#(next aespa song better just be those weird weeeooooweeeeooos for two and a half minutes)

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Songs of the Summer, 2023: #13

[intro & rules]

Touching Yourself by The Japanese House (June 30, 2023)

i used to cry about her on laundry days  maybe because i had too much time to think, then on those open-window, hanging-sheets afternoons once a week, i would notice the breeze gently pushing me to move on tea in the microwave and half-a-tomato on the cutting board, i find time to think   we should buy a coatrack, or maybe wall hangers, and a weighted blanket—sage green? 

--

Yeah, I admit it, I don’t mind when The Japanese House is boring. I mean, “Something Has to Change” is still one of my favorite songs of hers, and it’s just as simple and repetitive as “Touching Yourself” is. I could have put “Sunshine Baby” or “Morning Pages” in this spot on this list—they have these beautifully immersive lyrics that I could analyze for forever—but when it comes down to it, this one, the boring one, is my favorite.

I guess it's actually easiest to talk about "Touching Yourself" in the context of my love for "Something Has to Change". To be fair, it's not quite as ethereally beautiful as its predecessor (if it were, it would be in the top 5 of this list), but “Touching Yourself” has a similar magic. What I love about “Something Has to Change” is that it’s a mantra of sorts—the simplicity & repetition of the lyrics, and of the light, pleasant groove that backs them, manages to capture so much anger and frustration and desperation and strength and determination, too, and channel all those feelings into a speech that, as I sing along, I feel like I’m giving myself (and boy did I need that speech, back when I first stumbled across the song). I love its directness, especially compared to the rest of The Japanese House’s discography, as her music tends to be melty-sounding and uncertain in vocals and lyrics and production, too. That isn’t a bad thing—I love so many of her songs—but “Something Has to Change” has been a standout to me for as long as I’ve been a fan, and I like the way "Touching Yourself" follows in its footsteps.

Even compared to "Something Has to Change", Amber Bain's performance in this new track feels unusually direct, simple and sweet and genuine, like I'm listening to singer at a coffee shop or on a park bench. That lack of mystery is unexpected, but it's quite charming, too. And “Touching Yourself” has its own mantra; it caught me on first listen and brings me back again and again: “Know I shouldn’t need it but I want affection / Know I shouldn’t want it but I need attention / Know I shouldn’t say it but I had to mention…”. It’s not a statement of determination to do the right thing, to be kind to yourself for once, like in “Something Has to Change”; instead, it’s just an expression of gloomy anger channeled into a satisfying rhythm. Can you fix your problem, claw your way out of this depression? Hell if I know, but at least you can enjoy this little tongue-twister of a bridge while you wait for answers.

“Touching Yourself” is tired, and resigned, and weird, and fun—and after spending most of the summer listening to “Dionne” and “Sunshine Baby”, which are also tired and resigned and weird but most certainly not fun, “Touching Yourself”, with its awkward, even comedic, sci-fi-sounding synth and general lack of subtlety, became a late-summer classic. It’s a sing-along anthem for three in the afternoon, and since my summer felt like one giant late-afternoon daze, including it here just feels right.