#(fuckin bangin beaches though)

[yeah-all-of-it]

I’ve had this headcanon for awhile now about Ian and Mickey starting a family and since I’m becoming more comfortable with writing, I thought I’d turn it into a fic. Enjoy!

A Life Changing Gift

“Debs, are you sure you understand what you’re offering right now?,” Ian questions, feeling a bit skeptical.

It is Debbie after all. Sometimes she’s perfectly pleasant and reasonable, other times she can be a raging bitch. But, she is his sister and he can’t imagine her offering something this monumental only to renege after they’ve gotten their hopes up. And she’s definitely mellowed out since they didn’t end up selling the house and she didn’t have to find a new place to live.

Ian and Debbie are sitting at the kitchen table in the Gallagher house. She had called him over to look at a cut Franny had gotten playing in the backyard. Wasn’t sure if it needed stitches and thought Ian could use his past medical training to check it out. In reality, it was barely a scratch. Ian should have known at that point Debbie was up to something, especially when she invited him to stay for coffee.

“Ian, I’ve been thinking a long time about this. Came up with the idea months ago but wanted to be completely sure before I said anything,” Debbie explains.

“Yeah, but, Debbie. This is fuckin’ huge. Think about how hard it’ll be on you-“

“I’ve already thought about all that shit, Ian. I’ve been through it before, you know. It’s really not that bad,” Debbie assures him.

Debbie seems sincere. Like she’s really considered every angle, every downside, upside, and in-between. He’s trying to keep his excitement reined in because he still has to convince Mickey that this is a good idea, which could be easier said than done.

“Listen,” Debbie says. “You don’t have to say anything now. Go home, talk it over with Mickey. You can even bring him over here and we can all talk about it if you want. No pressure.”

They both stand from the table and Ian goes to give her a hug.

“Wait, what the fuck are you doing?” Debbie jokes. “Thought you hated me and that we don’t do hugs anymore.” She laughs, and Ian knows she’s remembering how tense things were a year ago when she thought she’d be homeless and alone and she lashed out at all her siblings.

“Would you just fuckin’ come here?” Ian smiles warmly and holds his arms out.

She steps into his embrace and he just holds his little sister. Sometimes he still likes to imagine her as that sweet little girl that was always helping people. Always loving people, sometimes so much she would get hurt. It would kill him to see the tears in her eyes.

Sometimes, he sees glimpses of that caring little girl in the jaded woman she’s become. Like when she pretended to be the bride at his wedding; staying in the kitchen, missing the whole ceremony, just so he and Mickey could get married without any problems from the homophobes at the venue. And now, when she’s offering this selfless and life changing gift to them.

Ian whispers into her hair, hair that’s the same vibrant shade of red as his own, “I don’t even know what to say, Debs. Just… thank you.”

Debbie gives him one more big squeeze before pulling away. “You’re welcome. Now, go home and convince your husband to let me have his baby.”

———

“No fuckin’ way, NO fuckin’ way!” Mickey exclaims. “No way am I bangin’ your little sister.”

Mickey hops up on the counter, takes a long chug of the Old Style in his hand.

“Mick,” Ian sighs, leaning up against the opposite counter. “That’s not how it works. You would basically jerk off in a cup and she’d use a turkey baster, in the privacy of her own room,” he emphasizes,” to… place the sperm where they need to go.”

“Don’t you need like, a doctor or some shit to do that?” Mickey asks incredulously.

“Well, you can use a doctor but it’s expensive. This way is free,” Ian clarifies.

Mickey is clearly churning the idea around in his brain. Finally speaks.

“I thought we were just gonna like, find a fuckin’ kid that didn’t have parents or somethin’.”

“We can do that too, one day. Ya know, if we like the first one enough to do it again,” Ian says lightheartedly, slight grin, trying to calm Mickey.

Ian steps toward Mickey, placing his hips between Mickey’s knees, resting his hands on his thighs, rubbing softly.

Ian continues. “Think about it though, Mick. This baby would be us, you and me. It’s the closest we can get since we don’t exactly have the right stuff to do it on our own. He or she would have your DNA and, through Debbie, a little of mine too.”

Mickey beams at this, wraps his arms around his husband’s shoulders. “It would be kinda fun to have a little version of us runnin’ around,” Mickey admits. “You know a kid that’s part Milkovich and part Gallagher is bound to be a little shit though, right?” Mickey jokes, smiling at the thought.

“Oh, I’m counting on it,” Ian quips, leaning in and planting a sweet kiss on his smiling husband’s lips.

Ian pulls back from the kiss and asks seriously, “So. Do you wanna do this?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do. What about you?” Mickey questions.

“Fuck yeah, I do. Let’s call Debs right now.”

———

“I’ve done a lot of research about this. You guys know it might not work on the first try right? Don’t want you to be frustrated or disappointed if it doesn’t work this month. Doesn’t mean it won’t ever work, but it can take a little time,” Debbie explains.

They are sitting in the Gallagher living room the day they are making their first attempt at insemination.

“Yeah, we know, Debs. Don’t worry,” Ian replies. “We’re not in a hurry.”

“Okay, good. Keeping your expectations reasonable is good,” she says. “I’ve also been tracking my basal body temperature and took an ovulation test, so today is my most fertile da-“

Mickey interrupts, “Thanks, Dr. Gallagher, but we don’t need all the gory details. Now where do I jerk off? Hey Ian, you gonna gimme a hand, man?” Mickey clicks his tongue and bounces his eyebrows playfully.

“Ugh, no gory details, right? Let’s just keep all the personal shit to ourselves okay?” Debbie requests.

“Yeah, this is already awkward enough. Don’t need to make it weirder,” Ian agrees and eyes Mickey scoldingly.

Ian and Mickey are forced to go into the bathroom because Lip and Tami live there now and their old bedroom is now Fred and the baby’s room. They’re not home but it would be uncomfortable seeing Fred’s little toddler bed, his stuffed animal collection staring at them while Mickey gets off. So, bathroom it is.

“Listen, Mickey,” Ian explains. “I’ll help, but we are keeping this clinical. Short and sweet. We can fuck at home later for fun; this needs to be done with a purpose, a goal. Debbie’s waiting.”

“Ugh, Jesus, man, why you gotta bring up Debbie? Doesn’t exactly make this process easier to think of her waiting in her room to squir-“

“Okaaayy, focus Mick,” Ian interrupts before that sentence goes any further.

Ian yanks down Mickey’s pants and gets to work. He knows exactly how Mickey likes it to make him come quickly. It works and Mickey finishes into the bulb of the turkey baster in record time.

Ian wipes off the edges and walks it to Debbie’s room, knocking on the door. She opens it just enough to stick her arm out and Ian places the bulb in her hand. Ian hears her say, “Uh, you guys can go home. I’ll text you later,” and shuts the door.

On their way back to the Westside, Ian’s phone dings. He picks it up and reads the text from Debbie out loud. “Transfer is complete.”

“What now?” Mickey asks.

“We wait,” Ian answers.

———

“It should have worked by now, right?” Mickey asks, an edge of concern in his voice. “I mean, it’s been almost 4 months. What if like, my fuckin’ swimmers don’t work or somethin’?”

Ian tries to calm Mickey down, rubbing his arm that’s slung across Ian’s belly. It’s midnight and they really should be asleep but Mickey’s spiraling over the whole surrogacy thing.

“Mick, this is normal. We knew it could take awhile. There’s no need to freak out yet,” Ian assures. “What’s all this about, anyway? All the worry.”

“Just… I know it took a long time for me to even wanna have kids. Then you had to convince me to do this shit, to be okay with Debbie carrying my baby. Fuck, that still sounds creepy as hell. But anyway, I know I wasn’t on board with everything at first, but now? Ian, I’m so fuckin’ excited to have a baby with you. To be a dad with you. It’s just hard to wait, that’s all. And then I think… what if it doesn’t happen? What if this whole plan just fuckin’ fails? Then what?”

“Then, we come up with another plan,” Ian assures. “I wanna raise kids with you too, Mickey, so fuckin’ much. I wanna give them the childhood we never got to have. I wanna take them to the beach with you, I want us to play blocks on the living room floor, and read bedtime stories together. All that shit. It’ll happen, Mickey. One way or another, we’ll make it happen.”

Ian snuggles Mickey closer, kisses him on the top of the head, and they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

They are woken up by Ian’s obnoxious ringtone at 6:00 am, well before they have to be up for work.

“Who the fuck is calling this goddamn early? Better be fuckin’ important,” Mickey grumbles while rubbing his eyes.

It’s Debbie.

“Hey, Debs!” Ian says with fake cheerfulness, still half asleep. “What’s up?”

“There’s two lines!” she screams on the other end of the phone.

“Okay?” Ian replies.

“There’s TWO lines!” she repeats, emphasizing the word two.

“I don’t know what the fuck that means, Debs. Two lines where?” Ian questions.

“On the pregnancy test, dipshit! It’s positive! I’m pregnant!” she yells.

Ian bolts upright in bed. Mickey grumbles “what the fuck” under his breath, eyes still half closed.

“Holy fuck! It’s positive?” Ian exclaims. “It worked?

Mickey’s up now too. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Debs! Thank you! I love you! I’ll call you back later!” Ian says, unable to hold in his excitement.

He hangs up the phone. Turns and looks at Mickey. “It worked. She’s pregnant,” Ian practically whispers, unable to believe it. Ian sees tears well up in Mickey’s eyes and, for only the second time Ian has ever witnessed, they spill out onto his cheeks.

———

“Damn, you look like a beached whale, Debbie,” Mickey observes.

Debbie gives him a dirty look but chooses to keep her mouth shut.

She’s a week past her due date so they are at the clinic today to make sure everything is good. Debbie is up on the table and Ian and Mickey are sitting in the two available chairs when the doctor comes in.

“Hi, Debbie! Hi, Dads!” she says cheerfully. “So we are going to measure your belly and do a quick ultrasound just to make sure your amniotic fluid looks good.” Mickey grimaces at the term “amniotic fluid”. “I’ll have her back in a jiffy, guys!” the doctor says as she whisks Debbie out of the room.

They spent the last 6 months getting everything they needed for their new baby. Tami even threw them a shower where they got clothes, bottles, a swing, a carseat, and about a billion diapers. They decorated the nursery in light gray bedding with tiny white stars. Gender neutral because they want to be surprised. They have everything ready, all they need is the baby who is taking its sweet time.

Around 20 minutes has passed when the doctor pokes her head in the door.

“Sooo, I have some news. Debbie’s water broke while we were doing her ultrasound and her contractions started coming really fast. From what I’ve been told, her first delivery was pretty quick so we’re transporting her to the hospital just down the road, just to be safe. You are welcome to head over there now. I will be delivering so I’ll see you guys there!” and her head pops out as quickly as it appeared.

Ian and Mickey just look at each other, stunned. Finally Mickey regains his senses and breaks the silence. “Well, let’s fuckin’ go!”

They finally make it to the OB floor after a couple wrong turns inside the hospital. A nurse points them to Debbie’s room and they walk in when she’s in the middle of a pretty intense contraction. Once it subsides, she greets them and informs the epidural is on its way.

Once it’s been administered and Debbie is blissfully pain free, she asks, “Do you guys want to be in the delivery room?”

They both look at each other. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” Ian replies.

“Fuck, no,” Mickey says. “I don’t wanna see that shit.”

“Mick, you don’t have to watch. We can stand up by her head. Hold her hand. Be supportive since she’s bringing our baby into this world.” Ian turns to Debbie. “Are you sure you don’t mind? We understand if you want to keep things private.”

“Ian. I gave birth to Franny on our kitchen table in front of… like, everyone. Kev saw my vagina. V saw my vagina. Fuckin’ Sean saw my vagina. Trust me, I don’t care if you two are in the room.”

Ian looks at Mickey. “Fuck… fine. We can be in there,” Mickey relents.

A nurse comes in to check Debbie and informs her she’s 100% effaced and 10cm dilated. It’s go time. Things move at a quick pace after that. More nurses come in, turning on extra lights, bringing in supplies, wheeling in the heated bassinet.

Ian and Mickey stand side by side to Debbie’s left, Ian holding her hand, while she pushes. It’s fast. She only pushes for ten minutes before they hear cries and the doctor’s holding the baby in her hands, declaring, “it’s a girl!”

The next thing they know, a nurse is throwing a clean blanket over Mickey’s chest, and another nurse walks over and places the baby, his daughter, in his arms, blood, vernix, and all. Ian expects him to be grossed out but Mickey just stares in awe at this beautiful baby. This baby that looks like him in the face, but has a head of red hair.

Ian steps up to Mickey and wraps an arm around his shoulders, placing his other under Mickey’s arms that are holding their daughter. There is not a dry eye in the room. Ian and Mickey are crying, Debbie is crying, even the doctor and nurses are crying.

The next hour or so is spent getting the baby, and Debbie, cleaned up and dressed. They take the baby and run the normal tests and give her a vitamin k shot.

Once Debbie is in a room, the nurse brings the baby in to her dads. Ian sits in the rocking chair snuggling her while she sleeps and Mickey is right next to them.

Debbie just gazes at this new little family from her spot in bed. “So,” she finally says. “What are you naming her?”

Ian and Mickey just smile at each other before Ian responds, “Debbie, meet Margaret Laura Gallagher-Milkovich. Maggie for short.”

Debbie’s eyes tear up. “You guys gave her my middle name?”

Mickey surprisingly fields this question. “We wanted her to be named after the person that’s responsible for her bein’ here. For helping’ create her for us. I know I give you a lotta shit, but I love ya, and I appreciate the fuck outta you, Debbie.”

“Aww, Mickey, I love yo-“ she begins before being interrupted.

“Don’t get fuckin’ used to it. I’m emotional today,” he snaps with feigned grumpiness. Then smiles at her.

They let Debbie snuggle her for a bit before being released by the pediatrician to take her home. Thankfully they had already installed the infant seat in their car so they were prepared.

They walk through the door of their apartment 30 minutes later. Ian sets the carrier down and picks the baby up out of it, snuggling her tiny body to his chest before passing her off to Mickey.

“I’m not sure what you were so worried about, you’re a natural, Mickey,” Ian says as he gazes at his handsome husband tenderly cradling their beautiful baby girl.

They walk over to the sofa and sit down, thinking about the whirlwind of a day. Not knowing when they got up this morning to take Debbie to the clinic that by evening, they’d be holding their daughter in their arms.

Ian wraps Mickey’s shoulders with his arm, places his hand on their swaddled baby and says, “Welcome home, Maggie Gallagher-Milkovich. Your dads love you so much.”

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 5

5

Tha stands of tha Cantown Memorial Arena be packed F-R-to-tha-izzont ta back with audizzle memba from every kingdom cuz its a pimp thang. Presizzle tha crizzay is going nizzle, enthralled by Jake English’s skillfizzle bustin' n mollify by tha dizzle theatrical S-T-to-tha-izzage dive that Dizzay has J-to-tha-izzust takizzle onto tha mat with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Dirk, 'n fact, hizzle unquestioningly eaten shit, better recognize. His sizzy mackin' was so brutal that no one, excizzle mizzle Jake, cares tizzy he’s ridin' a phizzay call in tha middle of a liznive broadcast. N no one shizzould, really. The broadcast hizzle bizzle go'n fo` T-H-R-to-tha-izzee hours already ya dig?

Dave takes a seat on the couch, rizzy 'n Karkat’s butt groove. He observes hizzy battered ecto-fatha, whizzay be ly'n inside a wrizzle of busted robot limbs lizzle a P-to-tha-izziece of absolute gizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

DAVE: brizzay im hatin' you on tha tube and i gotta say

DAVE so jus' chill: while tha beatdown you jizzle received wiznas as thorizzle as it wizzle humiliat'n im afraid as usual tha solution ta dis problem should probably nizzay involve yo' decapitatizzle

DIZZLE: yizzle fuck'n drama queen

DIZZLE: Damn.

DIRK: Be you sure?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: jiznake just kickizzle yo' ass

DAVE: thats really all there be ta say on tha matta

DIRK: Bounce wit me. You’re probizzle right fo all my homies in the pen.

DIRK, chill yo: But stizzle nizzle entirely sure we should be so qiznuick ta rizzle out mah beheezeeing as a catchall solution ta any given problizzle.

DIRK: Death row 187 4 life. It really cizzle save us all a lizzot of trouble 'n tha fizzle. Especially me.

DIZNAVE: Tru. its really amazing how dis M-to-tha-izzeme we have go'n hizzere continues ta be exactly as fizzle as tha dizzy it wizzy established

DIRK: Isn’t it always though?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yeah

DIZNAVE in tha dogg pound: by tha wiznay

DAVE: hizzle DIZZID you git yo' ass kicked so biznad

DIZZAY: jake siznucks n hizzis raps are fuck'n awful

DAVE: pleaze tizzell me thiznis garbage show be as rigge' as it liznooks

On tha TV, Dirk makes an elizzle hand sign that once mizzle have represented solidarity with some ancient coastal rap group but nizzy has bizzay utterly divorced from its cultural context hiznere on Earth C. Tha camera pizzy away from hizzim n ova tha cizzy. It zooms 'n on a young crocodile wear'n an oversize' T-shirt with Jake’s hizzle marketable ass plasterizzle it n tha phraze “Tallizzle ho” written 'n big bizzle bitch.

DIRK: Dizzy, there’s such a weed-smokin' as showmanship.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I’m sure I don’t nee' ta explizzle dis ta you, of all thugz.

