#(and that skeeves me out so i engage less with things to do with him. that’s it that’s all)

[wormieapple]

i very, very genuinely do not understand y people h8 the actor men so much??? or by association the characters the actor men play???? does this enhance your enjoyment of the show, is that why??? does dividing yourself from others to fight them on relatively menial things bring more dopamine to people and that’s why they get up in arms abt j2 and hellers and all these other things that i just genuinely cannot see a meaningful goal to????

it is inch resting

[drabbles-mc]

Hands Off

Bishop Losa x Reader

Request by @jmvalhalla1998​: Hi there! I guess this would be a request but is it possible to do a Bishop x Reader where her ex comes to town with them nothing talking to each other at all he doesn’t know she is with Bish so he tries to win her back causing Bish to get protective/territorial? You can make them engaged or have the reader pregnant if it makes it more interesting.

Warnings: language

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: This was oodles of fun to write. Who doesn’t love to see Bishop getting a little worked up and protective??

Bish Taglist: @masterlistforimagines​ @sincerelyasomebody​ @sadeyesgf​ @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @tomhardydallasstarsgirl​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @sillygoose6969​ @queenbeered​ @louisianalady​ @gemini0410​

You were looking at all the fresh produce in front of you, trying to figure out what exactly you wanted to pick up for dinner. Once Bishop got back from his run, he was going to be home all weekend and for you, that was worth celebrating. You toyed with the ring dangling at the end of your necklace chain, telling yourself that you had to get around to going to the jewelers to get it re-sized so you would actually wear it on your left hand. You tucked it back underneath the collar of your shirt as you started plucking a few things to put into your cart.

You were off to pick up the last of your dinner items when you heard an all-too-familiar voice, “Y/N?”

You spun around, your heart dropping into your stomach as you came face-to-face with your ex. You hadn’t seen or heard from him in three years, and that worked out incredibly well for you. He wasn’t missed by you. “What’re you doing here?” your tone had no sweetness to it.

He laughed, “That’s a funny way to say ‘I miss you’.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” he forged onward despite the fact that you were letting him know that you wanted nothing to do with him, “I’m gonna be back in town for a few weeks because of work. Offer still stands, if you wanna get out of this town you’re more than welcome to come with me.”

You scoffed, “Absolutely not.”

You started to push your cart away when he spoke up again, “What’re you up to these days, anyway? You seeing anyone?”

You sighed, “As a matter of fact, yes, I am.”

He scanned the store, “Oh?”

You rolled your eyes, “Some people trust their partners to go places without them.”

He gave you a once-over, eyes lingering far too long, “I wouldn’t let you outta my sight.”

“Yea, you made that abundantly clear a few years ago. If you had any long-term memory at all you’d remember that that was half the reason I let you leave without me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish my grocery shopping,” you huffed and walked away, desperate to get out of the store and as far away from him as possible.

You tried your hardest to push the interaction from your mind as you worked on putting dinner together when you got home. You had gotten a text from Bishop that he was less than an hour out and it made you get your butt in gear and start cooking. If you timed it right, it would be done just after he got home. He always told you that you didn’t need to make a fuss when he came back from runs, but you couldn’t help it. And truthfully, you knew that he enjoyed it.

You were setting out plates and silverware when you heard the door open. You looked up, a smile on your face when you saw Bishop standing in the doorway. He dropped his bag to the floor and held his arms out. You couldn’t help but to laugh as you ran over and jumped into his arms, letting him sweep you off the floor and spin you around in a hug.

You hooked your legs around his waist and kissed him, “I missed you.”

He chuckled as he hooked his hands together underneath your legs, “I missed you too.”

You let him go unpack and change into a more comfortable set of clothes while you finished bringing everything to the table. You smiled as you felt his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you so that your back was pressed up against his chest. He pressed kisses along your shoulder and neck.

“I told you, you don’t have to do all this.”

