#(and unknowingly was on brand all day before seeing the movie since i had large heart hoop earrings in like ok!)

[ayyponine]

happy day of feminism and also armistice day <3 almost fucked up the proper celebration of both these occasions bc i wanted to throttle the man sitting next to me during my viewing of the substance but i managed :) 

[wonwooze]

Something told me it was you.

characters: jeon wonwoo/reader au genre: light smut, fluff warnings: cussing, alcohol consumption word count: 5841

Jeon Wonwoo is your best friend for life. You two met just before the two of you were supposed to depart for college. The two of you declared that the term platonic was the exact terminology to describe your friendship. You two were each other’s wingman, sworn protectors, and so many more. So it became a wonder, a great mystery when the two of you starts to realise that the line between love, and being in love is a fine one. Wonwoo best friends! to lover inspired by Zayn’s Tightrope. 

i. We Should Thank Seungkwan

messages

15:46

Seungkwan boo: hey loser. What are you doing today? Probably nothing I shouldn’t ask. I’m going to eat out with a couple of my friends tonight. You should come and stop being such a caveman. See  ya.

y/n: when? What should I wear? What friends?

Seungkwan boo: at 6, we’re going to a movie first at the mall. They’re my school friends. And they’re cool don’t worry. Be ready I’ll come get you.

y/n: ????? Ok

Seungkwan was a friend you, almost quite literally, found on craigslist. At the time you met Seungkwan, you were struggling with SAT and college application. Wanting to get into one of the top 5 universities didn’t help either. Equipped with wits, and endless resourcefulness, you found Seungkwan’s ad on craigslist. He was offering himself to be an SAT tutor, claiming that he almost graduated as valedictorian. After a quick search of his social media, Boo Seungkwan turned out to be enrolled in one of the top private schools in the country. You decided that he looked like a legit tutor that could help you ace your college application, and enlisted his help. As it turns out, Seungkwan was a better friend than he was a tutor. He was always hanging out with you at your house, or at his, telling the perfect jokes where he reiterates funny stories of his schoolmates—whom you never met—in great detail. You liked hanging out with Seungkwan, it would’ve been so much better if you have met him earlier, you thought.

That night was like no other. Seungkwan had never asked you to meet his schoolmates before. You’ve only seen their pictures on Seungkwan’s instagram posts, and have only heard of them from his anecdotes. All you know was that he had a large group of friends, and that they’re supposedly really fun. When Seungkwan showed up on your doorstep, he was eerily excited. He had a huge grin stamped on his face, and a Prius waiting behind him with the engines on. “I’m so excited for my friends to finally meet each other! You know y/n, I’ve been telling these fools that you would be a great addition to our friend group but they weren’t having it.” Seungkwan gestured to his friends inside the car. “Their loss, not mine.” You told him. “That’s the spirit!” He chimed.

When he finally shoved you into the backseat, and himself into riding shotgun, you finally had a look at the infamous Seungkwan’s friend group. There were a total of 5 people in that car, including yourself. You were stuck in the backseat, with two other guys you absolutely had never seen before. “Everyone, this is Y/N! She’ll be gracing us with her presence tonight.” That remark made you blush, and chummy in the gut, feeling the room temperature about to get awkward. You were always kind of anxious about meeting Seungkwan’s friends, fearing they decided they didn’t like you at the end of the day. “Hi.” You said awkwardly, waving your sweater paws lightly.

“You know, y/n. I always thought Seungkwan made you up just so he can ditch us lately. Nice to meet you though, I’m Soonyoung.” The boy sitting at the other side of the seat said by way of greeting. “Yeah, I always doubted you were real. I’m Vernon, nice to meet you.” The boy next to you said shyly. He was good looking, and had the faint smell of aftershave. “Yah! You guys are always on my neck it’s annoying.” Seungkwan chimed in from the front. And that’s how you met Wonwoo. Even if he didn’t made the introduction right then and there, you finally had a good look at him when the group finally arrived at the mall. He straightened his blazer before he reached out his hand to you, and with his baritone like deep voice announced that his name was Jeon Wonwoo.

“Wonwoo! Y/n is going to go to NYU this year! I was helping her with her application remember?” Seungkwan said in the middle of gulping down his cola. Your heart leapt when he mentioned NYU, still berated with the anxiety of college entrance procedures. “You are? Me too! What are the odds. Man I sure hope I get accepted though, it would suck if I didn’t.” “NYU is famous for its film school though, are you majoring in film?” This was the first chance you got of a private conversation with Wonwoo. “Nope. I’m majoring in English lit. Are you taking film?” “Yeah, I do actually.” You liked Wonwoo immediately. You remembered thinking his presence was so still, and calm, so calm that it softened your rough edges, and calmed your anxiety. “I hope I got accepted though. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t” You told him. Wonwoo shrugged lightly, and nonchalantly adds, “You’ll get in. Trust me.” You’ve never trusted zodiacs, or tarot reading, or anything of the sorts. But the way Wonwoo said it, his deep set cat like eyes piercing into you, that day you decided you were going to trust Jeon Wonwoo and whatever he said.

The next time you met him was when the two of you settled into orientation day at NYU. Wonwoo lived in a dorm at campus area, and you got your own place 5 minutes away from him. The two of you were so delighted when you met each other that day. Wonwoo remembered thinking it was like a match made in heaven. Being the quiet, shy, introvert that he is, Wonwoo relished the idea of having company when venturing into a brand new territory. He secretly wanted to held your hand the whole time but refrain from doing so. That day, Wonwoo took you to eat at a wings joint near campus, and the two of you laughed your asses off listening to Wonwoo’s anecdotes about Seungkwan. Lips smeared with barbecue sauce, Wonwoo ended his sermon about Seungkwan with a statement that you had etched into your memory until today. You and Wonwoo had fought about a number of things, which band was better, which movie was better, which tie he should buy. Sometimes he changed your mind, and sometime you changed his. But on this specific issue, you have never changed your opinion about because you had agreed completely. That night he said, “we should really thank Seungkwan though. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have met each other and I wouldn’t have a friend at campus. Who would’ve thought he would be a blessing?” The two of you have never stopped talking since then.