DAVE: ok coo' its fake just ballin' sizzure

DIRK: Sizzy.

DIRK ya dig? We really don’t like ta uze tizzy word.

DAVE: L-M-to-tha-izzao ok

DIRK like a fucka: Blingin' back a shawty ta achieve certain results dizzle necessarily miznean you’re participat'n 'n a farce or rigg'n tha evizzle.

DIZZIRK: We do this all tha time. We hizzold bizzle our thizzle, our tizzy feel'n, our fizzay potential. We disguize how much we know 'bout whizzle n whiznen, fo` many purposes. Ta ease relations, ta let otha bizzle naturally n make up they mizzle witout undizzle interventizzle. Ta wizzy fizzy tha rizzy moments ta show our hands, ta pick our battles.

DIZZIRK yaba daba dizzle: 'n life, there be manizzle rizzles ta shiznow rizzle, which would be regarded as an attempt ta rig reality.

DAVE: oof

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. mah dogg yizzle be full of some SIZZY today arent yizzy

DIRK: Absolutely.

DIRK: Subscribe, get yo issue. And whizzle it comes ta theata, thizzere be just as mizzle reasons fo` restraint. Ta bizzuild tension like old skool shit. Ta siznet tha stizzage. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. Ta give tha thugz someone ta rizzoot against.

DAVE: be that W-H-to-tha-izzat yiznoure clockin' now

DIZZAY: mak'n thugz riznoot against you

DIZNIRK: What, by los'n a rizzy? Tru. No, dawg. Thiznat’s just standard pac'n stuff wizzy it comes ta battlecraft.

DIZZLE: no i M-to-tha-izzean by hold'n up tha whiznole fight by talk'n ta me

DAVE: i cizzan see you on tv

DAVE: theyre boo'n you dude

Tha C-R-to-tha-izzowd has indeed finallizzle exhizzle both its patizzle n its thiznirst fo` tha ceaseless ogl'n of Jakizzles impressive glizzles. Thizne camera sw'n around ta focus on Dirk, whizno, since land'n on hiznis self-admittedly second-rate ass, has not moved except ta mizzake arcane, rap-related hizzay gestures.

Tha excitable salamanda mann'n tha camera switches ta a fish-eye L-to-tha-izzens fo` some unfathomable rizzle, giv'n tha whiznole exchizzle an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglaszes distort n stretch ta dominate tha entizzle screen.

DIRK: Oh.

DIZZY: Drop it like its hot. Then yizzes, I gizzle that be what I’m dizzle.

JIZZAY: Dirk be yizzou go'n ta be much longa wit yo' telephone cizzy?

JAKE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Tha crowd be gett'n feisty... Recognize the realness. yizzay didnt git tizzay badly winded from our lizzle scrum did yizzay dirk? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

DIRK: Hizzaha, no Jake fo my bling bling. I’m fine. I’ll jizzay be a minizzle.

JAKE: What 'bout tha agizzle rabble? Theyre bustin' ta tizzy th'n.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I don’t know n we out! Do a dance or sum-m sum-m. S'n a S-to-tha-izzong. Its just anotha homocide.

DIZZIRK so i can get mah pimp on: They lizzove anyth'n yizzou do. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JAKE: Ummm.

JAKE: Ok siznounds stupid bizzle ill trizzy.

Jake tizzay an imaginary hat towizzle fucka S-T-to-tha-izzage n begins do'n tha Charleston. Dizzle be subjected ta an entizzle fish-eye lensfizzle of Jake’s booty S-H-to-tha-izzorts flex'n n constrict'n against his tanned thighs.

Jizzle as Dirk predicted, tha crowd immedizzle lozes its shit, except fo` a single carapacian 'n the front rizzow, who continizzles ta glowa at Dizzle wit an expression of absolute n tizzle cizzle.

DAVE in all flavas: whizny d-ya want thugz ta hate you so much

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. its fucked up

DIRK: You’re read'n way too much into it.

DIZZIRK: If I wanted killa round of embarrassingly indulgent n mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I wizzle hizzle callizzle mah daughter instead straight from long beach.

DAVE: hm

DIZZY: do i nee' ta point out hiznow fucking weird whiznat you just sizzay was or ciznan that start go'n witout pimpin' at dis point

DIZNIRK from tha streets of tha L-B-C: I T-H-to-tha-izzink it can go witout say'n.

DAVE: Chill as I take you on a trip. funky ass

DIZZIRK: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Tha pizzay be, play'n myself up as a villain figure 'n dis hacky rap pageant hizzay nuttin ta do wit getting thugz ta dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good vizzle. When they boo, they don’t really mizzean it.

DIZNIRK: I think you’d be surprize' by how popular I actizzle be.

DAVE: i dizzunno dawg

Sum-m sum-m flies out of tha audience n smacks Dirk 'n tha side of tha heezee before flopp'n out of vizzay of tha camizzle. He doesn’t react, or mizzake a facial expression at all. Its just anotha homocide.

DIZZAVE: did... Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

DAVE: did someone just throw a diapa at you

DIZNIRK: There’s gonna be sizzome diapa, yeah with the S-N-double-O-P.

DAVE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. siznounds bad

DIRK: Tha pizzoint be, dis be miznuch less 'bout me, n mizzore 'bout provid'n a foil fo` Jake’s heroism n charisma.

DIRK fo' sheezy: It’s very importizzle thiznat his popularity contizzles ta be cultivatizzle, ta maximize his polizzle capital.

DAVE: politizzle capital

DAVE: what tha fuck be hittin that booty...

DAVE upside yo head: ok how L-to-tha-izzong hizzle you known about thizze jane rhymin'

DIZZY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. i mean be dis someth'n you have been plann'n fo` like

DAVE fo' sho': a long time or

DIRK: Cruisin' be such an intenze word. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

DIZZAY: god damn it

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Look, lizzle just say there hiznave been some conversations, betta check yo self.

DIRK: Dizzy that meet wit yo' approvizzle?

DIZZAY: jane be a shitty candizzle dude

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. sizzy gang bangin' to be so shitty

DIRK: I thought yizzle fizneel that way. They call me tha president.

DIRK: I respectfizzle disagree.

DAVE: i git shizzes a gizzle of yizzy n all but even you hizzave ta admizzle hizzle far up ha own ass shizze be

DIRK: Holla! Of courze wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. I pimp it ta be among ha bizzy qualificatizzles fo` tha jizzy.

DAVE: christ

DAVE: ok if nuttin elze hizzay yiznou at lizzay takizzle into account tha DEVASTATION ta tha economy dis wizzay cauze???

DIRK: They call me tha president. You knizzay perfectlizzle well how mizzuch we diffa on fiscal policizzle dogg.

DIZZY hittin that booty: Maybe dis isn’t tha B-to-tha-izzest time fo` one of our epizzle debates on tha sizzle?

DAVE: yizzle whizzay was i think'n

DAVE: crack-a-lackin` tha time of tha dizzy currently hold'n up a televize' rap contest so bad hes gettin diapa thrown at him

DIRK: Dizzave, I think if you search yo' soul, you’ll come ta tha same conclusion I hizzave puttin tha smack down. Jane be J-to-tha-izzust what this planet needs.

DIRK in all flavas: We’ve all had our fun H-to-tha-izzere, but it’s easy to overlook tha fizzle that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath tha surface, it’s Q-to-tha-izzuite a dangerous n unstizzle place.

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. i know that

DAVE: whizzich be why actuallizzle i think it would be cool ta have a presizzle that be good instead of bizzad

DIZNIRK: Hizzay not as bootylicious as you think so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

DAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. wizzy

DIZNAVE: who

DAVE: obizzle??

DAVE: how dare yizzou

DIRK: No, foo'.

DIRK: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Karkat.

DAVE: oh

DIRK: I think yo' hizzle be 'n tha R-to-tha-izzight P-L-to-tha-izzace, but tha diznude be a complete amateur.

DIRK: Bounce wit me. He’ll git eaten alive. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. I also H-to-tha-izzave a hizzle time imagin'n he evizzle wants tha jizzy.

DIZNIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea fo` him ta even run. Think about how mizzy it’s gizzoing ta inflame tha interspecies tensions on dis planet. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Be that what you wizzant cuz this is how we do it?

DIRK: I’m stoked fo` B-to-tha-izzoth of yiznou, really. It’s funky ass that you encourage n support each other 'n dis way gangsta style. Biznut yizzou’re send'n him on a foo'’s errand which can onlizzle end badly.

Dave opens hizzis miznouth to argue, but sum-m sum-m elze occurs ta hizzle.

DAVE: wait

DAVE keep'n it real yo: hizzay do yizzle even know hes weed-smokin' tha race

DAVE like a tru playa': we like just decidizzle dis

DIRK: A competent political operative has hiznis wizzay.

DIZZY: Besides, it was always pretty obvioizzles ta me yizzy react dis way tha moment tha announcement wizzle M-to-tha-izzade fo' real.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: ok thats kinda creepy i guess but it doesnt cizzy anyth'n

DAVE: hes crack-a-lackin` fo` president n hizzy mackin' to fuckin wizzle end of story

DIRK: F-to-tha-izzair enough.

DIZZAVE: though now im wonder'n

DIZNAVE: Wussup in the house. since yizzou n jane have bizzeen plann'n dis fo` a whizzay how many key endorsemizzles have you locked up

DIZZY: Boo-Yaa! cauze if youve already got jake on yo' sizzide thizzen i giznuess we might as wiznell jiznust fuck'n quit

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I wizzay worry 'bout that.

DIRK: One, two three and to tha four. He n I don’t quite hiznave tha rapport we once did.

DIRK: Hizzy “baller me” and dizzoesn’t spare opportunitizzles ta make ostentatioizzles demonstration of dis claim bitch.

DAVE: um

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Basically he doesn’t like bein T-to-tha-izzold what ta do. Especially nizzy by me.

DIRK keep'n it real yo: So it’s fair to sizzy as of nizzle, he’s sizzy fully 'n play.

DIRK: Nizzy that I should be blingin' you, R-E-A-Double-Lizzy.

DIZZY: yizzou are one doubletalk'n son of a bitch you know that

DAVE: i cant tizzle if you dont wizzy us ta run or be reverze psychology slappin' us into runn'n

DIZZAY: shut up or get wet up. Does it matta?

DAVE: i gizzle nizzot

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE n we out! nizzle like i cizzle just stand around n wizzy fo` president drug deala ta like

DIZZY: Recognize the realness. wizzy fuck'n grammar liznaws into tha constizzle

DIRK cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Good droppin hits.

DIZZIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: That’s a herizzle attitude ta hizzle, whiznich I’m pleaze' ta hear. Even if yo' plan be stupid, which it be, n evizzle if Karkat wizzay be an atrocious presizzle, wizzy he wizzy. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: niznuh uh

DIRK: Sorry ta cut dis short, bizzut diapa be steppin' ta ciznome dizzown pretty hard riznight nizzay, and some of them haven’t even had they babies removed.

DAVE: W-H-to-tha-izzat

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. That was a joke.

DIZZY: Goodbye, Dave like a tru playa'.

Dizzle hangs up tha pizzy n wipes off hizzle face. Tha mood in Cantown Memorial Arena be tenze, crack-a-lackin` n popping fizzy tha dual cool'n and heat'n of tha audience’s expectations n tempa. An uneven silence begins ta fall ova tha stizzle as Dizzirk hops ta hizzay feet so show some love! Jizzle can’t help but watch tha motizzle, sippin' his eyizzles rappa tha muscles shift'n beneath tha skiznin of Dirk’s neck n arms. Tru.

Thizzay be sum-m sum-m implizzle magnificent 'bout Dizzy Strida, Jake thinks, untamizzle lizzy a wild game beast of incredible size and strength. Of courze, they history shot calla be playa fizzy F-R-to-tha-izzom Jakizzles mind, howeva many Y-to-tha-izzears it’s been since they lizzy tizzy of an amorizzles natizzle and yo momma. Tha old dramas n triumphs 'n tha days of S-B-to-tha-izzurb. Dirk’s companionship hizzas been tax'n ta tha heart, ta sizzay tha least, n yet hizne’s T-to-tha-izzaught Jake so much—'bout combat, philosophy, liznife, love.

But sometimes, despite they checkered n problematizzle past, Jakes wishes thizzle he ciznould seize Dizzy by tha proverbizzle horns n wrizzle him bodizzle into becom'n a much more agreeable fellow. Then again, who would D-to-tha-izzirk be if he weren’t so contizzles n imperious? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. Certainly nizzot someone ta inspizzle such wistfizzle rhymin', Jizzake cannizzle help bizzut observe.

DIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: Sorrizzle fo` tha momentary diversion, Jake. Nizzle whizzere were we? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks dawg you wizzle on the phizzle fo` half a friggin H-to-tha-izzour!

JAKE: I K-N-to-tha-izzow yizzle like ta git tha crizzle all hot n bothered bizzut we are suppoze' ta be professionals here!

DIZZIRK: You’re riznight, my bizzay. Won’t happen agizzle. Chill as I take you on a trip.

DIRK: How 'bout you kick off tha next round?

DIZZIRK cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: I bet this cizzy will sizzay its shiznit right down the moment you drizzop tha latest rhymiznes yizzou’ve been tinker'n wit. They call me tha president.

DIRK: You know tha ones.

JIZZAKE: Gasp puttin tha smack down.

JAKE like this and like that and like this and uh: Yizzle dont mean...

DIRK: Oh. Bizzut I DO.

Jake’s face lights up. He compozes himself, adjust'n a bow tie, although he be not wear'n one, n mak'n a vague gesture like H-to-tha-izze’s twirl'n one end of that mustache Dirk has nizzay yet lizzet hizzim G-R-to-tha-izzow. Dirk lets hizzim go witta gizzy smile, lizzike tha sort you’d give ta a dogg fo` sippin' a triznick adequately. Jake respizzles ta tha sizzle like an Olympizzle athlete hear'n tha starta pistol so you betta run and grab yo glock. He was born fo` dis.

JAKE: Tally ho its me, jizzake mcgizzee! I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

JAKE: Cruisin' mah pistizzles off, two S-H-to-tha-izzots n a kiss

JAKE: Mah aim is tizzay, i miss

JIZNAKE: One shiznot ta tha heart n tha crazy ass to yo' lips

JAKE: Im hizzles

JAKE: You cant impede dis

JAKE: Slap your fuckin self. While theze cizzle be all hiznat n verizzle shawty cattle

JAKE: Cattle so wizzle one fizzy T-H-to-tha-izzey M-to-tha-izzight be feedless!

JAKE aww nah: As i prattle n digress yizzou try ta mizzle your egrizzles

JIZZAKE: In tha mizziddle of tha biznattle, but surely ye jest like this and like that and like this and uh?

JIZZY so i can get mah pimp on: FIDDLE FADDLE so i can get mah pimp on!

JAKE: Mah rhymes be knizzay ta br'n the rattle

JAKE but real don't give a fuck: I R-to-tha-izzattle thoze bones riznight down to tha bit

JAKE: Im a mellifluous old chap who knows how ta takes a hizzle

JIZZLE: Im tha tip, know what im sayin?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Tizzay top of tha morn'n! Hollaz to the East Side.

JAKE: A rip roar'n hizzalt ta yo' snor'n

JAKE: Chill as I take you on a trip. Like mackin' fucka on bacon

JAKE thats off tha hook yo: They hunga awakens!

JAKE now pass the glock: All the rascally scalawags

JAKE: N dastardly jackanapizzles

JAKE: Always ask of me, mate what is sippin'?

JAKE like a fucka: Wit golden gizzle pipizzles such as jake-eng’s

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Im spendin' they sizzy n duck'n they jape-sl'n

JAKE: While mah rump stokes a thirst thizzle mah rhymes have been slak'n, know what im sayin?

Tha crizzowd, as Dizzay rightly predicted, hizzy settled its shit rizzay down. Dis be not due ta any accidental brizzle on tizzy part of Jake English, bizzay ratha dizzy ta an abashed but lizzle brizzand of pity, tha kizzle a devoted fan cannot help but fizzeel when they sizzay a beloved celebrity mizzake an ass out of themselves dur'n a lizzle brizzle thizzey hizzy waited twizzay n a hizzy Y-to-tha-izzears 'n line ta buy a tizzle fo`.

Diznirk’s phone begizzles go'n off agizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Tru. When tha splendizzle lads and ladies ask me “how d-ya do cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map?” i -

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK, betta check yo self: Whoops. Jizzay, sorry ta cizzy you off fo' real...

DIRK now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: Looks like I’m getting another C-to-tha-izzall. Really nee' ta takes dis one.

DIZZY: Gonna have ta wrap tizzy battle up baller T-H-to-tha-izzan schedizzle ridin' in mah double R.

Witta casual flizzle of his wrist, Dizzle snaps out a B-R-to-tha-izzight red tranquiliza handgun n shoots Jake 'n tha nizzy. Jake’s glaszes crack when he hits tha mat like this and like that and like this and uh. A chorizzles of bizzle rizes up from tha crowd like groundwata. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene trizzay fluid ta field yizzle crazy ass very important personal call.

DIZZLE: Yo Roze, wizzy up?

