#(keep in mind this is how Koun perceives Julius not how this Julius is portrayed)

[forgottenluck]

[ META ] || Julius & Koun C:

♢      —        send  [ META ] + a word / phrase / person / etc  and i will write a head  canon around it.

Contrary to how he acts, his biting words, his blunt responses....Koun does not hate Julius. While he can come off as extremely rude and sometimes down right callous.....he cannot hate Julius.

He sees too much of himself in Julius to be able to hate the man.

Koun knows...that if his path had been slightly different. If he'd had someone....anyone...that he could care for, and be cared for in return, he would have turned into the man Julius is today. Overprotective, but not willing to bend. Stubborn, but well-meaning. Absolutely set in his ways. Koun sees it all in him....and knows that at some point, that could have been him.

Had Kaena lived. Had it just been them two. Had he been smarter about his power, his blessings.

And despite Koun not hating Julius....

He absolutely hates what he sees in Julius.

He sees a man, so very stuck in the past that he refuses to look towards the future. He sees a brother who has smothered the life of his sibling to the point where it was unlikely that Ludger would ever be able to survive without Julius.

He hates it. Despises it. Because he sees himself in another point in time.

He hates it because he knows that no matter how he explains himself, Julius will never really understand. He's too locked into his own mindset to even consider an outside perspective. So bent on pushing off the inevitable, instead of preparing for it.

He hates it because he hates himself.

Yet, Koun does not fault Julius for his flaws....despite his biting words. Koun takes it in stride, moving forward. He does not hate Julius...for Julius' flaws, his stubbornness and single mindedness......remind Koun that Julius is human. Sure, the man's body may be breaking down...his mind may be shattered in many aspects....but he is still human. He reminds himself of that every day. That Julius will make mistakes. That Julius has his own personality, and Koun cannot control that.

In the end, Koun knows he likely will never stand on equal ground as the other. He knows that they will never completely see eye to eye. So he's striving for a middle ground, something they can both agree on, both work together for, at least in the sense of cohabitation. That's all he wants

He's putting in the effort, even if it doesn't seem like it. Subtle changes, habits broken.....it takes time. And through this, Koun still does not hate Julius.

Annoyed. Bitter. A need for distance, maybe......but not hate.

Because in this world, the only thing Koun hates is himself.