ii. The Tale of Two Roommates

“Won!” You banged at Wonwoo’s dorm room at exactly 7 pm. The two of you were supposed to hang out at the library, studying for finals. “Just a sec!” You heard Wonwoo called from inside the room, and couldn’t help but wonder what is taking him long enough. Contrary to what you expected, when the door finally swung open it wasn’t Jeon Wonwoo that was at the other side of the door. It was Wonwoo’s roommate, Kim Mingyu, if you had remembered correctly.  “Oop! Sorry to startle you. Wonwoo is going to take some time, you better come in.” He said sweetly, a smile was breaking on his lips. Mingyu was kind of cute, and you wondered why Wonwoo never mentioned that fact. “Thanks! Um, Mingyu is it?” “Correct! I suppose Wonwoo have mentioned me?” Mingyu had eyes like sugar and caramel, sweet. “Only in passing.” You shrugged lightly. Mingyu proceeded to sit on his bed and fiddled his laptop.

“I hope you don’t mind me blasting a song through my laptop? I lost my headphones a couple of days ago.”

“Yeah no problem! This is your room anyway.”

“Just between you and me,  I lent my headphones to Wonwoo and I could swear he had never given it back.” Mingyu said, not looking mad at all, instead his visage was decorated with a dubious grin. Implying that him and Wonwoo are close enough to make fun of each other. You continued to wonder why Wonwoo never properly introduced the two of you. The person in question was still in the bathroom, hell, only God knows what he’s doing in there.

You had thoughts that Wonwoo was going to be taking too long, and the library is going to be crowded by the time you two got there, but in all honesty he was unknowingly doing you a favour. As you sat on Wonwoo’s bed on the other side of the room, Mingyu was casually playing music by different artists. His tastes ranges from electric music, dance music, to popular songs you often hear on the radio. Your heart skipped a beat only when he glances at you from across the room, and replayed the song that was playing before. It was from Arctic Monkey’s 2013 album, a song you often play when you were in the mood to fall in love. The song, titled Knee Socks, was dripping through the speakers, and Mingyu caught your head bopping along with the beat. “You know this song?”

“Yeah, it was pretty popular when it came out didn’t it?” You added. This time you held Mingyu’s gaze. “It is actually! God, I feel so dumb playing this song now. It feels so outdated.” You chuckled at that. What does an attractive man like Mingyu had to fear? He began to talk to you about the songs he played after Arctic Monkey’s famous ballad was over. And you realised that Kim Mingyu, had held your attention completely. There was something about him that reminded you of chocolate covered caramel. When Wonwoo finally came out of the bathroom, he had looked unusually dashing. His face was completely bare, save for his round eyeglasses he never took off. He was wearing a v-neck t-shirt that shown his perfectly sculpted collarbone. And his wet hair was still slightly dripping. Not that you had noticed any of this, because that night you were completely smitten by Kim Mingyu.

Since then, you’ve found yourself making up a string of unusual reasons to come over to Wonwoo’s dorm. Either to borrow a charger, borrow Wonwoo’s laptop, anything, just so you have an excuse to see Kim Mingyu. It was between your 5th to 6th visits when Mingyu finally asked you out on a date. Wonwoo, being Wonwoo, always warned you against it. “Be careful! I hear he has a reputation.” It’s always be careful this, be careful that. You only started to wonder if Wonwoo was making some of those things up. As reality goes, Mingyu turned out to be one of the sweetest guy to exist. He was always walking you back to your place, even if that meant he had to take a 5 minute detour. He was always careful of your feelings. He never disregarded anything you said. The first few months, your relationship with Mingyu was perfect. You hung out with him in his room, which gave you the additional advantage of hanging out with Wonwoo too. You made Mingyu hot chocolate when he’s craving for one, and the list goes on.

But some stories are not only about you. When you first started dating Mingyu, Wonwoo was always skeptical about it. He was never quite sure about the odds of you two being together. But when it looked like it was going perfectly, Wonwoo’s frown began to cease. His doubts replaced with another feeling. Wonwoo couldn’t quite give the feeling a name, he just knew it when he felt it. 

The first time was when he walked into the two of you cuddling on Mingyu’s bed. It was not like Wonwoo was seeing red, but it almost seemed like he did. He felt the tiniest pinch inside his gut, but no words were registered to explain the phenomenon. After that, he only dreaded the thought of seeing the two of you together. It was not as if he didn’t like seeing you happy, he did. He completely, wholeheartedly did. He just preferred he didn’t have to see it.

iii. You Shouldn’t Build Houses Out Of People

It was nearing the end of your second year in college when you woke up in Wonwoo’s arms. You and Wonwoo stayed being the best friends that you always were. The year that has passed only made the bond stronger. There has been an additional list of activities that you and Wonwoo had shared without making it awkward because you two are almost closer than any friend. Going out late at night for McDonalds, hanging out at his dorm, catching a midnight movie premiere together. It was always Wonwoo this, Wonwoo that, if not Mingyu this, Mingyu that. Wonwoo had hugged you, braided your hair, picked you up and swung you around when your short movie won a college award. You had hugged Wonwoo, caressed the top of his head, squeezed his hand when you get nervous. Anything and everything. You had stayed together with Mingyu too, the whole time. You caught yourself repeatedly saying a prayer for Wonwoo and Mingyu’s presence in your life.

This is where the chapters started to get ugly. Love stories, they tend to get ugly before the main protagonist had any idea what they had been seeing. The same pattern you had found happening with your relationship with Mingyu. It was not as if you didn’t love Mingyu, you do. And he loved you too. But as time strengthen some relationships, yours only wore it down. Mingyu was constantly distracted by his college, his devotion to his music projects, his friend group that doesn’t include you and Wonwoo. This is when you start to realise that love was not a given. It was supposed to be a companion you were supposed to caress, feed and entertain. It was a guest, that came knocking into two people’s heart. And when the people in question started to be too busy to take care of it like they used to, love began to walk out the door. And so then, when Mingyu began to choose hanging out with his band, instead of you, or when you made little effort in making Tuesdays with Mingyu happen again, that was when love began to fade into the background.

