#(let me know if i should tag this with anything else)

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

As if you care | Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: JJ and Rafe crash at the finish line of the Enduro Race. Just because you and Rafe aren't together anymore doesn't mean you weren't worried about his safety.

A/N: Hope you enjoy! I promise I proof read the best I could with a 13 month old running around getting into everything 😅

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

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The beach was packed with onlookers, ready to watch the 2024 Enduro race and see who would take champion this year. Your feet dug in the hot sand as you made it through the crowd to the sideline where the rest of the Pogues were. JJ would be racing again this year hoping to turn his luck around and win this year.

You could see across the track the kooks gathering around. One in particular catching your eye dressed like he was ready to race. He was never one to participate in these types of things so seeing him there was a shock.

"Rafe's here racing?" You ask Sarah, watching as Rafe pushes his bike to the starting line, beside the other racers.

She too was confused by his participation, shrugging, "I guess so."

Shielding your eyes from the hot sun, you can see Rafe has noticed you, giving you a brief nod of acknowledgment before swinging his leg over the bike to mount it.

"Shit," Sarah says, "Why the hell is he racing?" She's immediately stomping through the sand toward John B where he too is pushing his bike to the starting line next to JJ.

You followed Sarah, heading for JJ.

"You here to give me a good luck kiss?" JJ teases you with a kissy face, leaning close to you, as Sarah leans over to give John B a kiss.

You shove him in the shoulder, laughing, "You wish, Maybank."

He chuckles mounting his bike, sliding his bandana over his head, "No see I think if you kissed me, I'd win."

You rolled your eyes at his flirting, "Try not to get killed out there." You grab his helmet off the back of his bike, handing it to him. You and JJ had grown close after breaking up with Rafe, but it never crossed a friendship line. He was flirty, but both of you knew there wasn't anything there. He knew you still loved Rafe.

"You see your boy is racing today?"

"Yeah," You reply. Before anything else is said, the announcer gives the racers the minute warning. "Be safe out there."

"Oh I'll be so safe," He drags out with a laugh, hand on his heart.

You can't help but laugh at the memory with Pope, heading back toward the sideline with Sarah.

Rafe slides his helmet over his head, starting his engine and revving it a few times. Even behind helmet you can feel his eyes on you. He felt the anger pulsing through his veins as he saw the interaction between you and JJ. He should have known he would lose you and you'd moved on by now. It only pissed him off more that it was JJ.

You and Rafe had dated for a year before you ended it. He'd started hanging around the wrong crowd, drugs and alcohol making him a changed man. He wasn't the Rafe you fell in love with and you'd tried everything to get him to stop, get help and go to rehab but he'd blown up, destroying your shared apartment in anger; broken furniture, glass littering the floor, holes in the wall. It left you terrified and you gave him the ultimatum. Get help or you were leaving him. Unfortunately, the group had their nails dug deep in him and he wasn't ready to give up his way of life yet. You'd packed up everything you owned from the apartment that night with the help of the Pogues and hadn't looked back.

It didn't mean you didn't care for Rafe. or that you ever stopped loving him. There was no way you could live like that with him and Rafe didn't want the help. You had to admit, you could tell he looked healthier there on the beach, nothing like he did when you left 6 months previous. He'd shaved his hair, his skin was tan and those dark circles under his eyes were gone.

Soon the race began, sand flying through the air. The announcers had people set through the track to see where the racers stood in standings.

At the beginning, Rafe was first, JJ falling behind. As they come around the last curve, JJ jumped the sand dune, putting him in first place. Rafe and JJ went neck and neck, bumping into each other.

They both recovered but Rafe went for him again, bumping his tire and sending both of them flying through the air, landing hard in the sand.

As the race concludes, Topper taking first, everyone stormed the track, you immediately went to JJ with the Pogues.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" JJ starts toward Rafe.

"Get use to it, pogue." He shakes the sand off his arms.

JJ lunges for Rafe and Rafe lunges for JJ, but you quickly jump between them, "Hey! Hey both of you stop it!" pushing them back by their chests,

"You could have killed each other! are you fucking crazy!" You spit out to Rafe of anger and worry for the both of them.

"As if you care." Rafe pushes your hand off his chest, his shoulder bumping into you as he pushes past you before storming through the crowd.

You make sure JJ's ok, before following after Rafe. "Rafe!" Your legs burn as they dig into the sand, his long legs making it hard for you to catch up.

He doesn't acknowledge you, unzipping his suit to his waist as he nears his truck.

"Rafe!" You finally catch up to him at his truck, grabbing his arm to will him to face you, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He faces you, his face red with anger, "I know I fucked up alright, but did you really have to go for Maybank?" He lets his trucks tailgate down to throw his suit and boots in the back. He doesn't give you a chance to answer, "Just go back to your boyfriend. I'll apologize later when I'm calm."

The slam of the tailgate makes you jump, but you recover, grabbing his arm, "JJ is not my boyfriend! You don't get to pull this bullshit. Not after all the shit you put me through. You seriously could have killed both of you! That was reckless; a stupid move."

He can see your angry and if he's not mistaken, even a little scared, "Why do you care about my safety anyways? It's not like we're together."

"I didn't stop caring for you Rafe. I just didn't deserve the way you were treating me and I left. You needed help and you wouldn't accept it. What was I suppose to do? Stay with you while you continued to wreck our relationship and your life? You destroyed our apartment; you broke furniture. put holes in the walls. I was terrified."

He lets his back hit the side of his truck, running a hand over his head as he looks down at the ground, embarrassed he let his feelings get the best of him. "You're right, I shouldn't have done what I did. Today or that night. I was in deep with that group and I should have got out sooner. You did the right thing leaving." He finally wills himself to look at you. His eyes are sad, "As much as it broke my heart to see you leave, you did the right thing. I wasn't in a good head space and honestly I don't know what I would have done to you. I'm sorry I even put you through what I did. You didn't deserve it."

"I forgive you," You lay your hand on his arm, "I just wanted my Rafe back." You say, tears threatening to spill over.

Rafe wipes a tear away with his knuckle, "I'm here."

You lean into his touch, eyes closing in the comfort of his touch. You missed him.

Soon, his hands are tugging you into his chest, his arms wrapping around your shoulders and he plants a kiss against your hair. You can feel your entire body relax into his. Your hands move up his back, palms open against his shoulder blades.

"God, I don't deserve you." He says into your hair, giving you a tighter squeeze. He needed this comfort just as much as you did.

He's the first to pull away from you, hands sliding to your cheeks, "I've missed you."

You place your hand over his, bringing his hand to your lips, and kissing his palm, "I've missed you too."

~

The two of you start heading back to the beach, deciding you both needed the extra time together. Everything finally felt right in the world. Your hand in his as your feet dig into the sand, the orange of the sun dancing against the ocean's waves as it sets against the ocean's horizon.

"I can see you still let your emotions get the better of you."

He chuckles softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and bringing you toward him, "When it comes to you, I do." He says before kissing the top of your head.

I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments and reblogs are always welcomed and so appreciated! x

[firstkanaphans]

RE your tags on the bromance thing - I think I allowed myself to get a little panicky earlier when seeing a few people talk about there potentially being more, and whilst there are a few points made that I can understand, I do feel like the amount of worry I’m seeing it maybe a little preemptive?

Like, I do agree that it feels stupid to put TayNew in a bromance series; if they wanted two actors that are close & have worked together before, why not Tay and Off or New and Gun or something? BUT I did see that Tay and New actually wanted to do a bromance series together, so there’s part of me thinking that this was THEIR choice to do this series and not give it to some other actors. (And let’s be fair, I don’t think there’s anyone else who could have made this show so warm, angsty, and lovely.)

I feel like GMMTV has really been embracing their BLs a bit more if I’m honest, and sure, they do queer baiting in their non-queer shows, but who doesn’t? You can watch anything on Netflix or whatever and find ‘bromances’ that are severe queer baiting.

I kinda feel like sometimes people pile on GMMTV a bit much, all because they’re kinda like the biggest company in the drama community that does decent queer dramas? I don’t know if that’s just me being blind to their flaws, but I sometimes think they get a little more hate than other production companies and not always deservedly? (I mean I know they aren’t perfect and I call out their bullshit myself, but I feel like sometimes it’s ‘cool’ to hate on them?)

Sorry if none of this makes sense and I’m rambling - it’s almost 2am and I really need to sleep 🤣

In my opinion, these claims that GMMTV is going to pivot to bromances because they’re less gay and more profitable are absolutely baseless. Bromances are not new to GMMTV. They’re not even new to TayNew as I believe I’m Tee, Me Too was a bromance as well. Like you said, P’Dome explicitly stated that TayNew wanted to film a show together that was not a BL. Should they not be able to? And weren’t these same people complaining just days ago that CPs are never allowed to act outside of their CP? Now, they’re mad when they do.

What people are losing their marbles over is literally just the cast and crew having a good time with the fans. Did they play into the shipping aspect both onscreen and off? Of course they did! What writer worth their salt would have passed up such a perfect opportunity? But to me, it didn’t feel malicious. It felt like P’Dome was just having fun and giving Polcas a little nod. I almost feel like it would have been more strange if he hadn’t.

People certainly don’t have to like bromances, but it’s like We Are all over again where people were saying its very existence was indicative of the fall of the genre as we know it. And that’s just utterly ridiculous. This isn’t a queer story where the queerness was censored. In fact, there were explicit queer themes throughout. This is just a platonic love story and a lot of people who may not be interested in romantic relationships have found immense value in that.

Like I said in my tags, P’Aof is the Director of Content Production at GMMTV, meaning he is literally the one in charge of what content is being produced, and I’m choosing to trust the gay Thai man who has dedicated his career to this. He has such a passion for telling queer stories. Why would he stop now?

But like you said, it’s become hip to hate on GMMTV. And look, I don’t like corporations either, but let’s not pretend like GMMTV isn’t really fucking gay. Because they are. This is not a company that has ever shied away from explicitly queer content and is actually making more of it than ever before, so I’m not going to fault them for adding a few shows for the straights too. And if they have to make het stuff, I would much rather sit through a bromance than anything else.

I mean Jesus Christ. Peaceful Property was fun. I had fun. And it was also really good—easily my favorite offering from GMMTV all year—so if they want to make a hundred more bromances just like this, I’m certainly not going to complain about it. Some people just don’t want to enjoy anything.

(And go to sleep, Pip! It’s late 😂)

[romana-after-dark]

Our Gentle Sins: Part 9

Thank you so so so much to @plasticbabies for making this beautiful header!!!! we finally have a good one!

Dark!Logan Howlett x fem!reader

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Chapter summary: Past. You aren't good enough for Logan. Present. Logan makes you feel good.

Warnings: This fic features non con, pregnancy, and themes of religous trauma. I will not be saying everything that happens to warm you, by clicking read more you are prepared for extremely dark themes and that you at 18+. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

Before

“Please stop worrying about me.”

“You’re hurt.”

Logan reached up and took your wrist gently. “Everything is literally already healed, Dolly.”

You look down at him, eyes wet with worry and anxiety as you dabbed at his forehead with a wet washcloth. Since getting back inside, you hadn’t stopped fretting over him. “I know… but you got hurt because of me, please let me just do… something?”

Logan acquiesced, letting go of you so you could clean him. “You didn’t get hurt because of me, doll face.”

“But you did.” Logan took a few tumbles fighting Scott, leaning him fine, but bloody. You’re thankful Logan did hurt Scott for touching you, Scott doesn’t have healing, and you know Logan would feel horrible hurting or even killing Scott over a misunderstanding.

There was silence as he let you care for him even though he was healed. It was for your own sanity, to know you weren’t completely useless. You clean off his handsome face, taking the blood off his skin, even cleaning his hairline and beard with tender touches despite his rough skin. He closed his eyes, leaning into the touch, and you even heard him humming.

