#(both of them actually but if you've been following my posts recently where i talk about acting you'll know that

[airenyah]

How BAD BUDDY SERIES | EP.11 [4/4] Tricked the Fandom

Those who were there watching Bad Buddy live will remember the chaos that ensued after episode 11 (my beloved) and with it the episode 12 preview (derogatory) dropped. Watching a happy and hopeful episode, ending in a lovely montage with an even lovelier song, being told things such as "we became two people who can’t be just friends" or "I want you to know that this world can’t change someone like me either", only to be punched in the gut by "Pat and I broke up" in the very next moment. Those of you who were there will remember how – after the fandom had finally picked up its shattered pieces – there was a scramble to figure out what the hell was happening exactly, how the hell we even got to this point.

And you will also remember the fandom deciding on a specific scene being The Breakup Scene. But how can that be? How can a breakup scene even exist when we know (in retrospective) that they never actually broke up? Did the fandom just collectively hallucinate a scene that wasn't there?

Well, no. Of course not. I think the reason why it worked, the reason why this scene managed to trick the fandom into believing that this was actually the breakup talk was because for one terrifying moment Pran himself thinks it's a breakup talk. However, the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview that it completely missed one key factor from that scene which Pran did realize: it's not in fact a breakup, but the exact opposite of it.

So let's get into it, let's take a closer look at Bad Buddy Ep. 11 [4/4] (01:58 - 05:15) and Pran's emotional rollercoaster during this specific scene:

The scene starts out with Pat sitting on the bench, lost in thought. His exact thought process here is for the viewer to decide, but whatever he is reflecting on has to do with him finally accepting the inevitability of having to back home. And considering his upcoming monologue, he's probably also thinking about his love for Pran and Pran's love for him.

His thinking gets interrupted when Pran walks into the scene, dangling the shirts into Pat's face. They have an interaction about the shirts, Pat puts one on while Pran can't keep his hands off of him, they exchange some words and Pran doesn't really notice Pat's pensive mood, when suddenly –

Pat grabs Pran's hand. Pran was not expecting that, and he looks up at Pat in surprise, asking a silent What is it, what's going on? And I think it's only here that Pran really notices the weird mood Pat is in.

Pat says "thank you" and although Pran looks concerned about Pat's sudden mood change, Pat's words also make Pran smile, though he's still very confused, having absolutely no context for Pat's emotional state and thus having no idea where this is suddenly coming from. "Thank you for what?" Pran asks, still with that searching look in his eyes that asks What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Is everything alright?

Pat replies "For trying to make a silly guy like me happy". And Pran's smile falls just a little bit as he realizes that this? really isn't just Pat being his usual sappy self, this right here is a Serious™ conversation indeed:

Finally, Pran too has arrived in serious mode completely. He now shifts his attention fully to Pat, listening intently to Pat's words, staying focused on Pat the entire time.

Pat says "I know that sooner or later we will need to go back." This gets a very subtle smile out of Pran (you can see how the corner of his mouth on the right side of the screen goes up just a tiniest bit):

Pran reacts to those words, because this has been their conflict throughout the entire episode so far: Pran being realistic, having accepted from the start that they would have to return at some point while Pat was so desperately trying to stay in that pretense that they could just make a new life somewhere else and not turn back, refusing to acknowledge that in the long run this just wouldn't work out. But now Pat is finally acknowledging this, letting Pran know that he understands and that they're on the same page about this. "I know too well",* Pat says and Pran looks like he's about to cry from adoration for Pat pls he's so in love takes that acknowledgement in, still with a hint of a smile on his face.

*(Side note: I seem to hear ทำไม​กูจะไม่รู้ว่ะ (tammai-goo-jà-mâi-róo-wâ) and I think the more literal translation of this sentence would actually be something like "Why wouldn't I know?". Though I'd have to ask a Thai native to confirm as I don't trust my own Thai skills yet. Anyway, I just thought the rhetorical question was interesting in regard to Pran reacting to Pat's statement, bc the rhetorical question addresses Pran more directly compared to the declarative sentence from the subtitles. His reaction is kind of like a reply to that rhetorical question.)

But that hint of a smile is wiped right off Pran's face when Pat continues with "But I just want to stay as long as we can."

And this the moment where the thought hits Pran for the first time that Pat's speech might actually lead to a breakup. He is confused (why would they need to break up over this?) and there is now fear and worry in his eyes. He looks a little scared, his mouth twitches a little, accompanied by the tiniest headshake and there are many questions written all over his face: What are you talking about?? Where is this going?? No, it can't be... Are you implying what I think you're implying?? I don't follow...

And Pat just keeps going: "Be with you for at least one more day."

One more day. That very much does sound like a breakup, doesn't it? Especially if you're already half expecting one. This line confirms Pran's fear of Pat actually being in the process of ending their relationship, leaving Pran on the verge of tears.

But Pran is a fighter and he's not giving in that easily. He sniffs away his rising tears and says "What are you talking about? Get dressed. The bar is opening soon."

What are you saying? We're not breaking up. We're staying here, we'll work at the bar and we'll be together. It'll be fine, don't worry.

Now it's Pran's turn to deflect. To indulge in that fantasy of being able to just run away together into the sunset where everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Because Pran would much rather face the hardships that they might run into if they actually stayed at the beach together than go back home to live a life without Pat. I can be anywhere as long as I have you.

If this is Pat letting him go, Pran really doesn't want to hear it:

Unfortunately, the scene cuts to Pat really quickly, but I just need you all to appreciate Pran's pouty puppy eyes at the end there, because they're the saddest thing I've ever seen:

I won't let you do this, his eyes say. Please don't do this to me, his eyes say. Please tell me you're not really doing this, his eyes say, tell me you're coming to work at Uncle Yod's bar with me. We're staying here, together, you hear me?

Except then Pat surprises Pran yet again. And here comes the part that the fandom completely overlooked in the light of the ep 12 preview:

Because then Pat says "Nobody works on their honeymoon."

And it's absolutely hilarious how Pran's brain immediately gets stuck in "error 404 not found" mode. You can literally see the loading circle going round and round in his brain as he tries to comprehend what Pat has just said:

Honeymoon?? Why are you suddenly talking about something that's related to weddings? Weren't we breaking up a second ago? What in the world is going on?

"You never leave me. You fight alongside me. That makes me feel very happy." Pat says and that's when Pran realizes. This conversation was never about a breakup. This is a conversation about commitment. It's an acknowledgment of Pran's love for Pat and the commitment he's shown over the course of their relationship. And it's a promise that Pat appreciates it, has appreciated it in the past and will appreciate it in the future. Pat has more or less just said his wedding vows to Pran.

And that's when Pran can no longer hold back his tears. Partly due to the relief that he won't lose Pat and partly because he's so moved by Pat's speech, by Pat's love.

And then Pat tells Pran that he's finally ready to go home: "I will let Uncle Yod know that we quit. Wait for me here."

And with that Pat brings closure to the conflict of this episode. They are finally going back home, they are finally going to face their parents. But in this scene right here Pat and Pran made it clear to each other that they'll be doing so with full commitment to one other – they will be doing so together, and that's a promise. They really did just essentially get married on their little beach getaway. They got more or less engaged on the staircase in ep 10 and now in ep 11 they are following up on that engagement. This trip really was their little honeymoon. And this calls for a celebration:

"It’s our last night on this honeymoon. I will not just stay in and be lonely. If we aren’t going to work, then let’s get drunk."

You see, for an entire week the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview (derogatory) and the prospect of a looming breakup that unlike Pran it completely missed the part where Pat points out that they're on a honeymoon. And who goes on a honeymoon? People who just got married.

BONUS:

Can we just appreciate Pran's face when Pat says he'll tell Uncle Yod about quitting:

You fucker really had me thinking we were breaking up for a hot moment there when the whole time this was actually a wedding. I was worried and scared for notHING, can you believe this man

[glitterquadricorn]

good 4 u - f1 grid

+summary: y/n williams, granddaughter of Frank Williams, has had enough of being overlooked and screwed over by her own team. +pairing: f1 grid x driver!williams!reader +warnings: angst-ish, mentions being screwed over, curse words, poorly edited. If I missed something, let me know. I do not give my permission to have my work reposted. I do not give my permission to have my work translated. If I'm notified that you've stolen my work or claim it as your own, you'll be asked to take it down before I'll report you. End of discussion.

liked by FranColapinto, hater1, hater2, and 1,239,563 others

williamsracing Franco Colapinto to race for the remainder of the 2024 season.

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FranColapinto Thank you for this opportunity! liked by williamsracing

hater1 the best decision Williams ever made!

hater2 good riddance

user1 NOOOO!! I was only going to Monza for y/n. ⤷yourinstagram don't let my misfortunes stop you from going. have fun and create good memories, yeah? ⤷user1 you actually replied 💀

user2 something about this doesn't feel right. ⤷yourinstagram you'd be right because they didn't even tell me I was being replaced. ⤷user2 they didn't have the decency to tell you? brooo that's low even for them.

When walking down the paddock several people of the media followed her, asking question after question about the recent news of Williams replacing her mid-season with f2 rookie, Franco Colapinto. She wouldn't have been as mad as she is right now if they had simply told her that the Dutch GP would be her last, but the fact that she found out via social media post filled her with undeniable rage.

"Where's James?" She shouted, stepping into the Williams garage. The sheer volume of her voice caused the pit crews of both drivers to jump. They weren't used to this level of anger from her. "Is someone going to tell me where that piece of shit is, or am I going to kick down doors until I find him?"

An intern from the back of the garage (the one that posted the announcement to begin with, which was a complete accident, but it's not like they'd ever own up to it in fear of repercussions), stepped forward. "He's in his office-"

Y/n didn't stick around to hear anything else from the intern. She stormed through the halls, breathing heavily through her nose, her fists balled tight. Employees stepped aside trying to avoid being shoved into a wall, or even a desk since one of the pit crew guys called ahead to warn them. From behind her, those employees weren't being exactly quiet when talking about how angry she was and wondered if they should call security and have them on standby in case if anything happened.

Approaching the door to James's office, she burst in, not waiting for a response from him.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

James sat at his desk, twirling the pen between his fingers while speaking on the phone. He looks over at her, "We'll continue this conversation later, Franco. Have a great day!" He hung up the phone, "Have a seat, y/n. It seems like we have a lot to discuss."

"I'd rather stand, thank you." There was an intense stare off between the team principal and the former driver before she moved to be in front of his desk. "Were you even planning on telling me?"

"You have to understand we needed the points-"

"Quit trying to change the subject, James and answer the damn question."

"We're eventually going to tell you."

"I find that a little hard to believe, but okay." Her eyes then glanced around the room, landing on the blown-up picture of her third-place finish in Spa. A podium that was never supposed to happen because of the condition of the car, but by the grace of mother nature and the several car pile-up near the start/finish line, she got Williams their first podium in ten years. Walking over to it, she took it down.

"What are you doing?"

"Since you're getting rid of me, I'm taking this. Oh! And the trophy I got in Spa, you know the team's first podium since 2014, I'm taking that too since you don't deserve to keep it."

"Calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down, James," she clinched her hands tightly around the edge of the picture, careful not to break the glass. "In Australia, my car was taken from me because Alex crashed out in qualifying at the same corner as he did the previous two- no, three seasons and I was the one punished for it? He didn't even get points, so him taking my car was pointless. Literally. My car since then has been overweight and has had parts from last year's car. I can confidently say that if Alex and I had equal machinery, then I could be at his pace and maybe even out pace him. So let me ask you this, James, did you sign me because you felt like you had to because of what my last name is and who I'm related to, or was it because I brought in big sponsorships, and you were using me for the money?"

James sat there in complete silence, staring at her. To her, his silence was telling.

She scoffed, walking over to the door. "Lovely. Absolutely lovely."

"If it makes a difference, we still believe in you."

"It doesn't and don't start lying to me, James," she paused. "All those big sponsorships I brought with me when I signed with Williams, I'm taking those with me wherever I go because I'll be damned if you and this team get to benefit off me again."

"But you'll be screwing us over!"

"Just like when you screwed me over?"

liked by lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1, f1 and 1,315,204 others.

ynisracing new car, new contract.

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mercedesamgf1 Happy to have you on board, y/n! ⤷ynisracing thanks for having me! :)

user1 she got a shiny new car, a new contract and her p3 trophy back? I just know [redacted] is off somewhere pissed. liked by ynisracing

lewishamilton I'm happy that you're the one taking my seat in 2025! I know you'll good things. ⤷ynisracing I'm going to need all the luck I can get since I got big shoes to fill.

user2 y/n as world champion in 2025. I'm calling it now.

user3 Williams is never beating the Mercedes sister team allegations.

georgerussell63 alex_albon should I be worried? ⤷alex_albon pull up a chair so I can tell you all about the glitter incident of 2024. ⤷ynisracing 🤣🤣 ⤷georgerussell63 oh god.

it's been a hot minute since I posted anything and not going to lie, it feels pretty good.

