#(listen... i dont know how this happened but here they are and here khan is LOL)

[respondedinkind]

@ssolessurvivor cont. [x]

It actually amuses Khan - a lot, to be precise - to see just how long it took Logan to realize what he was doing; Both of them had started to decorate the tree, right after the blonde had explained to him that this is apparently a thing humans do, bring trees inside to put lights and ornaments on them during the cold season... and simply because he'd found it endearing to see the man being so involved into the act, Khan had decided to be a little cheeky himself.

So, he'd put some lights around Logan's shoulders. Then, around his waist. Then, some more around his arms, some more around his middle---

Logan had been so deeply distracted by his task at hand that he only now realises he's stuck, and very much incorporated into the string lights that are curling around the tree's branches. Literally.

"---Took you long enough to notice.", Khan taunts, cheekily so, as soon as their gazes meet; Logan's own words are not lost on him and Khan hums, lifting his chin a bit, making sure he's properly looking down at his beloved in a gentle, yet teasing way. Then, he speaks, and sounds as playfully deadpan as he can possibly be while voicing out the next words into the silence of the cabin: "You're being too cute. That's a crime. I had to stop you from proceeding."

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a younger Avenger and mentoring Kamala

Kamala Khan x reader

warnings: avengers game spoilers, guns

a/n: so excited about this one; i made y/n just a bit older (and gn!) so that they’re in their mid-early teens during a-day! hope thats okie doke! reader has electrokinesis. this accidentally got really detailed

prompt: anonymous: “Hey there! Would you mind writing HCs for the Avengers Game about female reader being a young Avenger (around 17) and mentoring Kamala Khan?”

you were just a kid yourself when you joined the avengers

and you were an inspiration to kids around the world

“does SHIELD think nothing of child labor laws?” -bruce

the avengers became your family

and seeing what you could do...they knew you could handle yourself

and then a-day happened

the day started off so perfect

and the kids went ballistic over seeing you

“y/h/n! look, it’s y/h/n!”

“can i get a picture?”

“hi, guys! of course you can!”

but there was one kid who stuck out among the rest

kamala khan

“you’re the one who wrote about the sewers, right? i freaking loved it! may i just say your art is amazing?”

“r-really?”

“oh, yeah! and the part where you had thor spin mjölnir to push water towards the sewer lizards so i could shock them? genius!”

she could not wait to tell abu about what you had just said

you obviously took a selfie with her and handed her a little pin with your own “icon” on it

but your world got turned upside down that day

the battle was one you’d never forget

and the fighting with your own teammates afterwards would haunt you for years to come

“what do you know, y/n?! you’re just a kid!” -tony

“oh yeah? im one of the only functioning members of this team!”

“everybody calm down. y/n makes a good point, but—” -nat

“thank you”

“...but there’s some stuff you should leave up to us. you really shouldn’t have to take on so much responsibility” -nat

“she’s right, y/n. this was our fault” -bruce

“are you kidding me?! i’m just as guilty as the rest of you, i’m an equal member of this team! for years we’ve dealt with this together, taken the blame together! what’s changed?”

“y/n...you saw what we did out there. that changed everything...” -bruce

you technically were an inhuman, just not terrigen-based

didnt matter to AIM, they took dr. pym for god’s sake

so you had to run, you were on your own for a while

a long while

you laid low for five years, most boring five years of your life

at least you still had your life, though. it just wasn’t what it used to be

but you got a message one day

“‘tiny dancer,’ huh? my moneys on either nat or tony. nah, tony would have chosen ‘rocket man.’”

you couldn’t be sure, maybe it was just a random shield agent...maybe hank pym? god, this was crazy

the message brought you to, uh, cap’s memorial statue

and there was a young girl arguing with a couple of boys...an inhuman!

you hopped in and saved her, she seemed scared

“hey, kid, you alright?”

“y/h/n? is it really you?”

she seemed vaguely familiar

“are you tiny dancer?”

“no, i thought you might be? they sent you here, too?”

there wasn’t much time to chat, AIM was onto you

you two unfortunately got split up for a minute, but you were practically raised by the notorious clint barton and natasha romanoff, and various other spies

yes, you planted a tracker on her

and met her at the bus stop!

“you found me?”

“that i did, kamala. see, i do remember you”

“that is so cool! i mean—not almost getting killed, or the guy with the big head...”

“what guy? you need to tell me everything”

the whole busride was a bit overwhelming. kamala explained the resistance clues, her powers, her undying admiration for the avengers, you name it

but it made you feel good to know that there were people out there that didn’t hate you

“so what was it like? being the teenage avenger?”

“uh, it was...it was really cool. i felt like i was one-of-a-kind. but sometimes people didn’t take me seriously, it was kind of aggravating”

“yeah, no one takes me seriously either...”

“you know, depending on how this all goes, i might be able to give you a few pointers”

“really?! that’d be great!”

once you got to utah...you saw the chimera

it brought back some bad memories, kamala could tell

“you okay?”

“me? yeah, im good. just thinking...okay, well, do you have a plan on how to get yourself across all of this?”

“actually, i do!”

it was kind of creepy in there, but when you laid your eyes on caps shield, you kind of broke

“do you hear something, what it that?”

“...hulk. kamala, you need to get out of here, i’ll catch up to you, i swear”

she didn’t leave in time, so she got to see the greener side of bruce. you chased him back and tried to get bruce back

meanwhile, kamala found AIM troops...oops

bruce cooled off and man was he doing rough

“y/n, is that really you?”

“yeah, its me. surprise. how long have you been the big guy?”

“too long...a few years”

“jesus, im sorry. i’ll be right back, though. some kid brought me here, i gotta go get her. you kinda scared her off”

she was passed out when you got to her

but bruce is a doctor, he’d figure it out

“i could give her a little shock to wake her up, you know?”

“oh, i know. just let her rest for a minute. she needs it”

“right...well im gonna take a look around, maybe go see what i left behind. i could power the place up, but we’re missing some parts to actually get this thing running. best i can do is lights and doors”

you turned the little things on and turns out did leave a decent amount of stuff in here

your first pair of pistols that nat gave you, the gigantic stein that thor gifted you for your 13th birthday, gadgets tony needed an “extra boost” for *bzzt*, a note from cap that just said “good luck, y/n, you’re going to do great!” you cant even remember what it was he was referring to. you just missed him

kamala walked in while you were shuffling around and cleaning the place up

“hey, dr. banner wanted me to come get you. is this your room?”

“that it is, and it’s a huge mess. this is literally all my belongings ever”

bruce had his plan and you just went along, helping kamala out as you go

“baby steps, kam, don’t want you to pass out. but don’t worry, happens to the best of us” -you

“really? you pass out too?” -kamala

“oh yeah, for sure. tell her bruce, remember that time we had thor overcharge me to literally make me an EMP? and tony was busy listening to music so he wouldn’t get out of the blast radius and his armor shut down? so he was out of commission and i had just collapsed from it all? good times”

“y/n, we thought you died” -bruce

this hc is so long omg — anyways you guys ended up finding tony and it was sort of entertaining but he kinda punched bruce and then hugged you

“you got so big”

“shut up, tony”

you kinda harbored some bad feelings since none of the avengers did anything to help you once they started rounding up inhumans (but you still missed them)

getting attacked again

“okay, kamala, remember what i said about baby steps. dont overdo it. i trust you with this!”

“thank you, y/n! uh—oh my god!”

aaaanyways you went to the ant hill to see hank and pick up some supplies, boy was it great to see some familiar faces, then back the the chimera you went to fix it all up

“can you hold that right there for me, kamala? thanks. i think that just about does it. now i have a surprise for you...your own room!”

you helped kamala get it nice and tidy while talking about each other’s lives, she really did remind you of yourself when you became an avenger. excited, scared, underestimated, all of that. and she begged you to share some mission stories, so you obviously did

“you know, if you stick around for a while, you’re gonna have some cool stories, too. maybe even a kickass costume.”

“oh! a costume, ive got that sorta covered. check it out. a burkini, muslim women wear it for swimming and stuff. my mom got it for me”

“love it. soon we’ll find you a fitting name and update the suit, but seriously, this was the perfect way to go. you look great”

“you think so? i don’t know if i feel that cool. maybe i should try something else?”

“if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to stick to it. you can experiment all you want! but i really think you did awesome on this. come on, pose with me! and hey, i like your pins.”

at this point, you’d do anything for kamala, she reminded you so much of yourself. you would have killed for a mentor your age back in the day.

natasha was in fact tiny dancer...called it

“oh, god, y/n. you’re all grown up...im sorry we left you alone. but if it makes you feel better, i always kept an eye on you”

“well, i kind of took on a protégé...she’s like your grand-protégé. kam, c’mere”

after thor finally came back, everyone started fighting again and ditched, it felt so familiar. but you couldn’t leave kamala behind, you swore to yourself that you couldn’t do that.

she was so good for this team

MODOK was defeated (by kamala herself) but there was so much left to do, tons of threats to extinguish, training to accomplish

“y/n, tony won’t turn his dad rock off! he overrode the speakers in my room”

“oh, it’s on. get chastity’s fabric dye and bleach pens. we’re gonna start some trouble”

she gave you a high five one time and nearly broke your arm

sending each other tiny hand memes

“hey, ms. m, how’re your parents? doing okay without their favorite super-daughter?”

“my abu doesn’t stop texting me actually, says my family is super proud of me. it’s a nice change of pace”

you take her on covert missions for field training, it was Educational(tm)

*elevator music playing* “so...what do you want for dinner? i was thinking we could ask thor to barbecue”

sleepovers in her room that just turn into her showing you her superhero merch, listening to music, prank lists, sneaking off to the HARM room for hand-to-hand combat training and power experiments, thinking up new costume designs

“tip: you always need backup suits, you never know what you’re gonna run into out there. one time tony pushed me into a tower of paint cans and they spilled all over me. steve yelled at him for two hours afterwards. worst mission ever, except steve said ‘motherfucker’ and i have never recovered from the emotions of that day”

“wow, i wish i could have been there for that”

“don’t worry, kami, you’ll see some crazy ‘team bonding’ along the way”

she geeks out about captain marvel sometimes

“hey, i’ve got a book carol gave to me about ‘teens taking responsibility.’ you wanna read it?”

“is it any good?”

“i don’t know, i only read the first two pages”

you ended up having a true heart-to-heart with her after one mission when she made a mistake that nearly cost you guys the mission. you told her that not every mission is going to go perfect, each avenger had slipped up in the field, and she had just started, shes not going to be perfect

“i am literally always here if you need anything. i know what it feels like to be a teenager among legends, but trust me, you’ve made it this far and you’ve proven how much of a badass you are. i know you can take anything that gets thrown at you”

kamala said she makes vegan nachos and yeah she makes vegan nachos

you guys have to hide from the rest of the team when she makes them bc they eat ALL OF THEM

gaff (the SHEILD vendor) has you test his gear, you recommend gear to kamala

you were so excited to guide kamala on her journey of heroism

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Full Nest

Part 5. Ending

The story so far. Hawks has found Reader with a quirk like his except she has pretty blue wings. He takes her in after saving her from a villain that is forcing quirks onto people and selling them. He helps her with the quirk while fighting his instincts at the same time only to realize how important Pretty Blue Bird is. / Now that Hawks has his family he has one more thing to fight before he can live a normal life and be happy

@marydragneell / @loxbbg / @toribug2020 / @scarlette-wolf918

The only sound was Hera fussing in your arms trying to get your attention. She was tugging on your gown whining and flapping her tiny wings everywhere. Hawks had moved his feathers away from her when you had tired yourself out from fighting him. Now you were just leaning into him crying quietly.

Khan had poisoned you and told Hawks he could either save you and give up his son , or let you die. He did not want to do either of these things , he did not want to let his family go, he was a Hero . But right now, he felt like a failure.

Hera was still fussing so you picked her up from between your legs to hug her till she calmed. Not once had you looked at Hawks after Khan had left with Hiro. You could feel him staring at you though, it burned.

“Blue bird..”

you just turned away weakly from him , clinging to your daughter .

“I'm going to make this right. “ he told you, placing his hand on yours just for you to move it away.

He was heartbroken. All he wanted to do was take his family home and be a father . Finally have a regular life; teach his kids to walk and fly, call out of his Agency to spend time with you, pawn the kids off on Tokoyami to babysit so he could be alone with you.

