#(idk where the skull meets the spine and there's a little lip)

[bostonbakeddeans]

Don't ask me about the initials tattooed on his scalp, hidden under his hair, right where Moreau likes to rest his hand; don't ask me about him tattooing Eliot himself, Eliot knelt like a supplicant but facing away, so vulnerable and trusting; silence but for the humming of the gun. Don't ask.

hi hello i am here to ask

Yes excellent thank u for asking!

It doesn't happen right away, is the thing. It isn't the first year, or the second. It's not even the third. Eliot has worked his way up the ranks the same way he did in the military - obedience and excellence. He's good, is the thing. He's incredible at whatever he sets his mind to (if it's bloody, if it's brutal, it takes so long to find anything he's good at that isn't violence) and he falls in line like he was born for it.

But he's not unique amongst Moreau's employees (soldiers). At least, Moreau didn't think so. He inspires loyalty (fear) in everyone who works for him - and the paydays are nothing to sniff at. Every man has a price.

(Moreau's not stingy - for a rich man, he's not exactly frugal. It drives Eliot mad, his Mama's voice whispering waste not, want not, his father's voice berating him for 'fripperies' like conditioner. In time, Moreau laughs and feeds him caviar with a gold plated spoon.)

Eliot is just another tool until he's not.

Until Moreau is discussing his next arms deal with a few of his men and Eliot pipes up that the woman they're dealing with has hired ex-Mossad as her security.

Weaker men would tremble under the gaze Eliot's pinned under. When he doesn't so much as flinch, Moreau knows he's different. Maybe worth investing in.

So he's tested, over and over. Every time Eliot passes the test with flying colors, Moreau is just a little more involved. A little more intrigued.

(He doesn't always pass, of course - some tests are made to be failed. Because Moreau is in a mood, or because he wants to hurt someone, or just because.)

It's not until Eliot has been making his meals for six months (six months after he was certain he was going to die, poisoned and in agony for 48 hours) that he decides he wants to mark Eliot. He already owns him, of course - but he wants more. It's been four years, and he wants people to know that this is his.

It's a strange compulsion. Everyone who matters knows that he belongs to Damien, of course - he's never further than a step away if he can help it, these days - but he wants everyone to know.

And yet.

He watches Eliot prepare lunch, pondering. What should it be? He already wears the clothes that are bought for him, accessories too. A brand? Tempting, but he would hate to ruin the meal with the smell of burnt meat.

"Eliot." The first syllable is hardly out of his mouth before Eliot is there, blue eyes meeting his own without hesitation.

"Yes, Damien?" They're beyond 'sir', in private.

Most of the time.

"Eliot, how long have you worked for me?" he asks casually.

"Four years, five months, and eight days, sir." The response comes easily, automatically. Moreau smiles, and Eliot relaxes.

He reaches out and cups the back of Eliot's head, pulling him in close. He goes easily, trusting. They're inches apart, breathing the same air. Moreau smiles.

He knows exactly how to lay claim. He lets go and Eliot steps back without even a hint of a question in his eyes.

Later that afternoon, while the dishes are soaking, Eliot kneels on the marble with his head bowed. Damien holds him steady, one hand around his throat and the other holding a buzzing tattoo gun. The hair at the the nape of Eliot's neck has been shaved to skin, and two elegant capital letters are inscribed permanently. It takes hardly any time at all - perhaps half an hour, all told.

The gun shuts off and time

stops

Hand around throat (collar comfort security threat) squeeze (threat) release (trust)

"Rise."

And he does. Nothing changes - Eliot is just as much his as he was before - everything changes. Moreau stands too.

Eliot turns and smiles, and it's fierce. "Thank you, sir." He's proud, he knows this isn't usual - knows that Damien doesn't need to showboat or lay claim. He's never been that insecure. Eliot knows he's special.

Moreau smiles back, taking his chin. "Make me proud, Eliot."

"Always."

[keravnous]

I’ve noticed that Edwards likes telescopes. There’s one on the rooftop above his office at Sgail and one can be seen in his meeting room where he logs in to talk to the Partners. It might just be put there by IOI to hammer home the idea that Providence is all-seeing but I have two different ideas: one SFW and one NSFW. I’ll put the NSFW in a separate ask cause idk if you'll be into it and this is already a long post lol.

The SFW idea is that he enjoys stargazing. I think it kind of suits him given how purposeful he is. Always looking up, always striving for more. When the poor, overworked guy needs to recharge during the Ark Society event, he heads up to the tower roof to relax and have some alone time. He treats himself to a little slice of cheesecake and wine (you can see it on the table in the game) while peering up at his favorite constellations. Marveling at how clear they are without all the light pollution you’d get in the city.

Or maybe he brings a Herald that he admires to the event. They eat, drink, and swap eavesdropped information over faint music from the courtyard. The effigy glows a warm, flickering orange in the distance. The waves surround the tower with the pleasant scent of sea water.

He shyly motions to the telescope and the Herald accepts when he invites them to have a look through it. Edward’s eyes light up as he points out different stars. Ever so gently, he places his hand on their back, ready to quickly retrieve it should they recoil. But they don’t, much to his relief. While they peek through the scope, he leans in and regales them with the stories behind the constellations' names. Orion and the scorpion, Perseus and Andromeda… His voice is so soft in their ear and his body so warm against them in the cool night. It’s a completely different side to him. One the Herald grows very fond of.

this 🥺

I am not too sure if I can fulfill the nsfw request, but I tried to give this one here a little nsfw undertone

the mentioned song: youtube / spotify

_

This wasn't your first time attending the annual Ark Society gathering at the Isle of Sgail but it sure was your first time making your way, let alone entering, the Constant's tower.

Miss Vidal had handed you a dossier earlier that night and requested that you'd bring it to the Constant yourself, being one of her most trusted associates. You heard your heartbeat hammer in your skull, it made your whole body vibrate with both, excitement and anxiety, as you gave a sharp knock to the massive wooden doors. The guards had immediately recognized your Providence pin and had let you past with no further questions, given the file savely tucked away under your arm.

Slowly, and your nearly expected the hinges to shriek, the door opened and you came face to face with an old man, white hair and - that, that was clearly not Mister Edwards. You were glad that the mask covered at least half of your face, your brows furrowing in both confusion and slight amusement.

"Yes, Miss/Mister?", he sharply clicked his heels and looked at you, an unreadable gaze locking with your eyes. A cold shiver ran down your spine. He seemed like a butler, and maybe he really was, but there was something in his eyes that seemed to pierce right through your carefully built facade, that screamed killer to you.

"Good evening, Sir", you smiled your most charismatic smile, "My name is y/n, Miss Vidal has sent me."

"Ah yes of course, we have been informed. Please, do come in", he took a step backwards and opened the door completely. The air inside was warm and your anxiety was immediately calmed by the dark and cozy interior as you entered the tower. So, this was it, huh? This was his place, the place of the most powerful man on earth. You had expected something a little more ... modern, maybe? More Bond villain-ish, sharp edges and light colours but this looked at lot more like the set of a period drama.

"Mister Edwards is already expecting you. This way, please", the butler lead you towards the staircase and stretched out his arm invitingly. You took a deep breath and muttered a quiet Thank you, Sir underneath your breath, slowly ascending the stairs. You heard music and someone humming along with the tune. The soft barritone sent a shiver down your spine, much more pleasant than the one minutes earlier, right down your stomach, leaving a warm and fuzzing feeling. His voice was beautiful. You rarely heard him speak and it was hard to make out the warmth of his voice in his whispering tone but now it was clearer and louded and it wrapped around your head, your whole body, like a warm blanket. You took you first steps across the perfectly polished floor and peaked around the corner.

He was lanky and tall, even more visible now with his jacket off, the crisp white shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows. You had never seen him that casually and he also seemed rather relaxed as well, seemingly focussed on a telescope that stood near one of the massive, opened windows of his office.

You stood there, unsure wether to interrupt him or not, he was the Constant after all. With all the rumours that surrounded him and powered the slight dusk of myths and speculations that wafted around him you had totally forgotten that he was human after all.

It was a rather endearing sight, really. It made your stomach twist a little, spread warmth through your abdomen as he kept on making adjustments to the telescope and quietly humming along with the tune.

You did not have any track of the time that passed, while you stood there still and unmoving, the file still under your arm, watching him watching the clear night sky, before his warm voice suddendly left the lyrics, was replaced by an equally warm chuckle.

"I find the stars to be much more interesting to watch than the gazer himself, if I may be that direct."

Your heart dropped. Fuck, you fucked up. You prepared yourself for him to throw a fit, threaten you or just having you shot by his creepy-not so innocent-looking butler right on the spot.

"I- uh, Sir, I am very sorry - I just, it's- I'm-", well, wasn't that just very professional of you.

Arthur turned around to you, his expression surprisingly open and friendly, his lips curled up in a slight smile.

"The file I assume, yes?"

"Yes, right here", you took a few steps forward and he met you halfway, wrapping his delicate fingers around the slim folder.

"Thank you very much", he held your gaze for a few seconds longer and then nodded towards the little coffee table, "A glas of wine, maybe?"

You felt your brain errupting in a high frequency static noise.

"What?"

He chuckled again, a deep and low sound, a little amused and a little snobby that did things to your groin.

"Wine. A red one", he turned around to the table and eyed the bottle, "Argentinian, I believe, one of Yates'."

You swallowed. This was certainly not happening. He turned around to you once more. "So?"

Fuck it. "Yes, please."

The following hour then passed by like a cold breeze on a warm summer day and you found yourself really enjoying his company, his witty and dry humour, the way he listened to you and gave well reflected and soft spoken replies.

"Am I still right about my very early assumption that you have never watched the stars before?", he tilted his head a little.

"No, not really. Not like this", you gestured towards the telescope.

"Would you like to try?", he recognized your hesitation and got up, offering you his hand, "I am convinced you will very much enjoy it."

Carefully, like a deer in the headlights, you took his hand and got up, while he led you towards the opened window as Arthur took a scrutinizing look through the telescope and gestured you closer. You leaned down a little and looked through the objective and your breath hitched.

The stars were so close and so bright and it was nothing like taking a lamely look towards the sky on a night out in the busy streets of London. It was fascinating. A surprised laugh left your lips and you heard him chuckle again behind you. He was much closer than you expected him to be.

"Surprised, hm?", he hummed.

"Well, yes. It's - They're beautiful."

"It must be Cassiopeia you're looking at, that constellation is the most present during these months."

He guided you across the night sky, leaning over your shoulder and adjusting the telescope or leaning in close to explain the constellations and their names to you. It left your head spinning and heart thrumming in your chest and you felt like you could've dropped dead the second that he put his hand on the small of your back, right underneath the dark blue robe you were wearing over your formal wear.

You felt the warmth of his fingers radiating through the thin layer of clothing and a sigh escaped your lips. Your cheeks immediately heated up with crimson red but he continued to rub soft, soothing circles over your back. "This one right here is Orion, sometimes believed to affect certain sign's love life."

"Is that so?", you had huffed out while feeling him pressing against you, his warm breath that smells faintly of expensive red wine and cigarettes grazed your cheek.

"Well, I like to believe that society evolved from that. You know, that we start to rely on more reliable sources."

"Such as?"

"Increase in body temperature", his hand sneaked forward, placed itself on your stomach and pressed your body flush against his, "Fast heartbeat -"

He came closer, you could feel the tip of his nose against the nape of your neck. You shouldn't. He was technically not only your boss, but also so much more, so much more important to the world's fate than you were. But he felt good against you and his quiet barritone sent shivers down your spine.

"Loss of words."

"Is that so?", you heard yourself whisper, a sharp, needy and rather unknow edge to your own voice.

You felt his lips grazing over your neck and how they softly turned into a slight smile.

"Sometimes, yes", you felt how he slowly detached his body from yours and you suddendly felt how cold the room had gotten, given the opened window and rather cold autumn night, "Another glas of wine, maybe?"

Who were you to even think of declining such an offer?

[owillofthewisps]

gaze upon my bones

notes: are you ever just doing something and then you’re like ‘oh! a lightning strike to the brain!’ and you drop everything to do something else? that’s kinda what this was. which means idk about the quality but hey!

playin’ real fast and loose with gods and oracles in the witcher verse here because, well - i can.

title is from rafferty’s ‘mausoleum’

i tagged everyone in my ‘all witcher’ taglist but if renfri ain’t for you just skip it!

rating: hard teen? (warnings: canon-typical violence, major character death [canon compliant], brief mention of implied child death, brief references to sex, angst i guess?)

pairing: renfri/fem reader

word count: 3.5k

knowing fate does not save you from it.

People so rarely want the truth of fate.

You learn to read your patrons early, divine their desires from the lilt of their lips (pulled pink between their teeth, curved quiet around a secret, laugh lines carved around an unsmiling mouth) and the way their hands flutter like moths against the silk of your cushions.  In the beginning, they come to you relentlessly, mindlessly, a river destined to spill into your ocean, to mingle with the salt of you.  They pour into your endless reservoir and they never want the truth of it.  

It is a hard lesson to learn, to swallow down the truth, but you never forget the prick of the mother’s blade against the soft curve of your belly and the way her sobs burned bright against your ear.  When you were a child, pressing your ear against a seashell gave you the music of the ocean.  If you returned to the coast now, you think, the shell would echo with her wails instead. 

They do not want the truth, and so you no longer give it to them.

Instead, you carry their fates somewhere deep inside.  You have been to war a thousand times, all without even knowing how to swing a sword.  Have felt a man’s skull split beneath your blade, felt the pulse of it resonate up into your arm.  Cradled a child as they sweat out a fever, held them for hours after they went limp in your arms. The first time you’d orgasmed, it had paled in comparison to the one you’d lived through the woman with hair that cascaded like fire against her freckled shoulders.  The first time you’d loved, it hadn’t been as ardently as the man with night-sky eyes, a vast dark gaze full of the tenderness of the guiding stars.  

A trickster god, you said to your mother, years ago now.  Hundreds of other people’s not-yet lifetimes ago.  Of all the gods you could choose.  

She hadn’t known the trick would weigh heavy on you and not her, but that is the way of the gods.  

(In your seventeenth summer, you give yourself to a forest goddess, let her priestesses drape you with ivy and fiddleheads still tightly furled.  You trace a finger over the curved stem of the fiddlehead and turn your face towards the forest canopy, letting the dappled sunlight shimmer over your skin.  It feels like a blessing.

Not three evenings later, you dream.

There are teeth shining in the darkness, slick white against velvet night, each tooth sharp with something unearthly, a knife’s blade of divinity.  They smile terribly, and you know what it is to be small.  

Very well, the teeth rumble, dark amusement apparent in the rockslide click-clack of them.  I suppose you are owed a trick of your own. 

You wake with winter spiraling down your spine, the chill spreading cool across your skin despite summer’s heated kiss.  The gooseflesh prickles like little thorns, the sensation rolling over you like a shroud.

You do not know if it was just a dream, and you do not want to know.

If the trickster god has let go of you, he has not taken back your sight, the way lives unspool over little flickers of smoke with you a captive audience to their play, and that is the cruelest trick of all.)

There is inherent trickery in fate, you know, and most of your patrons’ fates are blurred at the edges, still intangible, still changeable.  

Not Renfri’s.

She comes to the temple, hidden deep in the shadows of the woods, and you are entranced.  

She is incandescent with youth, supple and wild.  She reminds you of a waning moon.  Aglow with vigor, the type of beauty that makes you want to raise your face to her and bathe in her light.  But at her edges, a shadow that consumes, that edges closer to the heart of her.  

She settles at the edge of the cushion across from you.  Her legs are long, lean things, slender but heavy with muscle, and something in you aches to touch.  

There is a small streak of dirt smeared across her graceful neck.  Your sisters had offered her a bath, hands twisting nervously in their sleeves, and she had laughed, a low, clear noise. 

“Some things we can’t be cleaned of,” she’d said.  “I would see the oracle first.”

And so she came to you.

She slings her arm over her knee.  In the sunlight, her eyes are the color of a newborn fawn, tawny brown and beautiful, but she has none of the fawn’s timidity. 

“I’d thought of oracles as old,” Renfri says.

You quirk a brow.  “Come back in several decades and I will be.”

Her pink lips lift at the corners with something sweetly sly. “I’d also thought them dull, so you’ve proved me wrong twice over.”

You hum something soft.  

Renfri considers you, and you can feel her trying to split you at the seams, to open you to her curiosities.    

“Do you truly know what is fated?” she asks softly, and for the briefest moment, she is delicate. Her leather armor, worn and nicked where blades have floated too close, seems too big on her.  

More than I wish, you think.  “Only time can answer that,” you say instead.  “Would you like to know?”

She nods, and there is the snarl of a feral thing tucked between her teeth.  The wild uncurls in her, that dark edge of the moon spreading across her, seeping like a shadow just beneath her skin. 

You contemplate the small scars scattered like stars across her knuckles, the fine delicacy of the scar tissue, and the hard peaks of her knuckles beneath.  “Think of what fate you want to know,” you say.  “You may speak it aloud, if that pleases you, but hold it in your mind.”

Most close their eyes to bring their uncertainty out of the depths of themselves.

Not Renfri.

She meets your gaze, her hard eyes framed by the soft sweep of her chestnut waves, and though her face is blank stone, you can sense the bared teeth.  She is all coiled snake, sleekly muscled and ready to strike. 

“Hold out your hand.”

Renfri extends her hand.  Her fingers are fine-boned, sleek and slender, but her calluses scrape against your skin as you turn her hand over.  Her scars are small hills, and you trace the pad of your thumb over the raised skin without thought.

You have only a moment to register the warmth of her skin against your questing fingertips, and then her fate sweeps you away.

And it is terrible.

Blood swallows you like a tide, drags you deeper into a wash of violence that makes you tremble.  Bellies burst and split open against the cruel drive of a spike; symphonies of cracking bones. The heavy thud of a sword pushing through a skull. The smell of copper and rot and death.  An empty space inside, a void hungry for control, for taking back what is yours. 

And then, for the briefest breath, for a lightning strike of a moment: your own lips, curling up into something fond. A touch so light it reminds of the sun, intangible but felt anyway.  The woody, pungent scent of thyme mellowed by soft, sweet clover, soap and skin perfumed by the temple’s lush cloverbeds. 

Then there is laughter, a comfort of familiar men’s low voices flashing by too quick for words.  Blood blossoms and fades and rage so deep it winds up your throat like vines until you are choking on the breadth of it and then - 

Snowy hair gone silver with grime.  A voice like a landslide.  Warmth and wonder, heat in the hallowed embrace of the woods. Two swords, silver and steel, and the bite of a blade at your throat.  Pain spreading like a disease.  A gaping maw of hunger never filled. 

Renfri’s death pulls you out of her fate.  You pick carefully at the threads of her still wound around the needle of your mind, tease them out before they can be woven into you.  It takes more concentration than usual.

The breath you take is deep and slow; it washes the copper stink of blood out from your nose.  “Do you want to know your fate?” you ask Renfri.

She considers you.  She has eyes like the forest, deep brown and full of life.  “No,” Renfri says.  “Not yet.”

Your hand is still on hers, but she does not move. 

You are the one who pulls back.

Later, once Renfri rejoins her men, Maya brings you a skein of water.  She hums quietly as you drink deeply. “What did you see?” she asks.  “It is not like you to be so shaken.”

You wipe the water from your lips.  “Me,” you say.  “I saw me.”

Maya cups your cheek.  Her dark eyes are soft.  They have the sorrow of the winter forest in them, bleakly quiet.  She runs her thumb across your cheekbone, her touch feather light.  “Knowing fate is a dangerous thing,” she murmurs.

You wrap your hand around her wrist, let your fingers play across the delicacy of her skin. She smiles, slow and sweet, and pulls away gently.  

Maya settles next to you, her skirt flaring like an opening bloom.  She rests her head against your shoulder and hums quietly.

The two of you stay like that for a long, long time.

-

Renfri returns a scant month later.  

She is wild with delight, all bared teeth and feral joy.  There is a cut healing on her collarbone; the edges of it going pink with the promise of a scar.  Her chestnut hair is mussed by the wind.  It wisps around her face like smoke.  

She is achingly beautiful.  

Maya must tell her where to go, for she finds you sprawled in the cloverbed behind the temple.  She hunkers down next to you in one fluid motion.  You blink up at her.

“Renfri?”

She smiles.  “Oracle. You remember me.”  

How could I not, you don’t say.  Instead, you tell her your name and say: “You don’t need to call me oracle now.”

You push to your elbows as Renfri plops down into the clovers with you.  She’s feline in her grace, stretches her lithe form in the sunlight, tilting her face up towards the light.  You think of her grace as she prowls around the broad man in the market square. 

“Would you like to know your fate?” you ask.  It feels an odd thing, to ask it here, in the warmth of the sun with the clovers brushing against your skin, the sweet scent of them catching in the breeze.

“Why do you ask that?” Renfri says.  She peers at you, shading her eyes from the sun, the deep mahogany of them almost black in the shadows.  

“What?”

She sighs.  “Why do you ask if I’d like to know my fate, instead of just telling?”

You shift.  “People don’t always understand what it means,” you tell her.  “Sometimes knowing the end makes you lose the present.”

Renfri hums.  “I don’t think I could lose the present,” she says softly.  “Not until I’ve run my blade through Stregobor’s belly.” 

“You’d be surprised.”

“You didn’t ask.”

“About what?”

“Stregobor.”

You sigh.  “If you wanted to tell me, you would.”

“You can say it, you know,” Renfri tells you.  She’s watching you carefully, those dark eyes half-wild.  “You know the stories, even out here.”

“Do you want me to call you Shrike?” you ask.

She tilts her head.  The waves of her hair spill against the shore of her shoulders.  “No,” she says quietly.  “I don’t think I do.”

“Alright,” you say.

You fade into silence, listening to the creaking lullaby of the forest.  Renfri lies down next to you, her dark hair stark against the verdant green of the clovers.  She tugs at them with nimble fingers.  The snap of their stems sharpens their scent as it floats sweet around you.  

Eventually, she tells you about Stregobor.  

Eventually, you nudge closer to curl up by her side.

Eventually, she leaves, and you are left with nothing but the lingering scent of her - warm cloves and sword oil, and just beneath it, the copper tang of blood - and the choking feeling of a sob caught in your throat.

-

“Would you want to know your own fate?”

“No,” you tell Renfri as you separate a wild cherry from its stem.  You split the flesh of it between your fingers and pry the stone free.  The pit plinks into the wooden bowl, the sound of it oddly musical. Maya had pulled you both into the kitchen to help her when Renfri first arrived.  It hadn’t taken her long to disappear, but you can still feel her warning gaze prickling against your skin.

Renfri steals the cherry from you with nimble fingers and pops it into her mouth.  The carmine juice of it stains her pink lips dark.  You try not to stare.

“Why not?” she asks.

It takes a moment to understand what she’s asking about.  You pull your gaze away from the dark sweep of her eyelashes against her pale skin. 

“Sometimes you can know too much,” you tell her.

Renfri hums. She cuts off a sliver of a nearby apple with a small dagger, holds it to your lips.  You roll your eyes at her but pull the crisp slice from her blade, let the fruit’s flesh crunch under your teeth, sour and sweet in the same breath. She pulls back and sucks the juice from her fingers.  

Heat rises to your cheeks.

You busy yourself with the wild cherries, breaking them down with the easy precision of constant work.  The smell of them fills the air.  “Besides,” you say absently, working at a particularly stubborn pit, “it’s hard enough already, waiting for what I’ve seen come to pass.”

Renfri pauses.  “You’ve seen yourself in other’s fates?”

“Ah,” you say.  “Yes.”

“Many of them?”

“No,” you say carefully.  “Just one.”

“Oh,” Renfri says, and then she is working at the apple again, peeling its skin off in a long, curling ribbon.  She’s quiet, then, and she stays quiet. During the mid-day dinner, with Maya and the rest of the table sharing the low benches at the long table, she seems to find her chatter again.  

She leaves the same night.  Her men are itching to move on, and from what low chatter carries to you, they’ve caught wind of Stregobor for the first time since he fled Angren. The sun is just gaining the golden hue of the late afternoon when she saddles her horse.  Her men start ahead of her as she dallies at the door of the temple.

“Stay safe,” you tell her, even though you know that in the end, she cannot.  

Renfri nods, and the sun catches in her chestnut hair, paints it bright and dark all at once.  “The fate you saw yourself in,” she says quietly.  

Don’t, you want to say. Please.

“Yes?” you ask.

“It was mine, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” you say, and your ribs crack under the admission.

“I knew it,” Renfri breathes, and she tastes of cherry juice and a hint of spice bread.  She kisses you again, fervent, her callused hands rough against your cheeks, and you open to her.  Renfri softens against you.  She tastes of cherry juice and something tenderly sweet and fate - fate has not prepared you for this.  

She pulls away from you and rests her forehead against yours.  You breathe in her air and push it back out as your own.  Her eyes are mahogany in the afternoon light, tinted darker still by want.  

“I have to go,” she says.

“I know.”

“Soon,” Renfri says.  “I’ll be back soon.”

You push into her again, catch her lips with yours.  She pulls you close, one hand dropping low on your waist, her fingers dipping under the gap between your bodice and your skirt.  She is so warm against you.  

Renfri rides off into the distance.  There is a moment where she blocks out the sun, and it gleams at the edges of her, crowning her with light seeping around her shadowed edges.  An eclipse all your own.

Please, you think that night, as you tend to one of the patches of your goddess’s favored ferns. Let me be wrong, just once.

-

You trace a finger across the scar just beneath Renfri’s left breast, a little sickle moon of healed flesh.  Your touch is feather light.

Renfri laughs and catches your hand.  She brings it to her lips, presses a kiss to the pads of your fingers.  Her lips are swollen and red and hot beneath your touch.  You echo her with a kiss against the lean muscle of her belly.  

“What are you thinking of?” she asks softly.

“Nothing and everything,” you say.  She had come to the temple wearing a leather vest with a familiar pattern.  You could not strip her of it fast enough.

“Come now, oracle,” Renfri chides.  “Tell me.”

“It’s nothing,” you say.

You crawl up and kiss her red, red lips.  She tastes of cherry juice and campfire smoke.  It’s a lazy, sweet kiss.  She cups the nape of your neck and urges you against her.  Renfri touches you with a reverence you’d never expected, her rough hands soft against your skin.  

Her hair is dark against your linens, the waves of it spread wide against your thin pillow.  She glitters with delight, but there is still something feral tucked into her lips.  She kisses you like a wild thing, sometimes, her deep brown eyes hazed until they are almost black, a velvet night to embrace you.  You curl into her side and stroke your fingers over her skin.

The two of you doze until Renfri murmurs: “Would you tell me my fate, if I asked?”

You think of blood, and how the sound of two swords scraping against each other reminds you of a mourning knell.  You think of Renfri’s teeth nipping against your neck like little knives, and her form molded soft against yours.  You press your face into her neck and she smells of thyme, wood and earth, your soap still lingering on her skin.  

She leaves tonight.  The two of you are hoarding every moment you can have, winding sinuous around time like a dragon guarding its treasure. 

“Do you want to know it?” you ask, tasting the salt of her skin on your lips.

Renfri traces the curve of your hip with a long finger.  You pull back enough to peek up at her, to see the way the fan of her lashes flutter over her skin.  She tips your chin up until you meet her eyes.

“No,” she says.  Her eyes glimmer and gleam like torchlight.

You think some quiet part of her already knows.

You press a kiss against the blade of her collarbone.  “Then I won’t,” you say.

The two of you stay entwined until Renfri has to leave.  The Arc Coast is not small, and there are many towns where Stregobor may be hiding, though there are whispers that he is in a sorcerer’s tower in one of the larger towns.  

Renfri’s goodbye kisses are always her hungriest ones.  

She casts a long shadow as she and her men ride off.  It glows around the edges, and you think again of an eclipse.

Not three evenings later, you dream.

There are teeth shining in the darkness.  Each tooth is sharp with power, all honed pale bone gleaming in the velvet cradle of the deep, deep night.  They are ghastly things, otherworldly, piercing through the veil. They do not smile, but you still feel small.  

It is a cruel trick, fate, the teeth say, all rumbling thunder crackling just overhead, splitting the sky with sound. The order of it brings comfort, but the knowing - the knowing is pain. I am sorry, child of mine.

When you wake, you are already crying. 

-

Years later, you step into a tavern and see a witcher with white, white hair tucked away at a table in the back.  His eyes glow sun-gold, and he is as handsome as you remember.  

You order a tankard of ale. Those amber eyes flicker towards you as you approach.  His face is stone, but his eyes are a warning all their own.  

“Thank you,” you say to Geralt of Rivia.  “For trying.”

The tankard makes a heavy noise against the pitted wood of the table.

From the deep grunt, he doesn’t understand, but you don’t need him to.  You still remember the look on his face as he skimmed Renfri’s own blade against the delicate skin of her neck.  The desolation of it, the crack in the very foundation of him.  You still know the touch of his arm against your back, how he cradled her as she fell. 

You had always known you were going to lose her. 

Knowing fate does not save you from it.

taglist: @whitewolfandthefox @hina-chans-stuff @witchernonsense @tutuwho @riviawitch3r @restingnurseface @consultingdetextive @ambivertomnivore @theunwantedomega @shewritesinthethirdperson

[undertaleartistshit]

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186284/chapters/60573760#workskin

Aaand the next chapter of my fanfic is out! Btw, does anyone know how to put it under a cut? Cuz idk how 👀

____________

Chapter 2: Morning Meeting

The loud, repetitive beeping of the alarm shook Ink out of his slumber. He didn't dare open his eyes, his head felt too groggy and hazy to even think about properly waking up, however his alarm didn't fail its job of annoying him awake. Despite having no true emotions and having to rely on bottles of paint to feel, Ink made it day to day acting - almost - like a normal monster. He was happy, sassy, bright, he got annoyed *very* easily, and... he was forgetful. Was that an emotion? Ink didn't know, no one ever told him. No one explained exactly what feelings were to him. Since he FELT forgetful, he just assumed it was a feeling everyone got, just like happiness or sadness or whatever else.

Ink opened his eyes to a ceiling marbled silver and gold and walls filled with papers and ideas, sketches mostly. Color peeked through every few inches, giving the room an incomplete feeling and giving Ink the adequate motivation to get up. He hated incomplete things, hated the way it made his head ache and his spine tingle and his chest tighten. He switched the alarm off, wincing at the bright red colored numbers. 6:30. He slid his legs off the bed onto the hardwood floor, not bothering to make the bed. By his logic he was going to sleep in it again in a few hours and felt no reason to waste time on tidying it. Although it was quite contradictory to his hate of incompletion, Ink just didn't have the energy to care about the bed. It wasn't like magic or a drawing; sometimes it doesn't do what you want it to. Some days the fabric is just wrinkly, for example.

He stood up slowly, careful to not jostle his skull too much, and wove his way through the stacks of notebooks and papers and whatnot, careful not to knock anything over as he made his way to the door, the only think uncovered by paper. He took his sash off of the hanger set off to the side and made his way through the house to the living room. It was empty.

Ink was then hit with the memory of the previous night, realizing his mistake far to late.

Meanwhile, Blue was already awake in his tidy room, silently scribbling away ideas and plans at his large desk. He rarely needed sleep and he considered himself lucky, for the most part. He had only slept 3 hours the night before, but he didn't dare go to the kitchen or turn on any significant light source, in case Dream was awake. Dream was like an older and overprotective sibling, however Blue refrained from considering Dream a brother.

He wrote down idea after idea, answer after question, in beautiful cursive handwriting. He was almost done when a soft alarm went off in his pocket. He took out his rather modern phone, shutting off the buzzing immediately. He sighed softly, looking at the time. 6:30 already. Unlike the other Star Sanses and despite what people thought about Blue, he preferred to keep his phone on a dark setting and color scheme. In fact, most objects in his room where either a soft neutral color or a darker color. His eyes didn't burn that way.

He stood up, putting his pen down and pulling out a sweatshirt to wear instead of a tang top. It reminded him of his battle body. He never put it on anymore. He was pretty sure he burned it or at least tossed it. In the past. He shook his head, pulling the grey article of clothing over his skull and left the room soundlessly. He wasn't in the mood to get snapped at by either of his teammates, and no amount of them saving him could put him in the mood for that.

He stopped before going into the living room, taking a second to stop and self reflect. He was still riled up from being kidnapped just two days ago, plus last night's argument between Dream and Ink, and he needed some time to calm himself. He couldn't go into battle like this or even simply have a civilized discussion without his survival instincts kicking in. He had to tell Ink and Dream about it but he had no idea how the two would react. He wanted to put it off but if something happened than he would have no choice. Despite this, he decided to wait.

Blue casually strolled into the room, sitting down besides Ink on the couch, who seemed to be just... blah. "Mornin' Blue," Ink mumbled with a sour biting tone. "Good morning, Ink. Did you sleep well?" Blue inquired softly, keeping his naturally attention seeking voice low. Ink let out a 'hmpf', and let his head flop backwards. "I got sleep but there was no quality to it, if you understand what I mean." Blue didn't quite know what he meant, but he nodded believably anyways.

Dream suddenly walked into the room with a bright and happy pace. "Up and at 'em you two! We have things to do today." Ink groaned rather dramatically, and Blue sighed in frustration. Blue was generally a bright and happy person, but... today he was just so out of it. He was recovering, for Christ's sake. He wasn't happy about being kidnapped at all, and he had a lot on his mind lately.

But, being him, Blue reflected a bit on what the other two are dealing with. First off, they were immortal GODS who needed to protect and help the millions of AUs out in their Multiverse at any cost. That was already almost a good enough reason to spare them a lecture. And Blue could see why having an active mortal ally would be stressful to deal with, especially when going up against the Dark Sanses, who are by far the most dangerous beings out there. The two Gods had to watch their FRIEND get manhandled and get beaten within an inch of his life every single time they went out to fight. It must be hard on them. But Blue had to really wonder for a second. If they cared so much about him, why would they leave him to get kidnapped? The way it happened was quite stereotypical.

Before Blue could start becoming self conflicted, and start another argument within himself, a screeching ringing startled the three skeletons out of any security and peace they'd found in the last few minutes. Dream flinched harshly and wiped his head to the side and glared at the telephone with an intensity that could slice diamond. Blue had a deep blue bone club materialized in his hand in an instant, his stance tense and ready to strike at a moment's notice. Ink had his paintbrush in hand, his eyes already red, pointed and alert, his body language radiating an aura that could startle the most conditioned soldier.

But it was just a telephone call. After a few moments of just sitting there staring daggers and curses into the poor phone, Blue huffed and flopped back down on the couch with a soft thud and dissipated his club. Ink relaxed soon after, not dismissing his brush yet, and Dream grabbed the phone swiftly, not wasting another second. "Hello?... Uh, yes, we have plenty of time... Yes, we're all here toge..." Dream trailed off and his eyesockets widened, a glimmer of happiness dancing across his face. Blue and Ink looked curiously at their teammate, the two sensing either mischief or pure and utter relief and joy coming their way. Or maybe both.

"OHMYGOSHYESI'LLTELLTHEMASAP" Dream blurted, looking at Blue and Ink with a stupid wide grin. "Core found a lot of useful information about the concert thing. They said that they are actually pretty proud of their work!!" Ink cocked a bone brow in confusion and spoke with a cautious tone. "It's great they found that but... what do you mean that they're 'actually proud'? Core loves all the things that they help with."

Blue looked at the two skeletons with a tired glance. "Nevermind that Ink, make a portal already," Dream snapped and quivered with excitement. Ink rolled his eyes and and stood up with his brush, making a portal to Core. Core took a step into the room with a stack of notebooks, binders, and papers and smiled politely. "Nice to see you all again. I have some useful info."

The Star Sanses all smiled softly, except Dream, who was practically vibrating with pure euphoria. "Please sit down on the couch, Core!" Dream grinned as he ushered the monochrome seer to the couch. Dream wedged his way between Ink and Blue, hissing at the latter quietly to scoot. He patted the remaining space besides him for Core, who smiled brightly and laid their stuff out on the empty coffee table in front of them.

Blue blinked a bit, listening as Core started to explain and habitually ignoring Dream's rude gesture. It wasn't a full on conversation, so it was somewhat easier for Blue to follow. Everyone settled in, patiently listening. "So," Core began.

"I have gathered some information about the concert, and although it isn't much to go off of, it's enough to give an idea about how... well, in honesty how thought out this entire event is. First off, general stuff. The place is set in an empty AU, titled "\\\\\tale" and has 3 fixated portal ports, presumably for crowd control. It is accessible by every AU, which may be a problem with culture clash and whatnot. And the date and time is pretty straightforward, maybe they rely on people to translate timezones? We may need to do our part in sending out important points to others if that's the case. The music selection will mostly consist of EDM, house, alternative rock, electro, and remixes of all sorts of other things. Any more info is in these files here."

Ink interrupted quickly. "Uh, I've never heard of \\\\\tale. What is it?" Core hummed for a second, than reached towards a binder, flipping through organized pages filled with notes and a greyscale color spectrum. After a while, Core ran their finger across a line or two, their lips moving ever so slightly in sync. "Oh, it's just an empty copy. Nothing dangero-"

Ink coughed, and pushed away from the three on the couch, and puked putred black ink all over the light colored carpet. Blue made a somewhat frustrated, somewhat skeptical grunting sound, and raced to the closest closet to grab cleaning supplies before the ink stained the carpet. Well, badly, anyways. Dream rushed over to Ink, holding him up a bit while Core sped off to the kitchen with a pitiful "oh dear".

Core scurried back to the living room with a rag and a glass of water in tow. Blue waited until Ink was safely seated on the couch before he began cleaning the carpet vigorously, spraying anti-stain detergent onto the pale flooring, and not holding back with scrubbing. This almost reminded him of the honey-stained floors of his bro's... Blue resisted the urge to knock on his head to erase those past-thoughts out.

Ink rubbed his head, mumbling a soft apology. "Uh..." Ink started slowly. "What were we talking about again..?" Blue sighed, and muttered quiet annoyed curses to himself. Before anyone else could react, Ink glared at Blue, albeit hazily, and he growled defensively. "What's *your* problem..?" Blue glanced up at Ink with a blank expression. "Ink, I'm sorry, but the last few days have been a bit hard on me, and you and Dream as well. I didn't want to deal with your... uh... condition, so to speak on top of everything else."

Ink paused, his facial expression unreadable. Then, slowly but surely, it twisted into confusion. "What the heck happened? And you mean the puking thing right?" Blue sighed and inquired with a gentle but firm tone, balancing between patient and angry, "Do you remember ANYTHING about the concert?" Ink's eyes narrowed in suspicious perplexity, and he shook his head. Blue huffed, picking the cleaning supplies back up and placing them back where they belonged.

Dream sighed softly, putting his hand on the back of his fellow immortal. "Ink, I'll fill you in on what happened." Blue sat down in his spot, Core sitting down next to the former. Ink stared at Blue for a second, as Blue stared at nothingness with an exhausted expression. "Blue...?" Dream asked after noticing his teammates vacant air. Blue looked at the people on the couch with him, and slowly voiced his concern. "We need to work on Ink's memory." Ink looked somewhat offended, but before Blue could elaborate his reasoning, Ink blurted out in outrage.

"Yeah, you think I haven't tried?! I've tried taking notes, sending it on my phone, using connections to things or whatever!" Blue blinked at the outburst, surprised Ink got furious about such a thing. He wasn't exactly a self conscious person... maybe feelings from the fight with Dream last night were putting pressure on his already poor self control. "Well, uh... maybe there's something we haven't tried yet..?" Blue suggested. Blue felt rather helpless. Maybe he should have waited until Ink was filled in on the situation before pointing out the age-old nuisance that plagued his mind.

Ink scoffed, averting his eyes from Blue, with a shaky hiss. "Even if there were alternatives... I don't want to hear them right now. I. Don't. Care." Blue stiffened at the tone, that phrase always seemed to bring back memories after all. He took a deep breath, and-

"Ink, please calm yourself!" Dream begged. Blue blinked and nodded in agreement. "Please?" Ink glared at Blue and Dream. An eternity of silence and harsh tension passed. There was only hostility and anger in Ink's gaze. He was truly offended that Blue thought that it was an easy thing to fix.

Blue was... not in a good mindset. He wanted to smack Ink for not using his brain, he felt like crying or screaming. He wanted to snap at the others for not prioritizing such a huge problem that really needed to be fixed. He was so frustrated and stressed, and he was just so overwhelmed. He was sad and hurt that Ink turned on him so fast as well.

Dream and Core sat helplessly as Ink continued with his rant. "You know what? NO!" he screamed at Blue, grabbing his upper arm with a steely death grip. Dream gasped, reaching out to Ink to make him stop, but Ink pushed him back down. "Dude what the-" Blue panicked. It was too familiar. Too close. Too parental.

Core sat uselessly on the couch. They were worried out of their mind, as well as Dream, but they simply didn't know any of the skeletons, besides Ink, to do anything for them in the situation. If they said something, they were truly worried about the repercussions that would stem from Ink later on.

Blue struggled to get away from the Protector's angry grasp, his mind tittering between pure panic and a sense of normalcy. Ink dragged Blue to a back room. Dream sprinted after the two other skeletons before jumping and holding Ink in place. He could sense that all Ink wanted to do was to hurt Blue, and it made Dream *sick*. Blue released himself from Ink, running to his room before he had the chance to get caught again.

"ALL I WANTED TO TO WAS TALK TO HIM IN A SEPARATE ROOM!" Ink screamed at Dream and he tried to struggle out of his companion's grip. Dream held on tighter and said in a calming voice. "No, you didn't. You wanted to hurt him all because he wanted to get rid of your memory problem. He didn't know it would offend you." Ink still struggled, although too a much lesser degree. "C-c'mon Dream! That was a horrible time to bring it up though! Give me some credit here!" Dream squeezed tighter. "You don't deserve credit here, Inky. Calm down, please." Ink stopped struggling, and began to melt into the tight grip. "I... I'm so sorry..." he whispered. "You need to apologize to Blue, not me. But I forgive you anyways! And, uh, give Blue a minute to cool off before talking. He's probably really mad." Dream released his hug, and looked at Ink as Ink smiled. "Ok.."

The two walked back to the living room where Core was sitting. Dream was beginning to shake as he sat down on the couch, and Core noticed. "Dream..?" Core asked fearfully. "I'm fi... fine..." The sentence started out confident, but then Dream shivered and collapsed on Ink, who was beside him. Ink flinched, as he started to panic as well. "Uh??" Ink's confused voice rasped. "Oh. Uh. Dream probably passed out because of the abundance of negative emotions," Core commented calmly. "It would make sense after all."

Ink nodded, getting up after shrugging Dream off of his side onto the couch so that he was laying where Ink was formerly sitting. Core got off of the couch, lifting Dream's legs up and helped Ink shift Dream's unconscious form into a seemingly comfortable position. A blanket was draped over Dream, and the Guardian of Positivity's golden crown was removed and placed on the table.

