#(so reality shamelessly replays my fiction)

[alreadyblondenow]

Never get to hold you | Lee Haechan

Lee Haechan x female!reader x Lee Jeno

▸ Fluff, smut, angst? Haechan is poor ▸ Part of To All the Members I’ve Loved Before: Dear 127, hosted by me ​

Summary: Growing up in a fucked up household, Haechan has always been thankful for his friend Jeno for treating him like his real brother. From giving him food, to letting him stay in their big house, to lending him money for school. Jeno has always been an angel. Until one day, Haechan found another angel, you. Finally his life is now brighter than ever… but not for long, because Jeno likes you too. Will Haechan let this once in a lifetime love slip and give you to his true friend who’s always been nice to him? Or will he be selfish?

Work count: 6k flat amazing

Warnings: Smut, toxic household, mentions of parents fighting, Haechan is poor here, if you are not okay with the idea please click away. Unprotected sex, couch sex, mentions of rough sex, overstimulating, Haechan smoked one cigarette, mentions of alcohol, alcohol consumption, mentions of Haechan’s sister, break up, slight cheating? but not really A/N: Pure fiction. Haechan’s character here is inspired by Justin Fooley from 13 reasons why. And the friendship is inspired by Bryce and Justin’s friendship. hehe. Originally this is a cheating au, but I’ve been writing a lot of cheating au so.... lets do the right thing for now. HAHA. also I did not include a lot of smut just because it doesn’t fit the story so i hope you understand that and still enjoy reading this. <3 

A peaceful night that’s what Haechan longs for. A night free from the screaming and shouting of his parents, the glass shattering and never-ending blaming. He turns the volume up of the song he’s listening to from his mp3 player, closed his eyes, and tried sleeping. It’s not calming or whatsoever but it’s better than hearing the bickering.

For Haechan, sleep does not fix anything but it sure does make him feel better once he wakes up and finally faces another fun day in school. Yes. That’s right, Haechan loves going to school for it makes him feel like he’s a normal person. Not everyone in school knew how fucked up his life is and that’s another thing why he loves going to school. School and his friends have been his escape.

“You’re coming tonight right?” Jeno sneaks from behind and swings an arm on his best friend.

“Of course I’ll be there. I have to drive your drunk ass home-“ Haechan jokes but he was soon interrupted by something so unfortunate.

His shoes gave up on him.

“I think I should go and get this fixed before class starts. Not again,” Haechan said, stopping to remove his worn-out shoes and check them further while Jeno watch him.

“I have my Balenciaga shoes in my locker I don’t use that anymore. If you don’t want to keep it or accept it, at least use it for the day,” Jeno smiles at his friend and pats his back. But before Haechan could even say no to his best friend, Jeno is long gone for the school bell rang already.

Every since Haechan is new in town, Jeno has been a good friend to him. Both very different boys but they are brothers by heart and got each other’s back. For Haechan, Jeno is an angel to which he almost feels bad for not giving something in return for all the things Jeno gave him. Not just material things but Jeno offers financial help to Haechan too, in fact, Jeno is the reason why Haechan’s mother got a job at a store Mrs. Lee owns.

So you see, being a loyal and true friend is the only thing Haechan can give in return for now.

After school, Haechan fixed his wretched shoes before going to his part-time job. There, while he looks over the convenience store, he does his homework on the side and makes sure that he studies in advance so he can get closer to the college and scholarship that he’s aiming for and finally get out of this hell hole.

“You like studying so much?”

A voice made him drop his pen and went to work immediately. Punching the cashier and putting the stuff you bought in a plastic bag with a shy smile. A shy smile that miraculously lights up your day, he’s like a sun you thought.

“College. You’re new here right? I saw you earlier with the student body president. I’ve been there, being new in town will get easier... with the right people” Haechan says.

“Well, I had a bad first day, but thank you.... Hyuck. It’s great to know that eventually, everything will get better ” you read his name tag and smiled so sweetly at him. Oh, you wish it’s not obvious that you’re flirting.

When you left you’re all he could think of. He can’t stop thinking about your smile, how it’s obvious that you’re flirting with him but he thinks you’re so cute rather than flirty, he even beats himself up for not asking your name and making you stay longer.

As he walks his way home under a quiet night and with nothing in his head but your smile, he replays his only memory of you in his head while smiling alone and looking like a complete idiot. But when he was just a few walks from his house, he hears the screaming and shouting again.

He ran towards the door and straight to his sister’s room, not giving a fuck about why his parents are fighting. He hugs his little sister who’s in tears and basically shaking from fear, keeping her close to him to let her know that he is here now. And this is the sadness and reality he had to face every day.

“You scared?” He whispers but his face shows no fear to show his sister that his big brother is ready to protect her.

“Where were you?” She whines and snuggles to her brother more.

“I was at work, sorry. You know something wonderful happened to me today,” Haechan ready himself to tell his sister how you two met for the first time. She has always loved Hyuck’s stories and she’s always interested in the people his brother is friends with, especially Jeno.

“Well, why didn’t you ask her name? Will you see her again?” She asks eagerly. “I want more stories about her, she sounds sweet even though your conversation was too short”

“Yeah I know. Maybe I can talk to her by Monday and tell her, ‘hey my little sister wants us to be friends’” he jokes.

And so the night went on, exchanging stories with his sister until his parents stopped fighting and eventually his sister fell asleep in his arms. To be honest,  he didn’t want to leave his sister alone after what happened tonight, but he promised Jeno that he will be there so he needs to be there.

Going to Jeno’s birthday celebration in a bar downtown is the last thing he wants to do after having a hard night. The bar was loud, packed, and it’s giving him a headache. So he promised himself that he will stay here for half an hour only, which did not happen because his heart feels heavy.

So he went out to have a cigarette and to clear his mind, having a debate with his conscience whether he’s going back in or not.

“The answer is no,” you said from behind which made him turn immediately and face you. “I’m watching you for a few minutes already and your feet is obviously hesitating to go back inside”

“It’s that obvious? Am I really that easy to read?” he takes one final hit from his cigarette before he throws it away. You nod with a smile to answer his question. It’s obvious that you’re happy to see each other again. “Why aren’t you inside? It’s cold out here,” he would give you his jacket if only he’s wearing one right now but he’s not.

“Everyone is loud inside and I feel like I’ve had enough of the screaming and overflowing booze, you know?” You answered awkwardly. Little did you know that Haechan feels the exact same thing. “But I should probably go and not ruin the silence here too so-“

“I can’t stop thinking about you” Haechan finally blurted out. He didn’t mean to but those are the words that came out from his mouth the moment he saw you turn and was about to walk away. “I don’t even know your name but my sister thinks your cool” he added, trying to sound fun and interesting. Heck, he’s trying to make you stay.

And it's working.

“You have a sister and you told her about me?” Haechan nods with a shy smile, “Well what did you tell her?” You asked with a flirty tone.

“I told her that I’ve never seen a smile so beautiful and that I feel stupid for not asking your name” he shamelessly flirts and came closer to you, making your heart beat faster and making you really nervous.

“Take me some somewhere quiet and I’ll tell you my name” you flirted back.

And without any second thoughts, he brought you to a place where you two can laugh out loud freely, and there's no loud music to bother the moment. You introduced yourself and all he did was giggle and tell you that his little sister will be happy about this. Haechan made you laugh nonstop, telling you the happy memories he holds dear and even small parts about his life, without fooling you and making you think that he’s someone else.