Slowly Hawks got off the bed pulling his phone from his pocket and walking towards the window opening it up. He had to be careful not to step on any of your feathers too.

“Tokoyami? Yes , she did but. Ill just tell you when i get there. Meet me on the roof, no i know you have to take the stairs ,” he stepped out the window. “Why would I need an elevator at the agency when I can fly? Oh you mean you.. welp” he looked back at you and flew off.

**

Hawks was perched on the roof looking at the city while he waited for Tokoyami . Everything looked so small from up here, it always did . It made him feel big , even if it was for a little while.

The door opened and Dark Shadow waved floating over to Hawks with Toko close by . Hawks pet the shadow with a fake smile .

“I need to explain something. Keep it between us…”

A few minutes later.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA !!! WHAT!! YOU'VE DONE!!!” Tokoyami was going nuts. Usually Hawks could handle it or get him to stop but he deserved it this time, so he stayed quiet.

“I TOLD YOU, SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN AND YOU REFUSED TO LISTEN”

Dark Shadow was behind his shoulder and was cery shaky and small, Tokoyami did not go off alot but when he did it was scary..

Hawks took off his glove to look at it, flipping it over in his hand a few times while he listened. It fell out of his grip falling into the city, he did the same with the other and stood up unzipping his coat.

“You wont agree with what i'm going to do to get my son back, Tokoyami. But please, keep it between us.” He coat fell to his feet.

“I have half a mind to break each and every one of your feathers.” He said , grabbing the coat and tossing a bag to Hawks feet.

Red feathers scattered along the roof and Hawks removed his shirt and pulled out a hoodie from the bag. “I wouldn't blame you, when i get my family back together Tokoyami, i'm not coming back. This Agency is yours.” He told him, slipping some sunglasses on.

“Just how do you plan to do this?”

“I looked over that file you gave me, on The Gift Giver, hes got a weak spot in the nape of his neck. I just have to cut it.”

“ and Khan?”

“I'm thinking Tartarus .” Hawks slid one feather sword in his hoodie pocket.

“Be safe, Keigo.”

“I will.” He was about to jump till he realized.”oh right. Guess I'm taking the stairs down.”

“First thing I'm doing is an elevator.” Toko told him, walking back with him .

**

Tokoyami had brought you home helping you get settled in with Hera, she was a cute baby with tiny purple wings . Dark Shadow loved her and was always asking if he could hold her. Once settled Toko asked if you needed him to stay and you said ‘no,’ he was skeptical but was not about to argue. So he hugged you and said ‘be well’ before taking his leave. You curled up on the couch with Hera trying to get some sleep.

Meanwhile Hawks was sneaking around an older building. His file told him The Gift Giver was here. And he could hear chattering and little child noises .

“Looks just like him.” Khan said, staring at the baby.

“He will do nicely.” The Gift Giver said while inspecting his wings . “We could sell him to the highest bidder, a quirk like this is valued pretty high”

“He has a daughter too”

“Oh my, well that could be even more interesting.”

Hawks had slipped in through a window and clung to the wall moving towards the noise with one hand in his pocket.

“ should i go get it?”

“No no, lets sell this one first.” He waved his hand at Hiro and strolled to the room where Hawks was. He slipped back into the shadows behind a chair and crouched down, watching him make his way through the room.

“Okay. I'm going to take a nap, will it be okay here?”

The Gift Giver looked back with confusion on his face. “Does it matter?” He left the room and Hawks followed him down the hall clutching his feather. Khan shrugged his shoulders going to his room to sleep.

As soon as The Gift Giver closed his door it was all over . He was coughing up blood trying to stand up, the nape of his neck had been cut and the feather sword was still in it .

“He.. ro..” were his last words .

Hawks pulled the feather out and let out a long sigh as the rest of his feathers made their way to him. “Not anymore.”

Hawks went to Hiro to check on him, he saw Keigo and got all excited to see him. He reached up and Hawks held out a bloody finger so him to grab. “Let's hope mommy still loves me after this , i'll be right back okay?” He pat his head flying down the hall.

Khan was asleep on his bed still and Hawks was watching , thinking. He nearly killed you and had made a game out of it. So why should he get to live ? Hawks flicked his hand and all his feathers went right to Khans throat, killing him instantly.

Hawks flew away from the building with Hiro in his arms , he rolled to his back setting his son on his chest laughing at how excited he was.

“Oh you are gonna like flyin i see” he held him close, flying home.

**

You were woken up by the door opening and closing . Hera was still awake chewing on one of your feathers, Keigo kneeled down by you offering you Hiro who was happy to see you. Instantly you got off the couch pulling the baby into your arms along with Hera. You cried hard squeezing them tight.

“Blue Bird im sure you know what i had to do. You cant stay here anymore, i can set up new-“

You pulled him in to cursing and hitting his chest. He only sighed happily and pulled you all between his legs to snuggle.

“When do we leave..”

“After i hold my family.”

“Keigo..”

He kissed your head. “You dont need to say it. Its fixed now. I love you, pretty blue bird”

“I love you too Keigo.”

Around 10 at night you all left the city, leaving some things behind in the apartment. You did not need most of the stuff. Just blankets and your family.

It was 5 years later and you were watching your children fly around the open field by your home. Hawks had bought some land in the country, away from everyone and everything . Hawks flew outta the house to scoop you up and fly with his children, he kissed you lovingly while spinning slowly.

***

Chapter One

Chapter Two

*****

Thank you for reading :)

[starkcregan]

James T. Kirk!

Thank you for this one !! I’m including both Original Kirk and Alternate Universe Kirk

Why I like them: he’s intelligent, in tune with his emotions, LISTENS TO HIS CREW MEN, he’s confident in his intelligence/abilities -- but is justified because he actually his intelligent and capable. His unwavering belief that there are no ‘no-win’ situations, His unwavering loyalty to his crew :’)

Why I don’t: the only instance where I was like D: with him was when he didn’t really listen to Janice when she told him his evil self attacked her, otherwise i love this man with every fiber of my being. In the newer movies, I’m not a big fan of how de-emphasized the trio is.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): oh boy, these(1) scenes(2) in Plato’s StepChildren. For alternate universe Kirk: definitely his scenes with Bones in the beginning of Star Trek: Beyond (which echoes Wrath of Khan)

Favorite Season/movie: Wrath of Khan and Beyond

Favorite Line: TOS: I”M CAPTAIN KIIIIRK! !!!! (sorry I had to haha) and “You know the greatest danger facing us is ourselves, an irrational fear of the unknown. there’s no such thing as the unknown, only things temporarily hidden, temporarily not understood...” (such a good line) // AOS: @ the end of into darkness “come on Bones it’s [the five year mission] going to be fun!” 

Favourite outfit: AOS: the uniform in Beyond // TOS: either the mirrorverse uniform, or whenever his shirt is ripped (every time, it’s a look). also the uniforms in wrath of khan were pretty sharp

OTP: jim kirk x enterprise and let’s be real here, jim kirk x spock

Brotp: jim kirk x spock x bones ; jim kirk x enterprise crew

Head canon: He’s had to have listened to the spice girls at some point. Not much of a headcanon, but sometimes i do wonder what it’d be like if shatner kirk and pine kirk met ... like ? that would be something else

Unpopular opinion: I do think his characterization in Star Trek (2009) was actually pretty accurate, considering the changes that happened because of the universe split. I know a lot of people had problems with his ‘aggression’ (i don’t know how to best put it, but basically any time he wasn’t levelheaded like he was in the the original series/movies). but the thing is the new jim kirk did not have a father, his path to leadership was abrupt. when we see jim in the original series, he has already been a captain. i’d argue that through the course of the new star trek movies, we see him develop more into the idea of kirk that derives from the original series. (i hope this made sense)

A Wish: Star Trek 14

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: tbh it already happened in the fact that Star Trek 14 keeps getting delayed 

5 words to best describe them: Loyal, Determined, Intelligent, Confident, Camp

My nickname for them: Jim, actual love of my life, Jimbo, captain of my heart 

Send me a character, and I’ll answer !

[humankoalaa]

BLACK LIGHTNING!!!

*spoilers ahead*

okay season 3 let’s get this started...

you don’t know the name of your enhancement but basically you can blend into anything? .... sis.. you a whole lizard. it’s law.

the really filled sis locker with pork ribs. them kids ain’t shit 🤣

devonte 🤣🤣🤣🤣 this man said only enhancements i got is hypertension and type 2 diabetes i can’t and i will not play with whoever wrote this episode 🤣🤣🤣🤣 lawd this show gon send my ass straight to hell.

Jefferson need some chapstick. ooooo and some grooming. them grays popping.

oh no soon as he threw up i was drinking a caprisun and eating some real liquidy cabbage smh threw that shit straight in the trash. im mad as hell. that cabbage was everything 😩

swear they always wanna blame black lightning for everything meanwhile his ass don’t do shit but take L’s 😖

“clapback news” 🤣🤣 i don’t think that was meant to be funny but here we are

listen.. whoever created nafessa williams is selfless as hell. like it ain’t no good got damn reason why she’s so beautiful. i could cry.

ned and the officer dude fighting and i dead ass don’t know which one is the meta.

well.... rip ned.

jenn..... you good sis?

nafessa 😍😍😍😍😍😍 keep rolling them eyes.

Ooo bih that side eye 😍

betty 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yaaaasssss bitch. i hope she don’t die tho...

“i don’t give two shakes of a lambs ass” YOU KNOW WHAT 😩🤣🤣 Henderson still my dawg.

commander carson need to go. its been bout 10 minutes and im already tied of his shit.

lynn a freak and Jeff’s just like slow down bae feds is watching 😩 Lynn ass tawm bout I don’t care 🤣🤣🤣🤣

i swear odell is worst than fruit flies. get on my damn nerves.

that jeep is everything aka that thunder bike better not make an appearance this season.

PAUSE. I KNOW DAMN WELL ANISSA DONT GOT AN ALEXA IN HER LOFT NAMED SHONDA 🤣🤣🤣😂

chaka khan yassssss!

this loft is everything right.... but ... we know anissa really don’t work so like explain 😩

anissa listening to sweet thing cause she misses grace. periodt. don’t @ me.

jesus this woman 😍🤤😫 its not fair.

sickle cell for metas 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

blackbird can beat my ass to hell and back.

LMAO the way they all sat back down on the bus

i thought the reverend died and im pretty sure i thought that last season too but at least he’s not screaming. growth. ugh. im proud.

ion like or trust this reporter.

rev always got some 🔥 ass suits.

why they got blackbird sounding like Batman 😩

oooooooo im here for whoever this girl is that looks like she has the same powers as jenn 👀

anissa knowing thats her boo out there just being well whatever she wants to be 😭 my mother’s.

grace......people are friends.... not food.

and i know damn well her ass can shape back into a person and eat a burger but no we out here shifting into leopards and eating people. childish.

this reporter sus.

anissa 🤣🤣🤣🤣 swear she stays sizing people up. that side eye could cut class 😍

reporter girl you gotta formally introduce yourself before telling people exactly where you saw them 😩

first of all jamila, anissa is taken... sort of ..she dating a mammal possibly an amphibian but she’s taken. okay? you will not break up my messy home.

no. NO. nooooo. they say ask and you shall receive i ain’t ask for shit so jamila better be shit at basketball tear her acl whatever but you will not shoot your shot right in front of my rasberries jamila. you will not.

awh lawd anissa done got that look 😩

Heavenly Father, i come to you humbly willing and able on bended knee lord i ask that you leadeth anissa out this damn bar alone and guideth her back home to shonda 😩 amen.

FATHER I LITERALLY ASKED YOU FOR ONE THING.

fontella bass rescue me?! really?! 🤣🤣 this show and the choice of music for certain scenes never dissapoints.

as a lesbian my spirit gave me no other choice than to convince myself that grace shifted into jamila. write that down.

“dammit woman this is not an interview” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 MOOD.

grace would never. yes im bitter! she would’ve waited till after to ruin the moment 😩 im still not over her waking up in bed with anissa and ruining pillow talk for like the rest of my life.

but this scene tho. lawd. 🔥 how are there straight women in the world!! HOW?!

“come here” and the face grab kiss sequence has been trademarked by anissa pierce. what a time to be alive.

