#(like my fucking name for instance a;lkds;lf lmao or where i live or what i do for a living etc)
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does anyone else make more out of their relationships than they actually are or is that just me?
#like#i am very emotionally repressed and have hella trust issues#so it's really hard for me to get close to people and/or let THEM get close#so when i tell people things about myself that most people have no problem sharing#(like my fucking name for instance a;lkds;lf lmao or where i live or what i do for a living etc)#to me that's a huge step. to me that's opening up.#but i always forget that to THEM it isn't#so i put way more stock into things than i should#i build up our relationship in my head more than i should#because i really do FEEL so much but it's so hard for me to show it#so sharing pieces of myself is kind of my way of showing the love i have for people#or doing things for them#acts of service and all that#so i always feel closer to people than i'm sure they do to me#and sometimes i forget that we're not as close as i feel we are#and i put unrealistic expectations on people#and then i get reminded that hey it's just me that feels this way and it just...idk it sucks#and it's through no fault of the other person. really. it's all me and my plethora of fucking issues lol#i just wish i knew how to NOT be like this. to just be fucking normal and not be so closed off.#so afraid of human connection but also at the same time DESPERATE for it#for someone to just SEE me and want to put in the effort it's inevitably gonna take to REALLY get to know me#to show me that i'm as worthy of that effort as i know i should feel#ugh idk why i'm posting this here just in my feels i guess#ignore me
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