Now that he gets the chance to talk to you again, he wanted to embrace you while he pours all his honesty to you and hopes that you don’t mind liking someone fucked up like him. But Haechan thought that telling you that he’s poor as a rat on your first night together is not something worth staying for, so he shrugged it off and continue asking more about you.

Until you both lost track of time and he offered to walk you home, which you think it’s sweet.

“Do you want to have some water first, before you go? It’s a long way back. M-my parents are not home so no need to be shy,” you offered with a hint of other intentions that he surely understood. And thankfully he accepted.

The moment you closed the door, he stopped you from opening the lights, his hands are on your face and your lips touched immediately. Returning the kiss without hesitation, heads turning continuously and both tongues are wanting for something more.

You motion him to the couch and push him until he falls on the cushions and let out a quiet giggle. It was a pity that you wouldn’t see his bright smile. “You okay with this?” he slips his hand inside your shirt and smoothly removed it.

“More than okay,” you said and started to undo his belt and remove his pants. Soon, you’re both wearing only your underwear while grinding on top of each other. Shy to make a move but your kisses and moans say otherwise. You’re the one who initiates it this time, unclasping your bra and making him knead and cup your boobs shamelessly.

“Do I need a condom?” he asks, removing his boxers brief, throwing it on the floor, and immediately slipped his hand inside your panties while you’re on top of him kissing him like there’s no tomorrow.

You moaned softly when his fingers made contact with your very wet slit and told him, “No. But pull out?” he nods and told you he will. And because of that assurance, you finally removed your panties and went on top of him.

“It’s hard to pull out if you’re going to be on top, maybe next time?” He says and effortlessly switched your positions, putting him on top of you. He pulls away for a second and pumped his cock in between your opened legs, came in closer to kiss you before he pushes his in.

His kisses were gentle and sweet like he’s not about you fuck you in the next few seconds. But when he finally lined his cock and slowly thrust in, both of you moaned and forgot that you were kissing for a second. Sharp gasps escaped your mouth while delicious groans escaped from his. Slowly he takes his time pushing in and out without thrusting all the way, which surely builds the momentum and it definitely made you want more of him.

“I’ll go deeper” thankfully he noticed and pushed in finally. Thrusting a little bit quicker than earlier while his fingers are busy drawing circles on your clit.

Soon, you’re both on edge. Too shy to admit it but you can’t stop clenching and unclenching around him, “Stop doing that,” he says and kissed your neck, bitting the shell of your ear to hear you giggle while he makes you moan deliciously.

He came first as expected because you can’t stop moaning behind his ears and making him feel good with your tight walls. He shoots his cum on your stomach, away from your pussy while his other hand is continuously drawing fast circles and making you cum in no time.

You shivered like crazy and tried closing your legs but Haechan got a hold of it and overstimulated you.

“Wild-brutal, that’s you” you said while you continue to shiver, curl yourself in a ball and beg him to stop.

He kisses your body, avoiding his cum but still managed to suck your nipples good as you come down from your high. When you’re finally calm, you reached for the tissue on the coffee table to wipe yourself clean but he snatched the tissue from your hand and did it himself. After that, you moved your body and make room on the small couch so he can lie beside you, using his arms as your pillow, keeping you close to his sweaty body.

“You’re the second girl I kept in my arms tonight,” he says softly. Looking into your eyes directly. You know that it's his sister and it made you smile and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Can you keep it that way then?” you said, softly like how he spoke. He nods and tightens his hug.

“To be honest I feel like I’m a slut right now because I slept with you first... on my first day of school, my first day of meeting you-“

“Sssh. You think too much. You’re not a slut. I like you, you like me. It’s a normal reaction” he kisses your lips and your cheeks one too many times to make you giggle and eventually let go of your thoughts. “I have to go back to my friends” he added.

“What- No, stay, please. My parents wouldn’t mind” you begged but he shook his head and got up from his comfort.

“I’ll find you again”

“Well give me your phone” you said, eager to make him stay. Eager to stay in his life.

“I don’t have one because I can’t afford one” Haechan was shy to tell you the truth but he didn’t want to lie to you. But of course, you understand him instead of prying. You sat up, kissed him sweetly and told him,

“It’s fine. You know where I live, so we're going to do this old school then” you giggle and make the most of the few minutes you have with him. He reached for your panties and helped you wear them together with your shirt, leaving a soft kiss on your lower abdomen.

“Is that fine? Going old school?” He asks smiling and asking for another kiss.

“More than fine, that means I get to see you always” he giggled and told you that’s right and continued wearing the rest of his clothes.

The next day, Haechan woke up with a smile on his face by just merely thinking about you and thinking of going to your house tonight and surprise you after he hangs out with Jeno at the amusement park.

As his day went on with his best friend, all he thinks about is you. Did you eat already, how was your sleep, do you think of him, and what are you doing now? These are questions that he wanted to ask you because he misses you already, but also, these are the questions that attracted the universe into putting you both in the same place.

Just a few minutes ago, Haechan is thinking about you but now you’re right in front of him... with a blindfold at The Kissing Booth and about to kiss Jeno.... Jeno of all people.

There, Haechan stood and watch you and Jeno kiss in front of the audience. Watching your friends take a video and giggle as much as they want because you have no idea who you’re kissing right now. Oh they would kill to be in your position and taste Jeno’s lips. While you... you think about the gentleman who made you laugh over and over again last night, the gentleman who’s honest about everything, and the gentleman who made you feel good on your family couch last night.

And when you removed your blindfold, you can’t help but feel disappointed. It’s not Haechan you’re kissing, he hasn’t found you again.

When Jeno came closer and attempted to kiss you again, you pushed him away in front of many people, smiled and whispered, “We had our fun already, I think that’s enough. Sorry, I was hoping you’d be someone else” and came down from the stage to join your friends.

The disappointment in Jeno’s face was evident. He felt like he violated you or something and wanted to apologize further but you didn’t give him a chance. He saw Haechan standing in the corner with a soda in his hand and joined him, “That was something. I feel like I was taken to another dimension while I was kissing her. Damn I like her already” Jeno admits, having no clue that Haechan knows exactly what he’s talking about.

“Hey.... Haechan” you taped his shoulder which made him and Jeno turn around. You didn’t want to be bold and flirty with him in front of his friend so you just said hey.

Jeno was shocked to the core when you approached his friend and not him, and he was even more shocked to see you smile so sweetly at Haechan. “You know each other?” he asks you both nervously.

“Yes”

“No”

“N-no. Not really. Dude, everyone knows her. New girl in town plus she came by the store during my shift yesterday after school” Haechan explains. Completely denying that you two shared something special the other night.

Good thing Jeno believed and accepted Haechan’s explanation, so this time he didn’t waste any more time and shoot his shot. “I want to apologize to you. Can we go for a walk? Alone together-“

“Good idea man. I think I should go. I have a shift at the store, s-see you at school. B-both of you,” he says and awkwardly walks out and left you with Jeno.

You wanted to follow him, you would rather want to watch him work at the store than be with Jeno and waste your time strolling around the park, you’ve been wanting to be with him ever since you opened your eyes this morning and now you can’t believe that he denied you in front of his friend.

The whole time he was walking in circles around his neighborhood, Haechan can’t stop thinking about you and Jeno. Even hating the universe more for making him and Jeno like the same girl. Fuck, he murmured frustratingly until he came to a thought that maybe life brought you to Haechan’s life so he could finally give something back to his best friend.

Maybe he’s doing the right thing by letting you and Jeno get to know each other.

“You’re a fool,” his sister teases him while he watches her brush her teeth. Haechan just snorted and let out a small laugh knowing that his little sister is smart and that she’s growing up wise.

