#(something i'm very much working on myself haha... bottling up is too easy)

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[nighttimepixels]

hello mun, you're a girl right? do you have a boyfriend or so or anything? how do you balance being so into undertale/the skeletons with having that..? are there ever any weird questions or feelings...??

yeah, i’m definitively of the lady persuasion, ahaha.

in any case, currently, there’s no stress of ‘balancing’ or ‘addressing’ anything of that variety. truth be told, i’m of the mindset that being ‘into’ the skelebros (or any other characters) is quite like having any other fantasy, really - ideally, your s/o should understand that it is a fantasy situation, that (as much as we joke about ‘sins crawling on our backs) it’s not actually a terrible thing to feel so connected and drawn to these (or other) characters. whether for coping reasons or for general ‘i love these characters so incredibly much oh gods’, it’s not something that’s wrong. if you have an s/o that’s giving you a lot of crap for loving these characters, that’s something that i’d recommend trying to talk to them about. life and relationships are complicated as hell, but anything healthy involves lots of communication. if your s/o is still uncomfortable (or outright rude), then it may be a good opportunity to talk together about what’s important to you both, what your lines are, and how that may affect your relationship and whether you both are a good match as you are now. it’s hard to address, but really important in the long run.

honestly, when i first got into undertale, i was in a relationship. a decently long one at that point, too. he never… connected to it, or to games really across the board for the most part. that’s no deal breaker, of course. the problem came about… half a year later, about 4 and a half years into our relationship. after years of deteriorating self-worth, worsening depression, increasing (unrelated) physical health issues, loss of friends and clear support systems, and the wakeup call that was working a certain job that he had no access to, i finally realized that he had been… emotionally abusive. for nearly the entire relationship.

… despite what dramatic tv shows may portray, realizing you’re in that sort of relationship isn’t necessarily a ‘snap’ moment. if the relationship is purely emotionally abusive, even your friends may not recognize it, because there’s little chance of ‘physical’ harm coming from it, at least from an outside source. for me it was… it was like a dam finally breaking. it started with cracks, with finally recognizing how off some things he’d do and say felt. they slowly spread even as the result of the relationship had me trying to rationalize it and blame myself instead… over the following few months, i realized that he had effectively cut me off from almost every friendship i had that was purely my own (ie, wasn’t ‘his’ first and foremost), he had shamed me into feeling guilty about needing time and space of my own on occasion (we had been living together for a couple years by then), made me feel guilty for not liking the shows/etc he liked, made me feel like any and all work i did never measured up to his own, made it to where only his depression was ‘true’ depression, to where any few expressed negative feelings of mine were shallow and exhausting, and… well, i’ll leave it at that i still have memory problems and a strong uneasiness over my own recollection of things because he had been gaslighting me for years. in just under 2 weeks now it will be a full year from when i ended things with him, but… it’s never easy, and it just takes time to deal with it all. i’m taking steps of my own, and have been working hard to get to a better place and trust myself, but know that if you are in a tough situation, you’re not alone - you’re never alone.

ah, i don’t mean to digress… my point is, if you have an s/o that’s making you feel… uncomfortable, or ashamed of something that you like, it’s so important to talk to them about it. since i don’t know your situation (if you do have one), i cannot say for sure on either side - if your gut is telling you something is wrong with the situation, please trust it, at least enough to try to talk about it and to trust that your feelings are valid. they may be coming from a different experience, and their feelings can be completely valid too! that’s why it’s so, so important to talk about anything that’s making either of you uncomfortable. you’ll never know until you try and work through it together - and it may take a few tries and ongoing effort on this topic specifically, depending on the situation. there’s a lot of great resources online for facilitating those conversations too, if you’re uncomfortable or unsure of how to do it (trust me, i know how scary they can be). it’s always okay to seek help, whether professional or just turning to a friend you can trust. i know i wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the one friend he hadn’t been able to estrange me from, and for my sister. 

i’ll say it one more time - sweetheart, your feelings are valid. whether it ends up being a misunderstanding or just a good conversation you need to have, or whether it ends up being something that helps you determine that your relationship may not be good for the long term as hard as it may be, 

[zbeez-outlet]

ok so about the anonymous assumptions...

i think that you're the kind of person to be super specific with their drinks (like my hot cocoa needs to have whipped cream and exactly 8 tiny marshmallows)

also i feel like your taste in music is really good (no idea why tho xD)

oh and i think you're the kind of person that has the most random discussions with friends about anything and everything late at night

hope you're doing well <3

These are so cute! Okay let’s go one at a time:

Probably about 95% of the time I’m just drinking water because I'm boring, but it does have to be iced water. I used to have a dispenser in my fridge that measured ounces and it always had to be an even number when I filled a cup or bottle - I don’t have it anymore lol. The other 5% is usually juice or something because I’m a 23 year old toddler, apple is my favorite. And I’m a sucker for a peppermint hot chocolate when it’s cold out. I only get really super specific when it comes to cocktails, which I rarely have anyway, because I'm particular about flavors, amount of alcohol, and I prefer something sweet that’s easy to sip. That shit's expensive, so I might as well invest in something I actually enjoy drinking, y'know?

I don’t know if my music taste is good but I assume it’s probably not haha. I mostly listen to music when I’m writing, a topic I go in a little more depth in this post. The kind of stuff I listen to for focus. But casual listening like when I’m doing chores or working out or something, I lean heavy in classic rock and indie bands (think the Strokes, Fleetwood Mac, Radiohead, etc.). My friends have introduced me to a lot of great music since I went to college, mostly newer soft rock or indie alternative stuff I probably never would have looked into like Peach Pit or Mitski. Not very into music with super high energy or intense volume - so generally not pop, heavy metal, techno, etc. I’m pretty chill, my music taste reflects that I think? I do not consider myself very musically literate, but I know what I like.

The last one is absolutely correct, I get the most random topics that pop up in my head. When my roommates and I were in dorms (before we got an apartment and finally had our own rooms), three of us were piled into one tiny room with a bunk bed and a loft. I used to just throw out random topics all the time in the middle of the night and we’d go on for hours with the twinkle lights and chill music in the background. Stuff as big as artificial intelligence (which terrifies me to my core) to favorite obscure movies or the origins of certain words to friendship ending debates about the best Mario Kart avatar - it's Toad btw, fight me. I think part of it is having a writer’s brain, I get curious about so many different topics or plots or world altering ideas. I think it annoys them sometimes but they almost always humor me lol! I’m lucky to have them :) I’m generally a pretty quiet person, but if you let me go on a rant, it could last hours!

Thank you so much, I hope you’re doing well too!

Send in your assumptions! :)