#(omg it was PURPLE. i realised after i posted it).

[suzukimura]

▶ NOW PLAYING: SENNO / BRAINWASHING — AWICH, DOGMA, CHINZA DOPENESS. 丸く背を曲げ足取り深く 毒を持つ蛇を好む孔雀; street democracy [..] pussy, power, politics.

[4dbarbie-archive]

4dbarbie remix: How to realise Self?

Disclaimer: This remix/mashup post was compiled by me, a student of 4dbarbie as a way to make sense of everything and to understand how to apply the knowledge practically. I went through all her posts and answered asks to make this which is made up of various parts of 25 49 (omg lol there was a lot of good stuff) different posts and answered asks. It is not an original post by 4dbarbie herself but all words are directly from her various posts and answered asks (except for my clarification notes which are in purple text in brackets & the last section after the last divider where I make some closing comments). Hopefully the way I've organised the information in this post makes sense and helps some Vanessas out there. ♡

Fair warning as this is a pretty long post essay (!) so maybe grab a cup of tea or something :) If you are really new to all this then take some time to really process it, there is no rush. My personal notes and highlights are in pink for main points and purple for 'action' points.

May we all realize our Self ♡

There would be no steps necessary, no process to undertake if you would just establish yourself in the I AM alone. You are so lost in your play you forget reality. 1 If you are "I AM", it means you are not the person experiencing the world/thoughts/circumstances, you never were. 2

The external world, you control it (because it is you!, in you), you make it, fully, even when you tell yourself you don't. 3 To know yourself as the source of all that is, you have to first remove the veil of what's stopping you from seeing it in the first place. To know your real being, you have to first abandon what you thought yourself to be. 4 There is no external life, there is no need to use any methods to recondition or train your mind. It is much faster, much easier and you are hundreds times happier just letting go of the mind. 5 The process is one of letting go more and more until you find yourself having nothing, being nothing. The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 6

A jeweler who wants to refashion an ornament, first melts it down to shapeless gold. Similarly, one must return to one's original state before a new name and form can emerge. The only way to renewal lies through destruction. You must melt down the old jewellery into formless gold before you can mold a new one. What refuses to die cannot be reborn. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj 7

Stop thinking you are Vanessa, the thoughts of needing this or that drop away. By thinking you are it, you create a character who desires and then identify yourself with it. You can only have when you let go of thinking that you don't. To change, you need to give up this conviction of being this person. You need to disbelieve. 9

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. 10

You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person. 11

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. 12

Knowing is being. If you really knew, the thing you knew would be materialized. You know you are Vanessa so you're being Vanessa. Would you want Vanessa if you were her? No. You are her so you don't desire her. And you won't be able to be Vanessa 2.0 if you don't shed this Vanessa first. That is, let go of thinking the thoughts are yours. 8

Your memories of the life Vanessa lived are now and not in a past. You are imagining her past being now. Her past exists now because you are aware of it now. If you were Lara you would be aware of a different past, still now. Basically there was no yesterday and you are imagining "a past having been" today. 13

Anon: "Do I have to endure the world while I know my self as awareness and disbelieve that I am Vanessa???" Ada: THE POINT OF KNOWING YOURSELF AS AWARENESS IS TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT AT ALL TIMES, FOREVER. It's complete, incomparable freedom and power. It's the only real love. 14

You are either your Self with nothing attached to it or you're an ego. Disbelieve you were ever her. See what happens. 41

A lot of beliefs are subconscious. "I am a body", "I am Vanessa", "There is a world" are all subconscious, automatic beliefs. Upon investigation you can get rid of any belief (by making them conscious and then dropping them). 15 How do you drop a belief? (see part 1 and part 2)

HOW TO STOP?

The body and the mind are only symptoms of ignorance, of misapprehension. Behave as if you were pure awareness, bodiless and mindless, spaceless and timeless, beyond 'where' and 'when' and 'how'. Dwell on it, think of it, learn to accept its reality. Don't oppose it and deny it all the time. Keep an open mind at least. Make your mind and body express the real which is ALL and beyond all. By doing, you succeed. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours. 16 It is your own desire to hold on to it that creates the problem. Let go. Stop imagining that the dream is yours. As long as you give reality to dreams, you are their slave; see all as a dream and stay out of it. 17

You imagine that there is an external world in which the you that you're identified with lives, but all of that is in your mind. Stop imagining it's true and it dissolves, which can only mean it never was. Which can only mean you assigned reality to it by thinking you're it 18

I've said it before, you don't have to convince Vanessa that she's unreal. Just stop taking the thoughts you don't like for truth or reality. There is no convincing involved, it is all letting go... you're holding so tightly onto your ideas now, that's why you can't see their falsity. 19 You don't have to convince anyone of anything. What I teach here is to leave your mind alone, that is all. Don't go along with it. 2 Thoughts will keep on coming for a while, just now you know they have nothing to do with you. Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them. 32 Doesn't matter what the thought is, leave it alone, ignore it BUT not by force of will, just indifference. We've established you aren't the ego, alright? Thoughts, right now, are from the ego. 20

Thoughts of the past life come, remember they no longer have anything to do with you. Literal full delusion (I only call it that because after being identified with a person for so long, it's mind-blowing to grasp you are not that). Thoughts are not yours, complete indifference - no need to fight them. Where they come from, none of your business. Only know they are not yours. YOU not being in your desired reality is a thought, got it? This body and this world are not forced onto you, they exist through your identification with them. Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. After you've detached, you'll easily shift to as many realities as you want - don't put any on a pedestal of desire, they are equal. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (referring to anon's desire). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you. 21

You don't need to convince yourself they're unreal, just dismiss them as not yours. They will disappear more and more through your newfound indifference, then their physical counterparts will, too. Detachment is by doubt and indifference. First you start doubting "the facts", then you become indifferent to the facts, lastly there are no facts anymore and you can establish your own. 20

Start letting go bit by bit, just to see what happens, you won't start "acting crazy" just because you become uninterested in thoughts, I promise 22

What I recommend you to do is bring your self into focus, become aware of your own existence. See how you function, watch the motives and the results of your actions. Study the prison you have built around yourself because of credulity. By knowing what you are not, you come to know your self. The way back to your self is through refusal and rejection. 23

Here's a scale of emotions you go through, from bottom to top: apathy, grief, fear, hostility, anger, indifference, acceptance, freedom finally - and then unlimited, independent joy. You can review this to see where you are on the journey and what should come next. You can't skip them, all of them have to happen for you to have the all. 14

Do not try to understand any more, just be. And let other things be as they are. Even if you're not happy about what you see, there is no way around it besides accepting it. As long as you fight it and try so hard & incessantly to change it, you're only giving it further reality. 14

If you are angry or in pain, separate yourself from anger and pain and watch them. Step away and look. The physical events will go on happening, but by themselves they have no importance. It is your mind alone that matters. When you identify yourself with them, you are their slave, you think you have to act on them. When you stand apart, you are their master. 24

One thing is certain: the real is not imaginary, it is not a product of the mind. 23

You are beyond the mind. Mind and body become your servants once you discover your Self. The present moment is all that is, so yes - become aware of having never been the ego, of your ego being just one of your creations. Ego is the concept of individuality, of separation from the “I", and the All. Therefore ego is a false assumption. We are really the Supreme Reality, we are not separate from It. To "fix" the separation, reject what you are not. Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. 25

Once you are convinced that you cannot say truthfully about your self anything except ‘I am’, and that nothing that can be pointed at, can be your self, the need for the ‘I am’ is over — you are no longer intent on verbalising what you are. All you need is to get rid of the tendency to define your self. All definitions apply to your body only and to its expressions. Once this obsession with the body goes, you will revert to your natural state, spontaneously and effortlessly. 23

Drop the false ideas first and watch. After what keeps you stuck goes, you can do whatever you want. You can think the ugliest thoughts and nothing will happen if you know yourself as who you are. It's your identification with the thought that causes the thought to be true. 26

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough. 27

She (Vanessa) will vanish yes, you ask how because you still think waking is more real than a dream. Do your dreams not vanish? Do you wonder how they vanish? They just stop existing all of a sudden when you go into another dream (waking). What if you've lived all your life as Ada and woke up one morning and were suddenly Vanessa with no memory of Ada, would you know anybody vanished? Nope. All you know is who you are right now (because present is all that is), which is Vanessa. 28 Leave poor Vanessa alone, with both her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious.

By being your Self you gain the freedom of existing as anything, anytime. You don't lose Vanessa's pretty body if you don't want to stop imagining yourself as being Vanessa with her pretty body. 29

Nothing is lost, awareness just shifts. You can always go back. We're just removing the obstacles that stop you from having this freedom of choice (your identification with this person). You can completely wipe out Vanessa's existence as well. Later if you change your mind, you can make it so that she actually existed again. You are no form, you are formless, the form only is when you imagine there is a form, be your favorite form and dream beautiful dreams :) 30

There is no difference between sleeping and waking, awareness is the background of both. You just think the waking state more real because you've dreamt it over and over and reinforced your belief. They're equally imaginary. Become aware of this and life will forever be a breeze. 31

All depends on you. It is by your consent that the world exists. Withdraw your belief in its reality and it will dissolve like a dream. Cease from looking for happiness and reality in a dream and you will wake up. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj 17

Your next step will be realizing there is nothing to learn in a dream. You'll find yourself having less and less thoughts, then none at all. Then, only if you want, you will be able to reinstall the mind, now of your choice, and change the dream. 16

Past doesn't come up anymore, memories don't come up anymore after you've ignored (thoughts) & detached yourself enough. They just don't. You can think freely now about being something different. If you can't, don't get mad, don't blame, only know that the one that's doubting isn't you, so the doubts are totally fine to be. They'll be for a while and then they dissolve too, because by ignoring, not getting involved - you forget. And by forgetting not only do you free up so much mental space, but possibilities of what can be, become unnumbered. 36 Anon: Is it okay to feel completely indifferent after learning about this stuff? Like, not feeling as worried about what is playing in front of me since I know its not me Ada: That's the goal. Then become indifferent to the thoughts you get as well. Those aren't yours either. You'll become aware they've dissolved & you can reconstruct the mind however you want because you have no attachment to past beliefs anymore. 33

Even the process is very beautiful... but the very best is when your Self becomes the permanent background instead of Vanessa. Now you always return to Vanessa, later you'll forget to consider her ♡ Dream not of a character who wants and desires, there is nothing to long for — only things to be. 16

To not depend on anything but everything to depend on you is a top state you can grasp with no method. 5 The experience is of being empty, uncluttered by memories and expectations; it is like the happiness of open spaces, of being young, of having all the time and energy for doing things, for discovery, for adventure. A sense of 'there is nothing wrong with me. I have nothing to worry about'. But not one you condition yourself into like you conditioned yourself into a body, it is one that naturally and effortlessly dawns on you by itself when you reject all else, because it is your natural state. 34 Real freedom and real love only emerge when you're not identified with a transient ego. 35

All you are doing is becoming lucid. Becoming able to control the dream. You won't be able to, unless you step out of it. That is, stop thinking this story you tell yourself is true. When Vanessa is no longer all you are, you'll be able to 'change reality' the way you change the film in a video projector. You'll be able to have as much fun in the play as you want to, change it when you no longer want this one specifically. The emotions of the character are fun and welcomed, because they no longer imprison you, there's the background of love to it all - that once you gain, it can't be lost, it's ever present. 36

What you are identified with materializes. If you are not, it disappears. 37

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is. All you need to fix is your wrong identification. There isn't anyone who couldn’t materialize anything right now if he or she would just let go of identifying as the limited body. 38

Only by letting go of all do you gain everything. But once it's done, it's done irreversibly. Fear is no more, control is fully yours. You are free, completely. And with the bliss of freedom no human pleasure compares. You become full love, full power. The absolute and only power. Sooner or later, you will arrive at the same conclusion. You can't stop being what you are, all else can stop existing, but you can't. The only thing you have a choice in is delaying seeing it by thinking you are this or that. Only see it (I Am), then you can imagine whatever you want and it will be. 39

If you project the world, it is within your power to change it. But you must stop identifying yourself with it first. Go beyond, then you have all the power to destroy and recreate. All everybody wants is to be free, but to do that you must know two things: what you are to be free from and what keeps you bound. 2

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj 40

Got more questions? Recommended reading:

Ada's recommended guides on realizing Self: 1, 2, 3

My recommended posts from Ada*: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

All references from the remix post

Books: I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj** and Keys to The Ultimate Freedom by Lester Levenson

*in addition to the sources linked in the post **a lot of her posts incorporate quotes and excerpts from this book, moreso than Lester Levenson's Keys to The Ultimate Freedom and she also shared a lot of excerpts from the book

What does this look like when applied?

Experience is the best teacher and learning from other's experiences and how they applied this knowledge can be really valuable and insightful. I don't define success based on materialising things necessarily although that is one result of realizing Self.

From 4dbarbie students: see the tag

Other: 1, 2

Okay, what to do after reading all this?

Apply apply apply. Don't wait, nothing will happen by waiting. There is only now. Inquire who is causing trouble and to whom. You can't think yourself into realization. 'You' are beyond the mind. You are the creator of the mind. It must be experienced.