You couldn’t meld the two Logan’s in your head, couldn’t make sense of what you saw this evening with the kitty purring in your arms right now. He had been vicious, ready to kill Scott for sliding your dress a mere inch to the side. Yes, it was embarrassing and you didn’t like it but it wasn’t worth disemboweling him for. Logan, the Logan you knew was a gentle giant, soft enough to cradle the duckling on the side of the road you saw while driving home from church with him and taking it to the pond with its family. Your Logan offered to take you to a nondenominational church in the first place so you could pray. Your Logan only hurt you in the throes of a nightmare.

“It wasn’t your fault, Logan. You didn’t mean to hurt me.”

But he shook his head as you sat by his side. ”Not meaning to doesn’t erase the fact you have scars on your back now.”

He was right, it didn’t, but you didn’t really care. “Lo… that doesn’t matter to me. Honestly, it doesn’t. You were having a nightmare, sometimes-”

“I almost killed Rogue. During a nightmare. She came to check on me, just like you did, got stabbed right through the chest.”

Your heart clenched at yes, the thought of sweet Rogue in such pain, but also how much guilt Logan carried around.

“She touched me and was able to absorb my powers, make heal herself… but if that had been anyone else, if that had been you?” He shook his head. “I’d skin myself alive before I hurt you, you know that, don’t you?”

And you nod, because you do. Logan wasn’t like Mark. “I know… that’s why you fought Scott, to protect me.”

Logan chuckles lowly. “I wasn’t just foughting him, Dolly. I was gonna kill him for laying a hand on you.”

This makes you frown. “It wasn’t that serious.”

But he catches your wrist, eyes snapping up to you with a burning intensity you rarely see in the calm brown eyes of his. “You are that serious to me. Scott should know to keep his weasley hands off you.”

You make no attempt to pull away. “But it was a misunderstanding!” You protest. “He thought you hurt me, he wanted to-”

“Scott doesn’t want anything other than to prove he was right about me all along. If it was about the claw marks I wouldn’t even care, because baby doll if I had seen that someone hurt you, they’d be dead.” He stands, imposing height and broad frame should be fearful, but you didn’t fear Logan. Instead, you simply stare up at him. “You hear me, Dolly? Fucking dead. But that’s not why Scott cares. He doesn’t care about you, not like I do. He just hates me.”

You try to make sense of this information. You knew Scott wasn’t fond of Logan; they never interacted outside of necessity, didn’t get sent on missions alone together. Remy was sent on one once because the skillset fit Logan and Scott best, but Remy was there just to function as a peacekeeper, a buffer he said. Still, you didn’t think it was that bad. Scott was kind, friendly, and caring. Logan was the sweetest heart you knew.

Taking his other hand, you prompt him to continue. “Why, Logan? When you’re so…”

“So what?” Logan chuckles. “Insane?”

“Good.”

The words hang in the air, soaking into his skin as if he hoped you could speak it into existence. He didn’t believe it, but you truly, truly did. You’d spend forever making him see what you saw in him.

He simply shakes his head, looking down but not at you. “He’s got a right to hate me, baby dolly. ‘Fraid I’m not the good guy in this story.”

“Logan.” You emphasize his name, pleading with him for clarity. “What happened between you?”

“It ain’t gonna make me look very good in your sweet little eyes. ”A deep breath and a long talk later he told you what happened, how he came to Xavier institute with Rogue, how he fell in love with Jean Grey. That part shocked and carved a pit in your stomach, because she was always someone you compare yourself to, with her beautiful red hair and soft eyes, her thin but strong body curving in a beautiful wave. And she was a mutant. You always fretted about not being a mutant, if that was a turn off for Logan that you were weak, useless, needed to be protected.

Logan laid it out for you, how he knowingly and willingly began an affair with Jean, that she cheated on Scott. This also surprised you. Scott was someone you liked a lot, seemed like a loving husband. He clearly adored Jean. Why would she cheat? Still, you were disappointed in Logan. He knew what he was did.

“Well… you’re right. You are the bad guy here…”

“I know.”

“But Lo… she made her own choice. I mean, it wasn’t good of you, especially to Scott-”

“What do you mean, ‘Especially Scott?” Logan’s voice held scrutiny, and you couldn’t help smirk a little at him.

“I mean he’s kind, Logan. I know you can’t really see it, you don’t like him, but he is.”

He relaxes. "Sorry... old habits die hard, I guess..." Logan's hand reaches up to cup your face, thumbing gently over your cheek. His eyes held worry as he searched yours for answers. "Does that ruin things, dolly?"

Heat creeps up your body, warming your neck. You and him... you never addressed what this was between you, and you wanted to keep it that way. You loved him, of course you loved Logan, you loved him in a way you'd never felt for your husband. What you felt for Mark was teenage infatuation of a child who didn't know she was being taken advantage of. This was real. Logan was sweet, he was kind, and most importantly to you he was gentle.

Your parent's followed the teaching of the Pearls, their book, "To Train Up a Child" was second only to the bible in your household, and you remember watching in horror as they smacked your younger siblings to prevent them from leaving a laid put blanket. When you protested, your mother asked "so, you want Grace to go to hell?" You didn't know what to think of that, so you couldn't protest anymore, because of course, of course you don't want your sister to go to hell! So it was hell or aggression? Was gentleness a sin? You were conditioned to accept abuse as love, that domestic discipline was your husband teaching you because he loved you, he wanted better for you.

His hand leaves your face when he notices you shrink back.

"Lo, I'm... I'm not right for you."

His hands drop to his sides, bewilderment clouding his face. "Is this about not being able to have kids? Dolly, I want that with you, of course i do but... a baby that doesn't even exist yet isn't more important to me than you are... dolly I lo-"

But you backed away. Shaking your head in your now-dirty dress, hair falling out of it's pins, you looked so sad, like you were falling apart. It broke his heart.

"I don't just mean that."

He blinks. "It is the pants thing?" You mentioned it early, that he deserved someone who doesn't cry when they try on pants. "baby, I don't care if you can't wear pants or drive or, or whatever it is you think is wrong with you. I love you as you are! I want to help you, me and Remy, we can help you get better but if i have to drive you around for the rest of our lives..." He chuckles wryly, hands stretched out in pleading, begging for you to fall into him the way you wanted to. "Well, you won't hear me complaining. Whatever it takes to have you in my life."

But he didn't know you. He thought the only worries you had were the leftover weird little habits you had from your upbringing and nothing could be further from the truth. "I'm not who you think i am, Logan. there's- there's something wrong with me. Something very, very wrong and I'm a bad person who-"

"Dolly..."

"I DESERVE EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAPPENED TO ME!"

You're cry echoes off the walls of the school hall, and you can't even bare to face him. He will just try to tell you that you didn't deserve it, that you are good.

But that is only because he doesn't know you.

If Logan knew the truth, he could never look at you again.

You turn around and ran away.

After

The sound of prom flowed in through the window, your students laughing and having fun to the music. You were glad, even if you couldn't see. Everything those kids have worked through, the trauma they experienced gets to go away for a night. They don't have to be mutants. They don't have to be the freaks they were called by the ones who were supposed to love them. They were just teenagers.

Logan held you in his arms, his body radiating heat and strength and protection you couldn't help be drawn to. Maybe it was the pregnancy, a biological urge to have someone who is going to protect you. Maybe it was your body being drawn to it's father. Maybe you were just weak.

"Let me take care of you, Dolly..." He whispered against the corner of your mouth, lips ghosting over yours like they were asking for permission. "Won't let no one hurt you again, you and our baby... we could be so happy."

Flashes of his abuse flicked, the way you held your arms over your eyes because you couldn't make sense of Logan being the one doing this to you. because it was easier to pretend it was someone else. How you sobbed. How he slapped you... How he held you so sweetly after, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...' but as soon as they were came, they left when your hand on his shoulder grazes his collarbone.

So warm.

You couldn't do this alone. You were terrified, terrified of having a baby, of having a baby out of wedlock, of the shame and embarrassment and the questions. There would be so many questions. Scott knows, so who else does? Has Remy figured it out? Remy wouldn't hate you for having a baby with a man you weren't with, would he? Of course not, but your old beliefs creep in.

"I'll marry you, Dolly." Logan whispers. "My little wife... my perfect girl... You'll never have to worry again..."

It sounded nice. it sounded safe. It sounded like your Logan, the Logan you trusted...

"We're both a little fucked up, aren't we?"

You remember. you remember the things you'd done. The story you trusted to Logan before he did what he did to you...

"you can't ever do that again, Logan..." You say, hesitantly, and you can feel him smile against your lips.

"Never. I'd never hurt my baby doll."

He wouldn't hurt his baby doll. His girl. his wife. The mother of his child... Logan had given you what you wanted, your baby... you could have it all again. A happy family. A husband. A good life here at the school... all you had to do was forgive and forget.

It was what the bible taught, wasn't it? He confessed his sins. He was forgiven by god, so who were you to hold out?

"Okay." You whisper and nod. "I forgive you. Just..." Your eyes meet his, and there's a hope in there you haven't seen for months. "Just don't fail me this time."

"Never." The lips that had been so clos you could feel the lines finally collided with yours again, and it was like the damn had broke. Hands pawed at skin and you kissed Logan like you were trying to swallow him whole, a communion of two bodies pulled together. Logan picked you up, pressing your back against the wall as he ground his hips against your pubic bone, your legs and arms wrapped tightly around him like you'd wanted to do for nearly a year.

Don't fail me, Logan Howlett

"Taste so pretty" Logan murmurs, shuttering as his erection pressed against you. He wasn't exactly making sense, so lost in your that words came out messy and jumbled and god, did it make your head spin. He was drunk of you.

He carried you to your bed, laying you down so gently he cradled your head until it hit the pillow, soft as his lips on your neck. Your dress rucked up around your thighs, falling down when he spread them to loop at your core. You wore tights, of course, but Logan was not hindered. One claw came out just enough for him to cut through the black material, revealing the wet spot of your cotton panties. You should feel embarrassed, honestly, that you weren't wearing the sexiest of clothes, but the way Logan looked at you all of that dissapeared.

Guilt crawled under your skin, a creeping feeling in the back of your head that this was wrong, that this was something god frowned on, that you were bad for doing this...

You wish you knew him before it felt like like a sin.

Logan's mouth was warm over your still-clothed cunt; he mouthed over it, his licking adding to the wetness pooling until sharp teeth tore at the material, masking you gasp once and then again when he dove into you.

Mark never touched you like this.

He never loved you like this.

Logan's tongue on your pussy was unlike anything you'd experienced before, his fingers so much thicker than your own and god, nothing had ever felt so good before.

"Want you to cum, baby doll." he whispers to your cunt. "give it to me, cum on my face." His arm wrapped around your leg, holding you down as you squirm and pleasure and all the overwhelming sensations. "You can do it baby. Let me taste you."

Your hands card though his hair, gripping him; when you cum, you pull so hard on the dark waves for a moment you think you've hurt him... but when he finishes lapping up your juices, his head pops out from under your skirt... he's grinning.

That ear to ear, shit eating, boyish grin you loved so much about him before, before it all got so complicated.

When Logan slid inside you, it didn't hurt. you felt a stretch, sure, but not pain... still, there was an aching inside you, a pain that screamed out SOMETHING IS WRONG! ITS WRONG! ITS WRONG! but you shoved it away. It was just the guilt, that's all. It was guilt from a religion that tore you to shreds, that stripped down every essence of your being until you were a shell, a community of people dependent on thought crimes and martyrdom that somehow never applied to men the way it did to you, and made you feel dirty for wanting to feel pretty. That's what it was.

This with Logan, it wa right. That's why God gave you a baby, right? You were being rewarded. Mark wasn't the one, Logan was. it was fine. it was good.

And he made you feel so, so good.

Logan fucked your body with a passion you didn't know what possible, his hands wandering and groping and feeling, just needing to know every single inch of you, learning what made you gasp and moan and what made you tense and uncomfortable. He drove his cock so deep inside you that you saw stars, an intense sensation of being full, so fucking full. All the while, he was gentle with your stomach, always touching it in some way, needing to be close you know, knowing he was the reason you had stretch marks and he was the reason you swelled with a child.

