#(something about being alone in a workspace when it's just you and a project and headphones and too much caffeine)

[eastberlin]

THEY'RE PUTTING MY NAME ON THE SHOW SHIRTS AS "SCENIC ARTIST". Y'ALL.

[all-about-kyu]

𝕽𝖊𝖉 𝕮𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 𝕭𝖊𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝕻𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 (𝖒𝖞 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖘)

Summary: Being in a polyamorous relationship can take a toll on a person; Jongho just happened to be the one to uncork the bottle. Pairing: Seonghwa x San x fem!reader x Yeosang x Jongho Tropes: hybrid au, poly au, established relationship au Genre: fluff, angst, suggestive Rating: PG 13 Warnings: language, anxiety, stress, mentions of unhealthy self-care habits, reader described as smaller than all members and has blue eyes (bunny quality), minor injury, mentions of sex, kissing Word Count: 6,164 Note: your favorite Thunder is back! <3 thank you to @mejuii and @downtoamagicalland for beta reading as always <3

Listen to: Put It Straight by (G)-Idle ♡ As I Am (feat. Khalid) by Justin Bieber ♡ I GUESS I’M IN LOVE by Clinton Kane

Series Masterlist

You’ve been holed up in your workspace almost all day. You have been for a few days now. The only times you ever emerge are to shower and get some form of nourishment in your body. The influx of orders you had for your shop came out of nowhere, and you’re struggling to keep up with what needs to be done. All three of your boyfriends are worried about you, to say the least. San hasn’t been around much due to a merger he’s been working on, and Yeosang has been running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to get everything arranged for a new project that could make or break a lot of things for him. Seonghwa has been around, though. Just yesterday, he decided to stay home from the shop and sketch while you worked on crafting a rather detailed necklace. 

You’re so lost in what you’re creating that you hardly register the knock on your door. So when it pops open, you drop your half-done chain making the individual links scatter across the desk. Despite the urge to break down right then and there, you take a deep breath and recollect yourself. When you look up, you’re met with a very concerned-looking purple dragon.

“Treasure, you’ve been in here all day… have you eaten anything?” San asks with a worried tone.

“I’m fine.” You give him a tight-lipped smile, “I need to finish this bracelet by tomorrow and get it shipped out.”

San steps closer and squats down beside you. Even with him squatting, he’s barely below your eye level. It only serves to remind you how much smaller you are than them. Your silver-eyed boyfriend reaches to take your hands in his. At first, he doesn’t think anything of the tension rings along your fingers. He knows it helps you from cramping up too quickly. Then he takes in the small pinches and cuts on your fingertips and palms.

“Treasure, you should take a break. I’m worried about you. We all are.” He tries to reason with you.

“I’ll come to eat after this project is done, promise.” You offer, taking your hand to run over some of his scales along his cheekbone.

“You better have eaten a well-balanced meal and drank at least three glasses of water by the time I get back from my meeting,” He bluntly reminds you.

“I’ll do my best to do that.” You chuckle while playfully saluting him.

He stands back up to his full height, “I love you, and I hate to see you so overworked.” He sighs, placing a kiss against the base of one of your bunny ears.

“I love you too. I promise I’ll leave this room at some point.”

Some point becomes hours later when Seonghwa forces you out of the room even though the bracelet is still incomplete. San walks back in the door, Yeosang beside him, as you’re nibbling on a veggie wrap. Seonghwa is sitting beside you eating as well to make you feel less alone in your activity. San has a small bit of smoke curling out of his lip that he tries to stop you from seeing. It doesn’t work, though. Yeosang whispers something that seems to soothe the purple dragon before they both walk over to you. 

“How’s your project coming?” Yeosang asks innocently.

“Still not done….” You sigh, bunny ears falling back against your hair, “It was supposed to be done today so I could ship it out tomorrow….”

“And it’s okay that you didn’t finish it today.” Seonghwa offers, “You own your own business, and sometimes you need to know your limits on what can be done.”

“But-”

“No buts,” San adds, “you did what you could today. That’s all that matters.”

You nod silently and take another small bite out of your wrap before placing it down on the plate again. When you get stressed like this, you hardly want to eat anything. You know it’s an unhealthy habit, but it’s just how you function. Despite your quiet state, your three boyfriends seem to easily flow through conversation. Some sort of ugly jealousy curls through your stomach. The way they seem to fit together easily without any seams makes you feel almost out of place in a way. You’re not willing to address that with your current state of mind, though.

“Hops,” Yeosang calls quietly; you look up at him, “You didn’t hear me, did you?” He chuckles sweetly, “Who do you want to crash with tonight?”

You nibble at your lower lip, “I think I’ll stay in my nest tonight.”

“Do you want one or more of us to–” You cut Seonghwa off before he can finish his question.

“No!” You blurt out, “I want to sketch out some more projects, and I’d hate to keep you up.”

“You know that won’t bother us, treasure.” San reminds you, “I’d much rather you get some good rest than workshop more projects.”

“I’ll be fine, San, I promise.” You stand up abruptly, ignoring the (barely) half-eaten wrap. “Good night boys. Love you!”

You bolt to the room your nest and work area are in. The moment you firmly shut the door, you sit down at your desk and hunch over the same bracelet you’ve been working on all day.

Even after slaving over projects for the next two days, it feels like you’ve made no progress. You’re pacing back and forth in your studio and nest space, hoping that inspiration strikes you to at least finish one project. A soft knock sounds on your door again. This time Yeosang is the one who pops his head through the doorway. You’re worrying on the edge of your ear and continue pacing even though you feel your boyfriend’s worried eyes on you. 

“Hops,” His low voice sounds through the space, “Sannie and Hwa already headed out for the day. They thought you were still sleeping when they were leaving.” He explains.

“I’ve been up for a while.” You respond flatly, “I need to get this shit done.”

Yeosang is slightly taken aback. You’ve never been one to curse. So to hear you say such a word was not what he was expecting to come from your mouth. He steps closer and grabs you gently to stop you from pacing anymore. You look up at him and see the worry swirling in his green eyes. He pulls you into a hug. You’ve come to learn that he’s not very physically affectionate outside your heat. So the fact that he has you wrapped in a hug, your face buried in his chest, means a lot. His minty scent invades your senses, giving you a momentary feeling of peace. That lingering panic and fear creeps back into you when he pulls away.

“Take a break from your projects, Hops.” He reminds you, “Stepping away from a project can do wonders sometimes.”

You nod, “I will.”

It may be a half-truth, but you don’t want to worry him if you don’t need to. He places a soft kiss against the top of your head and takes another step back.

“I have to go meet a client. Unfortunately, all three of us are out of the house for the rest of the day.” He sighs, “I should be back around dinner time. San said he has a business dinner tonight, and Seonghwa is closing the shop today since Yun is off.”

“I’m a big bunny,” You try to joke, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know, little one,” He smiles softly, “Just giving you the rundown for the day. I’ll see you at dinner, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod, your snow-white ears twitching slightly when he gently scratches the base of them.

Yeosang is out the door, and a few moments later, you hear the front door of the penthouse close too. You debate your options for a few moments before deciding to get a drink before returning to work. You aren’t fully sure who’s home right now. At least you know Yunho is home. You’re about ninety percent sure Mingi is at his university lecturing right now. It’s likely that Wooyoung is at his dance studio, and you haven’t seen Hongjoong in about three days. When you get to the kitchen, you find that Jongho is home too. He’s sitting at the small breakfast bar sipping on a mug of tea. You shuffle behind him, being sure not to knock into his deep blue tail. You reach up into the cabinet to get a glass when you feel a hand on your shoulder. You nearly jump out of your skin and end up dropping the glass, causing it to shatter on the counter. Immediately, Yunho moves to make sure you’re okay and explains he wasn’t trying to scare you. Your fight-or-flight instincts kick in, and you’re already down the hall and back in your nest. The first thing you can think to do is grab the duffle bag and start stuffing clothing into it. Tears are threatening to fall from your eyes, but you hold them back for now. You can smell the two men that are home. They’re still down the hallway. However, your senses are out of sorts due to your panicked state. 

Again, a knocking sounds on the door frame. You whip your head around, and your ears twitch around, trying to find one sound to focus on. Your nose twitches even more as you take in the dark blue dragon standing in the doorway. Jongho steps into the space when you don’t speak, knowing you need someone to calm you down. He would have never breached your space without your permission had you been more stable mentally. 

“Where are you off to?” He asks gently.

That’s when your tears burst through fully. You start sobbing and find yourself face-first in Jongho’s sweater before you can stop yourself. He awkwardly wraps his arms around you and tries to soothe you. The room is only filled with sniffles and loud sobs as you stand there in the golden-eyed dragon’s arms. You’re completely unaware of how long you cry in his arms, but when you finally slow to a sniffle, you pull your face away from his sweater. There’s a large wet spot from the amount of crying you just did. There’s a bit of snot, too, which you cringe at and immediately try to wipe off with your own sweater. You can feel his strong chest beneath the fluffy material, but your mental state is hardly focused on the dragon’s physique. Your head is pounding from crying, which doesn’t help the situation at all. Jongho still has his arms wrapped around you, securing you in your spot.

“You need to talk about anything?” He offers quietly.

“Are you sure you want to hear all of that?” You chuckle, trying to downplay your emotions.

“You need it. We both know that.” He sighs, not letting you divert anything.

Suddenly you’re very aware of his arms wrapped around you and how comforting it feels. You find yourself nodding at him.

“Do you want to go to a neutral space, or are you comfortable right here?” He searches your pale blue eyes for any discomfort as he asks.

You appreciate how respectful of your boundaries he’s being. You know you need this, and he does too. Damn him and his phenomenal therapist skills. 

“We can stay here…” You bite your lip, debating whether or not you want to ask him a specific question or not. You decide to throw caution to the wind and ask. “Do- do you um… could we-”

“What’s up Hops?”

“Well… I’m kind of all over the place, and… do you care if we cuddle while I vent?”

“Would that make you feel more comfortable?” he asked again.

You nod, “It would…”

“In your nest?”

“Yeah… if that’s okay.”

“Lead the way.”

Jongho releases you from his hold and allows you to get comfortable in bed where your nest is before he approaches it. You shift a little bit allowing Jongho to climb in beside you. The dragon is slightly stiff as he gets semi-comfortable. You snuggle close to him, which makes him melt beneath you. He wraps an arm around you and sighs with a small smile on his face.

“What’s on that mind of yours, Hops?” He asks once you’re both comfortable. 

“A lot of things… where should I start?”

“Wherever you want to.” He offers, small vines wrapping around his fingers as you get more comfortable.

“I feel like an outsider.” You admit, “And like a failure…”

“What makes you say that? You have your fluffle, and you’re part of the Thunder now. You have a successful business making jewelry.”

“I haven’t been able to finish a single project for days now, and I feel horrible. These people are waiting for me to finish these pieces for them and-” You start crying again. 

“Take your time.” He reminds you, “Do you wanna hear my two cents on this, or do you want to continue what you were saying.”

“You can talk.” You sniffle, burying your face against his sweater.

He wraps his arm around you tighter. The small vines tickle against your jaw lightly as his fingers hold your shoulder. You find yourself sinking further into his touch subconsciously.

“Here’s what I think.” He starts, “Everyone has their own threshold. When you reach that threshold, you can’t do it anymore. You need a break. Your limit is different from mine and different from the others in the Thunder. You need to give yourself breaks, Hops.”

“I know, but-”

“No buts, bunny.”

“But, Jongho…” You pout, “You’re super successful in your career, San owns a whole monopoly, Seonghwa and Yunho own a tattoo shop-”

“And you have a very successful jewelry business.” He stops you mid-sentence, “Just cause we have more income doesn’t mean that you’re unsuccessful.”

You nod and nibble at your lip. You feel a thumb against your lip, gently pulling it from between your teeth. When you look up at Jongho, you see him giving you a gentle, borderline endearing look. It steals your breath away for a moment. Your ears go lax as you maintain eye contact with the navy dragon. You take note of how his navy scales frame his face perfectly and how they contrast against his bright red hair. Suddenly, you snap back to reality and shake your head slightly to ground yourself.

“I know that but still…”

“Still what?” He prods lightly.

“You guys seem actually to get work done, and I’m still fighting with this same necklace that I’ve been working on all week. I have a damn sketch of the thing, and I can’t even do it.” You groan.

“What’s on paper doesn’t always convey in practice. Have you tried looking at it or approaching it a new way?” He asks, his thumb gently caressing your arm as he speaks.

“... No…” You admit, gaze dropping down to your fingers,  “I’ve been very set on the style, and my customer really likes the design I sketched…”

“And it’s your business.” He reminds you, “If you need to rework things because it’s impossible to do in practice, they need to understand that or lose their deposit on the art.”

You nod silently. Jongho notices you remain quiet after providing his two cents on your situation. There’s far more to your issue, and he knows it. He moves his navy blue tail to be draped over his thigh and, by proxy, wrap around yours. The tip of it rests against your lower back. And while you’re used to dragon tails resting against you, Jongho’s tail feels almost foreign to you but absolutely not unwelcomed. 

“I know that’s not all, bun.” He sighs, letting the arm wrapped around you hold you just a bit tighter, “What else is going through that mind of yours?”

You look up at him and see his golden eyes fixated on you, “I don’t think you want to hear about my relationship right now.”

“I want you to feel better.” He assures, “Tell me what’s going on.”

You find yourself curling closer to the dragon and tucking your head just below his chin. You feel a few scales along his jaw, but it’s nothing that bothers you. After all, you live here with them almost all the time now; you’re no stranger to scales touching you. Your ears are pushed back and lying flat against your hair overtop Jongho’s arm. You feel him relax further after his initial tensing. 

“Well… about a week ago, we were, um…” You didn’t know how to phrase it to him.

“You were having sex, okay. What went wrong to make you feel so uncomfortable and try to run away today?”

“How did you know I was gonna say that?” You try to deflect.

Jongho chuckles airily, “You're going to tell me I’m wrong?” You don’t answer, “So, what happened that got you to this point.”

You sigh and debate whether you want to let it all out or tell him just to forget about it. It wasn’t that big a deal, right? Jealously happens in relationships. Jealousy looks different in yours because instead of two people, there are five. 

“Smells like burnt cookies.” Jongho points out, “Just say it before you end up smelling like a burnt kitchen rather than overbaked cookies.” He teases lightly.

“I feel like an outsider in my own relationship.”

“Okay, why do you feel like that? You know San, Seonghwa, and Yeosang would burn the world to the ground if you asked them.”

You feel the tears well up in your eyes again. One escapes and lands on Jongho’s barely damp sweater. Though you know, Jongho can’t see your eyes with your face tucked under his chin. He does seem to know you’re having an emotional hurricane internally. You feel his tail press a bit harder against your body as if to mock some weighted blanket to help you relax.

“They just seem so happy together. I felt like after that very awkward sex that I was just a hookup again.”

“That bad?” He sighs, “I know you know how the Thunder functioned before San and Seonghwa brought you home. Hell, Yunho, and Mingi are worse than you’re polycule sometimes.” He lightens the air, “Remember, you’re the glue that holds those boys together. Yes, they would casually hook up with each other before you were introduced to us, but the dates, talking about how they feel, regulating their schedules… Hops, that’s all thanks to your influence on this Thunder. It feels like I’ve tried to have interventions more often with them than with my clients. Something about you made it click, though.”

“Jongho?”

“Yeah?”

You don’t know what overtakes you, but you untuck your face from his chest and kiss his cheek. You realize what you’ve done after you see Jongho’s slightly shocked expression. Your nose starts to twitch as panic rises in your throat again. Jongho’s strong hold keeps you in your place, along with his tail still lying across your legs and along your back. 

“It’s okay, bun.” He assures, “You just surprised me. If you want to ask something when you’re in the right headspace, you can do so. You’re not in a completely clear or stable mental place right now, though.”

You nod, “Sorry,”

“Nothing to apologize for. Come back here and get comfy again.” He offers, “You rant, and I’ll listen.”

You tuck yourself back against the dark blue dragon and almost feel like you’re at home in his arms. A tug in your heart makes itself known. Of course, it would now, when you’re in the midst of emotional and relational turmoil. Jongho smooths a hand over your hair and ears as you start rambling about everything that’s been bothering you. From missing your fluffle to work to your boyfriends’ dynamic. You feel small amounts of weight press against your hair.

“What’s in my hair?” You ask, “I feel something.”

“I’m weaving flowers in.” He says casually, “Do you want me to take them out?” 

“N-no,” You feel the heat of a blush rush to your face, “Tell me about the flowers.”

