#(points to self) guy who is cursed to always play the song association game

[hey-cringelord]

i think about dimitri alexandre blaiddyd and foundations of decay - mcr a lot

[sluggishtin]

for the obscure asks: ALL OF THEM!

Oh gosh okay

1. Fave way to dress

Glam. Like Steve summers, Sami yaffa, and mark slaughter all had a child

2. If I could change anything about myself

Probably either my stomach or my face but perhaps i would just like a new self esteem

3. What movie/game/etc helps me calm down

Rock n roll high school

4. What does your room smell like?

Depends if I wanna use the hot chocolate candle, the marshmallow whatever it is candle or the one that reminds me of Disney.

5. Do you like to organize?

Oh heck I have to be organized or it bothers me.

6. What kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one?

If we mean genre then perhaps 2000s Finnish rock. Or maybe 80s glam. But if we’re going for bands Poison and Pretty Boy Floyd never get old.

7. What song is your aesthetic?

MOONCHILD!!!

The song, the video, ALL OF IT!

8. What color do you think goes best with your personality?

Although my favorite color is green I’m usually associated with black or red.

I’ve been told if I was a color I was without a doubt the color black

9. Do you believe in auras?

Perhaps so.

10. What do you wish you hated but actually like?

Apulanta 😂

Well not really but it’s hard to explain them to people. I could probably name a few things but nothing comes to mind off the top of my head.

11. Vague about your crushes.

Well, he’s got the most beautiful eyes and voice and the warmest smile. I think he lives in France with his girlfriend so he’ll never like me but something about him just gives me a warm feeling. He has a message with his music and I just wish I could be like him. Is that too much to be vague?

This ones definitely been through a lot but I feel like I need to try and make a difference in his life. Frankie knows who he is cause I’ve told her this before but ever since I first discovered him I fell in love with him and most people don’t support that I like him but that’s okay. He’s funny to me and his music is comforting to me.

12. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards?

It’s hard to pinpoint my emotions. Especially when I first meet people. Sometimes I just don’t know how I feel about one of my friends that I dated once. Do I love him or not? I’d like to know.

13. An Au or story I came up with.

I have a lot of crack stories about poison and Jekyll and Hyde I’ve yet to write. All I gotta say is cc’s insults give me life.

14. Do you like makeup?

I liked it better on me when my hair was long now I just don’t vibe with it but concealer has saved my life a few times. It’s just better on guys.

15. Do you prefer space or ocean?

Y’know it may come as a surprise but I’ve always kinda wanted to visit space. I absolutely love the stars and I’m kinda a space geek.

16. If I could pick any planet besides earth, where would I live?

I wanna say Uranus as a joke but on a serious note I think Venus or Mars would be neat.

17. What form of government do you like most?

Monarchy. It’s just easier than this american shit.

18. What animal would I keep as a pet?

Omg omg I always wanted a snow ermine🥰

19. What do you think the purpose of our universe is?

Well I’m a Christian so I could go deep into it but I’ll just leave it at that.

20. Do you believe in god(s)?

Yes if my last answer wasn’t obvious enough.

21. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to even tho I like it.

It was hard enough to get into this song but when I discovered why mark wrote it it’s hard not to cry when I hear it.

22. What ex do you miss most?

Well I wouldn’t quite say I miss any of them. I’m still best friends with my most recent. I feel like I haven’t found a great relationship yet. Sorry val babe.

23. Do you like soft fluffy rough or smooth blankets.

I have a fluffy one hanging on my bed frame haha.

24. What is your fave thing to learn about?

Hmm I love a lot of stuff, as much as finnish fascinates me I absolutely adore mythology.

25. What country’s history do you find most interesting?

I’ve been in too many American history classes to enjoy it anymore. The Finnish history is very neat to me.

26. What do you think about genderbent characters?

Heck I used to love them but now I’m neutral

Perhaps depends on the character.

27. What breakup was the hardest.

Oh none hit me very hard but my last boyfriend took it the worst I’d bet.

28. Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend?

Still with Val. I just don’t know how to feel.

29. What do you think about tumblr discourse?

Ugh I came here to get away from it but as long as it’s sporadical and not constant I can put up with it.

30. What instrument do you wish you could master?

I’d just like to pursue bass decently rn, we’ll talk about that later.

One day I’ll drum hot for teacher. I just needa buy a better drum set. I guess just being able to play both instruments decently would be a blessing.

31. How easy is it for you to be honest?

As easy as it is to lie.

I’m very honest and trustworthy but I could also be the exact opposite.

32. Do you have any strange interests?

Oh god okay so while y’all are over here obsessing over guys hands I can’t help but look at their stomach like omg I just wanna lay on it while my man tells me how much he loves me.

It’s not weird but I love Finnish accents. Just less common to hear someone say that rather than English.

Well I could go on and list a lot of stuff but then again

33. Do you have any strange fears?

Peter steele 🤣

Obviously a joke but anyways

34. What food do you binge when you’re lazy?

Fries usually but I could eat pasta or fish sticks or rice galore.

35. When you get angry how do you show it?

Usually through cursing a lot but when I’ve got the hots for someone I curse a lot too. I speak more violently when I’m mad though I probably won’t act as violent as I sound. Don’t be afraid.

However as much as I say it I will gladly break your nose and you’d better believe it so it better not come to that point.

36. Do you have any impulsive movements?

Eh idunno but when I get bored I’ll put my index finger on my nose (up to about my eye. So if my hand is on my nose you better spice up the topic.) oh I also play with my hair when I get bored.

And if I get anxious it’ll be obvious. I’ve also been told when I get scared I have a death grip so if you try and work up my nerves just expect your hand to be broken 😝

37. What do you listen to music on?

That depends. If I want 80s music I’ll go to amazon, if it’s not on Amazon or I want something specific from Spotify then I go to YouTube. If I don’t know what I want or I want Finnish music I’ll go to Spotify.