Meanwhile, Blue laid on his bed, experiencing one of the worst panic attacks he's ever had. He was in the past, and the present and future paid him no mind.

~~~[]~~~

Hate, worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety, panic, frustration, anger, nervousness, sadness, and betrayal.

Nightmare's single resting eye opened from his slumber. He took a deep breath, relieved at the singular negative emotions coming from an unknown source. He stood from his simple bed, leaving and walking towards the kitchen, where his fa-... minions were eating breakfast.

"Mornin' Boss!" Cross grinned. "Good morning everyone," Nightmare greeted, walking to the coffee machine, by which Horror was leaning on the counter, his singular eyesight fixated on the filling pot. "What's gotten you up so early?" Horror inquired, slowly. He was never a quick speaker, and the gang respected that. "You're one to talk," Killer snickered. Everyone responded with various levels of laughter and chuckles. "Well," Nightmare began. "I woke up because there was a huge influx of negative emotions from some random unknown place. And I have a feeling that if we go there, we can really fuck up whoever has those feeling, y'know?"

Dust grinned creepily. "Soo you're saying this isn't a slaughter, but a torture?" Nightmare chuckled, "That's one way of putting it. I have the coordinates so we can go right after breakfast. I've never seen code like it before though, we should be careful." All the Sanses agreed, as they began to cook and sip on their preferred drinks.

Little do they know...

[thatwritingho]

Bitch you bet your ass!!! Idk if this would be considered fluffy at all but I tried to make it cute, enjoy!

Lazy Daze

One single strip of bright sunlight sneaking through the curtain and landing across your face was all it took to rouse you from your drug and alcohol induced slumber. A heavy, long suffering groan escaped your lips as you screwed your eyes closed and rolled over onto your side, hand blindly feeling for your phone on the side table. With great effort, you managed to open a heavy lid to peer at the all too bright screen, the numbers searing into your corneas as you checked the time.

12:36pm.

The sounds of incoherent mumbling accompanied the shifting of the bed behind you, and a freckled arm slung heavily over the curve of your waist. Hot breath and facial hair tickled your ear as Pickles peeped over your shoulder at your phone, groaning and burying his face into your hair to hide from the light assaulting his hungover senses.

“‘s too early”

As much as you agreed with his assessment, the headache pounding against your skull and pressing need to relieve yourself told you that you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep any time soon.

His arm tightened around you and held you in place as you attempted to drag yourself out of his comfortable bed, his warm body pressing against your back and tempting you to stay in place just a little longer.

“Where’re yah goin?”

“Gotta piss”

He grunted and released his hold, and you rose on heavy legs, snagging and yanking on a random shirt off the floor to protect your bare body from the cold air as you half walked, half stumbled to his connected bathroom.

You returned to a much brighter room with a glass of water in your hand, the curtains now open, and Pickles placing a rolling tray back on the side table, presenting you with a fresh joint. You managed to clamber back into bed next to him, shoulder pressing against his as you both reclined against the pillows propped against his headboard, and took the joint and lighter from his hand.

Smoke billowed from your mouth as you hummed in satisfaction, taking two hits before passing it back to your redheaded partner, and you sighed happily.

“Let’s stay in bed all day today.”

Pickles passed it back and gave you that crooked smile that you loved so much, his eyes lighting up a bit at the prospect of shirking all responsibilities for a lazy day together. 

“Yeh? Sounds good ta me, dood.”

.

Hours had passed and the both of you were stoned out of your minds, Pickles a bit tipsy from the bottle he had been sipping on throughout the day. The both of you were coming down from an uncontrollable laughing fit, over what you couldn’t quite recall, but you were leaning on him for support as you fought to catch your breath.

You gazed up at him and your breath caught in your throat, smiling gently at how genuinely happy he looked in that moment, green eyes sparkling as they turned to meet yours. He seemed to sense the change in the atmosphere, and his smile faltered a bit.

“Everything ahlright?”

You just smiled wider and nodded, hand coming up to cup his face as you leaned in, pressing your soft lips to his own. What you had intended to be just a sweet kiss quickly morphed into something much heavier, and you raised your other hand to fully hold his face as your lips met time and again. Pickles broke the kiss momentarily to toss the empty bottle in his hand across the room, both of you disregarding the sound of shattering glass as it landed, the Klokateers would clean it up later.

His now free hand snuck under your shirt and curled around your rib cage, thumb rubbing teasingly just under your breast, his other arm holding himself up. He nipped at your bottom lip, tongue gliding smoothly into your mouth and probing at yours, tangling them together with expertise as he took control of the kiss, sending tingles down your spine.

Between the hours you had spent smoking and the intensity of his kiss, your mind was a cloudy mess and you broke the lip lock to catch your breath. Pickles bumped the tip of your nose with his, then began kissing over your cheek, following the line of your jaw, and down the column of your throat, nipping and sucking the skin along your pulse, drawing small sounds of approval from your lips.

He guided your body lower onto the bed to more comfortably lay on your back, adjusting to hover over you, hand still under your shirt moving up to lightly trace his fingertips on the underside of your breast. Your back arched, chest rising into his touch, and your shirt was quickly shoved up as Pickles descended his mouth to your cleavage, sucking and biting red marks into the valley of your breasts, mumbling a "fahcking perfect tits" into your skin before moving to take a peaked nipple into his mouth with a hum of appreciation, heat pooling in your core at from his attention.

The effects of the weed had your body feeling extra receptive to his every touch, and you writhed underneath him with a moan, hands finding purchase on the back of his head, gripping onto his dreads to ground yourself as he suckled at you. You couldn't help it as you squirmed, whining his name for more.

He chuckled a little and released your nipple with a 'pop,' looking up at you with a grin.

"What d'yah want me ta do, babe?"

You whimpered a bit at his teasing and pushed on the top of his head, moving him farther down your body. A pierced brow raising and another grin was the only response you received as he sat back on his heels and raised your leg in the air, lips pressing against your calf, moving slowly upwards along your legs, licking the underside of your knee and beginning to suck marks along your inner thigh.

His hand squeezed high on your other thigh, pushing against it to spread your your legs farther open, the pad of his thumb rubbing lightly along your outer folds as he sucked a particularly bruising hickey onto your skin. Your hips rolled up into his touch in a desperate attempt to put his hand where you wanted it, but he was quick to push you back down to the mattress, and you huffed in annoyance and frustration.

The man enjoyed teasing you entirely too much when you let him have control.

After what seemed like an unbearably, agonizingly long time, Pickles finally mouthed his way to the apex of your thighs, his green eyes flashing up to yours to make sure your were watching as spread your lower lips with both hands and flattened his tongue, licking from the bottom of your entrance to your clit, latching his lips around the sensitive bud and sucking.

Your breathing stuttered, eyes rolling back and head turning to the side to bite the comforter to muffle yourself as a very loud, wanton moan forced it way from your throat. Pickles was having none of that, though, and withdrew his mouth, pinching your thigh roughly to make you look at him.

"C'mahn, babe, don't do that, I wanna hear yah."

He punctuated his sentence by sliding his middle finger into your drenched pussy, the digit curling and caressing your slick walls, locating your gspot with practiced ease and pressing hard to provide the delicious pressure you had been craving. This time, you made no effort to hold back your moans as his mouth resumed the assault on your clit, tongue circling and teeth grazing as he worked you over, you nails digging into his shoulders as you lost yourself to the pleasure.

"Fuck, Pickles, baby... that's it, right there, pleaseplease please don't stop"

You bucked your hips into his face as you chased your euphoria, the erotic, wet sounds his mouth and fingers produced as he played your body like a fine tuned instrument filling the room, mixing so well with your moans, the music of your shared passion spurring you on. His arms wrapped around your thighs from underneath and pulled them over his shoulders to provide better access as he buried his face in between them, licking you open as he reached down to pump his aching cock.

The heat in your abdomen was spreading through your body in waves as you continued to hump his face, the soft scratch of his facial hair against your skin adding another level of sensation as you felt your legs start to shake. You gripped his dreads as you tipped over the edge with a scream of his name, every muscle in your body taught as you threw your head back, toes curling in bliss as your rode out your orgasm on his face.

With a final lick to your quivering pussy, Pickles rose and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, green eyes intense with lust as they roamed your flushed body. He grinned his crooked grin and aligned his cock with your core, rubbing the head over your still sensitive clit.

"That's more like it. Now, I want every fahcker in this place ta hear yah screaming fer me when yah come on my cahck."

.

[katsuragi-yako]

majin tantei nougami neuro week day two: rivalry

notes: IDK if this drabble ends up fitting “rivalry” as much as I wanted it to. It kind of went a little differently than planned. But that’s okay I guess lmao. Also, if this is too hard to read on my blog and you don't have "Read More Now" for x-kit, all of my drabbles are getting posted onto AO3 as well!

    That she can remember, it’s the first time this has ever happened to them.

    They’ve both realized who the culprit is at the exact same time.

    For any regular job that they work ( one that’s not on any sort of larger scale and doesn’t take them more than a day or two to solve ), it’s not always easy to see the precise moment when Neuro’s actually connected every dot and decided he’s ready to break it down step by step. An ever-so-slight tug of a smile upon his lips, a twitch of his brow, a momentary flicker of his true nature reflected in his eyes--his reactions are subtle. Which isn’t very surprising since most cases aren’t too much of a brain-teaser for him in the first place.

    She, on the other hand, is a little easier to read than her demonic partner. Not that she is over the top or an open book, of course; she certainly knows how to behave in front of culprits and clients so that she doesn’t give anything vital about her thought process away. But in the presence of those she can trust, when the metaphorical pieces click together in her mind, Yako is much more candid. Her eyes widen, her spine straightens, and her lips part just the littlest bit. Even cases that don’t test her abilities too much can still elicit more subtle reactions--it is rare that she is completely devoid of any sort of emotion.

    And they both know each other’s ticks and habits; hell, they can converse with just their eyes. Of course they can read the signs and tell when their opposite has cracked a case or at least figured out something of significance. 

    So, when she cranes her neck back to look up at him and present the demon her thoughts, what she sees throws her for a loop. They’ve both come to a conclusion and turned to face each other not even seconds apart, almost as though some invisible force had moved their heads in unison. Even he looks just a little surprised.

    They have definitely had close finishes before where one reaches an answer right before the other does. More often than not it is Neuro quickly deducing the method of the murder and tearing any alibi to shreds, caring very little about the why--because that’s her job. And even with it being her forte, she still doesn’t always work as fast he does. But on certain cases that are dripping with human emotion and require her talents to unlock the puzzle, she can often excel and beat the demon to the punch.

    And though they are the perfect partners, making up for what the other lacks while working with and not against one another ( “torture” excluded ), Yako won’t deny that she enjoys being able to hold it over him whenever she can actually keep pace or even pass him. This is no exception, regardless of how surprising and eerie their simultaneous revelation may be. Once she is able to break free of her stupor, a grin spreads across her lips, and she raises an eyebrow at him.

        “--Another point for me.”

        “Excuse me, mealworm? Is that boasting I hear? When you haven’t even bothered to explain who you think the culprit is?” In an instant, his gloved talons have snapped out and harshly grasped her skull in a painfully tight grip. “I think you’re getting a big head. Perhaps I should pop it.”

        “Owowowow,” Yako rattles off, her face contorting in discomfort as her hands fly up to tug at his sleeve in defiance. “I am not! It was a joke!” Mostly.

        “A poor one,” he says, tightening his grip just a tad more. “You would not receive a point for a simple tie, even against me. Now, tell me who you think has committed this murder, and if it’s correct, I might consider not splitting your skull open like a melon.”

        “Hey, who says I wouldn’t get a point for a tie?” she shoots back, brows tightening in a blend of both mock and genuine offense. “There are games where a tie will give both players a point instead of neither getting zero.”

        “In hell, a tie means that both participants are dead.” Pinching the fabric of the glove on his spare hand between his teeth, Neuro yanks the fabric off his body to reveal bladed fingers. He runs them lightly across her throat, his expression absolutely menacing. But she knows he would never actually do such a thing to her; Yako doesn’t even flinch. “So no points.”

        “We’re not dead, though,” she deadpans back to him before yelping when he twists her head sharply to the right, shooting pain through her muscles. “Ahgh! Fine, fine! It was the mother that did it! There’s a million small signs that she’s unhealthily attached to our client, even if she’s good at hiding it from most people. Not to mention, I found out the park where the murder took place holds great significance to her because of our client, and she’s had a history of causing a scene or two there in the past. I think it’d make sense for her to plan something in that location since she knows it like the back of her hand and holds such an intense emotional attachment to it. Especially considering who the victim is.”

    There’s a short pause before she is dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. This barely fazes her, though, and the so-called “detective” is back on her feet within a matter of seconds, brushing off her clothes and massaging her neck after its rough treatment. He says nothing, staring down at her as she readjusts herself as though he is pondering her words. And once their gaze meets once more, she can’t help but smile a little. There’s a palpable sense of satisfaction reflected in his eyes, their demonic nature deepening in a way that she hasn’t seen directed at anyone else but herself.

        “--Hm. Your assumption is correct, slug. It was indeed the mother,” he says, slipping his glove back upon his hand before heading across the room. “But how she did it, I will explain after you have played your part.”

        “Right.” Grabbing her purse, she follows after him, rushing to match the demon’s pace and walk side by side with him down the hallway to where their client and the culprit are waiting. And once they make to the door and Neuro begins to turn the knob, Yako can’t stop herself from whispering, “I still think I got a point.”

    The door swings open, and before she can even say her line, her own fist shoots up to punch herself in the face, rather than point at the murderer.

[badspacebabies]

birthday ficlet, for @reserve

@reserve is my dearest buddy, my singularly amazing partner in crime, my most talented collaborator extraordinare, and today is her birthday!!!!!!!! i love her very much, so i wrote her this dumb benarmie/young kylux ficlet that I hope you also will all enjoy. featuring: classic confused sullen teen ben solo, gratuitous hux descriptions, rae sloane cameo (!!!!!), and the city of coruscant. 

it’s pretty long so i’ve put it under a clickthru!

-

up on top (benarmie, 2k, rated teen i guess idk)

Ben sees him first when he is fourteen, while taking two weeks of the Yanvin summer with his mother on Coruscant. It is the third morning: Leia treats him to a breakfast in their rooms (he ruins it by being purposefully sullen and grunting at her questions, squashing delicate star-shaped cuts of fruit into pulp with the tines of his fork and refusing to look her in the eyes), and then sighs and sets off to her meetings, leaving Ben to his own devices.

In the empty suite, he flips through the holonews channels, picks at the mess of fruit drying on his breakfast plate, suns himself on the balcony, jerks off half-guiltily in the sonic, takes a dozy and indulgent nap in the crisp sheets of his bed that leaves his mind pleasantly fuzzy on the edges and seems to momentarily quiet the humming grey flurry of ash in the back of his skull.

He thinks about trying to get his hands on a speeder. (He knows he’s not supposed to wander too far, not supposed to charm his way into trouble, but he also knows that lately everyone around him seems perfectly happy to give him a wide berth, and to tend toward expressions of mild disappointment rather than punishment when things go sour, even Luke.) He thinks about leaving, about just going, to try to find with his own body the impossible edges of the sprawling ecumenopolis. Instead, he dresses, tugs the hood of his robes up over his head and walks aimlessly upwards through the shining halls of Coruscant’s agoras, through its covered markets with shops hawking artfully crinkled silks all in the color of gemstones behind transparisteel arced windows, its gardens with fountains of clear water on the 4000 levels of the Galactic City skyscrapers, catching glimpses of humming skylanes, of hazy shifting clouds, of the remnants of the Federal District repurposed and stripped of insignia.

On level 4500, he catches a hydraulic lift to the top of the new Corusca Tower, the liftpod crammed with cooing tourists with overdone hairstyles, somber men in Senate robes, chittering xenos, droids nattering in binary, all while the holopanels of the pod scroll through supposedly enticing images of the Tower’s restaurants, its shops, its mammoth ovoid crown boasting panoramic views of the very top of the old Fed-Di, the clouds, the sky.

(Maybe, he thinks, in an effort to cheer himself, to ward off the edge of nausea, the encroaching dizziness of too many hours now spent trying to manage the oppressive chatter of millions of other people’s minds, maybe the edge of the city was never sideways, but up. He shoves his hands into his sleeves, ducks his chin under his hood.)     

Ben sees him the moment the lift doors open. He’s on the far side of the ovoid, by the curved windows. He’s head-to-toe in dark grey, like a uniform, with a shock of close-shorn bright red-orange hair. The color of it makes Ben think of late season sunsets, atmo-afterburn, Thoraline-gas nebulas, flashes of disgusting, overly dramatic poetic imagery he surprises even himself with. The kid looks about sixteen, seventeen, maybe a little older, skinny in the chest and wrists, with shipbound-pale skin and sharp little eyes the same color as the sweeping aqua of the sky spread out behind him.

He’s in the company of a tall, dark-skinned older woman wearing a vaguely military-inflected outfit. They stand close together, her head turned away as she speaks, and the kid has his attention fixed to the datapad in his hands, typing seriously as if taking notes. Ben fits himself into an alcove by the lift, finding himself suddenly able to ignore the wash of Coruscanti mindchatter, to ignore the dozens of other crowding bodies, to ignore the glittering stupidity of this ancient city trying to disguise its own pain, to ignore his own sullenness and anger—it all drops away as if dropped into a vacuum, all in favor of this strange, straight-backed boy with a hungry, derisive face.

He looks, thinks Ben, like a knife.

He watches as the older woman says something, and the kid nods with finality, tucking his datapad under his arm. The woman touches him lightly on the shoulder, and then takes off purposefully to the other side of the ovoid—Ben tracks her from underneath the shadow of his hood while she is welcomed by a group of people his mother would probably refer to, with a certain dose of light sarcasm, as our friends in the Senate.

The kid settles himself into a low chair by a table, still crowned by the blue of the sky out the window behind him. He crosses his legs at the knee, sits with his spine rigid up against the back of the chair, settles the datapad carefully across his lap—movements to Ben that look so heavily ritualized and controlled that the empty wide space in his chest clenches tight with something like longing, aching for an answer to a question he didn’t know he had buried inside him until now: where did that come from, why is it like that, what do you get from it.

He tugs off his hood, straightens the folds of his robes, and takes a wide arc through the crowd so he comes up on the kid from behind and to his right, as if he’s just been looking for a place to sit, and the chair right here, by the window, next to this stranger, is the first available option. The kid doesn’t look up from his datapad when Ben sits beside him, doesn’t even seem to notice while Ben adopts his most nonchalant slump, one boot resting against the edge of the low table.

From this angle, from close-up, Ben can see the pale blue veins of his wrists peeking out from the grey sleeve-hem, when the kid flips his hand to thumb at the datapad controls. That empty space in Ben’s chest squeezes in on itself again, and he’s speaking before he can even think to stop himself:

“Pretty cool, huh?”

The kid blinks, slowly, and then glances in Ben’s direction. He looks stuck somewhere between surprise and outright disgust at the mere fact of being spoken to.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, ‘pretty cool, huh?’” Ben repeats. He jerks his chin at the curved transparisteel window in front of them, at the glittering spires and expanse of the city tucked into the clouds below them. “The view?”

The kid does that deliberate blink again. (Ben notices that his eyelashes are the same color as his hair, translucent and orange-gold.)

“What?”

“Uh,” says Ben. “You do speak Basic, right?”

“Enough to suggest that you mind your own business.”

The clench in his chest plunges into cold, hard fury. He feels the grin that had been growing on his lips dissolve like it’s been slapped off his face. “Wow.”

“What.”

“You don’t have to be such a jerk, y’know.”

“Don’t I?”

“No,” says Ben.

“My apologies, then.” The kid looks and sounds exactly the opposite of sorry.

“Whatever.” Ben sniffs, and turns his head away, glaring at the plummeting skyline out the window. Even through the unpleasant roiling disappointment, the mean little surge of anger growing in his gut, he can feel the prickle of attention from his left, where the kid is still looking at him. When he glances back, the kid’s expression has softened, almost, his eyes are slightly narrowed, his brows just drawn together: an imperceptible space of fascination opening up inside him—Ben can feel it through the anger like a quiet little tap-tap-tap against his skull.

“What?”

“What is that ridiculous—hairstyle.”

Ben grabs at the end of the braid where it’s resting against his shoulder, reflexive. “Yeah, I know. It’s dumb.” He flicks it behind him, raises his chin. “Won’t have to have it for much longer, though.”

“No?”

“No.” Ben can feel the tapping again. He pushes back against it, just to see what might happen. “You’re uh. Not from around here, are you?”

“Are you?”

“Well, no—but like, you’re really not from here.”

“No,” says the kid. “I’m not.”

“Where from, then?”

The kid drops the edge of the datapad, lets his hands rest against his knees. “You first.”

“Yanvin,” he says, because it’s the simplest answer. “You?”

“You wouldn’t know it,” says the kid.

“I bet I would,” he says.

“I doubt it,” says the kid. He looks away, to the window. “Never mind.”

In profile, he looks very young. There is a smudge of discolored skin where a old bruise must have recently bloomed under his jawline. There is a white-pink scar on his temple, barely a quarter-inch long and very thin. He still, even now, vaguely entranced by the view, holds himself like he has been laced up straight into his own spine. He is obviously terrible at having normal conversations. Where did you come from, thinks Ben, with urgency and delight.

“It is—nice,” says the kid, suddenly. Ben can see his pale eyes tracking the flight of a lux-speeder down below, weaving in-between the pink-lined smog and enviro-filter floaters, the weak sun glinting off the metal plating. “The view.”

“Long way down, right.”

“Yes,” says the kid.

Ben knows that lately, he has been growing all out of proportion. Shot up four inches in the spring and his hands and feet feel often too large for his limbs, he trips and drops things and does his best to pretend that none of it bothers him. But suddenly here alongside this other boy he feels like none of that is true, like it doesn’t matter: he feels strangely strong, oversized like a man, buoyed and powerful, like when the sibilant voice inside his belly and echoing in his skull would sometimes guide his hands during fits of insolence, rage, confusion to make power result where he had only felt helplessness.

“Sort of makes you think about jumping, you know?” When the kid looks back at him, a sudden little spike of confusion on his face, Ben amends: “Not like—not literally. Just. You know.”

“I don’t,” says the kid. Ben knows he’s lying; he can feel it again, the knife-edge going tap-tap-tap inside the bone of his skull.

“Sure,” says Ben. “Not literally, jumping. Just—the urge. To see what would happen.”

“What would happen,” the kid repeats.

“Yeah,” says Ben. “You know. To just do something everybody thinks you can’t handle. Because you want to.”

The kid holds his gaze, his bright eyes narrowed again like he has just realized Ben isn’t just an insolent kid trying to provide a distraction while someone else nicks his credits, like Ben isn’t just a boring, spoiled Coruscanti troglodyte attempting to impress, like Ben isn’t just another blank face filled to the edges with useless white noise—instead like he’s just realized that Ben might be interesting, that Ben might have something to say, and worth listening to.

The kid opens his mouth, as if to reply, at the same time that a woman’s accented voice cuts through the crowd—calling: Armitage?—and then he blinks, his gaze drops, his fingers find their hold on the edge of the datapad again.

“Well,” he says.

“That’s you?”

“That’s me.”

“Armitage,” he says, trying it out.

The kid—Armitage—looks as though he can’t even muster the energy to roll his eyes as he gathers up his things and stands. “We all have names.”

“Right.” Ben grins. “Sorry about yours.”

“I’m sure you are,” says Armitage, pausing with the datapad clutched to his chest as if maybe he is not entirely convinced the conversation is over.

“Want mine?” he asks.

“No,” says Armitage.

“It’s Ben,” he says. “I’m Ben.”

Armitage looks down at him, mouth pursed. Tap-tap-tap goes the radiating little gleam of fascination.

“Ben,” he says, finally. “Well. It’s been very—strange to make your acquaintance.”

“’Bye, Armitage.”

Armitage sneers at him, with all the practiced ease of a polite handshake, and he goes.

–

I know him, he will say to Snoke, only just a few years later, when he has begun to reveal himself and has started to show Ben a new part of his own future. A glimpse of a tall young man with his bright hair tucked under a dark winged cap, standing on the edge of a gleaming black fighter bridge, his hands clasped in a knot behind the small of his back. Eyes the color of the sweeping Coruscant sky narrowed like in his memories, and now full of fire.

I know him, he will say. I’ve met him before.

(He will not say: I’ve thought about him, sometimes. He will not say: I have thought about his mouth, sometimes. About gripping his wrists in my hands and squeezing until the bone shatters. About leaving bruises on his skin.)

Of course you do, Snoke will say. Did you think, my child, that I would not provide for you? 

And Snoke will say: Did you think that I would ever let you be so lonely again?

[ushijimawakaflockaflame-blog]

Eyyo I heard you like midorima. How about an adorably awkward first date with his shy crush scenario?

AN: YAYAYAY MIDORI-MAH HUSBAND, AM I RIGHT. I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AND SORRY IT’S NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR CUZ TBH I thought this fit Midorima better???????? idk ok enjoy im sorry

Boys never really piqued your interest. You weren’t at school to date, you were at school to learn, to prepare yourself for the vast amount of opportunities in the working world. Not like you were a hermit under its shell under a rock, you let the weekends take its course and hung out with friends sometimes, but you were known as the one who studied all the time.

Like, all the time. During class, in the library, in cafes, at the park, you name it. If you were somewhere, you probably had your nose deep in your notebook. You had that reputation at Shutoku, but you were quite thankful that it wasn’t necessarily a bad label on you, right?

I mean, it did spark up an interest in a certain classmate of yours.

You shared many of the same classes with the famous Midorima Shintarou. In each class, your seats were always near each other - in the same column, diagonally, but never next to each other. You didn’t know him on a personal level, but it was hard to ignore him when he was the only one in class with green hair and towered over you like a baby giraffe. Sometimes you’d exchange acknowledging nods, but that was about it.

Even with the minimal amount of knowledge known about each other, you always felt his eyes on you.

You never dared look back, though. You knew it was him because he looked at you with the same intensity he had during his games and it bore holes into the back of your skull. Even without peripherally looking at him, you could still feel his stare, and it sent shivers down your spine every day.

But today, you weren’t having it. You ignored all his stares, all your shivers, hell, you were even a little flattered that he gave you the time of day and attention that no other guy did, but today, you were not in the mood.

You both sat in your respective desks during your math class today. It was a few days before the big midterm, and you wanted to absorb all the information on this review you could get.

But you could feel it. You could feel his eyes from the desk behind you and it made you so jittery and uneasy that you couldn’t focus on the review and it frustrated you. Your cheeks were pink, hands shaking, and your eye even twitched a little.

Why did he stare at you, anyways? And you, of all people!? You were going to find out.

Your teacher finally dismissed the class for the day. Immediately, before you even bothered to pack up your stuff, your torso swung to face your four-eyed admirer. Your brows were furrowed, trying to look angry, but when your eyes met, you quickly faltered.

You never noticed how green his eyes were before.

You were never one to interact with strangers much, so you froze in your place when your eyes met. You thought he would be the one to give you a snarky remark, but he was lost in your gaze, too.

Internally, he was panicking; after all these months, you finally caught him. But he refused to show you any sort of weakness, let alone even admit he was looking at you.

After a long thirty seconds, you finally broke the spell.

“M-Midorima-san!” you sputtered. You cursed at yourself for stuttering.

“What?” he asked, a bit annoyed.

You were a bit taken back by his boldness, but you stayed strong. “Why do you keep staring at me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do! I catch you staring all the time!” you lied.

Classmates packing up turned to look at you two bickering. Midorima blushed and immediately covered your mouth with his hands.

“Be quiet, will you! People are going to start assuming, like what you’re doing now!”

You pulled away from his large, engulfing hands and pouted. “Not until I get my answer!” Midorima clicked his tongue, removing his hands and rushing to go to the next class. Coincidentally, you were in that class, also, so you followed suit. “H-Hey, wait!!”

Throughout the whole day, it was your turn to stare at him until he burned, giving him a taste of his own medicine. Midorima’s eye twitched, suddenly realizing why you were so antsy today, but he wasn’t going to admit it to you. You did this for the remaining three class you both had for the day, and you even dared to follow him to practice.

You sat on the benches and watched the team. A few other students - mostly girls - sat near you to watch, also, fawning over how cool the team was. You had to admit, watching them was pretty intense, but you had one goal, and that was to make Midorima confess to you why he looked at you the way that he does.

Takao wiped his brow as he stared up at the benches. “Oi, Shin-chan! I didn’t know you had fans!”

“What?” Midorima didn’t take his eyes off of the basketball hoop as he flawlessly shot his three-pointers.

“A secret admirer has been staring at you this whole time! A cute one, at that. They tutored me for a bit, actually. How do you know them?”

“What?” Midorima repeated. This time, he turned his attention to his teasing friend and followed his eyes.

“Gah!” Midorima exclaimed. His cheeks flushed brightly when he saw you, your eyes meeting once again. “W-What are you doing here!?”

“I want my answer, Midorima-san!”

“Eh?” Takao raised a brow. “What are they -”

“I’m going to go shower.”

“Wha- but practice isn’t over yet!?”

“I’m not feeling well,” a blushing Midorima ran to the locker rooms to change. You groaned, running to go meet him outside of the door once he was finished.

You weren’t going to let him get away.

Midorima took his sweet time changing. He showered, deep-cleaned his glasses, and even steamed his tracksuit. After over an hour of killing time in the locker room, he finally left the locker room.

“Midorima-san.”

He jumped at the voice behind him. He turned to see you waiting patiently against the lockers.

“I-I don’t have time for your questions. I have an exam to study for,” he lied.

“Oh, me too. We are in the same class, you know,” your mouth curved into a teasing smile.

Midorima’s cheeks heated up for the tenth time today. “Then stop wasting time and let’s go.”

“H-Huh? Go where?”

“Do you want to study or not?” Midorima quickly turned away to walk towards the doors. You followed closely behind him.

The walk to the study spot was long and awkward. He chose some place outside of school, so you both walked in silence for quite some time. Youu dropped the revenge act and now you two completely avoided each other. It wasn’t until you both arrived at your destination that you finally spoke up.

“You like to study here, too?” you asked. Midorima saw your eyes twinkle at the caramel latte poster. You heard him make some weird noise of confirmation and you followed him inside.

When the two of you sat at a table, you both got to studying right away. It avoided any and all awkward conversations that could potentially be brought up. You were way too nervous to bring up the whole reason you followed him to the cafe in the first place, so you decided to drop it and just focus on your exam.

You were so enthralled with the review questions that you never noticed the small glances Midorima gave you now and then, and he was thankful. No matter how many times he tried to stop himself, you drew him back in every time, and he hated that he had no control over it at all. It frustrated him to no end, but after so long, he came to terms with his infatuation with you (he refused to admit that he ‘liked’ you).

After thirty minutes of trying to figure out a problem and another thirty minutes of deciding whether or not you should swallow your pride, you finally decided to buck up the courage to ask your new friend for help.

You looked up to ask your question, but your eyes met with his once more. His face was much closer this time; so close that you could see the gold speckles in his irises. His eyes widened, embarrassed of being caught for the second time that day, and he cursed to himself, but he couldn’t move. You were so close, just inches away. You could feel the fire in his eyes and it warmed up your entire body, not forgetting to warm your cheeks.

You broke eye contact when you felt his taped fingers tickle your hair strands.

“E-EH? W-What’s your hand doing there!?”

“N-Nothing!”

“Is there something in my hair!?”

“No! I, uh -”

“A-And you were staring at me!”

“I was not!”

“I just caught you! Don’t lie!”

“I’m not -!”

“Shin-chan?”

In the midst of your bickering, you both didn’t notice the basketball team walk in, staring with raised brows. You both turned back to look at each other and quickly receded to your seats as if nothing happened.

“Wow, Shin-chan ~” Midorima narrowed his eyes at Takao’s teasing tone. He threw his arms over Midorima’s shoulder and shot you a wink. “Why, hello there, _____-chan!”

You were no stranger to Takao. You tutored him once, and he was the first person you had fun tutoring. You gave him a shy smile. “Hello, Kazunari-kun.”

Midorima’s frowned at your informality. When did you two get on a first-name basis? And why were you smiling like that?

“What are you all doing here?” Midorima asked.

“We should be asking you that question,” Otsubo looked at him sternly with his arms crossed. He was so tall and intimidating that you sunk in your seat.

“Now now, senpai ~ We were going home and we saw you two in the window, so we thought we’d stop by and say hello! Looks like we interrupted something, though.”

You blushed. “O-Oh, no, there was nothing -”

“No need to explain, _____-chan ~ We’re leaving anyways,” Takao removed his arm from Midorima’s shoulder and lead the team to the door. “Have fun on your date, you two!”

“Date?” you and Midorima said simultaneously. You both turned your heads to look at each other when the team left.

“Is this…?” you began, but you trailed off.

“I was going to come her regardless if you came with me.” You smiled at the small pout on his lips. “You just followed me.”

“You didn’t stop me, though.”

“Tch….”

You both went back to studying after calming down from the scene. As if it wasn’t already hard for Midorima to concentrate, it sure was now. He couldn’t get the word ‘date’ out of his head after Takao teased him. This wasn’t a date, was it? All you two were doing was studying.

Together.

In a public setting.

With food and drinks.

…. This wasn’t a date.

Midorima sighed and glanced up at you again. Loose strands were covering your face as you took your notes. After all his time paying attention to you from afar, he came to like when your hair was tucked behind your ears. Instinctively, he reached to tuck your hair for the second time, but this time without any hesitation.

When you felt the tape lightly scratch your cheeks, you looked up. Midorima’s face was as close as the first time, but when your eyes met, he didn’t falter. You felt the tape graze the shell of your ear as he tucked your strands.

“M-M-Midorima-san?”

He didn’t respond. The feel of his touch lingered on your skin after it left. He cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee, avoiding eye contact.

Midorima was someone you never understood. If there was anyone more studious, shy, and stubborn than you, it was him, and you found it charming. You came to accept that he probably wasn’t going to admit that he liked you, but you were ok with that.

With your non-dominant hand, you grabbed a hold of his across the table and gave it a light squeeze. You felt him tense up at your touch, and you smiled. You were too embarrassed to look at him, so you went back to your notes. He returned your gesture by running his thumb across the back of your hand.

He thanked the Gods that Cancer was number two today.

[caressedorcrushed]

Starters "Nothing I ever do is right. I’m not good enough. It’s all wrong. Do this…Do that. Be this way. Be That way! Be you,…but not like that!”  Stomping back and forth Nathan spat under his breath before turning and swinging his hand at the lid of a trash can in the alley he had decided to have a little bit of a tantrum in “ Fuck you!  I am just…never going to be good enough! I am not, fucking, YOU! I’m me, and I am fucking pissed off!…and if you don’t fucking like that! Don’t bother pretending we are. …What kind of brother…Locks himself away in his bedroom, for weeks, because his god damn girlfriend is always out of town. What fucking good is that going to do, you fucking–” Picking the empty trash can up he flings it out of the alley toward a nearby sidewalk “Asshole! I am right here, after seventeen god damn years! And it’s not good enough for you!… I’ll just do everything…My god damn self… Stay, in your useless fucking room, being useless! It’s fine, I was the one abused, beaten, harassed for seventeen years, but you fucking just be selfish! Your girl friend is obviously more of a priority OUT of town, than I ever will have been, or will be. I am so fucking done!” Turning he kicked another trash can over, spilling out it’s contents onto the alley pavement “Is it too much to ask, for some god damn communication! Apparent-fucking-ly.– You are going to get to know the knuckles of my fist as they hit your face.”

#returned:starter January 18th 2018, 9:33:40 am · a month ago “It’s my birthday. Interesting.” Nathan mumbled a bit absently as he was sitting. He let out a breath then, humming lightly to himself.

#returned:starter 12 notes December 13th 2017, 9:56:01 pm · 2 months ago Staring up into the night sky Nathan watched the white snowflakes fall toward the snow covered ground “Hmm.” Squinting a little he tilt his head “First time feeling snow in a while.” He muttered, holding up his hands to catch the snowflakes in his hands. With a cute little grin he smiled down at the water building up in his palms. A stab of excitement hit him then. Tilting his head up he stuck his tongue out to catch a few snowflakes. A few seconds later he started to run across the park, still almost childlike. Then he dropped the ground and started to pull snow toward him, crushing some of the snow into snowballs and setting them beside him.

#returned:starter#Ignore the text#or don't lol 10 notes November 24th 2017, 6:22:34 pm · 3 months ago “She’s got the devils eyes and they’ll cut you like a weapon she’s stuck in my mind like a bad obsession.” Nathan mused, moving to rest his head in his hand, thinking of Isabella with a small grin “ All the boys say she was sent from the heavens but I’m not too sure that this girl is a blessing.” He continued absently spinning his phone on the table.

#returned:starter#idk ahah 16 notes October 22nd 2017, 10:20:56 am · 4 months ago Placing a hand on his head Nathan closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself down. It’s not real. I’m just…seeing things. Yeah. Just-Just tired. Swallowing he opened his eyes a little before forcing himself to move. Though a moment later he stumbled and bumped into someone who shoved him before shouting at him to watch where he was going  “S-sorry I-I.–Uuhh–” Inhaling sharply his arched back, a chill running down his spine and his chest tightening. Twitching he looked around before lifting his hand up and sobbed into it. This is so fucking stupid. I have to get out of here. Why …Right now!

#returned:starter#Sunday Starter#yay~ 18 notes October 13th 2017, 11:52:05 am · 4 months ago Sitting lazily in a chair at the hospital Nathan was slouching, his legs opening and closing as he stared in a haze at the tv screen just a few feet away from him. All around him he could hear others talking, but he couldn’t exactly make out the words anyone had been saying. It was all just a jumbled mess. Blinking his eyes shift slowly to meet a nurse as they walked over toward him and took a seat. Pulling himself up he moved to drop his head in his hand, groaning lightly as he did. The memory of the hospital melting then as the person who sat beside him asked if he were okay “Fine. Just having a bad reaction to the sun.” Standing then he started walking across the park.

#returned:starter 20 notes October 3rd 2017, 1:43:10 pm · 5 months ago Turning the phone over in his hand Nathan looked at the screen full of messages from people he hadn’t bothered to answer. Then he just chucked the phone into a nearby body of water before turning and walking away.  Oops.

#returned:starter 2 notes September 24th 2017, 11:54:41 am · 5 months ago Reaching out Nathan touched the mask of a costume and frowned “ Hm, it’s almost that time.”  He muttered before pulling the mask down from where it was to get a better look at it, before he then went to put it on. What month is it, September? Then it’s in a month or so. Halloween, fuuuun.

#returned:starter 3 notes September 6th 2017, 5:04:49 pm · 6 months ago Laying on his stomach, over a patch of grass, Nathan had a dorky little grin on his face as he brought over a pretty broken up toy through the air. His eyes shift up, following the toy as he played with it, some what in a haze. His eyes seemed to be big, like a child as he distracted himself. Grinning he laid his head at a tilt on his arm, humming to himself as he continued to move the toy around.

#returned:starter#I don't know what this is#But he needs a starter out there XD 22 notes August 15th 2017, 6:55:42 pm · 6 months ago Pacing, Nathan was chewing on the nail of an index finger,  his bruised face redder from apparently crying.  Brushing his fingers against his lips then he swallowed and paused.  Muttering for a moment to himself before he frowned and dropped his head into his left hand  “So bad…sooobaaad.”

#returned:starter 33 notes August 5th 2017, 6:33:22 am · 7 months ago Pulling the hood of his black hoodie up over his head, to hide the bandages and not be easy to spot in case someone wanted to finish the job in killing him. Though he doubted the disguise would work completely, it was all he had. He put on a pair of sun glasses he had stolen not long after waking up in the woods. Then placed the earbuds of his headphones in his ears and started to listen to music while looking at the phone he had been given. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world, the music vibrating through his head, when his skull was cracked and had barely, if at all even healed since it had only been a few days and for some reason, it still was acting like it almost just happened that day. But at the same time the music was calming, it helped a lot. Searching his phone he had been spend a lot of time recently just catching up on stuff he had been missing out in the last sixteen years of his life, and the phone was helping him to do that when he was out on the streets without supervision.

#returned:starter 2 notes July 26th 2017, 3:33:54 pm · 7 months ago Reaching out he tapped on the door in front of him, Austin’s door. He felt awkward being here, honestly. Like an unwanted guest. Like the other just felt obligated because of ‘blood’ reasons.  Like they were just trying to put on a show for accidentally forgetting him on purpose because Robert Douglas demanded it so.  Mindlessly he tapped the phone on the door, not really wanting the other to answer, and then he could just leave. After another moment he let out a breath. Feeling hungry he decided he was going to go get something to eat and turned, walking down the hallway. Once back out on the street he winced at the bright sunlight before turning away and walking, only to bump into someone.

#returned:starter 41 notes July 20th 2017, 3:45:50 pm · 7 months ago Laying on his back Nathan’s head was turned to his left, his left hand loosely wrapped around his face as he exhaled gently. His eyes shift under his eyelids as he breathes in, gently.  For the last twenty-four hours, he has done nothing more than sleep. Nathan had become completely consumed by his exhaustion over the last few weeks and his body just needed the rest. Wincing a bit his brows knit together slightly, the sweat on his forehead combining and slipping down the side of his slightly tilted his head. A small whimper escaped his lips as he head suddenly jerked before turning away from his hand, his breathing started to pick up speed as his mind started lighting up with signals to be worried “No. No. No… Don’t-” Nathan whispered, his voice cracking.

#Returned:Starter#No idea where he could be laying?#Anywhere honestly ahah 17 notes July 17th 2017, 2:40:31 pm · 7 months ago Sitting outside Nathan dropped onto the grass and pulled his legs up pressing them against his chest as he tried to make himself smaller against the building. So he could hide. Sucking in a deep breath he adjusted his head on his knees. He watched as a bird dropped down and started pecking at the grass a moment later, getting completely absorbed with the creature’s actions. His current state of mind is easily allowed to be distracted as it was still recovering from the head injuries he’d suffered and the entire mind fuck of Austin and Bethany, mostly Bethany lying to him.

#Returned:911#Returned:Starter#Events 21 notes July 9th 2017, 4:44:45 pm · 7 months ago Walking into the building, or more like being shoved into it, Nathan stumbled “Alright! Jeez, stop fucking touching me!” He snapped before he turned to look around the building. Blinking as some people seemed to stare at him in recognition. Austin. He reminded himself, even though the stitches on his forehead would have been a dead giveaway to anyone paying any sort of attention that he was in fact, not, Austin. Nathan narrowed his eyes on some people as he made his way across the room and then found a space to sit. Taking up a chair he brought his legs up, sitting lotus-style before he lifted up a magazine on guns from one of the tables to his side and started reading through it with little to no interest.

#Returned:911#Um sooo#okay#Hmm#Returned:Starter#Event 19 notes June 30th 2017, 7:51:54 pm · 8 months ago Pushing against the wall of a building Nathan let out a loud shout, it had sounded a bit too much more like a demon than something that would come from a human, as it was shredding his throat as it clawed its way out of him. He then pushed off the wall and paced for a moment before kicking his backpack further back into the alley “That fucking bitch! I will…-” Cutting off he made a brief strangling motion at the air “Isabella…Isabella… She’s ruining everything!” Nathan snapped before slamming his right fist into the top of a trash can, sending a bolt of pain up his arm hissing he pulled it away and in a fit of rage picked the empty trash can up off the ground and threw it out toward the street.

#Returned:Starter 23 notes June 24th 2017, 4:17:45 pm · 8 months ago Reaching into a ratty backpack he had lifted out of a trashcan some days ago Nathan pulled up a bag full of days old baked sweets. Of which he had dug out of the trash the other day from behind a bakery.  There wasn’t much work for someone who just got out of a mental hospital after all. He narrowed his eyes as he watched people walk by him as he took a bite, feeling as though they knew, and they were judging him and thinking he was disgusting. And so what if he were.  Dropping down onto a bench he hugged the backpack to his thin body and continued to watch people suspiciously “I need money.” Nathan muttered then before watching a few bee’s that were a few feet from him dancing around a flower. Blinking he observed the scene for a few moments before muttering “Bee…Does it still hurt…” to mostly himself. Dropping onto his side he curled up hogging the bench.

Closing his eyes he started to doze off. Which wasn’t odd since he could barely even sleep, and sleeping at night was a nightmare waiting to happen so Nathan mostly got his naps in throughout the daytime hours.  As he was slipping off to sleep he thought about his family and one of the many things he had in store for them, if he could even find them. He didn’t have any clue of where they were, of course. He figured this place, Killbourne, was a good place to start finding out. He would continue to try to get a job, and make enough money for gathering tools and items he would need in order to do what he had planned. Then he would search for them. When he would find them he would take all the things he gathered and start setting his plan into action, trapping them all. This was his plan, so far. Sucking in a breath he reached up and pulled the hood of his hoodie down over his eyes to block out the sunlight shining down onto the park he chose to rest in.

Paras austinxdouglas:

Austin had been in his room talking to his girlfriend on the phone. Since she’d been away he’s been locked up in his room a little more. He’d really missed her while she was away, when he heard the door closed he didn’t bother saying hi to his brother yet. “Yea sure, give me a minute.” He replied, after saying goodbye to his girlfriend he hung up and walked into the kitchen. “What’s up?”

Listening to his brother chatter away with his girlfriend, he stuck his tongue gently into his upper lip. Had he noticed Austin’s locking the door? Yes. But what else was new, Austin was never going to really, fully understand. Turning toward Austin when the other finally arrived he knocked his head toward them before moving closer to the other, smiling. With a slight tilt of his head he lift the knife up and pointed it toward Austin’s chest,  inches from his twins body, aimed right at a major artery “What are the quality of these knives? Do you think they will cut through meat like paper?” Pulling the knife up he frowned a little bit before resting the blade in the palm of his right hand “Are these professional? I bet you don’t even know…” He clicked his tongue at Austin then before turning his head away to look toward the door.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 2 notes January 22nd 2018, 4:41:26 pm · a month ago Nathan let out a small breath as he entered the apartment, sighing a little bit as he walked toward the kitchen, moving toward the knives he reached over to pick out one. Lifting it up he looked it over, running a finger on his other hand along the side of it “Why does he have these, if he doesn’t cook?”  Shrugging then he turns, dropping the knife down from his face “Austin, can you come here for just a minute.”

@austinxdouglas

#Para#AustinPara#Austin 2 notes montana-rodes January 22nd 2018, 4:12:40 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana shrugged. “Sure.” What was so complicated about that? She had gotten rather good at shutting things off over the years. Montana was looking back down at the phone in her hand, pretty uninterested. She herself was quite unfeeling and cold nowadays. She didn’t care much for sob stories or people spilling their emotions. As he spoke again, she looked up, not having expected it. Montana had already switched off. He shouldn’t have been born. Great. She held back a sigh and stared at him for a moment, not knowing what she could say.

Nathan stared up at her for a moment, unhinging his jaw as she replied to him. Or rather, there was not much of a reply. So there was not much else he could do or say to her. And he wasn’t going to stand there and have her looking at him the way she was. Blinking, he nods before he stood up, turned and walked away from her.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 12 notes gemmapearson January 19th 2018, 12:27:57 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas gemmapearson:

Gemma rolled her eyes. Why the fucking hell did he think? She didn’t say anything, averting her gaze again and looking down at her nails. “Yep. Nothing matters.”

“You, are a fucking moron. Why don’t you take your annoyance and go fucking stand over there.”  Nathan pointed at the end of the sidewalk, far away from him.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#GemmaPara#Gemma 12 notes montana-rodes January 19th 2018, 12:20:30 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

“Just don’t think about it then.”

As she had said that he suddenly looked confused “Just stop thinking….About it?” It was a ridiculous suggestion. Of course, he understood she had no idea exactly who she had been talking to. To just stop thinking about something that seemed stupid to her, was like asking him to turn off a light switch. But for him it was like that light switch was on the other side of a fire pit, with some guillotines waiting to chop away at his body, along with poison darts ready to fire into him. The switch always being on the other side of that massive mind field of thinking he had for years armed himself with. And if he should ever make it to that light switch and just ‘turn off’ the trick was, all he would be met with was fucking electrocution “I can’t just stop thinking about it!” He started to giggle before laughing a little too much, a little bit too hard, for a moment. Then he paused before tearing up as a sadness struck him sudden, swelling in his chest, constricting his throat “I shouldn’t have been born.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 12 notes montana-rodes January 18th 2018, 10:54:06 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

“You make it sound like you’d forgotten.”

“If only it would be so easy to forget I was born. When I’ve spent most of my life asking why I was…I hate this day.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 12 notes gemmapearson January 18th 2018, 10:52:06 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas gemmapearson:

“What?” Gemma looked up, stunned at what he’d even said. She glanced around, panicked. “You shouldn’t say things like that out here.” She hissed as her head spun back round towards him. He should be more careful who he spoke to about being dead these days, regardless of whether Gemma had figured out herself that she was too. “But no. It doesn’t matter.” Nothing mattered.

“Oh? Why not?” He blinked then, staring at Gemma for a moment before sighing a little bit “It doesn’t matter.” Frowning a little bit he shrugs a shoulder “I guess that’s right, this doesn’t matter. Nothing Matters.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#GemmaPara#Gemma 12 notes gemmapearson January 18th 2018, 2:14:22 pm · a month ago nathan-douglas gemmapearson:

Gemma rolled her eyes as she looked up and saw who it was who was mumbling. Great. Mister Mental. She scoffed, looking away again. As if she actually gave a damn.

Slowly he looked over after Gemma had scoffed at him. He narrowed his eyes a little before letting out a breath “Do you think it matters? If you are dead, does having a birthday even have a point? What about if no one ever cared you were even born in the first place…Birthday’s were celebrated mostly for marketing purposes. But still, it’s meant to make the person born feel important, special. All I’ve felt on my birthday, for a long time…Is empty.” Much like how he often felt. Nathan looked away then, humming again as he was thinking.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#GemmaPara#Gemma 12 notes austinxdouglas January 9th 2018, 5:31:30 am · a month ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas :

Austin saw how Nathan’s attitude changed very quickly, “I meant later,” He added looking at his brother, “Like New Years, we can make it then cause we’re gonna get drunk for sure, and then we’ll have fresh pizza for when we get home.” He could feel his mouth water, “Right now, we’ll make cookies, what kind of cookie did you want to make? Should we add peppermint in for that festive touch?” He added with an upbeat attitude hoping that would reflect well on Nathan. “Okay, then what’s your favourite genre out of all of them? Or rate them, top three?”

Nathan could clearly tell the other was lying about that. But he didn’t say anything about it, because it really didn’t matter “Okay. …We are going to get drunk?” He asked then, a little confused, this was all still very weird. Nathan was wondering why Austin wasn’t spending this day with his own family. Exhaling he looked to one side, thinking “White cookies, with white chocolate would be good for the peppermint.” Smiling at the other then, faintly, he blinked softly before thinking for a moment “I like treatise, science, and fantasy.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 11 notes emily--wentworth January 5th 2018, 1:33:43 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas emily–wentworth:

Sometimes it was nice working the day shift. But knowing her, she would probably pick up another shift. Emily needed the distraction that work offered, she missed Elena that pain of losing her would never go away. And she felt bad, because she felt like she was neglecting Miranda. And yes, she did miss Mason. Right now though she didn’t want to think about it, instead she turned to the person at the bar. “What can I get you?” She asked, a small smile on her face.

“A new life and a new family would be fucking great, if you have that in stock. But I don’t imagine you do.” Nathan said, sounding like he was joking as he took a seat and watched her, grinning “Not unless you are a fairy god mother, right?” Shaking his head then he moved to bring his left arm up to rest on the bar before lifting his hand and placing his head in it “Some soda would be good.”

#Para#EmilyPara#Emily 3 notes austinxdouglas January 4th 2018, 10:38:03 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

“No! Not always, I mean Kristine was going to teach me some things, and I can make a sandwich and cereal!” He argued which didn’t help since those were basically mindless. “Oh shut up.” He laughed lightly, shaking his head. He raised his eyebrows in shock to hear what his brother could make, “You can make pizza from scratch?!” He was truly shocked, “Dude! Come on, let’s do that! Let’s make that!” He could be super down for a homemade pizza, that would be unreal to him.

“Uh, I don’t read that many if I’m honest. I mean, I did a lot in high school when I would commute on the bus, but I don’t commute that much anymore. I loved action, or mysterious kinds of books though. What about you?”

Nathan could only look at the other looking disappointed for a brief second, he didn’t want to make a pizza from scratch, with Austin. It didn’t seem very christmasy to him. He wanted a normal chrismasy thing, cookies. He nodded though “Sure, okay, Austin. We’ll make a pizza from scratch.” The smile dropped off his face then and he looked away.

“Oh. Huh.” He could honestly tell.  Nathan pressed at the buttons on the control in his hands and sat silently for a long moment before shrugging haplessly and slowly looking over back toward Austin “I read everything.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 11 notes montana-rodes January 4th 2018, 4:37:31 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana became rather irritated as he started talking. She hadn’t asked for his life story, nor did she care about his feelings. She concealed her impatience and her frustration as she waited for him to finish talking, the laughter grating on her. “Right.” There was no reason for Montana to hold him any longer and the other guy was long gone. Nothing really happened and she wanted to enjoy her coffee in peace and try to salvage the rest of this day. “Well, stay out of trouble.” Montana said to him as she turned, though making a mental note to keep her eye on that one.

At her slightly dry response to his reply he let out a small breath. Guessing that when officers were basically told ‘fuck the police’, he would get this response.  Nathan watched her intently as she seemed to be thinking of something, perhaps deciding he could offer her no more on the guy who had walked down the alley, or on himself. Thus just chalking him down as another hoodlum, of which the town was full up on, he supposed this was the best way he could have gone about the interaction. At her last comment he lift his head up slightly, nodding toward her “Thanks. You too. Copper.” He gave her a more genuine smile this time before turning and walking opposite from her down the sidewalk.

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes montana-rodes January 4th 2018, 4:23:23 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana’s suspicions raised at his response. It was unusual for somebody who wasn’t up to anything wrong to not comply with the police. It was painless to give a surname and go back on with your day. It only made her study him a little more. “If you haven’t done anything wrong then where’s the harm?” What was he and that guy really up to? She was sure it was something now.

As odd as it all would appear to have been on the outside, and indeed it was odd for him not to give a last name to her. But his reasons were that he didn’t like authoritative figures, let alone trust them.  After growing up the way he had, it was least likely any ‘grown up’ would make him budge on certain things, if anything. The twenty-three year old squint a bit at her when she spoke, then “Well, there’s no harm, inherently in your asking for one. But I’ve grown up in a way that has ultimately taught me that Authority is as about as helpful to me as a wet paper bag is in carrying cans, without the arm support on the bottom, get it?” Nathan laughed a little bit, teasing.

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes montana-rodes January 4th 2018, 3:07:36 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana treated everybody this way. She didn’t trust and it kept her safe. This was simply the way she had been made. She would run his name through the database later, when she was back at work, just to make sure he wasn’t trying to pull a fast one. The way that other guy had acted and scarpered like that… it didn’t sit right with Montana. “Do you have a surname, Robert?” Montana asked, folding her arms across her chest. “I’m a police officer.” She added, in case he couldn’t figure out why she was asking. It’s not like she was in uniform. “Not trying to steal your identity or anything.” It was an attempt at a joke but it came out dry, with little humour attached, and no trace of a smile.

“I could?” He said, not at all planning on giving it to her. Because he could guess that if anyone went looking around for a ‘Robert Douglas’ they would eventually end up on his father, which he didn’t mind so much. It was the next thing she had said that had made him decided to never tell her his last name “Ah, well– As I am not being detained. I don’t know why I would need to give it to you. I’ve done nothing wrong. Maybe I have no last name? Like that lady, Cher? ”

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes montana-rodes January 4th 2018, 1:07:54 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana just stared back at him, not cracking a smile in return as she waited for a better explanation. “Right. Okay.” Though to her it had seemed a bit more than that but she could let it slide right now, she supposed. “What’s your name?” She asked, deciding to file that away at least.

She didn’t believe him, he could tell. But there was really nothing more she was going to get out of him, on the subject.  When she asked his name he figured, well, he couldn’t give her his name. He was dead, and though he had no idea what this woman was like, he couldn’t very well go around giving away a dead guys name, his name, to strangers. It would definitely send off major red flags, so he gave off one he thought would be interesting, if not have a funny pay off later “Name is Robert.” Now, of course, he could have just used Austin’s name. The fact being, Nathan had figured, that, while they were identical-ish, twins, they had looked strikingly different to anyone paying attention. Nathan was scrawnier than Austin, Nathan had scars all over his body. He was a complete person, outside of having the same face as Austin, even that was an easy tell, their spots were opposite of one another, a mirror image. Ultimately, Austin’s naivety would give it all away in about five seconds after meeting them.

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes montana-rodes January 3rd 2018, 7:24:54 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana shook her head slightly at the response she got. “Right. I’m sure he has.” She turned her gaze up the alleyway again, looking the way the other had gone. She’d had half a mind to chase after him. “So, who was that?” She asked, brushing off his apology. She needed to get names and everything straight round here.

“I mean, that’s a good excuse, right?” He grinned a bit, before unhinging his jaw a little, running his tongue over one of his canines as he thought about what he could have said instead of what he had eventually ended up saying. At her question though he brought his attention back to her “Just a–ah.. Guy.  I have business with.”  Nathan shrugged a little bit, not really knowing what else to say to that. He had business with that guy, so he didn’t feel as though he were lying.

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes montana-rodes January 2nd 2018, 2:03:52 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana was sipping her coffee when it happened. She felt the body of another collide with her and she almost dropped it completely but managed to keep her fingers clasped around the cup. “Hey!” She snapped, immediately turning around to face them but unluckily the culprit was already hauling ass away back up the alley and round out the other side. “Asshole.” She muttered under her breath, a bit unprofessionally but she wasn’t technically on the clock, before turning her attention to the guy. “Are you alright? What was that about?”