Williams racing last podium was in 2021 when George got p2 at spa, but for dramatic purposes, their last podium was in 2014 when Valtteri got p3. Just to clearing up any confusion.

Tagging:

@patzammit @mrspeacem1nusone @alexxavicry @catswag22 @eugene-emt-roe @bibissparkles @cherry-piee @khaylin27 @evie-119 @green-thots @2pagenumb @myescapefromthislife @ironmaiden1313 @lottalove4evelyn @mynameisangeloflife @newlifeforus @newlifeforus @jxnellat @loloekie @c-losur3 @czennieszn @d3kstar @reiofsuns2001 @sweate-r-weathe-r @itsjustkhaos @hiireadstuff

[whimsicalhorss]

The Recent Nevermore Drama.

Red, I think it's quite sad that you decided to delete all the original comments going against you and reexplaining what went down within your 'apology', which was 95% calling out rather than talking about the cause of the whole uprising. Nonetheless, here was my original reply, just so everybody who stumbles across this post can see the reply from somebody who's viewed it from both sides. The original message was, as follows:

'Hey Red,

I hope you're managing amidst everything that's been going on. I know you've been through a lot recently, and I hate to add to the messages you've been receiving. However, there are some things that I really need to talk to you about.

Over the past few days — even years — I've noticed some things that really concern me. It feels like there's been a lot of blame unfairly placed on certain individuals within your community, which is incredibly damaging, especially when it unfairly paints others in a negative light. I understand you've been trying to address the situation with Crimson, but the approach taken hasn't been effective and has caused more harm than good.

In terms of the Crimson drama, I think it could have been handled more sensibly. Consulting with Laci and others involved would have been beneficial before making the decision to introduce Crimson back to the server. When you were writing your explanation, which I know was rushed, you should have stepped back and consulted for longer - I know you felt pressured, but.. you needed to give yourself time to handle it.

With the screenshots, too - they were only censored to the point of concealing most of the users involved to keep the MINORS safely out of the evidence, and yet you continued to banter on about how they were censored and unable to interpret what happened. As well, you tampered with evidence when you sent a screenshot, CUTTING OUT the part where Laci mentioned they could give you the evidence uncensored if you asked, yet you continued to complain.

On the topic of minors, you name dropped SEVERAL in your apology. Do you know how endangering or scary that can be? It's insane that you felt the need to name anybody involved to get people off your back.

There's also Sardonyx - I don't know if you'll share this with your patreons but, if you do, hello Sardonyx. They casually aggravate people, make NSFW conversation in YOUR SFW server, and you still allow them to pursue in such a way. They continued to temper people after the initial Crimson argument and started their own, which could have been avoided if you had muted both persons involved (rather than banning everybody against Sardonyx) and asked for them to calm down and explain their conflict in dms.

Also the Bunnybel issue - I know the topic was discussed by people banned, but there's also the factor that neither you, nor your mods stepped in to stop it. Matter of fact, you contributed to it, and everybody went along with it as a fun easter event of drawing your two main protagonists in these outfits that, when looked at closer, actually have a much more terrible implication. You should have handled this earlier, rather than blaming it on somebody and ranting about how it's all their fault and they're in the wrong.

Again with Laci, too - you outright blaming her for everything that has occurred is terrible. Whilst that may be what you see in this whole confrontation, in truth, it really isn't anything like that, Red. Saying that everybody else involved were her 'lackeys' and 'twisted around her finger' was an incompetent, foolish way of pinning all these hardships on her. Some people involved, including me, had barely spoken to Laci prior, because a lot of people cared about the fact that YOU had unbanned a potentially alleged pedophile back into your server full of minors. I know it doesn't seem like everybody cared, but we all did, otherwise we wouldn't have started this whole 'riot' thing or whatever to go against it. I surely cared, considering I have been at the face of two pedophiles sending me unsettling, inappropriate images, and I know that it is hard to reach out to somebody or stop them when they shrug it off so nonchalantly.

Lastly, I think it's hypocritical you spoke about how certain groups were stalker-ish and stealing messages from a patreon chat, despite you taking a chat from private servers and dms. The behaviour is equal, is it not? You used your influence to alter certain texts and take them out of context, and the other groups simply took what you said and proved that you, and unpunished, favourited people who have been held dearly, have done terrible things yourself.

I understand that this whole thing has been overwhelming for you, Red, but I believe that there was a real need for you to approach each situation differently, and not to compile everything into an 'apology' that is 5% apology, and 95% calling out people and altering the blame to be put on them. I think that the tactics you used were poor, and I hope that you do figure out something better in the future.

Take care, and I'm here if you'd like to discuss this any further.

Best regards,

A bystander.' And the second reply I made, aimed at one of her patreons (or moderators? who knows.) who put a whole lot of shit behind a paywall and then continued to support her. Aha, Debobble, if it wasn't illegal, I'd show the whole world you trying to make a fake screenshot of Laci 'configurating her hate schemes', and how terribly it was done. 'Hello!

I hope you're having a joyous, maybe even 'whimsical' day!

A lot of things that have occurred recently are the fault of both 'sides' (if we can call them that. Not 'Laci's lackeys' or 'Clique 1 and 2'.) and I think I should refer to the way that this has been dealt with again. 

Yes, the server was owned by somebody different who was capable of banning Crimson, and it was intended for less SFW purposes, but I think Crimson went outright too far in a predatory way. They put a teenage oc with an adult oc, which is pedophilic behaviour, and sent several overly NSFW images. I assume that this chat was intended for 'implied sexual circumstances', rather than overly perverse, but I could be wrong. I agree in the fact that something should have been done, and I approve of Laci's initial reaching out, but I don't approve of the way Red banned them for as little as they did.

As I like to say; 4 months, 4 minors. You afforded Crimson a month for each minor they influenced in such a predatory way, and I think the time should have been extended.

Might I also add, these screenshots were not 'heavily' censored. They were censored for the safety of the minors and other persons involved and, yet.. Red seems to be content with name dropping every minor who was involved. So much for the safety of her members!

AND I have more to add, which I trust you to hand over to Red for me since you seem content to do that quite often for her - do you mind reminding her and the entire patreon and mod chat that Crimson (and Red, I'm pretty sure) knew the age of one 12 year old, who we might call 'Green'. They continued to share NSFW things to them, including making jokes about what I assume was a 'vibrator in public'. How SFW for a child! Crimson is VERY innocent.

I agree that all of this has gotten out of hand, but both responses, from Red, the moderation team, and the patreon chat against the groups banned for involving themselves, but I wouldn't consider it a mob. Both sides had good intentions, it's just the way Red has gone about it - framing others for her mistakes and outright dismissing people for being concerned about the safety, that has made this come to such a volatile level.

And the whole, breaking several TOS, and a law? If thats what we're doing, what are you doing? Leaking private messages, encouraging predatory behaviour, endangering minors, leaking names which could result in a witch hunt from Red's expanse following? Oh dear..

How volatile.

Best regards,

A bystander.' Red, every little detail you have undergone is such a negative, unredeemable smidge to this massive whiteboard of what you could do. Instead of handling this like the adult, you undertake criticism harshly, which is detrimental considering you are somebody who has been writing for years, which means that you should have matured and adapted to take this kinds of things. You could have taken a month, maybe two, maybe three, to explain the whole Crimson thing - it would have been much less detrimental to yourself, and your community. You absolutely wrecked every second, third, fourth, fifth chance people were tempted to give you with every detail that went in to making sure that YOU felt like you had to be right - name dropping, which could lead to witch hunting with your massive following, especially since the people were minors and specifically requested you keep their names out of it. You allowed an alleged, potential predator back into your server without consulting it with victims - and don't get me started on the whole 'Crimson didn't know!', they knew at least one of them, and still continued. You pinned the blame on Laci, on another person (who has asked me not to say their name and, like the respectful person I am, will not be namedropping. That doesn't seem like a familiar concept to you, does it?) and you keep all these little dirty secrets behind a paywall. Red, in the most respectfully disrespectful way, grow up and learn to be better. You spout all this bull, every little detail and, when it backfires, you cower into a corner, guilt trip, manipulate, and eventually resort to the potential physical or mental harm of other people. It needs to stop. The icing on the cake, to all of this? YOU, as the 'mature adult that would never stand for pedophilic behaviour, that loves their audience, that has a server full of minors', that YOU would delete messages explaining the situation in a different point of view. You don't want your vast following to see these and think, 'huh, maybe Red isn't as good as I thought they were?', well they aren't. I don't know if people will see this but, sincerely, I hope Red, Flynn, DeBobble, the patreons, the moderators, and all of the discord and general following of Nevermore and RnF know that what Red spouts isn't necessarily all true.

Kind regards, A bystander.

[ourbeloved1011]

Grow tf up. It's been 4 years since that show finished. Yibo even removed it from his bio. Theres nothing wrong with liking a show but insisting on some delusional rpf that's harming actual people??

Hi Anon,

Thanks for spending your precious time dropping by & bravely leaving your not-so-kind comments anonymously (or should I say nasty & harsh for telling me to grow tf up) when this is OBVIOUSLY a fan blog dedicated to Yizhan. It's like you're knocking someone's door uninvited & forcing yourself to rudely barge in.

Well, there must be a good reason on why I've been purposely not hashtag individual artists' names in my posts & include only related tags & mention 'this is just my personal thoughts, CPN' to STAY IN MY OWN LANE - in my own bubble & space. This is to avoid from being discovered by people who's trying to 'start something' & serve as my own effort to protect the artists from being harmed by my words. I really despise unnecessary conflicts right when I've made myself clear on my dashboard that this is a shipper blog.

In simpler words, if you don't like it, it's not my problem. No one asked for your opinion, anon. You've got the wrong place to begin with. However, since you've dropped me an ask, let me enlighten you at the very least.

Before I start, here's some of translated versions of Xiao zhan's personal statement after the incident (which I refuse to elaborate more):

"Everyone has their own choices and freedom of expression. No matter if you like me or you hate, it's your personal right. Passion should be the source of strength for everyone. I hope that this passion doesn't exhaust or harm anyone."

You can read the rest of his statement in my recent reblog or here: https://www.tumblr.com/ourbeloved1011/723921396167819264/xiao-zhans-previous-personal-statement?source=share

Here's my personal thoughts, again, CPN.

I couldn't agree more. It's crucial for everyone to take his words seriously and it's my wish to be what he wished for. I admire, respect & support both xiao zhan & yibo whole-heartedly. It's not fair for you to judge & say that this isn't fan love.

Bjyx is a fandom made up of different individuals. Not only bjyx, any fandom or group of people in this world will have the same concept.

Now, let's talk about generalization.

You can't simply generalize a group or fandom & labelling them as a whole harmful existence. Every fandom has their own good & toxic fans. You don't have any control over that. Surely, all kind of people exist in bjyx BUT same goes with solo fans. There's no exception.

It's like labelling the whole Wen clan as evil when you know very well that Wen Ning and Wen Qing aren't the same kind. In fact, they are Jiang clan's life savior. It's totally unfair.

"You should punish the people who bit you. Wen Qing & Wen Ning have never gotten their hands on anything bloody. Or do you want to execute a collective punishment?!" -The Untamed, Wei Wuxian-

Why do you need to be the exact same way as Jin's clan judgmental behavior? We never learn, we've been here before. I won't take any sides on which fandom need to be banned or which one is the 'real' supporter. Collective stereotype will never be the final answer.

I see two people in everyone. There's no point in proving this.

However, I do believe in one same group commonality. If you continuously act excessively, intentionally crossing all the boundary of morality & bring harm to others, you will belong to TOXIC FAN and ANTIs regardless of where you come from- either you are a bjyx fan or solo. I will not support any act of sexualizing & harassment behavior towards them. There's always a limit, visible lines & common sense to conduct & follow. Sadly, EXTREMISTs do exist everywhere.

Just like what xz been telling us, it's your personal right as long as your passion doesn't harm others. Joining bjyx is our right & passion to support them in our own way. Doesn't mean that you've the right to speak up or write anything that you see as 'the right way', you also have the right to blatantly disregard those who don't share the same view as yours. That's why the word RESPECT is there in life dictionary. Otherwise, human can't co-exist this long.

If you don't have anything good to say, you can just remain silent. If you can't accept & respect, just stay away & ignore. It's that simple.

I don't understand why people needlessly hurting others with their unnecessary hurtful choice of words that can leave permanent scars to others. I personally feel sorry for these people. I don't get it. I really want to understand- what's the real reason for you to be so mean & harsh & hateful? For example, telling people to grow tf up. Who are you to judge? I'm just chilling with myself without causing trouble to others.

In bjyx point of view, we just adore & admire the beautiful & deep connection that both of these guys have. It's rare to have someone that you can click so well instantly in life. We wish to support them against all the odd. That's all.

Ironically, people who freely generalize about other groups get upset & butthurt if someone generalizes about a group that they belong to. The thing is - everyone is an independent individual & fully responsible for their own actions.This is why it's important to mind our own business & stay in our own lane.