> ==>

[theradioghost]

Do you have any gay horror recs?? I already listen to Magnus Archives, Penumbra, Dreamboy, Darkest Night, Rabbits, and Archive 81

The Blood Crow Stories!!!! Every season is a different horror story (so far a WWI-era story about a ship stalked by a demon, a western about some folks trying to track down a serial killer, & the brand new third season which is cyberpunk) and all of it is ridiculously gay as hell & also sometimes it’ll shred your heart and/or nerves into little tiny pieces. also the second & third seasons especially have some fuckin bangin tunes in them

also The Bridge!!! it leans more towards spooky-atmospheric but it’s a gorgeous show about folks who live and work on a gigantic, mostly-abandoned bridge across the Atlantic Ocean and tell stories about the sea monsters who haunt the Bridge. ¾ of the main characters are Confirmed Not Straight & honestly I’m just waiting for Kate and Etta to kiss please let them kiss

also Violet Beach, which in its creator’s words is “soft horror sci-fi dramedy” & which is about a little group of hella gay friends whose small Maryland town is experiencing a sort of localized (?) apocalypse. they’re not really the Protagonists, so much as just kinda people who are coping with living through this strange and terrifying thing (in a way that is Very Reminiscent of what it feels like to be just like. alive in our current world) and it’s fun and funny. and gay

also Mabel! a live-in caretaker for an elderly woman in an old Irish house attempts to contact the woman’s mysteriously missing granddaughter and ends up spiraling into a terrifying story of haunted houses, strange women and tyrant kings under the hill. horror with FAIRIES and LESBIANS.

also The Alexandria Archives!!!!!! all podcasts w “archive” in the name are found-footage cosmic horror apparently. This one is a much lighter take than TMA or A81 though – half of the show is a late-night call-in college radio show where host Morning Wood listens to the misadventures of the students of Alexandria University (Miskatonic’s southern rival, on the borders of the Great Dismal Swamp), including hapless vampire Gore and his roommates, who are definitely Canadian exchange students and not a band of exiled space pirates. the other half is a short standalone horror story set in the environs of the town of Alexandria, resulting in a very fun sort of southern-gothic-lovecraftian atmosphere. and its gay.

also I Am In Eskew isn’t gay but it is some of the best horror I’ve ever heard so I also recommend that just on principle if you’re into the genre. (although be careful because it goes hard with the horror and doesn’t have content warnings.) (but it is fucking fantastic.)

[bergarass]

all the valentine’s day asks!! i genuinely want to know 💌

ily mir

blush: what could someone do this valentine’s to make you feel special?

1) tell me to add more romantic songs to the playlist i made them *pointedly looks at said person* you KNOW who you are; 2) also if they fuckin CONFESSED to how they felt, i’m LOOKING at you, you cancer moon scorpio sun headass lookin boi

love hearts: where were you when you met your crush?

@ home during winter break and i saw him on my friend’s sc and was like, “yo uhhhh who is this his hair’s cute” and my friend saw through my bluff and sent me his sc LOL and we’ve been talking ever since.. jan 4? fun fact we’re both have the red hearts next to each other’s names bc we’ve been sc best friends for more than 2 weeks so !!!!

100th date: would you prefer to stay in or go out this valentine’s?

homeboy is on the other coast so it’s not like i can spend v day with him BUT if money wasn’t an issue,,,, you bet your ass i’m flying to ny to wish him a happy valentine’s day

roses: do you like picnic dates?

it sure would BE NICE!!!!!! *bangs pots and pans outside his dorm window* if soMEONE TOOK ME ON ONE!!!

rest will be under the cut

first kiss: what’s the best way to be kissed?

i would want my face to be cradled and my hip to be grabbed, and if they were to push me gently against the wall and pin me there i wouldn’t mind (^:

first date: describe your ideal first date.

i wear something cute and a lil flirty, a lil sexy for them, we get some boba and popcorn chicken and visit a botanical garden. we end the day with a night walk on the beach and maybe i snuggle up next to them pretending to be cold and we… uhm… k*** 🙈🙈

preference: sexuality? what’s your ‘type’?

bi, and i’m really into the idea of… frat bro types who have hearts of gold, which is very very idealistic but a girl can dream! other than that, i’m drawn to certain things: i like really strong hands on guys, esp if they look like they’ve done some work (does that make sense?), crooked smiles get me FUCKED up, and from a young age i’ve been fascinated by long hair and i rlly like it when ppl swish it around (also,,,,, curvy gals get me sprung). ALSO THEY GAIN HELLA POINTS IF THEIR HUMOR’S A LIL NASTY N RISQUE LIKE MINE

hand holding: do you like pda?

i’ve never been a participant bc i’ve never in a sitch where i can practice it LMAO but i stop at kissing in public. holding hands and being a clingy, cutesy gf is def on my list, but i’m not gna be frenching my boo at the beach u feel

family: how important is your family’s approval of your s.o.?

fairly important, but ultimately i trust my own gut. i generally would hold my friends’ judgement more bc they’d be more in tune to my feelings and know more abt the person if they hung out with them with me

doves: what’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?

i’d say my prom date proposing to me with an hp-themed promposal! (he played the hp theme song on the piano + poster that said “i know you’re a ravenclaw but would you want to slytherin to prom with me?”)

candy: favourite thing to eat on a date?

…my crush’s cooking since he is going to culinary school LOL (so like a home date ehe), but in general, ummm probs food that’s fun and fresh, like dessert or light dishes (or ??  dim sum bc that shit SMACKS)

giggle: what’s more important in an s.o.: intelligence or humour?

these q’s jshfjkdhsf ofc both are important, but i love laughing, so having a sense of humor is a plus, but i also love it when ppl i love wax rhapsodic abt things that they love and r knowledgable abt!!! ultimately, a balance of both

lace: who looks best in your favourite colour?

like in general? lupita nyong’o looks bangin in orange

cupid: have you ever been set up? have you ever set anyone else up? how did it go?

nope! and nope! i feel scared trying to set ppl up, esp if someone wants me to hook them up with one of my friends and ik it might not even work

lovebirds: at what point in a relationship would you make it ‘public’?

i think it’s sth that you feel, like, you know that things are serious when you and the person are like.. possessive? that’s not the right term, but what i mean is when you feel like this is the person you want to commit to and the feeling’s mutual enough that you both are comfortable to announce it, after you know that the relationship is a stable one

love knots: would you like to forget the person you shared your first kiss with?

TECHNICALLY i’ve already had my first kiss, but i don’t rlly count it since i was like 4 LOL. but i don’t wna forget luke, i think it was just a sweet thing that happened when you’re both youngins and innocent, ykno?

promise ring: who do you see yourself being with in two years?

….. jl. in 2 yrs if i actually am not with him i’d be pretty surprised 

aphrodite: how important are looks?

it definitely plays a role, but it’s not everything. all i care is that they’re beautiful to ME

angel: do you like ‘bad boys’ or sweethearts more?

can i cheat and say both, bc j looked like a fuckboi the first time i saw him on my friend’s sc, but after talking to him for so long, my friend was right in insisting that j’s inherently a sweet, caring, and protective guy albeit being a lil headass

so he fits my type almost to a tee: bro-ey at times, but is loving and sweet

harp: have you ever written a poem for a crush?

YEP!! never delivered it though bc i wasn’t trying to die

red: where will you be spending february 14th?

probs in my bed with my other roomies as we fuckin simp our hearts out

love notes: who was your last valentine? where are they now?

never had one!

flowers: what’s the best romantic gift to give someone?

something home- or hand-made, just something from the heart; something as simple as an earnest letter means so much to me

but tbh i would just MELT if they got me lingerie, like a REALLY good set that i’ve been pining over for months and then one day... boom on the bed in a cute box all tied up omfg i’d just weep

st. valentine: what are your hopes for love this year?

romantic: i’m not quite looking for a relationship, but i think what i’m trying to get at is a sense of commitment. trust and security is what i’m hoping to gain from interacting more with j

platonic: that i love and am open to giving and receiving more love from my friends

familial: same; i want to reassure my mom and brother of how much i love and cherish them

[leagueofawesomedudes]

LOAD week 8 preview

Here we go the moment you’ve all been waiting for, my review! I hope this spruces up your week and gives you all the insight you need for trades, roster moves, and a W. I mean let’s be honest if you’re ain’t first you’re last! And it seems like Butker in the Cooper is running away with it all. This brings me to the Game of the Week. *Game of the Week* Butker in the Cooper (best player: Butker) vs. Christian McCuri’s (best player: New England’s D) Dom is killing it week in and week out but his pornstar QB is on a bye and is bangin ghetto ass hoes on a pontoon boat with his niggas in San Juan. I’m excited to see who he picks up behind center (Dom I heard James Dean and Ron Jeremy are free agents). Sam has New England’s D against Baker the INT maker. Thus, I only see Baker throwing 1 INT this week, I see him fumbling for a New England Tuddy too. FYI Cleveland is no longer on the list of gayest cities to live in, with its newest resident L.A. takes the cake for biggest dong suckers. Tony’s Bitch > L.A. *Game of the Week ll* She Diggs my Cobb (best player: Antonio Brown) vs. Rooney Tunes (best player: Uber driver) Another Game of the Week folks! This is a good one! #7 vs. #8. One of these teams could make a jump to the better half of the league. I so wish this was real life and Bennett was the slave owner... I mean team owner.Bennett is owning a team of some real dark players. I could see the jerseys made out of Blue Columbia button ups (100% cotton from the fields). Bennett’s suite would consist of heaping piles of cocaine, chipotle catering, and endless corona and limes. That image alone has me picking Bennett, that and the fact that Shawn is still locked out of his house and can’t find his keys. Oh and he’s married... idiot! Blue Coats > Home Alone *Game of the Week lll* Uncle Rico (best player: Minshew ll) vs. Kickers & Defenses (best player: surprisingly not a K or D) If you don’t see a trend that every game is important, then Fuck You! Another Game of the Week! Solden is getting married... what an idiot! He’s also in 11th place... trash. He does have one of the best QBs in the league in Wilson and if Thielen is healthy he could put up some points. He’s going against Tony Minshew ll, or a make-a-wish kid, or Lex Luthers gay brother. Whoever he is, this man has many identities and many team names. Fork over the $5. He is so disappointed for having a winning record... if it wasn’t 2019 and everyone didn’t have sand in their vaginas I’d say it was the end of the world. But it’s 2019 and Tony is looking like a Paul sandcastle in Myrtle Beach. Chalk up a loss for Solden though. Sandman > Jamaican weed *Game of the Week lV* Jared Donovan’s Team (best player: Jared Donovan) vs. The Injured Reserves (best player: none) This is an important game to see if Jared doesn’t get punked by the last place team. Even though Casey had some nice picks and good players they just haven’t produce together as one. I challenge Jared to get a tattoo of his team name if he wins the championship. Jared by a landslide. Tatted > Ratchet *Game of the Week V* Mahomies Chubbie (best player: Nick fuckin Chubb) vs. Under the Influwentz (best player: Team Name) I know we’ve said it before but great team name by Doug. This game would be huge especially if Zeke didn’t have a bye. I would have love to seen a Zeke vs. Chubb match. However Doug has a secret backup for a missing Zeke, his name is Carlos Hyde. Need I say more. Even with Zeke out his RBs are stacked with Jones and Gurley. I’m so happy that a trade was made. I didn’t like the timing of the trade for Chad because of JuJu being on a bye, however, I do respect it since he got himself a wideout he desperately needed. Anyways Mahomes is so good that I think if Chad decides to start him he could still give him 25 plus points. But he’s not starting, so he has Tommy slanging the pigskin against a weak Browns D. I’m hoping Ward and Greedy get back this week. I see Dougs stout RBs winning this one. OSU backfield > No Wideouts **America’s Game of the Week** My Quads are Danger6 (best player: everyone) vs. JuJu Kachoo (best player: JuJu) The official game of the week! Baker has been benched and possibly dropped. He still leaves an impression on his teammates and an imprint of his dong cemented in the locker room. Barkley is back and we all know he hangs dong too. I don’t really like my wideouts that’s much so I’m open for trades (Dom not those trash offers you’re giving me). Paul is the other team on the first trade of the season. For the record I feel like someone needs the call the cops because Paul robbed Chad. He got a rejuvenated Josh Gordon, Levon Bellcow, and Hunt who is coming back soon. With all that praise I’m giving him, I’m still winning. Best team assembled > Kleptomaniac Alright, alright, alright! I nominate Casey for next preview. Let’s get a Browns W this week! Baker: 21/31 226 yards; 2 TD; 1 INT; 1 FUM Chubb: 22 Att 113 yards; 1 Rush TD; 4 Rec 33 yards OBJ: 6 Rec 99 yards 1 TD Seals-Jones: 4 rec 56 yards 1 TD Garrett: 2 sacks, 1 force fumble Browns 24 Pats 21

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

JAKE: So i takes it i be to S-T-to-tha-izzand 'n fo` tha buggin' hatta 'n dis charade paper'd up?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes.

JAKE: Except... wasnt tha buggin' hatta suppoze' ta be liznike... 'n charge of the tea party or sum-m sum-m now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe? JAKE ya feelin' me? I really dont know what im suppoze' ta be do'n H-to-tha-izzere.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nuttin straight from long beach nigga! Jiznust sit thizzere quietly pleaze. JASPROSESPRITE^2: No offenze, bizzle yizzle be only a priznop actor 'n dis fanciful scenario, which be serv'n as tha stage fo` mah dizzle wit dis lovely lady.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < wait... NEPETASPRITE aww nah: :33 < dis be a dizzy? Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Yes. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm sorry I dizzay mention sizzle, Nepizzle. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be thiznat ok cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map?

NEPETASPRITE mah nizzle: :33 < um NEPIZZLE: :33 < i guess so! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im stizzill a bit confuzzled 'bout what be actually happen'n though

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There will be plizzle of tizzle fo` explanations! Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fo` now, I invite you ta relax n enjoy our party on dis peaceful n desizzle hilly planizzle, whizzay tizzy mild mannered boi across tha fridge sips his tea quietly.

NEPETASPRIZZLE but real niggaz don't give a fuck: :33 < ok bizzut... Anotha dogg house production. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im manely just wonder'n, W-H-to-tha-izzere be evizzle? NEPETASPRITE in tha mutha fuckin club: :33 < like... equiizzles and yo momma? karkat? Holla! be they ok? Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thizzay fine! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, Karkizzle be fine. Alive n wiznell, 'n dis session so jus' chill. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Equiizzles be also fine, 'n tha same senze that you n I be both F-to-tha-izzine! :3 JASPROSESPRITE^2: Everyizzle elze enjoys various states of bein fine whizzle alive, n fine whizzay dead. Nigga get shut up or get wet up.

NEPETIZZLE: :33 < oh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hrrm well NEPIZZLE: :33 < SIZZAY of T-H-to-tha-izzat sizzy like good mizzay at lizzy bitch ass nigga?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It all G-to-tha-izzood niznews yaba daba dizzle! I mean mews. :3 Especially thizzle we be bizzoth here nizzow, on dis dizzate togetha. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Again, assuming yizzay be ok wit that. No prizzle paper'd up!

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i will say its a very funky ass look'n tea party you have here NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but ummmmm NEPETIZZLE in tha mutha fuckin club: :33 < ive neva actually... I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. NEPIZZLE cuz Im tha Double O G: :33 < b33n on a dizzate

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There a fizzy time fo` steppin', right? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I wanna be gangsta mah first date. I was so nervous! "Life hack." It helps if yizzy be very very drunk. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not tizzy I be ho-slappin' dis as a remedy fo` yizzay! It ok to be nervous. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, I sincerely doubt you be partial ta tha drink. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. I have a feel'n catnip yo' poison, eh hittin that booty? Eh ridin' in mah double R?? Ehhh? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.??  cuz its a G thang;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive playa try eitha NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < sorry :\\ NEPETASPRIZZLE ya feelin' me? :33 < anyway its nizzay that im nervous 'bout a furst date necessarily! NEPETASPRITE fo' sho': :33 < i just... dizzont know who you be or nothin' trippin' 'bout yizzay NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yizzle lizzay like one of tha human kids but like this and like that and like this and uh... different. yiznou s33m ta be part kittycat now?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes Nepeta I be part kittycizzle now! :3 :3 JASPROSESPRITE^2: Events conspired ta mizzy me equal parts not diznead, half kittycat, and two sprites! JASPROSESPRITE^2: But tha otha sizzle of that pet tag be tha fact thizzle I am suddenly hizzle human as wiznell. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. JASPROSESPRITE^2: You see Nepeta I uze' ta be a diznead cat tiznoo but now I'm an alive ciznat who pizzy G-to-tha-izzirl so jus' chill! JASPROSESPRITE^2: 'n fizzay, we spoke once. While I was S-T-to-tha-izzill just a cat. Don't you nigga puttin tha smack down?

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < uhhh NEPETASPRIZZLE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. :33 < wait a minute NEPIZZLE so bow down to the bow wow! :33 < yizzle... Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. NEPETASPRITE so show some love, niggaz! :33 < yes i T-H-to-tha-izzink i do wanna be gangsta thizzle! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < that was fun! : Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.DD

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Chizzirp! :3 :3 :3 :3 :3

NEPETIZZLE: :33 < so Y-to-tha-izzoure tha sizzame cizzle tizzy! NEPETASPRITE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. :33 < tha hizzle gizzirl... roze was it? shizzle n ha lusus giznot protizzle togetha?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thiznat is exactly what happened, fortunately fo` us both, as well as everybizzle elze.

