#(bc as school special as it sounds i feel weird running a blog for a gacha game and not offering resources to help)

[infinitynikki-unofficial-updates]

The team (I) will organize the tags tomorrow, as well as fix any vague wording or possibly add more information, we are currently experiencing technical difficulties (I am genuinely falling asleep as I type this and need to pass out before my body decides for me). We (I) will see you tomorrow!!

[painted-crow]

What does a rapid fire Bird Secondary look like ?

Me!

I've talked about this a bit before, but I don’t like detailed plans, like step by step "here's what I'm gonna do." There are circumstances when I'll plan, but rather limited ones:

For fun. Maybe I'm interested in something but can't do the actual activity, so I plan it out instead. This plan might serve as a reference later, but I'm just as likely to discard it because I don't feel like using it or I have a better idea.

As a crutch. If I'm really inertia-struck with anxiety or executive dysfunction, making a plan or even just a list can be a hack to get out of it, but again, I'm likely to abandon it halfway through if I start feeling better.

"Formal" experimentation. I don't do this a whole lot, and usually I do this kind of thing in my head... but sometimes you gotta actually think the details through and write them down in advance.

But it's not how I like to work. To me, plans feel brittle and restrictive and usually boring. I lean towards other tactics:

Clever repurposing of something I learned/collected, or of resources that happen to be around me

Use of a tool I picked up thinking "this'll be handy at some point"

Bringing up weird knowledge I acquired At Some Point, possibly by accident, for fun, or while working on something else

Bringing up general skills I learned on purpose

Learning skills on the fly because the situation needs them; I prefer to know what I'm doing better than this, but reasonably speedy autodidacticism is one of my most prized skills and it's not a bad fallback.

(El Goonish Shive)

"Moooom! Paint is identifying with a mad scientist character again!"

Basically, I pull from my collection of existing skills, tools, knowledge, and current available resources to craft a solution on the fly, after getting close enough to the situation to get a good look at the problem.

This makes me feel very clever, it works really well, and I love doing it. Favorite way to do stuff, hands down.

Trouble can be, if people don't recognize how much prep work goes into these "instant" solutions, they're inclined not to believe they're real and will actually work. And I don't like pulling the "actually I studied this for six months" card because it feels like bragging :/ plus, for all the different things I can say that about, it stops sounding believable.

Truth is, I have almost no attention span for television (I'm aware this is weird but don't have an explanation for it), I hyperfocus easily, and I choose hobbies with lots of moving parts.

Like aquascaping. Do you know how many different bottles of chemicals you need to get the water chemistry right so the aquatic plants will grow? For me it was five, but a lot of people I knew online had waaay more (and fancy CO2 systems) because they kept demanding plants. If you kept the right balance of fish and plants, you ended up with this little ecosystem in a box. Like a tiny slice of a river! I was pretty good at it.

I still don't know how I got from "let's try making California rolls" to "afraid to run out of good mirin," but somehow I ended up really into cooking Japanese food and it's a permanent influence on my pantry and basically anything I cook now.

I do know how I ended up with so many oil painting mediums and solvents and so many paint colors that I have to have a list on my phone now to keep track of which ones I have in stock, though. Also did you know that acrylic paints also have mediums you can add and they make using acrylics SO MUCH EASIER? because I do and it seems like nobody else does and that's sad.

I also binge read nonfiction, especially when I'm depressed. It gives me something to focus on and feels vaguely productive even when I don't have the energy to do more.

Does this all sound like a lot of work? It's really just some of the stuff I do for kicks. We haven't touched on the novels I've written, the coding languages I know, the gardens I've kept, the professional design software on my computer (which I built myself from parts), the knitting and the baking and the graphic design and the candle making and the martial arts and the French language stuff from back in high school that I still kinda remember.

OH and then you have the weird stuff I carry around. *empties purse* here we have a multitool, lockpicks, a can of WD-40, some yarn or string, bandaids, a styptic pen, hand sanitizer, hairbands, screws I don't want to lose bc they belong to my couch, glasses cleaning wipes, a metal pen with a point that can break a car window, a bunch of fast food napkins, mini bottles of ibuprofen and acetaminophen, earbuds, comb, random lanyard, and four mini rubber ducks; all of these make sense to me don't ask why my purse is heavy

Plus all the ebooks loaded onto my phone, which I carry everywhere! And I have even more in my Humble Bundle library.

I list all these off to make a point: Birds' resource libraries can be HUGE. I don't know where mine exists on the hugeness spectrum, but I'm only 23, and older Birds' libraries are probably even bigger.

So yeah, as odd and niche as my interests can be, I have a LOT of them, and I can just go into situations without a plan because between all the skills I've learned and the books I've read and reread and the resources I carry everywhere and the hoard of supplies at home and the Bird masks and the Badger mirroring and THEN the ability to learn what I need on the fly if all else fails--

I don't need a plan.

I don't want a plan.

I'm more powerful without it.

I can react and pull from anything I've ever done or used or read. I can build things on the fly. Doesn't matter if I need to help cater an event or build a website or just prop open a heavy door--I'll have something relevant, or I'll figure it out.

There are situations where I won't be as capable, of course. For example, I know very little about cars, or writing music, or roller skating, or amino acid protein chains. But that's okay, because there are other people who specialize in those things, and I'll almost certainly come out of the situation having learned something and added to my library.

(Except the roller skating thing. I'm kind of phobic about skating of any kind. Cool when other people do it, but I get *eurgh* sliding in socks on linoleum.)

How do I end this... oh!

The fancy word for the act of making up a solution to a problem on the spot, using whatever materials and resources you have on hand, is bricolage, and one who practices it is a bricoleur. I learned that from a LiveJournal blog about writing that I used to read when I was 12, and I still remember it for some reason, which is very on brand of me.

[kaisooficrec]

Hey! Thank you so much for this blog, I love it a lot. I wanted to know if there's any new pining kaisoo out there? Also any new teachers au?

Hii~ thank you so much for supporting our blog, we love YOU!! pining is always a win and we all love it! here’s what I got for you today, hope you enjoy and don’t forget to leave kudos&comments to the authors!

A Different Morning - this is everything!! college au, friends to lovers au, jongin is a vlogger and ksoo is his bff, he has been pining for the other for so long, and one day, he starts to think his wish might come true

Push the Pedal Down - kaisoo are in a boarding school and decide to run away for a weekend. they have been pining for each other basically ever since they met. ksoo is kind of a bad boy, but not really? i love this fic too much for my own good, seriously.

there are no wrong mistakes - love love love!!! college au w nerdy and introvert ksoo, he rooms w sehun who’s best friend is ofc nini! kaisoo like each other but oh boy it takes a while for the message to get through

kiss me once, kiss me twice (kiss me once again) - fashion industry au! kaisoo are childhood best friends and ksoo likes to wear dresses and skirts ever since he’s young, and jongin supports him w his hobby. they’re separated when they get older bc jongin leaves abroad and creates a fashion brand, but their fates will get intertwined again when nini returns to korea~

Wailing Roses - ksoo is a vampire (and has braces!!!) who jongin has had a crush on for years, and he’s not very approachable, but jongin is persistent

you look like a movie, you sound like a song - to all the boys i’ve loved before au!! with the author’s special touch :’) rly cute fic

Puppy Love - the cutest vet fic!! but also the sexiest!! ksoo is the vet and nini always volunteers at the shelter ksoo works at (partly bc he has a crush on him), while he’s a bartender at night. one night ksoo goes to the strip club jongin works in aaaaand, sexy times.

Love From Last Night - damn this fic is so good! nini is an actor and ksoo owns a bookstore, they meet in a club have a one night stand, however nini goes in ksoo’s bookstore a few days later and they recognize each other~

Birthday Roulette - it’s jongin’s bday and he tricked the roulette to make sure he gets to make out w ksoo hehe

from here to beyond - space au! ksoo are best buddies but like each other, some action thrown in there too! 