38. Are you left brained or right brained?

I don’t think I have a brain. As much as my mom wants to tell me I’m left I seem to be more right brained.

39. Earbuds or headphones?

Ugh earbuds. I don’t like headphones unless I’m using my Walkman. Headphones are so 2010s/elementary school 😂

40. Do you like light blankets or heavy?

Meh light. I just don’t get the thing about heavy blankets. Plus they’re frustrating to get settled in.

Yay that was super fun! Thank you!!

[ayakashiramblings]

Dawn & Twilight Faction reacting to a Demon!MC

@bitchyings

Here you go! Hope you like it! I couldn’t resist throwing in a certain game, LOL.

Prologue

“You toast people now as well. Congratulations and good-bye!”

Honestly, you were still processing what was being said to you, looking back and forth from him to his hellhound. It was even almost like Cerebus was offering pity in his puppy eyes. 

It had all started with an explosion following the latest defeat of a wraith. Your merry little band of burly ayakashi were witnesses to a blonde man suddenly appearing. Apparently, it wasn’t really a man but a devil. 

That you were starting to resemble. It seemed as if it was he first time leathery, onyx wings unfurled from your back and a forked tail swished back and forth. 

Oh, and of course, the horns sprouting from your head. 

And you screamed and screamed and screamed until your chosen Ayakashi swooped you into his arms.

Koga Kitamikado

They lock horns but it’s not in a negative sense. Rather romantic, honestly. 

It’s like leaning against each other foreheads and lightly bumping each other. 

For once, Koga doesn’t have to worry about accidentally impaling your skull.

It’s actually pretty cheesy and cavity-inducing at this point. 

Even Ginnojo has stopped blushing because it’s been THAT long. 

Of course, he does want to learn how you will cope with being a demon. At this point, he rallies the others around in helping you become a full-fledged one. 

Makes sure you get complete privacy whenever you want to reveal your demon nature because he knows the urge to be your natural self. 

Once he sees your newfound skills, he’d beam with pride at your ability to handle yourself – he likes a strong, confident woman.

That said, know that you can rely on him and everyone else. 

They were the last people to judge someone for what they are, and he especially increases his wariness around soldiers like Aizen who sought to destroy those different from the rest in the Capital.

He’s especially impressed that now you and Kuya can fight in tandem in the sky while pairing up with him on the ground. 

And on top of that, you’re still banishing wraiths? Sparring with him? Using horns as a weapon? Mark him as scared and... hehe... horny.

You can’t stop me. Fight me.

Kuya

“Wow, you have to do more work? That sucks.”

This man doesn’t even care about your new features except for the changes in your crowded schedule. 

You aren’t too sure how to feel about that. 

But remember, he recalls how he even became a tengu in this time from his human past life.

He does genuinely want to help you but tries to remain nonchalant about the whole affair in order not to freak you out.

So he is determined to treat you like normal. 

Maybe even help you fit in with the rest of the devils you may encounter. He doesn’t want you to feel left out like how he felt in his childhood.

As long as your tail doesn’t brush his feathers... and of course it does. 

Finally, you can use your wings. He had always wondered why you didn’t use them before. Wasn’t walking difficult?

Even Aoi has stopped lecturing at that point. Why Kuya? 

Seriously though, Kuya is ironically the most useful out of everyone because you do need to learn how to take to the skies and still battle. 

“I’m going to write a story about living 10 days with a devil but hopefully, we live together longer than that. Your wings are great as a blanket.”

Haruhito is honoured to be part of the ensemble.

Aoi

“I have a supply of holy water. Normal holy water, fancy holy water and rainbow-coloured holy water!”

I know Aoi, you’re the only one who gives me worthy and helpful rewards to increase my strength at the Milk Hall, unlike a certain employer.

So it’s to his shock that you recoil like he has stung you. 

Apparently, he did. 

Maybe he can give me Romance Sonnet Keys instead.

Feels so bad that he immediately prostrated himself for almost an entire day after being told he couldn’t offer you his arm for the one you burnt. 

Is so grateful that your new form means faster healing powers. 

In fact, he’s secretly glad you gained extra abilities because that means he doesn’t have to worry about you holding your own against opponents strong against divination powers. 

Because you have devilish skills.

Sometimes, you feel that becoming a demon means being associated with evil. After all, look at all the negative connotations hell has for the humans and the books they have.

Rolls his eyes so hard that you’re worried they will fall out of his sockets even as he places his hand over your heart.

“It certainly isn’t human but you’re still good. Still the same negatives and positives. Now stop and appreciate yourself or else I will.”

Actually learns how to summon you with whatever ingredients he has in the kitchen. 

Now Oji actually remembers them because it’s really adorable seeing his son and future daughter-in-law meeting each other once Aoi pours more salt than usual that it ‘accidentally’ ends up on the floor along with a bunch of ‘random’ items and a surprisingly well-drawn figure of your symbol.

Ginnojo 

Poor grandpa is so confused.

In the olden days, people worked so hard to banish any evil spirits. 

But? You? Are? Not? Evil?

He soldiers on. Does intense research, on his surprisingly large stock on demons and devils. 

Even learns English and other languages from Kuro and Koga so that he knows what spells will help you. 

Insisted he trains with you rigorously to keep you at physical peak. 

Rides a water wave while you are flying (badly).

Probably puts out whatever mess you made if you are too smoking hot. 

Like literally smoking hot with the fires of hell.

Actually weaves you a charm but not the usual kind to ward off all things that go bump in the night. 

It’s a charm of crashing waves and the land when the Shinsengumi took their last stand. 

“Because I’m standing by you, come hell or high water.”

Yura

“Milady, you shall always be the loveliest lady I know, no matter what.”

Look, this man has had his own personal sins to overcome. How the heck can he judge you?