The breakup was harsh. It was not as if you had been too numb to not feel broken up about ending a year long relationship with Mingyu. You had silently wept for falling out of love, you often question what you could’ve done to make it turn out the other way. You and Mingyu was sitting at the bench in the dorm lawn. It was almost midnight, so no one could’ve overheard the silent sobs. “It’s hurting me. That we are together, but I don’t feel for you anymore. I feel for the memories. I clung to it as if it’s the only thing I have. It pains me.” Mingyu’s words would not leave your head for years to come. And you had silently nodded in pain, because it was hurting you too. To look at Mingyu, and to wish loudly that things were as they were before. It hurt you to look at Mingyu and could only think of the past when the memories of present was what supposed to hook you onto reality.

He had went inside after that. That night, Mingyu didn’t walk you home and take his usual 5 minutes detour. But Wonwoo did. Like all best friends do, upon seeing Mingyu coming into the room looking completely distressed, something in Wonwoo snapped. He grabbed his coat, ran down the stairs and caught you silently crying on the bench. Wonwoo walked you home. Staying completely silent all the way there. Tucked you in to bed, and brew you coffee. He stayed with you the whole night, skipped class the next day, and moved out of his dorm the next day. “I just think it would be awkward seeing Mingyu after this.” He had said when you asked him why. You promised you would help him find a place.

Before you two had found one though, Wonwoo stayed at your place for a couple of days.  And then days turn to weeks. You had an extra spare bed you only used if your parents come to visit, and Wonwoo was welcomed to occupy it anytime he want. It was quite a comical set up, Wonwoo sleeping on the extra bed in front of the tv, and you on safely tucked in your bedroom. Wonwoo’s stuff splattered everywhere in his space, yours neatly stacked in your bedroom. You having to walk over Wonwoo sleeping body when you had to go to the bathroom at 3 in the morning. It was quite comical, but it was extra magical. Wonwoo was the best roommate anyone could ever ask for, he made dinner sometimes, do the dishes regularly, he’d watched shitty tv with you all the time, and he’s basically a kickass friend. You didn’t want to admit it but having Wonwoo living with you clearly made your days a whole lot better. You slept better knowing the safety of Wonwoo’s presence. You studied better, because Wonwoo always offered to study with you—knowing that someone willingly endured a form of torture with you, had given you an extra serotonin boost. You almost wished he would never found his own place.

The one night that you highlighted vividly in your memory about this chapter you shared with Wonwoo, was the night of your final exams. Exams had always tortured you. You always had this innate need to do everything perfectly, but also freaking out over the limited time that you have in studying. It was not a strange phenomenon that sometime you broke down crying before an exam, it was an accepted reality. Especially, when the days are extremely bad. You would cry harder, or break easier. There was nothing in between.

When Wonwoo noticed this, he calmed you down immensely. You were instantly reminded of how Wonwoo’s presence provided you this strange sense of calmness that softened all your edges. Wonwoo told you not to get too hung up over it, you’ll ace it anyway, you’ll be fine, in his deep baritone voice you secretly admired. The cherry on top of the sundae was when Wonwoo brought you to your room, tucked you in lightly so you would sleep. “It’s okay to sleep now. We’ve been studying since 5, we can continue again tomorrow morning. Besides your exams didn’t start until the day after tomorrow right?” The way he said it so calmly just forced rationality inside your head, you did nothing but nod. You caressed Wonwoo’s hand lightly as he sat by your bed to fiddle with his phone. Anyone who didn’t comprehend the bond you had with Wonwoo would think that what you were doing implied that you were his girlfriend. But anyone who shared the same bond probably knew better. But you weren’t so sure you knew better either.

“Won. Please don’t leave.”

“What? I’m not leaving. I’m right here.” He said, not peeling his eyes off the screen. “I mean just sleep here tonight. I have plenty of room.” At that Wonwoo directed his gaze at you. Undoubtedly surprise at your statement. This, was the one activity you had never done together. “Are you sure?” He asked. Wonwoo, the compassionate, quiet guy, who had helped you strengthen your grip on reality, time and time again. Sometimes you ask yourself if you even deserve him. “I’m serious. Just sleep!” You tugged at his hand and tapped at the empty space beside you. “Okay..” He agreed, and proceeded to take off his glasses, put down his phone and lay down beside you. Granted, with Wonwoo on the bed, the space seemed to shrink.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked innocently. “Ugh, don’t make this awkward Won. Just flop on the bed, lay in it, whatever. My bed is your bed, too.” You said as you stare at him. Head propped on the pillow. It was not long after that you started snoring. And so did Wonwoo. Secretly he liked sharing your bed. Your warmth provided him a strange sense of comfort he never experienced before. Wonwoo, only wondered, not out loud though, at the strange beat of his heart that night.

The nights after that wasn’t as bad as the first one. Sometimes you flop over his bed in front of the tv and slept with him. Sometimes he slept on your bed. It was a shared routine that you two never talked about. Not a single word said about the nature of this new activity.

A couple of nights after, you were casually scrolling through your instagram feed only to be greeted with a picture of Mingyu, and a girl you recognised was his classmate. You didn’t know what it meant. Had it meant Mingyu was completely over you? Did he do it just to piss you off? You realised you were living in bliss when you were with Wonwoo. Completely unaware of the world going on out there. Almost like a honeymoon, you thought, but then quickly dismissed the thought as if it were foul. But that picture of Mingyu had completely shattered the serenity that sheltered you and Wonwoo. You threw your phone across the room. Seemingly seething with anger.

“The hell? What is wrong with you?” He began to walk and pick up the phone. Mingyu’s smile was still plastered on the phone. The same exact page. “Oh.” He said when he realised what it was all about. “Yeah. Oh.” Your voice was dripping with venom. Only then did you realise how your anger at the breakup has never really subsided. It was as if anger comes in waves, and this was about to crash, loudly. Wonwoo calmly put the phone down to pull you into a tight hug. His hug felt calming. If your anger was like waves, Wonwoo’s hug was like a lighthouse.

