#(technically. it’s much easier for Andrew to admit to himself he’s catching feelings after this moment)

[emry-stars-art]

Jellyfish, specifically JellyNeil has no concept of gender nor does it remotely care about its gender until a very specific series of events

Find the mer au masterpost here 💕

[beyscape]

The Intern - 2

Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: Being Andy’s intern meant you got to spend more time by his side more than anyone. This was fine, however, until feelings got in the way and made things complicated

Word Count: 2.4k (can you tell I get carried away? ‘cause I get carried away)

Warnings: Age gap, technically cheating, swearing and stuff, mention of rape

A/N Contains spoilers from episodes 1-4.

Chapter 1    Chapter 2   Chapter 3    Chapter 4   Chapter 5

 Andrew Stephen Barber was a good man by all means. A good citizen, a good father, an exceptional defense attorney, trying his best to be a good husband, Andy Barber believed he was a good man. Standing in the line to grab a cup of coffee, however, made him question his entire belief system. He had tried to ignore the hushed whispers, the pointed looks, the way whenever he entered a room it would all go very silent for a second; he had told Jake and Laurie to ignore them, that they didn’t know anything. That that’s what people do, gossip. He was now really understanding how hard it was to simply ignore when people were so blatant with their gossiping. With their cold stares.

 He never had friends, not proper ones where he could grab a beer with after work or talk to them about whatever was going on in his mind. He thought he did, but these past couple of weeks proved how much of his supposed friends were mere acquaintances. It never bothered him anyways, he never felt the particular need for that sort of closeness in his life. He was used to being alone, that’s how he had grown up, not needing anyone and learning how to survive on his own. He had his son and his wife, though latter feeling as far away as any stranger would at that point. They simply had stuff to take care of together, Andy could feel that Laurie was itching to finally get away once the dust settled. So, when the inevitable papers arrived finally, Andy would be left to his devices one more time..

But then again, there was you.

His gaze turned to you, watching your movements as you waited in the passenger seat of his car, your head laying against the window. He watched you fiddle with the ends of your hair, clearly lost in thought, and it took everything in him to not smile. Poker faces, Joanne had said to them, they had to keep their cool and not lose their composure, not with so many eyes around them. Waiting to catch a mistake, a single slip of the tongue, the smallest of gestures.

He thanked the barista quietly after grabbing the two paper cups of the coffee placed in front of him, pushing the glass doors with his feet as best as he could without sending the cups in his hands flying. No one in the relatively packed coffee shop made a move to help him. He hadn’t expected them to anyways.

His movement grabbed your attention at last as he made his way towards the black car parked towards the back of the lot, a smile spread on your lips then. It was the same one you gave him when he wasn’t looking, that shy, small smile seemingly lighting up your face with adoration. This time it wasn’t when he was unaware though, and even that thought was a whole another thing to make you happy even amidst everything going on. This time Andy couldn’t help it as a smile matching yours very closely appeared on his face as well upon seeing the look you gave him.

Many things in Andy Barber’s life was royally fucked up and it had been for some time now, but a tiny voice in his head quipped up to remind him that not everything was bad, not the young woman smiling up at him. Andy felt a surge of gratefulness fill his chest.

That night at the park he had acted on his impulses, he tried to chalk it up to him being tired, confused, what with everything going on. You were a friendly face he had stumbled upon on a night filled with desperation. His excuses didn’t last however and when he woke up the next morning, Andy knew he had to stop lying to himself. He tried to deny the fact that he had been wanting to kiss you for some time now, to hold you close but he had kept it all locked away in the deepest corner of his heart in the name of being professional. That, and he wanted to protect you. He knew any move on his part could very possibly lead to a mess of problems with his family and even more so with your work. Andy was well aware of how much you loved your job and the career plans you had told him that one night, and he couldn’t dismiss all of that just because he couldn’t keep his feelings under control.