I CANT they dead ass did jamila dirty 😩 pillow talk about the girl you just slept with ex? ... chile. ima just say thanks idk why but that’s just where im at.

wait what just happened... did jamila just use anissa to try get info orrrr ...

“oh it’s over buddy goodnight” 🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣

OMG im an idiot i dead ass though the lightning remix was another meta like lightning whole time it’s been jenn 😂😂🤦🏾‍♀️

why they got tobias looking like cranky kong 😩

awh lawd this man gon kill issa cause tobias done said too much 😩 please let me be wrong. PLZ.

smfh. like i dare you to be anymore heartless Odell. issa deserved better 😪💔

wow now this termite just straight lying about issa 😒

🤣🤣🤣🤣 all he had to do was shut the hell up.

blackbird a bad bitch but i miss the thunderclap.

PAUSE. i know anissa ain’t dead but like get up.

gambi being the best always ❤️

but like let jenn use her powers man. she’s literally the strongest got damn superhero in the show and did we forget she can fly at the speed of light or? well guess we’re not there yet. gah. free my auntie man.

this motherfucker lala 🤣🤣 like just die already and stay dead.

[iammissingautumn]

capella for the ask meme !! ✨

How I feel about this character

God Capella. I think she’s endlessly interesting. We see her transition to mistress in p2 and it’s amazing. I love Vlad’s quote on her in p1 (i think it was him) that kids flocked to her like adults did to Maria. If I were to describe her I can only assume when she grew up she would become like a mother to much of the town. Sure I believe the other termite girls would be mistresses to their extents but Capella is the mistress. I find myself calling her Victoria a lot on accident and I think its because she’s moved into being a mistress. I think she is to come into the leader of the mistresses and I don’t know if she would be amazing at it but by god she would sure do it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

U h. Listen Niru got me inch rested in her and Khan actually forming a bond and after a few years coming into caring for one another. Otherwise I think her and Clara could be interesting but I also know nothing of p1 so—

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Hello, termites. Nah u h. I’m here to say Katerina and her could be interesting if only the lead mistresses weren’t so mean :(. I like the idea of Nina helping Katerina out when she comes into her self and in turn Katerina helping Capella. Maybe not even on purpose. (Also motw got me fucked up with Sticky and Capella)

My unpopular opinion about this character

Oh hmmm, I dont see a lot of content of her tbh. I think she deserves rights and she is mean give her rights please. But yeah idk any popular opinion on her so.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Ma’am please interact more with Murky or just,,, any of the termites. She has never once even looked at Sticky or Notkin and queen please.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 15

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY LOSES THEIR SHIT ON MAIN:

“Tell her I said: fuck you, you miserable, conniving bitch. I don’t answer her summons. I don’t obey her orders. I’m through. I’m through with her, with all of you—”

THERE’S LORE, BUT IMPORTANTLY MURPHY REMEMBERS WHY THEY THINK CINDER’S HOT. LITERALLY.

already??? already??? yes, already. this chapter is called ‘nothing personal’ anmd i think that this is a lie. this is abt to get very personal very quickly.

It had taken two more days for Glynda’s soul to become bearable enough for Cinder to sit next to her on a bus.

out of the funniest lines they could have used to open the chapter up, this is just Peak. there’s so many moving parts to this. glynda’s rank soul. cinder having to be nice for TWO DAYS to make her chill out. the fact they’re taking the most menial form of transport of all time. oh my god they were sat beside each other. this is already so funny.

Gravity Dust glittered like volcanic glass.

👈😎👈 we sure love volcanoes around here huh

The clearing Cinder found was some twenty minutes from where she left Glynda with instructions for something salty for her.

im almost POSITIVE im not supposed to find these lines funny but cinder you are RADIATING salt you are COMPOSED ENTIRELY of salt please. you’ve asked for smthng salty and glynda’s gonna come back announcing she’s foiled all yr plans on accident again.

Mercury had stopped sending messages a month and a half ago. Emerald’s last one was a week old.

im almost definitely mentioned it in a prior liveblog but its worth remembering: cinder’s relationship w/ merc and em rly was the deciding factor in me suddenly loving her as a character and i just. every interaction they have hurts so good. cinders got TWO kids and even if her face says otherwise she loves them very much and that heals me on the inside

“There’s no way anyone knows about this island. We’re the only ones out here. Merc and I have to get his shitty frozen pizzas airshipped in.”

“Still. Be careful.” She paused for a moment. “...Is that all he’s eating?”

“You know he’d die before he ate a vegetable.”

“He will, at this rate.”

I LOVE U MOMMA CINDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is SO good. this section HEALS ME!!!!!!!! which is good because i have a feeling the rest of this will gore me alive

"I promise. At the end of all of this, I'm coming back and I'm not leaving again. Trust me."

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA god u cant tell thru text alone but this section is K I L L I N G me and H E A L I N G me and also KIL L I

“It doesn’t have anything to do with trust,” Cinder said, miserably. “I need you to be safe.”

N G M E

The line between us and them had felt so concrete.

god i just. theres so much i still cant say that isnt 👈👈👈😨👈👈👈 but cinder and hati and all this other STUFF happening in the bg is so good and i just love how nuanced this dumbass is. cinder fall, the woman who never wins, and her brief moments of comfort. she is my ANGEEEEEEEEEEL

Now the only thing left was to deliver her to Atlas; if she had to speak with her more to do that, she would.

Not that she wanted to have to admit that to Hati.

cinder:there’s a lot of we and our going on and i’m a little nervous that the more we talk the more thats gonna happen and i gotta say; not a fan.

and [Glynda]’s desperate for���”

A heritage? A purpose? Belonging?

“She’s desperate,” Cinder finished, softly. Then: “She’s coming willingly.”

this might be another 👈😎👈 situation or im just drawing parallels like a three year old with a newfound ruler but HRM. CINDER. HRM.

Rather, her stomach twisted at the implications. Everything was ready. The machine worked. All that was left was to deliver the final piece.

“Okay. Good.” It was good. It was the culmination of years of work.

whats good and fun is watching cinder wrestle w/ her own humanity and its rly good because even as she tries her very best to use ppl to her own ends that pesky lil soft bitch inside makes her second guess everything and its GREAT fun. u can rly see that as soon as she spends longer than an allotted 10 minutes w/ somebody she starts being like ‘hrm. oh no’. oh cinder. u soft bitch. ilu.

The spot beneath his wing, though… Cinder folded into it as though it were meant for her, as though they were meant for each other, bodies fitted so easily. Here, safe, she closed her eyes and dreamed bleakly of the days to come.

i swear to god i cannot wait until [redacted] and [redacted] and [REDACTED] happens cause then i can lose my shit abt this ALL OVER AGAIN but for now. for now. immerse myself in cinder cuddles. im holding back but on the inside im feral

but Cinder was all calm, sliding through the trees like she belonged here. Like it was her domain by birthright.

FERAL.... FERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because they were not friends, Glynda asked, “Where are we going?”

i love that glynda has to preface it like a reminder. because they were not friends. because she cannot trust winter. because she blocked oz’s number lmao. it’s great seeing how much more... clinical, i guess, glynda’s thoughts are, and it’s a great way to show the narratives differences? its GOOD is what im trying 2 say on main,

Instead, she complained, “It’s so difficult to be so wanted.”

firstly: i love cinder “i have a complaint” fall is secondly: i am going to read into this. i am going to read into this and divine a second meaning. i am reading into it.

Cinder emerged from the dark like a leviathan sloughing off a sunless sea. It rippled around her shoulders, swallowed the back of her skull, but the only sharpness to her was her smile. It was the first time Cinder had smiled since returning from her meeting with the Manticore.

oho. ohoohohohoooohohohooOUGHHOHOHO she hot. nasty mean lady big hott.

“You don’t scare me,” Glynda insisted.

“Silly you,” said Cinder. “Come on. I’ll lead.”

hohogughgohohoghgh f flirtign.......................,,,,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

a faint light was stirring to life before her—suffusing out along Cinder’s chest and throat, spilling from her heart and out through her skin. In the beginning, it was so faint it seemed to be an illusion; but no, soon enough it was undeniable, and Glynda could even make out the rough shapes of the wall and floor.

YEEEEEEEEES i love. glowy lantern cinder. like theres a lot of fun little canons abt cinder in this fic i adore but the fact that she glows is like fuckin TOP. look at her. lil candle baby. shes like a microwave bean toy. i adore her.

She walked like a queen through her domain, seemingly irrespective of where on Remnant they were; even here, underground, in forgotten left-behind places, Cinder reigned.

god im sorry im too busy being gay to even be paying attention to anything rn i LOVE cinder to DEATH,,,,,,,,,, she knows shes the thing 2 be feared around here and its so good. i cant wait for her to open her big mouth and fuck it up again!!!

“High Leader Khan requires your presence in Mistral, Ms. Fall. She advises that you attend promptly, in order to discuss the missing members of our organization.”

A hum. Cinder said, “I don’t want to.”

GHSDFGSDFGHKJDF cinder you are. smthng else. shes just so LIKE THAT. what a great chapter for cinder this has been im SIPPIN baby

okay im doing a lot of leaping haead here and its not for lack of having anything 2 say in fact its QUITE the opposite because this whole bit is. wow. we got lore??? lore??? abt so many things??? what does any of it mean????? I AM NOT SURE BUT IM LOVIN IT (tm)

“It’s not a Semblance, idiot.” The control in Cinder’s voice was all staccato, pitching cold to inferno in an instant. “It was a gift.

okay bear with me for this JUICY LORE but i am Deeply fascinated by this section. im not gonna. say anything because idk how this is tying up yet (bear with) but HOO. HOOOOOOO. im trying to like keep grabbing sections but this whole part is SO GOOD i am loving-- like-- id have to-- TRUST ME THE OG WASNT AS SPICY AS THIS OKAY

THIS IS SO MUCH SPICER AND ITS GOOD

Cinder glowed like the magma heart of a volcano.

ITS SPICY ITS GOOD ITS 👈😍👈

im gonna have to reread this bit to get the full effect because the downside of a liveblog like this is having to stop-start but OUGHGHGHGUGHUGH THE LORE,,, THE MASKS,,, THE FANG??? also sienna dont listen 2 her baby i love u too

Cinder looked like a line to be crossed, and even though they weren’t friends—rather the opposite—Glynda found she didn’t want to cross her. Not now, when the emotion was still raw on her face.

oughgh... the vulnerability. cinder... snoft... but also angery 😔

this was SUCH a good chapter im DYING i love cinder in offal hunt to BITS and this arc is already feeding me so much good shit. fuck yea. FUCK YEA. HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

[hhhhh-waitwhat]

Star Trek: The wrath of Khan

Finally watching this immediately after seeing tmp for the first time and I already miss This Simple Feeling [SPOILERS BELOW]

-spock looks amazing as always I am already in love with this red outfit aaaa

-wait where's kirk

-damn indeed

-evasive action! *explodes*

-SPOCK!! UHURA!!! We are one minute in

-Jesus? No, that's just Kirk, he's extra like that

-aaaaa i see

-yaas bones so dramtic

-Jim why must you roast them like that

-shdhejje they're gifting each other poetry now?! This is the best of times

-illegal smuggle buddies

-old man Kirk better wise up we have 3 more movies to go

-FIRST OFFICER CHEKOV?! in my dreams

-whos this nervous mop and cool lady what

-not at all ominous shed in the desert, looks like a good place to chill

-always trust Chekov

-the Botany Bay mafia has arrived

-WHAYHSHb great to finally meet you mr khan

-read the room new captain geez

-Chekov never told me the tale too :(

-Jim is a busy man khan he can't just keep checking on everyone he abandoned

-TITS OUT KHAN

-aww but it's like a worm armadillo

-oh nooo don't out it in their ears ewww

-AAAA IT LICK

-aah back to the comfort of the enterprise

-personally i love the dad glasses Jim

-a tiny boi SIR

-vulcan the real language of love

-lmao bones and Jim snarking on the new guys

-YES ASTRONAUT GUY!!! tiny spaceman is my favourite reoccurring star trek movie minor character

-Sulu's smile melts my heart 💖

-more like Starship Un-reliant

-someone save Chekov my poor baby

-Bones lmaoo are you casually drunk

-SHAKE YOUR HEAD NO JIM ITS CALLED NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION YELL CAROL NO

-be still my beating heart Spock in a robe

-ohohoho suddenly Spock's out here with the outbursts of Jim you're the only one for me the enterprise

-AAAAYYYYYY WE GOT EM, I GOT MY 'THIS SIMPLE FEELING'

-I have been, and always will be, yours.