“But when you grow old you can’t just commit to something or someone if you know to yourself that you can’t. Be honest,” he kisses her sister good night and tucked her to bed. Wishing for her sister to grow up strong and smart, and not like him.

///

After a few weeks of seeing Jeno and going out on dates with him, you force yourself to think that what happened between you and Haechan is just a one time thing. That you were just horny teenagers that night who both had a bad day that’s why you thought it was something special.

It’s not that you’re using Jeno to forget Haechan, but Jeno is the one making his moves and trying so hard to impress you. He’s almost as nice as Haechan you thought. Maybe that’s why they’re best friends, and maybe that’s why now you look forward to seeing Jeno every day because you see Haechan in him.

Until one night, you and Jeno had a rather hot night that leads you two to his bed. Sex with Jeno is rough and fast and to be honest you forgot how many condoms he used because the sex was that good. And in that very moment, you realized that the only difference between Jeno and Haechan is the way they fuck. Jeno made you forget Haechan whenever you two are in bed and that made you want Jeno to fuck you more each day.

But Jeno is a natural sweetheart, a lover boy who shows you that he is a great man and a good person. “I know we fuck too much and it's obvious that something is bothering you” he says, hugging you closely while you’re on top of him after a very good car sex. “You can tell me, you know?” he added but you just shook your head no. “Okay okay, I understand. I love you. Whatever you’re going through or whatever that’s bothering you, continue to lean on me. Use me if you must,”

And right then and there, you decided to return the love Jeno is giving you.

It was not easy but it was worth it. Jeno loved you so much, more than you could ever imagine. You spend your senior year together, made memories each day, have good sex after school or during weekends, be the life of the party together, and meet each other’s family.

“Are you happy with me?” he whispers behind your ear while he hugs you from behind.

“What kind of question is that?” you said, turning around to meet his eyes and rake his hair away from his face. Not giving a fuck about the people watching you two flirt in the middle of a crowded place with drunk teenagers.

“Just a question. My way of checking if I’m still a good boyfriend” he admitted shyly. You rolled your eyes and came closer to him, planting a soft kiss on his lips which soon became heated and his hands roamed freely around your body.

“Mhmm. I'm happy, I love you” you whisper and you mean it.

“I love you too” he smiles and continues the kiss.

And while you two are in your own private world minding your business, Haechan watches from afar with a beer in his hand. Jealous, but not mad. Happy, but for you and his best friend. You deserve each other, he thought.

So as you and Jeno make your relationship strong and pour all your love on each other, Haechan became even more hardworking, focused more on his studies, and looking for more jobs to save more money. It was his way of forgetting you.

During a party that Jeno threw in his house, everything was intensely wild and everyone got drunk during the party, except Haechan because he was late due to his shift from one of his part-time job.

He saw you laughing with your friends near the poolside. You look beautiful tonight, as always. And at the same time, you look drunk already and all he wanted to do is take care of you but that’s not his job.

“Great that you’re here man, ugh. I’m so drunk” Jeno whines, almost about to throw but he’s still in control. “Here. Promised her dad I’d bring her home, but obviously, I can’t now. I can’t drive while I’m like this, knowing that she’s in the car with me. Too risky. Please dude, thank you”

And just like that, the responsibility and the power to take care of you is passed unto him.

“Baby, Haechan will bring you home- I can’t drive” Jeno admitted to you. Giving you his jacket before he walks you towards his car.

“W-what? Let me stay then, I’ll take care of you. Then you can drive me home when you’re sober” you said but your boyfriend said no and told you you’re as drunk as him. So you didn’t have a choice but to go inside the car with Haechan. He watched you two kiss goodbye and say your I love yous with each other before he drives away and takes you home.

The drive was silent. You didn’t dare to open your mouth and ask how he’s been, he didn’t dare to open his mouth and tell you that you’re beautiful. And it stayed like this until he reaches your house and parked in front of it.

“Do you remember the night that you walked me home?” you started, and you think it’s the alcohol that's talking. Haechan just nods and lets out a heavy sigh. “I wish it never happened. I wish I didn’t flirt back then and went back inside that bar instead of asking you to take me somewhere quiet” you admitted, feeling your heart break but you can finally breathe better now that you told him what you really feel. But deep inside you didn’t mean it. You’re just saying that because you’re still mad at him for denying you.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and reached for you, shamelessly hugging you, and placed a sweet kiss on your temple. You feel his tears and that made you hug him back. Staining his shirt with your tears that you kept for months.

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you what Jeno can give you. My life is a mess, I’m a trash and you deserve someone better. Someone who can take care of you, I can’t” he hugged you a little bit tighter to let you know that he’s sincere. And after a few minutes of silence, he explained his part to you and you listened attentively not because he owes you an explanation but because you miss his voice.

“When I was new here, bullies just won't stop teasing me, then Jeno became my friend and suddenly they all stopped. Jeno didn’t mind if I’m poor, he just wanted a brother and found it in me. That’s why whenever I’m in need he’s always to the rescue, my books, my mother’s job, this Rolex watch that I only use whenever I need it at work. I remember he gave this to me because he didn’t want to give me cash because he was afraid that will make me feel small. So instead he gave me this watch and expected me to pawn it. But I can’t because it’s like a token of our friendship”

“I get it. Bro code” you said calmly and watch him nod. “But who are you to tell me who to love. My heart still belongs to you when Jeno was courting me, I think about you when he kisses me-“

“Do you still feel the same way?” he blurted out, looking at your lips and thinking of kissing it one last time before you have your closure. But he won't.

“I love Jeno but you still have this great effect on me, you still have my heart” you admitted.

“I’m sure you understand me now. Why I don’t want to hurt my friend” you nod because you do understand him, you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend either, “He’s an angel” Haechan added.

When Haechan left and drove away, you feel like he took your heart away with him. Like that one specific night you had sex with him and you didn’t want him to go. You know what you said. You don’t want to hurt Jeno and you do love him, but what can you do? Your heart still belongs to Haechan.

After that understanding with Haechan, you suddenly became cold towards Jeno and all you could think about is Haechan. Obviously, Jeno can see right through you. He knows you, whenever something troubles you, you will keep it to yourself and you won’t tell it to him. So he made a way to cheer you up, but it ended up annoying you.

He invited you to his house to have a sleepover and movie night with him. The thing is, Jeno knew you love having sex with him so the moment you two are alone in his room with all the lights off and only his big flat-screen TV is on, he tried putting you in the mood and became way too touchy.

“Stop” you whine as Jeno starts kissing your neck while his hands roam free around your body. It feels good you can’t lie, but you’re not in the mood so you pushed him a little too hard which made him even more frustrated.

“What did I do wrong? I wish you could open up to me more, Y/n” he gets up from his bed and gave you space. “You’ve been like that for days and days already, I don’t know if I did something wrong. Baby, just tell me. I’ll fix it,”

And there it is. Your very reason why you loved him “Why do you have to be so nice?” you murmur and sat beside him. You knew that this isn’t the right time to tell him about Haechan, but he asked what's bothering you so you’re going to tell him the truth and do the right thing. Bravely, you told him every inch of your feelings, the truth about you and Haechan, and hopes that he will not get mad at you or his friend.

He listened. While Holding your hand. Close to tears but he won’t cry in front of you. Not yet. But now that he knows the truth about you and his best friend, he felt like he stole you from him.

“Don’t be mad at him, he just feels obligated to give back to all the kindness you have done to him and his family” you wait for his reaction. You expect him to get mad or throw a fit but all he did was kiss your knuckles, hold them tightly, and kept you close while he can.