That night at the park however, was the night where he decided he was done with keeping his feelings under control. He could do it in a courtroom in front of a judge, he could do it with the people of his once loved town scrutinizing his every move, he could do it under the cold stare of his wife, but not you. Not anymore.

So, under the dim light of the street lamp above and the shadows covering everywhere the light didn’t touch that one late night, he had kissed you. And even more surprisingly, didn’t regret it one bit. Not the way he thought he would have. If he had known before how easy it was to kiss you time after time in that cold night, Andy was sure he would have done it way earlier.

“Hi.” You said as you carefully grabbed your cup out of his hands, your eyes meeting his while your fingertips slightly grazed each other for a split second. You wished to reach over the seat, to get closer, you had waited enough for this moment, and he was so close, looking at you with that same deep softness in his eyes- you let out a shaky breath.

You had met the next day after the park, knowing damn well there was a lot to discuss. After kissing you, resting his forehead against yours and holding you close for a moment that felt too short, Andy had told you to go home and get some rest. He had insisted on dropping you off at the house you lived with your friend, the ten-minute car drive filled with silence save for the quiet tunes of the radio. He had placed the gentlest of kisses on your lips before giving you a tired smile, and only driving off once he saw you safely go in. It was another restless night with no way of sleep, but for the first time in a while, it was because of something good.

Finding an empty corner of the park was easy, even in the daylight the park didn’t host many visitors during that time of the year. You both were awkward at first, acting like high school lovers unsure of what to do or say to one another. After minutes of hushed conversation and reckless, stolen kisses you had come to a decision about keeping things extremely low-key. You and Andy were well aware that even though whatever this was between you was exciting and new, the top priority was defending Jacob and making sure he got his innocence proven. So, you had to keep things seemingly strictly professional, not allowing space for even the smallest of rumours.

It hadn’t been easy however, both desperate to see each other as soon as possible. Thus, here you were, sitting in his car drinking mediocre coffee, trying to avoid prying eyes.

“Hi yourself.” The twinkle in his eyes seemed to return in the past week, maybe not entirely but he was getting there. You talked about the case for a while, discussing other possible suspects and who could have done such a thing, when the fat droplets of rain started to fall and roll down the front window.

“Y/N, I want to tell you something.” The tone of his voice made you look at him carefully, you noted how his burrows were not furrowed with his lips cursed in a small scowl.

“You know you can tell me anything, Andy.” You replied, meaning every word. He sighed at that, clearly struggling with how to start.

“I never told this to anyone, and only told Laurie and Jacob vert recently because they had to know. My father, you see,” he trailed off, blowing on his still steaming coffee a little before taking a careful sip, doing everything he could do delay what he was about to tell you. He was scared of you hating him or being afraid of him or even worse, pitying him once he revealed his darkest of secrets, but he knew that sooner or later it would come up in the case. He thought at least he could be the first one to let you in on the skeletons he had deep in his closet. He sighed again, his gaze following the rain droplets, he couldn’t bring himself to face you in that moment.

“He wasn’t a good man. When I was about five years old, he raped and murdered a college girl, she was barely nineteen. I, I struggled with that throughout my entire childhood even though I didn’t exactly understand what was going on. And when I was old enough to get it, it didn’t make things easier. It fucked me up and still, after almost forty years, the whole thing still haunts me. Haunts my thoughts, my dreams, and now with Jake’s case it all came rushing back. Like the dam I had built to keep it repressed broke suddenly and all of it just, flooded right in.” There it was. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was afraid of the reaction you would give, Andy wasn’t sure how he would take it if you acted the way Laurie had when she found out. He instantly regretted that he even made that comparison however when he felt your warm hand wrap up his, not quite being able to cover it all. He raised his eyes to yours.

“You are not alone anymore, Andy. Thank you for sharing this with me, and please know that from now on, you’ve got me in your corner. You no longer need to pretend everything’s just great; you have me. Talk to me, and we will get through it, okay? No matter what.” One hand wrapped around his big one, you placed another hand on his thigh, all you could do in that moment to reassure him that everything was fine.

