#(noisy being the term i use for 'i can feel them and it doesn't hurt but it definitely feels like rods. In My Spine')

[warriorend]

I'm having a Good Time playing splatoon 2 but unfortunately my fucking body is not (recovery is a bitch)

[roseglass-writings]

NSFW Elliott headcannons

'Hi, um could I request Elliott nsfw headcanons with a female reader? Please and thank you!' - Anonymous

Hello! Thank you for the request, sorry it took me so long :) I hope you enjoy them! I wrote for both him alone, gender neutral, female and male readers :)

Word count: 1386

Masturbation headcannons:

He is 100% a virgin before meeting you, but he definitely isn't completely lost about sex or what he enjoys

He may be one of the older bachelors but he has rather poor social skills so he has not gotten far with anyone

With getting stressed about writing, he enjoys edging himself to encourage himself to get a certain amount write before cumming

With edging himself so much, especially in a writing block, he often ends up in tears out of desperation

With living alone on the beach he doesn't have to worry about people hearing him so he is very noisy, especially with dirty talk

He enjoys reading sexual romance novels and not letting himself touch himself until he finishes the book

Sex toys are all kept under his bed in a box, where he has different things including different types of vibrators and dildos.

He uses the vibrators and dildos as different ways to edge and tease himself

He loves watching porn where the participants are overstimulated and covered in cum

Watching someone using a fuck machine and become super messy is one of his favourite types of videos to get off to

With gen!reader:

Dirty talk is his specialty to the point that half the time he doesn't even realise it - and terms of endearment fall out his mouth with so much ease you would think he has forgotten your name

He sounds rather proper due to his large vocabulary from spending all of his time reading since he was young, but watching him fall apart due to it is the best thing

He is always willing to experiment, but doesn't like much physical pain, finding it too distracting.

He prefers to use soft material to be tied or to tie you up with rather than handcuffs or rough rope

He loves being able to hear the person he is with, being able to hear the become more of a mess due to him

Cockwarming when he is writing is something he loves, though he loses track of what he is meant to be writing so easily as the sight and feel of you on him makes his mind blank

He prefers watching you go down on him mostly, just because the sight of drool, his cum and your tears all over your face can cause him to cum without being touched

You cockwarming him with your mouth under his desk makes him feel as though he is permanently on the brink of orgasm

He does sometimes lose control with grabbing your hair and face-fucking you, but he is never rough with it and is always careful to not hurt you too badly

No matter the gender of his partner or their genitals, he will keep a hair tie on his wrist in preparation if he does end up having oral sex that day, as he prides himself on his hair and likes to keep it out of the way when being so intimate

While he is down for a lot of things, he does become very flustered for your first few times and doesn't fully open up to experimenting until after becoming more comfortable

You are his number one priority and will all be checking in with you throughout no matter what you do to make sure that you are okay and enjoying yourself

He will make sure you have deep discussions before trying anything new and your plans, such as if you want him to come inside you he will talk about protection for stds (and pregnancies for people with a uterus)

he firmly believes that you can tell a lot from someone's eyes and prefers positions where you can see one another

If he is writing erotica, even just to practice his writing skills, he will experiment with you to make sure the things are possible such as the positions or the look someone gets

With fem!reader:

He enjoys eating you out, watching his mouth cause you so much pleasure but with his unconscious habit of dirty talk he accidentally breaks away from your cunt a lot

Sitting on his face and being in control is the best way to make sure this doesn't happen, and he sure won't be complaining as he loves the sight of you on top of him

He loves making you wet and watching your wetness drip from your cunt

Filling you up with his cum and watching it leak from your pussy is honestly heaven to him, and he will use his fingers to spread it around and over your clit to cause you cum again and push more of his cum out

He uses it as an excuse to fill you up again, loving the feeling of your walls milking his cock

While he will use lube with you, he prefers using your own wetness and his cum to make you messy

The best position in his mind is against his desk or on the kitchen counter, where he can watch your face as you come undone and watch your tits bounce with every movement

Overstimulation is definitely expected with him as your partner, as he will love continuously going and watching your cunt become red from the amount of attention it is receiving and from the impact of his thrusts

With his love for watching you become wet and messy, he will sometimes nick some of your underwear and become instantly turned on at any dampness on them, especially if there is any slickness in them

He will keep your underwear for a couple of days, getting off on the smell of them before returning them to your laundry

He is fully on board if you ever want to peg him, with having used dildos on himself and has offered to let you watch him ride one

With male!reader:

He enjoys giving you a blowjob, watching you lose yourself to pleasure from his mouth alone is a massive turn on

You fucking his face is definitely a turn on for him, with your cock being shoved down his throat at a pace he doesn't control causing his eyes to roll to the back of his head

He has offered to let you watch him ride one of his dildos before, and is more than willing to take either role when it comes to anal sex

He uses an excess amount of lube, loving how messy it makes you and uses your precum to help make you messier

He will make you cum multiple times, preferring you to come on him or on your body rather than on the desk or bed

He will use his fingers to push any of your cum that has spilt out of him back inside of him

He is more than willing to lick up any cum off of you, whether you scoop some up with your fingers or if it is off your stomach

He will use a desk or bed to help make sure you can both face one another still during anal sex

He is more than willing to ride you or let you ride him, with it definitely causing him to talk a lot more

He will consistently overstimulate you and milk your cock - loving the mixture of pleasure and pain and the look in your eyes with how blank your mind goes from the amount of times he made you cum

Aftercare:

He will clean you off and make sure you are okay

He will make sure you are comfortable, wrapping you up in his duvet cover while fetching you both some water and something to eat

After making sure you have eaten and drank something he will help you to the bathroom to pee and to also make sure you are fully cleaned up

He will then help you back and pull you to his chest, and have a discussion about what you enjoyed, didn't enjoy etc.

Your enjoyment is his number one priority and he is the king at communication

If you need something he will run off to grab it for you, making sure that you are not hurt physically or emotionally

He will hold you to his chest for however long you want, while making sure you know his own feelings on what happened

[byullielle]

Don't Say Yes // Affianced!Bang Chan x Fem!Reader

Speak Now (Taylor's Version), Taylor Swift—lyrics would be pulled directly to be used in the fic. y/n interrupts and objects to chan's wedding after being arranged for marriage with an unbearable and manipulative chaebol bride. y/n and 7 of their friends save him; and in the process gives chan the one he was looking for all along

Tags: Objection to a Marriage, Drama, Light Angst, Swearing, Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: dialogue heavy + kinda lacks chan actually (i am so sorry), reader centric, swearing, it can get frustrating, you and the 7 kids get into a short argument, the bride nearly hurts reader, implied abusive family members (grandmother), legal terms are discussed but ultimately thrown out the window, not as well written as i'd like, heads-up, I'll think about posting a thorough one on AO3 but it isn't likely.

click on the pictures for clearer resolution. divider used is by: @emptypetal

Removing your coat and hanging it up on the couch in Hyunjin's living room, furrowing your brows at the 7 men gathered around the kitchen table. "Is this about Chan leaving our group chat? You guys know it isn't that serious right?" you chuckle nervously at the tense atmosphere, "It isn't about that," Changbin says glumly. Seungmin, in all his antsiness, speaks up and lets it slip, "Chan is getting married in two months,"

And you laugh. You couldn't help but let out an awkward and slightly forced laugh. "What the fuck?" you raise your brow at him but nobody was laughing with you. Not even Jeongin who usually cannot hold it in whenever they pulled a prank on you. Your face drops, approaching them as Minho slaps a bunch of scented paper and a gold envelope on the table. "When was the last time you checked your mailbox?"

"Like, two days ago," you respond, tongue dry, almost terrified to look. If it was real it would tear you inside out, because it has been two weeks since Chan cut off contact from you and the others, thinking he just needed time to think and recollect himself for inspiration but you were wrong.

Marriage? It was almost unbelievable to you, mostly because of your obvious and unsaid feelings for your best friend. You were in love with Cristopher Bang and kept quiet about it, it was something that couldn't sink in for you that he'd be married so hastily, without even a proper bride in mind.

With shaky hands, you pick up the first page of pungent, rose-scented paper and force yourself to read. 'Save The Date! With Christopher Bang and Soo-ah Kim, witness as they lovingly exchange nuptials,' your hands tremble slightly, putting the paper back down before looking up to see the grim faces looking right at your every move.

"Wh- Why didn't I know?" you squeak out, suddenly weak to your knees as Hyunjin pulls out a chair for you and ushers you to sit down, hand on your forehead as you stare at the paper like it'll catch flames with just a glare.

"None of us did," Changbin bitterly spits out, "I only received the invitation yesterday. I'm only a guest, all of Chan's best men are either distant cousins or relatives of the bride,"

"And I got word from Hannah that he's currently stranded in Jeju, his grandmother's property doesn't have signal and he's pretty much trapped there," Felix explains, "Y/N, what do we do?"

