#(it’s late september. or was it the first days of October. idk haven’t shifted there since 2021)

[stoneforests]

actually kind of miss my paris reality. <3

[twilightvolt]

And so, another year has come to pass.....almost. ^  ^

Remember when i said i was branching away from Digimon back when i drew up Venom fanart? y’know, “I wanted to be more than what i used to be.” that being “a Digimon artist.”

2019 was basically just that. lots and lots and LOTS of fandom hopping.

If last year was me recovering from the pain and crippling anxiety of 2017, then this year was me finally getting up again, learning to stand up and live for myself rather than in fear of those i shouldn’t care about anymore. life still hasn’t been too kind to me even though, compared to last year, we’re in a better space. but i’ll get into more detail about that while i go through everything month by month on the clock.

Before we begin, if you’d like to see the previous years, here’s the links!

2018:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/181732950569/i-kinda-was-saving-this-for-when-i-had-the-time-to

2017:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/171806337539/a-3-month-late-art-summary-featuring-art-that-i

Might wanna grab your popcorn, my dudes. this is a long one.

January: On the Web

Coming out of 2018, things were pretty ok if i remember. i don’t remember much from this month aside from a few doodles i did like this one from when Spiderverse was the hottest thing. this was one of the last things i drew in my old style. before i decided to officially change things up in the next month.

February: Gotta Kick it Up

Pokemon Sword & Shield were announced and things were hype! oh, how things soured as the months went by. lol

But yeah, this was me taking that experimental sketchy pencil style from that Smash Bros. drawing and rolling with it all the way! it’s become my new go-to style and even though it’s still hella sketchy at times, i feel like it looks better in comparison to my old ink outlined drawings.

March: The Overdrive Dweebanoids

Oh right. my old Ben 10 phase that lasted for a millisecond in 2016 returned with a vengeance. and it was glorious. lmao

It spawned an AU that i didn’t delve into much, but if i ever get that spark for my favorite alien watch bearer, i’ll get back to it.

April: True Blue Lizard Bois

My Ben 10 streak continues and i was crankin’ out art left and right for it. i luved all the “doodle dumps” i made, but this drawing was wholesome and i picked it because of that.

To some extent, this could be a comparison between my past and my present. that being Overdrive!Ben being what, at the time, was my current obsession while Digimon!Vivi was a representation of where i used to be, back when i was starting out and entering Digimon OCTs on Deviantart.

May: Return to the Realm of Sleep ~HD ReMIX

Now THIS i feel was one of the grandest drawings i’ve done this year. hell, i even made a wallpaper out of it.

like, it was just a redraw of an old drawing from 2017. but to me, it was a way to tell me just how far i’ve come since then. and i couldn’t be happier.

This was also the month i rebooted my DA after a long time of inactivity!

....Iiiit didn’t really work much, but i’m still working on it. though i highly doubt it’s worth it considering most of the ones i used to hang with there are either people i don’t wanna associate with or people who left while i was gone. seriously, it’s a ghost town there.

June: Art Fight 2019 ~Dreams Vs. Nightmares~

Ahh, my second year of Art Fight. for this year’s event, i wanted to be a tad more grandiose. like drawing up this banner. i like being extra and stuff even if it kills my drawing hand, so yeah. lmao

...

Florida thunderstorms are friggin’ terrifying. idk HOW anyone can get used to that.

July: - BREAK DOWN -

Oookay, it was hard picking my favorite attack this year cuz i pretty much was satisfied with all of them. but i had to go with this attack because the artist i drew it for was someone i really admired for years and i’m just happy i could finally have an opportunity to draw them something. like, i luv how it came out, so yeah.

This was also the month i forced myself to finally do the thing and let go of the constant fear i felt towards certain people i used to hang with. while remembering 2017 will never NOT hurt, i can’t let that fear rule over me forever. i have to take control and not let it stop me from doing what i want. and that’s exactly what i did.

August: Ricky ~Sapphire, Emerald and AlphaSapphire

Oh yeah! after Art Fight ended, i returned to Pokemon randomly cuz i wanted to go back to my roots for a moment. revamping Ricky, formerly Ragna, and Yagami was something i’ve been meaning to do for awhile and it reignited a waning love for a series i started growing distant towards since Gen VII.