"Mine." Logan growled, claiming your mouth with fervor and passion as he hips slammed inside you. "You're mine, dolly, and no one is ever going to take you away f-from me, FUCK!"

You didn't care who heard you, if anyone left the party early and came to the rooms. Remy's was the closest, and he certainly wouldn't care.

You let your pleasure me known, moaning his name as your fingernails clawed up his back faster than he could heal. Logan like the pain, smiling when you drew blood. It made you feel good to make it smile. It made you feel good to make him hurt.

You thought he'd cum inside; you were already pregnant so there was no other risk. Logan remained unpredictable.

After he makes you cum so hard you bite through his skin, Logan pulls out with a 'pop!' and flips up your dress. You watch in aw as he jerks himself off, strong body, soft muscles, and the absolute look of lust on his face as he stared directly down on your cunt, painting it with rope after rope of white cum. He was filing it away for his memory, the way his seed covered you, sticking to the public hair and contrasting against your skin.

Once he was sure he'd never forget, and every last drop was pulled from his softening cock, Logan's tongue cleaned you.

THEY FUCKED!!!!!!

we're not at the end though, tee hee! still more!

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[missfrustration]

to teach a captain - part 2 (luffy x reader 18+ fanfic)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7

rating: 18+ explicit, minors do not interact!

tags: pwp, nsfw, smut, sexual content, masturbation, first times, self discovery, cluelessness, luffy is a curious guy, sub!luffy, dirty talk, "good boy," some praising, reader is a member of the crew, post-time skip, second-hand embarrassment, you will cringe, no use of y/n

A/n: the real spice starts now. I got carried away and wrote like 6k words for this one. Luffy, ur my goat forever. on ao3 here!

words: 6.1k

“Talk to me? About what? I find it hard to believe you would end your time out there just to talk to me.”

Without a beat, Luffy tilts his head. “You didn’t answer my question earlier, and I wanted to know why,” he says, crossing his arms.

“What?” But you didn't need to ask what he meant—you knew exactly what he was talking about—but that didn’t stop your entire body from freezing. 

“You had your clothes off, making noise, and had that thing. At first, I thought you were in pain, but then when I came in, you seemed… good. I have no idea what happened.”

You swallow thickly, only looking at the deep brown of Luffy’s eyes. You feel a heavy blush form on your face as you struggle to find any words. 

“I’m sorry, Luffy, but I don’t think we should talk about it,” You say. “I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

“What? That’s not fair.” Luffy whines.

“What’s not fair?”

“You were having a good time, and I want to know why. The way you talked… you looked like you were having fun.“

Your body tenses into a rigor mortis level of shock.

“You want to know what you saw?”

He nods adamantly.

“Luffy, how long were you watching?”

He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “A while.”

You blink. Luffy definitely saw everything then. The feeling of him seeing your bare form pleasuring yourself with no guilt is enough to make your face light on fire. You cuss at yourself for not closing the door like you should’ve.

“How old are you again, Luffy?”

“Uh… 19?”

“That‘s what I thought,” You mumble, sighing so hard you groan. “If you don’t know, I can’t imagine you know other things— anything about…” a pause, “ do you know where babies come from?”

Luffy scratches his chin.

“Isn’t it a giant bird? I think Grandpa told me that once.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d thought you would say. Okay, we both need to sit down for this one.” 

You rustle some stacks of clothing off your bed onto Nami’s bed to the right of you before you sit on the edge of the sheets. Luffy plopped onto the edge beside you, kicking his feet against the bed frame.

“If this were anyone else on the Sunny, I wouldn’t need to think twice about entertaining this,” but of course, it’s Luffy. You sigh. “So, we can talk about it, but no relaying ANYTHING about this to the crew, got it? This conversation cannot get to them.”

Another shrug. “Sure, that’s fine.”

You sigh and rub your face, watching Luffy through your fingers for a moment before sliding them down and crossing your arms.

“You can ask away then.”

Luffy perks up and grins. His mind was off to the races.

“What was that noise you were making?”

How you painfully grimace at the first question tells you how much you’ll enjoy this conversation.

“Well, that’s what happens when you, uh, when people do what I was doing?” Your voice turns into a question by accident. If this was anyone else but Luffy, you would’ve tapped out here, but you know Luffy would never let you hear the end of it.

Luffy hums, reflecting on your answer.

“What were you doing?”

Yep, we are going there.

“Uh, I was making myself… feel good. It’s called masturbating, or…pleasuring oneself.” You cringe at the informative tone in your voice as you mull it over.  “Like you said.”

“What were you using?”

“Using? What do you mean—” Before Luffy answers your question, you realize he meant your dildo. “Oh, it was… a tool.”

“A tool? Like, to help fight?”

“No, it’s to help me feel good. It’s called a toy.” 

Luffy looks around the room.

”Do other people need that?”

“For what?”

He briefly thinks about the question, scratching his head like the words are right there.

“If they want to feel like that too.”

“Hardly,” you snort. “Guys never have it that rough; usually, hands work fine. Women may. It just depends on whether they need some extra help.”

As far as you know, you recall Nami telling the girls she gets her pleasure from men on different islands and usually her hands if we’re stuck on the sea for a while. Robin doesn’t mention her individual sex life, but you’d assume Franky takes care of her whenever she needs a pick-me-up.

”Then why do you need a toy?” Luffy asks.

”Man, Luffy…” You mumble, arms supporting you as you fall back on your bed. “This is a lot for me.”

When you look at him, his pout says it all. You pinch the bridge of your nose with the strength that could knock you out of this nightmare, yet disappointed that you’re still here.

“Okay, okay, fine. Sometimes, during these moments, it’s harder for me to reach the same… conclusion than it is for others, so I need the assistance of a toy to help me. I don’t know much about the others–that’s not really something people talk about to each other.”

Luffy perked up at your last sentence.

“Huh? The others do it, too?”

“Well, maybe. That’s not for me to know.” You say. You try to shrug it off–thinking about it too much will make you want to knock on every door you need to open on the Sunny.

“Why can’t the crew just help you next time?” Luffy asks.

Suddenly, the bed no longer offers support as you sit straight up. You didn’t need to say anything; Luffy saw your concern screaming before you could open your mouth.

“We’re nakama! I would do anything for you guys. The others feel the same.” He says with a smile. Luffy’s words make it seem like the easiest answer, practically beaming at a newfound resolve. It just makes you sink into the mattress more.

“That’s not exactly… something that requires you guys. People don’t usually help each other with this…” You stop before you explain only people who are very close can, but you know Luffy wouldn’t know how close that is unless you explain it.

“Does that mean you won’t tell me how to do it?”

“Tell you?” You ask. Luffy nods, and you only widen your eyes more. “Wait, you want me to tell you how to masturba-“ you clear your throat before finishing, “tell you how ?”

“You said it felt good, right? I wanna know how, then!”

Your captain is a nice guy, giving you a clean, optimistic smile after his words. To him, this is practically like learning a new combat skill–the way he fights for his nakama means he always wants to learn how to get stronger. You guess this is just another skill for him. To you, this obviously crosses intimate boundaries. 

You sigh, “You wanna know that bad, huh?”

Luffy nods.

You gaze at Luffy, wondering how you should go about this. You know he’s a loose canon when it comes to anything in the realm of keeping things private. He couldn’t keep Mr. 0 a secret even when their lives depended on it! On top of that, Luffy is the type of guy to pester you about something he’s curious about until he finds out or flatlines. If you tell him no, he could possibly keep asking until everyone on the ship hears about it. Your mouth opens to deny him, but it’s lost on your tongue.

If explaining to him how to please himself is all it is, maybe you can rush him through the steps and have him out the door shortly after. After all, he is seriously uneducated, which may help him in the long run. For what exactly, only God knows. You’re just a girl.

“If it means you keep this all a secret.” You relent, “Promise? Like, really promise. I know you’re horrible at keeping them, but I need you to just this once.” 

It makes Luffy perk up, crisscrossing his legs and resting his hands on his ankles. “Promise!” He says with a toothy grin. He’s ready to listen.

“Okay, you know your…penis-“ another cringe, “between your legs?”” You ask, gesturing to his crotch. You have to find a baseline about what he even knows in the first place. 

“What, the family jewels?”

Wow, off to a great start.

“… yeah. that’s what a man has with their penis—it’s your version of genitalia—whereas women…. it’s a long story… but I'm sure you saw the difference.”

He nods again, making you groan. You realize he really did see all of your pussy this morning, not to mention in excruciating pleasure. Judging by his face, he doesn’t seem confused as to what you mean when referring to his junk. That at least helps the awkwardness of this.

“Alright, y’know how sometimes you wake up and you’re hard?”

“What do you mean hard?” Luffy blinks.

“Hard means when your dick, or penis, y’know, is hard. When you wake up like that, it’s called ‘morning wood.’” You cringe at yourself again, but less severe.

“Oooohhh, yeah, you mean when it’s hard to pee!” Luffy says.

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I’m talking ab–”

“You mean like this!” Luffy smiles, reaching for his pants. He unbuttons his shorts and pulls the hem of his boxers down.  

“W-what the hell are you doing?” You squeak, scrambling around.

By the time you think to turn away, you see Luffy’s hand pop out from his shorts, followed by…

“See?” 

His dick is in his hands semi-hard. It’s flush against his fingers, almost the exact same color as his skin, except for a tinge of pink that lightens the more you travel towards the tip. Your eyes bulge out.

“Woah, you’re already hard… that’s surprising.”

“Yeah, it's like this a lot.”

For some reason, his words send a strange spark in you. Of course he has working bodily functions–that makes a lot of sense–but you suppose it surprised you. At first, it seemed like Luffy was completely oblivious, his body included.

“You're very red,” He says, his other hand starts waving in your face, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, yeah I’m fine,” You say with a nervous laughter. “But you don’t just whip it out like that, man.”

“Oh, sorry, I figured I could since you’re teaching me.”

You look down at his dick still in his hand, except this time, it’s grown to what you guess is his full length. Compared to others you’ve seen in the past, his length is a little smaller. You can’t tell completely without staring it, and you don’t feel like gawking would be that nice.

“It’s fine. We can work on courtesy later, but it’s super important you know about consent. Just know you’re allowed to stop whenever you’re uncomfortable with this, or by me, alright? When you talk about—or do —topics like this, it’s important to know this if you’re overwhelmed or if you don’t like what’s happening, understand? That’s called consent. Are you okay to keep going?”

 “Yeah,” He smiles, “so, what do I do now?”

You shift a little, trying to scan the room for literally any answer that would get you out of this situation without your face feeling on fire—at the very least without talking about his penis again—but you cannot find a single reality. There is nothing but the goddamn wall of the girl’s dorm looking back at you.

You hope your face isn’t red anymore, or else you’ll think you’ll die from high blood pressure. 

“Okay, go ahead and put your hand on it like this.” You do a hand demonstration, lightly grasping the tips of your fingers together to form a lazy ‘O’ and gesturing for him to do the same. Luffy grips the middle of his shaft on the second attempt after floating his hand around the head. 

“Then you’ll want to pump into it a few times.” You pump your hand ring into the air, one that he followed suit around his dick.

His movement is stagnant and uncoordinated, imitating your motions with a waver. His hand shakes in all different directions, making his dick shift like a goddamn joystick. But it’s enough to start stimulating himself.

Slowly, his shaft begins to grow a little more.

And more. And more. And…

…Holy shit.

“Like this?” Luffy asks.

“Y-yeah, Luffy, it’s working,” you say, slack-jawed.

If the “D” in his middle name didn't stand for “dick,” you don’t know what would.

His hand gripped around the base of his shaft is now a fraction of the entire length, whereas previously, it covered everything but the head. Maybe his dick was still flaccid when he took it out. If that’s the case, bro was packing a fucking monster this whole time??

And you realize how much you’ve been staring.

“What now?” Luffy’s voice puts you back to reality.