“There’s a few red carnations, that’s all. Some are full blooms, others are half-blooms. They look nice against your hair. I like the contrast from how pure white your ears are too.”

You pull your body to be sitting up. Jongho is still lying down, and his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

“You can put them and more flowers in my hair all you want. I’m giving you more space to work with while I talk.” You explain, “I like that you’re playing with my hair.”

A smile graces his lips, and you barely see his fangs peek out. He conjures a small bouquet of little dainty pink and white flowers. One moment there was nothing there, and the next, the flowers were in his hand.

“So, as I was saying, I love my boyfriends, but it’s hard not to feel excluded when they know each other like their favorite things in the world. It really hurt me when I saw San and Yeosang cuddling while Seonghwa tossed the wet wipes at me. I know I’m newest to whatever dynamics were happening here before, but…” You interrupt yourself with a sigh, “I’m still their girlfriend, and it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

Jongho accidentally tugs at your hair while braiding a flower into it, making you yelp slightly.

“Sorry,” He quickly apologizes, “I know it hurts to just feel like a side piece in your relationship. You also need to communicate how you’re feeling, though. I know, ironic when you have three emotionally constipated dragon boyfriends, but it’s true.”

“I just don’t want to make them mad at me…”

“If they get mad at you for having normal emotions, then I’ll personally make them each a batch of poison ivy tea when I refill the tea satchels.”

You giggle lightly and feel Jongho move your hair over your shoulder, signifying that he’s done meticulously intertwining each flower with your hair. You turn around and face him. He’s sitting criss-cross in your nest still. His golden eyes practically melt you as he gives you an affectionate look. Those tugs at your heart return, this time accompanied by a tornado of butterflies in your stomach.

“You feel better now?” He asks softly.

You nod, “I needed that a lot more than I realized.”

He opens his arms, “You still look like you need some comforting before you talk to your boys.”

You climb into his lap, slotting your legs around his hips, and feel his strong arms wrap around your waist in a tight hug. You bury your face in the crook of his neck. Your nose fills with his book scent, and it instantly relaxes you. You don’t break away even when you hear the penthouse door open and click shut again. You’re so engulfed in his scent you don’t even know who’s returning to the lair. Jongho’s arms tighten around you even more. Then, you process the sniffles you’re letting out. You’re not even sure if you’re feeling the emotional aftermath of the day or if you’re nervous about the confrontation later, but you’re sniffling back tears again. Your tears slide down Jongho’s neck and along the snake tattoo that looks as if it’s curling around his collarbone. He doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t question why you’re crying or make any comment to stop you from feeling what you do. He lets you feel. It’s just what you need right now. 

“What’s this?” You hear San snarl.

You tense in Jongho’s hold. Fight or flight instincts beg you to bolt for the door, even if San grabs you in the process. The only thing stopping you is Jongho’s arms holding you in place. Suddenly, Jongho rips a flower out of your hair. You yelp at the sudden movement and then see the navy dragon shaking out a singed red carnation. You know San didn’t mean any harm to you. When he was pissed, he tended to lose complete control of what he did with his magic.

“Hops.” He snarls, “I need to talk to you. Alone. Now.”

He hasn’t called you that since you officially started dating him. Hearing the neutral nickname sounds foreign to your ears in the worst way possible. You’ve never seen him direct his anger at you, either. Your heart rate spikes again, and your nose twitches at the speed of light. Subconsciously you grip onto Jongho, maybe to try to soothe yourself. You don’t want to think too hard about why it was comforting to you.

“Talk to him. It’ll be okay. If not, remember what I told you.” He ends his sentence with a slight chuckle.

You nod and climb out of Jongho’s lap. Your eyes linger on his golden eyes, noticing how his pupils dilate as he looks back at you. While you’d love to think it’s out of affection toward you, you decide to believe it’s simply to help calm you further. Jongho gets out of your nest and dismisses himself from the space. You watch as a vine curls around the door nob and pulls the white wood door shut. The tension is tangible enough as it is, but when the therapist dragon leaves, it becomes almost suffocating. San’s silver eyes are slit so thinly you can hardly see his pupils at all. It’s as if they don’t exist at all. 

“I-it wasn’t what it looked like…” You say, trying to ease a bit of the tension.

“Are you sure, Hops?” He practically growls, “It sure looked like you were getting too cozy with someone who isn’t one of your boyfriends. We said you could cuddle with the others if you needed it. That was crossing a line, though.”

Normally seeing your deep purple scaled boyfriend dressed for the office sends you into a mood that you would put in a similar category to your heat. Now, though, it only strikes fear in you. You so desperately wish to crumble under his stare and submit to your prey tendencies. You swallow that urge and hold your head high, remembering Jongho’s words. 

I know it hurts to just feel like a side piece in your relationship. You also need to communicate how you’re feeling, though.

“Would you have rather me run away back to my fluffle without a word to any of you?” You bite back, throwing your arm in the direction of your half-packed duffle bag, “You, Seonghwa, and Yeosang have been making me feel like I’m not even part of our relationship anymore. Had Jongho not stopped me, I would’ve been gone for hours by now. Yes, the cuddling could be seen as crossing a line, but he’s the reason I didn’t go running out mere moments after Yeosang left.”

“Treasure…” San starts, trying to step closer to you.

You put your hand up, and it’s as if you put up an invisible block in front of him.

“Let me speak.” You sigh, “You three communicate without words. You’ve been involved with each other in many different ways long before I was brought to the Thunder. After last week’s events… seeing how easily you knew how to take care of Yeosang while you three practically ignored me and let me handle myself hurt. I’m your girlfriend, but the longer I’m here, the more I feel like just a hookup you brought in with your two boyfriends for some extra fun.”

You let out a shaky breath. You don’t want to cry telling him all of that, but you feel your eyes fill with tears. There’s no way you’ll be able to stop them from falling. You sniffle and let your gaze fall down to your feet rather than looking at your boyfriend. He doesn’t move. That invisible block is still fixated in front of him.

As if the timing couldn’t be worse, you smell Seonghwa’s sweet strawberry jam scent enter the home accompanied by Yeosang’s peppermint tea. It’s as if he knows there’s tension, too. You know your scent is burnt, and San’s is far stormier than his typical calm sea breeze scent. Your eldest boyfriend doesn’t even knock. He invites himself and Yeosang into your bedroom and is greeted by your crying figure and San a few steps away with tendrils of smoke escaping the corners of his lips. Yeosang is the first to step closer, placing a kiss on San’s cheek, only solidifying your emotions. Comforting San before stepping closer to you.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Yeosang asks quietly, wrapping his arms around your frame.

You try to break out of his hold, but you’re no match for his strength. Angry tears keep rolling down your cheeks as you stay trapped in his hold.

“Look at me.” Authority rings in his tone. 

This time, you look at him.

“Am I that unloveable?” You snap.

“Treasure, please.” San says weakly. 

“Yeosang.” You say flatly, “Let me go.”

Your bronze boyfriend backs off. All three of them are clearly concerned about you and trying to figure out why you just asked the question you did. Your nose is still twitching, and tears are still staining your cheeks.

“We need to have a long talk. All four of us.” You huff.

You settle in your nest, wrapping yourself in a throw blanket that smells much more like Jongho than any of your boyfriends. You see the jealousy in San’s eyes as you do so. Yeosang is on your work stool, Seonghwa is sitting in your reading chair, and San is still brooding, leaning against your closed bedroom door. You can’t escape. It’s probably for the best; you need to say this.

“I kinda yelled this at San already, but… you three have been neglecting me.”

You watch as the confusion etches in Seonghwa’s face. He had been spending the most time with you compared to your other two boyfriends. Yeosang’s reaction isn’t as visible, but you know he’s just as confused. San knows, though. He hates that you’re saying it again. 

“I feel like a hookup again. You three are so seamless with each other and don’t seem to give me any care. Last week, Seonghwa… you just threw the wet wipes at me while San took care of Yeosang with so much care… that fucking hurt. I almost ran away today. Jongho stopped me.”

“Treasure… we love you so much. I’m sorry I did that. I wasn’t even thinking about it-” Seonghwa tries to explain.

“I know… it doesn’t change that it hurt… still hurts worse than hell. San came home and found me cuddling with Jongho in a way that was a bit compromising. There was nothing inappropriate happening. I promise. And–” You stop yourself.

“What is it, Hops?” Yeosang asks quietly, “We need to know everything.”

“I kissed him.” You admit, “I was on such an emotional rollercoaster, and he made me feel safe and loved… I didn’t think about what I did until after it happened.”

None of them speak. It scares the hell out of you. Your pale blue eyes flit between all three of them. Their expressions are unreadable. Well, San’s isn’t. A fresh curl of smoke escapes his nose as he wills his flames back down his throat.

“Did you like it?” Yeosang asks again.

You hadn’t thought about that. Did you? It was so spur of the moment you didn’t actually think about how it made you feel. Your heart feels like it’s on fire. It aches. 

“I did.” You admit.

“What do you want that to mean for us?” Seonghwa adds.

“I know we’re on delicate grounds right now…” You sigh, wrapping the blanket tighter around yourself, “I feel the same pull toward him that I do towards you three.”

“Transparency, right?” San finally speaks, “I’m so fucking jealous, but you’re right… we haven’t been caring for you the way we’ve been caring for each other. We should all make an effort to meet each other where we are. All four of us. And–” he stops himself, “If you want Jongho, we can invite him.”

“Seonghwa? Yeosang?” You ask, ears shifting towards them.

“Honestly…” Yeosang sighs, “I miss being with Jongho. We also knew in this Thunder we have a tendency to share, even with San’s jealous streak.” He pokes fun at his purple boyfriend.

“I’m always happy to do anything that helps our relationship and ultimately you, Treasure. I love all my Thunder, and I love you.”

A smile breaks out on your lips, and tears start streaming again. San is the first to approach you. He wraps his arms around you, tail curling protectively around your waist. You feel both of your other boyfriends join moments later.

“I love you, Treasure.” San whispers against your bunny ear.

“I love you.” You sniffle back.

“We all love you.” Yeosang kisses your other ear.

After a long discussion about what each of you needed from each other, you begin discussing who should approach Jongho about joining. It’s out of the question for San to do so. The last time San and Jongho interacted was when he walked in on you, cuddling with the dark blue dragon. Ultimately, Yeosang is chosen. He’s the closest to him, and they think the same way. Their history together before Yeosang started dating you just adds to why he should be the one to ask. Yeosang is also the newest boyfriend. Having Seonghwa go to the youngest dragon could end badly, given that Seonghwa has been dating you longer than Yeosang has.

You go with Yeosang down the hall toward Jongho’s bedroom. You stay outside the door as Yeosang gets permission to enter the space. Instantly, you hear laughter and feel how light the atmosphere is in the room. You see a few hanging plants through the small crack in the door. You haven’t seen many of their bedrooms in great detail, but seeing greenery in Jongho’s room makes warmth spread in your chest.

“Treasure,”

You’re taken aback when you hear the pet name. It’s not Yeosang’s voice. It’s Jongho’s. You step closer to the door. Popping your head through the door, white ears tall on your head, you see Jongho’s golden eyes giving you that same adoring look he had earlier. Yeosang has a soft, comfortable smile on his lips. His hand is outstretched, and you find yourself curling into his side.

Jongho’s room is exactly how you expected it to be. Plants are everywhere, not so much that it’s crowded, but it adds a comforting and homey touch to the space. He has a desk against the far wall, framed by bookshelves. His bed has a wall of vines behind it with purple flowers randomly throughout them. There’s something about the space that is so shamelessly Jongho.

“Is there something you wanted to ask me, Treasure?” Jongho asks with a soft smirk on his lips.

You nod, and your eyes shift up to your green-eyed boyfriend. He just nods slightly at you and gives you a comforting smile.

“Jongho… would you like to be my boyfriend?” You ask.

Yeosang removes his arm from around you as Jongho steps closer to you. The gold-eyed dragon hybrid takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, making you look up at him. You want so desperately to melt at the touch but you hold your ground somehow. Your ears instantly fall back against your head as your chin tilts up. The flowers are still woven into your hair and tickle against your ears, making them twitch slightly. Jongho takes his other hand to pluck some flowers from your hair.

“Red carnations: admiration, devotion,” he states, twirling it in between his fingers. He shifts his hold on the flowers to show the small white and pink flowers. “Aster: faith, love. Does that answer your question, Treasure?”

“Jongho?” You ask, dazed by his words.

“Yes, Treasure. I’d love to date you.” He smiles a bright, gummy smile, “May I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You practically breathe out.

His lips are on yours a moment later, and you feel an explosion of emotion. The hand that was previously holding the flowers wraps around your waist and pulls you closer to his body. It’s almost as if you’re the only two in the world. When he pulls away, you see his heavily dilated gold eyes. Your hand reaches up to brush against a few scales by his hairline before carding into his hair behind his ear. Before you can get lost in the moment again, Yeosang swoops in and kisses your cheek before leaning over to Jongho and kissing his cheek as well. He wraps his arms around both of you. You turn your head to see your two other boyfriends in the doorway with sweet smiles on their faces. They come into the room and join the hug. Yeah, everything felt better now. They felt like home, and your heart aches out of pure love for your four boyfriends.

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @kwritersworld @k-vanity

Tag List: @sanjoongie @jaehunnyy @ericssmile @anyamaris @almondmilkeu @shinestarhwaa @northerngalaxystar-blog

[jymwahuwu]

My really horny rant: Being Yingxing's apprentice, loyal to him in every way and following his every word to the letter. He really couldn't ask for a better disciple, bonus points if you're a short life species like him. He can't help but brag about you to his friends, saying how you met, or exceeded, his every expectation. You, who came from some backwater planet on the edge of known space with no living relative, can create things even Xianzhou natives struggle with. Jing Yuan can't help but feel... Intrigued, wondering if you really were that good.

The first time you meet him doesn't go very well, he quite literally barges into your workspace mid-project. You almost burned yourself when he announced his presence with that damned :3 smile. So yeah, you immediately don't like him, but all Jing Yuan sees is a feral little cat covered in soot. He just can't take you seriously, no matter how many times you tell him to leave. Yingxing has to come over and drag the lieutenant out to finally give you some peace...

It doesn't last long. Jing Yuan pops in seemingly everyday, all when you're working. Being kicked out many, many times. But slowly, you begin to grow used to him, even clearing out a section where he's supposed to stay.(He never does) Eventually, he invites you to his place, saying it's only fair since he knows your space like the back of his hand now. You reluctantly agreed, already planning revenge for all the times you stressed over upcoming deadlines thanks to him...

Yingxing doesn't see you until the next day, well, more like night. He's the last one in the forge when you come stumbling through, out of breath with your head down. Red flag #1. You ignore him and head straight to your workspace, immediately tipping over the table where Jing Yuan usually(supposed) sits. Red Flag #2. He finally corners you, trying to figure what happened. But all you do is turn away and get to work on your latest project. Red Flag #3.

It takes some coaxing, but Yingxing is your master, one of the only stable figures in your life, surely you could trust him? (No, not really...) Seeing your teary eyes and vulnerable figure awakens something in him, you're his student, his successor. His and no one else's, especially not Jing Yuan's.

What happens next? Congratulations! You now have two prominent and influential Luofu figures fighting over you. Jing Yuan, who looks nice and trustworthy, but makes sure you can't even walk without his help. And Yingxing, who despite his arrogance and rough exterior, will cradle you gently at night while pressing your bodies as close together as possible.

Meanwhile Dan Feng is wondering what the hell happened to make these two fight like cats and dogs.(Can he join-)

Mean dom Jing Yuan and soft dom Yingxing agenda, basically.

I can't think of anything else to add, but I figured you were sharing the story with me, so I'd say that's good! Thank you! Jing Yuan wants you after Yingxing brags about you! Jing Yuan's ":3" smile part very funny. He waits for you and invades your place.

Oops, you went to Jing Yuan's place alone. He'll definitely be groping you for at least an hour…

There is also the part about Master Yingxing, I love Master <3 Maybe he is a little slow and doesn't realize that he actually likes you…

They fight for us >_< Maybe…maybe, after deliberation they will decide to share?

[itstheendofthegoddamnworld]

Kissed by Moonlight (Alucard x Witch! Reader) 4

A/N: Thank you for your patience! This chapter will be to begin the brewing tension! Hope you enjoy it!

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Follow the story on A03!

Chapter 4

Three days pass after you come into Alucard’s castle, and you realise just how secluded the Dhampir liked to be.

Alucard kept to himself most times: tending to his garden, gathering food for when the days would get shorter, nights longer. You would also occasionally see him train with his sword in the front. He was one with the sword, and it acted almost as its being, moving on a whim without him telling him where to go next.