“So what now? Do you need time? Space even? It hurts like hell, I must admit but I can’t force you to stay” he says, with tears in his eyes and trying so hard to look strong.

“I need space from the both of you, choosing is not easy. I don’t want to hurt you in the future Jeno” you said.

“I can’t force you to stay, but I can beg right? I love you-“ He cups your face and leaves too many kisses on your lips, saying he loves you over and over again, begging you to please choose him.

“I’m sorry Jeno, please don’t beg. You don’t deserve this,” you made him stop begging and pull him into a tight hug. Inviting him to come to bed with you and savor this night together while you can because, on the next day, you will leave him.  

///

When you broke up with Jeno and focused all your energy on school, you walk almost every day from school to your house just so you can sort out your thoughts.

Jeno stopped begging you to come back after a few months and got himself a new girlfriend while Haechan… well, he’s doing his best with avoiding you. Still, breaking up with Jeno is a wise decision because now it’s clear that you don’t love him like how you love and long for Haechan.

“Fuck” you curse at the rain for pouring out of nowhere and you have no choice but to enter the store that Haechan is looking after. Just like the rain, you came out of nowhere and shock him. But shocking him and ruining his peace was not your intention, you’re just waiting for the rain to stop so you can go and walk again.

Shivering because of the store’s air conditioning, you hug yourself to keep yourself warm in every way you can but it’s not enough. You tried going out again but the rain kept pouring and it started to rain hard again when you tried and open the door. But then you heard the sound of the air conditioning being turned off, and Haechan is behind you holding the remote and some extra clothes.

“You’ll get sick if you stay wet. Here-“ he awkwardly hands you an extra shirt and his hoodie, “You can change back there. There’s no one else in this store except me,” he says and points at the door for the staff room. Of course you accepted his offer and you’re happy that he still cares.

When you got back, you saw him preparing you a hot drink and made you sit on one of the vacant chairs. “How are you?” he asks, stirring the drink and puts it in front of you carefully.

“I’ve been well, thank you for asking. How about you? How's your sister?”

“I’m doing good too. And my sister is fine”

And after that, an awkward silence made you both giggle and feel shy about being alone in this cold store. But not for long. Haechan initiated the conversation and made small talk with you. If he’s being honest right now, he doesn’t want you to shut up. He wanted you to talk and talk freely without being shy… like that first night you spend together.

When the rain stopped, he walked you home again and you both enjoyed the cool breeze and wet street. Admiring the calmness that the rain brought. “Why did you avoid me? After me and Jeno broke up?” you asked calmly.

“I know we learned the hard way and we’ve been through some stuff” he came closer and put strands of your hair behind your ear, “I’ve been helping myself to be better for you so this time I won’t fuck us up, and I wasn’t avoiding you. I’m giving you time to heal” he smiles and looked into your eyes deeply.

“Can we start again?” he finally blurted out. “This is my final attempt on keeping you, and… I just want to fight for you this time”

The rain was a blessing after all. You don’t know if the rain was a sign of starting over again but you’re glad that you decided to walk today and got soaked in the rain and did not have a choice but to enter that convenience store. But you’re happy that the rain brought you back together, so you hugged him tightly as your answer and warned him with all your might.

“If I wake up tomorrow and you deny me again, I swear Lee Haechan-“

And just like that, he cuts you off with a kiss, an act of promise so you won’t need to worry for the next day. “My sister will kill me if I let go of you again” he giggles and continue kissing you.

Who would have thought that you need only the rain for you and Haechan to get back together? Because after that night, he kept his promise to you. He never left your side and you never left his. Life wasn’t easy for him still, but you made sure you stayed with him through thick and thin.

Even though Haechan can’t bring you to expensive dates or movie dates, being with him while he’s working at the convenience store is more than enough for you. “I love my job. I can earn money while having a study date with you in this cold store” he says, kissing your temple while you’re busy reading and studying beside him.

Your remaining high school days were full of him and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

After graduation, you and Haechan planned on living together even though you’re both going to different schools, thankfully your schools aren’t that far from each other. Living together is not easy, your parents warned you. But Haechan made it easy for you because he loves you so much. Nonetheless, you would still choose a hard life with and just so you could be together the moment you open your eyes in the morning until you close them to end your day at night.

“It's you and me from now on, Y/n” he whispers beside your ear, hugging you from behind so tightly like you’re going somewhere and finally kiss you good night.

MAIN MASTERLIST FAQ / WIPS / CALENDAR ABOUT B

To this blog’s audience, please do not steal my works save yourself from the shame. Do not translate my works, they’re not worthy. Also if you see someone who stole my work, kindly reach out to me.

[sheisbornadreamer]

Blend in, chapter six

Disclaimer: Sex without consent is bad. 'Nuff said. This is fiction, not sex-ed

Warnings: graphic male on male content

Chapter six

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"No one needs to know"

There was a short silence. Yamato continued to stare at the floor, not daring to look up. Tai was till sitting so close, if he would just look his way once he might do something. If he did, Yamato would have to stop him for the third time and that just sounded so hard he didn't want to risk it.

-'-

He's freezing. There are goose-bumps all over his arms, legs and chest. He throws the window yet another look, noting for the tenth time that it's still closed. He's sweating, that's what's making him shiver from cold. At the same time he's burning hot. The sheets are moist from sweat and the cover is already ripped off in annoyance. It's lying in a pile on the floor beside his bed. He closes his eyes again and continues stroking himself, letting no noise whatsoever out through his close-bitten teeth. All the words, motions and noises are flashing through his head, letting him relive the event he's been trying to ignore the last couple of days.

-'-

Tai sighed in frustration. "Matt, you can't possibly expect me to believe that you don't want to."

Yamato frowned. Why was he so confident? Was it written all over his face?

'Tai is so freakin' hot I just can't resist him!' Yeah right…

…right?

"Just get over yourself for once, will you" he mumbled, not sounding as convincing as he'd like to. They sat there silently, Yamato staring at the carpet, Taichi staring at… whatever he was staring at.

"Why do you try so hard?" The brunet asked softly. "You're not gonna lose anything, y'know. And you're definitely not gonna win anything by holding back." When Yamato didn't answer, Taichi gently lifted his chin to look him in the eye. Yamato batted it away, giving him a cold glare. He looked like a dreadful dog, protecting his food. If he'd be able to, the blond would've growled. However, he wasn't a dog with sharp teeth, and his glare wasn't enough to stop the other boy.

"You're gay."

Yamato pounced on him, making the other teen hit his head on the couch.

However, the couch was quite soft so unfortunately for Yamato, he didn't hurt himself. Luck just didn't seem to be on the blonde's side this evening.

He pressed him down with all his weight, feeling a strong urge to just choke him right there. And at the same time, a strong urge to… do something else. Taichi grinned up at him, feeling slightly like an underdog being pinned down like this and dangerously glared at. But he had him right where he wanted him. He reached his hands out and stroked the blonde's hips. Yamato's glare changed into a frightened and almost begging stare. Perhaps because he was realizing how much this was affecting him, how small his chance was to resist. He was loosing.

Taichi smiled and stroked his back, reached lower and massaged, squeezed and caressed with no mercy. Yamato shut his eyes, hanging his head. His breath was shaking slightly, still trying to hold back any possible sound that was threatening to escape his lips. Taichi pulled him down, forcing their midsections together. Yamato stifled a groan, burying his face into Taichi's shoulder. The brunet turned his head, searching for the blonde's lips. He kissed his cheek, temple and hair, trying to elicit the musician's hidden face. Finally Yamato's lips met his and he didn't think twice before slipping his tongue into his friend's mouth.