“Well, there's one more thing that helps.” You get up slowly, your legs trembling a bit. You shake it off and walk off to the side to reach into the confines of your drawer again. What you pull out after rustling through the clothes is the small bottle of lube, almost empty from this morning’s events. You shake the bottle back and forth before popping the top open and reaching for Luffy’s hand. Although he looks at it quizzically, he obliges to give you an outstretched palm when you reach for it. You squirt a quarter-sized amount, which slowly spreads around the surface. 

You motion for him to close and open his hand, making him spread the lube to the rest of his palm and fingers. He grimaces at the sight, watching the sticky substance break apart into small strings before separating, but he still looks back at you for more directions.

“Good, okay, go ahead and do what you did earlier.”

He nods, eyes now filled with determination for a newfound purpose. With one hand toying with the fabric on his clothed thigh, the other hand encircles his girth again, now barely touching fingertips as he starts to move up and down the shaft. It doesn’t take long for the lube to spread across his length, leaving small beads that move everytime he glides over them. 

“This is feels different. This feels,” He trails off, but you can tell by the fluidity in his arm that the stimulation feels better…

You’re really gawking now. You rip your eyes away and stand up from the bed.

“Well, you keep doing that until, you know… alright, I have to leave, I hope you—”

Luffy whines your name. You feel a hand grab your wrist gently, immediately removing his grasp when you turn around.

“Wait.” Luffy's eyes set on where he touched you, then back to your eyes.

“What is it?” You ask. You look down to see his dick still in his hand, stroking up and down. You swear there’s a pink tinge dusted on the apples of his cheeks.

“I need to know if I’m doing it right!” 

“Yeah, Luffy, but God, you want me to watch you while you do it?” You ask.

“Is that such a big deal?” Luffy gives you puppy dog-like eyes, almost offended that you don’t want to look at him. “I thought you said you were gonna help me.” Luffy says sheepishly, lowering his eyebrows.

Obviously, it is a big deal, but he’s so innocent for his own damn good that you can’t even argue with him at this point. He really doesn’t want you to leave, but you’ve wanted to keep his privacy as a top priority. Regardless, you know your say on things won’t get you anywhere, now. You swallow a lump down your throat.

“I guess it’s not.” You sit back next to him. 

His feet sit firm on the plush pink carpet, he continues.

“So?” You hear his breath hitch, seeing his lips purse a little. His voice is quiet now. “Am I… doing it right?”

“Yes, you are.” You say. “If you need to, you can also control the pressure by squeezing or loosening your grip, slowing down or speeding up your hand, too.” You do some more motions with your hand, pumping it in the air with different speeds. He nods before focusing on his hand. 

He changes his pace, you see his hand lose tension around his member and go slow for a few pumps as he tests the feeling. You watch your captain languidly pump his length back and forth, before he hums his disapproval. You see his hand start to speed up now. Small veins from his hand to his arms start to peak out from the firmness of his grip.

Luffy’s breath hitches again, this time at the change of pace, brows now furrowed a little.

“Okay, how long do I go for?”

“As long as you want to, but usually, there is a good stopping point. You’re trying to cum–uh, climax, which is where it feels the best, but you’ll know when that is when your penis… well you’ll see,” you shift. You hope it’s not too long. Luffy is a guy–a beginner–, so you’ll assume he won’t last long for his first time.

You realize the words sound crude coming out of your mouth, but if you could figure it out by yourself years ago, Luffy can too with a rudimentary explanation. The whole time, Luffy focuses on your words in agog, fully digesting each part. He goes right back to pumping himself with a firm nod.

“That means I’m doing it right?” He asks.

“Yes, Luffy, youre doing it right.”

“Okay.”

You’re limited in what you should say at this point. His vest is unbuttoned, revealing a chest that heaves after each firm thrust of his arm. He’s starting to throw his head back slovenly, the lids of his eyes lowering until they shut tight together. You don’t think you can look at his face anymore. At least without having a deep pool collect in your stomach. This is purely for Luffy and his educational purposes, after all. It’s stupid of you to feel anything more than that.

Your eyes nail to the wall, the very same place you chucked the bottle of lube at when Luffy first found you, trying to stifle the urge to stare. It’s futile, however, all you can hear is the small shallow huffs from the side of you. Luffy notices your sudden disassociation, however. 

“You can keep looking.” He says quietly.

“R-right.”

You look down at his hand, which moved from the shorts on his thigh to the mess of the sheets between you two. There are the veins on his skin you only see when he’s fighting, popping out from his forearms to the back of his hand. 

One particular pump makes him whimper loudly, whipping his head back more and parting his lips. Then another, one that makes the whiny groan in his throat linger in the air, until his legs dart wider apart, clacking his knee against yours. The quick force of it makes you jump in your skin, letting out a squeak that snaps his head forward. His brown eyes search for you, darting between you irises with low lids.

Something strange has been setting you off.  

With you specifically. You squirm in your place on the bed, only a few inches from your captain jacking himself off, feeling his pleasure so well, so vocally , and now looking at you with the eyes he has after being starved and seeing a feast. Dark, enticing, needy hues, but this time, so aroused . The musk from his body is so— 

“Hey,” Luffy calls out your name again. His voice has a waver in it now, a sound not lost on you, and one that is dripping more with the feeling of desire, of lust , that you certainly detect. The entire time you’ve known Luffy, you’ve never heard his voice have such a neediness in it. You never would’ve guessed it was possible. Your thighs shift together subconsciously, creating some space between your once-grazing legs.

 “Am I doing it good?” He whines again. Its so breathless, so lovely. That voice so coaxed with fervor. Each word lingers a little bit more in the air the more he speaks, making your face hot and body hotter.

“Yes. Yes Luffy, you are.” You whisper. “Do you feel good?” A small sound comes out of Luffy’s mouth after your words come out. It’s almost like a hiccup, one that erupt throughout his body as his hips jut forward.

“I, think so,” He says, he looks all over your body, “Yeah, I do feel good.”

Your breath hitches. There’s a pause that feels like hours have replaced seconds.

“I feel good when you say that,” Luffy whines. “I think.”

Your chest swells as you look into his eyes. You see they’re staring right back at your face, looking at each individual feature like it’s the first time he’s seen you. Like, really seeing you. 

“What do you mean, Luffy?” 

“When you tell me I'm doing a good job. Hahh ,” Luffy moans. You see his eyes dart to your lips which you didn’t realize until now that your biting between your teeth. “Am I still doing it?”

“Yes, Luffy, so, so good.”

Is it wrong for you to enjoy seeing this? His hand palms the sheets more, head whipped back again from firm, languid pumps to his dick, and he’s whining from it now. He sounds so desperate for release, so welcoming for every tinge of pleasure he receives from himself that builds up more towards an awaited ecstasy.

His head lazily tilts towards you, his eyes open and on you, drinking up the very essence of you.

It almost feels like you’re naked. 

“Please...” He mewls out, which commands your attention from whatever haze it’s in. 

“‘Please’ what, Luffy?” Your voice is a thin veil of what it was prior, with an airy breath that crashes with the impermeable heat radiating from his body. 

“I don’t- mmph!-“ Another delectable whine escapes his lips. He continues, “I don’t know, just–ahh, please – “ 

The hand previously entangled in the sheets finds purchase on your shoulder, his needy fist grasping the strap of your tank top. The abrupt move causes your stance to falter due to his inadvertently tugging you down closer. Your eyes are level now, with your noses just a hair from touching. Your hands land on his thighs, and Luffy’s pace falters while his breath hitches at your touch. 

Luffy stares at you, and your senses are overwhelmed; His brown eyes seem to swallow your closest features, the hot breaths and hiccups that escape his mouth ghost upon your lips, and the downright filthy sounds his lubed hand makes against his cock have you reeling. He never takes his eyes off of you, even as his expression shifts to desperation and his whines evolve into needy whimpers.

“Tell me… mngh that I’m doing good, I’m still doing good, yeah?” You notice his fingers flex in the grasp he has on you. For a brief moment, you wonder how it would feel to have even one of those thick fingers inside of you. 

“You’re doing…so good. You’re so good at touching yourself, Luffy… good boy .” The rational part of your mind is shocked at the words coming out of your mouth, but the way Luffy’s leg twitches and breath wavers at the sound of praise from your lips silences any rationality you may be harboring. 

Almost under his breath, he murmurs out a reply whilst his gaze flicks from your eyes to your lips; “Yeah, I’m..” he begins, “...your good–“

Before you can even muster a reply, He whimpers in a voice you never heard, your name wavering on his tongue, instantly stealing your attention and giving you a bellowing heartbeat. 

“I feel something.” He says, letting his words faded out with a breathless huff. “Something new , hahh, I don’t…”

“Yeah, I–I know that.” 

“What do I… do I do?” His lids are low when he looks at you, pleading for an answer in the colors of your eyes. Your chest feels tight from his small voice, encompassed by a lit flame inside that compels you to speak.

“If you want, please keep going.” You breathe, a horribly devious idea coming to your head. It’s a want to push him further to the edge. “You’re doing so good, Luffy.”

“ Mmmh. ”

You don’t know what’s worse: In the beginning, when Luffy revealed to you and only you his desire when watching you touch yourself, or hear his lustful whines and moans that only elevate because of you. Your voice being the thing your strong captain, with a bounty of countless berries, needs right now. His pleas and wants make you want to see the end of this. 

Luffy pants more now, loosened hair clinging to his forehead, tongue peaking out to moisten his lips as his eyes start to squeeze shut. His pace is faster now as he groans in delight, quickly learning a pace and intensity that he needs . It’s an instinct of his he never knew, a yearning programmed in his brain that compels him to stroke his length faster, it’s a yearning you share as you watch thick beads of precum drip out. 

It was extremely enticing. His plush lips once encased in smiles now slackjaws in stuttering breaths. His chest is heaving in a way you’ve never seen in his fights—whereas his chest hollows out in deep, robust pillars of breath during a battle, it’s now unsure, uncertain, but so daring to steal another fading breath. 

Watching your captain build this unsteady breathing tempo, the way his arm juts around as his eyes languidly blink, and most of all, the way his hand grips and pumps onto himself. You can see from his jutting hips and louder huffs that he’s close, and you can practically see his way to climax. But you know something is very off.

As his arm starts to shake a little more each time, just as Luffy mewls his loudest, starting to hitch his breath, starting to garble unintelligible things, closer and closer to a sweet release. Suddenly, he releases the grip from your shoulder, fingers unclench as it wavers, flinching up and down in the air. In an instant, he grabs onto your plush thigh with such strength you do more than flinch. You moan loud. Luffy doesn’t notice your voice, though; he’s too preoccupied with the fireworks that are going off in his head.

That’s when you register what’s wrong.

You hear knocks on the deck above you. It’s footsteps of people.

It’s the crew.

Your uneven breathing once aroused and whining from Luffy is now panicked in fear. You look to him; he’s so close now you can see his lids flutter.

There’s no way they won't hear him. You huff against him, seeing him teeter, hand gripping on you, moving closer and closer to your crotch. You decide to do something you didn’t think twice  about until you moved in towards Luffy.

“ I, I’m …— mmf! ” Luffy pants, but is swiftly cut off by you. Your lips bury themselves against his, so rugged and rough that Luffy’s eyes widen against it. Your hand latches on to the side of his head, intertwining the fingers with his black hair as you push into him. You feel his whole body jolt, going so stiff except for his rapidly moving arm until it suddenly stops. 

Luffy moans against your lips, pushing against you so hard you feel the vibration of his vocal chords. His lids lower, eyes unfocused as he starts to helplessly whimper into your mouth. 

You feel small, warm ropes of liquid sputter onto your arm, your shirt, reaching all the way to his neck as he whines again and again. All tries to moan his orgasm are stiffle by your mouth against his, the sounds muffling enough that you know they won’t hear. 

You move you lips away, seeing a small string of saliva before it quickly breaks, and you realize how fast you need to act before the crew comes.

