#(i can't do anything about the residual guilt thru conditioning but in two weeks I'm not even gonna be thinking about it)
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How. Did I spend.... nearly 1200$ over two weeks.
#i mean i can't complain because i had it apparently but also like#the guilt#the misplaced awful guilt and worthlessness#(but its also three plane tickets and a house for six days)#(and that bloodmilk ring and stuff for my hair)#its just really hard to like. let myself do things like this and not feel like i should just give it all back#because like#its p much either let myself do good things for myself that involve budgets and money#o r lay in my room wishing for death with 3grand in the bank that only reminds me of still not being able to live on my own#a n d like.#let's be real. its worth it.#like its so unbelievably almost unbearingly shockingly worth it#....and with october already planned and paid for---#there's six paychecks between now and then#which puts about 4200$ coming to me to do more of the same things with#and that's f i n e.#because there's gonna be more.#(i can't do anything about the residual guilt thru conditioning but in two weeks I'm not even gonna be thinking about it)#(because its gonna be six nights of us being gross and comfortable so like. yeah)
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