Looking at the other when she asked if he were alright he turned to face her better. Nodding then he lift up his right hand, rubbing it against his left arm for a moment “Yeah. I’m great.  My uh– He’s just…Got a lot of emotions, about …stuff.” Nathan’s right hand then moved to adjust the glasses better on his face as he let out a huff of a laugh and glanced down the alley, staring for a long moment before shaking his head and looked back toward her “Holidays really seem to be getting to people lately, right… Uh.. Sorry, for, um, getting pushed into you?”

Source: montana-rodes #Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes sashaxparker January 1st 2018, 6:27:09 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas sashaxparker:

“You won’t?” Sasha wondered if you could really just decide a thing like that. She had this idea in her head about the years going by and becoming older and wiser and more boring as they did. Ageing didn’t seem appealing. Though some days she did feel older than her years. “Oh, cool.” She smiled when they said they were twins. “I always thought that would be fun, to have a twin.”

“Naah. It seems complex, to do that.” Nathan frowned a little, having already come to terms with such a thing years ago. What had been the point? When it got you no where, got you nothing, to grow up seemed stupid to him anyway, without the seventeen years being imprisoned against his will. But because of what he had been through, it hadn’t even seemed important to do so. There was no future for him, no one cared what he would have been like. Because everyone had already made their judgments, they had designated him a monster, a killer, without a body count. “I guess.” He muttered to her ‘cool’.  As she said she thought it would be fun he looked at her, grinning a little sadly  “It …can be. But there’s the aspect that…there’s a favorite.” And he was not the favorite, obviously. “I guess that’s just my jealousy, sorry. Yeah, it was fun, once. Having a twin brother.”  Austin might as well have been the one that died, in his perspective, because it didn’t feel the same. He was still an outcast, wasn’t he? Rolling another ball of snow up he stared at the balls he had made already then sighed.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#SashaPara#Sasha 10 notes montana-rodes January 1st 2018, 6:14:32 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas montana-rodes:

Montana wasn’t interested in festivities. ‘New Year’ wasn’t important. Nothing changed just because the calendar moved on and people were too hung up on this time of year. It was irritating. She had grabbed a coffee before everything closed early and was walking around, sipping her drink and keeping her eyes peeled for any odd behaviour. She needed to be on the alert after all. The dead were on the loose and that was no good for anybody.

“Alright, alright! Stop–Get off of me!” He plead as one of the local gang members pulled at his shirt before shoving him into a wall, before pointing a finger at him and threatening him about something gang relate. As Nathan, for several long months now has been being used by them after a very odd run in with one of their members who basically had him kidnapped or something of the sort, indebted to them for the injury he had inflicted on the other gang member, embarrassment played a huge part. With that he was punched in the face before being shoved away from them out of the alley and right into Montana. The gang member had been halfway gone before Nathan could recover enough to assess the damage to his face, let alone acknowledge stumbling into the other “Ow ow…” Adjusting the sunglasses one his face he frowned then as he pulled his hand away.

#Para#MontanaPara#Montana 13 notes austinxdouglas December 30th 2017, 4:30:28 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

Austin didn’t have a reason why he wouldn’t believe him, this was a guy’s kind of joke. Austin knew some friends who were too invested in their pranks for their own good, Austin figured Nathan could be that same kind of person. “Alright, maybe I would have” He spoke looking at his brother at the mention of the mental hospital. Austin was hoping one day they could talk about it and not have it be an elephant in the room.. He wanted for the ward to be something either he or Nathan could feel comfortable bringing up.

Austin shook his head gently while shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I don’t know. I mean, read books, games? I didn’t think cooking was going to be an option. So what can you make?” He asked curious about what his brother could possibly make in the kitchen. “Well, I know how to cook pasta?” He added giving himself a little credit, “And I can put a pizza in the oven.” he shrugged his shoulders, “I get by.”

Looking down at that, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like being dead. He didn’t feel right about it. He was dead, and he never actually, truly got to be alive. And it was just, really weird. “Yeah…” He said then as he stared at the screen of the tv.

“You didn’t? Did you expect to just live on take out and premade pizza’s–whatever you could pop in the microwave, your entire life? Kristine must be looking forward to that.”  He commented dropping his eyes down to the others waistline for a brief moment before smiling up at Austin again “Oh, you do? Wow. That’s amazing.” He tried to sound excited, but it was pasta, it wasn’t exactly a challenge to make such a thing.

“I can make all sorts of things, desserts mostly. But other kinds of food as well. I can make a pizza from scratch.” He mumbled as he turned his attention back to the tv spacing out as he played for a moment before saying “What books do you read?”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 11 notes peytonsaundersx December 29th 2017, 4:48:12 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas peytonsaundersx:

Peyton’s eyes narrowed, there was no way she was in the mood to deal with anyone’s shit today. She smirked, stepping to one side “Here you go, the shelf you’ve been longing for, for so long.” She really couldn’t believe how rude some people could be at times she’d rather not stoop to their level, but there was something about him that had just instantly grated on her “take your precious item and then do the world a favour and fuck off back to the pit you’ve crawled from.”

With the Peyton picked up the items she wanted from the other self, placed them in her basket and headed to the checkouts.

Nathan narrowed his eyes a bit on her as she narrowed hers on him. As was per the usual for him to do to anyone who glared at him. He had grown up on those looks from the staff and others in the hospital. Why should he have to meet with with any other look.  As she finally moved he went to grab the cooking items, so he could actually make Austin something and the other wouldn’t have to buy take out. Placing it in a basket with his other items he continued to listen to the other as she then, for no reason, went on “I’ll…be sure to do that.” He looked her over before turning and walking away from her.  A few moments later he moved to a self checkout and was leaving the store.

Source: peytonsaundersx #Para#PeytonPara#Peyton 26 notes peytonsaundersx December 27th 2017, 12:36:08 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas peytonsaundersx:

Now that Christmas is almost over, can we please go back to some normality. It’d be nice to buy a loaf of bread without having to wait forever in the line.  

Nathan eyed the woman, suspiciously “Get out of my way.”

#Para#PeytonPara#Peyton 26 notes peytonsaundersx December 28th 2017, 2:00:24 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas peytonsaundersx:

Peyton rolled her eyes, waiting having to wait for a simple purchase was one thing but have to deal with idiotic ass-holes was a whole new level. “I’m pretty sure there was another word you where supposed to add to the end of that sentence,”

Nathan inhaled deeply. Being raised with out parents and in a mental hospital among the most unstable people in town, that had to be locked away and forgotten about, Nathan had been sucked off all his politeness and manners. And so, Nathan grinned “Oh, yes. I did forget a word.” He paused, huffing, before rolling his jaw a little, cracking the bone and then speaking once again “Get out of my way, bitch. I need to get to what you are standing in front of, and you’ve been standing there for five minutes looking at the other shelf.” He gestured to the other side of the aisle.

Source: peytonsaundersx #Para#PeytonPara#Peyton 26 notes austinxdouglas December 27th 2017, 10:14:32 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

“Oh!” He yelled at the news about there being yellow snow, “Gross!” He immediately sprung up on his feet spitting at his tongue not even sure if he got any snow in his mouth but spitting it out just in case. Austin ran into the warm and shower and came out with some sweatpants and a t-shirt, similar to what he was wearing to bed. "Yea, and if I hadn’t ordered that food both of us would starve so which would you prefer?” he asked rhetorically as his brother stated he knew how to bake it surprised him. “You do? How?”

Nathan wasn’t sure how Austin so easily believed that he had actually put piss snow in that snowball. But if the other were going to just believe him, he wasn’t going to tell them otherwise. Maybe that was a lesson for the other.  Because Nathan had not done that, and had made sure to grab some of the purest snow he could, because he wasn’t going to throw piss snow at his brother. When Austin had returned Nathan continued to stare at the tv screen and sit on the floor playing the game “Uh-huh, Well you might have.”  He pointed out before turning his head, looking toward the other when they asked about how he knew how to bake.

He smiled shaking his head “Well, I was in an mental hospital for seventeen years Austin. What do you think goes on there. More importantly, what do you think I did there the whole time?”  Which was probably a good thing for them to talk about… “No, apparently, learning shit helps to keep calm. I was allowed to do all sorts of things, there. Learn a trade, even though I wasn’t really ever going to get out… They still had me go to a cooking class. Wait, How do you not know how to cook and live by yourself?”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 11 notes sashaxparker December 27th 2017, 12:30:05 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas sashaxparker:

Sasha didn’t want to think about her brother much right now. She’d used to idolise him so much… and now things were different. She hadn’t heard from him in days.. maybe it was longer. She supposed everything changed as you got older but Sasha found change hard. Especially now. With…. everything. “My brother’s always busy too.” She said when he seemed to get excited about them both having that in common. She giggled. “He is, yeah.. what about yours?”

“Mm, being an actual real life adult sucks. I’m glad I’ll never officially be one.” He muttered offhandedly before reaching out to grab more snow in his hands. He didn’t know if he could handle being ordered around by people who didn’t know how to deal with him. The only career he could see himself having was a career criminal, maybe a serial killer. That thought made him stiffen slightly before swallowed pushing it away from his mind when Sasha asked how old his brother was “Oh, we are twins. I don’t know who is older.”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#SashaPara#Sasha 10 notes austinxdouglas December 25th 2017, 9:39:40 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

Usually, Austin would spend Christmas with his family, this year everyone was everywhere so he stayed home. As he slept peacefully not caring at all about what time it could be, that was all pushed aside when he suddenly felt something very cold and very strong hit his face. He gasped as he got up in his bed and wiped his face from the wet snow, “Wha-wha-” without another thought he was suddenly pushed off the bed. “Whoa!” He exclaimed as he hit the ground. He groaned getting up a bit to look at him, “Give me a minute, I need to shower this prank off.” he chuckled shaking his head. “Sure, but I’m pretty shit at baking… and cooking in general.”

“Oh, of course. I want to tell you, I made sure to add the yellowest snow I could find to that snowball.” Pulling away then he slid off onto the floor on the opposite side of the bed before standing up and running a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh nods “I kind of assumed that, Austin. Seeing as you order food a lot.” He flicked at his hair before holding his hand out a bit from his face “Not to worry, I guess. I know how to bake. I guess we’ll just need the ingredients though.” Turning away he left the room a second later, and a few moments after that noises from the tv began to sound off, as if he were playing a video game. Which he was, as he waited on Austin to do whatever.

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 11 notes December 25th 2017, 3:12:15 pm · 2 months ago Watching Austin sleep for the last few seconds Nathan smiled a bit as an idea hit him. Pulling away he walked away from the room before leaving the apartment. A few minutes later he was hurriedly walking back through the other males apartment. Moving his left hand he tossed it out, sending a snowball flying right into Austin’s sleeping face “Wake up! It’s Christmas, scrub!” Moving over he dashed toward the bed before jumping into it and shoving the other right off the mattress. Dropping onto his stomach then he smiled “Want to make cookies?”

@austinxdouglas

#Para#AustinPara#Austin#No rush of course#just get to this whenever you are able!~ But still#I couldn't resist#XD 11 notes austinxdouglas December 22nd 2017, 5:01:15 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

Austin sighed as he only got a sarcastic reply, at the mention of wanting to sleep he nodded. “Okay, fine, okay.” He spoke not angry or pissy in any way, just simply stating he understood. “You can sleep at my place if you want. I’ll order us some food or something when we get there.”

Staring at the other he frowned a little bit. Nathan knew the other would not understand the sort of exhaustion he was feeling. He nodded then and looked away from his brother.  He guessed that Austin would probably still need to learn how his mind had worked. Dropping his head then he nods, stumbling over his feet then as he almost dosed off while he was walking. Jerking his head back up he blinked batting away the sleepy feeling “Sure.”

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes austinxdouglas December 22nd 2017, 4:43:18 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

“Oh, okay.” He didn’t say much about it because he wasn’t sure how to bring it up to her, he didn’t even think that she may have run into him on her own. He decided to drop the idea of asking him more questions about that topic and moved on. His main focus was to help Nathan get normal again, as he began to talk about how Austin hated him and he was a pain Austin didn’t know how to reply. He wanted to help and comfort him in some way though he was at a loss, this was so new to him. A part of him wished Bethany was here, she was good at this, this was what she wanted to do with her life. Who knew if they’d let her pursue her dream job she’d actually be a help. That idea clicked in his head and brought a furry in him towards his parents, they were so scared of having Nathan be known amongst their family they didn’t think of the fact that if he was more included and Bethany went to psychology she could have helped him. She would have his best interests at heart, having this run through his brain pushed him further at wanting to do what he could to help his brother.

As Nathan put his thumb in his mouth, Austin decided to stay present but silent, he didn’t want to interrupt whichever method was going to help him calm down, though he’d made a mental note to try to talk to Nathan later in a calm manner about what and who he sees. Austin watched as Nathan began to calm his breathing and his entire aura became more calm and relaxed. “Hey, you okay?” Austin asked hoping for a solid answer and not a sarcastic one. Austin stood with Nathan, he looked back at the grave and although he should be relieved he was confused. “O-okay.” He spoke and followed his brother towards the exit and towards his car. “We can come back after dark.” He stated again.

Nathan gave Austin an exhausted look as they asked if he were okay. Of course he wasn’t, and he didn’t know how to not answer sarcastically, letting out an exhausted sigh, his shoulders slouched “I’m sorry, were you here, or somewhere else just a few seconds ago?” He mumbled, sounding absolutely drained. A moment later when the other repeated what they said he let out another breath “I just want to sleep, Austin. Okay…I don’t fucking care right now…”

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes austinxdouglas December 18th 2017, 4:31:52 am · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

As Nathan explained to him it was his fault, he truly felt more and more guilty because everything he was saying was true. Although Austin believed he was in a weird and odd situation it still didn’t mean everything Nathan was saying was a lie. Austin wasn’t sure how to reply, he looked down in shame and stuck the end of the shovel into the ground. He wanted to apologize though he wasn’t sure how a simple ‘i’m sorry’ wouldn’t fix anything. When Nathan had mentioned Kristine he furrowed his eyebrows, “She… what? When did you two meet? How did you two meet?” He tried not to ask it in such an accusing tone though he remembers the early days when Nathan would pretend to be him. It made his blood boil to think Nathan would have played a trick like that on his own girlfriend.

As Nathan began to hyperventilate he made sure to stay at eye level with his brother. It was time someone trusted him, someone believed his side of the story. Austin decided that would be him. Why was he treating him like a homeless stranger off the streets? This was his brother, no matter that he didn’t know him, this wasn’t how he would treat Bethany or Grace, why should he treat Nathan any different? As his words didn’t seem to help Nathan at all, he began to worry a bit. Austin immediately dropped his shove when he fell to the ground, “Nate, listen to me okay? Let’s go home, we can come back later. Sometime when it’s not as noticeable.” He offered, “Okay? Just calm down, focus on your breathing, or something. Close your eyes and focus.”

“Sh-she ran in-into one of those task force guys, who knocked her books on the ground.” Of course Kristine didn’t say anymore to him about the picture, as he was having another fit at the time and was all over the place then. He probably had been told more and just couldn’t remember it at the moment. Blinking he let out a few struggled gasps “I wasn’t doing anything.” He then said, as if he were doing something, not to Kristine of course. But there had been a reason behind why he was there, at that moment. When the task force officer had run into her.

Looking around he swallowed hard, trying to focus on Austin as the other spoke, but it was of course very difficult when he didn’t have anything that normally would have helped in situations like these. And even if he did have something, those somethings wouldn’t work. He was on his own with this, a fish out of water, gasping as it slowly died in the foreign world it had been yanked into. Bringing his eyes back to the other he continued to tear up, panic taking over as shadows from the corners of his eyes crept around them, even though it was in the middle of the day “I-I can’t…I can’t ca-calm down…I-it’s too…t-to-too hard.” He paused, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes started to drift again toward a creeping shadow before they jerked back to Austin. Closing his eyes tightly he whispered about something not being there, not being real.

Bringing his hands up to his eyes then he let out a little sob apologizing to Austin “I’m sorry–I’m trying…I’m trying to–But I’m– …I don’t mean to be-be ah- heh –I know you hate me. I kno-Know I am not making-M aking th-thi-iss e-eeasy…I’m a-ah burden–I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m not what any of you w-wanted.That I am hard to-to lllike. I can’t contr-trol this on my my own–please please…They’re everywhere, whispering, I see them-Shadows. I s–I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this– I just want it to stop! Please.” Taking in a deep breath he held it pressing his face into his hands before unconsciously his left hand moved down, his thumb absently sliding into his mouth.

A moment later the tears and terrified look on his face faded almost completely as a dulled subdued look came over him. Almost completely calmed, his right hand pet along the hair on the right side of his face. His breathing tapered off into something more manageable then. A few moments after eerie silence and immaturely sucking on his thumb he finally pulled it out and shakily began to move, pushing himself up from the ground looking absolutely more exhausted than he did normally. These sort of things took a lot of out him whenever they happened, and they had been happening frequently since he woke up in the woods. Staring at Austin then he let out another breath before closing his eyes and dropping his head down, almost embarrassed as he wiping his thumb off on his pants and began to walk away from the grave, toward the exit “Come on. Let’s go. There’s no point in digging it up, or in coming back.”

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes sashaxparker December 15th 2017, 8:13:11 am · 2 months ago nathan-douglas sashaxparker:

Sasha gave a little nod when he said she’d outgrown it. “Yeah. Maybe.” She felt older somehow lately, despite her sixteen years. Things just felt heavy, like she was suffocating, and she didn’t have it in her for much cheer or Christmas spirit. She used to love winter, too. Sasha moved to sit down on a bench nearby, wiping off some of the snow, and folded her arms as she listened to him. He seemed content enough with her not saying a whole lot, which was nice enough. “Yeah?” She remembered when her own brother had been around enough to do all that stuff with, when she’d been nothing but an innocent kid. “I’m sure he will when he’s less busy?” She tried to be positive but she shrugged a little. “I’d offer to help but I left my gloves at home.” Sasha scrunched her nose a little bit, before glancing down at his question. “Uh, yeah. I have a brother.”

He shook his head, feeling a bit bad for her. Or maybe just everyone in general, who got older. Most people let themselves be fooled by the illusion of adulthood. That they had to be mature. Nathan had never had that burden. He had never had to deal with anyone killing his inner child. Though at the same time he had to grow up far quicker than most that were his age. Contently he continued what he had been doing. He loved this time of year. He had always loved Christmas, though of course in the last seventeen years his Christmas’ had not been anything worth enjoying. But still, his love for this time of year had always remained. “He’s always busy.” Nathan said. Thinking about how Austin treated him, or just how Austin was always working.

He realized in all these months Austin spent more time thinking about how to deal with him, and not really getting to know him “Hopefully he stops being busy soon, so we can enjoy our time together.” He wondered how much time this all would last, where he could spend time with his siblings. Nathan had to guess that it would probably not last as long he would like. He was dead. And he had no idea what that really meant. As Sasha spoke again he glanced toward her and put on another smile “Yeah.” He answered, not wearing much winter clothing himself, just a few layers of shirts with a hoodie on top and a pair of skinny jeans he had found during the summer. “A brother!?  We both have brothers. That’s cool. Is he your older brother?”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#SashaPara#Sasha 10 notes sashaxparker December 14th 2017, 5:41:05 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas sashaxparker:

“Really?” Sasha smiled, somehow brightened up a little bit just by the sight of him seemingly having so much fun - and not seeming embarrassed or held back about it. “That’s cool then.” Lucky for him it had snowed then. “Oh.” Sasha gave a little shrug at his question, glancing around the park briefly. Maybe looking for an escape route in case she needed one. “I guess I’m not really in the mood to be honest. Why don’t you make a snowman?”

Nathan gave a small nod patting his hands gently over the ball of snow in his hand “Really.”  Looking at her he blinked, a little confused fr a moment before giving a smile “It is, really cool.” Going back to playing with the snow Nathan didn’t notice her looking around. When she spoke he looked toward her once again “No? Oh. Guess you have outgrown it. You were able to enjoy it as a kid.” Nathan scooped up some more snow, grinning sweetly, softly as he made another ball from it “ A Snowman wouldn’t be bad! I really should! I- I-” He laughed a bit “My brother and I used to make snowmen all the time. A snowman army.” Lifting up another handful of snow he started to make another ball “He’s too busy to do stuff like this. I’ll just have to build one by myself. Maybe one day he’ll join me. I hope.” Placing the ball next to the others he looked at Sasha “Do you have any siblings?”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#SashaPara#Sasha 10 notes austinxdouglas December 14th 2017, 3:51:35 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

“Nate I was just a kid! What do you expect from me? Do you think the second you left things were easy? I bet you they weren’t, you were my brother, at the time I probably asked for you all the time.” He argued, though that was the only thing he said. Because listening to Nathan as he vented while hitting his gravestone, everything he was saying was true in some way. Nathan couldn’t understand the dynamic of his family, their dad was tried his best, they both tried their best.

When Nathan threw his shovel Austin stood there not sure what to do, he just watched his brother’s headstone get completely broken in two. Watching Nathan get so heated and angered by their conversation he noticed this face again. He noticed this reaction, he noticed this pronunciation of his name. “Nate?” He spoke before standing in front of him, wanting to find a way to calm him down. “Nate relax, relax. You know what you’re right. You’re right about everything. What dad did was wrong, what mom didn’t do was wrong. She should have stuck up for you. I believe you, okay? I believe you not them.”

“I know you were a kid, Austin!  But you still forgot about me. Let that fucking bastard tell you lies about me! And you still believed them even until earlier this year! That I was made up! That I didn’t exist! And when you knew that I did! You still believed him! That makes you accountable. NOT for what you couldn’t do Then. But for what you helped do after, before this!” He pointed toward the gravestone. “Do you understand! I am dead! And that is all of your FAULT! No matter how little or big a part you played! You all helped each other play it! And I was murdered for it!–Your girlfriend told me all about that picture you two found!”

Gripping at his head, he gasped for air, trying to not choke on the thickness building in his throat. Swallowing he shakes his head as he hears Austin “I can’t, there’s too much going on. My head.”  Wincing he dropped a bit, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to shake away the feeling in his head, the thoughts that were cramming into it, he felt like his head would explode. He could hear what Austin was saying, but it had just filled in with the rest of his thoughts. Looking up at the other, he pant, sweat building on his face. He continued to stare at Austin. Not knowing what to think of what the other had just said to him.

With a choppy breath, he inhaled, dropping a hand to his chest as his breaths clung in his throat. Feeling dizzy he dropped to the ground, sitting down. The panic taking over his entire body. His face turned red, tears welling in his eyes as he continued to struggle for air “T-tin-Tin-tin…I can’t-can’t…heh, heh.” Nathan coughed, trying to jog something from his swelling throat.

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes austinxdouglas December 14th 2017, 2:55:28 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

Austin listened to his brother contently, he hated hearing what he’d gone through. The more he was hearing it the more he was getting angry at his seven-year-old self, and his family.  “Hey!” He spoke looking at Nathan’s gravestone and noticed the month and year he died. “This is when you died?” He asked it as a rhetorical question before she was thinking back to when his mom began her depression. As he was going to on with his point his thoughts were interrupted. “First off, We don’t know each other well enough to be throwing judgements at each other. Second I am supportive, but this isn’t smart. Third, don't say no one gave a fuck about you because I know it’s not true.” He spoke before pointing at the stone, “The month you died was the same month Mom went into depression. So don’t think that you weren’t cared about.” He spoke before he shoved his shovel into the ground and began to dig.

Stopping as the other spoke he made a face as they asked about when he died. Looking to the gravestone then he sighed, sarcastically. Then as the other started listing things off to him he stuck the shovel into the dirt and nodded his head. When Austin had finally shut up, Nathan had to suck in a breath to think about what was just unloaded onto him “Austin.  I can judge you. You forgot about me, and believed me to be a monster.  You are not supportive to me. This entire time you doubt me, you never listen to anything I say. It’s always Denial first.”  Nathan paused then and leaned onto his shovel, grinning a little more “I know this isn’t smart, Austin. But it’s what I want to do. Because you won’t listen to me. Blame yourself.”

Gesturing back to the gravestone carelessly then he grinned a little wider “Because she knew this entire time and she let them murder me!“ Angry suddenly he picked up the shovel and started smacking the gravestone with it “She let that fucking bastard murder me and What!!??! Am I supposed to feel bad she feel’s depressed?! FUCK HER! I am the one who died! For a murder that never happened! I am the one who suffered all these years, for a crime that I never committed! And all I fucking wanted was my family to listen to me! TO be with them! And you want to say they CARE?!!?!”  

Smacking the stone hard enough at the end it finally cracked and broke in half.  Throwing the shovel away from him then he started to walk away, stomping “I never hurt her! I never fucking meant to hurt her! I am the one that spent seventeen years locked up in a fucking mental hospital being abused, because I didn’t hurt her! And your mom’s depressed?! BOO FUCKING WHOO! Bitch deserves to be! After what they did to me!!” Hyperventilating his hands move to grip onto the sides of his head, blood began to spill from his nose “ I– It’s too much– I feel too much– I-i-Tin-Tin–Too much-It hurts….it hurts…”

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes sashaxparker December 14th 2017, 11:34:45 am · 2 months ago nathan-douglas sashaxparker:

Sasha was feeling quite out of it. Her mind was disconnected and she was feeling sort of like she wasn’t all here. She’d gone out for a walk to clear her mind but it wasn’t truly helping, though the clear sky was pretty to look up at as she went. She just wished she could feel like herself again… what if she never did? It was snowing now and she pulled her scarf up over her head to protect her hair. It looked pretty and it did strangely make her feel a little better. She came to the park and noticed she wasn’t alone suddenly. It set her on edge at first but she couldn’t help but chuckle as she watched the other having a good time with the snow. He looked carefree. “Having fun?” She asked, though not really sure why she struck up a conversation.

Packing some snow into a ball when he heard Sasha he glanced over and grinned a bit. He then looked back to the snowball and packed more snow onto it “Sooo much fun.” He says, a little excitedly. “It’s the first time i’ve gotten to be around snow since I was seven years old.” He wasn’t even bothered by the cold. He just wanted to enjoy this before it was ripped away from him, like everything else was. And had always been. He had learned to enjoy things while he had the chance, for as long as he could because it could be gone in a moment. Even if sometimes it might make him seem like a child, or even stupid. Nathan knew he was neither of these things “Why aren’t you having fun, too?”

Source: nathan-douglas #Para#SashaPara#Sasha 10 notes austinxdouglas December 8th 2017, 1:56:05 pm · 2 months ago nathan-douglas austinxdouglas:

Austin looked stared at the grave still in a little shock about all of this. When Nathan started to yell at him, he raised his eyebrows “Hey!” He yelled as he raised his arms to block the dirt that was thrown at his face. “I mean how did you die! I know mom and dad fucked you over! I know that, but you were alive when they sent you there!” He noticed as Nathan started to dig, “Nate come on, this isn’t a good idea.”

“I-” He cut himself off, trying to think. He didn’t actually remember dying. He just remembered leaving solitary “I was in trouble. They put me in solitary for days. I-i.. When they let me out- that’s it. That’s all I remember. I went to bed. Okay. And then I was in the fucking woods.” He glared at Austin “They might as well have sentenced me to death, Austin! Your Parents, they had to have known! I told her! Constantly. But she wouldn’t fucking listen! Just like you aren’t listening to me! And now I am dead. So…” He stabbed at the ground again “Eh! Good idea, bad Idea. I’m the one who is buried here, and no one gives a fuck about me. So help me or don’t. If you don’t, that’s fine. I’ve always done everything without you anyway.  You were always the one that was needy. So fuck off! If you don’t want to help me. –I don’t know why I expected any support from you, you were never the supportive type.”

Source: austinxdouglas #Para#AustinPara#Austin 59 notes kerrieridgeway December 5th 2017, 3:55:31 pm · 3 months ago nathan-douglas kerrieridgeway:

She sighed as he pointed out their last interaction, of course he didn’t put his actions into account. Only blamed her. “I promise to give you hot coffee if that’s what you want.” She spoke looking at him, before staring down either side of the street making sure that no one obvious was watching. “If they’re watching you, being outside isn’t a good idea.”

Nathan could be immature and yes, often blamed others before he would ever blame himself. There was no question about that. However, he had not done anything to Kerrie before she dumped coffee on him, accidentally, to him it  still stung, and everything that followed was because of the coffee incident. As she said she would give him more he paused and looked at her worried and shook his head “I don’t like coffee… Don’t throw any coffee on me anymore. Too hot. It’s too hot.” At the last thing she said he shook his head “It won’t help. He’ll come and get me, he’s not scared.”

Source: kerrieridgeway #Para#KerriePara#Kerrie 5 notes kerrieridgeway December 5th 2017, 2:58:48 pm · 3 months ago nathan-douglas kerrieridgeway:

Kerrie was cleaning a table in her diner when she noticed the young adult who she really disliked. Though as she saw him so distraught she felt something for him, she watched for a minute before sighing and deciding to do something. She put her rag down and opened the front door, “Hey,” she spoke looking at him waiting to get his attention. “Are you okay?” She spoke as she felt the colder December winds hit her. “Come inside,” she spoke wondering if he was distraught over anything task force related. She wasn’t sure, but seeing him so upset hit a chord with her.

Self “Found you, you bastard.” Nathan muttered, giving a slight smirk as he looked at the photo of the man he had searched for in the search engine on the computer he was on.  Moving he pulled out a journal from his backpack and then a pen, writing down several names. The current name he was on, the first of a long line, he began to write down several facts that were written about the guy on the computer “A gay son who works at the local gay stripe club. Interesting.”  Nathan mused for a moment as he wrote “Physical abuse accusations over a period of years, a little as a year ago, no surprise there. No wonder he was this easy to find.”

Nathan had spent the next few hours or so doing research, looking up several other peoples names on his list. He then left the library and made his way down toward a sidewalk that eventually lead him to a somewhat decent neighborhood. Nathan hide out near by a house, watching it, waiting for a cue. Once that cue had arrived home, some hours later, from work. Nathan smirked, confirming that his target had indeed been the right one he spent the next few weeks watching the guy’s activities, learning about where they would be, when he needed them to be somewhere.

After his observations had been made extensively, Nathan then began to make daily visits to the gay stripe club, at first observing goings on. Never calling the attentions of the son he had learned about just weeks earlier. After a few days he then made the move to lure the young male over to him, getting their attention by acting more on his personality with out the filter of ‘abuse’ that had often blocked his true personality, or emotions, from showing clearly. Once he had gotten the male in his snares Nathan spent the next few days getting to know the other, and them thinking the were getting to know him as well. To the point that had actually begun to treat Nathan like a friend. Even at times jokingly calling Nathan his future boyfriend.

Once reaching that point with the male, which was surprisingly easy, Nathan had thought. But still, he supposed for him an apparent sociopath, it wasn’t so hard to lure the weak minded into his fake personalities. It more so depended on what Nathan wanted. As time went on Nathan began to pay for a private room for him and the son of the guy he had been targeting.

They were grinding up against him then, pressing their lips against his, making out with him and rubbing a hand against his junk. Nathan played along, pretending he had been into the mood of the current situation. Once it was over though he frowned in mock sadness “I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll even, probably, bring you a surprise.” Nathan pulled away then, button his jeans back up as they stood and toyed with his hair, telling him how much they wanted to have sex with him, before asking why Nathan had never asked them to meet him outside of the club “I will…one day. I just, have a lot of shit going on in my life.” Nathan forced a smile then “I still feel like we don’t know each other enough to show you that part of my life.” Cold dark eyes locked onto theirs “In time.”

He watched the male leave the room the before rolling his eyes and moving to exit as well. Minutes later he was walking toward his brothers apartment. Nathan had definitely noticed the other had been distant, which wasn’t anything entirely knew. Austin was hopelessly useless to him, in many ways. And if the other would rather talk to their girlfriend than help him, he supposed he would just have to get revenge, all by himself. On everyone who had ever fucked him over. Starting from the bottom.

#Self December 17th 2017, 2:26:48 pm · 2 months ago “Have you thought of any names for them?” A nurse asked the woman laying beside her, several months pregnant it seemed. She then glanced over to the woman’s husband as the woman had also, a grin on her face as is she were thinking.

“Well…” She started pointing at the monitor “I think this one should be Austin.” She said as she point toward one baby, that appeared to be sucking on it’s thumb “It fits, right Robert? Austin. And this one.” She paused for a moment to think, seeing the other baby was a bit more feisty “I think Ad-”

“Let’s name him Nathanael.”  Robert finally spoke up looking at the monitor and nodding “Yeah, I like that one.” Staring at his wife she gave him a concerned look before nodding.  She obviously had been thinking of a completely different name for the other twin, but she supposed she would let Robert have this one, it wasn’t that big of a deal to her, of course. Originally, when they thought one of them would be a girl one of the twins was going to be named something that fit a lot better with Austin.

A Little While Later

Getting in from the hospital Karina walked inside carrying one baby carrier “Alright Aussie, stop fussing.” She cooed placing the carrier down finally as the infant inside it whimpered before having a complete meltdown just as they were brought inside. Karina sighed, obviously extremely exhausted after having just had two babies only a couple days earlier. Both of which seemed a little fussy the entire drive home.  She watched as Robert finally came inside with the other baby carrier in hand and the baby bag. It was around this time that the other baby also began to fuss because of Austin’s crying “Here we go, again.” Karina laughed before giving a kiss Robert and taking the baby carrier out of his hands “Can you make up their bottles, maybe that’ll settle them down.” She turned to Austin’s carrier and gave a exhausted smile “Right? How’s that sound?” She cooed again gently reaching over to tickle lightly at his stomach “Good thing Grace is with Grandma.”

Placing Nathan’s carrier beside Austin’s he started to bring his arms and legs in closer to his body, his face scrunching and turning red before he let out a few whimpers of his own. Obviously he was attempting to cover his ears.  Karina noticed this and frowned “Hey, hey, do-” She looked toward Austin, thinking that if he could get him calm he could prevent what was about to go down. Searching for a pacifier then she found the one she had given Austin earlier in the carrier beside him “Here.” She offered watching the other take it, but a moment later she watched him refuse to take it. Looking at Nathan then she blinked, before her eyes widened seeing he was sucking on his thumb “Oh. Ooh.” She glanced toward the kitchen where she could here Robert and then back to the twins “Well, that’s surprising.” With a shrug then she continued to try and get Austin’s to stop crying. It wasn’t until Robert returned with a bottle and she handed it over to him, holding it for him that Austin had finally calmed down.

A Few Weeks Later

Austin was crying over something, perhaps it was the dark that had been keeping him up at night, crying. The crying had happened so often that Grace and Robert had both asked to sell him for a new brother.  One of them was joking, at least. The other was a little bit more serious. Nathan on the other had, had hardly ever cried. It seemed the moment that Austin started he would stick his thumb in his mouth and this had managed to make him feel extremely calm during Austin’s moments of  crying. Austin was a baby, of course, both literally and emotionally.  He would often cry over little things. Grace often didn’t appear to enjoy playing with him, because he always seemed like he was going to break.  One little wrong move and Austin would start to fuss. Nathan’s thumb would find itself in his mouth and stay their for the rest of the day, furiously being sucked at.

One Year Later

Nathan was sat up, sucking on his left thumb, his right hand lifting up a block onto another next to Austin who was chewing on a megaman toy contently.  It seemed that over the last year or so he had calmed down significantly enough to actually develop a personality trait that had not been ‘big cry baby’.  Nathan and he garbled something back and forth in some babyish talk. Austin giggled gently at Nathan after he garbled something. Nathan continued to loosely suck at his thumb, still somewhat locked into his mouth as he eyed the toys in front of him. The two only looked up as Grace had come running across the living room followed by Robert. She started shouting for their mother, obviously wanting to show her something that she had been working on in school.

Robert looked over toward the twins then “Hey, boys. Nathan, take that out of your mouth.” The older male ordered before walking over to Nathan and picking him up, and pulling it out forcibly before placing Nathan down again “That’s so disgusting.”  Robert mumbled, not realizing that Nathan could understand what the other was saying, and would remember these moments.

It went on like this on and off, every day, Robert would make Nathan stop sucking on his thumb then complain to Karina about encouraging such a disgusting habit. To Robert the habit had outgrown it’s cuteness and he was too old to be doing something like that.

Three Years Later

While taking a nap Nathan was sucking on the tip of his thumb absently, earlier that day he had an argument with Austin over a toy and was placed in time out by Robert who told him the next time he through a toy at Austin, that he would throw a toy at Nathan. Robert then left Nathan locked in their bedroom where he was told to stay on his bed and not move. Nathan eventually fell asleep as two hours passed and had been sleeping there for the last three hours.

The door finally opened and Karina walked in “No. Robert, Austin said it was an accident. He was waiting by the damn door when I walked into the house!” She shouted at Robert as she walked into the room toward Nathan’s bed. Crouching down beside it she reached over and ran a hand over the top of his head. Blinking Nathan looked at her and frowned. Karina smiled “Come on, Nanny.” Leaning in she gave him a kiss to the forehead before pulling down the blankets and picking him up. Robert glared for a moment before sighing and walking away saying that he might have gone a little too far, and that maybe Nathan would learn a lesson about throwing toys.

Some Odd Years Later

Sitting in front of the therapist Nathan sucked nervously on his thumb, staring at the guy sitting in front of him. They tapped their pen on the paper before looking at Robert “So you’ve always felt him to be unnerving and strange, compared to your other children? He’s hurt them, and been extremely aggressive since the day you brought him home.” They gave Robert a look before nodding “And how long has he been sucking on his thumb?”

“He’s always sucked on his thumb. We’ve tried all kinds of things to get him to stop. Put hot sauce on it, he likes hot sauce now.”  Karina answered looking at Robert, not wanting to say that her husband had gone so far as to threaten to put Nathan’s thumbs in a blender. She looked at Nathan then only to watch Robert reach over and yank the thumb from Nathan’s mouth and tell him to stop it.

“Oh. Well, some children usually will stop sucking their thumbs early on. Unless their’s something going on.  Usually it’s fixation. But there are also cases that abuse makes some children continue to suck their thumb.” Making a few marks on the paper in his lap the therapist nodded “ If he’s been doing this since before he was born, it’s probably an oral fixation.” What the therapist didn’t know was that Nathan’s thumb sucking was because of Austin, making him extremely nervous or anxious. Which as Austin got older it began to come Robert who was making him anxious all the time and use his thumb to de-stress after every encounter they had.

The therapist smiled then and looked at the pair before looking at Nathan “Don’t worry, we’ll see what we can do.” Ripping the paper from their clipboard they handed it over to Robert “Give him this every day and you’ll start to see significant changes, he’ll be less aggressive.” Watching this go down Nathan started to suck on his thumb again, anxiously, he inhaled sharply. Not protesting, because he mostly didn’t understand what was going on and he believed he was bad, and needed to do whatever to be good.

Age Eight

Yanking at his arms Nathan stared up at Breccan as the other talks “This will make you stop. I’m sure of it.” He gave a nod to one of the orderlies then and the brought Nathan closer to a bowl of liquid, dunking Nathan’s thumb inside it, coating his thumb. Then doing the same to the other thumb. The orderly continued to hold Nathan’s arms in a way that kept his thumbs from getting smeared as the liquid dried. Then they dunked it again, and proceeded to do this for a while.

Finally he was released with the other children in the hospital. Standing for a moment he walked over toward some toys that no one else was messing with. He could hear one kid freaking out over something and staff trying to deal with that. Sniffling as he picked up one toy he wished he were home. Feeling stressed out then as the shouting and struggling continued from behind him he moved his left hand up to suck on his thumb. Only to be hit with a bitter taste a moment later.  Gagging he yanked his thumb out of his mouth and shook his hand. Blinking, he stared at his thumb before looking over. Letting out a breath he glared before slamming his hand on the floor and groaning under his breath, his anger become a little hard to control.

December 18, 2017

Nathan had been sleeping, or more, resting, for the last day. He didn’t feel like moving, or doing anything at all. He just wanted to lay in the small closet in Austin’s apartment, feeling safe and comfortable there, more than he had been sleeping in a big open space.  The last few months of stress, being angry, and being hurt had began to manage itself. Pulling back into the recesses of his mind. Just being able to sit down and have a day where he wasn’t dealing with all the shit in his world was usually something he had needed, but rarely ever got. Since he woke up in the woods. Letting out a calming sigh he continued resting.  The thumb on his left hand being sucked on furiously as it helped him de-stress from everything.

Finally leaving the closet about two days after that Nathan opened the door and inhaled deeply before stretching out. Walking into the living room he noticed it was pretty earlier in the morning. He didn’t feel like leaving yet, feeling that if he did leave things would just become more stressful. He was feeling that for the moment he would hold off on the stress for the moment and make something to eat, because he was starving.  Hearing some snoring he looked down the hall toward Austin’s room and frowned a little “Well at least he is sleeping.” With a serious look he started toward the kitchen, which wasn’t very far away.

About an hour or so later Nathan was sat on the floor in the Livingston with a pile of breakfast food he made, by himself, from whatever was in the kitchen. Stabbing a fork full of pancakes, that he made, slathered in blueberry syrup on one side and strawberry on the other he shoved the bite in his mouth and chewed as he moved to grab up some sausage, ham and bacon and started to shovel it all into his mouth. Wiping his hand off then he moved it back over to the game controller in his hand and continued to play whatever game he was playing, loudly on the tv.

[caressedorcrushed]

Nathan V2

Starters Frowning at his hand, Nathan looked at it, the side of his left hand was slightly swelled and purplish at the moment. Especially near his pinky, which he had snapped back into place by himself. But the pain didn’t seem to stop after that. Curling into himself he brought his right hand over to pet gently along his other hand. Sweating a little from the pain and muttering to himself he glanced around, his legs hopping lightly on the ground as he sat on a bench “Fucking bitch.” God damn cunt. I hate her, they are both terrible. Ow Ow Ow!  It hurts. Wincing a little he looked down at the injured hand again and let out a small whimper before biting on his bottom lip a little, to quiet himself. image 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER  SUNDAY STARTER  THERE YOU GO!  EVEN THOUGH I DID JUST MAKE A STARTER. HAVE ANOTHER!  XD   Getting grabbed by a drunk frat boy and tossed into a pool was certainly not been on the top of Nathan’s to do list. And for the brief few seconds he was scrambling to get to the side mind had completely emptied of any thought before landing in the cold water. Pulling himself up onto solid surface and standing, his entire body was shaking. His eyes moved from person to person, most were oblivious to what just happened. Then he heard the person who had thrown him into the pool say his brother’s name. Something in him snapped at that moment, his mind went blank as he stepped toward them. In the next moment his fist had slammed viciously into the guys face, sending them stumbling to the side and dropping to the ground. Nathan could hit pretty hard, for someone who had mostly done a lot of sitting around talking about their feelings in a hospital their entire life.  This asshole could have ruined everything, you should not have come here. image 1 YEAR AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG REVENANTS:STARTER  THERE WE GO  NATHAN LOSING IT AT THE PARTY IF ANYONE WANTS IT~ XD   image Nathan frowned a bit as he leaned back on his hands against a fence in front of a house. He had to plan his next few moves. He couldn’t let his anger get in his way, he knew this. If what he wanted to do was going to go smoothly, then he would have to do better in his execution of things that lead up to the final part.  Narrowing his eyes at that thought, glances to one side, moving his left hand from the fence then and bringing it up to the hood over his head, pulling it down to keep his face as well hidden as he could. 1 YEAR AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG REVENANT:STARTER   Watching smoke slip into the air from his mouth Nathan was lost in thought over recent events. It seemed that some of the people in town were taking the joke, as far as Nathan understood,  seriously. Tilting his head down he took the last hit off his cigarette and then flicked the remains into the street, I fucking hate this season. image 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER   Spitting up white, foamy, colored goo Nathan was on his back. His arms crossed over his stomach as he groaned in shallow breathes. Sweat drenched his forehead and clothes as strange nauseous feeling had overwhelmed his system. His mind reeled, his eyes shifting and rolling around in his head as his mind conjured up hallucinations. Almost more intense than his usual ones. “It’s not about them!” He shouted before having another coughing fit, goo dripping down the sides of his mouth, his breathes were starting to smell like bottled pills that had become wet. “It’s him! – It’s-…it’s go-going to hurt –f-for ….For…For…a lit-li-little while–… l-long-longer. It’s hot. It’s hot. …Stop…make it…Ev-”  Spitting up some more goo his back arched a little, his body convulsing slightly. RETURNED:STARTER  

Stabbing a switchblade that Isabelle gave him down, just barely missing his fingers with the blade, Nathan looked extremely bored.  Of course, Nathan usually was bored, because there was nothing for him to do, either be cooped up in an apartment with a shit brother. Lifting the blade up he looked up as a waitress came over with a drink and set it beside his hand. Stabbing the switchblade back down at his hand as she began to talk he cut the side of his middle finger. “For Austin– Err. I mean. Me?!” He said, faking excitement before the waitress pointed at a few older women and told him the drinks were for him, they seemed drunk. Taking his hand hand then he smiled at the women before knocking his head at them and then swinging his hand at the cup, sending it flying to the ground “Oooo, Sorry, bad twitch, my bad. I broke my arm years back and it’s never been the same, shit nerves.”  The Waitress gave him a look of disbelief before nervously going to pick up his mess. image 4 WEEKS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER   Pulling back Nathan’s left hand moved to cup his now bleeding nose “Ow!  Alright! –That was too hard.” He winced, sniffling before snorting back the blood into his throat and spitting it out a second later. As Isabella was telling him what he was going to do, for the gang, he gave a light nod. Then blinked as she shoved against his chest. Reaching up he took it in his hand and frowned “Ah. Are you sure this is what your gang does?” He asked, not really comfortable with this. This had earned him getting backhanded with her fist across his face, splitting open the inside of his cheek. As she pointed at him and told him not to question her he nodded, nervously he took the gun and slipped it behind him into a a spot under his hoodie. She smiled then and pet the side of his head before saying ‘good dog’ and shoving him out of the alley telling him to meet her at the woods when he was finished.  Nathan could see there was more to just having him rob a store, to this. But afraid she would end up beating him again he opted not to think about it too much more than that. Walking toward the gas station Nathan swallowed as he approached the entrance. image 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG RETURNED:STARTER  

“She’s got the devils eyes and they’ll cut you like a weapon she’s stuck in my mind like a bad obsession.” Nathan mused, moving to rest his head in his hand, thinking of Isabella with a small grin “ All the boys say she was sent from the heavens but I’m not too sure that this girl is a blessing.” He continued absently spinning his phone on the table.

#returned:starter#idk ahah 16 notes Placing a hand on his head Nathan closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself down. It’s not real. I’m just…seeing things. Yeah. Just-Just tired. Swallowing he opened his eyes a little before forcing himself to move. Though a moment later he stumbled and bumped into someone who shoved him before shouting at him to watch where he was going  “S-sorry I-I.–Uuhh–” Inhaling sharply his arched back, a chill running down his spine and his chest tightening. Twitching he looked around before lifting his hand up and sobbed into it. This is so fucking stupid. I have to get out of here. Why …Right now!

#returned:starter#Sunday Starter#yay~ 18 notes Sitting lazily in a chair at the hospital Nathan was slouching, his legs opening and closing as he stared in a haze at the tv screen just a few feet away from him. All around him he could hear others talking, but he couldn’t exactly make out the words anyone had been saying. It was all just a jumbled mess. Blinking his eyes shift slowly to meet a nurse as they walked over toward him and took a seat. Pulling himself up he moved to drop his head in his hand, groaning lightly as he did. The memory of the hospital melting then as the person who sat beside him asked if he were okay “Fine. Just having a bad reaction to the sun.” Standing then he started walking across the park.

#returned:starter 20 notes Turning the phone over in his hand Nathan looked at the screen full of messages from people he hadn’t bothered to answer. Then he just chucked the phone into a nearby body of water before turning and walking away.  Oops.

#returned:starter 3 notes Reaching out Nathan touched the mask of a costume and frowned “ Hm, it’s almost that time.”  He muttered before pulling the mask down from where it was to get a better look at it, before he then went to put it on. What month is it, September? Then it’s in a month or so. Halloween, fuuuun.

#returned:starter 3 notes Laying on his stomach, over a patch of grass, Nathan had a dorky little grin on his face as he brought over a pretty broken up toy through the air. His eyes shift up, following the toy as he played with it, some what in a haze. His eyes seemed to be big, like a child as he distracted himself. Grinning he laid his head at a tilt on his arm, humming to himself as he continued to move the toy around.

#returned:starter#I don't know what this is#But he needs a starter out there XD 22 notes Pacing, Nathan was chewing on the nail of an index finger,  his bruised face redder from apparently crying.  Brushing his fingers against his lips then he swallowed and paused.  Muttering for a moment to himself before he frowned and dropped his head into his left hand  “So bad…sooobaaad.”

#returned:starter 50 notes Pulling the hood of his black hoodie up over his head, to hide the bandages and not be easy to spot in case someone wanted to finish the job in killing him. Though he doubted the disguise would work completely, it was all he had. He put on a pair of sun glasses he had stolen not long after waking up in the woods. Then placed the earbuds of his headphones in his ears and started to listen to music while looking at the phone he had been given. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world, the music vibrating through his head, when his skull was cracked and had barely, if at all even healed since it had only been a few days and for some reason, it still was acting like it almost just happened that day. But at the same time the music was calming, it helped a lot. Searching his phone he had been spend a lot of time recently just catching up on stuff he had been missing out in the last sixteen years of his life, and the phone was helping him to do that when he was out on the streets without supervision.

#returned:starter 2 notes Reaching out he tapped on the door in front of him, Austin’s door. He felt awkward being here, honestly. Like an unwanted guest. Like the other just felt obligated because of ‘blood’ reasons.  Like they were just trying to put on a show for accidentally forgetting him on purpose because Robert Douglas demanded it so.  Mindlessly he tapped the phone on the door, not really wanting the other to answer, and then he could just leave. After another moment he let out a breath. Feeling hungry he decided he was going to go get something to eat and turned, walking down the hallway. Once back out on the street he winced at the bright sunlight before turning away and walking, only to bump into someone.

#returned:starter 44 notes Laying on his back Nathan’s head was turned to his left, his left hand loosely wrapped around his face as he exhaled gently. His eyes shift under his eyelids as he breathes in, gently.  For the last twenty-four hours, he has done nothing more than sleep. Nathan had become completely consumed by his exhaustion over the last few weeks and his body just needed the rest. Wincing a bit his brows knit together slightly, the sweat on his forehead combining and slipping down the side of his slightly tilted his head. A small whimper escaped his lips as he head suddenly jerked before turning away from his hand, his breathing started to pick up speed as his mind started lighting up with signals to be worried “No. No. No… Don’t-” Nathan whispered, his voice cracking.

#Returned:Starter#No idea where he could be laying?#Anywhere honestly ahah 17 notes Sitting outside Nathan dropped onto the grass and pulled his legs up pressing them against his chest as he tried to make himself smaller against the building. So he could hide. Sucking in a deep breath he adjusted his head on his knees. He watched as a bird dropped down and started pecking at the grass a moment later, getting completely absorbed with the creature’s actions. His current state of mind is easily allowed to be distracted as it was still recovering from the head injuries he’d suffered and the entire mind fuck of Austin and Bethany, mostly Bethany lying to him.

#Returned:911#Returned:Starter#Events 21 notes Walking into the building, or more like being shoved into it, Nathan stumbled “Alright! Jeez, stop fucking touching me!” He snapped before he turned to look around the building. Blinking as some people seemed to stare at him in recognition. Austin. He reminded himself, even though the stitches on his forehead would have been a dead giveaway to anyone paying any sort of attention that he was in fact, not, Austin. Nathan narrowed his eyes on some people as he made his way across the room and then found a space to sit. Taking up a chair he brought his legs up, sitting lotus-style before he lifted up a magazine on guns from one of the tables to his side and started reading through it with little to no interest.

#Returned:911#Um sooo#okay#Hmm#Returned:Starter#Event 19 notes Pushing against the wall of a building Nathan let out a loud shout, it had sounded a bit too much more like a demon than something that would come from a human, as it was shredding his throat as it clawed its way out of him. He then pushed off the wall and paced for a moment before kicking his backpack further back into the alley “That fucking bitch! I will…-” Cutting off he made a brief strangling motion at the air “Isabella…Isabella… She’s ruining everything!” Nathan snapped before slamming his right fist into the top of a trash can, sending a bolt of pain up his arm hissing he pulled it away and in a fit of rage picked the empty trash can up off the ground and threw it out toward the street.

#Returned:Starter 23 notes Reaching into a ratty backpack he had lifted out of a trashcan some days ago Nathan pulled up a bag full of days old baked sweets. Of which he had dug out of the trash the other day from behind a bakery.  There wasn’t much work for someone who just got out of a mental hospital after all. He narrowed his eyes as he watched people walk by him as he took a bite, feeling as though they knew, and they were judging him and thinking he was disgusting. And so what if he were.  Dropping down onto a bench he hugged the backpack to his thin body and continued to watch people suspiciously “I need money.” Nathan muttered then before watching a few bee’s that were a few feet from him dancing around a flower. Blinking he observed the scene for a few moments before muttering “Bee…Does it still hurt…” to mostly himself. Dropping onto his side he curled up hogging the bench.

Closing his eyes he started to doze off. Which wasn’t odd since he could barely even sleep, and sleeping at night was a nightmare waiting to happen so Nathan mostly got his naps in throughout the daytime hours.  As he was slipping off to sleep he thought about his family and one of the many things he had in store for them, if he could even find them. He didn’t have any clue of where they were, of course. He figured this place, Killbourne, was a good place to start finding out. He would continue to try to get a job, and make enough money for gathering tools and items he would need in order to do what he had planned. Then he would search for them. When he would find them he would take all the things he gathered and start setting his plan into action, trapping them all. This was his plan, so far. Sucking in a breath he reached up and pulled the hood of his hoodie down over his eyes to block out the sunlight shining down onto the park he chose to rest in.