He felt it again, that rush of warmth spreading in him as he stared at you in disbelief. How had you known those were the exact words he was internally dying to hear? His gaze traced your face, your eyes burning bright with determination, your lips, those beautiful lips he craved oh so much giving him a reassuring smile. He ran a ginger hand over the hair falling down your face, barely touching, hesitant to go too far that he couldn’t hold back. Painstakingly he had to remind himself that you were still in a public parking lot, where it was so easy to get caught even with the pouring rain outside of the car as he drew his hand back, resting it on top of yours, hidden completely from the view.

“I have to go see him in prison, and I don’t know if I can do it.” He confided in you, finding it so easy to talk about whatever was bothering him, scaring him… He had never had that kind of a connection before, not even with Laurie.

“Do you want me to come with you?” You didn’t think about the technicalities. You didn’t think about why that was probably a bad idea, there could be press around, how would you get the time off, what if people saw you and many more reasons why you shouldn’t didn’t even cross your mind for all you could focus on at that moment was how small Andy had looked when he uttered those words to you. This man with broad shoulders, well-built physique who commanded whatever room he entered had looked so small in that moment. Your eyes never left his, worried that if you broke the gaze the whole moment would shatter all around you. He nodded once. Twice.

“I would like that.” He looked around, his eyes scanning the surroundings for people, but the rain that had picked up its speed was acting as a curtain drawn between you and the rest of the world.

Satisfied with what he saw, Andy turned back to face you, cupping the sides of your face between his big hands. He leaned in without any hesitation holding him back, he had been waiting for an opportunity like this and heaven knows you were in the same position as him. Your lips met in the middle and immediately sent tingles down your spine, the gentleness of the kiss conveying so many words between. The kiss was different from the heated, passion filled ones at the park that night, and different from the secretive, exciting ones of the day after. No, this kiss was sweeter than them, so sweet you thought you could get drunk off of Andy’s lips, both of his hands still cupping your cheeks.

 It was over in a moment, not satisfying the need as you hoped it would, instead it seemed to make your craving even harder to ignore.

You knew you would have to leave soon, before Neal started questioning why your coffee run had taken so long and Andy would have to go back to his house, trying to fend off the occasional reporters still waiting around his house to get one more statement from him. You both were uncomfortably aware of the pressing issues in your life, almost working together on purpose to keep you apart after a year of pining and dreaming.

“Soon”, Andy reassured you after placing kiss after kiss to your lips, to the corner of your mouth, on top of your nose. “Soon, this whole thing will blow out and we will be free to do whatever we want.”

“Together,” you kissed the palm of his hand still resting on your cheek, not wanting to let go, “we will figure it out together.”

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I had to get this in writing before sleep so guess who went to bed at 5 a.m? I wanted to wait and watch episode 5 before writing some of the more important scenes, so here have whatever this is. My inbox is open for requests, asks, feedback or just to talk about Chris! 

[dars-stars-blog]

‘Lord of War’ Movie Review: How much do you know about firearm dealers and the life they live?

Ever wonder how so many people and governments worldwide are able to obtain, traffic, and use firearms. How about what happened to all of the weapons “put into storage” after the Cold War had ended. Well, Yuri Orlov (played by Nicolas Cage), an international arms dealer from Queens, New York provides you with more answers and knowledge than you probably would have wanted.