You smiled, resting your hands on top of his, “I know I don’t have to. I want to, though. It gives me a reason to actually do something with myself besides miss you while you’re gone.”

He chuckled, “You’re breaking my heart, querida.”

The two of you had dinner together, and all you could think about was how nice it was to have him home again. You knew that his life was never going to allow him to be home all the time, and you accepted that, but that acceptance never made you miss him any less. You couldn’t stop staring at him as he gave you all the highlights of the run.

After dinner, the two of you were curled up in bed watching a movie. You idly toyed with the ring on the end of your necklace chain as you soaked up all of Bishop’s body heat underneath your mountain of blankets. As your fingers slid across the smooth metal band, the events that happened at the grocery store all came racing back and you instantly felt a knot forming in your stomach all over again.

Bishop felt you tense up and he looked over at you, “Everything alright, sweetheart?”

You nodded, “Yea. I just, um, there was something I forgot to mention.”

He paused the movie, “What’s going on?”

You had no idea how to start this conversation with him. Nothing really happened, but you still felt like you should tell him, “When I was at the store today, I, uh, I ran into my ex.”

His brows furrowed. He wasn’t the type to get jealous, but he also knew that your ex hadn’t treated you well and that was his real issue. “What happened? I thought that he was gone?”

You shrugged, “He’s back in town for a while for work I guess. I don’t think that he’s a real threat or anything I just, I don’t know,” you shook your head, “I felt so skeeved out after talking to him, that’s all. I’m not telling you because I want you to do anything about it, I just figured I should let you know.”

He’d never met your ex—he was long gone by the time that you and Bishop had gotten together. But the stories that you told him were enough. The protective part of him was kicking into gear as he processed what you were telling him. Even though you said that you didn’t want him to do anything about it, that was exactly what he was planning to do.

“Hey,” you gently squeezed his arm, “Obispo, I mean it. Don’t do anything stupid—he’s not worth it.”

He kissed your forehead, “I love you.”

You chuckled, shaking your head, “I love you too, but that’s not a response to what I just said.”

He pulled you closer, your face resting against his chest, “It’s my response to everything you say.”

You didn’t push it, knowing that whatever Bishop was thinking about doing wasn’t anything that you were going to be able to talk him out of. The more you thought about it, the more you hoped that the odds would be on your side and that the two of them just wouldn’t cross paths for however long your ex was in town. They didn’t run in the same circles, so maybe, just maybe, you’d luck out.

Those thoughts got pushed from your mind, though, as Bishop started peppering kisses along your neck and jaw. You laughed and melted into him, happy to forget about whatever the future was going to hold that was out of your control.

The next morning, Bishop was up bright and early. He nudged you awake, telling you he wanted to take you out to coffee and breakfast at the café in town. As much as you wanted to stay in bed and do absolutely nothing all day, it had been a while since the two of you had a breakfast date, so you agreed.

He took you on the bike, which you loved. There was something exhilarating about not just riding through town on the back of his bike, but also just walking around with your hand entwined with his. Even when he was off the clock, he was almost always in his kutte. It made him stand out a little more but you didn’t mind it, especially because some of that confidence seeped over into you. There was something special about the president of the MC doting on you, keeping you pressed up against his side as you made your way through town.

His phone rang right before you walked into the café. He looked down at the screen and then back to you, “Want to grab us a table? I’ll be right in. Less than five, I promise.”

You smiled, shaking your head, “Anything for you,” you gave him a quick peck on the lips before walking in and asking for a table for two.

You were scanning over the menu when you heard footsteps approaching your table. You assumed it was going to be Bishop, or a waiter, but instead you looked up and into the face of the man you hoped you would go the next few weeks without seeing again.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

You sighed, muttering somewhat under your breath, “You gotta be kidding me.”

Without bothering to ask, he pulled out the chair across from you and sat down, “Some might say that this is a sign.”

“A warning sign, maybe,” you said with a shake of your head, “I’m engaged. Let it go.”

“Engaged and going out to breakfast by yourself?”