-I have been, and always will be, yelling about this scene from now on

-*chanting* Captain Kirk, Captain Kirk

-khan really does subscribe to the Jim Kirk Titties Out look

-coughwhydotheycallthemmrsavik is this a subtitle error orrrr trans vulcan Savik confirmed

-hmm seems kinda op to just make any planet living

-cant see how that could go wrong at all

-alright Bones we should probably go about this at a different way instead of insulting Spock but I get what you're putting down

-hahs khan that's your intimating line?! I love it, reminds me of megamind lmaoo revenge is a dish served cold

-that guy just FLEW on the bridge!!!

-oof khan got em good, his bite is stronger then his bark

-sup khan long time no see

-unforgivable that they did that to the lovely lady enterprise

-amazing work as always Jim but Chekov!!! We must save him and his worm

-good god who is that in your arms Scotty why did you bring them to the BRIDGE

-its the baby boy!!! you did well my red shirt baby, rest well

-i love how bones didn't even wanna be here at first but now he won't even let Jim beam down to planets alone without him

-hewwo? Mop head and the lovely and smart Carol?

-oh there are the rest

-CHEKOV IS BACK!!! everyone hug him NOW

-thats a big sonic screwdriver

-mop head and Carol, living it up in a bunker woot woot

-Chekov betrayal! I don't blame you baby boy I blame the rest for not listening when you told them about the ear worm like what did we expect

-Terrel noooo!! I didn't appreciate you enough I'm sorryyyyy

-wait why did Chekov's worm leave is he just that powerful

-that "KHAN" was so loud I'm surprised the enterprise didn't hear it ahshssh

-OFC Kirk has a complicated relationship with Carol smdh

-LIKE HIS FATHER?!? MOP HEAD IS KIRKS...?!?!

-my son.. look at my son!! *bursts into Hamilton song and dance

-not gonna lie I did read a spirk fic today where I believe it mentioned his son and wife died but I paid it no heed, now I'm second guessing everything ajsjsje the line between cannon and fannon continues to blur in my mind

-wowow dang Carol you really outdid yourself this place is straight ART

-kirk big brain cheated and Starfleet were so impressed they just let it slide immmm

-okay wow this crew montage and dramatic music has no right to get me this pumped up

-omg mop wears a jumper around his shoulders like a rich tennis player are we SURE this is Jim's son

-khan even nearly has the titty scar wound too he's more like Jim then mop boy will ever be

-second movie second serve of flashing lights, I really need to stop watching these in the dark

-do y'all really think khan is the kind of guy to surrender lololol

-crazy that spite kept him and only him alive like that huh

-AAAAA SHITS GETTING REAL SPOCK WENT ROGUE

-no hesitation we mind meld with whoever, Spock you naughty boy

-Me, Bones and Scotty all yelling at Spock to STOP SACRIFICING YOURSELF at every dang opportunity sjjdidkdj we CARE

-dang khan what a way to go out

-All is good so far? Did we win?

-OH FUCK SPOCK! RUN KIRK, RUN TO SPOCK HE NEEDS YOU

-wow I've never seen him run so fast and- did he just push over a random guy??? Go Jim nothing can stop you

-oh my god no

-no

-this is the second movie he can't die now?!?!? im not ready for thefamous touch through the glass scene I glimpse on Tumblr IM NOT READY

-i just have it paused. i don't even want the camera to pan across and show Spock I KNOW I'll cry

-deep breath

-i can't type too busy crying my heart out, spoooooooooooooooooooock

-OH MY GOD JIM DONT CRY TOO WAAAAAAAAA THE TEARS DONT STOP

-i should never have watched the movies I was so happy with just the original series, imagining my boys together exploring space for all eternity

-amd now I'll never stop crying ahsjdusjjs

-Okay okay okay I couldn't even wait till the end of the movie i HAD to know NOW, my poor heart couldn't go on otherwise-so, after a brief glance at the next movie descriptions Spock is IN bones in Search for Spock?!?! And then he's alive maybe in the next one I'm so confused my heart is so wearyyy

-too numb for the rest I can't deal with you rn mop head

-we are in MOURNING

-Jims broken I'm broken we're all fucked up now

-cant even hug right I feel ya Jim we are empty on the inside

-okay bones sure he's not dead if we remember him but also HES NOT DEAD DEAD RIGHT?! It's too late now to start another movie but I am dyingggg to know what happens next send help

-you're going to bring up your birthday Jim?!? Remind both of us how you were too busy sulking to appreciate Spock's poetry I swear to goddd next time you see Spock I am BEGGING you to shower him in all the love and affection he desrves

-wish they'd do a Sherlock and he's just hiding behind a tree :(

-wellllll I mean??? He sorta was??? Egg spock

-stop making me cryyyyyy opening in Spock's voice ahshshsbs I hope those gravely lines are the last thing I hear

-FINALLY it is OVER I can try to mend my broken heart with fanfics hhhhh

-got me outta nowhere with Spock and I am draineddd, can't wait to watch the next one soon 💕

[jinae-escape]

THATS IT

If you dont see the wrong in canceling Gone With The Wind...than your as lost and confused as the next milleniums or genz blah blah fools ,because gone with the wind was the first movie to to win and give an oscar to the FIRST BLACK WOMAN !!!!!! like your canceling it for black lives matter organization ( do people even realize who funds and are behind black lives matter organization soros,clinton, and hey fact all your donation is going to the most racist president candidate ever joe biden funds for his presidency campaign but ima stop thats a whole different rant post) when it was a very first great achievement for black woman in film? great job you morons ,by the way all those white liberals screaming cancel gone with the wind are the real racist retards and isnt it funny everyone ignores the black voices saying NO WAIT we dont want this ....wasnt this the movie that got the first black woman an oscar ect.....YALL ARE BE PLAYED THE FOOLS AND YOUR GO RIGHT ALONG WITH IT SO EASILY

If people really care about history here the amazing woman that won the oscar for this movie: Hattie McDaniel

dont you find it really odd theyre trying to destroy good images of black people( gwtw,syrup reallllly.....,uncle bens rice ect just completely blow over the good in black history like the elevator,microphone,carbon lightbulb,... funny how they dont teach the black inventors or all the good black people have done good for us and they focus on these sellout celebs and over payed sold theyre souls athletes “achievements” ) when I was in high school i had to look up black inventors myself in BLACK HISTORY MONTH....

...even negative or bad history good history.......ITS HISTORY we need to know this stuff so we can pass it on and learn and learn from it or know what really happened....its to wipe the black history clean....this is democrats plans since the beginning of the demoncratic party creation 

fun fact not alot of kids or adult know this fact cause it was a plan in the 70s to cover it up but....ima open your eyes

The south in the civil war who wanted to keep slaves and treat black people like less than humans started this party we know today as THE DEMOCRATS the democratic party and with hundreds years later THEY STARTED THE KKK organization

The North was well as we know people wanting to end slavery (black and white fighting side by side willing to fight for the thought we are equal and free) ..and the biggest fact they try to hide is 

a small group of BLACK PEOPLE STARTED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY 

 NOW PUT THIS ALL TOGETHER you notice these democratic owned states and city are saying go destroy your cities and black communities (ever notice these poor black communities are democratic owned decades of poor and badly took care of community THATS THEYRE PLAN were democrats your black your have to vote for us were the answer gargabe lies repeated)  destroy statues with racists past (once again its history it wiping history clean away we wont know the sorrid past bad and the good ) cancel syrup with kind black woman as image bass ,cancel uncle ben rice its racist somehow ,ect major moments for black people lets tell easily led foolish youth to destroy black history  CAN YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE NOW 

they got you destroy statues of good people who were for freedom and were for equality , you get 10 years now you get caught destroying the statues....they wont tell you this cause they dont care about you....DONT DESTROY PROPERTY dont waste your life away in prison IT AINT WORTH IT

FACTS FACTS FACTS ,should’nt lead with emotions ( its hard to do it yourself ) but always go on facts before you get riled up,it takes time for the full story to come out...or the full picture to be seen

all this from democratic cities oh and hey go destroy Abraham fu**in Lincoln the man who WAS FOR BLACK PEOPLES FREEDOM (was assassinated for that very belief)freed slaves...

 people PEOPLE please tell me your not this stupid and lost come on

hillary clinton super racist white woman trash funded black lives matters ( and you have a black woman as the co founder yea right she just a fake image Patrisse Khan-Cullors and this rancid a@@ woman wants to segregate black and white people again) geroge soros (look this devil up) funds you to go destroy your communities and others oh and hey HE FUNDS ANTIFA (you know the terrorist group) and all the good intentions we had to send our(yes I was played too) money for donation to the cause right? black lives matter organization? right well guess what all that moneys been going to the democratic party evil slimy hands and TO JOE BIDENS PRESIDENCY CAMPAIGN so he can run for president ,he needs money to run for president which means ads,rallies,ect and he getting from the suffering of black people and well meaning people ...PEOPLE WAKE THE FU** UP

dose’nt even anyone realize hillary clinton is...was..is in court for her treason against the united states (emails evil against against humanity) and riots broke out and protests (ego THE BIGGEST DISTRACTION IN THE HISTORY OF DISTRACTIONS) and the mass media never not once covered her in court to the BIG NEWS TO HAPPEN TO THE U.S. since I dont know 911 and not one media outlet covered it???hmm obama was/is in court weird no americans know about it...hmmmm 

oh and perfect just perfect the evil snakes behind the curtains ACTUALLY are trying to actually convince you some lost sheep to defund our police or take them away YOUR TAKING AWAY OUR ONLY PROTECTION in our communities taking our real heros forget these fake movie heros these ARE OUR REAL HEROS (you signing away your life if you stay silent or not speaking out that you want to keep  your police or protect them) you take away the police in your city or whatever armageddon is and will be in your neighborhoods they have nothing to fear you sighing you and family lives way (these evil celebs and politicians saying defund your police ect they have theyre own personal security to protect them whenever they dont need to fear BUT YOU SURE AS HELL DO) WAKE * THE * F* UP

theres thousands and thousands upon thousands of GOOD COPS out there and the cops (3 4 shi**y cops out of those thousand of thousand upon thousands good cops) that were not cops or human in my mind were arrested and are going to jail for good 

dont attack the good cops who live day to day to protect us

look this up yourself if you dont wanna take my word for it always best for yourself to look up both sides of the story and come to your truth

dont be gas lighted dont fall for the lies ,the media and celebs and evil disgusting politicians them all scheming and lying and diverting out attentions to separate us and fight among st ourselves to ignore whats really happening in the background DONT LET THEM

black white asian mexican indians any race its true LISTEN TO YOUR HEART  ignore what celebs and mass media tells you WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER other we love each other , yea we sometimes get into fights or arguments in stores but you dont need to see their color theyre just an asshole not everyone in that color is that way jesus tells us to love one another were equal in his eyes ,believe what your taught since your little ,dont listens to the demons working for the devil to separate us DONT LET THEM

wise words (and to the people misquoting or adding edited pictures of martin luther king jr to fit their agendas I wish you the worst possible out come in life) and to the people falling for it the rev was about peace and love if and any images or quotes comes off any other way against his life mottos ITS A FAKE look up his speeches theyre beautiful and youll know the fake from the truth 

stop  

we need a leader among our communities who for us all to be in this together (black,white,asians,mexican,indian,ect) we need someone like martin luther king jr not these leaders(black,white) for hate ,segregation,and violence its against everything right and YOU KNOW IT

delete later just cant take this outright lying and scheming anymore ,praying and praying I just gotta rant sometimes

JUST PRAY YOUR GOVERNORS HAVE A BACKBONE who dont give into the lies and plotting - 

[autel-luna]

17 & 33 💕

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with. 