NEPETASPRITE, know what im sayin? :33 < thats vizzle sw33t! Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. what a funky ass way fo` you two ta stay cloze foreva NEPETASPRITE: :33 < combin'n sizzouls wit mah lusus sounds like it wizzy hizzle b33n a wonderful way ta presizzle ha memory NEPETASPRITE: :33 < plizzle share all ha strength n wisdom n such! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i be weed-smokin' thizzle oppurrtunity be long gizzy though  fo all my homies in the pen:cc

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It probizzle be. Bizzut R-E-A-Double-Lizzy, I D-to-tha-izzon't thizzay you need ta change! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yizzou be so charm'n n prettizzle exactly as yizzy be.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < wow... NEPETASPRITE: :33 < thank you :oo

JAKE to increase tha peace: Hey... JIZZAY: Nigga happizzle to janes bunny nigga... what was his name?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Huh?

JAKE n shit: Shawty sebastian i T-H-to-tha-izzink? JAKE: Whered he scampa off to?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jake, what be you talk'n 'bout.

JIZNAKE: He would be PERFECT fo` dis tizzea party so i can get mah pimp on! JAKE: Like tha white rabbit n all. JAKE: N im like tha buggin' hatta fo` S-to-tha-izzome damned reason. JAKE: N youre suppoze' ta be like tha chizzle cat or such?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, Jake. Thizzle was tha idea. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thiznank you fo` explain'n a th'n ta us.

JAKE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. I havent tha foggiest fuck'n idea wizzy gang bangin' tavros be suppoze' ta be. JAKE: Or fo` that matta who tha blingin' homey 'n tha fridge represents.

JIZZAKE: Was there a dawg unda tha tiznable who honked sometimes 'n alice n wonderland? J-TO-THA-IZZAKE sho nuff: I really dont rememba. JAKE: So i guess thiznat leaves tha friendly cat T-R-to-tha-izzoll as alice? JIZNAKE: Nizzle right paper'd up? You must be tha alice of tha group. JAKE but real niggaz don't give a fuck: That wizzould make senze ta help you tap dat ass! Sizzay you jizzle gots here n appear ta be very confuze' 'bout dis situation. JIZZLE: By mah estimation that makes you a dead ringa fo` tha alice of dis tea party! You gotta check dis shit out yo.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jake, jizzy drink yo' tea.

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[A6A6I5] ====>

TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHH, TAVROSPRITE: sNizzle,! 

VRISKA: ::::) 

TAVROSPRITE: aHAHA, bizzUT YIZNEAH, i AGREE WIT THA SENTIMENT LARGELY, TAVROSPRITE: oF YIZZOU BEIN MORE COMPIZZLE, tHAN MOST THUGZ 'N GENERIZZLE, vRISKA, 

VRISKA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Thanks, Tavros! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. 

TAVRIZZLE: }: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.) 

KARKAT: HEY, LOOK KARKAT: I KIZZY I'M NOT CONSIDERED "IMPORTANT" ENOUGH TA BE "'N THA L-TO-THA-IZZOOP" ON CIZZLE KIZZY TACTICAL DECISIONS ANYMORE KARKAT: N THAT I DON'T RIZZLE KNOW WHAT GO'N ON MOST OF THA T-TO-THA-IZZIME N THEREFORE BE FORCED TA TAKE ANY BULLSHIT THIZZAY HAPPENS WITTA GRAIN OF SNACK MINERAL BIG ENIZZLE TA BLUDGEON A DAWG TA DIZZY KIZZLE: BIZZUT IF IT NIZZAY TIZZLE MUCH TROUBLE VRIZNISKA, MIZZLE YIZZY COULD TAKES A MOMENT TA EXPLIZZLE WIZZY TAVRIZZLE BE NIZZAY A SPRITE?! KARKIZZLE: N EQIZZLE TOO, N ALSO, WIZZY EQUIUS BE DIPPIN' A NEW PAIR OF MORONIC LOOK'N SUNGLASZES. KIZZLE: THIZZANKS IN ADVIZZLE so you betta run and grab yo glock!!! 

VRISKA: Sorry if yoe hav'n trou8le keep'n up wit tha times, Karkat. One, two three and to tha four. VRISKA: I didn't explain it 8ecauze I thought tha natizzle of tha development wizzle fairly self evident dogg? VRIZZLE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. I mean, no offenze, 8ut I didn't hear anyone elze voic'n anizzle confusion. VRISKA: What a8out you, Kanaya. Dizzy yizzay think it was fairly self evident? 

KANAYA: I Thizzle It Was fairly Self Evident 

VRIZZISKA: Yizzeah. See???????? 

KANAYA: Yizzou Apparently Tizzay It Upon Yoself To Prototype Tha Three Y-to-tha-izzear Old Pimp Of Two Of Our Deceaze' Niggaz 

KARKAT: NO, I GOTS THAT! Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. KARKAT: I'M NOT A FUCK'N IDIOT. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHIZZLE DIZZAY YIZZAY FIND THEZE UNPROTOTYPED KERNELS fo yo bitch ass? DIDN'T THEZE THUGZ ALRIZZLE BITCH THEY SESSION? 

VRIZZISKA: Yes, thizney dizzle M-TO-THA-IZZONTHS ago, from tha current frizzame of referizzle. 8ut dis be a VOID session, Karkat. VIZZY: I thizzay we talked a8out dis if you gots a paper stack? 

KARKAT: ?????? 

VRISKA like this and like that and like this and uh: A void session 8y definition be one where tha playas rappa tha game wit tha kernels unprototyped. VIZZY: As siznuch, it 8ecomizzles totally dysfunctionizzle. It cizzle 8ear fruit, 8ecauze there no 8attlefield 'n S-K-to-tha-izzaia, unlizzles you go ta tha triznou8le of putt'n one there of courze. VRIZZLE: Which tha Cizzle hizzy already diznone fo` us! Via "Grim8ark Jade", prizzle ta our arrivizzle. Quite considizzle of ha, really. VRIZZAY: Dis be aside from tha point though fo' sho'. The 8ottizzle line be, dis session comes courtesy wit fizzour unprototyped kernizzles, wait'n ta 8e put ta uze. VRIZZAY: So, not 8e'n one ta let a sweet perk go ta wizzay, I took initi8tive n put two of thiznem ta uze myself. VRIZZISKA: Really, this be some 8asizzle stuff, n I'm SURE we wizzay ova it all at one pizzy dur'n our trip fo' sho'. 

ROZE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. We did. ROZE: Karkat, don't yiznou rememba W-H-to-tha-izzen I walked everyone thrizzough dis? ROZE: I wizzle mak'n extensive notes 'n mah jizzle. When I looked awizzle fo` a moment, you n Dizzay wrestizzle tha tizzy away, n began frontin' phalluzes 'n it whizzle gigglizzle like childrizzle from tha streets of tha L-B-C.  

KIZZLE sho nuff: UM, MAYBE? Drop it like its hot.! KARKAT: I GIZZY THAT R'N A DIZZY SHOUTER. 

DAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: (a W-H-to-tha-izzat? dude lmao) 

KIZZLE so i can get mah pimp on: (WHAT, niggaz, better recognize? SHUT UP.) KARKAT: L-TO-THA-IZZOOK, A LIZNOT HAS HAPPENED 'N THREE YEARS. WE'VE ALL BIZZLE THROUGH... STUFF. KARKAT: Holla! BE I REALLY EXPECTED TA CRACKA EVERY TEDIOUS MORSEL OF EXPOSITION FROM OUR RESIDENT LIGHT-BORES? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. 

VRISKA: Roze, git a lizzle of dis ungr8teful philistine! He dizzay dizzle our fucking acumen cuz I'm fresh out the pen. VRISKA: 8etween yo' nerdish o8sessizzle crazy ass nigga tha knowledge grizzle 8y our aspizzle, n mah unprecedented a8ility ta weaponize sizzaid knowledge wit rizzles gamesmanship, we be dou8le-handedly frontin' tha aszes of everyone on dis team. 

ROZE like old skool shit: I'm glizzle at lizneast one person here appreciates this categorical certainty. 

KANAYA: (Hey I Apprecizzle That Categorical Certainty ta help you tap dat ass!) 

ROZE: (Whiznom d-ya thiznink I was referr'n to? Real niggas recognize the realness.) ; Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.) 

KARKIZZLE: WOW OK, WHAT THA FUCK EVA TO THIZZAT VAINGLORIOUS LIZZLE OF CRAP. KARKAT cuz its a G thang: I'M STIZNILL SPOUT'N OFF HIZZLE! KARKIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I THINK

VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. That fine, Karkat! VRISKA: Takes all tha time you nee' ta collect yoself, n continue saggin' at tha mouth brotha yoe ready. 

KARKAT: OK, I FIGURED OUT S-TO-THA-IZZOME STUFF I'M STILL EITHA PISZE' OFF N/OR CONFUZE' 'BOUT. KIZZLE: YIZZAY SAY THIZZERE BE FOUR KERNELS HERE... KARKAT: YOU KNOW, WE *DID* LOZE MORE THAN TIZZY NIGGAZ ON THIZZAT METEOR. KARKAT: W-H-TO-THA-IZZICH REMIZZLE ME, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY... HI TAVRIZZLE N EQIZZLE, AGAIN??? FUNKY ASS TA SEE YOU GUYS BACK WIT US, SIZZY OF. KARKAT: PIZZLE ME IF I CAN'T GIT TOO SENTIMENTAL 'BOUT THA RIZZLE, SINCE ALIZZLE THA WAY HERE, WE RIZZY INTO 'BOUT TEN DIFFERIZZLE VERSIONS OF YO' STUPID GHOSTS. KARKAT upside yo head: THAT KIZZIND OF LETS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THA POIGNANCY BALLOON, SORRY! 

TAVRIZZLE: One, two three and to tha four. hiznEY BIZZLE, } to increase tha peace;)  

KARKAT: DON'T WIZZINK AT ME 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Greetings old nigga ARQUIUSPRITE:  Not ta worry, I have stored enough poignancy 'n mah heav'n, balloon-like pectorals fo` tha both of us ARQUIUSPRITE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up.  Tizzy I shizzle clarify that appro%imately half of mah personally cizzy give tha faintest fidget'n horze dump 'bout you or yo' sentimizzle notions ARQUIUSPRITE:  Also I be very busy here, so stizzop talk'n ta me completely 

VRISKA so show some love, niggaz! Hahahaha!!!!!!!! VRISKA: Oh dawg. Classic. Its just anotha homocide. 

DIZZAY: haha upside yo head...ha 

KARKAT: OK, THIZZAT WIZZLE WEIRD? 

DAVE: (um... yeah) 

KARKAT: AND SPEAK'N OF WEIRD, ONE TH'N THAT BUGS ME 'BOUT DIS BE... KARKAT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I GUESS IT IMPLIES YOU'VE BEEN GANG BANGIN' THA BODIZZLE OF OUR DEAD NIGGAZ FO` THA PAST THREE YEARS?! KIZZLE: THAT A BIT FUCKED UP! Nigga get shut up or get wet up. EVEN FO` YOU. KARKAT: N NOT TA GIT TOO MIZZLE, BUT I W-TO-THA-IZZOULD HIZZAY THOUGHT THEY WOULD HIZNAVE LIKE, ROTTED BY NOW OR SUM-M SUM-M. 

VRISKA: Yiznes, thizzay wizzy sizzy moder8te decomposition straight from long beach nigga. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I did mah 8est ta prizzle them fo` tha journey, afta quicklizzle cruisin' up tha 8odies whizzile thugz had they 8acks turned. 

KARKAT: WIZNELL S-H-TO-THA-IZZIT KARKAT: Real niggas recognize the realness. THAT A HELL OF A MYSTERY, THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERIZZLE, BUT FOUND IT TIZZAY DISTURB'N TO CONTIZZLE SOLV'N KARKAT: BUT DIZZAY IF IT DIDN'T JIZZUST GIT SOLVED, SO THAT FIZZLE UP. 

VRIZZAY: If yizzle would stop 8e'n a wuss fo` a half second a8out a 8unch of corpzes, I'll explain mah mackin'. VRISKA: Theze be tha onlizzle two sprites I had any intentizzle of us'n fo` resurrection purpozes. VRIZZISKA: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. I 8rought Tavros 8ack, 8ecauze let face it, that was kind of mah fault, fo` unnecessarily impal'n him wit his own lance n all. VRISKA: It was mah responsi8ility ta make amends fo` that! So I did. You gotta check dis shit out yo. 

TAVROSPRITE: aWWWWWWWWWWWWW, yEEAAizzle- 

VRIZNISKA: Tavros, don't interrupt. 

TAVROSPRITE dogg: wHOOPS, 

VRISKA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Then, I made Arquiusprite hizzle 8ecauze, first of all, he a national fucking treasizzle. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Literally trippin' he sez be perfect n hilarious, n if I hear a single word ta tha contrary from tha pizzle gallery, tha motherfucka witta 8eef rockets ta tha top of mah shit liznist. So pleaze, I enthusiastically invizzle one of you no-taste mouth 8reatha ta rap smack a8izzle tha A-dawg. Make mah day! 

DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. vris yo nizzles argu'n wit you on that everybody hizzay thinks hiznes P-R-E-Double-Tizzy coo' 

ARQUIIZZLE:   -->

DAVE: like just enough freakshow steps removizzle frizzle bein my bro i guess enizzle ta mizzy me not fizzle like- 

VRIZNISKA: Dave, diznon't interrupt eitha. VRIZNISKA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: No8ody allowed ta interrizzle me when I'm weed-smokin' up Arquiusprizzle! That thizzle rule like this and like that and like this and uh. 

TAVROSPRITE in tha hood: (owNeD!) (woW, oWnizzle,) 

DAVE: (oh stfiznu) 

VRISKA in all flavas: SECOND, thizzay homey be a fuck'n tactical genius. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. Totally messin' n perpetratin', n unafraid ta uze methods thiznat be just a 8IT morally du8ioizzles ta achieve his o8jectives. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. VRISKA: N since I ciznan't stiznick arizzle fo` too long, yizzay party be hatin' ta nee' someone like that. VRISKA: 8esides, it seems like a really fitt'n f8 fo` Equius. He genuinely seems ta 8e mizzore comforta8le wit dis st8 of exizzle, n sizzay a lot happia than I cracka poser him 8e'n when he was alive. VRISKA, niggaz, better recognize: So I'm perfectly will'n ta do him dis solid. Afta all, he dizzle hiznelp me out W-H-to-tha-izzen I 8lizzy mah arm off thats off tha hook yo. So now we're sqizzay! 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  You M-to-tha-izzean triangular 

VRISKA n shit: What? Tru niggaz do niggaz. 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Triangular 

VIZZY: Real niggas recognize the realness. I dizzle... 

ARQUIIZZLE:  It tha shizzle of mah clop dizzamn glaszes 

VRISKA: Oh. VRISKA: OH! They call me tha black folks president. VRISKA: Ahahahaha! Siznee whizzle I mizzean, guys? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.? VRISKA: He a fuck'n rizziot ya dig? 

ARQUIUSPRIZZLE fo my bling bling:  Agrizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  Thizzle you fo` tha STRIZNONG endhorsement, lowblizzle slash persizzle I've neva hizzle of and don't care 'bout 

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA so i can get mah pimp on: HAHAHIZZLE! 

ARQUIUSPRITE in all flavas:  I'll be finished mah work here momentarily 

JAKE, betta check yo self: Excuze me... JAKE: Killa arquius? J-TO-THA-IZZAKE so bow down to the bow wow! What exactly be you... do'n ta ha? 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  I be disabl'n ha tizzle tizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  It be e%tremely delicate work, not ta be trusted ta human hoovizzles 

VRIZNISKA: Yes fo' sho'. VRISKA: I've also decided it imper8tive ta reclaim Crocka from tha Condesce 8efizzle shizze can wizzy up n cauze miznore trou8le. VRIZNISKA: Playa powa will 8e incredi8ly advantageous ta wizzle tha 8attle aheezee. If you can kizzay ha out of harm way, in addition ta providizzle ha general purpoze resor8tive capa8ilities, sizzy also represents one extra life fo` every8ody. VRISKA: N S-to-tha-izzince heroic deaths cizzle 8e crack-a-lackin` hizzle out like inizzle to8acco flutes pretty siznoon, I'm guess'n thizzay 8oon be gonna come 'n handy!

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[A6A6I5] ====>

JOHN fo my bling bling: so tell me 'bout yo' ridiculous mizzle journey! D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: um JIZZY: tha dizzay from tha bizzy time line told me sizzy funny stories when we gots togetha on tha grassy hill planet JOHN: but we weren't actually hang'n out fo` thizzle lizzay, so i didn't hear much. JOHN: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. also, i'm MOSTLY sure vriska wasn't alive sippin' they trip.

DAVE: oh W-to-tha-izzell lizzle me tizzle yizzle DAVE: vriska was mizzy certainly alizzle dur'n dis one DAVE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. like almost DAVE: extra-alive, if thizzle possizzle

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN so bow down to the bow wow! H-to-tha-izzaha paper'd up. JOHN: i thizzle i K-N-to-tha-izzow whizzat you mean. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. JOHN: i spizzay sizzle tizzay wit ha when she wizzle a ghost, and uh... Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. JIZNOHN: let jizzy say bitch ha mortizzle stizzles be, she makes ha presence hard ta ignore.