[tkaulitzlvr]

CITY VIEWS - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: after a long night at another award show, when you and tom arrive back to the hotel room, he's eager to show you the beautiful view from your balcony - in a way you would never have expected.

content: smut

a/n: i'm so sorry for not posting omg😭take this as my apology pls!! andddd i need more tokio hotel friends, so if ur 16+ then PLSSSS send me a message so we can talk! anyway love you all hope you enjoy💗

"beautiful, isn't it?" the low hum of tom's voice from behind snaps me out of my daze, eyes turning away from the complex skyline ahead of me. he offers a warm smile as he nears my stance, resting on the railing of the balcony with a soft hand dangling along the glass. i nod my head in agreement, turning my gaze back to the array of buildings ahead of me, staring in awe at the sea of light that adorns each inch of my vision, the sky, darkened with the coming of the night, displaying the final shades of deep purple before it is covered in a sea of black. i could quite happily sit and stare at the city, easily captivated by something so simple, though when tom rests a hand on my lower back, it is clear that he has other ideas.

“you look perfect baby.” i smile from ear to ear as tom’s breath tickles my neck from behind, thankful that the night is above us, otherwise he would quite easily see the light shade of red that my cheeks have turned. he has told me this all night, whether it be with flirtatious glances that he would spare me when no one was looking, or a suggestive squeeze of my thigh under the table. but he could show it over and over again, and i would still be left the exact same way - though this time i try to hide it. it’s impossible to ignore the steady hand that now trails lower downward, resting teasingly on the curve of my lower back, his lips ghosting the skin of my neck as i try to act like i don’t notice. my gaze remains locked ahead, face not daring to move an inch, knowing exactly what he wants, and more importantly, that i won’t be able to give in if i spare him even a glance.

the view is genuinely breathtaking though, so the task of keeping my eyes on it is not a strenuous one, but it somehow becomes next to impossible when his lips finally make contact with the skin just below my ear, placing a kiss so gentle that it leaves me wondering just what could happen if i surrender my composure, a dangerous mix of nervousness and excitement settling in the pit of my stomach. both of his hands are now wrapped around my waist, thumbs moving up and down the material of my dress, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder from behind. i sigh in relief, thinking that he has finally given up on the desire that has taken over him, regarding his soft touch as a simple act of affection. but it doesn’t take long for me to understand that i have misunderstood his movements, a soft gasp leaving my lips when he pushes my waist backwards, my ass now brushing against his - unmistakably hard - crotch.

“not now tom.” i whine, tilting my head back so that it rests on his shoulder, his breath fanning against my ear as he lets out a soft chuckle, squeezing my hips playfully. it goes silent for a moment, the air carrying nothing besides our steady breathing as tom’s fingers tap against my clothed stomach, though when he presses me against himself once more, i quickly realise that he won’t give up as easily as i had hoped.

“seriously, we can do something later, okay? i want to watch the view.” i attempt to loosen his hold on me, wrapping my hands around his wrists and prying his arms away, soon failing miserably as he only tightens his grip, pressing a slow kiss to my jaw.

“who says you can’t?” he questions, expression blank as i turn to meet his gaze, his eyes peering down at me, heavy with lust yet to be acted upon. i furrow my eyebrows, attempting to figure out what he is alluding to, though he doesn’t make it easy for me unless i say the words.

“what are you talking about?” he finds my cluelessness amusing, a soft laugh leaving his lips as he brings me even closer, my back resting against his chest as he pecks my cheek, his kiss lingering on the soft skin.

“i could fuck you right here schatz. what’s stopping us, hm?” he runs his hands across my hips, subtly grinding my body against his, an elongated sigh leaving his now parted lips. his tongue comes out of his mouth to swipe across his bottom lip, my mind flashing with ideas of what i’d rather him be doing with it, but the realisation of what he has just said is enough to snap me out of it.

“are you crazy? anyone could see us!”

“what from like 15 floors up? it’s just us baby, c’mon, let me make you feel good.” my mouth opens to speak, though it is cut off by his soft smirk as i realise that he makes a valid point. i race to think of reasons why we shouldn’t do this, reasons beside from this not being morally right - the look in his eyes tells me that he is far beyond caring about that. he looks downward at me, his gaze becoming more enticing as it rakes down my figure, only making it harder for me to give a good explanation for why his idea is ridiculous.

but i have taken far too long for tom. each waiting second has been torture for him, and the realisation of this comes along with his harsh kiss as he plants his lips onto mine, turning my body to face him, my lower half now flat against the glass railing behind us. he pushes his crotch against my own, with much more intent this time, his baggy jeans seeming to feel even tighter as his cock pulses through them. somehow we mutually agree to skip the soft and innocent kisses that lead to what we both want, the movements of our lips fast and hungry as he bites down on my bottom lip, earning a quiet moan that allows him to slip his tongue inside my mouth.

the harsh bite of the wind doesn’t matter anymore, its bitterness seemingly non-existent as tom’s touch warms my entire body, igniting a spark within it that leaves me nothing short of desperate, my hands communicating this hunger as they trail to the button of his jeans. he smirks against my mouth, taking my bottom lip into his own and sucking slowly, noticing how my movements falter at the sensation. he tastes of vanilla and cigarettes, the combination addictive as i seek to taste more, pressing my lips onto his own even harsher than before. his hands explore my body feverishly, freeing himself from the restraints that being in the public eye all night had brought as he takes advantage of the fact that we are alone - the skyline our only witness.

when he finally pulls away, lips swollen, chest heaving up and down, his eyes flicker between my own gaze and my cleavage, the hurried nature of his movements leaving me a mess, with my breasts practically spilling out of my dress. his tongue comes out of his mouth, swiping across his bottom lip and resting on his small piercing, only taking a few seconds to admire the view as just seeing it clearly isn’t enough. he pushes me back against the glass railing once more, my back hanging off of the edge slightly. i should be scared, considering that i am at least two hundred feet off the ground, though somehow adrenaline only continues to pulse through my veins, fuelled by tom’s touch as his hands reach for the small straps of my dress on each shoulder, hurriedly pulling them downward until my breasts are freed from the material.

“so beautiful.” he mumbles under his breath before attaching his lips to my nipple, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud as i cry out, my head falling backward to better his access. my hair blows slightly in the breeze, the cold wind causing me to hiss slightly as it hits my nipples, but the pain doesn’t last long as tom works against them. his hand fondles the breast that his mouth can’t, running his thumb over it as his teeth graze against the other, creating a dangerously addictive mix of pain and pleasure that leaves me pleading for more. only when he pulls away from one breast and turns his attention to the other do i notice the faint purple marks littering my chest, the skin beginning to bruise as his hand runs over it in an attempt to soothe the slight stinging pain that emits from it. my own hands push his head further into me, earning small groans from him that vibrate against me when i pull on his braids, silently encouraging him to carry on - if my inaudible moans don’t do that already.

his head emerges from my chest, his lips pink and breathing ragged, a slight smirk etched upon his face when he sees his work, an array of deep purple bruises scattered around the skin. he runs his hands over my breasts once more, squeezing the flesh gently, his movements faltering and mouth falling open when i cup him through his jeans, his length throbbing against my palm.

“fuck, you see what you do to me schatz?” his head is tilted back slightly, adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows, a deep groan emitting from his throat when i apply a little more pressure, making me realise just how sensitive he is. his eyes flutter open and closed, trying desperately to watch my small hands as they run up and down his clothed length, the minimal contact driving him crazy. i continue to tease him, taking the opportunity as it is a rare one, control never something that i have when we are like this. though when my fingers trail along the waistband of his jeans, it becomes clear that he is done with whatever game i think i have started, his strong grip wrapping around my wrist as he tugs my hand away.

his eyes stay locked on mine as his hands move to the button of his jeans, undoing it and tugging the zipper down. he stops there though, stepping forward and collecting my hair in his hands, moving the loose curls to the side. before i can question what he is doing, he leans downward, his breath fanning against my neck, warm against the cold breeze. his lips ghost against the skin, pausing for a second, only to attach themselves to it, sucking slowly as he places open-mouthed kisses just below my ear. he knows that this spot drives me crazy, smiling against my skin when i moan in response, the pace of his kisses never speeding up as he keeps them slow and steady. he takes my skin in between his teeth, biting down gently before running his tongue over where his mouth has been. he repeats his motions, trailing his lips down to my collarbone, leaving soft marks as he goes along.

i am far too lost in pleasure to register the sound of his jeans being tugged down, instead my eyes remain shut, heavy breaths leaving my mouth when his lips linger for a few seconds, kissing my skin gently. my mind is somewhere else, lost in the addictive feeling of his lips on my body, not even noticing the low hum of his voice against my skin, until he bites down on it a little harsher than usual. my eyes shoot open as i hiss slightly, his lips kissing the spot repeatedly as a silent apology, the dull pain fading away with each kiss. he halts his movements, keeping his head securely in the crook of my neck.

“turn around. i want you to bend over the railing for me.” his voice vibrates against me, soon replaced by his steady breathing as he feels me nod against him, this enough for him to pull back, eyes studying me intently as i turn my body, now facing the cityscape that i had been so desperate to admire moments ago. though now, the hundreds of buildings in front of me don’t matter anymore. the shining lights, dark sky, low hum of the city, it is all nothing but a distraction from what i really want. and when i push my ass further backward a little, my upper half leaning over the balcony, tom begins to realise that too.

i feel his hands circle my ass, restricted by the thin material of my dress, this frustrating both tom and i as he moves to lift the material upward, letting it bunch up at my lower back. his breathing gets caught in his throat for a second, eyes glued on the sight in front of him, now only restricted by the black lace panties that leave little to the imagination.

“i need you so bad, oh my god.” if his words don’t show his desperation enough, then he makes sure that his actions do, fingers wrapping around the material of my panties as he tugs them down, the cold hair hitting my now exposed heat as i shudder slightly, not yet accustomed to the sensation. my eyes struggle to stay focused on the view ahead, desperate to turn around and focus on the man behind me, the urge becoming too strong to resist. i turn my head, eyes drifting down to tom’s hands, quickly registering where they are. his fingers slip into the waistband of his boxers, groaning slightly when his hand brushes against his length through the material.

“please…” my voice comes out as a low whine, almost pathetic as tom’s head shoots up, eyes meeting my desperate gaze as he smirks at my plea. he doesn’t tease me as i expect though, instead sliding his boxers down, his cock freed from its restraints. it almost hits his lower abdomen, the tip red and leaking pre-cum. my eyes widen at the sight, the aching sensation between my thighs only intensifying. he takes his length in his hands, beginning to pump himself a few times as his head falls backward, jaw clenching and eyes squeezing shut.

“fuck- you ready schatz?” he strokes himself a few more times, positioning his tip at my entrance. he places both hands firmly on my ass, circling the skin before placing a harsh slap onto it, my entire body jolting forward, going next to crazy as the pain only fuels my desire. he knows that too, spreading my asscheeks and smirking when i nod my head rapidly. he runs his hand over the skin, soothing the harsh red mark that his touch has left, its pain more enhanced by the cold air as it continues to hit my skin. he runs his tip through my folds, collecting my wetness as i whine in frustration, moving my hips backward in an attempt to put his dick inside me myself.

“stay still or i won’t fuck you at all.” he plants another harsh slap to my ass as i hiss in pain, feeling the skin turn red. his touch lingers there, easing the pain just a little bit as he resumes his motions one more time, his tip now prodding at my entrance. “you gonna be good for me, yeah?”

i nod my head eagerly, willing to do next to anything if feeling him inside me comes with it, even if i look completely pathetic: bent over in front of him, practically at his mercy. i almost lose balance when he finally begins to push himself into me, my hands clutching onto the railing so hard that my knuckles begin to turn white. he lets out a loud groan from behind me, mixed with the high-pitched moan that leaves my own lips as he stops about halfway. my walls clench around him, attempting to work through the slight pain that courses through me as he stretches me out, my mind silently wondering how the rest of him will fit. i whine at the sensation, already feeling so full despite knowing that he isn’t all the way in. tom senses my discomfort too, bending down to place a soft kiss on my neck, pushing inside me a little further in the process.

“i know, i know. taking me so well princess.” his praise is enough for me to take all of him, nodding my head and mumbling a quick ‘keep going’. he knows better than to question me, instead continuing to push his length inside of me as i cry out. a string of curses spill from his lips, his grip on me seeming to get stronger as i feel him bottom out, his body now flush against mine. i hear his loud and rapid breaths behind me, often cut off by quiet grunts whenever i clench around him.

“please…move.” my voice is breathy, coming out as an almost inaudible plea, though i quickly recognise that tom has understood me when he moves his hips backward, almost completely pulling out, before slamming back against me, his dick disappearing back inside me. i can’t keep my head up anymore, letting it fall forward as i lose all control of my body, becoming more and more weak with each strong movement of his hips. he repeats his motions, moving backward so that only his tip remains inside me, then quickly pushing his cock through my walls, so deep that i swear i can feel him in my stomach. tom notices that my head has dropped, no longer focused on the view ahead that i had been so insistent on watching. he reaches forward whilst continuing to thrust into me, a steady hand wrapping around my neck as he uses it to lift my head upward, eyes now met with the array of buildings ahead once again.

“you said you wanted to watch the view.” he changes the angle of his hips as he speaks, his tip now drilling against my g-spot, rather than brushing against it every few thrusts. i let out a high-pitched moan, eyes rolling to the back of my head at the new sensation. if it weren’t for tom being behind me, my legs would have given out. he doesn’t give up though, his hand now holding my chin securely, preventing my head from falling forward. “so watch it. can’t do that if you won’t even look.”

“can’t…can’t do it-” my slurred speech is cut off by a loud moan when his pelvis brushes against my clit with just enough contact to make me really feel it, my body jolting forward once again. i hear tom chuckle from behind me, beginning to speed up his thrusts as he continues to hold my head in place.