Self Turning onto his side Nathan looked around the room. He didn’t like how quiet it was. It was something he was sure he would never entirely get used to. Not like when he was a child, when he could sleep safely at night. Before his head was filled with nightmares and tortured thoughts from his life of abuse in Damari. Even though he could only sleep four hours a night now, or so, since waking up in the woods. The nightmares weren’t any less than they had grown to be in Damari. Wrapped up in a blanket his eyes flicked from one end of the room to the next. He hated this, he hated not having the noises. But what he had hated most was not having Austin. It was probably weird to spend seventeen years looking at the other side of your room in the ward, staring every night at a wall. But before all of this he would be staring at Austin before drifting off to sleep, no cares or any other worries to plague his mind. And on some nights he would hear his brother cry. Then ask for him to come over. Nathan always did, crawling under the covers with his brother and laying beside them till they calmed down and went back to sleep. He didn’t leave the other until the morning. Robert hated it, usually seeing it and yanking Nathan out of the bed, accusing him of being a scardy-cat, but not as nicely as that. Austin would say nothing when this happened. Nathan never got mad at him though, Robert was terrifying when in a mood. Pushing himself up he walked down the small hallways toward the back of the apartment. Standing outside of Austin’s door he frowned, the other had shut him out. Not just because they were closed away in their room. But just in general, they had forgotten him, and everything he had ever done for Austin. Tricked into thinking he was an imaginary friend. Nathan was of course extremely annoyed by this, and saying sorry wasn’t going to cut it.  Not entirely. Reaching out he grabbed onto the door and walked into the room, the others light snoring telling him Austin was in a deep sleep. Nathan guessed that it must have been nice to sleep peacefully at night, when you weren’t abused and tortured most of your life. Walking over to the bed he stared at Austin, dark black eyes moving over his defenseless body. If Nathan wished, he could simply stab the other in the neck right then, and he could be spitting blood all over the bed. Reaching his hands over he placed them on the bed, leaning into them he tilt his head, probably thinking of all the ways he could easily dispose of his twin. It would be nothing to him. Gently he pulled himself onto the bed, sitting on his legs. Nathan wondered if Austin really had been stupid. Trusting too much that Nathan wouldn’t just slit their neck in their sleep. They had left the door open, testing him. That’s what they must have been doing. Laying down on the empty side of the bed in front of Austin, Nathan rest his head on the spare pillow staring at his brothers face. Blinking slowly Nathan smiled sweetly at the other “Remember when couldn’t sleep some nights? And I would go to your bed and get under the blankets with you. You never missed that? You don’t remember any of that? You really forgot everything?” Nathan looked at Austin before letting out a soft sigh “It hurts a lot, thinking about how you could easily forget me. It makes me angry with you, a lot, too. I wish you hadn’t. I wish I was important to you. But I understand, I’m not.” Moving his hands down he curled up a little bit, bringing his head down and closing his eyes as he placed his hands between his knees “I still remember everything, for you.” 4 DAYS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  AUSTIN   Looking at the broken remains of his phone Nathan let out a sigh, wishing that he had never let it get in their hands. They didn’t want him to rat them out to Austin and the phone had really seem to piss them off. Nathan had to watch as they kept hitting it until it didn’t work. He was so mad at everything when it finally had, even Austin for getting him the stupid thing. That had thrown it in the water fountain the park, only to fish it back out later. Because it was something Austin had given him, it was special, even if it was now useless.  He shift, putting the phone back in a pocket and held up his sign as a few hot older men walked by. One made a comment about selling his body for one dollar. Nathan only shrugged at them. Eventually an older woman, all business it seemed walked up to him and started to bitch him out about how fucked up it was to sell your body for an hour for one dollar. Nathan just shrugged “I need money. I don’t have a job. Sue me.” He says, making her crack a smile and then lean in to whisper in his ear before placing a dollar in his hand. That was the easiest catch he had since he started this brilliant idea of selling his body for services. Not intentionally meant to be sexual ones, but as the months bled by it became just another thing he was willing to offer for some money. It was getting closer to winter and money was going to be getting a lot hard to get because he hated being out in the cold for too long. Even though it was close to his favorite time of the year. It still didn’t make it pleasant for him. Walking down the street to the destination the older woman had whispered to him Nathan cautiously glanced around, it looked pretty fancy. He sighed, feeling a little uneasy about this. Looking at the streets he wondered if he was being followed. Or if he was being set up, maybe this was actually a bad idea after all. The cops kept telling him he couldn’t sell his body and he ignored them because who gave a fuck what they had to say to him, Nathan did not. Walking down the hallways to the apartment she specified Nathan approached the door, looking at the number on it and then reached up, knocking on it lightly.  As she opened it he grinned a little “I made it.” Before he could even finish she was pulling him inside. Her hands pet against him, which was making him even more uncomfortable, but he had asked for this. So he had to just suck it up and deal with it “Eh.” He let out as she looked him over like fresh meat. When she pointed toward the bathroom he frowned a bit but as she insisted persistently pushing him toward it he reluctantly moved. Her hands moved over his shoulders, slipping his clothes off of him in a delicate way, she tugged them off and threw them into the sink, commenting on how filthy they were and looked at him tutting as she saw his bruises and scars on his exposed skin. She pout then and cupped the back of his head in hers, bringing him closer to face. The finger on her other hand ran along his chest gently as she whispered about making him feel better, and that he was a ‘poor baby’ all ‘battered and bruised’. Nathan gave a nervous grin before she pulled away and started to undue his pants and tug them down. Looking into the mirror he smirked and nodded at his reflection as she helped free him from his pants, leaving him in his briefs. She tsked then commenting on how ‘thin’ he was. Nathan looked down at her, keeping his hands at his side as she rose and placed her hands against his chest and gently started to push him back. She moved out of the way then and moved to turned on the shower, telling him to sit facing away from her in the tub and she would get ready. As water soaked into his filthy leaf and grass filled hair Nathan hugged his knee’s to his chest and hummed a little as the water dripped from his hair onto his face, leaving tracks in the dirt on his skin.  He was just absolutely disgusting from head to toe. The woman crouched down beside him, lifting one hand up and then the other. A moment later she was messaging shampoo into Nathan’s hair, which was really relaxing honestly. He didn’t feel as on edge. Though the request had been weird. This seemed to be therapeutic for her.  She leaned in to whisper into his ear then, pressing her lips along the shell of it and whispered that as soon as he was properly clean she was going to fuck his brains out. Which he didn’t expect to come out of a woman who was thirty or forty. Nathan had to tell himself that most woman were not mothers, and didn’t talk like them, at this age. Her hand suddenly yanked at his hair, pulling his head back. Reminding himself he was in this situation because he asked for it Nathan remained calm and grinned as she stuck her hand into the dirty water. Flinching he jumped a little, his body jerking slightly as her hand moved around under the water. About forty minutes later Nathan was dressed and walking down the hallway, wiping lipstick off the sides of his neck and face, he grumbled a bit at how weird all that was before brushing his mild irritation off and stuffing another few dollars she had given him for being such a good sport and just good in general.  Which he guessed that he would be after all, sex had been a big pass time in Damari, for him. Stepping out into the street he inhaled the cooled fall air before turning and making his way down the street toward a store. Taking out a cigarette as he walked, lighting it and taking a few puffs before letting the smoke waft out from his mouth “Fucking hell, these are fucking shit.” 1 WEEK AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Favorite Chew Toy It had been four months. Four months since he had seen the outside of confinement. Four months since he had spoke with another person. The only interaction he had gotten was the with staff who ignored him when dropping off meals and drinks. Which was all that he had needed while inhumanely locked away. His crime? Nothing. This time he had done nothing. Breccan had just wanted him locked away. Perhaps because he wasn’t acting out as much anymore. His depression had consumed him, shutting him down as he got lost in it, uninterested in everything around him. Then he was here. Letting out a breath he tugged at the sleeves of his shirt, undoing it strand after strand. Whispering under his breath Nathan rocked back and forth as he sat on the floor pulling on the loose strands of his shirt, putting them to one side. Skittishly he looked around, talking to someone who wasn’t there. Or maybe he was just talking to himself, and had been carrying on complete conversations on his own. But no, Nathan liked to think he had been speaking with imaginary people. Which was pretty bad. He mostly spoke to members of his family, at least how he could imagine them throughout the years. Tugging still on his sleeve he giggled a little before moving to lift up the pile of unthreaded shirt, and wrapping it around his throat, loop after loop. Nathan moved as quickly as he could. He could feel it constricting around his throat. Grinning a little Nathan hung his head. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. I cant. “He’s not breathing, get help.” A nurse told an orderly who pulled away and ran down the hallway. She reached over then tugging on the threads that were around Nathan’s throat,  pieces of skin cut and bleeding from how tightly he had wound it around himself “Breath!”  The nurse pat herself down hoping to find anything that she could use to cut away the threads. Lifting the sixteen year old up onto her lap against she pulled out some child scissors she had pulled off a patient early that day and with great difficulty began to snip away on one strand after the other “Come on.” She hissed, cutting some of Nathan’s skin with the scissors as she tried to free the threads from around his neck. His eyes fluttered, opening just enough to see EMT’s hovering over him. Nathan let out a breath, the mask on his face fogging up “Noo, noo…” Nathan cried weakly shaking his head. He didn’t want to be alive. Why couldn’t they just let him die already. He didn’t want to be alive anymore. This life was no life he wanted to live. His eyes closed then giving into the lack of oxygen that he had. Two days later he was awake and staring up at the ceiling from the hospital bed he was cuffed to. All but his right hand unable to move anywhere but a few inches. Letting out a breath he swallowed as one of the hospital nurses looked at the stitches on his neck. He had not said anything since waking up and soon he would be taken back to Damari, probably put back in solitary all over again. Maybe without clothes, again.  The nurse left a moment later leaving him alone. Nathan shift looking toward the phone before frowning, he remembered the house number, but didn’t think anyone would want to talk to him.  Still his hand lift up from the bed, reaching for it. Stretching he was just barely able to reach it “Mmm- Mo-” The tips of his fingers brushed against it, shifting the phone. But he couldn’t pick it up “Ah…Pl-j-just a li-” A hand clamped around his wrist and it was shoved back. “Nathan, are we already feeling better?” Breccan asked shoving Nathan’s hand back at him and watching as it fell limply onto the bed. Prescott smirked at the others tears “Don’t look so sad.  They won’t answer anyway.” He looked toward the phone and sighed mockingly at Nathan “I don’t know how many times you need to be told that. They don’t love you. Austin even seems to be doing very well in school. Why, he’s a real stud. Happier without you, as they all are. Mom and dad don’t miss you at all.” Breccan teased leaning over Nathan “Give. up.” He glared, cold and dominant over Nathan “You’ll feel better.” He lied. Planning on not letting his favorite chew toy be happy, ever. 1 WEEK AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  BRECCAN  PAST   Tattletail Pulling away from the apartment door Nathan frowned “Where the hell are you?” He asked out loud looking around the hallway. Austin had been gone for several days now. With a sigh he guessed they were purposely trying to ignore him. Moving his right hand away from the door he brought it up to his face, his finger tips brushing against his freshly bruised eye another little fun gift he received from Isabella a few days before for talking back to her, again. Nervously he brought his hand down to nibble on the tip of his thumb, nervous about leaving again. But he couldn’t exactly just hang out in the hallway “Shit.” Walking down the a sidewalk several minutes later he heard something in an alley he was passing, before he could move out of the way a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him into it. Slammed against the wall of a building a moment later he let out a pained gasp as his back stung from how roughly he was being treated. Wincing a little he looked at the male that had a hold of him as they reached up to grab his neck, pinning him to the wall. A moment later he heard a laugh, keying him on in what exactly was going on. Isabella stepped out from behind the male, her hand pressing into his face, sending his head smacking into the bricks behind him. She asked what he was doing at Austin’s. Then skipped right to accusing him of tattling on her. Ordering the other to punch him  Nathan moved to protest the accusation as she moved away.  But the was hit before he could get anything out, the air in his lungs leaving. Waking up with a gasp his head jerked up from the blood smeared floor he was on. Looking around it took a moment for him to remember how he got there. After being pulled into the alley he was forced into a car and taken to Isabella’s place. Lifting his left hand up he pressed it against his side, purple bruises covered his chest, almost making the old scars disappear. Swallowing he looked over to Isabella as she entered the room and threw a hand towel at him, telling him to clean himself up. Then as she turned to leave she giggled, saying she wanted to take her dog on a walk. Of course she was talking about him. Wondering what stupid thing she had planned for him to do for her today he stood  lifting the the hand towel up to wipe off his blood. The more difficult spots on his brutalized body being the hardest parts to wash.  He brought the towel down along a split on his hip from one significantly brutal kick to him delivered by one of Isabella’s lackey’s.  Nathan glared at the door as he scraped away at the cut. He had to keep telling himself he would make the gang pay, just like he would make the hospital pay, just like he would make his family pay. As soon as he god his resources. Gripping onto the blood stained hand towel pinkish water gathered between his fingers and dripped out onto his hand. After cleaning himself up enough he walked toward Isabella stopping just out of reach, he adjust his black hoodie as he listen to her yell at one of the gang members. Then her eyes were on him again. Marching over she reached over to grab his ear and yanked him down to her level. Shouting at him about taking too long to clean up. Then she let him go and shoved him toward the door before ordering a few others to come with her on whatever urgent gang thing they were doing. Nathan had zoned out as she was talking. He walked behind her until they were at the car, after she got in he went to get in beside her and she laughed pushing him back out of the car and told him that rats had to ride in the trunk. Before she snapped her fingers at one of her lackeys and order them to put him in the trunk. 2 WEEKS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   At the others laugh Nathan twitched and pulled away from her, his hands balling at his sides as he tried to not take what she was saying too seriously. But it was hard. And there had been nothing there to disprove what she was saying. Austin had left, and hadn’t been looking for him. At least not as far as he could see. Austin probably didn’t even want to look for him. Which Isabella had told him and was now currently laughing at him because the other had even left town it seemed. She gripped onto the side of his head and yanked him over toward one of the practice dummies she had set up for him. She then yelled at him to do what she asked or she would turn him over to Prescott at the hospital. Several hours later he let out a gasp, reaching up his hands, all the shouting and ordering around and threatening had been messing with him. But he couldn’t stop her. For the last few weeks he couldn’t focus, his mind felt like it was in a deep fog and nothing had been seeming right at all. Not that it really had since he had woken up in the middle of the woods. But now more so then ever there had been an extra layer of un-realness to the world around him. Standing, his hands continued to press into his head, just needing a moment to calm himself down. To process all the thoughts and sounds, the feelings that were building up  “I want to go uh… I can’t…” He looked up before stumbling away from Isabella just before she sent a fist into his gut. Dropping to the ground he gasped as she shouted at him once again, calling him weak and pathetic. Asking where in the hell he thought he was going to go? No one wanted him. She had spat before kicking him in the side, earning a small cry from Nathan as pain shot through his side. Looking up he shivered “ Sorry— I I don’t– I just need a break. I need to–” She kicked him again, telling him not to talk back to her, or to even talk to her at all and just do as he was told. Her foot slammed on his broken hand and twist into it. Bringing up how she would let her sister beat the crap out of him to if he didn’t started being a good dog she spat on his head before giggling  and making fun of him again for being a psychotic mess that Austin ditched Nathan for his ‘precious’ girlfriend. With another kicked, hard enough this time she sent him onto his side before he rolled onto his back, gripping at his side. Isabella smirked down at him before shaking her head and commenting on how he was a terrible dog, and that they still had a lot more work to do with him if he was ever going to be taken seriously in the gang. Turning then she walked away, demanding he get up and stop looking so pathetic. Rolling over, Nathan let out a gasp as he held himself up, then pushed himself up from the ground and started to half walk, half stumble after her. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead as he finally managed to catch up with her fast walking. Letting out a heavy breath he groaned  “It hurts. You kick too hard….” He whispered, then just watched as she carelessly shrugged and waved him off. After Isabella had finally finished with him for the day and let him go Nathan made his way to a gas station where he bought some ice and then he made his way back to the woods were he had basically lived anyway. Especially since Austin appeared to not want anything to do with him. Dropping back against a tree he let the ice rest every few minute against his side before as he looked at his phone, it was entirely inactive “ Hmm. I had it charged…Why wont it turn on now?” He mumbled before sighing, it was far to frustrating to think about at the moment so he just tossed it to the side and dropped his head back against the tree. 2 days later Walking down the sidewalk Nathan pressed his hand to his side, the pain had numbed after a while but the bruising had seemed to get pretty bad. But over the last few days Nathan had ignored the pain as he was feeling himself becoming more pissed off at every little thing. The reason he was becoming more angry was because well, one, his mind as far as he could tell was messing with him. Making him confused. The people in the town were hunting dead people. He couldn’t quite make out if that were real, which only had been adding to his confused state of mind since the announcement on tv. To tack on to that Austin still hadn’t shown up and he had accidentally locked himself out of the apartment weeks ago. Which was really irritating.  Seeing as he didn’t even have a key. To make matters worse, when he heard of the details that surrounded what the Mayor described as dead his mind just went into full on paranoid/panic mode and that added to his overall anger. Because he realized that the description had fit him and that he was dead. At least as far as whatever game his mind was playing on him had told him. That the town, whatever was really going on in it, were looking for people who looked like him. Also he had realized that Marcus, Jake, and a couple of other people as well had the same traits. Which seemed insane, it really did. Nathan couldn’t process all this madness. He really could not. How come he was dead? How did he die? Why did his eyes even look like that? Was he high? It wasn’t as though they had never looked like that before. Medication go mixed up all the time at the hospital, mistakes happened. But this was a little too much for him, way too much for him to handle he had to get out of here. He could feel himself being unable to breath the longer he stayed in this horrible town. Whatever was going on he didn’t fucking like the feeling he was having at all. He stopped at the street, glaring into a rain puddle, staring into his own reflection at the eyes that didn’t seem right at all.  How could it be? If he really were dead, why did he have to be dead? Was this hell? A world made up in his own mind because how else could he explain that his family just so happened to be in town. How his brother was always right there just popping up and disappearing at times. Though sadly it was mostly just disappearing. Narrowing his eyes on the reflection in the water for a moment before he had to force himself to look away. As he lift his head up he noticed Austin had been walking down the street, and then the other made their way into a building. Glaring after the other he felt all the anger from the last few weeks fill into his body suddenly and started walking across the street, right into traffic. Cars screeched to a halt as he made his way across the road and toward the building. He was going to kill Austin, he was going to kill the other right in that fucking building and then see how HE liked being dead. Or how this stupid world of either his own making or not had liked it. Walking into the diner he scanned the room looking for the other. As he spotted them sitting at a table he moved to one of the nearby tables and grabbed a cup. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   “What the hell are you doing?!” Robert snapped reaching over to grab Nathan’s arm. The elder Douglas yanked his son away from the hole in the ground and grabbed Nathan by his shoulders before shaking him once, violently “That is fucking disgusting. What is wrong with you?” Nathan looked at the other blankly. He didn’t know what to say to defend himself. Robert shook his head  “In the backyard?! Could you be any more fucked up?”  He took his son by the arm and started leading Nathan away from the hole. As they approached the house Robert opened the backdoor and pushed Nathan inside “Clean your hands and got to bed. I don’t want to see you the rest of the night.” Robert then turned back to where the hole was and crouched next to it. 5 hours earlier Staring down at the body in front of him Nathan hid his emotions well in front of his brother and sister. Grace had been crying about it and Austin had been asking a million questions, half of them made no sense or were relevant to what they were looking at. A tingle ran down his back as he moved to look at the bloodied patches of fur. Cold brown eyes scanned the body for each wound it could pick out. Sniffing the air he took note of the stench that came off the body.  His nose curled a bit before he looked a Grace “He’s happier now, Grace. Not suffering, or starving. No more crying in the mornings for what he’s lost.” Nathan looked down with a frown back at the body “He’s safe, finally.”   Grace gave him a confused look before asking how he couldn’t be crying about what he was looking at. In immature frustration she turned and ran away still bawling. Looking at Austin who had been almost just as bad, tears had stained his twins face. Reaching over Nathan pat the tears from the others face, he smiled and tilt his head “It’s going to be alright.” Austin could only sniffle and cry about how it hurt, and that he wanted to just see the dog again. That it was unfair that it had to die so painfully, and probably alone.  Nathan looked away the feeling in his back moving to his tailbone. Letting out a small giggle, he twist a little before adjusting his back. It tickles. Why?  Catching Austin looking at him he put a frown back on his face and as the other said they were leaving and didn’t want to be their anymore he nodded and watched them turn to walk away. Looking around once he was completely alone he knelt beside the body and reached over, running his fingers along the side of the dogs head “You deserved a better family. Instead of the one that left you when they moved.” 30 minutes earlier Digging in the ground Nathan scooped up shovelful upon shovel full of dirt and tossed it to the side. Once the hole was pretty big he took a little bit of a break  and went to gather some things for the burial. Grabbing a stained ninja turtles blanket from the closet, his favorite until it got stained and his mother tried to throw it away. But Nathan cried until she finally agreed to place it in the closet.  Bringing it outside along with a few slices of sandwich meet and  he grabbed a stick from the yard. A few minutes later he had wrapped up the body in the blanket and pushed it into the hole, then tossed the meat and stick inside “So you won’t get bored and hungry where ever you are.” He whispered. Reaching down into the hole he ran his hand over the top part of the blanket. Sitting on the ground he started to shovel the dirt back into the hole staring solemnly into it as he tried to contemplate what it was like, being dead. Of course he knew that as a child it was probably weird to have thoughts like these. But he had always had moments like these. Invasive thoughts that made him think that only adults should have, but he had been given a weird peak into that world every now and then.  Zoning out in that moment he didn’t realize how late it was getting and that his parents were going to be home soon. Present “It’s messed up, Karina. He’s playing with dead animal bodies? What next, a neighbors pet? One of the neighbor kids? One of our other kids?” Robert yelled across the kitchen at Karina, who was just sat at the table trying to process what she had just been told. “Robert, you don’t honestly think that Nathan is capable of doing anything like that?  He’s just a little boy. There has to be more going on. We can’t just send him to see a therapist because he was burying a dog. People bury their pets all the time. I am sure he was just copying what he’s seen on tv.” Robert paced for a moment “ No, it’s not just that he was burying a dog. He’s never been right in the head. Karina, have you he’s either too calm or he’s not. There’s not really much middle ground with him.  In any case, kids have murdered before.  If we ignore the signs we could have child murderer on our hands. I will not have that. He’s going to therapy. That’s final, Karen.” Karen looked across the table at Nathan and frowned “Okay, Robert.  Just to prove that there’s nothing wrong with him. This is not an admittance to your accusation.”  She stood and walked over to Nathan who was just in a state of shock as he tried to piece together what was even going on “And you didn’t have to make him sit through this. You should probably go see a therapist yourself if you are going to keep acting this way.” She scooped her son up and walked out of the room and up the stairs. In the bathroom she helped thoroughly clean off the juices from the body that had gotten on Nathan. Pulling his shirt off and tossing it in the trash “You don’t have to cry, to be upset, Nathan.”  She told the boy “Sometimes being upset can be quiet. Most people just expect it to be visible, on the surface. Because it’s easier to see.” Karina placed a hand on his chest  “All that matters is that your heart can feel it.” Bringing her hand to the side of his head “And that your brain knows.” Tapping his the spots under Nathan’s eyes she smiled “Even if your eyes don’t show it.”  She tickled at his neck then, causing Nathan to giggle and bat at her hand. Smacking playfully at Nathan’s back she ushered him toward his bed “Night boys, don’t let the bedbugs bite. Kisses and love, all that good stuff.” Karina kissed at the pair before flicking the light off and going on to get Grace ready for bed and to check on Bethany. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   6 Years old, Halloween. Nathan looked toward Austin frowning a little at their reaction to the spooky house and something in particular that had managed to scare the other. He grinned then and reached over rubbing Austin’s back “Don’t cry. It’s not sooo scary.” Reaching over he poked at the item with the plastic pitch fork and then twirled it around in his hand “See?” Grabbing Austin’s hand then he lead his brother toward the house. “Maybe we can get more candy if they see how upset you are. Adults are so easy to score treats out of when they see someone’s kid crying.”  Nathan whispered toward the other as he guided Austin up the steps and then reached over pressing the doorbell button. The sound it made had him jump a little out of his skin as the noise pierced his ears. Reaching his hand up he rubbed the right side of his head as a shadow appeared and before he could say anything Austin grabbed onto his shoulder and began shrieking about a monster killing people in the house before running back down the steps. Standing by himself he watched the door begin to open and for a split second he wondered if Austin were right and the person on the other side of the door was a monster and if he were stupid for not following the others lead. Then a woman showed up and smiled at him bowl in hand. She crouched in front of him then glanced over his shoulder “Nathan, right?” She asked with a smile, then pointed at his outfit “A little devilish are we?” Nathan frowned for a moment before nodding then reached up to slap a button on his chest, a pair of angel wings popped out behind his back “No, I am an angel! I jus’ look like the devil.” He bit his tongue before giggling a little along with the woman. When she offered him the bowl she said to pick out something for Austin. “Tell him apologies for making it a little too scary for him this year. Take extras as a truce.” She smiled before reaching over to pat Nathan on the top of the head. Nodding Nathan grabbed a few of Austin’s favorites from the bowl and turned with a  “Thank you.” Before running back off into the darkness where Austin had run off to. “Hey chicken! We got extras.” Nathan squeaked as he ran up to his brother who had been standing by their mother. Looking at her he blinked and shrunk a little before sneaking Austin’s share in with their hoard “Next house! Next. Oo! That one.” He pointed grabbing onto Austin’s arm and started leading the other as their mother weakly protested for him to slow down. 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  AUSTIN   22 years old. “Get! OOoofff Of me!” Jerking away, Nathan swerved standing up from his bed before stumbling and crashing down to the ground.  Pushing himself back he glared up at the figure lingering over him as they started making their way toward him “Every god damn year! It’s not fucking funny!” He shout at the hooded figure before a fist back hand him right across the face. Twisting he managed to just barely catch himself before hitting the floor and started to push himself up. Elsewhere he could hear shouting and other anguished cries for help and please to stop. Before he could get any farther the figure in his room grabbed him by the ankle and yanked him back from the open door “Ah ah ah… Nathan you aren’t getting away. Where’s your Halloween spirit? I thought you like a little rough housing and tricks?” The figured taunted before slamming their hand into Nathan’s neck and penning him to the ground. Lifting up a syringe a giggle escaped them “And here’s your treat for being such a bad boy and not taking your pills today.”  Pushing Nathan’s head into the floor they stabbed the needle into him and continued to sit on Nathan until the contents inside started to take effect on the other. Everything had been pitch black by the time Nathan had his next conscious thought. He felt tingly and the noise that surrounded him had been muffled, like it was all happening far away from him. He could tell he was on his back now and something was digging at his chest. But he could not bring himself to open his eyes at that moment.  The muscles in his face twitched as he started feeling panic building up inside, the current state he was in sending him into a state of terror, Wake up….open your eyes! Somethings happening! Wake up, wake up wake up wake up.  His mouth opened and he could have sworn he was screaming but after a second he realized it was only in his mind. Some more time seemed to pass without him noticing. His eyes shot open as a numbed pain shot through his shoulder. As he drifted he heard a giggle. Bringing his eyes to look at  where the sound came from their was a girl holding up a bloodied piece of glass over him. Watching her pick her finger nails against her teeth he felt his breathing pick up in quickening bursts. As she moved to slash at him he lift his right arm up preventing her from slashing his face. Twisting he sent his knee as hard as he could into her side making her shout and throw the shard of glass at him before getting up and running back into whatever chaos had become of the hospital. Panting Nathan slumped back down, pressing his sweaty forehead into the floor. Noticing a few lines in front of him he moved to push himself up off the floor.  Slowly he managed to do this and see what the lines of blood resulted in  “Happy Halloween. Heh. Happy. Maybe for some of these people.” Looking over toward his open door he started to crawl toward it, watching a few patients run by it a few times before he managed to get to the door. Pushing the door closed he sat against it  just as something hard hit the door.  Letting out a breath he closed his eyes  “I hate this month, so fucking month.  I hope the news coverage one ‘tragedy took place at the asylum last night’ news gets the views you sick bastards want.” He muttered reaching up a hand an pressing it against his forehead. “Nathan, what…what did you do?” Opening his eyes he looked over toward the door way seeing a nurse standing there  turning he looked around “I don’t know, maybe you should ask your other patients. They were trashing the place all last night.” He moved, wincing as pain came from one of the cuts. As the nurse made a face he realized that there was something off “That…didn’t happen, last night. Did it?” He asked. The nurse walked over and pulled at his bloodied clothing “No. Nothing happened out of the norm last night. A few patients had it rough, but… this.” She narrowed her eyes on him “How did you get it? Where did you get it from? Where is it.” She started pulling at his bedding and searching him “Give it to me. Whatever you have, right now!” She snapped before nicking her fingers on the shard of glass. Pulling it from the bed she gave him a stern look before lifting up a talkie “Get the room ready, and bring a mop.  He did it, again, yes.” Nathan let out a breathe  “I swear! It’s not what it looks like! I didn’t…I  don’t know how that even got here! Please! There was a guy in my room! I swear! He was really here this time!” Nathan protest only to be made to stand up and be lead out of the room “You have to believe me! I  didn’t do this to my self! Please! I’m-” “No! Nathan, enough! When are you going to just accept that you aren’t well. This is ridiculous. You know. We can’t help you if you keep doing stuff like this!   You aren’t getting any better. Prescott is trying so hard to get you out of here and you keep pulling shit like this.” She yanked on his arm before grabbing his jaw “Don’t you want to get out of here, live your life? Please Nathan, you have to start taking you medication, when you need to take it.” Dragging him into one of the hospital rooms she shook her head  “Just stay there till a doctor can come take care of those cuts. I’ll be back after I inform Dr. Prescott about what happened.”  She turned away from him and left the room. Blinking as the doctor finished up on the cuts Nathan nodded as they said something about them not being deep and that they should heal up nicely. Nicely. Nathan wondered what in the hell that even mattered, honestly. Blankly he stared down at the wounded sections of his body before standing “Like it even matters.” He muttered before walking over to the door and crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the wall “I wasn’t diagnosed with delusions, or hallucinations, you know that? So tell me, how does a seven year old boy sent to a place that’s supposed to help them get better, end up in him only getting worse?” Nathan questioned the doctor who only just looked at him, a look of intense thought on his face before they opened their mouth to say something. The nurse walked in just at that moment and looked at Nathan “All done? Okay. Time to get you into solitary. Thank you Dr. Gavin, sorry for calling you in like this.  But you know how our problem patients can get around holidays.” She waved Nathan to follow her then and exited the room again. Nathan slowly pulled himself up from the wall and looked at the doctor smirking “It’s because we are lonely and our families don’t love us. We just want to die. Maybe one day you don’t come in to treat us, and just let us.” Nathan gave a mock sympathetic look, cupping a hand over his heart before turning and walking out after the nurse. Several minute later he was placed in a room that had the bare minimum in it “Home sweet home. I’ve missed the place. How long has it been, three months?” He turned to look at the nurse who only just looked at him before shutting the door and closing off the world  “Soo just me, myself, and I, for three days.” Twirling he held up his arms slightly from his body, before swinging them a little “What will I do.  Dear Tin… I thought of you last week…” Pacing he waved his left hand through the air, as if writing “Do you remember when we first went to kindergarten, you were so shy. You hid behind me the whole day…” Grinning, his head tilt a little  “How did you manage high school, or talking to girls, without me. I wonder. The girls around here aren’t really easy to talk to, you know. Not that it matters much, I like males a lot more. Would that make you uncomfortable to know that. I miss talking to you. Do you miss me too? Do you think about me? I wish you were here. This is…” Dropping down he wrapped his arms around his knee’s, tears forming in his eyes he dropped his head onto his knees “Too much. It’s too much. I can feel myself slipping away, so far away. I want to be where you all are. Before I lose myself to this place. It always feels like someone is squeezing the air from my lungs, and the warmth out of my heart. It hurts, too much…why do I keep hurting myself when I think of any of you…It’s too much, I’m dying. I’m dying here, like this, stagnant. This isn’t living, this is suffering. It’s suffering, it’s suffering.” 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST   Pushing himself up he shook his head “No, that’s…Not really my home. That’s yours. You only feel obligated to say that shit.  But in reality, are you sure?  Aren’t I some sort of monster. One day, probably soon, you will find some reason to think differently. Because, you still think that this.” He pointed to his head “Is me, don’t you. Not just part of me. But all of me. Don’t you? I’ll hurt you, I’ll hurt them, our …sisters. And that’ll be it.” With a exhausted sigh he shook his head “It’s only a matter of time. She’s right.” “You don’t remember anything about me, and so there is no love where it should be. So there is no home with you. It’s either I’m an obligation, I am a burden. Or I am your family, Austin, and I don;t know what I am to you or Bethany or Grace. And all of this is hard, and it’s new, and unknown. And I am alone. And everyone will be proven right, because I’m not what they want, what I should be in their eyes. But this is who I am. Whether you fucking love it or not. But I shouldn’t have to mend the bridge that my body was used to burn that bridge with. Do you understand what I am saying?” “ You are mad at me, fine. I hurt her, I did. Be mad.  I see you, your face, all your looks. Just know what you are mad at. A wreckage your parents created. I did not break myself this way. You would not ask a glass plate to mend itself back together. And I can’t either. And Isa- She was right, you guys don’t love me, I’m just a toy. Something for you to use and then throw away when it’s too bothersome to you. If you had listened earlier…Why couldn’t  any of them just fucking listen earlier. No one ever listens to me.” Tripping Nathan dropped back to the ground, laying on his stomach, wincing. Turning onto his side he let out a few heavy breaths before laughing lightly and then going silent his breathing becoming faint “ Just need a few seconds. Then we can go. It’s really hot, my brains melting.” 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  A REDACTED REPLY TO AUSTIN  AUSTIN   Glaring after Austin as the other walked away from him his eyes black as a void as they watched their back. He hated them, so much. Hated their fucking face, using his face to be ‘good’ and for that matter. He also hated the people in this town, he thought they were tiresome and moronic. As he watched the twin walk away his hands twitched at all the terrible thoughts that flooded his mind like a wave. Something he could not control, the anger. He had been denied for too long! Playing house was never going to get him anywhere. Righteous fury would!  It would free him from these tormentors, the people who pretended they were his family, and anyone else who thought they could keep him chained to the world they imprisoned him! Fuck you fuckyoufuckyou fuck.you. fuck you fuck you fuck you “FUCK YOU!” He shouted, though they wouldn’t hear him. Turning he started to run even farther from them the sudden strand of anger becoming too much, he feared what he would do if he were to get closer to that waste of space, they were not his brother, but some phantom pretending to be just to control him. Reaching a spot in the woods he ripped his backpack off and flung it violently from his shoulder and sent it to the ground, rolling across the grass and fallen leaves. Letting out a scream he brought his hands up to the side of his head his eyes closing tightly as he yanked at his hair screaming until the air had completely left his lungs, and then trying to force more of the scream from them. It was madness, the entire act of pretending like any of the last few months had been real. Trying to fit in with ….them. Dropping to the ground he started to pound his fists into it trying to let off more of the built up pressure in his head, the anger that had built inside him. All the frustrations that had been bottling up inside him. He hated this, the fact that he was the only real thing in this world. Again, with his lungs filled he let out an ear splitting shout into the emptiness of the woods around him.  Veins popped from under the skin on his forehead and neck. His fingers dug into the dirt and foliage around him. I hate them! They did this to me! I shouldn’t have to play nice! They don’t deserve my forgiveness! I will never forgive them! Panting then he sat back on his legs and  inhaled deeply as his mind finally began to take more control of itself, all the overwhelming emotions had begun to drop off, all of them but the ever lasting anger his own family had planted inside of him many years before.  That was his reminder. That he had something to do here, a purpose. The reason he had decided not to kill himself in the hospital. Slowly rising from the ground he stumbled a bit as a wave of confusion came over him he felt light headed for a moment more before forcing himself to move. Grabbing the backpack up again he continued to walk to his secret spot in the woods. Emptying the contents out and burying them in one of the disturbed spots around the tree’s he stood near.  With a twisted smirk he looked over the circular spots “Almost… It’s almost time.”  Taking the file he stole from the hospital months ago he opened it pulling a map from the center and began to unfold that.  There had been a red circle on one end, just one. And inside the location of the circle was where his family had grown up only minutes from him, happily. Ignoring him. Pretending he did not exist. Cold black eyes stare at the spot hating them even more. No excuse was enough for ruining his life. None. Robert will suffer for what he took from me. He must. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Trying some new candy he bought Nathan stared at the tv as he chewed and flipped through channels. He thought it was funny, all these channels and there wasn’t anything he had any interest in watching. Today’s cartoons seemed a little bland, for the most part. Letting out a breath he stopped on one channel and placed the remote on the coffee table before turning over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling as the news played in the background. Nathan started to zone out as he tried to think of something fun to do. Maybe he could go outside and make friends. But everyone else his age seemed to be working most of the time.  Tired, he blinked feeling like he could nap. Slowly sleep began to wash over him and he drifted off into a nap. About an hour later he woke up with a jolt, pulling himself up he forgot where he was. The sound of bath water pouring into a tub faintly washing over his disorientated mind. Inhaling sharply he made a face before swallowing. Then something on the tv had called his attention to it. Watching some man talking what he assumed was angry about something he reached over and grabbed the remote, turning the volume up as the man said something about some dead people coming back to life and being dangerous. Narrowing his eyes a little bit Nathan tilted his head and looked at the screen in disbelief “Dead people coming back to life?” He laughed a little, thinking that the people were a lot more dramatic in this town then he originally thought they were. After listening to the news more he decided he was not comfortable watching it anymore. He also decided that it was just some Halloween thing that apparently the whole town was going to be taking part in “This town is a lot weirder than I knew.” Did I step into a book or something. I must be in a coma, right? That has to be it. Looking around the room he dropped the remote onto the couch and sighed, dropping his head back, No wonder Isabella and her sister are the way they are, this whole town is fucked up. Standing after another moment he walked from the couch, lifting up his backpack and walking toward the door to the apartment and opening it. Moments later Nathan was heading down the sidewalk toward the woods, mostly ignoring everything else around him as he scratched at the cast around his left wrist and hand Fucking thing is so itchy, it still hurts too much.  Nathan thought, grumbling under his breath as he picked at the blueish purple wrappings. As he walked someone bumped into his shoulder, making him stumble back and finally look up from his tunnel vision on himself. Glancing around before looking at the person who bumped into him he gave them a dull look as they said something about watching where he was going. Nathan didn’t let them finish before he continued to walk. He didn’t even bother to look back as they started shouting after him before he turned a corner and continued his walk. Maybe it would be better to move far away from this town, away from the people who share my blood. Moving his right hand back toward a pocket on the backpack Nathan pulled out some money and started counting as he walked toward a bus stop that traveled out of town, he had been wondering about this for a while.  Nearing the sign he walked passed it as he continued to walk down the street and count his money. A few minutes later he stepped out of a gas station with a few snacks and continued to walk down the sidewalk leading to the woods. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  BLAH BLAH BLAH  NATHAN DOESN'T KNOW HE'S DEAD  AHAH  AND I DON'T THINK MANY OTHER PEOPLE IN THE TOWN WOULD EITHER OTHER THAN  PEOPLE FROM THE WARD  ANYWAY  HERE'S SOME RANDOM NONSENSE   Laying on the muddy ground, Nathan’s arms were wrapped around  him trying to keep his rain soaked body as warm as possible. He was too  tired and too worried about everything to even attempt to leave.  Thinking he had no where to go anyway. Letting out a shaky breath, his  body trembling, Nathan opened his eyes a little bit. He tried to  listen to anything that would be making sound around him, but all he  could hear was the low numbed sound of a ringing noise in his head.  Tired, Nathan’s eyes shift around, his vision blurring as he tried to  make out the world around him. The shadows being cast from the tree’s  making him think there was danger. His mind was too full of thoughts  that could tell him that he was, for the most part, safe. Closing his  eyes he started to cry silently, burying his head into the grass and mud. Days later, Nathan was still laid roughly  in the same spot that he’d been before. It was raining again, but  Nathan didn’t make any effort to move out from under the tree. His arms  were laid out beside his chest. The fingers of his right hand twitched a  bit as drops of rain splashed into his face up palm. Opening his  eyes a little bit, rain water dripped across his face. Empty brown eyes  shift toward his right hand. Nathan watched the water build up  and spilling out of his palm for a couple of moments before moving his  hand to press against his lips, drinking up the water in his palm.  Sighing once it was gone he closed his eyes again, and continued to  listen to the rain and raging storm around him. After  a few hours Nathan finally started to push himself up. His stomach had  been growling for food for days. But Nathan had been too busy ignoring  that and worried about other things that he had continued to forget  to go get anything to eat.  He did not want to go back to town, not  wanting to run into anyone. He didn’t want to run into Bethany or  Austin, or anyone like that. But he knew Isabella would know about what  happened, she had to of. She had seemed to know a lot of things.  Slumping down, Nathan stared at the ground before lifting his left knee  up to rest his heavy head onto, bringing is left hand up to place over  the side of his tilted  head he let out an exhausted breath. Remembering  the words Isabella had once told him he knew that there was no real  getting out of what was to come, unless he died. Which was one priority  he was favoring at the moment. Rubbing his hand  against his head he grumbled to himself, mostly about how stupid he’d  been for letting himself get that out of control, especially with  Bethany. He was trying hard to do what Austin had asked him to do, and let her get to know him. But was it fair, if she only  got to get to know the side of him that worked for them? Was it fair to him that he should have to hide the damaged side of him from them, for them to accept him. It wasn’t fair at all, he was struggling and now  they were both going to look at him differently, like the monster he’d  always been told he was. He wanted to be angry right at that moment  thinking about it, but he didn’t have the energy to be. A lot of it  had been spent on trying to control himself when dealing with Isabella. Letting out a defeated breath he pulled  himself up and reached out for the tree he was sitting next to and begin  to force himself up to his feet. Maybe that’s all that I am, a monster. The way she was looking at me, the way everyone looks at me.  They will never understand how tiring it is to try and be normal for  them. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be …like that. …But, I can’t be what they want either. Rubbing his hand against his head  as it started to throb, Nathan winced. He remembered when he’d first  started getting these headaches, or at least when they had started  getting to feel this bad that it made him want to vomit.  Thinking back,  Nathan forced himself to walk toward town, using the tree’s as support. Leaning  against the wall of a building, Nathan’s rain soaked clothes clung to  his feminine frame. Having a hard time keeping his eyes open wide  enough, and not even caring to, Nathan moved to the door of the building  he was making his way around. Pulling open the door he slipped inside.  It didn’t take him long to find something he wanted to eat. Sluggishly,  he took the item from the shelf and moved to the gas station cashier.  Placing the item on the counter he waited on them to ring it up and then  reached into his pocket as they told him the price. Pulling out rain drenched dollar bills he pulled out two dollars and held it out to ward  the cashier. A few seconds later they gave him his change. Lifting up a  shaky hand Nathan let them drop the change into his palm before moving  his shaking arm back and putting the change away “Thanks.” He muttered  before taking the item off the counter and turning to walk out. Nathan  didn’t go anywhere else, he started to walk back toward the woods, where he knew he’d be at least a little safe at the moment. 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PRESENT   Letting out a yawn, before slapping a hand against his face. He looked even more exhausted then usual. Over the last few weeks he had been working on making himself better help for Isabella, while also having her teach him things outside of what he was going out and trying to either teach himself, or pay people to teach him from certain classes that were available around town. He’d also been going to library and reading up on certain subjects that could also help him. Cold dark eyes looked toward two people talking in an alley. Turning he walked over, startling one of the guys and making them run off. Staring at the other Nathan gave a sadistic smile “Well, that was odd.” He muttered taking a step toward them  “I’d say you were doing something illegal, and he thought I was a cop, or a narc!” Pointing at the little baggy in the other males hand Nathan nodded his head “Ooo. Are you selling?  Are you one of the gangs drug dealers?” Nathan asked, seeming to be curious. The other laughed and said he wasn’t part of any gang.  And then they went on to say they were looking for a few quick bucks. As they walked up to him, they reached out, slamming a hand into Nathan’s shoulder. Then grabbed his shirt and pulled Nathan closer to them. As they threatened him Nathan could only stare, looking bored by their threat. Then his knee came up right between the others leg,  making them pull away and drop down at the waist. Nathan took that opertunity to bring his right arm around his neck and then throw it out, smashing the back of his right hand against their face so hard they dropped to the ground. Before they could even try to defend themselves Nathan was leaping onto to them. Striking the male in the face till blood started to blossom out from breaks in the skin on their face. Even then Nathan was in a frame of mind that he couldn’t tell that enough was enough. He wanted more blood.  Pausing after another minute he looked at his hand and smirked, seeing the blood smeared across is and branching out from the wounds across his knuckles. Bringing the fist to his lips his tongue lapped out, licking up both his and the other males blood from it “Mmm… Tastie.” Dropping the hand back down to the other male as they panted and cursed at him, calling him ‘crazy’ and ‘disgusting’ among some of the things they had been saying. Dropping at his waist, he gripped onto the others head and dropped his head down onto the male that was under him, pressing their foreheads together “Mmmm.” He hummed rubbing his face against theirs, getting their blood all over his. Then he dragged his tongue all the way up the side of their face, lapping at a split in their skin. Nathan’s body was starting to tremble.  Letting out a breath he pressed his lips against the others forehead. The rush and adrenaline pumping through his body, the smell of the blood being so enticing to him. The world around him started to flash from the alley to the image of the hospital. The guy he’d been sitting on shifting between that of the drug dealer and a patient that was bleeding almost like the drug dealer. Letting out a gasp Nathan’s eyes rolled into his head a little bit. Pulling up, the world around him locked in on the image of the hospital. Lifting his left hand up from the drug dealers face, he moved it to his side, grasping at it. At the moment there was nothing there. But when he looked down in his memory there was a stain of red over his grey shirt  and four little puncture wounds in his side. Turning his head as he heard an orderly shouting at him Nathan glared into the emptiness of the alley, before everything flashed white and red. The drug dealers fist connecting with the side of his head.   In the time he was reacting to the sudden strike, they had shoved Nathan off of them and were starting to run away. Leaving Nathan on his back, giggling and squirming a bit on the ground a little hysterically “No…No no no…Please…I’ll be a good boy…Daddy…I’ll be good, so good…” He laughed against, bringing his hands to his mouth, trying to contain it. The laughing sounded more like he was taunting his father than anything else. Then it died off. Moving his hands from his mouth Nathan stared up at the night sky, giggling every few seconds. The next thing he remembered was waking up in Austin’s apartment, not having any memory of what happened after the drug dealer had grabbed him in the alley. Rubbing his head  he pulled himself up from the bathroom floor and looked in the mirror, freezing as he’d seen the blood on it and then looked to his right hand. Nathan moved to wash it all off and covered his bruised injured hand with his hoodie sleeve.  Walking out of the bathroom he realized it was still dark out. Walking toward Austin’s room he listened for a moment, hearing them sleeping inside “Hm.” Turning away he moved toward the living room and sat down. Lifting his right hand up he looked at it, wondering about the drug dealer. He could conclude that he’d hit them, of course. But he didn’t know how bad “Fuck.” Rubbing his left hand against the side of his face he let out an exhausted sigh, too tired to want to think about how stupid he felt for not being able to remember. 3 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  TW BLOOD  TW VIOLENCE   Tapes Part ½ Age 7 The tape begins, Breccan Prescott, a young man in training for the future profession he would later be taken on, had been allowed to visit several patients, for his training. One of those being Nathan Douglas. The young boy had been left at the hospital by his parents and been described as mentally disturbed. A malleable boy, Prescott had taken full advantage of this and since had been seeking as much time as he could to break the child’s willfulness and render him powerless against him. And nothing had ever hurt Nathan more than telling him his family had not wanted him, they had never wanted him and that they didn’t love him. It would send Nathan into fits of rage and tears, pleasuring Prescott to no end. Today was another one of those days, Prescott entered the room and watched the young boy at the table, who had paused the moment the older male entered. Nathan stared at his papers on the table, pressing a crayon into it hard, seemingly trying to gather strength for what was about to play out for him. He hated this man, he had hated these people, and this building. But this man he had hated most of any of them. He wouldn’t just leave him alone. Watching the hands on the other side of the table get folded over a paper folder he pulled his eyes away. “Nathan, will you look at me?” “No.” “Nathan, I want you to look at me. Or I won’t tell you the good news I have for you.” Scrunching his nose up the small boy gripped onto the crayon. His mind racing then. It was a lie, it had to be. Sniffling a bit from how cold the room had gotten he shook his head at Prescott. “Nathan, I mean it this time. I have something really nice for you. Won’t you please talk to me. I’ll give it to you if you play our game.” Prescott moved his right hand disappearing for a moment and then seconds later came up with a box that was taped shut “In this box is something I heard that you’d been asking about…If you talk to me. I’ll let you have it.” Cautiously, Nathan looked up, tilting his head slightly. He knew that the other wouldn’t bring him anything that he had ever spoken about. But that idiotic childish part of him could not help playing into the other man’s hand. Prescott had the power here. Prescott and all the other adults around him had a lot of power. He could understand that. Just how much power, he had no idea. But he knew they had the power to keep him here, or, if he were good, get him back to his family. He just wanted to get out of this place “Fine. What do you want to talk about?” “Why don’t you tell me more about your family? Hm? How about your older sister. More about your little sister?” Prescott smirked and scooted toward the boy “How about your mother, or your father? Tell me what it was like at home…We need to figure out how to help you, Nathan. And telling me more about family will help us get you home.” He reached over and petted Nathan on the head, shoving it toward the table a bit. Nathan jerked away from Breccan and glared  “I told you why I did iiit!” He squeaked turning his arms over and holding his hands up on the table “ I was tryin to help her! That’s why I’m heeere! He told me, dad said-?!” Prescott’s hand slammed sideways onto Nathan’s left arm then, making him yank both arms from the table and hold his left arm with his right hand as he started tearing up, beginning to cry. Breccan stood up then and walked to the other side of the table, moving closer to Nathan  “There there…Let me see your arm. I didn’t mean to hit you, I was only trying to grab your arm to ask you about your father. He seems to be a sore subject for you.”  Moves a hand to gently pet Nathan on the head, more like an animal than out of any sort of affection for the boy. “I don’t want to talk about him!” Nathan shouts, sounding more upset  “I hate him…” Reaching his right hand up then he started to rub his eyes. Sniffling he realized he didn’t mean to say that. He was just really upset with his father and Breccan bringing up the other had served to make him feel that anger again. It was his father’s fault he was trapped in here with these people.  But he flinched when Breccan’s hand moved from the top of his head and into a fist, slamming onto the table violently. Breccan continued to smile at the boy  “Tell me why you hate him. Is it because he gave you away? Is it because he doesn’t love?”  Suddenly he grabs Nathan’s jaw “He doesn’t, none of them loved you, Nathan. You have been nothing but a burden. To them, to everyone. That’s why you were sent here. We are doing this to help you, Nathan.” Lifting his hand up to move a few strands of hair from Nathan’s face then “So that you are the little boy they wanted, in the first place. We can’t let you leave here until your own family loves you. If you got hurt out there, it would break our hearts. You don’t want your family to hurt you, do you? They will if you are a bad boy…” Nathan curled away from the others touch pulling his legs up to his chest “Go away!” He shouted, sobbing “I don’t care! Get away from me! I just want to go home!” Watching Nathan the older male smirked at the boy’s reaction to him, knowing he was pressing the right buttons to set Nathan off. Breccan continued to prod fingers at him “Aw. You love your family. It’s a shame they don’t love you. We wish for you to be with them, Nathan, don’t you believe us?” Petting Nathan again the boy curled into himself, holding his legs close to him “Naaathan…” “Stooooop!” Prescott jabbed Nathan in the head “They don’t love you, and they won’t until we are able to help you.” Nathan threw out an arm and smacked Breccan on the face, but sent himself tumbling out of the chair, where he landed on his back and started thrashing around angrily kicking the chair at Breccan who stood up and moved back to where he was on the other side of the table. Looking at the mirror then to the camera in the room he frowned and sat down watching Nathan freak out on the floor  “Nathan, do you love your family?” “Nooooo! Noo!  I hate them! I hate you!” Breccan gave a surprised look then and frowned “You hate me?  Who do you hate?”  The older male asked. Nathan continued to kick the chair violently and throw his arms around as he wiggled on the floor, absolutely hysterical “EVEryone! I hate everyone! Get away from me!”  Sucking in a shaky breath Nathan shouted at the top of his lungs, bloody murder, his face turning red. Standing up Breccan held back a grin and placed his hands on the desk  “Is that why you tried to kill your sister? Nathan, is that why you had tried to kill your sister? Did you hate her? She was getting all the attention, and you were getting none of it?  You wanted to kill her, didn’t you?” Nathan was kicking more now, and somewhere along the line he had cut himself open somewhere, and was staining the floor and sending drops of blood flying around him  “Aaaaahhh!!! I want to kill you!” He shrieked smacking his head against the floor “I want to kill all of you! I want you to die! I want - I don’t- I do!” He sent his foot into the chair again and thrashed around. Prescott quickly moved to Nathan’s side, facing away from the camera and grabbing Nathan up into his arms. Leaning down he managed to grab onto both of Nathan’s wrists and press them to the small boy’s chest, bringing Nathan’s thrashing body close enough to him that he could whisper into Nathan’s ear “Say it… say you wanted to kill her. And you were planning on killing everyone in your family, Nathan.  Tell the truth…” Pressed into Breccan’s chest Nathan was unable to move as much but remained hysterical and confused. Nathan’s eyebrows twitched at Breccan’s insistence  “I diiiiddnnn’t!!!” He shouted before feeling a sharp pain in his ribs when Breccan jerked his body violently in an odd direction.  Letting out a cry of pain Nathan kicked his feet as it started to growl “LET GO! I hate you! I hate you!!! RaAAA!!” Viciously he tried to bite Breccan’s arm in an attempt to get Breccan to stop hurting him. “Say you wanted to kill your family,” Breccan whispered, applying more pressure to Nathan’s back, earning more gasps of pain from the small child. He started to dig his fingers into Nathan’s chest “Say it…” “I did! I wanted to hurt Bee! I hated her! She took it! Please! It- I hated them all!”  Nathan sobbed  “They are pathetic!  Stupid! I hate Grace! And I hate Austin! I was going to- I would have- If dad had not caught me!  I would have been the only ooooonnnnee! Stoooop!!!–Owww Let goooo!!” Nathan started thrashing around violently again and scratching at Breccan’s wrists. Breccan stood up and threw the child to the ground in a way that made it seem like Nathan had flung himself to the floor. Nathan stood up and started shoving the table and chair away from him in his fit of rage and then tried to throw the chair at Breccan, but missing and knocking the camera over. He then threw himself at Breccan who had stood behind the camera by then and pushed Nathan’s head to the ground just out of sight from the Camera, leaving only a small image of Nathan on the floor scratching violently at it and shouting like he was a demon or possessed. Nathan fell back a moment later and continued shouting at Breccan throwing his arms out in defense as Breccan reached over in an act to look like he was trying to help Nathan up from the floor. Nathan scratched the other though and pushed himself away from the older male and under the table, covering his eyes with his hands and crying as he sat on his knees, shaking violently while he was sobbing. Reaching down Breccan lifted the camera then and said  “I don’t think we should send this tape to them. The next one maybe. This one will have too many edits to it.” He turned off the camera then and ejected the tape from the recorder. Later that night Breccan went home and took the tape with him.  Once inside he went up to his video library and placed the tape next to a few others, all saying ‘Nathan’ and having a number at the end of them. Marking on the recent tape Breccan added ‘#17′ to it. Then he turned and walked away, his sick video collection as a bit of a memento of his trials with Nathan.  Who had quickly become a favorite subject for him among patients he was allowed to interact with. Over the years Nathan’s tapes were moved around but usually left out in the open, as a prize more than something to watch.  As VCR’s became a thing of the past Breccan felt a lot more comfortable with his display being a lot more obvious.  He had kept them on the second to top shelf in his office, the names on the tape still easy to read. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  BRECCAN  TAPES   Lifting his hand up Nathan waved it over the white keys of a keyboard before slamming his palm down onto the electrical piano in front of him. Pulling himself up as the keyboard cried out from the keys he was pressing he pulled himself up and onto the seat just beside the keyboard. Smirking a little bit as he looked over at Austin who was yelling at him and covering his ears “Oh it wasn’t that long, don’t be such a baby.” He laughed lifting his hand up from the keys and tapped at them for a moment. He’d gotten it as a present a year before for Christmas. And most days couldn’t help but play with it. Though so far he hadn’t had any lessons that would make him out to be any kind of pianist, by no stretch of the imagination. Nathan wanted to learn to play it though. Pulling himself up onto the keyboard he looked at the buttons on the top just over the keys  “Hmm.” Making a face at them he wondered which one he wanted to play with.  Organ? Electric guitar?  Tambourines?  Reaching over he pushed in a number and it automatically started playing a song from Aladdin. Canceling it a moment later he continued jabbing at buttons, not really sure how any of them worked at all yet. The six-year-old was still learning and the machine in front of him wasn’t exactly a toy. His parents made that very clear that if he was seriously wanting that he had to take care of it. Taking a deep breath he poked at the keys again “Hmm. Tiiiiin,  how do I get it to the teacher thing… To learn how to play it..Er, the song.” A moment later he watched as Austin came over to help him with the keyboard, pushing a few buttons and then pulled away with a ‘there’. Nathan sat down in the seat and watched the small screen on the keyboard light up and show him which keys to play in order to learn how to play A Whole New World, on it. For the next few hours Nathan played with the thing, at one point he just delved into playing keys at random, much to the annoyance of pretty much everyone.  Especially their father who eventually came up and ripped the plug to the machine right out of the wall and tossed it at Nathan “You are terrible, that’s enough for today, Nathan. You are giving me a headache.” Nathan just looked up at the other frowning before grabbing at the cord and letting it slide onto the floor “Oh-Ah…sorry. Right. Okay. Dad.” He glared at the other before turning away. Only for a hand to grab his arm and jerk him back toward the older male  “Was that a glare? I better not be getting any attitude from you. This is my house. If I say to do something else, you do it, happily, understand?” “Yes.” Nathan looked away before his arm was held a lot more tightly and he looked up at the other “Okay. Yes!  I heard you. Please-”  He was let go then and Robert smiled at him before turning and leaving the room. Nathan slid off of the seat and stood beside it for a moment rubbing his arm before walking over to join Bethany and Austin. Sitting down he let out a sigh “I was just learning to play…” Reaching over he picked up a few legos and started to put them together, looking a bit defeated. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   Tasmin Sitting on the floor alone in the living area of the children’s ward, a Disney movie was playing on the tv. One of Nathan’s own choosing since he had been the only child there at this time, in the children’s ward entirely. This would happen from time to time since most parents usually only had their kids spend from up to a few hours to a few days at the hospital. But Nathan’s predicament had obviously been different. He was the sole permanent resident in that ward.  Pushing a knock off brand toy car across the floor Nathan glanced up to watch the scene from the Disney movie play out before going back to absently pushing the car. While he looked like he was just stuck in a loop, on the inside he was telling himself a story. Warm brown eyes flicked up again as a sigh from the corner of the room could be heard. A nurse sat in a chair, boredly flipping through a magazine, obviously, she felt that she could be doing anything else. What on earth was a seven-year-old going to do anyway? Escape? The doors were securely locked and he would have to walk quite a ways and passed several check points to even do something like that. She looked up then, seemingly feeling his eyes on her and gave him a smile “Are you ready for your nap?” Nathan shook his head and looked back down pushing the car back and forth once again, zoning back out. Nathan was bored, he didn’t like when he was the only one there. He wanted someone to talk to. More than anything he wanted his brother, he missed their conversations. Letting out a depressed breath Nathan stopped himself from tearing up. He knew that he was here to get better. But he just wished it hadn’t been taking so long to do that. He didn’t even know what was wrong with him. They just kept telling him he was sick and that he was here to get better. Better from what though? It didn’t help matters that his own father had told them he was trying to kill his sister.  Nathan did not care if he never saw that man again, even so young he felt so betrayed and hurt by the others words, by their accusations. Not even fully understanding what was going on. Nathan just felt it was wrong, the entire time. Suddenly the nurse moved again and he looked back up watching her “Smoke break, you can watch yourself for a few minutes, right?” She waved and exited the room. Sitting there Nathan stared at the door for a moment, this wasn’t exactly uncommon, to be left alone by everyone in the back of the hospital. Swallowing he looked around as he heard a noise.  The hospital was always making noises, or someone was always making some sort of noises. Though alone in the children’s ward he only heard the faintest noises at night coming from next door. There were so many empty rooms between him and those people. At least to a child, there seemed to be that much space. Nathan hoped he would leave this place long before ever having to live anywhere near any of that noise. Sucking in a breath he looked back down at the toys around him and pushed the car again, toward the doors. He watched it for a moment before turning to dig into a small box of knock off legos. As he was digging he heard the door open and then shut a moment later, but didn’t look over because he figured it was just in nurse, made to return to do her job. Nathan pulled out a block and turned it over in his hand before something hit his knee gently. Looking over it was the car he had pushed toward the door “Hm?” Reaching over he picked it up off the floor and inspected it in confusion. Running his hand over the wheels he frowned “Ho-” From the corners of his eyes a form moved closer and then sat in front of him. Looking over at the mysterious visitor he blinked his eyes widening in fright as he stared over the dark skinned woman sat in front of him. His tiny body froze up as they just stared at each other before she smiled the warmest smile at him and reached over to play with one of the other cars on the floor. She then glanced over at him “Hello. My name is Tasmin. What is yours?” Blinking Nathan sucked in a breath, his mouth opening about to say something before he remembered what his mother had told him many times before “Not allowed to talk to strangers.” He said gently placing the car in his hand back down on the floor, pushing it back and forth. “Oh. Right. Yes, of course. She is a smart woman.” Tasmin looked at Nathan “I’ve seen you here for a long time.” She paused “A little kid shouldn’t be alone all the time.” She said continuing to stare at Nathan. There seemed to be more she wanted to say. But with Nathan’s age, she seemed to figure it would be impossible to get anything out of him at the moment “How about we become friends. Then we won’t be strangers.” She offered him still smiling. Nathan perked up slightly  “Friends?  Ah…Yeah. Friends aren’t strangers?” Nathan cooed before picking up the car and playing with one of the wheels shyly. Tasmin nods “Right. Friends aren’t strangers.” She thought for a moment before going on pulling the box of off brand legos toward her “When my son was your age he would always play with these things.  He was good at the building part. Never really good at the putting away part.” She mused looking sad for a moment before looking at Nathan. Smiling excitedly Nathan sat up on his feet  “Oh? Did he make stuff? I made stuff too. My legos are better than these.” Nathan said reaching in to grab one of the blocks  “I don’t know what to make with these.”  They didn’t seem to go very well together, he sighed and dropped the block in his hand back into the box. “I bet you got all sorts of cool toys back at home, don’t you?” She didn’t want to upset him by bringing up things he had at home. Seeing as he wasn’t home and he was just so little, something told her that he was too sweet not to get upset by reminders of home  “Little G.I’s and action figures, huh?”  She questioned. Nodding happily Nathan leaned forward on his hands toward the other, grinning sillily at the woman “Yeah yeah! I got um… I got these… Marvel ones. You know marvel?” He questioned tilting his head and his eyes glancing down at he gave a slightly confused look while he was thinking “I make them date my sister’s Barbies!” He exclaimed before giggling. At this Tasmin smiled, so happy by the adorable little boy in front of her. He suddenly reminded her so much of her son “Do you? That’s so cute.” She laughed “I bet you are a great brother, is she younger than you?” Pausing Nathan pulled back and twist a little bit from where he was sitting “I got two sisters! One big- one small. I’m a great big brother!”  Nathan chirped, then suddenly frowned “Was.- Was.” He corrected himself sitting back his eyes watering. Tasmin thought quickly, her hand reached over and cupped a hand under his chin, making him look at her “Are. You are a great brother. Who told you you weren’t a good brother?” She questioned. Sniffling a little bit Nathan shook his head  “I- Dad said…He said I hurt her.” Tears started to stream down from his eyes and his hands moved up to wipe them off from his face,  “He said I was bad,” Nathan said, his voice cracking. That really seemed to piss Tasmin off though, hearing him say that and how upset he was over it. Lifting her hand up he ran it through his hair, motheringly “Shhh shhh. It’s okay.  He shouldn’t have told you that.  You aren’t bad.” She leaned in closer to him “You don’t need a dad like that anyhow.” She seemingly put two and two together then and moved to pull him into her lap shushing him gently, as she continued to run a calming hand over the top of his head as he continued to cry, more upset this time. But after a moment he seemed to calm down “See, there,  aren’t I  such a nice stranger?” Tasmin teased, tickling his stomach until he started to giggle and push away her hand. Just then the nurses hands reached out to grab Nathan out of Tasmin’s hold, picking him up from under his shoulders she moved him to stand behind her “Tasmin, we have already told you this. You can’t be here. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is, this ward is off limits to you and the others.” She whispered harshly before moving to pick Nathan up and held him on her hip as he moved to get closer to Tasmin “Nathan, no. It’s time for your nap.”  The nurse nodded toward the orderly standing behind Tasmin as the other woman stood “Take her back to her room, tell them they need to keep a better eye on that madhouse over there. What if one of those sick bastards got out…” She looked at Tasmin “Next time we might not be so lucky that it was just her.” With that, the Nurse watched The orderly guide Tasmin away who shouted toward Nathan “I’ll see you around, okay?” She smiled at him before she was pulled out of the doorway. Nathan looked at the nurse  “What’s a bastard. And why is there so many over there?” He asked curiously only getting an eye-roll in return before the nurse placed him back on the ground and grabbed him by the wrist and started to walk him out of the room. A few minutes later she was watching him get into his bed “Nap for an hour, then after that, lunch.”  Nathan nodded pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of his face, he grinned before giggling and kicking his legs  “Bas-tard is a silly word.”  The nurse rolled her eyes and turned away from him shutting off the light to the room and exiting it. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  TASMIN

