#(i am listening to mcr while writing this if it wasn't obvious)

[errorryx]

I've been falling off the quackity sexyman train despite having made a propaganda post for him, but it's 4am and i'm kind of obsessed with the idea of him winning now. i was fully ready to call it here and maybe i will be again tomorrow but right now. quackity covered in blood, quackity increasingly desperate as everyone he knows falls around him, quackity alone in the world against a bunch of strangers who have all murdered his friends, that kind of melodramatic imagery as well as the 4am insanity that lets me actually think about dream smp lore again in the way it deserves—i don't know, guys, i actually think it would kick the most ass ever if he managed to win.

one of the things that draws me to cquackity the most is his rage. he's always so confident in the righteousness of his anger, in the inherent justice of his cause, and god knows he gets into fights. especially fights he knows he can't win. he gets so caught up in his convictions, and his trauma is so, so clear in everything he does. you can see this in his fierce anger against perceived injustices, in his constant need to prove himself, in his desperation, in his short-sightedness being his own downfall, again and again and again. but he gets back up! he gets back up every fucking time! even at the end, he gets up and he rebuilds because he literally cannot do it any other way. he can make himself into something abhorrent, but he can't give up and die.

i won't campaign against joe hills, who has also thoroughly earned my respect, but i will keep campaigning for quackity, the last member of the dream smp left standing. the only one, in the end, to hold his fucking ground and fight to the bitter end. and he will fight, because there's never been another choice for him.

dear god, i want him to win. i want him to win for every one of his fallen friends, enemies and allies that should have been stronger than him, but fell while he slipped through the cracks into another slim margin of victory. i want him to win for himself, because no matter how awful he is, he's a goddamn masterpiece in his own right. i want him to win for me, because i am fucking insane about him.

and win or lose, i think i am going to write a goddamn fic.

anyway, dsmp people, vote for quackity. he's the final girl we deserve.

[bortbytingen]

Last night I talked to a friend about MCR and was asked which song is my favourite. I replied "Mama". To make a long story short, it apparently seem like a lot of transmasc people have that song as their favourite MCR song and we both thought that to be interesting.

As I was about to go to bed, I had an aha-moment in which I realised part of why I like the song and I'm not going to break it down and maybe it's similar reasons that other transmasc people have that song as their favourite too?

Oh and fyi, when I began listening to this song, I didn't even know what transgender was yet.

Edit: This is my personal interpretation.

In case it wasn't obvious, this post will be about the lyrics and why I connect to it/how I interpret it. And I won't write out every thought about the lyrics, but mainly those concerning my transmasc identity.

Mama, we all go to hell I'm writing this letter and wishing you well

Writing a letter to your mother, telling all those things you can't get out in words. Explaining how you feel. That you're not the girl she thinks you are. You're doing this even though you know it will hurt your mum (and you'll therefore go to hell, which for me means a metaphorical hell as in feeling guilt knowing I have hurt my mum even if it also was something that was necessary). With the well wishes at the end, this seems to be a kind of farewell letter, so the person readies himself to break the contact with his mum if needed. This can also be seen as a suicide note with the person being unable to handle pretending to be someone they're not anymore.

Stop asking me questions, I hate to see you cry Mama, we're all gonna die

Similar as for above. The mother asks questions with answers she won't like (like "why are you like this?", "can't you behave more like a girl?" etc). Questions to things that doesn't really matter in the long run since we're all going to die. Once again, if above letter is viewed as a suicide note, this might also be seen as a kind of "we're all going to die, so it doesn't matter if I die now or later, later will just mean more pain".

And when we go don't blame us

The mum is the one pushing away their son, so the only one to blame is the mother/society and not the son. This go whether it's just leaving the house/area or life.

Mama, we're all full of lies

Lies about pretending to be someone else. Lies about things not hurting us. Lies about loving you the way you are (and then later clearly showing that's not the case).

You should have raised a baby girl I should've been a better son

The part that hit young me the hardest. The mother should've raised a girl because I'm not a girl, I'm a boy. I'm your son. And something I could've been better at. Being better as in trying to not act like the girl expected of me, but instead embrace the boy I know I am and do the very best with that.

If you could coddle the infection They can amputate at once

Maybe if you had coddled "the girl", you could have stopped those "boyish tendencies" and removed the transgender parts before they spread to everything.

She said, "You ain't no son of mine!" For what you've done they're Gonna find a place for you And just you mind your manners when you go.

"You're not my son, you're my daughter." The thing the person has done is being trans and the mum is sending him away. Maybe for psychiatric treatment or conversion therapy or similar since the mother views the transmasc part as being an illness. While there he has to mind his manners and act like a girl or he won't leave.

And if you would call me a sweetheart I'd maybe then sing you a song

If you act and talk like the mother wants, she'll treat you nicely.

We're damned after all Through fortune and flame we fall And if you can stay then I'll show you the way To return from the ashes you call

The world still aren't made for us. If we choose to embrace our transmasc identity, we're damned by society. If we decide to try and live as girls, we're damned by ourselves. But if you can hold on and be yourself, there will be others to help you through the fire of coming out and living as a boy/man.

We all carry on When our brothers in arms are gone So raise your glass high for tomorrow we die

No matter what, we all try to carry on, but eventually we'll die, some earlier than others and some by others or own hand. They, other transmasc people, are still our brothers in arms though, even if we never meet them and we should celebrate and remember both them and ourselves since we never know when death will come.

There we are, some of my trans related thoughts around the song. Sorry for jumping between poc. Maybe my thoughts are similar to other transmasc people. Maybe they're not. No matter what, this seems to be a song loved by many transmasc individual, so there has to be something that make it so appealing to us, even if it's nothing like my own reasons.