“oh baby, look at you. you can take it. just keep those pretty eyes ahead, okay?” his voice is soft, cut off by his quiet groans whenever he would bottom out, his tip continuing to hit the sensitive spot inside of me. i nod my head, drunk off of pleasure, yet his praise encourages me, prompting me to keep my head up, even when my eyes roll to the back of my head. he tests my ability, slowly moving his hand away from where it had held my chin in place, a low hum leaving his lips when i manage to keep it upright. “there you go. just like that honey, good girl.”

i moan in response, clutching onto the railing as my vision starts to blur, an array of lights consuming my vision, stomach beginning to tighten with the coming of my climax, knowing that i won’t be able to hold on much longer. his hand falls to my breasts, beginning to squeeze the flesh roughly as his thrusts become more erratic, hitting my g-spot effortlessly, earning a loud whine from me each time. he takes my nipple between his fingers, squeezing it slightly as i moan at the sensation, the knot in my stomach only tightening. he picks up on this quickly, trailing his hand down to my clit, starting to rub fast circles over the sensitive bud, watching as my entire body begins to tremble.

“i’m so close…gonna cum.” my speech comes out slurred, almost indistinguishable amongst my frequent moans, though when tom slows down his thrusts, it is clear that he sees that i am close. he wraps an arm around my waist, using it to pull my body upward, back now flush against his chest.

“hold it for me baby. just a little longer, doing so well.” his breathing comes hot and fast, fanning onto my skin before he replaces it with his lips, taking my ear lobe into his mouth and biting gently. he releases it, kissing the spot just below it as i cry out in pleasure, my release getting closer and closer, seconds away from being pushed over the edge. he speeds up his thrusts, pushing my body downward once again and forcing me to hold onto the railing for support. he lands a few harsh slaps onto my ass, kneading the flesh and using it to build up his pace, chasing his own climax as i clench around him, doing everything i can to hold back from letting go.

when his cock begins to twitch inside me, his hips faltering against me, i know that he is almost there too. i attempt to match his thrusts, moving my hips backward as our skin slaps together much faster than before. this clearly has an effect on him, his moans becoming much louder. i turn to look at him, knees almost buckling at the sight. his eyebrows are furrowed, jaw slack and mouth wide open, forehead lined with sweat as he maintains a steady hold on my hips, guiding them back and forth as i continue to meet his quick movements.

“there you go. just like that, fuck yeah. keep going, i’m so close schatz.” he speaks through ragged breaths, nodding his head slowly, his mouth falling open even further when i clench around him once again. he twitches inside me for a final time, his thrusts pausing momentarily, cut off by the verbal confirmation that he has reached his climax. “cum for me, let go baby.”

his permission is all i need to let go of the knot in my stomach, my release washing over me as the only word that i am able to say is his name, the word spilling from my lips over and over as i cum. he groans from behind me, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as his head falls backward, ropes of his hot cum shooting into my walls, his hips continuing to rock back and forth as he fucks it into me, inaudible moans pouring from both our lips. his muscles tense as he squeezes my hips, nails digging into the soft skin as his dick continues to twitch inside me, his release coming in thick ropes as it coats my walls. his movements come to a steady stop, followed by his cock slipping out of me, a mixture of our juices running down my thigh. he turns me around, smirking downward at me, his pointer finger coming to collect the juices that have ran down my leg. his eyes never break away from my own, his body flush against mine as he takes his finger in his mouth, groaning at the taste. all i can do is watch, staring as his fingers exit his mouth, only staying silent for a while as he quickly attaches his lips to my own, capturing them in yet another rough kiss.

“see how good you taste?” he whispers against my lips, sucking on the top one before releasing it. i cringe slightly at the taste, a mix of sweet and saltiness settling on my tongue, the kiss soon turning passionate as i reach upward, wrapping my arms around his neck. he smiles into the kiss, bending down and snaking his hands around my lower back, hoisting me upward so my legs are tangled around his waist. i squeal when he lifts me up, giggling against his lips as he begins to walk off of the balcony and back into the hotel room. though any playfulness that had existed seconds ago is suddenly long gone when my back collides harshly with the bed, sinking into the soft and previously untouched sheets. tom quickly climbs on top of me, ripping his shirt off in the process, soon making me realise that our rendezvous on the balcony was only the beginning.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[peacheises]

Aightt,I had an idea for fluff dtk x (gn)reader who is Asymmetrical, meaning their appearance is Asymmetrical/messy n they're somewhat more chaotic. Basically a whole polar opposite of Kid. But yet they somehow work together,as if they complete each other(like reader helping Kid calm down when he's worried abt smth being asymmetrical too much,n Kid calming down reader when they act as if they got sugar overdose n would destroy everything on their way)

Basically yin n yang couple,,,

It can be a oneshot,or headcanon,or both,,I'd lov to read anything:))

OMG THIS IS BASICALLY ESU 72(my OC) AND KID ALREADY EJFKEKFK dw I got this in the baaaaag😔😔😔👏👏👏👏 This just an excuse to ramble about how much I LOOOOVE THIS DYNAMIC😩😩😩 (Pictures of Esu will be at the end if you're curious about her!)

Death the Kid x Asymmetrical!Reader~☆٭꙳

TW: Kid swears cuz he's potty mouth, other than that we gucci!!

☆ You.

☆ YOU.

☆ You were HORRIBLY asymmetrical and so unbearably friendly. With your stupid outfit and uneven bangs. They were lopsided!! Oh it drove him CRAZY.

☆ But your overly friendly rear end just keeps on /showing/ up. You never seem to want to leave him alone.

☆ Everything about you two was different, even down to your colour schemes!

☆ He was a pessimist, you were an optimist. He was an asshole, you were a ray of sunshine. He was a ballerina, you were a punk. (/j about that one.)

☆ Even your combat styles managed to be opposites with him being far ranged and fast you being hand to hand and a little slower.

☆ But somehow, that made you guys work like clock work almost.

☆ Where he falters, you cover him. And where you struggle, he picks up your slack.

☆ For instance, he isn't the most social person but definitely knows how to carry a conversation where as you want to make friends, but you're extremely awkward.

☆ So he'll help pull up topics for you while you do all the talking for him.

☆ Me thinks you guys would have matching outfits, but in an opposites kinda way.

☆ Like he'd wear black and purple with yellow accents and you'd wear white and yellow with purple accents. You feel me?

☆ You're also kind of more on the dumb side, so he helps you with homework since he's the brains of the two of you.

☆ But you're infuriating little grin makes up for your dense noggin.

☆ You probably wear lots of colours opposed to Kid's monochromatic colour scheme. Like that one rainbow hair girl and the goth one, yeah that's you and Kid.

☆ I imagine you'd also try your best to straighten paintings with Kid but always be an inch off and he'd rant and rave at you.

☆ But he also apologizes after cuz he realises he was being a douche and you were just trying your best:(

☆ "Damnit, I'm sorry that was impolite. I... didn't mean any of that. You're much more than trash, I assure you."

☆ There was one time you made a bracelet for him, but he refused to wear it cuz it'd make him asymmetrical and unbalanced so you turned around and left.

☆ He thought he upset you so he went to find you, turns out you were making a matching bracelet for him to wear on the other arm so he'd stay balanced.

☆ God he loves you so much and doesn't even realise it. Boy is down bad.

☆ You guys really are like the sun and moon, a golden retriever and a black cat.

☆ Completely opposite, but that also makes you perfectly balanced. You two work together in perfect sync and fill in gaps the other leaves. Two pieces of a puzzle stuck together flawlessly.

☆ Like the little dancers in a music box.

☆ No matter how much of this you point out though, he'll still vehemently deny all of it.

☆ But like, you also do your best to fold toilet-paper for him so maybe you're not too bad. (He would die for you.)

-----

Heeeere's Esu! I'd lore dump for hours but that'd make this post ten times as long٩( ᐛ )و So I'll leave it with just the info in the reference! Hope you enjoyed the little thingy, stay hydrated and eat well!!! ✨✨✨

[inmyheaddd]

Omg would you do a Xander version of your Grayson childhood friends to lovers!? Your writing is so good!!!

xander hawthorne childhood friends to lovers

i literally love xander so much my absolute fav, thankyou sm for the requesttt this one is super dialogue heavy sorry about that 😭 will post a pt 2 of the after math, when ur actually together!!

wc: 3.6k

you two both went to the same school, you weren’t ever in the same class apart from 4th grade.

one time he was flying a paper airplane that exploded glitter (a very xander-like invention) around the class. 

you were both following it with your eyes, and it ended up hitting you and landing at your feet. your arms, your school uniform, your legs, and your shoes were covered in glitter.

his head shot up, and he made eye contact with you, you both immediately started laughing. 

“i’m really sorry,” he says in between laughs. 

“it’s fine” you say with a small smile. “it’s no big deal.” 

“well, i think you look very nice all glittery ” he says, sounding as honest as a 9 year old could get. 

“thanks i think..” you say, unsure of what his words even meant. you ended up laughing anyway.

you never really talked much after that, but one year there was a robotics club in the 8th grade. you and xander were the only ones who attended.

naturally, with xanders outgoing personality, you two quickly broke the ice and were having great conversation.

“you know, i was trying to figure out how you looked so familiar, and i realised…” xander pauses for dramatic effect “you were the glitter girl of 4th grade!"

“the glitter girl?” you counter, with an eyebrow raised.

“yes!” he beamed, standing up from his seat next to you on the desk and demonstrating. 

“little 9 year old me  was standing here, flying my paper-glitter-gadget, and you were standing right about…” he says, taking a few steps forward. “here!” 

you watch in silence with a smile threatening to tug at your lips, “coming back to you yet?” he says, looking at you with a classic xander smile—a contagious, expressive, all-consuming smile that makes anyone witnessing it feel like he practically invented the action. 

“no..” you say as you rest your hand on your head “but keep going."  you gesture your hands in a forward motion.

“alright, my fantastic-glitter-bomb-paper-gadget was flying up in the air, like this,” he says as he moves his hand in the air doing unnecessary but very xander-like spins and sound effects. 

“wasn’t it called your flying glitter-paper-gadget?”  “paper-glitter” he corrected as he stands up straight with one arm to his side and one pointing at you. “and yes, but i came up with a better name for it.”

“i don’t know if that’s better,” you mutter under your breath with a small laugh, looking down at your lap.

“what did you say?” he questions you playfully. 

“nothing” you respond far too quickly for your liking.

“no no, what was that? don’t shy away now.”he repeats as he takes a step forward towards you and crouches down next to you.

“nothing!” you emphasize your answer, shaking your head at him with a small smile. 

“you said something, go on,” he says with a smile as he tilts his head “i’m all ears, and eyes, and hands- i have all my 5 senses in tact. but that’s not the point, please, continue.” he rambles on. 

you giggle; his way of speaking is unlike anyone you’ve known before, but you love it. you feel as if his brain is on a different wave length that everyone else needs to catch up on. 

“i said that i don’t know if your new name is better, that’s all." you say, looking down at him slightly due to his crouched position. 

“hm, paper-glitter-gadget it is then,” he says as he stands up and continues his demonstration. 

“wait…” you say to yourself as he’s about to continue, “i think i do remember you!” you voice gradually gets louder.

“oh?” he asks as he turns around and pauses his demonstration, putting his hands down and walking towards you.

“youre the guy who exploded purple glitter all over me!” you exclaim with a finger pointing at him while you laugh. 

“i was just getting to that part, actually, but yes!” he replies with a finger pointed at you and a small chuckle.

“i had glitter on me for months! im pretty sure i have glitter embedded in my dna now.” 

“yeah well, what can i say, it’s like if i were elsa but a boy, and instead of ice powers.. i had glitter powers,” he says looking at you with a crooked smile.

“that’s not… you could’ve just said you had glitter powers” you say with a light chuckle

“where’s the fun in that?” 

the rest of the afternoon went great, with xander’s witty and charming personality, and his unwavering ability to make you laugh. 

every time you finished talking to him, you felt the immediate need to go back, just one more word, one more exchange. he had that effect on you. 

he loved talking to someone who wasn’t the stereotypical rich, superficial, hobbiless person in heights country day. not to mention he found you extremely funny, and the way you responded to his banter made him want to speak to you for as long as he possibly could, which with his ability to talk, was forever.

you two would have sleepovers all the time

xander talked through movies all the time. 

“i predict that that girl is actually the murderer; she’s much too quiet for my liking” 

“xander, i love you, but please stop talking,” you say through a laugh as you turn your head toward him,

“shutting up now." surprisingly, he does actually shut up—not only because you told him to, but because you said, “i love you.”

he sits through the rest of the movie in silence, contemplating your words and running them over in his mind.

friendly? non friendly? spur of the moment?what even was that?

you on the other hand, were silently freaking out because you couldn’t believe you just said that. 

“xander is smart enough to think it’s friendly, right?” you thought to yourself.

at the end of the movie, when the murderer was revealed, you tap him and point to the tv “look, you were right, she was the murderer after all,” you say quietly,

xander is not one to be caught off guard, but right now he was.

 “what?” he murmurs as he looks at you, then at the tv, and back to you once he’s processed your words “oh,” he chuckles slightly “well, im just always right like that aren’t i?” 

you laugh in response and shake your head, leaning back into your seat. “you’re crazy” you say, and he’s there sitting, silently hoping that “i love you” wasn’t so friendly. 

the first day back in 11th grade, you, thea, rebecca, and xander all sat at a table together

thea said something along the lines of a compliment, and you smiled at her and said thanked her, returning a compliment back to her.

xander had an unreadable expression on his face, and thea turned his attention to him.

“relax, i’m not stealing your girlfriend.”

“um, we aren’t..” “we aren’t together,” you both say at the same time 

thea snorts, but somehow it sounds like the most elegant thing coming from her.