“I’m not by my—”

He held his hand up to stop you, “C��mon, just grab one drink with me tonight. One drink, and if you still want nothing to do with me, I’ll leave you alone forever.”

You looked up and you saw Bishop standing behind his chair, looking larger than life. You pressed your lips together, waiting for your fiancé to say something. He cleared his throat, “Sounds like something you should be doing anyway.”

He instinctively went to push the chair back, but Bishop was blocking him in. his hand came to rest on your ex’s shoulder, and from the look of pain on the man’s face, Bishop was exercising his grip strength a little bit.

“Y/N mentioned that you were back in town.”

“Oh? She did?”

“Yea,” Bishop’s other hand gripped his free shoulder, “she also mentioned that you have a bad habit of not minding your fucking business.”

Your ex was all but trembling in his seat, and it would’ve been a lie to say that you weren’t enjoying every second of the scene unfolding in front of you. You didn’t need Bishop to look out for you, but you enjoyed that he did anyway. And, judging by the satisfied smirk that was creeping onto his face, Bishop enjoyed it too.

“Look, I’m just saying,” you could tell that your ex was scrambling to string the words together, “she seems to be on her own an awful lot. Must get lonely.”

“And you’re just here to remedy that loneliness, is that it?” Bishop’s tone was begging him to say something stupid.

“Well, someone should.”

“Hmm,” you could see his grip tightening on your ex’s shoulders, “You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about,” he leaned down so that he could speak a little quieter, “But god help me if I ever see you anywhere near my wife ever again I will break every one of your fingers, one at a time, and then make you drive yourself home. We clear?”

He nodded, fear written all over his face, “C-clear.”

“Good,” Bishop finally released his grip, “Now get the fuck out so we can have breakfast.”

He stood up, giving you one last look to see if you had anything to say. You gave him a sickly sweet smile and waved goodbye without a word, and he scampered out the door. You turned your attention back to Bishop, who was sitting down in his seat.

You smiled at him as he sat down, reaching your hands across the table so you could hold them in your own, “How good did that feel?” there was a hint of laughter in your voice.

He smiled at you, his voice quiet, “Really fucking good.”

You gave his hands a light squeeze, “Also, getting a preview of what it’s going to be like hearing you refer to me as your wife? What a rush,” you giggled.

He lifted your hands up and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, “You’ve got a whole lifetime of that ahead of you, sweetheart.”

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

The Critique of Manners, Part II

~Or~

A Candid Review of ITV's Emma (1997)

Disclaimer: I do know that both this and the Miramax version were released in 1996, but to avoid confusion, I refer to this one as the “1997 Emma” in reference to the US release date.

The bones of this review were written some six years ago after my initial viewing. I’ve watched it three or four times since then, two very recently (Within the past year). I’d started to soften on it in the most recent watch. So many people love it so much I thought surely maybe I’m just crazy or even wrong; until I found this blog post from 2008 (a year before my favorite version was released) that hit on almost EVERY SINGLE thing that skeeved me out about this version when I first watched it.

Like my previous review of Emma. (2020), I’ll be covering the cast and overall handling of the script in comparison with what I know from reading the book. I will also be commenting on my thoughts about the costumes (Whether they are attractive or accurate, or both, or neither) which will be a bit more in depth than it was for the 2020 version, and this will set a pattern for the costumes section going forward.

Directed by Diarmuid Lawrence with screenwriting by Andrew Davies (Or should I say “Written by Andrew Davies with direction by Diarmuid Lawrence”?), this version was  a fan-favorite among Janeites for many years for … well, reasons I’ve never been entirely certain of. I’ve read the book twice through and referenced pertinent passages MANY times besides, and really I don’t see what they’re raving about.

Let’s dive in.

Cast & Characterization

I’d known about this adaptation for a while, but I held off on watching it, largely for one reason: my apprehension about Mark Strong playing Mr. Knightley.