When his moans are replaced with breathy huffs, and his hands lay comatose at his sides. You spring into action. Your shirt is already covered in ropes of cum, so it’s the first thing you decide to change. You rip off your shirt, revealing your chest to Luffy right next to you. You cover your hand with the fabric and wipe down the cum on your arm in one fluid motion. You rub the stain off of your neck. Luffy’s body follows suit. A frantic apology leaves your lips as you clean his chest, arm, and hand with your shirt. You toss it, immediately grabbing for a clean shirt from the neglected pile of laundry. Once its shimmied on, you whip to Luffy, another apology as you lift the hem of his boxers, trapping his half-hard member inside before hiking his boxers and shorts back up, buttoning and zipping up the fly with speed that Luffy doesn’t say anything.

In Luffy’s daze, you rush him out of the girls’ room to the hallway. You straighten his back out, make sure all of his clothes are straight on him, and try to act as normal as possible. Normal like you didn’t just teach your captain how to jack off. Or kiss him.

Almost on cue, some of the crew appear into the hall. Smiling when they see you and Luffy. All except Ussop, who immediately clamors to Luffy as soon as he registers him.

“You!” Ussop points to him, stomping over to Luffy with a vengeance. “Where the hell were you? I was looking for you everywhere, man!”

Luffy just looks at him, partially confused, partially still in a post-nut delirium. 

Ussop is hammering into him something, you honestly aren’t paying attention, as you see the other crewmates walk down. The girls come next, both carrying comically large numbers of shopping bags. Sanji is following them, practically hovering behind them as he asks them about their time. You see a patch of moss-colored hair and some bones too, they wave their salutations before heading to different areas of the ship. 

You smile and wave back at everyone, putting on a curt smile. 

“So? That doesn’t give you an excuse to ot say anything before you leave. Jeez, what am I gonna do with you.”

Luffy manages to shrug, the larger half of his indifference showing towards Ussop, but you are at least relieved to see he’s starting to use some braincells. Ussop starts to sniff in the air when he catches a whiff of something. He steps towards Luffy.

“Ew, Luffy, you reek like…” Ussop stops, pauses for a second to look at you. You’re only a few feet away from them, but with his puzzled glance it feels like your seeing things through a wide lens. His attention immediately jumps back to Luffy when he breathes in, wrinkling his nose a little as Luffy tries to step back. Ussop doesn’t let him, gripping the front of his shirt. “Dude, you need to take a bath anyway. It’s been way too long.”

“What? No way? I hate that tub, I get all weak and stuff!” Luffy groans. For his last attempt, he pries each finger off of his vest, but Ussop turns to him and jerks both of his hands around the nape of his collar. 

“You’re going now!” Ussop shouts, walking away and hauling Luffy with him.

“Nooo. Help me! AHHHH!” Luffy screams, kicking his legs against the floorboards as his hands scramble at his collar. With no luck, Ussop drags him down the hall with immense irritation. It’s honestly surprising how well Ussop can manhandle the captain. They disappears around the corner of the hallway, but not without Ussop giving you a glance and following. The eye he gives you sends a chill down your spine. Does he know what happened? 

Oh God. 

You attention is immediately stolen as a mop of blonde hair whisks you around to face his figure. The cook takes your hands in his so gently.

“Ah, mademoiselle, I hope you’re doing alright.” Sanji kisses your hand. “Was it alright being on the ship by yourself?”

“Yeah! Um, it was, uh… things were okay, I guess.” You spit out. In your mind, you curse yourself for sounding so obviously not okay, but it doesn’t seem like Sanji notices.

“Ahh, if only I hadn’t promised Luffy to take him to that restaurant, I would’ve spent it with you.” He cooes. “That idiot captain barely stayed with us before he disappeared to wherever God knows. I wasted my time instead of pampering a delicate lady.”

So he really did sneak away. was it really all because of you?

“Oh, I see, maybe next time.” You plaster on a not-so-convincing smile, but it was just enough for Sanji, as he let go off you and instantly ran towards Nami, who was walking towards you too.

It seems that Sanji had flailed his arms wide open to try and embrace Nami before he was promptly shut down by Nami’s right hook. He falls head first on the floor.

“Hey girl!” Nami says, entirely ignoring Sanji’s limp body as she steps over him, as ruthless as ever. “I got you some things.” She smiles, rustling through her loads of bags in hand.

A humongous gift bag with pretty tissue paper poking out of the edges is put in your hands, you look at her quizzically.

“Thanks, Nami! But what’s with the fancy bag?” You ask. When you take it, your arm almost gives out from the sheer weight of the contents. What the hell is in here? You think.

“Just a little something I think you should have,” she wries. Nami has one of those grins on; the one where you know she’s up to mischief. “Tell me how you like them,” She says before scampering off, almost stepping on Sanji’s twitching body in the process.

Robin comes up behind you and giggles. “She said you need a wardrobe change soon when we start shopping. I couldn’t stop her.” She smiles, now hold up a small bag of her own from a slew of other ones she had. “Here, take this.”

“Aw thanks!”

“No problem, it’s just what you asked for, by the way.” She winks, before also walking around you. 

You hear the hinges creak behind you, meaning she’s opening the door to the girls’ dorm. Robin’s footsteps stop, making your heart drop to the goddamn floor.

“You seemed to be busy in here.”

You turn around, remembering the state you left the room in. The girls’ clothes that were once neatly stacked on your bed are either knocked over, greatly disheveled or both. Robin looks back at you with minor confusion.

“Oh!” Your voice cracks as you shimmy past her figure in the doorway, rushing back to the bedside. “About that. The ship was… rocky earlier.”

“At dock?” She asks with her usual soft smile, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, um. I’ll fix it up, sorry for the mess.” You look down at the edge of the sheets, now noticing the small beads of bodily fluids from earlier. You quickly fold over the wrinkles formed on the sheet to cover it up. Robin’s on the other side of the room at this point, setting down the bags and sorting through them.

“I don’t mind it at all. Just make sure Nami doesn’t see her clothes on the floor. I don’t think I can help you there.” Robin giggles.

You look between you and Nami’s bed, seeing a pile of her baby tees toppled off the bed and lay unfolded on the floor. You yank it back onto the bed immediately.

“Right.” You say. Jesus, how much sweat is on your face at this point. From how wildly embarrassed you’ve reacted, she must think something is up.

Thankfully, Robin seems to have not noticed, or at least dropped the subject. She’s now in the corner of the room. Taking the things out her and Nami’s bags and hanging them up on the closet while she hums a soft tune.

“Cute shirt, too.” Robin softly says. 

In horror, you look down, realizing the shirt you threw on was Robin’s old Galley-La shirt.

“Thanks.” You stammer.

Robin is almost a decade older than you. She’s in a relationship, and you hoping to God she doesn’t realize what you’ve been up to. Ussop’s questioning glance towards you tells you they both noticed something. Your heartbeat was frantic now.

You excuse yourself as you slip yourself out of the girls’ room, frantically scurrying to the deck. You need some fresh air. Now.

At the deck's side railing, your feet brush on top of the soft bed of grass of the Sunny. You watch the waves brush up against the hull, gently lapping up against the wood before dispersing into the air. Tashini's shoreline is only a few yards away, greeting each ebb and flow of seawater.

You take a deep breath of the night air, releasing it with a languid sigh. Your hands have stopped shaking at least, but a feeling of morose still creeps into the back of your mind. Your heart beats at a regular tempo but with an echo that confuses you. You take a deep breath again.

You should probably change out of Robin's shirt now.

[theravenchild]

A Light in the Dark

Part 1

Following the events of In the Shadow of the Study, Hellendil finds himself wanting more than just friendship with Sebastian. (Includes partial rewrite of quest events, mentions of OCs and location not actually present in the game)

Pairings: beginnings of Sebastian x male MC

Warnings: Pain, Trauma/PTSD, Unrequited Love/Pining, Angst

Word Count: 6042

---

"You'll have to cast it on me, then," Hellendil replied. 

"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked, concerned, but relieved they'd easily made the decision.

"We don't have any other choice, Sebastian.  Either you cast it on me or we all die here, as Ominis said."  Hellendil looked over his shoulder to Ominis who was pacing in the far corner of the room, his arms folded across his chest, shaking his head.  The Ravenclaw felt awful for dragging him into this.  First he had lied to Ominis to try and save face for Sebastian who'd brought him to the Undercroft without his knowledge, and now he would have to relive the pain his family wrought with the Cruciatus Curse.  But there was no turning back now.  They were trapped in Salazar Slytherin's twisted game.    Hellendil turned his attention back to Sebastian.

"All right then.  Are you ready?" 

Hellendil nodded, gritting his teeth.

Sebastian lifted his wand and leveled it at his friend. "Crucio!" he cried as he waved his wand and the spell jolted forth into Hellendil's body.  Letting out a hiss and a cry of pain, the new fifth year crumpled to the ground, grasping at his stomach and curling into a fetal position.  Nothing could have prepared him for this agony, as all the neurons in his body fired at once clenching muscles he never knew existed.  

In that same moment, the door blocking the way forward dissolved and the cold, sepulchral air of the Scriptorium rushed in.  Sebastian looked to the yawning maw of the Scriptorium then back at Ominis who had flinched when he'd cast the curse.  Not only had he flinched, but he'd clamped his eyes shut and the tight muscles around his neck and face told Sebastian that he'd clenched his jaw as well.  His heart sank.  He was here with them looking for an answer to help his twin, but had hurt both of his closest friends in the process.  Turning back to Hellendil, he knelt down beside him, "Are you all right?"  He cautiously reached out his hand to touch his downed companion's shoulder.  Hellendil winced, his senses still overloaded by the curse.  Sebastian quickly pulled back and looked to Ominis again, "What do we do!?"

Ominis released a shaky breath, "We just have to wait it out.  It shouldn't be much longer, though it will feel an eternity to him.  As soon as we're able, we need to get out of here."  He threw his arms up in the air and began pacing again, "I knew this was a bad idea!  Why did I let the two of you talk me into this, again!?"

"Calm down, Ominis," Sebastian coaxed as he rose.  "I didn't kill him, none of us are going to die here AND we found out what happened to your aunt.  It is a shame, but her efforts got us here and the Scriptorium is no longer lost to the ages!  There has got to be something here that can be of use."

"Sebastian, stop!  Don't you dare tell me to calm down!  You, of all people!  I confided in you about what I went through as a child!"  He paused, trying to rein in his outrage before speaking again, "I honestly don't know that any information is worth what the Dark Arts will do to your soul.  And what will this information we find lead to?  Hmm?  Something darker and more dangerous I'd wager.  And when does it end?"  Ominis took a deep breath to calm himself, "We've gotten this far, so you should see what you can find, but promise me you won't continue down this dark path."  He placed his hands firmly on Sebastian's shoulders and squeezed. 

Sebastian stared into his pale eyes, "I have to do what's best for Anne, Ominis," he muttered, lowering his eyes.  He knew he couldn't make that promise.

Before Ominis could respond, Hellendil let out a groan and raised himself up onto his knees.  Taking the opportunity to evade Ominis, Sebastian turned from his grasp and kneeled down to attend to their companion, "Are you all right, Hellendil?"

"I'm fine," he replied hoarsely, even his vocal cords had been strained by the curse.  Though the pain had subsided, there was still a twinge remaining.  His pulse throbbed in his ears and he could still feel the muscles firing, though with less strength and urgency.

"Come on then, lets get out of here," Sebastian replied, gesturing to the open door before marching through.  "There has to be something here that can help Anne."

Ominis approached Hellendil and held out his hand, "Need any help?  I don't want to touch you if it will make it worse."

Hellendil winced at his knowing comment and looked at him sheepishly, "I'm sorry you had to witness that, and to have involved you.  And I apologize for asking you to do it.  I-I should have known better, but Sebastian can be so convincing."

"I should have known better where Sebastian is concerned," he shook his head.  "And you're right, he is too good at swaying others to his cause."  He sighs before continuing, "But what's done is done.  No use dwelling on it.  Now, do you want my help or not?  I think we've lingered here long enough."