“are you sure? i mean, by the way you look at each other,  i would’ve thought you two were married with kids,” she says as he rests her hand on her chin and moves forward.

by this point, you’re sure your face is as red as your school tie right now, you look over to xander who’s simply smiling uncomfortable and says “thankyou thea, for your input, and your ability to make any situation ever awkward.” 

“of course,” she says with a sweet smile, and she leans back and looks over at rebecca, who looks like she’s trying to hold in a laugh but still gives warning eyes to thea. 

xander looks over at you, notices your flushed face, and mentally makes note of it.

ever since then, he’s always been “flirty” with you, and it drives you to the brink of insanity. 

he does it partly because he finds it amusing and partly because he’s genuinely speaking his mind when he compliments you.

one time, you were late to school because you overestimated your time to get ready after you washed your hair. 

you didn’t have time to straighten it or curl it how you usually would, so you decided to leave it as it was and call it a day. 

your first period that day was a free one that you’d spend with xander.

you arrived at your designated spot, and he was already there, seemingly waiting for you with untouched scones on the table.

“hey, sorry i’m late” you say as you sit down next to him in the booth.

“it’s fine, i was just sitting here, looking at the scones, thinking how lucky i am to exist in a universe where these exist. can you imagine if-” he says as he tears his attention away from the scones and looks at you. 

his eyebrows shoot up in amusement, and you pause the unpacking of your bag to look at him “what?” 

“nothing” he replies, shaking his head with a smile. 

“actually,” he suddenly starts speaking in a lower register and leans forward. “did you do something different to your hair?” he begins to twist some around his finger.

“um,” you say slightly nervously due to his closeness to you. you have been friends for ages and he still had this effect on you. 

“i didn’t have time to style it today, i just left it alone.” you continue.

“hm, it looks good, i like it” he says before leaning back and retreating his hand. “you should do it like that more often,” he suggests pointing a finger at your hair.

a beat of silence passes before he continues, not before doing a once over on you, looking you up and down.

“anyway!” he says back in his louder, usual xander voice. “i was sitting here, and i thought- can you imagine if scones didn’t exist? it’s like, imagining if oxygen didn’t exist. i don’t think i’d even be alive honestly, i don’t want to think about what the world would be without them” 

midway through his rambling, he looks over at you and notices you avoiding eye contact, your facial expressions and your reddened cheeks, telling him everything he needs to know. (your eyes were saying “what the fuck just happened?”)

he’s always trying to get you as flustered as possible, not in a mean fuckboy way but because he genuinely likes you and thinks you’re adorable.

one time you two were shopping for snacks as your movie night was that day, and an old lady came up to you guys and said you two looked so adorable, and that you two reminded her of her and her husband back in the day.

you wanted to cry on the spot, give her the biggest hug ever, and also disappear because you and xander were not together.

xander just played into it, wrapping his arms around your shoulder, and you instinctively leaned your head on his shoulder. “that’s the sweetest thing i’ve heard today, thank you,” he says in a real, genuine voice. no hint of playfulness.

as you looked at him and he looked down at you with the faintest of smiles, the world suddenly went silent and you came to a realization. you realized, you were totally head over heels for him. you jumped in head first, you were so far gone to the point of no return.

“yeah, we are lucky to have each other” you almost whisper, still looking at xander, then tearing your eyes away from him and looking back at the lady. 

she snorts, “consider him to be the lucky one, young lady. although i won’t lie, he is quite handsome.”

you all start laughing, and the lady walks away, sending you her farewells. 

“that lady was so sweet,” you say as you’re both standing at the self-checkout stands.

“i think the one thing we can take away from that conversation is that im ‘quite handsome.’” he replies as he pays for your snacks and carries the bags, looking at you with a wide grin on his face. 

“okay xander,” you say as you roll your eyes playfully. 

“so you don’t disagree?” you two are walking out of the store now, he looks down at you and raises an eyebrow. 

 “i think you’re forgetting she said you’re the lucky one,” you counter sarcastically as he opens the car door for you and you get in. 

he shakes his head while smiling and looks at you, leaning his arms on the top of the car. 

“you know, i actually wish i could forget something for once,” he tilts his head and looks away from you as if he’s made a new discovery. “too many things are happening in my mind. i never get a minute of silence up there!” he closes your door, and gets in the drivers seat. 

around halfway through the drive back to your house, it started to rain. 

“shit, it’s raining.”

“language” he warns, drawing out the end of the word, he squints his eyes and looks closer out the window and to his surprise, it is raining 

“oh shit, it is raining!” he says through a surprised chuckle as he turns to look at you briefly, and then back to the road. 

“hey, what about your language?” 

he continues to rant on about the rain, and you look at him with a smile laughing here and there - but your mind is elsewhere. you are deathly afraid of thunderstorms, and you're afraid your night with xander is going to be ruined.

by now, the rain has rapidly increased in severity, and there's no doubt that there’s going to be thunder and lightning soon enough.

“this is gonna be so fun, we can do all sorts of things! i vote we should watch the scariest movies to ever walk this earth- actually, they don’t walk, they just exist. i vote we should watch the scariest movies to exist!” he says, smiling as he turns his head to look at you, one hand on the wheel and one resting on his own lap. his smile suddenly drops as he notices your unusual silence

“you’re awfully quiet; what’s wrong?”

you look out the window and then down at your lap, fiddling with your hands 

“i don’t know, i just don’t really like the rain, heavy rain. it scares me. it’s stupid, just forget  it." you wave a hand through the air and look back out the window 

he reaches his hand over to yours and settles on your thigh, then switches his focus back and forthfrom you and the road, ultimately settling on you when he stops at a red light. “it’s not stupid. we can watch that one movie you love to make you forget about the rain? yeah? 10 things i like about you?” he says giving you an encouraging smile.

you try to bite back your own smile “okay… fine” you say looking at him, “and it’s 10 things i hate about you.” you say, raising your eyebrows

“you have things you hate about me? let alone 10 of them? i’m offended” he says, putting a hand to his chest in fake agony. 

“eh, you’ll survive” 

“honestly, i’m not so sure i will.” he says as he puts his hand back on the wheel when the light turns green, his other hand still staying next to yours on your thigh. 

when you finally reach your house, you are both running out of the car in the rain to your front door. 

when you finally reach it, you’re both panting and out of breath. 

“oh my god,” you mutter under your breath. 

“somebody open the door.” you groan while repeatedly ringing the doorbell and knocking, but it seems to be overpowered by the rain. 

xander chuckles at your frustrated antics  “don’t you have a key?”

“oh, right,” you say defeatedly as your arms fall back to your sides, and then you dig in your pockets to find them. 

your hands fiddle with them as they are wet, and you can’t seem to hold it properly. 

you look up at xander, your face asking him for help. “help please?” you ask as you raise your hand with the keys towards his

“anything for you,” he says half jokingly (100% true) as he takes the keys from your hands and unlocks the door.

you’re about to walk in but you notice xanders intense gaze and the fact that he’s simply standing there, unmoving.

you turn to look at him, and hes unsurprisingly already looking at you.

he takes a step forward and moves some of your wet hair out of your face. 

“xander, what are you doing? we should get inside.”

he saw no point in beating around the bush. “i love you.” 

“what?” you barely whisper, your face showing your shock. 

“i love you, and im tired of pretending that i can just be friends with you. i can’t. it’s killing me every day,” he takes a deep breath in “from the day in 4th grade, to the robotics club, to hanging out with you everyday, i love you. everything about you, the way you feel for everyone, the way you smile, the way you say my name, the way you- the way you are. just you.” a small smile starts to spread across your face, unable to hide your emotions. “and every day im with you, i fall inlove with something new about you. like today, it’s the fact that you don’t like the rain, i don’t know why i love it, well i do- because it’s you. and that’s what runs through my mind 24/7. you” he finishes his long winded confession out of breath, sounding as genuine as ever. 

you stay staring at him for a few moments with pure love and adoration in your eyes.

“now’s usually the part where you speak,” xander says as he gestures his hand for you to speak, still breathless. and for the first time in your 4ish years of being friends with him, you notice a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

“i-“ you were genuinely too stunned to speak “fuck it.” you mutter, as you lean in to kiss him.

your arms wrap around his neck, his around your waist, and you’re on your tiptoes. he notices and cranes his neck towards you, crouching down so you can stand normally. 

his hands move away from your waist and towards your face and neck, and you shiver and pull away. 

“what?” he asks looking like a deer in headlights.

“you’re hands are freezing” you say through a giggle,

“oh,” he says, and he starts to laugh. “we should probably get inside,” he continues.

“we probably should.”

“yeah, any second now”

“yep” you look into his eyes and notice a new sparkle in them.

neither of you move, just staring into each other's eyes until you hear a loud bang, your head whips in its direction, and you see lightning. 

“okay, that’s our sign to actually get inside” you dryly chuckle as you grab xander’s hand and he follows you inside.

you spent the rest of your movie night cuddled up together, watching cheesy rom-coms on your couch.

 you end up falling asleep halfway through the second movie. 

he’s rambling on, and he suddenly cuts himself off, noticing your silence, and looks down at you.

when he notices you’re sleeping, he smiles to himself, switches off the tv, and carries you in bridal style to your bed. 

halfway through the walk to your bed your eyes start to flutter open and you look up at him with furrowed eyebrows as you take in your surroundings. “xan? what happened to the movie?” 

“you fell asleep,” he states matter-of-factly “it’s okay; we can continue another time” he says softly, not wanting to disturb your peace. 

he places you on your bed and pulls the cover over you. he kisses your forehead and then stands to look at you for a moment, then begins to walk away.

you open your eyes slightly and prop yourself up on your elbows, then you see his retreating figure “where are you going?” 

“oh, well you’re going to sleep, i figured you’d want your peace” he responds.

doesn’t he realize he’s your peace?

you shake your head “no, i want you." his eyebrows shoot up in amusement, and you mentally curse yourself for what you just said 

“i mean, can you stay with me?” 

you had the best sleep of your life that night cuddled with him. he held you like if he held you any looser you'd dissapear out of his arms.

and he stayed true to his word; you did finish the movie the next day.

a few days later, you were thinking about the confession he made, and you realized you never said anything back.

you decided to write a letter explaining your feelings - and all that you feel for him.

the letter ended up being two pages long.

you came to his house, gave it to him, and watched him read it with hopeful eyes.

he wanted to cry, laugh, and kiss you all at the same time.

he ultimately ended up settling on the last one. 

you’re now laying on his bed, a vinyl playing frank oceans “blonde” in the background which you’ve both decided on as your album.

“does this mean we’re officially together now?” you ask, raising your head from his chest to look at him in the eye.

“we’ve been officially together since that day in 4th grade, you just didn’t know it yet”he says looking down at you with a sarcastic smile, which you laugh at and hit his chest playfully. “i love you” you say,

 “i love you too.” 

that letter you gave him is one of his prized possessions- his most prized possesion.

it’s pinned to his wall next to trophies and famous physicians and inventors he loves, and a picture of scones, which is a major sign that he’s a goner for you. 

jameson teased him about it the first time he saw it.

jameson also had a black eye the next day! 

everyone you know is so happy that you two are officially together, but not happier than you two. 

thankyou so much for this requesttt, this was a super long one 😭😭 we all need a xander in our lives

[propertyofrjl]

I thought your Remus story was so cute and your writing is so good so I was hoping to request an image where the reader is either the twin of Sirius or James and there’s a very strict no dating siblings policy. Except, obviously, Remus doesn’t care and they secretly date anyways. And they’re like constantly sneaking around and trying to sneakily do stuff in the room with everyone else because they love the rush of possibly getting caught. Of course they do eventually get caught when everyone accidentally walk in on them in bed together. Either a smut or implied smut with some fluff please <3

Thank you Anon, that’s really sweet. I love this request so much omg, love a good brothers best friend trope I do.

Warnings: implied smut (post sex, hickeys) and some fluff

Remus Lupin x Potter!Reader

Don’t Freak Out

Rain was pounding on the window, grey clouds filled the sky with a gloomy yet comforting feeling and a harsh wind was blowing. While the world outside was chilled and bitter, you and Remus had found a way to keep warm in such treacherous weather.

You’d both decided to meet up for an afternoon rendezvous. Knowing James, your beloved twin, he would flip his lid if he found out one of his best friends was shagging his sister, but luckily he was somewhere on the quidditch pitch right about now, so the opportunity to have a little alone time was too good to pass.

A thin sheen of sweat coated your bodies, sheets tangled round your limbs as you rested your head against Remus’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat return to a normal rate. You felt quite relaxed and very satisfied, the young werewolf knowing your body so well that he left you in a blissed out state of contentment every time. His large hands held you close to his, fingers slinking their way up to trace the purpling marks he’d left across your neck and chest, a proud smile on his face.

“Love seeing you like this, Bun.” You looked up at him with droopy eyelids, the corners of your mouth lifting ever so slightly.

“Like what?”

“All fucked out, covered in these-“ he tapped a particularly large hickey that rested at the nape of your neck. “Y’Look so pretty for me Darling.”

“Not too bad yourself Moony.” You tease, leaning up to press your lips to his. It was lazy, and sloppy, but it was perfect, the lovely cherry on top of your wonderful afternoon together. But it was all shattered by the sound of the door to Remus’s dorm opening, loud boisterous laughter ruining the mood.

It was like all the air in your lungs had vanished, panic setting in as you realised there was nowhere to hide. This was it, James was about to discover the truth, and there was nothing you could do.

“What the fuck is going on?!” James’s voice boomed, bouncing off the walls and making you cringe in annoyance.

“Shit.” You heard Remus mutter as he helped pull the sheets tighter around you in order to keep your naked body shielded from the others. Along with James stood Sirius and Peter, both looking just as shocked, although Sirius began to snicker not long after while Peter’s eyes remained as round as saucepans.