You times infinite - college + vampires au, ksoo dies and turns into a vampire and he tries to deal with his new self as well as his crush on jongin

Signal Lost (& Found) - i love soulmates au so much ugh,, nini thinks he’s found his soulmate but has a crush on the cute barista and doesn’t know what to do, until he finds out the TRUTH

What We Find - my HEART, HURTS. another soulmates au, they find each other soon enough but one of them doesn’t want anything to do with the other, but life continues to go on and even though they really don’t want to, they can’t help but gravitate around each other

Flawless - ongoing, ksoo is a crossdresser and gets harsh criticism from people around him for it, jongin is an aspiring journalist who wants to interview ksoo because he finds him interesting, things don’t go as planned

In the Middle, Between Right and Left - (ongoing) slice of life + teachers au, kaisoo have an unresolved past together, they meet years after leaving each other behind as colleagues in a new town

just like picket fences - college au + wolf au, childhood best friends and now roommies, jongin doesn’t realize he likes ksoo until he starts getting jealous

Criminally Romantic - college au, jongin is a dancer and ksoo’s #1 fanboy. ksoo writes crime novels

Supposedly Not a Love Story - ceo + arranged marriage au, ceo!nini asks his secretary ksoo to marry him to get rid of his girlfriend and ksoo says yes to satisfy his crush on his boss

within the flowers of a garden - royalty au, ksoo visits his cousin’s kingdom and meets a beautiful dancer that he instantly likes, and longs after him even after he returns to his own kingdom

100 Kisses - oblivious idiots uwu. jongin is jealous that ksoo has to practice kissing for the kiss scene in his upcoming drama

game of love - jenkai au, ksoo likes jongin but he loves someone else, and made his choice 

Continuity Doesn’t Exist - my favvv! vampire & monsters au, ksoo is the only human between five monsters and sometimes life is hard, especially when you’re in love with your best friend who turned into a vampire not too long ago

Forfiet - set in the 2000s, they get stuck in a supermarket and feelings get revealed

A Slice of Summer Love - college au + pizza delivery guy au! ksoo delivers pizza and is jongin’s favorite delivery boy :) which is not good for his wallet

high tides - korean war au, enemies to friends to lovers, they meet during the war n fall in love, but it’s not that easy

Without Measure - kaibaeksoo n wolf au, kaisoo are best friends but have a messy history, and baekhyun just wants both of them to be happy again (with him too)

Jongin Has A Tattoo - they were married but got into an accident, and jongin just wants his husband to remember him

The Knot Box® - im in love with this fic, literally. wolf au w a/b/o dynamics, they’re mates but meet when jongin is fairly young and don’t realize their connection, but when jongin does, he longs for the only alpha who treats him right

Take My Virgin Sacrifice - incubus au, kyungsoo gets summoned by people playing with the ouija board n forms a weird obsession with jongin

Cafe Eau Laid - cafe au + wolf au! nini is a barista who has a crush on this cute omega who comes in often but assumes that he has a boyfriend

Close To Home - jongin is on a quest to find the most pleasing dick in the universe w his best friend kyungsoo always by his side on his journey. the mutual pining is rEAL (also they’re soulmates)

unpredictable - so cute ;; they like each other but won’t confess and keep complaining that they’d like a boyfriend to give the other hints

Amidst Antenuptials and Elevator Kisses - legendary!!! arranged marriage au, but amidst the small fights, they want each other

Older pining requests can be found here! 

- Admin Macaroon

[wannawrite]

Taiwan’s Treasure

• who?: Wanna One's Lai Guanlin • genre: 🌸 • type: bullet point

• flower boy! AU

• there’s this really cute Taiwanese flower boy who keeps changing his flower crown every few days

the 'our two lips' flower boys LDH PJH PWJ KJH IYM blog navigator. second last instalment for this month and I hope you guys enjoyed this series!! Thank you!! also, trying to gender neutralise my works a bit more but i'm sorry if i make mistakes!! - Admin L

• you have lived in the same neighbourhood for as long as you could remember so you recognise everyone • when a moving truck stops to the empty house next to your own - the previous neighbours immigrated - you're mildly excited for new people • since all your neighbours are nice senior couples and good-hearted grandmothers who feed you and your brother really often bc you two are the only teenagers in this place • your brother is still a young child must protect • anyway, you have school the day they're moving in and you don't get a chance to spy them out 