You didn't know you were holding a breath in, absolutely frustrated at the information slowly piling up. This couldn't happen, this wasn't happening. You were just about to tell Chan how you feel, not suddenly send him off to a wedding. Your chest tightens, unable to pull a coherent through out of your noisy brain, the buzzing sounds of your friends talking intelligible in the background, heart beating so hard against your chest you're slightly scared it'll suddenly stop.

It gets noisy. You could vaguely heart Changbin shouting over Minho and Hyunjin yelping about. It was a bit too much for you to handle as you slam your hand down the table, crumpling the invitation in the process.

""Everyone shut up!" you yell out as the others look at you in shock and your breath hitches against your throat. You whip your head towards Felix's direction, his question finally anchoring itself in your brain as you glare, "Why does it rely on me?" it comes out a bit more sharply than you intended, making him tense up.

"What? Aren't you in love with Channie hyung..?" he trails off before he sees the irritation seeping into your eyes. "Are you implying that my feelings are something you could use to stop a wedding?" you snap at him.

"No, of course not!" he stands up as well, a bit worked up. "I'm saying that once Chan hyung finds out about your feelings he'd change his mind about the wedding," he explains before Minho raises a brow, "Wait I thought he didn't have a say in the wedding? I thought we brought Y/N here to collectively think about how to pull him out of that situation,"

"Thank you!" you exasperatedly point at Minho, "You're putting me in the spotlight here like I'm the only one who doesn't want Chan to be involved in this wedding!"

Changbin's chair scratches loudly against the tile, "You're meaning to tell us that it seems like we don't value Chan?!"

"I didn't say that!"

And then there was more and more shouting.

Changbin started talking over you, ranting about how you seem like emotional connections won't pull a groom out a wedding while you argued that it isn't "that simple", Seungmin calling you out for being selfish that you absolutely would allow anything to the point where you'd rid the love of your life a chance to know about your feelings while you counter that they're the selfish ones for ever implying that in that way you don't care about Chan, and they don't care about you—seen as only a turning point for Chan.

It was chaos.

"Fine!" you throw your hands up before storming off the living room and grabbing your things, "I'm the selfish one? Then so be it. Do it without me," you threaten but hesitate at the sight of heartbreak on all their faces, the frustration on Bin's face and the tears streaking Hyunjin's face.

You storm out of the apartment, all kinds of feelings stirring within you as you take heavy breathes in and out just so that you don't end up crying while driving back home.

Your heart was breaking and of course, you're left to pick the pieces up yourself. You were terrible to your friends, and worse, you were going to complete lose Chan in two months.

Getting home, you storm into your room nervously, fidgeting about while opening and closing your phone to apologize to them, the guilt now eating you out alive. You bounce on your heels while you look out the window, trying to clear your head pacing around until a small, pink envelope catches the corner of your eye.

Nestled between a book, and a pen atop of it, your eyes widen and heart cracks a bit more. It was your confession letter to Chan.

Pouring your now shattered heart into that letter tucked between the paper material wasn't the easiest, always on the verge of tears and embarrassment but sealing it into finality gave you relief. One that was so coldly snatched out of your hands bare. You shakily pick it up and grab your letter opener, one shitty gag gift from Seungmin 4 Christmases ago—and you open it back up.

Affection spills into the paper, scratches of black ink prominent against the palest pink of papers. Signed at the bottom and expressing your growing, uncontainable feelings for Christopher Bang. It was all so much yet lacking at the same time. Your heart squeezes at the thought of someone else on the aisle with him, someone else to call home and to marry. You couldn't take it.

You open your phone to apologize before it buzzes against your hand and then an influx of notifications flood—leading you to mute your device.

You close your eyes and breathe in, trying to think rationally about your next steps. "One day," you resoundingly tell yourself in a moment of finality, "I'll respond after one whole day,"

You say you're ready to do anything for him but there's a small part of your brain nagging you to be scared. To doubt if he'll really come to your defense. But everytime it crosses your mind, you force your eyes to look at the unsealed love letter—and a new one freshly written—beside each other.

You know Chan loves you too.

For years you've convinced yourself that it's just him being indifferent but after a night out of him being drunk and you being as sober as the day you were born, you eventually had to carry information more precious than anything in this earth. It was the occasional insecurity that drove you to denial but now that you were standing by the chasm of your feelings and his', driven against a corner there was the ultimatum laid upon you.

And you did tell Changbin that you'd rather risk 2 years of jail rather than 10 for breaking and entering, quite possibly aggravated assault just to get to talk to Chan.

And as the days passed by, you stand in your light periwinkle dress given by Felix, handpicked by Olivia and Rachel as your hands tremble while it runs down the tulle fabric of the skirt. It didn't look too inconspicuous or obvious, which was exactly the look you were going for.

Changbin enters the hotel room you guys pitched in to stay in as he looks at you up and down, "You look like a bride's maid,"

"Is that a bad thing?" you nervously fidget with the bracelet attached to your wrist, slowly and increasingly getting antsier by the second. "No. But Chan's grandmother knows what you look like since apparently he has never shut up about you since getting hitched," he explains, "I heard it from one of his cousins who kindly relayed a word in for hyung, although I'm still not allowed to enter the groom's suite,"

"We have a wig to conceal her hair," Hyunjin helpfully supplies while getting dressed. Out of the 7, Changbin was the only groomsman chosen, the rest were mere guests which none of you had expected for Chan's wedding.

Minho clicks his tongue, "Fuck, then it really is a wedding objection,"

"The letter?" you hopefully turn to Changbin as he clears his throat, "I slipped it under his door while the dude guarding it was talking to another family member,"

Felix pops his head from the bathroom, "What was in that letter?" he asks. You shrug and offer him a nervous, tight-lipped smile, "Dunno,"

"Tease," he rolls his eyes. Despite the joking you 8 try to do, it was ultimately futile, the tension in the room too overbearing to try and alleviate it with a few jokes.

Changbin leaves first, called by the rest of the entourage. After an excruciating hour, Jeongin looks at his watch before gulping down, "Guys...I think it's time," he announces as everyone scrambles to their feet, Felix taking your hand before squeezing it in solidarity.

You look up at him, nodding with fire and passion in your eyes, brows furrowed— "Let's do this,"

The way to the venue was enough to make your knees lock up, ridgid against Felix's hold as he tries to make you loosen up a bit more, even being knocked down and tickled slightly by Seungmin. You pass by the bride yelling at one of the bridesmaid in the bridal suite, making you wince. She looked like a damn tiered cake in the worst way possible, along with the horrific screeching spilling from the doorway.

"God I can't believe he's marrying that," Minho bitterly mutters under his breath, the eight of you walking along the pews as casually as possible, making sure to not expose your face too much with a fan pressed to your nose. "I'm gonna throw up," you mutter under your breath as Jeongin taps on the back of your hand.

"We promise, if something goes wrong, we'll never desert you,"

"I'll count on it," you smile softly. The venue was a grand chapel, guests filing in the pews but nobody in close association to Chan except for the eight of you. Your heart couldn't help but sting at the thought of Chan going through such great mental turmoil being forced into a marriage. You don't know what prompted this but you trusted in Bin's word that he didn't want this, perse.

And then it starts. The organ plays, the officiant walking the aisle to make it to the podium, Bible and documents on hand as the others start to do the procession. First came the sponsors, then Chan's grandmother (the old wench), then the bride's whoevers—most you don't even know. Then next was Chan's groomsmen, his distant relatives, then Changbin. His eyes scan over before spotting you near the front as he nods, encouraging you one last time.

And then your breath hitches at your throat. A glum look washes over Jessica and Jack (Chan's parents) as they walk the aisle right after the Bride's parents. And in comes the groom. He was dressed in a black and white tuxedo, purple and gold lining his blazer, and it took your breath away to the point of Jisung having to remind you to breath with a tap of his pinky against yours.

Chan looked tired, one could say miserable, but he still managed to look good. And it frustrated you so, not being able to see him as your groom, at your wedding.

He gets up to the podium and your eyes suddenly meet. You can tell he hesitates and makes sure his eyes don't widen as you shoot him a look that you cam only hope he interprets as 'I am not giving you up,'

Then it starts playing. The bride's march plays and rings through the chapel—sounding like it was made for your funeral, a deathmarch of sorts. The bride's dress is wide and eccentric, a huge bouquet in her hand as she saunters down the aisle slowly, like she was a pageant queen. Last thing she has to do was wave her gloved hand around but you bit your tongue.

The officiant waits for her to arrive, before all of you and the other guests take a seat. You could see the hesitance in Chan's body language as his bride to be pulls him closer a bit forcefully.

He announces the start of the wedding, and you're starting to get terrified that there might not be any chance for you to object, hanging by the side of your seat as Bin glances over at you nervously.

Your sweat starts to bead at your forehead, gulping down the nervousness as you redirect your brain to where it always looked when the doubtful thoughts lingered. You love Chan, and a letter, his presence and yours in his own wedding was testament to that.