“James, don’t freak out, let’s just talk about this like adults, yeah?” You tried, hands a little shaky as you reached for your wand so you could summon your clothes that were scattered around the room, quite comically you thought as your underwear flew down from the ceiling lamp.

“Don’t freak out? DON’T FREAK OUT?! I’ve just walked in on my best friend defiling my sister and you’re telling me to not freak out!” Sirius’s laughter grew with James’s anger. Remus cast you a nervous look, reaching for your hand under the blankets as James continued to rant about the whole situation.

“Look Prongs this isn’t just sex, we actually love each other.” Remus reasoned, squeezing your hand from under the blanket to try get his point across even more. Your cheeks flushed and your smile was full of love, scooching closer to him and kissing his shoulder tenderly. James watched with disgust and fake gagged.

“This is vile.” You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t be such a baby James, you can be mad about this all you want but it’s not going to stop, so you can either be happy about it and supportive, or you can shut up.” James seemed to be contemplating his choices, before he let out a disgruntled huff.

“Fine, but if you hurt her Moony, so Merlin help you.” Remus chuckled as the three boys went to leave, turning to face you.

“I think that could have gone worse.” He smiled, leaning over and planting a sweet kiss to your cheek.

“Yeh, and now he knows we don’t have to sneak around as much.” You two sat in silence for a little while, realising the change that was about to occur in your relationship, not sure how happy you were about it. Part of the fun had been sneaking around, the risk of being caught, but maybe this change could be good, the next step. Casting you gaze at Remus who was already looking at you, you gave a genuine smile which he returned, leaning forward and this time kissing your forehead. The fluttery feeling in your stomach made you giggle, you were definitely ready for more of Remus.

[elaanaa]

I guess it's time for a pinned post

Hai!

I'm elaanaa, a 23, bi femboy and a 196 refugee whose entire personality changes depending on the last piece of media I consumed. Sooo, instead of talking about myself I will just talk about my interests :3

TL;DR: im apparently a narcissist who loves to talk about themself, I shitpost and hornypost on main, I have nerdy and horny hobbies and want you to info dump about your hobbies in my dms NOW!

Vibeo Games

I mainly play 3 types of games that change depending on my mood:

Second Job Games

This is the category for games that are fun to play but require to play daily and basically become your 2nd job. Currently it's Genshin... 😞 but it's actually fun. The game is really enjoyable when you realise that you CANNOT 100% IT. So I just play where it lands with wish rng and make the best I can get.

2. Watching YT/Twitch Games

These are games that I play while I watch/listen to something. Right now I am playing some Yu-gi-oh Master Duel because I got an itch to play after listening to like 20h of Duel Logs videos (banger yt channel).

3. Story Games

And finally the Games. Right now I am playing Bladur's Gate 3 at my own, very slow pace (70h and in act 2). I am quite enjoying it, but so far I think I've enjoyed Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous a bit more. If you are going to take anything out of this post then please,

IF YOU LIKE BALDURS GATE 3 PLEASE CHECK OUT PATHFINDER WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS OMG THAT GAME IS SO GOOD, IT HAS SO MANY FLAWS AND IT FEELS UNPOLISHED BUT ITS SOOO GOOOOD <33333

so yeah, im very gamer 😎

Animeh

My favourite anime is by far Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Please watch it if you somehow haven't (or come here so we can watch it together while we cuddle 😳😳😳). I also really like Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaisen (but more on that in the next section)!

Men-gah

I started reading manga as a good way to pass time during slow days at work, but I really liked it! My top 3 manga, in no particular order, would probably be: JJK (as evident by Kirara in my profile picture), Demon Slayer (which apparently is a controversial opinion) and Chainsaw man. Currently I am looking for manga recommendations, so if you somehow got all the way down here and have some, feel free to dm them to me :3

Mewsick

I can't really describe genres of music I like, so instead I'm just going to say my favourite artists: I'm Geist (whose album cover is my profiles banner), heylog and basically anyone featured by biteki. The best word I found to describe this music is:

AltHyperEmoPopRapRock

Other than that, I just listen to whatever sounds good. Oh, and Hollow Knight and Risk of Rain 2 OSTs because they probably have some of the best music I've heard in a game (City of Tears, Mantis Lords and Rain formerly known as purple <333).

Whorenyposting

My latest "hobby", which developed after realising that "Dopamine coming from fictional numbers increasing" > "The fear of posing pictures of myself online". So look forward to Femboy Fridays (I definitely am :3)

Anyways, that ended up being waaaay longer than I expected (I guess i really do love talking about myself >.<). If you want to know more about me, want to make it even by infodumping your hobbies onto me or you are already in love with me - feel free to dm me :3

And remember - stay silly :3

(Picture in the post is from CHAOS! by geist - a certified banger)

[sillygooseun]

okay so since i haven’t posted much recently, i have a lot to share bc i’m. Like That™️ :D

anyway so i work at a small newspaper stand and occasionally they’ll let me edit or write pieces for the article! anyway, the other day, i was talking to one of my coworkers (omg i sound so adult) about hair dye/styles, and how different hairstyle/hair color means you’re often treated differently. (basically this post here) and our editor happened to walk by and here some of what i was saying, and he goes “Hey, you’re really passionate about that. I like it! Write this down, because even if it doesn’t make it into the paper, I want it in my office.” so of course i was all like “Okay! I’ll get right to it then!” so anyway i just thought that since i shared that post i wanted to also share what i wrote (it didn’t end up in the paper, but he actually pinned it on his wall!!! i’m so so proud!)

WARNING IT IS REALLY LONG SO DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THROUGH A LONG ARTICLE!!!

Hair dye. One of the many wonders of our world. You can look the way you want, because you have the power to choose. I’ve always loved the idea of dyeing my hair, and I’ve been dyeing it since i was 13 years old. Something that I’ve learned along the way is that people tend to treat you differently based on your hair color. A lot of people like to say the phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Except for the fact that a lot of the time, the people saying this are only saying it for their benefit. It is an intrinsically human behaviour to judge and feel judged. Now, you may be reading this going “Well, that’s only some people, because I would never judge anyone!” But thats where you’re wrong, and you know it. When we see other people, oftentimes our first thought is something bad. For example; “She should get a nose job,” or “That color does not look good on her.” We all judge people, even if we don’t realise it, because we live in a society where it’s normal to do so. But if you don’t think judging people is a horrible thing to do, I’m sure you’re going to be convinced by the end of this article.

I’ve been pushed around all my life. By bigger, older people, by boys, by girls, by adults. And I’ve never felt as though it was a bad thing, because I was told that every kid my age goes through it. But when I found out this wasn’t true, I was furious. Rage can feel different sometimes, and this time it felt like betrayal. It also felt sad, and cruel. I couldn’t help but think, “Why didn’t they just tell me? Why didn’t they do anything?” I know now that they couldn’t. Or, perhaps “wouldn’t” is a better choice of word. When I found out that I was being pushed around more than others, I felt out of place, and unnatural. A month after I had turned 13, I decided to dye my hair a bright purple color. I was treated 10 times worse than I had been with my natural, brunette hair. So I continued to dye my hair every color under the sun, when I realised that it was useless. At 14, I dyed my hair platinum blonde. I was treated better than I was before. My hair grew out, and I kept it blonde until I was 16. I felt more confident, less unsure of who I am, or where my place was. But everyone seemed to put me in this box. My male teachers started dumbing down subjects for me when I asked a question. Boys at school (whom I’ve known for years) started telling me I couldn’t play football with them. I was told that I “dont even know who that is” when wearing a sports jersey. I got tired of being talked to as if I’m stupid and worthless.

My mom is someone who I’ve always been close to, always looked up to. My mom has red hair, and when I was 16, I dyed my hair the same shade as hers. As you should know, girls are a little more matured at 16. Well, a 16 year old with red hair is apparently a target for older men. I was stared at by men twice my age at the gas station, the grocery store, and I was suddenly more liked by boys at school. At the time I had thought it was a normal thing, that all girls go through this. When I was talking to my friend about it I realised this was something that wasn’t happening to her. I was confused, and angry with myself for not realising. I let the red fade out of my hair, and gave it some time to go back to its natural color.

My hair healed from the chemicals in the hair dye. I was not treated as bad as I was with colored hair, not talked to as dumb as I was with blonde hair, and not sexualised the way I was with red hair. I could simply be, and that was enough for a while. Until I got bored of being normal, and dyed it again. I was called “an attention seeker” by classmates, friends, and even family. I’ve learned now to ignore them, because even though my hair is different, I’m not. I want anyone with dyed hair to know that you are still you. Unless you’re not. Some people are changing and some aren’t, and that’s okay! I’m 17 now, with green hair, and suddenly I’m “cool” and “edgy.” I don’t care what people think I am, because I know who I am. And I hope that you, dear reader, can also someday know what it’s like to know who you are.

[megu-meow]

Lol, I saw your question post, so I hope you don't mind :)))

3. When is your birthday?

4. What is your zodiac sign?

8. Where are you from?

12. What was your last dream about?

15. Favorite song?

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

28. What type of music do you like?

63. Biggest Fear?

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

71. What makes you nervous?

86. What are you allergic to?

Lmao sorry for all the questions 😂💕

OMG thank you for all the questions, I'm so excited >.<🥰

3. When is your birthday?

July 22

4. What is your zodiac sign?

I'm a cancer lol :)))

8. Where are you from?

I'm from Hungary, but I live in Denmark now

12. What was your last dream about?

The last dream I remember was lie a week ago: I was basically in the Harry Potter universe and I was the Chosen One, not Harry. So I was being hunted down by Voldemort and his Death Eaters and they finally got to me, but then I realised that I have powers like Gojo, so I had infinity I guess, because they were casting spells towards me and none of them reached me. I wanted to try using Hollow Purple on Voldemort, but my roommate/best friend was captured by Bellatrix Lestrange and they would have been caught in it, so I didn't. I think I woke up after that :)) I've been having very crazy dreams lately, I guess it's from melatonin.

15. Favorite song?

This is very hard, I LOVE music, I can't function without it.

All time favorite I would say is Self Control by Frank Ocean, but currently it's fool4love by ericdoa.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I think I want someone with goals in life. I don't really like people that are okay to settle and do not try to achieve something. Also, I feel like I would be most comfortable with someone that is good with communication, I think that's essential in a relationship.

28. What type of music do you like?

I mostly listen to rap and trap, but I like everything, honestly.

Some of my favorite artists would be Kendrick Lamar, J Cole, Lana Del Rey, Kid Cudi, Artctic Monkeys, etc.

63. Biggest Fear?

Death for sure. Also, snakes. I hate snakes, they're very scary.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle between the two. It really depends on my mood, usually I'm friendly and outgoing, but if I'm not in a good mood I like to be alone without talking to anyone. I think I'm leaning towards extrovert more.

Even this quiz, I've taken it like 5 times, and every time it's either INFP or ENFP, it really depends on my mood.

71. What makes you nervous?

I don't really know, probably confrontation.

86. What are you allergic to?

Oh boy, a lot of things :)))

Fruits with small seeds - like berries, UV light, some painkillers, bees, bleach, pollen, etc.

[damn-behzinga]

Strawberries + Cigarettes

Talia Mar X Reader

summary - Talia reveals her relationship with the read with a music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes

warnings - none, blink and you’ll miss it homophobia?

a/n - this is actually Troye Sivan’s song which you can listen to here

You woke up in bed and faced Talia, a small smile painted on your features. You rolled over and wrapped your arm around her torso, pulling yourself closer to her. You pressed a kiss to her cheek before nuzzling into her neck. Your eyes fluttered shut as you tried to fall back asleep when Talia’s voice surprised you.

“Good morning to you too.” She mumbled and a quiet laugh escaped your lips.

“Can’t I appreciate my beautiful girlfriend in the morning?” You replied, pulling away to look at her. She chuckled and reached forward to kiss you. You smiled against her lips before pulling away and pushing the blanket off you. “What do you fancy for breakfast? I have a wide range of options, ranging from shreddies to toast!”

Talia rolled her eyes at you as you smiled sarcastically. You gripped her hands and pulled her up. “Five more minutes!” She complained.

“You have a very important music shoot today, you can’t miss it!” You grinned at her. “C’mon, we don’t want to be late.”

Talia took a deep breath and you placed a hand on her cheek. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Talia. I won’t force you to do anything.”

“I’ll be here.” You stroked her cheek with your thumb and she reached her hand up and squeezed yours.

“I want to. I’m just nervous.”

You and Talia had been together for a year and, apart from your friends and family, no one knew. Talia had broken up with Simon after telling him that she wasn’t being herself and she was in love with someone else, you. Simon promised to keep her secret and, although heartbroken, vowed to be her best friend. The two of you kept your relationship a secret when Talia showed you her song called ‘Strawberries And Cigarettes’ about the two of you being in a relationship and proposed the music video concept.  You agreed hesitantly, explaining that although you were out and proud, Talia wasn’t and this would be a big step that will change a lot in her life and her career. Talia insisted, telling you that she wanted to get it out of the way so she could show you off.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you too.” You whispered.

A month passed and it was time for the music video to come out. You and Talia sat beside each other as you clicked play on the music video.

The video started with Talia lying on a light blue bed surrounded by pictures and roses. The camera panned out before the screen flashed to black with the title ‘STRAWBERRIES + CIGARETTES’ on the screen in bold letters.

Remember when we first met?

