#(often seen as an outsider)(denied opportunities to define myself)(put on display for others a lot)(punished for argumentative behavior)
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readymades2002 · 1 year ago
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i still think that pronouns being a...somewhat common expected mode of introducing yourself is strange 😭 the purpose that makes sense to me in doing that is mostly to signal that you're trans or otherwise affiliated (which...i know that "allies" doing things like this or calling people their partner or whatever is meant to create a space where people feel comfortable coming out, but as i still cannot bring myself to come out in such situations and as i've had Really Bad Experiences with people claiming to be allies i haven't internalized this as a purpose that makes sense yet), but i know that it is also genuinely supposed to be like. "here's how you should talk about me if you want to mention me to a third person!" which is something that makes me REEL to think about. there is no universe where i want to introduce myself to someone by telling them how to correctly and incorrectly talk about me to someone else!! i don't understand...
#i do understand its just that i guess my experience with gender is strange#i know that these things have a purpose but i am really averse to thinking about it#it feels like...branding in a weird way. tell your friends about this channel and subscribe if you want to see more#i dont feel like gender plays that kind of linguistic role in how i talk to other people? im sure it does on a deeper level#(talking to men does make me nervous even if i don't comprehend gender in the expected way)#but its. hrm. i dont know. i know (OBVIOUSLY!)(I AM TRANS) that gender is important to people#but i also dont...need to know to navigate convrsations?#i probably do. i just dont consider the kind of small talk that comprises most interactions irl to be conversations necessarily?#its...kind of a problem 😭 i dont think of the way i talk and move and emote as part of what makes me me#and i am so so so bored by most 'necessary' conversations that it makes my teeth hurt and i dont know how to deal with that...#part of the problem may just be im not approaching real life with a pragmatic approach to communicating...?#im not...hm. i am a very private person irl (which im sure is a surprise if you read this page)#i am very opinionated and passionate but i don't express this much in the flesh. lots of reasons#(often seen as an outsider)(denied opportunities to define myself)(put on display for others a lot)(punished for argumentative behavior)#so maybe i am not present enough in most banal conversations to understand the point of them...#maybe i would understand introduction with pronouns if i wasn't invested in staying closeted or scared or anything#'the ocean still looks grey to me' as they say#this didnt go where i wanted it to </3 anyway
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