-'-

He had no idea it would feel so good doing the wrong thing. It's like he's laughing at his paranoid self, ignoring its pleases for him to stop. Stop doing what he's not allowed to do. Not by anyone.

He likes that thought.

-'-

Yamato was helpless; Taichi's hands continued to massage his thighs, stroking their way up over his ass, inciting him to grind down against him. They went down between his legs, stroking the inside of his thighs and other areas. Yamato moaned into the kiss and started to grind his hips uncontrollably. Taichi moaned back, affectionately kissing along his neck. The blond started panting, finding it harder and harder to be quiet when Taichi's hands were everywhere. Trying to control the situation at least a little, he started fighting for dominance by intensifying the kiss and grab on to the brunet's hair. Taichi moaned, arching up towards him. Obviously Yamato wasn't the only one starting to lose control.

-'-

His mouth drops open and he tilts his head back as he intensifies the act, biting his teeth harder to hold back a groan. He can still feel Taichi's body under him, arching and moving in impatience. Longing for his. He has to force himself to keep to the original story, but it's hard not to add details. Still, reality is so much more arousing than fantasy, no matter how kinky the fantasy might be. And this playing in his mind is real.

-'-

Yamato hardly remembered the other teen leading him into his own bedroom, gently closing the door behind them. He wasn't really aware of his clothes being pulled off and thrown on the floor. He barely noticed anything until Taichi's naked body lay down over him and his mouth covered his once again, sending waves of pleasure throughout his body.

-'-

Yamato stares at his reflection, searching for something in those sharp blue eyes. The cold light in the bathroom makes him look sick. Maybe he is sick. He's been staring at his reflection for so long he doesn't recognize it anymore. There's no character in it, just a sick-looking, empty person with piercing blue eyes. He's not in shock any longer, though. His breathing has gone back to normal, his cheeks are cool again and the cold sweat has dried, forming a thin layer on his skin. He should shower. That's what he had planned to do when he'd bolted into the bathroom in the first place.

Minutes ago, maybe ten –or thirty even. An hour? Somehow he had ended up staring at himself in the mirror, not moving an inch. He briefly wonders what time it is, thinking that he should try to get some sleep for school the next morning. Then he goes back to the present and stares at his creepy reflection. Searching. Asking. Waiting.

-'-

The feeling was so intense he wanted to scream just to release some of the tension that was building up. Taichi hips rocked with his, his legs smoothly running along his, his mouth all over his neck and ear, making his skin wet from his hot breathing. With his hands over his, holding his arms over his head loosely, he ground his hips again and Yamato let out a loud groan.

-'-

He manages to tear himself away from the empty eyes and head for the shower, instantly being reminded of the shame. It hadn't even been a dream. There is nothing innocent or random in what he's done no matter how he tries to look at it. He hadn't even tried to escape the thoughts of his best friend. The bare thought still gives him those weird feelings, as he stands in the shower ready to turn the water on. He can't even blame it on not realizing what it was, or not understanding. Because he got it alright. How can you not get it when you're consciously thinking back of when you had sex with your male friend, replaying it over and over and shamelessly jerking off as you lay there in your bed with your eyes closed, ignoring everything else?

After all he has done to control himself and convince everyone that he's straight, Yamato was almost devastated when he realized he'd let himself down by fantasizing about another male after waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep.

Just like that.

-'-

From there on everything went fast. His legs were shortly pulled up around Taichi's hips and his mouth was parted from his, being left missing the warmth and then rapidly shutting to hold back a cry of pain.

-'-

Yamato closes his eyes as the water pours down over him. It's official then.

He's into guys. He's attracted to Taichi, out of all people, and not only has he already slept with him; he'd like to do it again. And again, and again…

So… what to do next?

'I'll have to avoid Tai, obviously. I can't be his friend anymore; I was stupid to think that in the first place. If necessary I'll avoid Sora as well. It's for the best anyway.'

Yamato sighs and tilts his head back, letting the hot water run down his face.

Once he's cleaned himself –already in a slightly better mood- he steps out and dries himself up, ready to get at least a few hours of sleep before going to school.

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Tuesday 10.25 A.M.

"You've seen Matt?"

Sora sighs, throwing her brown-headed friend a look. "That's the third time you've asked that and no, I haven't seen him."

The brunet grumbles something, sulking. He slumps down beside her.

"Thought we finally were okay y'know, and then he starts again… I don't get him! Not even girls are that complicated."

Sora shakes her head in agreement. "Nope." She feels a very strong urge to comment on her friend's sudden need to talk to her about his love-problems. Or friend-problems, she' not even sure of what it is by now. But why would she care; it's not her problem. She glances at Taichi, sighing again at the frown on his face. Her problem or not, her friend is down and she's the only one there to comfort.

"Look, maybe it's just a coincidence. This doesn't have to mean he's avoiding you."

Taichi merely shakes his head. "It's not a coincidence. He was weird yesterday too."

"You mean when he hit you?" Sora asks, tilting her head.

"No, not that." Taichi pauses, shrugging. "Well yeah, that was weird too, but I mean after that. When we were at my place. Everything seemed fine like we were just friends, y'know? But then he started getting so tense. Like when he was going to clean my face up 'cause it had blood on it and everything…"

"You mean he actually hurt you?" Sora interrupts, looking worried.

Taichi pauses and blinks, briefly loosing the thread. "No, it was just a small scratch but he wanted to clean it; went on about blood poisoning and shit." he smirks, shaking his head. "So I let him because he's so freakin’ stubborn, and then I happened to look at him 'cause he was practically blocking everything else… and he got awkward! And not just a little awkward." Taichi goes silent, observing a few students passing. After a couple of seconds Sora looks at him.

"What do you mean 'not just a little'?"

Taichi blinks, looking up at her. "Oh, uh… he refused to finish and ran home." He shrugs.

"Weird."

"Yep." Taichi spots a redhead through he crowd, straightening. "Hey, Koushiro! You've seen Blondie?"

Koushiro stops and looks around, finds him and Sora sitting in one of the couches and shakes his head in response, shrugging. "Sorry."

"Well let me know if you do." Taichi mumbles, sinking back into the couch with a disappointed look on his face.

Koushiro nods. "Sure Taichi." He disappears into the crowd again leaving the two teens.

"You should leave him alone, Tai." Sora mutters from his right, sinking deeper into the couch.

"Who? Izzy? I just asked if-"

"No, I mean Matt. Remember him?"

The brown-eyed teen glares at her. "I did that, remember? That turned out just great, didn't it?"

"But that's what I'm saying! He's too sensitive for this. He can't handle it. Don't you see?" She shifted to face him fully. "You can't go back; you've already failed miserably. Stop trying before you end up hating each other."

Taichi stares at her, the words finally sinking in. "You mean stop being friends?" He pauses and waits for a 'no, I didn't mean it like that…' but all he gets is silence and Sora carefully studying his reaction.

"You're kidding, right?"

Sora shrugs and Taichi gaps at her. "What the hell's got into you? How can you even suggest that?"

"Because you're too blind to see he's not worth it!" Sora exclaims, looking deep into his eyes, trying to make him understand. However, all she can see in those dark brown eyes is confusion, shock and anger. He stands up, leaving without another word. She looks after him. 'Why can neither of them listen? Are they being stupid on purpose?’ It's not she doesn't realize how precious their friendship has been to both of them, she just doesn't get why they keep ignoring the fact that it's not going back. It'll never be the same.