You said, "Light my cigarette"

So I lied to my mom and dad

And jumped the fence and I ran

But we couldn't go very far

'Cause you locked your keys in your car

So you sat and stared at my lips

And I could already feel your kiss

The video then jumped to Talia lighting a cigarette as her voice flooded the background. When the camera pans back there’s multiple people with cigarettes so it’s unclear who’s one she lit. Then she’s smiling softly at someone but someone then grabs her arm and she runs away from the crowd. When she passes the camera, it transitions to her by a lake with a picnic basket. She settles onto the floor and pours two glasses of champagne and strawberries on the glasses. The image flashes and suddenly the surroundings are dark and it’s clear Talia had been waiting a while. She stands up and packs the things away and once again the camera pans to her walking up to a door where she knocks on the door.

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to sixty, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

You open the door and grab a leather jacket before walking out and walking down the street when you reach into the picnic basket and steal a strawberry, biting into it and smiling at her. Talia smiles back at you, looking up and down. 

Remember when you taught me fate

Said it'd all be worth the wait

Like that night in the back of the cab

When your fingers walked in my hand

Next day, nothing on my phone

But I can still smell you on my clothes

Always hoping that things would change

But we went right back to your games

The two of you make it to a club where you grab Talia’s picnic basket and throw it to the side and pull her inside. You both take shots and laugh together. You dance together when a guy comes up and grinds behind Talia. Immediately you step in front, shoving the guy away before grabbing Talia’s hand and pulling her out as you rush out of the building. You’re both laughing as you yell at the sky, arms wide open as Talia watches from the side.

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to sixty, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

The camera pans once again and the two of you are sat in a car as you drive. You stop at a red light when Talia reaches over and holds your hand, you look over and smile and as you drive down the street, you throw your head out the window with one hand on the steering wheel. You are beaming with joy as Talia bites down a grin and copies you, going a step further so half her torso is out the window and she lets out a laugh.

And even if I run away

And give my heart a holiday

Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

You always leave me wanting more

I can't shake my hunger for

Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

The camera pans for the final time and it shows you and Talia in the room she was at the beginning, except it’s clean and a purple light fills the room instead of the dull grey like before. You are both looking at each other intently when she finally leans in and kisses you. You pull away and bite your lip before you both collapse on the bed, kissing once again. 

Yeah, they always taste like you

You

Long nights, daydreams

With that sugar and smoke rings

Always taste like you

But then Talia blinks awake. Everything in the shot is the same as it was in the first scene except this time, there’s a purple light and instead of roses and photos, there’s strawberries and cigarettes. There’s a leather jacket draped over her torso and she takes a deep breath when she sits up. She glances around the room and she grins as the camera shows you’re sat at the window with a cigarette dangling out your mouth, holding out the lighter. Talia stands up and walks over and slips the cigarette out of your mouth before kissing you gently on the lips. She pulls away before placing the cigarette in your mouth and lighting it. You both laugh and the video fades to black before showing the credits.

Headlights, on me (And even if I run away)

Racing to sixty, I've been a fool (And give my heart a holiday)

Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans (You always leave me wanting more)

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool (I can't shake my hunger for)

Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

“I’m so proud of you.” You lean down and catch her lips in a kiss, reaching a hand around to the back of her neck to pull her closer. You knew you would receive a range of responses but you just wanted to be with her, and only her.

“The fans are going to freak out. Talia, that was amazing!” You grinned turning around and kissing her cheek. You pull away to see that tears are running down her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Talia sniffles and wipes away some of her tears. “I’m going to finally be myself.”

When you did check your phone, you were met with a post that made you realise that no matter what, you and Talia would have support, even in the hardest times.

@/taliamarupdates - EVERYONE SHUT UP! THIS IS ALL I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS! TALIA IS LGBTQ+ AND SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND OMG

[rataltouille]

BONFIRE, BONFIRE!: A COLLECTION OF FLASH FICTION + POETRY

so i’ve decided to compile all twenty [these will be split into two so that the post isn’t super long] of the writing pieces i’ve done for my random celebration into one post so that it’s easier to read / access share!! you can also find it here, all put into one work, on wattpad, because i feel nostalgic about that website and decided to just post it!!

NOTE: i know that this shouldn't need to be said, but these 20 pieces belong to me so please don’t copy/repurpose it for your writing!! i plan on using these somewhere in my own writing and either way they’re stuff i’ve written so don’t use them!!

1. cooking + destructive + purple from @andiwriteunderthemoon [also i kind of cheated with this prompt and asked my sis @dreamscanbenightmarestoo for ideas and so the base idea’s from her!!]

I didn’t mean to set my house on fire, alright?

Let me set the scene: I’m sitting in my room, watching the infomercials that blur together, and suddenly there’s a bright purple flash on the glitching screen: /grapes/. They’re shiny, plump, and oh? A recipe for fine wine? Don’t mind if I do. So I pop into my kitchen and cut the grapes, dice them up, finally using the knife after years of not cooking— /mother, are you proud of me now?/— and stick the soft, luminescent fluid into a glass bottle. Following each step of the recipe.

The recipe didn’t mention an explosion.

Destruction rained around my house like a meteor shower. The bubbles from the fluid, frisking up at contact with metal, swam across my shoes and into the living room. It touched the TV, which still flashed the recipe, which I was still cursing at. And then, you know, it burnt up. The couch scorched first, I think. So that was fun. I later realised that I’d used my reserve of petroleum, which I’d put in my kitchen cabinet, instead of vinegar. I think I’ve got to move back in with my mother again.

2. running + quiet + sky blue from @kryskakikomi [i have no idea what this is i drafted this in a fever dream state]

Summer crawled up his skin like a worm. He was seated at his dining table, crosswording his way through the sticky morning, when it struck him that the humidity was new. He’d been caught in summer before, of course, but this year was different. His parents had whisked away to their hometown, and he still didn’t understand why he wasn’t allowed to go. He loved their home— he could have been running on beach sand and waves could have cruised over his feet, and his face would reflect sky blue under palm trees. Instead he sat doodling and scratching at cement walls in a quiet that nagged at his ears, grappling his flesh like a fishing hook, reeling him in. Boredom, him sister told him, before she also left for someone’s home. What would you know? he whispered once the door latched from the outside. Maybe /she’d/ like to sit on the same wooden chair, all the pink paint worn out, and scratch out squares of empty text until the pen poked through the other hand. He scoffed. At least he knew the number of scars on the wood; he could hold that over her when his parents returned.

3. hallucinate + hazy + violet from @chloeswords [i wanted to write something dreamy and ethereal but everytime i look at your url i’m reminded of church mud and indirectly my religious trauma so here we are 🤡]

We hold the book in our arms and chant for God. We don’t know what he looks like. They say that he’s sharp, never pixelating or blurring or showing through, like a hazy image would. No, children, our family says, he will come clothed in gold and velvet— the colour a deep and rich crimson, or chartreuse. And of course, he weaves a violet into his hair. Because he is just that humble. Just that gentle. Loving.

We’ve almost understood now. Pray, clasp our palms together into a transient equinox, and pray. Maybe he will shine down on us. Maybe we will speak so loud and chant so long that our lips will chap. Maybe we’ll simply hallucinate him to salve our bones. Our family says, he will bless you. And so he will.

4. halcyon + pluviophile + beige from anon [i was yearning for cats i am a cat person i love cats]

I remember my life before I moved to London,

Those halcyon days that I spent scooping up cat litter and brushing warm fur,

Being a mother to beige and white and black little felines.

They keep better company than humans.

Now I’m a self-proclaimed businesswoman, artist, influencer, pluviophile,

Even when I’ve barely stepped foot outside during the rain,

[But it needs to be said that when it rains in London, it pours].

I think I’d like to open a cat cafe;

I’m rich enough to pull it off.

5. sing + vulnerable + olive green from @occiidens [this was actually super fun to write because it’s a break from the typically unhinged stories i gravitate towards]

You watch from the highest hill of your town, hand wrapped around the serrated wood of a red oak tree. The bark pokes into your flesh, drawing blood that shouldn’t have been taken from you. You scowl. Just another thing that lives to cause you pain.

Three storeys down is a young man, short and smiling and lovely. He has dark skin and darker hair, walking with the stride of a deer, and he’s smiling; the joy reflects onto your face, even though you can’t hear him. He wears a cotton shirt, the olive green stark against the fire-blue sky. You call out, sing his name, three times in a row.

When he finally looks up, squinting as you silhouette under the sun, the smile widens. A wave. You’re suddenly overcome with embarrassment. Your palm digs into the bark until the wound is freshly dug again, the skin supple and vulnerable. You want to wave, but your hands would look so awkward, and the blood wouldn't help. So you turn on your heel and run— why are you so awkward?— and the grass around you is brighter. This is now a tomorrow issue, you conclude. You’re still smiling.

6. dislocate + ostentatious + blood red from @oasis-of-you [this got really unhinged really fast. TW: body horror]

If you take a turn at Finn Avenue,

Rogue your way down a blood red river,

[It’s not actual blood, do not worry. The colour’s a pigment and it’s saturated enough to give you the texture, the touch, the taste of blood, but I repeat, it isn’t true blood. You might think that it’s ostentatious of us to make you cross a river like that, but you’ll understand why.]

And if can stick your fingers inside the fluid,

You’ll find a bone.

Don’t pull it out fully! Only observe.

[This is a real bone, most likely animal. We may be ominous, but we don’t hurt humans. Not yet.]

So what do you do now? You want passage into a better world.

You came here because you saw the brochure, the flyer,

Radiant Idyll, home for love, but you also saw the jutting anatomy that leads to the city. The pictures were rather clear.

Why do you look so surprised? We’ve put this on the brochure— don’t you ever read the fine print?— to avoid this exact situation. That you would cross a body, a skeleton, pooled over in a fluid that we don’t name, but it’s probably alive.

It’s watching you right now.

So what do you do now?

Hurry up, unhinge your arm, dislocate the elbow, drop it into the blood, forgive me, false blood, and pay for your passage.

Oh! Excellent; that’s record time. We do hope you enjoy your stay!

1. @noteaboy [i’ve interpreted your url as ”note, a boy”]

There’s an orange tree. It’s spring, and there’s an orange tree, and it brims with fruit and citrus perfume. Point your lens flare downwards, and note, a boy. A young man, perhaps, because he combs his hair, uptight and firm, and he wears a tie. A long suit. He doesn’t look up, because his hand holds a book. /He/ holds the book, not the hands— tenderness doesn’t translate through anatomy, I’ve taught you this before. He’s waiting for someone. There’s only the rustle of leaves. He drops the book onto the lap of the tree, crushing the apple that had fallen down. Orange, not apple. Take note better. You only have one chance to get this right.

2. @eatingjupiter [your url is so beautiful omg]

The goddess had said this before she died: you need to watch over him. He needs your sentry to survive. The goddess’ words weren’t heeded. Little baby Jupiter tottered on lava as him parents small-talked with their kingdom. Well, it must have been small talk, because nothing seemed to happen afterwards other than his mother’s face collapsing in agony, anger, annoyance. He knew not to touch them then. He’d fly off into the sun one day, but if his hands were but and charred, he wouldn’t survive even a third of the journey.

The prophecy was simple: the firstborn to the kingdom will metamorph into a celestial, purify themselves so that only stardust remains. Live in the sky forever. The astrologers were baffled; you don’t just become a star. They should have heeded the goddess.

Jupiter was sixteen when he expanded and collapsed all at once. He still lives, they say, and the astrologers /were/ right, in a way: people just don’t become stars. They become almost empty space. Nobody knows if his hands were burnt when they left earth’s orbit forever.

3. @laughtracksonata [your name gave me slight horror vibes idk why!!]

Hahaha. The Horror Movie (don’t ask me for a name, I’m not good with those), with its cymbal crashing and plastic sounds, it’s so loud and scary that it hurts, father. Please turn it off.

Father doesn't listen. I shiver on the couch. The screen flickers like radio static and reflects off our wide eyes. What kind of a home is this anyway? I don’t want to fucking listen to a laugh track or a horror VHS tape or watch the bass crescendo as the serial killer jumpscares the watcher. I don’t think that having hour pupils glued to the same blood-splattered movie, with the same recording looping in his eardrums will help him. He laughs along, sometimes. It’s scary. Father needs a new hobby.

PART TWO COMING SOON!!

anyway this got REALLY long so i’m posting the third prompt group, the one based on songs, as a second part in some time. i hope you enjoy this, and PLEASE do boost!! i spent a lot of time writing these pieces and am pretty proud of them :’)

general taglist: @lovingyou-is @guulabjamuns @andiwriteunderthemoon @coffeeandcalligraphy @melonmilk @silentlylostwriter @charles-joseph-writes @eklavvya @eowynandfaramir @bitterwitchwrites @laughtracksonata @whatwordsdidnttouch @indeliblewrites @thenataliawrites @summersguilt @illimani-gibberish @sarahkelsiwrites @writing-in-delirium @shaelinwrites @sienna-writes @chewingthescenery @jennawritesstories @chloeswords @aelenko @keira-is-writing @cherylinanika @infinitely-empty-pages @jmtwrites @august-iswriting @freedelusionbanana @beetleblue88 @mistercaleb @iwannawritepls @hanwatchingmovies @mortallynuttyqueen @idratherliveinnarnia @maisulli @thegreyboywrites @ahowlinwolf @ravens-and-rivers @oasis-of-you @yanittawrites @chazza-writes-sometimes @skyfirewrites @lovebenders @treybriggsthewriter @themidnxghtwriter @ash-karter @queen-devasena @a-procrastination-addict @gaymityblight @beyondthebracken @madmaxst26 @adielwrites @moonpixxel @hollow-knight-dnd @keep-looking-here @overlap @ashleygarciawrites @ryns-ramblings​ @wordsbynathan @novaemlynlewis​ @sophiewritingstuff​ @howdy-writes​ @occiidens​ @nsanelyawkward​ @viawrites-andacts​

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 

The origin story 

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 

The reception 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 

Meaning 

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 

Writing 

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 

Daichi 

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 

He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 

The music 

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 

Some of the notable ones: 

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 

When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 

The merch  redbubble drama 

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 

How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 

[ughgclden]

CONGRATS LOVE I'M SO PROUD 💕💕 YOU'RE AMAZING AND YOU DESERVE IT<333

Now i have a problem because i want all of them but i'm going to ask for 🧸(romantic) and because i can't choose i'll let you decide between 📜 and 🪐 (sorry jsoabskal)

My description: I love nature, it mesmerizing how beautiful it is and I especially enjoy the night because i love astrology, the stars and the moon. I'm kind of shy but when i find something i like i can't stop talking about it. If i like something, it becomes an obsession quickly. I'm the outsider of my friend group so i kind of always pay attention to everyone so they don't feel alone. I love Taylor Swift and Lorde and i want a relationship like the ones in Hozier's songs. I have an HUGE crush on Conan Gray. My coping mechanism is sleeping, reading and listening to music. My favorite color is purple . I write but i'm to shy to post it, but some times i do it. I have 6 books in my nightstand and i've started 4 of them. There are periods of time when i read like 3 books a month or i can't read at all in 4 monts, there is no in between. I can't sleep without my teddybear and i'm always cold.