Back to your statement. Delusional fans. I'm not actually delusional. I'm very self-aware as a person. In fact, I started as someone who's neutral. It's for my own self-satisfaction to feed my curiosity. I've always been the kind that will find & dig further to know something better. It's my personal trait. I'm not blindly being a delusional fan without basis and accept every rumors I heard about them. I do observations, selectively choosing, analyzing & eventually come to a conclusion. So here I am.

If you claim us to be delusional, you can say whatever you want because your opinion doesn't represent or reflect us. Just a side note, I don't agree with those fans who are intentionally keep overanalyzing these two with every single thing they do each time. People may get annoyed by it. I can see where it's coming from. They are two different individuals with distinct originality & identity. Hence, I only believe in whatever solid reasons I personally chose & filtered to trust.

It's not my job to convince you that they're real & it's not your job to judge, raise doubts & throw hateful comments in what I believed in. No need to make others feel bad & depressed further with your painful remarks. This world is cruel enough to live in. We don't need to be liked but respecting us is not an option. Be kind.

Yes. Yibo removed it from his bio. So what? To be honest, I don't really care much about it. Friendly reminder. He removed not only the untamed but he removed ALL his dramas. Seriously, I don't see any issue. If anything, I would be grateful to Yibo for keeping the untamed there for so long.

Let me remind you of the scene where wei weixuan is forced into a situation with practicing demonic cultivation is his only option to protect himself & survive. Again, everyone is being so judgmental towards him, only to find out later- the real reason why he chose that path. My point is, don't assume something as if we know everything. Anything people put out to share is calculated. You're allowed to see things that they ONLY ALLOW you to see.

What do you mean by these shippers harming actual people? There are plenty pictures everywhere during Yuehua concert, the whole arena was mostly filled with bjyx fans led lights, yellow, green & red- all coming to support Yibo. Not only concert, they've been continuously supporting both of them in other projects and events in the past until today.

'True' fans won't bring any harm to the artist no matter how good their intention is. Boycotting isn't the answer. It brings more damaged to the artist than good.

Tell me. Who's gonna be there if it's not for them?

Credits to respective owners. I don't own anything.

Yibo. Did they really bring harm to you?

Credits to respective pic owners.

Really? What were you looking at?

Credits to respective pic owners.

Few things to ponder:

If either xiao zhan or yibo hates bjyx & don't want any fans to associate them with each other, they would've addressed this many years ago to stop. Like how they made clear stand to some of other cps & supertopics. If you ask me for proof, again, you can just find them through my reblog posts. You can easily see them right away. That is, if you really care to read & bother to know.

Let me use back your words- It's been 4 years since the show finished- but the fandom is still standing strong & able to fill in the whole arena. Just to highlight, xiao zhan & yibo have zero public interaction together since the past few years but the numbers of new bjyx fan is still continue growing until today. The irony. How is this possible? For what reason? The normal cp fandom will eventually dies down once the main actors moving to the new project in the same year. Do you ever wonder what's the reason behind this fandom to stay this long for years? Both of them don't have any same project, no collaboration together. No promotion. Literally nothing. Then how? Funny isn't it?

It still remains mystery to think of why until today, xz & yibo never clarify & make statements to clear the air that they are just close friends. They can easily shut down the fandom in one go. Doesn't it bother you to be shipped with your own close friend for years if it's not the case? Well I do.

Also, why bjyx fans were not banned from entering the venue? Why their banners & led lights were allowed to go in? This is a sign that the existence of this fandom has never been denied. Or wait. Has this bjyx fandom been acknowledged indirectly?

People may find comfort in stanning both of them. Probably, it's the only source of joy in life to some. We never know. Don't be such an asshole trying to kill it. Spread love. Not hate.

Thanks anon for giving me the opportunity to rant :)

[decepti-thots]

☕️ actually been meaning to ask you about this for ages bc you've mentioned before you have thoughts abt it; cdrw having less fic about them then you might expect for a canon couple?

I think there are a few reasons!

One is that the CDRW arc in the comics is not the kind of romantic arc that tends to appeal most to fandom. A lot of ship fic is "getting together" fic, because that's a way to make the ship the built-in plot of the fic. It provides a ready made beginning, middle and end that is near-guaranteed to be satisfying to anyone invested in the ship. But CDRW are introduced as a long-established couple, and their story is tied much more strongly to the overarching plot of the comic than it is to conventional romance beats.

Two is that it's actually kind of hard to find an obvious canon gap to write a story in during the events of the comic. Their arc is really... jam packed? So many of the big emotional moments of it just play out on page, is the thing. By contrast, look at, say, Dratchet. There is so much room to play with there. Even with Cygate, there was a period during the comic being published where you had room to write ahead and pre-empt the actual resolution we got, during the downtime. CDRW doesn't have as many options there to do that, and I feel like it might seem a less obvious choice for someone looking to write A Romance Fic.

Three is something I realised after talking to folks about the ship, which is that anecdotally I have discovered that a lot of people like CDRW but find it harder than expected to get a grip on. Chromedome in particular seems to stump people; I've written a little bit before about how I think the structure of his arc in the comic winds up catching people off guard because of how it doesn't follow the expected emotional trajectory post-Overlord. And I think between that and the fact that he's a character who people sometimes struggle to get a handle on the interior motivations of, he can be hard for some people to really find the voice of apparently. And Rewind, too, is deceptively tricky, because he is actually a very weird character. His motivations are weird, his intensity is weird, I find a lot of people who haven't revisited the source material recently tend to misremember him as a much more straightforwardly tropey character than canon Rewind actually is. A lot of the CDRW stuff out there I have seen tends to do this to both of them actually, slot them into a kind of m/m ship template that they vaguely resemble on the surface but is totally inadequate once you start paying attention. (Cygate also got this.)

When you put all of this together, I think CDRW grabbed people as fic fodder a lot less. And there's the built in sense of "canon gave us everything" that comes from them getting so much focus that I think smooths over that absence so it doesn't really seem obvious in fandom, where they just tend to hang around in fic as a background pairing.

anyway. people. we should write more cdrw fic i think. they are Insane and there are actually a bunch of things the comic brushes over tbh. and the AU potential! oh my god, there are so many opportunities for weird plot divergences!!! i am guilty bc i have a halfwritten longfic that i never managed to wrangle fully in google docs that i am sheepishly avoiding eye contact with (but will one day return to i swear) (look i'm in Big Bang mode right now folks but one day)

Sidenote: I'd love to hear other people's perspective on that third point... do people have opinions on this? I am going off stuff from a while ago and I know there's been a bunch of folks doing rereads lately. How are we feeling about CD and Rewind as characters these days.

[lestappenforever]

hi angel c:

may I just say that this gp was as a fiction? it served us SO MUCH Lestappen content from the begging to the very end! i was scared that at some point it's gonna be fucked (yep talking about Charles' "luck") but instead we got a joint interview, a lot of waist grabbing, smiles and giggles, press conferences with "inchident" jokes and karting days (i'm so sorry for Checo and Carlos being the third wheel but it's inevitable, guys) AND the most important – a battle even in FP2 and then in race! i mean, Charles has done FANTASTIC job (not only in race but throughout the whole weekend. his quali laps? fuck that was hot). i don't remember when was the last time someone overtook Max in battle for the lead. i wanna scream to see Charles in capable and suitable for his style car (and reliable team that does not fuck up the strategies *side-eye to RBR*) 😭😭😭

is Vegas gp gonna be Austria 2.0? we even had the "dirty move" from Max which helped him to took the lead (as in 2019 but thanks fuck no grudges are left no divorce and yeah this time it was just a grip problem), then battles and the sensual podium. damn let us have every gp as Austria and Vegas and Lecstappen tumblr will go completely insane ._.

i'm also still not over the fact that Max apologized. I mean this man is literally the entire weekend was: FUCK YOU OKON FUCK YOU GEORGE FUCK YOU VEGAS FUCK EVERYONE OF YOU except you charlie you're my sweety lovely im sorry for the turn 1 schatje 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i've seen some people being afraid of "lestappen divorce" after that turn 1, but i wasn't one of them. i really think that their relationship has seriously changed. sure that Max always treated Charles in a special way, congratulating him on good positions, even if he himself lost. but for some reason I feel that Charles himself now does not transfer what happens on the track beyond its boundaries. Austin sprint was also the proof.

okay thanks for listening to my rambling, i'm sleep deprived, these FPs at 5:30 and a race at 7:00 at the weekend the only fucking days when I can get some sleep kinda killed me

anyway, let me just remind you that you're beautiful and precious and just incredibly wonderful person🖤 i'm always looking forward for your posts and every time you reply to anons it's so warm, it makes my day better when i read it. just all your love and kindness you're giving people here... it's valuable. you're valuable. love ya, have a great day!!❤️

Denis, my darling, hello! ❤️

Once again you are dropping truth bombs in my ask box, and I am so happy to read them. I agree with every take you've shared here: the Las Vegas GP practically being taken straight out of a fic, and it actually giving Austria 2022 a run for its money. (Which I doubt any of us were prepared for, let's be honest.)

Both Max and Charles have grown so much over the years, and it's wonderful to see that their relationship has reached the point it's at now. Max apologizing to Charles for the incident in turn 1 is definitely a testament to the severe shift their friendship has taken recently, and it's just beautiful to watch.

I wasn't worried at all about their friendship suffering because of what happened in turn 1, and I think those who were worried about a potential "divorce" are people who haven't been as up-to-date on the shift of their friendship recently. They've reached a point where they can have incidents like that during a race without it impacting their relationship negatively at all. And if that isn't growth, then I don't know what is.

I hope you're catching up on some much needed sleep following this race weekend. 💙

Denis, you have given me such a good reason to smile this Monday morning with yet another heartfelt and kind ask, and words can't express how much I appreciate that and you. You are such a sweetheart, you're so incredibly beautiful inside and out, and you deserve the entire world. I'm so moved by your words, thank you so, so much. I'm so happy my posts can have that kind of impact on you.

Thank you so much for making my entire day with this. You're so valuable too, and I love you. 💕

[sushicha]

Let's be better about Shourtney/Shartney

Borrowing this Shourtney/Shartney rant from my IG! I originally made this when the evidence got super clear, and I was scared the ship was about to explode in popularity and people were gonna freak out 😬 that hasn't necessarily happened (yet), but I still want the advice out there:

This is kind of a semi-rant and word of caution about the shipping of Shayne and Courtney. Tumblr and IG are pretty much the only two places to talk about this.

So if you've been following the Shourtney hashtag on IG, or have seen evidence here on Tumblr, it's becoming increasingly clear that Shayne and Courtney are dating. With what's been brought to light, it's fairly certain.

I'm the first to admit that I've shipped these two for a while and that I was always curiously looking for proof. There wasn't much evidence prior to 2021, so that's likely around when they started actually dating. Even as the evidence was really pouring in and some of it was kinda stalkerish, I was still morbidly curious, and I know a lot of you did the same. Guilty as charged, I'm a lonely hoe... 😔

I'll start by saying the evidence is NOT from videos. I know a lot of you have tried to use their gazes and interactions in Smosh videos as "proof" for years, but body language is not evidence. There's a million ways to interpret a "gaze" or how they talk to and interact with each other. Courtney especially has that type of aura about her where she's very comforting and has great chemistry with others, so what people interpret as "flirting" is just her normal friendly behavior (it's very reminiscent of how men will sometimes misinterpret women just being nice to them as "flirting"). And despite the fact that they're likely in a relationship, nothing about how they interact now is tangibly different than previous years. They're professionals, they're actors, and Smosh is very self-aware that Shourtney drives up viewer engagement, so there's no doubt they've played it up at times.

But... regardless of how little evidence there is in videos, there's other stuff out there which makes it safe to say they're dating. Look for it yourself, I'll no longer be sharing that info.

To me, it appears like it's more of an "open secret" at this point, like a "if you know, you know" type thing. Courtney is more comfortable posting pictures in Shayne's clothes, Courtney's vlogging in their apartment now... I feel like they're at least at peace with the fact that SOME of us know, especially because the Shourtney fandom is still pretty underground and not a lot of people have seen the harder evidence.

Some might be asking, then, why don't they just go public and get it over with??? Damaige did, so why not them???

Why WOULD they, is the real question?

Public relationships are so complicated. All semblance of real privacy vanishes. Everyone suddenly has some opinion on your relationship. People still analyze the shit out of your body language. People still attribute the woman or fem-presenting person's success to the man. People become entitled to personal information. If you guys breakup, people make wild assumptions and take sides. It becomes a breeding ground for the worst aspects of parasocial behavior. Public relationships sound like a complete nightmare. Having to ignore all of the problematic comments while constantly looking over your shoulder sounds like a complete nightmare. People wanna live their lives privately and be known for their personal accomplishments and skills, not their relationship. Shayne and Courtney are both talented individuals BY THEMSELVES.

They have both expressed in videos and podcasts that neither want to have public relationships. They almost always go bad.

