#(resemblance)

[megalony]

Resemblance- Part 7

Thank you all for the lovely feedback on this Evan Buckley series and for all the ideas you've been sending in, they really help.

I hope you will all like this part, thank you for waiting while I finally got round to finishing this part.

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Summary: When Evan introduces (Y/n) to Eddie, she resembles someone he used to know. And he can't help himself when he's around her, leading to frightening behaviour.

Enjoy.

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"I don't understand…"

Tilting his head back, Evan ran his hand across his jaw and down the back of his neck. His nails scratched into his skin enough to draw blood and create deep indents into his skin. Deep rouge lines appeared like cracks in his pale skin and dragged down beneath the collar of his shirt.

He could feel the doorframe digging into his back right near his spine, but Evan couldn't take his eyes off of Chris.

Then twelve year old looked the smallest Evan had ever seen him. He looked fragile, fractured, panicked. And Evan couldn't blame him.

His eyes raked over Chris, watching as his legs slowly swung back and forth with the heels of his feet disappearing behind the bed, hitting whatever games or toys he had hidden under there. Both hands were clenching around the bed cover and his body was leant forward like he was about to flop down onto the floor.

His chin was tilted down into his chest but his eyes were staring up through his lashes, locked onto Evan like he was a beacon.

"Where's dad going?" Chris sounded awfully young when he said that and it brought a shiver tearing down Evan's spine.

With a sigh, he pushed off the door frame and trudged across the bedroom. He thought it was a good idea to try and talk to Chris here, at home, and then get him to pack. And it had to be Evan who had to explain. He couldn't trust Eddie to explain without breaking down or giving up and trying to talk everyone out of this idea.

But they had all agreed.

Eddie had found a programme he could work with. It involved staying on a ward and entering therapy group sessions and one to one sessions with a counsellor. He would be around doctors twenty four seven and if he agreed and they thought he might need medication, they could do that too.

He couldn't go back to work yet anyway, Bobby had signed him off on leave and he couldn't go back to work without having an assessment first to clear him.

He knew he was lucky. (Y/n) didn't want to press charges, she didn't want the hassle that would entail and it felt cruel. Despite everything Eddie had done, he needed help and charging him wasn't going to help him.

All that was going to be on file was a domestic incident. It was Evan's way of having security. If Eddie tried anything ever again, they would already have it on file that he had been involved in a domestic incident so they had some sort of proof if they ever needed it.

"He… he's coming back, right?" Chris didn't give Evan chance to respond to his first question. "Mum left us, she didn't wanna come back."

He watched Evan plonk down on the bed next to him and reach out to slide one hand up and down Chris's back. His other hand brushed across his jaw again as he tried to gather his senses.

"Your dad would never leave you if he didn't have to, and he will always come back to you. He doesn't wanna go."

Evan knew this was going to be hard. He knew the moment he told Chris that Eddie had to go and he had to come and stay with Evan, that Chris was going to panic. He didn't want his dad to go, he would revert back to the memories of his mum leaving and when she came back, it was clear Shannon wasn't sure if she wanted to be in Chris's life permanently or not. And then she died, she ultimately left and he could never see or talk to her again.

Chris didn't want that to happen with his dad. He couldn't lose both parents, he had to have his dad around, he didn't want to be apart from him.

"Then why's he going? Where's he going that I can't go too?" His dad had brought him down here to LA from Texas.

When Eddie needed a fresh start away from his overbearing family and away from the memories of Shannon, he brought Chris with him. He couldn't bear the thought of his parents looking after Chris and being apart from his boy. Why was this time any different? Why couldn't Chris go with him this time?

Evan took a deep breath and shuffled back an inch on the bed so he could twist to the left. He wanted to be able to look at Chris when he told him what was happening, he wanted this to go smoothly and he didn't want Chris to panic. This was his nephew, the kid he looked out for and cared about as if he were his own son. Evan never wanted to hurt him or have anything else hurt Chris, he wanted to shield him from the world.

"Your dad… he's- he's going to stay at a facility for a while, in a hospital. At the minute, it might just be for a month, but it could be longer, and you can't go to a hospital with him, buddy."

"He's sick, like grandma?"

The fear in Chris's eyes had Evan's chest shuddering and he let out a trembling breath, doing his best to stop himself from shaking all over. He knew Shannon's mum had battled cancer and eventually lost. He knew Chris barely got to know his grandma before she died and that was why he was closer to Eddie's parents, they were the only grandparents he had left.

"No, no no buddy he's not sick like that I swear."

"Then why's he going to hospital? Buck, why?"

"Chris… you know the phrase die of a broken heart? Well it's true, scientists don't actually know how or why or have a name for it, but sometimes when people lose the one they love, their heart gives up. They can't carry on and they die from heartache."

Chris nodded. He was with Evan so far. He didn't know that was true, but he knew Evan was full of random, fun and inquisitive facts about almost every situation possible. He was always telling Chris something new.

"Your dad's got a broken heart. He misses your mum, and he's not gonna die from it, but he needs help. He's not well in his mind, he's made some bad choices recently and we want to get him help so he can come back to work, and come back to be with you."

Evan wholeheartedly believed in the phenomenon that people died of a broken heart when their loved ones passed. He had seen it. He had seen couples pass away after the other one died. He had seen parents wither away and fade when they lost their children. The mind gave up trying to continue and the heart couldn't beat on its own anymore. He had seen it in animals too, it was real.

And right now, Eddie was heading that way. He was lovesick after someone he lost. It didn't matter that Eddie's relationship with Shannon had been turbulent and broken and estrangled. She had been the one for Eddie and now she was gone. His heart was still beating strong, but his mind was fragmented from loss.

If he didn't get help he was going to hurt himself or do more damage to Evan and (Y/n) and Chris and everyone around him. He was going to hurt them all and if he pushed things too far, none of them would ever recover.

"What did he do?"

Evan didn't want to say. It seemed wrong, everything inside of him was crying out for him to gloss over this, to tell Chris the moderated version of events. But Chris was twelve, he understood a lot more than people gave him credit for and he deserved the truth. He deserved to know what had happened because he needed to see how unwell Eddie was and why he needed help.

If Chris knew what had happened, then he would be the reason Eddie got help. Chris would want Eddie to get help and Eddie wouldn't be able to refuse or back out if hs son told him to get better.

"You know (Y/n)?"

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, well, she reminded your dad of your mum… a lot. And it upset him, he started to think she was alive again. He uh, he had a breakdown the other night, and he hurt (Y/n) by accident. I don't want him to get any worse or hurt himself, do you get what I mean?"

There was more, there was so much more that Evan wanted to say. He didn't want Eddie to hurt (Y/n) again, he didn't want Eddie to frighten her more than he already had. Or to pin her to the wall or force himself on her or smash her through a door or try and lock her in her own home and take her hostage.

Evan wanted to keep (Y/n) safe because he loved her to the end of the Earth and he wasn't going to let her get hurt or let her walk away from him to save his friendship with Eddie.

Eddie was the one causing all this mess, he was the one who needed help and right now, sat here with Chris, Evan could see things through a different perspective.

He could see the person Eddie was. A kind soul, protective of those closest to him, striving to do the best he could for his son, wanting to help people and look out for them. He could see Eddie struggling, wanting the old life he had, wanting someone to love him the way he had felt only once, with Shannon. Feeling so broken and desperate that his mind played tricks on him and made him do anything to get his girl back.

He could see all of that because Chris loved his dad and he knew Chris was Eddie's world.

But when Evan was at home, when he had (Y/n) in his arms, all he could think of was how cruel Eddie was.

He had forced himself on (Y/n). He had frightened her. He got so blindly drunk that he let himself into her home, locked her in and then tried to pin her down and hold her hostage. He attacked her when she denied him and tried to get him to see the truth. He fought her so hard that he knocked her through a glass door and caused her to aspirate.

He shell shocked (Y/n) and almost made her break up with Evan because she didn't want to come between their friendship. And despite being influenced by grief and drowned in sorrow, there had to be part of Eddie that knew what he had done. Because he cried. He said sorry. He begged for forgiveness. He could see in the daylight that (Y/n) wasn't his wife and he had no right to do what he did, even if part of Eddie didn't remember everything he had done.

There were two sides to every story, and Evan was trying to see this from both sides, but it was hard.

"Is she okay?"

"She's okay, I promise. And your dad will be better once he's got help. I said you can come and stay with me and (Y/n), so you can still go to school and I'll always look after you. But if you'd rather stay with your grandparents in Texas, I can always make that call for you. It's your choice, buddy."

It was always going to be Chris's choice, but it was never going to be Eddie's choice.

If Eddie wanted his son in his life, he had to get help. If he didn't, Evan would let Athena take matters further. He would go to social services and explain what had happened. They wouldn't let Chris stay with Eddie when he had attacked someone and held them hostage in a drunken rage.