I used to really like Ricky’s old design even though i barely ever used him. but i guess this just shows how much more original i’ve gotten in terms of character design. ^  ^

September: Heartbeat Inferno

Now, i haven’t really talked much about what’s been going on life wise for most of this post, but trust me when i say irl, things weren’t really.....happening. like, it’s hard when you live (or rather, lived now) in a place with little job opportunity and you have NO experience whatsoever. the lack of progression must’ve hit something in me, so the week i drew this was me just....shifting moods, feeling everything at once. one day i’d be agitated as hell, the next i’d be so depressed i took a some odd hour nap and didn’t wanna get out of bed. like, for most of this year, i haven’t felt this stressed out and frustrated with myself. so this sudden crash was kind of....unwelcome.

But this drawing was a fresh change though, if i’m being honest. i’m not usually this uncaring about how clean the coloring job is, but i like it! i’d choose that other drawing i did for my friends’ birthdays, Skirmish at the Cable Club, but this one had a more personal drive behind it.

October: - PAPERMOON -

beastarsbeastarsbeASTARSBEASTARS--*COUGH COUGH AHEM* I MEAN....hai. :D

Continuing with my Pokemon shenanigans, i drew this big piece which was something i had in my head for years now, but never actually acted upon it cuz i always felt it was too big of an idea to work on. i’m happy i’ve managed to capture what i envisioned originally.

As for interests, i’m sure most of my current followers can deduce that i quickly shifted gears to Beastars as soon as the anime was released and so far, i regret nothing. it’s spawned a metric butt ton of new art from me and the way i see it, this phase ain’t stopping as long as this series continues. brace yourselves fam, i believe i’ve finally found the successor to my Digimon phase. lmao

Like, damn, i had a tough time choosing art for this month. i was stuck between this, - SMILE/WILD SIDE - and Slip Into Madness. so many good drawings i was satisfied with, y’know?

November: The Future is Now

I was SO planning on putting something else here, but then suddenly i just kinda had this urge to redraw that uggo gouache painting of Miyagi from highschool. and it turned out so good that i had to. like, really. lmao

As with the redraw of Dream Drop Digital’s key art, it was a reminder of how far i’ve come since then art wise. and i feel like i’ve accomplished so much this year because of it. ;w;

December: Winter Lights

And now we’re back to the present time. after over a year or so of living in Florida, we’ve moved once again back up north a bit. yet another clean slate, but things seem to be looking up despite the rather large bumps in the road the past week or so. lately i’ve been feeling that seasonal depression starting to set in, but i think i’ll be fine as long as i stay positive. cuz y’know, it’s not being happy all the time. it’s just knowing that things will get better someday.

One of the other reasons i drew this drawing was cuz i REALLY wanted to have something Beastars related on this clock. this series (and Legoshi in particular) really inspired me, so i had to leave a wedge open for my boi.

Looking back at the beginning of this decade (as 2020 would mark the next one), i realized that the 2010′s were basically me becoming more artsy. finding enjoyment for a new hobby that quickly became something i’m now more passionate about than video games which i didn’t think would EVER be the case.

Funny enough, it all started in the RP section of a little forum for an MMO called Wizard101. i was only in middle school at the time and, to tell you the truth, i had no idea i’d be going at it for this long. thought i’d just do it on the side but not really delve into the art world more.

But despite all the trips and falls, fandom drama or otherwise, i wouldn’t change anything if it meant i wouldn’t have the friends who’ve stuck by me in the aftermath of those times.

I may not be really succeeding in much, but it’s the small steps in life that matter most in the end. these past few months in particular was me getting fed up with feeling sorry for myself for not doing the things i was interested in in the past, getting over my regret and making plans for starting something new even though i know i’ll suck at first and not worrying so much about how others might perceive me.

And just like how life was changing for our resident grey wolf this first season, mine seems to be doing the same. and i believe this decade ended on a better note than i thought it would during the past couple years leading up to this.

Here’s to a new decade! ^  ^

~ For a future I want to believe in. ~

[purplesurveys]

1067

JANUARY 2020

Where did you go on new year’s?: I believe we only stayed home and had a big dinner with family. We’re usually home during the New Year since our rooftop already offers a fantastic view of the fireworks around the city and in Manila, and also because my dad usually isn’t home on December 31st/January 1st.

Who kissed you on new year’s? I didn’t kiss anyone when 2020 hit. Gab and I always celebrated holidays and spent weekends separately...in retrospect, both already should’ve served as a bit of a red flag for me.

Did you have a New Year’s Resolution this year? I didn’t. I thought I had it together. Oh well.