If anything, it’s sort of comforting to know that not all of his demons are scary and sinister. 

Because you are his. And you certainly are lovely.

Will play whatever you want on his flute, anything to match your mood as a sort of rhythm to your new life together as not being human. 

But fully capable of the whole emotion spectre for humans.

You deserved to preserve whatever you have learnt in your life even if fate has changed because of what you are going to have to decide to become. 

A girl like you has taught him to see and fight beyond a cursed destiny and he will help you to confront a whole new world beyond even ayakashi and spirits. 

Frankly, the only sin you guys will be practising would be gluttony for sweets.

Still is the best man to go to for divination and hexes. In fact, he tries to see if your skills can be advanced with the new demon powers and develop the techniques. 

You guys even create a cute shared diary of sorts detailing each experiment and composing whatever silly/serious song comes to mind.

It might encourage him to remain in his adult form more to be seen as reliable/tease you like a bigger imp than the supposed actual demon girl.

Toichiro Yuri

“Yeesh, and you were positively in a tizzy over us being Ayakashi.”

Give him the middle finger. It’s ok. 

The Dawn faction and the rest of the Twilight sect has your back (and newfound wings... and tail... and powers)

To be fair, he cannot call you a boring human. 

He still calls you a silly girl though which is... strangely comforting. 

But really, you do worry him. He has seen people being possessed by wraiths and wonders if this means you have become more susceptible to them or not. 

He’d trail after you without even Shizuki, hiding as you, sure enough, guided a spirit out to the ‘Demon World’. 

His kitsunebi would be in his hands without him even realizing it, should he need to release them to help you with your work. 

It’s how gentle you still are that convinces him you will be fine.

Is also the best man to go to if you want to disguise and blend in even if your powers are on the fritz which might be the case.

Sure, he would probably demand to have milk tea with you every day but interestingly it is him getting Shizuki to prepare the beverage while he acts like his foxy self to you doing absolutely nothing.

He does have the connections and sources out the best help possible. Whether you want to continue being a demon or not, he will be beside you.

That, unfortunately, also means being able to play more pranks and tease you further.

“Why, you’d have to be a devil to refuse my... ow! Ok! I’ll stop!”

Actually starts finding out if your powers will help with breaking the seal and the Kitsune clan.

Even vehemently defends you should there be any dissatisfaction amongst the elders. 

“We have a demon for an ally and you all scared of her? Are you joking with me?”

Give him a hug. It’s ok. 

Shizuki

“So long as you don’t harm the Yuri household, we are fine. But in order for that, you must be alright.”

Look, frankly, Toichiro is more of a pranking demon. 

At least he knows you can control yourself. 

Appreciates your determination in discovering more about demons but would be cautious about your safety. 

Literally supplies you with whatever you need as a demon but only if you asked. 

Sure, he might have learnt that some demons want a blood sacrifice and apparently ‘gross’ things.

It’s a good thing he doubts that the same girl who cried over snakes having no legs with Kuro would really want that.

Smart move, buddy. 

Is actually a bit glad to think that you have toughened up but if you are sad about your loss of humanity, he.... will suck at trying to cheer you up.

Goddamnit Shizuki, I need snuggles, not a bloody schedule.

To be fair though, procrastination isn’t going to help anybody and nobody knows this better than the snow spirit. 

You better work it, human or demon.

Protects you from Toichiro’s pranks to the best of his abilities...

.... which isn’t much but he will encourage you to make use of your heightened senses to pick up on danger and kitsunes.

Wonders if you would be more willing to do nightcaps with him. 

Spoiler Alert: No. Not until he stops freezing everything in sight. Sure, you can now remove it but that doesn’t mean you WANT it.

Kuro

“Holy, wow, they are leather! It’s like hugging a...!”

“If you dare say it is a cow Kuro, I am dumping you.”

He is extremely fascinated if your eyes change colour when tapping into your demon nature.

Might be more open to you just so that you can open up to him honestly. 

Even if that means you suddenly really needing darkness and the light hurts your eyes.

Is he scared of that? Heck yes.

But he’s more scared of losing you to yourself... 

Or to any hateful humans who could exorcise you.

A bit psyched that you can fly. 

“We can do a flying act together!”

And honestly? These flying acts help ease you into more of your demon antics and habits.

You guys actually challenge each other to try various things, even if you are unsure if it will be detrimental to him. 

Especially if he hasn’t revealed what he is at that point. 

But somehow, he reminds you that it isn’t what you are. 

So long as you can be reminded of warmth with his embrace, you’re great!

But he does have to be more careful because you do have some sharp appendages.

It only took him 5 very painful tackles for him to realize that. 

And he actually bought protection gear just to continue doing that. 

Anything for a great girl like you!

Oji

“Oh thank god. Now we can really grow old together.”

One good thing about being a century old is that he has at least heard of the existence of demons from other ayakashis. 

Being 100 years old has taught him that everything has its expiration date.

You being a demon changes all of that. And for the better.

Yup, he’s spending all of his time reminding you... that you’re still you. 

So that also means you’re still his and he is yours.

AND... leaving poor Aoi up to his eyeballs with customers.

Leaving you to become a mama demon.

Like both figuratively and literally. 

“STOP BULLYING OUR SON!”

“D’aww, wasn’t he mine first?”

Still though, you can’t help but appreciate this old fossil and during ACTUAL break hours, you become more willing to open up and literally unfurl those gorgeous wings.

Will always introduce you to the friendliest of customers so as to ease you back to the humans because he knows you might want to still be connected to the Capital.

Hopes you have the stereotypical fire powers to help with the stove duties. 

C’mon. This guy has 100 eyes each with different powers. 

What do you mean he doesn’t start a food fight?

Aoi wanted to scream at his parents.

But you were practically beaming like an angel.

Gaku

“Thou hast brought the most surprising news. I mean, wow.”