But the unfortunate reality is that their relationship being "exposed", even if it's at a relatively small scale, has been seemingly against their will. While Courtney said in a recent Q&A what she posts is intentional, that might not be the case for friends who accidentally exposed Shourtney. It must suck to have to be so careful about what you post and with who, especially at large parties and whatnot. So much is out of your control. Like, who the fuck wants to closely analyze reflections in windows and shit? Or have to tell someone you might barely know not to post a picture of you two?

Maybe they'll address it at some point. Maybe they won't. Making the comparison to Damien and Saige was always completely unfair because Damaige going public was their own personal decision. Shayne and Courtney are completely different people and may have a different line of thinking on the matter. That's not to mention, Saige has expressed a few times on her Twitch that she regrets going public with her relationship and it only made weird incels attribute her successes to Damien even more.

So what should the fans do???

Not be fucking assholes and creeps. Not be misogynistic. Call out assholish, creepy, misogynistic behavior. Not make wild speculations, or become entitled to their personal lives. Don't send Shayne or Courtney (or anyone they know) weird DM's about it. That type of thing. Keep it chill, talk among us Shourtney stans if you must, and live your fucking life, man. Find your own relationship 😅

I know most of the Shourtney stans have been pretty respectful, all things considered. A few bad apples, stalkers, etc. But whatever weird shit that happened on that (now shutdown) Shourtney Discord server should stay in digital hell.

Shayne and Courtney are gonna share what they wanna share. I make this post foreseeing that they may eventually feel the need to say something, but if I'm wrong and they say absolutely nothing, so be it. They've both said shipping is okay because it's content and mostly harmless, but clearly there's a line. And if you see someone crossing it, call them out!

That's all 🙏 I probably won't post much Shourtney content from here on out, but I'll be around. Feel free to discuss it or ask me stuff. ☺️

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, hi

I choose to ask you this because you’re one of the most sane voices here. I got into BTS and KPop very recently (2022 Dec) and was consuming all kinds of available content (Run BTS, fancams, concert videos, shipper narratives) and fell in love with Jungkook and Jimin. You can say I am double bias.

From what I saw in the content I consumed, both JK and JM are very popular but JM was more popular (Idols bible, face of Kpop being some titles given to him). But then, I started seeing him diminish around dynamite era? And I have lurked on few blogs here who think the same. They think that the company forced Jimin to step back.

After what I’ve seen happen to Jimin during and post Face release, I am inclined to believe that the company actually never wanted him but only retained him because they also could see his power. Now that BTS are the best boy band in the world, Jimin doesn’t really matter and it breaks my heart so much to see that. I am Happy for Jungkook getting all these opportunities but it leaves such a sour taste in the mouth because everything evil that was hurled at Jimin is kind of what could apply to JK (I’m really not saying he should be targeted, I love Jungkook. but his fans literally collaborated with pinks to hate on Jimin).

Sorry, this is turning into a long ask/vent post. I have no hope that Jimins second album will get any kind of support and he will still get as much hate and it makes me wish he wasn’t a part of BTS, a group I got to love.

***

Sigh Anon,

You say you're a new fan so I'll skip most of what I want to say and be extra brief. I'll ask you three questions.

Did you know that until very recently, many people in the fandom, solos and not, were absolutely convinced PDogg had it out for Jimin? Yeah, P - "Park Jimin will end k-pop in 2023" - Dogg. They somehow reached the conclusion that BTS's main producer secretly hated Jimin and sabotaged him with hard-to-sing lines or hatefully prevented Jimin from singing at all. You'd often see them cite PDogg refusing Yoongi's offer of gifting People to Jimin for him to sing as a solo track. I've lost count of how many PJMs hated PDogg's guts based on those theories who are now singing PDogg's praises (though a faction still hate him for the autotune use, because we know Jimin had absolutely no say in the creative process and it certainly wasn't his idea, based on his interviews /s). I wonder what you think about that fan theory now and if that tells you anything about how fan theories are made.

With the little you've seen and know of Jimin so far, do you think he would sign up (a second time) for a work situation and relationship which is hostile to his growth as an artist and as a person? You say you've been following the FACE promotions so I wonder if you've watched all Jimin's interviews where he talks about the process and how the company/producers got involved.

Are you old enough to work in a corporate setting? Because even watching BTS's official content might not be enough for some people to get the full picture if they have little understanding of what healthy team dynamics look like in a work relationship to begin with. I think it's unlikely you're in this bracket of people Anon, but I'm asking just in case because most of the questions, theories, or concerns about mistreatment and favouritism in BTS can be dismissed just on the knowledge of how teams work. This ask I responded to on the 2022 Festa Dinner shows as much.

Feeling discontent with Jimin’s roll-out is totally valid. But it’s also possible you’ve found your way into the fandom spaces that traffic in mistreatment theories for the members you bias, typically solo stan and manti spaces, that new fans tend to fall into. I suggest you spend more time listening to Jimin, not his stans and not me. (But if you have follow-up questions I’ll try to answer.)

Goodluck.

[myopicry]

I've already sent you an ask (more like a ramble on aesthetics and its relation to women) around a week ago, you're probably inactive atm (which isnt a bad thing btw!) but i'm gonna send another thing in (something unrelated to my last ramble lol).

now that i've spent time both in radfem/"terf" spaces and trans positive/inclusive(?) ones, i've noticed how scared the latter are of being even *slightly* associated to the former. it's oddly funny and kind of silly when you think about it. ppl have talked about this before but i'm referring to stuff like "op is a terf" and "terfs dni". the latter has been especially poignant to me recently for some reason: a trend ive seen is that ppl often write that in their bio after having created a post which some radfems or GCs reblogged/engaged with and they've used the classic "so terfs have come across this and i just wanted to let it be know that i dont like you guys" (altho worded much less kindly). it's like they're *terrified* of being perceived by ppl who share their views as even just somewhat affiliated to the "other" in any way, shape or form. or they're terrified of the other following them and interacting with their content. it feels very defensive and overly "loud" to me, idk?... the "op is a terf" has been talked about a lot in the radfem/GC spaces, so this might be a shorter section (update: it's not, lmao), but as that one post said: "it's a thought terminating cycle". I think that's one of the reasons i haven't checked out what the hell these "terfs" were actually saying and arguing (apart from screenshots of JKR tweets) for so long. it rlly proved to me how engaging with media from other "sides" is crucuial, even if you probably wont agree most of the time. if anything, i think i just wanted to be a good ally: i love debating and i wanted to know how to respond to "terf rhetoric" better. i remember feeling surprised by what i saw, not feeling the immediate "this is illogical and bad" feeling, and having trouble arguing against certain points. i couldn't even find good counter arguments from other ppl. and then there was a domino effect (altho i havent adopted all radfem and GC POVs and dont consider myself as a radfem or rad leaning/GC). even some trans friends of mine were surprised when i reported my findings to them. i'll stop here even though i can talk about this for much longer, but those "terfs/radfems dni" bios rlly stick out to me now and made me think lol. hope to see you back soon! ~🪼

hi hi! apologies for the delay! I did in fact spend some personal time offline, it was quite nice and it is probably a much healthier thing than spending most of my day on tumblr lmao but I can't deny I did miss speaking openly about my opinions on things, especially certain observations that I absolutely would not be able to discuss with my irls unless I wanted to sit them down for a multi-hour lecture just to make sure I wasn't misunderstood ^_^|||

anyway I just saw both your asks (eloquently written as ever!) and will respond to this first just because I saw it first lmao. not much to add other than maybe rambling myself about some of my own similar experiences and what not. you've put it into words great though! there is almost this "mystical" denouncement of terfs/radfems/gender criticals who are mislabled as just radfems etc. within trans spaces, and as I've looked more and more into "terf" ideology this kind of hatred really does go back far, to a point where it's basically impossible to even mention radical feminism or gender critical feminism without immediate hostility. like a sort of legend or custom, being wary/outwardly hateful of the demonic terf. maybe this is why when I heard gender ideology being likened to a religion, the analogy really clicked with me, because on some level trans-inclusive spaces really do make terfs feel like "the devil", some root of all evil, the parallel to the "divine" that they liken themselves to. I'm fairly atheistic myself in regards to just religion in general, so understanding being gender critical as essentially "gender atheism" helped me realize how logically flawed and slightly harmful a vehement belief in trans ideology could be, just as a non-critical perspective on any religious ideology can be.

I definitely relate to the point of basically falling into the radfem rabbit hole accidentally. I don't really feel like I'm properly a radfem or especially an activist (I do just write what's on my mind and that I can't really get engagement from my pre-existing social circles lol) and I honestly got into the ideas not through radblr but imageboards and forums through my bad habit of looking for material to "invalidate" me as some kind of "doom-scrolling" practice, but instead of finding blind hatred (even in the most niche of internet corners, where the ideology does get radical indeed) I found logical, cogent arguments and reasoning for why these people were so against gender ideology. I mean, yes, there was still hatred, but there's hatred on every corner of every internet space, and it also made me realize how my belief in not committing "thought crimes" by even entertaining "terf" rhetoric was simultaneously making me blind to the genuine flaws and ickier aspects of the trans + queer community that I was just sort of ignoring with cognitive dissonance. as a woman and someone with really god awful people-pleasing habits, I was unfortunately quite good at ignoring things that made me uncomfortable in order to maintain social acceptance and a good reputation in the eyes of others, and even if I don't share every radfem or gc belief, I can't deny being exposed to them all was absolutely integral to unraveling some of that unhealthy behavior.

based on my personal experiences, it is really actually quite disheartening to see that "radfem/terf dni" thing happen so much online. you really can't expect to never challenge your own thinking. in fact, challenging your preconceived notions is the only way you can grow as a person in your personal philosophy and conception of the world. I get it though, it is probably scary to engage with the "forbidden fruit" if your whole self-proclaimed all-accepting community says that this is one thing that is absolutely intolerable and will get you kicked from this welcoming "club". I will say, having opened this proverbial pandora's box of theory, I get a bit more angry and cynical at the state of the world (how did I never notice the staggering affects of misogyny before?), and I get a bit more sad that I'll never be able to have that unquestioning community with people who are supposed to understand me. I wonder if there are more people who would honestly be able to understand the nuances in critiquing gender ideology out there, but they fear that ostracization too. if by some random chance anyone like that ever reads this exact post (lol what are the odds) I always like to remind people that a burner email and account on something like tumblr is incredibly easy to set up!

alright, lemme get to your other ask because it is really interesting and thanks again for visiting!! I genuinely missed engaging with this kinda stuff offline, and I also get tired being the one to drip feed new ideas to people in person. it's really nice to just get a nice well written insight to engage with unfiltered (well, as unfiltered as a tumblr post under a pseudonym can be lmao)

[just-my-type-x]

Night Outs and Nightclubs

Angst

A/N: whatever i say in this imagine is purely fictional. In no way am i targeting Brad of having this type of behaviour and in no way am i projecting his behaviour in this imagine as being real in his day-to-day lifestyle. + another A/N at the end, pls read that before u start the imagine ♥️

Synopsis: y/n is also an artist and she recently has a radio interview where she has to confront the fans' rumours about her and Brad being more than friends. Her answer makes Brad reconsider their situation and take wrong decisions.

I put the headphones on my head and wait for Chris to introduce me to our listeners. I take a deep breath and say hi to everyone listening, followed by him applauding.

"Thank you, thank you", i laugh and he moves his microphone closer to his mouth

"Welcome back to BBC Radio 1, y/n, it's so good to have you back, it's been a while."

"Thank you, Chris. I know.. It's been like two years?", i ask him and we both frown, thinking about it.

"I think so, yeah. How have you been, love?"

"We're still not going to date, mate", he bursts out laughing and i smirk at the camera that's filming us

"I didn't even get friendzoned, i got matezoned. Well, this is new for me. But seriously, how have you been, what's new? I saw you were a supporting act for The Vamps on their latest tour. How did that work out for you? Since you've been in the game for almost as much as them, how was the experience of being a supportive act? ", he asks while checking his notes for any missing questions

"I've been very well, thank you, I'm very proud of my latest music video and I'm so glad it received its deserved praise haha. Secondly, i loved supporting the boys, they're great company and I've known them for a lifetime to be honest. It felt like a very refreshing time, because I had just gotten back from my tour and i stuttered a bit before agreeing to support them, but I'm glad i made the right decision.", i smile and take a sip of my coffee

"That's so nice to hear. I will say tho that I've seen a lot of comments regarding your reason for touring with them and if you don't mind, let's clear some things up for your fans, shall we?", he asks and pins me with his eyes, asking me, in a way, if i feel comfortable doing so. I agree and take another deep breath, making sure it can't be heard in my mic. "A lot of fans said that you're involved with one of The Vamps boys and that's the reason you actually went om tour with them. Also, a lot of people had pointed out that your boyfriend hasn't been in the picture for some time. Did anything happen?"

I chuckle before answering and i bite my lip. "He hasn't been in the picture because we broke up two or three months into the greatest hits tour. It was a really tough breakup because i didn't see it coming, honestly, i just woke up one day and my relationship was over."