There’s no one specific really... but I do want to make more friends. Ever since I moved from France to Cyprus, making friends has been quite difficult for me. I feel lucky on one hand because I got to restart my life here, without all the baggage and hate that I used to get from back home, but I also have a hard time talking to new people. Then there’s the problem that most people I know are people I know from my boyfriend, and they’re all about partying all the time, constantly getting high or they’re just kind of asleep about life, or they think its funny to waste their time, and then the spiritual people I’ve met either stick to their friend groups or just don’t get me and so its like while its hard for me to make friends, I am so picky about who I want to hang out with. I only really have  my boyfriend and my best friend who I really enjoy time with, and trust. Unfortunately my best friend lives in the UK at this moment.

I am in the process of accepting I really don’t fit into most boxes, and I just want friend who are like that too. One second we’re balls deep into the theories of life, then we’re making sex jokes, then we’re dancing our asses off, then we’re hustling making our dreams come true and then we’re discussing the latest spreads in Vogue. Y’know, I am all of those things. I am passionate, and yet love fashion but extremely spiritual, yet crack the weirdest jokes, and I just want people who are MY people and are interested in living in higher mind but also being weird with me.

Sorry for the rant... I am sort of I guess letting out how I also feel about all of this.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

Well, this can totally depend. Sometimes, self-care when I’m sad is really loving, other times, it really does not go well. If you haven’t met the glorious spiritual master “Matt Khan” (he’s the bomb btw,) he sort of explores the theory that, whatever arises in us, love that. So we dont ever have to like how we feel, but we have to love it and have to allow it to have its place so that it knows that it is an acceptable part of us, and then we can integrate it back into wholeness.

A lot of what happens when I begin to feel sad, starts with actually just dropping into my heart and breathing with it. I talk to my heart, the way I would talk to a child, it is like a total separate entity. I let it know that it is alright for it to feel the way it does, in which it usually reveals why it feels so threatened or what it is mourning, and I too tell it that, it’s allowed, it’s okay. The way it feels is 100% valid. Then I proceed to either whisper, or even say out loud if I have the opportunity that I love it. Yes I out right go “I love you,” over and over, for a good 2 minutes or even more. This is actually not to calm myself down. I don’t advise to sabotage your heart into feeling better so that it is more convenient for you. The same way you wouldnt or shouldnt manipulate a little child who is experience a really overwhelming pain in that time.

Sometimes that helps, and sometimes like I said things dont go down well. If my sadness is a frustrated type, it usually escalates to the degree where it almost cant be contained in my body. I need to scream, I clench my hands and teeth, I hit walls, I stomp.. I literally look like a child having a tantrum. Most of the time, I either need to ride it out, cry it out, or sometimes my boyfriend can understand that I am in real agony inside, and he just sorta hugs me until I end up crying it all out. In that moment a lot of self-blaming goes on, because it is a trained pattern of mine. The steps for me here is how quickly can I move back into union with my heart, and love it instead of shame it. Usually it results back to going to my I love yous.

There’s a lot of meditation that happens during this time. Just kind of checking in, and doing inner shadow work, so I can heal and release what needs to be. Sometimes I go cry at my altar, to my matron. I let her know my fears, I literally just cry there, and I know she’s there listening, holding me. Loving me. Diana, is not always so warm, because of the ferocity that she is, but in those moments she holds me in the way I need to be held. She is like a mother to me in those moments. 

There’s a lot of other simple self-care items, like going for a warm shower. Sometimes its binge watching TV with some chocolate. Other times, its making some art, or going to swim in the ocean is a HUUUUGE one for me.

A friend of mine, in a session, she does for ancestor connection, told me, my traveler spirit, infuses my world like ripples do. I am literally an ocean, moving changing like water, so I go back to the ocean to “remember my ripples.” I let it cleanse me. 

Sometimes its a nap. Sometimes its venting to a friend. Really, my body calls for so many different things depending on what is happening, but there is always an honoring of my heart of hearts. Reminding myself, everything I feel I am meant to feel. It is valid, seen and so so loved.

I am so so so so sorry for the long ass answers, but I just yep, had to say all of that apparently.

Endless love to you gorgeous chicka! xxx

[artemistudying]

No matter what I do, I can't make myself try in school. I'm a solid B student, but I know if I applied myself fully,instead of procrastinating until the last minute and handing in first drafts, I could be a ninties student. Ugh. I keep fucking myself over. Advice?

Hiya there!omggg i understand. i really do. this happens to me too :(( thing is procrastination strikes at times just as this & youve got so much potential & can easily score well. but dont worry, with some time, hard work & patience you can tackle it! i haven’t put the basic things you find on websites cuz you prolly know/ read em. i put a few things i use & find helpful. (sry if somethings sound harsh, it’s just that being honest is the best thing you can do to combat procrastination)

some tips: 

do you have a goal in life? a thing you’re working towards? maybe an ambition, or something personal that you want to achieve in life? everyone you sit down to study & feel like you dont want to, remember it. think of it. remember why you stared in the first place. maybe if you dont have a career choice for yourself yet, maybe have some small goal.for egs i want to be happy in life. if that’s your goal, do something that makes you happy. prioritize things that make you happy. 

a lyric by eminem i stand by:‘look if you ever had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?’

procrastination is the thief of time. i know its cliché lol but look at it this way; you have 2 weeks for an exam, you can either spend 2 weeks spreading out your work load and studying OR you can spend everyday wasting time & cramming in the last 2 days. 

what’s something that you procrastinate doing? like for me its reading books or youtube or just scrolling through tumblr. i cut out reading books during exam time & read only at night. i cut out youtube during exam time as well. tumblr is something i come to once a day fr a few minutes. this all took time & it wasn’t easy.so cut out things that you procrastinate on. one by one. every small action matters. 

try the pomodoro method. give this a read & try it. you can download the app as well!

read this from this awesome site:“ I have friends who almost never let themselves do the really fun things they want to do during the semester.They’ll talk about how much they want to play a certain game or watch a new movie, but when I suggest that they just go play it, they’ll say: “I really can’t; I have way too much homework and I’d feel guilty.”Five minutes later, though, I’ll see them scrolling through their Facebook feed.I call this low-density fun. Scrolling through your news feed or watching a few funny videos on YouTube is easy, and it’s sort of fun to do. However, because it’s so easy and feels so unlike “real” fun, it’s easy to not feel guilty about it – which leads to a lot of procrastination.The solution? Commit to having your high-density fun. If you want to play a video game later, commit to starting it at 8 p.m. Then, make sure all your work is done by then.Let your high-density fun create a deadline that propels you into focused work. “

a quote i LOVE:“effort never betrays you”

try the 2 minute method. study for JUST 2 minutes. and then maybe just 2 more minutes? then maybe just 2 more! trick your brain like this. trick your brain into thinking that studying is actually fun & that you’d want to do it just for 2 more minutes & keep going on. it really works for meeee!

try this study method: 

do the easiest or most fun thing the first

then do the hardest

then the 2nd hardest

then something that HAS to be done

then finish off with something easy & fun!

eat the frog lol pls not reallyif you have something which you HATE doing, do that first. finish that first & then go ahead with the rest.

is there something you really like doing? for egs if you loooove chocolate, you can buy a small stash & keep it away. then you sit down & do some work & then IF and ONLY IF you’re satisfied with yourself, indulge in yourself. if you’re unhappy with the work done, do not take it.

if youve got a lot of things to do, make a timetable for yourself or a to-do list. also allocate an hour of activities/ exercise/ something you can do to get fresh air. it gets the blood flowing & helps a lot!

if its a subject you hate:just using my egs here, i hate physics & I’m bad at it but doing sums & questions make me happy cuz then with some hard work, i get the correct answer! so if you have a subject such as this, try to do something which helps you get an answer which might motivate you!

if you’re an audio learner (you can find you which type of learner you are here) try listening to some videos while you jog/ exercise. Khan academy (an app) lets you download the videos you want and u can listen to em offline. they’re really really good!!

if you know what type of learner you are, study using those methods!

think of the effort you have put in, in the past few years!! youve been in school for so long & if you dont put in the effort for this year, you’re basically wasting the time you spent in the past few years!

think of the effort, time & money your parents put to get you this education. work hard & make em proud ☺️

do you have a park in your area/ a coffee shop/ library? go there, DO NOT GET WIFI!!! delete all the games off your phone  a well if you want to, & study there.

think of all that you can do for this world. youve got so much potential & so much to give. why waste it? if you ever fail in anything, that is okay, you can always try again! just remember, its the effort that counts.

be a sincere student. you’re not only lying to your teachers, you’re lying to your parents & yourself.

if it really gets out of hand, call your mum/ dad/ sibling t sit with you in the same room & study while they’re there, or better, teach them! that way they can call you out when you’re wasting time.

switch off your wifi modem? ask ur family members if its okay lols

give ur phone/ computer/ tablet/ etc to your patents, tell em to lock it in a cupboard & not give it to u. tell them to hide the key as well 😂

study with friends if that helps you! prom each other when you waste time 

try fear? the day before your exam, work up all the things that might happen if you dont do your exam well or if you dont study. that might get your motors running? warning: this is kinda pessimistic. this is not for everyone. also if you have anxiety pls ignore this 

remember, just be you. having fun is no crime but trying to escape your responsibilities is well kinda. try to get eternal happiness NOT momentary happiness.

do not let the toxic mixture of laziness & fear mess everything up 

watch this 😂 

watch this as well! then get back to work k!!

this post by @emmastudies on how to beat procrastination is v v good!!

make a good timetable if you’d like & stick to it. again u can force your fam to help u

discipline is MUST. try to follow a strict routine!“suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

do NOT compare yourself to others.

everybody makes mistake, everybody has those days but the goal is to nOT make the same one again. try not to!

look, you can do it. set your mind to it. sit down, get your things out & just begin. i know you can. YOU know you can!!!! the only thing stopping you is you. do not let your dreams be crushed by a the needs of momentary happiness.

sry if this post is kinda long oopsi hope this helped! ace this, hun! you can do it. if you ever want to talk/need help, pls do send me an ask/ message.  i know that its hard to break procrastination but trust me, you will get over it. just keep trying, k?take care & good luck. 💕

[flavorednarry]

i was tagged by @blazinginbus1 a very very long time ago and tonight i have decided to finally get over with the procrastination and clear up my drafts ! And oh! by the way.. thank you Emily :D

Rules: Write 92 truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

what was your…

last drink: water

last phone call: I called the customer care support of a travel agency who sent me an email stating i have been their loyal member for so long that they want to offer me a highly discounted vacation trip to the Bahamas. LOL ! dont judge me, i was intrigued and bored this afternoon.

last text message: “and the cruise insurance cost is $25” to a friend who was as bored as me and had expressed her wish to fly to the east coast and meet sometime this year..

last song you listened to: Counting Stars by One Republic

last time you cried: It was late january this year.. i re-read @narryhadalittleliam ’s DtRH verse

have you ever…

dated someone twice: nope

been cheated on: nope

kissed someone and regretted it: nope

lost someone special: yes.. dont wanna talk about it.. :(

been depressed: yes.. the quarter-life-crisis got me and suddenly all my school and college friends got estranged.. i started spending more time on the internet on weekends (cooped up indoors listening to music, looking for new tunes because old ones were reminiscent of so many things that had happened in the past) instead of hanging out with friends like i normally used to.. During one such weekend, i was thinking of all the overnight adventures we had had together and that lead me to search for a song with keywords “midnight memories” on youtube.. and that is how i discovered One Direction ! The song although, was not relatable to my phase of depression, it turned out to be a happiness-filled-spirit-uplifting one! Then one video lead to another and I became a full-fledged 1D stan.

in the past year have you…

made a new friend: yes, i flew to west coast to meet the friend i mentioned in the text message QnA above and she introduced me to her other friend who is sadly now just a name in my FB friends-list

fallen out of love: ehhh.. yeah, sure.. i’d like to think so.

laughed until you cried: yes.. courtesy POTUS, the late night shows have been hilarious !

met someone who changed you: eww.. the first person that comes to my mind as an answer to this question is my mom.. she visited me in the US and stayed for 2 months and did not fail to have a sob-fest over how she fears i’ll forever be lonely because i refuse to get married in my twenties.. after she went back to India, i realised how much more happier i was before her arrival and now it feels like i was attacked by a dementor and all the happiness has been sucked out of me and that reminds of remus lupin who had offered harry potter a chocolate bar as cure.. so i now ensure i always have chocolate bars on me.. just in case another dementor swoops in..