• your chauffeur - Jisung, who is pretty much an annoying older brother to you but you love him - comes to pick you and your brother from school • just as your car approaches, you spy a young woman getting out of the car, beaming • she's very well-dressed #lairich and pretty • there seems to be someone else still sitting in the car they arrived in but you can't exactly make out who it is • your car is parked in the driveway and the gates are closing before you know it • "wow, it's interesting to have new neighbours again...." your younger brother pipes up • agreed • you don't see your neighbours for a good two days • until one day, you're walking back from school by yourself • since your brother got sick during school hours and was rushed to the hospital where your dad was • you hear sounds of a basketball even through your loud music • it must be your new neighbour • the house seems deserted and even the cars are out • might as well go and introduce myself • there's a teenage boy playing basketball by himself in a big ass driveway, his main gate is ajar so you slip in • "hello!" • he is stunned and nearly drops the basketball, he fumbles to collect it for a while • you take that time to observe him • d a m n • a visual • "um...hi" he replies shyly before clearing his throat, "Sorry, my Korean isn't good." • uh no way you genuinely thought he was a native speaker from those words • but since you're nice you try to speak simple, basic words • "oh! welcome to the neighbourhood! where are you from? my name is Y/N, I live next door." then you blush because you realise you just bombarded him with a ton of words • "i'm sorry!" you apologise, blushing • he laughs it off, "i-it's fine. i'm from Taiwan and m-my name is Guanlin" • perks of attending C9 International Academy, you know a tad bit of Chinese and you manage to communicate with him a little • unfortunately, that's the only time you have a proper conversation with him • the rest of the time, you're leaving for school just as he wakes up and you come back while he's still at Cube International Private • guanrich • you see him venturing out early in the mornings when you are doing your morning stretches • secretly, you're spying on him from his room window • two of you never get a chance to talk • the time his family invited yours over for dinner, you had prefect camp in school and had to miss out • your friends wouldn't stop joking about your bummed out face for the entire two days • "ahh, Y/N is mad because she missed out on the chance to meet a rich, handsome, foreign cutie!" • "don't joke so much Cheng Xiao, here, a lot of the students are rich, pretty and foreign too" • your best friend clicked her tongue while smirking, "oh, he's different" • it's safe to say that camp was the least enjoyable • to make matters worse, all your brother did was rave about 'Guanlin ge' • confused, you asked him why he didn't call Guanlin 'hyung' • "he told me we're close enough to call him brother in his mother language!" • ge, 哥, is older brother in Chinese • apparently, Guanlin played basketball with him late into the night and even managed to convince your strict parents to allow him to stay up late • they both played into the night under the watchful eye of Jisung who wasn't sure if he was a chauffeur or your servant • he loved you guys like siblings though • ANYWAY • Guanlin seemed to be running off early in the mornings as soon as the summer started and you weren't sure why • in the evenings, he came home looking flustered and exhausted • you found out the reason for his weird schedule a few days later • when your friends invited you to head out cafe hopping • the first stop: our two lips • an aegyo a day keeps the doctor away • but if it's too much you might need to see the doctor • Park Jihoon needs a surgeon ASAP • but another reason you decided to go there is because your cousin, Bae Jinyoung got hired to be a flower boy and you want to collect pictorial evidence of him to make memes out of and embarrass the hell out of him at the next family gathering • you're texting your friends and Xiyeon and Cheng Xiao tell you they're going to be late and for you to go ahead • shock is written all over your face when a familiar, handsome neighbour greets you • "y/n...." your name tumbles from his velvety lips in a raspy tone, as if he can't believe you're standing there either • your mouth forms a small 'o' and you two are standing there just gazing at each other for a while • he is mesmerising • Guanlin clears his throat and awkwardly offers to show you to a table • god that was so rude of me • you fiddle with your Kate Spade cross body along the way, feeling mildly self-conscious • he's so nervous he messes up his Korean and has to repeat his sentence three times • he has gotten a lot better though! • you feel super proud • "your skill is improving! that's good! you must have worked hard, what a genius!" you praised, awed by his smartness • Guanlin smiles bashfully as his face grows hot. he rubs the back of his neck in shame. "Ahh, no. I didn't even sign up for this job willingly. Seonho tricked me into thinking it was a cupcake eating competition" • you burst out laughing until your stomach hurt from all the giggles • "aww! next time, you can ask me if you need help with anything." • he nodded and dutifully took your order before whizzing off • Guanlin is the one who works hard but also plays hard while on the job. he is also the kind who brightens his hyung's bad days and sometimes falls victim to their pranks • the next time Guanlin visits your table to drop off your tea, you notice his flower crown is different from the rest of the boys • again, his face goes red and you nearly squeal at how adorable he looks • "ohh, these are plum blossoms, the national flowers of Taiwan. Uh, my mum felt like being extra and I guess my aunt almost went overboard," he said, revealing the whole story • you beamed, adoring the cute story. "it's unique and cute, just like you!" you blurted out • "whoops! sorry, I didn't mean too!" • Lin Lin goes even redder and clamps his mouth shut • instead, he plucks his own flower crown off and settles it on your head before smiling and walking off • FREAKING OUT • you can't remember what it felt like to have a normally paced heartbeat anymore • brhidhsksjdn • his flower crown is definitely the prettiest and it's made out of real flowers! • damn someone give his aunt a raise pls • Cheng Xiao and Xiyeon waltz in • they were secretly watching the exchange between you and your crush from across the road through the lens of binoculars • how supportive • Xiyeon can't stop smirking at your blushing cheeks • "hey, stop that," you whine, covering your face • when Cheng Xiao's latte arrives, her latte art is a super cute writing of sheep [ go support Yixing ] in Korean • with a bit of listening in to the fellow flower boys, it's Guanlin's way of revising his Korean writing • it's the cutest latte art you've seen • also, it reflects his hard-working personality and willingness to learn • "oooh, I really wonder whose flower crown this is...." Xiyeon muses, sipping her tea • your blush worsens and you slump in silence, almost in defeat • "okay, okay. I like him? So what?" you burst out, but only loud enough for your friends to hear • at least you thought so.... • across the room, a particular Taiwanese boy is struggling to keep his cool • Y/N likes someone else, just accept that! • it's probably that Bae Jinyoung • you don't know but Guanlin has a crush on you • ever since you introduced yourself whilst he was playing basketball • he saw you a couple times at friendly basketball matches against C9 • you were always hanging around the captain of your team, Bae Jinyoung so Guanlin assumed he was your boyfriend • but Baejin is your COUSIN • pls don't date your cousins guys it's illegal • his mood is definitely dampened after he hears your confession, his heart has sunk to the bottom of the ocean • of course not, why would Y/N like a foreigner? We can't even communicate properly! • Guanlin was trying his best to be attentive in Korean class so that he could hold a proper conversation with you someday • the G in Guanlin is for genius • much to your dismay, Guanlin didn't try to talk to you anymore but you figured he just got shy around your friends • he has no reason to be shy around his neighbour • 'Neighbour' is all I would ever be...... • eventually, you leave but not without returning his special flower crown, fixing it securely on his head and complimenting it once more, which causes him to blush furiously • sigh...that's the last glance of flower boy Guanlin you get • until....... • a couple of days later, you're exiting your gate, out on your mid-morning run when Guanlin's mother calls your name from her front door • you greet her with a huge smile, winning her heart over completely • Gosh, I hope Guanlin stops crying over Y/N and talks to them instead, they're so sweet • "Y/N darling, if it isn't too much trouble, could you drop by Guanlin's work and give this to him on my behalf? You are a sweetheart." • you can't exactly say no to your nice neighbour future mother-in-law • Mrs Lai feeds you and your brother all the time ??? She sends Taiwanese snacks all the time and your heart just melts • especially when she mentions her children helped her to make them • baking with Guanlin • NEXT • so, tentatively, you find yourself stepping into the cafe again. clad in your workout attire and all • Nike sponsored your outfit so you look chic and hot asf • 😍😍😍 • Guanlin when he saw you ^ • then he remembers Baejin and he's like 'oh' then sighs, 'i can't flirt with someone who is taken. that is just rude' • he watches from behind the counter as you talk to Ong Seongwoo, casually admiring how pretty you look • like literally, who can look that good after exercising? your skin is glowing, your eyes are happy, there's some sort of sun-kissed gleam about you that lights up his entire face • "hey, Lin Lin!" Ong yells "y/n is here for you!" • Ha Sungwoon, who is ushering the last few customers out before they close for a lunch break, does a 360 spin when he hears the telltale clatter of a metal tiffin • Guanlin takes the tiffin from you, mumbling a 'thank you' • his fingers brush against yours and sparks shoot through his entire body, making his eyes widen and he nearly loses grip on the entire thing • please don't waste food • "Jinyoung!" you beam, running over to hug your cousin affectionately but not before making sure Guanlin made it safely to their break room with the food • Guanlin's emotions are conflicted. he is confused why you act so nice to him when you already have a boyfriend. yes, there is such a thing as being friends but he can't handle his feelings for you. he lets out a frustrated groan just as you and Baejin enter the break room • "y/n, did you eat? you should join us for lunch," Park Jihoon pipes up, looking hopefully at you with his doe-like eyes. • before you can nod, Ong stands up and announces there's a shortage of chairs so there's a scramble to find one for you • whoosh! suddenly you and Guanlin are left alone • today, he has some sort of rose pinned to his shirt pocket in place of his flower crown • "it's very pretty, just like you," you babble out without thinking. um deja vu much? you might as well just throw caution to the wind and straight out flirt with him now • outside, your cousin is struggling to hold in his laughter while recording blackmail • Guanlin just shrugs, pretending to busy himself with unloading the tiffin tiers while he tries to suppress his rising emotions • where are my hyungs? • "oh my gosh! this smells amazing! what is it? your mother must be a great cook," you praise, but restrain yourself from digging in without the others • "it's traditional Taiwanese food. my mum makes only the best," Guanlin says proudly • "i should try to learn some from your mum. that way, we can make it whenever you come over!" • "......" Guanlin is speechless and the image of you cooking and learning how to make his traditional mother land dishes makes him soft!!! • "i mean, with your sister! and, and your parents, of course!" you continue • there's an awkward pause before you start talking again, "has anyone requested for you to feed them as fanservice?" • Guanlin cringes and shakes his head. "thank God but Woojin hyung did get asked once and I think I still have a video of it on my phone." • Woojin's shame and annoyance is pretty much radiating off him right now • with a burst! of confidence, you scoop up a spoonful of rice and lets it hover near your lips • "would you like me to feed you?" • EW NO I AM SO CRINGEY PLS LET ME LIVE I AM SORRY I AM SO SORRY SWEETIE • Lin Lin is so stunned his mouth drops open and heat creeps up the back of his neck. he doesn't know how to tell you that your action reminds him of the wedding tradition where the bride has to prepare glutinous rice balls for the groom • okay Guan we get that you have a crush on y/n but maRRIAGE IS TOO SOON STOP YOU ARE A CHILD IM YELLING • maybe it's a thing you do to your friends all the time but to Lin Lin, he's only ever been fed by his family or really close friends... never his CRUSH • he isn't going to complain about being fed though we all know he loves food • fksodhjds his feelings are all over the place now • "why do you act like this when you already have a boyfriend?" • um what? run that by me again? • Guanlin spends excessive time on chewing so as to avoid answering your questions • "oh...you know, Bae Jinyoung? The captain of C9's basketball team? Also the guy you were hugging two seconds ago?" he retorts, face falling in realisation that you probably had to admit and confirm your relationship • contrary to his expectation, you burst out laughing and so does Baejin and Jaehwan • "guANLIN! BAEJIN IS MY COUSIN!" • flsjskdjsksdj he has never gone so red in his entire life • only you have that effect on him ;) • "s-so...you're single?" guanlin stammers out ruefully • boldly, you press a quick kiss to his cheek • "yes, very" • "c-can...w-will you go o-out" • someone save him he's switching between English, Chinese and Korean in one sentence • "yes." • relief just washes over his face and his hyungs burst back into the room • "wow! it took us fifteen minutes to find one chair! this place has terrible storage!" • you turn to Guanlin and poke his cheek gently • "yah, wipe that smug smile off your face. if you were a flower, you would be white calla lily" • he quirks an eyebrow, "innocence and purity?" • cue hyungs cackling • "yeah! your next flower crown should be made out of those!" • the next week, he comes to work with one commissioned by his aunt • but he refuses to leave for work until he has stopped by your place to give you a matching one • you get his aunt's phone number and surprises him with a flower crown of butterly orchids - another flower native to Taiwan • he straight up faints out of happiness and collects the flower crowns you make instead of utilising them • his precious • "y/n, you're really feeding my flower boy reputation" ( deja vu ) • Guanlin gifts you Dior's Miss Dior - Blooming Bouquet out of nowhere bc he can and he wants to show his appreciation and kinda feels bad you spent not your money but your time slaving over learning to cook and make flower crowns • then again....guanrich but not everything is about money • at the end of it all, he's still the same flower boy Lin Lin

[donghun-s]

the very large sp3arb tag

so @sp3arb has tagged me in a total four tags recently and i’m finally getting around to all of them!! tysm for all the tags, meri (btw i love your name?? i think its super cute!) and i hope you learn a bunch of unnecessary stuff abt me lmao (under the cut bc this is a long ass post)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

im not tagging anyone bc im bad at things and most ppl i wanna know about, meri has already tagged so

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority  - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie  - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages [i don’t speak two, i speak one and sign in another] - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by Roxanne ( is it ok if I call you Roxy? I like Roxy) Actually @lxx-fxlix  And for some reason it did not give me the notification you did, I was casually stalking your blog when I saw:

A: age? 16 (01 liner)

B: birthplace? North Carolina

C: current time? 7:53 pm

D: drink you had last? Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade)

E: easiest person to talk to? for me, it’s my irl best friend gwen and my best friend on here, krys

F: favorite song? oof i’m super indecisive so i’m just gonna commit to mayday by got7 (it always changes but mayday has stayed on my constantly rotating playlist for nearly six months now; most are on for six weeks, max)

G: grossest memory? uh probably when one of my swim lesson kids tried to eat a bug (they were like four) and i had to make them spit it out into my hands 

H: hogwarts house? proud slytherin!!

I: in love? i love a lot of people, but i’m not IN love

J: jealous of people? not anymore, my self-esteem has gotten so much better in past years

K: killed someone? uhm a couple of times in fics (*cough* jinjin in not like this *cough*)

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? not love but pls walk by again bc i’m probably enjoying your aesthetics

M: middle name? christine

N: number of siblings? one, an older sister

O: one wish? to adopt a kid with no family or an unhealthy one (obvs when  older and financially stable)

P: person you called last? my sister called me yesterday morning, and before that i had called my friend to tell him abt a near death experience when i was driving

R: reasons to smile? something good will happen to you, you’ll meet someone wonderful, and there’s always new experiences to happen

S: song you sang last? poet by bastille (an underrated fave)

T: time you woke up? about 8 am

U: underwear color? light heathered grey

V: vacation destination? i’d love to go to greece someday! santorini would be my first choice, and then my great-grandparents old village near thessaloniki

W: worst habit? probs my dermatillia (picking at acne on my face until it bleeds, then picking at the scabs, leaving a bunch of scars that will never go away)

X: x-rays? i got one on my tailbone one time, two years after i sprained it bc my mom didn’t believe me

Y: your favorite food? uhhh most anything tbh; i quite like the honey butter chicken sandwich from pdq

Z: zodiac sign? libra

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!  