"Was there a certain reason for the breakup?"

"Actually, yes, and it sucks because it was based on rumours. He saw a lot of comments, tweets, posts on Instagram about Brad and I and there were people shipping us, others were speculating about what we're doing, how they think we're closer as the days go by... Apparently he thought i was cheating on him with Brad and he decided to believe some rumours, rather than believing his 2 year girlfriend.",i exhale sharply when i finish talking

"You know he wasn't the right one when you see him do something dumb like this. No offence tho.", Chris chuckles and i smile. "Was there anything in particular that made things believe that?"

"Oh my Gosh, Chris, not you too.", we laugh and i take another sip of my coffee. "No, i would never date Brad. We work together way too much, we have the same management, record label, it'll be way too complicated. What people don't know it's that we wouldn't be allowed to work this much together afterwards and it would be a pity."

"There you have it folks. You heard it here first. This is BBC Radio 1 and we'll be back in 2".

We take our headphones off and take a quick break.

~~~~

I enter Tristan's apartment and throw my bag on the sofa and take off my shoes. I don't live in London, so whenever i have press interviews or radios to attend to, Tristan offered to let me stay with him for those few days. We've always been really close and helped each other with anything, so I'm really glad he offered to do that. I enter the kitchen and i raise an eyebrow when i see Tristan having lunch with Brad.

"Hello there", i say surprised and walk over to hug Brad.

"Hey", he says with a cold voice, but i brush it off almost immediately

"What are you doing here?"

"I have writing sessions with Olly Murs and Mabel these 2 weeks", his attention falls back on his food and i nod, giving Tristan a questioning look. He shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of his pasta. I murmur a quick ok and head to the fridge to get a water bottle.

"You have food in that bag, we wanted it to keep warm until you got home. Oh and we're going out tonight. Are you feeling groovy?", Tris asks as he dances around me with his pasta plate in his hands. I laugh and catch him by the waist to stop moving around.

"I don't think so, i was supposed to meet up with a friend tonight. I'll see for sure later, but I'm definitely not down for a nightclub.", i chuckle and sit at the table to eat. Brad looks at me from the other end of the table with a sad look and i frown, but he gets up and puts his dishes in the sink.

Hours go by and i end up staying at home, watching tiktoks, when a friend texts me.

F: ayy, y/n, how come you never introduced me to Brad and Tristan before?

I look confused at the text

Me: no reason, why?

F: sent you a video

F: sent you a video

F: sent you 4 photos

My eyes grow wide at the screen, as my chest tightens with a weird feeling. Brad's leaning on five different girls, talking to them so close to their faces that he might as well kiss them. Unless he, of course, did, as i scroll through the photos and i see him kissing one of the girls from the previous video.

Me: they're so drunk :))

F: wtf no, they haven't drunk anything so far. They're for real having fun:))

I leave her on read as i feel some jealousy creeping in. While we were touring, after my breakup, Brad and i did get really comfortable and maybe too friendly with each other. We had a lot of fun together and we would always hang out before the show and backstage. It went on like this for about 3 months and every day i felt closer to him. But what i said in the interview was true, there were so many factors that our relationship might have messed up. Tho our management is very chill and gives us freedom to do whatever we want, we wouldn't bd able to work together on most occasions. And i know he's aware of that too. He's also the one to say this first, how their career is now at a peak it hasn't been in a while, so they don't want that to get messed up. I'm also their friend, i can't be so selfish that I'd prefer to be with Brad and mess up with their scheduling and work days.

I toss the phone to my side and almost an hour later, i hear the keys in the lock. I check the time and it's a bit past 2AM,which is weird for any of them to be home at this hour.

I wait until the door is closed and i get out of the guest's room, only to find Brad taking off his shoes, his eyes scanning my exposed legs because of the pj shorts.

"Where's Tris?", i ask, crossing my arms at my chest

"He left with someone, he'll be back in the morning", Brad manages to offer me a half smile and i almost rolled my eyes at him, but he turned his back at me to get to his room.

I follow him and i lean on the door frame and watch from behind him how he unbuttons his shirt.

"I saw you had fun tonight", a chuckle leaves his mouth, followed by a shake of his head

"Oh yeah, wild night actually. Your friend is awesome", i swallow the heavy feeling in my throat and straighten my position in the doorframe. He turns around to face me and my eyes fall on his exposed chest and abdomen.

"You had fun with my friend?", my voice is a bit more raised

"Does that bother you? She didn't seem to be", he smirks and takes off his shirt, throwing it on the bed.

"Bradley..", i warn and get closer to him. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "You were on every single girl in that club, why did you have to hook up with my friend?", i throw my hands around and he smirks

"I didn't hook up only with her, don't be so dramatic", my cheeks heat up from his words

"Brad, did you really make out with those girls?"

"Are you jealous? Does it bother you? If yes, why?", Brad sits on the bed and waits for me to answer, but i just stare at him. "Good, because since you'll never date me, i have no reason to wait for you", he gets up again and walks toward his bathroom

"Wait for me? What are you talking about? And stop showing me your back when you're talking to me!", i walk in front of him and press my pointing finger on his well defined chest

"You're a smart woman, y/n, figure it out. I need to shower, please move out of the way or i will pick you up and throw you on my bed.", Brad's eyes darken at his own words and out breathing gets heavier.

"Bradley, answer me", i hold his gaze and i feel my eyes burn in the back of my head. Hr walks closer to me and i walk backwards until i hit the bathroom door with my back, his face dangerously close to mine.

"Stop saying my name like that", he almost whispers and i put my hands on his abdomen, pushing him back a few steps

"Stop being as close to me as you were with those girls"

"So you really are jealous. Why tho? You said really clearly that you'll never date me. I moved on with my life", Brad walks away from me, putting his shirt back on, since it doesn't look like he's gonna shower soon.

"Is this about my interview this morning?", i frown at him, but he stays silent, buttoning his shirt. "What would you have wanted me to say? That I'm in love with you and that i was so glad my ex broke up with me? I've gotten so many dms and comments about you and i, i saw how people see us and how nobody wants me next to you. It was a lie so i could take the attention off us for a while in 5 months. ", i take a deep breath and he scratches the back of his head. "Why couldn't you just ask me? Talk to me? You went out and made out with all those girls for what?"

"So you're saying it's my fault i screwed up", he let's his arms fall next to his body, his palms hitting his thighs

"I wasn't the one clubbing tonight", i cross my arms at my chest and we stay in silence a few moments.

"Fuck", Brad swears and takes two big steps until he reaches me and cups my face with hid hands, crushing his lips on mine, his tongue licking my bottom lip. I give him permission and his tongue touches mine with every movement and my teeth sink in his bottom lip, pulling at it gently. His hands fall on my ass, tracing the form of my ass cheeks. I take a step forward, getting closer to him, pulling at his shirt collar and keeping him close to my body. "Fuck, y/n", he moans and i push him on the bed. He falls back and holds himself up with his elbows, watching my every move. I get on top of him and i straddle his lap, his hand forming a chokehold on my neck as he pulls me to kiss him. He falls back on the bed and i lean more on him, not breaking the kiss. Brad's other hand holds my waist and the other one frees my neck, caressing my breasts with it before moving it to my waist too.

"Is this a mistake?", i break the kiss and i ask him, heavily breathing.

"I don't care", he answers, his lips back on mine.

A/N: i couldn't fit this at the beginning bc it was too much, so, I also have to apologise for something. I wrote this over yesterday when that club video went out and over today, while i was in class, and i didn't know the entire story behind what actually happened behind the scenes of that video until now. I apologise and if the story wasn't already finished and scheduled for today, i wouldn't have posted this imagine. At first i loved how it would've been a great context, but now i know more things and i really don't want it to seem disrespectful or look like I've profited off that. Again, I'm not trying to picture Brad's behaviour as being like this in reality or that his behaviour should be taken for granted.

[burinazar]

(Umineko spoilers maybe idk)

i forget if i've posted it here but I've been reading Umineko for a really long time

I've just finished episode 5, the first "answer" arc, believing it would finally reveal what "really" happened in some of the earlier episodes (actually for some reason I thought it would be a retelling of episode 1 from a different POV, but it became clear it wasn't lol), and...it was really confusing and the whole ending was a huge slog and I still feel like I'm waiting for it to 'pay off'. I'm very willing to be patient with fiction but at this point the amount of time invested versus amount of enjoyment/portions where I actively felt like reading onwards instead of a sunk cost thing is getting ridiculously unbalanced. I've never spent this much time working through a single a piece of entertainment in my entire life, I think, not counting things that I dropped or put on hold.

The thing is, I watched the episode one stage play recently and relly enjoyed it. That I feel capable to theorize about, et cetera. Having full visuals of everything happening, even if we couldn't take the visuals as exact reality, really helped. f the whole thing was available as plays I wouldn't be having this problem, both the format and the length are far more appealing to me. I know there's a manga, but I've never heard anyone say to read that instead of the VNs or a suggestion that's the way to do it, and it's probably late to switch. I feel really frustrated. If I keep reading, it's throwing more time at somethingI've already spent so much time on with little reward, but if I don't keep reading, I'll never know what is really happening and unfortunately I do want to know.

And...I just...don't get why it isn't working for me. It's obviously true not every person will click with every piece of entertainment -- but everyone says this is good fiction for people who like to get meta, who like to interrogate the narrative, who like to form their own theories. If you've followed me for any length of time you know I love overanalyzing shit, I love reading much farther into things than the author intended, I'm enamored with 'stories about stories' and the idea of pulling out characters in the middle to talk to them and see what they think of their fate and whether they might fight against it and against the conventions of narrative is all catnip to me.

I just don't get why none of that is happening with this story for me. Could it be because I don't feel a strong enough connection to the characters and story to analyze it THAT much? It's true I'm not fixated, and that's usually what leads to me super-analyzing a series --but obviously that's not a requirement for me to watch/read/enjoy something, and I don't *dislike* the characters. Surely a lot of people were just reading this VN the way one reads a mystery novel normally, with a "normal" amount of interest in what's going on and thinking about it... I really like sherlock holmes and agatha christie (at least i used to a lot growing up), and the fact of 'i'm not that obsessed with whoever holmes is helping this time because why would i be' was not at all a barrier to following along with the mystery or applying reasoning to it...that really can't be it...

It feels impossible to theorize because I understand the format so little, and having it explained to me doesn't help -- it's just way too hard for me to tell what narration is from the point of view of a character (who may be unreliable) and what is from the point of view of a story and 'actually happening' and thus can be used as a clue to deduce off of, and the red and blue truths are supposedly to help with this but like, I'm trying to look at the story and theorize off *that* and those aren't meant to be the entire story on their own (one can use them to falsify theories but to come up with theories you're supposed to use the story itself as told in the white text...and I don't know what in the white text can "really be used", and also there's so MUCH of it and I forget half of what happened by the end of an arc).

......I've been trying to finish this VN for over a year and a half at this point. The entire experience has been so defeating to be honest. If I heard someone tell me this about LOGH when they were seventy episodes in I'd tell them they shouldn't force themselves to keep watching and that it's very likely the series just isn't their thing, but the difference is in Umineko I feel like all the time I've spent so far will be hugely wasted if I never get to find out what happened, and i DO WANT to know, it's not just a sunk cost fallacy, I don't want to miss out on knowing -- whereas someone who watched 70 episodes of LOGH would at least fucking know what happened in those episodes and quit with some comprehension of the portion of the narrative that they've covered already...

I guess I'm particularly dejected right now because I thought the ending of the fifth arc was going to have, uh, answers. Since it's an "answer" arc. But unless we're meant to believe that the culprit named at the end is the real one (it seems like no? Unless we can't even rely on her internal monologue about not being guilty. After all, her internal monologue isn't in red, so It can't be relied upon to be her real thoughts...or something...?!) I would have called myself a fan of mystery, but none of this makes me want to "think" at all because it's so confusing and so long and there's so much. I've finally hit the "answer" arcs and there are still no answers.

[rivetgoth]

how do u talk to ppl at goth clubs?? i go to meet ppl and i never know who wants to be talked to so i just don't 🫥

Did you ever see that post that was like, "You felt like you had an easier time making friends as a kid because you were in school and were seeing the same people every day and you were all doing the same thing so you could easily bond because you literally had no other choice and the best way to make friends as an adult is to replicate that through something you actually actively like/choose to do because people make friends the easiest through repetition and shared interests and experiences"?

I think that's been one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard as an adult forming friendships in my communities (in this case and primarily the goth/industrial scene) and I always try to share it with others. The way I've made a huuuge amount of my friends has genuinely just been like... seeing them around a bunch. Like you get to know the regulars just by face alone and after even a few times (you don't have to play some massive long game haha) you are TOTALLY within your right to go up to them and say something like "Hey I always see you here!" and just casually introduce yourself, ask them how long they've been coming to the club, stuff like that. ESPECIALLY if you've seen them at other events too, like you saw them at the club but you ALSO saw them at a goth concert recently or something. It's a good conversation starter to ask them what they thought of a different event you saw them at, I promise it's not creepy, everyone is peoplewatching at these things hehe.