You were sitting next to him on his bed, your head atop his shoulder, and his chin atop yours. “I’m sorry.” He said, softly. You made a mental note that you could recognise his voice, anywhere, anytime. You only shrugged in response. Did your relationship not mean anything to Mingyu? It hurts the most when it almost meant the world to you. You were cherishing the way Wonwoo’s arms curled on your shoulders was like a sign of protection. It in and of itself, meant you’re safe. You could only wonder how someone could be of such importance to another person.

“You know, you shouldn’t build houses out of people, y/n. Because they come and go. So easily. Almost like it’s nothing.” He finally pulled himself away from his initial position to stare at you right in the eyes. His eyes, you’ve always thought was like a cat’s. But now you realised the gaze, the fire flaming behind it, it looked more like a fox’s. Everything about Wonwoo in that moment, reminded you of safety, protection, familiarity and home. He was the only thing in New York that tied you to home. You both came from the same small town, you knew the same people, you’ve been his friend since college barely even started. Wonwoo was, in every sense of the word, home. And that night you’ve decided to come back.

You’d like to think you were never on your right mind when you’re sad. You were always making rash decisions you would later either regret, or forget. You never really know what was into you, to get you to pull him by the t-shirt, close the distance between you two that initially felt like 5 miles, but was now nothing but a shared breath. You kissed him, so hard that it felt like you were drowning. Later in life, when someone offered you to pick between chocolate covered caramel and peppermint candies, you made sure to pick the latter. Because that night, Wonwoo smelled like peppermint candies, and you couldn’t get it out of your mind. Almost as if it was driving you crazy.

You’d like to think you were pushed by all the pent up anger, the unsaid feelings about how you secretly liked Wonwoo’s touch, Wonwoo’s presence beside you on the bed, just Wonwoo. It could’ve been the way Wonwoo was literally sitting underneath the moonlight, basking in all of its glory. It could’ve been the way his fox like eyes stared at you like no one ever does before, like he understood you, through and through. It could’ve been anything. All you knew was if you didn’t kiss Wonwoo, you would’ve gone insane. “Kiss me, Won.” You murmured against his lips. And to your surprise, he did. He kissed you like he had never kissed anyone before.

He, on the other hand, liked to think, he was carried off. He didn’t know what has gotten into his right mind kissing you like that. Like he was hungry. Like he was in pain. He had pushed all other thoughts from his mind. That night there was only you. He looked into your eyes, and was reminded of the person you have always been to him. The only person who would listen to his nerdy ramblings about movies. The only person who remembered the names of all his cousins who always caused him trouble. The only person worth a damn in this whole world. It was not long before his hands found the buttons of your shirt, and your hands slid into his back, passionately lifting his t-shirt. When he pulled himself off of you to breathe, you recited him, “I shouldn’t build houses out of people, because they leave. But you, you’re my best friend Won. You would never leave.” You pulled him into a kiss one more time, and that night was the night the two of you came home.

iv. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

“Jeon Wonwoo!”

Wonwoo, startled, immediately turned around to see who that was. The owner of the voice was Kwon Soonyoung, his childhood best friend. Wonwoo had his hand on your back, slowly ushering you to Soonyoung’s direction. Kwon Soonyoung was a handsome 20-something year old. He was tall, not taller than Wonwoo, you made a mental note to yourself. His figure was very lean, like the figure of a professional figure skaters, or that of a professional dancer. Wonwoo with a grin stamped all over his face went up to him and gave him the tightest hug.

It was a festive evening. To be precise, it was Wonwoo’s friend, Seungcheol’s wedding. “Crazy how he is only a year older than me, but he’s getting married. Meanwhile, I couldn’t even score a date?”

Strange as it may seems, that one eventful night was the only time you slept with Wonwoo. You two woke up the other day, brushed each other’s hair, straightened your t-shirts and went on with life like nothing had happened. You had always thought it was one of two things; either it meant nothing, or it had meant everything and the weight of the thought had rendered your tongue useless. Either way, the two of you had never mentioned dating, or sex, or relationship in front of the other. As if it was a silent pact. The fact that this pact was never officially made just confirmed that Wonwoo and you practically operated on the same braincells.

“It’s because you have never made a move! Jeon Wonwoo, how are girls supposed to get to know you if you never made a move?” Unlike a normal person, Jeon Wonwoo never thought other girls exist besides you. It was always you, he thought of. You’re the only person he would call if he got into a fight with his mom. You’re the only person that should know his in depth feelings about his classmates. You’re the only person he thought of for a date to a friend’s wedding. After all, you’re his best friend.

“It feels like we haven’t seen each other in years!” Soonyoung exclaimed. The way he inserts himself into conversations strangely feels familiar. Soonyoung has a presence that made you immediately felt embraced, and at ease. He kind of reminded you of Wonwoo that way. “It’s because we truly haven’t, moron! How are you doing? I see you’re still getting 0 luck with girls.” Wonwoo teased him. The way the two interacted, made you think of brothers who have been separated for too long. Soonyoug playfully slapped Wonwoo’s back and gulped down his champagne. “Aish, don’t go flexing on me now that you got yourself a beautiful girlfriend!” He said, gesturing to you who were just standing there.

“Me? I’m not his girlfriend! I would never! No offense to you though, Won.” A smile emerged on Wonwoo’s face. It is a running joke that you would never date Wonwoo, and vice versa. You once told him, “At this point, we’re practically twins!”

“None taken, my lady.” Wonwoo said, still with the smile on his face. “Oh! Thank god. I was about to give you a whole essay on why you should rethink your decision.” Soonyoung teased, winking at you. At that the three of you laughed. You’ve never met Wonwoo’s childhood friends before. But he had always assured you, they’re like family to him, so they should be family to you too.