You could only imagine how much he had seen to fight so well, or how or who taught him to fight like such. A true warrior with a gentle heart.

It was a lonely occurrence, living with someone you barely saw, so you tended to find your nose stuck in a book rather than be truly alone within the tall walls.

You stuck to Dracula’s library, pouring over and collecting as many books as you could. You were surprised just by how many spells you could learn: astral projection, levitation, puppetry, the list was endless! It truly brought hope that you could pour as much learning in before you would be sent away from the one place full of knowledge.

Who knew Dracula had a fascination with witches?

It was only for breakfast or dinner you would have the blessing of sharing with him, and your conversations were to a minimum. Not much was spoken apart from going over your days, and then one or both of you would help tidy and clear the dishes, before going off to different parts of the castle for the rest of the evening.

Aside from the books, you craved a chance for normalcy, a chance to connect with someone who never wanted to open up to you. There were times he spoke about the things of his life, his mother and what his father did. It was a rare time when he spoke of the two friends he gained, Sypha and Trevor.

You couldn’t stand to be like this for the rest of the month, stuck between walls with no one to chat to, no one to feel human with. It was only fair you tried making it up to Alucard: to thank him for all he had done so far. After all, he could’ve killed you the first chance he had, instead, he had fed you, given you clean clothes, hot water to bathe and the library with books on vampires.

The morning started like any other day, except you had awoken to the bright light pouring through the thin curtains to your room. You would find yourself waking in time to go down to the library before remembering to eat something, but you knew it was now or never to do what you had to do.

You didn’t know if Alucard was awake before you (his room was luckily two rooms down from you) and he warned you from the beginning to not disturb or come to his room. Odd as it was, you obeyed his one rule, hoping that you wouldn’t need aid before he was out in time for breakfast.

You gathered your curls into a bun, tying a ribbon through to keep it up as you grabbed the closest dress to your dresser. Alucard offered more dresses to you, and the more he did, the more you came to realise that these dresses he did not buy. You did feel guilt wearing his mother’s clothes, but he did not complain.

 Slipping out of your room once dressed, you hurried through the endless, winding corridors, trying to remember your way back to the ground floor, and once you found that, you could find the kitchen.

You passed through the doors, entering the rather chilly room before you decided quickly to get to work. You knew you’d get scolded by Alucard for making a mess, but raiding the cupboards and shelves for spices and items made your workspace rather dirty very quickly.

Alucard cooked everything: from breakfast to dinner, he fed and fuelled your mind to keep reading into the many books, rather than be exhausted by the time breakfast had finished.

If he can cook, I can too. You had prepared meals for Bogdan and his family previously, but they had been picky with their meals, keeping to basic porridge and a slither of goat, ham or bacon if lucky.

You gathered eggs, dried meats, bread that had gone a day stale and a whole cupboard full of spices, setting up as you thought the best thing to make was everything there was. You tried to keep it quiet for some time, carefully recreating the meal you had eaten made by Alucard. It didn’t look perfect, but it could taste just as good if you tried.

You got influence from your mama to include different herbs, ones from spices in the southeast, others from across the entire globe, past Wallachia. It amazed you how much of the world there was to explore, rather than being stuck here, surrounded by vampires and demons.

Maybe I could go travelling. You thought, and the very idea brought a chill to run down you. Part of you thought it could be a thrill-seeking adventure to travel halfway across the world, whilst the other part of you warned that you were not suited to a sailor’s life.

Breakfast came hot and ready in the end, and whilst you prepped the plates with the food, you failed to hear the door creak open, a pale figure walk through, half dishevelled and unexpectantly looking to what you were doing.

“Oh,” you jumped back, holding two warmed plates in each hand, surprised to see him standing there so quickly. Perhaps the smells had brought him to come down earlier. You weren’t expecting him so soon. “Good morning. I hope you don’t mind I made myself useful in cooking us something?”

“Why is that?” Alucard rubbed the sleep from his eyes, his blond locks were frizzy and tousled, and you watched as he sat at the table, his plate being handed to him. “I did not know you could cook.”

“Well, I thought you cook so often for me, I’d cook something for you,” you shrugged, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible, but you knew your heart was racing. Racing for his validation? A compliment for your cooking?

Alucard nodded, scooping some of the egg onto a fork and taking a long chew at the stale bread, but he still gave a look that read he was considerate for your time. “It is most thoughtful of you. Thank you, Y/N.”

Your shoulders had been so tensed you realised, after relaxing them from awaiting for so long his verdict. He said your name, you realised, and you couldn’t help that feeling in your chest, swelling with an unknown emotion. As if you had been waiting all your life to hear it from someone again. You smiled nonetheless, taking a bite of your food and being overwhelmed by the spices you remembered your mama cooking into meals.

You spoke about your plans for the day, and how you were close to beginning your training, and it even seemed to pique some of Alucard’s interest. “I will stand by today,” he announced, gathering your plates when they were finished. “Just in case something happens.”

“I should be fine, really.” you didn’t want to pressure him into being with you if he had other things to do, and you certainly didn’t want to make him feel uneasy about your spells- or lack thereof.

“I insist,” he says, his voice a hue of melancholy, “when it comes to witchcraft, there is a chance something can misfire. I’m only making sure you don’t set the books on fire.”

You blush easily but find his joke to make you laugh. “Very funny. Even if I did try to burn it down, I would certainly not start in there. There are too many good things in there. It would be a waste of knowledge, turned to ash within the blink of an eye.”

Alucard hums in agreement, though he does not speak further on the matter, instead, only awaiting for you. “Shall we then?”

-

“I heard it is hard to put a Vampire into a trance?”

You concentrate, staring from the pages up to where the Dhampir stands, tracing a finger over the aged pages. The two of you have spent many hours going through abilities that would be of use to you, and though you try to conjure them through word, nothing comes of it.

“It is true,” he answers earnestly, “the stronger the mind, the harder is it to break- so to say.”

“Vampires have a mental block or something?”

“Some do, it makes it harder to read their minds, to know their auras or get information out from one.”

It gets you thinking, and your curiosity gets the better of you, and you’re asking him the question you’re dying to know. “What about half vampires?”

Alucard quirks an eyebrow, “Half vampires?”

“Yeah, does it work on you? You’re half vampire, half human, after all.”

“You want to give it a go?” There is something that flickers in his tone when he asks you that, one that plays into amusement, and it makes your heart flutter in a way that has you half-guessing yourself and stumbling over the right words. “I can tell you one thing, I’m quite hard to read.”

You’re already stepping up close to him, “I do quite like a challenge.” It’s only when you realise up close, how tall he is. You’ve never been this close up to him, and from here, you can see the smallest of subtly in his movements, the way his eyes flicker around the room quickly, as if always on high alert for trouble.

Alucard takes in your smug stance as he stares you down, a neutral expression falling over his, before he leans in ever so closely, his fangs poking out from his lips. “Boo.”

“Haha.” You rolled your eyes, knowing full well he was trying to make you lose concentration. It’s hard, not just to crack through to him, but to look at him this up close. He’s handsome, you admit it, and there’s that ethereal beauty to him that makes him look eerie compared to other humans.

You try to ignore it as you stare into his comely face, rather than concentrating on just his eyes and eyes alone. Were his eyes always this bright? A golden contrast, like golden leaves of autumn, or smooth honey. Eyes are the windows to the soul, right? So why did you find it intimidating to look through his gaze and look through him as a person?

It feels like the smallest of cracks to a mirror at first before you can even reach the first layer, and you’re met with a heavy, hard-hitting wall.

What on earth? You tug and pull within your mind, amazed at just how mentally strong Alucard is.

You can picture it as standing in front of a locked door, needing a key to pass through. You were so close, yet so far, and when you blinked out from your trance, Alucard chortles in what sounded like victory to winning. “Quite the challenge, isn’t it?”

“Just what exactly were you thinking of?” You tilt your head, “That witches have pointy hats, or fly on broomsticks?”

His laugh is airy and it fills you with hope that maybe, you will be able to crack at him one way or another. “You could say so.”

The two of you continued your readings, and you noticed that he was a bit closer to you, sharing a short space with you as the two of you looked at the same shelf. Though Alucard was always the gentleman and remained a lengthy distance away from you, he seemed at ease.

“This may be of interest to you,” Alucard pulled forth a book from the shelf, handing it over to you. You grabbed, accidentally reaching, your fingers touching. He was oddly warm for a half-vampire, not like a stone-cold, cold-blooded creature. “Maybe we could start here.”

“This could work,” you prop the book up as you go to the right page: the act of telekinesis. “Though, I don’t think I’ve used it before.”

“I’m here in support,” Alucard takes a cautionary step to the side, pointing to the stack of books in the middle of the room, some that had been read through. “Start with one of them.”

You looked between him and the pile, and a feeling of instant negativity washed over you. “I don’t know—”

“I believe in you.” Alucard praises you gently, and for a moment, you can’t concentrate on anything else but the way he supports you. You feel your cheeks flush, and you suddenly want to hear more of his approval.

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and shutting the world around you out. You’re in a dark room, with no air or light, just you focusing and holding out your arms. Concentrating on your breathing, you focused on nothing but what was in the room. When you finally opened your eyes, you spoke the word clearly. “Prodire.”

The stack didn’t move at first, and before you were to even complain to Alucard for your lack of power, you heard the sound of books flipping through to shut, and a lone, heavy-leather bound book lifted clumsily into the air, hanging a few inches off the air but floating.

Your excitement is loud when you gasp in amazement, looking to the Dhampir for approval, whose eyes are already on you, impressed. You look back to the floating book, motioning with your hand in a “come hither”, watching as the book – as if had been picked up by someone – slowly took in your words, approaching sluggishly.

Nice and steady, like water. You told yourself, focusing on bringing the book towards you. It was not even halfway towards its previous spot and when it stopped you sighed intensely, overwhelmed as your face burst into awkwardness.

“I didn’t think this would happen,” you offer an awkward laugh to ease the air, watching with a glance to Alucard, who didn’t seem so embarrassed by this little mishap. He was one to encourage you more. “You’ve got this,” he spoke, “pretend I’m not here if it helps put your mind at ease.”

That’s easier said than done. You thought, and you spoke again, “Prodire.”

Nothing came from the book as you sighed in defeat, your frustration rising with the way your tone did as well. Alucard was quick to try and step in. “I think you should—”

He didn’t get the rest of his sentence out when something surged forward towards you. Not just the one book that had been already floating, but the many others that had been still on the floor. They flew at you with such speed that you didn’t have time to react to even what was coming at you.

Bracing to be hit was your only way to react in time, but something grabbed you around the waist, pulling you backwards against a hard surface, before seconds later the sound of books colliding into the nearby shelf shattered your ears.

Your heart was racing, and it resonated against the surface your back was pushed against. You didn’t realise you were holding your breath, your adrenaline was slowly settling.

“Are you alright? The voice of Alucard was oddly close to your ear, and within seconds, you realised he was the one who pulled you out of the way from the flying books. You turned to look back at him, very much aware your body was burning from his touch, very aware of how close he was, the way he smelled so sweetly—

 “Yes, I’m okay,” you managed to pull away, still feeling the warmth of his hands around your waist, trying to regain a level of composure. Your hands are sweaty and you’re wiping them across your dress urgently. “Thank you, Alucard.”

“What happened there?” He asked, and despite the softness in his dulcet voice, there was still concern in his words. “Your mind was elsewhere.”

“Yes, I think so. You were correct though,” you confirmed. “Magic can misfire.”

“It will come back to you with some time,” you watch the way Alucard’s throat bobs nervously, “I believe you can do so.”

His kind words are a shock to you, and you’re not so certain why he is so suddenly praising you constantly. Part of you thinks it’s out of kindness, whilst the other part of you tells you he just wants you to be out of his castle quicker, and in hopes you’d learn in time before your month ends.

I will learn, no matter how long it takes. You tell yourself, and you tell Alucard that perhaps you will stay in the library for a bit longer to improve.

Alucard does not seem exasperated at your choice, though you may mistaken the look of disappointment that floods his eyes. “Very well,” he drawls, and he’s slow to leave the library, leaving you to yourself.

Sighing heavily in defeat, you pull the books you had failed to bring towards you, pulling up the correct page as you went to try again.

-

Latin Translation:

Prodire – Come forth

[hopelessrromantix]

Part 2 to this

Miguel had first met you a very long time ago.

By then, he was Spiderman, seeking out one of your partners they'd gone slightly rogue.

The only thing he hadn't realized then, was that your project had affected you too, creating a symbiote that attached itself to you.

After many encounters in and out of your suits, you and Miguel got along surprisingly well.

Until you'd sacrificed yourself for him. Sure he was alive, but he always regretted not knowing you better.

And when he found a universe where he was happy, he got to see your face again.

An alternate version of yourselves had gotten both your powers under control. You started a family, adopted a daughter, and settled down to have a normal life.

Until he replaced his dead self.

At first it was… nice.

Not just being with his daughter, but you too.

He regretted not knowing you even more after that. His life picked up where his alternate self had left off.

And when everything came crashing down, you let him carry your daughter. He could see the mix of pain and shock in your eyes as you faded away, breaking apart into nothing.

Soon, Miguel was alone again.

And now, in an alternate world, you were Spiderman. He should've expected it, really.

"You should leave, Y/n." Lyla imitated, puffing up her chest and placing her hands on her hip. Miguel didn't expect her glare to be so effective.

He only rolled his eyes, walking back toward his computer.

"See, that's my impression of you saying something dumb." Miguel stayed quiet, swiping through data he'd left open, organizing his space. "You didn't even answer when he asked if you knew him. What's going on with you? We both know you wanted to talk to him."

Miguel's eyes narrowed. "It's not that simple. I'm dead in his world and he's dead in mine, we can't go rewriting history and destroying Y/n's Canon."

"Oh please," She scoffed. "Forget the 'High and Mighty' schtick, trying experiencing emotion for, like, two seconds and talk to him."

Miguel whipped his head toward her, but she had already disappeared, probably anticipating his argument.

He let out a heavy sigh into the stagnant air. He missed you more than he wanted to admit, even if he never got to know you nearly as well as he wanted.

For days, Miguel attempted to process the conversation.

You hadn't come to find him since he'd told you to leave days before, but he'd seen you around. You usually blended into the crowd right after, making him feel slightly guilty about telling you to leave.

He just brushed it off, going back to his work.

You, on the other hand, had no such plans.

Miguel was stubborn as an ox, but you weren't about to give up just because he asked you to leave.

If there was any hope he'd hear you out, you'd be willing to take the risk.

"What are you doing here?"

A question you expected to get. It was so much harder to answer when he was staring at you.

"Any chance we could talk?" You asked, half expecting him to close the door right there.

To your surprise, he stepped back, leading you into his (oddly dark) workspace.

"Let me j-"

"I wanted t-"

You both froze, hearing the other speak. You chuckled, gesturing to him.

He sighed, taking a breath. "I wanted to apologize."

"You did?" You blinked at him. Apologies weren't Miguel's thing (unless you made it clear you expected one)... maybe he was more different than you thought.

Miguel's expression was stiff, his mind still focused on you. "When you were alive, I didn't know you as well as I wanted to."

He watched your face shift, first in confusion, then in understanding.

You didn't need to hear it all right now. Or maybe he just wasn't ready to tell you.

But either way… "I'd like to get to know you now."

"Yeah! Yeah, I'd like that too." You agreed, nodding your head before remembering why you'd come in the first place. "I'm sorry for springing everything on you. I mean, it's a lot all at once… I didn't mean to force you to talk to me."

He nodded slowly. "You didn't. I… I want to do this."

"You do?" You asked again. Whether to be certain or just to hear him say it again, you didn't know.

"Yes."

And you felt truly, unashamedly happy for the first time in far too long.

[laurark]

2023 Wrap Up

A strange year that was both long and short. The main lesson to learn from 2023 is the same lesson I have been learning every year since I was 6 years old: Things happen if you try!

 I spent a lot of time this year hitting my head against a wall, or rather healing from an RSI that caused making art to become really fraught. I could bear the wrist pain in order to do my favorite thing (drawing!!!) but then the pain stuck around after I had clocked out for the day and was making dinner. It would go like this: I want to make pasta sauce using canned tomatoes, but using a can opener is so painful now that maybe I should just do something else. The onions and garlic are already cooking in the pan though, what can I pivot that to? I felt like the biggest dunce in the world. I worked my way into being cursed, I deserved it.