Monster Laying on his stomach in the playroom in the children’s section of his ward Nathan was drawing out an image on a sheet of paper.  He had been doing this for the last hour of his four-hour break between sessions and school work. A piece of paper then hit him in the back of the head bouncing off and rolling onto the floor. Nathan let out a small sigh and looked over to see which one it was this time. Before then turning back to his image and started to give his characters names, when I get home, maybe we can go there as a family. I hope they don’t go without me… He thought with a small frown as he continued to color in the image. A marker then smacked him in the ear, making him hiss a little as a shot of pain lit up his right ear. Reaching up he rubbed it and looked over at the boy “Stoooop.” He whined before turning away again and a bit more annoyed now, continued to color. His right ear had turned a bright red as it was still hurting a bit. He was fine for another few minutes before pieces of crayon started to get pelted at his head and back. Slamming his hands onto the picture Nathan narrowed his eyes angrily at the space in front of him, his fingers digging into the carpeted floor  “I. Said. Stop It.” He grated through clenched teeth before looking toward the boy and sitting up then, sitting awkwardly comfortably on his legs. Crouching over the image then he continued to color and things were okay for a moment before he could see the shadow of someone as they approached. Looking over he glared “What do you waaaant?” Nathan asked, already over trying to be anywhere near friendly. This kid was always bugging him during their breaks. Nathan felt extremely uncomfortable when they were left in the room with out supervision, even with other kids around. Just then they pushed a hand into his head, making Nathan instinctively smack their hand away  “Don’t touch me.” He snapped. “Or what, are you going to throw a fit? Too bad your mommy isn’t here to make you feel better.” They taunted him shoving his head down again. They then laughed a bit before going on “I heard your dad doesn’t even visit you. -They just left you here because you were too much of a hassle.” Their index finger pressed into the top of his head. Nathan blinked as they spoke, his body filling with some much rage he felt the waves of heat washing over his body “That’s… That’s not true…He… My mom…” Why was he even explaining? There was no point in it. No one ever listens to a single thing he said. And with that thought he only got madder. “I heard one of the doctors say they don’t want you to come home.”  They laughed dropped down to get their face in his “You did something really bad- and now they don’t love you. It was so bad I hear-” They were cut up by Nathan’s forehead smashing right into their face busting their mouth open and splitting the bridge of their nose. Nathan hopped up as they dropped back onto their back crying out in pain. He jumped onto their stomach and started bashing his fists into their face before that started hurting and he was too angry to want to stop hitting the other. So he grabbed onto their shirt and pulled them up and started smashing his forehead repeatedly into the other boys, sending splatters of blood from them both sprinkling onto the floor “You. Don’t. Know. SHIT!”  Nathan said as his forehead collided with the others at each word he spoke. Then an orderly finally came over and grabbed up Nathan from the other boy and had to pry Nathan’s hands from their shirt. Letting out a growl Nathan continued to reach out for the unconscious kid as he was being dragged from them by the orderly, his small blood covered hands angrily swiping at the air and his legs kicking  “Take it back! Take it back! They love me! They love me! TAKE IT BACK!” Tears spilled from his eyes, mixing with the blood on his face “Take it baaack….take iit baahaaack….They do…” Grabbing onto the orderlies arm he sobbed pressing his face into their arm his body shaking and crumbling against it “They love me…I’m theirs…I’m theeirs…I’m their son… I’m their son…” The orderly holding onto him sat on the floor holding Nathan against them to keep him from breaking free. But they gave a concerned look to one of the nurses before looking back at Nathan and cooing as they ran a hand over the top of his head as he began to sob against their arm. Not knowing what else to do but try and comfort the small sobbing boy in his arms. “Did you write that down?” “Y-yes. I just, did you really have to instigate this?” “Don’t question me, I asked if you wrote down the incident. Forget this part of it. Just write that he attacked another boy viciously for wanting to share crayons.” The young doctor ordered to someone as he stared through a two-way mirror, giving a small smirk “And fire that orderly. I don’t like his conduct with the patients. Coddling? How in the world are we going to learn more about these fucked up people if we have someone willingly trying to halt progress by calming them down.” With that, the doctor left the room behind the mirror and a moment later entered the play room. “Let the child go.-Nathan, come here, right now.”  The doctor ordered. Nathan stood up and pulled away from the orderly who just stood and wiped the blood off his arm  “That will be all for you, Mr. Kien. I’ll take him to get stitches.” The doctor then reached out and grabbed Nathan’s wrist and started guiding him out of the room. A couple of hours later the same doctor and Nathan were walking down a hallway and soon came up to a room. The doctor opened it and waited for the boy to go inside before following and closing the door behind them. As they walked into the room Nathan stood in the middle of the room sniffling as the doctor with him tutted at him “What are we going to do with you, Nathan. You are extremely violent. Your parents said, if you can’t control your anger, you won’t be allowed to go home. I thought I told you this before? No one wants a bad kid.” Nathan swallowed hard and looked up at the other following as the doctor circled around him “I guess there is no hope for someone like you, Nathan. Monsters cannot help but be bad.”  The doctor reached over and placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder before sighing and shaking their head  “I guess Austin will be disappointed in you again. I can’t in good faith allow you to return home like this. I’ll have to tell your parents how bad you are being.” Nathan hiccuped tears streaming down his face  “I’m sorry! Please! D-don’t tell them! I- I was- I was trying to be good. Please. I- I don’t…” He paused not knowing what to say  “I don’t mean it! I …I am not- I …I-i-i…” Nathan’s mouth hung open  “I don’t want to be a monster, please. I’ll say sorry! I’ll apologize to him! Please!”  As the doctor stood up straight Nathan grabbed onto their waist “ Pleeeeaaase! I don’t wanna be…I don-I don’t! I want to go home!  Please don’t tell them I’m a monster!  I am sorry! I can’t help it! - PLEEEAASE!” “It’s too late Nathan, the damage is done. There’s probably no saving you from doing harm to others. You just cannot help yourself. You feed off the pain…” The doctor smirked “And blood, you find it fascinating, don’t you?  I’ve seen the way you look at it.” Nathan pulled away, giving a slightly disgusted look, but also one of shock as if his secret had just been discovered “You are a disgusting monster. The worst kind.” The doctor reached out and grabbed onto Nathan jaw, flicking the tears on his face away “One who only cries crocodile tears and gets a sick thrill from the pain of others. People like you don’t deserve friends or family.” Looking up at the doctor the lump in his throat grew and he backed away “I-I d-don’t…I-i-it-it’s gross!  I swear! I don’t mean to! Please don’t tell them! I-…” He didn’t know what to say. When he saw blood he just had this weird feeling and he couldn’t express it. He didn’t know what to do with it  “I -I…” “You are a monster. And monsters need to be kept away from everyone else. Don’t they, Nathan.” With that the doctor turned and walked away from the boy, opening the door again “You will stay in this room for the next two weeks, and receive no visitors. I will be informing your parents, good night, Nathan.” With that, the doctor left slamming and locking the door as they did. Nathan blinked, tears still welling over in his eyes and slipping down his face. He just stared at the door for a long time before finally dropping hopelessly to his knees and sitting on his legs again, sniffling. His head felt like it was going to explode there were so many thoughts rushing through it.  Dropping to his side on the floor he started crying so loud that after a minute one of the people in their rooms next to his told him to shut up. Though when he didn’t more patients began to get irritated which started off an entire four-hour bickering contest between people telling each other and him to shut up. Nathan didn’t do anything but continue to lay on the floor and cry before passing out from exhaustion on the floor of his room. Only to be placed on the bed an hour later by a nurse that was doing a check on the patients. 4 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD   Night Night, Nerd. Nathan was sitting on his legs awkwardly as he sat in the sandbox, filling a plastic shaping toy full of sand. His sister was allowed to take him and his brother to the park with her today, since they were only just down the street and their parents were busy with the taking care of Bethany. Nathan, even at five had been calm and could easily keep himself distracted. Austin, on the other hand, was noisy and was sitting beside him playing with a toy that had nothing to even do with sand. Smacking the plastic onto the sand pit Nathan tapped it a bit to help the sand slide out as he looked over at Austin as he was talking to him  “Mhm.”  He smiled at the other then “I think it’s gonna break, you got sand in it.” Nathan said, pointing at the toy in Austin’s hand “Maybe play on the grass.” He then went back to what he was doing as Austin thanked him and actually walked away. Looking after Austin, Nathan made a face  “I didn’t mean for you to go…” He muttered with a pout, to himself. Several minutes later his sand castle was looking fairly detailed, as detailed as a five-year-old could possibly make anyway. Which was not to say that a five-year-old could not make a masterful and detailed sand castle, by the way. The park had started filling up with more kids, so much so Nathan had a few visits to the sand pit that he talked to and appeared to make friends with. As he was talking he caught out of the corner of his eye and older boy shove Austin, sending his brother crashing to the ground and take the others fancy little toy. Nathan looked at the kids he was talking to then seemingly ignoring the incident. He smiled a bit as he listens to his brothers distant crying. After a couple more minutes though he stood up and walked through his castle he had been building the last few hours. Walking over to the two boys harshly playing with his brothers toy “Hey! Give me that. That’s mine.” Nathan held out his hand then. “Or what?” Said one of the boys as they yanked the toy from their friend’s hand and started to walk toward Nathan, standing taller than him, so made sure he stood as threatening as a possible eight years old could possibly stand. Nathan thought for a moment “Or, I’ll take it back.” He grinned, though at that moment he had no idea what he was going to do. He didn’t think that hitting the other was going to be very fun, honestly. Maybe he could tell Grace. No! He wouldn’t, he was going to get Austin’s damn toy back no matter what! It felt like his brotherly duty! The boy laughed “You are going to make me?” He then reached out and pushed Nathan in the chest, forcing him back “ And what if I don’t let you make me?” They pushed a hand into Nathan’s chest again. “I’ll tell my mom, and she’ll tell the cops. And you’ll be a thief, and you’ll go to jail.” Nathan said narrowing his eyes on the boys then “And I heard that kids who go to prison have to live with strangers.” Nathan was trying to be threatening, but he knew nothing about how any of what he was talking about actually worked. “Pff.” The boy said in irritation before smacking the toy hard across Nathan’s face, sending him to the ground and then he threw the toy at Nathan as he was on the ground “Whatever, it’s a stupid toy anyway.” With that, the two boys ran off. Nathan reached up to rub a hand against the red marks on his face and wiggled his nose as he winced in pain. But brushing that off he reached over and grabbed the toy off the ground and stood back up. Brushing himself off before he started back toward his brother. Crouching behind the other he held the toy in front of Austin’s face “Look what I goooot.“  Beeping the toy against his brother’s nose gently he placed the toy in Austin’s hand and turned to sit with his back against his brothers back ” Don’t cry, Austin, I got it back for you. You don’t have to cry now…“ Turning he jumped on his knee’s around in front of Austin and grinned at the other, tapping his forehead against Austins' “Dunchhuu creeeh. Dun do it. Don’t you dare make those tears! Aaack, what a gross cry face…” Nathan said, trying to be silly before he started to tickle Austin “What did I say? Are those tears?! You better stop that!” Later that night Nathan was holding and ice pack to the side of his face where a few small cuts were now along with the red. His mother hadn’t liked hearing what had happened but was happy Nathan got Austin’s toy back. Nathan followed Austin into their room that night and messed up the other’s hair as they were laying in bed “Night night, neeerrrd.” Nathan pulled away then as Austin started talking again, always talking, Austin was. Nathan pulled himself up into his bed and yawned pulling a Joker blanket over his body and letting out a huff as he turned his back to Austin “Mhm….Tin…shhhh…” 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  AUSTIN   As tired as he was, as weak as he felt, Nathan knew that, with the information, he had found. He could not wait. There was no more need to search for his family. They were here. As the nurse checked on the long surgical line down his stomach he kept his eyes closed, his breathing gentle. He didn’t seem to notice at all that Nathan had been awake. Nathan had already been asleep for five hours. Being there the last few days he had learned quickly that he needed to feign sleep the majority of the time in order for the staff to leave him alone. But it was getting late now, and he knew that hospital would have called his parents about ‘Austin’s’ hospital visit. Nathan knew his window was shutting. They would send him back to the psych ward, and he would be shut off again. He would stop existing, again.   His eyes opened up just slightly to see the nurse turning away from him. Moving his arm, it shook from how weak he was still feeling, and how much pain he was in. Grabbing onto a metal pan he forced himself up with a large amount of strength and smashed the metal pan against the back of the nurse’s head, growling lowly through the pain that erupted through is body. Sucking in a breath then he dropped the pan and then pushed himself out of the bed. Slumping to the floor he gasped for air. Moving over he looked the nurse over, feeling the back of their head. When he brought his hand back he didn’t see any blood “Okay. Good.” The nurse had never done anything that Nathan had thought needed an excessive head injury for. Adjusting the nurse so that they were more comfortable Nathan started to remove their scrubs and replace his own hospital clothes with them “Err.” Looking at himself in a mirror a minute later he grinned  I could have made a pretty adorable nurse. He though tugging on the ends of the shirt. Then catching sight of his scarred up arms he frowned and turned away, reaching his left hand up to rub against his right arm, soothing the emotions going through him. Walking over then he started looking through the drawers and grabbing things from them before stuffing them into his backpack, which was resting in the chair only feet away from him.  Nathan then moved to the window and looked out at the buildings before looking toward the sky Almost dark, I hope he doesn’t have work tonight and is asleep. Nathan thought then turned to move away from the window before throwing the backpack over his shoulder, having stuffed the hospital clothing in it minutes before and put on the nurse’s undershirt to hide his scars. This only left the nurse in a wife beater shirt and their boxers. Nathan then snuck out of the room into the empty darkened hallways once more. He hoped for the last time. Making his way back toward the filing room once again he entered without being spotted, picked the locks and pulled out Austin’s file. Looking over the recent papers he frowned and started to pull them out or remove information about his stay in the hospital.  Stealing items from the area that he felt was important as well, and stuffing them into his backpack.  He went to leave before stopping, something tugging at his thoughts. His file, he hadn’t even been thinking about that. What about his file? Nathan turned back toward the D filing cabinet and slowly moved over to pull it out. It wasn’t there. This confused him. Slamming the drawer shut then he gave an irritated grumble before turning to leave the room. After that he made his way to the security room, opening the door and seeing the guard totally passed out at the monitors “Heh.” This was far too easy, he realized. Too easy to be true. Walking over to them he waved a hand in front of their face, then poked their nose. To surprisingly no response. Nathan glanced away before quickly going into action and looking through tape after tape for the days he was in the hospital and deleting the footage. Nathan had easily been able to figure out what to do after spending his time in the hospital with someone who told him about the security camera’s in the ward. So it didn’t take Nathan much to put two and two together, he wasn’t stupid, after all. Just 'crazy’, as the staff would say, constantly. Silently he snuck out of the security room and moved back into the dark hallway, making sure the recordings for the night and his fingerprints had been removed. When the security guard woke up they would be able to see that the cameras weren’t recording and correct the mistake, but would probably not think much else into it than their own personal screw up.  Nathan stopped by a supply closet than on his way out and filled the rest of his backpack with several other items he figured he would be needing for things in the future. Mostly something sharp, in order to stab Isabella with for what she did to him. Exiting the hospital Nathan looked around, then sucked in the night air “Ah. That’s better.” He hated the smell of the hospital, and it only kept him on edge to be there. Turning he smiled a bit as he started to walk away from the hospital. The streets were empty the cars parked along them were fairly empty, he noticed. It seemed that the residents were all carelessly sleeping unaware of him. Nathan continued to walk down the sidewalk, wearing the black scrubs that were far too big for him and hung loosely onto his body.  Barefoot he walked till he was at the main destination he wanted to be. No, he felt that he needed to be.  Feeling light headed all of a sudden Nathan dropped his head into his left hand. The world felt strange like it was splitting. Or that his world wasn’t real, not how he thought it was. He felt like his mind was being challenged, right there standing in front of the apartment building. Taking a deep breath he threw his head back. Angry, he narrowed his eyes up at the building. Austin, it won’t be long now. I wanted to make this longer. But time will be running out… His jaw clenched,  Prescott cannot have you anymore.  You will prove what he says is true. I want to hear it from your own mouth… Walking into the entrance hallway Nathan looked around, looking absolutely lost and childish as he did. It felt so strange, being in some places like this. Like everything he was missing out on suddenly came flooding back into his mind, reminding him of the life he had stolen from him. As he walked he stared at flyers stuck onto walls announcing things and then he bumped into someone. Wobbling on his feet before the person reached out and grabbed his arm as it flung out in an attempt to stabilize himself. The girl grinned at him before saying that stupid name to him again. “Oh Hey Austin, what’s with the get-up? Was there a costume party at the bar?” She asked with a warm smile at him as she yanked him back onto stable footing. Nathan blinked, looking at her as if she were and alien before letting out a small laugh  “Ah. Y–…erm. Yeah! Was it surprising?  But thankfully I had this.” He made a face playing along with the positive attitude of the other. She grinned then and slapped a hand on his shoulder before telling him she had to be off to work but that she would see him later. Nathan turned to watch her go before glancing up, his mouth forming into a small curious ‘o’ as he wondered about Austin again.   Shaking his head then he moved toward one of the walls that had a list of rooms and their occupants on them. Running his finger over the plastic protector he scanned the lists before stopping as he came across a ‘Douglas’. Smiling then he pressed two fingers gently over the name, Are your real…Or was it all a lie? Was Prescott right? I don’t know…I don’t know…Austin…I just don’t know. Tearing up he dropped his head onto the board, crying against it silently, faintly.  Please please, please…Don’t be. Don’t be. Please, be, please. After another moment he pulled away from the board and used the shirt under the scrubs to dry away the tears before he turned and left the building, rushing down the sidewalk again, moving far away from the apartment. Later he crashed into a tree in the woods outside of town and dropped to the ground, throwing the backpack off his back and hugging his knee’s to his chest, rocking lightly from side to side, It’s not real…It is. It’s not. But is it? Is it!? He’s just fucking with me!  No no no…I can’t…It’s not, please, please… Don’t be real. Prescott, why… Why-why-why… Why would you go this far?  Sucking in a deep breath he felt pain rush through his chest, tears welling up in his eyes now before he started sobbing in a fit of panic. 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF   Wincing Nathan struggled to push himself up to sit on a table in the filing area of the hospital. It was night out, he had been there for a couple of days now. Back in the alley, he had realized that using Austin’s name had its perks. Seeing as his family had apparently only been living minutes away from him and still hadn’t bothered to visit him had only made him more irritated with them. Which helped him not feel bad about what he was doing at all.  Scanning through file after file he looked focused, which he was, it was the first time in several weeks he had gotten a proper amount of sleep and had some decent amount of food in his stomach. Keep reading 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PRESENT  HOSPITAL   Sniffling a bit as he lay on the couch Nathan held a pillow to his chest “Poor Bambi.” He mumbled ignoring the noises of someone slamming a door as they entered the home. Nathan continued to tear up as he continued to watch the Disney movie. He really didn’t understand why, even after so many times, the mother’s death was always so heartbreaking. Not that he had honestly cared either. His siblings were off doing their own things, which left him by himself. During these times he often would stay in and watch Disney movies, or something like that. Usually keeping to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t like talking or playing with the other children in the neighborhood. He just found he had nothing to say to them, and they really had nothing to say to him either. Not anything nice anyway. Covering the bottom half of his face with the pillow he sniffled as the movie progressed in the next few seconds. “What the hell are you doing?” An almost disgusted sounding voice sounded off behind him  “Why aren’t you outside? It’s too nice of a day for you to be in her- Are you crying? Again?!” Robert asked before looking away from him. Nathan looked up as his father spoke  “I don’t want to. I don’t feel good. I- I want…” “I don’t really care what you want, Nathan.  You aren’t learning anything from this crap.” Reaching down Robert went for the remote and snagged it out of Nathan’s hand, then he turned the tv off “It’s going to rot your brain, you know that, right? Is that what you want? Do you want to be stupid?” Tossing the remote to the side he snapped his fingers at Nathan “Get up.” The older male said, in an ordering tone. Nathan turned away  “I am finishing the movie, then I’ll go play outside.” He mumbled back. Not even giving his father a glance back as he moved to reach for the remote again. Robert narrowed his eyes on the other and as they were reaching over for the remote he reached down to grab the pillow “I said now.” Being stopped Nathan grabbed the pillow and started pulling back  “Let gooo!” He shouts, tugging violently, absolutely annoyed now. “Nathan, I am your father. When I tell you to do something, you do it!” He tugged the pillow closer to him then pulling Nathan violently toward him “No questions asked. I will not be disrespected, not by you, in my home.” Pulling harder Nathan glared up at the other  “I don’t care what you say! I am not your property!”  With that, the pillow was let go as Nathan jerked back once more and sent himself flying backward from the couch and slamming hard on his back on the floor. Gasping he stuck his stomach out and grabbed onto his back shouting out in pain. Making his way around the couch then the older male moved closer to his son, making a disapproving sound “See, now look what you did. You hurt yourself.” Lifting Nathan up a bit he moved him around better so he could see the damage done “It’s not that bad, stop being a big baby. Walk it off outside.” With that, he stood again pulling Nathan up to his feet as he went to stand. Sniffling, Nathan started hiccuping as he was rubbing his back as it continueds to sting. He narrowed his eyes on the other male before turning to do what they asked. Only to be stopped by them once again. “Nathan, if you want. I have time, we can play a game or something outside. Catch?” Robert offered, trying to be nice now. Nathan swallowed as the other offered, even though he hated sports. His father seemed to have some mission to make at least one of his sons, if not both, some sort of star athlete.  He nods then “Ah..y-yeah…c-catch. Okay, dad.” Forcing a smile on his face he turned to run away from the other. A week later Nathan was hanging out in Bethany’s room,  modeling a pink tutu he had gotten out of grace’s old dress up stuff “See, Bee, I think being a ballerina would be coool!”   Moving then he took a seat at the toy tea table with his sister and rest his head in his hands “Dad would be so mad, though. If I told him that, huh?” The other was nice to talk to, they didn’t really talk back. Or judge him.  Leaning back in his chair then he tilts it back on its back to legs and looked around as he placed a hand over his stomach, his black t-shirt having an image of Loki on it. A few minutes later they were both sat on the floor playing with some barbies. Nathan leading with a storyline and helping Bethany with its progression “Noo, Barbie… We can’t send Kelly to a boarding school. Why don’t you take her to the pregnancy baby doctor instead, she needs to learn about birth…and stuff.” Nathan said, in a manly voice, as he moved Ken toward the Barbie in Bethany’s hand. Just as something of a climax was about to happen as Bethany and he was playing Robert walked in and grabbed Nathan by the upper arm and yanked him up “What the hell is wrong with you? Boys don’t play with Barbies.”  He whispered grabbing Nathan’s other arm and shook him once. Then yanked Nathan away, ripping the Ken from his hand and tossing it back into the room as they both exited. Robert lifted Nathan up then, not wanting any resistance as he took his son away from Bethany’s room. Then he walked down the stairs only to run into his wife who asked what her husband was doing and where he was planning on taking Nathan “Me, Austin, and he is going to go do some guy stuff.” Robert smiled at her “Also, I found him in Bethany’s room playing with dolls again.  I think the boys might be feeling a bit overcrowded, so…” His wife nods and gives him a kiss, then runs a hand through Nathan’s hair and tells Robert about the tutu then. Getting placed back on the ground then Nathan was told to remove it  “But- But…It’s not, I seen that-Boys can so wear them!”  Nathan shouted in protest “I am not girlie! I’m tough! Austin’s the scardy cat!” He wrinkled his nose then only to watch his father roll his eyes at him and tugged the tutu out of Nathan’s hand before handing it to his wife. “Austin doesn’t go around dressing up in girly things or playing with Barbie’s. Or cries at stupid cartoons.  He also doesn’t talk to his stuffed animals. And you do. And you need to get a haircut, it’s getting to be too long.” With that, he picked Nathan back up in an annoyed tugging sort of way before saying goodbye to the girls and leaving the house. 5 MONTHS AGO WITH 1 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  CHILDHOOD  

Robert looked down at Nathan, squirming quietly in his crib, nibbling and gumming at his fingers like any typical baby. But the look on Roberts face said otherwise “ Karina, does he cry a lot? I can’t remember when he cried the last time.” Karina looked up from the other crib at her husband, giving a concerned look. “Cry? Not really, maybe some fussing.” She commented as she tried to calm down a crying Austin “ Awww, sshhh, it’s alright. Ssshhh. ” She cooed with a gently smile down at the boy before lifting him up from the crib and bringing him to her chest “ I think that’s a good thing, this one cries enough for the both of them.” She joked walking passed her husband and giving a small peck on his lips “  How could you want that face to cry, Robert?” She mewed down at Nathan how wiggled and reached out toward her with a cute little giggle. Following Karen down the steps Robert held onto Nathan, who quietly pressed against the older male “But Grace cried a lot.” He said, making Karina look over her shoulder up the stairs at him. “Grace isn’t Nathan. Nathan is. Don’t worry about it. Some babies just don’t cry their lungs out their entire infancy, I guess.” She continued to pat a fussy Austin on the back gently “ Let’s just get them fed and not worry about it.” Walking into the kitchen she started to make the bottles for the twins and some cereal for Grace.  She glanced up long enough for Austin to start crying again and see Robert to whisper and pace with Nathan. Nathan was sucking on his thumb as Robert whispered to him and walked from one side to the other. Robert reached up  then pulling the thumb out of Nathan’s mouth “ No no, we aren’t getting you started on that. Grace took a while to grow out of that.” Robert said looking over at his daughter who was eating away at her cereal “ Even though I keep catching her.” Hespoke before placing a baby carrier on the kitchen table and then placing Nathan in it, bored with him already. He then walked over to Grace and chatted playfully with her as Nathan kicked around rocking himself in the baby carrier. Taking a seat next to the carrier Karina lookd at her husband a little annoyed “ Thanks for the help, Dear.” She muttered in sacrasm before Austin, who had been quiet for a moment, started to cry again.  Looking at the baby Karina friend “ You are just in a mood today aren’t you.”  She whispered attending to him for a moment until he was just sniffling. Karina reached over to Nathan than and played with his kicking feet, earning a squeal. Holding a bottle out to Nathan she watched as he took it from her “ Oh. Learning quickly, as usualy. I guess you are growing up too fast.” She laughed watching him suck at the bottle and hold it all by himself. Unlike Austin who kept losing his grip every other minute and sucked too weakly, though hungry whenever he got his lips locked around it. Greedily eating away at all the formula inside the bottle. With a graceless burp Austin had finished off his bottle and Nathan had only managed to finish off half as much before disguarding the bottle entirely, no matter how many times Karina tried to make him eat again. After another moment of trying and him beginning to get fussy as well she gave up and handed the bottle over to Austin who happily took and drank it all up in seconds. A couple minutes later the two were placed in a playpen and Karina sent Robert off to work before returning to motherly business. The entire two hours she had left the boys alone in the playpen Austin had slowly gone from waving a chew toy around to hitting Nathan on the side of the head every few minutes and kicking a leg into Nathan’s. Who didn’t seem extremely upset over the entire interaction as he continued to garble and gum at a gummy toy in his mouth. Karina walked over and looked at the seen, a little amused before reaching over “ Austin stop, you are being mean.”  She leaned in gently moving one twin a little away from the other. Post

nathan-douglas Nathan coughed into his hand, little splatters of blood oozed out with some spit onto his palm. Swallowing hard, he dropped his head a little, shaking it. He felt so odd, it had started right after he stabbed Bethany. Even thinking about made his chest sting.  It wasn’t something so disruptive, until that moment. After then, he would have coughing fits and every so often blood would be mixed with his slobber.

Inhaling deeply he moved to wipe his hand against his chest. Bethany had not been coming around. She was avoiding him, he knew.  He fucked it up, she was scared of him and he guessed she was right to. He lost control and hurt her, like everyone had always knew he would. He became a monster.

His head spun, but he continued to walk determined to get where he needed to go. Shaking off the pain, it would go away after a few minutes. That’s what he had to remind himself. It seemed to be the only thing solid in his life, at the moment.

Shivering he stumbled, sweat dripping down  his face.   Bringing a hand up he wiped it down his face “Don’t think about her. Don’t think about them.” Nathan told himself. It was not helping, not helping with his head, and not helping with the pain in his chest. Coughing again he covered his mouth and paused, resting against the wall of a building. The more I think about them, the more it hurts. The more my head–… Tearing up, Nathan dropped to the ground, choking up, They hate me so much… They all fucking hate me. Everyone hates me. I- i don’t know what to do… There’s just too much. It’s all too much. Gripping his hands onto his head he rocked a little bit trying to sooth himself. When someone yelled at him to get away from their business.

Pulling the closet door in Austin’s apartment closed Nathan dropped down, planning on enjoying the solitude of the closet. Usually he could lay their for hours and Austin would just go about his daily life doing whatever. Nathan would just listen to Austin from inside the closet, listen to his normal life go on without any issue. The only time Austin would even remotely talk about Nathan unless Kristine was around. The only thing he ever overheard was Austin ask where he even was, or something about how how crazy he was.

The other wouldn’t know he was hanging it in the closet, because he had never let Austin see him leave the closet. Nathan had liked the advantages of it. So when Austin came in that night after work, not seeing Nathan again it didn’t take them long to call over Kristine to the apartment. Nathan had been through this routine at least once before and not that long ago.  When she came inside they spoke for a few minutes, before they moved to the bedroom “Ugh.” Nathan muttered moving to wrap his head up in a blanket “Not again.” #Self#Past Post

nathan-douglas Nathan covered his hands over his head, not wanting to hear anything, or be touched, he just wanted to be left entirely alone at the moment. Ignoring the task force member that was talking to Jake he rocked lightly, his hands pressing  against his head.

When they moved to touch him, placing a hand on his arm  Nathan lashed out, striking them across the face, his nails raking against their exposed skin. A second later blood bloomed on the agents face and anger etched over their features. Lifting the baton up they brought it down toward Nathan, who blocked with with his arm. Before he could make another move the agent reached over with his other arm to grab Nathan, only to get bit by Nathan, who dug his teeth deep into the agents hand, drawing more blood. Twisting Nathan stood and whipped a hand around striking the agent right in the temple, sending them stumbling back from him.

They recovered quickly after and smacked their baton right against Nathan’s knee’s making him cry out and drop backward off and behind the bench he was previously standing on. He crashed to the ground letting out a cry as pain shot through his spine from landing on his neck and shoulders on the grass. Nathan covered his head sobbing in pain. He twist over onto his back rolling from one side to the other as the agent recovered and started making their way back to Nathan “I see you aren’t the ‘going quietly type’.” The agent said staring down at Nathan, stepping on his chest. Nathan growled angrily, telling the agent to ‘fuck off’ and get off him.

The Agent smirked before flipping the switch on his baton, electricity sparked off the end “Why don’t you come quietly now, hm?”

Nathan, tired of this situation and wanting to go somewhere to sleep the pain in his shoulders off, looked around looking for an escape. He shift, moving quickly his teeth  biting into the guards shin just before they brought the electrified baton down on his back. They kicked him off then making Nathan spit up blood from their foot hitting him directly in the mouth.  The agent stalked after Nathan then as he tried moving away from them “ No you don’t!” They shouted carelessly swinging the baton at Nathan again, this time hitting him right across the side of his head, along the temple.

Shouting out in obvious pain Nathan pressed his head into the ground and curled up as the Agent ordered him to stop resisting and get up. Nathan refused, which earned him a few more smacks from the agents baton. They eventually reached over and yanked Nathan to his feet. Then tried to move him around so he could place cuffs on Nathan’s wrist. Though as they did Nathan took the opening he had and launched toward them, again digging his teeth into the agents skin, this time, into their neck. They shout at their partner to help get Nathan off as blood spurt out into both Nathan’s mouth and onto the agents neck. Nathan clamped down at the other agent moved closer.

Then a loud buzz came from behind him, a sharp pain burned into his neck and out into his head, everything suddenly went completely black then, Nathan’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, he dropped to the ground completely limp the agents ignored him for a moment as the uninjured one helped the injured one into the car before they came back to deal with Nathan. And by dealing with Nathan, it was more placing his unconscious body into the trunk of their car and leaving him their for several hours. Until it was time to take him into the prison and process him, long after Jake had been dealt with. Post

nathan-douglas Talking with one of the other children who had been in Damari on ands off for the last year since he had been also been placed in the institution. The only thing was, like all the other children, they weren’t there for a permanent stay or, to be exact ‘till they got well’. The eight and a half year old looked up and around  the emptied room, the other children had already been taken home. The kid he was talking to had been the only other one because they had to stay for two days, tomorrow they would be going home, and he would be alone in the ward again. The next day Nathan watched as the other kids parents came and took their son out of Damari. He frowned watching the family leave. It obviously didn’t feel good watching decent parents come get their children. The kid wasn’t completely cured, he’d be back in Damari by the end of the week. Yet, his parents never just left them in the hospital. At a young age, even Nathan realized how bullshit this was. How bullshit it was that he was stuck in the hospital when he hadn’t done anything wrong. It had made him so angry. Breccan Prescott definitely did not help with  this tendency to be angry and instigated him till he lost himself. Nathan had a moderately decent control over it, but with Breccan it seemed as flimsy as a sheet of paper. Walking with a nurse through the ward with all the adults  Natahn noticed some of them were staring at him and didn’t look at all happy to see him “ They are staring at me.” He commented looking to the nurse who only shrugged and told him they were probably staring because they hadn’t seen a child in a long time. She then stopped and sat him in a chair. The nurse told him to stay there as she had to go get something and she would be back soon. Kicking his feet under back and forth lightly underneath the chair Nathan sat patiently waiting on the nurse to return. A moment later he looked around and noticed that there was no other staff members he could see only patients. Before he could get a full sweep of the room though a hand slammed down next to his making him look up at one male before looking over to the one that had slapped the table, a giggle made him look at a blond woman who had been chewing on her hair. With a small sigh he guessed that curiosity had brought them over “Hi.” He muttered unenthusiastic ally, of course. Moving their hand up the male directly next to him smiled and greeted him back. Nathan got a strange feeling then, but he didn’t know why and for what reason “ I’m Nathan.” The girl pointed “ He’s the boy. The monster boy who killed his little sister.” She blurted earning the attention of the guy on the other side of her “ Oh yeah. I heard about this kid.  What he did was brutal, sick even. I heard all they found of  was the girls finger.” He said slyly looking at the other male who narrowed his eyes on Nathan. Nathan shrunk a bit looking between the two that had been talking then toward theo ther “ I- Didn’t.”  Confused he looked down, honestly not sure about that. Breccan had been telling him he had. But he could have sworn he remembered Robert pulling her out of the water and hitting her head on the focet. “Oh, so he likes to kill people smaller than him?” The male said lifting a hand up to cup Nathan’s jaw. Nathan jerked out of their hand and frowned a little before going to say something “ I don’t need to hear anymore. You know, they would never send a kid to a death sentance. They are all about Reabilitating you mistakes.” The girl gripped onto the others shoulder then and pointed “  He can’t be helped, that’s why his parents keep him here! He’s a-what you call it, Psychopath! ” Bringing her hand back she bit on her index nail and looked to the male at her side “ They should have aborted him, I heard he wanted to kill his other siblings to. He’s a naughty little boy. Hasn’t been properly punished, yet. I’d of beat his little head in, touch one of my kids.” She reached over pressing a hand against Nathan’s head pushing him back “ Little fucker.” “Stop it! ” Nathan shouted suddenly the calm look on his face breaking, making the three adults freeze at how angry he sounded with them. Lifting a hand up to his head he rubbed the spots he had been touched “ You don’t touch me!” He ordered glaring at the three of them. After another second the male closest to him laughed and then reached over to yank him out of the chair “ What are you going to do about it, short shit. You going to cry to your mom? I bet she doesn’t love you anymore.” The girl laughed as they said that “ A monster child? No mother would love any of their kids after killing their daughter. Daughters are the most precious to mothers.”   The man turned, dropping Nathan to the floor but stepped on his hand as he moved to scoot under the table earning a loud yelp “ Oh? So there’s a poor woman out there crying, yeah. Look what you did, boy? Hurt your poor mother.” They looked back to Nathan who was yanking on his hand. “Get off! GET the fuck off!”  Blood dripped from a tearing on hand “ Stop it! I didn’t hurt anyone! I didn’t!” The three knelt down  next to the table and smirked at him. It struck Nathan then that something was wrong, very wrong with this scene. Afraid he looked around seeing patients crowding the area.  It seemed like a wall of them. Nathan’s attention was brought back to the other three, or two, one of the males had gone missing. He looked around, but couldn’t spot him. As his left arm was grabbed and he was yanked back onto his back his head hit the floor making him wince. Opening his eyes a moment later his arms being held against the floor he was staring up at the other male, keeping his arms in place “ Wh- G-get off!   Get off!” Squirming he tried to kick his legs but only got so far before the woman had been holding them in place. The remaining male crawled under the table with him, reaching out they started to lift his shirt, exposing his stomach to the cool air of the room. Wiggling Nathan shout only to have hand cover his mouth. A younger patient shushed him then, before looking over at the male under the table with him. Nathan did to, seeing they had something sharp in their hand and were moving it closer to his stomach “ No! What are doing- Stop! Please!” But that didn’t stop him, it hit Nathan, for a moment, that nothing he ever did would stop them. He was in a place where a lot of the criminally insane of the town were placed. A place they could practically get away with doing whatever horrible thing they wanted, as long as it was in the hospital and maybe even more so, to patients no one gave a fuck about. As they cut into his chest Nathan let out a sob, his toughed exterior breaking completely tears flowed as blood gathered on his chest and spilled over onto the floor. It was almost ritualistic as the male carved into his otherwise mostly unscarred flesh. The pain soon became too much and everything went black. His wiggling stopped and he went completely limp after passing out. After that point he started seeing things in flashes. The four who were around him had disappeared, then nothing but darkness. Then he heard a voice and saw the familiar outfit of Breccan’s as they seemed to walk around the table. He heard his name then. Turning over onto his stomach blood dripped onto the floor from the new position. Crawling out from under the table he pulled himself up and swallowed “ Here.” He muttered half sounding lifeless. Breccan sighed and moved over to meet him at the other side of the table. “ There you are.” Prescott grabbed Nathan by the arm before seeming to notice the blood “ Oh, now how did that happen.” He looked disappointed, almost. Or like something hadn’t gone as planned. Nathan could pick up on that expression easily, after seeing it so many times in the last year or so. He waved a nurse over then “ Clean this up.” Breccan then looked directly at the three patients who attacked Nathan. They had been standing on the other side of the room. As a nurse came over to help with Nathan Prescott walked over to the three. Nathan saw him strike the guy who had cut him and then seem to take something before the nurse had ushered him from the room. Blood dripped along the floor as they moved into the hallway and toward the infurmary. Being placed on the bed the nurse there looked over him and frowned as she examined the cuts. Breccan walked in a few moments later “ What is the damage?”  The nurse looked up and shook her head “ Some of these cuts are really deep, he’s going to need more then just stitches.” Breccan looked at Nathan and nodded “ Alright.” He was thinking, knowing that the parents would need to be alerted about something happening to their son. Which he didn’t care for. Walking with Nathan down the stairs Breccan grumbled before saying “ They weren’t supposed to cut you that deep.” He laughed a little then and pat Nathan on the back “We can’t have you telling mommy and daddy about this, okay?  But ho to make it more believe able.” Nathan looked up confused before Breccan’s hand slammed into his back, shoving him off the step he was on. Breccan watched as Nathan toppled down the steps and gave a emotionless nod “ That’s more convincing Nathan.”  The doctor said then slowly make his way down to the unconcious child, who’s head had been cracked open as it hit the floor and wall. Five hours later Nathan was in a room, his head bandaged up, a cast covering his right wrist from a shattered bone. Karina was there shouting at Breccan over how he could allow something like this to happen to her son. Breccan took the shouting as a doctor came into the room with a clip board. “ He hit his head pretty hard and has a few broken bones, as you can see.  But with further examination we’ve found a mast-” Breccan cut the doctor off then and walked over grabbing them by the arm before whispering to them about letting Karina be with Nathan for a little bit. The two left then leaving Karina confused. But her worry for Nathan seemed to distract her from her curiousity.  Only to make her more curious, lifting up  Nathan’s shirt she stared dwon at the bandages over his chest, seeing blood soak through it. She could tell it was a word, but didn’t risk pulling the bandages away. Crouching over him she shook him lightly “ Nathan, wake up. Wake up!” She urged looking toward the door and shaking her son gently as she could but enough that she hoped to stir him awake “ Come on.”  After a moment more of of if he slowly started waking up, she smiled at him “ Did someone hurt you?” She asked. Nathan looked up at his mother weakly before closing his eyes “ It hurts.” His left hand shot up, cupping his head. His right hand moved to cup over his chest “ It always hurts. Mommy…Mommy… it hurts.” Karina watched as he started to fall back asleep and reached over to shake him gently. “Nathan, Nathan! No. Stay awake. Why does it hurt? Nathan!” She hissed a little seeing he was already passed out again. Breccan and the doctor came back in then and the doctor explained Nathan’s injuries and that he would be need to be in the hospital for a couple of days. Post

nathan-douglas Being yanked into a room by a task force officer at the prison he had been handed off to Nathan was pressed to a wall as he was searched for weapons. The small stain of blood around his mouth had dried since the run in with the other task force officer he had run into with Jake. Trembling as he was grabbed and prodded, another officer had to hold onto him to keep him standing after getting tazed in the neck Nathan had snapped out of his frantic state, only to become droopy and unsteady on his feet.

Once they finished they put him on a chair and chained his legs “Since you seem to think it’s okay to bite and attack people, we aren’t going to take any chances of you getting the opertunity again.” One officer explained before bringing a strange mouth guard/muzzle type contraption to his face. They lift up Nathan’s head and placed the thing on him. It looked to be made completely of metal, closed off with a small area to eat through. On the inside of the mask were slightly long sliver like needles only an inch or two from jabbing into his face “Try to bite anyone now. I dare you.” The officer mocked slapping the front of the muzzle lightly. A moment later a small line of blood dripped from under the mask and down Nathan’s neck.

Almost thirty minutes later he had been changed into one of the prisoner outfits.  During all of this Nathan hadn’t made any move to attack anyone, he didn’t even look angry as he was being jerked and pulled around or taunted. Finally came the last part “So, we know who you are.” A task member came up tossing one of the other force members a jacket and smirking “And we have to make sure your arms stay to yourself, Nathan. It seems you are prone to attacking others for seemingly no reason.” They didn’t actually care, for the most part the task forces’ current actions were mostly to torment Nathan, who not only had hurt one of their own, and had been proven to be dangerous. But also was undead on top of that.

His arms were held up as the jacket was moved over him, as the arms were slid over his hands he winced and made to jerk his hands away “Oh, oops, sorry, we made some adjustments specifically for you.” The officer continued to push the strait jacket onto Nathan’s arms despite his wincing, another officer held him into place making him unable to move away. Not that Nathan tried very hard to get away. He had never been in a strait jacket before it was new.

Glancing from one officer to the next he tried to speak but the spikes against his mouth jabbed into his lips, threatening to pierce through.  

Once the jacket had been on and handcuffs were loosely locked around his wrists, pinning his confined arms in place. He was then yanked up from his seat, wincing as he felt small cuts cut through his clothing and into his skin. Twitching as pain spread over him Nathan tried to curl up only to be dragged toward the door  “It’s going to take some getting used to, I imagine. But you may never actually figure out how to move without getting cut. Which doesn’t seem to matter since you are dead anyway.” The guard said casually as they pulled Nathan after them toward the cells.

A few minutes later he was pushed onto a bed and then left alone after the guard told him he would be allowed out after a little bit of time to adjust to his new environment. Shifting slightly Nathan closed his eyes, his mind still fuzzy even so long after being tazed. After a few minutes of slight mental and physical suffering Nathan drift off to sleep. #Self#Prison Post

nathan-douglas The Night Shift had been working for several hours, Nathan was, like all the other patients in the hospital, asleep. Or more, drugged. Like he had been every night since he was seven. He had been put on so much medication since he was seven that had sometimes he was left in a state of catatonia, life just passing by him and any memories he had during these states were often hazy or none existant. But tonight seemed like a completely different night, he could feel someone grabbig at his head and messing with his face, but he couldn’t quite pull himself out of the forced slumber he was in. As something tickled down his chest and then moved toward his right leg he felt a faint feeling of unease filtering into his mind, interupting his dreams. As the feeling continued Nathan’s dreams became darker, feeling more dangerous and threatening. Glancing around he wished he could wake up, knowing full well he was dreaming. Nathan had become very good at lucid dreaming, especially since most of his time spent in solitary had been just him sleeping. When he wasn’t pretending to talk to imaginary people to pass his time.  The uneasy feeling in his stomach was growing stronger. He looked down toward the grass he had been sitting on in his dream. His breathing picking up. Though before he could process the strange touching that his body was feeling he was interupted by the voice of his brother, which was more just a imagined copy of himself than actually being Austin, who he hadn’t seen in almost sixteen years. In his dream he lift his left hand up to his chest, blinking as his vision blurred, his heart began to skittishly jump then the feeling of dread that had been washing over him was beginning to be consumed by pleasure. Not that it was pleasing to him. It was unwanted, his body felt like it was being attacked even if he was feeling good.  Wincing as Austin said something to him he then looked over to see the rest of his family and a few other faceless people that seemed familar to him but he just couldn’t remember their faces “ Ah. Sorry. I’m- Fine? I think.” He stood then pulling up some blank books off the ground from where he stood. When the dream Austin reached over to grab them he pulled them away “ I’m okay. Really.  I think I might have gotten a little sucked into my studies.” He winced suddenly, the world becoming darker, his mind changing the situation of his dream entirely in that moment.  Gasping for air Nathan reached up to grab at his neck, a horrible feeling washing over him. He wanted to scream but he just couldn’t. Turning around then he tried to see where he had been taken in his dream. Usually he would dream about life outside of the hospital, or one where he never had to be institutionalized at all, which he had enjoyed the most of all. Because in those dreams he could at least pretend his family had loved him. It was probably not healthy for him to imagine something that was never going to happen, because waking up he had to realize they had forgotten him and were never going to love him. This always put him in the worst mood. Finally he was able to force himself awake, his eyes fluttering open. A hand grabbed onto his jaw. He couldn’t open his eyes wide enough for the person in the room with him to see he was awake. Still groggy from the medication that had gone through his system Nathan was left numb and unable to stop them as they dropped down forcing a kiss onto him.  The male guard’s mouth tasted like poison, if Nathan could discribe the taste that had poured into his mouth from their sloppy spitty lips on his own, and thier nasty tongue slipping into his mouth. His stomach turned as the moment played out, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he tried to will his body to move and get this pervert off of him. “You are always a pleasure, Douglas. ” The guard whispered as they pushed Nathan’s apparently unconcious body back onto the bed the right way.  Their hand running along Nathan’s exposed feminine frame “ Just my type.”  They slurred before moving over and placing a kiss on Nathan’s shoulder, then ran their fingers over the red markings they had left all over Nathan’s defensiless form. With a smirk they pulled away and moved to go grab the clothing he had removed from Nathan off the floor and started to put them back on the other “ Now let’s just keep this between you and I, huh? As usual.” They said, their tone more teasing then serious. “ Not that you could ever tell anyone about this happening. No one would believe you.” They slurred drunkenly “ No one will no I love men, and you will never be taken seriously. Perfect for me.” They gloated reaching over to grab Nathan jaw and turn his head over to look at him. After a few more hours Nathan shot up in bed and started screaming bloody murder until a nurse came rushing into the room and over to him. Seeing the terror on his face she frowned “ Nathan, it’s alright. Shhhh. ” She tried to sooth as she inched closer to him “ It was just a bad dream. See, you are safe. Your okay here.” Watching the boy drop into himself having screamed so much that he was light headed. The nurse moved closer and hesitantly placed a hand on his back “ Shhh it’s alright. Just breath.” It seemed that this had happened often so she was used to dealing with mornings like this with the other. Another hour passed by then before she could coax Nathan out of his bed to take a shower and get dressed. She was leading him to breakfast then noticing how jumpy he was “ Do you want to talk about the dream you had?” She asked him only getting a dissmissive shake of the head from him “ Okay.” Sitting down at a table Nathan couldn’t stop his trembling. Post

nathan-douglas Looking to Austin he smirked a bit  “I’m fucking dead, right?! How am I supposed to cope with that!? After everything! How am I suppose to forget that I’ve been shit on my entire life, and I am the one that died. How do I go on living like none of that happened?! HOW was I stuck with a family who didn’t care about whether I lived or died, let alone didn’t even love me, forgot all about me, and left me to fucking rot and die. Which it’s hilarious, BECAUSE I actually fucking died Austin! Do you not really understand how insane that is?!  It makes no sense! So none of this can possibly be fucking real…Because it’s cruel, it’s unfair, and I did nothing to warrant dying, yet I was treated like a fucking monster for my entire life, Fuck it, I never got to have a life because I was treated like a fucking murderer, and I’ve never even killed anyone! How can this be real!? Why should I accept this as my reality!? So being here, or going there means nothing to me, because it’s not real, I don’t want it to be! So I am going to yell and be fucking mad! Because I am so disgusted, my family gets to be happy, and I get to be dead! For what?!” Post

nathan-douglas 8 years old, Halloween Dropping back against a wall Nathan let out a panic breath, the lights overhead flickered making him glance up “No no no. Please.”  Pushing himself up from the wall he started running down the hallway again making his way toward the double doors that lead out of his wing of the hospital. Where only a nurse had been. As he thought back to only a few minutes ago he slammed into the doors, it was locked. Smacking his hands against them he screamed for help, before letting out a hysterical cry.

Keep reading #Self#Childhood Post