You, Soonyoung, and Wonwoo took up a table of five, joined by Seungkwan, and Seokmin who just happened to know Seungcheol too. You gave Boo Seungkwan a kiss on the cheek, reminding him how much you missed him. Seungkwan and Seokmin was such a comedic duo, you couldn’t help but burst with laughter every five minutes or so. It was one of those days where you really enjoyed yourself.

Weddings were not particularly your type of events. Strangely though, weddings were always graced with a type of magic that you could sense through the air. It might be because of how weddings itself was supposed to be the strongest union of two individuals who loved each other endlessly, and sacred enough that it could only be broken through death. It could be because a wedding is the happiest moments of a person’s life. It could be because for everyone else who was invited, it was a chance to reunite with old friends, and families.

And that night, the magic poured on your cheeks like raindrops. That night, as you sat by Wonwoo’s side. Feeling strangely nervous for finally meeting Wonwoo’s friends, he held your hands so tight, as if it was a secret message. And the message reads; don’t worry, you’re safe. What’s crazy is how he never let go of your hand the entire night. It was an unspoken gesture, but it was there. Even when you have finally loosen up, and laughed along with Seungkwan and Seokmin, he still wouldn’t let go.

When Seungcheol came up to the stage, serenaded with lovely romantic tunes, and began to start his speech, an homage to his wife. The night began to descend into something you are not entirely sure of.

“If I was supposed to describe my wife in three words, I’m going to be at a loss of words. Because how do you even try to describe someone so attentive, so caring, so beautiful, entirely intelligent, possesses the kindest heart, with just three words? 

My wife has given me everything I thought I didn’t deserve.”

During that pause, Wonwoo clutched your hand a little bit tighter.

“I was not the least bit stable when I first met her. That is even an understatement. I was just a mess. I was all over the place. I was late on bills, I was fired from my previous two jobs, and worse, I preferred to be drunk than having to face any of that senseless reality.”

This time you clutched his hand tighter. At one point, you could feel your own breath flowing in and out of your lungs.

“But, my wife? She was like a god sent. She came into my life like the angel Gabriel. Gave me a sense of direction. Helped me get sober. Helped me find a place to live that was not my mother’s basement.” Seungcheol earned quite a number of chuckles at that. But if you look clearly, his wife’s, as well as his friend’s eyes were starting to brim with tears. It must’ve been a dark chapter in his life.

“This woman practically saved my life.”

You turned your head, to get a look at Wonwoo. He was still staring directly at the stage, there were bits of tear on his clear, perfect eyes. As you look at him, you were only reminded of one thing. That night at your place, where Wonwoo was basking in the moonlight. Tonight, it was as if he was the moonlight. His grip on your hands felt like a comfort, security. The way he had always made you feel.

“So, when they asked me to write an homage to the angel who I’m now proud to call my wife, I thought, ‘man, how am I supposed to do that?’”

Wonwoo must’ve felt your stares, because now he was looking at you. There was such tenderness in his eyes, that couldn’t be compared. You’ve never seen Wonwoo this way before. Like a godsent. There was only one time that almost, briefly mimics this moment. It was the day you two went to the beach, for the first time together. Wonwoo was staring straight into the sunset, the wind whipping his hair, the glow of the sunset framing his visage. The scene was so dreamy, you almost thought it didn’t happen.

“Man, I suck at this. I hope my wife isn’t disappointed.”

Again, Seungcheol earned a number of laughter at that. And from the looks of it, his wife isn’t in any how disappointed. There were visible tears running down her cheeks, threatening to undo her makeup.

“So, let’s all raise our glass.”

Wonwoo’s stares was like daggers in your heart. Threatening to undo a secret long unraveled.

“To the most beautiful woman, I have ever met.”

As Wonwoo was fixing his stare at you, everything seems to finally made sense. There has always been a reason why you fit him more than his favourite sweater. To the most beautiful woman, I have ever met, a sentence fit only for you.

“To the love of my life.”

Claps erupted from all around the venue. And when you knew, you knew.

[ohstardust]

Rose Coloured Boy - [1/11]

Summary: Sebastian Stan & Eleanor Egan spent the better part of six years being the European outcasts of Rockland Country Day School. Despite growing through their teens as best friends, college soon broke down their friendship until nothing remained. Ten years later, a turn of events in a city as large as New York City, finds them running in the same social circles once again with nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. 

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x OFC

Word Count: 2k

Masterlist / Story Background / Playlist / AO3

A/N: Happy Birthday to Sebastian! I thought it was very fitting to start this series on his birthday so I hope you like the start and please let me know what you think. Part 2

1995

Eleanor Egan had befriended Sebastian Stan on an overcast morning in late August of 1995. No one had forewarned Eleanor how tragically horrific, and anxiety inducing, being the new kid at school would be especially when in a foreign country. Where she knew no one besides her mother and entered a school where most students had already grown up together. By 8am she’d already felt like a fish out of water and classes hadn’t even begun yet.

There were few things that could have eased her nerves that day more than another foreign new starter in class, she was thirteen years old with little inclination to start making new friends. She already felt too old to start that, past the point of starting fresh and trying to be social so she could avoid being the outcast even further, but someone else in her position eased her worry, and it lessened the pressure and cooled the heat that had been rising in her cheeks since breakfast. Eleanor didn’t like being the centre of attention at the best of times, especially not when she was being singled out for being the new different European student in a foreign country that was far more vast than her birthplace. With the other new student stood up before the class, she sighed in relief with the knowledge she now had someone else to share the first day spotlight with.

Rockland Country Day School was nothing like Eleanor had imagined. With only 120 students across PK - 12th grade, it was a far cry from the 1200 student populated high school she had known for the past year. Everything was so small despite the vast district she’d found herself now inhabiting and she cursed every life changing moment that had led her to Rockland. But her mum had reassured her that this was right, this was what they both needed, and they had each other, what more did they both need besides that and stability? The calming arms that embraced her still left her with an ounce of concern, but she trusted her mum was doing right by them both. She had no other choice. She had her mother or nothing.