"Thank you, Ominis," he acknowledged as he reached for his hand and Ominis pulled him to his feet.  "Can I lean on you?  Just until I'm sure my legs won't give out on me."

Ominis nodded and Hellendil draped his arm across his shoulder.  Together they crossed the threshold into the Scriptorium.  

"Ominis," Hellendil spoke his name softly, "I'm so sorry that your family would use such an awful curse against you.  I can see now why they call it unforgivable."

"Just be glad you weren't the one to cast it.  The guilt of casting is even more unbearable than the pain and something you will never forgive yourself for.  I don't know how Sebastian is holding up so well."  He could hear Sebastian ahead of them and above, rifling through papers and moving objects as he searched for something of value to his cause.

The chamber was dimly lit.  Ahead of them, up front and center, was a large statue depicting Salazar Slytherin himself, flanked on either side by a curving staircase leading to the upper level.  Chests and pottery, covered in hundreds of years of dust and cobwebs, were pushed to the corners of the room.  Beneath the likeness of Slytherin sprawled a large, intricately carved desk covered in books and papers where Hellendil spotted something of interest.  "To your left, Ominis, about 30 degrees and five paces," he directed, as the strength began to return to his legs, "there's a desk full of scrolls with a large tome atop it.  Perhaps it's important."

Ominis nodded again and the pair moved in the direction indicated.  As they approached their destination, Hellendil let go of Ominis and grasped the cluttered table for support, "Thank you again, my friend.  I think I'm all right now, if you'd like to help Sebastian or look for the exit."

Ominis pulled out his wand and gestured in the direction he'd heard Sebastian last, "The sooner we get out of here the better."  With that, he headed toward the stairs to the upper area and disappeared out of sight.

Hellendil lifted the cover of the tome, gently blowing away dust and carefully turning the pages.  A spellbook.  He didn't recognize the spells, but they didn't look like good news. "I may have found something," he called up the stairs.

"Brilliant!" Sebastian's voice floated down to him.  "What is it?"

"Some sort of spellbook." 

"Slytherin's spellbook!?  Bring it here!"

Hellendil closed the book and tucked it under his arm, heading upstairs to join his companions.  As he reached the landing, another spasm shot through him, stopping him in his tracks and he hissed through gritted teeth.  The others rushed to his side grasping his shoulders.  "Are you all right?" Sebastian asked for the third time.

Hellendil nodded his head, handing the book over to him.

"Something's not right, Sebastian," observed Ominis, concern in his voice.  "The effects should have ceased by now.  We need to take him to Nurse Blainey."

"I'm fine, Ominis, really," Hellendil reassured.

"No, you're not," Ominis argued, tightening his grip on the other boy's shoulder.  "If this continues and is not treated properly, it could become permanent and you'll wind up with debilitating pain for the rest of your life.  We can't take a chance on this!"

Sebastian's free hand found Ominis' shoulder, "All right, Ominis.  But first I'm taking him to the baths.  A hot soak may be enough to soothe the lingering aches.  I know it does wonders for me after a tough duel."

Ominis furrowed his brow, but gave in, "You must promise you'll come get me straight away if it doesn't work.  I'm just as involved as you in this insanity, and I won't have Hellendil suffer permanent injury because I allowed you two to convince me this was a good idea."

"Yes, mother," Sebastian gibed as he turned to place the tome on the nearby pedestal to page through.

Ominis rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, "Don't start, Sebastian.  It's our friend's health and well being on the line, not some game!  Can't you see the hypocrisy of searching for a cure for Anne, while allowing a friend to be crippled by your own curse!? I need you to promise me now!"

"Okay, okay!  I promise, Ominis."

"I won't let him forget," Hellendil assured him.

"Good,"  Ominis breathed a sigh of relief.  Perhaps the newest member of their group had at least a little sense.

As Sebastian searched the tome, Hellendil noticed a curious note on a small desk in the back of the room.  He approached the desk and gingerly lifted the centuries old parchment, looking for anything that might be of use to his friend.  The document, written in the hand of Salazar Slytherin, was not encouraging.  He spoke of pure blood superiority and the unmitigated use of dark magic.  Of the cowardice of his colleagues, a dark secret hidden for one of his bloodline and a great threat to those not of pure blood. 

Hellendil could hardly believe what he was reading.  He knew that Hogwarts history was not without its blemishes, that blood purity was a preoccupation of many in house Slytherin and that the house produced more dark wizards than any other, but it was something else entirely to see it written out in the hand of one of the founders.  It had him reeling.  Ominis was right.  They were unlikely to find anything here that could cure Anne of her curse.  Only more dark magic.  He set the parchment down and his stomach churned at the revelation.  He didn't want to see any more of this place.  "Have you found anything yet, Sebastian?"

"I think I have, but I'm going to take the spellbook with me and have a closer look later."

"Good!  Then we can finally get out of this wretched place," Ominis was more than ready to wash his hands of the Scriptorium and everything in it.  "The exit's this way," he indicated and led the way through a hidden passage behind a primitive carved face.  

The trio emerged from a door near the entrance to the Slytherin dormitory.  "Ominis, would you mind taking the spellbook back to the dorm?  Hellendil and I should go to the baths straight away.  That way, if it doesn't work, we should still have plenty of time to get him to the hospital wing."

"Of course," Ominis agreed and reached out his hands to receive the tome.  Sebastian promptly handed it over, and he tucked it under his arm, inside his robe.  "Before we go our separate ways I need you to swear we will not continue this foray into dark magic.  It is not going to help Anne and will likely only serve to make things worse."  

"I understand your concern, Ominis.  I just need to follow this lead.  You want Anne to get better don't you?"

Ominis knew Sebastian was trying to manipulate him into agreeing with him, and paused for a moment to collect his thoughts.  "Of course I want to see Anne well again, Sebastian, but this is not the way.  What good will it do Anne if you get yourself killed, or worse?" 

"Just trust me, Ominis," Sebastian answered noncommittally, placing his hand on his shoulder and staring into his eyes.  Before Ominis had a chance to respond, Sebastian turned to Hellendil, "Let's go before the pain returns.  It's best if no one else has to find out about this."

"Lead the way, Sebastian," he said with a nod. As they moved past their frustrated friend, he patted his shoulder, "See you later, Ominis." 

The pair quickly disappeared up the stairs leaving Ominis behind shaking his head.

"So secret baths, Sebastian?" Hellendil asked, raising a curious brow at him.

"Secret baths," Sebastian echoed.  "Not a lot of people know they exist, and most who do are sixth and seventh years who were told by someone ahead of them."

"So, how did you come to know about them?  Was this another of Ominis' secrets?"  He looked back down the stairs where they'd left their friend. 

Sebastian smirked and spun around to face him, walking backward toward the floo flame at the top of the stairs, "Not Ominis this time.  I happened to be tailing someone when I discovered it.  The why isn't important, but I'd followed him from the clock tower courtyard until he reached the bathrooms.  I was on a mission, so I snuck in behind him, keeping my distance and staying close to the door.  I watched as he entered a stall with an out of service sign, odd, but I waited.  Several minutes passed and there was no sign of him finishing, or doing, his business for that matter, so I got impatient and peeked beneath the stall door and he was nowhere in sight!  It didn't make any sense.  I opened the door to find a passageway behind the privy, which led down into the baths.  I could hardly believe it!"

"What's so special about these baths?  Couldn't we just use the one at the dorms?"

"Oh, you have no idea what you're missing, my friend," Sebastian replied, clapping a hand to the other boy's shoulder.  "Just wait 'til you see it.  We just need to take this floo flame to the clocktower and we're nearly there."

Sebastian wasn't kidding.  After emerging in the clocktower, they crossed a very familiar bridge and, upon entering the building and descending a flight of stairs, turned left down the hall.  Hellendil could see the sign on the door ahead of them.  "Isn't this the haunted lavatory?"

"It is, but that's no problem.  Although, perhaps that's why so few know about it."  Sebastian pushed the door open, trotting ahead to an out of service stall.  "It's this one," he called, then disappeared behind the door.  Hellendil followed, stepping carefully into the dark passage in the back of the stall.  A hall in the passage sloped downward and doubled back.  At the bottom, Sebastian was waiting for him.  "You still doing okay?" he asked as Hellendil came into view.

"Okay, yes, but a little sore and my muscles are still twitching."

"Well, we've made it.  What do you think?"  He stepped away from the entrance, allowing Hellendil full view of the facility.  It was big.  Much bigger than the small stalls and tubs located at the dorms.  A row of cubbies filled on both sides with clean white towels partially blocked a large, heated Roman style bath with benches interspersed around it.  Beyond the bath was the doorway to a shower room.  The sound of running water splashing off of tile alerted them to the presence of another bather, but otherwise the baths were empty.

"This is incredible, Sebastian!  How is it that everyone doesn't know about this?"

"Some of us are good at keeping secrets," Sebastian winked.  Hellendil looked at him incredulously.  "What!?  Look, I've only told Anne, Ominis and now you about it, okay?"

"If you say so, Sebastian," he heckled, but the amusement was wiped from his face as another wave hit him.

"Not good!" Sebastian frowned as he clutched Hellendil's shoulder again. "Let's get you in the bath before Ominis has my head for casting that curse on you."

Hellendil nodded and straightened as the wave subsided.  The two hurriedly moved to the cubbies, selecting towels and undressing before sliding into the inground bath.  It wasn't terribly deep, but deep enough to cover up to their shoulders when sitting on the step down into the water.  The water was quite warm and Hellendil could feel the tension melt away as the heat soothed his strained muscles.  He let out a sigh of relief as he leaned his head back against the edge of the bath and closed his eyes.

"Better already?" Sebastian commented at his friend's relaxed pose.  He sat perpendicular to his companion, and rested his arms on the edge behind him.

"Mmmhm," Hellendil hummed out an answer.  "You were right, Sebastian.  Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet.  It was several minutes between your last two attacks.  We should stay at least a few beyond that to make sure.  I do hope I'm right though.  I really don't want to have to explain all this to Nurse Blainey and Professor Weasley.  And I'll be done for if my uncle finds out," he groaned and looked up at the ceiling.

Hellendil looked over at him, "So you get into these situations often?  Into trouble I mean."

"Not if I can help it.  I try not to get caught anyway.  You should have seen Anne, Ominis and I when she was still healthy.  She might have been the biggest troublemaker of us all!  Now she's holed up at my uncle's all the time because of this damned curse…"  Sebastian's demeanor turned dark as he thought about Anne's condition.  There had to be some way to help her.  He just had to find it.

"I would have liked that.  To have met you all before.  And I truly am sorry about what happened to your sister, Sebastian.  I'll do what I can to help you find an answer.  It's already too late for me to avoid Ranrok and Rookwood's ire, so looking for clues to help Anne can't hurt."

A sad smile brightened Sebastian's face, "Thank you, Hellendil.  It means a lot."

Hellendil smiled back and nodded before sinking into a slouch, allowing the hot water to lull him.  He had no idea just how much tension he had been holding since that eventful first day of the school year.  He knew this place was going to come in handy throughout the year.  

The two of them sat in silence for some time before Sebastian broke it.  "All right, I think that's enough for me.  I'm turning into a prune," he said, stretching out his arms and letting out a groan.

Hellendil chuckled, "I'm sure I am too."  He lifted his hands to take a look at his wrinkled fingertips.

"Are you feeling okay?  I imagine you would have had a spasm by now if it hadn't passed."

"To be honest, I haven't felt this good since before the school year began.  I think I really am good this time."

"Brilliant!  While we're here, we should probably shower before heading back to the dorms."

"Sounds reasonable," Hellendil agreed.  They grabbed their towels and headed to the showers.  Hellendil undid his braid to wash his hair since it was already soaked anyway.  It felt so good to be rid of all the dirt they'd picked up exploring the dusty Scriptorium.  What a day, he thought.  There hadn't been a dull moment since that first day at Hogwarts.  He took pleasure in the quiet moment, running his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and listening to the pitter patter of water splashing off of tile. 