But if Eddie got help, they would do this informally. Chris would stay with whoever he chose and it would be like a mini vacation, just staying with a friend for a while. No social services involved and Eddie would get Chris back as soon as he was better.

When Eddie made Evan Chris's guardian in his will, he made Chris his responsibility. It was Evan's duty to look out for him and if he thought or saw that Chris wasn't safe, he would do what he could to protect him.

It seemed like a better choice for Chris to stay with Evan and (Y/n). They had a spare room downstairs behind the living room, it was small but it would do just fine for Chris to stay with them. He could bring any of his games and books and the loft was close to his school, his friends and his Abuela. But if Chris would feel safer going to Texas, Evan would try and make that happen.

All he wanted was for Chris to be safe and looked after, he didn't want him to go but if he wanted to, Evan wouldn't stand in his way.

"If I stay with you, can I visit dad?"

"You can see him every week."

***

When the sound of tepid, tender footsteps caught his attention, Evan cast a glance over his shoulder. His lips immediately curved up into a grin and his nose crinkled when he looked across at (Y/n).

She one of his oversized jumper on that pulled down over her hands making her look like a child in their parent's clothes, but it was a somewhat sweet look. Both her hands were rubbing up and down her arms and scratching through the thick material of her jumper.

The smile on her face was one that made Evan's stomach pool with adrenaline and had him wanting to melt on the spot.

Evan realised a second too late that he had been staring for a while when (Y/n)'s lips rolled together and her head tilted down to hide her blush. He could stand there and drink her in forever if he had the time.

"What're you boys making?"

(Y/n) moved over to the island counter and leaned forward, arching her back out as she folded her arms over the countertop.

She would admit that Evan looked very appealing in his 'Kiss the Cook' apron which was dark black with a spatula on the front and lots of red and pink kisses dotted all around the front. He had a short shirt on which showed off the way his arms flexed when he moved around the kitchen and his lips creased lovingly when he smiled. Even from this distance, (Y/n) could see the stubble painted across his face and it only made him more appealing.

Then there was Chris. Stood beside Evan like his apprentice chef, a ladle in one hand and a taste-testing spoon in the other. He had a smudging of orange at the corner of his mouth and a cheesy smile on his face that creased his eyes so much he could barely see.

"Lasagne," Evan finally responded, clearing his throat and swiping his tongue out over his lower lip which had suddenly gone very dry.

The steam from the cooker made a shiver roll down (Y/n)'s spine and she realised it was making Evan a bit tense, his arms were straining against the short and rather tight sleeves of his shirt. And a trickle of sweat rolled down his cheek and traced along the vein in his neck.

"Smells good,"

Her eyes cast over the cooker and the worktops, taking in how much effort they had put into making a simple lasagne, making it anything but plain. The white cheese sauce had been made from scratch and so had the bolognaise, the only thing store-bought was the pasta sheets. But (Y/n) knew Evan could make those sheets if he was in a proper cooking mood.

"Want to taste test it?" Chris waved the spoon in his hand towards (Y/n), begging her with his eyes to come over and test their work of art.

Every day off Evan had, he and Chris had been cooking together. They had made cottage pie, homemade pizzas with homemade sauce, they even ventured into making ratatouille which had been a success.

Both of them had done their best to make Chris feel at ease and comfortable while he stayed with them. Of course he had stayed with Evan before and Evan knew all of his routines, but this was different. He had never stayed with Evan for a long period of time, except for when Eddie got shot a few years ago and they had stayed at Chris and Eddie's home that time.

It seemed to be going well. Chris was settled in after the first day and they all had their routines. (Y/n) picked Chris up from school, Evan dropped him off when he wasn't at work. Chris helped with the cleaning, they had a lot of movie nights and cooking together and they were trying to plan two days out a week, whether that was going out to the zoo or just for a walk in the park.

Chris was happy and settled with them and that was all that mattered.

"Of course I do."

(Y/n) grinned brightly and headed over to the boys. She rested her hand on Chris's shoulder and her other hand clamped down on her hip. When she lifted her eyes, she caught the way Evan was looking at her and the way he swiped his tongue over his lower lip which had her shivering.

She leaned down so Chris could hand her the spoon to test the bolognaise. "You two could open up a restaurant, you know." She ruffled Chris's hair and took a step back so they could start layering up the lasagne in the dish.

"Alright, wanna go set up a game before tea?" Evan leaned back against the counter once the dish was in the oven.

He patted Chris's shoulder and watched him hurry out the kitchen towards the living room. He had been here two weeks now and he was doing great in adjusting to such big changes.

Once he was off, (Y/n) turned towards Evan and narrowed her eyes when she noticed the quirky smile on his lips. But when he leaned his right hand on the counter and looked down at his apron, her shoulders sagged and she couldn't help the giggle that left her lips.

"Oh, I see." She murmured quietly, looping her arms around his neck and pushing up on her tiptoes so she could press a chaste kiss to his lips.

She felt Evan's arms circle around her waist, his hands flat out against the middle of her back while he pulled her chest flush against his. She could feel each breath he took, deep and slow but when he stooped down for another kiss, she noticed his pulse quickening. He couldn't seem to help but smile into the kiss, especially when their lips parted and his tongue darted into her mouth, fighting for control.

Her nails scratched lowly into the back of his neck, raking across the short hairs before reaching up to knot her fingers in the curls at the top of his head.

When they pulled apart, (Y/n) let her cheek rest on his shoulder while her hand came down to drag her fingertip slowly across his cheek. She couldn't help the smile that danced across her lips that peppered tender wet kisses against Evan's neck.

"What's that look for?" Evan spoke softly against the top of her head, realising he was swaying them from left to right as if they were having their first dance at their wedding.

"Hm?"

"That melting look." He reached up to drag his thumb across (Y/n)'s cheek and near the corner of her eyes.

There was something tender in her eyes and the way her lips quirked up to one side made her look so adoring and sweet. Evan wanted to know what was going through her mind right now, he wanted to know what was making her smile like that so he could see that look more often.

"You're really good with him, you're a natural." The way Evan was with Chris was what made (Y/n) smile like that. Seeing him get defensive and protective over Chris was one thing, but to see him around him was something else.

To see the way Evan always tried to listen and understand or how he got Chris involved in everything made (Y/n)'s stomach pool with adrenaline. Evan made sure Chris didn't feel left out, that he did all he was capable of, he helped him with homework and calmed him down when he didn't understand the work and got confused. He always stayed calm and she had yet to see either of them fall out. Their dynamic was sweet.

"Thank you." He chuckled softly and tilted his head down to kiss the top of her head.

It wasn't the first time Evan had heard that. He was always babysitting his friend's kids, he had always been first on the list to look after Chris and Maddie knew Jee loved Evan the best out of all their family.

(Y/n) knew he was good with kids, he had a personality that radiated with them and he could always get on their level and understand and listen and be patient. And he was a beaming, enthusiastic person that could light up a room so of course kids levitated to him. But it was lovely to see Evan day in and day out with Chris rather than just seeing glimpses of him with kids for a few hours here and there.

"You'd be a great dad." She murmured the words so quietly into his neck that he almost misheard her. But when her words registered in his ears, his smile turned beaming.

He pushed back against the counter and spread his legs so (Y/n) could stand between them. He slithered his hands down to hold (Y/n)'s hips and he tilted his head down so he could look at her properly. He felt (Y/n)'s hands graze down from his neck to rest against his chest, her fingers slowly scratching into his shirt that she seemed to be focused on.

"Oh yeah? You thinking about us having kids?"

The thought made Evan smirk, he couldn't help it. It was the same way he had looked and thought about (Y/n) when he saw her having a mini tea party with Jee a few weeks ago. He loved that (Y/n) was integrated into his family, that everyone loved her and she made the effort with Jee, one of the most important kids in Evan's life.

He knew (Y/n) would be a great mum and of course they had talked about it, they were engaged now after all.

"I'm late."

"What?" Evan's smirk changed into a smile and his nose crinkled upwards as his lips parted. "What are you late for?" They didn't have any plans that Evan knew about.

But when (Y/n)'s head dipped to one side and her lips pressed together with a deep breath, Evan's lips formed an oh shape.

A shudder jolted down his shoulders and along his spine and his hands tightened on (Y/n)'s hips until his fingers were almost puncturing through into her hips. He stood up straighter, pushing off the counter while he held his breath, hoping this wasn't some kind of joke or a trick being played on him.

"Really, w- how late?"

(Y/n) kept her eyes on Evan's chest until one hand left her hip which tingled in his absence and she felt his fingertips gripping her chin. He tilted her head back and leaned down until she finally let their gazes interlock.

She hadn't been sure how happy Evan would be about this, the timing wasn't great, she knew that. It hadn't been long since the ordeal with Eddie who was still in the hospital in the middle of his recovery. They had Chris staying with them, things weren't right at the station now that the core team knew what had happened. No one knew how to regulate and get back to a sense of normality.