Complimenting somebody's outfit/style is a great start as well. If someone's in a band shirt for one of Your Bands (like if they were in a Skuppy shirt in my case, or even better if it's something reallyyyy obscure that even fellow goths don't often talk about, like if I saw someone in like, an Indradevi Shirt or a DIN shirt or something), or if someone is just wearing a cool accessory or clothing piece, or you like their makeup or hair, that's a really good in. Just let 'em know they look cool. You could even ask them where they got it if it's like an accessory or piece of clothing. People like compliments, it's a good way to get someone in a good mood lol. Other compliments that might work is if you saw them on the dance floor you can compliment their dancing! You can even do that with groups, if you see like a big friend group you think looks cool you can let them know they all have awesome style and introduce yourself, some big groups (I say this from experience, because I almost always show up in a pretty big group) are super happy to just let anyone join them for a bit (as long as they aren’t being a creep ofc), because at that point it's like, the more the merrier!

You can always do the slightlyyyy more sneaky approach and like, ask them for a lighter on the smoking patio or something, or do the thing where you're like "I'll give you a dollar for a cigarette" lol. I also don't know your gender but I hear women's bathrooms are like an extremely fun social hot spot at lots of goth clubs and I know MULTIPLE women close to me who have made friends in the women's bathroom SPECIFICALLY, so *shrug*

Ohh, you could also see if there are any social media pages for your local scene and see if you can connect with people online. Like on Facebook or Instagram or something. I've made a decent number of friends who are local goths but I met them online first, so when I went to the club I already had someone there who knew me who I could talk to. It's SUPER normal to go up to someone you're already mutuals or FB friends or whatever with and be like "dude, we follow each other." I have had so many people do that to me and I have done that to so many people LOL. Me and Angel literally knew each other online before we met in person even though we were both in the local scene and now we have lived together since 2019 LMAO. 💖

Ultimately, I think my overall advice would be that MOST PEOPLE who are going to clubs are there to socialize to some degree. Not everyone, of course, but a LOT of people are partly there for the social aspect and a lot of the time especiallyyyy since you're implicitly there because you love a lot of the same things, they'll be down to chat for a bit and just get to know you and see what your vibe is. Clubs are an easy place to start small talk because you can literally just start talking about the music that's currently playing, the vibe of the night and how things have gone for you and for them, upcoming events you're excited for, or events that you recently attended. Obviously if you really hit it off you can get into deeper topics, but at the club you kind of have an easy vantage point to get started just with the casual conversations, yknow?

I think I'd also say like, and this is just kinda broad advice, but be prepared to NOT always hit it off too. It's still worth putting yourself out there. Most people know how to act and aren't gonna be rude or anything, but sometimes y'all just won't click, or they'll misread your intentions, or they won't feel chatty, and in those cases that literally doesn't mean anything negative about you as a person. Clubs are kind of a weird social space where lots of people are there to socialize but others might already have their established friends or just be in a shit mood or be generally kinda socially anxious or they just want to dance, or they're on something, or they're drunk, or... any number of reasons, really. 99.999% of the time if someone comes off as not super friendly it's not about you and it's not personal, it's them. As long as your intentions are good and you're not crossing boundaries it's really not a huge deal if someone just kinda isn't picking up what you're putting down and the conversation fizzles out quickly. Those moments can feel like really embarrassing failures but they literally are not. Sometimes you just gotta kind of keep trying with various different people until you hit it off with the right person, and it's worth trying again, because you WILL eventually find your people.

Hopefully some of this helps. Good luck! I believe in you 🖤🥀🦇

[notkijoon]

“ worrying won’t do you any good. ”

yeah, that's what they always say.

their day starts off on a positive note. it's one of those rare summer days that foreshadow the turn of the season soon to come, a day where kijoon can actually wear a flannel and jeans working outside and not be forced to change his attire every hour until work is over. something he can write home about is his level of productivity today while daeun isn't around (somewhat of a surprise now to quite a few people who have grown accustom to daeun's recent increased presence). his grandmother is actually happy to see her grandson working solo because as much as she has come to grow fond of them, she has noticed a distinguishable lag in kijoon's work when he is there.

ie. the working for ten minutes and then getting distracted and wandering off to find daeun to talk to him for half an hour and then back to work for ten and back again to daeun to check on how they're doing. oh, and obviously, the obvious puppy eyes. she sees the signs loud and clear.

she's not wrong. when daeun isn't around, kijoon has nothing to keep him from his work. but on the flip side, when daeun isn't around, kijoon has nothing to keep him from his thoughts.

it was a conversation, albeit a short one, because daeun doesn't technically owe kijoon an explanation for anything and he knows that. he had been biting down on the inside of his cheek so hard when daeun told him about how jiwoo would be coming to town to visit the following week that he actually started to bleed. all kijoon knew about jiwoo prior to this was the sheer amount of audacity this fool had treating daeun the way he did — how someone could look at such beauty and consciously opt to ignore it. how daeun could ever come second, third, maybe even last to jiwoo was possible for him to wrap his mind around; thoughts swim in his head from the moment he wakes up 'till the moment he's finally washed the farm off him for the day and drives with a little too much pent up frustration into town.

he's glad at least jaewon and keith are there to get a few hazy ipas into his system quickly. it's not a good sign returning to his bad coping habits from years ago, but it's the only way kijoon can get the edge off before he sees daeun again post their conversation. in between each buzzed thought that tells him he needs to do something to convince daeun that this man is no good for him, the logical side battles that it's not his place. a hard pill for him to swallow, daeun is not his and he has no authority over what he chooses to do. ultimately, kijoon wants the best for daeun, which is to not be with this user, and a few shots later (no thanks to the bartender who hooked jaewon up, mistakenly assuming they were having a good time), kijoon is tipsy and ungracefully stepping his way through the crowd to the only crown of blonde hair in the sea of people. jaewon and keith exchange concerned glances and trail him at a distance.

kijoon always finds his way back to him.

"i — listen," what was it about the logical side of his brain telling him this isn't his place? oh yeah, fuck that. all bets are off when there's alcohol involved. "i'm not tryna' disrespect him or anything, but, damn, what is it about him that you like so much?" kijoon is shouting over the speaker that daeun has chosen to inconveniently sit directly next to. "it's just... he's not a good guy, bruh. how many times has he actually texted you since you've been here? when was the last time he asked you how you were? have you told him ... "

about the time you and me sat out to watch the sunset together talking for hours? about how you lay with me in the bed of my pickup truck to stargaze in my backyard? or how about the time you let me hold you in my arms at the beach and you tried to play it off like it was casual, but we both know these conversations we keep having are conveniently leaving out so many details?

that would be his heart talking. right now, it's just the booze.

" ... never mind. anyways, what i'm trying to say is, what's the point in him coming to visit? does he even want to see you?" man is no different from a lion. when they become territorial, they will do anything to protect what they think is theirs. kijoon's ego is in a weakened state and he's floundering any possible way to salvage it. he wants to tell daeun he's scared of the inevitable truth that once jiwoo comes to visit that he'll be put on the back burner to some scrawny narcissist who has probably never even touched grass in his life. the thought of it makes his alcohol churn in his stomach.

even when daeun is drinking too, they still have that beautiful summer glow. kijoon can see the frustration bubbling to the surface in the furrow of daeun's arched brows, and this is all so unfair, because seeing daeun upset with him only continues to propel him to prod further at the subject. he leans closer to daeun, the buzz giving him that distinct i'm about at my limit and if i drink more i'm going to turn into a raging fucking dragon and burn this entire establishment down sort of lean. "come on, daeun. are you listening to me?"

"worrying won't do you any good," they answer. a bad one. there's nothing like emotional dismissiveness to get kijoon fired up.

he chuckles sarcastically and throws his head back. "really?" his tone has bite to it, bite he hasn't used with daeun before and never in his fairytale fantasies did he picture the two of them going tit-for-tat. he's pissed off now, because why is daeun upset at him for pointing out the truth? what the fuck has he done besides, well, literally almost everyfuckingthing with him? "that's all you have to say to everything i've just said? wow." he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, clicking his tongue. "you sure have a way with words, daeun."

jaewon and keith continue to monitor them intently from a few tables over.

[evvlevie]

I SHIFTED FOR THE FIRST TIME !!!!  (as detailed as a shifting blogger can be but scroll down for the juicy part)

Hi, Hello, my beautiful beautiful readers! It's your favorite blogger Evie again and I don't know where to begin 😭 You've read the title so you know damn well what this post is about, and I am freaking over the moon to say it finally happened!

"So how did you shift?" Is most likely your very first question, and I promise I will answer it, but not without giving you full context on what led up to this magical event (or just scroll down in case only the shifting part concerns you)

so as I mentioned in my last post I had been in this state of not putting any effort into my shifting attempts anymore and basically treating shifting like any other of my manifestations: that it will happen on its own, if I simply want to.

⇣the post in question in case you're interested⇣

"Did it work?", you may be wondering. It did not. It might work for other people, because some points I made in that post still apply to me, but the idea of just counting on it to happen on its own didn't really work in my case. This being said, just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it can't work for you, and if you are an advanced manifestor who has complete trust in the law, this mindset might even be yours to apply.

Ever since I posted this, some days went by and my typical shifting-cycle repeated. I didn't shift after being so confident I would, and then the realization hit hard and I became severely demotivated. I even told my shifting bestie I was about to give up and lucky for me she motivated me and gave me back my faith. Speaking of faith: I had been noticing that certain angel numbers kept reoccurring in my life. The numbers being 1237 and 119. These numbers seem random, but 12:37 is the time my niece was born and 11th of September is my birthday. (yes I was born on 9/11, no not in the year that it happened, but two years later which is basically irrelevant information but it's a little fun fact about me.) I always thought the universe was showing me my birthday, up until I googled both of these numbers and realized they both mean something among the lines of "keep faith and trust in the universe". And lucky for you I did.

⇣small fangirl and shout-out-moment ⇣

Then on Monday I had a doctors appointment, and being bored in the waiting room I opened Tumblr. My feed was full of law of assumption content and I actually took the time and read through them all, and I reposted the ones I felt like gave me a lot of insight. Now to the freaking craziest part of all of this. (okay not true but it sure meant the world to me). I wake up in Tuesday and see that THE @astra-nomy reposted my post about the newest shifting tip I had found, and not only that, my comfort-shifter @multiversebaddie not only liked one of my posts, BUT FOLLOWED ME BACK. All in the same night and even right after another. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT DID TO ME????? I was like no, nope you guys, I can't not shift if my favourite shifting and loa bloggers fucking found out I existed. (APHRODITE FOLLOWS ME I CANT COMPREHEND THAT). Plus @lavender--fairy commented on the post mentioned earlier, and her post that I reblogged, was the one who actually gave me the key to shifting. Hell yes. I mean I knew what I needed to know from other bloggers anyway, but her post actually brought me back to the correct mindset.

✧THE ACTUAL SHIFTING EXPERIENCE AKA THE REASON YOU ARE READING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE✧

so now it is Wednesday. I never really talked about what DR I am shifting to, and I mentioned it somewhere on an old ass post but to put it as briefly as I can: my DR contains a certain group of YouTubers, and I am shifting so I can be friends with them. Now they post videos on Wednesdays and due to the time difference I get to watch them at 11:30 pm, so basically right before going to bed. I went and grabbed a quick shower and then I laid in bed and started doing what I was always doing: affirming. But due to me being me this quickly turned into overthinking and overcomplicating EVERYTHING which is why I stopped, went back on TikTok to clear my thoughts a little and then returned to my attempt.

✨ THE METHOD ✨

☞ I laid in a position most comfortable to me and I started imagining myself in my DR making myself ready for bed. In my head I reminded myself of the thing that I was able to remember due to @lavender--fairy 's post: The 4D is the real reality, and the 3D is only the translation of your inner thoughts. meaning: if I can visualize it, I am already IN it.

☞ Along with me imagining my DR-me doing what I did, I always reminded myself (affirming if you will) that if I can imagine it, I am in it. I purposely chose the Visualization of me doing things I was already doing in my CR day-to-day because you can feel the moment so much better and ground yourself in that reality way easier than imagining me climbing a mountain since I never did that.

☞ I was making myself aware over and over again, that the imagination is the real reality and that if I can imagine it, I am in it. For as long as I was trying to fall asleep. I even moved and rearranged my position constantly, imagining that I was my DR-me doing the same thing. I really just emerged myself in that visualization and started feeling what ever I did, because essentially that's how manifestation works. You don't need to worry about the 3D, and you don't have to feel like you're lacking something. You imagined it in the 4D, so you already did it silly!

☞ In combination to that I never forced myself to stay focused on my DR. Because as mentioned in this post below, you are supposed to let you mind do its own thing in a way, because you can't shift If you are too aware of what you are trying to do.

✨ THE MOMENT ✨