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

orange!! and after that, any kinds of pastel or muted darks

2) Favourite song at the moment:

lotto by exo has been on replay in my head, my car, and my earbuds

3) Last book you read:

the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

4) Last TV show you watched:

i tried to watch part-time idol bc hyunbin from jbj was in it, but within the first 15 minutes they set up an unnecessary relationship so i had to nope out of there real hard; i then reverted back to rewatching white collar for the fifth time

5) Last movie you watched:

does john mulaney’s nerflix comedy special comeback kid count?? if not, probably nightmare before christmas way back around christmastime

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

four dogs: pheonix, kino, midge, and bess; three horses: little man, gem, and andy (ironically i’m allergic to dogs and horses, and my dad keeps buying more)

7) If you have siblings how many?:

one, my older sister

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

i love doing my swim lessons and seeing all my kids!! i haven’t been able to lately bc of the weather, 

9) Best tumblr friends:

i only talk to @cheesyramynry on a daily basis, but i have a lot of blogs that i consider friendly acquaintances or casual friends as well!!

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

i value my compassion and empathy above all else; i am very much the mom friend and love to be it

11) Favourite memory:

ah i have so many; i think rn i’m gonna go with this past christmas, bc it was my last one with my grandfather

12) 3 weird habits:

swallowing gum, taking all my pills in descending size order, i tend to mimic how a singer sounds when i sing along to the song (ex: if they have a british accent, i’ll subconsciously sing in a british accent; if they stress certain syllables in certain ways, i’ll do it too)

13) What would you call your style?:

comfortable (stretchy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies) and with a few signature Gay Things (jean jacket, flannels, oversized mens’ button ups, a couple gay/bi pride shirts)

14) Odd talent:

if i have lyrics in front of me to a song i’ve never heard before, i can predict the pattern of the tunes and rhythm and sing along the first time

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

literally all of aroha and all of the sk fandom (y’all are the loveliest fandoms i’ve ever been a part of)

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions!  Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

i saw a thread of information abt the suspected nine members before they were officially announced and was like ‘yes i must stan them and love them with all of my heart.’ so uh,,,,, back in august or september??

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? uhm, i’m gonna expose myself rn and let y’all know that i’ve never actually seen a full episode of the show; as soon as i heard it was gonna be a survival show, i knew that i couldn’t watch it bc my heart was too weak and i was emotionally incapable of becoming too invested while watching it; but from clips, i quite like the episode with the 3:3:3 mission, and also the last episode when all nine were reunited and told they were going to debut together

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

my initial one was chan, and they i got rlly confused, and then slowly came to realize that it was jeongin (anything else after that is a fucking mess)

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

literally kill me all of them bias wreck me so hard bUT hyunjin, jisung, seungmin, and chan have been wrecking me so hard in particular lately

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? uHHH not dance line bc swimmers have 0 coordination on land; i quite like singing even tho i’m not good at, so probably that, but i can also hit all of chan’s english rap parts in 3racha songs, and keep up with lafayette’s raps in hamilton, and a lot of the english rappers i like too so uh,,, sign me up for rap line too

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids? hellevator

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? i think it was either hoodie season or runner’s high

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

young wings or school life or yayaya (or grr or 4419 or glow or hellevator)

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

i love their current optimistic and slightly rebellious teenager concept rn bc its an Eternal Mood; but i always love myself a soft boyfriend concept 

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

how proud of them i am, and how proud of themselves they should be; i would tell them about how they’re saying things that resonate deeply for their fans and i love that they’re talking abt real world problems; i would also make sure to tell them (chan and 3racha especially) to make sure to rest more, and eat well, and take care of themselves emotionally as well as physically; and finally i’d like to tell jeongin how wonderful he is and that he’s doing so much at such a young age (lmao he’s actually eight months older than me but that’s no the point) and to never lose his cute little smile

finally done!! meri, if you actually read all of this, uh thank you????? i hope you now know everything you wanted to know abt me, and probably more than you wanted to know

i’m bad at tagging people, so if you also made it this far and haven’t done some of these tags, choose one, or a couple, or all of them and do them yourself!! just say that i tagged you!!

[lwbluedice]

Masterpost for my Stories and Ocs!!!

A spoilerfree list of most of my Ocs and stories (reuploaded here on my main blog)

Includes:

- Name of the story and state it’s in

- short summary/facts

- Character names

If you want more information abt any of them(like a description or a pic) or abt the stories, just message me/ ask me!  Also feel free to ask me to draw them ( for example in the color scheme thing or sth)!

Note: The stories are all written in german so if you don’t speak that language i can’t send you the original documents but i can try summing them up for you!

I bet this is not everything and i will add stuff but yeah!!!!

Hotaru (first draft is finished)

- Abt two men that are linked through a surgery called “synchronisation”, which basically connects their minds and bodies, so they are forced to work as a team. Ea is an ex-soldier and Cain was a hacker, but due to the fact that they can’t stand each other, they also didn’t share their pasts with each other. To pay someone to unlink them, they become bounty hunters and kidnap the girl Ai and her robot Subaru, which is one of the old military robots, called Hotarus (high technologised, operating, transforming, artificial intelligence, ranger units). They are connected to a human ranger and can transform into what the ranger wants them to transform into.

The Hotaru headquarters exploded 10 years ago and since then the Hotarus are super rare on the black market.

The two men plan on selling both the girl and her robot and let’s just say it all doesn’t work out that well.

Ai Hoshino

Ea

Cain Bishop

Subaru

Dr. Chandra Natarajan

10 A

10 B

and other synced pairs

George Watton

Asha Watton

Elaine Bishop

Christopher Bishop

Haruto Hoshino

Shiori Hoshino

The Pleiades. A Hotaru Unit.

Atlas/ Emmett Hunter

Maia/ Ilya Neverwinter

Elektra/ Hailey Gray

Taygete/ Daiyu Ghou

Alcyone/ Charlotte Gryffith)

Caelano/ Sora Aurora River

Merope/ Imogen Harrington

Sterope/ Elizabeth Bresley

Additional Characters for the (maybe Sequel) in which the grown up Ai will try to find out who attacked the Hotaru Headquarters

- Skya

The day the world turned white ( first draft is finished, working on it)

To stop global warming some scientists basically caused a new ice age. On the long run this might be very effective but the former countries, now sectors, are hit by strong ice storms, called snow white. To stay safe huge bunkers, the Safe Cities, were built and the local fauna and flora were stored in Arks, to preserve them.

Usually an alarm sounds before all citizens are brought into the SCs, but this time Reese and her best friend Yuki dont manage to get to the vehicles on time and are left behind. They seek shelter in a private bunker outside of town that Yuki found out about recently. Suddenly a group of boys their age knocks on the door, because they were also left behind and followed the girls.

Al, the brothers Eli and Isaac, Gil and Henry become the new bunker-mates and the group has to survive one year in the bunker, until the storm is over.

( I have a blog for this story, just search for The day the world turned white! There are pics and some posts for example abt which patronus/spirit animal the charas have!)

Reese/ Therese Wells

Al/ Alexander Glover

Yuki Sarah Brooke

Eli Green

Isaac Green

Gil de Santos

Henry Summers

The Sun will always rise (The sequel, probably forever unfinished)

About a group of rebels, the Sun Children, that are sworn enemies to the government and its ways to cope with Snow White.

Takes place abt one/two years after Tdtwtw.

Lucy and Aidan are kicked out of an underground organisation that stays in the cities underground system during the storm phases and the two wander around in the snow until Michael and Rin pick them up and bring them to the Sun Children. From looking into the snow directly to maneuver, Lucy has turned snowblind.

Yeah the plot is… not 100% existent.

Characters:

Lucy

Aidan

Michael

Kate

Gil

Bo

Finya

Rin

The XII Games ( First book is finished, i started the second one, unfinished)

A story abt spaceships that let slaves fight in games, if they win a certain number they are “free”. Cassidy makes it and is sold to a women, Trisha, that takes her home onto her home planet, where Cassidy lives a nice life and learns abt her heritage. One year later she meets Tobias again and she and Trisha are brought to a planet that is basically the universes capital. Cassidy has to take a more important role in the uproar of a war, than she ever imagined.( The cast members are mostly human looking but are other, non human, races)

Cass (Cassidy ) E’ Alandril

Tobias

On the slave ship:

Neala

Sam ( Samuel)

On Anterra:

Trisha  Willowrish

Max ( Maxwell)  E’ Alyndral

Lukas

Tori

Khorr

Keri

Wil

Quinna

On the Space sparrow:

Zach ( Zacharyas) Gryaan

Benj ( Benjamin) Bottledom

Rashka Hyrelian

Oreadh Urunna'ur

Butcher

Kagrim

Kyluur

Irian Ashcott

On Capital Estellar:

Galea ( Galeandrih Fiyur’ Ihal)

Iyal

Wren Fawell

Luasia  

Luminor the Shining

Fallen Angels ( A trilogy, one and a half books were finished, reconcepted)

We don’t talk abt this but it was one of my first stories i truly wrote.