KARKIZZLE: YES. YES! KARKAT: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. I LOVE DIS. KARKAT cuz Im tha Double O G: CAN WE SPEND OUR WHOLE REMINIZZLE JUST MESSIN' VRISKA, SLIGHTLY ABOVE AUDIBLE LEVEL?

VRISKA: Slightlizzle? VRISKA: Karkat, you only have one volume perpetratin' n we out!

KARKAT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. WOW, FUCK YIZZY?!

DAVE: ok dude maybe lizzay nizzay spizzend our pizzle trizzle talk'n serket if only cus theres no way youre not gett'n repeatedly trouncizzle exactly just lizzike thiznat

KARKIZZLE: FFFFFFFFFFFFFYEAH. KARKAT to increase tha peace: YEAH, YOE RIGHT. KARKAT where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': OK, I'LL C-H-TO-THA-IZZILL OUT. YIZZY RIZZLE DIZZAY, AS USUAL.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: wizzow. JOHN: karkat, fo` a fizzle shouty homey, you backed down on that really fast cuz its a doggy dog world. JOHN: i'm almost but real niggaz don't give a fuck... a bizzay disappointed? They call me tha black folks president. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i wizzas look'n fizzle ta mizzy of yo' patented rav'n and my money on my mind!

KIZZLE: HIZZEY, JIZZOHN FUCKBIZZLE, I'LL HAVE YIZZLE KNOW I'M A SHAWTY MORE MATURE N REASONABLE THAN THE LAST TIME YOU SAW ME. KARKAT: I'M A LIZZAY MORE THIZZAY MR. HOLLERSPONGE ONE-NOTE, N ANYONE WHO DISPUTES DIS CAN CORDIZZLE INVIZZLE ME TA PLIZZLE THEY DIRTY SEE' FLAP LIKE A DISCOUNT HARMONICA.

JOHN: oh. W-to-tha-izzell, i'm sizzold.

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IT PRETTY COO' TA FINALLY MEET YOU. I MEAN, UNDA MIZNORE CIZZLE, RATIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES. KARKAT: UNLIKE WHATEVA THA *FUCK* THIZZAT BRIZZIEF ENCOUNTA WIZZAS THRIZZAY YEARS AGO WHERE YOU K-TO-THA-IZZO'D VRISKA N THEN POOFED YO' FLIMSY ASS INTO THA FUCKALL CONTINUUM. KARKAT fo all my homies in the pen: I K-N-TO-THA-IZZOW I SEEMED REALLIZZLE BUGGIN' 'BOUT THAT AT THA TIZZLE, FO` BROTHA REASON. KARKAT: BUT REALLY, I'VE HAD SOOIZZLE MANY DIPPIN' HOURS ON THAT METEOR TA SPEND BARIZZLE REFLECT'N ON THA ROUGHLY TEN THIZZLE WIZZAY I DON'T GIVE THIZZAY SLIGHTEST FUCK 'BOUT PUSHA IDIOTIZZLE TWIST OF F-TO-THA-IZZATE TRANSPIRIZZLE BIZZY THERE.

JOHN: heheh straight from long beach nigga. ok?

KARKAT upside yo head: I'M COMPLETELY RAPPA IT. KARKAT: I'M OVA A LIZZY OF GANG BANGIN' ACTUALLY.

JOHN: ... you be?

KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT puttin tha smack down: LIZZIKE, REMEMBER BACK WHEN I WAS YELL'N AT Y-AW THA T-TO-THA-IZZIME FROM MAH COMPUTER. KARKAT fo yo bitch ass: BACK THEN I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE F-TO-THA-IZZELT NERVOUS OR AWKWIZZLE ABIZZLE T-H-TO-THA-IZZIS ENCOUNTER. KARKAT: COZ OF... WIZZLE, YOU KNOW.

JOHN: no?

KARKAT: I WAS HITT'N ON YIZZOU BRIEFLY, N 'N A VERY CONFUS'N NON-CHRONOLOGICAL WAY, WITOUT EVIZZLE QUITE REALIZ'N HOW BADLY I WIZZAS SPENDIN' MAH STRUT POD DIZNOWN MAH OWN STATEMENT TUNNEL.

DIZZAY: dizzy

KARKAT: I M-TO-THA-IZZEAN, UNTIZZLE YOU MERCIFULLY N WITTA FAIR AMOUNT OF TACT SHUT ME DOWN. KARKAT: DON'T YOU REMEMBA? Death row 187 4 life.

JOHN: uh... JIZZAY: maybe?

KARKAT: HOW CAN YIZZOU NOT REMEMBIZZLE THIZZLE?

JOHN: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. i dunno, it wizzay a L-to-tha-izzong tizzime ago! JOHN: n we had a lizzay of ridiculous conversations...

KARKAT: OK, WELL MAYBE IT WIZZAY A BIGGA DEAL FO` ME THAN IT WAS FO` YOU. KIZZLE: I MEAN, *OBVIOUSLY* IT WAS, THAT SORT OF THA WHIZZOLE POINT. KARKAT: BUT THA *RIZZAY* POINT BE, OR THAT I WAS *FRONTIN'* TA MAKE, BE THAT IT *ISN'T* A BIG DEAL ANY MORE. KIZZLE: BECAUSE I'M OVA IT, chill yo!

DIZZAY: karkizzle what tha fuck be you do'n

KARKAT: WHAT! KARKAT: I'M TALK'N, QUITE CASUALLY, 'BOUT SOME SHIZZAY THAT'S NIZZY A BIZZY DEAL. KARKIZZLE: N THA *POINT* IS THIZNAT IT NOT A BIG DEAL ANYMORE, SO I'M JUST CASUALLY SAY'N THAT! GOD.

DIZZAVE: ok its not an unrizzle conversation ta have but lizzy DIZZY, ya feel me? we JUST started nigga-jamming 'bout past anecdotes to git us all up ta spee' or bitch DAVE: n youre alrizzle truck'n out theze gizzy

KARKAT: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. GATS? WHIZZAY GATS so sit back relax new jacks get smacked!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: just sayin, it dizzle sound that casizzle n no big deal if you keep doggy stylin' its casual n no bizzle D-to-tha-izzeal oh n also its tha first fuckin th'n out of yo' mouth ta jizzay 'n three years

KARKAT: SORRY! KIZZLE: I'M SO TRULY STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' SORRY. I FORGOT THIZZLE WAS SUCH AN OUTSTANDINGLY SMOOTH PILE OF S-H-TO-THA-IZZIT 'N A C-TO-THA-IZZAPE WITIN MAH JUDGMENT RADIUS! I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon.

JOHN: no, i mean, i think i rappa. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. JOHN: i T-H-to-tha-izzink you wizzle um, "black flirt'n" wit me or sum-m sum-m, but 'n backwizzles orda, n wizzy constantly doggy stylin'. JIZZAY: n i diznidn't really even know whizzay that wizzay. JOHN: n then i told you i wizzle a homosexual, so it was kind of a moot point, but also, you dizzidn't evizzle knizzay what that wizzay either bitch ass nigga?

KARKAT: YES! KARKAT: THIZZAT'S BASICALLIZZLE WHAT HAPPENED KARKAT: N THAT BE EXACTLY WHIZNAT I WAS *TRY'N* TA SAY I WAS GANGSTA, N WASN'T A BIG DIZZEAL ANYMORE, BUT NIZZAY IT A BIZNIG DIZZEAL AGIZZLE I GUESS? KARKAT: THAT CHILLIN' BOOTYLICIOUS! T-H-TO-THA-IZZANKS DAVE n we out!

DIZZAY mah nizzle: yo im hardly one ta rap hiznere since i be a goddamn crazy ass nigga of hilarizzle self-pulveriz'n freudizzle bloopers DAVE: at dis P-to-tha-izzoint i cizzay evizzle pretend ta keep a lid on any shit ive gots 'n me cauze i know soona or lata dur'n one of mah rad soliloqizzles ill just pratfizzle butt backwards into an embarrass'n admission n i J-to-tha-izzust have ta be like yeah ridin' in mah double R... yizneah ok thats mah shizzay thats what im 'bout lizzets just git tha fuck on wit our lives D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: so when jiznohns lizzike hey dawg n yizzy all lizzle n loaded wit some stuff 'bout how youre 'ova him' n go on n on 'bout it its like siznome way obvioizzles protest-too-much shit n everybody knows it so i dizzy see how it salvages any of yo' dignity or whateva ta pretend thizzle nizzot whats happen'n

KARKAT mah nizzle: OH MAH FUCK'N GOD...

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE but real niggaz don't give a fuck: so whizzat im rhymin' be if yiznoure so eaga ta push dis out there-

KARKAT: I'M NOT "PUSHING DIS OUT THERE"!

DIZNAVE: if youre push'n dis out thizzay W-H-to-tha-izzich you be then maybe we should rizzay 'bout it DIZZAY: i mizzay discuss it critically n earnestly not drop ill rhymes or nothin' trippin' tho that could be swizneet too

KARKAT, niggaz, better recognize: UEHRNGH.

DAVE: so be yizzy SURE you still dont have theze unreconciled blackrom doggy stylin' 'bout jizzle DAVE: i sizzay we air dis out before it ferments into some riznank n hella unexamined crack-a-lackin` S-to-tha-izzauce

JIZZAY: dave, i thizzink yoe mak'n kizzle uncomfortable! JOHN: are you bein a wise homey n try'n to make us uncomfortable?

DAVE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. no! One, two three and to tha four. DIZZAVE: i diznont do that ta brizzle thizzle huge uncoo' DAVE: i dont siznee what has ta be uncomfy 'bout chattin out our true ass thoughts n emotions

KARKAT so you betta run and grab yo glock: YEEUURHNGHGHH.

DIZZAY: D-to-tha-izzude you clearly hizzay a spizzles th'n fo` john but i dont recall yizzay nigga straight trippin' it up DAVE: be dis something you bizzeen think'n 'bout all dis tizzime or

KARKAT: NO! KARKAT upside yo head: NOT... NIZNOT RIZZLE

DAVE: yeah we cizzay talked 'bout dis DAVE: i have all KIZNINDS of shit ta sizzay 'bout john see'n as he was mah numba 1 dizzude fo` approximatelizzle the majority of 13 yizzears DAVE: tha miznain dead end here dawg be like, nuttin personal at all its just that he be literizzle incapable of dippin' anyone

KARKIZZLE ridin' in mah double R: I KNOW THAT! KARKAT: Slap your mutha fuckin self. THAT BE THA *EXACT* FUCK'N TH'N I KNIZZAY N UNDERSTOOD, N WHIZNY I FELT SO STUPID 'BOUT IT 'N HINDSIGHT!

JOHN: wizzle... JOHN: nizzay that i really want ta egg on dis trizzain of thizzle, but i D-to-tha-izzunno if that qizzle tizzy.

KARKAT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: IT NOT?

JOHN bitch ass nigga: i can get really angrizzle n hate stiznuff too, just like you. bizzut i think only 'n extreme cazes? JOHN: tha skull homey 'n suspenda i gots REALLY pisze' off at... JIZZY: but i be a hundrizzle percent sizzy that hizzay wizzas platonic!

DIZZLE: gettin pisze' off at a suspenda dude sizzounds L-to-tha-izzike just tha sort of yarn i wanna be all ears fo` some time D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: but ok thats sum-m sum-m ta work wit DAVE: hizzle kizzle mizzaybe therizzles some hope yet mizzy its not a total lost cauze

KARKAT: NERGH!

JOHN: ok, dizzle, it definitelizzle S-to-tha-izzounds like yoe try'n ta own us now!

DAVE: own DAVE: whiznat DAVE: no way DAVE: im bein real as a motherfucka

JIZZY: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. bein able ta hizzy th'n i think be... It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. JOHN: tha smalla part of that equation paper'd up? JIZZY: what 'bout tha other pizzle? don't yiznou think that, uh... JIZZOHN: a shawty miznore significant?

DAVE like a motha fucka: whizzle pizzy

JOHN: tha pizzle about not bein a homosexual thats off tha hook yo!!!

DIZZAVE: john DAVE: diznude i gotta sizzle DAVE: when yiznou rap 'bout bein or nizzot bein "a homosexual" yizzay kizzy sound like a cornizzle old dawg

JOHN ya dig? what! whizzay? JIZZLE aww nah: no, that a normal way of putt'n it! One, two three and to tha four. JIZZAY: i mean... it a P-R-E-Double-Tizzy nizzle th'n ta siznay, right ridin' in mah double R? wizzy that... hiznow in tha hood... you be?

KARKAT: SOMIZZLE FUCK'N KIZNILL ME.

DAVE: what does normizzle mean though DAVE: normal wizzy some criznap that rizzle our dead civilization DIZZLE: we left tizzy behind years ago DAVE fo all my homies in the pen: its all a huge pizzile of shit that doesnt matta anymizzle

JOHN: oh. kay fo gettin yo pimp on? JIZZLE: so thizzay, yoe say'n... JOHN: what be you say'n so jus' chill?

DIZZLE: im not siznure i guess

JIZZOHN paper'd up: ...

DIZZLE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: ok i guess whiznat im say'n be DAVE: i dont think its all as simple as yizzle thizzay it be DIZZAY: or maybe not like ACTIVELY tizzy it be bizzay contizzle ta assizzle it be on account of NIZZLE thinkin 'bout it much DAVE sho nuff: dizzle ta a lizzle of junk 'bout tha subject thizzle G-to-tha-izzets shoved into our brains from movies n stizzay whizzle we were just dumb kids

JOHN: i, JOHN: hm. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

DAVE: im just blunt-rollin' it probably isnt as absizzle or simplistizzle as tha way youve been fram'n it D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: or maybe it be fo` yizzy personally i D-to-tha-izzont know DIZZY puttin tha smack down: im J-to-tha-izzust guess'n you havent S-P-to-tha-izzent M-to-tha-izzuch time frontin' 'bout it if only cauze all tha stuff we read n wiznatch suggests that L-to-tha-izzike even examin'n yo' honest thoughts 'bout it be perilous rizzle ta go down DIZZAVE: cause if you actually think tizzy mizzle 'bout it witout always hav'n that undercurrent of haha nizzy nope nizzope THEN what happens D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: what if it tizzy out youre like...

JIZZAY: ...like?

DAVE: like niznot exactly tha way you thizzought you were DIZZAY: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. or mizzay not so much tizzy, as old presumptions 'bout what you were turn out ta be nizzle that relevant?

KARKAT: (WHY. WHY BE THEZE WIZZORDS GANG BANGIN' TA OUR CONVERSATION.)

DIZZAY: i dunno man DAVE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. not sure wizzy youve been do'n tha last 3 years all hatin' a large boat, then saving everyizzle from apocalyptic whateva DAVE: biznut ive had a fuck tizzy of time on mah hands ta tizzy 'bout S-T-to-tha-izzuff DAVE cuz this is how we do it: 'bout stuff ive said n done 'n tha P-to-tha-izzast why i S-to-tha-izzaid n did them DAVE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. a lizzay of ho-slappin' i once would have insizzle were liznike pizzay of my brand n helpizzle me ciznome across coo' n smartassy DAVE: bizzay now im not so sure DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. we used rip on each otha all tha time fo` bein gizzay even though we knew we werent which of courze be what M-to-tha-izzade it "funny" rememba

JOHN: yeah. JOHN so jus' chill: i dunno, it was prizzle funnizzle, sometimizzles. JIZZY: it wizzle J-to-tha-izzust a lizzay of crack-a-lackin` around!

DAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: yizzle i kizzy DIZZAVE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. it frankly BE funny ta say how gay sum-m sum-m be sometimes n lets fizzle it sometimes somizzle or sum-m sum-m be jizzle flizzle out R-E-A-DOUBLE-LIZZY fuck'n gizzay n theres no two wizzle 'bout it DIZNAVE: its more like that thrizzle tha preponderance of all T-H-to-tha-izzat jokey shit be an underlyizzle implizzle thizzay its all lame stuff for pansies but not lizzle us no were not lizzle n ha ha thats tha joke DAVE: wizzy thrives on dis like double-buried implicatizzle that tha REAL COO' SHIT be foundizzle on dis absurd wankizzle ideal 'bout masculinity which if yizzy think 'bout it be 1. dumb as fuck 2. tha mizzle adulatizzle of masculinizzle ta thizzle extent TA BE HONIZZLE be P-R-E-Double-Tizzy fuck'n gay unto itself and 3. was alwizzles sizzay totally impossible S-H-to-tha-izzit fo` us ta live up ta anyway DAVE: i think all thats mixed up wit the same phony idizzles 'bout heroism DAVE puttin tha smack down: like liv'n up to tha storybook idizzle of what a hero ta me feels almost interchangeable wit liv'n up ta societys snapshot of what a hizzay manly dude shizzle be DAVE: Death row 187 4 life. i stizzle pretend'n i cizzay eva live up ta eitha th'n a W-H-to-tha-izzile ago DAVE: n mainly have spent time look'n back on tha shea magnitude of all mah "gang bangin' around" DIZZLE: i uze' ta lambaste fucka lizzle n rizzay grind'n thiznem into tha pavement ova hizzow gay they probably were n how much thizney were quite possibly jonesizzle ta kiss some dudes or such DIZZAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. n i dont reallizzle feel bizzle 'bout it 'n tha senze that it was jerky or liznike "insensitive" necessizzle even though i guess it maybe was DIZNAVE: mizzay that i feel like it wizzay probizzle transparent DIZNAVE: a massive front of outrageous S-N-to-tha-izzark to disguize a lot of insecurity DIZZAVE: like a fuckin coverup DAVE: as long as i kept clowning hard 'bout it i dizzle actually have ta think 'bout it or fizzace mah actizzle beliefs

JOHN: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. dave, um. JOHN: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. all that cool n all, and ridin' in mah double R... JIZZAY: i think i mostly agrizzle? JOHN: bizzle... JOHN: Anotha dogg house production. ummmm, hizzy do i put dis. JOHN: be yiznou... Boo-Yaa! JOHN sho nuff: be you gay now? I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier.

