#(erenville does not perceive him)

[deathflare]

little thought abt them meeting younger (no logic needed)

[hopeandduty]

Day 16: Third Rate

“Are you really as old as they say?”

It is not an unexpected question, but to hear it now, begs the question of what its poser truly wished to ask.  

It is not difficult to see that Erenville is troubled. Themis has never noted him as particularly talkative even during moments of levity amidst the group, but his silence now weighs as heavily as his heart and Themis would not have made for much of an Emissary if he unable to recognize it. The source is no question, of course. Despite the gentle golden glow of this Living Memory, as it has been named, Erenville carries the weight of the dead.

“While I do not know what precisely has been said, I have lived for far longer than even the eldest of your kind.” Themis offers in answer. He wonders if even he could estimate the exact number of years it has been. He has long lost track. “However, if you wish to know of the ancient past, I fear my memory is ill-suited to such a query. Hades would be the better person to ask. Yet something tells me you are not suddenly taken with curiosity over ancient fauna.”

The lengthy pause is its own answer. Erenville wrangles with his question, unable to tame it as easily as he does the creatures around him. Themis permits him the time to try and pin it down, letting the brief attempts he makes with a parting of lips and a lack of words to go unacknowledged until he finds it. 

“What… defines a person? What makes them… who they are?” He finally asks, his gaze a distant thing. “Is it their memories? Their soul? I’ve heard that you were once capable of creating constructs of those lost in the past. I thought perhaps you might know.”

Granting it voice places the weight of the question in the air between them, and even the glittering lights of Yesterland cannot temper it. 

“You ask about your mother.” Obvious though it may be, better that all be placed in the open where it may not wholly crush him. 

Erenville’s frame seizes, his shoulders curl inward. “I want to speak with her, there is much I would ask, that I should tell her and yet… I am plagued by doubt. Do I insult her memory by playing games with some third rate imitation of her? Am I only trying to make myself feel better? Get rid of my own guilt. I… I just wish to know if it is really her.”

Themis lets out a long and slow breath. “Would that I could offer you an answer, but in truth I do not know, nor do I think we ever did even in the ancient past. Soul and memory couple within physical bodies to grant life to the people we know. Yet once man was capable of ignoring the barriers of the physical body, had power to peer into the soul of another. As Ascians did we often take the bodies of others for our own, thus one could deduce that the physical vessel bears little influence on one’s identity.”

“But what about the mind? The soul?” 

“It is… difficult to say. I may be yet another example. Though you may not be aware, I am not truly Themis.” 

“You’re… not?”

Themis shakes his head. “The one known as Themis in the ancient world surrendered his life, his soul and will, to give birth to Zodiark and I was the heart born of this process. Though I have inherited his soul I am not truly the same being as he. Can I, who carries his soul and only some of his memories, truly claim to be ‘Themis’? I do not know. Also once were my memories grafted onto an empty soul in the Aetherial Sea, giving birth to a ‘Themis’ as well. Were they, who held his memories more fully but did not possess his soul, more worthy to call themselves Themis than I?”

“Forgive me, I was… unaware.”

“There is no need for apologies,” Themis insists. “It is simply the truth of my existence, and one I hoped may offer you some insight. I cannot control how others perceive me; whether they think of me as Themis in their hearts or as someone else entirely, one who has inherited his legacy.”

Erenville already has his answer; Themis can tell by the way his eyes cast downwards to the crowd of Endless children playing below. It is accepting it that he struggles with.   

“These Endless are constructs of memory, emptied of the souls they once possessed,” Themis continues. “Yet they remain as perfect mirrors of the person they were when this separation occurred. This is what we can say for certain. Whether they truly are the people they once were, whether interacting with them has meaning is not an answer that they possess. The only person who can assign that meaning is you.” 

“I… want it to be her. I want it to be her so badly.” Erenville’s voice carries the same tremor as his shoulders. “There is so much I wished to say to her, but– but am I only doing it to make myself feel better? Because I cannot accept that she has died?” 

“Even if that were true, would it matter?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Even if it is born in part from denial, even if it is only to ease the weight on your heart, is your desire to speak with her wrong? Is the act of it? Would your mother be angry with you for indulging in a memory of her?” Themis knows that his understanding of family, of parents differs fundamentally from that of the sundered, so he cannot truly offer an answer. But he can pose the question that Erenville might realize he already knows. 

“She would grow angry with me if I didn’t…” Erenville shakes his head, a sorrowful smile twistign at his lips. “She would scold me for holding back so. I would never hear the end of it.” 

“Then let that be your answer.” 

“Perhaps… it will have to be. There are only three terminals left.” 

