulder and Gauche smirked, that was the reaction he was expecting.

———

Now here Gauche was, walking up the hill with Grey. Normally she walks beside him, but tonight she was slightly behind him clinging to the back of his shirt. Before they had started dating this would occasionally annoy him, but now he didn’t really mind. Grey was a strong and brave fighter, more than she’d ever give herself credit for, so it warmed his heart a little to think that she wanted him to protect her from some unknown dangers.

“ W-Where are we going Gauche? Isn’t it d-dangerous coming out here this late?” Grey’s voice shook as she asked him this question and her grip on the back of his shirt tightened.

“ You’ll see where we’re going in just a minute. No it’s not dangerous I made sure of that before bringing you out here.” Gauche told her, earlier in the day he had asked Zora to place some trap spells around the area just to keep some of the wild animals away. He felt Grey loosen her grip slightly at his assurance, he hoped she’d feel a little better once they got to the cliff side.

Gauche had to admit, Gordon was right that the cliff side was beautiful. There were trees as far as the eye could see, some as tall as the cliff they were standing on and at the bottom there was a small field with a stream running through the middle. He looked up at the sky and it was so clear you could see the moon and thousands upon thousands of stars. Behind him, Gauche heard a small gasp.

“ Oh Gauche, it’s so beautiful out here!” Grey said her voice full of awe, he looked next to him and saw a smile on her face and a reflection of the moon shining in her eyes. He would make sure to buy Gordon anything he wanted for recommending this place to him. It brought a smile to his girlfriends face, and to Gauche, that meant everything. He walked forward a bit and turned to look at Grey.

“ I’m glad you like it, I was hoping you would,” Gauche started, suddenly he felt his face get warm and his heart begin to race. This was it, he was going to ask her just like the Captain suggested, if he could get the lump out of his throat first. He was already nervous about asking her to marry him and now he was even more nervous to ask her. He already thought Grey was beautiful but she looked even more beautiful in the moonlight, with a few fireflies flying around her. Gauche was beginning to think he was having a heart attack with how fast his heart was beating.

“ G-Gauche, can I ask you something?” Grey suddenly asked, causing Gauche to snap out of his thoughts. He nodded for her to continue as he shoved a hand in his pocket, grabbing the ring that was inside and holding onto it.

“ I-I just...was wondering if you’d…” Grey trailed off, her face a bright shade of red, he noticed her hands were clenched into fists at her sides as though she were trying to summon up the courage to finish her sentence. Gauche was about to ask if she was alright when she blurted out.

“ Will you marry me Gauche?”

Gauche blinked a couple of times. What...did she just…? Gauche’s brain couldn’t process the question, it was almost as though someone had flipped the switch and shut his brain off. Grey, his Grey, had just asked him to marry her. Which was what Gauche was about to ask her himself! ‘Why doesn’t anything ever go to plan?’ A voice asked exasperatedly in his head, anytime he would try to plan something it would always get messed up by something or someone. But, as Gauche thought more about it, did it really matter who asked whom? Apparently they were both on the same wavelength, so why did it really matter? Grey must’ve been way more nervous than Gauche was if she had been carrying that question around all this time! He smiled softly, she was the bravest person he had ever known.

“ G-Gauche please say something!” He blinked again as he heard Grey’s voice tremble, he looked at her again and realized even though her face was hidden behind her hands, it was much redder than it had been earlier and she was trembling slightly. Gauche suddenly felt immense guilt.

He had been silent too long.

Gauche walked up to Grey and gently grabbed her wrists and tried to pry them away from her face. But of course, she wasn’t budging.

“ Grey, please look at me.” He tried to coax her, but again, she did not budge. “ Please! I’m not angry I promise, just look at me for a moment.” He pleaded and eventually it worked. Grey looked up at him and saw a soft smile, which made her face flush even more if that were possible. It was a smile he reserved for her and Marie only.

“ Of course I’ll marry you. There’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.” Gauche told her softly as he rested his forehead against hers, even though the comment was cheesy as hell, he found that it was actually true.

“ R-Really? You will?” She asked with a surprised yet very bright and happy smile on her face, when he nodded a small laugh escaped Grey’s lips and she jumped into his arms and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck as Gauche held her.

“ I love you Gauche.”

“ And I love you, Grey.”

——-

The next morning, when Gauche showed Grey the ring he had bought for her weeks earlier, he lied and told her he had gone out that morning and bought it. For the rest of their lives Gauche never told her the truth, that he was the one that was going to propose to her that night. Because he wanted her to remember the bravery she showed that night and carry it with her always.

Ah I’m sorry this fell apart towards the end! I feel like all my fics do that 😅. But I hope you enjoyed it and I apologize if you didn’t, if anyone wants to be added to the taglist please let me know. Hope everyone has a good day~!

Tag List: @eme-eleff