But she couldn't change it, all she could do was wait to find out if she was actually pregnant or not. It could be a false alarm, but she wasn't so sure.

"Enough… I was gonna wait another week to be sure, and do a test. You okay, w-what are you thinking?"

A gasp tumbled past her lips when Evan's hands slid down her thighs as quick as lightning and he hoisted her up. Her arms moved to lock around his neck again and she held her breath, biting down on her lip as she hooked her legs around his waist to secure herself on his torso.

She had never seen such a broad smile on his face and the look in his eyes was one that (Y/n) could drown in. She could already feel her lungs about to pop and adrenaline was swarming throughout her body that was turning numb.

She thought Evan would be apprehensive because of the timing and the situation. They were looking after Chris, they didn't know how long he was going to be here with them. A baby meant they would have to look for somewhere a bit bigger to live. They had only just gotten engaged, they weren't even married yet.

But this reaction showed he was more than overjoyed at the thought of having a baby and (Y/n) was almost worried that if it turned out she was just late, telling Evan was going to be disappointing.

"I think you're gonna look gorgeous with a bump."

***

A sigh tumbled past (Y/n)'s lips as she looked up at the clock on the wall while her nails raked up and down her thighs.

Maddie was late.

If she didn't get here soon, Chris was going to miss his visit to go and see Eddie. For almost three weeks since Chris had moved in with them, he had been going to visit Eddie at the hospital twice a week. He went on a Wednesday after school which Carla took him for the visit, and then he went on a Saturday afternoon and had a bit longer to spend with his dad.

It seemed to be doing them both some good, Chris didn't feel so confused or lost when he still got to see his dad and he could see that Eddie was in fact doing okay. He was consolidated that Eddie wasn't about to die or disappear on him. And Eddie calmed down when he saw Chris, he had his reason for continuing with the programme and to get himself better.

If Evan wasn't able to take Chris to one of his visits, either Carla or Maddie had been stepping in to help. Maddie was always offering to do whatever she could to try and help, she had dropped (Y/n) off to her own therapy sessions quite a lot too.

(Y/n) jumped back against the sofa cushion when her phone started to buzz on the coffee table.

It was Maddie. Maybe she was parked outside ready to take Chris and bring him back later this afternoon. Maybe she was finally on her way and was ringing to say she wouldn't be long and to get Chris ready.

"Hi," She breathed down the receiver, moving her other hand to rake through her hair as she sat forward and slumped her elbows onto her knees.

"Hey, I know I'm supposed to be taking Chris today but Jee's been throwing up and now she's having a meltdown. I don't think I can take him."

(Y/n) felt like she was going to be sick. What was she supposed to do now? Evan was at work and so was Chimney, Hen and Bobby. None of them would be able to come over and take Chris there and it wasn't as if Chris just needed to be dropped off and picked up.

Because he was under eighteen, Chris had to have supervised visits, he wasn't allowed to be left at the hospital. He could be left in the room with Eddie for a few minutes at a time as long as someone was right outside the door and able to look through the window. Whoever took Chris had to stay there with him for the entire visit.

How was (Y/n) supposed to do that? Would it be good for Eddie if she turned up right in the middle of his recovery? Was seeing (Y/n) going to set Eddie back?

Something deep down within (Y/n) told her that Eddie wasn't going to make progress or do well if he saw her right now. She could set him back miles in his progress. But if she didn't go, Chris was going to miss a visit. He needed these visits, he needed these few hours to be with his dad and keep that connection. And these visits were what Eddie was living for, he would break if he missed a visit and had to go a week without seeing his son.

"It's okay, I'll sort it."

"Are you sure? I don't want to let him down-"

"No, no you're not, don't worry. Just ring me later so we know how Jee is, will you?" (Y/n) couldn't believe the calmness that tangled through her tone and masked the panic bubbling up inside of her.

She didn't want Maddie to feel bad or panic about this when she was clearly worried about her own daughter. As long as she let (Y/n) and Evan know later if Jee was alright or not, there was no need for Maddie to panic.

"Of course I will, thanks."

(Y/n) began to tap her phone against the palm of her hand before she looked back up at the clock. There wasn't time to call round and see if she could find someone else to help her out. If she wanted Chris to keep this meeting and not be late or miss out on any time with his dad, she was going to have to take him now.

She was going to have to see Eddie.

She hadn't seen Eddie since the night he took her hostage in the flat. The last memory she had of him was Eddie pinning her to the wall. His hot breath on her neck. His rough fingers scratching up and down her thighs. Pulling her shirt and yanking on her underwear. The feeling of his heavy body crushing hers when they fell into an abyss.

A shudder crawled down her spine and she realised a tear had traced down her cheek at the memory.

She brushed her hand across her face and stood up, feeling her head start to spin and her stomach churn as she turned towards the small box room at the back of the living room. It was poxy, barely bigger than a cupboard, but it was the only spare room they had in the apartment. And it was easier for them all to stay here than for the couple to move into Eddie's home for the time being.

And Chris didn't seem to mind the small room. He had put posters on the walls and the door, his games and books were neatly lined up beneath the bed. There was a tv on the desk that was squashed between the foot of the bed and the wall. And Evan had stuck up hundreds of glow in the dark stars to the ceiling because Chris's new obsession was space.

(Y/n) tried to stop herself from shaking as she rapped her knuckles on the door and gave it a gentle nudge.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

Chris was sat on the bed, jacket on, backpack beside him with a few books and drawings that he wanted to show his dad. He turned off the tv and grinned, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Is Maddie here?"

"Um, no, Jee's not well today so I'm gonna take you. If that's alright." She slid her phone into her back pocket and started to rub her hands nervously up and down her hips.

She was surprised to watch Chris's smile broaden and he nodded, bouncing up to his feet like a kangaroo before he reached out for her hand. He had grown fond of (Y/n), he was starting to refer to her and Evan as his aunt and uncle and he was more than willing for her to take him today.

It didn't seem to dawn on Chris that (Y/n) tagging along might stir up some memories and problems for his dad.

(Y/n) hooked her bag on her shoulder and once Chris had his bag and shoes on, they headed out the apartment. She let him swing their hands back and forth, rambling about one of the new tv shows he had started to watch. He was a lot like Evan, once he learned something new he loved to ramble and spill every detail and new fact he had learned. And (Y/n) was more than happy to listen to him.

Her hand absentmindedly moved to her stomach that was churning and rotating like a washing machine. She was going to be sick. Her throat was turning dry and the muscles were tightening and closing off, rubbing together awkwardly. Everything was bubbling and fizzing in her veins and she could feel the shakes setting in her system.

It didn't take long to reach the hospital and as soon as they pulled up, (Y/n) felt her fingertips turning numb and her arms began to shake.

"I uh, I don't know where we go honey, you're gonna have to guide me." She held her hand out for Chris who happily entwined their fingers and took the lead.

"It's not far, dad's on the Daffodil ward." Chris found all the different ward names rather amusing, but he wasn't fond of the name of his dad's ward.

Although he thought the ward itself was lovely. Lots of large feature walls dotted around, a clear white tiled floor with flecks of sparkles and black spots glazed on top. Bright lights and skylights built into the ceiling, and all the visiting rooms were lovely.

Plush chairs, books, music, windows looking out onto the gardens and the room he got to visit Eddie in was spacious and they got to be alone.

(Y/n) let Chris drag her through the main entrance, head to the stairs and up to the second floor. All the while, her free arm bound across her waist like an iron bar to try and prevent herself from being sick.

God, if (Y/n) really was pregnant, the baby was going to be doing summersaults and it was turning (Y/n) green at the gills.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be doing this. Seeing Eddie was going to bring the nightmares back and it was only going to cause problems for Eddie. But they didn't have a choice. Chris needed this, he needed to see his dad and Eddie needed the stability and comfort of being around his son.

And if Eddie saw (Y/n), it might put all his hard work to good use. He would have to control himself and the thoughts he had when he was around her. Eddie would have to remind himself that this was (Y/n), a completely different person to his wife. She wasn't Shannon, she didn't belong to him and he couldn't kiss her or hold her or be close to her. Eddie would have to start seeing reality and this would give them a rough guess at how well Eddie was doing in his recovery.

If this meeting went well it would prove that the programme was working for Eddie. If it went south, it showed he needed more concentrated help or a different method of treatment to get his mind back in order and control the impulses he had whenever he saw (Y/n).

"Over there." Chris leaned his head on (Y/n)'s arm and pointed to the reception desk once they walked through the bright yellow doors to the Daffodil ward.

(Y/n) forced her feet to move and pushed herself over to the desk which took her weight when she slumped her hip against it.

"Hi, we're here to visit Eddie Diaz."

"Of course, room two, as usual. Go through lovey." The receptionist smiled across at Chris and gave him a little wink which told (Y/n) she was usually on shift whenever Chris came to visit his dad.

