#(saw this earlier but then i went back to sleep and forgot about it lmaooo saturdays man…)

[deus-ex-mona]

mona:

Long time no see✨

I had a rehearsal the other day to prepare for the concert!

There’s only a week left to go till I get to see you guys😳 I’m so excited💕 Are you guys looking forward to it too?👀

I’m nervous cuz it’s my first solo concert, but let’s all enjoy ourselves together, ‘kay, Monacas?💖

I’ll be thrilled if those of you who are still on the fence about attending decide to come too🥰🎀

[julucid]

Feb 18'18 / F8 / Room - Net - Clay

we were stuck, held captives in a room. i dont understand the situation, since there's no real danger, or maybe the thing just didnt show me any at this part of the dream. but we were scared. scared enough not to dare attempt anything. we never saw the outside since the windows were covered with heavy curtains, but it wasnt barred off or covered up with wood so it was basically just down to us not even wanting to touch the windows. i dont understand this dream since as obedient as we were of all these unspoken rules, we beat the shit out if the guy keeping us there. i want so badly to describe him but i cant picture anything human at this point. the last thing i remember about him was that he didnt do anything to harm us and he didnt seem physically threatening. i still cant see a person. idk what happened but we had a chance, and we managed to subdue him or maybe he was sleeping and i kinda feel like he was pretending to be helpless too. like hes just letting us try for the fuck of it to laugh at us. and we turn him into jelly. idk how. but if you reverse the process, he's back into his "harmful" form, which is a handful of beans----jellybelly candy lmao.

i shouldve written this down when i woke up earlier, this and the two other dreams (now fragments :c) but i woke up from a nightmare and i tried to deal with it like all the usual nightmares, try to forget it instantly. and i especially didnt want to touch this fucking recent one cause it had a similar theme as the last log, and its something to do with Glenn dying. and i still dont know how my dreams work whether or not they're just that, passing dreams, or fucking next level warnings, i dont even want to fucking figure that shit out. but its been mostly of him in his younger self too. idk if i should feel better for that.

the guy i heard him laughing but it wasnt clear, like it was just an echo in my head. and we already melted him down to liquid jelly, and i think we screwed up and missed a step or did it in a wrong time. and we were panicking cause we didnt know what else to do and sooner or later he would come back and idk its back to feeling vulnerable.

//// ////

im in a different room, i could see the outside now. theres dust all over the furniture and some of them smelled musty and looked like they were rotting, so i thought i was in an abandoned building. by the look its surroundings, i guessed a factory. i was with someone else i didnt know who it was at first, it all happened so fast. theres been so much that happened before this and i know we were just escaping, so i thought it was somehow connected to the first dream.

i looked outside the window with broken glass shards stuck to it and i saw young glenn, with a bunch of other kids. they look like they were in 2nd grade elementary. they were in a building were the walls werent there---maybe it was unfinished, or it was in the middle of getting torn down. they were in one of those rooms without a wall, and the only thing keeping them from falling was this metal thing. it looks like a bug screen except the squares "holes" were as big as the volleyball net square spaces. so they were all pressing their faces against it. idk what they were trying to achieve but the kids were pushing outwards by slamming their bodies against the metal screen. i didnt like the way they did it with no expressions on their faces, as if they meant to get hurt. and glenn didnt seem like he wanted to do the same thing--they surrounded him, keeping him trapped in the very middle, the first to fall. and they did fall. i saw the screen bend and bend until whatever it was keeping it nailed on to the building gave in.

i dont know how i was able to see this as if i had a telescope aimed at them, but once they fell, it zoomed back out and i couldnt see what was going on. but i did know that they didnt hit the ground. SOMEHOW, the metal screen caught them all hanging in the air. but what terrified me is that they all stopped moving, and i swore i saw their skin changed to a darker purple.

next thing i know ive already crawled out another broken window, my clothes were torn and there was a wet feeling on the side of my stomach. the guy that was with me was already ahead, idk how he got out before me when i was through the window first. we were in the second floor of the building and there was this wall we had to climb down. on the top of it were these barbed wires, but they had a weird look to them. they were white, not shiny silver, and for some reason we knew they werent sharp but mere elastic plastic. he went through first, going under 2 layers of barb wires. and thats when i noticed his face, its GLENN but he was his current age now. i didnt think about it too much and just followed. i thought climbing through the wires would take longer so i just took a hoodie that i didnt even know i had. put it it on top of the wires and let my body sit on it and just fall down. the wires bended like rubber like i knew it would. and i was on the floor. its a busy street. i saw a couple of people in the distance and i was crying now. i couldnt even talk i kept yelling help me help me as best as i could with my sharp breaths. they were laughing and was caught off guard and they hesitated and i never really saw them get up to move. but i knew that they wouldve figured it out too late. i saw the building that the younger glenn and the kids were still hanging lifelessly. they were so far. so so so far and my knees were already tired. i felt my breathing slow down and i thought my heart stopped beating as well. i didnt know i was still saying help me repeatedly and i forced myself to wake up.

