#(for someone earnestly just trying to understand the art in q)

[soysaucevictim]

I'm very "make oblique commentary on YouTube" mood...

Not going to put in usernames or whatever - because I don't think it's productive to my pt here.

OP comment was this (on a reality TV show with a moment where there was some ableism from the judges of this nature to a colorblind MUA):

And someone wrote this in response:

And oh man. This is very Business Major attitude about what's ultimately a creative exercise. Art will ALWAYS be subjective, a marketing dept can't know what's going to resonate with everyone. Hell, bad marketing of art is a thing - giving you expectations of one thing where it just doesn't make sense to. (Looking at you, Marketing for "Jennifer's Body".)

When it comes to individual and deeply personal experiences like disability? Fuckign- who cares if it isn't legible to people who don't have that disability, man. Trying to sand down that shit to appeal to abled folks kills any sense of authenticity here - and it will never please everyone anyways!

[allonsysilvertongue]

Always Done What You Say

This was how it began - Tony Stark had called on Peter Parker for a mission while he was out with May except the mission did not end the way anyone imagined or hoped it would, and now Peter’s life has been pulled out from under him. (Or the story of how Tony found himself having to be more than just a mentor to Peter, one small step at a time)

Previously

Chapter 17

Peter felt less burdened.

He felt lighter, easier to breath.

The last time he remembered ever feeling this way was before witnessing Ben’s death.

Ben…How had that happen exactly?

All he knew now was it had been unfortunately tragic.

No point dwelling on it, he supposed. Ducking into his room, Peter grabbed the notebook from his bag where he had scrawled the new formula. He had been working on it with Bruce and it was something he was immeasurably proud of. He couldn’t wait to show it to Tony.

Just then, his phone went off, signaling a text message.

I haven’t heard from you since yesterday. I’m worried.

I’m fine. You’ve done awesome. Really can’t thank you enough. Don’t worry about me

Are you sure? What about any side effects?

Sighing, Peter pocketed his phone.

He didn’t want to think of any potential side effects that might occur. He felt great so that should be all that mattered, surely?

It would only get better. He knew it. He could already feel the difference. Who knew the mind would have such an effect on his mood.

Peter returned back to the dining room in time to see Pepper shooting Tony a look of warning. The man wandered off the fridge, pouring himself some of that smoothie he loved so much. His hand shook but when he turned around again to look at Peter, he was sporting a smile.

Peter relaxed almost immediately.

“I’ve got it, Mr. Stark. Here you go,” he waved the notebook and handed it over to his mentor. “Like I said, I’ve been thinking about using my webs as sort of a – a gauze, you know? To – to stop bleedings. But then I thought to myself – why stop there? So um, if the webs have antifungal and antiseptic properties, then that means I can use them to cover wounds, especially during battles. It’ll make the wounds clean and free of infection,” he paused to read Tony’s and Pepper’s reaction. They both seem fascinated which Peter took as a good sign. “Dr. Banner suggested that maybe I can even have clotting properties on it. How cool is that?”

“This is very… This is great, kid. It’s smart. You’re really on to something here.”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded earnestly. “My webs have been just weapons for now but I – I think I can do a lot more with it.”

“Good thinking, kid,” Tony commended.

“If it works, maybe I can even sell the formulas to pharmaceutical companies or somethin’ like that. Contribute to my college fund.”

“I’m responsible for that college fund,” Tony punched his shoulder lightly. “Look who you’re talking to. You shouldn’t be worried about that.”

“Oh, yeah right. I – I didn’t think that you’d...” he trailed off. It was still an adjustment for him. Having financial worries was part of the deal growing up and with Tony as his guardian, he kept forgetting that money would never be an issue. Not that he would ever take advantage of that. “Well, I can always donate them to clinics all over New York. Lots of people out there I can help, even if I’m not Spiderman anymore,” he shrugged, throwing a grin for Tony’s sake.

“Exactly,” Tony agreed. “But I don’t want you rushing into it. You gotta make sure Bruce approves everything and I mean, everything.”

“Tony’s right,” Pepper chimed in, placing her plate in the dishwasher. “A single wrong step is a potential law suit.”