Every pulse of her heartbeat vibrated through (Y/n)'s skin and thumped horribly in her ears. Her lungs expanded to the max, pushing out against her ribs as she realised she couldn't release or take in a new breath. Sweat started to form like crystals glistening on her skin and her palms were slick and grubby with sweat.

Each step closer to the door had (Y/n)'s body breaking out in shakes and a quiet murmur stuck at the back of her throat when Chris let go of her hand and pushed open the door.

Why couldn't she just wait out here for him?

Eddie wasn't a danger to Chris, he was going to be a danger to (Y/n) if she walked in that room. He would be fine to be alone with his son for their session, it would do them both some good. But (Y/n) had to go in, she knew she did. This was her moment to prove to herself that she was okay, that she could stand up for herself and be around the man that had attacked her more than once.

She could see how well Eddie was doing in his recovery and try to get them all back onto a normal track.

If she and Evan were going to get married, Eddie had to get used to her being with his best friend. Eddie had to get better for (Y/n) and Evan to be able to move on. They had to get Eddie back on track if they really were having a baby and if they were going to tell him that they were having a baby.

And (Y/n) instinctively knew that they were going to have to tell Eddie if they were pregnant, while he was in this facility. There was no way they could let him recover and get settled back at home to then break the news. Telling him they were getting married and possibly having a baby was going to send Eddie into another spiral.

It would be best to tell him while he was here so he could be monitored and looked after and if the news set him back in his progress, it wouldn't matter. Because he would be here and be helped and pushed to get back on track again.

Terror pulsed through (Y/n) like she was a boombox when she shuffled over the threshold and quietly shut the door behind her.

Her eyes locked on Chris as he dumped his bag down on one of the chairs and bolted across to the plush leather sofa in the middle of the room where Eddie was sat.

Eddie slumped forward and deadlocked his arms around Chris, letting out a breathless laugh as he pulled his son between his legs, crushing him into his chest. His lips pressed against Chris's curls and he squeezed him tight, swaying from side to side.

"There's my boy! You okay? How are you doing?" Eddie pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek and pulled back enough to look at him. He cupped Chris's face and kissed his temple.

"I'm good, I missed you."

"Oh I missed you too."

Chris looped his arms back around Eddie's neck and reeled him in for another hug which elicited another laugh from deep within Eddie's chest.

But when he opened his eyes and lifted his gaze towards the door, every part of Eddie's body went rigid. His heart hammered itself into his ribs like it was trying to impale itself on his bones. His blood turned thick and cold and gloopy in his veins like it was clogging up and becoming stuck. His muscles went taut and stiff and locked in place when his eyes set on that familiar figure.

That long glossy hair. Those deep swirling pools in her eyes. The dip in the middle of her lips and the way they were plump and lively. How she had both arms wrapped around her waist in that anxious habit he remembered so well.

Every nerve in his brain started to misfire. Wrong signals were sent every which way, his arms tensed and relaxed continuously. His feet began to tap against the floor, his lungs stuttered and had him gasping for breath.

"Hi Eddie."

Just her voice was enough to restart his blood rushing throughout his body and Eddie couldn't help the way he gulped and closed his eyes for a second or two longer. Revelling in the sound of her voice and the way she said his name like it was sugar on her tongue.

"Hi."

He sounded breathless and somewhat confused which (Y/n) could understand and relate to. She leaned her shoulders back against the door, staying as close to the exit as she could in case this meeting went south. She didn't dare step forward, she didn't want to be close enough to Eddie that he would be able to reach out and touch her. She didn't want his gaze on her, let alone remember the feeling of his rough hands groping and pulling at her.

As she stared across at him, she fidgeted from foot to foot, anxiously trying to decipher something. The way Eddie was looking at her was confusing her.

Looking at her like that, did he see (Y/n)… or Shannon?

[unbfacts]

[cookiehusky799]

Like prima, like primo.

[lindahall]

Ulisse Aldrovandi – Scientist of the Day

Ulisse Aldrovandi, an Italian naturalist and collector of naturalia, was born Sep. 11, 1522, 502 years ago. 

read more...

[tr-mha-fan]

Negai No Astro

Hear me out

Ginji = Kakucho

They're not identical, but there's a strong resemblance!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Night at Sea - Daniel Ablitt , 2024 :: British , b. 1976 - :: [Oil on panel , 25 x 32 cm.]

* * * *

“The greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor. It is the one thing that cannot be learned from others; it is also a sign of genius, since a good metaphor implies an eye for resemblance.”

— Aristotle, De Poetica, 322 B.C. (via amiquote)

[alive on all channels]

[jordanianprincesses]

Iman is beaming !

Never seen her this happy before 😍

Also she LOOKS like her father

[tenth-sentence]

"All happy families resemble one another," Tolstoy famously said, "but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

"Why the West Rules – For Now: The patterns of history and what they reveal about the future" - Ian Morris

[dougielombax]

Wait a minute…

Oh….

Could be distant relatives perhaps?

Idk.

It’s a coincidence. Nothing more I’m sure.

Still

[draganadimitrijevic]

Look Alike Beograd @ Dragana Dimitrijević

[jerseydeanne]

[megalony]

Resemblance- Part 4

This is the latest part of my Evan Buckley series, thank you all for such amazing feedback.

I hope you're ready for this!

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella

@shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @ml572 @jessie-lynn28 @lolalolsstuff @senjoritanana @kniselle @eleventhdoctorsangel

Series Masterlist

Summary: When Evan introduces (Y/n) to Eddie, she resembles someone he used to know. And he can't help himself when he's around her, leading to frightening behaviour.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on, or do I have to prize it out of you?"

Evan hung his head down and tensed his shoulders, leaning his weight forward onto his arms while his hands planted down on the counter. He could feel his spine clicking into place while his weight shifted from foot to foot.

He never knew how to stand or how to act when Maddie gave him that look. Her big sister look. Her elder sibling look. The look that had changed into a knowing, motherly look since she'd had Jee. It was an expression that made Evan feel like he was sixteen years old all over again, making mistakes and only trying to hide them from his sister.

Her opinion and her views of Evan were the only ones he cared about. He had grown up disappointing his parents, just being in the room seemed to disappoint them. But he strived to make Maddie proud, she was the only person in his family that he cared about.

And right now, when he could feel her gaze burning into him and he knew those brows were raised and her lips were pursed, he felt like melting on the spot. He felt like babbling and spilling everything out to her to see if she could make some sense out of all this.

"Buck, what's going on?" Maddie slid a steaming cup of coffee across the counter and curled her hands around her own signature cup which had Mrs Han painted across the side in italics. A wedding present from a friend.

This would be their third cup of coffee each, but who was counting?

Coffee was the best Maddie could do when she knew her brother was due on shift in an hour. Otherwise she would have cracked open the bottle of red wine in the fridge and poured away until her little brother finally spilled what was on his mind.

He and (Y/n) had been here for almost two hours now and Maddie could tell something wasn't right. And she didn't want to ask (Y/n) what was wrong and risk making her nervous when this was the first time (Y/n) had come over to her house.

They had all had a chat, enjoyed spilling some gossip together and Maddie got to know (Y/n) better. But now, with (Y/n) being stolen away into the living room with Jee, Maddie finally had a chance to ask Evan what was going on.

"Chim said you and Eddie had a fight at the station last week, like, a proper fight. That's never happened before, it must be serious."

Maddie wished her husband had known more. She wished Chimney had all the gossip so she didn't have to ask Evan what was going on. She would of had time to think and come up with ways to help and some solutions if Chimney had delved into things at work. But she understood that he didn't want to be nosey and he couldn't outright ask Bobby what was going on when the Captain made it clear that this was a personal issue, not for everyone to know.

But Maddie had never known Evan and Eddie to fight in all the years she had seen them be friends. They were like brothers, they had the kind of relationship she envisioned Evan would of had with Daniel if he were still alive today.

And Evan never started fights. When he was in college he was a sweet, joyous, outgoing soul who never put a foot wrong. If someone started a fight with Evan, he would barely throw a punch in retaliation and now he was older, Evan didn't start fights. If someone started on him, he might throw a punch in defence but that was as far as he would go.

For Evan to start a fight with Eddie and tackle him, especially when they were both at work, it meant this was serious and Maddie wasn't sure she would like the answers she was about to find out.

"I don't know what to do, Maddie. I came home last week, and he… he had (Y/n) up against the wall, shouting at her and calling her Shannon."

It was as if the light faded out of Maddie's eyes when she realised what Evan was trying to tell her. Reading between the lines made her soul leave her body and sent her coffee cup trembling between her fingers. She didn't have Eddie down as the type who would boarder on delusional or someone who would go to the point of frightening those closest to him.

"And he's done this twice. He kissed her at the wedding, he's got it in his head that she's some sort of second chance. He can't control himself around her and I don't know what to do."

"My wedding?" Her lower lip jutted out and a shaky breath parted through her lips before she took a deep breath. Her hands pressed into the counter, mirroring Evan's previous stance that changed so he could rub the back of his neck.

