#(im rlly serious abt the uterus thing btw)

[rjwrites22]

Recently (as in, over the past couple hours) I have been, not for the first time, questioning my gender.

The first time I really did this was back in May, after my sister came out as a trans girl. I've probably done it casually a few times since then. And now I'm doing it again.

The conclusion I've reached is the same one I've come to every time:

"Eh, I've got more important things to worry about."

This time, however, it's really frustrating me that that's the only conclusion I can come to.

Yes, I know that questioning one's gender is a long process, but I'm really damn impatient. I want to know now. So I kinda want help. Not for someone to tell me what I am (though label suggestions would be very much appreciated), just some advice on how to figure this out ASAP.

Details:

1. I am, to everyone, cisgender female. Nobody irl knows I do this questioning, because I haven't come to any real conclusions yet.

2. I am perfectly fine with people addressing me as a female, and I am fine with my female body. I like it for the most part, all I'd change is the fact I desperately want to not have a uterus.

3. I have no idea what it's like to feel like a girl or a guy, or any gender really. I don't really want to ask people about it because I don't want people to know anything until I get a real answer.

4. I like wearing dresses sometimes (but I don't own many as I'm very picky about them), but I also own a suit and I like to wear it sometimes. I'd probably wear it more often if a) it was less work to put on and take off, and b) I wasn't nervous about getting weird looks for wearing an entire 3-piece suit as someone who is otherwise a woman.

5. There have been times where I haven't wanted to be a girl. I'm pretty sure that was due to societal/cultural issues, though.

6. I'm weirdly anxious about being wrong on this, like finding out that I'm just a regular cis female. Idk if that has any real bearing on this though. It could just be due to having put myself through this for nothing? Idfk.

Other notes:

Name is not an issue, my full name is completely unisex/agender - first and middle - and my nickname is my initials, which have no gender because they're letters. I think my pronouns could only go as far from she/her as they/them, I'm not sure about he/him and personally I think any other pronouns outside the norm are a bit ridiculous/contrived. (Not that I won't accept other people using them, of course, I just couldn't use them myself).

(Also I do understand the inherent potential weirdness of being this insistent on figuring out my gender when my only conclusion so far is that it's not important.)