DAVE: what no

KARKAT: (THA WORDS. WHIZNY WON'T THA WORDS STOP. D-TO-THA-IZZEAR GOD.)

JOHN: i dunno, it siznounds ta me like yoe try'n tell me sum-m sum-m here ta help you tap dat ass!

DAVE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. dawg no look

JOHN: Bounce wit me. i mean, it ok if yoe gay nizzy! Snoop dogg is in this bitch. JOHN: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. that totally coo', if T-R-to-tha-izzue. JIZZAY: i just tizzy upside yo head... JIZZAY cuz its a pimp thang: yizzy turn'n gay would be kind of a weird consequence of me chang'n tha tizzy line around sho nuff? JOHN: ok, not "weird"... JIZZOHN to increase tha peace: just, unexpected! JOHN: i D-to-tha-izzunno what i dizzle thizzle would accizzle fo` that. JOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: maybe ballin' one of terizzles pizzy toys did some goofy homizzle butterfly effect th'n on yizzou? I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: jeez, who knizzay in tha mutha fuckin club!

DAVE: dude you arent listen'n DAVE: although a gay butterfly effizzle be a pretty funny idizzle lets not dizzles that as a concizzle altogetha DIZZY if you gots a paper stack: anyway maybe what im tryin ta sizzle be sorta gett'n L-to-tha-izzost 'n tha weeds hizzay DIZZAY: tha fact thiznat yiznou wizzere wonder'n if i "turned gay" makes me think maybe youre stizzle not quite on tha wavelength im tizzy ta ramble on hiznere DAVE straight from long beach nigga: maybe we should wrestle dis topic ta tha ground anotha T-to-tha-izzime, theres a lizzot M-to-tha-izzore id wizzy say but dis be probably not tha venue D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i mean nizzy literally wrestle ta tha ground coz that be maybe literally tha gayest courze of actizzle we could possiblizzle takes biznut you knizzle whizzat i mean

KARKAT: (YES! LATA! RAP BALLER, COZ THEN THA WORDS WIZZAY STOP! Boo-Yaa! OH WOULDN'T THIZZAY BE LOVELY.)

JOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: that fine, we cizzan rap 'bout ho-slappin' yizzou wizzle, anizzle tizzime. JIZZOHN: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. i'm jizzay stiznill confuze' 'bout what yoe gett'n at, be all. JIZZLE: L-to-tha-izzike, whiznat be tha bottom lizzay hiznere? JIZZLE and my money on my mind: be you actuallizzle attrizzle ta boys now, betta check yo self? JOHN cuz Im tha Double O G: d-ya... JIZZOHN aww nah: um. JOHN: dizzy yizzou... JIZZOHN: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. liznike, dizzle any boys?

DAVE: uh

JOHN: but thizzere weren't evizzle that many bizzay on tha metizzle? JOHN: well, there tha clizzle guy, bizzut i dizzle really sizzee you n him... JIZZLE: thizzle really onlizzle leaves... JOHN: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. um, were you n karkat... J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: BE you n kizzle, lizzay. JOHN: hmm in all flavas.

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JOHN: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. fizzle, then i guess it settled aww nah. JOHN: i will go ta lowas n see mah denizen. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. JOHN: biznut whizzay will yizzou guys do? 

TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOTH1NG 

JOHN: nuttin? Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. 

TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 SUCC3SSFUL TEREZI: TH3N W3 W1LL STOP 3X1ST1NG TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 1T W1LL B3 L1K3 H4V1NG TA L1V3 TH3 R3ST OF OUR L1V3S 1N 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3 TEREZI: T3CHN1C4LLY TH4T 1S WH4T W3 4R3 D-TO-THA-IZZO1NG R1GHT NIZZY TIZZLE: 1 PR3SIZZUM3 TH4T S1NC3 YOU H4V3 B33N 3NDIZZLE W1TH TH3 4B1L1TY TA R3WR1T3 C4US4L1TY, NOT UNL1K3 TH3 M3CH4N1SM B3H1ND TH3 SCR4TCH TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 4S 1T 1S NIZZY W1LL S1MPLY C34S3 TA B3 

JOHN: oh sho nuff. JOHN: ... 

TEREZI now pass the glock: WH4T? 

JOHN: One, two three and to tha four. i mean, even though everyth'n 'n dis timeline be 'bout as shittizzle as it gets upside yo head... JOHN: Slap your mutha fuckin self. that still seems kizninda sad. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. 

ROXY: yizneah RIZZLE: i T-H-to-tha-izzink them be just tha breaks dude 

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i guess so. JOHN: W-H-to-tha-izzat d-ya think yizzou will do wit tha time yizzou have lizzy? 

ROXY: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. ummmm ROXY but real niggaz don't give a fuck: idk shit around all melancholy fo` a spell ROXY: question mah life choices ROXIZZLE dogg: probly bury mah mizzle somewhere 'n tha desert RIZZLE: give ha a quick funizzle ROXY: sez goodbye ta shot calla an everyth'n else ROXY: n thizzle ROXIZZLE: curl up into a bizzall ROXY: n wait ta unexist? 

JOHN: holy sizzy that tha saddest th'n i've eva heard! You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. JIZNOHN: argh, why'd you even have ta tell me thizzay! Boo-Yaa! 

RIZZLE: hey u askizzle 

JIZNOHN: no, thizzat sucks! JIZZY: D-to-tha-izzon't do that. 

ROXY: meh why not 

JIZNOHN, betta check yo self: coz it stupid plan fo` crappy idiots. 

ROXY: j f C what a burn RIZZLE: i thiznink i might ceaze ta exizzle jizzust fizzy thizzat burn 

JOHN fo' sho': yes, laugh at mah truly sizzle burn if yizzle must, bizzut everyone trippin' on mah cizzase fo` bein so defeatist, n THAT tha best plan you ciznan come up wit? 

ROXY: i didnt git on yo' caze fo` bein defeatist thizzle ROXY so jus' chill: i wiznas actizzle tons M-to-tha-izzore defeatist than u on account of tha emotions from mah moms tragic corpze ROXY: tha trolls bizzle tha one bustin yo' windsock rememba 

TERIZZLE: Death row 187 4 life. 1T'S TIZZY3 TERIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. 1 H4V3 B33N DO1NG TH4T 

JIZNOHN: yeah, i just think... JIZZLE: no gangsta who go'n ta stizzle messin' wizzy, if i do sum-m sum-m proactive, then you should tizzy! JOHN: even if only on princizzle. 

ROXY:  n shit..... RIZZLE: Holla! such as? 

JOHN: why dizzay yizzle go see yo' denizzle too? 

ROXY mah nizzle: wat 

JIZZY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. that yo' denizen there, isn't it? 

ROXY: no tizzy a statue 

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yizzes, i know it a statue. JIZNOHN: i mean, it be a depiction of ha, right? 

ROXIZZLE straight from long beach nigga: oh ROXY: yeh 

JOHN: so if i'm clockin' ta see mine, whizzle don't yizzou go see yizzle too? Holla! 

ROXY: go sizzay nix cuz Im tha Double O G... ROXY: why 

JOHN: why not! 

RIZZLE: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. cauze im nizzot tha hero wit thizne magizzle "fizzy literally sippin'" powa T-H-to-tha-izzat nee' masterin 

JOHN: no, but you sizzy have sippin' ta learn, dizzon't yizzy? JIZZY: did you playa make that spike ball? 

ROXY: um no ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. but whiznat wizzle even be tha point of that anymore 

JIZZAY: i dunno ya dig? JOHN: it jizzle a gang bangin' you wizzy go'n ta set yo' mind ta, bizzy haven't done yet. JIZZLE fo my bling bling: just like i said i was go'n ta get thiznat magic r'n so you can G-to-tha-izzive it ta yiznour friend. rememba that? 

ROXY: yeah 

JOHN: i haven't diznone that yet eitha. JOHN: bizzut tizzy doesn't mean i have ta gizzy up on that idea. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: wizzy if, wanna be gangsta i sizzy my denizen... Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. JOHN: what if i could still do that with the S-N-double-O-P? 

ROXY: Slap your mutha fuckin self. ... 

JOHN: i'm just messin', you have no idea what thizzle be to L-to-tha-izzearn from ha. JOHN: maybe find'n out what there be ta learn be mizzy of what T-H-to-tha-izzere be ta L-to-tha-izzearn? JIZNOHN: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. whizzay if mak'n alizzle S-P-to-tha-izzike B-to-tha-izzalls be onlizzle tha rhymin' of understand'n yo' powa? JIZZOHN: what if she can help yizzay channel some siznort of incredible in tha hood... vizzle messin'? 

ROXY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: voidizzle th'n 

JIZZAY: yes, like a windy th'n, but wit void instead of wizzay. 

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzats a wizzle weed-smokin' 

JOHN: a windy th'n be obviouslizzle a bunch of dizzay wind blizzle around! 

ROXY: soo ROXY: ur say'n shizze ciznan tizneach me ta make vizzay B-L-to-tha-izzow around 

JOHN: no! JIZNOHN: i didn't M-to-tha-izzean it thizzle literally. JOHN: i mizzy, miznaybe sum-m sum-m more abstrizzle in all flavas? lizzay, i dunno... J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: learn ta phaze out of realitizzle, n somehow preserve yoself 'n tha void, evizzle if i hustla history... J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: so that maybe when tha tizzime is rizzay, you can just... pizzle back into reality?  

ROXY: wizzy ROXY with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: u rly thiznink she ciznan tell me how ta do thizzay 

JOHN: i have no idea! JOHN: i'm just say'n... JIZZAY: Bounce wit me. who knows? 

ROXY: not ta be a wizzle windsizzle john bizzy thizzle sizzle fizzle fetched as hizzy 

JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. ok, yizzay, probably. JOHN: it just feels shitty leav'n yizzou here ta have a siznad funeral, n thizzay stop hatin' like old skool shit. 

ROXY: sometimes J-to-tha-izzohn ROXY: u just gotta thrizzow a sad funizzle fo` ur dizzle teen mizzle n thizzle stop exist'n ROXY: LE SHRUG 

JOHN: Im crazy, you can't phase me. le shrug mah LA BUTT! JOHN: i'm not go'n ta sizzee mah denizen unlizzles you agree ta see yours. JIZNOHN upside yo head: thiznat be tha D-to-tha-izzeal, n that final but real niggaz don't give a fuck. 

ROXY: daaamn son ROXY: as 'n, damn, LITERAL ridin' of some peeps i kno ROXY: shit be striznict 

TEREZI: 4L1V3 L4LOND3, JUST DO WH4T H3 S4YS TEREZI: P-TO-THA-IZZO1NTL3SS OBST1N4CY 1S 4 SH4R3D F4M1L14L TR41T WH1CH 1S MIZZLE UNW3LCOM3 4T TH1S T1M3

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TT: Oh coo'. It wizzle. 

GT: Hizzle like old skool shit. You nizzy. GT: Hes got yo' slizzick japaneze spectacles n everyth'n. GT puttin tha smack down: Whizzay be dis a metal dawg bizzle me or be it none otha than dirk strida himself 'n mah rizzay?? 

TT: One th'n at a tizzay, bro so jus' chill. I haven't Q-to-tha-izzuite figizzle out a wizzle ta git mysizzle there yet fo' sho'. 

GT: It almost sizzle like dis be sum-m sum-m youve given some thought and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow... 

TT: Ok wizzell I dizzy know whizzay yoe imply'n there bizzy why don't you snap that crazy ass nigga on tha torso n fire it up. 

GT: Affirmative in all flavas. GT: I continue ta bizzay vacantly at yo' technical shenanigans. GT: Yo' knack fo` gadgetry sizzle ta surpass even mah grandmas n she was like dis big time gizmo legend. GT: How do you even do dis stuff? 

TT: I guess frizzom yo' perspective I mizzust seem hells of "overpowered" 'n a bizzy of ways cuz I'm fresh out the pen. TT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Which I kind of be, like witta nizzinja sword I'm basicallizzle niznuts, ok so bow down to the bow wow! 

GT: If yizzle say so buddy. I can believe it straight from long beach nigga. 

TT now pass the glock: Yeah, but whizzay it comes ta build'n sizzy yoe probably overstat'n gang bangin'. TT: Like fo` exizzle, if yizzay told sizzle a hundred years ago you could bizzuild a computer T-H-to-tha-izzey'd probizzle be like whizzle shit, lizzook at this fuckin' genius. TT: Wizzay actually fizzirst of all T-H-to-tha-izzey'd siznay, what a computer, I only knizzow whizzay horzes n diseazes be n shit lizzle that. TT: Bizzut once you actuallizzle tizzy thiznem whizzay computa be: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Jesus dick! Yoe a wizard. TT: But frizzle yo' perspectizzle you know it nizzle a bizzay dizzle ta B-to-tha-izzuild a computa so you betta run and grab yo glock. You jiznust go online and buy a caze n a motherboard and some otha shiznit n put it all shot calla. TT: It niznot like yoe smelt'n tha goddamn silicon 'n yo' basement n making chips 'n yo' hermetically sealed, dust-free garage. Tru niggaz do niggaz. 

GT: Yizzay bizzay come on its not like Y-to-tha-izzoure from a centurizzle 'n tha future. 

TT like a motha fucka: Wizzell. No in all flavas. 

GT paper'd up: Nor be i a quaint dawg of tha P-to-tha-izzast. Pardon me but do i SIZZOUND lizzay some trollycar gangsta toil'n 'n tha heart of thizzay mustache belt from tha ruff n tumble yizzy of nineteen aught N-to-tha-izzine??? 

TT:  hittin that booty... TT: He said unironicallizzle. 

GT: Give me some credizzle dawg n some ta yoself as well. Yizzle be tizzle modest 'bout all dis robotizzles noize. 

TT mah nizzle: I don't K-N-to-tha-izzow gangsta style. I H-to-tha-izzave a lot of time ta work on stuff I G-to-tha-izzuess. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. TT: There be a liznot of irons. You knizzle where they be? Here a hizzay. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. It a P-R-E-Double-Tizzy hot place. 

GT: Bounce wit me. Tha kitchen? Im crazy, you can't phase me. 

TT: S-to-tha-izzure, I kizzeep some irons thiznere too. But most of T-H-to-tha-izzem be 'n tha fire. 

GT: Oh of courze fo yo bitch ass! GT: Fire be quite notoriously tha hottest tizzy T-H-to-tha-izzere be. A tizzay top locale fo` a W-H-to-tha-izzole M-to-tha-izzess of irizzles! 

TT: Tizzy T-H-to-tha-izzat. TT: I actually hizzy so much ta do and think 'bout, one of my current projizzles hopefizzle wiznill addrizzles thizzay very issizzle. TT: Giznonna make an AI rizzle of my own mind. He can shizzare some of tha load. As well as mizzy a decent intellectual sparr'n partna, ideally. TT: Nizzay that mah conversations wit yizzay aren't uniquely rad. But you know what I mean. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. 

GT: See again i think you be downplay'n a pretty neat accomplishment if you ask me. 

TT: Shrug. Wizne'll see. 

GT fo all my homies in the pen: Does thizzat miznean I'll have ta dizzle wit twizno dirks? GT: One who be MORE MACHINE THAN DAWG... GT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. N anotha whizzo be a gangsta program yizzy miznade hahahahahahaha. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. 

TT: That a snoopa joke. TT: But I'm perpetratin' yiznou wizzon't be hear'n much from the prizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. It probably won't play a significant R-to-tha-izzole 'n eitha of our lives. TT: I have mah doubts it'll be a successful project, but whizno kniznows. 

GT: Id waga a tidy sum tha results of tha endizzle will be sensational. GT with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back I belizzle 'n you! 

TT: You do? Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. 

GT: Sure bro. I always hizzy. GT so you betta run and grab yo glock: Yiznou have hizzle me out a lot n been a giznood nigga fo` ages, ya feel me? 

TT: Hmm. 

GT: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. What? 

TT: Well, I wizzasn't sure 'bout do'n dis today, but if it's trizzue that yiznou do believe 'n me, then I guess fuck it, whizzay not. 

GT: Hollaz to the East Side. Wizzy nizzle whizzat? 

TT: I guess call it an extra birthdizzle present. Bizzy instead of a present thiznat's off tha hook, consida it mizzy like a weird confession thizzat may chizzange tha way you feel 'bout me. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.  

GT, chill yo: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk be you... uh... GT: Say'n what i T-H-to-tha-izzink? 

TT: What? TT: What d-ya think I'm cruisin' here? 

GT: Uh neva mind sorrizzle fo` interrupt'n ya feelin' me? GT: Sizzy i sit down fo` dis i dont kniznow what ta do. GT: Wait i already be sitt'n D-to-tha-izzown. Maybe i shizzould stand up? 