Does it snow where you live? It never snows here.

Do you like hot chocolate? It’s comforting and I order it a lot, but as I’ve said before I don’t like hot drinks haha. No restaurant or coffee shop serves lukewarm chocolate, so I usually just get an order of hot chocolate and then wait for it to considerably cool down.

Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? I’ve never been to New York and they don’t show that program here.

Is January anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My dad’s birthday is on the 31st. I also always remember my aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary on the 11th since theirs has so far been the only wedding of an immediate family member that I’ve attended, and so I remember the preparations and the actual event being really hectic but fun.

FEBRUARY 2020

Were you single? No. I was in a happy, committed relationship at the time.

Who was your Valentine? My girlfriend at the time was, but I remember we agreed to make Valentine’s a little lowkey last year because we were both low on savings at the time. Still, she got me a street food bouquet and I got her a pretty flower bouquet in return. I think we also had an Italian dinner somewhere between Valentine’s Day and our anniversary.

When you were little did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class? No. I don’t see the point.

Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not? I really don’t care about this in general. It’s not a thing we follow here.

What did you receive for Valentine’s day? Like I said, Gab went to my favorite street food stall and she manually made a bouquet herself, fancy paper and ribbons and all. The ~bouquet had chicken isaw, pork isaw, barbecue, Betamax, and Walkman in it, which are my favorites.

What did you give for Valentine’s Day? A big bouquet. She was shooting for a school requirement that day and was at her best friend’s house, so I spoke with that friend in secret so I can plan out a surprise visit and hand her the flowers.

Is February anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) I used to look forward to February because it was mine and my ex’s anniversary. I’m not threatened by the date this year and I will just make plans for myself. Or I can also ask Angela to hang out with me. Idk yet, but what matters to me right now is that I’m no longer sad about it.

MARCH 2020

Are you Irish? Not one drop of it in me.

Do you like corned beef and cabbage? I haven’t tried these together but I will sometimes eat my samgyupsal with cabbage, so I doubt this combo would be bad.

What did you do for St Patrick’s Day? We don’t celebrate that here.

Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? We also don’t have winter.

Is March anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My late grandpa celebrated his birthday on the 11th. March will also forever be burned in my brain as the month that 2020 ended for me.

APRIL 2020

Do you like the rain? Love it. Rain makes me feel calm and peaceful.

Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year? I don’t think so. I just enjoy watching prank videos on social media sometimes, but I don’t pull them myself nor is there anyone who pulls them on me.

Do you get tons of candy for Easter? That’s not really tradition here. Most families will just go to church on Easter Sunday, and only families with young kids will have Easter egg hunting games.

Do you celebrate 4/20? Nope. I celebrate the day afterwards, which is my birthday haha.

Do you love the month of April? I do get a childlike excitement for it every year because I always get excited for my birthday, no matter how small my plans may be for it in a given year. The only thing I hate about April is the weather, because this is when it starts to get unbearably hot in the country. Is April anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My birthday, my parents’ anniversary, my brother’s birthday (at least I was excited for it until I stopped talking to him). April is also usually Wrestlemania month, and something I will always look forward to regardless of how detached I’ve gotten from pro wrestling.

MAY 2020

What is your favorite flower? Roses and peonies. Sunflowers make me feel hopeful, but I wouldn’t say they’re my favorite.

Finish the phrase “April showers…”: I don’t know.

Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day? That’s a day? I always remember May 16 as being Katreen’s birthday lol. Anyway, no I definitely do not celebrate it. I don’t even have piercings beyond my earlobes.

Is May anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) It’s my favorite cousin’s birthday. May also marks the end of the school calendar, so back in college I had always looked forward to the 3rd or 4th week of May. In 2020, Andi and I also wrapped up our thesis in May.

JUNE 2020

What year did/will you graduate from high school? I graduated in 2016. Happier, simpler times.

Did you do anything fun during this Month? I learned how to use iMovie so I can make a surprise birthday video for Gab, where I collated video greetings from her closest friends and also asked them to put photos they have with her in a Google Drive. That was exciting to learn and make, even though my efforts ultimately went to waste. We also got Cooper last June!!!!! when he was still a small small tiny bean of a pup, and I could still carry him with one hand.

Have a favorite baseball team? I don’t even know how baseball works.

Is June anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Yeah used to be her birthday but I obvs can’t celebrate it with her anymore. Otherwise, pretty uneventful month overall.