I have this craving to just commit to a big art project, like a graphic novel, and keep my head down working on it. Having all my time devoted to work feels a bit like doing penance, like earning my bread. But I look at the world and I know I cannot draw my way out of this. I can’t write my way out of this. I can’t post my way out of this. I am unprepared for what I need to do to earn a better tomorrow. But I am prepared to learn.

I changed up my desk ergonomics and my wrist healed. Thank you to the huge desk easel that I stole from my parents’ house. It’s ugly, heavy, stained, and I keep banging my elbows on its sharp corners. It sucks but it saved my life. Do not resist making your workspace uglier if it might help you! 

Making The Influence and participating in the ShortBox Comics Fair was a huge work highlight this year. I’m so grateful I can make a work with dark themes and have it be understood and appreciated. The encouraging response to The Influence did a lot to kill the bad faith reviewer in my mind. Things are possible if you try!

I started painting again and I really love it. I’m trying to just follow the image-making. Painting is play to me and I want it to remain so. I feel myself itch to turn it into some kind of profitable thing, to make it palatable, but I’m trying to resist so it remains a place of experimentation. 

I also wrote a short novel. It’s awful. I just re-read it and it’s so bad, but reading it makes me happy. It needs serious reworking to be a proper novel, but I did technically cross the finish line and write the whole story. It was very refreshing and informative to branch out like this, even if I don’t think this particular example is fit for human consumption. Earlier in my life I was so stubborn about ONLY working in comics but now I’d like to pursue whatever path I can to have a creative career. If you try!

I had a great time tabling at Short Run this year. Two different people came to my table and told me they came to the show specifically to see my table. One person said Bug Boys was responsible for facilitating “many special moments” with them and their niece. I don’t want to forget about moments like this. It means a lot to me. 

It occurs to me as I type out this year’s accomplishments, they’re mostly things I did at home alone. I haven’t rejoined the world after COVID in a meaningful way, the way I hoped I would during lockdown. It comes naturally to me to make up excuses to stay home, keep my head down, watch how things play out before joining in. That attitude does me a disservice. It isolates me. When other people are only in the screen, they become hypothetical. It’s not right to live this way, but it’s comfortable to me. It feels “safe” after COVID, even though it’s not safe. I know I need to change this. 

It feels sick and strange to be blogging in my safe little apartment during a time of bloodshed. To flip through my planner and think of my future while others starve is obscene. My entire life was obscene in this fashion. It’s my responsibility to sit with this feeling and do something with it.

Here’s to a better 2024. We can do it, we can try. 

In love and solidarity, 

Laura K.

[redo-of-chii]

💌 𝕮𝖍𝖎𝖎’𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝕯𝖎𝖆𝖗𝖞 | 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #𝟎𝟒

Dear diary & manifestors,

I still continue to affirm whenever I can and things seem to be going pretty well. I do have my moments where I feel down but I try to affirm instead of spiraling like I used to do when I started my journey.

Mental diet is not easy, but even dieting when it comes to food is not easy as well. Still, you can make your journey be fun. I made a few new subliminal playlists on Youtube and I plan to download them to play them at my phone while I'm out.

My manifestations are going pretty well though. For example, I wanted a new desk chair that had adjustable manual reclining and leg support. I also wanted it to be pink and at first I thought "it's going to be difficult for something like that to exist, that mixes comfort and aesthetic". Still, I tried to visualize it.

In the end, because of the changes in my job, I got offered many things and one of them was to change things in my workspace and one of them was have a new desk chair. And funnily enough, my coordinator found a pink chair that fit everything I wanted and said if I wanted it as a joke at first. I said "yes" and in the end, my chair got ordered and it's coming by the end of next week (or sooner).

I also got offered a new project at work involving my SP. Which I am really happy with because I wanted to finally have a common project with him where we could focus on our careers together instead of working with others. It's not bad working with others, but sometimes the people we had to work with were either negative, played the victim if they didn't get away with stuff or even energy vampires. That wasn't good because that affected our workflow a lot.

Another manifestation I am possibly having soon and I want to share with you all is that the person that was giving me a lot of problems at work is possibly quitting soon. Around July, I was affirming that the people that were making my job impossible were gone. I really love my job but those people were really making others (including myself) uncomfortable. From there, everything has been going smoothly. One of them quit because they got a better offer in another company, another one was fired because their problematic behavior reached HR, another one still works with us but she got a project where she is alone and has no time to be a pain and the last one, like I said, they are either quitting or they might get fired for their problematic behavior as well.

The law is amazing and I cannot thank the law enough for everything that is happening around me. I am also having a blast being on Tumblr and sharing many things with you all. I also want to thank the people that messaged me thanking me about my post about "SP Manifestation and Narcissistic Trauma Bond". I really wanted to share that because sometimes we can fall into the trap of thinking we want to manifest an ex back but it's just really a trauma bond. We are complicated and sensitive creatures and sometimes our heart does these things to us and sometimes we try to manifest something we don't really want. Sometimes it's because of fear, sometimes it's nostalgia and sometimes it's even pride because we want to prove we can manifest anything. And WE CAN MANIFEST ANYTHING, still, do we really want that? I think we can manifest better things for us. That's what I did and you should too.

Trust me, it gets better even if it may sound scary at first. But once you taste the life you deserve, you just don't want to ever go back. That's why I want to share my experience from the good and the ugly when it comes to manifestation because even if it may not seem like a straight line at first, it always comes to you.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

꒰ Always & Forever — Chii ꒱

[bonny-kookoo]

Can I request a drabble similar to "silver collar" please? Pet reader x member who's their owner. Preferably puppy hybrid reader and Yoongi.

Leave me alone, I am soft now. Architect!Yoongi x Dog Hybrid!Reader AU. I didn't include full on smut in this though (only hints and mentions), dunno if you wanted that- also didn't know if it needed to be Idol!BTS or not. Warning for mild angst.

----

While he's busy shaving down the edges of his newest project, you sneeze in the background, making him chuckle before he eventually shuts off the machinery he's working with. "I told you to not sleep there." He reminds you, but you only stretch your legs, lazily yawning where you're laying close to his workspace. He's placed several sleeping spots for you all throughout his workplace here, well aware himself that he's spoiling you- something he'd never openly admit.

You're a bit of a princess in his eyes, both during daily life, and behind closed doors as well, bedroom included.

"You wanna go outside?" He wonders, putting the wooden boards to the side before he looks at you. "Hey, puppy. I've asked you a question." He sternly calls out, snapping you out of your slight daze, eyes now open.

"Can we get food?" You ask instead of properly answering, making him sigh as he takes off his mask and work attire, before he walks over to you.

"If you can behave." He tells you, earning an almost offended pout. "Don't look at me like that. It didn't work this morning and it won't work now."

"It did work this morning though." You tease, tail wagging impishly behind you as you grin up at him, reminding him of the way he'd tried to punish you for an earlier incident, your constant tests of his patience and dominance sometimes leading to moments like the one you're mentioning. Though you'd simply been lucky- he'd been in a particularly generous mood to say the least, granting you your pleasure at the end after all. "People might wonder who the pet really is if they knew how you act when no one's around." You giggle, no shame in your words whatsoever.

Right now, however, this generous mood isn't there any longer.

Yoongi simply hooks a finger into the loop of your collar, pulling you up closer to him as he looks down at you with a gaze that you know means business. It's not angry, it's not mad- it's unreadable, dangerous as he won't show to you what he might have going on inside his mind. "You've been awfully bratty these days." He comments, making you swallow thickly while keeping eye contact.

It's a small rule of his. He hates when you don't look at him.

"Is that collar not enough?" He wonders, voice almost sounding disinterested. "Do I need to gag that mouth of yours to remind you of your place? Or am I just being too nice to you?" He asks, making you shake your head. "No? Funny. I expected that answer." He lets go of your collar, leaving you to sit with a more cowering position at his scolding. "I'll go get food. Alone." He tells you, putting on his jacket-

instantly earning a whine from you, eyes wide open as you stare at him as if he'd just told you he's going to bring you back to a shelter. "That look isn't going to work." He tells you sternly, and you know that he means it this time. "You stay put. Maybe that'll give you some time to think about how you've been acting lately."

Maybe you have been growing too bold these days? Thinking about it, you don't know why you've been acting like this at all. Maybe your pre-heat? But even then, you've never been this overly cocky with your attitude towards him. You don't know why you're constantly this nasty towards him, hell, you don't even feel like yourself these days at all, and you don't know what's the cause of it.

The door closes, leaving you all alone in his workplace, with no idea of when he'd be back at all.

All you do know is that trying to get out yourself, or making any mess would possibly result in further punishment- so you only put his work apron on your little mattress in the furthest corner of the place, before laying down with it in your grasp. Yoongi has never actively punished you like this, so you're completely unsure of how to act.

Thinking about it, he's always been nothing but nice to you.

When the door unexpectantly opens later on, revealing Yoongi with a white plastic bag he sets down on one of the unused tables, you instantly wag your tail, eyes filling with unshed tears while he walks closer, clicking his tongue at the sight. "It's alright." He looks around, making sure you did stay like he'd told you to, before he leans down to properly pull you into his arms. "See? You can be such a good girl. Why the attitude lately?" He wonders. "I hate punishing you, you know that."

"I know." You choke out, holding onto him. "I don't know." You say honestly, truly unsure why you've been acting like this at all.

It actually worries him a little. Your change in character has started randomly, out of the blue. If this had been truly your personality from the start, you wouldn't have waited almost three years to really reveal that to him. He knows you, he takes great pride in that- so something else must be going on that he doesn't know.

"You think there might be something wrong?" He wonders, carefully wording his sentences as he wipes your cheeks free of your tears. "Maybe we should make an appointment, just to check up on things. We haven't been to the doctors for a while." He suggests, and much to his surprise, you nod. "Alright. Let's eat for now though, and then go home."

"Home sounds nice." You say quietly, visibly exhausted. It's another thing he's noticed- another thing he quietly notes down in his head to ask about at a later date.

For now, however, he's got his little princess back- the happy pup he's taken in years prior, and it makes him smile as he watches your excited face at the fact that he'd bought your favorite.

You deserve it, after all.

[imagines-by-cleo]

Hello!! I recently got into mgsv and I love your fics so much it’s like free therapy to me<3 Are you currently accepting requests? If so, can I get a readerxKaz where Kaz has unrequited feelings to the reader but they end up being together? (And yes NSFW please haha)

But it’s alright if you’re not open for requests, absolutely no pressure!!

Absolutely friend! It makes me so happy that someone out there wants some more metal gear fics!

Kaz is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters ever pretty much so the hardest thing about writing this was picking from the ideas I already had and choosing which ones to save for another fic. Hopefully when I get some more time on my hands I can write more of our Kazzy boi but for now I hope you'll enjoy this!

CW: SMUT, masturbation, accidental voyerism/exhibitionism, sex pollen, unintentional edging, fingering, begging, wall sex, dirty talk, unprotected sex

Kaz usually didn't have a problem with visiting the R&D unit, it was just another part of making sure the base was running smoothly, but ever since he recruited this new girl checking up on operations was getting increasingly difficult.

He stood at the door to the workshop and took a deep breath, his heart dropped knowing you was on the other side. Trying to clear his thoughts before he made a fool of himself in front of you again, his hands were shaking as he reached to open the door. When he stepped through he saw people were drawing up blueprints, putting together weapons, everything was business as usual at least as far as he could tell until his gaze steered toward the desk were you sat alone. Before he knew it he was making a beeline toward your workspace, it wasn’t until he got there that he realized he had no idea what to say to you.

It must have been more than his own discomfort making the room warm. There you sat with your fatigues folded down at the waist leaving your upper half in only a tank top, your exposed skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat. Completely unaware of his presence as you were engrossed in putting together some little device. Which he was glad for since he already lost track of how long he had been standing there staring at you.

"Uhhh, what's this?" He asked, not knowing how else to break the silence.

It was no secret that he was an effortless flirt when it came to literally anyone else, but his usual pick up lines and general amorous attitude didn't feel right to use on you. A little startled at the sudden realization of his presence you looked over at him, eyes wide making him freeze under your gaze.

"Oh, it's just a new design for the codec. We already improved the sound and the broadcasting range so I was just working on the fit, now you can hardly tell you have it on." You explained, extremely proud of your design.

If he was being honest he barely processed a word you said, all too engrossed in just the sound of your voice and the passion in your eyes while you showed him your project. His efforts were focused on keeping his gaze from dropping down to your cleavage.

"Do you want to try it on?" You asked, presenting the device to him and snapping him out of the trance you had him in.

"Yeah, I guess." He replied, leaning forward.

Kaz stiffened up at the touch of your fingers on his skin while you secured the codec around his neck, taking special care to hold his quickening breath and keep from shaking visibly. As if he wasn't feeling akward enough, he felt his pants get ever so slightly tighter, making him change his stance to make it slightly less noticeable.

"See? you'll barely feel a thing." You remarked, once you finished. "I have some other designs I've been working on if you want to see them."

Before he could agree you were already bending over to reach something in a bottom drawer of your desk, exposing the waistband of your brightly colored underwear as you continued searching. Kaz felt dirty looking at you like this even though he had seen more than his fair share of naked flesh in his day, and he was very thankful for the dark sunglasses that hid the direction of his line of sight. Despite what little conscience he had left screaming at him, he couldn't bring himself to look away, watching every little movement of your body as you rummaged through the drawer while the guilt made his heart pound and his face hot.

"Here, this is a new serum I was designing with the medical team for- Are you okay?" You inquired, turning to see his flustered state.

"I'm fine." He answered, perhaps too bluntly while tugging at his shirt collar.

"Are you sure? You must to be roasting in that coat." You continued, with more genuine concern then he believed a man like him deserved.

"Don't worry about it, just tell me more about this thing." He dismissed the subject before taking a seat on the edge of your desk.

Once again he had no idea what exactly you were talking about but he knew he could listen to you for hours. Most of the room was was filled with the scent of gunpowder and oiled metals but through the thick air Kaz could get the occasional whiff of a sweet musk that could only be coming from your perfume. That certainly wasn't helping the tent in his pants go down as he had to pull his overcoat tighter around his body in order to conceal it. The fabric practically suffocated him, but now he didn't have the option of taking it off, eventually he would need to leave before he gave himself heatstroke.

"This looks great, but I have some work I need to get back to." He excused himself, it wasn’t an entire lie but the urgency of the situation was exaggerated.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you this long, I must be talking your ear off." You apologized, the thought of disappointing you by sounding disinterested made him panic.

"It's no trouble, you could talk my ear off anytime." Kaz chimed, trying to remedy the situation.

"But not now, of course." You added.

"What?" He asked.

"You have work to do." You reminded him, with a smile.

"Right." He answered, resisting the urge to smack his forehead.

Waiting until after he was out of earshot to begin muttering to himself, Kaz decided it was better to just go straight to his quarters and sort himself out before he went back to work. Stomping down the halls on his way there, thinking of all the things he maybe should have said to you and all the ways he made himself look completely stupid.

At least he could be greatful that you were the only witness to his awkward antics, he couldn't imagine what he would be in for if Ocelot or Snake saw him like that.

It was almost like the scent of your perfume was following him all the way to his room, that sweet musk filling the air even as he closed the door behind him. Ripping off his coat and hat and tossing them across the room before ungracefully throwing himself onto the bed, it was no surprise to find that his little 'problem' hadn't gone away. He frowned looking down at the ever growing bulge in his pants, his stifled cock throbbing and begging to be released.

"Making me hard in the middle of the day like that." He grumbled, unbuckling his belt.

Sighing, he realized as frustrated as he was he couldn't even bring himself to be mad at you. All you did was exist and here he was acting like some horny teenager who couldn't control himself.

"You don't even know what you do to me." He whispered, biting the fingertips of his gloves to pull them off.

Those thoughts kept coming as he slipped his hand under the waistband of his boxers, you invaded every corner of his mind like some kind of virus. He couldn't imagine how you would react if you could see the pictures he crafted in his mind, you were too good for the filthy scenarios he put you in. Of course he respected you, you were an excellent engineer with a brilliant mind and one of the most genuinely good people he had ever met, so why couldn't he stop thinking of fucking you like you were anything less than that?

Your name left his lips like a prayer for forgiveness. There was no concern for volume anymore as he pulled out his hard length and stroked it with a firm grip.

He let his mind wander to a scene of him bending you over that desk of yours and telling you to keep talking about your little inventions while he pounded into you, making you explain every detail while you tried not to whimper and moan. Kaz let out a shuddering sigh, wondering how that sweet voice of yours would sound while you were on the brink of an orgasm.

"I bet you sound so fucking pretty, don't you?" He breathed out.

Having to slow the speed of his strokes in order to savor the thought, he let the image continue to dance in his mind. In a way, this was as close as he could be to you without becoming an absolute nervous wreck, so why not make it last as long as possible?