found out who your true friends are: yes, sadly there arent many, sigh.. maybe just one.. or two.. or none.. idk.. i believe if i cant be a true friend to anyone, neither can i have any.. and since i have lost touch with all my friends.. i no longer believe any of them care about me enough.. sh*t! this is so sad! m gonna resort to stating Niall as my true friend henceforth! he’s been there throughout last year.. throughout the hiatus.. is still around, keeps in constant touch and i love him back for all of this and more! so yeah, no one’s better than Niall!

kissed anyone on your followers/following: i honestly did not understand this question.. i am gonna just say ‘no’ to this. Lol

how many people on your tumblr do you know irl: none

do you want to change your name: nope

what time did you wake up today: 7 AM

what were you doing at midnight last night: developing a software program.. :P it was a busy week at work.. had the itch to finish off atleast 20% of the pending items before resuming on monday

name something you can’t wait for: niall’s second single

what is the one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had friends belonging to my demographic here in Florida to hangout with.. everyone i know here in person is a work-colleague in thier 40s and 50s..

what are you listening to right now: john mayer.. stevie nicks and maren morris

whats getting on your nerves right now: right now? like ‘right now’ right now? well… its this never ending questionnaire! what else could it be? Lol

about me…

nicknames: as a kid, i was a huge fan of shah rukh khan.. his most popular character ‘Raj’ addresses/teases his lady love 'Simran’ with nickname 'Senorita’.. and idk why that caught on with my elder cousins who since then address me as 'Senorita’.. and ever since i landed in florida.. the locals seem to think that i look spanish, so they too address me as 'Senorita’.. i know its not exactly a nick name but it’s a wild experience to have.. like- life coming full circle? or like- i was probably destined to live among spanish-speaking community and i just had no idea during my childhood? like- some unspoken prophecy coming true? idk man.. its 1am now and this is the calibre of thinking i have at such odd hours.. pardon me if i sound stupid..

relationship: content to remain single.. but who knows what shape will that status take under parental pressure these days..

zodiac sign: Pisces

pronouns: she/her

favourite TV shows: friends, the big bang theory, castle, the good wife and all the late night talk shows..

school: information technology engineering

hair colour: Brown

long or short hair: medium

do I have a crush on someone: nope

what do you like about yourself: truly speaking, i like the fact that i am financially independant as i always wanted to be

firsts…

first surgery ever: removal of blood-clot from bottom lip at age of 16 i think..

first piercing: dont remember.. i am indian.. most indian babies get their ears pierced before they turn 1..

first sport you joined: CRICKET!

first vacation: north-india (delhi-agra-shimla-kulu-manali) with family, at age of 14 :)

first pair of trainers/sneakers: bata.. white..

right now…

eating: its 1:31am.. not eating

drinking: its 1:31am.. not drinking

listening to: its 1:32am.. not listening

waiting for: this questionaire to end

wanting kids: yes

career: software engineer

romantic stuff…

lips or eyes: eyes

hugs or kisses: hugs

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: younger with a mature head?

romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous

sensitive or loud: sensitive

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

have you ever…

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: yes

lost glasses or contacts: Don’t need them.. but i lost my sunglasses inside a lifesize model of spaceship Atlantis at NASA Kennedy.. does that count?

been arrested: nope

turned someone down: yes

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: yes :(

do you believe…

in yourself: yes

miracles: no

love at first sight: yes

santa claus: no

kiss on the first date: that’s an immediate and definite NO !

25 more folks to tag… hmmm…. @iamcupcakebcz @missy14us @12trees @narrents @narrytheyfit @tiine63 @galeaya067 @levyrroni-world @myaimlessuniverse @wantniallie @justnarryaf @narrys-town @1dfourinfinity @golfdadhoran @narry-bomb @pizziallhut @liamlovelyx @superrichlads @niallpeach @niallandharrymakemestrong @1989rosesxx @doitlikenialler @sweetgamber @kirrylovesnarry @arguendo

[kageyasame]

caesaranthoniozeppeli

  me: can you listen to a song and not think about...

as somebody who headcanons Jotaro as gay please tell me abt the tragic homosexuality narrative

this is a really long ramble about a Weird Not Quite Au Mostly Me Reading Into Things Thing that ive wanted to get off my chest for about a month thank you

(its got jotahan and jotakak and ments of jona/speed, caejose n josuyasu and me being incredibly tired)

sso jotaro’s gay. in japan, in the late 80s-early 90s. i don’t know much about 80s-90s japan but i do know that japan is pretty homophobic even today and the 80s, well.

and like. in this weird narrative thing, all the jojos before him have had a not quite lover thing going on w another guy (jonathan is Straight but speeds pines for him, & theres never-acted-upon attraction/crushes between Joseph and Caesar which kinda half fucks up Joseph because imagine your crush dying on you before you confess)

and like through this narrative i pull a jotakak. and theyre a Thing. theyre not sure what exactly they are, since it’s something thats... very private and closed off to others, and theyre both probably bad at romance and on the aro spectrum and such. but it’s pretty good. its a Nice thing theyve got going on, they’d like to continue it after all this has been dealt w

and then kakyoin dies

and his death, the death of jotaro’s... lover of sorts, basically just fucks him up. it fucks him up pretty badly and hes bad at this feelings and talking thing and he’s kind of scared of talking about this really nice Thing he had going on w Kakyoin. so he just brushes everything under the rug in the best jotaro kujo fashion.

and then like,,, jotaro’s at university, studying his passion, and he meets this girl and he is Not Attracted to her. but shes not annoying. they end up being friends, then she confesses her attraction and he’s all. oh. okay. and he’s kind of half forcing himself half being dragged along by the “You Must Be Hetero”-ness (forgot the name apologies). and they end up married? and with a kid?

it’s all a very Genghis Khan official video affair (with nobody else but me-e-e~)

but the marriage is kinda shitty (and jotaro probably in the later years cheats on her with men), so they break it off, and the whole jolyne affair starts, which is ANOTHER problem caused by either him being gay or him pretending to not be gay (ymmv on this one)

and i’m not quite sure if it’s canon he’s divorced by diamond is unbreakable or i just picked that up from fanfiction but whatever

in diamond is unbreakable

oh boy

theres two big things changing here

1) josuke and okuyasu who in this narrative are possibly the gayest, happiest couple of fools in Jojo

2) world famous arospec gay, rohan kishibe

(because yeah, i like jotahan, i dont remember if you do too, but it’s there)

and you can kind of half guess how those two things change jotaro’s Not Good feelings about his gayness

(hint: josuyasu kicks him in the head with a YOU CAN BE HAPPY WHEN YOU’RE GAY 

and rohan offers him a chance for an incredibly low stakes barely any romo (mostly fuckbuddies, tbh) relationship since he has NOT dealt w/ kakyoin’s death’s effects on him properly and thus any sort of relationship he’d have would be 99% a rebound

which is not healthy kids

and he settles down with his fuckbuddy-with-feelings rohan (well, as settled down as you can when you’re a jojo whose first syllable isn’t “jos”)

and shit happens

[11toe11-blog]

Horsewomen

  May i enter. Quietly. For insight. And take back nothing but truth.

____

I sit here waiting. 

I sit here waiting for you.

This is uncomfortable. This is actually a rather unsettling feeling. My breathing is no deeper than my upper chest. I am distracted. I want some distraction. Watch something nonsensical. Eat. Eat plenty. Something to comfort me. This sense of hunger, of not being full, no matter what i am putting in - from the healthiest to the junkiest. 

He wants to mute me.

He is making pulao and raita. Just what i need maybe. Maybe with that i’ll be satiated. Calm this restlessness. 

Weight on the chest. Cant go, oh damn! on it. Just watch it. Even if i spent the last month and a half working this weight off. 

Actors freeze writers block.

Dont i have anything to write? After steam rolling for a week.THe point when i assumed things would come together into a giant revelation?

Breathe into the belly. Reach out from formula. 

“What do i mean by…”

I miss. I miss kalari. Its a fact. I miss. I miss thiru. I miss. I am a miss. I am amiss, between a miss and a missus. 

Something in the face sharts shifting. Music is hindustani. Kishori amolkar he announces, informs, sticking is head out of building pulao.

Watched S’s viva. As she discussed body widsom as the maker and keeper of stories, and the source of the individial truth and meaning making process we all search for.

Watched Su’s body leave her home of 85 years. Watched Su’s body after her spirit left its home of 85 years. He brows were tight together, as if frozen amidst a painful exercise to recall something. 

Mid sentence, mid building he walks over for the hug, hug of reconciliation, hug of understanding, a hug to acknowledge, a hug to reassure - one of us, both of us. 

A death happened. 

Finally. After a dance on the edges that lasted almost 2 years. I remember sitting in the room with my therapist as art of the Art Therapy studies, and role playing with a strange dream, where i was arguing with R and having some experience of the Buzz road first floor centered around my possessions- why it cant be moved or something and his friends being around and me feeling alientated; while down in the ground floor abyss, the dreamer was distinctly aware of death waiting. The house didnt quite look like this, but was the same. In a way that spaces rearrange them selves in dreams, an additional corridor there, an elevation somewhere else, a door connecting two opposite ends of the house directly. 

I dont know her at all.  I have barely spoken to her more than a few handful of times in the 4 years that Buzz road has been my home. And none of the conversations have lasted more than a few minutes. She was a fine looking thin lady. Who i was told was a shell of her former robust self, and had alzheimer's setting in. So the main door, which is the common entrance to all the three floors had to be locked early enough. She would have anxieties otherwise. 

Nothing too loud or boisterous. 

Its never been loud or boisterous at buzz road from the time i have known it. Maybe when i got to know it, it was around the time it had gotten contemplative, retrospective, nostalgic. With not enough energy to hold the heightened states of merry making and large groups splashing their vibrance around. But finding them quietly in the folds of memory, back and forth, and reweaving them, alone. 

I came into the quiet buzz road; a buzzing road thats quietened now, i realize.

 People were talking about the sheer energy she possessed. I can imagine. Even when the last time we exchanged pleasantries, as i walked to junk the compost into the new compost pit we had going in the back yard, she was clear in her gaze, her glance inspire of all the tubes running out of her.  Was that the last time she saw me? Or when i had my lungi pulled up, carrying the water cans to the first floor. I had put on an effort to be myself, anticipating judgements for my hairy legs, or my unconventionality inspite of my desperate attempts to fit into the conventional. Whatever conventional means.

I now wear diamond earrings to honor a memory. Of someone i have only met in books and ideas. WHo would have thunk!

He comes over from the pillars of pulao. Share a few grains of his memory. 

The sense of community he is experiencing at the moment - in the virtual world with the responses that came in response to his tribute to her, -in this space, with his cousin who he felt he had nothing in common with. A point he always kept making. Until now, when he seems to suddenly have noticed a shared childhood. He accepted his cousin’s invitation to be there on the 10th and 13th day and was touched by the gensture, though he trailed off  a “my beliefs are my own” as he made his way back into the kitchen.

From the kitchen he recounts and as kishori continues to inspire the pulao, how his aunt took him to the hospital after his infamous fall off the rockface, he had managed to get back home pushing his conked motor bike before fainting in the loo with a shirt soaking in blood. Quite dramatic. This bit of the story is new to me. I knew of the fall. And the 7 stitches. I didnt know she featured in the story, which i imagined to be the grand fall that shook the 3 worlds and its from that impact on the earth that i was born. 

He was 18. My parents copulated. 1983.

This is quite a nice start to the mythical story.

What is this sentimentality? I am not a sentimental person. Sensitive yes. Sentimental? Not really. 

In all senses i am aware of the fact that death doesnt mean anything. Other than the change of the playing scene.  For the person who dies. Atleast for most people who die. A change of play for the actor. 

For the co-actors, yea its awkward. Suddenly, the improvisation has new energy, an unknown. Space available for new possibilities. 

Also a sense of a loss of the playing dynamics, which has to be refigured in new context. 

Thats all death is. 

And i myself must be dying in a million ways in the million multiverses, never mind “the other” dying. The infinite stages strung together and the actor playing out the infinite possibilities of each second. 

The thought of him dying was obsessive,for last two years. Its only of late that i have been able to relax. Otherwise it was a high alert since his tryst with the fissure and bp. I would be up at night watching and monitoring the deapth of his breath as he snored on. The thought of him dying and the paranoia that set in was a pattern repeat of the tightly controlled panic I experienced regularly as a teenager when my mother came home wheezing and we spent the whole nights praying and trying to help her get some relief. With no one else to turn for help.  Sheer holding-on to the the caregiver, protector, provider. 