JULY 2020

What did you do on the 4th of July? We don’t celebrate that here. This used to be the date of our Independence Day back when US still had a much tighter grip on us, but I believe a former President shifted it to a different date (the one we have now) to serve as a sign of our independence from that country.

Did you go to the fireworks? We don’t have fireworks on July 4th, nor do we have fireworks on our own Independence Day.

Did you blast the A/C all day? I wanted to but was not in the place to, given that I did not earn my own money yet to help with the bills.

Is July anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Last year, my college graduation was held in July.

AUGUST 2020

Did you have a sunburn? No. No reason for me to get one considering I stayed at home from March to September, except for the time I went to the doctor in May.

Did you go to the pool a lot? I didn’t, but my parents did blow up the inflatable pool that we keep and placed it on the rooftop so that we can cool down. Summer this year was unforgivable.

Did you go out of town? I don’t believe we did in August.

Is August anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My university-wide graduation. My school has quite a large population so we get two grads - a more intimate one with our own college where we can be called one by one to go up the stage; and a larger, more general, university-wide grad, where the university higher-ups and a chosen summa cum laude student make speeches and there are multiple music/dance performances.

SEPTEMBER 2020

Are you attending college/school? Not anymore.

Do you like fall better than summer? We don’t get fall.

What happened this month? Man you had 8 other months to ask this, why pick my worst month?? Lmao. September was the month of the quick deterioration of my relationship and its eventual breakup, my first job interview (that I got ghosted by), Nacho’s first death anniversary, opening my first bank account, and the start of my internship.

Is September anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Angela’s birthday, my mom’s birthday, Nina’s birthday.

OCTOBER 2020

Whats your favorite candy? Fruitella. I got soooooo many Fruitella packs from my relatives this Christmas because that was what I put on my wishlist hahahahaha.

What was your favorite thing(s)about this month? October was terrible. The only thing that kept me alive was my internship and the people in it, our Halloween party, and Good Mythical Morning. But in general, September through the first half of December 2020 is a period I would like to bury permanently.

What are you planning to be for Halloween? I don’t have plans for Halloween 2021 yet.

Are you going to be trick or treating? Nope.

Is October anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I don’t think so.

NOVEMBER 2020

Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? Sigh. I don’t care for Thanksgiving.

What are you going thankful for this year?: Too early to tell, but on the second day of the new year, so far, I’m thankful for the positive people around me, the kindness and patience they extend to me, and myself for powering through and living to see 2021.

Do you love stuffing? No but I’d like to try it.

Anything exciting happen this month? Again, November was still shitty times for me.

Is November anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I got employed and started my first real job.

DECEMBER 2020

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah, but it clashes with my non-belief so it’s something I’m still figuring out.

Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? No.

Get anything special last year? I got one too many bottles of soju and packs of Fruitella, hahah. I also got the wooden portable table that I’ve been eyeing for a while.

What do you love most about December? THE HOLIDAY WORK BREAK ZZZZZzzzzzz I can’t believe it’ll be over soon :( I’m not yet ready to go back to work ugh.

Is December anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Two of my aunts’ birthdays, my godson’s birthday, my grandma’s birthday, and get-togethers with different sides of my family.

[greychicago]

a year

well it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

my last personal post was nearly exactly a year ago, and before that half a year. i haven’t really been active on here, have i? just sporadically coming and going. i’m sorry, though it’s unlikely anyone really noticed, lol. same with twitter.

but, this year. it’s been an interesting year.

school has been going well, accounting has been going well. i’m scared for my last semester. i’m scared for next year, for the mba program.

i broke up with my first boyfriend back in march. my feelings weren’t there, never matched his ‘love’, mine never got past ‘like’. i didn’t see a future with him. i should’ve ended it earlier, rather than let it drag on for so long after i started to not feel it anymore. but i thought i wasn’t trying hard enough. 