Peter hummed in agreement. If anyone knew business, it would be the two of them. He was just a kid with big ideas. He sat on the table long after dinner was over working on the crossword puzzle from Happy’s morning paper while Pepper retired to the living room in time for the news.

“Five letters across – lack of tact…” Peter bit his pen. “Any ideas? I feel like I’ve got it but nothing.”

“Stop that for a sec,” Tony said, pulling a chair next to him. He rested a hand on the back of Peter’s chair and for a wild moment, he felt trapped. “I’ve been meaning to ask… Everything alright with you? You seemed a little… off.”

Peter stared, stricken. The crossword puzzle lay forgotten on the table. He capped and uncapped the pen before he ducked his head, letting the growing curls fall over his eyes in a desperate effort to hide a part of himself from Tony.

His heart was suddenly hammering in his chest and he could hear the roar of blood in his ears. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Tony, afraid that if he did, all his secrets would be laid bare.

“I’m fine, Mr. Stark,” he squeaked. “Um, I should probably check with MJ about this crossword. She loves them. I bet she’s finished hers this morning.”

He grabbed the papers and all but bolted back to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Technically, he hadn’t broken any rules. So really, he had nothing to fear. Tony had wanted him to remember that he was the last of the Parkers, and he had held that close to his heart.

Peter checked his phone to see that there was a new message from Stephen Strange.

Did you talk to Tony yet?

This is not something you can do on your own.

He is helping me with it, Peter typed before hitting the send button.

Going to Stephen had been a mistake because now, the sorceror wouldn’t leave him alone.

Why then do you see the need to come to me with such a request? This is worrying, Peter.

Ignoring the message, Peter tossed his phone on the bed. He needed people to get off his back and to stop worrying every little thing about him. He could take care of himself. Hadn’t he proved that already?

Still, Dr. Strange was the least of his worries right now. Tony was a more pressing concern. He had escaped his mentor but if he knew the man and Peter liked to think that he did then Tony can be quite persistent. If he sensed that something was not right, he would pursue it until he had all the answers.

Perhaps, all he needed to do right now was to tone it down a notch.

That was easier said than done because he felt great. There was so much energy running in his veins and he couldn’t sit still. It was akin to a sugar high. There was so much he felt he could accomplish now that he was no longer moping around, tied by the weight of guilt and sadness.

He would burn off this energy one way or another.

When morning came, Peter remembered his plan from the night before.

He plopped down on the chair, mumbling a “morning” as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. He watched Tony and Pepper over the rim of his glass.  He had been quite muted, not so much acting like an excited puppy. That should throw them off the scent, he figured, and carefully avoided any unnecessary eye contact.

Halfway through breakfast, he grew exhausted. He didn’t think trying to act normal when he was filled to the bones with energy was hard work but it was. He was so excited to conquer the day – to leave the house, to walk down the streets, to meet his friends.

“How are you this morning, Peter?” Pepper asked. “Did you sleep well?”

“Uh, didn’t sleep much,” Peter answered before he hurriedly explained himself. “It wasn’t because of nightmares or anything like that. I was on, um, Netflix and sorta lost track of time. I completed both seasons of Friends,” he chuckled. “Kind of understand now why May loved that show.”

Tony looked at him, the cup of coffee halfway to his lips. “So you didn’t sleep?”

“I did – got a few decent hours in.”

“It’s fine now but let’s not make this a habit,” Pepper rebuked with a smile. “Not with school starting next week.”

Peter nodded, “Of course, Miss Potts.”

He really liked her. In some ways, she reminded him of May. There was that familiar maternal connection with Pepper.

“Mr. Stark, do you think… Can I maybe have some money?” he asked tentatively. “MJ convinced Ned to go on some Brooklyn Bridge bike tour for charity and uh, Ned wants me to come along. It’s like fifty bucks and half the money will be donated, and I – I don’t have that kind of money on me.”

“Sure, buddy, anything you need – just ask. How long will this tour be?”

Tony was already reaching into his jacket pocket, pulling out a wad of cash clipped together with a gold metallic band.

“Half a day or something,” Peter answered. He looked down on the cash Tony handed him. “This is too much. I don’t need two hundred dollars.”

Pepper took back a hundred dollar bill and returned it to Tony with a roll of her eyes.