I found myself in this weird state between falling asleep and still being conscious enough to see and understand what you are envisioning. So I was technically awake while it happened. I didn't visualize my DR anymore, instead my mind went into a completely different direction and I saw myself buying milk with Harry Styles. No I did not even script him into my DR, this was just my brain doing brain things. Nonetheless I was still affirming that if I can see it, I am in it, and suddenly I felt myself getting pulled. I heard a little whooshing sound and I literally zoomed out of my body. I was standing in a dark corridor and I could see an open door in the distance with a little something happening in the room it was leading to but I was too far away to see what was happening. Suddenly the corridor started spinning and I felt myself getting pulled into a whole different door. I gained consciousness in this unknown room, but I couldn't tell where I was, or what I was seeing, because it was just dark in there and my eyes had no chance of adjusting quickly enough. I panicked and before I could even comprehend it, I knew I set the intention to shift back to my CR. I got pulled back into this mysterious corridor and shoved into another door by some weird energy and I opened my eyes back in the CR. I know it wasn't a dream because this whole zooming out, the mysterious energy sending me from door to door and the random dark room felt way too physical for it to be a dream. I could literally feel myself in this corridor as only a "being" of some sort, but definitely not as a human with a physical form. From the many success stories I have read regarding shifting realities, I have noticed that many shifters do not reach their desired reality on their first try. Almost every shifter that has talked about shifting mentioned that their first shift was weird and to a strange, undefined reality. (@multiversebaddie shifted to a random ass classroom for example)

✨ ADVICE TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS EXPERIENCE ✨

I believe I shifted when I did, because my mind was in this gloomy state between conscious and unconscious, which ultimately made me believe myself on the spot when I told myself the affirmations I mentioned earlier. I did not doubt them and that's probably why the void state is such a powerful state to be in, because even if I wasn't, I imagine it to be very similar to this.

Another thing, that won't hurt you is educating yourself on the law of assumption. I know it helped me a lot and I believe that people who struggle with shifting, would benefit if they understood the way manifestation worked because ultimately manifestation and shifting is the same thing.

If you read everything from top to bottom: I love you. If you are doubting shifting, your ability to do it, or wether or not it is real: I can guarantee you as a first-person-witness: not only is it real, it's something every single dingus out there can achieve! And if I can help you in any way, shape, or form: don't be afraid to ask.

I send a lot of love and a lot of positive vibes to everyone reading this! I had been waiting to do this post ever since I created my blog and I still can't believe that I finally got to do it 😭

Yours in every reality

Evie <3

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

[1a-imagines]

Forget me not

Fairy!Izuku x reader

A/n: It’s here!! The post I've been making every one worry about for the past week, I hope you all enjoy. :) 

This is Day 3 of the Izumonth collab!! You can find the announcement post here. 

If you squint there is angst.

Word count: 5500+ words.

Overview: You've waited years for him to come back, when you find him again; what secrets will you share under the moonlit sky?

Laughter echoed in the open air, the sun peeking up over the horizon signalling the start of morning. Most of the world was asleep, but this back garden was as lively as ever. Little feet raced around the garden with purpose. A child, no older than 10, chased a ball of green light around the grassy terrain.

You jumped over toys, crawled under the slide, hid behind trees and bushes to trick your opponent into a false sense of security. Anything to win this game he had challenged you to.

You stood as still as you could from behind the tree trunk, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Finally, a green glow entered your peripheral vision and you jumped for it.

Your chubby fingers outstretched, both hands clasping around the light as you captured the target.

"Gotcha Izu'!" You laughed, opening your hands as you brought them up to your face. The glow from his wings bounced off your skin, accentuating your cute, childish, features.

The fairy rubbed his head sitting in the middle of your palms, giggling,  "I was going easy on you!"

He flew up, getting level with your face. You hummed in a mocking tone, not believing him. He pressed his lips together, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. "Well, if that was so easy for you then how about you try catching all of us!" He exclaimed.

More glowing lights emerged from beyond the bushes in your garden. Each one a different colour, red, blue, yellow, white. Only when they got up close could you see the outlines of their bodies. You had expected fairies to be smaller than they were. They were about the size of your palms and according to them, they were still growing. You wonder how they would compare to you when you got older.

You huffed, stomping your foot on the floor with a pout. "Fine! I'll do it! But after we're paying hide and seek, ok? We only have one hour until my family wakes up!"  

Izuku nodded, flying over to his friends with a grin. "I promise! Now come catch us!"

You smiled at the memory. Remembering how that night was filled with laughter and games. Even as a ten year old staying awake all night, you never got sleepy. Whenever the moon was up, you and your friends went out to play. It was the only time they came to visit you. All night you would be awake, laughing, singing and playing with them in your secret garden.

It surprised you, the memory was so vivid in your mind, like it had happened merely a day ago. As time went by, childhood memories started to fade, making them feel more like dreams than reality.

You bent down, your eye peering through the door of the little mushroom house. Just as you had expected, it was empty. You sat back on your knees, letting out a hefty sigh.

The handcrafted house brought back so many childhood memories. Memories that in one way made you happy, and in another way stung your heart like a thousand wasps.

You used to see the fairies everyday, hiding around your garden, in bushes, behind mushrooms. They particularly liked your flower beds and vegetable patches. It was where you often found them sneaking around, as if playing a never ending game of hide and seek.

Eventually, they approach you, and they become your mystical secrets. There was one in particular, your little forest haired fairy. Even before you became friends he would smile and wave at you from behind flowers and leaves.

He was too shy to talk to you at first but with time he made his way to you. His friends soon followed his suit and began talking and playing with you. As much as you adored all of them, there was just something about Izuku that made you feel more attached to him. He came to visit you almost every night, sometimes flying through your bedroom window, where you would read him stories or vise versa, until you fell asleep.

There were so many fond memories he had left you with.

You reached out a hand, caressing the petals of a nearby snowdrop, more memories flashing through your mind.  

They always adored your garden, how it was filled with different flowers and vegetables. In honour of them you continued to upkeep it. Never a day went by that you weren't in your garden, pulling out weeds, watering the colourful array of flowers, tending the vegetable patches. You wished to create the perfect human-made fairy garden in the world, for them to come play and relax, laugh and dance just as you used to in your childhood days. You even went as far as making houses for them, each one filled with miniature furniture you had hand crafted yourself.

You had dedicated so much time to them. Put your heart and soul into everything you made, not a leaf out of place in your perfect garden.

So why haven't they come back? It has been six years and you haven't received so much as a goodbye from them. They just stopped coming to see you.

Your family had always brushed off your claims of fairies visiting the garden as just your childish imagination running wild, but you were much older now. Your obsession was starting to worry them. You mother thought it was nice you had such a big imagination, the rest of them called you crazy and childish.

Despite their words, you couldn't bring yourself to believe that it was all just mere imagination. They were real, you talked to them, you played and danced with them, and you were going to prove them all wrong!

Your beliefs had stood strong for six whole years, but after reciting the same old routine of tending your fairy garden and checking the small mushroom houses, everyday single day. Your beliefs were dwindling.

Where had they gone? The more days that went by, days without signs of your magical friends, days that consisted of you being mocked and ridiculed by your family. You couldn't help but lose a little faith. Fears starting to invade the cracks left in your heart, fears of never seeing them again, fears of them never having existed in the first place.

Despite the ever growing shadow on your face, you continued your weekly routine of cleaning the mushroom houses. Even if they never came back, it would be a waste to let all your hard work catch dust. You couldn't even begin to guess how many hours you had spent on this project.

You grabbed a cloth and unclipped the roof from the walls so you could clean all the nooks and crannies, Beginning with the first house you had ever crafted. It was rounded like a fat mushroom, the roof was a dark green with lighter green polka dots decorating it. It was your favourite design, Made carefully and with a little green haired friend of yours in mind.  

It had taken you months to finish this house alone, your face scrunched up remembering all the cuts, bruises and burns you had gotten in the process. It hadn't been easy, and a few times you almost gave up completely. However, seeing the fairy-sized bed, with small sewn duvets on top of it, an actual working fireplace, a kitchen with running water and a stove. It was all worth it. Who else could say they had tiny, fully functional, homes in their back garden?

You wrapped the cloth around your index finger, it was slightly damp, you used it to clean the floor first. Removing some of the furniture so it would be out of your way.

You picked up the couch, but once it was out of the way you noticed the floor was shining. Not from your careful cleaning but it looked like tiny green glitter had fallen to the ground.

Your heart stopped.

Tiny green glitter? Could it be? You used your finger to poke at the glitter, it clung to your skin and you brought it up to your eyes. How could something so small feel so familiar? They were like tiny green sparkles of hope.

Had he been here recently?

Your head shot up and you looked around for any more signs of life, rummaging through the other houses, the flower beds, the vegetable patches, anything you could think of.

As usual, you didn't find anything, yet you stood, grinning from ear to ear at the thought of not being crazy after all. Maybe they had been coming back and you hadn't noticed!?

You placed all the furniture back and put the roof on top of the house. If he had been coming back, then you had to find him! Just like when you were younger, you were going to play a game of hide and seek, but this time you were serious.

You were going to prove to everyone that you weren't crazy. You were going to prove that fairies are real! Most importantly, you might get to see your old friends again!

That very night you sat, curled up, by the window. The log fire offered a dim glow across the room, you didn’t want the lights to be on, fearing it could dissuade them from coming back. You draped a blanket over your shoulders, watching the mushroom house, your eyes not daring to move away in fear you would miss something.

Your family had tried to talk you out of this, telling you it was unhealthy to be so obsessed over this after you shared your findings over dinner. You still remembered the twisted frowns on their faces, even your mother looked worried for you. You sighed, head dipping down. Maybe they had a point, but after dedicating years to these fairies how could you just give up on them? Especially not now that you had a sign of their existence.

Hours went by, the log fire burning out along your hope, leaving behind nothing but a pile of  blackened ash.

The moon was high into the sky, illuminating your garden. It looked exactly like it used to when you would stay away with the fairies all night. Except now, instead of toys, there were more vegetable patches and flower beds scattering the grass floor. As you looked out at it, ghosted memories flooded back to you. You could almost see your childhood self running around with them again.

You felt your eyes droop. What time was it? You weren't sure, all you could do was battle with your body for the ability to stay awake.

Your head was snug in the crease of your arm, the blanket falling from your shoulder. When the blanket finally fell off and hit your feet, it startled you awake. You gasped, your body jolting up as you slapped yourself awake. How could you almost doze off?! What if you had missed something!? You pulled the blanket back around you and leaned onto the window. The cold glass against your skin made you shiver, but it helped keep you awake.

The moon disappeared above your house, but your garden stayed illuminated by its light. It looked enchanting, like there was a spotlight on your garden and the audience was the universe. Through the beam of light your eyes caught sight of something, you rubbed your eye, wondering if it was just your imagination.

You gasped, diving behind the couch, your eyes the only part of you peeking out behind your cover, like an animal waiting to pounce on its prey. A trail of green dust danced in the wind, enticing you to follow it. You shot up from your seat and walked to the back door, as you pulled it open you prayed it wouldn’t creak too loudly and alert your visitor. You bit your lip, creating a gap just big enough for you to slip out of and walked across the garden, the grass tickling at your bare feet.

Your eyes widened, seeing the lights in the house on, you knelt down. Your legs were shaking so you steadied yourself with your hands. The door was shut, you knew this was your only chance to know the truth, to prove you weren’t crazy, and if it really was him, you could finally get some answers as to why he left. your hands were shaking as you were overcome with emotion, you hesitated to move, what if the answers weren’t going to be what you were looking for. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

You sat there, unmoving, knees tucked under your body and the chill of the night air caressing your skin. You could hear the sounds of pot’s clanking from behind the door. Had you any courage you would have peered in already, but your anxieties were holding you back.

After taking a shaky breath and mentally hyping yourself up, you curled your index finger, it hovered above the doors surface as you pushed against an invisible barrier. You closed your eyes and knocked on the door. Everything went silent. The feeling of wanting to slap yourself grew as the seconds ticked by and not a movement was made. The pit of your stomach churned, it felt like you had been sat there for an eternity.

Much to your delight, the door was pulled open and out poked a familiar face. “Izu..” You breathed out, tears pricking at your eyes. You hand flew up to your mouth as you choked back a sob. He hadn’t changed much, he was bigger now, but still only around the size of your palm. His jade curls fell around his face, sticking up in all directions as if he had just rolled out of bed, his rounded eyes filled with inner conflict. The door wasn’t opened fully but you could still see his wings peeking out from behind him, glowing brighter than ever.. Leaves were sewn together to create clothes on his body. A creative yet uncomfortable way to avoid nudity. His eyes were staring up at you like you were a three headed monster, come to end his life. He was frozen in place.

Your lips parted, words threatened to spill from them. You weren’t sure what to say, you had thought about this moment so many times, about what you would say, and yet your mind was blank. As you wrecked your brain to form a sentence a slam brought you from your thoughts. You blinked, the door was shut before you even got to say anything. It felt like a giant slap to your face. After years of imagining the moment you would see your friends again, this was never an outcome you expected. Your hands slipped from your face, trembling in front of you.