nathan-douglas 3 days earlier A dog was barking outside the house early in the morning hours as the Douglas’ were all asleep. After about an hour of barking Robert had finally got up and was stompling around the house saying stuff about killing that dog. Which had been roaming the neighborhood since their owners had moved away the month before and just left it behind. Robert had obviously been on his last bit of patience with the creature. He had been calling for the pound to come and get the animal for the last two weeks and nothing seemingly was happening to capture the animal. This morning he had been slamming things around in the kitchen as he was preparing to make some coffee. Which prompted Karina to finally get up and marched down the stairs and to her husband “ Stop being so loud, the kids are still trying to sleep. Grace has school, Robert!” She whispered harshly. Her husband only shrugged in response before actively trying to be quieter after that. Karina then went back upstairs and tried to get some more sleep as well. But the dogs barking never really stopped, even over the next few hours. By the time seven in the morning came along Karina had made breakfast and had most of the kids at the table eating. Robert was picking through the mail that had been on the counter. One letter he was completely invested in seemingly consuming his attention so that when Karina said something to him all he could do was give a vague nod and a small “ Uhhuh.” Letting out a muttered Nathan threw a piece of scrambled egg on the floor, a cat jumped out from it’s hiding spot and ran over to gobble the egg up. Nathan smiled down at the animal before reaching down to pet it on it’s back. The cat let out a mew and pushed itself up on their legs to butt it’s head against Nathan’s “ Awww. Such a good boy.” Nathan giggled lightly before whispering “ Kitty-kitty.”   Robert smacked a hand on the table “ Nathan, sit straight at the table. Stop feeding the cat scraps. It has it’s own food.” Nathan sat up and stared at the other with an empty gaze “ I like giving him my food. We are connected.”  He mewed before turning to Austin and grinning before he leaned over and dropped onto the others shoulder, rubbing himself against his twins side “ Puurrr.” Reaching over her grabbed the piece of toast that was Austin’s plate and lift it up to hand feed to the other boy, who played along. Despite knowing that Nathan was just trying to irritated Robert, and would probably get in trouble as well “Good boy.” He pat the top of Austin’s head “ Eat your toast.” Robert made his way around the table and pulled Nathan back up into his chair “ Stop. Not today, Nathan. I’ve already got a headache. I don’t need you making it worse be being a freak.”  Placing his hand on top of Nathan’s head Robert made the other stare at their own plate of food “ Eat.”  He ordered before going back to reading the letter “ Are you sure these tests are right, Karina? I wouldn’t say Nathan needs to go to a special school. He still acts like a moron. I’m not convinced, his teachers must be confused. The answer is no.” With that Robert tossed the letter into the trash and walked away from Nathan.  In all honestly he just thought he was protecting Nathan, not wanting the other to be made fun of or something. “Get in the car, Nathan! That is the last damn time I am telling you. For fuck’s sake. It’s just an airplane, you’ve seen them before. Let’s go.” Turning Nathan looked from the car to the sky “ I just… I am trying to figure out the clouds.” “ The clouds? What’s there to figure out? You don’t need to know everything.” “But I want to try.” Nathan muttered before being made to walk faster by Robert. He was practically almost pushed into the car by the other. Sitting next to Austin he grinned “ It’s cloudy.” He pointed out before reaching over and grabbing an umbrella from the back pocket of one of the front seat. Nathan shoved the umbrella into Austin’s backpack “ Just in case.”  He winked at the other boy before facing forward again. After school Nathan and Austin were walking home together with Grace a few feet in front of them. Frowning he looked up at the sky “ I was wrong. Good.” He smiled at Austin “ At least we had it. That’s the point. Understand? To have something is better than to not have it and need it. I read that in a book at school.” With a small giggle he ran a little ahead of Austin and jumped in a puddle of water that had remained from a few nights before when it had rained. A second or so later a dog came barreling out from behind the bush the puddle was beside, tackling Nathan to the ground and licking the back of his neck and ears “ Aaah, gross, stopit!” Nathan giggled. Pushing himself out from under the dog he stood up glaring at it for a moment as it looked at him, tongue hanging out, looking expectant. Austin ran over then and waved a finger at the dog before pointing out to Nathan that he had a little scrach on his jaw. Nathan reached up to pat at the little bit of blood before grinning “ He’s hungry. ” Pulling his backpack off he started to dig through it before finding the sandwhich his mother had packed fro him that morning. Pulling the meat out he held it up to the dog and then tossed it toward their mouth. “ There, he should be fine for now.” 2 days earlier “Look, thank you for your concern, Miss Peterson. But Nathan is fine where he is. He’s not going to be a scientist or anything like that. I don’t think it’s a very good idea to move him.  But I would like for him to stay in the same grade as Austin.” Robert said into the phone as he watched Austin and Nathan enter the house “ You two are fifteen minutes late.”  Robert pointed out with a stern tone. Nathan shrugged “ We talked to friends. Is that a crime?” He looked at the other before turning and walking away “ Come on Austin.  Let’s finish building the lego model we’ve been working on.” A few hours later Robert walked into Austin and Nathan’s room, placing a beer bottle on top of the stand between their beds and crouching down behind Nathan as the two boys sat in the middle of the floor handing leg’s back and forth. Robert reachd over and grabbed a brick from Nathan’s hand “ You think you are really smart, don’t you Nathan? Got a snippy answer for everything. Why can’t you just be more like Austin?”  Robert wrapped an arm around Nathan’s shoulder, reaching his free hand up to grab onto the brick he held it in front of Nathan’s face “ At least he knows when to keep his mouth shut, and do as he’s told.”  With that comment Robert snapped the brick in half, making Nathan flinch. “Hey! That was Austin’s, he needed that for the build!” Nathan shouted turning to look at Robert who just laughed “ Give me that.” Reaching out he grabbed the two pieces of brick out of Roberts hand. Staring at the pieces he was working on how to get around the damage that had been done in order for them to finish Austin’s model. Austin has let out a small little sniffle but otherwise said nothing and did nothing else. Obviously too frightened of Robert especially at the moment to risk it. Robert shook his head “ Genius, that’s what your teachers call you. But you can’t even handle a stupid toy brick getting broken. What, are you going to be one of those idiots who spend all their time doing stupid things and getting praise for it?” Robert snipped, poking Nathan’s temple “I don’t see it. ” Reaching up he took the bottle from the top of the dresser and started to drink from it. Outside the barking echoed down the street, Robert looked up and grumbled “ There it goes again. Fucking animal.” Tilting his hand he started to pour the remaining contents in the bottle onto Nathan’s head “ You aren’t better than your siblings. The sooner you realize that Nathan, the happier you’ll be. Don’t let these teachers tell you any different. They only want to use you. And once they have, you’ll be tossed out just like everyone else in this world, washed out and used.” Moving his empy hand over he rubbed it over the top of Nathan’s head before placing a kiss on the back of it. Standing then he walked out “ Grace is in charge till your mother gets back. I have to go deal with something important for work.” Nathan looked after the other, his hair dripping. Watching Robert finally leave he let out a breath and closed his eyes “ This really smells bad, Austin. Don’t you think?” He licked his lips, licking up some of the beverage that had gotten onto his mouth. Then twisting he moved to push himself up and walked out of the room “ Keep working on it I– Uh…Have to– wash this off.” Turning on the shower Nathan stepped into the the bathtub, fully clothed. He  stood under the cold spay of water and then dropped down letting out a muted sob his hands moving to cover his eyes. Throwing his head back and forth he kicked at one side of the tub in frustration all the bottled up emotions trying to all come out at once just made it all worse. The curtain was then pulled away and Grace was looking down at at Nathat with a frown before she asked what he had been doing, her hand moving out to test the water before snapping back. She commented that it was really cold and that he needed to get out before he froze to death. Breathing heavily Nathan could only watch her for a moment before nodding. Now fully soaked all the alchohal had been washed from his clothing and hair. Moving he climbed out of the tub and made his way out of the bathroom after Grace. Sitting in front of Austin again Nathan smiled “ All better.” He reached over and grabbed The broken piece of lego and moved to snap it into it’s place “ Just ignore that crack. It’s not that bad, honestly.” He told the other who seemed a little shaken up by what had just happened. Nathan looked up “ Austin, come on. Let’s go, put that piece there.” He pointed out ot the other boy. After a second when the other asked if he thought they were stupid Nathan looked up “ What? No. Of course I don’t. You are fine, Austin. Daddy didn’t mean to make it sound like that.” Nathan frowned still not sure what Robert was trying to get at. Sometimes the other seemed like they were doing things in order to protect his childen. But other times it just seemed oddly mean. “He probly jus’ don���t want me to go with the big kids and get beat up. And you would be all alone. That never happens.” Nathan picked up the piece and placed the bricks that needed to go on it onto it “ Drinking that funny stuff doesn’t help him express it so well.” Handing the piece back over to Austin he watched the other boy nod and smile at him before they finally went back to helping build the lego model. Post

nathan-douglas Sitting on the sidewalk in the front of his house Nathan lift up a lego model, examining it. He seemed a little frustrated, but otherwise his face seemed blank. Setting the model down he moved to pick up a lego brick beside him. Hearing his name he looked up and over toward Grace who was excitedly shouting at him to stop being so distant and to come play tag with her and their other two siblings. Nathan usually didn’t care for playing such noisy games. It was contridictory to his apparent extroverted personality like tendencies. Because he could also be super excited and really loud at times. But playing games where people had to touch him constantly just seemed stimulating and stressful. He didn’t like it. Picking up the model he shook his head as he gathered up the blocks “ I don’t want to.” He said before moving back toward the house and going back inside. Once back up in his room he sat down and tried to finish what he was working on. The serenity of this had lasted about two hours before Robert walked into the room “ There you are. Of course, in here being lazy, like always.”  The older Douglas muttered before walking over “ Alright. ” He pulled the toy model out of Nathan’s hand as they walked over to Nathan, making his shout slightly in protest before grabbing at the toy. “Daddy! N- no be careful! I’ve been making it all day! Please, be careful.” Standing Nathan reached out for the toy only for Roberts hand to gently push at his chest to keep him away. As they set it down a piece of the model dropped off “ No!  You are going to ruin it. I’ve spent two days on it– pleeease be careful.” The little boy whined reaching out for the toy in an attemp to fix it. Robert grabbed Nathan’s arm and gently made him face in the other direction “ Nathan, it’s just a toy. I’m not going to break it. Calm down.  Stop shouting.” Once Nathan had seemingly caught himself and bit down on his lips Robert smiled “ There, don’t need to get so worked up. It’s still going to be here when you get back. Okay? You need to rest your brain sometimes, Nathan. Turn it off. ” Robert reached over, poking Nathan’s forehead gently “Get out of your head for a little while sometimes, you’ll have less headaches.” Making a face at the other Nathan shook his head weakly “ I’m not in my head. I am here.” He mumbled before sighing. Robert made a face at him before moving to lift him up “ Come on, Austin’s outside with a few of the neighbor kids. And by with I mean I think he was hiding behind a tree, pretending he was hanging out with the neighbor kids.” Robert commented tiredly before shaking his head and looking slightly amused. A moment later Nathan ran up to Austin and poked his shoulder. Smiling at his brother he knocked his head to one side before reaching over and leaning agaisnt the tree “ Look at that, you got yourself a leafy girlfriend. She’s all bark though.”  He looked toward the tree before peeling a piece of the bark off the side of the tree and looking at it “ Good breed.” Nathan chirped earning a small giggle from his shy brother, Nathan grinned and tossed the piece of bark over his shoulder. Reaching over he grabbed his hand “ Let’s invite these kids to the wedding. It’s going to be bootifull.” Pulling Austin along Nathan shouted toward the kids that were currently kicking a soccer ball near the street “ Hey! Look at me. ”  Then he pulled Austin in front of him and grinned “ I can mutiply by one!” Nathan joked earning a laugh from two of the five other boys who then walked over to greet them and asked if they wanted to play “ Sure, Jake. Soccer is easy, right?” Nathan looked over at Austin “ We are a team though. A package deallie!”  Pointing up he wiggled his finger on his left hand and stuck his nose in the air a bit “ Since we are the smallest and weakest.” After some discussion the boys were finally set to play on teams for a little while. Nathan pulled away from Austin, letting the others hand go to go stand just a few inches from the other. Dropping at the waist he placed his hands on his knee’s and smirked as he watched the ball move across the ‘field’. Warm brown eyes moved quickly picking up on things as the ball came toward him he ran for it as another kid had been.  They kicked the ball between his legs before hooking their foot around his calt and yanked his leg out from under him, making him fall back onto the ground “ Hey!” The kid grinned and shrugged before they pulled away. Standing up he brushed himself off and let out a frustrated groan before grinning, the rush the game was getting him was addicting. Chasing afer the ball a moment later he ended up being shoved to the ground as one kid went to kick the ball out of his path, ending in it being in a goal. Back in position he brushed the dirt from off his shoulder and looked at Austin who had gotten just as dirty from being shoved around or trying to kick the ball. Smiling at the other he was happy they seemed to be less shy at that moment. Looking away as the game started again he charged after the ball losing himself in the game again. About fifteen minutes later he was pushing himself up from a muddy spot that he slipped into. Looking at his left elbow he noticed it had gotten a little scratched up at some point. Preoccupied with the small injury Nathan was wiping away mud and grass when he heard a sharp cry of pain on the other side of the small 'field’ they had been playing on. Turning toward the noise he noticed Austin on the ground holding his head and turned to walk over, soon busting out into a run and breaking through the kids that had circled the other. Dropping down next to Austin he noticed that one side of their head had turned a bright red. All the excitement leaving him he reached over to grab Austin’s jaw before reaching down and grabbing his brothers hand. Helping Austin stand he look at the other boys who were asking questions about if  Austin was okay, and if they should do something. But Nathan had shut them out as he helped his twin to their yard. An hour later he was sitting on the couch with Austin who had been holding an icepack to his face. As he stared at the little hints of bruising red around Austin’s head he frowned. Down his spine he felt this odd sensation, like he could feel the others pain. His tailbone would fele ticklish whenever he had to look at the pain his brother was in. Not understanding it he felt like he might have been the only one. As everyone else seemed a little upset by the injury. Except for Robert who was telling everyone to calm down, boys get hurt all the time. Robert seemed to make more of a joke out of it, rather than actually feeling bad for Austin, like their sister and mother. Nathan felt in no way amused, or saddened that the other got hurt. He was angry that it happened on his watch. But everything else he was feeling had only confused him. “At least you aren’t going to be brain damaged.” Nathan finally said to the other, earning thier attention. Austin didn’t seem to enjoy the comment, so he kicked Nathan in the leg “ Sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” Nathan mumbled, then gave an uneasy smile at his twin, his brows furrowing slightly. After another moment he looked frustrated again. Turning his head away he dropped it slightly, looking into his lap. Gripping his hands together he let out a breath “ I shouldn’t have let that happen to you. Its my fault, if you are brain damaged. I’m supposed to protect you.” He just didn’t quite understand that he could protect Austin, or anyone else for that matter, from fate. And so he felt like anything bad that ever happened, had probably been from something he either didn’t, or did, do. He felt maybe it was even his fault that Austin had been such a scardy cat. If he weren’t so brave, and would stop sheltering Austin they would have probably come out of their shell before then. Closing his eyes he felt like it was weird, to be a kid and have so many adult thoughts. Life was strange and he felt like he could see it for how pointless it actually was.  Everything seemed more and more pointless as he observed. As Karina entered the room she said something to Austin before looking at his forehead. A moment later she noticed Nathan on the couch and reached over to grab his shoulder “ Are you okay?” She asked before reaching up to check his forehead, as if this were a normal occurance. It was. For years Nathan had stressed to the point that he would often give himself fevers. “I’m fine mama. Just thinkin, Austin has a big forehead now. We aren’t twins anymore.” He grinned up at her, earning a smile back from his mother. Though Austin cried out and grabbed onto Nathan. As the other boy cried into his arm Nathan froze, that strange tingle hitting him again. Listening to Austin plead with him to be his twin even if he had a massive forehead Nathan felt a sudden rush of tears fill into his eyes before laughing at Austin’s crying and pleading “ What a crybaby. I was only joking Austin.” Tackling the other he started to tickle them until they burst out in a fit of giggles. Poisoned Apple Glancing around the living room Nathan was feeling uncomfortable with how long the person who had practically made Austin and him come into the house. Nathan frowned a little as Austin continued to ask about the candy that the man had apparently forgotten to bring with him to the front door “ Ah. Tin. I think he-” As the man finally reappeared he held up two candies and held one out to Austin. Nathan reached over and grabbed it  “I like blue.“ He said unwrapping the candy and popping it into his mouth.

The man gave a small frown "Oh? Then your brother can have this one. Go ahead, try it. I’ve been working on this recipe a while and would like a childs opinion on how they taste. ” They smiled and held the other piece out toward Austin. Which Nathan snapped that piece up and ate it too. “Sorry Tin, I’m just so hungry.” He grinned before looking from Austin to the older male “ Well, our mom’s going to be worried. We gotta go. It was tastie.”  Standing he grinned sweetly at the guy before pushing Austin back toward the door, who was complaining about not getting any of the candy.  But the vibe Nathan had been getting off the stranger was just too much for his over sensitivity. Pushing Austin toward the door he grinned “ Oh boo hoo, Austin. Stop being such a baby!  All you have done all night is cry.” The man walked after them “ Oh, I can get him one if you want. He can come down to the celler with me, pick out one of his own. ” They offered smiling at Austin before waving their hand for the other to follow “ You can go tell your mom he’ll be out in just a minute, and not to worry.” Opening the door Nathan watched as Austin took a small step before suddenly losing whatever nerve he had, possibly the idea of being with a stranger in a weird room had finally dawned on him. Nathan watched the other scatter out of the front door and sighed “ Okay, well, that’s that. He’s a scardy cat–” Suddenly being grabbed by the older male they got their face in his face, pushing him against the wall. “ Don’t you dare say a worried, or I’ll cut your fuckin’ tongue out and then maybe cut up your entire family.” They spat before pulling him from the wall and then shoving him into it again. Nathan froze not expecting this sort of thing from someone, sure the guy had been creepy. There were plenty of people in town that seemed to think so. But he hadn’t thought about this much, he was only just a child after all. Being let go Nathan nodded at them before turning and rushing out of the house. Walking over to the sidewalk to meet up with Austin he was still trembling as he walked up to his twin. When they commented on it he shook his head before putting on a smile “ Oh, nothing. I was just uuuhh. Recommending that he add more sugar to his next batch.” Nathan smiled before walking passed his brother and walking toward where their mother had been standing talking to Robert who had come to pick them up and take them to a new spot to continue trick or treating. Once in the car Nathan started eating candy to try and calm his nerves, earning a few warning from his mother before she ultimately ended up taking his stash saying “ You are going to make yourself sick, what has gotten into you, Nathan?”  Nathan wasn’t usually the type to eat candy like that, or at all. The only time he stuffed his face was when he was stressing out over something. Finally on another street Nathan stood with Austin and now Grace who had joined them after being picked up from a friends halloween party.  Bethany had also been there now too, instead of hanging out with Robert their mother had decided to take the little girl with them. Sluggishly Nathan followed after the group, walking a foot or so behind Austin who was complaing about him walking slow “ Sorry, Tin.” He managed before looking around, the sky over him seemed like it was spinning too fast over him. Hugging the plastic pumpkin to his chest he followed as Grace picked out a house and lead Austin and him toward it. As they made it up to the top step Grace made a comment as she turned catching how Nathan had looked “ You look sticky, Thanny.” Before she decended the steps away from the house. Holding up the bucket to the person who had been handing out candy Nathan thanked them, still trying to look like he was having fun. Then he turned and followed his siblings back to their mother. It wasn’t until a few houses down that his head started to hurt and his chest began to sting with each breath. Wobbling Nathan  had to pause to catch himself before dropping down into a crouch, he placed the bucket of candy under him and vommited into it earning his mothers full attention, finally.  Moving over she knelt beside him reaching over to place a hand on his sweaty forehead “ Nathan, you are so hot, jesus. Why didn’t you say anything.” She moved Bethany out of the way then as the little girl moved to try and comfort her brother “ Bethany go stand over there with Austin and Grace. —Nathan–” She was cut off as he started getting sick again, making her wince. “ Robert, he’s burning up. I– He was fine just a little while ago.” Keren looked over at her husband as they were driving to the hospital. The other three kids had been dropped off at a neighbors to be looked after as they realized how bad Nathan had been getting in just a short time. Running a hand over Nathan’s head she looked like she was on the verge of tears “ You think–Could one of those candies he ate have been poisoned? Robert, are you listening to me?”  She asked. The other looked over glancing at Nathan then to Karen before looking at Nathan again, who had gone really pale “ I don’t know. Let’s just get him to the hospital before we start making any definite conclusions like that. If there’s someone poisoning kids in this town, wouldn’t they have been found out sooner than this?” Robert asked. A few minutes later Nathan was being rushed into the ER, leaving Karen and Robert stuck in the waiting room on any news on Nathan’s condition. It wasn’t till an hour later they got any news that told them Nathan was alive. His stomach had been pumped in an attempt to remove any poisoned content that had been there and tests had been run, but they were informed it would still be a while before anything would be back on whether he had eaten anything poisonous. Robert told Karen to go home then and that he would stay with Nathan overnight. Despite how odd the older Douglas had seen his son, he didn’t like the idea of his child, his baby dying because of some psychopath, or for any other reason. Hesitating Karen put it off for as long as she could but knew someone had to go tend to their other children, so after another hour she was allowed to see Nathan before taking her leave. Robert walked over to the left side of the bed Nathan had been resting in. Staring down at the small unconcious body in front of him he lift his hand up, his eyes tearing up as he listen to Nathan’s weakened breaths. “ This is my fault. Nathan. I wished…” Reaching over he pulled over the visitor chair and sat down reaching over to take Nathan’s much smaller hand in his “ I made this happen to you, I know it. I wished that something would.”  Leaning over toward Nathan, Robert watched his sons chest as it lift “ Don’t die. You’re strong. I know you are.  I know i’ve been really harsh to you lately. I just don’t know what else to do.” Robert gently rubbed his other hand against Nathan’s arm, attempting to be comforting and warm toward his son. Which he rarely had ever been before. “ I know I have failed. Just, don’t die. Please.” “ You just stay inside and get some rest. Okay?” Karen said with a grin as she leaned down to kiss Nathan’s feverish head “ Don’t need to get worked up, okay. You are still sick.” She looked away, they hadn’t found out who had been poisoning candy. But she had made sure that every scrap of candy her kids were even allowed to have that year had been gone through. Though honestly she had thrown most of it out in fear that it had all been contaminated. A little paranoid after Nathan had been so severely poisoned. And since he hadn’t told anyone about the guy, and Austin seemed to be as clueless as ever, they had managed to get away with it. Letting out a small weakened breath Nathan nodded at his mother “ Okay, mama…Okay…” Barely able to keep his eyes open he slowly started to drift off to sleep. Karen watched him for a moment before reached over to slide her hand over his head. She had never seen a evil bone in her sons body. Despite Roberts own paranoid accusations toward the other. She seemed to have a feeling that Nathan would never hurt anyone intentionally the way Robert assumed after finding the animal bodies. She just couldn’t help but think that there was more to the story that Robert just was refusing to hear. Nathan wasn’t telling them either, at only six years old it was probably hard for him to explain his own actions. Karen stood and turned to walk out of the room “ Goodnight, Nathan. Get better. We’ll be outside if you need us. Bethany is taking her nap in her room.” It was said more as a warning, since Bethany often would stick to Nathan like glue at times if she could. #Self#Family#Childhood Post

nathan-douglas “I’m going to ask you again, who are you?”

Nathan watched the officer as they asked him that. There were fresh bruises on the old wounds that still remained on his face, markings on his neck and his exposed arms from how roughly he had been treated to even get to this point. Swallowing he glanced away before looking back  “I’m Austin Douglas. I don’t know who this Prescott guy is, or why he’s looking for. What? My brother? Nathan? He’s not,… I’ve not seen him since I was seven. I only learned about him recently.”  Nathan said, convincingly using what he had learned about Austin and the entire situation from he other males point of view against the officer.

“Hm. Austin, huh? And you are sure you haven’t seen your brother at all since stories of the dead have been surfacing?” The officer asked, not seeming to want to lose the suspicion he had about the Nathan, or more, Austin.

“Ah, My brother tried to kill my sister when she was three. I am sure I would sell him up a river. When I was told about him only a couple of weeks ago… Who could defend someone like that?” Nathan made a face, looking a little confused.  “He may be related to me, but he’s not my brother. He was a monster, from the start. If he’s out there, who knows what kinds of monstrous horrible things he’s probably doing. He’s not well.”  Nathan pulled back, sitting in the chair more comfortably  “I wouldn’t keep him safe, I have to protect my sister. And my family.”

The officer looked at him, eyeing him before nodding “Okay. Well, Austin…We appreciate your willingness to allow us to take your brother in when we find him. Because we were informed by others, those who work in the hospital he spent his life in. That should he come back he would be a threat to our community.”  They looked over, spotting the scar on Nathan’s write inner wrist “And we also would like to keep him safe, here, in this building. Out there he could be in just as much danger as much as he is a danger to others, and even himself.”

Nathan tried his best to remain calm  “Keep him safe? Okay. I guess that is good.” He said, gently, as if that would ever effect the conversation. Niceness. They were talking about continued locking him up because of the lies his own father had spread about him. Scratching the nail of his index finger on his right hand against the arm rest of the chair he was sitting in he glanced around “As long as he doesn’t come after my loved ones. I don’t really care what happens to him, my father has told me all about him. He’s a psychopath. He can’t be helped.” Nathan moved to turn and get up “Anyway, I have work, so if this can be finished now. I would like to leave and forget about all this, and about Nathan again.”

Standing the officer nodded “Yes, of course, sorry Mr. Douglas about all of this inconvenience.”  Moving toward the door they smiled “And again, we are sorry for being so rough with you in the first place. Our task force isn’t as graceful as they could be, they aren’t exactly trained to deal with such creatures as dead people. And when they matched your face to your brothers– you know.” He moved to open the door and lead Nathan out of the room into.

As Nathan and the officer walked toward the entrance a man walked into it their eyes landing on Nathan’s. They were cold, calculating, the familiar blue that Nathan had gotten used to since he was seven years old. Prescott smiled as he spot Nathan and moved toward the officer.

“Oh? Is this?”

“This is Austin, Doctor. Not the other one.  He is going to cooperate with us, if his brother makes contact with him. It seems he knows more about the situation than you originally thought.” The officer smiled before looking at Nathan.

Nathan blinked looking nervously between the two for a half second before looking away “Ah yeah.  I’m definitely in the know on everything Nathan related. He’s terrible. Anyone, work.” He moved to walk around the pair before a hand reached out and grabbed him by his wrist. Prescott was staring down at him as Nathan stopped, stiffening before looking at the other “Yes?”

“Be careful out there, Nathan is dangerous. But you do not understand how much anger he has toward you particularly, Austin.” Smirking, Prescott looked down at the scar on Nathan’s wrist before letting Nathan’s arm go  “I’ll see you around.” Turning then he moved away, walking farther into the building. Standing for a moment lost in a state of panic Nathan’s breath hitched before the cop said something to him “Mm?  Oh, right. Bye.” He quickly left the building and made his way down the sidewalk.

A while later Nathan stumbled, clutching his chest as it had become so tight and panic filled his mind. Seeing Prescott and having to control himself was hard. Especially in front of Prescott. He glared as he bumped into someone the world around him shrinking  “So- Get-…fuck…” Running away Nathan ran into the woods tears welling up in his eyes as the emotions rushing through him started to completely consume him.

Dropping to the ground he curled up against a tree, his hands moving to hold onto his head and help pull him into a ball, sobbing uncontrollably. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Falling onto his back Nathan let out a gasp as a member of the recent task force stood over him. Shifting, he twist to push himself up, dark eyes move up to meet the others.  Just behind him there was a woman screaming for him to help as another member of the task force hired to capture those who were accused of being dead was wrestling with her, trying to get her into the car. Before he could do or say anything else male standing in front of him smacked him across the side of the head with a baton, causing a split just over his left eyebrow to form and a stream of blood start making it’s way over his eye and down the side of his face.

The task force member then crouched down in front of him and grabbed his jaw,  telling him to mind his own business. Before they tilt their head and asked why they looked so familiar. Nathan had never met the guy in his life, so he didn’t know why they felt that way. Then they asked about Prescott. Nathan’s entire body stiffened at the name “I-don’t…” They suddenly grabbed the side of his head, squeezing it and hissed about lying to them, before their partner shouted at them to get in the car so they could take the woman shouting in the back to the prison.

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nathan-douglas Do not dress up like a monster and talk to Nathan, he will light you on fire or something. Because you will probably trigger the fuck out of him. He hates this season because it was where a lot of his worse abuse happened.  Thanks to Breccan and the wicked people obedient to him. #Nathan Post

nathan-douglas “ -And that can cause signs of mental disorders, I know.” Breccan said before looking over toward Nathan who was pretending to be asleep on the hospital bed. There was a nasty bruise on the top of his head from a fall or being hit with something. He had seem to hit his head so hard that there was a large wound on the side of his head that had recently been stitched up. The other doctor nodded at Breccan who mused for a moment as they asked about the incident that lead them to here “You know boys, always doing dangerous things. Anyway, don’t tell his parents. We’ll keep that in our files.”  He said to the other doctor who made a face and said something about whatever they had been talking about being serious and life threatening if it were allowed to stay, if whatever it was grew  “It’s a chance I am willing to take.” Breccan said before smiling and holding out his hand “Now give me the documents and be on your way, we’ll find other ways to, deal with it.”

While on the drive back to Damari Nathan had been staring out of the window, his tiny body shifting in the seat as Prescott drove over the bumps leading up to the hospital. The little boy looked over to the other then “Tumors are bad, right?” He’d asked, hesitating almost as Breccan had glanced over to him.

Smiling at the child Prescott shook his head “Only sometimes. Why do you ask?” The Doctor had responded, though looked a little bugged that Nathan had brought that up.

“Well, he said- Didn’t he say that I-”

“Oh! No, Nathan, that wasn’t about you. That was about a different patient. You are fine, at least, psychically.”  Parking in the parking lot the male got out of the car and walked around to Nathan’s door as he was unbuckling himself. A moment later Prescott and Nathan were walking inside. Prescott grabbed onto Nathan’s shoulder and jerked the boy toward him “Don’t mention anything about any tumors, we wouldn’t want your parents to cut open your brain for nothing, right? If they do that, you might end worse than you are now.”  Breccan leaned in closer, smirking “And then you might never go home.” Letting Nathan go then he watched as one of the nurses came over to relieve Breccan of the nine year old’s presents, so that he could deal with another patient.

As he was being pushed away by a nurse Nathan glanced over his shoulder back toward Breccan, not sure what to believe. He was thinking the other was trying to mess with him, and it was working. Swallowing, he felt like his heart was trying to claw it’s way up his throat from the feeling the other was giving him.

_____________

Years later Nathan was on his knee’s his hands gripping onto his head, his ears were ringing, everything in his body was telling him to lash out at the thing that had caused this state.  Dropping onto the ground he curled up, letting out a scream in complete agony as pain exploded in his head. Crying he started to rock against the floor, begging for whatever was causing this to stop. Though it wasn’t one person, the chaos of the room around him had not been making things any better for him “Please please pleeeaaase!” He shouted, though it was lost among the other shouts coming from other patients around him.  An orderly finally got to him and dragged him into the hallway before going to deal with the patients who had been involved with the chaos that was started.

Gasping Nathan turned violently onto his stomach, pushed himself up a bit before starting to crawling away from the scene, wanting to get somewhere quiet, to try and stop the throbbing in his skull. Cupping one of his eyes in his left hand he shivered, dropping his head to the ground as the pain grew intensely. After a moment he heard a pop in his head, and blood started to drip from his nose. Moving his hand from his eye to his nose he winced into it, the pressure however eased up. Shivering he looked behind him watching the chaos being dealt with before fatigue finally caught up with him. Dropping to the ground again his headrest on the floor and a moment later he was out cold.

“- I don’t know, we found him like that. We can’t get him to stop.” A nurse said to Prescott as she was walking beside him, it had been days since the incident in the hallway “So he’s hearing something?” Breccan asked seeming bored. Walking up to Nathan’s isolation cell  he peaked into the window and frowned “And you say he’s not been acting quite right since the incident?” Smiling a bit Breccan then waved the nurse off  “I’m sure he’s processing what’s happened. It’s not every day someone witnesses a vicious murder.  Give him his medications and everything will be fine again in no time.” Closing the window then Breccan turned to walk away “It’s a hard thing for a fifteen year old boy to get over. Keep him there for another few days.” #Selt#Past Post

nathan-douglas Tapes 2/2 Age 23-24 The tape begins, everything is pitch black at first and all that can be heard is heavy breathing over other sounds of panicked breaths somewhere in the darkness. The sound of fingers moving over the camera can be heard before everything switches over to a green color.  The camera then moves around the room, catching a few items as it unsteadily moves, catching a glimpse of an emptied bed that had been completely unmade and small indications of torn fabric lay across it. The angle then falters before dropping to the ground, a pair of legs shifting weakly coming into view. A sick giggle can be heard over the whimpering, replacing the heavy breathing.

An alarm is blaring in the background and there were more sounds happening further in the background, outside of where the person’s in the camera view and behind it seem to be. The camera starts to be scooted slightly and purposely as a hand reached out toward the legs and touched them, earning a flinch as the person they belonged to weakly tried to jerk away “Get ….oooff!…” They shouted weakly, only making the cameraman continue and move up closer toward them. The hand pressed into their victim’s chest, prodding their fingers into their skin, visibly.  A second later the hand from the person being recorded clawed the probing hand angrily a low growl coming from them before the hand dropped to the ground limply and their chest heaved harshly as the sound of more heavy breathing comes from them.

The camera continued to scoot up the body, the hand of the cameraman caressing and petting down the thin arm, their fingers looping around the fabric wrapped around the other person’s wrist, pulling it up showing that the wrists were brutally rubbed from struggling. Then the probing hand let the fabric go and let it drop back onto the floor, making the cameraman giggle sickly and shove their hand hard into their victim’s shoulder “Stop! Get away from me!“ The rough voice of their victim hissed again before a thud can be heard slightly off to the side and the giggling can be heard again as a small struggle can be heard before the hand continues to probe jabbing a finger into their victim’s neck then.

Just then a light appears from behind the cameraman and a shout can be heard  “How did he get in here?! What the hell did he do!?”  A voice can be heard before a struggle is heard following the shouting. The camera focuses on the unsteady rise and fall of the chest of who was being filmed during the entire exchange before suddenly being hit and sent spinning into the wall and coming to a slow stop leaving it at and angle where it shows who was being filmed toward the bottom side of the viewpoint of the camera. Gasping for air and sobbing for several minutes before someone finally comes back into the room and walks over to them “Nathan, did he give you something, tell me right now.” Breccan’s voice can be heard as their hand reached over to adjust Nathan’s head “How the hell did he get my camera?” Breccan looked over and moved from Nathan toward the camera “Pl-please…It hurts…please….help…help, it hur-” Nathan’s words are cut off by Breccan with a sharp ‘SHHH’ before the camera stops recording.

The tape skips to a week later on the timer, Nathan is sitting across the table looking sickly pale, dark rims around his eyes and his hair a damp sticky mess. Breccan is staring at him from the other sigh, smirking lightly. Nathan starts to play with the zipper of his gray hoodie, looking absolutely lost in his thoughts.  Breccan clears his throat and watches Nathan for a moment before starting “Nathan, do you want to talk about what happened that night?  What do you remember before being drugged? After being drugged? While you were in that state? We need to know.”

Nathan continued to look closed off, before slightly turning away, keeping his posture as closed off as he could in front of the other.  His eyes shift to one side “I don’t want to talk about it…”  Nathan said, blinking slowly as if running the scene over again in his head. His breathing visibly gets heavier.

Breccan makes a face “You asked me to help you. He must have hurt you really bad. Tell me what he did. Was there a reason he did what he did, to you? Why did he choose you?”  The older male asked tapping his pen against the table “There has to be a reason. Of course, I am sure plenty of the patients would enjoy hurting you, Nathan. You haven’t made many friends of them, of course. But what do you think you did that pushed him over the edge and do this to you? Why didn’t he use that time to do anything else? Why you?”

Flipping the tab between his fingers Nathan turned his head away, slightly  “I don’t know why he did it. I don’t even know him!”  Nathan lifted his head up and pulled his hoodie open on both sides in a shrug  “H-he just got here!? Right?! I haven’t even met him!” Nathan brought his hands up to his head  “He just came into my room! And stabbed me with one of those stupid fucking needles!” Bringing his hands to his chest, the hoodie corners following the movement as Nathan tried to come up with more to say, but could not find the words.

Jotting this down Breccan nodded slowly “So you haven’t talked to him before?  And he just came into your room, out of all the rooms between yours and his?  He chose you.”  That last part was not a question for Nathan, it was a statement toward him. Breccan realized something, Nathan’s own father had singled Nathan out, and then Nathan quickly became one of his favorite projects, to the point he could not bring himself to kill the boy, which was his original intention. And now someone else had chosen to sexually assault and take advantage of Nathan again, while he was unable to defend himself. Breccan smirked a bit “Life just isn’t for you, Nathan. It seems to be working against you, doesn’t it?  I guess that’s Gods way of dealing with mistakes like you. If you choose to believe something like that.”

Nathan blinked and dropped his hands back into his lap as Breccan spoke, giving the other male a tired look as he listens to Breccan, not one of Breccan’s most vicious of comments about him since they had known one another. But still, it just set him off. Suddenly he was pushing himself against the table between them and flipped it on top of the other male making Breccan fall to the ground under the weight of the chair. Nathan lifted the table off the other and sent it across the room before pouncing on top of Breccan and getting in one good punch before orderlies busted in and ripped him off of Breccan “Fuck you! I’ll kill you! Bastard!”  Nathan shouted as he was being pulled from the room. He grabbed onto the door frame and tried to say something else before being yanked off the frame and dragged into the hallways where his shouting could still be heard as he was taken away from the room.

Breccan stood up a moment later and walked over to the camera, smirking into it before reaching over to turn it off, but just before he did he said “He’s just too easy to set off. Those anger issues will be the death of him…” A drop of blood drips off of Breccan’s lip then and the camera view goes black.

Many months later the camera is again in a room, night vision on and pointed at a bed Someone turns over in the bed, curling up into the blanket their forehead can be seen but nothing below that as it was covered in blankets. A small tired breath can be heard a second later before silence fills the room again. A few minutes later a crack of light cuts through the room and the shadow of a nurse casts over the person in the bed. The nurse moves into the room and set a bottle of pills on the table only slightly in the frame of the camera. Letting out a moan the person in the bed shouts “Get out! I’m trying to sleep! God damn it! Leave me the hell alone!”

The nurse lets out an uncaring sound before saying  “I have been ordered to give you some pills so you can be transferred to a better hospital. It seems your parents are unable to meet our payment requirements. Seems they have landed on hard times.” Of course, this was a lie. Nathan sat up and stared at the woman in tired confusion “What the fuck do you mean  ‘fallen on hard times’ what in the hell does that mean!?” He snapped. The Nurse tossed her head before shrugged  “Look, that’s what I was told. They are transferring you.”

“Where?!” Nathan shouted.

The nurse grumbled “I don’t know. Away from here, far away.” Nathan narrowed his eyes “No. I am not leaving.” He says then before turning over onto his side “GET OUT!”  The nurse suddenly reaches over and grabs the bottle, dumping out a handful of pills into her hand and quickly grabs Nathan by the hair, yanking his head back and smacking the hand to his against his mouth and forcing the pills in “I’m tired of your mouth. You noisy brat.”  She whispered plugging up his nose until he swallowed the pills. A few minutes later she threw his head on the bed and stepped away  “Now I bet you will play nice.”

Nathan coughed and gasped for air then looked at the nurse “Bitch…” He hissed. Then slumped a bit his eyes growing hazy “W-wh-at did you…. T-those aren’t….”  Panting he slipped out of the bed and stumbled for a moment before dropping to the floor “What were -those….pills…. I feel …”  He heaved and he reached his hand up to grip it against him “Something is -”  The Nurse only watched with a bored expression from the edge of the camera view. Nathan stared up at her from almost completely out of view on the floor “I m-mean it… Something…” He slumped again gasping and the nurse made a noise before moving over and grabbing him up by the arms and throwing him back into the bed “You aren’t getting out of this, Nathan. Go to sleep and when you wake up, you’ll be in your new ‘home’.”

The Nurse pulled away then and walked to the door as if everything was normal and Nathan was going to be fine. Nathan squirmed weakly in the bed, reaching his hand up, out for the nurse before it dropped onto his chest and he let out a groan “Please…. help me…It’s-…” His breathing hitched and his chest started to rise and fall unevenly “Help me….Help me….”  Several minutes passed by and Nathan’s spastic movements start to stop before all that was left was his breathing and the sight of his chest rising and falling, from the camera’s point of view.

Some minutes later the nurse came back and said “Shit, he’s still breathing.  Though, it should be easier to feed him more.” To someone off camera. She walked into the room then and over to Nathan, checking his pulse and then turning his head upright. Pouring more pills into her hand she bent over Nathan and opened his mouth with her free hand and started the meticulous work of slipping almost forty more pills into his mouth in clear view of the camera  “Just to make sure.” She whispered to Nathan before slapping a hand playfully against his face and pulling away, taking the pill bottle with her.

Minutes later Nathan gagged and white gunk filled his mouth before bubbling out one either side and he coughed, his body jerking and shaking violently. Which lasted for some time before slowing down and finally stopping, his head had turned to the side again during that time, allowing the white gunk and spit to spill out. A while after that the door opened again and a scream could be heard before one of Nathan’s therapists who rushed over and started looking him over “Nathan!” She shouted, turning his body onto its side and trying to find a heartbeat. She seemed absolutely confused as she looked around and shouted for someone.

Breccan came into the room a moment later and got the girl out of there before she could find the camera, as hysterical as she was at the scene and how she was telling Breccan that she had checked Nathan to see if he had anything, a stash, anything, and found nothing earlier that night. She was shouting about how he could do it.  Breccan made one of the orderlies get her away from the scene before leaning over to check on Nathan himself and frowning  “How are you still alive?”  He said jerking his head off Nathan’s chest and then went to the camera and turned it off. #Self#Tapes#Breccan#The Hospital#Tw overdose Post

nathan-douglas Imagine Dragons  - Underdog

Hey, that sounds like my luck I get the short end of it Oh I love to be I love to be the underdog, Hey! Hey, that sounds like my luck I get the short end of it Oh I love to be I love to be the underdog, Hey! Mayday Parade - Hold Onto Me

I’m a drifter’s body in an open sea And I’ve seen my reflection staring right back at me With no place to go and you’re left all alone There’s no place like home Hold onto me, hold onto me Just stay with me, Just stay with me I know we got our problems and you’ll probably leave So hold onto me, hold onto me Handguns - My Own Captain

I know that you think I’m sinking, the trench I’m digging is growing deep. But I would rather inhale dirt and water, than let roots grow beneath my feet. Awaken The Giant - I Fooled You

Tell me what you want and tell me what you need Tell me everything and leave none for me You left it all unsaid when you set me free Just force a smile and let me be I won’t try to fight or hold you back Impossible to get more off track Begging and pleading could not pick up your slack Why couldn’t you just bend and have my back? Maybe it’s not me It’s fucking you I guess it’s nothing new Stop looking so confused You had the right to do What you wanted to There was a time when you Loved til it was black and blue Those pretty lies were so untrue Guess I fooled you (I fooled you) I fooled you

Tell me what I want, tell me what I need Really nothing left here for you to see Ripped my heart out now that you are free Stole it all away, walked out on me I tried to fight and hold you back Tried to make up for all the things I lack

Sam Tsui - King of Anything

You’ve got opinions, man We’re all entitled to ‘em But I never asked So let me thank you for your time And try to not waste any more of mine Get out of here fast I hate to break it to you, babe But I’m not drowning There’s no one here to save Who cares if you disagree? You are not me Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be Who died and made you king of anything? You sound so innocent All full of good intent You swear you know best But you expect me to Jump up on board with you And ride off into your delusional sunset                  - You’ve got the talkin’ down Just not the listening                  - Let me hold your crown, babe.

Plan Three - Still Broken

Is this the final scene in our tragic play Too many curtains remain to fall There’s no reason left to stay in this play We move backwards against the wall Conversation’s over, communication’s down The monologue is taking over I’m still broken I took you in with arms wide open My colour fades to gray There’s nothing left to say Now it’s all dead Are these the final cries of our aching souls (Aching souls) How come yours don’t make a sound With broken wings we’re falling faster as we go (as we go) But somehow we don’t touch the ground You had me torn to pieces You got inside my head That I’ll be here until it’s over Post

nathan-douglas

Dragging the tip of the blade against his bony arm Nathan watched as blood welled up before it spilled out, dripping and curling around his arm before dripping onto the ground.  Lifeless brown eyes watched as the blood sprout out before flicking to the blade as he started to drag it down, digging deeper into his flesh.  Then Nathan jerked suddenly and the blade turned into a pen,  on his arm he had scratched the word ‘Worthless’ into his skin, leaving only lightly reddened bloodied marks on his flesh. Clenching his hand into a fist he dropped his arm down and then pulled his shirt sleeve down to cover over the word “Hmm.”  Nathan stuffed the pen in his pocket then, looking absolutely lost for what had just happened, and completely dazed “What was I doing…” Looking up he froze seeing Damari in front of him. His hands balled into a fist as he looked at the building off in the distance and sucked in a breath, his eyes narrowing slightly before a smirk spread gingerly over his lips. #Returned:Starter

Lifting up his bony left hand Nathan stares up at the apartment building, he didn’t know which window or windows belonged to the apartment he was wanting to look at. Letting out a small sigh his fingers grabbed one side of a pair of cat ears made from the cloth of a hoodie he was now wearing. Rolling the thin wire in the ears between his fingers he grinned as he stares up from the sidewalk. Nathan had been spending the last few hours snagging clothing off from clothes lines and out of washing/drying machines.   Rocking slightly forward he started to tap his right foot against the ground, the boot on his foot clinking as the metal at the tip struck the cement. Tilting his head slightly he had an amused look on his face.

Bringing his right hand down he tugged on the end of the hoodie, covering over his bony hips and the upper half of skin tight jeans that clung a bit to his almost too thin legs. Nathan then narrowed his eyes before bringing his left hand down to nibble on the end of his index finger as he swayed a bit childishly where he stood, What should I do? What if he was right…What if… It can’t be real. This is all one. big. set up. I don’t remember how I got out of there…But this is a game to him. Austin isn’t there. He can’t be. He isn’t even real, they aren’t real! That’s why they never came to visit me. She probably isn’t your real mother, those memories are all fake! Warm brown eyes stare up the building still. I can’t go back to that place. I won’t. I won’t! Biting down hard on a large piece of his finger he glared. I will never go back there!

#Returned:Starter Post

nathan-douglas Running down the street Nathan looked back, over his shoulder before hiding behind around the corner of a building in an alley. Looking back over he swallowed. Seeing the store clerk give up he let out a breath and pressed his forehead against the brick wall “That was a bit too close for comfort…” Nathan whispered to himself before pushing off the wall and wincing as he twists to move away from the building. Sucking in a shaky breath he started to walk again adjusting his backpack on his shoulders he then moved to slip his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and brought out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter “I got to stop fucking moving so fast…” He muttered sticking one of the cigarettes into his mouth and then tilting his head and flicking the lighter until a flame struck up and lit the cigarette in his mouth.

Releasing the trigger he placed the lighter and cigarette he’d just stolen back into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, tossing them open and putting them on in the next second. Grinning he nodded his head “Not too bad, not too bad.”  He said to himself as he continued to walk, letting out a stream of smoke from his mouth. Holding the cigarette in his left hand he flicked his thumb at the butt, letting ash drop off it. Maybe even possibly getting it on someone. As he was walking he was humming ‘Always Know Where You Are’ from Treasure Planet.

#Returned:Starter Post

nathan-douglas Everything had been completely dark. Nathan felt nothing around him, though he had felt that he was laying on his back. He realized quickly that he could not breathe. His mind was racing between sounds and images. But he could not pick any out as they sped quickly through his head. Everything had remained in darkness, but he could suddenly feel a small breeze, the wind blowing through trees. Though he had seen nothing that told him he was outside.  Nathan froze suddenly as the sound of his father’s voice suddenly filled with the darkness that surrounded him. Though he could not make anything off what….appeared to be accusations.  A small voice followed quickly after his fathers,  repeating apologies, apparently to his father.

“Why won’t you die?” A voice suddenly invaded the space, followed by a loud distortion of sound and then beeping. The beeps were weak and often appeared to stay one note before starting up again in rhythm.  Some more time passed in the darkness before images suddenly sped by, but a few pausing as the long beep of a machine could be heard once more. Suddenly he didn’t feel like he was in the dark but in a room, the beeps had gone from echoing to suddenly being right there, as if it was just inches away from him. A man stared down at him  “It’s faint…It shouldn’t be long now. Should we just go ahead? We have already called the parents and there’s no waking up for him. Breccan, we have to give them the body.”  Another male walked over and reached down to peel open his eyes, which dried as the other males fingers held open his eyelids. With a small smirk, the doctor nodded “He’s a pain in the ass, he can’t even die right. Bury him. They won’t know the difference, he won’t recover from this state. He’ll just have to suffocate. And hide the electrocution marks on his temples. We don’t want his family asking questions.”

Then just like that, the male whose name appeared to be Breccan pulled their hand away and moved it over his eyes, everything going black once more and the voices of those in the room, along with the beeping had started to drift away. Nathan again left feeling like he couldn’t breathe and his chest was on fire.  Thudding started to spill into the darkness, slowing down every few seconds. Nathan could feel himself panicking the slower this thudding got…I can’t let…I can’t die…I …They are killing me…Please… move, just move. I need to move…wake up- I have to wake up … Don’t-….. Nathan’s thoughts suddenly started to drift apart and become harder to form. Then there had been nothing.

It felt like it had been a long time before he had heard anything else that he could even closely begin to make out, though it had become increasingly difficult to pick between sounds. Voices had flooded his mind at one point before completely silence fell over him once again.  Left to piece together those sounds during that time. It felt like people were passing by him, and that sometimes someone would lightly brush their fingers over his face. Though he felt like he could have been imagining that, wherever he was he had felt extremely uncomfortable and trapped. He swore that at some point after all the feelings of presences around him had mostly gone, someone had felt his wrist and neck, before leaning down to whispering something he couldn’t quite make out, into his ear.

But whatever that was had faded into more obscurity as more darkness took over. This time there were no other sounds, again. Just absolute soundlessness. But then he could hear something, it sounded like something had been knocking on wood. But again he felt like he couldn’t breathe, but this time he could hear his struggling breathes bouncing off walls that had been structured around him, as if in a narrow space. Though again he’d became tired and drifted off to sleep. Only to be woken up as he was being dragged somewhere “How the fuck is this asshole still alive? Hasn’t he been in that fucking coffin for several days? What does that crazy doctor want with this guy anyway?”   “I don’t know, but he’s paying us good money to bring the body back to him. Maybe he’s going to do medical testing, you know, like back in the day…Maybe this guy is a freak of nature. And the doc wants to do some weird experiments on him.”

Unable to make out the voices and too tired to do anything Nathan had passed out again and didn’t wake up till what felt like a long time later, weeks. And only because someone was again holding one of his eyes open and through blurred vision Nathan had barely been able to make out a figure, through tunneled vision “You were a lot more interesting than I’d first thought, you know…” A distorted voice spoke “Resilient,  wouldn’t you think so?” They seemed to ask someone else in the room with them  “But I want to see him take that final breath. Burying him and letting him suffocate just doesn’t bring the same sort of satisfaction, wouldn’t you think?” The voice continued talking to whoever else had been in the room.

“Stay. dead, Nathan. No one wants you.”

It was dark still, and again he could hear trees shifting outside. His father’s voice and a flash of his angry face suddenly flashed into Nathan’s mind, making him jerk up from his sleep  “Bee!” Nathan gasped sucking in a few difficult breaths. His hand reaching up to his chest, his palm pressed against his chest for a moment, but there wasn’t anything thudding inside of it. For a while, since waking up in these woods Nathan had noticed things that made him feel like something was off. Again he kept having these nightmares. Of the way his father had looked at him that final time just before both, his parents had sent him away to that horrible hospital. Reaching his hands up to his head he gripped his skull, slipping his fingers through his hair “What is happening!?”  Nathan whispered harshly to himself.

His memories were hard to make out, and he felt like some were missing, no, not just some, a lot. Because he couldn’t figure out why he was even in the woods in the first place. Not that he had been going out of his way to being returned to the ward he had spent a majority of his life being abused in. Pacing now for a minute he was waiting for the sunlight to go down so he could go out at night and gather things for himself. Since he had woken up in the woods he couldn’t seem to sate his own hunger. Before waking up in the woods he barely ate anything at all. He could remember that. But since he had woken up it was just like he couldn’t get enough food to eat.

Dropping onto the ground Nathan had curled up, his stomach growling angrily, leaving him curled up in a ball of hunger pain. He started to shiver after a few minutes and begin to sweat as waves of pain washed over him. After about an hour like this, the sun had gone down and Nathan was dazed, but walking through the woods again, back toward Kilbourne. His mind kept telling him he had to find a better place to live, that living in the woods was ridiculous, and if he was ever going to get his revenge on his family he would need to form some sort of plan. It couldn’t just be completely random. He had nothing to work with after all.  He had been able to steal clothes from a clothes line some days ago, and currently had his old ward clothing stuffed in a ratty backpack he had pulled out of some trash a little while before finding himself some clothes.

Tugging on the bottom of the hoodie he was wearing, Nathan’s clenched his teeth as another wave of hunger washed over him. Rolling his sleeve covered hand up into a ball in the bottom of his hoodie Nathan closed his eyes, pausing before leaning against a wall of a building and coughed violently into his hand. Someone who was passing by him moved away avoiding him and giving him a disgusted look.  Wiping his mouth Nathan glared after the other person before starting to walk again.

About thirty or so minutes later Nathan was walking out of the alley behind a bakery, chewing on a hardened loaf of bread. Nathan made a disgusted face as he picked at the bread before taking another bite and walked away from the bakery. He knew he would need to find some way to get money, but he lacked any way he could do that. He was in a mental hospital for sixteen years. Nathan didn’t think he was the smartest, but he could imagine that being declared too insane to live with the public and being declared psychopathic wouldn’t get him any jobs anytime soon. Sulking he dropped his arms to his side and gripped onto the bread “God fucking damn it…Why are they doing this? It’s fucking ridiculous!” He muttered getting another look from some people on the street, curling his nose up he looked toward those people before hissing like an animal at them, scaring them into walking quickly away from him.

Picking out the center of the loaf of bread Nathan walked into a park and sighed, he felt extremely tired again and sat on a bench to rest. But soon he was laying on his side and drifting off sleep right there in the park. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Watch on nathan-douglas.tumblr.com #Nathan#Likes Post

nathan-douglas Nathan yawned as he walked through the woods which he had woken up in months ago.   Looking around he narrowed his eyes as the wind blew through the leaves. But the noise that came seeping into Nathan’s ears wasn’t just leaves blowing in the wind, but his mind tricked his ears into thinking the noise was whispers. Lifting his right hand up to his head he winced “ I know. I know- I-i am working on it. They will pay for what they did to me. Every last one of them. I hear you… Sh-shhh….”  Looking around his fingers pressed into his head, which had begun to throb “ I hear you!”  Breathing heavily he turned to look around “ Shut the fuck up!”  Blinking then he gave a nervous laugh and dropped his head, his right hand trembling “ I’m such an idiot. Telling myself to shut up…. The whispers aren’t real…. Nathan…They are in your hear. Ignore them. ” Sucking in a deep breath he dropped his hand from his head and reached over pulling the strap of the bag he was holding up from his shoulder. Dropping the bag onto the ground Nathan crouched down and started to pull out some rope and set it on the ground near a tree that had a hole in it near the bottom. Moving the rope out of his way he went to stuff the rest of the bag into the tree, the sounds of chains pressing together could be heard as he shoved the bag into the hole “ Alright. That way it’s close to the ward for when I go there.” Nathan whispered to himself and pushed himself up, bring the rope up with him “ And this is for plan A.” Tapping on the rope then as he hung the rope over his shoulder and turned away from the tree stepping backward. His eyes moving to the distance  where the Sanatorium stood “ Soon enough, you will all pay.”   Turning away then  Nathan started to dig through his hoodie pocket avoiding the knife in it and grabbing the journal Josephine had gotten him, pulling it out. Opening the journal he grabbed the pen up from the middle and pressed on the top before he started scribbling about his plans  "Robert will have to be the first one, since he’s a fully grown male and will try and fight me. The bastard is the one who started this.“ Nathan spat  before he started walking and writing at the same time ” Angelica will have to be stopped next, she will probably only attack me just to stop me from hurting her children.“ Nathan paused and brought the pen up to his mouth, thinking ” Her children being Grace, Austin and Bethany…“ Letting out a breath then Nathan frowned a bit ” She allowed this to happen to me. She is not my mother. Much like Robert is not my father. These people are not my family.“ Nathan mumble before writing it down in the journal ” They betrayed me. All of them are guilty.“ Stopping  he looked up at the sky, debating what he was saying  "Their son, Nathan, died a long time ago. This makes them murderers. And they must pay for their crimes like any criminal should.” Giggling a bit he brought the journal up to his mouth and tried to contain it “ It’s not funny!”  He then shouted, shaking his head “ This is serious, to me. They will suffer, like I have suffered! It is never going to go away, these thoughts or feelings. Unless they pay for what they did!” Nathan blinked then, realizing that he was shouting at absolutely nothing. Taking in a few breathes then he rubbed his hand against his forehead “  Ahem….Grace.” “Grace was my older sister. She …Ah… She knew, all this time and…Not once has she visited! Did she forget like Austin? ” Nathan wrote that question down “ It …wouldn’t it be hard to? I … She- we were close… Why would she forget me?!”  Gripping the journal in his  right hand he tossed his head as it continued to throb “ She has allowed the murderers to get away with their crime. She will have to be punshed. Just like the murderers.” Hearing a noise Nathan looked toward it and blinked. Hugging the journal to his chest he took a few steps toward the noise “ Hmmmm….” Narrowing his eyes he waited for anything else.  Then continued to write “ Austin… The twin brother of Nathan.  They had once been best friends.  He forgot about his brother, and so deserves to die, for helping those murderers.”  Tapping  the pen on the journal he started to pace “ Yes. … His ‘kindness’ so far is only to protect himself. That selfish bastard doesn’t want me. If he had, he would of realized I was always real.” Nathan smirked “ You don’t just forget your twin!” Writing things down Nathan stood silently in the woods for a while, writing out what he would do to those four, to make them feel what he had felt all those years he was locked up and used, or abused by the staff. “ Those four do not deserve my forgiveness! - And they would never listen to me. They would always be on those bastards in the wards side. Always! Nathan. They will never be on your side. Killing them is the only way to save them from themselves.  So they can be a family again, with Nathan. And Nathan no longer has to be alone anymore. ” His eyes had glazed over for a moment, then he shook his head “ Huh… Oh, um… Bethany, right.” Lifting his hand to to his head he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think about Bethany, circular scars near his temples showing near his hair line  " Bethany is inoccent, she was too young. She would not have any clue.  But she also must die. So that we can be a family again. I’m sorry, Bee. But it’s the only way I can- I can fix this… Prescott will not win… He will not use them to hurt me, and I will get to finally be with them.“ Closing the journal suddenly Nathan hissed and shook his head , lifting his right hand up to grab onto it ” No! That’s…I can’t do that. What if what he said is true. What if this is all his fault!?   Austin doesn’t seem that bad…He-He probably really didn’t know…And honestly forgot… He was just a kid….They were just kids…“ Nathan looked from one side to the toher letting out a shaky breath ” But-But I was also just a kid… How is that fair to me…. I didn’t do anything wrong! “ His voice broke and he sucked in a sharp breath ” I swear I didn’t do anything wrong. I - I was just trying to help her!“ Nathan sniffled a bit, letting out a breath his ” He didn’t have to lie….He is the one who hurt her. Not me…it was an accident!“ Tearing up he glanced around, the wind again blowing through the trees and making his mind think that there had been whispering going on around him ” I didn’t want to hurt her!“  Dropping down to the ground he started to write fuirously ” I’m sorry. I am sorry. I didn’t ask to be this way. I didn’t ask for any of this…. Why me! Why?  I’m sorry.  I never wanted to hurt her. Why wont anyone listen to me!“ Silently he continued to write the same words over and over again, absolutely zoned out as he did.  Nathan suddenly blinked after some time and dropped the journal onto the ground, a few pages blowing passed the page he was on as the wind blew. Sucking in a deep breath Nathan glanced around ” I am losing my fucking mind. I have to hurry this up.  Whatever I am going to do. I can’t keep going like this.“ Nathan suddenly picked up the journal then and stood, readjusting the rope on his shoulder he turned and started to walk  again, tucking the journal under his arm. Hours later he showed back up at Austin’s appartment and walked into the closet. Bringing out the laptop and his messenger bag he stuffed the journal into it and then shoved it back into the pile of blankets. Sighing he stood and walked out of the closet, closing the door behind him. Nathan then moved to the couch and sat bringing his legs up to his chest before he reached over and grabbed the remote and turned on the tv.  Eventually he found a channel with some cartoons on it and zoned out while watching it. As he was zoned out he nervously picked at his pants and lightly rocked back and forth. What am I doing? What is wrong with me?  Why won’t my head stop hurting… Post