"Oi, you almost done?" Sebastian called from near the doorway when he'd finished. 

Hellendil shut off the water and wrapped one towel around his waist, drying his face with the other.  "I am," he replied, following Sebastian back to the cubbies where they had stashed their clothes.

"I feel much better now," Sebastian commented as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel.  "Wonder what they're serving for dinner tonight."  

Hellendil stopped and watched him.  In fact, he couldn't take his eyes off of him.  While they had been friends since the beginning of term and hung out regularly, dueling or making trips to Hogsmeade for supplies or the odd butterbeer, he'd never really looked that closely at Sebastian.  But standing here with him now, he couldn't help but realize his attraction to him.  "Sebastian, you're beautiful," he breathed without thinking.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him, a confused look on his face.  "Huh?  What are you on about?" he questioned.

Hellendil faltered as he realized what he had done.  A deep fear of losing one of the best friends he'd made here washed over him.  He could feel his cheeks burning and quickly turned away hiding his embarrassment. He released a shaky breath and mumbled, "Forget I said anything." He paused, "But I-I just thought you should know."

Sebastian stared at him.  What did he mean by that!?  He watched him as he absently dried the same spot over and over with his towel, his long hair, freed from the braid, grazing the middle of his back and dripping water down his backside and onto the floor.  When Sebastian realized he was staring, he shook his head and hurriedly dried himself, throwing on his dirty clothes and heading toward the exit where he stopped in his tracks.  He expelled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.  He couldn't just leave it like this.  He looked back at his companion, unsure what to say.  "I'll see you later, Hellendil."

The words stung as Hellendil tried to come to terms with what had just happened.  He turned his head in Sebastian's direction but couldn't bring himself to look at him.  "See you," came his melancholic reply.  

The tone of his voice struck Sebastian like a graphorn charging right into his chest and he paused another moment before disappearing into the passageway. 

Hellendil couldn't stop the tears from coming as he heard Sebastian's footsteps fade.  His body shook with his quiet sobs.  What is wrong with me, he thought.  Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?  The dejected Ravenclaw didn't even notice as another classmate entered the room.

"Ah!  Hello there, Hellendil," came the cheery voice of Amit, "Fancy meeting you here!"

Hellendil turned to look at him.  "Hi, Amit," he answered solemnly.

Amit noted the tear streaks reflecting the light on his face coupled with his tone.  "Are you all right?" He asked with concern.

Hellendil snuffed his nose then dried his eyes with the towel.  "Yes.  I'll be okay."

"Let me guess.  Girl troubles?"

"Something like that."

"I am sorry, my friend," he patted his shoulder.  "But you shouldn't worry.  There are plenty of fish in the sea as the saying goes, and you are quite handsome.  You'll find the right one."  He smiled kindly at him before heading over to the cubbies.

"Thanks, Amit," he called after him.  Amit truly was one of the kindest people he'd met since his arrival at the school.  He was glad they were both in Ravenclaw house together.  He sighed and began drying again.  He needed to get back to the dorms and change before heading to dinner.  If he could even bring himself to eat.

—

Since dropping the spellbook off in their dorm room, Ominis had been waiting in the common room for Sebastian to return, pacing by the fireplace.  He hoped he'd made the right decision in allowing Sebastian to take Hellendil to the baths instead of taking him straight to the hospital wing.  When he heard the familiar pattern of Sebastian's footsteps approaching, he turned toward the stairwell and pulled out his wand.  But the footfalls didn't stop when they reached the common room, instead making a beeline to the dorms. Odd, he thought.  He waited a few minutes and when Sebastian did not reappear, he made his way to the dorm.

Sebastian was pacing back and forth and mumbling to himself.  "What did he mean by that?  Beautiful!?  Bloody hell!"  He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.  He hadn't even changed out of his dirty robes yet.  

Ominis heard his pacing even before he reached the room.  When he arrived, he leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, "I'm going to assume our friend does not need to be taken to the hospital wing urgently since you didn't even stop to look for me in the common room." 

"Oh, hello Ominis.  No, the baths worked.  I came back to change, that's all."

"That is not all.  I could hear you pacing all the way down the hall.  What's going on?  Did something else happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Sebastian…" his tone was unyielding.

Sebastian looked at him, an agitated look on his face, but Ominis' pale eyes bored into him.  "Fine!"  He threw his arms in the air and pulled Ominis into the room, closing the door behind them before sitting on the edge of his bed.  He wouldn't look at him.  "He told me I'm beautiful!  Who tells a man he's beautiful!?"

"Hellendil apparently." Ominis couldn't help but chuckle, "This is what you're so agitated about?"

"This is why I said I didn't want to talk about it!"

"I'm sorry, Sebastian.  It just seems so trivial in light of everything else we've dealt with today.  So… What did you say to him?" 

"Well, I asked him what he meant and then he told me to forget about it!  That he thought I should know.  How am I supposed to take that!?”  He raised his arms again before throwing himself backward onto the bed.

“Well, I certainly can’t help you with regard to your looks, Sebastian, you’ll have to find someone else for that.  But I’d venture a guess that he can already see you’re a good person and you care deeply.  You care so much that you’re beginning to lose yourself trying to find a cure for Anne.  I’d say giving everything for the sake of a loved one is probably enough for someone to consider you beautiful.”

Sebastian sat back up and gave Ominis a look, “Are you bloody serious right now?”

“Deathly.”

Sebastian grunted and threw himself back again, "I can't believe we're having this conversation."

Ominis chuckled again, "What?  You never thought anyone could find you beautiful?"

"Shut up, Ominis!"

"I'm only trying to help," he couldn't keep the smile out of his voice.  "You're being such a baby about this.  I think he likes you and you're afraid of what happens next.  What if you like him back?"

And there it was.  Laid out plainly for him by his closest friend.  The one person who could read him like a book.  He was fuming, but he knew it was the truth.  He lay there in silence, arm's crossed and staring at a split board in the bunk above his.  Until today, he'd never even considered the possibility of courting another man.  After all, there were plenty of pretty girls in their house alone.  Why would he be interested in another boy?  But the image of Hellendil standing at the baths in just the towel, hair undone and dripping down his back rushed back to him.  He closed his eyes in an attempt to shut it out, to no avail.  He wasn't ready to admit that he found his friend beautiful as well.

His introspection was interrupted by Ominis' voice, "Have I struck a nerve?  I don't think you've ever been this quiet, Sebastian."

He hoisted himself up on his elbows, a disgruntled look on his face.  "You know, none of this really matters anyway.  He's been courting Elvira Dougherty since he bested me in Defense Against the Dark Arts.  I've gotten myself worked up over nothing."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Ominis, she's only one of the most desirable girls in our year.  I could hardly believe he had the audacity to ask her to be his 'study partner' the first day of classes.  Anyway, I'm sure we would know if they stopped seeing each other."

"If you say so Sebastian.  However, he is four years behind on his studies, so it's not surprising he would ask someone to help him catch up on his first day.  You can't blame him for picking someone in his own house either, she's likely not failing any classes and they can use the common room to study after curfew."

"The prettiest girl in school though?  I know you're good at reading people, Ominis, but I can't believe there was no ulterior motive there."

A wicked grin crossed Ominis' face, "Are you jealous he didn't pick you?"

Sebastian glared at him incredulously, "Really, Ominis?  You're being such an imp right now.  Maybe I am a little jealous that he had the nerve to ask her when we've been in class with her for four years already."

"All right, Sebastian.  I'm done teasing.  But you will have to think about all of this and talk to him sooner or later.  He seems a good sort.  You shouldn't avoid him just because of this.  I think he deserves closure.  And honestly, he's the only one who can truly tell you what he meant.  Everything else is just speculation."

A sigh escaped Sebastian's lips, "You're right Ominis.  He's been a friend thus far and he does deserve to know where we stand."  He paused, "I shouldn't have left him like that to be honest, but I really didn't know what to say."

"Then think about it and talk to him tomorrow after charms class.  Simple as that.  Anyway, you ought to change if you plan on it, or we're going to be late for dinner."

Ominis turned to leave, but Sebastian called after him, "Ominis!"  He turned to face him again.  "Thanks."

A soft smile lit his features for a moment and he answered, "That's what friends are for, Sebastian.  I'll wait for you in the common room."  Sebastian returned a smile and nodded, though he knew his friend wouldn't see. 

Ominis continued on his way, closing the door again behind him.

—

Hellendil used the floo network to return to the Ravenclaw common room and hurried back to his dorm, in an attempt to avoid conversation.  He hung his cloak on the coat rack as he entered and began to change, unbuckling the leather cuirass and tossing it over the back of the desk chair.  He sat down on the bed to remove his boots and his thoughts drifted back to Sebastian.  He could no longer hold back the flood of emotions.  As his boots hit the floor, he immediately rolled over, curled up on the bed and wept into his pillow.  

"Sebastian," he murmured, as tears rolled from his shuttered eyes.  Why did I say anything?  Why couldn't I wait until we knew one another better?  Is there something wrong with me?  He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, the knot in the pit of his stomach making him feel sick.  This shouldn't feel like the end of the world, he thought, and yet…  

He didn't understand why it was affecting him so profoundly.  After all, as far as he knew Sebastian hadn't rejected his friendship and nothing had changed beyond him being aware of his attraction to him.  An attraction he'd only just realized himself.  He'd never felt this way regarding another man before.  He'd had crushes on girls both here and at his previous muggle school.  In fact, he'd asked Elvira to be his study partner not only because she seemed a good fit, being intelligent and excellent at dueling, but he thought she was pretty as well and hoped they might become closer.  But there was something different this time.  

Maybe it was the way Sebastian had trusted and opened up to him so quickly.  He didn't have to take him to meet his family in Feldcroft or lay bare his worries about his twin's condition and his uncle's inaction regarding it.  He didn't have to share his knowledge or the secret hideout Ominis had shared with him.  He could have let him take the fall when Peeves discovered them in the restricted section, but he took the punishment as his own.  They'd grown incredibly close in such a short expanse of time.  Sebastian already meant so much to him and he never realized it until today. 

The yellowing rays of the fading sunlight danced across his pillow as he lay there, his damp hair soaking through his tunic and bedding along with his tears.  His stomach growled alerting him to his hunger, but the sickness over Sebastian had not yet passed and he really was not interested in entertaining anyone in the great hall after what had happened anyway.  He shifted into a more comfortable position, his breaths shaky, and silently worked to steady his breathing and calm his mind. 

He opened his eyes when he heard a rap at the door.  The windows were dark and he realized he must have fallen asleep.  He rubbed his eyes and called out, "Yes?"

The door creaked open and the voice of Amit floated over to him, "May I come in?  When I didn't see you at dinner, I decided I would save a pasty for you."  He held up the pastry wrapped within a linen napkin.  "I hope you like them, I thought I recalled seeing you eating them before.  And I can go get you some tea from the common room if you like?"

"Come in, Amit," he replied as he sat up and turned to face him.  He was quite disheveled, hair sticking out and frizzy from air drying without being brushed.  The back of his tunic was damp and made him shiver as cold air seeping through the windows hit him.  He stood and pulled the covers around himself before sitting back on the edge of the bed. "How have I warranted such a thoughtful friend as you?" he wondered, giving him a warm smile.

Amit wandered over to the bed, sitting next to him and handing over the wrapped pasty.  "We Ravenclaws need to stick together, my friend.  You've done much for the benefit of the school and our classmates since arriving here, so why shouldn't we be friends?  I'm sorry about what happened to you earlier.  Would you like to talk about it?  I find talking very helpful, myself."

A sad smile appeared on Hellendil's face, "Thank you for the offer, Amit, you're very kind.  I'm just not ready to talk about it."  He dropped his eyes to the floor.  He'd decided to try being optimistic about the situation.  That maybe Sebastian was as surprised as he was by his admission and needed time to think.  But it didn't mean he was comfortable talking to anyone else about it.

"Well, when you are ready to talk remember that I am here," Amit squeezed his shoulder before getting up to go.  "Would you like me to bring you back tea for your dinner?"