Lord Of War (directed by Andrew Niccol) is a film set after the ending of the Cold War that follows the life of Yuri Orlov and his 2 decade career as an illegal international fire arms dealer. It would probably be easier to ask him which countries he had not sold weapons to rather than which he did. He even admitted to selling weapons to countries that were fighting Ukraine, the country where he was born. He made deals with terrorists, and politicians from all around the world, and only stopped when they would not pay him or he could not pay them. From Ukraine to Liberia, he travelled the world buying and reselling anything that could be used for war: guns, helicopters, grenades, almost always being illegal. Filled with humour, happiness, sadness, and shock, this film brings a very unique perspective to the world of war and the weapons that are used today. Orlov’s casual manner, tone, and approach to the entire situation adds to the entertainment of the audience, but also shows how he believes that morally he is not completely in the wrong. In the film he goes as far as justifying his action by saying  that his weapons kill less people than tobacco and alcohol, which while true does not by any means validate his actions. His entire career and life is built of lies, cheating, and deceit, yet you cannot help but feel connected to this character to the point where you are actually sitting there thinking about how sad it is that he got caught by Interpol agent Valentine (Ethan Hawke). You know that it is wrong, but you almost become emotionally attached, especially because the film is set in his perspective.

Nicolas Cage does an incredible job at character development and building necessary background to show how Orlov became the person that he was. From his realization that there is more to life than living in Queens, to his ability to act both frightened and calm while having a gun pointed to his head, he becomes a characters that enhances the emotions and ideas set out by the film. His use of humour and seriousness, and the ability to easily manipulate almost anyone and everyone, results in the audience being torn between wanting to absolutely hate his guts, to sitting on the edge of their seats awaiting the next deal he will close. He is cocky, smart, charming, and sometimes terrifying, and it is clear that he has no guilt for his actions. Yuri Orlov shows a side to war that many people do not know about as he takes you through a timeline of the various events that impacted both his life and the violence that occured around the world. Through recounts, flashbacks, and entertaining narration, the audience is able to learn about his ability to cheat, lie, and keep himself from being caught, while also trying to live a double life for his family. The use of narration is very effective at providing important information without taking away from the action and development of the movie. Mixed in with humour and Nicolas Cage’s cocky remarks you get dialogue that in my opinion only enhances the film.

There was also an interesting side story developed between Yuri Orlov and his brother Vitaly (Jared Leto) who at first helps him in his business only to be overcome with a drug addiction. It was clear that Vitaly knew that what they were doing was morally wrong which created a very distinct contrast between the two brothers. While drugs were an outlet that he used to face what his actions, it was interesting to see the difference between Vitaly’s cocaine addiction, and Yuri’s addiction to selling guns and money.

The technical work in the film is also well done and provides very interesting camera perspectives that are eye-catching, interesting, and help make the film better. The starting montage that follow the perspective of a bullet as it is being made in a factory is very impactful and draws the audience in from the very beginning. Not to mention the first and last scenes show Orlov casually standing on bullet covered ground, making the viewers realize that this movie will definitely be different than anything that they have seen before. There was a variety of different shot angles used that gave a fuller picture to every scene and situation. These scenes make you want to know more and captivate you as you continue to follow the life story of the illegal arms dealer. The use of lighting was also very well done with cold, dark, blue tones being used while Orlov is still living in Queens. This was heavily contrasted by the use of sunlight and more bright colours during his trips to find new firearms or after he had just closed a deal. The dark colours and lights that were always present in his apartment back in Manhattan also developed the underlying tension between him and his wife, and reinforced the lies and criminal activity that allowed him to become so rich and amass such an empire. Using action, lighting, and dialogue, the director focused on creating a a very dark tone, that was mixed in with moments of positivity and humour.

While Lord of War was a very entertaining, funny, and captivating film, it did shed a lot of light on the fact that illegal and legal arm dealing exists all around the world, and how the countries that are the most responsible for providing these weapons are the United States, UK, France, and Russia. It really showcased how easily children as young as 12 are made into murderers, and how war torn countries are exploited by the rich whose only intentions are getting richer, not helping. These firearms are the cause of terrorism, global conflict, and civil wars, yet they are still being shipped out and sold on a daily basis. Through a very different perspective the viewers are able to learn about how prevalent this issue truly is on a global scale and the influence that firearms and conflict have on the lives of millions worldwide. The character development, compelling storyline, engaging camera and light techniques, and thought-provoking messages, help develop what in my opinion is an amazing film. For these reasons I give Lord of War 10 stars out of 10.