If you decide to do 🪐 my prompt: the poets find out cam and the reader have feeling for each other and they try to bring them together

CONGRATS AGAIN DARLING AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO :') (Sorry if it's too long)

thank you sm darling omg that means so much!!! of course, i'll do all three of those for you 💌

i'd pair you with..

this boy is in love with you, i swear. he really appreciates how much you pay attention to everyone you're with, often feeling like he can fall into the background in most conversations. so having you there, showing him you're listening, is a confidence boost he really needs. he also makes sure to extend this to you, making sure you always feel included wherever you two are.

todd also loves nature, and really admires how much beauty you can find in the world! he'll often take you on dates like late night picnics, so you can admire the moon and he can admire you. he'll point out things he thinks are particularly beautiful to you, like some colourful flowers or a butterfly, purely to see your face light up.

since you're always cold, todd will constantly carry around a spare jacket, or offer you his hoodie or sweater if you even so much as shiver around him - before you can say anything, he's shoving it into your hands clumsily with a shy smile.

he'll happily listen to lorde and taylor swift with you - he loves fearless (taylor's version) but you didn't hear it from me - and finds himself humming some of their songs under his breath after spending time with you. todd also tries his hardest to make you feel like your relationship has been stripped straight from a hozier song; he takes a leaf out of knox's book and tries to become more of a romantic, just to see you smile.

todd isn’t the most informed about astrology, but will happily listen to you talk about it and will ask you about his birth chart and what each of his signs mean - he instantly asks if your signs are compatible

will happily fall asleep with you whenever you get tired - he'll let you cuddle up into his side and will play around with your hair or trace shapes onto your arms until you've fallen asleep. it doesn't take long for him to doze off too.

he'd always love to read your writing, but would never force you to show it to him as he knows what it's like to be shy about your writing. if you do share something with him, he'll shower you in praise and compliments, making sure you know how talented you are and pointing out his favourite bits to you.

he thinks it's extremely cute you can't sleep without your teddybear. he buys you some that he thinks are cute, so you always have one when he sneaks you into his dorm, even though he knows they won't be as good as the real thing.

📜 - i adore seeing your posts on my dash, or seeing your url in my notifications - it always makes me smile! you genuinely seem so sweet and lovely, and your blog is just perfection <3

and for your headcanons!

it’s charlie who first realises cam’s feelings for you. cameron isn’t the best in handling romantic feelings, so his awkward interactions with you are more than enough evidence that he has a crush.

being charlie, it doesn't take long for this information to spread to the rest of the poets, who take any opportunity to playfully tease cam about his crush. he gets way too flustered and tries his hardest to deny it, but there's no point.

it's a few weeks afterwards that you confide in todd that you have feelings for cameron, not knowing that he returns them. todd immediately relays this information to neil - feeling a little bad for betraying your trust, but knowing it will end well for you both.

from that moment, the poets try their hardest to set you up. meeks casually mentions to cameron that you need help with a specific maths problem, or you just so happen to get stood up by the poets when you were supposed to be hanging out as a group.

cameron quickly realises what they're trying to do. so, he bites the bullet before it can get too out of hand and confesses. luckily for him, these feelings are reciprocated.

thanks so much for sending something in lovely, i hope these were okay!!!

[karaslluthor]

supercorp fanfic masterpost pt.2

this has been in my drafts for over a year so here ya go and hasn't been updated since then but if u haven't read these then ur welcome. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

its literally a big ass list jsyk and i did all the tumblr tags back then so idk if they are still the same users but hopefully lmao. 

original part 1 is here boysss

MULTI FICS

somewhere i have never travelled (http://archiveofourown.org/works/9268886/chapters/21008012)

kara and lena visit all different places lenas lived and then they find a home together and its super cute and fluffy I cry

Paranoia Incarnated - @justmickeyfornow

mickey is my fucking supercorp spiritual guider with the best fucking fic and ive read it about 322934 times and still is sooo good. Also the whole heartbeat thing KILLS me. SO MUCH ANGST but literally its worth the death u go through trust me

Transcendent Interactions 

Kara and lena share this bond thing from birth and can feel each others emotions and they finally meet and its so great like im actually fucking in love with this fic and kara gets herself off all the time thinking lena doesn’t know idk just read it u wont regret I stg

Closer and Closer (Until We Collide) - @hallow777 

Im a slut for bed sharing tropes and this is so CUTE like lenas all freaking out because she keeps waking up cuddling kara and alex is oblivious to everything and its just soooo good

So, This Happened?

Drunk kara leaves drunk alex for a more suitable cuddle buddy aka lena lesbian luthor and lena sleeps in a supergirl t shirt bc of course

Sojourn 

Holy mother of fuck as if this fic didn’t absolutely ruin my fucking life??? Lena has to go to London for a month so she invites kara to come with her and lena has a gay awakening and realises shes in love with kara and its SO FUCKING GOOD

just one wrong move (baby, baby)

lena is having karas baby from this alien tech accidentally! And lena is so loved and its so cute like honestly and obviously they fall in love bc duh

hold me, my dear (and don't let go)

kara is a professional cuddler and lena hires her services bc shes a sad touch starved young lady and deserves to have some hugs in her life hello fluff my old friend discovering the moon 

alex and lena brotp and holy fuck does it deliver!!!! Alex is like a wingwoman we all need and kara and lena just need to communicate tbh but AMAZING

Focus on Something You Love, and Breathe

Lex is a little shit as always and wants to kill lena bc he thinks shes in love with supergirl (which she is) so kara says she can stay with her and obviously the angst is juicy and ruined my life. So. Good. Read. It.

Offstage 

College theatre au but like literally one of the best college aus ive ever read!!!! Lenas just a big lesbian and karas confused and they bang secretly and its glorious

it's a boy!

lena takes in a super powered alien baby that falls from the sky and gets a weird neighbor in the form of kara danvers and theres not many chapters yet so im not sure whats happening with kara yet but im super excited for this!!!

Break My Fall 

Kara dates monel but kisses lena as supergirl and its angsty and smutty and all round a good fucking time

carefulness can be damned 

Post 3x7, literally smut with some plot need I say more??

A Foolish Wit - @seabiscuits-us​

if you haven’t read seabiscuits fics are you even a supercorp fan?? Lena needs a husband and Clark Danvers is positively charming and also actually disguised as a man, I mean.. quality content

In My Veins

im soooo excited for this fic because the lena/alex brotp is written so well!!! Basically lena and alex become really good friends bc they both deal with their issues by drinking obvs and kara thinks they are secretly dating and gets upset and im SO READY FOR THIS ANGST

Would You Catch Me If I Fall For You ('Cause I'm falling) 

This is absolutely amazing and so captivating and I was honestly on edge the whole time kudos to the author!!!!! Kara goes back in time to warn lena about her dying on the venture and lena falls in love with her but she disappears and then when real kara and lena meet, kara doesn’t remember knowing lena and ughsalkdhsla its so good.

We Need a New Song

Oh my good golly gosh this fic ruined my life. Ballet au that has barely any ballet and an abundance of GAY and I had to take a moment after reading this to collect myself tbh

and stick it into someone else's heart 

Rhea infected lenas boobs in a cage dress with some weird alien stuff and her and kara have to bang or THEY’LL DIE pretty much but they love each other

The Laws of Fate 

soulmate au where everyone has a red string and lenas points to the sky and shes confused af but it’s a gay slow burn and the angst is good for ur soul

My Sun 

Lena gets into a car accident and kara thinks she died but lex is a maniac and wants lenas help and fdjsaklfs it’s a rollercoaster let me tell you

Mercy on Me 

lena falls under black mercy and in order to bring her back karas has to break her poor little gay heart bc lena thinks her and kara are in looooove AWWW heart shatters

Be your own Hero 

Collection of supercorp one shots!!!!!! Quality content lemme tell yaaaa

pick a blossom and hold it to your breast (honey, you know that’s my love bursting loud from inside) 

kara and lena rely on their late night phone calls with each other and get the feels and go on a date and they are just cute adorable dorks that are nervous  

your voice is pretty, baby (but i’d rather have your pretty skin instead) 

part 2 of pick a blossom ^^^ still adorably cute and a smut chapter I mean come on, treat yoself

Firsts 

kara and lenas first told in the cutest wayyyyyyyy

Whispers 

lena works with lillian to save supergirl and its oh so angsty and kara always believes her girl bc that’s canon

My personal Santa in heels 

Kara loves Christmas almost as much as she loves lena, almost

Timer 

Soulmate AU where everyone can have a device installed to tell them the time until they meet their soulmate, kara and lena love each other but kara cant have a timer installed obvs kryptonian skin and its so cute and soft and angsty

The Fatal Flaw 

Super cool and different fic and keen to see more chapters from this!! Kara doesn’t have her powers (yet) and she meets lena at a party at college and then clark tells her shes actually an alien ooooo im keen

Stay the night 

Lena inherits the national city womens basketball team and star player kara danvers is a muscly babe and they try not to fall in love BUT ITS JUST TOO HARD BECAUSE THEY ARE SOULMATES also I love jack in this such a wingman

1865 

MATTTTTTTTEEEE lena is the daughter of the governor and shes a little rebel. She falls in love with kara but her family has arranged her marriage to monel BUT LIKE THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH btw they are aliens but like in 1865 so cool. Pls update I love this so much

All Our Bodies in the Grass - @seabiscuits-us​

fuckkkkk this fic honestly, amish au and lena knows nothing but kara is down to help her out while also sharing lovely girl mags ;)

B.F.F.W.E.B

Kara and lena are friends with benefits but feels get involveddddd, lenas a useless lesbian

All the little lies 

Kara comes to earth and falls in love with lena but she has to go back to krypton and breaks lenas heart in the process, but she comes back and its only been like 7 months but its been like 3 years for lena!!! (I cant remember exact dates don’t judge me)

half melted m&m's 

lena needs a fake wife to stay in the country so kara is ever so helpful and agrees to be her wife, oh I do love a fake wife trope and this delivers!!!!

The Wrong Superhero 

Lena gets saved by batwoman and supergirl thinks she is super jealous because of superhero-related reasons but shes just in love with lena

We'll Take on the World 

College au, just useless fools in love that need to communicate and make out more

And they call me from beyond the stars 

Omg I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH ok so kara is a ghost (still from krypton and stuff) but no one can see her except lena so lena works on trying to get her back into the physical plane of existence so she can find alex but they FIND LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER oh my god so angsty let me tell ya be warned

Wait for me to come home 

https://lostariels.tumblr.com/

idk where to even start on this fic honestly, im pretty sure most people have read this bc it’s a rite of passage but fuck it gets me everytime!!!! Army au and there is so much angst and I love it

An Unexpected Surprise 

supercorp baby au!!! Kara and lena bang and kara ends up preggers. Iconic  

Days in a Lifetime 

Kara and lena grow up together, massive slowburn but worth the wait!!!!! ACTUALLY GO AND READ ALL OF STENS BECAUSE I JUST REALISED HOW MANY I PUT IN HERE AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GREAT

Do you wanna (like you know I do) - @seabiscuits-us​

another seabiscuit, I couldn’t not put this in!!! CAPE COD and sharing of bunk beds!!! Pls update this my soul is withering away

Purple and Black are my Favorite Colours 

Kara gets in contact with kryptonite that makes her gp! And her and lena b a n g    

ONE SHOTS

danishes and other sweet treats 

oh my fuck this is so cute and its like a long one shot so I mean get on it because kara and lena go to a conference and share a hotel room need I say more  

Sun Kissed 

Kara takes lena on a roadtrip to the science museum for her birthday and my good golly gosh its so cute I could ascend to heaven

Only Human 

A one shot with two chapters in different POV but lenas jealous of monel and then supercorp bang and its all angsty and lena protects kara and tbh they need to communicate but happy endings and love all round

The Right Thing 

Lena freaks out because lex knows her and supergirl are dating and does the most dramatic thing (of course) by distancing herself from kara and did I say angst???/ also I cried multiple times in this

funny how the stars crossed right 

Kara and lena keep meeting at parties and have super dorky costumes and fall in love (literally love anything written by you btw, im going to go ahead and say I would have all yours bookmarked so everyone just check them ALL out)

Accidental Text

kara accidentally sends a love confession to lena and its short and cute!      