Evan had gone a week with limited contact with Eddie. The most they had spoken was a few exchanging texts for when Evan could pick Chris up and then drop him back off since they had made cakes for his bake sale three days ago. And Chris could tell something was wrong when Evan didn't come inside and have tea with him and Eddie when he dropped him back home. He knew something was up when Evan left without exchanging so much as a hello with Eddie.

He couldn't. He couldn't look at him without hearing Eddie's voice in the back of his head, snidely remarking how he wanted to be with (Y/n). How he thought she was his second chance. How selfish he knew he was for thinking Evan was robbing him of something special.

It was all Evan could see, think and hear when he was around Eddie and he was glad they were on opposite shifts. Limited contact was the best thing for now, but they couldn't carry on like this. They couldn't avoid each other forever. They couldn't hang out with the team and give one another the cold shoulder. They couldn't do this and risk upsetting Chris. Something had to change.

"Has he spoken to anyone? Those therapy sessions he was having, they might help… he's not over Shannon if he's looking for someone to replace her."

"I don't know if he will."

"Then don't give him a choice."

Something similar to a chuckle escaped Evan's lips and he looked across at his sister with confusion pooling in his eyes.

He took a long gulp of his coffee, delighting in the way it fizzled on his tongue and made his throat feel raw and tingled down to his stomach. How could he not give Eddie a choice? What was he supposed to do, drive him to mandated therapy? Get Bobby to demand he go to meetings or he couldn't return to work? Evan doubted blackmailing Eddie into therapy sessions would make him open up and go in there with an open mind.

"What? Just walk him in there and tell him he has to talk?"

"Look, you're important to Eddie, just like he means a lot to you, right? So if he truly cares about you like I think he does, then tell him. Tell him the only way to work this out is to talk it through, tell him he needs to work this out and then you can sit down with him and see where you go from here."

She knew the boys were close, they were like blood brothers. So if Eddie truly wanted to save this friendship and try to continue working together, he would agree. He would talk to someone and try to help himself and let everyone else help him. And then they could talk this through and try to patch things over and move forward.

Eddie clearly needed help and they had to get him that help, whether he thought he needed it or not.

"You think he will?" Evan tried not to let hope flood his voice, he could fill himself with false hope right now. He'd done that enough in his life and it gave him nothing but disappointment. But he was desperate for things to work out and pick up from this. He didn't want things to get to a lower point than this.

He straightened up, clicking his spine into place and tilting his head from side to side to crack his neck. But he paused when he felt Maddie's hand curve around his. Her fingers were soft and warm and made him think back to the times when she would sit with him in the dead of night after he'd had a nightmare.

The way she smoothed her hand up and down the back of his hand and wrist made Evan feel lightheaded and warm and cared for and understood, all the things he only ever felt when he talked to his sister about his problems.

"I think you're just as important to him as his family, and he won't want to lose you." Her smile brought a sense of calm washing over Evan and he curved his wrist so he could give her hand a squeeze. "How's (Y/n) doing with all of this? I can't imagine it being easy."

"She's okay, she… I think she thought I'd be angry at her. As if,"

Evan took the chance to move away from the kitchen counter and peek around the doorway into the living room.

Joy and a whole mountain of love soared through Evan's chest when he looked over at his partner. Seeing (Y/n) knelt down in front of the coffee table with a flurry of plastic cakes and teapots and fake cups and saucers surrounding her and Jee happily at her side, the sight did something to Evan.

The sight made his heart skip a beat and had heat rising to his cheeks and flooding his skin until he was turning red.

He loved how sweetly (Y/n) smiled at Jee and nodded, holding out her cup for a pretend refill. And he found himself grinning as he watched her decline another saucer with a plastic cupcake on top, saying she'd already had four cakes and was about to explode.

It was a sight that cemented things for Evan. It was something that made all the nerves and adrenaline in his stomach die down and replace them with gratitude and a homely feeling.

That was what he wanted. (Y/n) was what he wanted. Any future Evan tried to imagine, he couldn't think of one without (Y/n) being a part of it.

When he thought of coming home from work in a few years time, he could see (Y/n) at home with him. When he thought about moving out of the loft and getting a proper home like Maddie had done here with Chimney, Evan saw (Y/n) by his side. When he saw himself with kids, this was the sight that came to the front of his mind. (Y/n) with kids. With their kids.

He loved how Jee attached herself to (Y/n). He loved how easily (Y/n) fell into place with Maddie as if they had known each other their whole lives. He loved how the rest of the team intergrated (Y/n) as one of them and took to her like she was always supposed to be part of their group, their team, their family.

"Can you blame her? She must have been worried… I know when I thought I caused problems between Chim and Hen it scared me. She wouldn't want to ruin your bond with Eddie."

Maddie could sympathise and see things through (Y/n)'s perspective. She could see how (Y/n) would think Evan might get angry at her, think she was trying things on with Eddie or deliberately causing problems because of how close they were. She could see that (Y/n) would panic about causing waves within the team since they were such a close-knit family.

A soft, nurturing smile fluttered across Evan's lips while his cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink which made him look bashful, especially with the way he looked at his sister through his lashes.

He took another daring look over his shoulder, making sure (Y/n) was still occupied trying to handle the amount of pretend refills his niece was handing over. His lips rolled together as he sighed and looked down at his feet while his hand rummaged around in his jacket pocket, trying to find something he needed his sister's opinion on.

"What do you think?"

Maddie took another sip of her coffee before she put her mug down and held her hands out with an inquizitive smile. She rose a brow and waited for her brother to hand over whatever was in his pocket. But the moment the square velvet red box was in her hands, her heart jumped up into her throat and her jaw slacked.

"Buck… oh my god." All she could do was dart her eyes between the ring and her brother, staring up at him with anticipation and love and hope and a little confusion held within her chocolate eyes. "You're sure?"

There was no malice or hidden insult or trepadation in her voice. All Evan could hear was love and giddiness that made her tone rise an octave and had her voice breaking off at the end.

She had never known her brother become this hopeful and serious about a relationship before. What he had with Abbi was somewhat serious, but there had been a lot of problems with them. His relationship with Taylor had been very one-sided with Evan putting all the effort and love into it only to get tiny reflections and gratitude in return. And she had been selfish which fed off of Evan's giving nature.

He had had serious relationships before, but none of those had ever gotten to the point where he would ever think about marriage.

What he had with (Y/n) was different.

When Evan looked at her he could see a future, he could see something he desperately wanted and something that made his heart soar and had his nerves tingling and fizzling like he was electrified. He was hopeful when he looked at (Y/n). He was in love when he looked at her and everything about her resonated with Evan's soul.

He nodded, trying not to bite down too harshly on his lip and tear through the skin. "You think she'll like it?"

"She's gonna love it." The excitement coursing through Maddie had her jumping from foot to foot. She was itching to go through there now and get her brother down on his knee just so she could witness the proposal and share this excitement.

They were both finally going to be happy. After everything the siblings had been through, this was their time. Maddie had her husband and her daughter and Evan had found someone he wanted to commit to. Things were finally looking up for them.

"When are you gonna ask?" Maddie's hands were shaking when she carefully closed the lid and gave the box back to Evan.

"I would of asked last week, Eddie kind of dampened the mood. But I can't wait much longer, I might try after work tomorrow." Evan's shoulders slacked and he held his arms out when Maddie moved over to wrap him up in a hug. She pressed her cheek against his sternum and gave a tight squeeze, making a quiet 'aww' sound that had Evan laughing.

He would of asked (Y/n) at some point last week, if everything with Eddie hadn't blown up in their faces. After that, he couldn't find the right time without feeling like a shadow was looming overhead.

But he had to ask soon, he couldn't wait another day. He wanted to ask and see if (Y/n) would say yes to spending the rest of her life with him. He wanted to see the ring on her finger and tell people and show her off and say that she was going to be his wife.

He had technically already asked her at the bachelor party anyway, declaring he was going to marry her at some point. And (Y/n) hadn't objected to the idea, so he was confident the answer would be yes.

He just needed to find the right time to ask.

***

A quiet grumble broke free from (Y/n)'s lips and she nuzzled her nose into the pillow, inhaling Evan's scent as her mind tried to go back to sleep but her ears picked up on something.

It didn't feel like she had been asleep for long. Whenever Evan had been on a night shift recently, (Y/n) ended up staying up late. She didn't like sleeping alone. She didn't like being in the apartment on her own, it just didn't feel right without Evan here.

Her head groggily lifted up from the pillow and she kept her eyes closed, focusing all her efforts to tune her ears into what noise had woken her up. She knew she heard something. The sound of a lock faintly clicking and hinges squeaking made (Y/n)'s heart add in an extra two beats to her rhythm and the adrenaline that pooled in her stomach made (Y/n) push up into a sitting position.

It was the front door.

Why was Evan coming home already?