However, after reading a few expletives and guidelines, the officiant clears his throat, "If anyone objects to this marriage," he calls out, as if directly talking to you, "Speak now or forever hold your peace,"

And then there was silence. And that was your chance, your last chance—you stand up with shaky hands and then;

All eyes are on you. Horrified looks from everyone in the room but you're only looking at him, never taking your eyes off Chan's—shellshocked beyond belief. And then you open your mouth

"Don't say yes or wait or say a single vow," you look to the officiant, "You need to hear me out,"

He glances at Chan and says, "Speak now,"

"I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely barging in on a while veil occasion but you!" you point at Chan with desperation before letting your arm fall to you side, "Are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl,"

An uproar starts as the bride looks over to you, fuming. And like a bull in a China shop, you stare directly into her eyes. She grabs one of the candle stands near her and Changbin gets ready to block her attack from you but before she could strike, Chan rushes to you.

He grabs your wrist, a glint of hope in his eyes, before he pulls you with him. Both of you make a run for it, Felix was right for you to not wear heels, darting towards the church doors before anyone could catch up and process what was happening.

"What are you doing?!" Chan's grandmother smacks the side of Chan's father as he winces but stays in his place, glaring at his own mother, "I told you," he hisses, "You can do whatever you want but so could he,"

She was fuming, red in the face as the bride breaks down in humiliation. "Do something about your son!"

"Eomma!" he couldn't help but raise his voice, "Do not take away Chan's last chance to love," he warns, "Do not make him resent you even further if you don't want any regrets in your life,"

Chan keeps on running until you make it to the gardens of the church, far from the wedding chapel as you both catch your breaths, hands on your knees while huffing heavily. He pulls something out of his pocket inside his suit before waving around the preciously folded pink letter Changbin helped you slip in, "Is that what you meant?" he laughs in disbelief, written in ink:

I know a world you wish it was me, don't you? Don't say yes. Run away now, I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door.

You gasp out with a laugh, "If you think I was letting you get married? Not in my watch Christopher Bang," you stand up straight before stepping closer towards him, "I can never, ever, let you go," you confess, "Ever since then, you're the only one I've loved, Chris. I would've died if I didn't get to tell you that ever," you confess.

Before you could even get an answer, you feel two strong hands cupping your cheeks as he surges forward and presses his lips against yours. You make a surprised sound but ultimately hook your hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer and slotting your lips together flush and perfectly, you get kiss drunk immediately. You part for air, tears starting to well up your eyes until you see him fully crying.

"Oh god," he mutters, pulling you into his arms as you feel his chest erratically vibrate, "Y/N, I love you so much. I love you so so so much, for the longest time ever," he gasps out despite his tears before pulling away and cupping your face into his hands, "And I want it to be in every world, for it to be you,"

You finally let your tears fall before you pull him into another kiss, relief, adrenaline and pure, unbridled love flowing and coursing through your veins as you smile against his lips. "I love you," he whispers, barely pulling back this time before pecking you again.

"So glad you were around when they said speak now,"

if you wanna send in a prompt or an ask or just say hi feel free to do so!!

[zalcolm]

@lumiidere Sure thing! I decided to do both Víctor and Victor just to make sure I didn't make a mistake.

Akira

he/they, cis male (for the most part; possibly demiboy), bisexual (male lean)

Dating Luca! Before he asked Luca out, he would usually just look at Luca with a deadpan stare with cheeks redder than his glasses. This creeped Luca out at first, but he got used to his awkwardness after realizing Akira was actually in love with him.

Bad at social interaction. Which is why they don't talk that much, due to them being a little bit socially awkward.

Doesn't like showing how he really feels that often. Only to people close to him or in extreme circumstances. Often, people like Misaki or Luca can somewhat tell how Akira truly feels about something even when he's not showing it.

Despite his personality being more catlike than doglike, he actually prefers dogs. In fact, his favorite color is brown because of his pet pomeranian.

TERRIFIED of insects. Akira's not really the type to run around and scream, but when there's a bug in the room they sure as hell will. Do not ask them about what happened to Oscar's late pet tarantula.

Usually wears jackets, except in summer. Doesn't really get hot that easily.

Ian

he/him, cis male, unlabeled sexuality/questioning

Homeless, lives in his car. Doesn't really have a place to live. Sometimes he stays over at his "friend" Víctor's house or his older brother Steve's apartment. Usually the former since Steve doesn't really like Ian that much.

Plus-sized. He's rather tall, so he's only somewhat overweight, but he's big nonetheless.

Snores VERY LOUDLY. Another reason his brother Steve doesn't want him in his apartment. Víctor doesn't really seem to mind this, as they usually go to sleep before Ian does.

Very hairy. Chest hair, arm hair, you name it. He almost never shaves.

He doesn't have any kids himself, but has earned the title of "dad friend" of his friend group despite them all being similar ages. He even makes dad jokes.

Luca

he/him, trans male, gay

29 years old, Birthday is May 17th (Taurus)

Amputee, since birth. Has a prosthetic leg, but usually wears long pants so not many people actually know that about him.

[The rest of these headcanons are copied and pasted from DeviantArt] Was an orphan until he was 10 years old, but adopted into a (mostly) loving family. His younger sister, Elisa, isn't the nicest and they get into a lot of fights but they're still on somewhat good terms.

Pacifist. Doesn't really like hurting other people unless he has to. His pacifism really helps some but sometimes hurts others. Elisa once screamed and asked Luca to kill a spider, but he just scooped it up and put it outside.

Takes a lot of naps during the day. Eepy boy.

His wardrobe is the most diverse array of clothes ether. He has masculine clothing, feminine clothing, unisex clothing, you name it. Most of it is green, but also has outfits of all different colors.

He paints his nails. Usually black or dark green.

Víctor (Wii)

they/he, nonbinary, gay

Has a HUGE crush on Ian. The only thing is, they're way too embarrassed about it to confess to him. He's afraid that he'll be looked down upon by his peers for dating him.

Autistic. Gets sensory overload in noisy places, and you can often see him wearing noise-canceling headphones at places like parties.

Very impulsive. They do a lot of things without thinking twice. They even got into a fight with Shinnosuke once. Víctor won, but still regrets beating him up.

Furry. He tries to hide this, but literally everyone in his friend group knows this. LOL.

Sometimes wears feminine clothing, but usually just sticks to casual clothes.

Loves the smell and taste of cinnamon.

Victor (Wii U)

he/him, trans male, questioning

He doesn't go outside very often. Usually he just stays at home unless he needs to be somewhere. He has a job, but his job doesn't require him to go in person.

OBSESSED with robots. Fictional or real ones. However, he's not very skilled in engineering.

Hiromasa

he/him, cis male, bisexual (slight female lean)

Despite having average proportions in canon, I headcanon him to have a tall and skinny body type. Somewhat frail, but don't underestimate him.

He only gets an average of 5 hours of sleep per night. He's barely making it through the days.

Coffee drinker. His favorite is just...regular black coffee. He'll insist he's not a caffeine addict.

Despite his mischievous grin, he actually takes things seriously...most of the time. However, he does enjoy the occasional mishap.

He plays the piano. In fact, he's more skilled at it than Rin.

[ghostsysarchive]

find the ideal speed to open the doors in your house, some creak less if opened extremely slowly, some creak less when opened fast

depending on your house walking right next to your walls is way quieter, in my house door frames and areas where walls made doorway like spaces almost never creak, overall learn where your house creaks

if you know you’re going to need something later that day/night wait till no one is around or the house is loud to open noisy doors. every year ants would invade my room and the only way i found to get rid of them is with the bug spray under the laundry sink. the cupboard door thing under the sink is one of the loudest things you can open in my house, so i always had to open it during the day but make it look as closed as i could till i could get there later that night.

if you’re going to take or look for anything make sure you take note of everything you pick up and where it came from so you can put them back perfectly.

the less contact your feet make with the ground the better (at least on my floors). walk on the sides of your feet with a bounce in your step and your knees bent if you can. even in shoes this works pretty ok. this can start to hurt if you do it too long or land on your feet to hard mind you.

come down with your weight every step, and by that i mean any downward movement where you hit the floor should be continued with the rest of your body by bending your knees and going lower then necessary, like an animal or vehicle with suspension. it will feel like you look weird, it probably does look weird but if im fast and not worrying about how my movements look i can jump, run, and walk really quietly if need be.

learn to continue your actions without acknowledging a flinch. people can get annoyed with you ‘flinching all the time’ but less so if it doesn't stop what you're doing at all. flinches can become almost seamlessly part of what you’re doing, whether walking or something more complex

quick silent grounding methods are good, like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 thing silently in my head works well enough me for me if needs be. (my version is 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things that have happened today, 1 thing you can smell or taste)

if you have a door and need to be doing things with lights on late at night, get outside your room, close the door and see where the light comes through, its probably not just the bottom

if you have a lunchbox or school bag that isn’t checked, pack trash into them and throw it out at school.

wipes are really nice to have if you can. if a packet wont be missed and you have a place to hide them, grab them

safety pins are also generally pretty helpful to have around

hiding things in shoes you aren't wearing is good for a short term spot, dont fill them up just shove things in the toe and a sock after that if need be

if you have plastic wrappers to open, i recommend scissors if you have any, it keeps the crunching to a minimum generally. tilt the bag around and use gravity to get things out if you cant reach them without the bag crunching

if you are walking around outdoors avoid gravel when possible, if you cant, look for the patches where its thinner and you can see the ground beneath it. most grass is crunchy and will generally be louder than walking on a footpath assuming your steps are quiet. avoid leaves, sticks and any other type of debris when walking, the cleanest and/or most well worn parts of a path are normally the quietest

if you stim, picking up ‘invisible stims’ can be really good, at some point i got into the habit of flicking my tongue from side to side inside my mouth, and that meant i could stand pretty still while still being able to stim

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

[emcant]

Pigeon metaphor II

Big realization in therapy... I think. Prepare to be traumadumped.