Congratulations, you broke him and made Gaku revert to Elizabethan language in sheer shock. 

I nearly made Yura do the opposite of his speech style as well but then I realized his listed occupation is a hermit and he still doesn’t understand some figures of speech so...

But he and Yura are determined to treat you right.

This man becomes your literal arsenal.

Builds tiny gadgets that go well with your new traits. 

Need armour for your wings? He’s got you.

Suddenly your horns made an appearance when a cute guy said your hair looks nice? Not only does he cover it with a hat, but the hat also produces a punching glove!

A salty boy has enough salt to summon you honestly.

Sure, he’s still brusque and curt as ever but he figures you can take it. 

You literally developed new skin in a sense. Like, wow, you didn’t even get scratched by that saw. 

In the first place though, what the heck were you doing getting injured by a saw?

Some things don’t change. Like him patiently waiting for you to come around.

Or else he would sick Nachi on you.

Epilogue

Really, if I had to summarize their actions?  They love you still.

They always say that demons are the least pure of all beings. 

But the romance has always been simple and plain with not much to ask for. 

And you’d be fine.

[cluelessrebel1988]

Shipping questions

Saw that @hpfangirl13​ had done this and it looked like fun so I thought I’d give it a shot

Talk about the first ship you ever had.

One of the first pairs that I remember wanting to get together was Harry/Hermione as I was reading the Harry Potter series. I didn’t know what shipping was at the time (I’m not even sure there was a term for it yet), but I really thought they made a better couple than Ron/Hermione for the longest time. I eventually came around to Ron/Hermione (Book 7 was the game changer), but Harry/Hermione was the one I was rooting for for about half the series.

Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.

I mean, the first one is pretty important, right? The one that gets you started on wanting to see where a relationship or friendship goes. So yeah, Harry/Hermione would probably be an important one. Outside of that, the top three are Cartinelli (Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli) on the show Agent Carter was a big one for me because that kickstarted by deep and resounding love for f/f pairings;FitzSimmons from Agents of SHIELD. If for no other reason than that’s the one thing that kept me watching through some pretty dismal story arcs; And Riley Matthews/Maya Hart (Rilaya) from Girl Meets World, due to them being one of the few pairs I’ve shipped since day one.

What’s your current OTP?

Not gonna lie, I fell pretty hard for the budding romance between Jane Banks and Jack the lamplighter in Mary Poppins returns. It’s just so sweet and pure and just starting out and it’s damn near perfect.

What’s your current NOTP?

I don’t really have one at the moment. The most recent was probably Kara/Mon-El on Supergirl, but mostly because I thought the relationship was poorly written and that the arc that they gave Mon-El would have worked just fine if they weren’t in a relationship.

Do you have any poly ships?

No. I’ve never been able to get into that. No judgement against people that are, though!

How do you feel about love triangles?

I have yet to see one that didn’t get old fast and drag a story down hard. 

How do you feel about RPF?

Not really my thing. Feels too weird.

Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?

I actually have. Generally when I’m testing out OCs in my head or in the canon of the story, I don’t have them mess with canon pairings, but I’ve got a Lord of the Rings OC that I ship with Eowyn and yes, it’s pretty much a self-insert situation. 

Do you have many ships that never got together at all?

Well, Cartinelli never became an actual couple, but I was never expecting them to. That’s probably the only one.

Do you ship any characters that have never met?

No, there’s gotta be some kind of meeting

Talk about your favorite first kiss.

Gotta go with FitzSimmons on this one. After a little over two seasons of slow burn, and just about every bad thing you can think of getting thrown their way (including one of them getting sucked into a portal to an alien planet), they’re back together, dealing with the long months apart, the fact that one of them is convinced they’re cursed as a couple and conflicting emotions abound, and the confrontation scene they’re having reaches a tipping point and Fitz kisses Simmons as passionately as he can. She kisses him a moment later, but more gently and for just a moment, nothing else matters. No one else matters. It’s just them. Still love that scene.

Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?

Not really. Not that I can think of.

Has a ship ever broken your heart?

I had my heart broken about a dozen times over with FitzSimmons, largely due to a combination of amazing writing and an inexplicable desire by said writers to keep them from getting together.

How do you feel about will they/won’t they?

Oh, if it’s done well, it’s about as perfect as it gets. But you gotta do it right. 

Have you ever “shipped at first sight”?

I think most, if not all, of my ships started at first sight

Talk about a ship you initially disliked.

I was never on the Reylo train, and I’m still not even after ‘The Last Jedi’ (though I get why a lot more people started shipping them after that movie). I’d be lying if I said I hated it, but it’s just one that I never got on board with.

Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.

I really can’t think of any.

Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship.

I really had a hard time understanding the SkyeWard (Agents of SHIELD) ship after it was revealed that Ward was Hydra. Pretty much everything about him after that was just...ugh. I’ve maintained for a while that his character deserved a redemption arc and that said arc would have been a more interesting story than just straight up making him the bad guy, but the two of them together never made sense to me after that reveal.

Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?

Not really. I know what I like and what I don’t and my ships tend to fall in line with that.

Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping?

Probably just about any pairing from ‘The Great Escape’ but that’s largely because it’s a movie from 1963 and I’m not sure how many people in the shipping culture of today have even heard of it.

Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?

Not really. Most of the ships I don’t get I have problems with, and the ones I don’t ship, but don’t have a problem with I at least understand 

Which of your ships have the best chemistry?

FitzSimmons has always had amazing chemistry and just continues to get better

Which of your ships deserve better writing?

FitzSimmons deserves writers that will just let them be happy for five fucking minutes, okay?

Do you mostly ship canon pairings?

There’s a bit of balance, I think, maybe leaning toward canon pairings.

Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar?

Not that I can think of.

Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?