nathan-douglas Sneaking down the hallway Nathan stopped at a corner and slowly started to peek around the corner. Spotting a guard at the other end of the hall he held his breath and watched as they turned down one hallway, to thier right. Good. He was planning to go left this time.  Quickly he moved down the hallway and quietly turned down the left hallway, making his way toward one of the doors leading to the hallway that would then lead him to the visitors room. Removing a few items from his pockets he started to work on getting the door opened, but once he’d gotten to a certain part he was zapped an a spark lit up from the door, alerting the guard as they returned “ Hey!” They shouted making Nathan look at them before gathering up his items and running away as the guard started to run toward them. “Fuck!” What are these locks fucking made with? They used to be a lot easier, dammit! Nathan turned down another hallway to get away from the guard only to run right into another hallway where a guard was walking and getting spotted “ Shit-shit shit! ” Slipping he turned and started running the other way only to see the guard from before step into his path “ Oh.” Pausing he lift his left hand to his head “ Wh-where am I? I -” Glancing around, a confused look came over his face “  This is very strange.” Nathan tried to continue to play clueless but by this point the guards had known he was very aware of what he was doing.  One gaurd grabbed him by the shoulder and pinched his nerves there making Nathan cry out for a moment and then drop to his knees, holding up his hands “ Alright! Damn. Do you have to squeeze so fucking hard?”  Glancing over his shoulder at them he smirked. Nathan was shoved back into his room a few minutes later, all the things he had to unlock the door to the visitor room had been taken. Sighing he walked over toward his bed and dropped onto it “I’ll get home. They have to hear what I have to say. Dad has to listen to me.” It didn’t take much longer before he was asleep. And only a few hours after that when a nurse came into the room. “Wake up! Dr. Prescott wants you in his office. He has to talk with you about your recent activities. Apparently, you are becoming far too expensive.” The nurse spoke pushing a hand into Nathan shoulder “ Get up.” Sucking in a breath Nathan moved and layed on his side, his back facing the nurse “ No. Prescott can go fuck himself. I’m tired.” He muttered with a small yawn before starting to doze back off. The nurse stared down at him before nodding. “ Fine. ” She turned then and left the room. A few minutes later a orderly came into the room and yanked Nathan off the bed and started to pull him out of the room. The nurse was standing outside the room holding her hands in front of her “ I don’t know where you think you are, Mr. Douglas, but certainly not a holiday resort.” Nathan shouted a few curse words toward the nurse as he thrashed around in the orderlies arms before being able to calm himself down. Once he was calmed down he was escorted along side the nurse by the orderly. Who had a death grip on his upper arm “ I can’t wait to fucking sue you bastards! One day I am going to get the fuck out of here and tell everyone what you are doing! ” Nathan smirked and made a move toward the nurse, only to be violently jerked away by the orderly “ You all are going to fucking burn!” The nurse grinned at him and nodded “ Of cours. But that is only under the assumption that anyone could ever take you seriously. And most people already consider you a murder, Nathan. Your own family must be terrified of you. I am still amazed that your mother even still visits. When was the last time you two actually had a decent converstation? She’ll give up on you too, eventually. Then you will really have no one. You’ll just be a monster who murdered his sister.” She smirked before looking away from him. “ I didn’t kill her! It was an accident! She can’t be dead! I-"Nathan blinked  trying to remember back to that day. Wincing as a sharp pain hit him then he swallowed and shook his head ” She’s alive. I- I just need to talk to them! Then you and all the other mother fuckers here doing this to patients, all the illegal shit you fuckers are doing. You will be pay for it! “ The nurse rolled her eyes and looked back toward him, turning and stepping in front of him before bringing her knee up and kneeing him in the groin.  Nathan dropped to the ground, groaning in pain as the orderly let him go. The nurse then crouched down next to him grabbing his head and making him look up at her ” If you think that were possible, Mr. Douglas, don’t you think it would have already been done? Either they don’t care what happens to you, here. Or…We take care of those who would threaten us. “ Tossing his head away from her then she stood back up and motioned for the orderly to lift him back up on to Nathan back onto his feet. Minutes later he was pushed into a chair, his hands cupping between his leg as he continued to let out a few strained, pain filled breaths. Nathan’s face was still red, and his eyes were still watery as Breccan looked him over ” Oh? I’m sure that wasn’t very pleasant feeling at all, was it?“ He asked Nathan pouting at the other, mocking Nathan’s own pounting face. Breccan smirked then and moved closer to Nathan, moving to pat the other on the shoulder ” There there, Nathan. It’s only going to matter for a few more minutes. Then you’ll be absolutely numb.“ Nathan swallowed, obviously not liking the ominous tone in the others males voice. Standing then Breccan moved toward his desk and  took a seat. Lifting up a red file then he started to go through it ” How many times have we had these sessions, do you remember Nathan? -“ Breccan  placed the file down then and looked at a slip of paper inside ” You know, I was amazed when your father agreed to your ‘special’ treatments.  As it was inhumane and often ineffective. Some patients just were to sick for the machine, I suppose.“ Nathan continued to look at Breccan, who pointed at him ” But not you. You have been quite resilient. More than I have expected. You were only eight years old when you had your first dose, am I right?“ He glanced toward the nurse who gave a nod. Then Breccan looked toward Nathan, who just seemed to freeze up and retreat into his own mind ” Ah. Well- it seems that after last nights events, it’s become to expensive to allow you to ever be able to do something like that again. But it’s because of you and others like you that we had to even get such an expensive system. I guess it should be you that makes an example for the others.“ ” I refuse. I don’t want those treatments anymore. My father was wrong, he has been wrong this entire time. He doesn’t know what he’s done. I don’t want t take any more of the medicine…or have any more treatments. If you just let me go-“ Breccan’s laugh cut Nathan off who jumped at that. It was weird and terrifying when the other male laughed, especially like that. Nathan blinked and watched as Breccan stood up and walked over toward him. A moment later their hands were on his shoulders and their eyes were locked onto his. "You are very funny, Nathan. Oh well. It’s cute how absolutely clueless you really are.” Shoving Nathan back into his seat Breccan stood and looked toward the nurse “ Give him the shot please. Let’s not make this a show.” Nathan looked at Breccan completely confused and trying to figure out what Breccan had meant, by saying that. But the wave of anger that had washed over him took control. He wanted to hurt them, every last one of them. He hated this place and wanted out. Lifting his hands up, then slamming them onto the armrests of the chair he let out a growl before launching out from the seat and grabbing Breccan by the neck, making them both fall to the ground. His hands wrapped tightly around Breccan’s neck making the older male gasp for air but he was then suddenly being pulled off of Breccan and could feel a sharp prick in his neck. But he had refused to let the other go “ Fuck you! This isn’t funny!  You can’t do this to me!” Nathan shouts before suddenly feeling weak and his hands slipped from around Breccan’s neck as the orderly jerked him away. Nathan continued to try and claw at Breccan but the other eventually moved out of his reach and Nathan was too tired to continue and calpsed against the orderlies arm gasping for air “ Fuck you….fuck every…one of ….of …you…” His eyes closed then and he slumped over against the orderly’s arms. Breccan smirking in amusment at the scene “ Well, I still think he’s a funny guy!”  Breccan croaked rubbing his neck and walking over toward the orderly and pat a hand against Nathan’s head.  He would make Nathan pay for that, with the treatments he had planned for the other. Post

nathan-douglas Walking down the sidewalk Nathan was mumbling to himself about some rambled nonsense that to outside ears would make absolutely no sense. He was rubbing his eyes which were extremely puffy and red. They had been so irritated since getting pepper sprayed.  And Nathan had no idea how to deal with it to make the remnants  of the spray stop from causing more irritation. There were burn blisters on several spots of reddened skin that the spray had gotten to, as well.  Nathan had been scratching on side of his neck, that was particularly puffy with blister clusters, and dried as well as wet blood. He had also had a thick layer of sweat that gleaned on his skin, making his hair matted against his face.

His chest had hurt with each breath he took, on account of the breathing in the spray and the strain it had been under the last few days that he had been hiding in the woods. Nathan could not, for anything, remember most of those few days, and certainly not why he was out there. Which happened often when he started freaking out. He would just black out sometimes. Though this time as he was walking he had no idea where he even was, or how to get back to where he could. Nathan stumble as he walked, bumping into someone else on the sidewalk. But he was more focused on the rush of pain that pushed through his previously numb state of mind and body. Wrapping his arm over his stomach, his right hand gripping onto his left side that felt like it had been rubbed against a grate.

Before he could inspect the reason for the pain and sudden limping the person he had bumped into pushed him into a parked car, which made him drop down “ Help-please…I n-” They laughed at him then taking a puff from their cigarette and walked over toward him, and then yanked him up by his hoodie “Oh. Imma help you out, m-” Before this person could finish Nathan’s eyes emptied of his previous terrified look, freezing over and becoming black coals. His left hand had been pressed against the guys waist, blood trickling between the mans stomach and his hand. Nathan’s nose flared, and his hand twist, making the male in front of him gasp.

“Do. Not. Touch. Me.” He whispered, his teeth clenched so tightly that he felt like at any moment they would shatter. As the guy let him go and his feet were again, flatly placed on the ground, Nathan’s head tilt. Briefly, only that, Breccan’s image appeared in the male as they pulled away from him, jerking Nathan’s arm toward them as he had been clenching tightly onto the scalpel. Yanking his arm back then he removed the surgical blade from the man and took a step back. His eyes drifting to one side in a daze before he coolly turned away from the guy and started walking again, bloody scalpel in hand.

As the guy collapsed behind him and shouted at him Nathan’s left eye twitched “They all have to die. I have to kill them. I can never be free, not until they are all dead. They want to keep me caged here, in this place.” The limp had gone away again and Nathan forgot entirely about his pain and irritated skin then.  His eyes lulled lightly in his head, rolling toward the side.

A couple hours after this incident, he was caught shouting in the middle of the street and arrested. After a brief fight the police officers that had found him managed to finally get him cuffed and thrown into the back of their car, where he continued to freak out and violently try and kick his way out of the car.

But this had only lasted a few minutes before he seemingly calmed down enough and started rocking in the back seat, his back thudding against it repeatedly, and he started to mumble about more nonsense, but this time it was sprinkled with more obvious self deprecating words and begging for someone or someones not to hate him. His head swayed along with each rock,back into the seat, his eyes rolled in his head “I can’t do it…I tried…I am sorry…. I am so sorry.” One of the officers looked back at him “What the hell are you talking about? Hey, psycho, I’m going to tell you this one time, be quiet.” The other cop didn’t seem to appreciate their partners words “Hey, man, he’s obviously suffering from something, chill…”

Nathan had been laying on his side by the time they got to the station. Once they had gotten him out of the car and walked him into the building one of the cops walked off to go say something about arresting Nathan. While the other cop looked him over and winced “Ouch, those blisters on your neck look bad…” He muttered before having Nathan tilt his head, Nathan appeared more tolerant of his touching at the moment, mostly because he was tired and had checked out of his own head  and was just on auto-pilot. The cop mentioned how red and irritated his eyes and nostrils looked as well before pulling away “Are you on something? Took the wrong dosage? Did you buy any unfamiliar drugs recently?” They asked their eyes dropping down to Nathan’s hoodie. Nathan just stared at them, not answering any of their questions.

Realizing they wouldn’t get anything sensible out of the young male they reached over “You mind if I take this hoodie off you? It looks like it must be uncomfortable to be wearing.” Nathan blinked at this, normally he would have been able to tell the officer no, not really liking the idea of the ‘security blanket’ going anywhere away from him. But as Nathan hadn’t answered the officer took it upon himself as Nathan’s best interest that it be removed. Slowly and cautiously the male had successfully removed the hoodie, placing Nathan’s cool hands in his laps “There. That should be a lot better.” As a female cop walked by he snapped at them “Can you get me some water, this kids got - I think pepper spray on him…” He watched her walk off “Can you tell me why you were pepper sprayed?” They asked Nathan then.

Nathan’s pupils shrank for a moment before enlarging and he continued to remain quiet “Okay.” The cop didn’t want to continue touching Nathan, before he had something to clean his hands off and try and clean the other off.  Inspecting Nathan once again, he knew he had to get something out of this kid, before just tossing him in the sell, a statement. A reason for why he was dangerously walking in the street and in the condition he was in. Reaching over he noticed the shirt had a few red stains on it “I’m going to see why you have blood on you here, okay? I won’t hurt you.” Nathan blinked his eyes shifting a little bit but remained completely emptied of emotions.

Lifting up the bottom half of Austin’s shirt they noticed scrapes all along his side. The officer could piece that it was from a sidewalk, by how the scrapes appeared on the others skin. The skin was also bruised and irritated from how little care that had been given to them since the injury was received, but other than that it seemed to have been patching itself up “You should probably go to the doctor when you get out of here. Get those checked out.” As the female cop returned with a bottle of water the other officer reached over and undid the lid to it before holding it out to Nathan “Here. You look like you need a drink.” Slowly Nathan reached out to take the water. The cop watched as the other males hand shook as it moved and once the water bottle was out of his hand he continued to look over Nathan “ When was the last time you had anything to eat.” It was more of a question to himself. He could tell that the person in front of him was malnourished and had possibly been a victim of some sort of abuse.

But deciding that Nathan wasn’t going to talk to him, or was unable to in his current state of mind, he had no choice but to have him be taken to a cell until they could figure out what to do with him. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Pacing frantically back and forth from one side of the area to the other, Nathan was talking to himself and running a hand through his hair “They are going to kno-I-I am sorry. I did n- I was just-” Shaking his head his eyes teared up “No! No- I-It was-was an accident! D-don’t take me.” Dropping at his waist  Nathan gripped onto his head, he let out a scream, I fucked up…I fucked up. I am fucking it all up. I can’t control this- what is happening to me?! Jerking back up he heaves as he continued to pace and talk gibberish for the next fifteen minutes and paced.

They are going to hate me- They all already hate me. Nathan rubbed a hand over his bruised, swollen forehead. Which had continuously been throbbing along with the killer headache he had since getting pepper sprayed by that cop “Fucking cu-” Wincing he gripped onto his head again as pain pulsed through his skull, followed by faint whispering “Shut up-shutupshutup! Let me fucking think!” Throwing his left hand out he smacked away at something that wasn’t even there. Crying into his right hand he stayed silent for a few minutes before letting out a few uncontrollable giggles and muttering something in a thick dark tone, unlike his normal voice.

Picking his head up then he turned and looked around, watching the leaves blow on the trees that surrounded him. He had no idea where he was, or how long he had been there. Shaking he stepped back as several voices shouted out from the tree’s. His iris’ shrunk then as he stepped back “No-no… pl-please- S-stay away!”  Dropping onto the ground he watched as something stepped through the darkness of the tree’s that had been around him.  It grew several feet and spread out over him like a shadow, making Nathan shout out and push himself back until he slammed into a tree. Gripping onto his head he brought his knees up to his chest “You are not real, you are not here…” The shadow continued to grow over him, and the darkness closed in around him … You can never escape. This world was not meant for you. A voice whispered in Nathan’s head.

“Nononononono…” Yes, they will not accept you, not the way you are, now.  You are too far gone. They will never understand. Stop running away from the truth! You are a monster! Dropping his head down he wrapped his arms over it and stated to sob. He knew the voice had been right. No one had cared before what was happening to him. They would never listen to him, they would never know about what was going on in that hospital for the last sixteen years. Not only to him, but to many other patients that had been placed there, whether against their own will, or against it.

Nathan had found that he had been hoping too much, and now he had wasted too much time and had fucked up too much to even kill his own family. I can’t even do that right. He was right there, he was right in front of me. Why didn’t I just stab him right then…Why couldn’t I do it?-…Because you were afraid, weren’t you? You didn’t want Austin to hate you. He can’t hate you if he’s fucking dead, though.- I I was, that’s not it! - It is! He filled your head with all his stupid words, and you couldn’t just be normal, could you?!- He just doesn’t know how fucked up you really are, but he will... They all ill see what you are.-What we want them to see.You can never truly escape us,-None of them will believe anything you say. They will only see you as a monster,- Stop holding back! It will only hurt you more!“I- He’s going to find out…He’ll find out and then he’ll send me back.” He won’t want you, your sisters won’t want you, your mother wont want you. Your father never wanted you! And No one else wants you either!  “Please stop, I get it! I get it! I-I get it….”

#Self Post

nathan-douglas Are You Sure That’s What You Want? An old man smiled down at Nathan as he had finished asking the young boy several questions. They had just finished several days of testing. Nathan, to him, was a normal little boy, for all he could tell. The only thing the elder psychiatrist had to note of was that the boy might have been prone to depression if not taken care of properly. It also seemed that Nathan was smarter than most adults he had ever tested before. The man couldn’t see why the boy’s father had insisted on running every test, when their was clearly nothing highly unusual about Nathan that would make him need a mental evaluation like this.  The boy had no prior incidents of trying to harm any of his siblings before. And so far from a heat stroke at the zoo some time before, and a fall from when he was three that had him in the hospital for a week, Nathan had nothing wrong with him. But Mr. Douglas was insistent ’ He’s trying to get me. I can see it when he looks at me. He’s trying to kill me.’ The man had told him in confidence while his wife was away with Nathan getting some gummy bears to snack on.

Walking Nathan over to one of the nurses he handed the six-year over “Keep an eye on him while I tell his parents.” He said before turning and walking away from Nathan and the nurse. The nurse looked down for a moment before smiling at Nathan “Do you want to go play with the other kids? We have things to draw with, books… toys. There’s a movie playing on that tv over there.” She pointed out. Nathan looked around before he started to walk toward the tv. He didn’t think he would be here that long so he didn’t want to get into something else.

Nathan’s psychiatrist walked into his office, gesturing for his parents to take a seat in front of his desk. Taking a seat then he pulled open the file on Nathan “Well, your son doesn’t seem to have any prior acts of malicious violence against your other children? Not even your other son, his twin, Austin? Twins don’t particularly have a penchant for going out of the norm. But when they do… It hasn’t been good.  Like in the case of The Silent Twins, June and Jennifer Gibbons. You have told me that Nathan refuses to talk to you, Robert. But often will whisper to his brother, and you think that it usually is an insult about you?”  Robert nodded “ The boy is unmanageable. Angelica and I have had our fights, she says he might be scared of me.” Robert paused, almost as if to debate this himself, or that he had known otherwise  “But I have never harmed that boy. He has always been like that.”

The doctor nodded  “And neither of the two boys have displayed anything out of the normal, outside of Nathan’s apparent selective mutism around Robert?” Angelica spoke now “No, Nathan and Austin have been as normal as any other kid I have ever seen.” She paused, too “But lately, the parents of some of the kids  have been saying things. A few months ago Nathan had a nightmare, that was all. And ever since then even the kids of these parents have been being really terrible to him. He has come home from school and has been almost inconsolable, on several occasions.” The doctor raised an eyebrow as he heard this "”A nightmare? What was the nightmare about, Mrs. Douglas?” She thought for a moment “I never found out, he just wouldn’t stop crying and I had to take him home from the sleepover.”

“Has there been other incidents like that?” Angelica shook her head ” No, not exactly. He’s woken up after a bad nightmare, of course, he’s six-” “He’s still afraid of the dark.” Robert said, sounding displeased by that “Robert, please!” Angelica hissed, before continuing with the doctor “I imagine that might have something to do with this incident. They didn’t have a nightlight at the other boys house.” “It’s because you coddle those kids.” Angelica glared toward her husband for a moment, then brushed him off and went on “But he has woken up in tears before, yes. But as far as I can tell it’s just typical things that a small child should be frightened of, when they are asleep. When he was four he accidentally watched a full hour of Nightmare on Elm Street, before anyone noticed. After that he’s had nightmares of Freddy appearing in his dreams. Which I should think would be normal.”

The Doctor nodded “Well, children are prone to nightmares, as much as adults are. That’s nothing to worry about, Mrs. Douglas. If you like, we can prescribe medication that will help him sleep at night.” She smiled at the doctor “So does that mean he’s okay? He  does not need to be kept here?” The doctor looked at the file “For the moment, as far as our tests can confirm, he’s okay to leave.”

Angelica stood then, along with Robert who seemed displeased by the assessment results.  After saying goodbye Angelica rushed from the room, Robert hung back though and told her to go get Nathan while he talked to the doctor about Nathan’s sleeping medications and when they would arrive. Staring at her husband hesitantly before nodding she walked out and made her way over to the children’s ward, in the common room, walking over to a familiar head she called out “Nathan, come on. We are going to get  ready to go home.” She said crouching next to the six-year-old. Nathan looked over at his mother as she knelt beside him “Shere Khan is so bad.” Smiling at him Angelica nodded and reached out to hook her hands under his arms “You look tired, you think you are going to fall asleep on the way back home?” Nathan yawned and shook his head “No.” His head laying on his mothers shoulder then “Oh? You aren’t? I bet you are!” She said, tickling Nathan playfully and started walking out of the hospital.

Robert closed the door and walked back toward the doctor “You have to take him. He can’t stay in that house. I will not have him stay there. She won’t get rid of him, my wife. She doesn’t see just how evil he is.” Robert spoke. The doctor let out a sigh “Robert, Are you sure that’s what you want? You know what would happen if you go through with that…” The doctor knew all about Robert.  Who had done a brief stint in a mental hospital of his own when he was fifteen years old after attempting to murderer a girlfriend. Robert glared and sat down “He’s ruining everything I have ever worked for. The way he looks at me when we are alone. As if he knows. I want him out of my life.” Robert nodded “I am sure. Do what ever you have to. I don’t want him in my home, with my family. He’s not one of mine. I will pay you extra if you just take him.” Robert leaned forward “Whatever you want, I will do-” At that moment a man a few years younger than him walked into the room.

“Ahh, Breccan.  Have we forgotten our manners? What has my daughters son been teaching you?” The young male paused and looked around “ I-uh, well. It’s that I really wanted to show you this- file, her name is Tasmin.” Breccan smirked before realizing that Robert was there. The doctor let out a sigh and stood ” This is my great-grandson, Breccan Prescott, Mr. Douglas. If you wish to go through with this, this is the man who will be able to help you. As I am retiring soon. Breccan will be starting his apprenticeship this year, assisting mostly, at the Damari Sanatorium.” Robert sat up a bit “Really? That place? I’ve heard rumors.-” Breccan smirked “Yes. It is the a perfect, volatile environment.” Robert stood “Alright, take him. Send me the check, keep me updated on his mental state.” The elder doctor nodded “We’ll call later this week, have your wife talk to us. We will tell her to bring him in for testing again.”

Robert walked to the car several minutes later and got in, looking in the backseat at Nathan as he was passed out “Asleep, hm? Those tests must have been really exhausting on him.” Angelica nodded, but then her brows furrowed “What did you stay to talk to the doctor about?” She questioned. Robert pulled out of the parking spot “Nothing really. Mostly just wanted advise on what we should do about Nathan, with him being as smart as he is.  They suggested we keep his mind stimulated cultivating whatever he takes an interest in, or some shit like that.” Robert shrugged  “I told them that was a nice incentive. But Nathan will be just fine and that we don’t want to put too much pressure on him. Some smart people have fragile ego minds, right?” He joked. Angelica gave a light laugh before sighing a little “Dear, you sounded upset. Do you really think Nathan is trying to harm you? He probably just doesn’t know what to say to you, is all.”

After a few hours of driving the three walked into the house, Austin running over to the three shouting at Nathan, who was just waking up and yawning then, rubbing his left hand against his eyes. Angelica set Nathan down next to Austin who asked him questions one after another. Nathan grinned, then looked at Robert who stared down at him before glancing to Austin and then Grace. He turned away from the three of them then and started walking toward the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. Nathan made a face as he watched his father disappear upstairs before smiling at his siblings and placing his hands on his hips “I’m an evil genius!” Nathan shouted before suddenly tackling Austin and playfully poking his brothers nose “You wanna be my eeeevviiil side kick?”  Getting up off the other Nathan helped Austin stand back up and looked at Grace “Only twins, you can’t come to the party. Neeh.” Sticking his tongue out then he grinned.

Grace laughed and poked him in the chest “Oh please, Nathan. You are too little to be evil. What are you gonna do to keep me out? Hit me with your pillow?” She teased then lightly flicked Austin’s nose “Dumb brothers.”

- 4 years later-

Letting out a shriek Nathan thrashed around in the arms of an orderly as several nurses and other staff ran into his room. There was blood splattered on his shirt and around his mouth. The orderly dragged the ten-year old from the room. Nathan’s breathing was becoming erratic as he continued shouting. His eyes rolling around in his head.  Lifting his hands up as he shifted in the orderly’s arms, the blood on them wiping off along the white shirt the orderly had on, and their face “Let me goooo! Let me goo!”  Crying out Nathan kicked his feet “Help! Help me! Please! Pleeeaaase!” Throwing his head back into the chest of the orderly Nathan shrieked, the sound shift from human to demonic as his vocal cords shred.

His thin frame slipped a bit in the orderly’s grasp, bringing Nathan’s mouth close enough to the orderly’s arm that he was able to bite, hard, into their skin. His nose curling as his teeth sank into the flesh on the arm of the orderly that was holding him. His eyes narrowing and looking animalistic before the arm was suddenly jerked from his teeth and he was slammed into the ground, his head hitting the stone floor hard, bouncing off it. The Orderly pulled away to inspect his arm as Nathan laid motionless on the floor, a circle of crimson sprouting out under his head, his eyes glazed over. Nathan stared lamely at the activity that had been happening down the hallway, back toward is room. They were moving a stretcher out from the room now, and on it was a female nurse, who was bleeding from the side of their neck and a few other spots. The ringing in his ears had prevented him from hearing any other noise, like the woman’s screaming as she was wheeled away.

Twitching Nathan began to feel tired, he caught the sight of his own blood forming in front of his face on the floor before his eyes rolled into the back of his head. You could never be free, no matter how good you tried to be. They will keep you here no matter what, Nathan. No one loves you. No one wants you.

A day later Robert Douglas had just got home from work and was walking into the kitchen when the phone rang. Picking it up then “Hello, why are you calling here, now? I have told you I prefer when you call later at night.” Robert spoke, calmly as Austin walked into the room. Snapping at Austin he pointed for the boy to come over to him “Where do you think you are going, Austin? Did you finish your homework?”  Austin spoke, but the voice on the other line caught most of Roberts attention “Oh is that right?” Robert smirked a little before snapping at Austin again, a sign that said for the boy to stay there, as Robert wasn’t finished with him yet. Listening still on the phone, he nods and stares down at Austin “Is she okay? No? Poor thing.-And Nathan?” He said this as if only to tease it in front of Austin, to see if the other would recognize it. Even though it had only been four years, Austin didn’t seem to react to the name of his ‘imaginary’ friend. Robert’s eyebrow rose  “Keep me updated. Don’t call Angelica. She doesn’t need to know about this.” Hanging up Robert walked over to Austin “How many times have I told you? You will not be able to play with your friends until after you have finished all of your homework. And I have checked it. Now go back to the dinning room and finish.” #Self#Past Post

nathan-douglas Problem Child “What in the hell is wrong with you, Nathan? Didn’t we tell you kids to stay clean today? This is why I don’t like taking you anywhere. ” Said the elder Douglas as he started to wet a hand towel. Nathan gave a cute little grin at the other. By three years old it had been long established to Robert Douglas that Nathan was the ‘problem child’ he didn’t want. At every corner it seemed Nathan would defy him. When he had his children tested to see how smart they were, Nathan had scored higher than he had thought. He had mistaken this score for actual intelligence. But clearly,  he did not think that Nathan was very intelligent at all. They must have mixed up the scores with Austin’s, or hopefully some other kid.

As Robert stared at Nathan, who tossed his head lightly, seemingly thinking of something amusing, it rubbed Robert the wrong way. How the kid obviously knew how to talk, but never would say a word to him. And always had that stupid look on his face.  It was a look that Robert had grown tired of the last few months as he tried to test Nathan himself. During a game of chess Nathan had shown just how smart he was, to Robert.  Who refused to believe it. But each time Nathan, this three year old, beat him. He found it harder to believe “ No, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? ” He whispered getting his face in Nathan’s. His tone was spiteful.  Nathan just stared at Robert and gave a cute little grin before looking away “ Grrbble.” The boy then said, making Robert narrow his eyes  and say “ What? Speak English!”

Nathan pointed at the other then brought his hands to the sides of his face and hooked a few fingers at the edges of his mouth and pulled his lips apart making a face at Robert “GGGRRRRRRR!!!!”  Robert hissed and slammed a fist into the sinks counter “ What does that even mean? You always say that!”   Grabbing Nathan’s right arm then he started to scrub the mud that was caked on it off “ It’s even in your god damn hair. What possessed you to fucking play in the mud today? ” Robert hissed, scrubbing even harder on Nathan’s arm. After a moment  the boy let out a small cry “ Oh, did that hurt? Maybe you should have been out playing in the fucking mud, huh?” Robert smirked at his son and then turned the water on again and grabbed the cup off from the side.

Pushing Nathan’s head over side of the sink Robert poured water over Nathan’s head before letting the squirming boy go finally and then he went back to scrubbing the rest of the mud off, despite Nathan’s further protests “ Now, just stay clean for the next few fucking hours, okay? That’s all I ask.”  Nathan rubbed his right arm and frowned at the older male “ No.” He said.  Robert blinked, his eyes widening at that “ What?” Nathan stared at his father “ No.”  And Robert knew the other was defying him. That Nathan was disrespecting his authority. He just could not put up with this kid any more. Why his wife had left town to visit a dying family member and left this little bastard with him was beyond him. But he was going to make sure she never had the chance to do it again.

Suddenly he shoved Nathan off the counter and watched the toddler as he dropped, pulling away when they reached out to grab him just seconds before slamming onto the toilet and then dropping onto their head onto the solid floor a moment after. It wasn’t until Robert had seen the blood and Nathan’s twitching that he snapped out of his rage. Realizing what he had done he suddenly dropped down to grab the boy up and carried him out of the bathroom, rushing toward the door “ Grace, watch your brother and the baby, Nathan fell off the counter, lock the door and don’t let anyone inside. ” He ordered quickly as he walked passed the two small children and a moment later out of the front door.

The next morning Nathan had still not woken up after being pushed. His head had been bandaged, with his left side having a hint of red sprouting under a few of the outer layers. His mother was there standing over him, her hand running over the strands of black hair “ Why was he on the counter, Robert? ” She muttered before looking over toward her husband “ I was- I was just cleaning him off, and he was hyper or something, I have no clue. I was just distract, it was a stupid decision. I only looked away for a minute.”  Angelica turned her eyes back to Nathan, watching his chest rise and fall gently. The beeping machines around him were making her even more frustrated. This was her baby, and she felt like she had failed him. Even though she wasn’t their, she still felt responsible for it happening.

“They said there maybe be a bit of brain damage. The way he landed on the top of his head-” She choked up. Robert walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her “ It’s going to be okay. I am sure he will be okay. Nathan’s a strong kid, remember? They are just keeping him like this so he has time to rest, Angel.”  Lifting her hand up he placed a kiss on the back of it before caressing his wife’s face in his other hand “ But let’s be real here, he’s never really been 'right’ if you know what I mean. ” Shoving him away then Angelica glared “ Just, go take care of the other kids, Robert. If you are just going to insult him.- What is your problem with him? He’s three years old. What could he have possibly done to you that makes you hate your own son that much?- I don’t care, will you just go.”

Robert pulled away from his wife and stopped only to say “  I don’t hate him, he is just…Weird. And he frustrates the hell out of me, because I can’t seem to understand him. And he is only just three. How can I not understand a three year old?  He won’t even talk to me. But he talks to everyone else!- ” Before he could say anything else that made him sound like a jealous bastard he turned and left the room. Which was true, Robert felt like Nathan had made a club with everyone else in the family, and forgot to invite him.  He felt out of touch with the boy and  as much as he did love Nathan, his anger toward the child was often too great for him to contain. Everything the boy was doing, even if it as innocent came to him like a slight. As if Nathan was purposely doing things to piss him off.

Nathan had spent a week and a half at the hospital. The doctors had run several tests on him over that course, to see how much damage he had taken from the fall, and how that would continue to effect him for the rest of his life. But most of the tests didn’t reveal anything wrong at that time. The only side effect Nathan had was his vision being impaired from how hard he had hit the floor at the time. Other than that the doctors told his parents that he seemed fine. So the Douglas’ were finally allowed to take him home. Angelica carried Nathan into the house and was met with an excited Austin who immediately started asking Nathan questions. Unfortunately for the  boy Nathan had been fast asleep “ Shhh, Austin, it’s late, he’s tired, don’t be so loud okay?” She pet the boys head. She had thought the look on Austin’s face when he had seen Nathan was back was super cute. The last week and a half Austin seemed to not be as happy, but seeing Nathan had seemed to fix that. Which made their mother happy.

As Robert dragged a few items of Nathan’s into the house he stared at Austin, before looking up at Nathan  who was slumped over Angelica’s shoulder. Then to the baby sitter who was walking over to the two “ I tried to get him to sleep, he refused to. He said he wasn’t going to sleep until he got to see Nathan.” She smiled and reached over to playfully scratch Nathan’s back “ Cutie. -Well, I am going to go now. Grace and Bethany passed out about an hour ago.  Bye Austin!” The teenager walked passed the other little boy and ruffled his hair a bit “ Take good care of Nathan, okay? -see you guys.”  She waved and exited the house.

Robert closed the door behind their baby sitter and looked at Austin “ You should really be in bed, you have school tomorrow.” He snapped his fingers at Austin and then pointed toward the stairs “ Go.” Angelica frowned “ Oh stop, he’s not going to school tomorrow. He’s going to stay here and keep Nathan company. Aren’t you Austin?” She smiled and grabbed Austin’s hand and started guiding him toward the stairs “ Daddy doesn’t understand, brothers are important, huh?   But he just never had any siblings of his own.” Angelica knew what she was doing, but it was typical, she always undermined Roberts authority. Standing in the walkway for a moment Robert glared as his wife helped Austin up the stairs and then looked away at all the 'get well’ junk Nathan had and tossed it onto the couch.

“Nate!”

“Wake up! Wake up Nathan! Come on! Don’t be a sleepyhead! You sleep forever!”

Slowly Nathan’s eyes fluttered open, one eye blacked out by bandages that had fallen over it, the other seeing the silly face of a boy who looked just like him, leaning on his bed. Nathan’s eyes closed again and he started to drift off to sleep once more, only to have Austin lightly push him “ Come oooon!” The other boy squeaked in a small voice “ Done sleeping! Play!-” “ Austin, what are you doing?” Robert questioned, having come to investigate the annoying sound that was Austin’s whining. Snapping he pointed away from Nathan’s bed  " Go over their Austin.“ He commanded, and the other boy obeyed. Robert walked over to Nathan then and reached out, grabbing onto Nathan’s jaw and turning his head a bit ” Angelica will have to change these. “ Robert muttered before turning his eyes to Austin ” Austin, didn’t I tell you to clean your room yesterday? “ He looked around the room, seeing a few scattered toys on the floor ” What if Nathan has to get up and trips over something. Do you want him to get hurt again?“  Robert threatened, in a way. When Austin jumped he smiled.

” You know what I am going to have to do, now, Austin. I will not tolerate this behavior. You will learn to obey or face the consequences.  So what do you want?  Five spankings, or one of your toys taken away from you?“ Nathan had been waking up as this was being said. His eyes shifting between Robert and Austin as they stared at each other. After a moment Robert let out a sigh ” I will give you to the count of five to decide- 1…“ Nathan watched as Austin seemed to actually be debating.  His eyelids fluttered for a moment as he felt tired again.

"2!” Nathan felt his chest clench. He felt like he had to do something! Blinking he tried to force back the waves of exhaustion. He couldn’t remember why was feeling terrified of the older male. They had always been this way. But there was this layer of actual terror that he hadn’t had before, spreading over him. He had to protect his brother from this man. That was all he knew. “3! Austin, toy or spanking.”

Nathan swallowed as Robert smiled a little bit seeing Austin’s struggle to choose one or the other. “4!”  Nathan pushed himself up “ Toy…” Robert looked at Nathan, blinking then sighed “ No one asked you. I wanted to see what Austin would choose.” Standing then Robert glared at Austin then Nathan before getting into Nathan’s face, noticing a unfamiliar look in the boys light brown eyes. He noticed that the others gaze was colder, less bright as if an ounce of his liveliness had bled out during the fall “ Hm. Well, you boys  should go get breakfast.”  Nathan watched the older male leave before sluggishly dropping back down ont the pillows  his eyes fluttering closed for a moment before hearing a small whimper coming from Austin who asked why their father was so mean.

Turning his head over he opened his eyes a bit and stared at Austin, sighing. Rolling over he started to slide off the bed. Once he was firmly on the floor he walked over to Austin and placed a hand on the others head, petting them lightly. Then pressed his forehead against Austin’s. He had no answer for the other. All he could offer wash is company. #Self#Past#Austin#Angelica#Robert Pulling himself out from the water, Nathan let out a gasp and pushed himself onto the tile surrounding the pool. Turning he sat at the edge of the pool and kicked his feet as he looked around trying to find his brother. Sniffling he turned his head into his left hand as he rubbed his nose. Nathan was not a big fan of swimming, after a while it would make him feel a bit sick to his stomach. The smells and water had always messed with him in some way.  As a few kids ran behind him he watched, turning his head to follow them as they ran down to the other side of the pool. Nathan did not really have any friends. He was a bit too nervous to talk to anyone, and some kids his age had also thought he was weird, because he did not really talk. And when he did, his anxiety made him tremble a little bit, causing him to stutter. By the time he and his brother were seven and old enough to have friends of their own, Nathan had shown clear signs that he was different from what many considered normal. So much so, that not only his parents, but other parents had noticed. The ones that had been in close contact with him and his brother, at sleepovers or sports events. Nathan would hardly make it through a sleepover without having his parents called to come pick him up. Eventaully Nathan had stopped trying to seem like he cared about going. When he honestly did not give a fuck. Nathan felt a lot less nervous at home. Even with their father there. He was fine with Austin going out and being normal, Nathan understood even then that his brother was easy to get along with. Austin was everything better that Nathan could not be. Nathan had never hated his brother for being charasmatic, but it was frustrating that he did not get why he was so strange. As Nathan watched other children play he continued to gently kick his feet in the pool water, looking dejected, yet longing, as he had wanted to make friends. He wanted someone to talk to that was not always Austin. Dropping his head down he watched the ripples in the water. Nathan had a feeling that one day Austin would get sick of him to,  it was only a matter of time.  His parents were already acting very strange, distant, when it concerned him. It was always Bethany, then Austin, and when it occured to them that they were forgetting someone, they were reminded of him. Nathan did not feel love for any one of them, and he was realizing that he had never actually felt anything for anyone or anything. He just felt empty. Or like he was drowning.  Gazing at his reflection in the water Nathan frowned, thinking it may have been better for everyone if he did just drowned. Lifting his head up he takes a deep breath, knowing that he was just overreacting to something. What that something was he had no idea. He usually had know idea when he started feeling angry, or sad, or why he was feeling that way, sometimes. Nathan stared up at the sky, knowing that he was just being silly, right? He was always being silly, his mother would say. No one was hurting him, no one was out to get him, he was just having a bad dream. But he was curious, what if this feeling had never gone away? What if he was going to be the weird kid forever? Suddenly something crashed into his back and he dropped into the water again, flailing for a moment as he sucked in some water, before breaking the surface and grabbing onto the edge of the pool “ Austin! That hurt!” But Nathan ignored it until it was numb and gave his brother a weak smile before laughing and splashing water in the others face. Paddling over to the other he pushed them under the water for a moment, then pulled away, backstroking a little from Austin as they popped back up from under the water. He laughed again as he had to look at Austin’s hair again. Over the summer his brothers hair had gone several shades lighter from all his swimming. Again, it reminded Nathan how much more fun Austin must have been. How different the other was from him, in the most possitive ways.  It always reminded him of what others would say about twins. Not to them exactly, at least most of the time. He had figured he must have been the ‘evil twin’ a long time ago. Because Austin was not what Nathan pictured to be anything evil.  Yes, he was the evil twin, he had to of been, even his hair was darker, at least at the moment. Swimming back over to the edge Nathan pulled himself up as their mother walked over to the pair “ Nathan, is your nose bleeding?” She asked, crouching down and looking concerned at her small son. Nathan gave her a confused look before reaching up to tap at his nose then pulled his hand away to see the red blood “ Oh, I guess.” He commented as his mother reached over “ Did you get hit? Or is it just dry?” She questioned before standing “ Come on, let’s get it fixed up, okay? - Can’t have the other parents thinking you have rabbies again.” She sighed and pressed a hand against Nathan’s back to push him back toward the house “ Austin, tell your dad Nathan and I are back in the house, I think Nathan needs a few minutes to rest before continuing to play.” Once in the house Nathan was lifted up  and sat next to the sink “ Are you feeling okay, Nathan? You look a bit tired.” Angelica asked as she reached over and grabbed a few klenex’s and dabbed at Nathan’s nose as she tilt his head back.  Nathan shook his head. His mother let out a small sigh “ Well, I would like you to rest anyway, okay? Better safe than sorry, I don’t want an incident like what happened at the Zoo three months ago, you hear? ” She directed his head down again and tapped him on the nose “ You are the one I worry least about, Nathan. You always seem so capable of handling yourself.  I almost forget you are the same age as your brother, sometimes.” With that she placed him on the floor “ Okay, go rest on the couch!  Take it easy. ” Nathan sighed “ Buuut Moooooom! I wanna go hang out with the other kids.”  Nathan cried.  Angelic only pressed a hand to  his back and directed him toward the livingroom “ The other kids did not have heatstroke at the Zoo in the last few months, Nathan.”  Once they were at the couch she placed him onto it and asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. Eventually picking out one of the disney ones and putting it into the VCR. “Okay, watch that and stay inside for a few.” Walking toward the other she placed her hand ontop of Nathan’s head before bending down and placing a kiss on the top of the boys head “  Just rest.” Post

nathan-douglas Sick and Twisted Standing on the sidewalk, Nathan blinked slowly, his eyes glazed over and his head tilted awkwardly, his fingers twitched at his sides, the hair on his arms sticking up as his mind felt completely hollow and void of any thought or emotion. He felt a child run down his spine and started to shift a little. Nathan remained completely detached from the situation going on around him. He could not even remember what happened leading up to it. The last thing he could remember was getting really frustrated with his father, and shouting at him. Then running away from the other as they reached out to grab him.

Now, he was standing over a crying Austin. Why the other was crying, he of course did not know. And he felt regretful, but only slightly, mostly he was just feeling nothing. He glared at his brother as they shouted an accusation at him. Dropping down to Austin’s level, Nathan glared at the other, then crawled toward the other, putting his face in front of his brothers. His head tilt to one side as he watched Austin’s bloodied wrist.  Despite the weird feeling he was currently having, another one struck him then, as he watched the others blood pool up “ Does it hurt a lot?” He asked in a detached tone. Nathan reached over to grab Austin’s  hand before his mother grabbed him and pulled him away from the other.

Their father ran over and grabbed Austin, examining the other boys wrist before looking at Nathan “ Did Nathan push him, Angie?  Did you see what happened? ” He asked his wife, before turning away and carrying Austin away. Nathan just went limp in his mothers arms as she picked him up, a heavy feeling in his chest had seemed to consume the rest of him in the next following seconds. As his mother cradled him, she reached over to feel his forehead, realizing he was burning up “ Nathan, you are so warm. Are you not feeling well?” She asked, as she started to father her husband back to the house, still worried about Austin who had still been crying and not talking.

Nathan’s head lulled, dropping suddenly onto his mothers shoulder as she followed her husband up to the bathroom “ Is he okay, Robert? Did he break his wrist?”  Adjusting Nathan on her hip she continued to watch Austin “ I know, I know, shh- Aussie, please, calm down and tell us what happened.” She cooed, reaching a hand up and petting the back of Nathan’s head.  Nathan sucked in a few deep breaths as the other three were making all the commotion.  His mind kept going back to the image of Austin’s bloody hand.   The vision gave this weird feeling, his body felt tingle. A shiver ran down his spine. He had never felt so weird before. Nathan was slowly becoming curious about the feeling. But in no time, it was starting to fade away. As his mind went from ‘off’ to 'on’. Pushing himself up he looked over, worried about  his brother he watched his parents move to help the other, intently.

After a few minutes Austin was all bandaged up, his wrist was mostly intact, aside from a pretty horrible scrap. It had turned out he had tripped over a untied shoelace while he was running toward Nathan, who at that time was off in his own world and couldn’t hear his brother. #Self #Past

nathan-douglas No Nathan! Nathan suddenly jerked awake after hearing his dads voice shouting at Austin, Nathan let out a wheezy breath. His eyes rolling a little in his head for a moment before he closed them again.  When his dad shouted again, he sat up and tried to listen to the argument. When his mother’s voice came into the arguing, Nathan peeked out of the cabinet and watched them move toward the living room where apparently something had been broken.

Sneaking out from the cabinet Nathan made his way over to the stairs. He stepped up them while the rest of his family was arguing with one another. As he was walking down the hallway he heard a noise coming from his old bedroom. Looking into it he see’s Bethany in her crib,  making garbled noises. Walking over he grabs onto the bars and looks in on the baby from the other side “This is my room.” He told her, upset that he had to move rooms, still.  Nathan frowned a bit, then reached into the crib and let the baby grab his hand “Bee, dad is yelling at Austin again.-” Nathan paused suddenly, realizing something. What if their dad started yelling at his baby sister? A sudden crash made him turn to look at the sound, after being slightly frightened by it. As the shouting grew louder,  Nathan frowned.

Just as he was about to walk away Bethany started screaming, crying out so loud Nathan thought he might have accidentally hurt her. Jerking his hand out of the crib he started fiddling with the hooks holding the crib side up “Shh- Bee, be quiet!” Nathan whispered harshly and watched the crib side drop down. Moving into the crib he placed  pat a hand on Bethany’s chest “Bee, please, quiet…” But  Bethany had continued crying, her legs and arms kicking and tossing around. After another moment he noticed the noise down stairs had stopped and then his mother appeared at the door “Nathan what are you doing?”  She asked walking over and picked Bethany up into her arms before moving her over to the changing table and smiled as Nathan crawled out of the crib and walked over to Angelica, watching as she started to change Beth’s diaper.

Looking over to his mother then, he could still hear his father still talking to Austin “Did Austin do something bad?” He asked as his mother quickly dealt with Bethany’s diaper. Nathan made a face at it, his nose scrunching up “Apparently a vase broke and your father is not taking the loss well at all.” The older woman said, her tone heavy with sarcasm and irritation. Nathan frowned and looked down at the floor before turning and walking toward the door “Thane, don’t do anything to upset your father any more today.” Nathan gave a nod and exited the room. He walked over to the  stairs and stood their as his father continued to have no cool what so ever, and then send Austin to his room.

When Austin reached the top of the stairs, sobbing Nathan stood up and walked over to the other, reaching out to grab his brother’s hand “Tin. You aren’t alone.” Nathan assured, then let Austin’s hand go and followed the other upset boy into their room. Nathan walked around gathering up things that Austin liked  as his brother crawled into bed and continued to cry. Nathan started stacking the items he gathered on the bed, trying to cheer his brother up “Look Austin, batman! Look.” He tossed a batman toy on the bed and then pulled away to go find something else “Oh! Austin! I found Flip!” He tossed a stuffed lion onto Austin’s bed “Look!”

Nathan walked across the room only to stop when the door slammed open all the way, making him jump and drop the current items he was holding in his arms as the tall angry figure in the door came stomping over to him “What in the hell are you doing in here?!” Nathan stuttered and backed away from his father “I-I uh… I was- Austin was crying…an-and I-” His father grabbed his arm and jerked him toward the door “No Nathan, either, Austin. You think about what you did!” Nathan stumbled as he was being pulled out into the hallway “No me? I sleep there!” Nathan protested.

Not tonight, tonight you are sleeping in the guest room.-” “But it don’t want to.”  “I don’t care, Nathan. Austin is in trouble. You are just going to have to deal with it.”  Nathan was picked up off the ground then and carried down the stairs. Looking up the stairs, he sighed. He didn’t like not being able to be in his room, or able to help Austin feel better.  A few minutes later his dad had placed him in a small bedroom and left, slamming the door behind him.  When the other was gone Nathan frowned and curled up under the blankets. #Self #Past

nathan-douglas From the moment Nathan was born, he was different.  Not that he was special, just different. But not so much so that he was not like the other babies in the nursery.  Where many babies would often end up crying if left unattended for too long, Nathan hardly did.  There were of course times he had to, for when he was hungry. But he never really cried, just to cry. Even as an infant he was not very fussy. The nurses at the hospital had taken notice of this, but had thought nothing of it. It seemed like a relief to have such a calm baby, especially when others would cry until their lungs burst.

Even at his worst, Nathan hardly cried out, mostly he was just tears and squirming. When he and Austin had been taken home, Nathan remained just as detached it seemed. He was more interested in taking in his new surroundings. All the new sounds and things he could see from the angle of his crib in the room. Austin on the other hand seemed to be able to cry for hours. Which also happened to be the main source of times that Nathan would be his fussiest, and join in with Austin. He still didn’t match up to Austin’s crying and once their mother would come in he would quiet himself.  She would lift Austin up and work on calming the other down, while moving over to Nathan and cooing at him, brushing a finger against the side of his face, gently.

Their mother was always followed behind with their father, who was not as cheerful as their mother to be woken up for the last few months, to screaming babies. It was as though the older male had merely wanted children for his own needs. A person to mold after them. Not weak and defenseless babies. Perhaps he had wished to skip the entire infancy part of having two newborn sons. But Nathan had seemed to be his favorite of the two twins. Nathan was far more manageable. The older male Douglas liked that, the appearance of a calm and perhaps obedient child.

“Nathan, come here, I want to teach you a game.” “Hunny, he’s two years old, he probably isn’t going to understand it. Let him play with his toys.”  "Oh, come on babe, it’ll be cute, don’t you think? “  With a sigh Nathan’s mother shook her head "It’s definitely going to end in tears.  Nathan’s isn’t what his day carer says ’ a team player’.” She laughed lightly “ He threw a block at Tommy Gilbert just last week, for - I don’t even know why, honestly.” She shrugged and walked away “ Don’t  lose your temper, he is still a baby.”

“ Stop it, Nathan, you don’t chew on pawns.” His father reached over then and yanked the black pawn out of his mouth, slamming it upright back on the chess board “ I told you this four times already, are you ignoring me? Are you purposely trying to annoy me?” The older male Douglas asked. Nathan just stared at the other, his eyes a dull light brown before he reached over to another pawn “ Oh, are you sure-”  Nathan started biting on the pawn and staring at his father, as if challenging the others impatience. Bringing his right hand up to pinch his nose, Nathan’s father let out a groan “ So damn infuriating! Are you purposely trying to piss me off, I know you understand me, Nathan. ”

Pushing the pawn all the way into his mouth, Nathan let out a garble, playing dumb to his father, and drooling.  His father glared before  looking to the side “ I know you can talk, I heard you talking to Austin, and you whisper to your mom whenever I am around. Why won’t you talk to me?” Nathan continue to stare at the older male, his hand reaching out to grab onto another pawn, white this time, and lift it up to his mouth, slowly slipping it in on the other side of his mouth, filling his cheek, he gave the older male an idiotic partially toothless grin, then. The tops of the pawns peaked out of his mouth “ Gaah.” His father lift up his hand suddenly going to hit Nathan but paused when Nathan’s mother suddenly appeared “ Austin’s up from his nap. How are things going with you two?”

As she walked over she noticed the pawns and tutted her husband “ Don’t let him eat those, he could choke!” She chastised walking over and crouching down, pulling the pawns from Nathan’s mouth.

“Maybe he should, it would probably teach him not to eat the damn things.”  She smiled a bit and brushed a hand through Nathan’s hair “ Such a loving father you are.” She comments before standing and starting to walk away “ Can you finish your game and bring him into the kitchen in about ten minutes, for lunch?” After that she made her way back into the kitchen and left Nathan and her husband to their game. Nathan smiled at the other male and tilts his head “ Do you hate me?” Nathan’s father asked. Nathan did not even bother looking at the other, his attention moving to playing an entirely different game with the chess pieces, entirely.

Swiping his hand across the bored and knocking the pieces out of Nathan’s hand, the older of the two stands and picks Nathan up “You are going to learn to do as I say, just you wait.” A few minutes later he was setting Nathan down next to Austin, in the kitchen and walked off to tease his wife. Nathan dropped the smile from his face and turned his head to Austin who was chattering on about something that was hard to understand, for anyone else that might have been listening to the conversation. Austin was of course talking to Nathan, obviously, who just remained stoic for the most part.

Nathan responded to his brother of course, but his garbled words words back toward the other lacked the same sort of excitement. Nathan had only been a few years old, but he felt a lot like an old man that had seen and done it all. To an extent Nathan may of said he had even felt like he would always feel this way. Most of the time he had only could feel anything when with Austin or his parents. But a lot of the time he just felt miserable, and he was always confused about this. His mother had taken notice that Nathan had always seemed like he was upset, or in deep thought about something that may of been upsetting.

“Nathan!  Are you having a great birthday so far?  You seems so excited today!” His mother exclaimed as she cupped his face and kissed his forehead. It was Austin and his fifth birthday. And he had learned to some extent that pretending to be happier would make his parents, more specifically, his mother, ask if he was alright. He never would really feel completely ‘alright’.  With a smile he mustard up, though a wave of exhaustion hit him as he tried to muster up what it took to be passably 'happy’ “ Yeah! I like the batmans. ” He squeaked out, lifting up one of the toys and hugging it close to his chest “ This one is my favorite!” Austin’s squealing had him suddenly looking over, dropping his act.

Nathan watched as their father played with his brother, feeling a bit jealous that the older male was not paying any attention to him. The older male Douglas had long gotten over trying to focus on Nathan’s seemingly tame nature, to teach him anything. Nathan’s defiant behavior had earned him some spite from the older male. Whenever Nathan would not give his father what he wanted, his father would be horrible to him and purposely try to make him jealous. Nathan really did feel jealous, too. But he hid it very well. Which had only further angered his father. He tried not to care about it as much as possible. As long as Austin was not getting his own feelings hurt, Nathan could live with what was going on.

Smiling at his mother then, he started talking about journals. Ever since getting into school and really learning how to read and write, Nathan had wanted journals, to document everything. Or maybe even write a story. But for the most part, write down all his thoughts that he was having that he just didn’t know how to bring up to the rest of his family. Who sadly understood him so poorly, it was making him crazy. “ You teach has been telling me you really are enjoying the writing parts of your work, and that you help Austin with your little projects if he has trouble.  You boys are just too cute, and so smart, too. Austin’s paper ghost from Halloween was really adorable. ” She paused though when she went to talk about Nathan’s. Swallowing she had not yet been able to talk about Nathan’s Halloween ghost.

Nathan had used an excessive amount of red and black colors on his. And his teacher had even phoned her over some concerns about other pieces of art Nathan had drawn in class. They had apparently bordered on the line of ’ disturbing’. The teacher was concerned something was wrong at home. The boys mother had spent quite some time after proving that life at home was very normal, and that she had no idea why it was that Nathan had been drawing such macabre images.

With a sneeze, Nathan seemed to pull his mothers attention back to him  "Oh, are you getting a cold?“  She asked, only for Nathan to shake his head and continue playing with some of his and Austin’s new toys. She smiled and played with his hair for a moment ” Well, if you start to feel bad say something. I don’t want what happened the last time to happen again. I think the couch still smells like vomit.“ Giving a nervous smile she stood up and stood up from the floor where they were sitting and went to go make lunch.