At one of my first doctor's appointments after I moved out, they asked me how I was treating my asthma. I said ???? I don't have asthma. They said ???? yes you do, at least take a rescue inhaler. I did, and didn't really know what to do with it, but found it made climbing hills easier.

A decade and a daily prescription later, my boyfriend and I went on a hike with another friend in the parks service. I spent the entire time waiting for it to suck, knowing inherently that I hate hiking. It never did; it was, in fact, the best hike I've ever been on. Some weeks later, I realized that I was actually expecting to have trouble breathing. I was waiting to rotate between feeling winded, chemically burned, and as though I'd been stabbed... which sucks. Many of my friends have invited me on hikes over the years, and I've always turned them down. I texted all of them to apologize. I was mistaken: asthma sucks. Hiking is awesome.

One of the last conversations I had with my mother was after that first diagnosis. I asked her if she knew, and she confirmed that she found out when I was five, "but your dad didn't want an asthmatic child", and immediately changed the subject. First of all, my dad is more asthmatic than I am; I can see him saying not that verbatim, but something similar in the vein of "I wouldn't want my child to go through what I went through". Second, that's just too goddamn bad: he got one. They both did. I think there was an implied "and that's why he left" in there, which is hilarious in its own way. She was the one to move out of state, and thought I'd buy that at 20.

My mother doesn't like children. They're generally too loud for her, and she raised me more like a doll instead: virtually never heard and only seen on her terms. She kept me out of sports and blamed the expense, and would bark at me if she ever caught me running, skipping, jumping rope, etc. I used to assume that those were all too noisy, but now I'm thinking she was keeping me from overexerting myself into an asthma attack. She didn't have to worry too much. Until that rescue inhaler, I was unable to take more than ten running steps without feeling like my insides had been dipped in chlorine. I assumed that this was normal, and that something was wrong with me for being unable to work through it.

I have no idea why my dad and stepmom also seemed to believe this at face value, with my mother already having a track record of medical neglect. Middle school was a particular kind of hell for me because the presidential fitness tests came around, along with the mile run that I didn't know was actively endangering me. Naturally I failed it a lot but eventually managed to pass despite the searing pain through my chest, generally needing to lie down for ages afterward to fully regain my breath. My dad and stepmom were proud to "finally" see me getting active. (Every time I tell this story in real life, I catch myself raising my voice right about here.)

Point being, I think my mom's position was to keep me in the dark about things that would hurt me... but hurt is inevitable. If I came to her injured in some way, she'd punish me, frustrated, I think, that I made her look bad. If you didn't know what fire was, of course you'd want to touch it, and she resented having to treat me for burns after switching to a fully electric kitchen, if you will. But life demands that adults learn to feed themselves, and hot food satisfies like nothing else.

Anyway, the pigeon. We hadn't seen it for about a month. My boss has had something similar happen before: occasionally, he says, they decide that a building is theirs now. It came in three times in two days last month and made its triumphant return yesterday. No one saw it get in, but I was the one to get it back out, again.

Picture me on top of a ladder trying to corner a frightened bird with a broom on one side and a shopping basket on the other, thinking pretty extensively about whether I could rescue it instead. Suppose I brought it home and released it here? Seven miles away, next to a different shopping center with all the trash it could eat. Maybe it would be disoriented for a while, but surely it couldn't be worse than the sporadic bouts of head trauma from flying squarely at the store windows. Best of all, I'd be assured that animal control wouldn't hurt it, which is my biggest concern.

Boyfriend said that would be sort of cruel: that seven mile trip would be pretty awful for it. I said surely it wouldn't know the difference? - and felt a chill up my spine.

I've handled this bird more than once now, and can recognize it at a fair distance. (Its wings have a pretty even black/white feather distribution, except for a big black spot on the right.) Today it was hanging out across the street from the store with five or six friends, feathers all cleaned up after the mess it made of them yesterday. Seeing it in a new environment felt great. It doesn't do so well alone, and has a particularly bad time when it feels trapped, but it blends in seamlessly, painlessly, among its peers.

That's all that any of us could hope for, I think.

[darling-valentine]

Today my boyfie hung out with that one friend i used to be mad at so they could settle their differences and stuff and now they're in good terms and that's cool so then i hung out with them and i just,,, felt so bad the whole time

I make 2 moths of being clean for cutting today and i was really happy!! But then there were so many people and i got so overwhelmed,,, i really only wanna be with my beloved!! Anyone else should dissapear

Don't get me wrong my friend is cool but,,, i can never really be myself unless I'm only with my beloved, my body psychically doesn't let me express myself and i feel like I'm trapped inside myself and it hurts so so much, i had to excuse myself to the bathroom and had a panic attack there and then i told my darling cousin to call me so i had an excuse to get away from them and cry

i really wanted to tell my boyfie i was feeling awful so he would hug me and kiss me and comfort me like he always does!! But i didn't wanna bother my friend and i didn't wanna ruin their fun,,, i don't even like going to bars,,,,,, restaurants are cool but bars are way too noisy and messy and I'm so so scared of loud noises and just,,, people in general,,,,,,, just thinking about that feeling makes me cry

As soon as my friend went home i started crying and my boyfie comforted me and i felt a little bit better but that awful painful constant pressure in my chest was still there, it's always there, and i hate it and i wanna rip my ribs off and find whatever makes me feel like this and crush it but i can't and i feel so desperate and i feel like this pain is gonna last forever and I'm just meant to be broken and defective and in pain all the time

I just wanted to get a milkshake with my darling and hug him and kiss him but i guess i can't cause I'm too much of a fucking coward to even say what i want

[eyes-talks-ocs]

Did a thing. Drew a new ref for 808. And I hate it because I have such difficulty drawing women....but it works I guess. Even if I hate it.

--

808 belongs to my Social Throwaways project. She is the main female lead to accompany my main male lead (Macaw) in this series. The writing project follows these two characters.

--

Name: Adder Fisher

Nickname: 808

Age: 19

Taken?: Well kinda? Yes? It depends. I have it head canoned that she and Macaw could end up together. But, not until Macaw fixes himself first and goes through a heavy character arc. He's got far too many emotional issues to even handle normal friendships - let alone a healthy relationship. Until he gets a hold of his issues, a relationship with him would be incredibly toxic (again just being a friend with him can be toxic/borderline abusive if he's not handling himself properly. So they won't be together until Macaw does his thing first. As the author I'll make sure of that. There's already enough toxic relationship viewed as "normal" in dramas and books. I won't add to it.)

Home?: Vindurpolis, fictional city that would be set somewhere in northern Nevada or potentially southern Idaho. (Somewhere in that region.)

She and the 3 others: Macaw, Dog, and Snake, live in an abandoned grain elevator/agriculture warehouse just on the outskirts of the city. All of them are fated with living their lives as Rats.

Rat? - A slang term used to describe social status of some citizens of Vindurpolis. Rats are the people who no longer have a DES number, and because of that, they have had most of thier rights and privileged stripped from them. There's a number of ways to lose your DES, ranging from simple things like not having a job for a duration of time to violent crimes. Depending on what the reason was for losing it, it can be recovered or it could be revoked permanently.

Other info/personality traits:

-She is shy and cautious in nature, but once over the initial new interaction will quickly settle into her more bold personality and take on a more leader like trait. (Ex. Meeting new people, exploring new surroundings, doing a new task, ect.)

-She's bullheaded and can get quite bossy and opinionated. This character trait especially comes through when interacting with Macaw - who's just as bullheaded and set in his ways as she is. Yes they fight, but usually Macaw will back down when she gets in his face. Mainly because he's confused because most don't have the balls to confront or try to boss him around. Let alone a teenaged girl, who should be afraid of him. He genuinely doesn't know how to handle the situation and just storms off angerly in most cases.

-She's kind, and the feeling of 'need to help people' runs deep. She makes a better healer than fighter. Because of her empathy and the draw she feels to always be the one to 'help' someone else. She often neglects her own personal needs and gets emotionally burnt out from it.

-Willful and blissful ignorance to a lot of the demons in their society. She slowly starts to see and accept things as they are throughout the beginning of their story.