Abt fallen angels saving the world or sth. It’s super clichee and just ugh.

The newer version would cancel some charas and make it abt rebalancing Darkness and Light in the worlds. With a more diverse cast and also different magical races. And a way less creepy Adam.

Eve/Evelyn White

Adam

Peregrine/Perry

Ray/Raven

Sera

Colin

Robin

Raphael

Ky/ Kyron

Gabe/Gabriel Frost

Bree/ Gabriella Frost

Indigo ( haven’t written it yet and i don’t know if i ever will, but have drawn stuff. I lowkey wanna see this as a comic)

A story abt a clan of shapeshifters, called Indigos. They are basically human that can shift into dolphins and their clan lives on an island near Australia. Its a modern story and the gang consisting of our local gay dolphin girl Keerie, her cousins Akash and Arjuun (younger brother, older sis), and Ky ( adopted as a child, japanese heritage, a different breed of dolphin idk) lives their “normal lives” with lots of shenenigans and drama.

Some day Keerie falls in love with Navy, the daughter of the owner of the local Aquapark (that the clan suspect also does illegal stuff like snatching wild animals).

Keerie

Arjuun

Akash

Ky

Navy

“Neo Alcatraz” ( reworks of a very old story)

To put it simply, there is a pack of scientists that bionically enhance children and send them off to different countries to basically be local superheroes. Our gang was kinda left behind bc the countries rather took the newer, better versions and here they are now, a bunch of supernatural teens facing the (not so) everyday struggles of life.

Atalanta

Chi

Callie

Lee

Victor/Konrad

Gemsona (just art)

Larimar

- has water powers and her backstory bases on my private/old Squads life story and a lot of me thinking of drawing music videos for her but never doing it

Anthea (art and headcanons)

- my Dnd Oc

The Bender Girls ( art and headcanons)

- basically some Avatar the last Airbender Ocs i made once

Daiyu

Hotaru

Yura

Sündenfall / Sinfall (short story)

A short story i wrote for a competition which is basically every crime series but magic.

Harvey is immortal, he dies and is revived, and solves crimes through it. Paige is basically his assistant and the case they are on is abt a person that kills magical beings and “arranges” the victims fitting to the seven sins.

Ilya Winter

Harvey

Paige

Delphi

Sphinx

The concept charas, that had a different storyline ( they were basically a team of magical beings that would solve cases… rather unconventional.) I considered reworking them into the new Fallen Angels concept:

Ilya

Harvey

Timothy

Worth mentioning:

Project Alpha (script, some art):

The script for a shortfilm i once made with my friends. A school class has a plane crash and only a few students survive, they all embody a different character archetype (the sunshine, the soziopath, the smart one etc.) They try to survive and are put through weird psychological mind experiments like the trolley problem.

To be honest, the concept had and still has a lot of potential and we just hadn’t the opportunities to rly set it the way we anticipated. The shooting day was super fun, though! Still laughing about the outtakes

Astral Chronicles (some art and a few chapters, unfinished)

A story Idea i still like but probably wont write like this because of copyright problems. Its basically a giant Crossover.

Its abt people who have an Astral( mostly a literature figure) they embody when they are dreaming. Their body stays in bed and is vulnerable but the Astral can basivally run around and has special powers. If the Astral dies, the person wakes up but i think when the body dies the person dies too? idk.

The Protagonist embodies Alice and there are also the White Rabbit, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell usw.

There was also some kind of conflict? I dont remember.

If i would ever rewrite it the Astrals would be embodiments of the Zodiac signs.

(does this even fit?)

The Fanfiction thing i wrote abt Peter Pan/ Jack Frost

- like i have tons of short drabbles and the start of a fanfiction and honestly i liked the ideas i had a lot

The ones we better not talk abt:

Part Hunter

Basically there was a being named eternity/aeterna that was shattered into oarts (like in TRC)

and chosen ones have to reclaim them.

The ones that basically die are turned into guardians, like Time and Space ( they had animal companions they were fused with i guess)

Melody is the current part hunter and has a tragic love story, her animal is a tiny horse thing??????

Idk

basically a long story in which i used my dreams as base for the episodes

The nameless story

Actually super interesting but too many charas and a too tiny will to draw action scenes or write them.

Like its based around a super popular game in huge spheres/buildings and the teams wear some anti gravity outfits and shoes and can walk on the walls and shit and can basically attack using elements/illusion/ conjure monsters idk.

And the main team had an opponent team that basically specialized in the 25272 other elements and some day they just fused teams idk.

There also was some prophecy shit abt the anchors, ppl that can control all elements the same???? Idk

Element guardians

- basically four teens that control the elements and do shit together

- at some point i gave all of them dragons

- still thinking abt this sometimes

- The originals:

Luna: the shameless self insert , earth, pony girl, bland blonde i think

Katy: Air, best friend, bubbly

Dan: The jock. Fire

Nick: The emo. Water

At some point Katy became Skye and Dan and Nick got other names but yeah-

Talent Academy

The story thats basically a ripoff of Alice academy. Like a school with hierachie between the students and ranks and shit and different houses and the students have powers IDK

If you read through all of this, bless you for showing interest in my stories ;) And hey, if you want me to rant about any of them, just send me an ask or a message!!!

[thegracegatsby]