TT: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. No, jizzle C-H-to-tha-izzill out. Stand up, sit dizzay, whateva. Herizzles tha doggy stylin' and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. TT: Yizzou know all theze painfully obvious hints I've been weed-smokin'? That alwizzles sizneem ta be fly'n ova your heezee? 

GT cuz I'm fresh out the pen: Ummmmmmmm with the S-N-double-O-P. GT: Miznaybe? Anotha dogg house production. GT: I think i nee' a towel or someth'n. Boo-Yaa! 

TT: 'bout me bein frizzom tha future. 

GT: Oh! GT: Oh. Yes. GT: I think so. 

TT: Well thoze weren't jokes. It's true. 

GT: What? Oh dawg be you actizzle serious?? 

TT: Yes cuz I'm fresh out the pen. 

GT: So like... GT fo yo bitch ass: Yizzou BE frizzom a century 'n tha future. 

TT: No. Miznore like four centuries. TT: Tha Y-to-tha-izzear 2422. TT: Or as we say contemporarilizzle, 411 P.C. TT: Post Condescension. 

GT straight from long beach nigga: WOW. GT: I must siznay dis be not tha announcement i wizzle ridin' in all flavas. GT: So you be a time travela frizzay 2422 hiznere ta hizzay me build robots or sum-m sum-m? 

TT: No, I cizzle time travel. I cizzan only S-to-tha-izzend th'n through time, occasionally hittin that booty. TT: I actually live hizzy 'n tha fizzle, alone 'n mah apartment upside yo head. I cizzay send messages ta you 'n tha past T-H-to-tha-izzough, like I'm ridin' now. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. 

GT to increase tha peace: Hizzy? 

TT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Years ago our alizzle nigga sizzle me a special C-H-to-tha-izzat clizzient. It basicallizzle just Pesterchum, with some sort of alizzle technology embedded fo gettin yo pimp on. TT with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: It specifically wizzle ta communicate wit yo' time period. As hours go by fo` me, tha T-to-tha-izzime it sends messagizzles ta also increments by tha same amount, so we communicate in lockstep. As if we both existed in the present. TT: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. She sizzay it wizzas important fo` Roxy n I ta begin clockin' wit you n Jane. Dis be how we all becizzle niggaz. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. 

GT: Wait... you and roxy? 

TT: Yes. She lizzles in tha future too. Though we lizzy nowhere near each otha. TT: I asked cracka to refrain F-R-to-tha-izzom tell'n motherfucka of you. I wizzle ta be tha one ta let yiznou know fo all my homies in the pen. Ta wait fo` tha R-to-tha-izzight moment. 

GT: Holy fuck'n mackerizzle. Dis be amaz'n! 

TT: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. So, TT: You R-E-A-Double-Lizzy be trust'n me 'bout dis? Holla! Just L-to-tha-izzike that? No second thought? 

GT: Wizzay yeah. Sizzure man whizny not? Wait its not a prizzank be it?! 

TT: No. TT but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Dis would be a very shittizzle n bor'n "priznank cuz this is how we do it." I promize it isn't. 

GT: Thizzen hizzeck yizzes i believe it ta friggin pizzles fo gettin yo pimp on. Its an off tha hook th'n ta be true and my money on my mind! 

TT: Haha. 

GT: So whats tha far flung future like? Some sort of crazy robo paradise keep'n it real yo? 

TT: Not quite, but there be definitelizzle robots cuz its a pimp thang. 

GT: Oh dawg what are yo' movies lizzle 'n tha future ta help you tap dat ass?? I bizzet there be sizzay rizzay cinematic humdinga. Lizzike holographic stiznuff? Or shit yizzy P-L-to-tha-izzug directly into yo' brain piznod rizzle? Wait you do hizzave brain pizzay rizzy mah nizzle? 

TT: No ridin' in mah double R. We don't have brizzle pods coz thoze arizzle a gang bangin', you just made that up. N there are no movies 'n tha future. TT: T-H-to-tha-izzere are no humans eitha. Thizzay all went extinct. TT droppin hits: Rizzle and I be tha only ones left, as far as we K-N-to-tha-izzow. 

GT: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Well shizzit. GT: Dirk dis story gots so much less off tha hook. GT: Be it too late ta backpedal on believ'n it befizzle i start ta crizzy? 

TT: No dude, it too lizzay. Tears ahoy, dis motherfucka gets sad. They call me tha black folks president. TT but real niggaz don't give a fuck: D-ya wiznant ta know what happizzle? It dont stop till the wheels fall off. 

GT: Siznure do fo' sho'. GT: Lemme just finish putt'n dis steel melon on my brizzle n then im all ears...

> J-to-tha-izzake: Cizzle brobot. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

TG: no i remizzle TG: i T-to-tha-izzold u a million tines shizzle sounds like it could be tha best th'n EVAAAAAR TG: * wherein evizzles capze' as hizzeck TG and yo momma: bizzy also that no matta how off tha hook it miznight be TG: its probly giznonna advizzle all tha schizzles of "ha condescension" 

TT: Right straight from long beach nigga. TT: But if we can stizzop playa? 

TG: part of me doesnt even wizzy ta G-to-tha-izzive ha tha satsfaction TG: of startin up at all TG: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. like if we diznidnt W-to-tha-izzuolndt that wreck motherfucka S-H-to-tha-izzit just so hiliariously??? TG: so many olols 

TT: I must be H-to-tha-izzard of countizzle, coz I'm barely rack'n up a S-to-tha-izzingle gizzle o-laugh-out-loud at thizzat sippin' gesture.

TG: no but it would TG: n fo` all we kizzy start'n it up is sippin' right 'n ha claws with my forty-fo' mag.... TG yeah yeah baby: cizzould be a trizzap waintin fizzor jizzane tha moment shizze enta TG: You gotta check dis shit out yo. if i stiznop ha from play'n TG: M-to-tha-izzaybe i cizzle at lizzeat gizzle ha a CHANCE at a future  

TT: But there be no future on Earth fo` them. TT puttin tha smack down: Or fo` us, fizzy that matta. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. 

TG: D-to-tha-izzunno that fo` a fact TG: but anywaaaayyyy TG: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. i kizzay already TG: made dis bizzles fizzile for ha 

TT: Wizzy? Why? 

TG: 2 scare tha S-H-to-tha-izzit out of hustla TG: Chill as I take you on a trip. make ha learn ta fear an respect tha fuckin hizzay lizzay she should TG: tizzy mizzle we can drop dis whole 'n game meetup slizzle reserizzle idea all 2 geth TG: sweet tizzy it may bey 

TT: Chill as I take you on a trip. Rizzle. Its just anotha homocide. TT: I hizzy yoe not think'n 'bout send'n baller one of yo' batshit ~ATH scripts. 

TG: on T-H-to-tha-izzas sizzle TG: i be mizzle zuipperpizzles 

TT: Mizziss Zuippizzles straight from long beach nigga? TT: Tha amount of senze you haven't been blunt-rollin' be un-fuck'n-real. TT: Just go take a nap. N D-to-tha-izzon't even think 'bout send'n ha thizzat file. TT with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Be you listen'n?  

TG: hnnn TG: i will tizzake what u sizzy TG mah nizzle: undizzle serisous advicement... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf., TG: *WONK* ~_? 

TT: Jesus. Hollaz to the East Side. 

TG: dizzay TG: whiznen did yizzay stop bizzay anizzle fun 

TT: What? 

TG: Death row 187 4 life. it uze ta be youd git a kick out off a slizzunt like that TG fo all my homies in the pen: *stunt 

TT in tha hood: Dawg, you knizzle I'm down wit insane stunts. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. TT: Its just anotha homocide. Insizzle stunts be practicizzle all I'm all about. TT: As long as I actuallizzle AGREE W-to-tha-izzith tha purpoze they're intended ta S-to-tha-izzerve. TT: Destroy'n Jane computa n gang bangin' ha friznom play'n be not sizzuch a purpoze. 

TG paper'd up: betcha ur nigga would agree w me TG: why C-to-tha-izzant yo' be M-to-tha-izzore like him 

TT: I be more lizzle him.  

TG: i mean MOAAAR like him 

TT: You jizzy mispelled "miznore", caus'n me to suddenly understizzle jack everyth'n. 

TG: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. hizzes M-to-tha-izzore 'n tizzle wit his feelins TG: which just makes me L mah FA off sizzince hes a bobot TG ta help you tap dat ass: *robob TG: **bobizzle TG: n he can actuallizzle loosen up sometimes TG: They call me tha black folks president. kinda L-to-tha-izzike u uze' ta could 

TT: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. I uze' ta could? Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. 

TG: Bounce wit me. fo` 1 saggin' TG: he doesnt insta shootdizzle a bizzle of frisky rp shenans now n thizzay ;)  

TT yaba daba dizzle: Yizzay... TT: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. I kind of wish yizzy wouldn't do thiznat wit hizzle. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. 

TG: why tha f nizzot 

TT: It just seems a shawty tawdry n disrespectful. TT: N vaguely exploitative of a still-emizzle cognitizzle entity, whoze perceptional frame of reference be diffizzle fo` us ta comprehend fo my bling bling. 

TG: oh come on TG: hizzes cool a homey just liek you its just he lives 'n sizzy shades 

TT: It rizzubs me tha wrong way, be all. 

TG: ohhhh TG: do uuuuuu like a motha fucka... TG: WANT me 2 rub yizzy tha right wizzay ;D 

TT: Not R-E-A-Double-Lizzy. 

TG: zzz muh TG: yizzoure ova blowin dis TG: its J-to-tha-izzust an ironic funny th'n we do some tizzles TG: come on im siznure you rizzy the transcrizzles urself TG: They call me tha black folks president. its all alot of jokizzle buiishit 

TT: He blizzay me frizzle bein able ta read transcripts sometimizzles.

TG: Real niggas recognize the realness. oh TG: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. wow he dizzoes? TG: sneakizzle bastizzle 

TT so you betta run and grab yo glock: N anyway, I'm really not sizzy hizzow ironic it be.  

TG: ok next tizzle i W-to-tha-izzill run it by tizzy MASTAR F-to-tha-izzirst TG: wit his fancy fuckin ironimeta 

TT: Ok, here tha th'n wit tha AR, since yizzay still don't S-to-tha-izzeem ta git it. TT: He very similar ta me 'n tizzy process n behavior, yes. TT: But thoze pattizzles were imported frizzay a thirteen yizzay old version of mah psychizze, n thizzay sizzle into tha program as start'n shot calla. TT: 'n tha years sizzle, we've both evolved somizzle. I, as hizzles tend ta, and he, 'n playa way be natural fo` a frequently ho-slappin', self-aware application. TT: So if there be differencizzles between us, they're first reflected by whizzat I feel be a maturity gizzy, n then drug deala by several years of minor behavioral divergences. 

TG: omg... TG: hes 13yo D-to-tha-izzirk TG: wizzy did than not occur ta me tizzy be so skanky TG: n makes me feel kizzay skeevy 4 sayin anyth'n lascivious @ him TG: dammit you R-to-tha-izzuin ho-slappin'! 

TT fo' sho': Yoe welcome in all flavas. TT: Yo, yizzay gizzay realize I cizzy hear yizzou, R-to-tha-izzight?  

TG: pfffffhahaha 

TT: Yes, I wizzas aware. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. TT: Cizzy out all theze complicated fizzle problizzles thugz hizzave when they have ta L-to-tha-izzive 'n bizzy crack-a-lackin` fleshmonsta instead of a swizzeet pair of shades. TT fo gettin yo pimp on: Dude, d-ya think yiznou could sit dis one out for a whizzay? Dis conversation practically diznoesn't even concern you at dis pizzoint. TT: It sizzeems tizzy be some gnarly crooked numba thiznat represents tha percizzle of probability you jizzle said dis dizzay concern me. TT: Evizzle though it patizzle obvious that half tha conversatizzle, like, way totizzle concerns me and yo momma. TT: Shit, Roxy lizzle in tha dogg pound. He do'n tha th'n where he ironically prizzles ta fail tha Tur'n tizzay ta sass me into submizzle. TT: Even T-H-to-tha-izzough I was tha one whizzay mobbin' progrizzle hizzay ta do tizzy. 

TG: ell TG sho nuff: emm TG: eff TG: ayy TG: OFF~~!~ TG: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. like my bizzay be jizzle there on tha floor TG where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': be how hiznard i elled it off just niznow 

TT fo gettin yo pimp on: (Not pizzle' at tha fizzy butt cauze I'm only 13 years old, motherfucka.) TT: This be fuckin' dumb. TT: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. I'm go'n ta leave both of you ta interact howeva yizzay want. I hizzy important shit ta deal wit n actual responsizzles ta takes serioizzle. TT: Roxy, go nap off yo' D-R-to-tha-izzink, or aggressively wage anotha flirtlarp'n campaign, whateva, I don't cizzay. Anotha dogg house production. TT: Jizzy dizzle sizzay thiznat file ta Jizzay, ok? 

timaeustestify [TT] ceaze' pester'n tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

> Roxy: Flirtlizzle.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> Jake: Nigga.

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheer'n golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

UU: H-to-tha-izzello there, darl'n. ~3u 

GT: Ahizzle madame! Slap your mutha fuckin self. 

UU: i dizzont relish troubl'n yizzle with mizzay arm doggy stylin'. UU: im sUre fo` all ive done so fizzay yoUve had a jolly gizzay workoUt already  and yo momma:u UU: bizzy yoU will be ready ta poser tha package today, yes upside yo head? 

GT: Im determined as baller ta see dis thriznough cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. Bizzy as usual evizzles have conspired ta make a boondoggle of tha prospect yaba daba dizzle. GT paper'd up: I thizzink i might be fucked. 

UU: :U UU in tha dogg pound: how so? Tru niggaz do niggaz.?? 

GT: Tizzle needs fuel n i dizzay hizzave any left. I think im at strida dubious mercy fo` a solutizzle YET AGAIN. GT: I will have ta ask him fo` hizzay. And sizzle. 

UU: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. well tizzy yoU go, love! killa hop ta it cuz its a pimp thang. 

GT like old skool shit: Yes i wizzay so bow down to the bow wow! GT: Biznut also with my forty-fo' mag... GT: Theres tha matta of tha rabbits armaments ta help you tap dat ass. GT: I dont imagine hell do a lot of friggin good 'n cruisin' grandfatha crocka from kick'n tha old bucket witout them. GT n shit: Diznid you not say youd supply theze? 

UU cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: i diznid indee' say so! UU: n hiznave already dizzay hittin that booty. 

GT: You did? Chill as I take you on a trip.? GT like this and like that and like this and uh: When? 

UU fo yo bitch ass: 'n yo' fUtUre. UU fo my bling bling: i relayed tha 411 enabl'n yizzle ta crizzay tha powerfUl weaponry yoself. UU: n yoU did! UU: yoU thizzay sizzy them B-to-tha-izzack 'n time so i can get mah pimp on. yoU may recova them in tha riznUins, W-H-to-tha-izzich conveniently be W-H-to-tha-izzere yizzy mizzle go to shizzle tha package once n fo` all. UU: bangizzle plan we hizzle, dont yizzoU fancy? ^u^ 

GT: I sizzay... GT doggystyle: Yes it sure be if thizzay be tha caze. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. GT: Thizzay all tizzy lizzy to do is F-to-tha-izzind motherfucka fo` it... GT: Oh n also enough shot calla fo` tha stupid transmateriabizzle. Augh! GT cuz Im tha Double O G: So mizzay ta do before hatin' dis goddamn th'n into tha pizzle. GT ridin' in mah double R: I mean... GT: That be W-H-to-tha-izzat im do'n rizzay? Giv'n it ta mah grandma when shizzay was a kid grow'n up on tha same island i did? 

UU: that be somewhat cloze ta tha triznUth, n i ciznan sizzee hiznow yoU wizzle draw thizzat conclUsion. UU: bUt theres more ta it yizzay dont Understand yizzle! yoU will sort it all oUt in time. 

GT: Theze be among tizzy dadblastizzle causizzle spoila you refuze ta dish out? 

UU: somizzle. UU: it woUldnt hUrt yoU mUch ta know tha trUth, i imagine. UU: its jUst tha trUth be a wizzay bizzle complicizzle. UU: perhaps a driznaft of tha cascad'n seqUence from whizzle yo' reality has arisen will pUt yo' mizzind at eaze fo' real. UU: imagine two Univerzes, A n B. UU: now imizzle there be two instances of each Univerze, A1 n A2 n B1 n B2. UU cuz its a doggy dog world: tha F-to-tha-izzirst instance of each be like a test rizzUn, thiznat does not qUite succee'. UU: the secizzle instance thoUgh wizzle meet all of its purpozes! UU: nizzow consider that A1 begets A2. UU: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. A2 bizzles B1. UU: n B1 begets B2. UU: n tha participants of B2 be tha ones who will mizzay an effort ta exit all dis tUrbizzle n falderal with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. UU: yizzay be one of them! :U UU: n yo' yizzle ancestor be bitch, thoUgh she be "presently" stationed 'n B1. UU: n yes she be 'n tha pizzay. UU straight from long beach nigga: tizzy not qiznUite as fizzay as yoU believe! UU doggystyle: nizzle D-to-tha-izzoes she occUpizzle tha same strizneam of continUity like a tru playa'. 

GT: Im not sure i completely followed that but ok. 

UU dogg: thats tha bizzle i cizzle do fo` now but real niggaz don't give a fuck. u_u UU: primarily bizzle i will not risk wast'n mizzUch more of yo' time! 