-Has issues with keeping a filter. Not so much with instances with explicit language. But more so, she thinks out loud and often times doesn't realize what she just said/asked until she already said it. Talks without thinking. She doesn't mean to come off as offensive. Just sometimes she'll say or ask something rather intrusive/personal/hurtful. (Ex. Seeing Macaw reading like usual, and her blurting out "how can you read?" Then not understanding why that question made him angry. Her asking him how he does normal every day things, however innocent the question was, was insensitive. It's known amongst the group not to ask about or point out Macaw's blind eye, or really any of his scars/injuries in general. It's not something he wants to talks about. But her lack of filter has her constantly asking/saying things that she shouldn't to Macaw/everyone else in the group. She even catches Dog off guard with her questions and statements, and that's a difficult thing to offend Dog.)

-Mostly all bark. She CAN hold her own pretty okay, but can wind herself up into trouble trying to bluff her way out of something.

-Got her nickname from Macaw. He got pissed off at her for being too loud and noisy while he was trying to nurse a hungover. He called her an 808, and since than that's what he's called her.

Ect. That's all I can think of right now to add. Just ask if you want to know more about her!

[mewmewnyaart]

I'm not very good at drawing horror and blood but I recently have been getting into OFF lately so I figured I'd try to draw batter to pratice lighting and shadows

I also made my own au where batter and hugo switch places but I doubt anyone would like it or even read it heck I couldn't even get a single like on any of my posts

But here I go anyway :

So common belief that the world of OFF isnt real and that its all happening inside Hugo's head because hugo is in a comma and that the batter resembles the father and the queen resembles the mother

And that the guardians are the boy's immune system and organs that are intolerant to the drug liquid plastic that is being experimented on hugo

The mother was always a working woman and never gave hugo attention while the dad was a straight forward and loving man (I also have a personal theory that he's religious)

The mother wants hugo to live but the father wants to let the boy die because he's tired of seeing his own child in pain everyday

Ok now that I have that out of the way here's my au:

In this au its the father that ends up in a comma and hugo is the one who tries to save him from dying

Backstory to how the dad ended up in a comma:

Hugo in this au is healthy and lives a normal life the father was once a baseball player (as a hobby) so hugo got inspired by his dad and started to take baseball classes at his school

One day the dad was dropping hugo off for baseball practice and while waving goodbye while slowly moving out of the parking lot a reckless older student who wasn't looking quickly backs up his truck hitting the father and sending him into a comma

Ok now for the characters:

We enter the game as hugo and we are greeted by the judge and we start our journey of "purifying" the world just like batter

The enemies represent different family members who dislike or or even hate the father and the father's phobias or fears as well as microbes or poisons in the father's system

Then we have other characters like pets,neighbors,friends who are good guys or people who side with hugo in the this au

Also the puzzles would changed in this au

Hugo is a child and the father would probably play alot with hugo and his games since the mother was always busy ,so instead of floating boxes we'd get more complicated versions of kids puzzles like connect the dots or fill in the shapes etc.

Now for who each character represents and then I'll move on to what the goal of the game is or what Hugo's mission is:

Hugo= he represents the son in real life but he also resembles a new antibiotic that's being experimented on the father

The judge = in real he's the family house cat named milk ingame he's a guide but I have my own head canon

so alot of people tend to draw batter with his eyes closed some draw 4 eyes some draw no eyes at all

I like to think that the father irl has bad eye sight or sensitive eyes so he wears special glasses but will not wear any glasses when at home because he doesn't like to so he will walk around with his eyes closed

So milk will guide him throughout the house by purring or meowing at him

As for the smile the judge has on his face hugo likes the movie Alice in wonderland over and over so the image of the Cheshire cat would be embedded in the dad's memory which is why the judge appears that way

He views the judge as someone who is helpful

The queen = the queen is his wife however they start to have alot of problems and arguments before the father fell in a comma

And the relatives try to convince her to turn off the life support and move on with life

Dedan= irl he's the father's brother in law with a snappy attitude and he hates the father alot and even objected in thier wedding day he will do anything to hurt the father or cause trouble

The father sees his brother in law nothing more than a all bark no bite a big mouth

Japhet= in real life is the lady that lives next door (yes I KNOW japhet is male but he's based off if her in the father's head)

She's is very controlling person who enjoys gossip and can't mind her own business always sticking her nose where she can as well as pushing everyone around she does everything she can to get attention and impress people and she's flirted with the father mutiple times but she's ignored her every time

She has very loud and noisy birds and has killed thier other family cat Venice saying that she did it as self defense (Venice is Valerie basically)

The father views her as a parasite

Enoch= he resembles another dad that takes his kid to baseball practice but is in bad terms with the mother and will constantly pick on hugo for fun

He assumes if the father approaches him its because his wife told him to do so

and will constantly say that his child and wife are happy ,living a life with no problems thinking that he's got life figured out

Even though its clear that his son isn't enjoying baseball at all, is quite over wieght as well as his wife ignores him all the time not to mention he's constantly eating meaning that he has some sort of food addiction it seems he sees no irony in his life at all

The father sees him as an irresponsible over wieght person who's always lying to himself and to blind to see the truth thinking that his life is ok when it's clearly not

Zacharie = irl he's the father's best friend since middle school and they've known each other for years he was the best man at the wedding he's bisexual and in a relationship with a girl named sweetie (please don't hate me batterie shippers QWQ!) He used to crush on the father and even confessed to him on the wedding day he was heartbroken but accepted that the relationship was never gonna happen and was even mad at his best friend but realized it was wrong of him to feel that way

He eventually moves on

He likes to bring and buy alot stuff and show them to his best pal later somegimes illegal stuff (he even brought weed over one time oh boy) he's like an uncle to hugo and is always happy to help and defend his best friend no matter what

He views him as a brother and family member aswell as a very optimistic chill dude and will jokingly refer to him as "the merchant"

Sugar: irl she's zacharie's gf (before her he had 2 toxic exes and she helped him out of those toxic relationships) she and the father don't really talk all that much so he knows little to absolutely nothing about her aside from the fact that she likes to talk funny sometimes and is really into dolls and aliens and a slight addiction to eating pixie straws (straws filled with powered candy or sugar)

He views her as a silent person nothing much

The elsens= they are the people that the father meets/sees/interacts with everyday/every once in a while but don't have much of a connection with (you know like a co worker you have small talk with or barely ever see)

Now for the plot :

After the father enters a comma the son starts to go from school to the hospital (they're very close to each other and you can say hugo is 5-7 years old and ) and visits his dad everyday and calls out to him hoping it'd wake him up

The mother scolds him for running off without super vision and that his dad won't wake up if he keeps calling him that whatever he does is useless that his father will remain to be a lifeless bag of meat on a bed

Hugo doesn't give up ignoring his mother's words

She realizes that hugo has an obsession with his unconscious father that is affecting his studies along with his social life

Zacharie doesn't make this any better because he offers to pick up hugo after school to prevent him from getting abducted or lost along with his jokes all the time

She slowly starts to Contemplate turning off the life support machine wondering if it would fix everything

Hugo hasn't been paying attention in class and thier marriage has been having a issues lately her family never liked or accepted him she sees zacharie and others as annoying and problems bringers and maybe they'd have less expenses if hugo didn't have to go to baseball pratice every day not to mention he'd less likely get hurt if he stopped playing

Everyone else started to convince her to turn off life support they discuss this next to the unconscious father

She prevents zacharie from seeing hugo and locks out any other connections the fatehr has

finally she becomes convinced however there's 1 barrier preventing her from doing that.....Hugo

The only person who truly gives hugo attention and love is his father without his father he'd feel lost and scared his mother is always working and doesn't give him much attention

Everyone tells him to give up on his dad and move on but hugo stands his ground

Alot of the arguments and conversations happen in the hospital room next to the father so he hears everything in his comma which leads to the creation of the world of OFF in his head

Therefore we play as hugo through out the game (dressed in a baseball outfit) solving puzzles and fighting enemies "purifying" the world

Not much changes the boss battles the add ons etc. Will remain the same in this au

Maybe there will be more rubber duck /duck/ bird themed stuff in this au aside from the pedalos (ex:move the boxes to make them look like a duck idk lol)

However the final boss will change

Canonly batter is stopped by the judge but in this au the judge sides with hugo because its the queen (the mother) who is trying to turn the switch off and hugo is trying to prevent that

So instead of the judge stopping hugo

Hugo will meet the queen, she will tell him to halt and not bother going any further that her intentions will not change hugo will begin to tell her off everything she's done wrong she will respond saying that she's doing it for thier sake (Hugo's and her's) but hugo calls her out and tells her its not true and she loses her patience with him leading to a boss fight if hugo wins then she will refer to him as "my little sweetheart" and fade into dust

"The room" will also change instead of hugo it'll be his dad (the batter)chained to a wall (basically a prisoner in his own mind) hugo will take 1 step forward activating a trap causing him to plummet down a tube and fall unconscious for a few minutes

When he wakes up he sees the queen and all the guardians standing before him the queen states that he can give up or die trying then she speaks to the puppeteer (the player) the you are given 2 options