Sheer holding-on as the intermediate caregiver, protector, supporter.

Today i am lot more relaxed. The pattern that was triggered two years ago has eased. It gave a sample of the minefield of triggers that lay dormant in my mindscape. 

Last night when he spoke of his will, after the initial reaction of sheer panic setting in, and then watching it pass, i was able to engage in the conversation - who should the bangalore house be left for? A. She has plenty in her name already. What about AV? Wonderful idea. He is a lonewolf with a strong sense of community. And will find some meaning and continuity, “make something with it, share it”.

Pondi house is for me. 

There is no house in pondi yet. There is land in pondi. And our dreams for the home. Our mutual curiosity of this human instinct,  nesting. What does it mean to make a nest with someone - which is neither his nor mine, but ours. 

Pondi house is for us. 

Its ours. 

Quite fitting for the closet romantics that we both are.

Such a relief this sentence gave me. Pondi house is for us. Its ours. 

What a burden it seems to be lifting from my shoulders. 

My self image  moves, glides past the harshly lit railings where it was held prisoner by my critical self - ever questioning my intentions of  initiating and insisting on insisting on a home in pondicherry. Is it greed? Is it the easy way out? Are you in this for the money?

To something lit with a much softer glow of depth and wisdom. And love and respect. 

Ustad Ali Akbar Khan takes the manch. 

Nobody else may understand this. But we do. You and i, do.

That ours is a dance of light and shadows. We love and hate. Trust and mistrust. We make love with the enemy. Sleep, cook. Learn to trust. Love. The historical “ other”.

Far from Romeo Juliet. Far far from it. Infact, it probably starts where SSpere left off. 

Imagine in play space: Romeo is reborn. Some 20 years ahead of Juliet, who was stuck in a limbo in some portal. And they finally meet. And there is nothing in the way- no warring families, no borders, no jealous friends, no helpful friends either - there is nothing helping, there is nothing standing in the way - except themselves. And all their assumption and presumptions.

“oh! I dint realize you were so obsessive.”

“Oh! I didnt realize you had such a nasty streak”

“You dont listen”

“This is far from the ever after i imagined”

Well, as i write this i suppose this is following the graph of every relationship there is. Nothing unconventional here. Inspite of all our ideas and stories of how unconventional this is.

Also, we arent really gear shifting because we have no kids.

Am i ok with that? Not having a child? Yes. In many ways. It will be nice to have someone to shape and mould and protect and spoil. But when i imagine, i dont think i will be doing something very different from what my mother did - circumstances and conveniences may be different - but the structure is the same - shape, mould, protect and spoil and love - with different degrees of ingredients - but still a replication of the process. Thats what nature is best at, no? Replicating. I dont want to do that. I can see past that temptation. 

A cat will do. Or a squirrel. Or a raven. Or a garden lizard, according to him.

Coco.

One coco gone from the terrace. So many coco’s playing around in the goundfloor garden. 

Sleepy. 

Call with K is postponed to tomorrow. 

Project Objex continues to delvelop and offer rich insights offline. Though the thread is held online. No, The thread is seemingly held online.

I find myself pretty uninteresting at the moment. 

Stitching classes with mom is nice. Nice is a strange word. And a strange word is what i need to describe it. She is clear and simple. With sketchy camera angling skills. But in her area of expertise, she leaves me with no room for doubts or confusions. Reminded me of how she used to teach me as a child. I remember she used to say a thing only twice, if i made her repeat a third time, i would get whacks for not paying attention. And now she seems to be the epitome of patience, as i also notice my child self coming to the fore, to provoke and test, with disinterest and wandering attention and confusion. She holds the thread with such firm clarity and patience, that i notice the child self dissolving away, making way for me to inhabit the present. In the beginning, 15 minutes into the session,  i noticed fatigue and disinterest and irritation setting. And by the end of the class i was clear and inspired and received the information she was clearly trying to transmit. I notice myself eagerly summarising all that i understood at the end of the session. Satisfaction and closure for her. And for me. 

All that the giver has to give, needs a taker. 

So that the giver can give fully and completely. And be free. 

I feel when i am listening to my mother, i feel i am also simultaneously receiving from my grandmother. A line of women who understood cloth. And clothes.

A line of women, who were a few generations ago not permitted to cover their breasts, fashioning the most interesting and quirky ways of covering and revealing. 

A line of women, some of who also sliced and placed a breast or two at the altar of life unlived.

A life of women who may have forgotten the joys of sun and wind and rains on naked breasts.

For me to understand R, i had to bring it closer to home. Last night the news of his aunts passing, meant that the inevitable event of his parents passing is clearer in the minds eye. I wouldnt have understood it, if i hadnt played out the scene of mom passing. And i notice that i keep telling myself that i will hold it together, like a stoic -like the stoic. Though the physical sensation is of a collapse a caving in. Like it matters. As if what matters is how i respond to it.

And its true. In an improvisation, a sudden disappearance of an actor...

Ashwini BIde Deshpande takes the mach.

The transformer catches fire. In a way that i have never seen it catch fire before - with a big long sideways trialing flame. And abruptly stops. WE gather candles and he goes to alert the watchman to make the calls to the electricity board. And i wonder if its a hello from the other worlds.

And its true. In an improvisation, a sudden appearance of an actor...gentle drizzzle 

And its true. In an improvisation, a sudden disappearance of an actor...and the only thing that matter there is how you respond to the moment, to the change in space, how i respond to a new space.

He does the tadka, a vertical flame lover the ladle he uses for tadka.

We are such theatre.

But why is our sensation of it so mundane and unheightned. As if there is no audience. 

The sense of audience , of someone watching is what has fuelled most of the adventures in life. Like on is at once living at writing ones autobiography, and featuring in a biography, all at the same time. The vantage of the witness. Is what inspired this whole era of camera and film and now virtual.

Very many ways of the mirror.

The vantage of the inner witness. Makes me relax a little, teeny weeny, into the belly. The breath is quarter an inch deeper.

What was the word that mom used for leaving a little extra provision of cloth - side something...let me check the book. Not side - seam. Seam Allowance. At least i got the first alphabet right. S.  Mom and me have a long way to here, i see.

I didnt realise or register that R’s aunt used to play male roles in the play. She was an actress.  I didnt know R’s very married aunt was happy to flirt with the handsome doc while R was getting stitched up from his fall. But around her, knowing that she lived down stairs, and  maybe from the kind of home she lived in and her seemingly very traditional exchanges with people around her, I shrank. I felt I would be judged for not fitting in line with the expectation of a space. Walked past her awkwardly, pausing only for pleasantries. Not visiting her in her room as often as i could have and as often as i wanted to even, for the strangeness of the exchange. 

Nor having the balls to suggest playing some classical music to her. Some respite from the dreaded TV. 

Did i judge her illness or her age or her wealth?

Made it all about me?

Wanting to listen to music quietly together with a practical stranger at her bedside, we must share some language no? Some connection had to have happened. Some step one and two had to be crossed to find that step three. Or could i have straight have jumped to three? Long and short, that want, which kept appearing as an image, i believed was a response to her experience of intense loneliness. And my helplessness. 

Which is understandable, one of the first descriptions of her from people who knew her was how social she was -how she was surrounded by friends. Yet in the past year and a half she saw no one except  the nurses who were with here round the clock, her children, daughterinlaw, sister who regularly visited and maybe us once in a while and her, and occasional visits from her nieces and nephews. Watched plenty of TV. And went in and out of a hospital. And lived in looping memory. Ate mostly from a tube. The dabba that formulas came in we now use to store flowers for the pooja room everyday. 

I would have really liked to go and sit and listen to her, her  stories. But i didnt have the balls. What if she rejected me. I would take it very personally. I would be very hurt. 

Because i kept dancing on the brink of the rejections. Dreading rejections from R, from friends, from peers, from the kalari. That i so intensely yearn to belong. 

And so imagining that possible rejection, and a cruel word - i never made an effort. Even when i wanted to. 

Just before she left to the hospital the last time round, I didnt go into her room. Walking past the gesture of one of her nurses to come in - justifying it mentally with “not wearing a mask”. Maybe i was arguing a lot with R and had no bandwidth for the extended family at the moment. Maybe when i argue with R i see no reason why i live here. Maybe when i am arguing with R, i feel I dont belong here. And my whole presence here is a lie. And i dint want her too catch my dishonesty of intentions, of superficiality. My fears.

I have often been plagued by the feeling of helplessness here at buzz road. Much lesser now. This round of our stay has been far more hands on, “empowered”, and with room for changes and play of dynamics. Me allowing myself to do the things i feel like doing at the cost of being “seen”. 

Noticing caste encoded in the body memory. Because i have no lived memory of it. My earliest association with identity is being told by my father that i had “no caste, no gender, no religion”, i was human and a girl as equal to any boy. 

Why then did i feel my space shrink here? Did i subtly read your judgments without even noticing it? R tells me that you singled out your daughter for her dark skin. Not moer than half a shade darker surely, because i didnt at all notice any color variations in your skins; you all looked like you were from the same family and that was it. Is that why i feel great kindship with the people who work here - because i unknowingly somewhere by the color of my skin maybe they judge me as one of them?

So there is a story of rejection here that i picked up from the space and wove into my story.

Kabira khada baazar mein

Mangey sabki Kahir

Nahi kahoon sey dosti

Nahi kahoon sey bair

I spent an hour faffing to escape finishing this page. Because it doesnt seem to be getting over. One think is linking  to the next and then to the next, faster than i can write. 

Or want to write.

I can let go. 

Yes. 

I can let this go. 

I dont have to hold on to it like the bag that L and I tugged between each other other over compulsion to be the ideal daughterinlaw/good samaritan.

Lets me just summarize to myself that today i glimpsed the family, this group of people bound together by blood relations, a lot deeper than i ever have. I noticed wounds, as much as i noticed bonds. I noticed bonds, as much as i noticed wounds.

And i have no idea how i walked into this story, which seems to be an epic in itself with my own sense of great mythical journeying. I want nothing from them except peace and resolving and healing of wounds. 

And thats what seems to be happening.

No one is counting all this work we are doing in the GDP. I always liked micro economics over macro economics.

Something. 

Sleep

___

I gently close the door behind me. Notice the skin a bit shirvelled from time spent a touch too long in war. Thank you for keeping me safe in your waters. Thank you for the waves.

[mcatmania]

Posting a bunch of text posts is getting old and had to keep up with the damn movie so below are my thoughts. Enjoy.

- So if Shere Khan has sworn to kill Mowgli then how the hell did that news get to the wolves? Did Shere Khan show up and go - OKAY LISTEN UP

- “It’s too big around, Mowgli says.” It’s. too. big. around. These jokes just about write themselves.

- Here comes everyone’s favorite non villain. I would classify Kaa as like an unfriendly acquaintance. 

- Please go to sleep.....please go to sleep. This little song just cracks me up.

- He wont’ be here in the morning. Lol. God damn this snake is funny.

- A sssserious missssstake.Mowgli is just what happens if we push these coils off?

- oh my god here it comes. brace yourselves. HE’S GOT A KNOT IN HIS TAIL. YES. YES. YES.

- Okay Bageera - Mowgli just saved your life. No need to be a damn sour puss about it. Go to sleep. And he’s just like angry muttering.

- At what point in the night was Mowgli like I’ll just sleep on your ass man if that’s chill.

- Mowgli how the hell do you know what a parade is?

- One of these damn elephants is high as fuck and I will be taking no other questions at this time.

- Jesus everyone just tells Mowgli to STFU. No wonder he fucking bolts at the end.

- The fact that Mowgli can walk on all fours is just unsettling on all costs.

- How do you just tell you wife, I’m going to lead a army of elephants and you’re gonna be in it.

-What does one have to not do to have a “dusty muzzle”

- Also he says what happened to your trunk and THEN realizes he’a fucking human? Jesus

- Also damn the word of Bageera must mean a lot.

- Winnafred old girl...yeah I don’t know if I like that.

- You know how just turn your herd around on the turn of a dime?

- SOMEONE DIDN’T TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEIR DRUNK AT THE END OF THAT COLLISON.