After a day of few whispers and stares and more nice to meet you’s and small smiles, she worried less about returning the following day, and the years that were still to come. This wasn’t like the school’s they showed in American movies, this was civilised and welcoming and oddly comforting. She supposed she could stick it out here for the duration.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Romania. That’s where Sebastian Stan had been born. It had caught Eleanor so off guard that she stared wide eyed and bewildered at the young boy for a good five seconds after learning about his nationality. It was clear as day he wasn’t American, she’d been quick to realise this as soon as he introduced himself to their class of students, she just wasn’t expecting him to be so European. But it calmed her knowing he was in the same situation as her, the pair a million miles from home surrounded by people they were yet to know. She’d left England only six weeks prior and it felt so daunting to be thrown back into education somewhere that felt uncomfortable and new and unlike anything she’d experienced before.

Before the end of the first day, Eleanor and Sebastian had become firm acquaintances with all the promise of a firm friendship in the making.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

“What were the chances that in this tiny school, there were two brand new European students starting the same day in the same grade?” Eleanor wondered aloud in a muted whisper on that first Thursday afternoon, her chin resting in her left hand as her right repeatedly tapped her pen on her book in Science class boredom. Their teacher’s words circling and swirling around them in a haze that stopped just short of reaching Eleanor’s ears.

“Stupidly low, yet here we are.” Sebastian responded, scribbling notes in conjunction with the regaling of information, his hand working overtime, curious eyes darting from the blackboard to his paper and back again.

“I don’t believe in all that fate rubbish, but if I did, I’d probably put all the blame on that.”

He stopped his hand for a second and lifted his head to seek out the young girl wearing an amused smile, “Let’s just pretend it’s fate then,” Sebastian flashed a rounded, toothy grin at her before turning back to his notes.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

There’d been some mild excitement when she shyly spoke to her mother about Sebastian for the first time, it was strange, and she couldn’t put her finger on it, she’d had plenty of boy friends back home, but he felt different. Something about his confused accent from his time in Romania and Austria, his chubby cheeks that were impossibly rounded when he smiled and his earnest curiosity for learning all he could both in and outside of class, it twisted her in a way that she hadn’t felt before. He was a dorky nerd, yet so was she, and she’d smiled wide when she told her mum that she felt she’d met the boy version of her. Statistically it was bound to happen one day, but not this early on in her life. They were scarily alike for all their differences.

It was during the second week that Sebastian and Eleanor had come to befriend Nina Riley, a New Yorker that laughed loudly at weak jokes, spoke so animatedly that she encountered many near misses of smacking her dinner off the table with her gesticulations and had the longest hair Eleanor had ever seen in person. It was evident Nina was going to grow up to be a bit of a heartbreaker one day, yet Eleanor couldn’t bring herself to feel jealous every time a boy looked at Nina before they looked at her because she was so bright and had a smile more blinding than the sun itself.

The trio became thick as thieves, the three musketeers they often referred to themselves as. Odds were, if you were ever looking for one of them, you’d find the other two in their wake with wide smiles and shaking shoulders. They were the outcasts, no matter how nice and welcoming the other kids were, Sebastian, Eleanor and Nina were still on the outside of everyone else’s groups. And that was fine, they had their own and nothing was going to change that. Well almost nothing.

Nina left Rockland in the summer of 1999 with a promise to keep in touch and a sad smile reserved for those who knew her the most. The crack in their group left a hole that Sebastian and Eleanor didn’t know how to fill, hadn’t needed to fill in the four years they’d all been friends, so they grew even closer in their remaining two school years until the space was filled with just the two of them, comforting and complete again. They didn’t ever hear the full story for Nina’s departure, her family life a closed book, with mere snippets and glimpses at the odd pages, they simply had to accept she must go and wished her well through the tears and sadness of the fracture and loss of their best friend.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

2001

She didn’t tell Sebastian how thankful she was to have him beside her during that first year, and those remaining ones, until they were graduating high school. But she’d said it with a pink tinge to her cheeks as she curled up beside him on a shared picnic blanket surrounding DeForest Lake as they mused over their future with the young, naive curiosity only two eighteen-year olds could, full of hope and fear and excitement for the unknown. Old enough to make their own decisions and steer their life how they wished, but still young enough to have forever stretched out in front of them with endless possibilities. The clouds were few and far between, shifting at such a rate regardless, and the blue sky felt poignant and deliberate for one of the last afternoon’s they’d unknowingly spend together for another ten years.

Eleanor’s eyes wandered over the landscape rolling out before them, the towering trees, the flowing water, the tranquil sounds of the peace and quiet. The lake had been the place they could escape when things got too much, or they needed a break from the world, where they told each other endless secrets and make silly promises they thought they would keep. It was their place with all it’s cliches in tow.

“I’m scared, Seba.”

“Of what?”

“Of leaving. Home, school, this safety blanket we have around us, you. Everything’s gonna change, the world is so vast out there and I feel so small and lost in comparison.”

“Me too, El. Me too,” he sighed and tightened his grip surrounding her lower back, sniffing back the tears that were forming, he wouldn’t cry, he had to be strong for her, wouldn’t let her see just how scared he was of everything changing too, “but college is going to be amazing, we’re gonna have the time of our lives. We can be free.”

“I don’t feel ready, just wanna stay here a bit longer and pretend we don’t have to grow up yet.”

“You’re going to be the most successful person this school has ever seen, you mark my words, draguţă.”

Her head lifted off his chest and she grinned down at him, eyebrows raised teasingly as she ruffled his thick curly hair, “Wasn’t it you who was voted Most Likely to Become a Celebrity?” 

Sebastian eyes rolled, and he scoffed, “I’m never living this down, am I?”

“Not as long as you keep me around you’re not, I’m never letting that go.”

“What a shame, time to get rid of you then.”

Sebastian certainly deserved the jab in the side and bite to the shoulder he received from the smaller girl, his soft smile forming.

“I’m kidding, couldn’t let you go even if I tried.”

“Me either, and god have I tried Sebastian Stan.” She dramatically dropped her head back to his chest in mock exhaustion and fisted his soft marl grey shirt.