1.aide with the queen

2.side with hugo

If you side with the queen you will have the guardians ok your side then Hugo's appearance will change as well he will appear to have a large head with a huge gaping mouth a baby rattle and apron and speech bubbles that say "wah wah" "whine whine" (stating that his mother sees him as a cry baby)

If you defeat hugo then the switch is immediately turned off and it gives 1 out of the 2 bad endings this ending is called "check mate" as a reference to a queen from chess

If you side with hugo then you will be defeated but you won't get a game over yet instead the queen will give you 1 last chance

Then you are given 3 options

1."surrender" 2."gasp for help" 3."cry"

If you choose surrender then you will get the 2nd bad ending in which in life support is turned off the father dies hugo becomes lonely with his mother busy all the time (and not allowing him out side the house and not trusting people) which leads to hugo growing up cold,plain and unloving

At some point there's a scene where adult hugo stares at his old mother laying on the kitchen floor in pain for a few minutes instead of helping her immediately indicating that he doesn't care

If you choose "gasp for help" then you will get the good ending "aye batta batta,strike!" In which hugo will call for help (while in deep pain from the fight) after a few calls judge,zacharie,sugar and a few elsens will come to the rescue and revive you fighting by your side allowing you to defeat the queen and guardians

Everything slowly starts to go back and the father wakes up from his comma everyone in the room stares in shock but hugo had the biggest smile on his face while standing next to his dad's bed "did...I miss something?"

"...daddy *breaks into tears*"

The 3rd ending called "better late than never" is triggered when you choose "cry"

Hugo will cry very loudly

The mother changes her mind and doesn't turn off life support but hugo stops visiting his dad and similar to the 2nd bad ending hugo grows up to be cold and unloving 13-16 years later hugo visits his father again and he finally wakes up from his comma and is discharged from the hospital after 1 year of rehabilitation therapy

By now the mother had remarried and the father missed his son's childhood so now he has to relive his life

However hugo meets a girl who is a complete opposite to him at work and church (rainbow hair,optimistic,enjoys music of various kinds,loves cute things,baking,jokes,and artist etc.) And is forced to work with her as well as she tries to get Hugo's attention so he asks his father for advice on how to get rid of this woman which leads to alot stuff going on and hugo allowing how to love and live life leading him to falling in love with the girl and becoming a new man

(This is personally my favorite ending lol and I MIGHT write fanfic of it on wattpad or here idk tbh )

Anyway this my OFF au I GUESS the name can change to the ON au or OFF/ON au lmao idk

Reblogs and feed back is appreciated

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY AU i worked hard on this thing spent 5 hours to write it all

Heh I sat this as of anyone is even gonna read whatever I dount it'll get noticed at all

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[kannra21]

Monoma loving hours and I'm actually very tired by now

*I know many of you have already discussed similar things so I decided to add my own opinion as well. Hope you enjoy!*

Still announcing my general disappointed with ch215. Whatever, I'm glad to know Monoma's Quirk better and that the clocks he's working with are more than just some accessories on his belt.

I think they're really cool and help him overcome his small disadvantages a whole lots *well, not in the circumstances he was currently in but I'd like to see him more in action and actually using them*.

So basically he snaches them from his belt. Destroys them and-

Voilà, the Quirk is out.🎊

5min limit doesn't mean anything to him if he can use 4 different Quirks in 20min. However, he needs to use them very wisely because every Quirk doesn't work the same way and they also have to be suitable for the problem he's facing at that moment. That's where his ability to adapt and manage new situations comes in.

I don't want to exaggerate or anything but I think in terms of intelligence, he comes right after Yaoyoroz because damn, you need to have a top-notch brain for such tricky things.

Too sad that strength plays the leading role in their hero world. If you have power, it doesn't matter how or why you're doing the things you do. As long as you can destroy everything that comes in your way, there's nothing that can stop you from getting what you want which sounds... kinda villainous in a way, don't you think?

Shigaraki is right. The main difference between a hero and a villain is that heroes are fighting for the good and villains for the evil. But the main question remains- are the heroes really good and are the villains really evil? First of all, heroes and villains both came from the same type of society- people, normal civilians.

Becoming a hero or a villain is a choice, not a lifestyle. Heroes are there to protect people and villains are there to harm them. Why? Heroes want to make them feel happy and safe while villains want the opposite. What's the matter with the villains? This-

People are constantly judging and not thinking about the consequences they're causing to others. They always ended up comparing themselves to those who are much more superior and successful, making them building a sense of insecurity and fear.

They were forced to push themselves beyond their limits in order to prove themselves and show how far they can possibly go. They had to let them know that their criticism didn't reach them as they were facing their challenges with anticipation.

They could easily turn villainous but no, they choose to protect those same judging idiots who repeatedly let them down/hurt them/accused them/ignored their efforts, all for the sake of becoming their better selves. By choosing the right path, they already confirmed how strong and capable they are and they'll make exceptional heroes one day. In conclusion, there is no way Monoma will become a villain because he already reached this far and gained other's trust. He made friends who are looking after him. He's already a part of something big which he can't abandon this easily.

BTW

This is the ultimate proof that Monoma isn't entirely obsessed with class a as many think he is. He's simply mad at anyone who's trying to show off class b by stealing their spotlight. His class is the best, try to prove him wrong and he won't give you any piece of mind.

He's so dedicated to his rambling that he doesn't mind Kirishima's friendly exchange with Tetsutetsu in the background. It's clear that the hatred he feels is directed towards Bakugou for obvious reasons. While Monoma is the group's person, Bakugou does everything on his own and hates when someone interfers with his business to the point where he becomes arrogant and rude. I can't recall Monoma being any of it because he only uses people's failures as an example to make them feel bad about themselves and we all know that the truth hurts the most.

I'm not defending him or anything, what he does is certainly not nice, but I want to say that his way of expressing bitterness is much more effective than Bakugou's because he makes sense at some point. Bakugou just acts like a thug.

And while he certainly does behave like an absolute madman, I'll still love Bakugou and Monoma equally because there's that one thing Monoma doesn't really understand about Bakugou's personality and that's his undying wish of becoming no.1 world's greatest hero. It's his ambition from an young age which pushed him further into accomplishing his goals. Yes it sounds selfish and yes it seems like he doesn't give a damn about others, but that's his lifelong dream which he can't give up to a friend just for the sake of being nice to each other.

From the flashbacks of the kindergarten we could see how many expectations and how much pressure people were putting on him because of his talent. His mom accused him of being weak and causing trouble for the entire U. A. when in fact, the school was guilty of his kidnapping and took responsibility for it's mistakes. He was raised to solve his problems through violence, he doesn't know for any other way. So it's not arrogance, he's just ambitious but shows it in a rearher inappropriate manner.

Monoma doesn't like that and I can understand why. Unlike Bakugou, Monoma is an underdog. No one ever cheered for him or supported his goals. When he saw Bakugou and his indifference or rather ignorance towards his audience, he thought he was acting ungrateful and that pissed him off. Especially because Monoma is the most grateful out of all the characters.

He wants to be recognized among the crowd and accepted by his peers by means of finding a place where he truly belongs, something he couldn't achieve when he was little. Bakugou doesn't yearn for fame or money. He wants to prove himself and push his limits because winning is what heroes do. Their life goals are different but their ways of dealing with things are surprisingly similar. They're throwing shade wherever they go and they're incredibly noisy, with Bakugou spreading insults and Monoma mocking every living soul but that's the way they are and people grew accustomed to it.

I mean look at this-

Similarities:

blond

smart

rude

sad

sarcastic

uncomfortable

embarrassed

In conclusion:

They share the same level of bitterness + their friends(Tetsu and Kiri) are also very good friends which indicates their similar tastes in people they appreciate.

Also something from Noragami:

"YOU HATE THOSE THE MOST LIKE YOURSELF"

Tbh if bnha was all about class 1b, Monoma would be, in fact, favorable because everyone would have a bad impression of class 1a for being rude and arrogant thanks to Bakugo since we'd only see 1b's side of the story. And although everyone made friends with each other and now are staying on good terms, they're still having this sort of rivalry between them which is completely normal considering the fact that 1a still precedes in particular aspects.

Despite this friendship, Monoma does not believe them in a slightest. He looks at their relationship in a way that class 1a uses their friendship to distract them from trying to be better than them. If you are in good relations with someone, it is natural that you will go easy on them because of the empathy we feel towards others. He thinks they're playing them in order to get what they want. It affects their reputation as a hero and class 1a represents their concurrency so it isn't all about some friendship between kids, it's their future and their careers that get affected as well.

But then again, Monoma isn't fighting for his own selfish purposes, he's doing it for his class. He loves his class from the bottom of his heart and he wants them to succeed, that's why he's so annoying. Class 1a represents their concurrency, they're taking away their spotlight. They're limiting their chances of becoming pro heroes while class 1b is so much better than them and that's what actually bugs Monoma.