"Thank you, Amit.  I'm fine.  I know where to get it if need be.  Have a nice evening and don't worry about me."

Amit nodded in acknowledgement before continuing on his way, "Take care, my friend."

As the door shut behind Amit, Hellendil ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to push it out of his face and sighed as they caught in knots that needed to be brushed out.  He rose, placing the pasty on the nearby desk while he retrieved his brush.  It was past time for some self care.

[shepscapades]

[Pt 1] [Pt 2] [Pt 3] [Pt 4] [Pt 5] [Pt 6] [PART 7] [Don’t Let it Reach the Heart]

Nobody Anymore Nobody Anymore

[This comic is part of my dbhc au, following the chaos and panic that ensues after Doc and Xisuma try to get Etho back online at the start of s9 after a very rough s8 finale that leaves him a little. broken. It's set to the vibes of Joywave's Destruction. This part concludes this comic, but this moment doesn't end here: Don't Let it Reach the Heart will be the title of the fic that will follow the end of Destruction!]

[thatsleepymermaid]

Quick post on what's happening in Atlanta right now

So there's this beautiful trail in Atlanta called the South River Forest Trail. As we all know, Atlanta Georgia is renowned for their tree cover and historic forests. 

The City of Atlanta and corporations like Delta, AT&T and Amazon are funding a massive police training center that will destroy the forest.

Dubbed ‘cop city’ by many protesters, this will cost about $90 million  to build. This will be used to further militarize Atlanta’s police leading to more incidents of police brutality in the city. 

On January 18th indigenous activist Manuel “Tortuguita” Teran was shot and killed by the police for defending this historic forest from destruction. Their reason? “He did not comply” (Tort went by They/them/it but report said “he”). Many protests have been going on in Atlanta to defend this forest.

Since Tortuguita's death, the situation has quickly deteriorated

This forest is very dear to me but I am unable to physically protest at the moment, so I am handing this off to Tumblr to spread awareness. Rebloging this may help this tragedy become part of national news instead of just an Atlanta problem.

Donation and petition links to stop cop city

https://www.gofundme.com/f/stoptheswap2020

https://act.colorofchange.org/sign/no-cop-city-atl/

https://defendtheatlantaforest.org/solidarity

[amarguerite]

I think maybe my take away from this national nightmare is that American voters are on average trapped on the first level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs l. and the price of groceries is literally the make or break issue for most, to the point where it doesn’t matter why the grocery bill is higher or who can control that or how it can be controlled

[decideroffacts]

hey nice heart stardust can i have that

[flygefisk]

happy mother's day oolong is your mom now

[teeth--king]

I gotta make more dynamic/story telling art, so making some of my boy Elliot. He gets some suffering as a treat.

[solarmorrigan]

Requested by @westifer-dead (I think?? I hope that was directed at me)

This probably wasn't what you had in mind, but in my defense, it absolutely was not what I planned on writing. It sorta snuck up on me. I hope this is okay, though <3

🖤 kissing while crying / goodbye kiss / desperation

Prompt from this post

Tags/CW: transmasc Steve, fairly explicit depiction of menstruation, resulting mentions of blood, mentions of dysphoria, Steve's internal dialogue is rather unkind to himself in this one (soft ending, though??)

-

Steve’s first, horrified thought when he wakes feeling an uncomfortable amount of damp sticking his boxers to his skin is that he’s somehow managed to piss the bed.

The immediate wakefulness caused by that thought, however, is enough to give him a second one – particularly when he feels the ache low in his gut and spreading down his hips as he rolls over to toss the covers back and reveal the red stain on both his underwear and the sheets.

Fuck.

He’s early.

His period shouldn’t have been along for another couple of days, at least, and Steve hadn’t even thought about putting on a pad before getting into bed—he glances at the clock—two hours ago.

“Motherfucker,” Steve hisses.

He’d gotten home from the world’s most frustrating late shift sometime after midnight and had actually managed to get to sleep by one, and now his body is pulling this shit on him – waking him with pain and mess at three in the goddamn morning, days before it had any right to. And now his boxers are probably toast, and the sheets might be salvageable but he’s going to have to get up and change them right now, and he’s so fucking tired, and it’s three in the morning, and when he shifts to sit up, he’s caught for a moment by the sticky-slick feeling of blood drying against his skin.

He does his best to swallow back the feeling of nausea that creeps up on him at the sensation,  but it’s something he hasn’t had the stomach for since being covered in Eddie’s blood after hauling him out of the Upside Down, and the cramps really aren’t helping.

It’s for all these reasons that he’s probably less gentle than he could be when he reaches over to shake Eddie awake.

“Eddie, wake up.”

Eddie groans and rolls over, curling up with his back to Steve.

Steve huffs and gives him a shove. “Eddie.”

“S’early,” Eddie grumbles. “G’way.”

Normally, Steve doesn’t mind Eddie’s steadfast refusal to wake up for anything less than three alarms and the promise of coffee. Sometimes he even has fun with it, seeing how quickly he can rouse Eddie with other sorts of promises. Right now, though, he has less than no patience, and he grabs his pillow and whacks Eddie in the side with it.

“Wake up!”

“Whatthefuck,” Eddie gasps, bolting upright and glancing around the room for his assailant.

Later, Steve might feel bad; for now, he only drawls, “You awake now?”

“Did you hit me with a pillow?” Eddie demands, eyeing the weapon in Steve’s hands.

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Steve says. “I need you to get up for a minute.”

“What? Why, what’s– oh.” Eddie much catch sight of the mess as Steve twists to shove the pillow back behind himself. “Shit.”

Steve’s face heats with embarrassment. “Shut up,” he snaps. “Just get out of the bed.”

Clumsily, Eddie moves to obey. “I didn’t mean–”

“It’s– never mind, I shouldn’t have snapped, sorry, just–” Steve sighs. “Just let me change the sheets.

He strips the comforter from the bed and rolls it up to toss it into the chair in the corner of the room to be put back on when he’s done, but he doesn’t make it much farther before his body betrays him with another wave of squeezing cramps and a dribble of blood sliding down the inside of his thigh from under the loose leg of his boxers.

He swears and lunges for the tissue box on his bedside table to catch the drip before it can hit the floor, and he can hear Eddie hiss a breath in through his teeth – it’s probably in sympathy, Steve recognizes distantly, but in the moment he still feels like he might die of shame.

“Let me– let me get cleaned up. Just a minute,” Steve mutters, balling the tissue up in his fist and making for the dresser. “Then I’ll finish with the sheets.”

“Why don’t you go take a quick shower?” Eddie suggests quietly. “I can finish the sheets.”

Yanking a pair of briefs out of the dresser, Steve slams the drawer shut. “I can clean up my own damn mess, Eddie.”

“I know you can, but you don’t have to,” Eddie says, much more patiently than Steve probably deserves. “I’m betting you’ll feel ten times better if you get the chance to rinse off, so go ahead. You know how much I love wrestling with the fitted sheet.”

Steve should probably say no. It’s stupid to make Eddie clean up after him when he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself.

He should say no, but he doesn’t want to.

He glances back at Eddie, who looks nothing but sincere in his offer, and nods. “Thanks,” he mumbles, and Eddie gives him a little smile and a nod in return.

In the bathroom, Steve makes the water as hot as he can stand it and pops two Advil before stripping and shoving his boxers straight into the trash. If he tried hard enough, he might be able to get the stain out, but he doesn’t have the mental fortitude to contemplate doing that right now. His t-shirt has been spared any blood, but he puts it in the hamper to be washed, anyway. It just feels dirty now.

There are some months where Steve’s period comes and goes without any fuss; it’s an inconvenience and a bit of a drain, but hardly worth comment. Then there are some months that shove Steve headfirst into ten different stages of dysphoria and various neuroses for no apparent reason.

This one feels like it’s going to be the latter.

Even once he’s standing under the shower spray, the blood already sluiced down the drain, Steve doesn’t feel like he’s ever going to be clean again. He knows it’s his shitty brain lying to him, he knows that the feeling will go away in a few days—a week, at most—but that doesn’t help him now.

He wastes an extra ten minutes in the shower, trying to convince himself he’s only staying in because the hot water is helping his cramps (only partially true; he’s so tense that they haven’t really abated, and in fact have crawled up his sides now, seizing on the scar tissue from his bat bites and yanking his whole abdomen in tight, but he’s hoping it will help with his cramps), but he does eventually manage to force himself out and dry off.

With the fuck-off-biggest pad he owns shoved into his underwear, Steve heads back to the bedroom and stops short inside the door.

The lights are still dim, and Eddie is waiting up for him, sitting against the pillows with his book. He’s not only changed the sheets and fixed the comforter, but he’s laid out a pair of pajamas for Steve – the exact pair he prefers when he’s having a particularly bad day. And for some reason, that’s it for Steve.

The tears hit before he can even try to choke them off, and Eddie must not be very immersed in his book, because the first ragged breath is enough to alert him to the fact that something is wrong.

He looks almost wounded when he catches sight of Steve standing in the doorway like a weepy idiot, and Steve would feel bad, but Eddie’s already up and out of the bed and coming towards Steve with his arms open in offering.

And with anyone else, Steve would shy away; this isn’t a part of him that anyone needs to see, this weakness and inability to cope. But from Eddie– even as stupid as Steve feels right now, he knows he doesn’t have much that he needs to hide from a man who will help him clean up his own blood and then offer to hold him while he cries about it.

He accepts the hug, allows himself to be led back over to the bed and sat down, and then lets himself be held.

Eddie presses his lips to Steve’s forehead and then swipes his thumbs over Steve’s cheeks, wiping away whatever tears fall and kissing him there, too, like he can replace the evidence of his distress with love.

And hell, maybe he can.

In a while, Steve will want to get dressed and they’ll both need some actual rest, but for now, Steve thinks he’s more than willing to sit and let Eddie try.

[ghastlyaffairs]

for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of

also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut

the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)

[distort-opia]

*drops REMS fan art at your doorstep before scuttling away*

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP--

Thank you so much!! This is insanely good and my heart is in shatters. Joker banging on the door while still compulsively laughing and Bruce so despondent... I'm really fond of chapter 7 of REMS, and seeing this is just amazing. Your depiction of them is so comic-like and perfect, hope it's okay if I include this in the fic!

[cometshift]

can nothing help me to regain control?

[falloutcoys]

can you imagine if mike walters had a tumblr account

5 notes

🔌woebegone-official Follow

something special might be going out to certain players later today ;) only the best of the best will get this opportunity!

🧠 donthatetheplayer Follow

wtf guys you said i was #1 and i didn't get anything? @cannonball do you know what's going on???

💎 proudwbgdropout

bro really believed them 💀💀💀

187 notes

🧸 ryanapologist69 Follow

please tag your spoilers!! the game runners put so much work into the build up for these challenges. if you know what the pig means when you get it, there's no suspense!

#challenge 3 spoilers #woe.begone spoilers #it's like people don't even care about the game experience. don't play if your hearts not in it!

12 notes

🐻 imthebear reblogged

🐻 imthebear

don't tell him but i have a special surprise for edgar back at base! i'm so excited

🏎️ marissanotmelissa Follow

ohhhh my god could you two shut up about each other for even a moment? like, we get it guys! you're in love!

🐻 imthebear

you know you can just block me

🏎️ marissanotmelissa Follow

yeah but then i wouldn't know what to make fun of you for in meetings

#cmon mikey you know i love you #<- that doesnt mean you get to be mean to me! :( #i'm not bringing you biscuits and gravy tomorrow

9 notes

🌲 over-polls Follow

please reblog for larger sample size! <3

🌲 over-polls Follow

i should have expected this

113,821 notes

felixfiles-deactivated20230924

oops i think my boss found my account. i might have to go back and unmake it, sorry friends

👨🏼‍🔬 green87 Follow

A little late for that, I'm afraid!

🏢 compound-heritage-posts

certified heritage post

7,209 notes

🔦 troyfromthefrontgate Follow

wait how does this work. what does reblog mean?