“He doesn’t know when he is making someone uncomfortable,” Pepper patted Peter’s hand. “Use the change for lunch, for you and your friends, alright? Please be back before dinner.”

“Okay, Ms. Potts,” Peter smiled gratefully. “So … What’s your plan for today, Mr. Stark? More projects in the workshop?”

He took his time spending breakfast with them. He really didn’t want them to worry about him but it was useless because just as he stepped out of the apartment, he overheard Tony talking to Pepper.

“I need to talk to the kid when he’s home tonight. I know something’s up, Peps.”

Not wanting to hear himself being discussed, Peter hurried along. When he emerged from the apartment building, he inhaled deeply and allowed himself a smile. With a promise to himself that he would make good of today, he jogged across the street to where he was supposed to meet Ned and MJ

“Hey, weirdos,” MJ called out and the moment Ned and Peter turned to look over their shoulders, she snapped a picture of the three of them on their bicycles at the Brooklyn Bridge. “Let’s pretend we’re tourist. I’m Alesha, an art student from Maryland Institute College of Art or I will be at least. I’m here on a trip before college begins. I love mustard and pickles, and I’ve got a collection of jars at home… for art.”

“That’s oddly specific,” Peter pointed out.

“That’s how the game works, Parker. You can be anything. So… who you gonna be?”

“A baker from Queens,” Ned suggested.

“He’s from Queens,” MJ clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “The whole point is to pick a new name, a new place, a new… identity.”

By that afternoon, his calf and thigh muscles were aching from the sudden exertion. It was clear that he was paying the price for all the time he spent not going out as Spiderman and exerting himself physically.

“Dude, I’m beat,” Ned heaved. “I’m never letting MJ convince me about doing something like this ever again.”

“It’s alright, it’s for charity,” Peter clapped his friend’s shoulder. “But yeah, I’m exhausted too, man.”

Despite the fatigue, the bicycle tour took his mind off Tony and Pepper, and the pressing concern that sooner or later, Tony would undoubtedly ask him straight out about the things he had done. That was a conversation he was not looking forward to have.

It wasn’t fair. It concerned him and it should be his decision, not Tony’s.

As liberating as it was to get away from the apartment for a bit to spend time with Ned and MJ, there was only so much he could do to avoid home before he needed to return. Missing dinner would only raise more questions and suspicions.

Dinner, surprisingly, passed by without any incident. He listened to Tony complained about Norman Osborn and the deal he apparently was trying to get into with Stark Industries. The mention of Oscorp did raise his heart rate a little but it was nothing out of the ordinary. It was the same reaction he had each time he gleaned the word Oscorp from newspapers and articles online.

“Movie, Pete?”

“Um, can we take a rain check on it?”

Tony tilted his head to the side, an eyebrow raised dubiously. “You sure? Got something else in mind?”

“Just – uh – this game I told Ned I’d play with him. Some online multiplayer… you know?”

“Oh,” Tony crossed his arms, looking uncharacteristically interested that it had Peter worried. “Is it anything I’d be interested in? Come on, share it with your old man. Don’t leave me out of the loop. I got to know what you teenagers are up to.”

“Stop,” Peter wrinkled his nose and laughed out loud. “Stop trying to be cool.”

“I agree,” Pepper sided with him. “Act your age, Tony.”

“That’s hurtful, honey. Alright, kid, go ahead.”

Seeing as there wasn’t a multiplayer game he had to play with Ned, Peter sprawled on the bed, arms folded across his stomach. He stared at the ceiling and listened to the street below. It was still disconcerting to know he was way up here at the Penthouse and yet, it still felt as if he was standing right at the pavement on the street. Everything was so loud and clear.

The hours went by before he finally pushed himself off towards the study table. He turned on his laptop, randomly scrolling through Netflix until he decided to continue with Friends. The hours passed by until the door to his room opened.

“Pete,” Tony stood at the door, a frown on his face. “What are you doing?”

“Just watching some stuffs, Mr. Stark,” he turned his chair towards the direction of the door. “What’s up?”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y reported that you’ve been at it for hours. It’s six in the morning now. Do you know that?”

That startled him. He hadn’t realized time had passed so quickly.