Opening her eyes, (Y/n) glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was nearly midnight. Evan was on the seven til seven shift, he wasn't supposed to be finished until seven in the morning and with getting showered and getting ready, he shouldn't be home until almost eight. He had been at work for almost five hours, why was he coming home so early?

Was he feeling sick? Had he had some type of accident? Surely not, or else he would be at the hospital rather than coming home like this. Maybe he had ended up switching shifts. Perhaps something had gone wrong and he physically couldn't carry on with his shift.

Every thought possible rattled through (Y/n)'s brain as she rubbed her eyes, feeling her body waken up immediately with worry for her partner.

Her legs swung over the side of the bed and her feet sank down into the fluffy rug that felt like walking on candy floss.

Her fingers tangled in her hair and she padded across the room, jumping onto her tiptoes when the cold laminate floor sent shockwaves through her soles and up her legs. She squinted when the lights downstairs turned on, basking the apartment in a warm orange glow that resonated up the stairs.

(Y/n) reached out for the bannister but she didn't take one step when she looked down.

Something horrid plunged into her heart and stole her breath and for a dreaded moment, her balance shifted and she almost toppled forwards. It took all her strength to regain her balance and shuffle backwards, away from the top of the stairs. All while she couldn't catch one breath and her lungs started to ache and burn from lack of oxygen.

Eddie.

Her hand pressed to her mouth to stop herself from making a sound while her other hand clenched the bannister until her nails were creating indents in the wood and she was about to get splinters beneath her skin.

What was he doing here?

Why was he here at midnight? Why did he just let himself in instead of knocking?

Both (Y/n) and Evan clearly forgot Eddie had a key. Evan gave him a key years ago because of how frequently he came round for a drink or a catch up and when he was dropping Chris off. Not to mention for emergencies. With everything Evan had gone through, he felt afraid that some mornings he might not wake up or he might slip back into a coma. He wanted Eddie and Bobby and Maddie to have keys in case he wasn't well or something happened to him and they needed to come round and check on him.

And of course Evan hadn't asked Eddie for the key back. They were still trying to patch their friendship back together and asking for the key would be like terminating their friendship or implying Evan didn't trust Eddie. But he didn't trust Eddie, at least not around (Y/n).

Oh God. Did Eddie know Evan was at work tonight?

Is that why he's here, because he knows I'll be alone?

Every part of (Y/n) began to shake as she shuffled backwards, trying not to pick her feet up in case she made echoes on the laminate. But it didn't really matter whether Eddie knew she was awake or not. She wasn't going to be able to sneak past him to get out the flat and it wasn't like she could hide up here in the bedroom or climb down from the balcony. She was effectively trapped.

Her hands reached out for the bed and she used it as leverage to lower herself down onto the rug. She shakily took her phone from the bedside table and hunkered down, curling over until her chest was pressed down against her thighs.

She clicked on Evan's contact and held the phone to her ear, suddenly realising how loud the dialling tone sounded. Would Eddie be able to hear it from downstairs? Would he know she knew he was here? Would he get angry?

Evan didn't answer.

(Y/n) didn't expect him to, he was on a night shift and she knew they got a lot of call outs during the night. He was probably in the truck or in the middle of a call with his phone back in the truck or back in his locker at the station.

Who else could she call? She didn't have Maddie's number, and she wasn't sure if Maddie would wake up this late in the night if her phone rang, some people didn't. She didn't know if Maddie would even come down here if (Y/n) asked her for help. She didn't want to be a burden and have the first time she called Maddie be because she needed to ask for assistance.

Bobby.

As if a lightbulb had gone off above her head, (Y/n) turned to Evan's bedside drawer. She shakily dragged it open and tried to be as quiet as she could when she pushed a few things to the sides. Moving past the medication boxes, earbuds, the old notepad for scribbling important details down. The five different coloured pens he had in there which he was always messing about with. She ignored the ball of blue tac and the few important documents he had folded in the back of his drawer.

Her fingers latched around the thin black leather book that she remembered Evan showing her a while back.

His address book.

It didn't matter that Evan had a very good memory for certain things such as movie quotes, exact conversations from five years ago, random facts people told him in passing. People's middle names or the name of their pets. Evan was terrible with addresses.

He could visualise and remember exactly where someone's house was, but he never remembered street names or house numbers.

(Y/n) flicked to the letter B, already knowing Evan would have him under Bobby rather than Bobby Nash. And she could feel tears of relief pooling in her eyes when she noticed in the dim lighting that Evan had indeed written Bobby's number down beneath his address.

Just in case his phone got lost or crashed; it didn't matter that Evan knew Bobby's number by heart. Emergency situations were always catered for.

(Y/n) tapped the number into her phone, jumping against the bed when she heard Eddie's footsteps thudding about downstairs. She had no idea what he was doing and she didn't want to know either. She just wanted him to stay down there and not dare to come up here.

(Y/n) pressed her forehead against the mattress and curved her left arm around her waist to try and keep herself calm and slow down her breathing. She could feel her tears soaking into the mattress and she sniffed, trying to control herself but it was becoming hard.

She felt stupid. She felt like a child for panicking this much and not knowing what to do, but Eddie frightened her.

Evan told her not to talk to Eddie again. He told her to stay away from Eddie until Evan had sorted everything out and made sure Eddie was okay and under control. Being alone with him wasn't an option and Bobby said she was a trigger for Eddie and therefore shouldn't be around him in case she set him off.

But this wasn't her fault. She hadn't asked him round or even let him in, he had done this all on his own.

"Hello?" Bobby's confused voice sent waves of relief rushing through (Y/n) and a tidal wave of tears soaked into the bed when she realised he'd answered. She had clearly woken him up. He was still on the A shift and that meant he was mostly on days. Bobby was the captain and therefore he needed to be at the station during the day to sort shifts and do the occasional meeting as well as being on the floor with the team.

She felt bad for waking him up, but at least he was at home and he had answered and she knew he would help her.

"Bobby? I-it's (Y/n)."

"Oh, hi. Are you okay, is something wrong?" He wasn't stupid. He could hear the panic in her voice and he knew anyone calling him at midnight had to be either drunk out of their heads or in need of help. "Eddie's here." Her voice shook despite how quietly she was whispering down the line.

"Where? At your apartment? Don't let him in I'll-"

"He has a key, he's already inside." She was sure she heard a few curse words muffle down the line. "What do I do?"

"If you can get to the bathroom, get in there and lock the door. Or if you can make it out the apartment, get out and find a neighbour. I'm getting dressed, I'll come down to you and I'll contact the station to get a message across to Buck. Don't worry, okay?"

Something about his voice and his words were soothing, like he was already in Captain mode and he knew exactly what to do and how to handle this situation. But (Y/n) couldn't help but worry. She knew what Eddie was like when he was round her and she knew what she had seen so far was only the tip of the iceberg.

(Y/n) wanted to say thank you. It was on the tip of her tongue until she heard footsteps. Loud footsteps. Worn heels stomping against the stairs.

Her eyes lifted towards the stairs in the corner of the room and her thumb ended the call before she could try and say any sort of thank you or another plea for help. She dropped her phone on the rug and pushed up until she could slump onto the bed to sit down.

She didn't want Eddie to know she had called for help; that might be something that would push him into a manic episode and (Y/n) couldn't afford that happening.

She scrunched the covers up in her fists and coiled inwards until she was as small as she could make herself. She squinted when Eddie flicked on the bedroom light but seeing him stood there at the top of the stairs made her lips pull down into a deep frown.

He looked disshevelled. Hair askew on his head in all directions. His shirt was glued to his frame and looked like he had spilt something down the front. He was leaning heavily on the wall like he couldn't hold himself up. His pupils were blown wide but his eyes were half-lidded like he was ready to drop down and sleep on the floor.

He was drunk.

The last time he had been drunk around (Y/n) he had started to get nasty. He had grabbed her at the bar and started getting frustrated when he talked to her. His alternate fantasy must come alive when he was drunk because she could see he wanted to smile when he looked at her.

Was he seeing Shannon when he looked at her? Did he feel like he had gone back in time and was back to the part of his past where he was somewhat happily married?

Did he even know what he was in Evan's flat right now, or did looking at (Y/n) make everything else blur? Could Eddie only focus on looking at her and thinking he was back with Shannon?

"You're awake."

His words stunned (Y/n) for a moment. She wasn't expecting that, although she wasn't too sure what she was expecting him to say if she was being honest with herself.

She thought maybe he would go straight into a rant, that he would shout at her for ruining things with Evan. Maybe he might scream at her for changing things at work, for making him an outcast and causing Evan to switch to the B shift. (Y/n) wondered if he would look at her and straight away start calling her Shannon and telling her how much he missed her and wanted her to come home. Maybe she anticipated him lunging at her and yelling.

A soft, if surprised, statement like that wasn't what she expected, but it calmed down her raging heart that was thumping against her ribs so hard and fast she felt like a race horse.

