#(by that i mean squeezing the living daylights out of the person recieving the hug)
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#sometimes i really hate being the ''gives good hugs guy''#like yes i love it i will always love it. being the gives good hugs guy is one of my favorite things!!!!!#but. im the gives good hugs guy because im taller and/or bigger and/or stronger than most of my friends#and my friends that are huggers to begin with and not just incidentally#they are not nessecarily the kind of hugger where they approach a hug with the goal of squeezing someone as hard as they possibly can#and that one that does. is eight inches shorter and 140 lbs lighter than me#and cannot get the kind of leverage that you need to give me a really good hug#(this doesnt mean that she doesnt try!!!!! and her hugs are Very Good but they're not what i personally need in a good hugs guy)#i have one friend who is approx. the same height as me that hugs people even incidentally#and he is the only person i know that can give me a Proper Hug#(by that i mean squeezing the living daylights out of the person recieving the hug)#but im not good enough friends with him to be comfortable just going up and asking for a hug. because. Anxiety#and i know he'd be okay with it!!! but the only time i see him is at drama club!!!!#and given the fact that my current emotional state is such that if properly hugged i Might start fucking crying#im not taking the risk of crying in front of the drama club#most of them wouldnt care that i did and the ones that do wouldn't saying anything about it (i hope)#but still. no.#anyway#its not that any of my friends give bad hugs#some of them give better hugs than others but its not like any of them give *bad* hugs#just. idk. i want hugs#and i dont really get hugs because im the *giving* hugs guy
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