Remembering how your fingers felt on his skin for that brief time, he moved his hand to his neck, trying to mimic the way you had touched him. Accidentally brushing against a switch on the codec collar he forgot to return before leaving, the speaker made a small feedback noise and a gasp from a familiar voice cane from the other side.

Kaz made a mistake.

Not only did he forget he was wearing it but the damn thing was on the whole time he was touching himself, not to mention he had no idea what you heard or what channel he was on and who else might have heard. Tearing the device off and making sure it wasn't recording anymore, he had to keep himself from throwing it at the wall while he cursed at the tiny object in his hand.

A soft knock came from the other side of the door making Kaz nearly jump out of his skin. It could have only been a minute since he discovered the codec but it felt like hours, someone was probably here to confront him about his broadcast. Hurriedly stuffing his erection back into his pants he went to grab his crutch so he could answer whoever was on the other side. He wiped the sweat from his brow, fastened his belt and smoothed out his hair, trying to look as normal as possible before answering the door.

He was surprised further to see the very subject of his previous fantasies waiting outside, wearing an uneasy look similar to the one he usually wore around you. Before you could even speak he knew he had been caught, his body went stiff as held his breath waiting for you to say anything.

"So uhhh... I forgot to ask for the codec back." You explained, the tone of your voice confirming his fears.

Slowly and wordlessly he handed the device over to you, there was nothing he could say to make this situation any worse. Perhaps there was some comfort in that simple fact, but Kaz began to doubt that once you began to speak again.

"That's not all." You continued, sounding increasingly nervous. "I didn't notice it until you left, but some chemicals from that serum I was working on earlier spilled all over it, and you're probably feeling it's effects right now."

"What? What does the serum do?" He asked, accidentally poisoning himself would be the cherry on top of this shit sundae of a situation.

"You weren't paying attention? That makes sense now, I suppose." You answered bluntly. "It's an aphrodisiac."

"Why would you make that?" The crack in his voice was unexpected, the confusion getting the better of him.

"For interrogations and things like that." You explained, your body was visibly shaking as your breathing grew heavier. "It's only supposed to last a couple hours."

"Say, you're not feeling the same effects are you?" He asked, noticing how flustered you seemed to be.

"Well... maybe a little." You responded, your eyes could never quite meet his. "But not as bad as you, from what could hear."

"Right, how much trouble am I in?" He sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Not much, you were on a private channel just for testing, but I heard everything." You replied, your face getting redder by the second. "That's the reason I came looking for you, part of it anyway."

"What is it?" He asked.

"I was thinking since this is kind of my fault, I could maybe help you out." You proposed, meeting his gaze and falling silent.

He had to think long and hard before responding, that look you gave him made the offer hard to refuse. "Are you sure about that? I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything for me."

"No, I want to." You replied, Kaz never thought he would hear those words from you. "Just tell me what you need."

The air between the two of you grew heavy, he could almost hear your hearts pounding. This wasn't an opportunity he would pass up, but he wouldn't simply take advantage of the situation.

"If you're sure about this." He chimed, before cupping your cheek in his hand and gently touching his lips to yours. "Let me show you."

As the kiss slowly deepened you set your hands against his chest, grasping at his uniform while he slid his tongue against your bottom lip. Pushing you up against the wall earned a small gasp from you, parting your mouth just enough to allow his tongue to explore inside. His hand dropped to your waist, tracing your curves before wrapping his arm around and pulling you tight against him. You lifted your hips, grinding over the bulge in his pants that was begging for any kind of attention, and would have to wait a little longer unfortunately.

Kaz groaned into your mouth before pulling away to get a look at your face, searching for any kind of doubt or remorse. It occurred to him as you stared back with a slightly awestruck gaze that this was the first time you had seen him without his glasses, he felt as if he was meeting you for the first time.

"Still sure about this? We can stop if you want to." He asked again,

"Keep going." You panted.

Kissing your lips one more time before dipping down below your chin, trailing lower as you moved your hair away to give him more access to your skin. He was absolutely drowning in your scent, trying to get a taste while he teased the spots that gained the most reaction from you with his tongue.

"You smell so sweet." He chided, grinning against your neck.

"It's the chemicals." you giggled.

Serum or not, Kaz couldn't keep his eyes or his mouth off of you. He pulled your jumpsuit off your shoulders inch by inch, kissing every newly revealed bit of your body like it was the only time he would have the chance, because as far as he knew that was likely the case. You looked so cute wiggling out of your clothes, struggling to get your boots out of your pant legs so you didn't have to part from him to take them off.

While he was giving your body the attention it deserved, you were working on uncovering his. Deftly undoing each button on his uniform and gently pulling off his tie. When your hands finally reached the last layer he shuddered at your fingers touching his bare skin, a feeling he wouldn't mind getting used to but for now was completely foreign. His body wasn't as toned as it was the last time someone touched him like this, the sense of pride he felt when a partners fingers explored perfectly firm abs was replaced with an anticipated of rejection.

"You still want this?" He asked.

"Of course." You assured him.

"You're positive?"

"Just fuck me already Kaz." You urged him, sounding as annoyed as you were desperate.

He didn't have to be told twice, pulling your panties to the side and sliding his fingers between your folds to test if you were wet enough. The sounds you made while he explored had him torn between fucking you now or just stuffing you with his fingers until you were screaming his name. It was easy to push one past your entrance given how soaked you were, you must have downplayed your own exposure to the serum.

"I'm not so convinced you're doing this all for me now." He teased, shoving his middle finger as deep inside of you as it could go.

"Please, I need it." You breathed out.

"Show me how much you need it." He ordered.

Without hesitation you put hand behind his head and shoved his mouth against yours, whining and panting helplessly into the kiss. The way you rocked against his hand showed him how impatient you were getting, it wasn’t long before you were palming the front of his pants, wordlessly begging for him to take things to the next level. He had to take extra care and control himself, being so sensitive from bringing himself to the edge right before being interrupted had every touch making him feel like he was about to cum from that alone. When you pulled his cock out it was already twitching and leaking in anticipation, Kaz could honestly say it was the hardest he'd ever been and it would still be a while before he could get the release he needed.

Gritting his teeth he let you give him a few quick pumps before guiding him inside, he hooked his hand under your thigh to lift your leg and spread you just a little wider. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion, the moment he was completely enveloped in your wet heat seemed to last hours. He would have to move slow, ignoring your desperate moans promting him to go faster so he could last longer.

Your body was so close to his, rocking, writhing, squeezeing, flexing. Any part of you that wasn't pressed together was mere inches away, every breath and moan was shared and your bodies moved in perfect unision. It was hard to think that only an hour ago this was could only have been a daydream. He never wanted this to end, your arms around his chest, your legs wrapped around his hips, and your teeth sinking into his shoulder as you tried and failed to stifle your moans. This was more than a drug, this was heaven, he finally found it.

A set of stomping footsteps came down the adjacent hall made Kaz reflexively put his hand over your mouth. A gaurd walked right past the corridor you both were in without even looking in your direction. The two of you stilled as he passed, sobered by the realization that you were out in the open and barely even dressed. As a Commander, Kaz couldn't help but be a little disgusted with the lack of awareness in his soldiers, but for now he was glad he wasn't literally caught with his pants down.

"Can we maybe do this on a bed?" You requested with a slurred voice while your eyes looked over at the bedroom door only a few feet away.

"Good idea." He replied.

He made a less than dignified noise when he pulled out and stuffed his cock haphazardly back into his boxers, there was no way he was going to be able to do that again but for now it was better than walking around with it out. The two of you made your way into his room half dressed and fully determined to continue what you started once Kaz made sure to lock the door behind you. The short distance from the hall to the door felt like miles and the distance from the door to the bed felt longer, luckily he had the sight of you dressed in nothing but a tank top and soaked panties to keep him occupied.

In a race to get undressed he waited for you to get on the bed, not expecting you to shove him on it first and climb on top of him. At first he was understandably taken aback but he discovered he liked this more aggressive side of you that he hadn't seen before. Seeing you completely naked for the first time made his cock twitch as you started to stroke it while straddling him. He couldn't wait any longer, his resolve was wearing thiner with every touch and he would prefer to make you cum before letting go himself.

"What's taking you so long?" Kaz blurted out without thinking.

"Give me a second, I haven't done this before." You answered, shifting your knees to the least awkward position.

"You what?" He almost shouted.

"No, I mean I haven't been on top before. Hang on a second." You clarified, much to his relief.

He sighed as you finally sunk down on him setting a steady pace that didn't last long. His hand settled on your hip, urging you to go faster and faster until the bed was creaking underneath you.

"How's that feel?" He asked, lifting hips to match your every move.

"It's... It's different like this." You whined, the series of dirty wet noises getting louder. "Mmh... I'm making such a mess."

Kaz laughed, he wanted to tease you but at this point he wasn't doing much better. "You're doing so good."

The way you were rolling your hips gave him the impression that you were now focused on chasing your own pleasure, he sharply thrusted up just to hear you gasp and then whisper a few feverish curses. He hadn't done this since he lost his dominant hand but he was determined to make it work as he reached between your thighs, rubbing in circles with his thumb until he found the tiny spot that made you cry out. Your nails raked into the skin on his abdomen, leaving light red stripes he hoped would never fade.

A sense of accomplishment overtook him when your thighs started to shake, letting him know he didn't have to hold back anymore. He lifted his hips into yours while you bounced rhythmlessly on his cock, throwing his head back as he reveled in the feeling completely. Your bodies twitched and flexed together much like before, the intensity growing as you both chased the mind numbing orgasm. Kaz panted and growled like an animal feeling hot spurts of his cum empty into your tight hole and then drip out onto his skin.

Continuing long after you both had finished, he could only guess that you stopped just because your legs didn't have the strength anymore. As you laid overtop of him you covered his neck and the underside of his chin in light kisses, he sat back too exhausted to question your overly amorous attitude. Wrapping his arm around your waist he pulled you down, wanting to feel the warmth of your skin on his for a little longer.

Unsure if this was genuine affection or some other symptom of the chemicals he dared to let himself believe that you meant every touch and kiss, returning them where he could reach to the point where it threatened to get him going again. Nuzzling against him like a kitten and acting like you hadn't touched another person in years, even when you rested your head on his chest you were still drawing shapes on his skin. Kaz wanted to say something, anything to address what had just happened but he feared he would spoil the blissful silence.

"If you're feeling any lingering side effects in the next couple days, I'd be happy to help you out again." You offered.

"Oh yeah? I think I might start feeling something this Friday night" He joked earning a soft laugh from you.

"You're funny, it's too bad we only got together because of an experiment gone wrong." You remarked.

"I think something would have happened eventually." Kaz replied, there was no harm in putting it all out there at this point.

"What do you mean?" You asked, it was hard to believe even now you had no idea.

"I mean you could have got me without the serum." He explained, looking down into your eyes. "You're sweet, smart, and not to mention gorgeous.

"Aww you have a crush on me!" You teased, booping your finger on his nose.

"Cut it out, you're making me blush." He laughed.

"I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about drugging you after all." You replied.

"Don't forget, there's still a couple side effects." He reminded you.

"Already?" You asked after looking down to discover he was ready for another round

"It's your experiment, I thought you would expect this." He answered.

"I think I'll have to run a few more tests." You teased, climbing back on top of him.

"I'm all yours." He promised.

[auxiliarydetective]

My OCs as Flatmates, Part 2

Includes: Aurelia, Cora, Lily

The One Piece part, for some reason. I swear, I didn't plan for this. If you want to hear these sort of headcanons for some of my other OCs, let me know!

@marzena-doe and @oneirataxia-girl both asked for...

↬ Aurelia !

I need to make one thing very clear here. You're in her house and she can and will throw you out whenever you get on her nerves too much. It will probably take a long time for her to warm up to you.

One of the best things about living with her is you don't need to worry about money, food or security, and in the World of One Piece, that's a really big advantage. There's hardly a safer space across the seven seas than her home. She'll make sure you have good things to eat and drink, you have nice clothes (because you are not walking around her home in rags) and maybe gift you some jewelry if she's feeling generous. All in all, she's not exactly the most outgoing or affectionate, but if she tolerates you in her home, you might find yourself having dinner with her once in a while, sitting by the fireplace together... all those things.

Another great thing about Aurelia is her vast knowledge about the world and what's happening in it. She's got metaphorical eyes and ears everywhere and knows a lot about all sorts of political or otherwise impactful events. Also, about how the world works in its wacky ways. The seas, the skies, the wildlife, and people themselves... She knows how to fight, too, and might just be the best teacher when it comes to a certain technique based on willpower if you are blessed enough to have it. Generally, you can learn a lot of things from her (and you might just end up being adopted into her circle of poor little meow meows children).

@supermarine-silvally asked for...

↬ Cora !

Cora, my beloved. You're right, Cora is somewhat messy! But only really in her workspace. Her workspace is cluttered as all hell, but she still manages to find anything she needs (because she can summon it with her devil fruit or just sense where it is). Occasionally, she'll also leave some of her projects around the house or something if she was working on them somewhere else, but then the clutter will all be in one pile that you can easily scoop up and move.

Generally, Cora is so freaking considerate. Overly considerate even. She will back away first before trying to reason with you. At least until she gets really comfortable with you. She also knows how to cook, at least somewhat, and she would love to cook with you because it's fun and it's a bonding activity for her. Also! She will definitely make you clothes, whether you ask her or not. At some point, she'll just start sketching designs for you and give you the puppy eyes until you say yes to trying them. She'll also fix your favourite clothes for you. Your favourite shirt has a hole in it? Not anymore! Seam came loose on your jeans? It's back where it used to be. This also extends to stuffed animals if you have those! No questions asked, she'll stitch your favourite teddy back up and make him a cute little jacket to go with it.

She might be a bit anxious about a lot of thinks though. Personal space is definitely one thing, but she might also want to roughly know when you go out and get back, just so she has a vague idea of when you're at home and when she'll be alone. Also, she might bring some of the Straw Hats over occasionally if you're okay with it. She lets Luffy come over once and never again but the others might be there a bit more often. Especially her boyfriends. She asks them for help with chores sometimes or shows them her designs. It's really adorable.

@oneirataxia-girl also asked for...

↬ Lily !

Why are you living with a child? Who knows, but you're a parent now. Sorry, I don't make the rules. You have to understand that, if you're living with Lily, you're gonna have to do at least some parenting. This is a child with strong mood swings and very little experience in the world outside of ships and mansions, so you're gonna have to teach her some things and take care of her.

But, that aside, she's really nice! She's considerate (or at least she tries), she loves to do pretty much any activity with you, she doesn't mind doing the chores... Also, if you're someone who likes cuddles, she's got you. She loves them. And she's got soft, big ears and a tail... I also imagine she's naturally pretty warm.

Emotions-wise, Lily is usually pretty cheerful, but she's not really the best at comforting you when you're down. She might show up to your room with some hot chocolate instead.

She's definitely messy. Not because she doesn't care but because she forgets. You'll have to remind her to do the dishes every once in a while or she'll forget the laundry, but she's trying. She's definitely trying. But she's also very easily distracted by literally anything. Also... don't expect her to be too good at running errands, at least not in the groceries department. Do not let her into a grocery store on her own, she will come back with more sweets than intended and maybe even a toy or soemhing. Give her a list and she'll hopefully get everything you need though.

If you're ever overwhelmed with her, call Sanji. Or one of the other responsible Straw Hats (i.e. not Luffy). They'll figure things out.

So yeah, that's it for part 2! Hope you enjoy! :)

Also I do not have the time to proofread this, please forgive me. My mind is mashed potatoes.

[fr3sh-tragedies]

Mistake

[Arcane] Jinx x Fem! Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Content Warnings: Argument, degrading terms, cussing, voices, overall angst

[A/N]: None!

Enjoy!

A small hum of content made its way from Jinx’s lips as she nuzzled her face into the source of warmth in front of her. She took a deep breath in, enjoying the scent of the shampoo [Y/N] had used to shower the night before. “Good morning, toots.” A small yawn came from the girl in front of her. “Morning,” [Y/N] mumbled out, her voice slurring a bit. “Did you sleep well?” “Mhm.” “Me too.” Jinx sighed and tightened her arms around the girl’s waist, pulling her further into her chest. She closed her eyes to let herself enjoy the warmth and softness [Y/N] provided for her. She adored these blissful, intimate moments the most. Any time she could just be alone and comfortable with [Y/N] made her the happiest. Sure, she loved showing her off to others, but she knew how important it was to also have a private part of the relationship–one that no one else could disturb or ruin.