She gazes after him worriedly. He's not storming away, like Yamato would've done. The football player just walks slowly as if he's just shutting everything out, too tired to listen.

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He is once again having lunch without his best friend. This time he doesn't have any company at all. Not that he'd want any, although usually he doesn't like eating alone without anyone to talk to, but this day he doesn't feel the need to talk to anyone. Sora's words keep echoing in his head, even though he doesn't want to listen. They hurt. Not only because his childhood friend actually thinks that, after all this time he and Yamato had grown to become friends, but because she's usually right.

What if she's right this time as well?

There's a reason Taichi always comes back every time Yamato pushes him away, stubbornly forcing himself past his mask and cool eyes to find the human in there. And kick that human's ass for pushing him away in the first place. There's a reason he puts up with everything, and always gives him another chance. The reason he does is because he's seen the side no one else has. First time he saw that side, all his worries of that his endless efforts might have been a waste of time, disappeared. Yamato is a person who grows. He's not that kind of person who gives it all the first few days and then starts disappointing as the truth comes out. As the real person starts to become visible. The more Taichi got to know him, the more everything started to pay off. All the efforts and suffering and constant rejection was more than made up for.

Sure, he didn't completely change into a wonderful person just because Taichi discovered his real self. But the brunet always knew it was there and once he'd seen it, he never wanted to lose it. It was a comfort knowing that deep down Yamato cared, and wanted him to stay.

So Sora can just shut up about leaving him, because that is not happening, Taichi thinks to himself. I'd rather have it the other way.

He had earned Yamato's trust and he still earns it. He's not going to throw that away and leave. He doesn't want to either, no matter how difficult his friend is being at the time. That side of him is still there, very well hidden, but it's still there…

"Thinking now again?"

Taichi looks up into a pair of purple eyes and frowns, looking away. "What do you want?"

"Nothing. I just couldn't find an empty seat other than here. Do you mind if I…"

"Yes."

Ken is silent for a moment, hesitating. "Was that a 'yes, you can sit here' or 'yes, I do mind'?"

"I don't feel like talking, okay? Why do think I'm sitting here alone?" Taichi glares up at him again.

Ken blinks a few times before frowning a little. "I'm not going to talk to you. I just think it'd be pretty difficult to eat while standing up."

Taichi makes a face at that comment, glaring back at the table. "Well I don't care, you can stand all you want."

"With all do respect, this is a public place for everyone. I'm sorry if you don't want my company but I'm taking that seat." He puts his tray down across from the brunet, ignoring his intense glare.

"Don't you have friends?" Taichi rudely bursts out, giving him a belittling look. "I mean you can't just come here hoping that I would wanna sit here and listen to your fucking theories about me, just because no one else wants to either!"

For a short moment he expects the younger boy to get upset or at least offended, but he just bluntly stares back at him.

"You're really frustrated, aren't you?" he asks, observing him closely. "You're pretty rude to take that out on me, but I guess a can overlook that considering what you're going through."

"Ugh, you're so annoying, you know that?" Taichi growls with a reproachful look on his face.

Ken smiles and shrugs. "Been told that a few times."

They sit in silence for a while. Taichi starts eating again and Ken attempts to try out the food as well, but wrinkles his nose once he smells it and puts the fork back on the plate. He takes a sip of his water instead, looking back at the older teen.

"So you don't want to talk about it?"

Taichi him a warning look and the purple-eyed boy holds his hands up in defense. "Alright, I won't ask again."

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Yamato stares at the blackboard dully, blocking everything out. He hasn't listened to one word the teacher's been saying; he's been too busy trying to convince himself that everything is fine.

Today luck has finally been with him, keeping him from bumping into to the brunet that he is avoiding. ‘Temporally avoiding’, he corrects himself. ‘Once he gets the message he'll probably give up. Or Sora will talk him into giving up.

And then everything will work out…’

He won't destroy everything by letting Taichi know how he feels. Why not stop now before everything gets worse? It's bad enough that he didn't get it earlier. He should've got the hint when they made out in the bathroom. He should've got the hint when he couldn't take his eyes off him that day Taichi took him home to rest. He should've got the hint when he let Taichi trick him into bed. He should've got the hint when he kissed him, when it felt just like what they try to describe in all the romantic movies. He should've got the hint when he could hardly look at him yesterday, when he couldn't help but avoid him. He should've got the hint when he got absolutely paralyzed just because his warm brown eyes were directed towards him.

But no, he kept on denying. He didn't admit it until he found himself fantasizing about him just end up jerking off, not able to stop himself.

That was too obvious to deny.

Yamato shakes his head, he shouldn't think about that. Not only because it is very inappropriate, but also because if he even starts, he won't be able to stop. That was what had happened yesterday, when everything had seemed so normal for once…

-'-

"Just sit still and stop whining!"

Yamato's hands, that had been so hesitant and boggling at first, -almost afraid to touch him- were now pulling Taichi's head back stubbornly, forcing him to face him.

"Alright, alright" The brunet growled, glaring up at him. Yamato continued to clean his jaw-line with that annoying wad of cotton that just kept stinging whenever it made contact with the open wound –which it constantly did since that was what Yamato had insisted to clean up. He didn't even know what that scorching liquid was, but he decided not to ask. He observed the blue-eyed boy for a while, wishing he'd finish already. Not that he was a wimp or anything, but this felt very unnecessary.

Yamato noticed his gaze after a while, meeting it with his own. To his surprise he felt his heart speed up when he looked into those brown orbs.

Not because the look actually meant something, it was just a very weird reaction he got for no particular reason. It made him freeze, wondering what the hell was going on. But instead of calming down (even though he tried his hardest) he started to mentally hear the brown-haired boy breathe into his ear, letting out soft moans of pleasure with that deep sensual voice. His heavy breathing and moans filled Yamato's head up, making a deep blush spread over his cheeks. He could feel fingertips wandering over his skin, curiously exploring his body, growing more and more brave by every second and every noise that the blond boy made.

Taichi stared oddly at him, raising an eyebrow. "Matt?"

He stood up, no –jumped up from his chair as if it had been on fire. Taichi nearly fell on his ass since the other teen's knee almost knocked his chair over. He looked up at him, confused and surprised, but didn't get a single word out before his friend had slammed the front door shut behind him.

-'-

It's not that he doesn't understand why he acts and feels this way. You could just ask any other seventeen year-old guy to be around the girl he's into and see how he'd act. People act stupid around the persons they like. Want, or whatever. That's why they don't talk to them –unless they're one of those annoyingly confident people who actually can do that- and just observe from afar. Why should he have to constantly be around the guy he wanted right now? The guy he fantasized about. The guy he couldn't look in the eye. The one he acted weird around. The one he had to pull away from.

His best friend.

Just two more classes and then I'm free, Yamato thinks in an attempt to cheer himself up. Then I've made the first day. First day is always the worst…

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His blond-haired friend is currently out of Taichi's head. He's walking through the hall, just ended last period and heading for his locker in the next corridor. Walking beside him is one of his playmates, chatting about last game, the next game, and everything having to do with football. Taichi isn't complaining. For the first time this Tuesday he's not pondering over his missing buddy, but simply chatting away like any other normal teen without problems should do. He hasn't realized before now, but he has actually missed that. This whole drama with Yamato has taken a lot of his attention and time, which he hasn't really noticed until now when he's finally blocking that out and focusing on other stuff.