this post is all over the place but here’s a super long update if you care lmao 

So it’s officially been one month since i’ve been on this marketing internship in Prague which is basically working a full time marketing job without the pay (duh, Grace) lol I really thought I was going to be filing papers and going on coffee runs, but nope this is the real deal. I didn’t even get a day to fix my jetlag nor was I eased into the job. The day after I arrived I had 15 minutes to learn about all the projects everyone was working on, got acquainted with the office and the other interns, then started on all my tasks. To give you an idea of what I’ve been up to, my first week here I had to think of several marketing ideas for a local company and had to present them to the owner. The Stress and nerves had me on bed rest that weekend ngl lol. The owner loved the presentation, but I couldn’t help but be so hard on myself. I felt so underprepared I didn’t expect to be thrown into the field at full speed. I literally felt like the Mr. Krabs meme. I was shookington. I thought college and a regular part time job was hectic, but wow I was not prepared for job that required 110% of my time and mind. What I mean by that is I was/am technically working on four different projects and each of them need to be unique aka I can’t repeat ideas. I learned to trust myself and just trust that if I did my best…. it would just had to be enough. I can only learn from my mistakes and find a way to improve myself every day. Those “do one thing to be better than yesterday” quotes were always cute, but they have been extremely relevant this summer. That’s been such an important lesson and habit. Some other things I was up to is sometimes the company gets invited to special private events so so far I’ve attended two events. The first one being some networking event with a panel so different CEO’s discussed the future of tech & marketing and answered questions, then another event where the communications director of Manolo (shoe goals) spoke on the brand. Even got to meet her she was so sweet! Last week I got sent on my first official business trip to Poland to meet with different Korean companies at an expo! I had to basically see and negotiate potential products to market in the US and Latin America. Crazy. I loved every second of it. I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks now so my thoughts are probably a little all over the place, but now is when I feel like I finally have the time and energy to sit down and catch up on a blog even if no one reads this lmaoo. It’s wild how a month and a half ago I left my job at the bank with a heavy heart and had my summer classes get cancelled/wasn’t able to register for any new one’s since they were all full. I was so close to doing nothing all summer except go job hunting again so this trip was such a blessing. It’s super challenging I’m not gonna lie. I feel like I’ve grown so much from being here. I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone in every single sense of the word. I’ve had to depend on myself mentally and emotionally in different ways than I’ve had to back home. I know this sounds super dramatic lol, but honestly this is the first time I’ve been away from my home, family, friends, city, for more than two weeks. Taking such a huge step without my family around has been difficult. It’s how I imagine it would have been like if I moved away for college. I’m going through “real life with training wheels” because I’m staying with family here so I’m not 100% on my own, but that’s the farthest thing from perfect. Like.. my extended family is going through some hell shit and I feel like I’m in the middle of it so I can’t escape it. I guess that’s where my desperate homesickness comes from. I was SO ready to go home I even asked if I could book a flight after TWO weeks of being here. That’s how desperate I was to go back home. I never talk about my personal life, but I will say that my actual home life, thankfully, is healthy. No relationship/family is perfect don’t get it twisted, but my parents learned from the mistakes of their families/friends and tried very hard to raise my sibling and I in a peaceful home. Don’t take this as the “I’m the best because my parents don’t hate each other can’t relate sweetie (: just be happy and drink tea” way because that’s not what I’m saying at all lol. Sadly, toxic families are everywhere, but reading/hearing about a household that is going through a nasty divorce with unhealthy drama happening every single day is completely different than actually experiencing/witnessing it with my own two naked eye balls. Especially from my own relative. I know this makes me sound immature or naive or whatever, but I mean… I’ve never lived anywhere else so I never knew anything other than my own family dynamic ya know? My empathy for children and teenagers who have to go through what I’ve been seeing on a daily basis has grown so much. Again, this isn’t a show off way of me saying “my life is semi-perfect” (no one’s is) I’m literally saying the change has helped me understand and appreciate the importance of a healthy home so much which… isn’t a bad thing. I’d rather learn this now seeing it from afar than with regret later on in my life. I’m genuinely so heartbroken and empathetic for every single person going through this much toxicity especially my own cousin who will have to grow up with the issues her parents are making alone. The biggest takeaway is I know what the fuck NOT to tolerate in relationships. If I thought my tolerance was low, now it’s even lower I’m not putting up with any bullshit ever wow. Now none of this would matter if I only got to work then go home and mind my business, but nah it’s not like that. An argument happened? Guess who gets some insults and bad attitude. Me. Since why did my extended family think it’s okay to disrespect and insult me for everything??? Don’t even get me started on the side comments about my weight :)) All I do is try to stay hydrated and mind my business! lmaofdnsfds. I guess that’s where the mental and emotional challenge comes from. I’ve never been a super emotional person literally the last time I cried from emotion was the day of the musical in high school because I messed up on stage and was super embarrassed. That was literally 4 years ago in April. I’ve had like two mental breakdowns already not including the countless times I’ve had to calm myself down, do some breathing exercises, and mentally try to disconnect from the fuckery. The hardest times being when I’m in public. I NEVER talk back tho which is weird because I hardly ever bite my tongue I’m quick to defend myself, but deep down I know the aggression stems from all these problems.. plus I try to tell myself it’s not that deep and I’m leaving in less than a month. I know I won’t have to deal with this ever ever again. Also honestly staying quiet gets everyone on my side because people see the way I’m spoken to and are like “wtf ignore it you’re doing great”. Lol I wish I could go into more detail because there is SO much tea I can spill, but for privacy (and maybe legal idk?) reasons I’m going to stay quiet. Another intern who started seeing the verbal abuse asked me about everything so I confided in her about all the drama and she’s like “wooow everything makes sense things were worse when before you got here” kjndvdf we were super tight it was so great :’) but she left and everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Honestly, everyone I work/have worked with have been so great. I only got close with like two or three tho but still everyone is so nice lol. So yeah even though the work experience here is amazing and something I will value for the rest of my life, the home life aspect is fucked up. I’m even trying to convince my parents to sell this plot to Lifetime lmao it’s THAT dramatic. *sigh* Some other news is I was supposed to be in Spain right now. I literally Uber’ed myself and my grandmother all the way to the airport yesterday morning, show up to the check-in counter with a smile and bags in hand just so they could tell me “Sorry, you don’t show up on our system” to my face. I’ve never had an issue with my flight so the room was spinning a lil and was low key panicking because 1. English isn’t anyone’s first language here 2. I was abroad and had no idea what to do because I didn’t even make the reservation so I had to call two different airlines and try to resolve the MESS, but nothing was resolved they fucked up my booking from the beginning so only my return flight was paid for not the departure :) so after easily deciding I was NOT going to pay $580 for a one-way outbound ticket, I had to quickly figure out my next move. (PRO TIP: ALWAYS BOOK DIRECTLY WITH COMPANIES THEY’LL WORK WITH YOU AND REFUND YOU IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. EVEN IF YOU SEE A CHEAPER PRICE ON ONE OF THOSE TRAVEL SITES SOMEONE TOLD ME THEY’LL PRICE MATCH YOU AND EVEN GIVE YOU DIFFERENT FLIGHT ACCOMMODATIONS LIKE CHANGING LAYOVER FLIGHTS IT’S MAGICAL). Everyone I’m living with went to Spain the day before, so after bending over backwards to try and get the house key from my grandmother who already passed through security (she couldn’t wait for me bc the guy at security had 5 min to wheelchair her to her gate), I found a way to contact her (a blessing bc if not I would have had to stay at a hotel or something) and had her hand me the keys back to our place. I didn’t have the patience to take a bus back to the city so I paid the extra fare to Uber back home. The weird part is I’m not even mad. After calling the airlines, contacting my parents, contacting my family already in Spain that I wouldn’t be going, I was just… chilling. Got some groceries and I’ve been living la vida loca just eating and watching netflix lol. Sure, I wanted to go see a new country and even try to see the town my great grandparents were from, but if there’s anything I learned this year is… everything happens for a reason. I think it would have been an amazing trip, but there’s a reason I didn’t get to travel this weekend. Theres a reason I had to leave my job at the bank. Theres a reason I’m here in Prague in the first place. There’s a reason I’m witnessing this entire Mess. I guess there’s some growth in that too you know what I mean? Younger me would have probably combusted in hatred and be extremely negative and complain that “my life sucks” when in reality it’s fine it’s just in general, shitty things happen…. but life won’t stop for anybody not even me. On the bright side, some good lessons came out of this experience. Forget 2016, this was the real year of realizing things™. I’m going back to Miami with a completely different drive and mindset. For example, I knew school is important and I get good grades, but my attitude towards my education is COMPLETELY different now. Being “good” just isn’t good enough for me anymore. With my grades now I could get into a “good” grad school, but now I don’t even want “good” I want something better. I want great I want the best I want to work my ass off to get into an AMAZING school. I still don’t know everything or even want I want 100%, but this trip has helped me change how I plan to approach/execute my future goals. That “oh I guess I’ll work someday idk that’s a long time from now so I don’t care I’ll worry about it another day” won’t cut it anymore. Now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of things need changing when I get back. Which speaking of getting back, I’m counting down the days I’m so excited I leave at the end of the month ayee!! Lol okay I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. There were a few more things I wanted to say buut………… I forgot it so I’ll just end it here and make a new post if I remember lol. Even if no one reads this, future me will and she’ll remember how the Ctrl album from SZA was playing in the background while writing this and probably cringe at how bittersweet this whole experience/year has been.

TLDR I learned a lot on this internship (good and bad) and I’m basically going back home a new person :-)

[i-amusemyself]

All of the 'Get to Know Me'.

Aaaah tysm!!!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

(Jokes on you I only usually have 3 songs on repeat at any one time :’-D ) Atm though: Work Song - Hozier, Rats- Miw, Wastelands- Amber Run, Dragula- Rob Zombie, Fireflies- Owl city (yh really), To build a home- The cinematic orchestra.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

I…don’t know. I’m really not that into meeting ‘idols’ or anything. I guess it’d be pretty cool to meet Kaitlyn Alexander but honestly I’m not sure the anxiety would be worth it.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“It’s a body,” I said, “A dead body.” lmao

4: What do you think about most?

I imagine what life is going to be like when I get to uni or who/what it’ll be that finally makes me happy.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Off to stuff my face with chinese food, talk to you later bro”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Clothes on unless it’s above 25 degrees bc I don’t wanna die (like that)

7: What’s your strangest talent?

Lmaooo talent?! Me?! Idk I’m learning how to do special effects makeup and a couple of people have said its p cool. Also I can do this weird thing with my tongue where it basically rolls in on itself (seems to be genetic)

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are all ethereal goddesses out of my league.

Boys are not my area of expertise.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

As if lmao! Ain’t no one ever liked me that much.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I can’t remember so I did it just now to make up for it.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I hate cuddly toys with battery packs in them with a passion.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Nooo

13: What’s your religion?

Don’t have one, I’m an atheist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Cleaning up my rabbits’ mess.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it I think

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Honestly it depends on the time of day, when I last ate, the luna cycle… I genuinely don’t have one I can’t answer that

17: What was the last lie you told?

Um, I lied about what I watched on TV last night lmao

18: Do you believe in karma?

I’m not sure, I kinda just hope it exists and that helps keep me sane.

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s pretty self explanatory lmao

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I don’t know, for the weakness I’m torn between caring too much and saying the wrong thing.

And I wouldn’t call it a major strength but I have a lot of patience.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I don’t know (I barely have an interest in anything atm), given I have an entire fanblog dedicated to them I’ll say Kaitlyn Alexander again

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope not yet

23: How do you vent your anger?

I have a personal blog ( @the-emotional-equilibrium​ ) that I rant on

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have an embarrassing number of kermit memes on my phone

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting for sure, I like to be able to see people’s faces (also I hate phone calls they’re too awkward).

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I think I’m a work in progress really. I’m happier with myself than I used to be, but there’s always things I want to change or could improve on and I know I’m never going to be perfect.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of fabric being ripped, it makes me shiver but I love, idk, that sound when you’re just lying outside and you can hear the birds and stuff. Idk, I don’t listen to much besides music.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Argh, erm, I wonder how different life would have been if I’d learnt to stand up for myself earlier. I’d probably have fewer regrets.