//// ////

i dont remember falling back asleep cause i know i woke up hearing glenn laughing, probably playing fortnite but i know i wouldnt have dared to go back to sleep after that shit

im outside i didnt get the chance to look around and observe since i was busy. i think its a school function since everyone was wearing black uniforn and i wore a long pleated skirt with a button up shirt. theres an event going on, everyone else is outside and they're all crowded up where theres hardly any space to see where you're walking. i was in the very edge of that group, surrounded by a smaller seperate group of people. im sitting down and theres a small, low, square shaped table in front of me. the stool was pretty short too so everyone around me, towered over, blocking the sun light. i couldnt tell if i was selling, or just showcasing my stuff, but i had these clay art. i think they were also edible cause i remember thinking of them as cookies--but they looked like normal playdo consistency. they were neon colored and i remember them mostly being circle and rectangle shaped, size of playing cards, flat, but the designs were like tiny paintings. the first portion of the dream was pretty calm, i forgot what happened with the other dreams and i was even almost entirely happy. i saw familiar faces from school and people i havent talked to in a while, and we chatted like we were actually catching up with our irl lives through the dream.

after i while it was time to pack up. and i think i was either giving away the rest for free, or selling them for sale to finish up fast. but not even 5 minutes after i just finished saying that, theres already been a handful of people from the crowd who snatched them up and left without even awknowledging me. i got so mad that i ended up throwing a tantrum in ways that could only be possible in dreams, i was flipping cars that werent there and i think i even had a full tub of popcorn in my hand idk how tf it got there or why there were even any and i was just throwing the popcorn at peoples faces. i was cursing everyone forgot what i said by now lmaooo but i remember the feeling of my throat, punching out each and every one of those words. and i think it was along the lines of whats the point, like why did i even take the time to make those clayartcookies and then just left the rest on the table.

the end parts of the dream was me walking away crying-- couldnt even see shit in front of me so i found myself walking up the stairs (it was like a floor of a neighborhood streets and above is even more neighborhood streets?) and this one guy that was in the group saw everything and was trying to cheer me up. he kept on going on and on, and i dont know why he didnt give up. half of the dream was me listening to him try to re-motivate me or just to get a smile out of me. i got so guilty that he was putting up so much effort in the dream---it mustve only lasted a moment irl, but it felt like hours of him walking up the stairs with me. i just woke up cause that was the only i knew he would stop and be free lmao.

[xlynneeax-blog]

11:52 May 14th

I’m getting irritated as fuck trying to write real poetry because nothing fucking comes out right so I guess I’ll just write some pointless ass fucking feelings and try again tomorrow.

so today I realized I took in your habit with the radio volume. I fucking irk when it’s on 26 or 18 or some random number. I got that nasty chocolate drink you get at Starbucks and took a sip and said helll na lmaooo. Oh yeah, I say “helll naaaa” and “fuuuuuuck no” way too much🤦🏽‍♀️. My sisters boyfriend burned her a cd and I thought about the one I burned you, I still have the whole playlist so I listen to it sometimes. It’s mothers day yunno so I was in Walmart and saw Mother’s Day flowers and saw sunflowers and immediately broke down because you was my lil sunflower. I remember when you texted me in December, getting me back at your hotel. Then the next day sleeping so peacefully at my house.. I will never believe all you wanted was sex. Because you could’ve had it that night in the hotel but you kissed me and stopped. You were the one that continuously mentioned waiting. so only wanting sex? I’ll never believe. “I’ll always be a wild fire” you said that. I know you know how dangerous you are. I think you take pride in how vicious you can be and how dangerous your heart is. But you know how much I love a wild fire, how much I love you.. that also, you took pride in how much I loved you. You turned it into your source of energy. It ignited you. But see… you were never left empty, the love stayed so why didn’t you? Aubrey asked about you. She said it’s been too long since we’ve been friends. She asked where are you and when your coming back. I cried so fucking hard in her lap and made her play with my hair lmao. She said even tho we aren’t “friends” that y'all should be friends. She truly misses you and that kills me. It kills me to know that someone good in her life, because you were good for her, … just .. vanished. I’m going to see Ashton this summer. First time flying and I’m so nervous. I wanted you with me. alex is having a girl. I’m sure your brother knows what they’re having, I bet it’s a girl too. April 30th was my first night experiencing SP and it was fucking horrible dude. There was shit everywhere and people banging on walls and I just wanted to scream but I couldn’t. As soon as I could move I went to text you for comfort but I forgot. I miss you quite often. Earlier I smelt you. I started thinking about that smell you had, I guess it was how your house smelt. My heart sank. I sank into the smell and I just wanted to stay right there in that moment. it stayed for a good 45 seconds and so many emotions rolled over me. I was happy, sad and angry all in one. If I’m on edge and cant sleep I think about your sweet ass fucking cuddles bruh like seriously they were so relaxing.. when you would just hop into bed and wrap yourself around me and put your head into my neck!!!!! Bruh!!!! It puts me right to sleep. Or I think about your so so so soooo sweet pucker kisses and I’m knocked tf out. I miss you a lot lol 🤦🏽‍♀️. Summer starts soon for me and I keep reading our crazy emoji messages where we talked about this summer. I wish we could have fun together this summer because not only were you my gf but you were my friend and I miss having you around dude fr. You were my friend and it was fun. It’s 12:40 and I’m still typing nonsense. It’s just everything on my mind that id say to you and also poetry ain’t flowing the past 4days so I’m stuck just “venting"🙄 I wonder if you think about me.. my heart is so big and pure I’m so confused as to why you’d take advantage of it when I was just willing to love you.. yunno what doesn’t make sense? Almost fucking meeting your damn parents(we know how big of a deal that was) and you ab to move out and give them your journals!!!!!!! And now you just…? Idk..🤷🏽‍♀️

Okay I’m done venting I’ll try poetry tomorrow. Oooo the poetry thing is this Wednesday fucking LIT