You didn’t understand, didn’t he remember you? You still lived in the same house, your looks hadn't changed that much apart from getting taller and your chubby child features melting away, you were practically the same! Maybe he hated you? Maybe that's why he stayed away from you all these years. Thoughts swirled around your head like a whirlpool, your bottom lip quivered, tears rolling down your face.

No matter how much you were hurting, you were insistent on having a conversation with him. You finally had him back, the least he could do was give you some answers. You lifted your hand to knock again, but before your finger could tap on the wood it opened, revealing a much more bashful looking fairy than before. Instead of his usual green glow, he was now glowing pink. How strange...

“Sorry, I panicked.” He chose to look at his feet instead of your face, he couldn’t see. You let out a dry laugh, you tried to relax now he was in front of you again, but you could barely hold back the sobs. “Do you remember me?”

He nodded, his curls bouncing as he did so. You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. It felt like a dream but you knew it was real. The cold night air on your exposed skin, the sound of his voice as he admitted to panicking; Not even your imagination could be this vivid, he was here, in front of you.

“How could I ever forget you Y/n?” He rubbed his arm, holding himself for comfort. The blanket fell from your shoulders when your body finally relaxed. “You are real.” you breathed, gaze fixed on him.

Your outspoken confirmation had sent yet another slap to your face. You felt like you were being thrown into a frenzy. You swirling thoughts were making you dizzy. They were real, if your family could see him they would finally believe you! All those jokes about you being crazy would be put to an end! You’d be free from ridicule! All you would have to do is take him inside, “I- I have to show you to my family! They think i'm insane! But you’re real! You were all real, and-” You shot up from the ground, stumbling in the process from the erratic movement. “Please! You have to come with me-”

“No!” He panicked and flew up from the stone steps on the mushroom house to be face level with you. It had been so long since you were able to see him up close. “No one can know about us!”

“But-” You wanted to argue but one look in his eyes and you saw how scared he was. You looked down, biting your tongue from saying anything else. His eyes had always reminded you of the forest on a sunny day, peaceful, filled with warmth. So seeing them filled with sorrow had, theoretically, stabbed your heart. “Why did you show yourselves to me then?”

He expected you’d have many questions.. He sighed and slowly fluttered forward so he was closer to your face. It felt like you two were in your own personal bubble, the rest of the world trapped outside of your secret space.

“When we were children, my friends and I found you playing alone in your garden. Our parents never found out about it, we were interested in humans and didn’t see the harm in approaching you. We watched you for weeks, you were always alone but you seemed so nice. We were only going to do it once but, eventually, one day turned into everyday but what we did was stupid and very forbidden by our people. We had to stop before our parents found out if they had, they would have erased your memory using their magic. I didn’t-.. We didn’t want you to forget us.” He corrected, mentally kicking himself for the slip up

You hadn’t caught his slip up, your brain was trying to process the new information. At least you finally had the answers you had been looking for. It finally made sense, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

You sat back down on the grass, pulling your legs to your chest. They felt like jelly, and you didn’t trust them to support the rest of your body right now. Izuku flew down with you, hovering just above your legs. He took the break of silence to study your features. You looked a lot more mature now, as he assumed he did to you. You were both only 10 last time he saw you, now it had been about 6 years, a lot had changed yet you were still just as beautiful as he remembered you to be.

You remained silent, did you really have nothing to say to him? Or perhaps you were mad? The look on your face said otherwise, your features were relaxed yet your eyes seemed so distant. As if you were in another world to his. You weren’t sure how to feel, you had more questions now than ever before.

“Did you make these?” He finally found a way to break the silence, he gracefully glided down to the mushroom houses you had hidden amongst the blooming flowers. It was the perfect height for him, which was surprising. It was a beautifully designed house, he noted all the little details you had, each carved design was a pattern of passion. The fact you placed them into your flower beds made it even more perfect, it kept them surrounded by nature and beauty just like fairies loved to be. He wasn’t sure how you were able to know all of this, but it was the perfect fairy home, he really wished he would stay and live here in your garden. Not only for the beautiful environment you had created for them, but to see you everyday, to play and dance just like you used to do.

Your head lifted, a smile gracing your lips. “Yeah, I made them for you guys in case you ever came back.”

Your words struck him through the heart without the intent. He was facing away, his hand placed onto the frame of the door, caressing the hand carved design. He was guilt ridden, he had been for years but seeing this, how you waited for them to come back, it tore him up inside. He knew he should’ve said something before leaving you, he really tried to. His friends convinced him that he should be the one to deliver the message, you two had always had this unspoken bond as children.

However, when the time came, he couldn’t do it. He was nothing more than a coward. The words wouldn’t come out no matter how hard he tried to force them, like there was an invisible force squeezing at his neck, trapping the words in his throat. He didn’t want his last image of you to be a sad one. He didn’t want to have to fly away to the sounds of your cries. The thought crushed him, so he ran away from it, and now he was stuck regretting it for the rest of his life, he knew he couldn’t make up for what he did to you.“You have to leave again don’t you?”

Your voice ripped him from his thoughts, he dared not turn around. The sorrow in your voice was enough to make him wince. Just like the day he had left without warning, his voice failed him. He could barely manage a nod but you caught it. “For good?” Another nod, his head hung low, shoulder trembling. Suddenly feeling grateful for being sat down you hunched over. Your hair covering your eyes as you breathed out. Perhaps you would’ve been better off if this was a dream after all.

Another silence hung between you two, it was painful. The air felt heavy, a pressure weighing down on both of your shoulders that had built up over the last six years. Izuku shook his head, he couldn’t let things end like this. He couldn’t do it to you again. He may not be able to stay but there was something else he could do.

Tear’s silently escaped your eyes, falling onto the grass floor beneath you like sorrowful raindrops. You kept your eyes and mouth shut tight, you didn’t want him to see you crying before he left, but how could you not be upset by such a cruel fate? He had always taken up such a big part of your heart, and now he was telling you he was going to leave and you’d most likely never see each other again.

A pair of smaller hands cupped your cheeks, lifting your face up. Your tears soaked his hands but he didn’t mind. He smiled, rubbing at the wet trails on your cheeks with his forearm. Without a word between you, he flew down and grabbed one of your hands with both of his. He tugged at it and you stood up, allowing him to silently guide you.  He took you out of your back garden and into the forest that resided on the other side of your fence. The thought of going into a forest at night scared you, even with a trusted friend guiding you. The further you strayed from home the darker it got, trees obstructing the moon's light as you stepped into the forest. Izuku's green glow acted as a torch, keeping you safe from darkness.

After 5 minutes of walking in silence, your lips pulled into a frown, “Where are we going?” You finally asked with a bit of hesitance, one of his hands held onto your index finger, pulling you through the maze of trees with expertise. You stumbled and winced as stones and twigs poked at your bare feet like tiny needles. You had to rely on the glowing of your friend and what little of the moon's rays peaked through the trees to light your surroundings.

He didn’t reply to your question, but he didn’t need to. He guided you around a giant oak tree, and once you did your jaw dropped.

Fireflies danced around the open space between the trees, gathering together to create a soft golden glow in the cloud of darkness, like a million little lanterns floating in the sky. Flowers and vines decorated the trees wrapping around like snakes. There were no more stones and twigs for you to worry about as your feet hit the grass. It felt like a soft blanket under your sore feet. It was a grassy stage, the moon hit down on the open area like a spotlight, much like it had back in your garden. There were no overhanging branches that blocked it's path with shadows. It was enchanting, like something right out of a fairy tale.

Subconsciously you stepped forward into the light, your breath knocked out of you. You were so entranced by what you were seeing that you didn’t get to see the way Izuku was staring at you. It was something that you would never be able to see again. The way his lips curled up, eyes sparkling with fondness for you. The moon's light hit you perfectly, giving you a white glow, like an angel. Maybe you were an angel in disguise, he wouldn’t be surprised.

“It’s… amazing.” That was an understatement, but how were you supposed to put this into words? It was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. He smiled and flew in front of you so he could take in your expression, your lips were parted and slightly curled at the edges. He could see the reflection of dancing fireflies in your doe eyes.

He couldn’t care less about the fireflies behind him. In his eyes, you were way more breathtaking, and to see your smile again after so many years, it made his heart melt.

"There's something else." He brushed past you, making you  finally snap from your trance. He flew over to a particularly large tree, there was a small circular hole in it, showing its hollowed out insides. He disappeared into, and when he came back he carried a vial with a strange blue liquid inside. "I was saving it for something special and I suppose there's nothing more special than being here, with you, right now." He pulled the cork out and drank the strange liquid.

You watched silently as a blue light circled around him soon engulfing him in a blinding light. You turned your head away and closed your away in fear of being permanently blinded. You didn’t know when it would be safe to turn back, so you waited until a hand cupped your face.

A much... larger hand. You opened your eyes, gasping when you saw your fairy was human sized, he was just a touch taller than you. The increase in his size made his features more prominent, you could finally see how handsome he really was. You could admire his freckles, the way his hair brushes against the top of his eyes, you even got a closer look at this leaf clothing. They were skilfully stitched to fit his body, you wondered if he did it himself.

He smiled, watching you lean into his hand, nuzzling into his hold.. "Care to dance?" He asked softly, the pad of his thumb brushing over your cheek. Such a simple action, yet it held so much love, you felt breathless. Your heart was beating too fast for your lungs to keep up with.

You nodded and stepped forward. His hands placed themselves on your waist as your hands went up to his shoulders. His hands trembled, his touch feather-like, as if he was scared to break you.

The lack of music didn't bother either of you, with the orange glow of the fireflies, the moon's lights shining down on you, and the blissful sounds of nature, it was perfect the way it was. You followed his lead as you swayed back and forth together, this offer to dance had been nothing more than an excuse to hold you close one last time. It didn't matter that neither of you knew how to slow dance, or that you were in your nightgown, barefooted. You were in each other's arms and that was all that mattered.

Before he knew it, your head was resting against his shoulder, a melodic light humming filled his left ear. It sent shivers down his spine, his wings fluttering behind him as you hummed a secret song. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against yours, your hair tickled his nose as he tried to memorise your scent. He wanted this moment to be engraved into his brain forever.

You slow danced for so long, he had lost track of time. Neither of you were willing to let go, it was too hard to do this again. Everything felt so perfect, so tranquil. like you were the only two people in the world.

He finally got the willpower to peek his eye open, the sun's rays peeking over the horizon and disturbing the moon's glow. The stars, that were witness to your dance, were disappearing from the sky. It was time to go, yet you were blissfully unaware of this as you continued to hum into his ear. You hadn’t opened your eyes a single time since you’ve been in his arms, you were too scared to open them and have to face reality.

With every ounce of strength he had in his body his hands trailed up to your shoulders, memorising the feeling of your skin, he hesitantly pushed you away. He held you at arm length, your eyes opening and staring into his.

You looked scared.

He smiled at you, moving forward to rest his forehead against yours. "Close your eyes." He whispered, and without hesitation your eyes fluttered close. Your hand gripped onto his, as a way to make sure he wasn't going to disappear.

He released a shaky breath as he took your hand into both of his. Cupping it protectively. After a few seconds of nothing but shuffling, you felt something being placed into your palm. It was thin and light, you almost peaked an eye open but one hand came up to cover your eyes.

You patiently stood there, not daring to question what he was up to. A few seconds went by before you felt a feather-like kiss being placed onto your lips. You sharply inhaled through your nose. His kiss lingered for a long time, silently telling you he loved you. His hand squeezed yours when you kissed back, eagerly leaning into the affection. Lips moulded together, with no haste to pull away anytime soon.

When his lips reluctantly left yours, the hand covering your eyes didn't move. You smiled, your heart racing at the sweet gesture. His hand fell away, but your eyes remained closed, you felt another kiss be placed on top of your head, his nose bumping against your skin.

“I love you.” He whispered, a quiet confession confined to your shared bubble.

He pulled away, his hand releasing yours. You waited for him to do something else, to tell you to open your eyes now, but there was nothing…You figured he was done and so you opened your eyes. You gasped for breath, placing a hand over your heart. It felt like a knife had stabbed through your chest.

He was gone.

The fireflies had disappeared, the moon had disappeared, and so had your beloved fairy. The only sign that he had really been here was the lingering feeling of his lips on yours, they tingled with leftover electricity.  

Looking down to the gift he had left you, you found a flower, a forget-me-not to be exact.

You swallowed, eyes stinging as pools of tears gathered in the corners. You used your fingers to gently caress the petals. It figures that he would choose to leave you with this of all flowers.

You held it close to your chest, staring up at the newly lit sky, the sun cast orange hues over the forest, it was beautiful, but you couldn’t admire it, too bitter at the star for ruining your night. You wanted to see the moon again, to dance under the stars for hours more,

"As if I could forget you." You let out a breathy laugh, closing your eyes so you could pretend it was still night. "I love you too."