“Then be certain in that time that you will have no regrets.” 

Erenville nods quietly to himself, his budding resolve slowly taking root. He steps back from the rail and motions to leave, pausing only a few steps away. 

“For what it is worth, I did not know the Themis of the past, but I am grateful to have known you.” 

A smile curls quietly at his lips. 

“Likewise, my friend.”

[primalvessel]

So, it’s been a few days, my thoughts are not in order but hey ho. What did I think about Endwalker? Obviously heavy spoilers for said expansion from start to finish. Please do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled for any part of Endwalker. This is also long~

I enjoyed it, I think that much goes without saying. But perhaps controversially I think I enjoyed Shadowbringers a bit more or at least found its story beats to be more impactful in general. Endwalker most certainly had its moments though and I think the bits of Endwalker that got to me, did so more than the ones in ShB.

I had a bit of an issue with every one of those sweeping vista introductions to the new areas being when it rained or was foggy though, so bright vibrant Thavnair was not very bright and vibrant for me sadly. There was one of those scenes where I could only see like, yellow fog.

The first dungeon was a cool idea but I was kind of disappointed in it, visually at least. Not very interesting to look at, though the bosses were cool. The dungeons that followed it were all fab though. I really enjoyed them.

The whole bodyswap section? Scared the absolute shit out of me. Knowing the amount of damage Zenos could do if he wanted to get a reaction out of the WoL. It really got to me. That said, while I was relieved that nothing really came of it, I was also really disappointed that all Zenos did was smirk and give the game away. The whole of Zenos’ intent has been to get a rise out of the WoL, to make him stop looking at the whole End of Days thing and make the WoL look at him. Imagine how the WoL’s priorities would change if Zenos had fucked shit up at Broken Glass in the guise of the WoL. Not only would the WoL potentially have perceived Zenos to be the greater threat but the heartache it would have caused.

Just. Ugh. After all that panic running through Garlemald and Zenos does nothing but smirk? Weh.

I did enjoy everything about Garlemald though. The story there was fantastic, the bleakness of the city, the desolation there was eerie and I loved it. Hearing the story of the Garleans was interesting too, invoking a little sympathy for them but still not excusing their actions.

Labyrinthos was an interesting area and I love the idea of the Gleaners. Made me want a Gleaner oc ngl. Erenville was also cute. Sharlayan on the whole was kinda not interesting to me though and since Maru can’t actually read (those quests where reading was required, he asked people instead) it wasn’t really his kind of place. Though I will say that I liked the development of Fourchenault towards the end and Ameliance was lovely to meet.

Elpis was neat but it was getting to meet Hythlodeus that made me particularly happy. He was a fab character and the way he played off Emet-Selch’s dour nature was always fun to see. Venat was fab and I loved hanging out with her.

I think my biggest gripe has to be with Zenos. All the way through Endwalker he just pops up to say a few words and express his disappointment before leaving again like ‘hi, I’m still here!’ Even the ‘meal’ scene before the bodyswap reveal felt awkward. And when he meets you in the endgame, it’s really cool that he’s a dragon until all you do is ride on his back. He’s just a platform. Maybe that gets changed up a bit in the extreme but I was disappointed again with that. The final fight was neat though. The fist fight felt a little contrived but at the same time, getting to punch Zenos in his stupid face at last (sorry Zenos you were better in earlier expansions) was kinda nice actually.

I wasn’t a big fan of going all the way to the edge of creation for the finale though really. I felt it took things too far away from the Source and gave everything a feeling of detachment from the disaster back in Eorzea. The areas themselves and the dungeon and trial all felt cool with interesting ideas but so far removed from skies raining fire back home that it felt difficult for me at least to connect the two. And the sacrifices the scions made didn’t feel impactful because Thancred ‘dying’ offscreen wasn’t very impactful and kind of gave away the fact that he wasn’t dead and therefore the others wouldn’t be either.

I did like the WoL activating the teleporter and then letting it go so it didn’t take them with it.

And finally. I think our return to the source would have been far more interesting if the WoL hadn’t woken on the journey back. You’d have everyone celebrating the return of the Ragnarok, the skies are clear and the End of Days averted and then the scions filter out of the ship with the WoL borne on the litter. I’d have liked to have seen Fourchenault’s reaction to the promise of keeping his children safe kept, but at the WoL’s expense. I did like that they made it clear that the WoL was hurting though and he didn’t just walk that one off.

So all in all, I enjoyed it a lot. Please let me romance Thancred or Aymeric though. Pls. I’d like to be wined and dined by the Speaker again.

[deathflare]

too sleepy to find the tag but brainworm about erenville stealing meteors clothes for the comforting scent..