[Y/N] stirred in front of her for a moment, eventually shifting over onto her opposite side so she was now facing Jinx. And oh, god, did Jinx’s heart flutter when she saw her beautiful face. Her features always so comforting and affectionate. She cherished each little microexpression that altered her face: each soft, sheepish smile that was followed by a faint blush creeping up to her ears, each look of confusion that had her eyebrows furrowed tightly together, every moment she pouted and stuck out her bottom lip–even the way her face contorted with anger. She hated being the cause of her negative emotions, but she still found her expressions beautiful nonetheless. How [Y/N] managed to always look so alluring was a mystery, but Jinx definitely wasn’t complaining. It fascinated her beyond belief. She would stare at her forever if she had the chance.

She groaned, however, upon remembering her project for the day. How she longed to just stay in bed and hold [Y/N]. She considered it for a moment, but quickly shut herself down when realizing her deadline was approaching soon. If she didn’t get this new weapon built when Silco asked, she’d only be piling projects on top of each other, which would make her stress much worse. She unfastened the arm draped on top of [Y/N]’s waist and brought her hand up to caress her face. As her thumb tenderly stroked over her cheek, the [h/c] girl’s eyes fluttered open. “Hate to break it to you, toots, but I’ve gotta get up.” Instead of pouting the way Jinx had expected, [Y/N] nodded and closed her eyes before wriggling out from her embrace.

Jinx, after taking a moment to stretch properly, got out of bed and got dressed for the day. As she headed out the door, she paused, considering something. Finally, she turned around a bit to properly glance at [Y/N], whose back was now facing her. “[Y/N]?” She called softly. A small hum came as a response, barely audible. “Wanna join me in the workshop today? I could use some company.” Silence filled the space between them, making Jinx believe that maybe the other girl had already fallen asleep again. She was about to call her name a second time to repeat her question, but [Y/N] suddenly sat up and yawned. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there in a minute.” Jinx smiled and nodded, heading out the door and over to her workspace.

She sat down and started working after turning on some music. She hummed along to the tune, already getting lost in her work and failing to notice a certain [h/c] girl’s footsteps lightly approaching her. [Y/N] sat on the extra stool over by a separate table. She rubbed her eyes groggily, her body begging and aching for her to go back to sleep. “Hey,” she called out after a moment. Jinx jumped, startled by a sudden voice. She turned her head around to show she had acknowledged the girl before looking back down at her equipment. When she got no response, she sighed. She could already feel herself growing irritated. [Y/N] knew how busy she was, so why did she always have to distract her?

“What is it, toots?” Another moment of silence passed, only fueling Jinx’s newfound anger. “Are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?” Jinx froze, grip on her screwdriver now so tight her knuckles were turning white. She shut her eyes tightly for a second. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she began working again, now with unsteady hands. “There’s nothing to talk about. We worked things out last night before bed. Move on.” [Y/N] grimaced at her cold tone. She had grown accustomed to it during arguments, sure, but it didn’t mean she liked it. “But that argument was really bad, Jinx. Worse than usual. I’m…” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “I’m worried we’re not going to last much longer at this rate.”

A loud banging sounded from Jinx’s desk, prompting [Y/N] to look over in confusion. Jinx had slammed her invention and screwdriver down out of frustration. “I said move on, [Y/N].” The girl stood from the isolated stool and crossed her arms. “No! We need to talk about this whether you want to or not. Ignoring the problem isn’t going to make it go away.” Jinx growled, standing up and twirling around the chair so fast it almost tipped over. She bolted to stand in front of [Y/N], who cowered a bit at her seething gaze. “Why don’t you ever just listen to me? Are you trying to cause even more problems?” [Y/N] sighed, looking down to steel her nerves. She knew bringing it up would only spark the flame again, but she had made it her goal to make communication the most important part of their rocky relationship.

“You know that’s not what I’m trying to do. You know me, Jinx. You act like you do anyway. And if you even paid attention to me at all, you’d know that I hate any kind of conflict. But in order to avoid that this time, we have to talk things out, okay?” Jinx scoffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “No. We don’t have to do shit. You’re just pathetic. You think there’s a solution to every little flaw.”

The already cold air of the room became frigid, the atmosphere now thick with tension. Aside from the music playing quietly in the background and the occasional tick of the large fan below, there was silence. Uncomfortable silence. [Y/N]’s head began to ache. It was far too early in the morning to be arguing. Maybe she should’ve just stayed in bed after all. Then nothing would’ve happened. They could both just ignore each other until it was time to go to bed like usual. But [Y/N] knew it was going to be brought up again at some point if she followed through with her goal of proper communication, and she believed it was better now than never. She wasn’t sure, though, if she’d rather have this discussion in the bedroom so no one could disturb them until a solution was made, or if she was fine with standing in the workshop that Jinx seemed to take priority of over her.

‘Just find a way to deescalate the situation before it gets worse,’ she told herself. ‘Stay calm, don’t raise your voice, and watch what you say.’ Even as [Y/N] stayed mostly silent throughout the rest of the one-sided argument, her expressions gave away what she was feeling–those same expressions that Jinx admired for so long. She could tell Jinx wasn’t going to back down–not with how badly she wanted to win the argument. She always wanted to be right. And it wasn’t just as simple as her wanting to be right. She truly did believe, in situations like these anyway, that she was always right, which is why the solution they agreed on usually only appealed and benefited Jinx.

As it continued, Jinx’s volume only got louder and louder. She stepped closer, finally, and [Y/N] forced her backwards as a reflex, afraid she was about to be hit. Jinx paused, registering the motion. Before she could apologize, [Y/N] was shoved down onto the ground. “Don’t you lay your fucking hands on me! That’s why we never agree on anything! You always mess everything up! And you know why that is? Because you’re nothing more than a mistake!” Right as the words left her mouth, Jinx froze, her expression shifting from outrage to one of pure regret. Her emotions only grew as she watched tears prick [Y/N]’s eyes, bubbling up until they finally spilled down in thick masses. Without breaking eye contact, the [h/c] girl stood and dusted herself off. “Maybe this relationship was a mistake too.”

She turned on her heel and left the room with her shoulders slumped in defeat. Jinx felt herself reaching out, but she was too late–the damage had already been done. Her mind had already been racing long before she uttered those words, but now it was worse. She couldn’t form a single word. The voices swarmed in her mind, scolding her, reminding her of all her failures before. They mocked her–the nicer ones listing all the different ways she could’ve handled the situation.

Should she apologize? Would [Y/N] even listen to her? She sobbed as she came to the realization that she possibly ruined their relationship for good. Any minute now, [Y/N] would come back and break the news that they’re done–the relationship is over. She curled into herself once bundling up on her bed. She waited for hours for [Y/N] to come in and give her the harsh reality of the consequences she had been avoiding for so long.

Only those words never came from her lips. Instead, a small, folded note was left on her desk out in the workshop. She unfolded it with a shaky breath.

Jinx,

I would apologize for the way that argument ended, but I’m not at fault. You are. I stand by what I said before leaving. This relationship was a mistake, just like me–according to you. I’m moving back home. I’ll stop by in a few days once you’ve cooled down so I can gather my belongings, but don’t bother meeting or talking to me. I don’t need your help or your fake apologies. Good luck on whatever it is Silco is having you create. I guess we’ll see just how horrible you can make others feel if you’re successful. May we never speak again.

-[Y/N]

Sobs wracked her body once more as she collapsed to her knees, clutching the note tightly against her chest. She screwed everything up. She always does. It was no surprise that she messed this up too–it was only temporary: temporary bliss, temporary love…She didn’t deserve any of it either way. Maybe [Y/N] was right. Maybe the relationship was a mistake after all. Did she even make [Y/N] happy? Was there actually any love? She hiccupped, wiping away at her tears with her available hand–though it didn’t help as they kept pouring. Her mind flooded with ideas on how to fix the situation, only to be followed by the fact there was no fixing this. It was her mistake, and now she had to face the consequences.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 210

Weekly installation of mostly fluffy slice of life neurodivergent queer fiction in SPACE space space space!

October was a super busy month, so I’m glad to be through it.  HRT, Inktober, real life camping trip, one of my ersatz children making good trouble while the other one rebelled a little bit... Onwards to November, when I still have to decide if I am spatchcocking Cornish hens or just frying them.

I actually can’t do reader shout outs this week, because Inktober did get my notes all wonky.  However! @janeshadow, @necromancer04, and @drbibliophile were all extremely supportive of my clumsy attempts at art, so I do want to give them special acknowledgement.

As always, shout out to @baelpenrose for sticking it out through this chapter... It veered hard left for a minute, but he hung in there until it actually made sense again.

By the time I got back to my office, Else had done an admirable job clearing the ceiling and working their way down the walls. Tyche and Parvati were nowhere to be seen, which was just as well.  Given the near-fluorescent quality my workspace still had, it was in everyone’s best interest that Parvati was scheduled to shadow my sister today.

“Good call on Charly,” Hannah announced as I took a seat. “She was halfway through making a fresh batch of paint when I got ahold of her.”

I slumped in relief. “Xiomara is less than pleased with her homework, but not much else I can do. She has been warned, just in case, blah blah blah.” Roughly, I rubbed my face. “I need a vacation.”

“Don’t you usually go camping or something?  I know there was a camping trip last year.”

“Mmm hmm.” Alistair had kindly handed me another coffee - mostly hot this time, no straw. Things were looking up. “But we make planetfall in less than four months.  The next giant leap for mankind waits for no one.”

She blinked at me, skeptical. “The world won’t end if you vanish for three or four days.”

Shrugging, I shook my head. “I’d be camping alone. Schedules are all over the place right now, between essential projects in community shifts and essential tasks in work shifts. Hell,” I sighed, “I think the guys and I are only all home at the same time for maybe four hours a day?”

“That sucks,” she whispered emphatically.

“Can’t be helped. We’ve talked about it and come to terms with it.” Remembering the food I’d brought, I looked around. “Where are the - “

“Eaten, with salt and butter,” Alistair interrupted. “What hasn’t been demolished was absconded with to Tyche’s office with muttering about soups?”

“The Soup,” Hannah corrected. “Clearly, you haven’t had it, or you would know that.  Hey!” She perked up again. “You could do a picnic instead of camping? Small daycation?”

That set me groaning, leaning my head down to rest in my hands. “They’re deconstructing BioLab2 for biomass,” I half-wailed mournfully.  “I’m pretty sure the only reason Nixe hasn’t smashed my door down is because she’s too busy trying to get as much PT in with Teeth as possible before they drain the lake.”

Alistair drummed his fingers on the table, chewing his lip thoughtfully. “I am going to hazard the guess that either Mister Rodriguez has not been told that the same will happen to his tanks, or he has elected not to inform Her Majesty?”

I winked and waggled a finger at him. “Very close. Simon’s prodigious aquarium set ups are among the last to go.  They are currently being used to study mineral aquatics, and will be cycled out to become life pods for Else.”

“That explains the breathtaking lack of weapon marks on the doors, thank you.”

“No problem.” Taking a steadying breath, I looked around again. The pumpkins were vanishing slowly but surely. A reassuring sign. “On more official matters, the votes from the Ark are showing an eighty-twenty trend toward the From cave system, with seventy percent reporting already.” I called up the relevant map. “Which means we need to start figuring out where exactly to put everyone. These are the most recent geological scans, so let’s start taking inventory of who has preference of where they don’t want to be…”

That bought me a scant few minutes of relative silence before Hannah tapped my hand to get my attention. “What about a Halloween party? Or a harvest party?”

“Once we get down there? Sounds like a plan. Sort of a new Thanksgiving.”

She rolled her eyes. “I mean for you, dummy.”

I tilted my head questioningly. “You want me?” I pointed at my chest. “To relax? By planning and throwing a party?”

“You love feeding people,” she pointed out.

My hands went up. “Four or five at a time, yeah! After that, it gets exhausting.”

“There is this fascinating invention,” Alistair started, adding his two cents. “It’s called a potluck, I do believe. Apparently, it occurs when you allow other people to bring dishes to a gathering.” He zoomed on a particular cavern, not even looking at us. “Revolutionary, I know. What will they think of next.”

“Asshole,” I muttered, wiggling down into my chair to sulk.

“Other people can cook, Sophia.”

“Et tu, Hannah?”

Five years ago, she would have flinched from my glare. Now, she just stared back.  It was clear that overexposure had acclimatized her to my wrath. “You let Tyche bake for you all the time.”

“That’s different. I can’t bake. Like, at all.”

“Arthur made goulash that one time. And you let Charly make popcorn.”

Yet again, my assistant felt the need to add insult to injury. “I understand that Mister Rodriguez is quite adept at sugar confections.  And you, yourself, extoll Councilor Kalloe’s aptitude with curries.”

“We could throw Xiomara and Mona together,” Hannah suggested. “Mona will stuff buns with anything given the chance.”  It only took a beat of silence for her to realize what she had said and start glowing red. “Bread buns! Like fluffier bao oh my gods kill me now…”

“Mini curry bread bowls do sound delightful,” Alistair mulled.

“Y’all - “

He kept speaking, ignoring me completely. “I think Farro and I can duel British versus American pigs  in blankets.”

Hannah clapped, despite my attempts to argue. “Oh, that would be fun!  I bet Charly and Coffee can pull together some really interesting dips and sauces.” Her tone dropped just as she clamped a hand over my mouth. “I hear Coffee makes a mean roux.”

“Do you think he can make us a gumbo?”

“How would we make it portable? Hmmm….”

I stood up and stomped my bare foot ineffectually before shouting. “Y’ALL!” They turned to look at me, faces frozen mid-word. Pointing a finger like it was a loaded gun, I started with Alistair. “I know what the hell a potluck is, but a good host should be able to feed the people they invite. Arthur got away with the goulash because he didn’t exactly ask.”

“The boozy donuts didn’t hurt,” Hannah added.

“AND YOU!” I whirled on her. “How am I supposed to ask people who probably can’t even attend to make food or help?  I adore Mona, but she is busy. We all have access to her work allotments and hours, none of us know when she sleeps. I don’t care how good those mini bread bowls sound, if I find out she is making even ONE, I will assign you to BioLab Four so fast you won’t have time for a rebreather.”

She started muttering and I vaguely heard names being listed, but chose to ignore it for the sake of my blood pressure. “And finally: WHY DOES THAT PUFF HAVE A HAT??” I darted across the room to where Else was roughly halfway down the walls now, fingertip less than an inch from a bright yellow ball of fuzz with a bright purple cowboy hat.

“Hat?”

“Puff?”

Both of them stood and inched toward where I was standing, eyes following my arm until they saw what I was focused on. “That’s a hat,” Hannah murmured in a dazed tone.

“I see it as well,” Alistair confirmed.  I couldn’t tell if his confusion was the rapid change in topic or the bizarre sight in front of us. “It is very purple.”

I didn’t want to take the object away, in case it upset Else…. Lately, they’d been known to emit a jarringly high pitched noise when upset. Instead, I stared at it with them, fixated.

“Does Simon have sea urchins?” Hannah finally asked, apropos to literally nothing I could figure out.

“Four?” I answered, curious.

She nodded without taking her eyes off the wall. “Urchins sunburn, and from what I’ve read, wild ones would carry stones or other objects to protect themselves. People who kept pet urchins would make hats for them. Like that.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. “I don’t think I want to know how Else stole a hat from one of Simon’s urchins.”

“Perhaps someone made it for Else, based on similarities?” Alistair suggested.

“No clue,” I admitted.  Finally, I turned from the wall, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes. “Fine. You’re right. We can do the potluck.  It’ll be nice to hang out with everyone and not have to cook everything.”

Immediately, I winced and Else scattered as Hannah started squealing. “This is going to be great! Just you wait and see.”

“No costumes?” I begged.

She gave a small huff. “Fine. No costumes. I can work with that.  Unless Else shows up with hats.”

“The hat is pretty cute,” I conceded.

“Do not inform Miss Harper of that.” Alistair turned and stared at us both. “If I am forced to see even one glittery accoutrement for our fine, fluffy friends, neither of you will ever have a proper cup of coffee again.”

Oh. He meant it.

“Won’t tell Charly,” I hastily promised.

“How the hell are we supposed to keep her from making them without telling her about it?” Hannah hissed at me as soon as his back was turned.

“Fuck if I know,” I responded. “But we’re going to figure this out. My caffeine depends on it.”

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[sisi-halloway]

Wishing Well Heart

@id13vil

Thomas stood toe to toe with his destiny. He didn't think he'd face it that day, not anytime soon.

"There's a lot we've got to do tomorrow," Curtis informed Thomas, a man 10 years his junior who held more wisdom than he himself had ever managed to gather.