- You know how you tell the wolf pack that you’ll be so fine taking the mancub and then halfway through you’re like nahhhh fuck this kid? That’s not helpful to anyone. What happened to the word of Bageera?

- WELL IT’S A DOO BA DE DOO. AND IT’S A DOO BA DE DOO. I MEAN A DOO BEE DOO DEE DOO BEE DOO BEE DOO BEE DEE DO. Anyone else that he’s saying doobee? You know like a joint?

- Well Bageera if you hadn’t have left him alone like you told the Colonel you wouldn’t.... remember you said something about your word?

- DO ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE KNOW EACH OTHER? LIKE REALLY?

- He’s tickling Baloo....i’m uncomfy.

- Well yes Baloo. That’s what they do in the Man Village. They make men out of people.

- And cue iconic song. snack time...this whole scratching yourself sequence makes me wanna look the other way.

- it calls for some “big scratch?” I’m not joking here.

- Although the trumpet in this little is going the fuck off. and i don’t even mind.

- so Bageera this is now the second time you walked out? Well done dude. You suck at this.

End of Act I

- i will say this whole lead up to the smack is pretty hilarious.

- In short - these monkies are assholes.

- Bageera you can’t be proud that shit didn’t work you out. YOU LEFT HIM AGAIN.

- Cue 2nd and last iconic song in this movie. 

- Mowgli really does have a temper transtrum

- how the hell are all these animals talking? are they in a group thread?

- Actually Fall Out Boy’s cover of I Wanna Be Like You kinda slaps

 - The weirdest little dance off here.

- Balloo is me when I hear a good beat

- IM GONNA MAN SOLID GONE

- a small grass skirt and coconut shells of the mouth relaly confused you all? damn

- that’s what I call a swingin party.

- Seriously though - Bageera is fucking racist. He legit said “birds of a feather should flock together.” Come on now.

- HERE WE GO SUBTLE SUNRISE IN THE BACK

- You know how their eyes just healed over night?

- Baloo you have legit known him for one day.

- How Mowgli isn’t like why are you all depressame street is weird. lol.

- I do love the subtle orchestral changes in Mowgli’s reprise in this.

- Mowgli you aren’t a bear. You’re a human.

- As long as I’m with you. Ope...you hear that slight theme of Till I’m Grown? Here we go foreshadow.

- The metaphor of You wouldn’t marry a panther doesn’t make any sense.

- And cue freak out of Mowgli. And instant betrayal.

-how does everyone manage to lose this kid. Jesus christ.

-Here he comes. Sgt. Badass. 

End of Act II

- this opening shot of Khan used to scare the shit outta me. God he’s so cool.

- He’s hunting a character that looks so close to Bambi’s mother it’s insane.

- God those eyes.

- “Beastly luck” - not only is Shere Khan angry and vicious, he’s also classy as hell. I love it.

- now Baggy you want their help come on now man. You gave them your word and that’ snot gonna go well if they’re smart.

- WOULD A FEMALE LEADING YOUR HERD BE SO TERRIBLE?!

- “And now for my rendezvous with the lost man cub.” THIS WRITING.

- I worry with how information circles this jungle. I mean seriously.

- The fact that Shere Khan doens’t buy any of Kaa’s story is amazing.

- The middle? there’s noting in there.”

- The fact that Shere Khan feels Kaa’s stomach just to make sure that Kaa didn’t eat him is amazing.

-Shere Khan saying Good Show is just fantastic.

- These vultures are the Beatles and I will hear nothing else at this time.

- The fact that Shere Khan comes in on the bass is just so delicious.

- And the fact that Shere Khan just claps for himself. I’m so here for it.

- “and thank you for detaining my victim.” you just dont’ hear that anymore. YES.

- He says I won’t run from anyone. As he’s run from like 3 people in this entire movie.

- I love this music so much. he grabbed a branch like let’s do this.

- The fact that Khan bites Balloo on the ass and there is no blood is not normal at all.

- It’s just fire. Like Shere Khan can and will come back. We know this.

- Baloo would just listen to his eulogy. Jesus Christ. 

- This for me is the most uninteresting part of the movie. Like completely honest.

- Father is hunting in the forest. DOES FATHER KNOW ABOUT SHERE KHAN?!

- the bottom line - Mowgli gave up all this for tits and a pretty smile. Okay then.

- I will say this though - the bop that we’re about to have for the ending.

- here the hell we go.

Thanks for tuning guys! Love ya!!!!

[tellytantra]

Asad Aur Zoya Ke Beech.. Pyaar Ya Nafrat A car is shown driving at full speed with perfection and the car is parked at Airport in most stylish way.. Asad is out of the car and wears his coolers and walks inside the airport(azad bgm plays). He is carrying a board with name "Ms.Zoya Farukhi" and waiting for her arrival to pick her up.   A plane is arrived and zoya steps inside India. She removes her coolers and feels emotionally attached with India.(zoya entry tune plays) She thinks "hope I will find all my past secrets which is disturbing my present. I wish I will find my biggest happiness of my life here." In airport azad is standing in front of the way. A child spills water near him and someone's driver carrying the board with name"Mr.Thappu" slips on that water and falls on Asad. their name board gets exchanged and asad doesnt realize this. The name board having zoya's name gets damaged because of water. so driver also cant able to realize. Zoya is searching for azad and comes towards azad unknowingly. zoya also slips on that water and falls towards Asad. Asad catches her (mitwa plays).. eyelock.. Asad: dont you see and go?  Zoya: sorry. I didnt see water on the floor. Asad: girls like you never learn to watch ground and walk. Zoya: allah miya..! wats wrong with u??  girls like me means..?? u r seeing me first time how could you judge me? asad gives angry look and says "whatever.." and starts to leave. zoya: excuse me mr.gussa wala... I dont know why people in India are so judgemental. while seeing u , i want to say a shayari..            " khana ke saath khathe hai papad...               Mr.thappu se aapko milna chayiye ek thappad.."    Asad: whos is mr.thappu?? zoya : (laughs) dont you know the persons name whom you have to pick up.. ? she laughs  funnily and leaves from there. Asad sees the name board and realises tht name board got exchanged..  Azad angry  face and zoya's laughing face is shown in split up screen... Precap: Dilshad and najma receives zoya. dilshad says to azad that zoya is nice girl.. Kalai EPISODE - 2 Asad enquires about the flight in which Zoya landed and they said flight has been arrived and all the passengers had gone. Asad calls Dilshad and tells that he missed Ms.Zoya farukhi because of little confusion. He asks Dilshad to call and ask Zoya where is she?. Dilshad calls Zoya and is surprised to hear ringtone at door. Zoya smiles and and gets inside home. Dil asks "how did u come here,Zoya? ". Zoya shows her ipod and says this help me to come here. She introduces herself and says "she bought a gift for u puppi(aunty). ahhh. If u dont mind may i call you puppi?" Dilshad says sure and opens the gift. Najma interferes and asks "shall i open the gift?" and begins to open the gift. While opening the gift a parrot toy bumps out of the box and and it touches Najma's nose softly while moving forward and backward . Dilshad laughs open heartedly. Najma sees Dilshad and thinks " I didnt see ammi laughing from the heart like this for a long time.." and she too laughs. All 3 laughs for a long time thinking about this and then went to have lunch. Zoya says i wanna say shayari " puppet parrot ne diya Najma's nose ko punch. iss beauty Zoya ne aapko serve karegi lunchh.. sukriya.. sukriya.." Dil and Najma gives weird expressions on hearing shayari and then laughs. Then Najma shows Zoya's room which is NEXT TO Asad room. Zoya enters her room at the same time Asad enters home. They didnt see each other. (mitwa piano tune plays) Dilshad and Najma welcomes Asad and they started to arrange all things like robots for Asad. Dilshad tells Asad "Zoya is very smart girl. She is very funny. I like Zoya a lot. she is very nice girl." . Asad replies "I am feeling relaxed that Our guest is nice girl. U know wat ammi, today i saw a badtameez ladki in airport and i was scared that wat happens if our guest also behave like the same. thank god. allah saved us. i never want to see that badtameez ladki in my life ammi." Dilshad says Asad to Relax. Asad receives phone call and says to Dilshad that he will come late ,dont wait for me. after Asad leaves Zoya comes to hall (mitwa piano tune plays). Dilshad says "just now my son leave from here. if u come 1 min before i ll introduce u to him." Zoya says "no problem aunty, i am hungry. can we have dinner?" Zoya, Dil and Najma had dinner. Zoya likes Dilshad's food a lot and praises her. she excuses herself and goes to take rest. Dil and Najma speaks about Zoya and her friendly character and feels happy about her presence. Asad returns home and comes to his room. After refreshing he comes near window and sees the stars on sky. On his right side window Zoya too enjoys seeing the stars on sky. (mitwa plays..) Asad : (remembers zoya's speech at airport.) till now no girl had talked to me like this. Zoya : (remembers asad's judgemental speech) till now no one had judged me like him. Asad : By the way.. why should i think about her. forget it. Zoya : Allah miya.. wats wrong with me..? why am i thinking about Mr.Gussawala. forget it zoya.. The screen freezes on their split up face as watching sky. Precap : Zoya is scared and hugs Asad. she asks him dont leave me. (mitwa plays..) Episode 3 The scene begins by showing stars at sky. Asad is trying to sleep. he hears a voice next to his room “save me.. save me..” . He knocks the door but zoya doesnt open. So he decides to enter the room. Light is off and he cant able to see who she is. He sees Zoya who is shouting in sleep. Zoya is having dream that a lady and zoya (childhood zoya at age 4) is struck in jungle which caught fire. (zoya’s abbu tune plays). Zoya and the lady went near the river which is situated near forest. Zoya is in the boat and the lady’s cloth got stuck in a thorn plant in forest. Zoya’s boat starts moving and she screams “Ammi.. come fast.. Ammi.. Save me.. save me..” He calls Ms.Farukhi but zoya doesnt wake up. So he decides to turn on the light by himself and stretches his hand to turn on the light switch. By that time Zoya holds his hand. Asad become nervous and starts saying “Ms.Farukhi open ur eyes.” While trying to turn on the light by his another hand, he loses his balance and falls on her bed. (Asya female humming plays). Zoya gets up shockingly and hugs Asad and says “Please dont leave me. Please..” Asad tries to pacify her. Finally he shakes her and shouts “wake up”. Zoya wakes shockingly and realises a man is with her. So she jumps over the bed and picks up her Pepper spray and starts shouting “thief.. thief..” Asad says “stop it..” then turns on the light and is shocked to see her. zoya too shocked to see him and says “Mr.Gussa wala………..(angry man)”. (Asya Quarrel tune plays). Dilshad and Najma enters Zoya’s room and shocked to see them. Zoya : you.. How did you come here? What are you doing here? Who gave permission to enter this house? Zoya : U behave rudely with me at airport and now u r here to take revenge from me right.. See here I have pepper spray . Dil : Zoya.. Listen to me.. Zoya : Dont worry puppi.. I m here to save you. Hey Mr.Gussawala.. U know wat.. Here Mr.Asad Ahmed Khan stays. If he comes he will kill u. U dont know about him.. Asad : (shouts angrily) U dont know about him. Its me u r talking about. I am Mr.Asad Ahmed Khan. Zoya : What??? (shockingly looks Dil and Najma. Dil nodes her head) Asad : Ammi, why did u allow this ladki into our house.? Dil : Asad, Is this the way to speak to our guest ? Zoya : Allah miya. puppi. Is he ur son..? How is this possible..? Asad, Dil and najma says “What” at same time.. (funny tune). Zoya : I mean puppi u r so nice bt ur son.. awww.. I m sorry puppi.. I mean how could i think ur son as thief. I m really sorry Mr.Khan. Asad : If ur stupid talk gets over will u please stand down from the bed. Zoya excuses herself and gets down from the bed. She tries to laugh at Asad but Asad leaves angrily from room.(Asad tune plays). The screen freezes on Zoya’s sad face, Dil and Naj ‘s confused face, Asad’s angry face. Precap : Asad says to Dil not to let her stay in this house. Zoya hears this and says “Stop it Mr.Khan..” (Asya quarrel tune plays).

http://jodifiction.blogspot.com/2020/03/asya-ff-pyaar-ya-nafrat-qubool-hai-asad.html