"I- I heard you come in… are you okay?" Her foot glided across the carpet and every time her toes brushed her phone, she envisioned it ringing.

She wasn't sure whether it was on silent or not. If it was on silent, Eddie wouldn't hear it if Bobby tried to call her back or if Evan called when Bobby finally managed to get hold of him. But if it wasn't and someone called her, Eddie would know. He would know straight away that she had tried to call for help because who would ring her at this time of night unless for an emergency or because she had called for help?

"Sure. I'm just fine when you're here, and I can't have you."

His name was on the tip of her tongue but (Y/n) quelled the thought to speak and settled for biting her tongue instead. He said before that he loved it when she said his name. Something in her voice had to remind him of Shannon and (Y/n) didn't want to do anything to lead Eddie on or antagonise him and if he liked hearing his name from her lips, then she couldn't speak it.

Sadness pooled in her eyes, but she couldn't find any response. What was she supposed to say to that? How could she show Eddie that she felt sorry for him, that she sympathised with him and somewhat understood his pain. She understood the longing he felt and how desperate he was to see and be with Shannon again.

If something happened to Evan and (Y/n) saw someone who looked so familiar, she had no idea how she would act or what she would say or do. She might attach to that person and want to be around them, want to linger in the memories they provoked.

"Buck told me to stay away. He won't even speak to me, you know, he only texts to ask about Chris. He said I can't go near you, and he told Bobby. He told Bobby I'm messed up, and now the Captain told me to stay away from you too. You're well guarded."

His tone was cynical and the smile on his face was sharp like broken glass, but it was the crease in his narrowed eyes that set (Y/n) on edge. All he needed was a knife or a gun in his hand and he would look every bit like a derranged criminal.

"They're just worried about you, they want to help-"

"How is Buck keeping you from me helping?" He snapped his jaw like a crocodile and took a step closer until he was stood at the end of the bed. It was as if he thought she was a memory and he didn't dare touch her, not yet. Not until he had reassured himself that she wasn't about to disappear.

"How should we help you?"

Her words stunned him. Mainly because Eddie didn't want their help, and partly because he didn't think he needed it. Well, some of him did. The sensible part of his brain knew he was in the wrong and that he had to clean up his act and stop this before he ruined every good relationship he had in his life.

He was straining his friendship with Bobby and the team. He was breaking every bond he had with Evan. He was going to emotionally damage his son by doing this. And he was ruining the friendship he could of had with (Y/n) by acting out against her.

But he didn't know how to stop, he didn't know how to ask for help or what kind of help he needed. All Eddie knew was the way (Y/n) made him feel when he was around her and it was a feeling that he wanted to savour. He wanted the nostalgia she brought him when he looked at her. He wanted the butterflies in his chest when he heard her voice, or the way he felt euphoric when he heard her say his name.

Most of all, Eddie wanted that spark in his chest and the fire in his blood when he kissed her. He wanted that light back in his system and that feeling of being alive, being in love and being whole again when he touched (Y/n).

Why was that so wrong?

"I just wanna be with you. Do you know how hard it is to look at you and not reach out for you? Do you know what it's like to miss you so fucking much and then have everyone tell me I can't ever touch or kiss you again? That you're not mine?"

Tears spilled down Eddie's face and the redness beneath his eyes suggested this wasn't the first time he had been crying tonight, and it probably wouldn't be the last either.

She isn't mine. She loves Buck. He has her.

Eddie could think of nothing else but those three little variations and they weren't what he wanted to hear.

I'm coming home. I love you. I'm yours, Eddie.

Those were the varying combinations of three words that Eddie was desperate to hear. Those were the words Eddie heard in the dead of night. They were what he tried to listen out for whenever she spoke. That was what he saw when he looked into her eyes. Why wouldn't she just say them? Why couldn't she love him back? Why did she have to belong to Evan?

"I don't know what that's like, and I'm so sorry." (Y/n) bowed her head and looked down to her hands that unravelled from the cover so she could run her fingers up and down her thighs instead. "Why are you here?" She tried to keep her voice as gentle as possible so Eddie wouldn't think she was being snide or rude.

But if Eddie knew all of this, if he understood that (Y/n) wasn't his and that he shouldn't be here, then why turn up? Why come down here at all if he knew it was going to be the wrong decision? How was this going to help him if he felt guilty for being here and if he knew everyone was going to hate him for making this choice?

"Because if I can't have you, neither can he."

(Y/n) didn't see Eddie move until it was too late. Her eyes bulged in her sockets and her lips parted but nothing came out when Eddie's hand latched over her chin.

The force he had was unmatched and the strength in his arm alone was enough to slam (Y/n) down on her back on the bed. His fingertips dug uncomfortably into her cheeks and something dark crossed his eyes as he leaned over her.

His free hand pinned into the mattress just beside her shoulder and his knees pinned into her thighs with him sitting awkwardly on her lap to keep her from moving.

She didn't know what he was going to do. She didn't know how to get away from him. She didn't know when he suddenly stopped crying and switched to glaring daggers into her like she had done all of this on purpose. He was staring down at her like (Y/n) had teased and provoked him and tormented him. As if she had gone out of her way to look and act like Shannon, to dangle that fantasy in front of him only to then take it away from him before he had a proper taste of freedom.

His words seemed to contradict his actions. His words made (Y/n) fret that he was going to hurt her, knock her out, drag her from the apartment and hide her away so Evan could never find her again. It almost sounded like he had committed to the thought of never being able to call (Y/n) his. But pinning her to the bed suggested otherwise.

This suggested Eddie knew what he wanted and he was just going to take it whether anyone tried to stop him or not. It implied he would make (Y/n) his in any way he could to get her to see this through his eyes.

(Y/n) didn't want to contemplate what Eddie was going to do, whether he had a well thought out plan or if he was just playing this second by second.

She was torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to cradle him because he was clearly fractured. He was tormented by the ghost of Shannon and all he wanted was for someone to love him and make him feel the way he did when he was with her. But (Y/n) couldn't do that and she couldn't comfort Eddie when he was acting like this.

She wiggled her head down until her chin was tucked up against her neck and when she loosened her jaw, she sank her teeth down into Eddie's hand. Right into the soft flesh between his thumb and index finger. She chomped as hard as she could until she could feel the muscles tightening beneath her teeth and that horrid, squelching sound of his flesh shifting in her bite.

He didn't let go. He cried out, he growled, he tensed and shifted on top of her. But he didn't let her go. If anything, his fingers tightened against her cheeks and he slammed her head down. If they had been on the floor instead of the bed, he could of knocked her out, but all he did was make her go dizzy and cause an ache in the back of her neck.

The pain didn't seem to bother Eddie, but (Y/n) could see it in his face that it irritated him, like a distraction he couldn't afford to have. So he let her go. He reared his hand back until she released her bite and she tried to catch her breath back while he shook his hand out to get some feeling back.

But then his fingers were scrunching up in the collar of her shirt and he used it as leverage to lift her up off the bed.

He stayed kneeling on the edge of the bed, her thighs pinned between his knees. His groin and abdomen pressed against her and his arm pulled back to his chest causing (Y/n) to sit upright on the bed with her legs dangling over the side, between Eddie's legs.

She tilted her head back, gasping for breath while she sneered at him and tried to grab him by the shoulders to push him off.

"You think wearing his clothes means anything? It doesn't change who you are to me. You're my wife; I won't let him take you."

Eddie's eyes slithered up and down her frame, taking in her attire for the first time since he came into the apartment. She was wearing Evan's white lounge shirt which was now scrunched up in Eddie's fist and digging uncomfortably into the back of (Y/n)'s neck. And it was crumpled up around her thighs, exposing her underwear to Eddie's eagle eyes.

"Calling me Shannon doesn't mean she isn't dead."

She thought her words would make him cry. His eyes glossed over and for a moment, reality seemed to flicker across his pupils that constricted. But then they were black holes again, drawing her in and frightening her down to her core that shuddered beneath him.

His nails scratched her neck and caused a stinging sensation to claw along her cheek. She wasn't sure whether he tried to slap her or if he just caught her when he went to grab her differently.

But he didn't like it when she closed her eyes. She denied him the privellage of seeing her eyes, of seeing the hatred and the fear within them. Both his hands held her by her face, indenting into her cheeks that ached and burned and she could feel her inner cheeks cutting on her teeth from how harshly he held her.

But it was enough for (Y/n) to wriggle away from him. She shimmed down and pushed her weight forward, slamming her arms down into his elbows which gave his body a jolt. All of her weight pushed forward into Eddie's chest and she unbalanced him, falling into his chest as he toppled backwards onto the floor.

Her ankle rolled in the wrong direction and (Y/n) swallowed a cry as her whole leg twitched and throbbed as she clambered over Eddie to get away from him. But not before her hands scuffled along the rug and found her phone she had dropped earlier.

Her palms scraped the floor and she fell down on her knees, twice, when her left ankle gave out each time she tried to stand up.

