#(i still need to talk to planned parenthood about renewing a prescription or three. ive needed to do this for almost a year now.) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

branmuffins22 · 2 days ago

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you ever just feel like youre gonna suffocate

not like you Are Suffocating, no shortness of breath or anything (yet)

but just a twinge in your chest that tells you something is going to go wrong and you wont be able to breathe or think or move or call for help and nobody will be close enough to notice

and you wont live to see the consequences

#in my brainhead im pretty sure its just me “”“mysteriously”“” lacking certain necessary hormones #(i still need to talk to planned parenthood about renewing a prescription or three. ive needed to do this for almost a year now.)#and getting so little exercise for so long (especially in my upper body)#but ive been having all sorts of discomfort like i need to pop my sternum for the last couple months but i just havent been able to do so #much of which could accurately be described as “chest pain”#and the discomfort is often joined by twinges that are sometimes just quick stabs but sometimes linger for far too long #and sometimes i get sudden bouts of brainfog or dizziness or chills or sweats or fatigue or nosebleed or #and just recently someone whose genes i carry passed away from heart failure #and ive lived a very stress-filled life for a while now and im not keeping a good sleep schedule or diet or mental health or or or #and its too many risk factors #and im scared #ive been to the void before. a few times even. because ive had seizures before and theyre existentially awful.#but i cant say ive Experienced the void. because each time i went it was just a hard cut to a fade-in from black. like time never passed.#im scared. terrified. of what will happen when theres nothing to fade into.#ugh #i need a distraction

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