It’s what I (and a lot of Tumblr users) call the Slytherin/Hufflepuff dynamic. You’ve got the tough character who would set world on fire to protect their less world-weary counterpart, and the eternal optimist who will forever see the best in their significant other, perhaps most especially when they can't see it in themselves.

Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life?

I guess my longest, most consistent ship has been FitzSimmons which I’ve been shipping since 2013. Cartinelli is a close second, that one’s since 2015

Does shipping come easily to you?

Oh yeah. It takes very little for me to start shipping something, even if its casually.

Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic?

I don’t know if I NEED to ship something to enjoy the source material, but I’d be hard pressed to think of a situation where it doesn’t improve it at least a little.

Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.

I’m not currently shipping anyone on the show Manifest, so there’s that.

Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love.

It’s not one that I came up with, but I did see a FitzSimmons headcanon a few years back that he didn’t know how to tie a tie (despite wearing them all the time) and she tied them for him but no one knew about that. I really liked that and it’s kind of the epitome of their relationship in season 1

Name your favorite fan artist(s).

I don’t really have any favorites, not that I could list.

Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP.

I did come across a Cartinelli fanmix a while back that I liked. I don’t remember all the songs in it, but I do remember it included ‘La Vie En Rose’ and “Someone to Watch Over Me’ which are songs a lot of people associate with the ship

Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for your ships?

I’ve made a few fanvids for a couple of my ships, and I’ve written a fair share of fics for others.

Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?

My favorite FitzSimmons AU is one where they get a happy ending (I’m a bit bitter about this, can you tell?)

Do you like and use ship names?

Dear God, yes. The more creative the better.

Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself?

I mean, apart from one where I’m a rider of Rohan and am able to romance Lady Eowyn, no

If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?

Angie Martinelli plays a bigger role in season 2 of Agent Carter and there’s no forced love triangle BS with Peggy.in Los Angeles. Cartinelli happiness (romantic or otherwise) ensues

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 27

Mat takes luck out for a night on the town

Chapter 27: The Tipsy Gelding

Oh great, it’s a Mat chapter. Hang on, I’ve definitely got some enthusiasm lying around here somewhere…

At least Aludra, Amathera, and Egeanin hadn’t insisted on coming. This group was too big as it was.

Right, well in that case, I’m going to stay behind with Aludra because that’s where all the fun is.

Dramatic irony just isn’t something Sanderson uses much – at least, not as a characterisation tool – and it makes everything feel awkward and stilted.

Thom’s still reading Moiraine’s letter because he forgot to bring any other books with him to keep him entertained. That’s what Kindle is for, Thom.

If Moiraine was still alive…Light, what would that mean? How would Rand react?

That sure is the question, isn’t it? If the first name on his List can be erased, if the List itself is broken…the Wheel of Time turns, and in an endless cycle of death and rebirth are any of those named in the list truly gone?

But at the same time, Rand’s grasp on everything is so tenuous right now, and he’s just killed Semirhage and threatened to kill Cadsuane, and learning that his List is flawed (and therefore not a solid foundation or anchor) could just as easily break him further as help him find his way back, at this point.

That’s when you know your hero has been brought to his darkest hour, I suppose: when even good things could easily just send him spiralling further. When it feels like he’s a glass sculpture hanging by threads of spiderweb, and any movement or change at all could send it crashing down.

But…he also couldn’t let Thom go alone. There was an inevitability to it. As if a part of Mat had known all along that he had to go back and face those creatures again. They’d gotten the better of him twice now, and the Eelfinn had tied strings around his brain with those memories in his head. He had a debt to settle with them, that was for certain.

The second half of that is fine, but the first…inevitability is just not a concept I associate with Mat. Or rather, it’s not something I see Mat thinking about himself. He pulls at the strings of his fate so stubbornly, and manages a tone of denial even in his acceptance of things that he has finally acknowledged he maybe can’t quite run from.

Something more like…

But Thom had said he was going with or without Mat, and Mat was not about to let the old man run off and get himself killed. Besides, he suspected those snaky and foxy folk were just waiting for another chance to get their hands on Matrim Cauthon. They’d gotten the better of him twice now – he cursed himself for ever setting foot in that doorway; this was what came of meddling with ter’angreal– and the Eelfinn had tied strings around his brain with those memories in his head. Well, he was not playing their game anymore. He had a debt to settle with them, and that was for certain.

Essentially something that plays a bit more with his ‘I’ll do it because I want to, not because you tell me to’ attitude towards fate, ta’veren, or really anyone telling him to do something, or even nudging him in a particular direction. The fact that he usually ends up going anyway is, of course, entirely unrelated, nothing to do with that, definitely nothing to do with ta’veren…etc.

He’d probably be tempted to ride in and save one of the Forsaken themselves if they were trapped there.

Again, a little too direct for Mat. This is the sort of thing you’d see Kaladin thinking, and on him it would work with that kind of wry self-awareness, but with Mat it’s just a shade too self-aware.

“We need to reach Caemlyn if possible, though maybe we’ll stop at Four Kings on the way.”

That would be potentially entertaining, given it was one of the first towns he and Rand fucked up. Just to see a character return to the same place, some absurd number of levels later.

Sanderson also slips into present tense more than Jordan did; we get things like:

Moiraine trapped, being tortured or who knows what.

It’s not wrong; that’s one of those weird syntactic grey areas where you can kind of go either way, but it stands out because as far as I remember, Jordan pretty much always went with past.

Why did [Thom] care so much? What was Moiraine to him but another Aes Sedai, one of those who had cost the life of Thom’s nephew?

Trust me, Mat, we’re all wondering the same thing. The whole Moiraine/Thom thing, like so many of the other romantic pairings, relies heavily on foreshadowing rather than on actual relationship building. Sure, as a reader you can see it coming, but there’s no actual buildup to it. There’s what, one scene featuring the two of them alone, having a conversation?

But my general exasperation with much of the romance in WoT is hardly new, so I’ll just move on.