"Shannon!"

"She's dead!" (Y/n) snapped back as she reached the stairs and took a leap of faith.

She shuffled. Her hands clung to the bannister and she let herself slide down each step, bumping from one to another and she just knew she would be littered in bruises all up and down her bum and the back of her thighs come morning. But it didn't matter, her ankle had given out and until it worked again, she had to get away from Eddie somehow. She had to get into the bathroom because it was the only place where she could lock the door and keep Eddie at bay.

Leaving the apartment wasn't a good idea when she didn't know how long Bobby would be and she didn't know any of the neighbours. None of them would wake up after midnight and give her sanctuary and going out into the street barefoot in nothing but her underwear and Evan's shirt that barely covered her thighs wouldn't do her any good either.

She could feel her phone scraping along the bannister, pinned between the wood and her palm and when she reached the bottom of the stairs, she tried to stand.

"You're not leaving me again." Eddie's voice was cold and brutal and so close that the hairs on the back of (Y/n)'s neck stood up on end.

She let out a scream when his hand latched into her hair and he pushed all of his weight onto her back until she was falling forward. Her arms slammed into the floor and her forehead bashed into the laminate, jolting her body while her knees hit the floor with a bang. But it was Eddie's weight on her back that hurt the most.

It was the feeling of his chest on her back and his face smothered into her neck. It was his hand scrunched up in her hair and his other hand on her shoulder and his leg pinned between her thighs with his hips crushing down on her lower back and bum that hurt the most. All of Eddie was crushing her against the floor and she could barely breathe at all.

It was only after seven agonising seconds that (Y/n) finally took in a strangled breath that wheezed past her lips. She could feel her chapped lips becoming wet as she gasped and spat and tried not to choke as she struggled for air and tears welled up in her eyes.

But once her senses came back to her, she realised her phone was no longer in her hand.

It had been flung across the floor a few feet in front of them.

And now it was ringing.

Eddie's chest heaved against her back and his hand moved from her hair to curve around the back of her neck instead. He stared down at her, nostrils flaring, eyes rabid and breaths as deep as hers while her ringtone flooded the apartment. And (Y/n) knew exactly who was calling.

She knew because her ringtone was always the same, except for one person. She had personalised Evan's ringtone so that whenever he called her, her phone played Crazy In Love. Bobby must have gotten hold of him, or Evan had gotten a moment to check his phone and noticed a missed call. Or maybe Bobby got hold of the station and they had finally told Evan what was going on.

"Who did you call? What did you do?!"

(Y/n) didn't answer; she couldn't answer. She was still gasping for air and her ribs felt like they were breaking beneath Eddie's weight. The floor felt horrid as it crushed her chest and pinned against her abdomen and Eddie's every curve moulded over her own and kept her melted in place against him.

She tried to move. She tried to crawl, to slither out of his arms, to scratch her nails against the floor and drag herself forward towards her phone. She needed to answer, she needed to scream, to gasp or cry or make some sort of derranged noise so Evan knew she was in trouble.

All of her strength was pushed into her right arm and she stretched as much as she could, wiggling against Eddie until her finger brushed her phone and she dragged the white button across the screen.

"Ev-" Something horrid wheezed past (Y/n)'s lips when Eddie's hand clamped over her mouth and his left arm pinned around her neck.

She couldn't breathe anymore. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk or wriggle or hit out or shift in any direction.

Her body went limp and her chest seized up while her blurry eyes rolled to the back of her head. But they didn't stay like that for long. It felt like she had barely been in a choke hold for one second before she realised she was suddenly being moved.

Her arms flopped across the floor, trying in vain to drag herself along the floor and move but it was too hard. It was too much effort to try and get away from Eddie when all of her energy was dwindling like she was an engine with a leak. And trying to move forwards only strained the arm around her neck and cut off her breathing. She couldn't last any longer without a proper breath, so she gave in.

(Y/n) let Eddie man handle her and the back of her head bashed into his shoulder, causing her body to jerk in spasms while her eyes rolled in circles, trying to gain some sense of focus again.

(Y/n) couldn't find the ability to breathe or move and she couldn't focus on what was happening. She couldn't even hear Evan's voice as he called something through the phone which sounded distant like Evan was held underwater.

Her stomach tensed and her chest seized up again when she felt Eddie's arm tighten around her neck and his right arm bound around her waist.

He had her back pinned into his chest and her body slumped between his thighs. They were both sitting up on the floor but (Y/n) felt like she was about to slide down and lay out on the floor. Her body was being held up by the arm around her throat that was close to choking her.

Both her hands moved to grip Eddie's bicep and she dug her nails into his arm, pulling as much as she could to try and get him to relent and let her go.

The feeling of Eddie's face smothering against the side of her head made (Y/n)'s lips twitch and pull into a frown.

She could feel tears dripping down her cheeks when he started to take ragged, gasping breaths against her skin. She could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly, crushing into her back with every inhale. And she knew he was crying again, just like she was.

It was only then that (Y/n) realised she could hear Evan.

"(Y/n) please! What the Hell is going on?"

Hearing Evan calling out her name made (Y/n) cry harder. She hated when he used her name because of how she had become used to hearing him call her any other pet name that he could. He only used her name when something serious was going on and she hated it.

Her heels scraped against the floor in a vain attempt to keep herself pushed up and to try and lift her head higher to take a big, deep breath. She sniffed and gasped, inhaling a deep breath as Eddie seemed to hold her tighter and curled around her like he was trying to morph them into one person.

"Eddie, p-please," (Y/n) didn't know what she was trying to say or what she was begging for, but she knew her words fell upon deaf ears.

He started to kiss her temple while his right arm pinned into her stomach until he was crushing her and making her feel sick. And she let out a small, frail sob when Eddie started to rock them back and forth. It was almost as if he was cradling her, as if he was trying to comfort her when he was the one in need of help and comfort.

She stopped digging her nails into his arm and instead tried to shakily rub her hands up and down his arms. Maybe comforting him would make him stop. Maybe trying to feign understanding and calming herself down would in turn make Eddie calm down. Then she could slip away from him and get across into the bathroom.

But his hold was so tight that (Y/n) doubted she would get away from him or get very far before he launched on her again. Being pinned in his arms like this felt better than being crushed on the floor with him on top of her. This felt safer. Eddie couldn't hurt her or try and do anything drastic while they were like this. He may be hurting her and giving her bruises, but it was better than him pinning her to the floor or the bed and trying to rip her clothes off or scream at her for leaving him.

She heard Evan's pleas call out through the air so loud he sounded like he was on loud speaker. "Eddie what are you doing? Don't do this. Think of me, think of Chris, please. Whatever the fuck you're doing, stop!"

(Y/n) gasped, drawing in a strangled breath when Eddie's arm loosened from her stomach and he reached across for her phone. His chest pinned down into her back and he creased over her, pushing her forward so he could end the call and toss the phone into the kitchen.

"I can't- I don't know how to love anyone else. I love you. I love you."

Those three little words played on repeat until (Y/n) was sobbing and Eddie was crying them into her neck.

She felt his head tilt down so his face was smothered in her neck and he started dragging his lips across her skin. Leaving wet, open-mouthed touches in his wake that had (Y/n) shaking and her fingers leaving indents in Eddie's arm while his right arm went back to imbedding in her stomach.

He'd never said that to her before.

Eddie had never said he loved her. He never got far into the delusion of being with Shannon when he was around (Y/n). Whenever he was with her, he seemed to get angry. He showed her how wrecked he was because she had left him, he pleaded with her to come home. He told her how much he and Chris missed her and how much he wanted her and needed her. But he always seemed angry with her.

Shannon had died before Eddie could clear the air with her or tell her how much she meant to him or tell her that he wanted to make things work between them if they could. She died with so many things left unsaid and now Eddie was saying them all to (Y/n) in the vain fantasy that Shannon was really back in his life.

That fantasy seemed to be crumbling around him. Eddie could hear the timer ticking away in the back of his head. He could feel the walls closing in. He could feel Evan and Bobby getting closer to taking (Y/n) away from him for good and he could feel his world crumbling into tiny fragmented pieces.

And he was doing whatever he could to keep (Y/n) with him, to keep this thought of Shannon alive.

If Bobby or Evan didn't get here soon, (Y/n) dreaded to think what Eddie might do. She found herself sobbing as he crushed her harder in his embrace until she couldn't breathe and he spoke against her neck, his words chilling her down to her core.

"Buck can't have you. He can't take you from me."

[toon-tales]

Like prima, like primita

[cookiehusky799]

The MADrigal kids. This is close to Dolores looking angry I can find.

[stoicmike]

Sure, we’ve had our differences in the past — but all that is behind us now. -- Michael Lipsey

[synsick]

Ida Dyberg and Ekaterina Mozhina have some similar features. I tend to also look closely at facial features in general so with doing photography and looking at photos I take and photos others take I'm always intrigued when I see people who resemble each other.