Sebastian pressed his lips to the crown of her head and snorted at her comment, “You’re terrible to me sometimes, absolutely horrible.”

“Get used to it darling, I’m not changing anytime soon.”

“Good.”

“Oh and Seb?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re gonna be the most successful Rockland graduate. I can just see it now, a big hotshot actor with a legion of adoring fans and a pick of any girl you want. It’s what you deserve.”

His cheeks turned pink and he grew bashful, hiding his smile in her hair. He didn’t allow himself to dream this much, it was too dangerous and uncertain, he was too afraid to jinx himself and feel the disappointment further down the line. But the thought made him feel warm and content, knowing the faith Eleanor had in him. He was certain he could do anything he put his mind to with her belief.

“Only if you’re by my side, being overly emotional and lame as always.”

“I resent that, idiot,” she protested, “but yeah, I’ll be there.”

They didn’t know everything would change in a matter of months, both so sure they’d be around each other for the rest of their lives, in the audience cheering each other on through every theatre performance, attending premieres together for each others films, maybe even working together on a few occasions, and for them, that kept the dream alive longer than their friendship, it felt like an attainable goal if they were aiming for it together.

The regret would settle in years later when they were old enough to properly reminisce; they’d remember this day with a fond sadness, through a haze of why did I let you go? that would last for a moment or two before they shook themselves free and continued on with their lives.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Rose Coloured Boy tags: @lovingfionn​, @lowdenglynnstyles, @outofworkactress

[fullvoidmoon]

Where it All Began

Pairing/s: Thorin x wife!reader, Richard Armitage x fem!reader

Setting/Timeline: New Zealand, Ireland, Reincarnation!AU, Modern!AU, Durins live!AU

Warning(s)/Genre(s): None that I could think of

Word Count: 1,270

The Hobbit and the Durins © J.R.R. Tolkien Context © me

Based on my imagine.

A/N: So sorry if this one is kinda boring. I have to get this done because this has been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, but I know it will be better on the next chapters.

The Hobbit tag list: @igotanaddixon @fromthedeskoftheraven @deepestfirefun @evyiione @mrs-thorin-oakenshield @life-is-righteous @sdavid09 @dreamsofrivendell @epicallychrissy @petals-overdaisies @antlers-inallofmy-decorating

Thorin II Oakenshield tag list: @fab-notfat

Find Her series tag list: @superwholockianwitch @aspiringtranslator @leah-halliwell92 @pixierox101

Permanent tag list: @thepoet1975@cd1242 @thegreyberet @fizzy-custard @imaginedreamwrite​ @teenwolftimelord​

Masterlist: HERE

Part 3 - Not a Moment To Lose Part 5 - Something Unexpected

“Aren’t we going to look for the rest of the Company before heading straight to New Zealand?”

“We’ll look for them later, Kili.”

Kili couldn’t help but give out an exasperated sigh as he watches both his bustling and over-thinking uncles, silently groaning as he could also feel the growing tension and nervousness the two older Durins exudes as they plan out their upcoming trip to New Zealand.

Thorin finally got the news he’s been waiting for, and he simply can’t sit still; all he wanted is to have (Y/N) in his arms after what they’ve been through.

“Couldn’t we, at least, stay for a little longer and think things through,” he asks again, slightly flinches when Dwalin throws a menacing glare at his way, “the holidays are just about to conclude, making it more difficult for us to book a flight overseas.”

“I do not know if I could wait that long,” Thorin sighs, prompting to sit on an armchair as he looks over his open luggage, “we finally know where my wife is. And I simply cannot let time pass by not when-.”

“Not when we can use it to our own expense by going to New Zealand and meet her as soon as possible,” Kili injects, making Thorin and Dwalin look at him like he had grown two heads, “I know Uncle, it’s all written in your face in spite you not voicing it out.”

Thorin sighs again, probably for the nth time since their impromptu visit at the nearest pub the other day, but couldn’t help the warmth that slowly spreads in his chest as he looks at Kili, who sports a comforting smile at him as he feels that sense of pride running in his veins. The youngest of his sister’s brood is known as being rambunctious and cheeky 24/7, but there is no doubt he always remembers and cherishes all the teachings they’ve given him and his brother. 

And his compassion and deep understanding on all things and circumstances never cease to make his brooding mind be at ease; most, if not all, doubts and apprehensions being pushed away and replaced with utter certainty.

Thorin chuckles, more likely at himself for being foolish and doubtful of his abilities of making something impossible possible, as he turns his attention at Kili, “you surely put me at ease, Kili.”

“And I’m getting the chills of how uncharacteristic of him to do ‘dat,” Dwalin adds, his voice almost inaudible due to his mumbling as he eyes Kili like he unknowingly caught a disease.

“Now that’s rude of you, Mister Dwalin,” Kili exclaims, his lips pouts as his eyes turns round like a puppy, “you hurt my feelings!”

Thorin couldn’t help but give out a hearty laugh, remembering the days when his nephews would make his right-hand man’s life a walking circus; how each of them would receive a fitting punishment for doing so as payback. And how much he wishes for them to go back to the way they were.

Though their plan on flying overseas as soon as possible is further postponed due to something as trivial as the holiday rush, Thorin knows it is not enough to stop them from reuniting their family.

Even if it means they will have to go back to the world where they truly belong, or fly to the other side of the planet. 

“You look like you’ve been hit by a storm.”

“Really, though I still tried to look as presentable as I planned to.”

No matter how odd, or slightly suspicious, it is for someone so known like Dean O’Gorman to treat you like you’ve been his friend for a long time, it still makes you feel warm in the inside and makes you smile despite having another chaotic night filled with the same haunting dream; that there are still some goodness in this day and age no matter how chaotic, deceitful, and fearful everything may seem.

Dean have learned of your countless trips in New Zealand on the night he had quite a long talk with you, and how he could’ve met you on those few times; or so he said. Deep down he wished he should’ve met you years ago, regardless if he would immediately remember everything that had happened in his past life as Fili or not, and make it up to those times he never got to spend with you and his Uncle after the War of the Ring. 