“I – uh – I lost track of time. Again,” he laughed nervously. Peter rose to his feet. “I’ll just try to catch up on sleep now, if you don’t mind?”

“We’re supposed to be getting your things for school this morning, kid. Did you forget?”

Shit, Peter bit his tongue.

“It’s fine. We’ll push that to this afternoon,” Tony said. Peter thought that would be the end of it but Tony was still there with his arms folded and his gaze fixed firmly on Peter. “Are you alright, Pete?”

“All great, sir,” the immediate reply spilt from his lips.

“See, that’s the problem. I don’t believe you, not for a second. I want to, kid, I really want to believe that you’re doing okay but something isn’t right. Will you look at me?”

“But I’m fine,” Peter mumbled, looking down on his hands.

He was tensed and truthfully, starting to feel a little anxious the longer Tony remained in the room. A muscle in his jaws ticked, and now, he could suddenly feel the exhaustion creeping in.

“Look at me, Peter,” Tony demanded, his voice a little rough and strained.

And still, Peter looked away. He turned his back to Tony as he folded into himself, his hands rubbing up and down his arms.

He supposed whatever patience Tony had with him all these while snapped because the man was suddenly standing in front of him. Tony laid his hand against the side of Peter’s face, his fingers gripping lightly the back of Peter’s neck. Tony tilted his face upwards, forcing him to look at the older man.

“Tony? What’s going on?”

His guardian’s gaze flitted to the doorway behind Peter to where Pepper was. He could sense Pepper moving closer to him and then her hand was on his arm, her touch gentle and soothing.  

“I’m not hurting him,” Tony shook his head. “Something – Something’s not right, Peps.”

By now, Pepper was standing next to Tony and Peter felt like an insect being scrutinized.

“He was upset a few days back. He wouldn’t talk about it, he bit my head off when I prodded. Lately, he’s acting as if…” Tony trailed off.

“Peter, your eyes are unfocused,” Pepper pointed out.

Were they?

He was alarmed now, truly. He squirmed, trying to get away. He really could easily overpower Tony but that was not something he wanted to do. Still, his hand rose to close around Tony’s wrist.

“It’s ‘cause you’re both standing too close,” he muttered.

“You’ve done something, kid, and I think I know exactly what that is,” Tony grounded out, nostrils flaring in suppressed anger. “I hope to God I’m wrong but I’m not wrong am I, Pete?”

“I – I don’t know what exactly you think I’ve done, Mr. Stark. All I’ve done is go out and meet my friends ‘cause Ms. Potts says I should and then I’m home watching stuffs on Netflix. That’s what teenagers do.”

“Peter,” Pepper said his name softly. She tapped Tony’s hand for him to release his hold on him which he did, exhaling a shaky breath as he did so. “I don’t know you as well as Tony does but we’ve been living together for a while now and I do have to agree with Tony. There is something different about you.”

“You want to tell me, buddy?”

Tony sounded exactly as he did on that rooftop after that Staten Island Ferry incident – angry, upset and disappointed.

“I – No, it’s not what you’re thinking, Mr. Stark.”

It would have held more weight if his voice had not sounded small and unsure.

“Do not insult my intelligence by lying to me, kid. Just – Just tell me the truth. Please. Be straight with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter hung his head. “I’m really sorry.”

Sighing, Tony turned towards Pepper who was looking at them, clearly bewildered.

“A few weeks ago, he asked something of me. I said no, of course. What else was I supposed to say to such a request,” Tony lamented, running a hand down his face.

He looked tired and every bit his age, and Peter felt a sudden twinge of guilt before he squashed it. He had done this for himself. He had always put everyone else first but he was at the bottom of the pit with no way out, and he needed to make himself better. He had tried Tony’s way and it wasn’t working fast enough. He had done a selfish thing for himself and he didn’t need to be made to feel this way.

“Wanda was at the Compound both times you were there recently, wasn’t she?”

“It’s not her fault,” Peter voiced out.

“Oh, isn’t it?” Tony taunted. “Did you go to Stephen to ask him about it, too?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” Peter raised his chin stubbornly. “He refused me just like you told me he would. He didn’t understand.”

“And I presume that was the day you came home mad.”