(Like Moiraine should)

(I mean what?)

At least Mat remembers Rand playing the flute; I’m not even sure Rand does anymore.

Colours swirled in Mat’s head, resolving to an image of Rand, sitting alone in a room by himself.

People who are alone are usually by themselves, yes.

Okay sorry, I will try to stop nitpicking. Maybe it’s just to emphasise how entirely alone Rand is. Yep, that’s definitely it, let’s go with that. (Then again, he has an entire party in his head. He’s never alone, but he’s always isolated).

Rand had one hand to his forehead as if trying to squeeze away the pain of a headache.

Or the pain of two lifetimes and a breaking world, but sure.

His other was…

That arm ended in a stump. The first time Mat had seen that – a few weeks back – it had shocked him. How had Rand lost the hand? The man barely seemed alive, propped up like that, unmoving. Though his lips did seem to be moving, mumbling or muttering. Light! Mat thought. Burn you, what are you doing to yourself?

Oh Rand. You don’t want to know the answer to that question, Mat. And you’re not far off the mark thinking that Rand barely seems alive. He’s falling apart, literally and figuratively, just trying to drag himself and the rest of the world with him to the end and no further. And there’s so little left of him, of Rand al’Thor; there’s too much of himself that he’s let go or has torn away or pushed away or had taken from him, and even the boundaries he’s set for himself and the anchors he’s been trying to hold to are failing, and what is there left, now, besides force of will and sheer Power?

Sure, Rand was a friend. But Mat didn’t mean to be there when Rand went insane and killed everyone he knew.

In The Great Hunt, that kind of thinking seemed rather harsh. Now, with what Rand has done and become and where he’s standing…

“Ah, Rand,” Thom said. “That boy could have made a life for himself as a gleeman, I warrant. Maybe even a proper bard, if he’d started when he was younger.”

This reminds me of when Herid Fel, not really knowing who Rand was, insisted he’d be an excellent student. These brief, soft moments of almost-lament for what could have been. But Rand’s life is not his own; he belongs, as Moiraine said, to the Pattern and to history, and instead of student or gleeman or farmer he became a weapon.

And we see what that’s done to him. The question, then, is whether there’s a way for him to still find a balance there, to choose in truth what was chosen for him.

The banter that follows between Mat and Thom is back to being awkward and stilted, and even Mat’s syntax is just…off. Mat doesn’t say ‘Here now’ and ‘Rand and I did right well for ourselves’.

“Burn you, none of that!” Mat said, pointing at him. “Rand practically sleptwith that harp. Wouldn’t think of selling it, even when we were so hungry we’d have gnawed on our own boots if we hadn’t needed them to get to the next town.”

This is Mat’s loyalty. He’ll complain about Rand aloud and in his thoughts, and go on about how he wants to be nowhere near the guy…but he’ll also defend him to the last, when it comes down to it. Even when it’s something relatively minor like this. It’s the almost sibling-like ‘no one insults you/hurts you but me’, and he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. Which is a fairly central aspect of Mat’s character.

“We can’t go back, Mat. The Wheel has turned, for better or worse. And it will keep on turning, as lights die and forests dim, storms call and skies break. Turn it will. The Wheel is not hope, and the Wheel does not care, the Wheel simply is. But so long as it turns, folk may hope, folk may care.”

It’s not Mat that needs to hear this – it’s Rand. This is what he has lost: this sense of purpose and of hope and of the reason why he’s trying. Everything for him is too…final, too fixed. It’s all focused on one end, and he has forgotten or lost sight of the fact that the very end he’s fighting for is an end in which there is no ending. He focuses on his List and on those he has killed, rather than remembering that they will be reborn so long as there is a future. He focuses on absolute necessity and shatters all restraints and crosses all thresholds and has lost all thought of second chances or redemption.

It’s a pretty speech, and it suits Thom. He has these moments of poetic wisdom from time to time.

“That has the sound of a song about it, Thom.”

“Aye,” Thom said, almost with a sigh. “An old one, forgotten by most. […] This road is old, Mat. Ancient. Probably was here before the Breaking. Landmarks like this have a tendency to find their way into songs and stories. I think this area is what was once called the Splintered Hills. If that’s true, then we’re in what was once Coremanda, right near the Eagle’s Reaches. I bet you if we climbed a few of those taller hills, we’d find old fortifications.”

“And what does that have to do with Doreille?” Mat asked, uncomfortably. She’d been Queen of Aridhol.

“She visited here,” Thom said. “Penned several of her finest poems in the Eagle’s Reaches.”

Burn me, Mat thought. I remember.

I kind of love this exchange. The contrast here, between one who has made a life of finding and knowing old songs and stories, collecting forgotten pieces of history and putting them back together, singing of what has been lost to time, and one who remembers it. It’s a clever contrast of perspectives, as if they’re looking at the same thing from completely opposite ends of time. Or as if one is describing a photograph while the other is looking at its negative.

Really I’m just here for anything at all that goes deeper into the implications of Mat’s memory dump.

Mat hadn’t felt the pull of the ruby dagger in a very long time. He was nearly beginning to forget what it had been like to be tied to it, if it was possible to forget such a thing. But sometimes he remembered that ruby, red like his own blood. And the old lust, the old desire, would seep into him again…

…interesting.

I haven’t thought of the ruby dagger in relation to Mat in quite a while either, to be honest. Huh. So that’s still in play. Good to know…

This whole next section of dialogue feels off, and I feel like I’m once again being unnecessarily critical and negative about the writing but Mat’s chapters really are standing out as…um…less than excellent. To the point where it’s actually hard to ignore; it keeps pulling me out of the story.

“Besides, somebody needs to be here to watch, then put this all to song, someday.”