And Dean, as Fili, could still remember it as if it just happened yesterday; both of you fought hard and died in the Battle of Dale; bravely protecting the fallen King Brand while rallying your kin to protect both kingdoms of Men and Dwarves from the Easterlings of Rhûn.

Though he would never admit it to you, for he knows you have no recollection of everything as his Aunt and as Queen of the Lonely Mountain, but he couldn’t help but wish he could’ve done something to prevent your death; he believes it may also has something to do with the loss of your memories.

‘I wish your memories will come back soon, Aunt (Y/N),’ he thinks as he subtly and solemnly looks at you by the passenger seat, quietly chuckling as he could see your (e/c) orbs filled with wonder by looking at the passing scenery, ‘I don’t want Uncle to be heartbroken when you’ll meet him, but you don’t remember anything.’

“Dean, we’re here,” you exclaim, unknowingly breaking his reverie as you look at the set of Hobbiton up in the hills.

“Are you sure you’ve been here before?” He asks, masking his concern as he couldn’t help but adore you and the excitement evident in your eyes, “you act like this is your first time coming here in Matamata.”

“This place still gives me that sense of excitement no matter how many times I come back here,” you sheepishly reply, “thank you so much for the company, Dean-.”

A sudden feeling of familiarity slowly brushes all of your senses as you slowly take in your surroundings, looking at each hills and at every small, round, and colorful doors of each Hobbit-holes; giving you that sense of nostalgia and subtle longing.

“(Y/N), are you alright,” Dean asks wearily, noticing your sudden quietness and your trance-like gaze, “hey, can you hear me?”

“Why do I feel like I’ve been here before?” You whisper as you start trying to understand everything that has been happening in the past few years. 

Instead of seeing fellow tourists, accompanied with friends or families, what you’re seeing is something you know you only see in movies you’ve grown to love; herds of cattle and sheep in the distance, children running around and playing with their toys or flying their kites.

And people, people smaller than the average human, with large ears and walking barefoot with huge pair of feet.

“(Y/N).” he softly replies, “you just said so yourself-.”

“No,” you interject, seeing small flashes of events you don’t quite. “It’s like I’ve been here way before than I thought.”

You have a gut feeling that what you’re seeing is not that of the present moment. Deep inside, you know those are distant memories. And as you turn your attention to Dean, the look in your (e/c) orbs makes him slowly realize you are remembering something he wishes for you to remember.

With memories so significant that you swore you will always remember for the rest of your days.

“Fili, we are back.”

And seeing those memories again, it does feel like you’ve gotten back to where it all began.

[cammcharg]

2020 changed my life, and I’m grateful as hell for it.

I’m grateful as hell for 2020.

It was grueling and painful, but as far as my own personal evolution goes, it was an enormous gift. 

Just about a week before the quarantine hit here in the United States in March, one night both my longstanding Facebook and Instagram accounts were hacked and totally deleted out of the blue.

Everything went down. My immediate feeling was oddly relief.

I had so much invested in these things. So many things that I’d created and photos and videos, etc.  I had actually made great and fascinating friends with creative people from around the world. I had earned work and had amazing experiences based on work that I’d posted here and relationships created here. It was a great loss, but I was relieved.

It was a great loss, but I was relieved.

I didn’t realize how enslaved and addicted that I was to this stuff, and holding on to people on these things who in reality, really kind of sucked.

Then, the quarantine hit. I was isolated x’s 10, but so grateful to not be exposed to the monkey see/monkey do internet hive-mind shit show. It did hurt to have my voice largely taken away (and to be honest, sometimes it still does)  but it also helped force me to go within, which was everything. 

(I was actually never fully quarantined until literally about three weeks ago. The project that I was working on got cancelled due to the outbreak, and I had to take jobs at an insanely busy wine store that was deemed essential, and also at an unbelievably busy outdoor bar that was only recently closed. It was extremely humbling, and I was grateful. I dealt with literally thousands of people a day sometimes. I needed the money. Hundreds of young drunk people, often not following any of the rules, blasting their voices right in my face without masks every night, etc. It was like herding cats, and dumb, drunk cats that could unknowingly kill you.  I guess I’ve been lucky, but that’s another story. I could get sick tomorrow, but I can’t help but believe that although I have been careful, because I have really been dealing with this without really any second thought or fear, it may have helped my immune system? Who knows, but I like to believe that might be the case. I've been tested about a dozen times, mostly for a few photo-double gigs for a a couple of movies that went into production with heavy safety procedures and was fortunately negative every time. I still remain careful and very respectful of others, and I certainly don’t brazenly challenge this virus, but I really don’t invest myself with any fear or even much thought about it at all.)

Anyway, I was off of social media for over four months before I decided to start over with brand new accounts. I just can't recommend this enough, or at the very least, taking one day completely off a week. I started again with a totally new perspective. I would be on it far, far less, and I would be much more particular about what I engaged in and the quality of people who I’d permit into my life. I truly, and I mean this… don’t give a shit anymore. I was liberated.

I used this time since March to take a very hard and long look inward alone. I meditated a lot and have never missed a day since. I continued to refuse to watch and be manipulated by TV news. I travelled to old places and let a lot go… a lot. I dropped any and all things that I’d identified with before.

I would not have done this with anywhere near this intensity without having been forced into this situation that my soul was really asking for.

I just hoped so hard that at least a large majority of humanity used this opportunity to do something similar, rather than just obsess about Trump, fear-post about the virus every two minutes, and binge watch the latest shitty streaming internet water cooler event of the week so you can be the first to post about it and get those, “likes”.

I think from the conversations that I’ve had and the feeling that I have about it all, that enough of us did it. I like to believe that we collectively hit some sort of turning point, anyway.

I feel like we were collectively heading 100mph into a brick wall, and events have given us a chance to find ourselves and free ourselves, or at the very least begin the search.

I think enough of us have, and I think that 2021 will be the beginning of a new and more authentic beginning and way of life for us. It’ll be bumpy and challenging, but I like to believe that we’ve made it through the worst of the fire.

Happy 2021 to you and yours!