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts I’m really not sure about. Up until recently I would’ve said no, but honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore. As for aliens they’re definitely real.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right arm: A cushion on the sofa. Left arm: The wall. Exciting right?

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Chicken! (Making lunch atm)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Lmfaooooo idk???? Not a physical place anyway. When I was really little I once had to stand outside in the snow for about 3 hours and I remember being pretty sure I was gonna die, like it was such a horrible feeling being that cold.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East coast! I mean, that’s just based on where my friend lives and nothing else but

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Lmfao opposite?! Okay so let’s just assume that means a guy but erm? Idk? Okay I admit I have a slight thing for half the guys in MIW so lets just go with that

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To have the best time possible and end it with minimal regrets. Also to try to help other people to have a better time to.

36: Define Art.

Stuff you can look at that takes actual talent and imagination.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Not really? I mean sometimes I might consider things Unlucky but tbh I have no idea what I mean by that.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Pretty boring tbh, it’s just a grey sky with a bit of a breeze.

39: What time is it?

2:49 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I passed my test a few months back but I haven’t driven since so thankfully I haven’t had a chance to crash yet

41: What was the last book you read?

The 5 people You Meet in Heaven….and that was last July smh

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Love it. It’s the smell of my childhood.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Most people at school call me Scaz and most my friends outside of school refer to me as Chorlo. (or Wholemeal Chorlo if your name is ellie)

44: What was the last film you saw?

I watched Shrek 2 last night lmfao I forgot how good it was!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I’ve broken quite a few bones but I’m lucky never to have done anything awful. Um, the worst was probably when I broke my elbow or when I tore my side open on a nail jumping off a fence.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Aaah yeah I used to catch them every summer!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I guess I’m between obsessions at the minute; though I’m kind of hooked on supernatural ngl

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Fuck knows. Not straight. I defo like girls but idk about guys.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Multiple smh. This one girl once spread a rumor I was a lesbian and I was gay for her (before I even came out) and tbh she’d have been lucky. (She was kinda obsessed with me, she was probs suppressing something). It did kinda ruin my confidence though because of all the reactions so I didn’t come out for another 2 years.

50: Do you believe in magic?

I don’t know what to believe anymore, but I’m kind of open to learning more about it.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah smh. I have a pretty high Grudge Threshold in that I give people a lot of chances but once they reach that level there’s no going back and I won’t forget what they did.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I either save it for months or blow my savings in an hour.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

A bus ticket?

55: Love or lust?

Love defo

56: In a relationship?

As if lmao

57: How many relationships have you had?

Three, but none of them lasted that long

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home all day working

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I’m sitting on a pink sofa lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yeaaah, one is glittery the other has skulls on which sums me up pretty well tbh

62: What’s your favourite animal?

I love so many animals I don’t know!! Capybaras? Alpacas? Giraffes? Chimps? Idk?!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Lmaoooo I have no idea I haven’t found it yet

64: Where is your best friend?

3918 miles away on the east coast of the USA (I get to see her in 9 days though I’m so excited!!)

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

(I won’t tag them but in no particular order) Pansexi-unicorn, onetinygay, shrekthelesbian, oneshappyplace and only-slightly-dangerous

66: What is your heritage?

I’m white as a toilet m8. Nah a lot of my family comes from Denmark/scandinavia which you can kind of tell from looking at me tbh

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping. Sorry that’s not more interesting.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I think it’s like, double barrel as in May-Trump or something

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Maybe..

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Errrm, sort of? I try to make an effort, so that’d be nice. But I’m so quiet and shy sometimes that if I was friends with myself we’d probably never talk lmao

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, no doubt about it. If my boss is that much of a dick I’ll probably lose my job sooner or later, so I might as well lose it helping out a doggo.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I’d tell the people closest to me, but maybe not straight away depending on how I thought they’d react.

b) I’d probably blow my saving and go travelling. I mean, what else is there to do? Oh and finish bingewatching all my shows at that time bc dying on a cliffhanger would really piss me off.

c) Maybe a little? Just because once you die you’re alone with whatever the hell comes after (pun not intended).

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Argh?! Trust? I guess? No point having love if you can’t trust people.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men and Fireflies by Owl City. They both bring on such nostalgia.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6666 as far as the internet is concerned.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Just like, having someone you can chill with and open up to. Someone where you don’t have to care about embarrassing yourself with or worry about constantly because you trust them. Just like, a super cool friendship but with kissing.

77: How can I win your heart?

Don’t be afraid to be yourself I guess. I love interesting people that don’t pretend to be someone else. Also interesting people with swords.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Who am I to answer that? Idk, I suppose yeah.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Cutting off shitty people and actually valuing myself enough to find new friends.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7 (could be a lot worse given my height)

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Something along the lines of “I’m just dormant” or “Nothing is set in stone.”

82: What is your favourite word?

Un sacapuntas

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Break

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“I amuse myself” or “what the fuck”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Alive (i think its called) by Sia

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, red and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a galaxy spacey thing

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I’m torn between Putin and Kim Jong Un (no need to worry about Trump, I’m sure someone already has a plan.)

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

The third question in my inbox rn lmao

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

(I was so tempted to say “ask if they prefer being the big or little spoon” why am I like this)

Idk id probs strike up a convo whilst looking around the room for the best weapon just in case.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Hmmm, I think mind reading would be useful but it might make my anxiety even worse! So that or teleportation.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Any half hour when I wasn’t stressed about exams lmao (bonus if the weather was good)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

A guy did something that I wish he hadn’t and I’m still fucked up by it sooo that.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I honestly don’t know, it’s not something I’ve thought about with “music-celebrities” lmao

Edit: Hold up I’ve just remembered Halsey exists.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

The place I’m going in 9 dayyys!! (Or Copenhagen)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

When I was really little and hopefully never again

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup a couple of times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

For fucks sake can’t you all just educate yourselves and get along? Stop. Killing. Each. Other.

[fluffi]

i think it was because god's menu was released around the same bp and svt made their comebacks. same thoughts tho on gm > bd and i was also glad that bd got the wins gm didn't. and same with the streaming mvs while studying : ] ahh, the easily distracted people we are. (reading cut and litol font bc poor ppl who see this on the dash TT)

i've heard chinese ballads (usually osts of films and from a chinese friend) and their songs really tend to tug on my heartstrings. i hope sm gives shotaro more stuff to do soon :[ with some of the units being active and sungchan being an mc on a weekly show, it makes me wonder what he's doing. do you think nct will form a new subunit?

no, i'm not lactose intolerant so it really took me by surprise. it was a one-time thing. hopefully it doesn't happen again. i can't really say i'm a big fan of ice cream but it's good occasionally yk as a treat to yourself. and ahhh, i miss drinking smoothies. my favorite stall has been closed for nearly two years now, idk if they ever re-opened since our city mall burned down :[

i think it's an nct thing? it's why i never get tired of them bc they're always active in a way. you should've seen how things went down last year! march 127 album, april dream mini-album, may 127 repackage, june wayv album and the whole nct 2020 thing. it was a wild year. about the track, i listened to it once and forgot about it. might give it a few more listens but it might not grow on me at all. yes! wasn't a big fan of hot sauce at first too bc i thought the intro was weird (not jaemin's part, like the first thing that plays). and yes, that hook loops in my head 24/7. i even made it my instagram bio.

stray kids world domination indeed! and i agree that their performances were really impressive (specially the deadpool one, best one yet) but sometimes i would fancy ateez' more. i didn't watch kingdom too bc it stressed me out as a multi. always caught between being happy for one group and being sad for the others. and atz and tbz! you're still getting into nct and you're thinking of adding 19 more boys! judging from what i know your taste in music is, i think you'll like tbz's music better since there are a lot more soft songs there than in atz. but do give both discographies a listen in the future!

oh izone! i've only heard of them at music shows and dance choreo compilations bc of them being in sync. they're really satisfying to watch! i thought their title tracks were catchy as well! quite unfortunate that i never got into them really. but again, i dont think i can handle stanning temporary groups.

i'm starting to see a pattern in your biases :D i wouldn't be too surprised if you'll be drawn to jeno at some point in your dream venture. dream is soooo easy to love so if you really end up ulting them, i would understand why. and also, YES PLEASE WRITE FOR DREAM AND TAG ME IF YOU WILL. THANK YOU ><

thank you! :c don't get your hopes up tho, the masterlist must've been interesting to browse but are the fics truly worth it? XD i think not. since you already know koe, i'm reccing users @/rouiyan, @/nsheetee and @/loonacitys. i don't have that much fluff in my ficrecs blog. i think, i've heard of lvdsc before (maybe even read a fic or two) but i can't find their blog now. be careful in privating your works, you might end up losing them forever if you don't keep track of their links...(?) that's what happened to the works that i privated :/ take me with you if you move blogs ;n;

seungmin frequently left updates abt what he was doing, left good nights and good mornings, the occasional i miss you. he called fans 'baby' once. not sure if it was a mistranslation, or really just a one-time endearment. other than that, nothing beyond the usual. seung vlives always make me cry ;n; he always look so adorable and precious. also the gif, the fic was more on fake head-butting really but yes you could say it was also a fake nose boop bc it sounds cuter. i'll make sure to tag you on future seung content on the dash. (time to officially claim him as your ult, yes. dont make him secret anymore :3)

sorry it took me a while. tumblr went batshit. the ' werkl;' stopped working midway and i got busy with school yesterday. also haechan birth today and i'm so emo abt it. it's literally just a boy turning 21.

little font and cut saga lets go!!