Happily unaware of who is about to show up, Yamato is just about to close his bag, softly humming on a song he often plays at home (low enough for no one to hear of course) with a faint smile on his face. To his own surprise he has actually survived the day, without any anxiety attacks whatsoever, and no involuntary meetings with his no-longer best friend.

Lifting his bag and swinging it over his shoulder, he slowly starts walking towards the exit. His class had ended early, due to a confused and pretty much helpless sub, who had let them leave since there wasn't anything left for them to do in there. It wasn't his fault however, not entirely. When the students found out the teacher didn't have any tasks left for them planned, they saw their way out. And when it comes to escaping class just a little bit earlier (especially the last one of the day), students always manage to co-operate.

Yamato isn't completely sure, but he's got a feeling it was the substitute from that detention he had a while a go. The one he had together with Taichi. The one they escaped. None of that information would specify any detention since Yamato often got one, Taichi often got one at the same time, and they often escaped… But it was the one (and only) time they'd had that moody one with an "extreme headache" and light blue eyes. Fortunately for Yamato, he (if it even was him) hadn't recognized him this time.

Just as he walks out of the school, he hears someone calling after him. Just a second later he can hear someone running after. And that person's horrifyingly familiar voice makes his light mood sink and makes him freeze right at the spot.

So close…

-'-

Taichi's gaze happens to land on a head filled with dirty blond hair. For some reason it stays there for several seconds before he actually realizes whom the owner of that hair is. Successfully interrupting his playmate in a middle of a sentence, he exclaims 'Matt' and adds a quick 'bye' before he runs off. The cut-off teen stops, staring after him. Then he mutters 'weird-ass' and glares a little before brushing it off and continuing through the hall.

"Matt!" Taichi yells as the stupid –and apparently deaf- musician walks out through the doors. He follows desperately, slamming the doors open and stops dead to see his friend already standing still in the middle of the schoolyard with his bag over his shoulder and back against him.

"Matt! Where've you been? Why are you avoiding me? What the hell's wrong?" Taichi's voice is just getting more desperate and louder with each unanswered question. "What did I…? Hey, wait up!"

He easily catches up with the already walking boy and blocks the way. Yamato tries to get past but the brunet –being the mature guy he is- stubbornly follows his every move, keeping him from getting away.

"What the hell's wrong, Matt? Why did you act so weird yesterday? Did I do somethin'? Or say? What did I do? Why aren't you answering? Why…?"

"SHUT UP!" Matt explodes, then immediately tries to calm himself down from having an outbreak that has threatened to come out the whole day.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, bracing himself. Then he manages to say the words. The whole sentence comes out, even though he thought that was impossible. But he doesn't manage to look his friend in the eye and maybe that's why it doesn't convince the brunet enough to leave him the hell alone.

"What do you mean we're not friends anymore? Why not? I thought we were supposed to move on?" Taichi rambles, not making any sense out of that sudden answer. Still the blond had said it like it explains everything, like he should just say 'oh' and walk away. He automatically throws out an arm when Yamato makes his second try to get home.

"Don't be an idiot for once." The blond says with a steady voice, sounding way more impassive than he's feeling inside.

Taichi looks like a child who's just been hit by his parent without knowing the reason why. The expression on his face practically screams out "what did I do?" But Yamato doesn't see it. He can't look at him. He's got to make it.

Taichi lets him pass, his eyes following him for a long minute.

Then he runs after.

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I hadn't planned to end this chapter here. But then I decided it was a good place to stop, and it became a cliffhanger! Don't know about you guys, but I'm really starting to like those, haha.

I'm sorry for those of you who expected lemon, but it was better than nothing, eh? I promise it'll come.

Oh, I almost forgot, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! XD It's such a motivation, you have no idea how much I appreciate them. So keep'em coming 'cause I need them!

Thanks for your time.

[purple-moonlights-blog]

STRAY KIDS 10th MEMBER AU

INTRODUCTION

This AU is heavily inspired by @k-llama-llama ! If you don’t know her I highly suggest checking out her blog, she and her writings are really sweet (also some good drama just started in her AU). 🌸

I’m not 100% sure where I’m going with this AU, so please feel free to request and suggest what could happen. I really want to take in ideas from people who are interested in the story. Don’t be shy loves! ♥︎ 

☾☼ 

Btw. I didn’t use her name until the very end because my dumb ass forgot to give her a name.

Also, in this scenario, Stray Kids themselves aren’t very present since it didn’t really fit. However, I promise that next time will be a lot of Stray Kids content! 

▸ Check out the Profile HERE

▸ Request for the AU HERE

▸ MASTERLIST

Words: 2342

Warnings: Swearing?⎮ And weird grammar and spelling mistakes, English is not my native language⎮

I. NEW 〈NOVA〉

(gif not mine)

With her eyebrows knitted together and her upper-lip slightly twisted up, an expression her friend David stated to be her “trying to be polite but can’t help but judge“ look - or in other words, her being a twat visage - she stared at the man, probably in his mid-thirties, in front of her. 

For the past five minutes he spoke very fast and in a very strong Satoori accent, she had difficulties to understand, and thereby wildly gesticulate with his arms. The longer he talked the more he began to sweat and looked noticeably more nervous. She wasn’t intentionally trying to be rude by not saying a word the whole time, even though she was more than once encouraged to respond to his rambling. However, due to her having a hard time progressing what he was saying - her Korean might be quite good, thanks to her mum compelling her and her brothers too Korean lesson since the early beginnings of their childhood, yet she only learned standard Korean - and immediately doubting what he was saying to be true, she kept her mouth shut until she had a clear picture of what was going on. From what she could grasp, the man was responsible to recruit trainees for entertainment companies, which in the end should turn them in successful idols, that bring big profits and put the companies into positive spotlights. 

He explained that he was from JYP and that Park Jinyoung personally placed in order, after allegedly seeing a video of a street performance of her dancing and singing, to track her down and convince her to audition for his company. He further explained that JYP - the company - planned to form an idol group in the upcoming month of October through a survival show and JYP - the person - wanted her in it because she would in his opinion fit perfectly into the concept. 

Bullocks, she instantly thought when he told her that. 

She didn’t believe a word coming from his mouth. Yes, it was true that she appeared in multiple videos of street performances that are posted on YouTube, however, she was neither an outstanding dancer nor a Whitney Huston, at least in her opinion. The more he talked the more it sounded like the plot of a Wattpad fanfiction and as the result of her distinct sense of reality, which often came across as her being pessimistic, she knew stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. It’s called Fan Fiction after all.  

The whole story sounded like a lie somebody, who kidnaps young girls and boys for human trafficking by exploiting their naivety and their dreams to make it big once, would tell. By that, she suddenly remembered her 14 years old cousin Junsuh conspiracy theory rant about the Korean entertainment industries. Two weeks ago she visited her relatives in Ilsan, where her Junshu, as usually, didn’t stop talking. According to Junsuh, the industry is through and through corrupt - a single stronghold of prostitution rings, human trafficking, child exploitation and even religious cults and a secret origination that controls the whole south of Korea. 

Even though Junsuh tends to get carried away with his theories - she strongly doubted, that one of the big three companies (he refused to tell which one) pays a religious cult to use black magic on the public, so they will only buy the albums of their artists - however, that it wasn’t only glamorous and that pressure and hard work take big role in the idols life, wasn’t a secret. 

Earning her livelihood through music has always been a dream for her. From small on she loved to sing - back then extremely out of tune - and dance around. When in 2008 her cousin Jia (Junsuh’s older sister), while she and her family visited their relatives in Korea, showed her Shinee’s debut MV Replay, she fell in love. Immediately she learned the dances and lyrics to the songs and dreamed of being an idol herself. The combination of vocal, rap and dance fascinated her. 