I like this side of Thom. It’s the natural extension of what he was talking about previously, with the long-forgotten songs about long-forgotten history. He tells stories of the past, remembers these events through the songs and legends that they have become…but that means he also knows the nature of stories; he can look at the present and see a glimpse of what it will look like when it is distant past, when it too is just a story. So he’s a link in the chain, telling the stories of those that came before him, and watching and waiting and preparing to set down the stories that will be told by those who come after. He has some view to the concept of The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memory that becomes legend. Legend fades to myth…

And now we’re back to trying-too-hard awkward banter between Mat and Talmanes.

Part of the problem here is that it’s a bit like a game of telephone, in that your perception and interpretation of the information you’re receiving changes how you then present it. If you think Mat is funny, when you sit down to write him the result is very much going to be coloured by your own sense of humour. And it will be more difficult for you to notice that anything is amiss, because hey, he’s funny. You repeated the word you heard. It just…isn’t the word that was said.

“People expect a gleeman to bring information, so we pull it out and brush it off for display – but much of the ‘news’ we tell is just another batch of stories, in many cases less true than the ballads from a thousand years ago.”

So…fake news?

But that’s been a theme of the story all along – the nature of stories themselves, and the way rumour and truth and story intermingle and change across distance and time, and how it’s never possible to have the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Blah Olver stuff blah etc.

Sorry, I just…really do not care about Olver. I tried. For maybe a second or two. But fictional children are very much not my thing, 99% of the time.

(The 1% is Lyra, in case you were wondering).

“At least this [town] doesn’t seem likely to vanish on us…”

Don’t jinx it, Talmanes.

“You have the look of a lord about you,” the man said, approaching Mat.

“He’s a pr—” Talmanes began before Mat cut him off hastily.

“I suppose I do at that,” Mat said

Nothing like calling him a prince to get him to finally answer to Lord, I suppose.

Unless Talmanes was just going to say ‘PR disaster’, in which case I really can’t blame him.

Alright, opening bets on what’s wrong withthistown. Outsiders need to be out by nightfall? The inns are compensated? There’s definitely something going on here, and it’s probably not a surprise party.

The dice are rolling in Mat’s head.

Every time this happens, I hear ~dice are rolling, the knives are out~from Evita and I mean it’s not really wrong but brain, why?

Mat’s found the hipster inn: too cool to have something so passé as a sign on the front.

[The coin chest] carried Mat’s personal stash: he wouldn’t risk the Band’s wages on gambling.

Is it really a risk when you have probability bound and gagged in your basement?

I miss Talmanes, and I’m not sure how Nalesean ended up in Talmanes’s body – was he a Forsaken in disguise?

Why did people here wear clothing that was once so nice, yet now torn and patched?

Once is an observation, twice is foreshadowing, three is imminent disaster.

And Mat’s flashing gold. Time for the show. Everyone got your knives ready?

There was only one dicer in the game, with the crowd of onlookers betting against or for his tosses.

Ah, so it’s the financial crisis.

Last time he won every toss until the last, and the loss was the true luck. Now, he’s starting with losses…

Talmanes placed a hand on his arm. “No offence, Mat,” the man said in a quiet voice. “But maybe you should stop. Everyone has an off night. Let’s finish our drinks and go buy what supplies we can before night falls.”

I feel like Talmanes would be quicker on the uptake here. He’s Cairhienin after all, and no stranger to strategy and manipulation.

Part of what’s bothering me about Talmanes is that, while he was still in a ‘sidekick’ role when Jordan was writing, he still felt like his own character, with his own thoughts and aims and purpose. Here, though, he plays more the role of sounding board. He’s just there for Mat to bounce off of – to ask the obvious questions so that they can be answered (by Mat) for the reader, or to set Mat up for one-liners. He feels flat, where once he felt like he had quite a bit of depth, even if we only saw glimpses of him.

“This is what I wanted.”

Talmanes raised an eyebrow, lowering his mug.

Mat said, “I can lose when I want to, if it’s for the best.”

“How can losing be for the best?” Talmanes asked, watching the men argue about how to divide Mat’s gold. 

“Wait.”

It’s a lesson Mat has learned, and I do enjoy the way it’s played with: this idea that sometimes you can win by losing, and sometimes what looks like a win can be more dangerous than a loss. For one thing, it suits him. The gambler, the trickster – he would be the one to turn a loss into a win, to see opportunity in what at first glance looks like failure. It suits his strange luck. And it also feels like something that could very easily be extended to his other aspect. Losing small to win big is not a bad skill for a general, strategist, or even tactician to have, and I very much hope that’s where this is going. The band’s motto is It’s time to toss the dice, after all; gambling and games and battles and strategy are all very much intertwined in Mat’s story.

I have to question one thing, though. He says he can lose when he wants to. Does it really work like that? Has he actually achieved some measure of conscious control here? His luck does to some extent respond to his specific needs, but is it working on a more meta level or does his own specific concept of what he needs have an effect? Or is it more a case of��knowing his luck better, and knowing the rules it operates under, and understanding the situation? I could buy that, I suppose; he has come to understand it a great deal more than he once did, when he was searching for inns in a Tairen storm.

Mat made sure to win a few tosses – just as he had to lose a bit when spending a night winning.

It’s something that frustrates me about the authorship switch and my own reaction to it: I keep questioning things like this, when if it were Jordan writing I would just assume I had been mistaken in my understanding or assumptions before. But as it is, I look at something like this and think ‘but is that reallyhow it works?’ So I can’t help but wonder if this is Sanderson just taking a cool trick and running with it like he does in his own worlds and magic systems – something that works well there, because that’s almost built into the systems themselves and thus becomes a key part of characters and worldbuilding – or is this actually something Mat can do?

And I don’t want to be second-guessing things like that; after all, Jordan had some inconsistencies of his own, and no doubt changed his mind on events or rules or whatnot at various points. But c’est la vie.