They’ve worked just as hard as class 1a, they’ve overcome all the same scholastic obstacles and yet it’s always 1a on the news, 1a in the papers, 1a surviving yet another dramatic and utterly glamorous supervillain encounter. See, 1a gets all the luck.

If he was selfish, narcissistic and egoistic, he'd constantly complain about deserving his place among the best in class 1a but no, he's proud to be with his friends because b class is all about solidarity and teamwork. His class loves him and he's getting along with everyone just fine. His cooperation stats are 4/5, he's a very friendly person.

His intelligence and tactics stats are 5/5, he's a smart person and he obviously doesn't do shit without a reason. His power and speed stats are 1/5, he's weak and very insecure in himself. Naturally he would develop a inferiority complex to protect himself but at the same time trash talks himself to talk up his class which I find very funny and kinda sympathetic in a way.

I bet everyone's just seeing this annoying side of him but there's so much more to his character and Kendou understands that all too well. That's why they're never arguing or fighting for their own beliefs because she knows how much he's hurting. And it's not just him, most of his classmates are also having a sort of rivalry with class 1a but they're being less obvious about it.

Seing this side of him made me start to really like him. He's a sad character with a great desire to belong somewhere and that's probably the reason why I can't possibly hate him. That's just my opinion but I hope others can relate as well. ❤️❤️❤️

[wallezhang]

What is the best time for sleeping

To keep us healthy and beautiful, we always say don’t stay up late, but do you know when to sleep is to stay up late? Our Lash will help you to find an answer today.

In fact, it's not very scientific to judge whether you stay up late by the time you fall asleep.

Scientific studies have found that everyone has their own circadian rhythms; it is determined by the PER3 gene in the body. Some people are early birds (go to bed early and wake up early), while others are natural evening types (go to bed late and wake up late).

Forcing early sleepers to go to bed earlier was just as uncomfortable for them as forcing early birds to stay up late. After all, people who sleep late at night are more alert and productive than those who work or study during the day. So, even going to bed in the wee hours of the morning and getting up in the middle of the day doesn't count as a late night if you make sure you sleep regularly and get enough sleep. When it comes to sleep duration, the well-known "eight hours" has little scientific backing -- some people feel refreshed after six hours, while others need nine hours or more. But with rare exceptions, the circadian rhythms of ordinary people are rarely unaffected by light, temperature, and social rhythms. Imagine you go to bed at 6 am and wake up at 12 am every day. You work regularly and get plenty of sleep, but your rest time is hard not to be affected by busy neighbors, plenty of light and noisy cities. Sleep time and regularity are guaranteed, but the quality of rest will be greatly reduced. Disconnect from your normal life can also affect how you eat, exercise, etc.

How is staying up late hurting you?

Although it is often said that an occasional late night is nothing but catching up on sleep the next day is enough; It's ok to sleep less on weekdays, because it's ok to come back on weekends. But every time after staying up late, the body's discomfort is real: yawning, dizziness, chest tightness, in short, the whole person is not good.

What's even more frustrating for fans of catching up on sleep is that it's hard to undo the damage done to your body by staying up late. Even if occasionally boil, the next day can indeed recover blood through filling up sleep, but the subtle damage to the brain nerve has actually formed. Not to mention staying up late for years and years will lead to disruption of the human body's sleep rhythm, which will make the body pay a lot of "costs" over time.

1. Staying up late makes people "stupid".

This, I am afraid many stay up late party have deep experience. After staying up all night, they often feel foolish for leaving their keys behind, forgetting to pay their phone bill, and missing their subway stop. These are all signs of a short-term decline in attention and memory. In addition to making you groggy and muddled, sleep deprivation also reduces your ability to learn and mental flexibility. We are more likely to make mistakes in work and study, and even make some impulsive and rash decisions.

2. Staying up late affects mood and endocrine.

Staying up late can disrupt your circadian rhythm and make you more prone to mood swings.

In other words, you could go from being a good-tempered honor student to being a hot-tempered older sibling. Even if you think losing your temper is trivial, the long-term effects of disrupted circadian rhythms on your emotional state can, in turn, disrupt normal physiological activity. More seriously, it will also create conditions for the development of cardiovascular disease. Often stay up late it is more likely to make your endocrine system out of whack, hormone imbalance. Therefore, many girls will find their skin dark after staying up all night, more prone to acne than usual, more obvious wrinkles...This is what we often call "late night face".

3. Staying up late really makes you fat.

The reason is that staying up late will cause hormone disorders in the human body, leading to our appetite at night;

The liver function disorder caused by staying up late lets the toxin accumulate too much in the body. Plus, staying up late for a long time affects mental health, making people unknowingly consume more calories in their anxiety. After all, who could resist a midnight snack?

It makes sense to gain weight.

4. Staying up late can also increase the risk of cancer and sudden death.

Studies have suggested that disrupted circadian rhythms may increase the risk of cancer. In addition to clocks at the macro level, our organs and even our cells have their own clocks. Constantly disrupting their body clocks raises the risk of breast, colon, ovarian and prostate cancer, among other diseases.

What about the dreaded "sudden death" that's been in the news so much lately? Is it also related to staying up late? Scientists have found that heart cells have their own circadian rhythms, adjusting and maintaining the right heart rate to match changes in the body. Staying up late disrupts this rhythm, which in turn increases the risk of arrhythmias and other problems. For healthy people, although not sudden death, but still may cause heart discomfort; And for those who already have cardiovascular disease, extra care should be taken. The disturbance of circadian rhythm can affect the number of immune cells and reduce the immune ability; Also, it affects your mental health and increases your risk of depression.

Therefore, people who often stay up late, whether physically or mentally, externally or internally, have greater pressure and higher risk than those who don't.

That’s all today. If you need any help about pre made fans eyelash extensions or other lashes in wholesale. Please contact with us.

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Revival

Set Me Free - Chapter 16 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Fandom: Sing 2016

Pairing: Johnny x Ash (Jash)

Chapter Summary: A sudden change of heart from Buster Moon has incredible ripple effects for all involved.

Fanfiction.net

A03

The name on her phone 'Moon' suddenly popped up on screen and it made Ash physically flinch and almost drop the device out of pure shock. The annoying ringtone blaring and vibrating in her paw didn't have any intention of stopping and it was only succeeding in making this situation harder to deal with for she had such little time to comprehend it all…

…For indeed - Buster Moon was calling her…

Whatever the reason, she wasn't sure.

At first, Ash thought perhaps it was a strange dream. That she'd simply fallen asleep laying on the couch and this was all some twisted nightmare caused by lack of sleep and too much junk food. It would sure as hell make more sense than if this was reality - because none of this made much sense for why the hell would Moon be calling her now of all times?

It was a dream.

It had to be.

Yet the vibration of her phone echoing up through her paw and arm didn't feel dream-like whatsoever. The noisy ringtone Lance had chosen for her so awful she still berated herself for not changing it yet; it even managed to hurt her ears and the pain registering told her indeed…this may just be reality.

Pushing aside any last hesitation and to sate her own curiosity (and against her better judgment), she answered the call with a swipe of her thumb.

"Yeah?" she asked dryly into the receiver; ready for whatever prank or similar awaited her on the other line. Perhaps Moon had to pawn off his phone for money and neither Moon nor the shop bothered to clean the phone out. The animal who eventually bought it was probably just calling everyone in the contacts for shits and giggles…

"...Ash? Ash, is that you? I-I'm pretty sure I got the right number." the voice on the other line rang out and a chill went through her body when indeed - it was the one and only Buster Moon.

"What do you want, Moon?" she muttered out; more so to cover the shock in her voice than anything.

"Oh, Ash! So glad I got a hold of you - I - I-I first just want to apologize for my behavior last time I saw you. I was being completely selfish and not really thinking when I turned you all away last week. I shouldn't have done that…"

"Yeah. No kidding…" Ash didn't even bother hiding the venom in her tone. His blatant disregard for their effort to cheer him up and still believe in him even after he almost got them all killed was really rather, for lack of a better term, fucked up.

Moon went silent for a moment, a soft sigh she easily picked up before he decided to respond, "…I know - I…I'm so sorry; you have to believe me, Ash. I wasn't in my right mind, I was depressed and not thinking clearly to see how I hurt you all and…

I'm sorry. I really am."

"So what? Did you just call to apologize because it's kinda late for that." Ash was physically trembling; the blatant anger in her voice stemming through even in the back of her mind told her to stop, to not speak in such a way but it was all the hurt speaking now…

"I know that. Sorry doesn't really help now, b-but, I wanted to invite you to come perform with the others back at the theater! W-We're going to perform like we were supposed to! Uh, yeah, sure, t-t-there's no money in it, but maybe we'll get some recognition and who knows what'll happen after that?" Buster's stuttering voice was rather strange to listen to; normally one so confident and self-assured and it was weird to hear it squelched.

The more shocking thing though was the content of his words…

…Performing?

NOW?

"What if there was a producer who heard us? Even a local television newscast streaming the whole show throughout the town? It would bring so much more attention to the Moon Theater a-and maybe with their help, we could raise money and do benefit concerts to eventually raise enough and re-build! Anything can happen if we work together!" it appeared his confidence was slowly gaining by her silence.