Curled up in his bed, his arms and legs were wrapped around his blanket as he was deep asleep.  He twitched a little, his mind filling with horrible images that he could not understand the reason behind. Sniffling, he twists his head, crying out a bit as his dream conjured up monsters. When something suddenly shook him his eyes open and he let out a small cry, pulling away from the face that was right in his face. His eyes shot around, his mind lost as to whether this was real or still a dream before he relaxed a bit as he realized he was home, safe in his bed. Closing his eyes then he started to drift off back to sleep, before hearing Austin’s  voice. His eyes open again, looking tiredly at his twin.  Blinking slowly he listen to what the other had to say to him, asking if he was alright.

Nathan curled up and moved closer to the edge of the bed ” Yeah, monsters again. “ He answered the other, tiredly. Bringing a hand up to his forehead, which was covered in sweaty hair, he let’s out a small sigh and shakes his head, though this only made him feel sick.  He had been feeling weak a lot more frequently. As Austin continued talking to him, he just slowly nodded before suddenly starting to drift off back to sleep again.

A few months after this Nathan was out with his brother and father while his mother was out of town to visit with her family several states away. The kids could not miss school and Nathan had been running a fever the days before she left. Though currently his father had him and Austin outside doing 'men things’ as he liked to put it. Nathan was not really interested in learning anything on the agenda. With a yawn he followed slowly after his quickly moving father, and Austin ” I feel bad.“ He muttered as he was walking. They had been outside for hours, their father being as strict as he was, would not be happy until his sons had done exactly as he had instructed.

As the older Douglas picked up Austin and continued walking, he shouted back at Nathan ” Hurry up, Nathan, or you are going to get lost. “ Nathan thought he could hear the excitement at that idea of his being lost, in the others tone ” Coming!“ He shouted after, trying to pick up his pace. He was annoyed by the other carrying Austin and not him. But he tried to ignore this feeling, and shoved that down with all the other things he had ever suppressed. But somehow, through all the tree’s he had started losing ground between him and his brother and father ” Wait up!“  He stopped though when he caught site of a cat picking at the body of a bird.

At the sigh of blood his eyes widened a little bit, his interests peaking. Losing all his interest in hanging out with Austin or his father right then he starts to make his way over to the bird’s body and crouched down next to it and the cat, which hissed at him before taking off.  Nathan had no idea what he had been feeling just then. Reaching over he wondered if he should touch it, then pulled his hand back toward himself, a sharp pain hitting  him in the chest. Tilting his head he closed his eyes as the feeling swelled over him. He didn’t like it, at all.  It was such a weird feeling. Feeling angry then as he continued to feel odd, he stood and started to walk away when his father suddenly showed up, Austin following behind.

” Were you playing with a dead bird?! That’s disgusting, Nathan!“  The older male stomped over and grabbed Nathan by the wrist, yanking him away from the bird. Nathan didn’t know what to say to the other. He just stuttered nervously before shutting up ” There’s seriously something wrong with you, I swear.“ ” -I-I I-It was w-w-was I- I di-d-di- “ He yanked after the other, Nathan stumbled ” O-Owww!  Stop pulling so hard!“ Nathan shouted before being jerked toward the other, and made to stand in front of him.

” You are a freak, you know that. That’s what it is, a creepy kid. What’s next, are you going to start killing the neighborhood cats? You going to go after Grieg’s Shiatsu? “ The older male gave Nathan a disgusted look, before standing up and  continued to walk the boys back to the car. Nathan was crying as quietly as he could the entire rest of the trip to the car. His left hand rubbing against his eyes as tears continued to build up in his eyes and spill out onto his cheeks.

He did not stop sniffling the entire car ride home, either.  It was one of the rare moments that he had ever actually gotten so physically upset in front of his family, in a long time. But his fathers words had stung deeply and he just could not hold back on all the things he’d been trying to ignore, so the lid on his emotions had opened a little, and he was now feeling a whole lot more than he could of prepared for. #Self Post

nathan-douglas Nathan  rolled over in his bed, the morning sunlight casting over his face through the curtain that covered the window of his and Austin’s room. He had been been moved from his room so that his parents could use it for the new baby. Which was fine, because he could still remember when Austin and him still shared the same room before. As thoughts started to fill his mind as he was beginning to wake up, Nathan curled up in under the warm blankets “ Mmm.”  He felt so comfortable he did not want to get up. But his stomach let out a growl. With a small sigh he reluctantly opened his eyes. Looking around the room he slowly begins to push himself up, dark black hair had matted up on one side of his head over the night. Letting out a cute little yawn he starts to shuffle off the bed, hesitantly placing one foot on the ground before the other.

Stretching then, he yawns again, walking over to Austin’s side of the room. Dropping down onto the floor he stared at the other, sleeping heavily still. He could of sworn Austin would probably sleep through a hurricane if he could “ Austin, are you awake yet?” He asked, then after waiting a few minutes with no response he stood and started to stretch his arms out, making his way across the room “  I will eat all the cereal without you, hah.” Walking over to the door he pulls it open and steps out into the hallway. Looking around he realized he didn’t hear his parents. Maybe it was earlier than he thought.

But this did not last long as he started to hear their voices drifting up from the first floor of the house. With one more yawn he makes his way toward the staircase, grabbing onto the banister he made his way cautiously down the stairs and then turned walking toward the kitchen.  As he entered his parents did not stop their chat, or take much notice of him at all. They seemed really invested in their current conversation. But after seeing Nathan struggling to pick up the container of orange juice his mother made her way over, still carrying on with talking to her husband as she brought the small cup closer to Nathan and started to pour his drink. Grabbing up the cup with both hands he lifts the cup up to take a drink, he felt slightly irritated that she did not let him do it by himself, how else would he learn?

Placing the cup down after a moment he turned his attention back over to the two, they were talking about the baby and money, things he did not really care about. Kicking his feet he heard his stomach growl again, but his mother nor his father seemed to be concerned about it. So sliding out of the chair he had climbed into before, Nathan makes his way over to the counter and starts to climb on top of it. His parents had exited the room by then, talking about more things he just was not interested in.  Pulling the cabinet door open he pulls out the only box of cereal and turns away. Dropping down onto the counter he puts his hand in the box and starts eating all the marshmallows inside.

Some minutes later his mother finally came back in and walked over toward him, lifting him up and putting him on her him, one hand keeping him from falling out of her hold, the other reaching into the cabinet and pulling a bowl down. She moved over and placed the bowl on the table as Nathan’s father walked back into the room, chastising her for carrying him around like a baby, despite how far along she was in her pregnancy.  Which his mother said she was fine and continued, closing the cabinet door and opening a drawer next, pulling out a spoon. Placing the spoon in the bowl she then reached up to grab the box out of his hand and placed him in the chair next to the bowl.

Nathan kicked his feet and watched as his mother poured the cereal into the bawl and then leaned forward as she moved away, toward the refrigerator. #Self Post

nathan-douglas The Douglas’ had decide to visit the park for the day, Nathan’s father had been throwing a baseball back and forth between him and Austin, teaching them how to play the game. Nathan had quickly became extremely bored  “I wanna go home, I want to color and watch cartoons. Daaaad.” His eyes drifted to one side, becoming distracted by the insects fluttering around in the park as his father tried convincing him about how fun baseball was. Nathan just couldn’t be bothered to tune in, his eyes following a butterfly  as it fluttered over his head “ Hmm, what kind are you…” Pulling his hand out of the baseball glove he lifted it up, hoping the butterfly would not fly away from him.

“Nathan, your turn!” It was actually Austins, his father spiked the ball directly at him, the ball smacking right into Nathans forehead, sending him to the ground screeching in pain a moment later, his hands cupping over his forehead as he rolled in the grass. His father rushed over, lifting him up “I told you to keep your eye on the ball, Nathan. What the hell? God damn it, you always have to ruin everything, don’t you?” Lifting Nathan up as he continued crying bloody murder, a few other parents stopped to ask if he was okay “He’s fine, just took a baseball to the face after getting distracted.”

After getting both Austin and Nathan in the car their father started to head toward the hospital. Nathan could only remember small fragments of time between the park and the trip to the hospital. His head lulled a bit, and he had stopped crying and was beginning to feel tired, despite not really having done anything at all the entire time at the park. Passing out for a second he felt his father shaking him “Hey, don’t do that, don’t go to sleep, okay?”

Before Nathan knew entirely what was going on he had been getting a CAT scan and his head taken care of, while his father explained the entire situation to the doctor present. Usually it was one of the other kids who had to be taken to the hospital for something minor. Nathan was not exactly innocent in some of those visits, either.  But this time it was him, and it was weird, he did not being in his current condition. The pain that was erupting through his head made him feel weird. It had also made him feel dizzy, and sick. Each time a nurse would touch his head he let out a scream as pain hit him, but it didn’t last for too long as it subsided into something more pleasant.

Now he had obviously hurt himself before, but had never been hurt like this. And nothing had ever felt like this.  It gave him the same rush as the time he hit Austin in the gut with a foam baseball bat some years earlier. He did not feel sorry for hurting the other, not really. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t get over this giddy feeling that overcame him watching the other curl up and cry. Since then, it had not change. Austin would hurt himself, Nathan would enjoy it. If Nathan hurt him, he enjoyed it. Now, he did not always try to hurt Austin. It just came to happen some times. Mostly when Austin had made him so angry he could not even control himself.

It was usually Austin who had always gotten the worst of it, in a fight. Nathan would black out and just wail on the other until he was exhausted or forcibly removed by a parent.  Then came the process of trying to calm him down. His father had found that the best remedy to his ‘tantrums’ was to throw him into a closet and let him rage in there till he passed out entirely, after receiving several scratches and bites from Nathan.

His parents had tried hard not to hit him back. Even if his father was a little rough around the edges, he was still worried about Nathan as he paced in the waiting room. He just had become frustrated over never being able to connect with Nathan, and this lead to him to be a bit callous toward Nathan. After a few moments Nathan’s mother came in, Bethany on her hip and looked around “You threw a baseball at him? At his head?! Are you insane?”  She questioned walking over as a doctor started walking toward them “I -I didn’t mean to hit him in the head, he wasn’t paying any attention to me- Us.”

“Look, I don’t care right now. We’ll talk about it later, after we figure out if he has brain damage or not.  You know- you can be nicer to him. Maybe he would pay more attention to you.”  The doctor had informed the pair of what was going on. The kid’s mother could not believe she had married someone so childish. But she brushed this off at the moment as her main concern had become Nathan. The doctor had informed them that Nathan’s skull fractured from the force of the ball.  He went on to tell them that the fracture was not as bad as it could have been, but that they would like to keep him over night and do more tests.

It was not until a few days later that Nathan was actually well enough to go home. His mother went to pick him up, and take him home. Austin was not around by the time Nathan and his mother got home.  He had to take it easy, and his mother had no intention of causing Nathan any more pain. His father had been at work as Nathan’s mother walked into the house holding him against her hip, one hand gently hovering behind his head and her other arm keeping him held up. Nathan was asleep by then, the painkillers the doctor had prescribed knocking him out.

For the next day an a half Nathan remained in bed, a bruise around the upper part of his head and around his eyes and on the bridge of his nose. He winced a bit as he moved his head #Self Post

nathan-douglas To be honest, Nathan was at first, happy to have a little sister. Well, not exactly happy. He really never felt that, or at least he couldn’t recognize it. Even though he was still very young. Because now he did have to feel uncomfortable about asking for a doll or something else his father thought was too girly for him or Austin to be associated with. His mother hardly ever put up any kind of fight with the their father. Nathan hated having to play some games that Austin really had seemed to enjoy. The only fun part about it was the interaction with Austin. But other than that he never really enjoyed learning how to play baseball, or basketball, or anything else their father would throw at his sons.

After a while, their father had picked up on this, from Nathan. And soon he started pointing out things that he would deem ‘girlish’ about him. But Nathan ignored it, for the most part. He did not care about what the other said to him, he was only a few years old, when it started. And other than the occasional sniffle alone, Nathan coped. Not that he had much alone time in the first place. But when Bethany was born, something struck him as a little odd. Nathan had thought their father would have been unhappy ’ Great, a girl in the family’. But the older mans reaction was something different entirely.

Nathan had brushed it off and for the next two years their father was not as hard on him about certain things. He still had been upset when Nathan reject the offer to go out and play some game with him and Austin. Nathan was not completely against sports, of course, or any other activity their father had offered. He happened to realize that he was just against his father. Every interaction had always left him feeling empty. The man had made him feel like nothing, every time he would talk to Nathan, and praise Austin for his skill. Nathan had been there to have fun, not be better than anyone.

“Okay! Bee, Mrs. Glip was cheated on by her hoosbend.  Can you say that, Mrs. Glip?” He asked, sipping from the invisible tea as he watched the toddler across from him garble for a moment and then sloppily sip from her own tea-cup.

Nathan laughed a little bit at that and looked away, covering his mouth. But when Bethany shriek a shrill little 'No’ at him he cleared his throat and smiled a bit “ Oh, riiight. Imma noble prince, I can not laugh at my sister, what would the rest of the court think of me.” Reaching over he takes a cookie from the plate, his mother had delivered them just a few minutes ago “Did you know that the bakers husband is a bast-” He was cut off when a door slammed somewhere. Letting out a sigh, Nathan set the cookie down “-tard.” Bethany didn’t get what he was saying, so obviously did not respond.

Another door slammed, making Nathan flinch “Our tea party is about to get soured up.” He mumbled in a low squeaky voice.

“Stop slamming the doors, he’s playing with Bethany, what is your problem? Austin and you can are perfectly capable of going by yourselves.”

“But a tea party? Do you realize how gay that is?  What little boy has a tea party with a toddler? He should be out scraping his knees and getting covered in dirt. Be more like Austin. This is because you coddle him, you know. He is becoming a pussy.”

There was those words again, he guessed he was supposed to feel offended. But he did not really get what they meant, enough, to actually know. The only thing he did get was that his father used it to try to hurt his feelings. He could tell by the others tone, more than anything, when things like that were spat at him. The door to Bethany’s room opened then, his father stepping in “Come here, Nathan.” Walking over the older Douglas lifted Nathan up from where he was sitting, before walking out of the room.

Nathan had known not to fight with his father, he was small and the other was bigger. So, despite his uncomfortable-ness and unwillingness to be with the other, he didn’t put up a fight when the other forcibly tried to drag him into their adventures. Dully he just laid his head on the others shoulder, wrapping his arms around the mans neck as they step by his mother and moved down the staircase.

“Just stop, he doesn’t want to go with you, you are scaring him.” Scared perhaps was not the right way to put it. Extremely annoyed was more in the ball park of what he was feeling. He was having a nice afternoon playing pretend with Bethany, why did their father have to ruin it. At least he would not be completely left alone with their father, Austin was obviously going to be there. But at what cost, all Austin was a buffer.  Austin may have liked sports, may have been decent at them, but that didn’t make Nathan worse. All Nathan’s problem was, was that he had no interest in it.

“I don’t care, he’s my son, and he’s going to do what I tell him to do.  You can’t baby him forever. He needs to use his talents. Maybe he can be a boxer, they’ll never suspect his left hook.” Rolling his eyes, Nathan hated that. Out of all the things his father wanted him to attempt to be, a boxer was high up on the list. If only because Nathan was left-handed, the one unique thing that made him different from Austin, or well, special to their father, he guessed. As his mother made a snide comment toward his father, the older male turned around suddenly and started to snap and throw comments about her, out.

As they were shouting at one another, Nathan just started to zone out. He was surprisingly very good at this. Any feeling at all had long been numb to most things, especially these sorts of fights. He knew they would not remain angry with one another for too long. emotionless his eyes shift to one side and he lets out a small sigh. Moving his left hand up he takes another bite out of the cookie, still in his hand, and choose slowly as he waits for his mother to give up trying to convince his father to just leave him alone, it was a battle she always lost. He had just finished shuffling the last of the cookie into the his mouth as his father decided that had been the perfect time to just leave and not continue the argument with his mother.

Being placed in the car next to Austin, a seat belt angrily moved over him and clicking into place before the door slammed and their father walked to the driver’s side. Once the car was going Nathan looked over at Austin “ I got a cookie and you did not.” He smiled, then bites on his tongue, at the other boy, his nose curling a little bit. He enjoyed teasing Austin, it was fun to watch the others reaction to it each time. Then he made a face and started to dig into his pocket, pulling out a small funsized piece of Halloween candy he had not eaten earlier that day “Here.”He put on a smile for the other and then looked away, staring out of the car window. #Self Post

nathan-douglas

Blinking, Nathan sat across from one of his therapists as they blathered on and on about his medications and his recent behavioral problems. Which weren’t exactly very recent, Nathan had been having a lot of problems for several years now. He hated the hospital, and he hated the people in it. Dazed, his gaze drops to the floor as the therapist continued on “ Whatever.”  Nathan muttered. He watched the new doses being held out toward him and grumbled as he quickly snatched the paper cup out of his therapists hands and picked out one pill after the next, swallowing them with a swig of water from a plastic cup.

“That’s good, Nathan. Now we will meet in a couple of days, try not to hurt anymore kids while I’m gone. You should be making friends with the other children, you are going to be with them for a very long time, at this rate.” Nathan suddenly stood up, at eleven years old he was quite a force of raw rage. The therapist jumped at his suddenness. Already having been a victim of one of his outburst a year earlier, that left a scar on the side of their neck.  Nathan smirked cutely at his therapist “ Why of course!  I will make sure to be…friend, with them.” Turning away from the therapist he crushed the paper cup still in his hand and threw it onto the ground. Strands of long black hair falling over his face as his nurse walked over and grabbed him by the wrist. Nathan was one of shorter  and thinner boys in the elevens group, so most of the staff could easily push him around, as well as some of the other boys in his group. The one thing that set Nathan in top tier was his anger. Something he had been relying on since arriving in the ward years earlier to claim is dominance.

As his nurse jerked him out into the hallway, complaining about his littering, Nathan purposely walked slowly after her, forcing her to have to practically drag him toward the common room.  As she finally got him there she shoved him toward the group of other children and called him a bastard before turning away to go join the rest of the nurses watching the children. Nathan slowly walked toward a group of kid, cold black eyes shifting from one face to another “ What the hell aar-”

“ Nathan, no cussing!”

“ What are you guys doing?”  Taking a seat in an empty chair, he watched a girl around his age coloring in some coloring book “ OH! I know that cartoon! ” He points, making the other girl look up. Nathan smiled at her, showing his teeth. The girl hadn’t been in the ward long, and as far as Nathan understood she was in their for something minor. Moving a hand out he takes a few crayons out of pile of crayons in the center of the table, before reaching over to grab a blank sheet of paper “ Yeah me and my brother and sister used to watch it.”  He went on, picking up a black crayon. The girl continued to color but looked up at him as he spoke, before grinning. Nathan smiled lightly back at her and tilts his head.

Dropping his head down, the ends of his hair brushing against the paper as he takes the crayon in his left hand and starts to trace some stick figures onto his blank sheet “ Bethany does this cute impression of that guy.”  He pointed, then blinked “ Did?” He thought, wondering what the correct way to say that had actually been, now, that he was here, and his brother and sister were not. Tapping the crayon on the paper  as he tried not to get too upset about those memories. Nathan swallowed the lump attempting to form in his throat “ She was only two, it was real good.” Dropping the black crayon down he picked up a purple crayon and started to color in an outfit on one of the stick figures.

Nathan looked over as one of the other boys commented on the cartoon, and laughed “ Well, my favorite character  was always Wakko. He is sooo funny.” A few of the kids agreed and the girl coloring in the coloring book blushed a little, embarrassed by the attention her book brought toward her. Nathan held up his right hand and shrugged his shoulder “ So, did your mom get you that?  My birthday was today. Maybe this year my moms going to get me something.” He paused, thinking it over. He had had a few birthdays already inside the ward. But he didn’t exactly seem to be getting anything. He expected a visit from his mother at some point, which is why that had given his pills minutes ago “ She doesn’t seem to like coming here.”

Dropping his hand back on the table he continued to color as a few voices rose above the other softer voices at the table. Rolling his eyes as he recognized the voice, he turned his head head to look over at the other boy as they walked over, a few more boys trailing behind him “ Gage, it is always so fun to hear you voice. Gets me all excited!”  He squeaked making a silly face at the other boy. Nathan hated Gage, the other boy was loud and always trying to start stuff with someone. A lot of the times this ended up being with Nathan, the elder boy had a problem with Nathan’s ‘girly’ look, it seemed. As they pointed out how his hair was too long he smiled “ It is not long enough!”  He shouted out defiantly.

Lifting his hand up, he runs it through his hair, shifting the majority of it from the right side, to the left, letting the ends curl in to around his face, and a few stray strands messily curl out from his face. As Gage moved closer Nathan frowned, not liking the proximity breach “ Are you really going to do this again?” “ Just call it a birthday present from me, since your own bitch ass parents don’t ever get you shit!”

Nathan pushed himself from the chair and tackled the other boy to the ground, anger spilling over  " You do not know anything about my parents.“ Nathan hissed, pressing his hand against Gage’s neck, his eyes widening as he tilts his head down toward the other ” Say something about them again and I will fucking bite your throat out.“  Baring his teeth he dropped his head closer toward the others neck, before getting a foot in his side, making him drop to the side as one of the other boys that moved over with Gage stepped on his left arm, keeping him pinned.  The kids that were around them moving out of the way as Gage shouted at one of his other lackey’s to help.

Pulling on his arm Nathan twisted around, pushing himself up and sending a foot into one of the boys jaws, kicking them away from him, which ended in his arm being freed. After  that several other children in the ward began to argue and fight with one another. Nathan hadn’t been paying attention as he stepped back from Gage who had tried to punch him. Stumbling back into a chair Nathan flipped over it and kicked the chair into Gage before making his way into the crowd of children only to have someone jump onto his back, sending him to the ground. Squirming, Nathan  started punching a kid in the head who had sunk their teeth into his shoulder ” GET OFF!“

A moment later the group of kids around them started to disburse, a couple of nurses rounding them up and sending them off  to be calmed down. As they reached Nathan, one of the nurses shouted at the boy on top of him, and then suddenly yanked them off, not noticing that that kid had locked their teeth firmly onto Nathan’s shoulder. Blood spilled out of the gaping wound left behind. Nathan pushed himself up before the nurses started to return to him. His hand moving toward his shoulder as he started to walk away.

"You’re dead!” Gage shouted as he stepped into Nathan’s path.

Smirking, Nathan stopped and straightened his spine, rolling his shoulders as Gage took a run toward him. The world seemed to slow for a moment as his eyes shift for a moment, calculating. As Gage neared him he suddenly took a step to the side, Gage was attempting to tackle him at the time, missing Nathan completely he ended up on the floor. Nathan stood to one side for a moment, blood dripping off his finger tips as his mind tried to catch up with what just happened. Slowly blinking, he turns to grab a chair that had been against the wall nearby. Dragging it over toward the Gage as they were sitting up, Nathan lifted the chair up and suddenly smashed it into the side of Gage’s body.  As Gage crumpled to the ground, Nathan lifted the chair back up and smashed it down on the other, sending a spray of blood bursting over his face and chest “ Who has the ugly hair now?!” Nathan shouts, a manic look in his eyes as he moved to lift the chair up again.

But before he could bring the chair down again several arms grabbed onto him and the chair was yanked from his hands and tossed away as he was being pulled from Gage’s unconscious body “ You are going to be ugly for the rest of your fucking life! Suck that fuck! You bitch!” Letting out a sadistic laugh, his mouth lingering open as he clicked his tongue “ Red looks good on you, Gage!”  He tried to break away from the hands tugging on him and get back to where Gage was “Your bitch whore of a mother won’t even recognize you, THEN, who will have nothing for their birthday?! HUH!?” Being tossed to the ground, a needle was stabbed into his neck as one of the staff kept his hands bound against his back. Post

nathan-douglas Nico (Cameron Monaghan) Dissociate Identity Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Psychosis Physically abusive Psychopathic Intermittent Explosive Disorder Musically Gifted Manipulative Very intelligent Is actually the worst patient in his age group Was sent into a special care ward for 2 years Nathan’s ‘best friend’/ Romantic Companion Hates Tasmin and Nathan’s relationship Wants to murder Breccan Prescott, just because, but also backs Nathan’s need to get Justice for Tasmins murder. Thinking it will bring him closer to Nathan. Was only released from the special care ward a few months before Tasmin and Nathan’s murders. Hasn’t figured out how Breccan is involved and is extremely pissed off at Nathan for committing suicide, because of Tasmin, of all people. First met Nathan when Nathan was 8, Nico was 9. Is a from a well off, and well-known family in the town. May be a child out-of-wedlock/through cheating Mother died when he was 6 'mysteriously’ ( Nico murdered her in her sleep, after a fit of rage and some per-meditation) Obsessed with Nathan ( slight OCD about him)/ MUST control him, finds exhilaration from controlling the others actions.

Is a Sadist/UTP

Victor (Ezra Miller) Narcissistic Personality Disorder Brief psychotic disorder Delusional disorder Intermittent Explosive Disorder Paranoid personality disorder Sociopath Emotionally abusive Physically abusive Murder(er/ous) Not very intelligent. Histrionic Personality Disorder First met Nathan after being convicted of being mentally insane after he murdered Mackenzie Is a friend of Nathan’s Murdered Mackenzie, The Mayors Daughter

Is Heterosexual

Nathan Anger Management Issues Intermittent Explosive Disorder Histrionic Personality Disorder Psychological stress Psycho-spiritual stress Psycho-social stress Panic Disorder Shared psychotic disorder Adjustment disorder Catatonia Reactive attachment disorder Not very attached to any one person in the ward, just trying to get by. Considered Nico, Victor and a few others temporary companions. Doesn’t want anything to do with them otherwise. Once he is far away from them to realize how just how insane and horrible they both are. Intentionally has himself placed into Solitary Confinement in order to some how rationalize with himself on his relationships, as well as other things. Might have slight hysteria because of these isolation moments Is a bit claustrophobic because of the great amounts of isolation Is a bit anti-social also because of time spent in isolation. Suicidal Sadomasochistic Dependent Personality Disorder Borderline Personality Disorder

Brysen (Tequan Richmond) Ward/Nurse Assistant College Student Plans on becoming a Psychologist Not very good as an assistant, constantly lazy and buddy-buddy with patients or mishandled them during an episodes do to ineptitude. One of the few who actually brings things that are 'not allowed’ into the wards. Is being used by Nico. He admires Breccan Prescott. Extremely Naive/'Innocent’ Comes from a poor family

Is Bisexual Post

nathan-douglas Nathan winced a bit at the doctor that was applying his cast. His arm had been broken in three different places and his shoulder had been dislocated. There were also bruises and scraps on his legs and left arm. A nurse from the ward was standing behind him as the doctor worked. Nathan looked over his shoulder at the woman who only gave him a smile and quickly turned her attention back to the doctor, as they were carrying on a conversation. Nathan kicked his feet a bit, before moving them up and sitting lotus style on the stretcher he’d been placed on “It does not hurt.” The doctor laughed at the boy and shook his head.

“That’s because of the painkillers.”

Nodding his head, he didn’t know anything about whatever that was but he also didn’t want to continue talking about it. Bringing his eyes toward his right arm he just watched the doctors work deep brown eyes zoning out after a moment as Nathan went off into his own little world. All the while the nurse and doctor went on with their own conversation.

“Nathan!”

His eyes shot over toward the door as a woman appeared in it “Mom!” He exclaimed as the woman walked over and cupped his face in her hands. Nathan swallowed as a pinch of sadness struck him over his mother’s affection. She turned her eyes to his arm then, and then to the doctor before looking at the nurse.

“How did this happen? I thought he was going to be safe. He’s only been there six months and now he has a broken arm!”

Nathan opened his mouth to answer his mother’s question “He-” But was suddenly cut off by a new voice. Freezing, Nathan felt his words fall away from his mind and his mouth dried up. His eyes shift toward the door as Mr. Prescott walked into the room and moved over to stand behind him, staring at his mother as she stood up.

“A boy at the ward took something from Nathan. Nathan then attacked the other child viciously, he had become completely inconsolable and started to behave destructively, kicking and punching anything in his path. Before clumsily knocking over one of the shelves onto him. Even then he couldn’t be calmed down, making his injuries more sever.”

“You just let him have a meltdown and hurt himself?  Mr. Prescott, Nathan has never done anything like that before. He-”

“Mrs. Douglas, Nathan is unwell, he’s not adjusting well to the treatments so far. This is typical of children his age to have reactions like this when placed in a new and stressful environment.”

Nathan finally found his voice then and started to protest Prescott “Nu uh! I was-” Prescott’s hand moved to his left shoulder then. Nathan’s words dropped from his mind again “I-i …” His body started to grow cold. He wanted to talk but it was like something had a vice grip on his ability to do so the moment Prescott’s hand made contact.

Mrs. Douglas shot Prescott a glare “Well I am sorry, but Nathan has never had this issue before. I don’t like him being in there with children that are more dangerous-”

“Mrs. Douglas, your son tried to kill your daughter.  He is in the ward to be helped, if you remember our previous conversations, with your husband. Nathan is just as dangerous as the other children he is with. And we try our best to keep conflicts from arising. But there are times when we can’t do that.”

The Doctor continued to work on putting Nathan’s cast on, not wanting to be involved. The nurse on the other hand decided to step in and help Prescott at that moment on the other hand “This isn’t the first incident we’ve had with him, just the most severe. He has thrown things at other children. And almost bit one of the staff while they were trying to help him with his school work.”

“Mrs. Douglas, I know you want to help your son, and have him be safe. But Nathan is dangerous. If you stop letting us help him he could end up hurting or killing your other children.   It has happened before with children like Nathan being taken out of places that could help them, and these children going on to do something horrible. As a mother you are allowing your love for him cloud your judgment. Keeping him in the ward is the only way Nathan is going to understand himself, and maybe one day even rejoin the rest society.”

Nathan listen to them talk, still unable to do anything but let out a squeak in an attempt to protest, but couldn’t find it in him. His heart was slamming against his rib cage. He looked at his mother, who was looking at him. She smiled and leaned down, placing a kiss on his forehead.

“Nathan, you promise me, promise that you won’t hurt anyone again. I want you to come home soon.”

Her eyes moved to look at his right arm then, she looked angry for a moment before looking away “Despite what my husband thinks, Nathan is still our son. He belongs at home, and you better make damn sure he comes home sooner rather than later. He’s not going to end up like one of those depraved patients you keep locked in the other ward.” Her hand caressed the side of Nathan’s head gently, before she leaned back down and grabbing Nathan’s jaw, making him look at her “I’ll see you in a few weeks, I promise.” After that she turned away and walked from the room, giving him one last glance before disappearing somewhere into the hallway.

The hand on Nathan’s shoulder became tighter after his mother left “Nathan,  you should listen to your mother. She thinks she knows what’s best for you.” Mr. Prescott’s voice cut in, making Nathan shiver.  The Nurse let out a sigh “Does she think she’s a psychologist? Her son is-” Prescott shushed the nurse before smiling at the doctor “Are you about finished then? Nathan needs to get to his treatments in forty minutes.” The doctor nods and tells the two that he needed five more minutes and then Nathan was theirs.

Soon enough the doctor lifts the boy off the stretcher and sets him on the ground. Nathan froze as Prescott walked over to him, the nurse following after and  eventually passing Prescott, stepping behind Nathan. Prescott waved for the two to follow him.  Nathan didn’t budge. The nurse looked down “Nathan, let’s go.” She hummed sweetly. Nathan shook his head. He didn’t want to go with Prescott. Prescott stopped to stare at Nathan for a moment, before crossing his arms over his chest “Just pick him up and carry him out. I see he’s going to be difficult today.”

The Nurse swooped down and grabbed up Nathan into her arms, pumping his right arm against her chest as she rose back up. Following after Prescott, who had started walking again, they both were in the hallway “Do they know you came here to talk to his mother?” Prescott glanced back over at her “Of course they do, they know how closely I am working with this boy. They trust his care to me.” The Nurse hesitated for a moment before nodding and continued following after Prescott. #Self #Breccan

His fingers tapped impatiently against the wooden table he was sitting at. Some childish movie was playing off on the other side of the room, something he had seen around a million times in his lifetime, already. It was beginning to be a point of irritation for him. Or had it already? Sucking in a deep breath he watched one of the other patients pace from one side of the room to the other, then looked to another who was sat in a chair next to him talking about something, to them self. Lifting his hand up he brought it down roughly on the table “Will you shut up. Aliens don’t exist. That was just a fucking movie!  There’s no way something could have acid for blood you fucking moron!” “Nathan! Tone.” A nurse shushed. Nathan quickly looked over to the nurse that was shushing him and made an immature face at her before waving her off.  His left leg began to bounce as the cartoon went on playing, the noise from the little kids in the movie were becoming more and more irritating the more he had to hear the damn movie play. It had been the sixteenth time this week, hadn’t it? That was way too many times. Lifting his hands up he dropped his head down, pressing his palms against the side of his head and let out a frustrated growl “Well, Tommy! If you had a better fucking Mother maybe you wouldn’t have a brother that you needed to be responsible for!” He shot back after a  minute more of the movie, before realizing he was probably irritated because the scene that was playing was one that always made his chest tighten up and hurt. He didn’t really understand the feeling. And this made him angry. Scratching into the table he hadn’t realized what he had been scratching until a nurse slapped his hand way from it “What in the hell do you think you are doing? I think it’s time you get those clipped, don’t you?” He grumbled before walking away, Nathan assumed to go talk to someone about doing that. Not that he couldn’t clip his own nails, he just wouldn’t and ever since he stabbed one of the nurses in the legs they didn’t want him near anything he could potentially use as a weapon. “You know what, Tommy, Dil is a shit brother. I’ll trade my brother in for you. At least I’ll get to see you fucking every god damn day, unlike my brother.”  Nathan laughed hollowly at his own stupidity before rolled his eyes. Narrowing them a moment later on one of the patients that sat in one of the empty chairs at the table he was sitting at Nathan listen to them before they reached over and jabbed at his arm “Don’t touch me.”  He warned before looking away. As he was ordered over by a nurse he was happy to go to them. Two hours later he was sitting in one of the comfy chairs in the common room, smoking a cigarette is left leg folded in toward his chest his right rest along the arm rest “Guys. Guys. Don’t be alarmed. But…I think. I think that Roger Rabbit, might be innocent. I don’t know, this is only the billionth fucking time I’ve seen this movie. But I really think I am on to something here.” He squint and pointed at the screen with his left hand before moving it back to take a drag from his cigarette. “I bet it was Christopher Lloyd’s character, a hundred cigarettes. Who’s game?” Some of the more stable patients just let out a groan and told him to shut up but a couple of others took him up on his bet. Which Nathan always found amusing, it was easy to manipulate too many of the patients in Demari he had grown to realize in the years he had spent in the institution and had not been kept separate from them like he was when he was much younger. Letting smoke billow out from his lips Nathan watched the movie for a moment longer before looking over to one of the therapists, she had red hair, that was the most interesting aspects about her if he had anything he could point to and go ‘That’s her’. As she smiled at him, he grinned back before glancing away “This bitch thinks she can read my mind.” Continuing to plaster on a smile he lift his hand up and waved at her. Then a moment later he pushed himself out of his chair and walked with a little bit of a skip toward the woman “Helllooo Therapist. Aren’t we looking Nice today.” He commented with a saddened look before looking at another patient that had been standing by and talking to her as well. Sniffling a little bit he felt his eyes watering “I haven’t seen you in so long. I thought something terrible may have happened. Do you not like me anymore.” The tears spilled over onto his face and he glanced away  “Sorry. I’m a little emotional today.” He choked up as she frowned at him, then reached over to rub his arm and asked if he needed to talk. Shaking his head he lift the back of his hand up to his face and rubbed it against his eyes “No. I’m–I’m fine. Don’t touch me.” She pulled her arm back and looked at the other patient then, asking how they were doing. Nathan watched the two interact for a moment before growing bored, he was about to stop acting like he cared about this interaction when she turned and asked if he was putting on weight. Narrowing his eyes for a moment he frowned “Uh, yeah. I think. But don’t you think that’s a little–” He swallowed, looking upset again “Insensitive to ask me? I’m having a hard time.”  He cried and again she frowned and asked if they had messed with his medication, because he seemed to be really emotional today. Not that she had never seen him emotional before, plenty of the staff thought they had. It was easy to act like like you were upset and producing tears had just seemed to make it more easily convincing. So Nathan had spent some time trying to perfect the act. He was of course fully medicated, and felt in no way particular, certainly not upset. But he thought it was an amusing show to see susceptible staff members pity him, as they seemed to pity a lot of them. Nathan hated that though, he hated that it made him feel like he was being treated like he were a child, or stupid, or incapable of outsmarting them. Pressing a finger to the middle of his glasses he pushed them back up into place “The nurse smacked me, and then he said he was going to make them cut my nails. I don’t want to, I don’t like it.” He confided in the woman. The conversation lasted another fifteen minutes before she told him she had to go and that she would talk to him proper in their next session which was in a few days. Nathan watched her go with a longing look before turning to the patient that had been hogging all the time with her and putting the cigarette out on their exposed flesh on their upper right arm “You’re annoying.” He muttered, cold black eyes locking onto theirs before he flicked the cigarette away and grabbed the side of their face raking his nails against their skin  “Do you really think she’ll ever have an interest in you?” Nathan laughed tauntingly before a nurse walked over and grabbed his arm and yanked him away from the other patient who had another nurse already at their side attending to the scratches on their face. “Seriously, they need to keep you in solitary.” The male nurse complained as he dragged Nathan away toward his room. Nathan let out a laugh his eyes not leaving the panicking patient that he had scarred up. He then giggled and looked toward the nurse that was yanking him out of the room “Please, do. I’m tired of looking at you fucking losers.” He was then lifted up and thrown into his room and told  that he would wait their until someone came to get him so they could cut his nails and that he would most likely be spending the next day by himself in solitary. Nathan sat on the floor and let out an eerie laugh before dropping back onto his back and grinning as he lift his right hand up to look at the red blood that was smeared at the tips of his fingers. I’ll make them all pay. I’ll burn this fucking place to the ground. Then I’ll hunt my family down. And I’ll gut them all like the worthless fucking wastes of space they fucking are. He thought dropping his right hand to his mouth and giggled as he ran his fingers along his lips. self past

17 years old, Halloween Staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him on the table Nathan didn’t look at all too pleased. Some of the staff were abusive, sure. That was fine, actually, when compared to the more oblivious members of the hospital staff. Who thought things were just happening as usual as normal. Nathan had a feeling that a lot of the darker things happening in the hospital was not ‘typical mental hospital goings on’. But he had already spent so much time trying to point this out and all they ever did was give him more medicine, to shut him up. Watching the patients in the room with him going along with what they were being told to do, for the most part, Nathan could only stew. He hated pretending like he was still some little kid all the time. This is not what a seventeen year old should be doing. When he was younger he had other ideas for himself at this time in his life. But that all got pissed away because of his fathers moronic paranoia. As the nurse, Anwen, made her way toward him he narrowed his eyes on her. Her cheery appearance always made him annoyed. Anyone who walked around this hospital looking that happy had to be up to some fucked up shit, as far as Nathan had been concerned.  When she made it over to his table she spoke to the other patients sitting with him, asking how they were doing before looking at Nathan, the smile not dropping  “Nathan,  you haven’t even touched yours.  Don’t you want to draw anything? Come on. I know you have to have something spooky for me.” She tapped the paper “Maybe it’ll help cheer you up? You look so down and angry today.” “This is stupid. I don’t want to do this.” Nathan hissed in response dropping back into his chair and crossing his arms “I want to be out there! I want to go to a real Halloween party. Not this shit!  This, is fucking childish!”  Leaning in he lift his left hand up before slamming it on the table “Stop treating everyone of us the same! —” As one of the other patients at his table told him to shut up and just participate he looked over “Fuck you! You want to make macaroni’s god damn monsters, more power to you. I am tired of this!” Anwen let out a breath and held up her hands “Okay, Nathan. I understand. But there’s no one else here in your age group. Right now.  And you aren’t allowed out of the hospital. So I am sorry, but you are just going to have to do this or do nothing.” Nathan rolled his jaw and stood up, glaring at the head nurse. Getting in her face for a moment they both had a sort of staring contest before he moved and grabbed some glue from the center of the table. Untwisting the top he poured some of the glue into his hands and then started tracing out some words on a few pieces of paper that he swabbed the glue on. Finishing up he slammed his hands on either side of his now stuck together pieces of paper, which he had taped together near the end. Lifting up some macaroni and red glitter he started to pour them onto the pages and then finishing he lift the project up and showed it to Anwen, who had been waiting patiently. Her mouth dropped open as she read what he had put on the blank sheets of paper and she looked at Nathan, looking a little hurt before looking back at the paper “That’s horrible, you don’t have to be so terrible to me. I’m just trying to help you.” Throwing the paper at the floor Nathan turned and walked out of the common room “I’m going to my fucking room for the rest of the night.  I’m done with this.” 1 MONTH AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  PAST  HOSPITAL   Home Invasion Poking his head out from a line of bushes and glaring at a house, Nathan grinned before ducking down closer to the hedge as a man came walking out of the house. He watched them for a moment, eyes narrowing on them as they moved toward a car.  Seeing his father walk so carelessly along was an irritation. As if they were unaware of the Hell they had put him in. The pain he has suffered from their selfishness. Nathan bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to watch. The others appearance telling Nathan nothing more but that the other was unrepentant. They had all seemed so happy with themselves. Their lives had gone so smoothly, without him. He was easy to forget. Reaching up his hands to lean onto the bush Nathan seethed lightly under his breath as he watched Robert get into his car and pull out of the drive and off down the street away from him. Nathan was going to make him pay. There had been no other decision for him.  Watching the house for a moment more before he pulled away from the bush and started to walk only for someone to call out. “Austin! Hey, what are you doing? Why are you hiding behind that bush?” Turning toward the older woman Nathan gave her his best Austin smile and shifted “ Ah. I was just looking for something that fell over this way.” The woman stared for a moment before nodding “Well it was nice seeing you.” Then she moved to continue about her business. Nathan turned back toward the sidewalk and started to move again. Walking up to the front door he lift a hand up and pressed it to the center of the door. Closing his eyes he let out a breathe before scratching his nails agitatedly down the door, anger bubbling up inside of him. His eyes opened just enough to stare angrily at it for a moment before he moved and walked away moving around the side of the house. The door opened just a few seconds after he walked out of sight from anyone who had opened it, revealing a older woman who looked around before frowning at seeing no one on her doorstep. Stepping back she went to close the door, turning her body to face it she noticed scratch marks in the paint that clearly hadn’t been there the last time she had looked at the door. Muttering something about a paint job she moved back into the house and closed the door. Reaching the back door Nathan was looking over the houses exterior, looking for weaknesses in it. He wanted to make sure that when he set his plan in motion, that the day of the executions would be easy and none of his victims would be able to escape. Lifting up his hand he placed it on a windows frame. He was going to nail those shut, except for the route he would choose to escape for himself. As he would still have more business to attend to after the bloodbath he planned at this house. He had to take care of those who tortured him at the hospital, mostly, he was going to make sure he took care of Breccan. All these months of preparations and setting up for both sites was something he was paying most of his focus to.  He wanted to make sure his plans went off with minimal issue. Scratching a fingernail against the wooden frame he stood for a moment before looking at the sky. Around this time he figured that Bethany and Austin were out and about being busy with the lives they were allowed to fulfill. Grace also would be out. So that left one person he did not know the schedule of, his mother. Who he hadn’t seen about in the last few days he had been watching the house. Moving to the backdoor though he started to pick the lock hearing it click a moment later as it unlocked. Gripping onto the doorknob he slowly and quietly opened it before sneaking inside and closing the door behind him just as quietly.  He could hear someone moving around and a tv on. Listening closely he continued to sneak around the kitchen looking for something to deal with that person who remained in the house. Finding something blunt he pulled it from it’s spot and continued to creep toward the sounds of someone moving around, seemingly doing household chores. At least he could only guess that’s what his mother was doing.  He didn’t want to have to hit her at the moment, as it wasn’t the time. But he didn’t want her to see him. Today had been the perfect day for him to inspect the inside of the house finally, to learn the layout of the structure in case of incident. Walking down a hallway stealthily Nathan pressed against the wall to minimize her ability to see him. He knew he was getting closer to her and after a moment she walked passed the end of the hallway. His eyes flicked after her. A moment of pause came over him as a sudden feeling struck him, making him confused. His eyes widened as he thought over his actions up until now. But he steeled himself after another second and continued on his path. Waiting for another moment at the end of the hall he watched her walk by again before stepping out behind her and smacking her in the back of the head with the blunt object he was holding. Watching as she fell to the ground unconscious Nathan tilt his head his eyes empty of emotion as he stared down at his mothers vulnerable form on the floor. Kneeling down he reaching a hand out and ran his fingers gently over her face before shifting over her and moving to lay down beside her. His eyes watering a little bit after a moment of staring. “I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt for a little while longer. But you can hate me in hell, when we meet again.” Shifting he inched his face along the floor as he lay beside her and then pressed his lips affectionately to her forehead “I do love you. But this is what I have to do. I hope you understand.” Pulling himself up then he pulled her unconscious form up with him and moved it toward a floor lamp, letting her drop to the ground and shoved the lamp down next to her to try and make it look like the lamp had hit her the best that he could, so that suspicions that someone else in the house hitting her wouldn’t be brought up. Letting out a breath he stared down at his mother for another moment before turning and going on to examine the house, going through a few things to learn more about his families life without him, as well as finding out the layout. Nathan made sure not to spend too much time there, as he was sure his mother would not be unconscious for very long. As he was leaving he stopped to wipe off the object he had used to knock his mom out with and set it back in it’s place. Exiting from the front door Nathan continued walking down the street, smiling at the elderly woman he had spoken to earlier as she watched him walk by her house again, he waved a goodbye toward her.  After this he made his way toward a restaurant to get himself something to eat. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  MOTHER  NATHAN  KAREN  BRECCAN  ROBERT  FATHER  

Home Invasion Poking his head out from a line of bushes and glaring at a house, Nathan grinned before ducking down closer to the hedge as a man came walking out of the house. He watched them for a moment, eyes narrowing on them as they moved toward a car.  Seeing his father walk so carelessly along was an irritation. As if they were unaware of the Hell they had put him in. The pain he has suffered from their selfishness. Nathan bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to watch. The others appearance telling Nathan nothing more but that the other was unrepentant. They had all seemed so happy with themselves. Their lives had gone so smoothly, without him. He was easy to forget. Reaching up his hands to lean onto the bush Nathan seethed lightly under his breath as he watched Robert get into his car and pull out of the drive and off down the street away from him. Nathan was going to make him pay. There had been no other decision for him.  Watching the house for a moment more before he pulled away from the bush and started to walk only for someone to call out. “Austin! Hey, what are you doing? Why are you hiding behind that bush?” Turning toward the older woman Nathan gave her his best Austin smile and shifted “ Ah. I was just looking for something that fell over this way.” The woman stared for a moment before nodding “Well it was nice seeing you.” Then she moved to continue about her business. Nathan turned back toward the sidewalk and started to move again. Walking up to the front door he lift a hand up and pressed it to the center of the door. Closing his eyes he let out a breathe before scratching his nails agitatedly down the door, anger bubbling up inside of him. His eyes opened just enough to stare angrily at it for a moment before he moved and walked away moving around the side of the house. The door opened just a few seconds after he walked out of sight from anyone who had opened it, revealing a older woman who looked around before frowning at seeing no one on her doorstep. Stepping back she went to close the door, turning her body to face it she noticed scratch marks in the paint that clearly hadn’t been there the last time she had looked at the door. Muttering something about a paint job she moved back into the house and closed the door. Reaching the back door Nathan was looking over the houses exterior, looking for weaknesses in it. He wanted to make sure that when he set his plan in motion, that the day of the executions would be easy and none of his victims would be able to escape. Lifting up his hand he placed it on a windows frame. He was going to nail those shut, except for the route he would choose to escape for himself. As he would still have more business to attend to after the bloodbath he planned at this house. He had to take care of those who tortured him at the hospital, mostly, he was going to make sure he took care of Breccan. All these months of preparations and setting up for both sites was something he was paying most of his focus to.  He wanted to make sure his plans went off with minimal issue. Scratching a fingernail against the wooden frame he stood for a moment before looking at the sky. Around this time he figured that Bethany and Austin were out and about being busy with the lives they were allowed to fulfill. Grace also would be out. So that left one person he did not know the schedule of, his mother. Who he hadn’t seen about in the last few days he had been watching the house. Moving to the backdoor though he started to pick the lock hearing it click a moment later as it unlocked. Gripping onto the doorknob he slowly and quietly opened it before sneaking inside and closing the door behind him just as quietly.  He could hear someone moving around and a tv on. Listening closely he continued to sneak around the kitchen looking for something to deal with that person who remained in the house. Finding something blunt he pulled it from it’s spot and continued to creep toward the sounds of someone moving around, seemingly doing household chores. At least he could only guess that’s what his mother was doing.  He didn’t want to have to hit her at the moment, as it wasn’t the time. But he didn’t want her to see him. Today had been the perfect day for him to inspect the inside of the house finally, to learn the layout of the structure in case of incident. Walking down a hallway stealthily Nathan pressed against the wall to minimize her ability to see him. He knew he was getting closer to her and after a moment she walked passed the end of the hallway. His eyes flicked after her. A moment of pause came over him as a sudden feeling struck him, making him confused. His eyes widened as he thought over his actions up until now. But he steeled himself after another second and continued on his path. Waiting for another moment at the end of the hall he watched her walk by again before stepping out behind her and smacking her in the back of the head with the blunt object he was holding. Watching as she fell to the ground unconscious Nathan tilt his head his eyes empty of emotion as he stared down at his mothers vulnerable form on the floor. Kneeling down he reaching a hand out and ran his fingers gently over her face before shifting over her and moving to lay down beside her. His eyes watering a little bit after a moment of staring. “I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt for a little while longer. But you can hate me in hell, when we meet again.” Shifting he inched his face along the floor as he lay beside her and then pressed his lips affectionately to her forehead “I do love you. But this is what I have to do. I hope you understand.” Pulling himself up then he pulled her unconscious form up with him and moved it toward a floor lamp, letting her drop to the ground and shoved the lamp down next to her to try and make it look like the lamp had hit her the best that he could, so that suspicions that someone else in the house hitting her wouldn’t be brought up. Letting out a breath he stared down at his mother for another moment before turning and going on to examine the house, going through a few things to learn more about his families life without him, as well as finding out the layout. Nathan made sure not to spend too much time there, as he was sure his mother would not be unconscious for very long. As he was leaving he stopped to wipe off the object he had used to knock his mom out with and set it back in it’s place. Exiting from the front door Nathan continued walking down the street, smiling at the elderly woman he had spoken to earlier as she watched him walk by her house again, he waved a goodbye toward her.  After this he made his way toward a restaurant to get himself something to eat. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  MOTHER  NATHAN  KAREN  BRECCAN  ROBERT  FATHER   Robert’s Self-fulfilling Prophecy Nathan reached over to a house he had carved from the wood of the woods he had spent most of his time living in when he wasn’t gathering Intel at Austin’s. Though he felt his welcome had always been more temporary. Of course he would not feel safe in a place like that. With a boy raised to believe he was nothing more than imaginary, a monster. Glaring he stabbed the scalpel in his left hand into the ground “ You want a monster, I’ll fucking give you a god damn monster.”  No matter how hard he tried, the bitterness, the darkness that seemed to eat away at his heart all these years had grown to the point that he felt like he could no longer control it. Once his freedom was realized, it just festered and killed him slowly till he fed it. Tirelessly he had worked toward his main goal, revenge. It was the only other thing he could think about other than hate, hating himself for ever having loved them or for ever having been alive. Hating them for the absolute betrayal and hurt they had put him through. His chest had done nothing bit writhe in pain for the last few years, wanting them…any of them to just realize what they had done to him and free him. In the end when he had to free himself, however he figured he must have done that. The beast he was trying to contain for so long just took control of him. He wanted blood, he wanted THEIR blood. Everyone who had ever hurt him. Everyone who had ever played a hand in hurting him. It made no difference to him. His suffering was all the excuse he needed for the acts of evil he had planned for his victims. In his mind, which had been twisted by the years of abuse he was forced to take, it was a necessary evil. Nathan had not thought of himself like this, had not felt this ache and hate before they had put him through their tormented abuse. Robert owed him a life, but he knew that he would never get that life back. So Nathan was going to make Robert pay by taking the lives he cared most about. He had planned for his father to live, alone, hurt by someone that was his own blood. And die that way. Nathan felt this was the only way Robert would understand what he truly had felt when his own father had sentenced him to a life of needless abuse and torture. Now he was the monster the other had feared, capable of doing terrible things. Laughing a bit Nathan pulled the top of the model house off, moving it to the side he grabbed a glass full of gasoline up in his left hand. The cast of his last two  fingers where his pinkie finger had been broken not allowing him to get a very good grip on it. But he had managed in the end. Moving his right hand over he grabbed a toy that had been placed in the house, along with three other figures “Noooo, Nathan, don’t do this. WE love you! We are sorry for all the things we did. Please, if you just let us live. We’ll make it up to you! Please!” Nathan cried in a voice. Moving his left hand he started to gently pour the gas along the outside of the house as he made whimpering noises and moved the toy around in the house. Moving the cup over the inside of the house Nathan narrowed his eyes on the figure. “Sorry?! You’re SORRY!? Sorry will not give back what you took from me! Robert! Sorries won’t erase all the shit that happened to me because you were paranoid!”  Nathan threw the toy to the ground “You think you can just make the rules. Send a child away to an insane asylum because you see a monster of them. Well how is that self fulfilling prophecy working out for you?!” Nathan spat before reaching over to the mother doll and pleading in a girls voice. “Just kill us! Let the girls go! They have nothing to do with this!”She cried, Nathan’s eyes teared up  and he looked away sniffling. “It’s not about them. It’s about Him. He loved them more than anything else. And it is this love that puts them in the same guillotine as you. I’m sorry that because of him you three must pay. But you are his life. And he owes me that.” Nathan  shifted moving to dump gas around the inside of the house “All this is what he built his life up to.  All this is what he loves. Not me. Not what he put me through. He doesn’t even care about any of that.” Nathan’s eyes narrowed down onto the house as he imagined screaming for him to stop coming from the toys. Placing the empty cup down he sighed “I’m sorry. I just don’t care about you anymore. It hurt too much to care for so long and get nothing. Absolutely nothing in return. Nothing but a realization after years, I can’t live out here like you. You all have ruined me. I did my waiting! Seventeen years of waiting for you to let me live, to free me from my prison! And none of you did anything to help me!” Reaching over then he grabbed onto the doll that was meant to be Robert and lift it up before throwing it outside the house. “Nooo, where are you taking him!” Nathan shrieked in a girlish tone. “He’s going in the basement, he’ll have a better chance of surviving this traumatic experience down there.”  Twisting a little he reached for his backpack and took out a match. “Nathan, please! You don’t have to do this! Don’t be what he has made of you! Please, let us go!” “It’s too late for that, mother.” Lighting the match and dropping it into the model house he watched as it went up in flames. Shifting he moved back and grabbed another toy from his backpack “You are the worst twin. I feel embarrassed ever having to talk about you.  Anytime anyone brings you up in a conversation it makes me think about how weird you are and I hate you. I wish you were dead or imaginary. You killed my family.” Nathan smirked narrowing his eyes on the figured. Tossing the doll into the fire he laughed “Shut up, Austin.  You don’t understand a pain you’ve never felt.  You would never understand how much I have been hurt to be driven this far.”   Though he had more plans for Austin then letting the other die in a fire. No, for his twin, the person he had been counting on to save him. Based on the thought that Austin would remember him and eventually visit. But as the case was all the years of waiting had greeted nothing but despise “How can you forget your own twin!? What is wrong with you, do you have brain damage?!  Oh, a therapist hypnotized me! Fuck you! There was nothing I could do. – Life has been pretty traumatic for me, too.” Nathan glances into the middle distance, as if staring into a camera or looking at an audience. Standing then he let the rest of the house burn down before stomping on  the remains of the fire and putting it out. Packing up some things he made his way back to town. He was feeling hungry and wanted to grab something to eat before he had to calm his mind down enough to pretend like he was bonding with his siblings or anyone. Rubbing a hand against his head he giggled, his eyes watering. A few tears slipped out making their way down his face the strange feeling in his chest and mind pulsing for a moment before fading out as sadness washed over him. 2 MONTHS AGO WITH 0 NOTES - REBLOG SELF  ROBERT  KAREN  MOTHER  FATHER  FAMILY  GRACE  BETHANY AUSTIN