“Yes,” Peter clenched his fist. “When I asked Wanda that first time, she told me she wouldn’t do it. So I went to the sanctum and Dr. Strange turned me away.”

“And?” Tony prompted.

“When I went back to the Compound to work with Dr. Banner, I bumped into Wanda at the hallway and – and she could feel me. Whatever I was feeling inside,” he touched his chest briefly. “She asked so I told her everything – the nightmares that kept me awake, the images of Aunt May that’s burnt into my mind – everything.”

He was actually still surprised that Wanda had agreed to help him. She had been extremely reluctant, unwilling to use her abilities on him and wary of incurring Tony’s ire. But he had always been nice to Wanda whenever he came over to the Compound and she had found a friend in him.

The grief, guilt, sadness, and exhaustion and his anger with her and Dr. Strange had rolled out of him in waves when he saw her again. He had told her about his sessions with Dr. Lara and of Tony trying to fix his trauma with his piece of technology. He had told Wanda of his senses overloading and of his worry that it might only get worse with school starting.

She agreed to help with the promise that he would tell her if he even felt something was not right. He didn’t ask her specifically what he should be looking out for. He just wanted to rest.

“So she fixed me,” Peter finished.

“Fix you?” Pepper frowned. “I don’t understand. How did she fix you?”

“Ask him what happened the day the aliens attacked New York,” Tony suggested.

Peter blinked and looked away.

“Ask him. Go on.”

“What happened that afternoon, Peter?” Pepper asked.

Peter shot Tony a disgruntled look.  “I went to watch Solo with May.”

“What happened after?” Tony questioned, propping a hand on his hip.

“It happened so long ago I don’t want to think about it. You shouldn’t be asking me about it. Dr. Lara said something about triggers -”

“It happened two months ago.  That’s not a very long time,” Pepper pointed out. “I’m sorry, Peter, but you’re avoiding the question.”

“I can’t do this. I don’t have to do this. I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I really want to sleep. I’ll see you guys in the afternoon, okay?”

“What happened to May that afternoon, Peter? I’m not letting this go and you know it, so it’s better that we just lay it all out on the table.”

Peter was sure his face reflected the annoyance he felt inside but Tony stood his ground and Pepper looked extremely concerned.

“She got injured and then she died.”

“How did she die?” Tony asked, relentless.

“I don’t know!” he blew off. “I don’t remember.”

He knew Tony must have expected this answer but still, his mentor took a step back, drawing a shaky breath.

“How do you mean you don’t remember?” Pepper stepped forward. “Peter, you were there.”

“He really did it,” Tony scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I told you not to do it, Peter. I told you forgetting isn’t the answer.”

“I didn’t forget May,” Peter rebuked, like a petulant child. He hated how he sounded. “I still remember her. Technically, I’ve didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to.” Seriously, he shouldn’t sound this proud because it would only aggravate Tony but he was proud of this loophole. “You wanted me to remember my family. I’ve done as you’ve said, as always. I remember my mum and dad, I remember Ben and I remember May.”

“What does that mean, kid? How can you remember them and not remember things about them? What did Wanda do to you?”

Peter shrugged. “The moment she agreed, I didn’t ask too many questions. I’m fine now. I’ve never felt better and it’s thanks to her.”

That was uncalled for and he knew it too. Tony had done a lot for him and he was constantly trying to help but he was so angry and annoyed, and the moment it left his lips, he wanted to take it back. But he couldn’t so he stomped out of his own room.

Tony didn’t even stop him.

At the doorway, Peter stopped. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I had to do it. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“Worrying about you is part of the deal, underoos.”

That answer twisted something deep inside of him and it just made him feel rotten. Peter closed his eyes briefly, trying to compose himself but he couldn’t do it with Tony around so he left.

“Tony…” Pepper finally broke the silence. “Wanda wiped his memories?”

“I don’t think that was what she did. He wouldn’t have remembered them if she had wiped it. My theory is that she placed some sort of a mental block on him,” he sunk into a chair.  “I was so close to completing those glasses, Pep. The glasses for B.A.R.F. It could have helped him.”

I kind of feel sorry for both Tony & Peter. What about you? Are you with Peter on this? Let me know yours thoughts!