Ash was frozen on the other line as Buster continued in his ramblings and the excitement leeching out in waves. A persistent bitterness rose in her chest at all of this for she had desperately wanted to put this all behind her - Lance, Moon Theater, all of those associated - Everything. Didn't Moon get that she wanted to move on with her life?!

Now, here was Moon trying to convince her to come back?! And for what!? A maybe? A billion in one possibility that an animal who actually mattered listened to their impromptu concert and just handed them a shitton of money to rebuild an old theater?! Newsflash: They lived in reality, not a freakin' fairytale land! There was no one who would fund their little venture! That dream was dead a long time ago and they all would have to accept it…especially Buster.

Buster's voice that she supposed she'd drowned out was now audible as her thoughts scattered away with a resolute answer she would give him.

"...I know it may not sound like much, but I can hear the passion when you sing. Your new song you wrote!" Ash couldn't help but flinch when he said it; her mind awash with thing she didn't care to think about right now. "Ash, I know you want to sing it and being exposed on the news or something may spark a -"

"What's the fucking point, Moon?" Ash interrupted, the fire in her voice not held back whatsoever. She felt as if she may be the only one out of the whole group who had any grasp of brutal reality.

"...pardon?" he asked, his voice sounding more like his depressed tone back at Eddie's pool house.

"There's no money, no prize, and no theater left. There's nothing, Moon. Unlike you, I need to move on…alright? It's over!"

"...Ash, of course there's still something! W-What about your dreams? Your singing? There's such passion when you're performing onstage! I know there's still a part of you that wants to do this! I believe in you! I -"

Ash hung up the phone with a firm press of her thumb on the red icon.

Heart pounding desperately in her chest at her abrupt decision to do so and all of a sudden, it all overwhelmed her. Eyes flooding with tears and emotions she cared not to deal with right now.

Just what the hell?!

Looking back down at her phone, she saw Moon was trying to call her back but she rejected his call with a swipe of her finger. It drifted back to her contacts - the few she didn't delete from her phone or block the numbers completely. 'Dad' was one that was staring back at her - how easy it would be to call him now and ask for tuition money - to go to college and ditch the dream forever.

Moon's words flitting about in her mind and how insane it all sounded…yet before she could talk herself out of it, she found her finger drifting downward in her contacts and without any hesitation, she called someone else.

"Ash?" the British-accented voice asked on the other line.

"Hey…" Ash muttered. "Uh…what's up?" she still continued to fail miserably at small talk.

"I just got off the phone with Mr. Moon!" Johnny admitted way too happily for her taste and Ash's stomach clenched, "Yeah, I-I tried to call ya but your line was busy."

"...Wait - Moon called you too!?"

"Yeah!"

"...so he's actually serious about this?" she muttered under her breath in complete disbelief. Was she the only sane one left?

"Uh…Yes. I'm pretty sure."

"...Are you shitting me?" Ash grumbled when Johnny basically had to repeat himself for the third time.

"I'm not!" Johnny laughed; his voice was pure unadulterated sunshine and rainbows and as nice as it sounded from the muted chuckle he had last time they spoke, it still kinda irritated her.

"So, wait, did you actually agree to his insane scheme?"

"I don't think it's a scheme, Ash. I think he's serious. He just wants to have a concert and invited us to perform. It sounded genuine to me So I'm gonna go… Didn't you hear him out?"

"Not really - I hung up on him!"

Johnny grew silent on the other end…and wait, was he fucking snickering?!

"...you hung up on him?" he asked in an obviously bemused tone and she could practically see the lopsided smile he wore on the other end as well as the chuckle lacing his voice.

"YES!" Ash replied, not even bothering to hide her slight annoyance. "I didn't believe him - thought he was just rubbing salt in the wound. I mean, like why the hell would he do this now? It doesn't…"

"I believe him."

"Of course you do." she couldn't help but sigh a moment later; Johnny's endless reserves of optimism would never empty, would they?

"Mr. Moon wouldn't lie about this - I could hear it in his voice."

Ash's mouth opened, ready to argue about how strange all of this was but the words wouldn't come. Silence filling the dead air around her and the nonexistent space between her ear and phone where Johnny was strangely quiet. A soft breath left her mouth; head swimming and body felt numb as the words finally came out.

"…But why now? What damn good is this now?! The theater is gone - what are we going to gain by doing any of this?"

"That our dream of singing may come true - even if it's just for a night."

Ash rolled her eyes that time; he sounded so painfully optimistic and cheesy she couldn't help it.

"But where?! There's nothing but a pile of rubble and I doubt Moon acquired another venue this quick considering the sad-sack of a state he was last time we saw him!"

"I-It is at the Moon Theater! We're going to build…or rather re-build a stage of sorts to have a concert! Ya know, just for fun."

"...for fun?" Ash wasn't convinced.

"Mr. Moon says he wants to relive the glory days - make it about the music rather than the venue and -"

"By putting on a show in a bunch of rubble?!" Ash interrupted.

Johnny grew silent for a moment. "…uh, yeah?"

"Please tell me you told him how ridiculous he sounds?!"

"Ash…c'mon, what have we gotta lose?"

"The rest of our sanity, our dignity - our lives! The Moon Theater is just a pile of unsteady rubble! How the hell is that safe to perform on by any stretch of the imagination?!"

"I'm sure we'll make it work out. Now what do you say?" Johnny said and Ash could practically see the shrug of his shoulders from his voice alone.

Ash grew silent on the other line.

This didn't sound right whatsoever and it felt like she would be taking a giant step backwards if she agreed to this absurd lunacy. The more logical side telling her to finish the call, hang up and dial her father like she should. Attend college, graduate, than finally pursue a real career going rather than chasing fruitless dreams and hoping for it not to completely blow up in her face.

Life didn't work out perfect for her - it never did - so why the hell would it go right for her now of all times?

"...Ash?" Johnny's voice filled her ears again and she audibly sighed.

"I'm sorry," the words felt positively foreign on her tongue, "I can't keep living in the past, Johnny. It's time to move forward and this isn't the way for me to do it."

"...not even for a night?"

Ash's mouth froze, wanting so badly to say 'no' and to even hang up on him like she did to Moon but she found she couldn't even muster up the courage for that.

Using her silence as leeway to try and convince her, Johnny continued.

"Ash, you love to play and sing - I saw the passion in your audition even if that no-good ex-boyfriend of yours tried to steal the spotlight," he chuckled and she hated how her heart prickled in her chest, "It was as if you were the only one on stage. I know you want to do this - you don't have to but…I'd sure like it if ya were there..."

Another sigh escaped her parted lips; heart beating uncomfortable in her chest as she stared over at her new guitar - or rather, refurbished, guitar. The strings and promise of a stage beckoning her to say 'yes', but she couldn't do that either.

"I…I need to move on."

It was now Johnny's turn to be silent. It remained that way for a few tense moments before his voice hit her ears again.

"I understand…b-but, if you change your mind, he wants us to meet there tomorrow morning, bright and early. If I don't see ya - good luck in whatever you decide to pursue." it hurt how genuine he sounded while speaking those words.

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Alright." was all she replied.

"Well, um…I, I hope you 'ave a good day. Bye, Ash."

"Bye." she muttered before his line went dead; the finality of it all hitting her square in the gut.

Ash started at the screen of her phone for what felt like an eternity. Mind awash with too much to fathom that these last…what, seven minutes at most provided?

It was all just too much.

Moon's and even Johnny's words were torturing her; flitting frantically, more than her scattered mind cared to comprehend now or frankly, ever.

They were really going to do a show?

A failure or flop no one would want to see? A random bunch of animals performing in the remains and rubble of a long-failing theater - not exactly high-class entertainment that would draw any positive attention. Hell, the more she thought about it, it was very likely the rest of the rubble would collapse and crush the rest of them in the process. She supposed it would serve them right for not obeying the brutal weight of reality she grunted internally. The thought was not one she entertained long but a side of her that kept pestering her had far greater implications…

…What if?

That two word question that held more weight than she cared to admit bothered her to no end.

The risk-taker, the rebellious porcupine that pushed against all odds part kept putting these doubts in her mind. What if someone who mattered heard? What if the stage didn't collapse and…the show was good?

"No Ash. Stop! No way! I am not thinking of doing this…" she was suddenly talking to herself; feeling like a mental patient who escaped from the psych ward. Wondering if she should sign herself into a loony bin before she REALLY did something stupid - like actually take him up on his offer? Oh, hell no.

"NO!" she spoke again to herself because yes indeed, she was well aware she was fully out of her mind. Eyes flitting to her phone and seeing her dad's number, hand frozen as she pushed herself to call him but her body wouldn't obey.

"Ugh!" she grunted whilst standing to her feet to pace around, again proclaiming to the empty apartment, "I am NOT going to do this…"

"...I can't believe I'm doing this…" Ash muttered the second she stepped off the bus the next morning; approaching the remains of what used to be the majestic Moon Theater…