then a crush developed early may, on a friend i made early march. he had a cat, a really cute one. we hung out a lot until the end of the semester. i visited after the semester ended. a month later we both said we liked each other. i was ecstatic, happy. i came out to visit for a week in july with him and his parents. he gets distant, worse than the first time he did after the first visit. he helps me build my pc, but there’s still hardly any communication. he comes up to visit before school starts. still hardly talking, compared to how much we did during last semester. mid-september, he’s talkative one weekend, asks me on a date after we plan for me to visit in two weeks. i was happy, but not as excited as i thought i would be. next day, cancels that weekend, something came up. said we’ll see how our schedules work. a few weeks later, i ask about it, he says he’s busy for a few months, helping his mom and wanting to see other friends. i was disappointed and slightly angry, not because the date was never going to happen, but because he didn’t even bother to carve out time when he’s the one who asked, went back to little communication. i decided to give up on that crush early october, because it wouldn’t have worked out well anyways. it was surprising how quickly it went away. he just recently got into a relationship with a girl he first met four years ago and liked; they just started talking again at the beginning of november.

late september/early october, i became friends with a guy that was at a bonfire i went to, composed of a group of yik yak/swiflie users from our university. he messaged me after, saying he recognized me from somewhere, and we started talking and became friends. he was vaguely flirty, but because of summer crush, i felt awkward. he understood. we were open and honest with each other, though, telling each other things easily. he ends up in a relationship with someone else from that group, but that ends after two weeks; nearly coinciding with my decision to end my crush. i helped him rationalize ending his relationship when he talked to me about it; it wasn’t working for him, they weren’t compatible. but it’s better to end something sooner, rather than keep going and letting them think it is-- i know this feeling from with my ex. he though he was ready to get over his ex that happened over summer-- but the nervous feelings of a new relationship covered the bad feelings he had about the two week girl. but breaking up with her, oddly enough to him, helped him get over his ex more. we keep talking throughout the week; i start to feel as if i could easily like him. but he graduated last spring, like summer crush. i tell him i could easily like him, after he feels down and offhandedly says things about needing to get his head right, assuming i would go out with him in the first place. we keep talking from there the next couple of weeks, getting to know each other more, him being kind of flirty every so often. i feel like i like him, could easily like him, but i’m unsure because i haven’t met him. we talk about it, that he could come up that weekend, if i’m okay with it. i do. he says he’ll try to stop himself from kissing me, will only when i’m ready, but says he’ll still want to hold my hand, if that’s okay. 

he drives up friday, and i meet him in the parking lot. he picks me up in a tight hug, bc he’s 14 inches taller than me lmao. i was... surprised at how attractive he was. he was cute in his profile photos and whatnot, but. on the way back to my room i keep peeking over while carrying some of the pillows and blankets he brought (to build a blanket fort on the floor). we get back to my room, sit on my bed, and just talk. it was really comfortable. i was surprised at how easily comfortable i felt with him, even if i couldn’t look him in the eye for more than a few seconds before looking down in embarrassment. at some point he takes my hand, then later puts his arm around me. it was nice. we shift to lying down, his arm still around me. still talking. he says he can’t help but ask if he could kiss me. i let him, wanted him to, and it’s nice. it was awkward, because i felt like a bad kisser, but him being the one i was kissing wasn’t awkward. we keep talking and kissing, and soon enough we get hungry. so we go downtown to get food; the place is crowded with drunk people, so me being the leany person i am, lean on him and hold his hand while we wait. the food is good, and the rest of the weekend is really nice. we go see kingsman: the golden circle the next day, and it was hard to get out of the comfort of lying in bed with him sunday (no need for a blanket fort since i felt comfortable sleeping next to him in my bed). i was sad when he had to leave, but also giddy over him and the weekend. 

from there we agreed to take things slowly, partly because i wanted to make sure of my feelings first. he’s nice, kind, patient, sweet. i went down the first weekend of november, went on a date to the art museum. i met his family, he met mine. spent the night at his place, and his at mine. at the end of thanksgiving break, i spend the last few days over at his place. at midnight when it becomes his birthday, i send a photo of a note i wrote, saying i want him to be my boyfriend. he asked me over thanskgiving break, but i still wasn’t fully sure. not to be cheesy on his birthday, but talking with him the night before, i just felt ready, but didn’t know how to talk about it. so, the note. he’s excited, but i feel awkward “officializing” it without seeing him in person; so we plan to talk about it the next time we see each other. the weekend before finals, he comes up to visit again. we “offcialize” it, but date it back to the 1st, because that’s when I said I wanted him to be my boyfriend back. this past weekend, i spent the weekend. it’s all been so, so nice, being with him. even if sometimes i’m dumb and get in moods and try to push him away by saying he deserves someone better. because that’s just my shit self-esteem getting in the way; i like him, i like being with him.

idk why i felt the need to type all of this out, but. yeah. bit of an update.