Mat’s still losing money like there’s no tomorrow, but Talmanes has moved on to all the foreshadowing and has concluded that something is rotten in the state of Hinderstap.

To which Mat more or less replies ‘nah, we’re fine. Now hold my beer and watch this!’

Which everyone knows is always a sign of nothing but great things to come.

The mayor wants them to go, Mat wants to bring in a chest full of gold, and I am immediately suspicious of any large wooden boxes that ostensibly hold coin for the purposes of playing to people’s greed to make them forget about their surroundings. Ahem.

Just…make sure no dragons end up in the box and we should be fine.

One last throw, everyone’s all in with gold and turnips, and this is an excellent method of grocery shopping. I’ll have to try it sometime.

“We don’t bend the rules here,” the mayor said. “The price is too high.”

For some reason – okay, the reason being because it’s Mat and he has a holiday booked in the near future to the lovely Tower of Ghenjei – this puts me in mind of Snakes and Foxes, and how the only way to win is to break the rules. Between that and ‘what was asked is given; the price is paid’, it’s a fun little contrast. Likely unintentional, but still rather perfect.

Desperate, he pulled open the top of the chest again, revealing the gold coins inside.

The lesson here is that greed always gets you what you want.

“I see what you’re doing,” the mayor said to Mat. He didn’t seem to be in a rush to gather anything.

Mat turned towards him, questioningly.

“I won’t have you cheating us with a miracle win at the end of the evening.”

Is it really cheating if you’re just doing unspeakable things to statistics? Probability did consent, as far as I can tell…

“I suspect that if we search you, we’ll find a couple of sets of dice hidden on your person.”

Nah, just knives.

“It’s a fine scheme, dressing like a lord, loading dice so they make you lose instead of win. Never heard of a man bold enough to throw away gold like that on fake dice.”

The mayor isn’t really wrong, even. It’s just that Mat doesn’t need weighted dice because the Pattern weights them for him.

I feel like the mayor making the throw for him kind of defeats the purpose of the game. At least, if you’re betting on it and have any shred of superstition and/or belief in the abstract concept of luck. From a purely statistical standpoint, of course, it doesn’t much matter. But from the perspective of the townsfolk gambling? Seems like they might have an issue with that.

Mat stuck out his hand for a shake, but the mayor turned away, holding the dice in his hand. “No,” he said. “You’ll get no chance to swap these dice, traveller.”

I kind of like this guy. His conclusions are not unreasonable, given what he would have been able to observe, and he’s sticking to his guns. Besides, he’s not telling Mat that the throw can’t be made, or tossing him in prison without evidence or anything; he’s just doing his level best to make sure nothing interferes with good old probability. I just like seeing random side characters showing a spine like this, even when confronted with A Protagonist. It makes them feel a little more real, a little more like they have their own aims and agency in the world, and thus makes the world feel more nuanced and true.

Barlden demanded that the chest remain open so that it couldn’t be switched.

Or filled with a dragon when no one’s looking. Not a bad call – this guy really is trying to cover all his bases.

Blood and bloody ashes, the man was a stickler for his rules! Well, Mat would show him, and all of them. He’d show them…

Show them what? That he couldn’t be beaten? What did that prove?

Ego has no place in grocery shopping.

I’m not doing anything wrong, he thought. I’ve got to feed my men, don’t I? These men are betting fair, and I’m betting fair. No loaded dice. No cheating. Except his luck. Well, his luck was his own – just as every man’s luck was his own.

Is it though? This much at least is more or less true to Mat’s mentality and also his particular method of denial: he knows full well he’s ta’verenbut he dances around it here. And he once almost killed a man for suggesting that he had ‘the Dark One’s own luck’. Autonomy and agency are important to Mat, and he doesn’t like giving them up or accepting that they can be superceded by forces he doesn’t completely understand. And so his luck is his, as far as he sees it.

Except the fact that he has to rationalise it to himself means he does know, on some level, that it’s not that simple. (Or that ‘luck’ as an actual phenomenon doesn’t exist, and is simply the human mind’s general failure to truly understand probability on an intuitive level, seeking instead to find pattern in chaos and coincidence, but that’s…one for another day).

There is definitely something wrong here, and there are far too many mentions of how close the sun is to the horizon for that curfew to be a random rule. What the fuck happens at sundown?

“We can go, then?” Talmanes asked.

“No,” Mat said. “We’re staying.”

And the dice stopped rattling in his head.

Well if there was any doubt left that Something Is Up, that did away with it.

It would be so disconcerting, to have something like that in your head. Because Mat’s not wrong; it’s not exactly useful in the sense that there’s not much you can do with the knowledge that something important or fateful is coming. The dice in his head give no indication of what or when or where or why, or whether it’s positive or negative, or anything.

No, it’s just an alarm bell set to ‘plot point incoming’ and if you think about it too hard, that’s a rather terrifying fourth-wall intrusion in the wrong direction. It’s something in your head telling you ‘you are part of a story, and something is about to happen’ or ‘you are part of a story, and the decision you just made is going to have an impact’ and yikes, do not want.

Groceries are loaded, tension is rapidly climbing, and Mat just wants the dice to be thrown already because shit’s getting weird. Having an indicator of narrative importance in your head would do that, yeah.

It’s a winning toss that doesn’t feel like a win at all; it does nothing at all to lessen the tension in the air and they’ve taken too long and the mayor is shouting at them to leave. This chapter has done an interesting thing in playing with the notions of winning and losing; we’ve seen it before in Maderin, and now it’s being extended further. Losing tosses in a lighthearted, almost carefree atmosphere contrasted with this winning toss amidst growing anxiousness and a sense of wrongness, and no release or catharsis at the point of victory. Losing is winning, and winning outright is…not what it seems.

“Now, see, I told you, Talmanes. Nothing to be worried about at all.” And that’s when the screaming began.

So it is a surprise party!

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