(just kidding, i cant do little font typing for long periods of time, makes my eyes go beserk haha.)

true true, im afraid for txt on music shows now because theyre going against some big names (literally bts like whatj jsdf what was hybe thinking). yeah, streaming mvs while studying aka watching mvs on loop lmao. i still want to stream skzs final kingdom performance on instinct but i remember that theyve already won!! hehe

ah chinese ballads always make me emo, i like to scream out lyrics to the songs at the top of my lungs and sit there on the verge of tears. its a cultural thing maybe *sobs*. ooh, what show is sungchan mc-ing in? ill check it out. i thought sm would make nct japan for sungtaro (i heard sungchan speaks japanese) so it was a shocker when they made...nct hollywood lmao. given the current circumstances we're probably not going to get a new subunit anytime soon :( hopefully taro will have stuff to showcase during that period of time.

burned down?? oh my, what happened to your mall? that sounds terrifying. i remember when the front of my school caught on fire and we were all ushered out but we thought it was a drill and didnt find out till years later lmao.

oh true, since theyre such a big pack too. constant comebacks and promotions haha, nctzens never catch a break with 23 members. i listened to the new track again (ive forgotten the name already) but i cant- i cant do it. its just not my style hhh. i rewatched the mv for the godly visuals though. i dont know if youre talking about that 'bibididibibidiododo' part by that female morphed voice at the beginning of the song, because i wasnt a fan of that too. it grew on me though.

same, actually! im not an atiny and dont stan any other group in the show besides skz but i watched each groups performance and ranked them haha. at times ateez would rank over skz, it was wild. also yeah, my other multi friend was freaking out about kingdom and ended up abandoning the show because she was so scared of the fanwars and having to deal with her 'conflicting feelings'. about the stanning thing, in my defense, i have a list of groups i want to stan and ive recently added tbz and atz. the list is long, i have a long way to go! also yeah, i dont prefer ateez's songs and i have a bunch of tbz title tracks in my playlist but if i approach their discography like i did with nct then i think i would like at least five songs.

izone are my queens. theres a reason why theyre the only girl group who made it to my ult list haha! super talented and filled with variety and visuals, a perfectly concocted group (literally, sobs in pd48 scandal). ah, temporary groups. yeah i cried about their disbandment for like 3 days straight, it was bad.

a pATTERN?? INTERESTING. DO ELABORATE. jeno, oh my gosh hes like bang chan. an intimidating-looking bear whos actually filled with love and softness on the inside. im currently having a jaemin run though, his make a wish fancam is doing some wacky things. also yeah, dream is really easy to love. i fell for them so hard, theyre all talented and cute and adorable and the team ambiance is so nice. really rising up my stan list now. i mightt write for dream! ill have to see, hehe.

personally i think the fics are going to be worth it. i can feel it in my boOOnes. ooh, recommendations! fun :D ill check them (and yours) out after i finish this 30k jisung fic. ive been trying to finish it since yesterday but i keep getting sidetracked. also, i made a mistake. its luvdsc with a 'u', maybe thats why you couldnt find it? ahh. thank you for the privating tip though! will keep in mind. and of course ill take you with me if/when i move blogs. we're friends now! <3

SEUNGMIN CALLED STAYS 'BABY'???!!@)(@#*()! I SHOULDVE BEEN THERE ASKDFJDF. im exciting for the fake nose boop drabble!! i love soft couple moments hehe. also yeah maybe its time to make him my ult...hes going to have to compete against jake my beloved ope.

dont worry about being 'late' or anything! we all have our own stuff to do. also yeah tumblr is weird asf sometimes. if you havent realized i typically answer longer asks around the same time everyday, when i get to sit in front of my computer and pull out my clickity-clackity keyboard. super relaxing.

AND YES HYUCKIE DAY!!! HES SO ADORABLE HONESTLY. im in love with all seven members of dream, my fic rec blog is currently filled with fics for them haha.

[sercretmagicsteve-blog]

Some one not there "spoke” to me today

Because the entire point of this blog is anonymity, I wouldn't use my real name and I’m not writing in in any other fashion other how I talk which is laid back. I’m 24 and a guy you know as Steve with a deep interest in anything paranormal, “Magic” (tell you bout the “” later) and religious. Moving on.

I also need to say now, that everything I say, you have to take lightly or maybe a bit more heavily. It will seem weird and conflicting at times possibly but I’ll always communicate what about it I think has bits of truth too it.

I’m not a dolt, and I don’t give things too much credit (which in my opinion many occult things I have read seem far over the top and not doing it properly) I have read a couple of books and thousands of passages but my point to me, steve, is that its instinct. Everything I have learned is this opinion that forms itself inside of me, shaving away (some books a shiiit load of shaving away) that things that didn't seem right to this instinct I've learned to follow. I think others too have magic catalysts in them that could be cultivated to something more but because of human reason, social stigma beliefs, (I think the list goes on and is both bigger and in smaller pieces then we can identify) as to why it doesn't grow. Some of the stuff you’ll hear me say sounds kinda old old school for humans (think 7k BC) but it just fits the bill somehow. (also last quick note, some people might wonder at this point. Is this dude chill with sacrificing a baby? A goat or some shit?  Haha. FUCK NO. None of that shit ever.)

My religion magic system idk what the fuck you want to call it is more or less light seeking itself in a magnificent breathe that is existence. I do not see a bearded man in the sky when people say god. I feel this wave that flows through the universe. Things speak in weird ways to me sometimes, and through standing in so long I feel that god is every living thing trying to get to this, special point (that I do think happens for the universe eventually. No clue to say where we’ll be cause shits outta my hands and whole worlds bit in the shitter a bit still) that I can instinct but doesn't translate well. 

To the best of my abilities on this, “special point” its basically consciousness of life (pretty much i think i described the force) melds in a melting pot(Church of the Force melting pot you heard it here guys and its like a point of ecstasy that would take trillions humans but is still not close to exactly what it is cause I can only kinda instinct this thing that is immeasurable. I can see this giant book but cant read it, feel it to be there and feel I know parts of them. Like another is that every point of every space in every part of the universe are all touched together. Just not in our normal 3-dimensional space. Doesn't really affect us (not yet at least) but still an interesting oddity

Thats pretty religiously and stuff, but I also do believe in some forms of magic, and I do believe that our world has overlapping, different ones. I do believe some dead are amongst us but unseeable to the untrained eye. (for those of you curious, I don’t try to contact the dead. I have at time’s had strange things happen I’ll tell you about another time) I think they affect our world in ways too.

Kinda had a point I was getting to tho. I have these beliefs and have read many systems and books of magic and of a large number of peoples and societies beliefs, but I have never tried much besides 2 rituals that have no measurable result. I do know of things that could yield (in theory) results if I were to do them appropriately (and fyi its a lot. A looooot of reading and meditation stuff) Yet, never tried many. Either didn’t care or instinctually was doing other stuff. 

Today tho I spoke to something. I’ve spoken to it before but its difficult to try and talk when all you can do is communicate with, “yes, no, maybe, I don’t know” and Thark (not his name, couldnt tell me one. Seems like a Thark tho.) has spoken to me before, but even that first time I questioned the results heavily. Today tho, Thark was there and he was the cell reception today I guess is strong as fuck because the answers were far more clear then this sort of thing usually would run(for a newbie like me at least) while we talked we trailed along to me asking him when the next stone is(its a preminsion thing. I complicated to explain that but will another time) and he said 3 months. And he told me that its “the stone” which is something I’ve had since a child. tried to guess what it was. My death? Finding the love of my life? Being in the right spot to stop a child from being snatched? No clue but this i know is something and he said 3 months. 

Ive been prepping body and mind for years now, and I have acquired some things I would consider to be tools of magic. Most of them I have done very little with but the one I always loved most was my black obsidian scrying mirror. I was very lucky to found it in the store I had for it had the metal I wanted and more impressively the correct convex curvature angles. Never would have bought it otherwise. Only tried to use it twice and both times were a long time ago and after my reading being several times now of what I had then.

The part that gives me the jeebs tho. Is how I never thought over the years to do it again. It was in the back of my mind a lot but never went back yet. Never felt the time was right actually. Still kept reading and meditating (which I do to  help with  that but I also just do it for body health ) and today, Thark helped me know I was to use it. 

I can’t tell you much about the process or how I do it, but I can tell you this. I don’t even know yet what or where I’m looking for but I think Thark will probably help that too. It’s strange. 

from here I am going to post any finding’s I get moving forward (because in my occult area belief of life I think its time for a little more trying in some areas so this will be new for me I’ve been reading for years now though) and also share more of my opinion of this “Light” that goes through us all and is and anything else I talked about.

Ask away if you want fam