Yet, after time passes and she got older, her initial spirit disappeared almost completely. More and more she realized that she didn’t fit into the standard female idol category. Beginning with her appearance ending with her personality. She wouldn’t call herself a tomboy since she despite her boyish tendency still liked typical girly stuff. In end, she always thought of separating certain things in a boy and girl category as stupid. 

One day, her aunt took her to the toy store when she was made 5 years old. She asked her aunt if she could have Hot Wheels for her birthday present. The saleswoman, however, who should help her to find something, asked if doesn’t want something that is more fitting for a girl. Her five-year-old self suddenly feeling insecure choose a creepy doll, which the sale woman suggested - she ended up giving the creepy doll to the family dog to play with. 

„Look, you don’t need to say yes right now. But please just come to JYP building tomorrow for the audition. Well, it’s not really an audition, you are basically already in. You just need to say yes.“ The sudden change to a clean Seoul accent made her startle up from her thoughts. The man in front of her got now her full attention. He almost looked desperate. 

It is probably favorable for his career if he gets me to come to the “audition“. South Korea is highly competitive after all, she guessed

„Okay.“

„It doesn’t take long either you….wait, what?“

„I said, okay. When should I be there?“ He looked at her seemingly being genuinely surprised to hear her agree. Sure, she only accepted because she felt bad for him. Also, her class started in 5 minutes and she simply didn’t want to be rude and refuse after his effort. Nonetheless, the fact that he knew her name and where she went to University, still creeped her out. 

„Umm, well 10 a.m. Wait in front of the building, I will escort you in.“

„Good, I will be there.“ She said and then added quickly before she went ahead to run to the other side of the campus to still be on time for her class. „Have a good day.“

————

 At 09:30 a.m. sharp she was in front of the JYP building. She always tended to come over punctual, mainly because she included the time she will need in case anything goes wrong by her taking the bus - a short 25-minute ride - from Seongdong District on the north bank of the Han River to Gangnam District, which lies on the south side of the Han River. 

Traffic jam, traffic collision, plane crashes, nuclear attacks, apocalypse and what so ever. Her constant nagging anxiety back in her head made her throw her common sense out of the window more than once. 

Certainly, she didn’t expect anything, she highly doubted that the apparent JYP staff member was being legit. Either somebody was playing a prank on her or one of Junsuh’s theories will be confirmed and she is going to be sold. 

In a girl group, she would stand out and not in a good way like a pretty flower would. No, she would stand out like a purulent pimple in the middle of one’s forehead. Not like she was particularly ugly or different looking. The fact that she was not special looking was the issue. In general, she was glad about that. She was never big on being the center of attention. However, in the entertainment industry, like it or not, talent is not everything. And her being as interesting as an empty sheet of paper, surley didn’t take a chance. 

After awkwardly standing around for good 25 minutes, somebody came out of the building. She immediately recognized him as the man from yesterday. 

He wasn’t lying about working for JYP then, she thought. 

As he looked to his left and saw her standing there, he sighed with relief and beckoned her over to him. By his reaction, she assumed that he obviously didn’t believe that she will come. But she was not the type to do tell somebody she would be there and then shamelessly not come without giving the other person a notice.    

„You won’t regret this, believe me.“ He said as they walked through the lobby to the elevator. „They really want you in this group.“ Who he meant with they, she wasn’t sure. He chuckled awkwardly since she didn’t respond to anything he said but rather she just nodded and gave him a forced smile. Again, she wasn’t trying to be rude, for sure not, after all in her family having good manners was an essential part. Her very English grandmother would personally fly to Korea and beat her ass if she was being rude. 

In the elevator were already three guys, she guessed them around her age, absorbed in a discussion about, from what she could understand, song lyrics. 

„Listen, I swear it’s good.“ Said the guy, with the darkest hair of the three of them. „You can be Fiona today, I’ll be Shrek. Ugly kind immature swag.“

She snorted and quietly chuckled to herself. The guy closest to her with silver, curly hair her, who heard her laugh, looked over to her. He raised his brow’s at first and then gave her a shy smile, which she returned.

On the fifth floor, they left the elevator and male staff knocked two times on the first door in the hallway, before he opened it and showed with a quick hand gesture that she should follow him. In the room was big glass table where three men already sat. She immediately recognized the man seated in the middle. 

 It’s JYP, It really was not a joke after all.

„Ah, there she is. Please take a seat.“ JYP said and gestured on the chair opposite of him. She bowed and sat down. 

After he asked the staff member to leave he continued: „I’m really glad you are here. When I saw your performance I know you will fit perfectly.“ 

„I was told, if I would accept the offer, I will participate in survival show, right?“ She asked, slowing starting to feel excited. Even though, she gave up on her dream of being an idol a long time ago - better said, she never really tried in the first place. Deep down she still wanted to achieve that and such an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. Even if that meant she had to change herself to fit in. 

„Yes, exactly. I really hope you take this chance. Even though you don’t have a training period as the other trainees participating, I believe you have potential.“

„Okay, I’m in. Where do I have to sign“ she said, full of newly found elan. The three men chuckled surprised about her sudden enthusiasm.

„The formalities we will sort out later.“ JYP answered, „Stray Kids, the name of the group you might debut in, has currently nine male trainees, which your leader Bang Chan handpicked himself.“

„Boys?“ She questioned confused.

„Yes, the management and I decided by making Stray Kids a co-ed group it will be more favorable in the future.“ He continued undeterred. She had to stop herself from making a snarky comment and asking them if they are trying to be edgy be doing that. 

There is no need to act like a twat right now!

„But none of our female trainees fit in Stray Kids. So, I was obviously pleased when I found you. I hope I’m not going to regret this.“ The last part sounded bitter and her previous enthusiasm was slowly suppressed by the anxiety creeping up her throat, making her feel sick.  

She didn’t want to back away now. 

Maybe it’s better to be in a male-dominated group. It’s not like I fit in a girl group either, she tried to calm herself down mentally. 

However, the fact that all other trainees were chosen by Stray Kids leader personally and that she basically was being forced onto them, made her feel like she was going to vomit. 

„They are already informed about your addition to the group. In fact, I want them to get to know you right now. Teamwork is important and the faster you warm up to each the better!“ With that, he stood up, bowed to his colleges and told her to follow him. She bowed to the older men too and left after JYP.

„The kids are probably in the practice room right now. Since they got the chance to debut, they have been prating twice as hard.“ He said, obviously proud about the trainee’s dedication. „I heard they are very excited to meet you.“

Bollocks! I will be extremely out of place. No way any of them are excited for a possible female member. 

Despite, her anxiety she didn’t wanna give up this time. She can’t just run away every time there was a construction put in her way. At last, trying wasn’t going to kill. 

They went down to the second floor. At the end of the hallway, JYP opened the wooden door to the practice room and stepped in. As JYP and she entered, four guys who sat on the floor rushed to stand up and joined five other guys to bow to their CEO. Some looked very young to her. She would have guessed at least two of them fifteen years old at most.

„Please introduce yourself to them,“ JYP told her and encouraged her with a quick hand gesture to step in front. 

All eyes were on her now. Some of them seemed curious, others just stared at her expressionless. And then, there was the guy with the silver hair from the elevator. He looked at her like he wanted to burn her down with his gaze. She honestly couldn’t take offense at that. Like, she understood his seeming dislike of her. 

„My Name is Seol Nova and I hope we can work well together.