Unspoken Promises

supergirl and reign battle and lena finds out about kara being supergirl and supercorp are just obliviously in love

Green (Kara loves it and hates it in equal measure)

Im a sucker for a jealous trope and boy does this deliverrrr. Karas hella jealous of lena having other friends but realises its because shes super in love with her

Crush

Karas jealous because lena is flirting with supergirl but lena knows kara is supergirl so shes actually flirting with kara, nice!

My Donuts

Karas really jealous of sam and lena spending heaps of time together and then kara walks in on them having donuts and she fucking loses it because its their thing duh.

when we get there 

Lena invites kara to her beach house to chill and they obvs fall in love because they are cute af

Have a Break 

Lena is determined to work out how to use a vending machine to get kara her candy and kara and winn are watching it all unfold via cameras in catco, basically lena vs. the machine (himym singing voice)

Self doubt and comforting talks 

Drunk kara, comforting lena fluff and adorableness

Shopping carts and a beautiful girl 

Kara crashes into lenas car in a shopping cart and they go on a date and its SO CUTE

Distractions 

lenas oblivious to kara being supergirl even though kara slips up all the time!!! #nicehalloweencostumekara

Lip Bites & Long Gazes 

lenas a big gay flirt and kara gets frustrated and flustered and calls her out and they make out

Off the Record 

kara spots lena at a gay club and they dance and make out *lizzie mcguire voice this is what dreams are made of*

Not so secret 

the superfriends take a weekend away and kara and lena bang pretty much smut but its cute

come be my lover, be my getaway car 

How many amazing tropes can you fit into one fic (aka the fic that made me lose my fucking mind oh my god its so good, had it include)

A one time thing

Kara and lena end up banging in a motel and kara has an internal meltdown its great

This is Home 

Listen here, this is the most adorable thing my two eyes have ever witnessed. Lena doesn’t really have a home kara the sweet soul she assists her in finding a home with her (aka its kara, kara is her home get it)

Her Biggest Fan 

lena is apart of the supergirl fandom, aka shes me

Drunk Puppy

kara being a drunk gay mess wanting to hunt seashells with lena

Act Natural

kara and lena have hickies and try to hide them on a beach trip with the gang  

Like a date, date 

kara asks lena on a date and lena has a gay panic attack pretty much

Datable 

everyone thinks kara and lena are dating so they just start dating? Amazing

Stop following me, creep 

Please clarify 

Lena tries to tell kara she loves her and wants to date but karas an alien and just doesn’t get it, so cuteeeee

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 1) 

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 2)

Soulmate au!!!! Any ink on your skin appears on your soulmates and omg its so cute like kara draws all this art on herself and lena gets to see it too!!!!!

Muddle my heart (then add a dash of lime) 

Kara keeps going to the bar because punk/bartender Lena is a babe and she has a big lesbian crush on her

be hopeful, don't get broken (stay caught up in the moment) 

angsty dog au and I mean PUPPIEs and SUPERCORP need I say more?

The makings of a family 

Clark is the one who arrives after being stuck in the phantom zone and kara has to look after him and lena helps her out and wow new baby for supercorp

Let Your Guard Down 

Lena in a DEO uniform sparring with kara and its so angsty because lenas mad at kara for not telling her the supergirl secret and then they bang and did I already mention lena in a DEO uniform???  

Do you not like the service here?

Thirsty kara and waitress lena, lenas jealous of alex l o l

here is where time is on our side (part 1) 

our corner of the universe (part 2) 

long oneshot but fuck me its so good. Post daxamite invasion/mon-el coming back and both are healing from everything and go on a roadtrip just wherever the map takes them and oh my fuck its so cute and everything u want in a fic. Part two is the follow up

The Uncanny Valley 

cadmus replaces real lena with a robot version and kara didn’t know but then kara finds lena and its cute  

put these battered bones to rest 

soulmate au (you should know by now im a sucker for a good soulmate au), lena has a foreign name on her hip (its kara btw)

pain

another soulmate au hhehehe soulmates feel each others pain obvs both these babies have a lot of paiiiiiin in their lives

Love is Garbage 

Literally a garbage truck au, im not even going to say more

i know you're out there somewhere waiting (i know the stars can hear us praying) 

Whats this??? Another soulmate au!!! Classic lover one arm, enemy on the other, honestly lena deserves more and just waits for kara to love her and I love this fic, also they help sam!!  

Monster in the Mirror 

Supercorp reveal in the middle of the lena/edge poisoning children episode oooooooh so angsty but happy love ending

Safety 

Supercorp first ever sleepover!!! This is so cute stop

Please Clarify 

Lena tries to ask kara out in every single way possible and kara is an oblivious alien

love is a flower, you gotta let it grow 

Unrequited love makes u grow flower petals in your lungs but when ur love is returned it clears up, this was dope and I love ur work

where our hands hurt from healing - @seabiscuits-us​

its seabiscuit do I need to say more?????? I will tho. Alex and lena match on tinder and become besties and I live for alex/lena brotp so….

blessed be (the mystery of love) - @seabiscuits-us​ 

*dj Khaled voice* ANOTHER ONE, look I love every single fic this one does not disappoint and nothing like a good light hearted first date fisting hahahahahaha

The Luthor and the Super That Saved the World 

Fit it fic for the season three finale where there is more supercorp and less shit writing, LOVE STENS WORK

Kara Danvers and the Brown Belt of Lesbianism 

Karas gay brown belt that she always wears that makes her look like a big ol lesbian drives lena mental bc she so gay

SIN

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BY JAZZFORDSHIRE IM NOT FUCKING JOKING LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THIS SMUTFEST AND LIVE UR BEST FUCKING LIFE AND IF YOU HAVENT READ THE CAMPING AU UR NOT EVEN A SUPERCORP STAN

Pleasure 

like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry 

What Happens in the K Room Doesn't Stay in the K Room 

green-eyed monster

Kara shows Lena what makes her Super 

Supergirl, Kara, and a Luthor walk into a bar... 

Late Night Heroics 

Good Vibrations 

Two Lena Luthors and a blonde walk into a bedroom... 

Her perfect match 

Girls' Night 

Happy Halloween, Supergirl 

What She Wants 

make the rules then break them 

an animal within an animal 

THE WILDEST THING IVE EVER READ, STRAP THE FUCK IN (youll understand my pun when you’ve read it)

[mafaldamfranco]

Week 4 +1= 5 +1=6 (- 1000)= life

I know....

I was out from here

I just realise I was not updating since week 3 and we are in week 7 already.

My bad 🤦‍♀️

**Same is happening to be everyday in whatsapp. I don't reply to someone once and suddenly 4 months have passed.**

Well, I still want to share my experience during this weeks so for don't make it too long I will report my weeks in thoughts.

WEEK 4 (high fidelity project alone): 

“what????”, 

“omg its already wednesday, have nothing”

 googling...” can a app be fluorescent ?” 

“how I will choose the colours?”

“can I use all the colours?”

“love purple”

“makes sense a web be purple?”

googling...” worst web design ever” 

 ** Love the results of my search and just add my fav to this post. Would love someone pay me to do this. **       

“I should be more organised next time”

“omg nevan told me I should be more organised. I was right. Should I go and organise my room??”

“I`m procrastinating”

“I have no time, lets work”

WEEK 5  (redesign a web in group):

all above + having fun because I was not alone + learning so many things about Figma with my partner. 

WEEK 6  (high fidelity project alone in 2 weeks):

This time I try to organise myself and I made it. I made a big research, I write everything down, I put everything in order and COVID got me before I open Figma.

On Wednesday I start feeling bad and on Friday after 2 PCR I discover I was with COVID.  

I spend 5 days in bed and today I start feeling like a person (alive) again and able to start working. 

I still feel tired and with some headache and I literally don't smell or taste  anything but I start feel better. 

Sometimes things don't go as expected but right now I will  try to track everything, not sure when or how however I know everything is going to be fine soon. 💜

[theouterbankpogues]

kie and jj (+pope) after the movie night fight in episode 4

hehe first piece of ff for this fandom! excited and ready for all the slow burn, angst and character development. let’s all pray for that s2, but until then, here’s a little fic! any love is so greatly appreciated :))

pope decides to head back home after the fight and get some sleep because he has too much anxiety to stay in figure 8 after what happened with topper, rafe and kelce. after driving pope back home, kie decides to drop jj off until she realises how badly he’s bruised. what i imagine the rest of the night looked like for jj, pope and kiera

author : theouterbankpogues aka vi

fandom : kie x jj | outer banks on netflix

tags : mostly fluff

warnings : none

kie, pope and jj get back onto the mini-van and the adrenaline causing her heart to beat in her ears starts to subside 

she’s starts the engine, despite the pain, bruising and soreness setting in, pope and jj can almost feel her anger from the driver’s seat

“what the fuck did you do to them you assholes? you almost died tonight, are your egos as fucking big as your will to die? what the fu-”

“those damn kooks beat up pope with their golf clubs kie! were we just supposed to fucking take that?” “what the fuck did you say?”

the air got tense suddenly, kie’s anger seemed to shift, she pulled the brakes and the mini-van came to a halt underneath a flickering lamp post

she looked backed at them, her expression had softened; pope took it as an invitation to continue “i was just doing the delieveries for my dad and they ambushed me, said ‘no pogues on this side of the island’” he drew out a long sigh, “i was tired kie, tired of them always fucking winning, always getting the best of me”

“we sank the boat, topper’s new stupid wavesetter”

kie was quiet for what seemed like forever, pope and jj seemed to nervously glance at each other without knowing what else to do

“oh you absolute fucking justified idiots” she couldn’t help but leap out of the front seat and pull them both into a hug, she seemed to let go of a breath she didn’t even know she was holding 

after a string of moans and chuckles, she let them go, “the security cameras were out right?” “we think so” “you think so? god jj i swear-”

“don’t worry okay, they were out... theY were oUT!!”

she slapped them both across their non-bruised arms (she checked) and at the cue of their strangled string of curses, started driving again; “do y’all want to stay over at my house? i could sneak you in, it’s late and i just don’t want y’all to be alone right now.”

pope and jj couldn’t be more thankful for kie sometimes, but for pope, today wasn’t one of those days; ��nah kie, i need to get home, i just need some sleep in my own bed, one that’s no where close to where those kooks imagine coming. i almost died tonight, safe to say i wanna wake up to my mom’s cooking’

so in ten minutes, she drops pope off and gives him another tight hug, just for her own comfort, to know that he was alright, that whatever they did, they were gonna manage it all together. 

she goes to close the mini-van door and that’s when she really sees how badly jj was also ambushed in the fight, he groans as he tries to beat her to closing the door. “uh uh, there’s no way you’re going home like this, how bad does it hurt?” it’s not as bad as it-” “stop bulshitting me, you have a bust lip and i saw kelce get some good hits to your stomach, do you even have a first aid kit back home?”

the pointed tone she used with him and the pain of the bruising willed him to shut up and accept his fate he was secretly (and genuinely) sort of thankful for it, he really didn’t want to go home

after sneaking into the house and successfully into her room, kie switches on a lamp light; “i’m gonna go get the first aid kit, go take a shower so i can put something on your wounds” she whispers while tossing a towel to jj, she used the same pointed tone that made it non-negotiable, he sighed

“a pair of track-pants and a hoodie are on the second drawer on the left, you’re my size, it should fit.” she says as quiet remark while closing the door behind her 

when she re-enters the room, she finds a very half-naked jj setting the towel aside. he knowingly smirks at her.

she does try to will a pool in her stomach she doesn’t recognise, her friends were all so goddamn attractive omg

“oh shut up you asshole” 

jj tries to keep his heart steady at her voice slightly strained like that, what was that? 

she gestures him onto the bed and he obediently sits opposite her. the mattress sinks at his weight almost too comfortably; it was something jj was still getting used to, they’d been friends for so long but her privilege always stunned him. 

she handed him some vaseline and gestured to his lips, “it’ll make sure the rest of your lip doesn’t dry out because of the cut, you’ll thank me tomorrow” 

she actively pretends not to notice how soft his lips looked under the dim light and how intently his blue eyes were staring at her

“yes ma’am” 

she tries not to grin at how that nonchalantly makes her heart flutter, god he was such an idiot

she moves on to examine his torso, there was a littering of small pale-blue and purple bruises on him 

she carefully begins to work her way through them with some cotton balls and ointment

jj finds it so weird how gentle she is, her brows are furrowed in concentration and she hums in satisfaction as she does every two or so bruises

he can’t help but think of how beautiful she is, just so purely beautiful and so so cool. her hair was so curly and her skin looked so soft...

sure she’d done this before - pope, him and jb had gotten into so much trouble in the last few years, but a year without her making sure they were okay had weirdly changed it

he realises how much he missed her not being there the last year she spent full kook

their comfortable silence, with her tending to the bruises and jj thinking about her the shenanigans they’d managed to get into over the years, was only broken when she stood back up to re-pack the first aid kit

she continues “im gonna go shower, you can take the bed, i’ll just sleep on the couch”

“no it’s okay, i’m definitely taking the couch-”

“my house my rules asshole, you’re taking the bed”

and there was that tone again, only his exhaustion seemed to give him courage to retort

“kie i’m not letting you sleep on the couch, we can share the bed” jj didn’t even realise those words coming out until they did 

kie tried not to make it a big deal, she was taken a back sure, but she was chill..... so chill

“okay then, sharing it is”

that’s when jj registered their exchange

ten minutes later, after she had changed into some pj shorts and a t-shirt, she realised jj still hadn’t put a shirt on and was asleep soundly under the comforter

as soon as he felt the comforter dip next to him, he turned to face her, mostly asleep kie ignored her heart racing

“thank you” 

jj slept so incredibly peaceful that night 

ofc they woke up comfortably snuggling, they swore never to speak of it again