Thomas was sitting at the workbench, sleeves rolled up, taking one last look at the mechanisms inside this wooden death trap of theirs.

"You're preaching to the choir, Curtis," he replied, not even looking at his colleague, for he was too focused on his task at hand. His glasses were catching the last orange light that streamed through the dirty panes of the neglected workshop, causing a reflection to dance on the floor.

Curtis scoffs, grabbing his vest and throwing it over his broad shoulder. Deft, scarred hands, the single shared trait of all the men of the workshop, flicked off the lamp and found its way into Curtis' own pocket. A smirk creeps onto his lips as he watches the young man in front of him refuse to come up for air.

"You're to drown in this work, Tom. Give it a rest. There's always tomorrow."

Thomas waves him off.

"Then tomorrow is when I'll see you. Goodnight, Curtis."

Curtis gave a hearty laugh that echoed against the high tin ceiling as he approached the door. He admired Thomas in more ways than one. Envied his prowess, his determination, his ingenuity, and his dedication to science. It was all so very impressive, and everyone in Maeth thought so... except the man himself.

And with that, Thomas was left alone with their latest invention.

The sun wilted in the sky and the shadows of the oak trees outside stretched to their most monstrous length. Thomas looked at his watch. His family always had dinner together on Thursdays, and at this rate, he was spiraling toward a good scolding for being late. His sisters and his mother wouldn't let him get off easy, as it wouldn't be the first time he's walked in just in time for dessert.

He allowed himself a few minutes more before tidying his workspace the best that he could. He never cleaned it completely unless he was done with a project. Thomas would have a hard time getting started tomorrow if the bookmark on his creative processes fell victim to organization.

He stood up and put his suspenders back on his shoulders. His collared shirt always started the day buttoned to the neck, and would always end it buttoned to the upper chest. It got much too hot in this workshop, with the tin ceiling and many windows, and seven sweaty bodies. Not to mention it was the beginning of Maethisse summer. Maeth wasn't exactly known for inventing air conditioning. Thomas hadn't cracked that one yet.

The last light crept into the workshop when Thomas opened the door to leave, getting his keys from his pocket to lock it. This had been how his night ended every day this week.

As routine, mundane, and day-to-day this work had become, Thomas loved it. His life was less exciting now in these days, with projects taking longer and longer, with more and more time between milestones; at least there was always something to look forward to.

Their phonograph was almost to the testing phase, a long-awaited feat. Also, his sister was pregnant. A niece or nephew would be in his future, and Thomas was quite excited about that. There were a lot of new concerns and preparations that came with this news, like helping her husband Shu renovate Isabella's old house. They'd be busy for the next few months for sure... But Thomas was a little sad when he thought about his life in isolation.

Outside of work and his family's accomplishments, there was nothing differentiating about his days. As long as he'd been okay with that, he's now longing for something to bring excitement, newness, adventure... something like

"Salice?"

---

And so here they were, staring at each other, some meters apart, like in some Western movie. Except instead of their guns drawn and their mouth stretched back into snarls, they were smiling like kids.

Thomas would've lost his duel, for the keys in his hand quickly clattered into the dust below.

"I believe so... hello to you too..."

He almost didn't recognize her with her back to the sun like that, for she was nothing but a dark shadow against the waning light. Hell, she was the light. So bright that Thomas could barely behold her.

Thomas stood there slack-jawed and wide-eyed and soon to be knock-kneed. Never in a million years did Thomas think that the girl of his dreams would come back to Maeth on an ordinary Thursday... if at all.

"I was correct in assuming you'd be here," she said.

The woman approached him as he scrambled to pick up the keys, and Thomas focused up on her. Her outfit was classic, one that drove him crazy when she'd worn it all those years ago. A white button-down blouse that mimicked his collared shirt, a tea-length skirt, and her walking oxford shoes. With Salice, the attention was always on the details. The ribbon in her long curly hair matched her lace socks, which also matched the gloves on her hands. Thomas tried not to gawk. Even after traveling miles, which Thomas assumed she had, she looked as stunning and as well put together as a movie star. With those doe eyes and celebrity smile... She'd been gone so long, she might've become one without him knowing! Thomas knew she'd be a natural on-screen... she'd been playing on the one in his head for years.

"And how would you have figured that?" He asked standing to his full height, towering over the woman.

Salice shrugs as they turn and take a few steps away from the workshop.

"First one in the morning, last one in the evening, isn't that what you used to tell me? They hardly know how to get on without you here, so I assume it's still that way. Isn't that right?"

Oh, the flattery. Thomas didn't know if he were to survive.

"You don't give them enough credit, Salice. They can get on without me at least part of the time."

He tried to keep his cool. Frankly, Thomas wouldn't be surprised if he came down with the bends, considering how fast the excitement in his voice was rising. He still managed a suave and teasing smile.

"Oh, my apologies. I should be more mindful of what I say then..."

When Salice looked at Thomas from the corner of her eye, the inventor couldn't help but fall in love all over again. He figured he'd never fallen out of it. This young woman held an importance to him not even she knew. What started out as an awkward acquaintanceship, as he was just the best friend's brother, grew into an honest friendship. Then Thomas one day suddenly realized that everything Salice had said or done for the last year of her stay acted as a coin in the wishing well of his heart. How he wished all of those little things that don't mean much on their own could compile into a hope so strong that they could end up together as lovers. His wishing well heart, it called to her, for her from its enchanted depths. The only thing that stopped all his wishful feelings from pouring onto her was... him.

He remembered all the hesitation. He remembered all the doubt. He remembered the hopelessness that he'd never have the courage to tell Salice how much he loved her.

Then he remembered the sinking feeling when he watched her pack her things to move away. And what good would telling her have done then?

For years he'd tried to get over her, through her, beyond her, since he couldn't dive into her. Nothing had ever worked. He used his inventions and his work to stave off his longing. It did the trick thus far, but every now and again there was a pang of frustration, regret, anger and sadness, and shame. He'd imagine her, what her face and body and voice were all like. He'd wish himself in a world full of her. He'd manage to go there for a night, but in the morning, he'd wake up again alone. The worst part about it all, the part that made this agony, is that nobody else ever stood a chance.

Plenty of suitors and suitresses would be so happy to have Thomas as their husband. There were so many wonderful things about him, things he was oblivious to, things he neglected to see and appreciate. But Thomas wouldn't let himself be satisfied so easily. Even when he thought he could use the word happy to describe his life... he couldn't take a full breath. Not really. The well descended deeper and darker, abandoned and neglected, unused, unloved, and unoccupied. The coins that had been tossed in long ago were depreciating, the feeling from them weakening. That well, nothing more than a vacant hole now, longed for the girl who used to sing beside it and tend to its mossy stones.

Thomas' wishing well heart wished only for Salice.

Salice, walking beside him, was in a two-handed struggle with a beautiful carpet bag. Not even the sinews of muscle in her upper shoulder as she carried it in front of her were too minor a detail for Thomas to notice. How sore she must be from carrying it.

"Here, let me take that."

He rushed to grab it from her, their hands brushing. Salice let out a breath of reprieve. It seemed so small in Thomas' hand. So small, so light, so insignificant. That bag had been burdening her for a full day and a half's journey, and he diminished it with ease. That was one of the many things she's missed about him. How, like a magician, he could make all her trouble disappear.

"Thank you."

Her voice was quiet, Thomas strained his ears to hear its every decibel. They began walking through the forest path toward town. As they walked, Salice tugged at her gloves. Finger by elegant finger, she loosened them until they slipped off, revealing soft and delicate hands. Her umber skin was soft and blemishless. Always had been.

Thomas remembered what it was like to touch that skin in the most casual of ways. Holding open a door for her and ushering her through it, helping her up and down steps and the like when she was wearing heels, putting a small bandage on her finger when she pricked it. He's touched her many times, maybe hundreds, but it was never enough. At this moment, with him looking at her now, he regretted every single opportunity that he's ever had to touch it.. and didn't.

"How was your trip? Not too rough was it," Thomas inquired whilst switching her bag to his outside hand.

She gave a queenly wave of dismissal, pardoning all the trouble she'd gone through to arrive.

"It wasn't too rough, no. Thank you for asking. Though I couldn't catch a train out of Hjalle, so I took a stagecoach to the next station in Pativeaux. Ended up being a tedious business, that one, but arduous, hardly."

Thomas basked in her words. She spoke so aristocratically, and articulately. She was a dutchess in his eyes, and everything she did proved him right. Even back then she'd spoken that way, being the most well-spoken in any room. Thomas would be entranced even if she had just read him her grocery list.

"That's a relief. For all that, you look stunning."

Thomas made an effort to compliment her, but that wasn't hard since he was just speaking his mind.

"Mh, stop you. You always know what to say, don't you?"

Thomas chuckled and shrugged. He always knew what he did know, and her beauty was something he was always sure of.

"So... how are you?" She asked.

Thomas thought about it. He'd been well, but there were underlying things that would make him not. He would find it so hard to explain what. He decided to keep it light.

"Very busy. Our project at the workshop is almost ready for testing... it's been hell getting that up and running, but I have faith the prototype will be finished by September at least."

Salice smiles when she hears him go on about his inventions. She's always loved hearing about them. When she'd moved away, she'd loved reading about them in the Vesuvian paper. Thomas hadn't realized, but the work they do in Maeth is revolutionary if one chooses to be humble about it. To think a small team of men, less than a dozen, could bring the surrounding lands inventions of spectacular convenience. She remembered when her father had installed their telephone in their surgery office. Salice had swelled with such pride that she'd even so much as met one of the men responsible. And to think Thomas was even closer to her than that.

"Yes? That's some fantastic news, Thomas. I'm so happy to hear that... but how are you?"

And as usual, Salice could see through his deflection. That was common. Anytime Thomas was asked about or checked up on, he'd always respond with his work, which he thought to a certain extent defined him. Salice knew it didn't. Thomas knew that she knew and it scared him.

"I'm..." He takes a minute to think. "I am doing fine, I suppose. Nothing worth noting personally... but I'm very happy you're here.."

Her belly grew warm and she couldn't hide her fond gaze.

"I'm happy I'm here too..."

When their eyes held this gaze for a bit too long, she plucked Thomas' glasses from his nose, beginning to clean them with her skirt. She clicks her tongue at him.

"Tsk, these aren't the same pair I left you with, are they?"

Thomas was guilty of neglecting newness in his life, staying stuck on the same thing even if it wasn't the most efficient or useful. What a contradictory habit for an inventor.

"They might be, but how would you know?" He inquired earnestly.

Salice tittered in amusement while sweeping her expensive skirt over the frames as well as the lenses. These were the same ones. The left wire was bent out of shape, just like it had been then. He hadn't even taken them to get repaired?

"I just know Thomas. Some things you just know."

Thomas didn't think she knew how right she was.

"Here..."

She places them carefully back upon his crooked nose, those hazel eyes greeting her with new clarity. She brushes a bit of hair from his face and nodded in approval when she stepped back from him.

Thomas grew so feverish at her gentle touch. He was certain a rouge flush had put a down payment on the property of his face.

"T-thank you." He stammered.

"You're welcome."

They walked in a comfortable silence while Thomas recovered from his close encounter with the grim reaper of bashfulness. He was hypnotized by the way Salice's brown tresses tossed as she walked in her stately gait. He focused on the white lace ribbon like a mantra, keeping himself from saying or doing something absurd. Absurdly embarrassing. It resembled something like a doily, swaying back and forth with every step. He decided he should ask the second most pertinent question on his mind. He couldn't possibly ask the first. He wasn't on one knee.

"Salice, what brought you back?"

A bird canaried its melodious song in the trees overhead as if it was answering the question itself. They didn't have these types of birds in Vesuvia. Salice had forgotten how magical a place Maeth was, and how privileged she'd been to live here for three years. The truth was, her life had lost its magic.

Her father had undergone a most traumatizing heart surgery... by her hands. Their bond was never the same after that. Not for his lack of trying. Salice just couldn't bear to look at that man knowing that she could've possibly killed him and it would've been all her fault. It scared her more than she could ever believe. It made her think of mortality and fate and how Vesuvia was just not a place she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She wanted to travel and live and experience beautiful things.

She'd offered her father to travel with her here, but he'd politely declined. The surgery center wasn't going to run itself and "Vesuvia can spare one of its brightest doctors, but certainly not both" in Dr. Dabney B. Halloways's own words. So Salice had promised to keep her visit short, so she could return to her father and pick up the pieces of the life she almost destroyed.

"I... I needed to show myself some compassion. I needed some peace. I couldn't think of a place more peaceful. Vesuvia is overwhelming me, and I needed..."

Thomas saw the forlorn look on Salice's face. He'd wondered what happened. What damage happened in the five years they were apart that she thought only Maeth could repair. He smiled knowingly.

"A cosmic baptism?"

Salice raised her brow. Those were two words she'd never thought she'd hear uttered from Thomas' analytical mouth.

Thomas was amused by her shock.

"That's what Isabella would say anyhow. She'd say something about feeling stuck or sad and that's the remedy she'd mention. It sounds like she'd know how to help you."

Salice shook her head good-naturedly. This was a small reminder of how much she loved the family she found here. How different they all were, a nurse, an inventor, a painter, a witch, and her sword-wielding teacher husband. What a wonderful family she'd come to find.

"How silly of me. I should've mentioned that on the telephone when I phoned about my visit. Whatever am I to do?"

Thomas played along with her repartee.

"Isabella might be booked through the month with these cosmic baptisms of hers... She'll have to squeeze you in somewhere..."

Salice was giggling. A sound Thomas thought ethereal.

"She's pregnant, you know? Isabella?"

Salice dropped her jaw and turned to Thomas with a look of pure joy. Thomas sometimes thought about that face in other ways. He used to think it could be their own pregnancy that could make her look so happy. Maybe he shouldn't use the past tense for that.

"She is? She neglected to inform me over the phone? Oh, that's wonderful! Why didn't she tell me, that girl and her secrets..."

A nervous hand found the back of Thomas' neck.

"Well, she probably didn't tell you because it might've been constituted as a surprise. A surprised that I probably ruined..."

Salice touched Thomas' arm as they happened upon the bridge. As old habits are the hardest to break, Thomas found her hand and held it as they crossed. The way she squeezed his fingers made something soft inside him. Another coin in his wishing well.

"Oh, I won't let you believe the surprise is ruined. You didn't spoil anything. I'll be just as happy the second time told."

"Then twice in one day then? Because I'm due for dinner at my mother's soon, and I'd love for you to come with me? I mean, everyone would love to see you. But of course, if you're too tired-"

"I'd love to come with you, Thomas."

The serenity of her voice gave Thomas the will to solve all the world's mysteries and right all the world's wrongs if that was what she desired. His dimple made an appearance as he grinned at her, daring ever so boldly to bring her hand to his lips. Salice watched him as he kissed her skin, the sensation making her skin pitter-patter like raindrops on a calm pond.

Salice had since stopped walking. They were at the highest point of the arched bridge now, the wind gliding across the lake, tangling in their hair. Thomas slowed to a stop beside her, still holding her hand. He noticed the mix of emotions on her face. He was afraid he'd done something out of turn.

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head and closes her eyes for a moment, letting the wind kiss her rosy cheeks. When they opened again, Thomas saw jade divinity reflected in them.

"Nothing... it's just... so calm here. I missed this."

They watched the sun disappear and the purple twilight engulfed them in reverie. Fireflies had begun their shift well before their appointed time, and the crickets followed not long after. This was the magic Salice had been longing for. The feelings from this place were unique. She felt so small, but she felt that everything small here had a purpose. That she had a purpose. Even if that purpose was just to bask in undeserving beauty.

Thomas enjoyed these few moments. He, an inventor, standing on this bridge with her, a doctor, carrying her carpetbag in one hand and her own hand in the other, felt the most tranquil he's ever felt in just about half a decade.

"I can see why you came back," he said.

He often took for granted what beauty lies within this place. He often overlooked the intricate wildlife around him that strangers from faraway lands would call enchanting. He often let fall between the cracks the very magic in the air. Magic that he himself could not harness, but thrived on all the same.

Salice looked up at her friend. She saw the tan the spring had left him with, and it was only to get deeper now that summer was here. She saw the little brown moles that dotted his neck, frolicking around his Adam's apple. She saw the beginnings of fine lines around the corners of his eyes, where the crows had been dancing. The texture of his skin was smoothed by the low light. It made Salice believe she was looking at a gorgeous oil painting curated by some timeless romantic. She'd never thought this moment would really come, but here she was beholding it.

"Thomas..."

Her friend.