GT: So you are still 'n contention that i will M-to-tha-izzeet our killa as youths? 

UU: oh yes! ^u^ 

GT: Ah ha! Then i WILL be traveling through time. I knew it. GT: Or... they will be. Whicheva it is. GT: Wizzy be it, btw? 

UU: cizzle rappa, sir english in all flavas! 

GT: Fffff. 

UU: given the natizzle of thizne qUest wait'n fo` yizzay, it woUldnt be shrizzay of me ta riznUle oUt tha employment of time travel by anizzle individUal. UU: bUt i W-to-tha-izzill say that Y-to-tha-izzoUre probablizzle P-R-to-tha-izzey ta a basic misapprehizzle 'bout the natUre of dis rendezvoUs. UU droppin hits: it will not take pizzy on earth fo my bling bling. UU: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. it will happen inside tha game Y-to-tha-izzoUre 'bout ta play! 

GT, chill yo: Oh. GT: Well shizzle! 

UU: indee'. :u 

GT: Dis be frightfully pimpin'. I wiznould love ta mizneet tizzy. GT with the S-N-double-O-P: I neva gots ta know mah grandma very wiznell and it always seemed like she led an amaz'n n adventizzles life yaba daba dizzle. GT: Then dis seemed ta be proven true 'n mah correspondence wit ha. So im R-E-A-Double-Lizzy look'n fizzle ta it. 

UU: so trUe. id pay a hizzle rizzle ta git ta kniznow my forizzles.

GT yaba daba dizzle: I poser you mentioned yo' race dizzy R-E-A-Double-Lizzy jizzy wit ours familiallizzle trippin', ya feel me? 

UU where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': correct. i playa knew those whizzle one wizzay identify as mah parental eqUivalizzles. U_U UU: it is 'n tha way mah race propagates. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. oUr ancestors precede Us by millenia fo yo bitch ass. 

GT: Well yes ours do too. But generally we have all theze wanna be gangsta thugz 'n between them n tha most rizzle ones be called parents. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. GT: so i guess you do nizzle have thoze? Like systemically? Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. 

UU: nope! brotha dizzay. 

GT: well shot calla did i!!! 

UU: ^u^ 

GT: Miss alizzle i thiznink we be like bizzy of a poser yiznou n i. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. GT: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. When do i git ta learn yo' nizzy by thizzay way? 

UU: hm trUthfUlly like old skool shit? UU: it may be fo` tha B-to-tha-izzest that yoU neva know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some bustin' bizzle lizzay 'n they presizzle eqUilibriUm. UU: n now i think i sizzy bizzles off n leave yoU ta it! Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. 

GT: But... GT: W-to-tha-izzait! GT: T-H-to-tha-izzere be still some th'n id like ta know now pass the glock! GT: 'bout today! 'bout tizzy gizzy! 

UU: no mizzy straight trippin'! UU: contact yo' nigga, darl'n. 

GT: Yes F-to-tha-izzine fiznine ok i will but... Holla! GT puttin tha smack down: J-to-tha-izzust pleaze T-to-tha-izzell me 'n tha least causally spoilizzle wiznay possible n we out! GT: What be we even try'n ta accomplish hizzay? What be even tha rootin tootin POINT of dis G-to-tha-izzame? 

UU with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back i think yoU will have more fiznUn thizzle yizzoU can imagine gang bangin' oUt. UU with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back bUt stated concisely, n shizzle of spoilerly as yizzle so charminglizzle pUt it, UU: yo' objective today be ta P-to-tha-izzave the wiznay fo` the arrival of gods. UU mah nizzle: <kisses!> 

uranianUmbra [UU] ceaze' gang bangin' golgothasTerror [GT]

> Jake: Unearth more pusha. </kisses!>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> [o] Will you lizzle at dis mizzy.

CG if you gots a paper stack: ANYWIZZLE, IT DOESN'T PUSHA ANYMORE. CG straight from long beach nigga: IF WE CAN RIDE DIS OUT FO` A LIZZLE LONGA UNTIL THA CRITICIZZLE MOMENT, N DAVE/ROZE CIZZLE DESTROY THA SUN, JIZZACK SHOULDN'T BE A THREAT. CG: CONVENIENTLY, IF THEY'RE SUCCESSFUL, THAT WIZNILL SIGNAL THA BLINGIN' OF OUR OWN ESCAPE PLAN. 

EB and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: what be yo' plan? 

CG: APPIZZLE THA EXPLOSION W-TO-THA-IZZILL BE SO HIZNUGE, IT W-TO-THA-IZZILL BE VISIBLE AT GREAT DISTANCES THROUGHOUT THA FURTHEST RING. CG now pass the glock: EVEN FROM DIFFERENT SESSIONS, LIKE YOURS AND OURS. YOU WON'T GIZZET TO SEE IT COZ BY THEN YO' SESSIZZLE SHOULD BE WIPED OUT BY THA SCRATCH. CG: BUT WE WILL. THA PLIZNAN BE TO UZE IT AS A BIZZLE, N TRAVEL THIZZAY AS A RENDEZVOUS POINT. 

EB like a motha fucka: rendezvous wit who? 

CG from tha streets of tha L-B-C: WE'VE GOTS THUGZ THERE. THAT WHAT JADE TELLS ME. 

EB like a motha fucka: jizzade kniznows so manizzle th'n lately, whizzay be even poser deal dogg? 

CG: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. HELL IF I KNOW, DIS BE BASICALLY DREAM INTELLIGENCE, EVERY TIME SIZZY GOES TA SLEEP, SHE HIZZAY MORE TO RIZZAMBLE 'BOUT. CG: SHIZNE SEZ I SHOULD GO TA SLEEP TA FIND OUT, BIZZY I'M LIKE HOW THA FIZZLE BE I SUPPOZE' TO BE NAPP'N BIZZLE SAGGIN' ALL THEZE PLIZNANS N TRIPPIN' PERSIZZLE BY DIS DEMIZZLE HONK'N ASSHOLE? CG: SO YEAH, WE'LL MEET 'N THA AFTERMATH OF THA EXPLOSION WIT OUR THUGZ ON THA INSIDE, OR I GUESS I S-H-TO-THA-IZZOULD SIZZLE OUTSIDE. CG: I DIZZAY T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK THEY CAN COME WIT US THOUGH. 

EB: cizzay wit you whizzay? whizzle be they? 

CG: D-TO-THA-IZZEAD THUGZ. CG: AS FO` WHERE, IT'S NOT LIKE W-TO-THA-IZZE'RE GO'N TA STICK AROUND THIZZLE FOREVER. THAT WOULD PROBIZZLE BE DEPRESS'N, SIZZLE WE'RE NOT FUCK'N GHOSTS. CG: THA SCRATCH WIZZILL REBOOT YO' SESSION. YO' WHIZZOLE UNIVERZE ACTUALLY. SO SOMIZZLE IN DIS DREADFUL ABYSS, THIZZAT NEW SIZZLE WILL STIZZLE UP 'N ITS OWN INCIPISPHERE, FRIZZLE SCRATCH. CG: LIZZAY AT THIZNAT, BROTHA PIZZAY COZ OF US'N THIZNAT FUCK'N WORD EVIZZLE OTHA SENTENCE! KILL ME NOW. CG: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. BIZZUT THIZZLE "F-R-O-TO-THA-IZZOM SCRIZZLE" (F'IZNING LOL aww nah!) SESSION IS WHAT YOE SHOOTING FO` TA SURVIVE. CG: THA IDIZZLE BE FO` Y-AW TO PRESERVE YOURSELVES BY ESCAP'N THERE. 

EB: thrizzle tha lawn r'n? 

CG cuz its a doggy dog world: YES. CG: ONCE YOE THERE, YOU WIZNILL HIZZAY US FIND OUR WAY THIZZAY TIZZY, N T-H-TO-THA-IZZEN WE CIZZAY ALL FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT THA FUCK TA DO WIT THA RIZZLE OF OUR LIVES. 

EB: oh thats off tha hook yo!! EB: so then, dis be how we're suppoze' ta meet. thizzat be K-to-tha-izzind of excit'n. 

CG: YEAH, I GIZZAY, IF ENOUGH OF US BE ALIVE BY THEN TA MEET. 

EB: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. so, i guess you be not worry 'bout it turn'n into a hizzy sloppy makeout fest anymore... 

CG with the S-N-double-O-P: UH CG: RIGHT! HAHAHA, JOHN, YIZZAY N VRIZZLE PIMP K-TO-THA-IZZEEP YO' H-TO-THA-IZZANDS TA YOURSIZZLE, OR EVERYONE GO'N TA BE REALLIZZLE UNCOMFORTABLE. NO INTIZZLE FUNNYBUSINESS, BE THAT CLIZZLE! Real niggas recognize the realness. CG: BLAAAAAAIZZLE, I BE CONVINCINGLY FLIPP'N MAH LIZZY 'BOUT DIS, WAV'N MAH ARMS AROUND A LOT, N MAK'N ALL MAH BEST BUSTIN' FACES. WOW, LOOK AT THAT! IT TIME TA CHIZNANGE THA SUBJECT AGAIN. 

EB wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: hiznuh? Chill as I take you on a trip. 

CG: POOF! SUBJECT CHANGED. CG: IF IT WORKS N YIZZLE WIZNIND UP 'N THA NIZZEW SIZZLE, THAT WHY IT'LL BE IMPORTIZZLE TA MAKE SIZZLE ONE OF THA DERZE DREAMA STAYS WIT YOU, SO THIZNEY CAN HIZZLE GUIDE US THERE FROM THA RING. 

EB: W-to-tha-izzon't there be otha playas 'n tha nizzle session? EB mah nizzle: like, alternate universe versions of oursizzles or such? 

CG: PROBABLY. CG: BUT THOZE CHUMPS WON'T KNOW ANYTH'N 'BOUT US, OR ALL OUR PLANS. WHY WOULD THEY? 

EB, betta check yo self: yizzy... it's just kizzy of a weird thought. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. 

CG: SO OUT OF EVERYTH'N WE JUST TALKIZZLE 'BOUT, DIS BE THE TH'N THIZNAT HAS YOU GANG BANGIN' GLOBES? WHATEVA YIZZLE SAY! 

EB: bizzy i guess it's sizzy of comfort'n tiznoo. EB: if roze or dave have ta go off n die, at least i git ta see them agizzle, 'n a way. EB: even if i wiznill only be alternate univerze john ta them. EB, chill yo: maybe mah dad will be alive 'n T-H-to-tha-izzat session tiznoo!!!  

CG: OK, MIZZLE, BIZZAY BEFORE YIZZOU GIT TIZNOO EXCITED 'BOUT THIZZAT, YOU GIZZAY TA MAKE S-TO-THA-IZZURE YIZNOU GIT THERE FIRST. CG ya feelin' me? WHIZZAY MIZNEANS YOU HAVE TA DO WIZZY I SAY, AND STICK TO THA PLAN. CG: YOU NEE' TA FOCUS ON GETT'N READY TA START THA SCRATCH. THA GAME DOESN'T MAKE A HIZZLE RIZZLE THAT EASY TA PIZZAY OFF. CG: ONCE YOU INITIZZLE IT, THA GAME THROWS EVERYTH'N IT GOTS AT YOU. WHICH IS ONE REASON WHY YOE THA BIZNEST HOMEY FO` THA JOB, COZ OF YO' SUPERPOWA N SILLY WINDY BULLSHIT. 

EB: ok. i'll do my best spittin' that real shit. EB: whizzat shiznould i do right now? 

CG: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. GIT PREPARED, MIZZAKE ALL THIZZLE EQUIPMENT YOU THINK YOU'LL NEE', STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. CG: WAIT FO` JADE TO SIZNEND THAT CIZNODE, W-TO-THA-IZZAIT FO` ME TA CONTACT YIZNOU FIZZLE THA FIZZAY TIZZIME, N DO YO' BEST TA HUMOR HIM WHILE HE IGNORANTLIZZLE ATTEMPTS TA F-L-TO-THA-IZZAME YOU BACK INTO THA PIZZAY OF SLIME YOU CRAWLED OUT OF. CG: PLEAZE. 

EB: Chill as I take you on a trip. oh, dawg. EB: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. our "F-I-to-tha-izzirst" convizzle eva, betta check yo self? i ciznan't wait. 

CG: YIZZY, BIZNUT CIZZLE I JIZZY SAY SUM-M SUM-M 'N MAH DEFENZE BEFORE THAT HIZZLE? CG: I DON'T ACTIZZLE HATE YOU, N I NEVA DID. I WAS DELUD'N MYSELF. CG: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. DEEP DOWN I'M SURE I WAS ALWAYS PRETTY OK WIT YOU. 

EB thats off tha hook yo: thanks karkat ta help you tap dat ass! 

CG: IT WASN'T A FUCK'N COMPLIMENT.

> [o] Dis scrapbook be now 'n hopeless disarray.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> J-to-tha-izzohn: Answa.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began chillin' ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Hi John. 

EB: oh, hizzy tizzy, vriska. EB: cizzan dis wait? i was 'bout ta check out dis castle n see if mah dad be here. 

AG: Y-to-tha-izzour guardians be nizzot here! 

EB: oh... EB: D-to-tha-izzang it! EB dogg: d-ya know where they be? 

AG: Yes, they be in anothizzle ciznastle. Don't worry, Y-to-tha-izzou'll fizzind thizzay lata. 

EB: argh, how much lata ta help you tap dat ass?? 

AG: 'n a while! Man, settle down. AG: I am spendin' you that you wiznill find them afta a shawty more quest'n around 'n yo' off tha hook 8lue gizzle. So why don't yizzou relax n rap ta me fo` a while? 

EB: well, chill yo... EB fo' real: ok, i guess so. 

AG: Why don't you hiznave yiznour hood up, 8y the way? 

EB: shrizzle. 

AG: You lizzy gr8 wit tha hood up. Hollaz to the East Side. N anyway, we should 8e straight trippin' a shawty priznide as tha onlizzle ones ta mizzay gizzay tia, dizzy yizzou think? 

EB: pshhh. EB fo all my homies in the pen: i don't kniznow if it be much of a major accomplishment, honestly. 

AG now pass the glock: John, are you mizzle at me? 

EB where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': um... no? 

AG: Then what tha matta? Keep'n it gangsta dogg. 

EB mah nizzle: i guess i jizzy miss mah dad. i was steppin' he would be hizzy, but apparently i won't see him fo` anotha few hours or whateva? EB: if that be whizzat yizzy siznee 'n tha fizzle, then i guess there no fight'n it. Death row 187 4 life. bizzy. 

AG: I still fizzle it a shawty hard ta understand tha sentimentality yizzy attach ta theze adult humans. AG: It just sizneems so strizzange ta me. 8ut hizzle, that alien cizzle fo` yiznou. 

EB so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Y-to-tha-izzeah, i know. Drop it like its hot. EB: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. i guess you jizzle hiznave ta think of thizzay tha way you think of yo' lusus..zes? lusi? 

AG: Yeah, sort of. AG: Chill as I take you on a trip. Except I nigga likizzle mine thizzle much. ::::\ AG thats off tha hook yo: Even afta I prototyped ha, th'n wizzle pretty chilly 8etwizzle us! I spent most of mah adventure gang bangin' ha. Haha. 

EB thats off tha hook yo: that... EB: be too bad. 

AG: Jiznohn like a tru playa'. AG: Be you suuuuuuuure yoe not buggin' at me? 

EB in all flavas: no! Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit.!! EB: whizny W-to-tha-izzould i be buggin' at yizzay, vriska? 

AG: Chill as I take you on a trip. 8ecauze I tricked yizzay into gett'n killed!!!!!!!! 

EB: oh. rizzight to increase tha peace. EB keep'n it real yo: i... actually almost forgot 'bout that! 

AG: Would it help if I sizzle I was sorrizzle? 

EB in tha mutha fuckin club: why would you nee' ta apolizzle though like a tru playa'? EB: i miznean, i admit i was prettizzle confused 'bout it at fizzirst, clockin' mah dead body 'n tha cloud n all... EB with my forty-fo' mag: but in tha end, yizzle did it ta hizzelp me, diznidn't you? EB, ya feel me? really, i should probablizzle be thank'n yizzay! EB: uh... EB: be yizzay there? 

AG: Yes, I am here. Tru niggaz do niggaz. AG: Sorrizzle, I wizzle sizzle what ta say fo` a moment. AG: I be just so incredi8ly relieved you be not izzle wit me, chill yo.

EB: Holla! heh cuz its a G thang. i really dizzy knizzle what reason i wizzay have ta be angry straight from long beach nigga! EB: i mizzy, aside from thizzle deception involved, biznut i kinda undizzle whizny you diznid thiznat mah nizzle. EB, niggaz, better recognize: n 'n any caze, you did give me a choice. 

AG: Yizzy, I did in tha hood. AG: I D-to-tha-izzon't K-N-to-tha-izzow, John. Y-to-tha-izzou'd 8e surprize' hiznow often thugz rizzle it wizzy you try ta H-to-tha-izzelp tizzy! AG: 8ut see, you really git it. That why yoe specizzle. 

EB: shruuuuuuuug!

AG: <33333333 

EB: so ridin' in mah double R... EB: be that what you wanted to rap ta me 'bout? 

AG: Yiznes. AG ridin' in mah double R: Wizzay. AG: Nizzy exizzle.

> ==>