Salice quickly realized after Thomas became her friend that she didn't just desire friendship from the young man. He was sweet and doting and incredibly smart. He made her feel like the leading lady in a film. He was always there when she cried, and he was never the reason why. The times he'd gone without a jacket because he had given it to her on a spontaneously rainy day. The times he'd arrived at her door with a bouquet of flowers from his sister's garden for no other occasion or reason save for the fact she liked them. The times he'd given her expert advice on whatever problem or tribulation was plaguing her, walking with her to the ice cream parlor for deliberations. She loved Thomas far differently than one loves a platonic friend. And at this moment, looking at him now, she wondered how she could be so foolish to leave without telling him that. There must have been reasons they've never phoned their confessions or traveled the distance before to tell one another how they've felt. She couldn't speak for him, but she was certain in thinking all of her reasons could hardly be justifiable now. And if five years apart hadn't caused the wilting to the blooms of affection in her heart, what other reason did she need to confess?

"Thomas, I came back for you."

Thomas was suddenly submerged in the vast underwater world of his own emotions, the world around him completely forgotten. The thunder of his own heartbeat roused the waters all around him. Every breath he'd managed after the initial gobsmacking plunge was fuller and more vibrant than he'd ever known. He was being swept away, Salice's words carrying him to something he likened to true bliss. He felt everything, yet saw nothing until Salice's visage appeared to him out of the water like a siren. He was keen on her lips as they confessed her true feelings.

"Thomas, I love you."

The bag dropped onto the sturdy wooden bridge with a thud as Thomas reached hurriedly with both hands to cup Salice's face. He felt her fingertips touch the underside of his triceps as she came closer. The passion in her eyes and the desperation in his married together like two raw elements. Thomas' energy was whizzing about him like a valence, but when he touched the woman in front of him, he felt complete. Whole.

He looked down into her eyes, the only hesitation was the moment they took to behold each other. In that small moment, the one that felt like a thousand years, they shared more amatory wisdom with one another than all the libraries that had been built since the beginning of time. Thomas suddenly knew what it would be to hold her and kiss her and love her. He'd seen it all before, fantasizing about it for years, but cradling her now, looking into her eyes he saw for the first time in colorful corporeality. When Thomas watched her feathery lashes flutter close and her sultry heart-shaped lips part, the world seemed to slow down.

He kissed her.

He kissed her with the pent-up passion of five years. He kissed her ardently. He kissed her so that the only thing he could distinguish from the world around him was her. But Thomas also kissed her from a place of servitude. His love for her was almost idolatrous.

He cast his large hand over the side of her head to smooth her curls behind her ear, gathering them up in a tight, yet tender fist. He let his other hand slide down the line of her shoulder, coast along her back, seizing the cloth-snatched curve of her waist.

He was overcome by her sweet taste, the only way to describe it was something between sugar and euphoria. When Salice melted in his hold, that soft sound in the back of her throat sounded to him like wedding bells. It made him kiss her harder.

Thomas could feel the empty ground at the bottom of his wishing-well heart tremble like the rest of his earthly body was doing right now. A geyser broke through the stones at its depths creating a rush of powerful water that whirlpooled upwards, whisking around in its wake all the loose change that's ever been cast into him. That she's ever cast into him. For the first time, he was restored.

It was there in the middle of Lover's Lake did Thomas and Salice share this first and inaugural gesture of their romantic love.

When he pulled away from her, their faces had become hot. Salice's sage eyes searched all over Thomas for where this act of passion could have possibly come from. It was a surprise but well warranted. Salice loved how he'd kissed her. She'd never felt so feminine in her life. She smiled at Thomas, a smile that held the future. A smile that guaranteed his.

"Thomas... what's... oh... I-... oh."

Her breathy laugh was surprised, ariose, and unbelieving.

Thomas pinched the shining red apple of her cheek, his hand roaming to hold her chin, then her throat, then her body, pulling her as close as she could possibly be to him right then. They could be closer still. That would be another time. Thomas would make sure that closeness was the best she'd ever had.

"I love you. I love you, Salice. I've loved you..."

He searches for his words. Salice sees him searching the vast maze of his mind for those words. She pressed her fingers to his jaw, tilting his head toward her once more.

"Kiss me again to tell me how much you love me."

A warlike bomb erupted in Thomas' core. That was far more sensual than anything his mind's fabricated version of Salice had ever said.

And so he did. He did kiss her. He kissed and kissed and kissed her.

---

Thomas wasn't scolded for being late to dinner, since he had brought an honored guest that everyone was so eager to see... but if he had been, he couldn't think of a better or more worthwhile reason.

Isabella had announced her pregnancy once more, and Salice was just as surprised. Shuhei hugged his old friend, one that fate had guided to him as it had also guided her to Thomas. Gallierie, Thomas' mother, was so pleased to have her third daughter with her again. Dinner was a wonderful time to be together that night. It made Thomas feel whole.

To think that was years ago. Thomas today, sitting with his newspaper on the sofa watching his wife and children dance to the phonograph in the living room, recalled that Thursday evening. That day seemed to be the most defining of his life. It was the beginning of his new life. He married that woman, that woman who loved him and cherished him and held a mirror to him and let him see how great he was. With that greatness he uplifted her, provided for her, and made her happy. He became a version of himself that he loved, that his wife, his siblings, his children, and nieces and nephews could love.

But Salice had always loved him.

He'd always loved her.

Because of that day, so many wonderful things had happened. Because of that day, Thomas was forever changed.

Thursdays were now Thomas' favorite day. Green was his favorite color. Twilight was his favorite time of day. Lover's Lake was his favorite place to go. And that old fountain in the center of town, the fountain that reminded him of himself, that fountain he'd gotten a petition together for, to repair and make new again, now that was somewhere he'd taken his children and had shown them that anything was possible. Happiness was always possible.

He was so happy that he found it.

[iamthewoowoo]

Something cool happened last night.

(Note: Wrote this three days ago and drafted. Decided to post it today.) Today is a boring day, and I need to write something. I need practice. So to pass the time I figured I'd share an anecdote on what I experienced last night. I need to put this in my records anyway. I also wanted to make an introductory post. So I figure I can wrap the two into one that way - a lot of what I write will be like the anecdote below. With that said here's a little bit of background. You can call me Vigil. I'm a polytheist and eclectic magician who really digs chaos magic.

To be honest, I'm not sure what else to put here? Saying anything else makes me feel weird. I'm going to be talking about myself enough.

I just want to say I've been at this for a while, and it's where I picked up how to do what follows. Anyway this anecdote is about an experience I had while I worked on visualization, bordering on full-on astral projection after inducing hypnagogia.

tw: description of death

First off I just want to say: I wasn't alone during all of this, I am a polytheist after all. Due to certain agreements however I'm not at liberty to really write about that. So while I won't be getting into it, I do want to point out I was under protection as I experienced all this. I may have been in the forest, but I had someone lurking in the canopy with a high powered rifle. If it got too far they would have intervened.

Keep that in mind as you read further.

So I was doing some visualization in bed last night, where I basically work on an internal temple through my imagination. Think something akin to a memory palace. However the goal of this practice in particular is to bring on a hypnagogic state, which I've noticed over the years helps with achieving lucidity, or just having more beneficial, occult-y dreams. However it's been a while since I've done this, I'm getting into my mid thirties. When I lay down these days I just want to sleep. But last night I was feeling inspired and wanted to work on the method a little.

So I laid down, got into the proper mindset, and 'awoke' in my temple.

There I worked on moving around and so on. Did some squats. Walked a bit. Tripped and smacked my head on the floor. The usual.

Once I felt good and ready, properly in-sync with the place I was occupying, I decided to check out this library/reading room I used to frequent. While I won't be getting into all that, it's a pretty neat place. Has this kind of Backrooms vibe to it. Very beige and brown and fuckin' weird. It's a circular place lined with shelves of books and a square workspace in the middle with a table and chair. It's like a collective archive of various grimoires, most of which I can't ever seem to read. But I still like to visit and check it out.

So I walk in, and the place was loud. Unusually loud. Typically in the past it's stone silent, but this time it was like a fully loaded cafeteria. Just a bunch of voices talking over one another. I looked around and noticed no one was there though. It was as if the books were talking - or rather repeating all of their contents. Reading themselves aloud in some weird telepathic cacophony. So I muted it. Cause y'know, fuck that. I don't need a cafeterias worth of noise echoing in my head. I took this as a good sign though, it meant I was really melting into that ~mindspace~ if things were reacting dynamically to my presence as opposed to being prompted. Anyway I checked out the desk in the middle, and to me it seemed like there was a grimoire currently in progress of being written. On the table there was an open book that had text scrawled within it, along with reference books strewn out in piles over the rest of the surface. I decided to take a look at the open book but only saw the flash of a sigil, before the text on the pages swirled into nothingness. I guess it didn't want me to read it. Then I decided to check the books on the table. There was one in particular that stuck out to me. It was bound in a red cover, with gold text on the side that was in some kind of imposing, gold font. It almost looked like Latin letters with the roman numeral for 1. followed by a title that was all jumbled. Naturally, I opened the book. Cause I mean - why not? It was right there. In it I saw more text that was mostly jumbled. And then like a train it hit me. Hypnagogia began to kick in. The image of the library in my imagination was kind of blacked out as I had a close-eyed hallucination. It was a bright light, that turned into the sun, and then the image of a humanoid corpse raising itself in front of the light, effectively eclipsing it with its narrow head. Its skin was dry and grey, like all of the moisture had been sucked out of its body. A kind of sickly smoldering light enveloped the space around it. But this thing didn't have human eyes, this ones were vertical slits with two holes underneath where it's nose used to be. Then I could feel it. The descent into sleep, a kind of brain zappy sinking feeling in my head. And I did not want to fall asleep while I was currently enmeshed in whatever business that was. So I refocused once more in that place, and quickly shut the book and threw it back on the pile. Whether it was some cursed bestiary or something else - I was having none of it. I quickly returned to my temple, banished, and then roused myself awake. Ate some food, went out for a smoke, y'know. Put this event to bed by touching grass. All in all I feel like that was a pretty productive session. It's definitely given me an avenue for further exploration, though next time I'd be going in better prepared. So yeah, that's it. I just felt like sharing a neat experience. :-) Anyway here's All My Exes Live In Texas by George Strait.

Stay safe out there.

[educationtech]

How I built my tech startup as a solo developer | Arya College

Here is a concise answer to your query based on the search results: As a solo, non-technical founder, I learned to code and build a successful startup by starting with a small project to clarify the fundamentals. It wasn't very safe at times but I stayed dedicated and put in the necessary efforts. I surrounded myself with other entrepreneurs and worked in a co-working space to keep them motivated. The biggest challenges I faced were learning to code and visualizing how everything would connect and work together. But with help from coder friends and the internet, I was able to overcome these obstacles. To build and launch my SaaS product quickly as a solo developer, I relied on a serverless, cloud-based infrastructure, expandable core modules, easy deployment, minimal source code, and programming languages, and leveraging existing tools instead of reinventing the wheel. This allowed me to focus on the core product while ensuring it would be easy to maintain long-term. Some key tips:

•           Prioritize features that will get you more customers over behind-the-scenes investments

•           Devote cycles to marketing and sales, not cost control

•           Organize your time to talk to many business owners about their problems

•           Learn sales skills to grind out cold pitches and hustle for warm intros

Building a successful startup alone is challenging but possible with dedication, the right technical approach, and a focus on customer acquisition. It may take years of grinding but can be very rewarding.

What strategies did you use to stay motivated while working alone

Here are some key strategies I used to stay motivated while working alone as a solo developer building my startup:

Set Clear Goals and Break Them Down

I started by setting clear, specific goals for what I wanted to achieve with my product. I made them measurable, achievable, relevant to my vision, and time-bound (SMART goals). Then I broke these big goals down into smaller, actionable steps and milestones. This gave me a clear roadmap to follow and a sense of progress as I checked off tasks.

Create a Dedicated Workspace

I made sure to have a separate, comfortable workspace that was dedicated only to work. This helped my mind shift into a productive mode when I was in that space. I kept the area clutter-free and personalized it with things that inspired me, like photos and plants. Having a dedicated workspace was key to separating work from my personal life.

Establish a Routine

I set a consistent daily routine for work hours, breaks, meals, and sleep. Having this structure helped me stay disciplined and focused. But I also built flexibility into my routine to adjust based on my energy levels and workload. For example, I worked in short bursts when I needed to power through a task.

Prioritize Self-Care

To avoid burnout, I made sure to prioritize my own well-being. I took regular breaks to stretch, walk around, and clear my head. I also made time for hobbies and social connections outside of work. Staying physically and mentally healthy was crucial to maintaining motivation long-term.

Tap Into Your Purpose

Ultimately, what kept me going was a deep belief in the problem I was solving and the impact my product could have. Whenever I felt unmotivated, I would reconnect with my core purpose and vision at Arya College of Engineering & IT, Jaipur. Knowing I was working towards something meaningful beyond just making money was a powerful source of motivation. Building a successful startup alone is challenging but very rewarding. By setting clear goals, creating a dedicated workspace, establishing a routine, prioritizing self-care, and tapping into your purpose, you can stay motivated and make your vision a reality. It takes dedication and hustle, but it's possible with the right mindset and strategies.

[sunlitroom]

The lovely art I just reblogged of Ed in the woods just made me think about the getup he has on when he is burying Kristen’s corpse

Ed is dressed pretty dreadfully in much of his early days. Nothing fits: he’s either hanging on to old clothes or buying the wrong size, and although it nods to a sort of 50s vintage, there’s not much flair to it.

But when we see him go out to bury Kristen.....

He looks like he’s spent quite a bit shopping at Barbour.  He’s gone full posh British countryside here - with his waxed hooded trench coat, and his tweed cap.  For reference, and taking into consideration Ed’s likely salary (he’s not senior, by any means) we’re talking £240 ($315) for the coat, and around £40 ($50) for the hat.  If we assume he bought his wellingtons from a similar place, then they’re pricey again, the cheapest would set him back £65 ($89) and can go as high as £200 for fancy makes.

I thought at first that his gloves were riding gloves (because of the reinforced leather between the thumb and index finger, and between the third and fourth finger - but they also have a lot of padding over the knuckles, which you don’t tend to see on riding gloves.  They look like more multi-purpose outdoors gloves, but again - the dressy version.  On searching, I also saw something called tactical gloves that looked similar.  Anyone who is more informed on these, please feel free to chip in :)

It’s possible that Ed has gone out and bought all this especially for ‘the occasion’.  The clothes admittedly look very clean and neat - but then, Ed is clean and neat.  His work clothes might be ill-fitting, but they’re clean and pressed: he’s not crumpled like Harvey.  We know he has a Singer sewing machine in his apartment, and a workspace for projects.  I can see Ed - who meticulously picked the onions out of his lunch with tweezers and a magnifying glass - being conscientious with his clothes: any loose threads or dropped hems would be properly and precisely mended.  So it’s not too much of a stretch to say that he’d properly care for his outdoors clothes, keeping them as pristine as this.

So - if we say that Ed already has these clothes, and seems fairly comfortable in the woods - then we might be able to say that Ed has been going into the woods (these or other ones) often enough that he decided to kit himself out properly?  He’s scientifically-minded - I can imagine him recording what he sees, most likely with an eye to poisonous fungus and plants?

I wonder, then, given that these clothes are expensive and fit properly, and are pretty stylish in certain circles - whether these expeditions would be times when (pre-Kristen’s murder, in particular) BadEd was much closer to the surface.  All alone, all dressed up, with poison on his mind?  We see later that he’s brought a good torch with him too.  The idea of Ed with his darker side nearer the surface, manifested through his clothes, wandering through the woods alone at night?  Pretty creepy.  

It would also mean that his choice of location for Kristen’s body isn’t entirely a new idea, or just something practical that’s come to mind. Ed is sometimes unaware of ideas from/actions of BadEd.  It’s possible that he’s whispered this particular idea to him.  We see later - when he has his confrontation in the woods with Jim - that he’s managed to find his way back to Kristen’s remains no problem, even under stress, in the snow, in what seems like a fairly big forest.  Part of him has maybe been scoping this site out for a while.

It’s worth mentioning - since Gotham seems to like Hannibal allusions (Ed talks about his ‘becoming’ after he kills Kristen), that his whole get-up and picnic basket is very Hannibal-esque behaviour.  Later, when he flees Jim and head into the woods, they seem to reference Chilton’s fleeing Jack.

If you want a closer look at Ed’s apartment, look at this article (scroll down)

Anyway - there’s some Ed in outdoors wear meta that nobody asked for :D