     I was concerned because when I watched this I had already seen Mark Strong as Sir John Conroy in The Young Victoria and as Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes, both very unpleasant characters. But there have been several occasions when I expressed displeasure with casting choices only to eat my words when I actually watched the movie. So I entered into watching this with an optimistic outlook, sure that Mark and Kate would surprise me with brilliant performances. And I would like to say that they did, but that would be an untruth.

My biggest fear about Mark Strong playing Mr. Knightley was that his rebuking of Emma was going to be a watered down version of ‘RAAAWWWRRR’ that I was familiar with, specifically because of The Young Victoria. It’s very hard for me to see Mark Strong point his finger in Emily Blunt’s face and shout at her, and then watch him do the same thing with Kate Beckinsale (only somewhat less aggressively) and expect to feel all warm and fuzzy about their romance. I expected that to be a tall order. And it was. Whenever he raises his voice, the right side of his face pulls up into a snarl. Now since it does this no matter what role he’s playing I’m guessing that’s just how his face is. It’s not his fault really and it’s almost certainly unintentional, but I’ve seen that snarl before and it does NOT belong on Mr. Knightley’s face.

   Don’t ever think I don’t LOVE Kate Beckinsale, and I don’t necessarily think that my problems with this interpretation of Emma are her fault; these things very rarely fall on the shoulders of the actual actors, but those of the screenwriters and directors who guide them. However – and I am aware that this might sound a bit harsh – I would say that at points, Kate Beckinsale’s performance in this movie (In my opinion) barely outstrips community theatre or even very good high school drama club level acting. It seems to me that there’s burden on her here to sound historical or period. This lends to this interpretation of Emma feeling at once both cold and childish (more on that later.)

Her best moments are when she runs into Jane as Jane is leaving Donwell and when she speaks with Robert Martin at the end of the film. I always like scenes where Emma tacitly apologizes to Mr. Martin, and her feeling when she invites him to Donwell is Kate’s finest moment in this movie.

I found Raymond Coulthard’s Frank Churchill insignificant at first, but on repeat viewings I really started to hate him. I don’t think Austen intended Frank’s caddishness (to use more modern vernacular I’d say he’s an utter “Douche”) to be quite this obvious on first glance. He’s a creep in this version and Raymond Coulthard is just not at all attractive to me, from his big nose to his little shark teeth.

Olivia Williams was a good, even great, Jane Fairfax, and in my opinion does a much better job of portraying Jane’s vexation than, say, Polly Walker did (more on that next time), while still quietly looking like she’d like to arm-bar Frank rather than take his vulgar teasing lying down.

She also has the distinction of being the only Jane Fairfax who’s singing REALLY blows Emma’s out of the water, and I like that all of the songs she sings are in languages other than English (primarily Italian I think?). This achieves the double whammy of showing how much more accomplished she is than Emma by emphasizing that not only does Jane sing and play better, but she knows languages too.

Samantha Morton is a superb actress whom I love and I was sort of appalled at how she looks in this movie. Is she dying of a wasting illness? She looks like a gust of wind will carry her away, although since she looked the same in the 1997 Jane Eyre (In which she played the title role under similarly appalling direction) perhaps that was just her look that year?

Dominic Rowan, as Mr. Elton, is… there’s a perfect word to describe it and I just can’t think of it right now. Like every other young man in this movie (other than Robert Martin) he’s got this feeling of skeeviness to me but it’s more than that. It’s a dweebie-ness as well. This is so dissatisfactory to me because Mr. Elton is supposed to have every appearance of charm and agreeableness, with his only obvious fault being his over-eagerness to ingratiate himself to Emma and some rather vulgar locker-room type talk about marrying for fortune. He’s just so… (I’ve hit upon it now after some discussion with my sister) dingy. He looks less like a “very handsome young man” who “knows the value of a good income” and more like the kind of guy that scrubs up okay, but still you can tell from the rumple of his clothes and the pizzaroni odor wafting from him that he lives in his mom’s basement.

The shining star for me in this production was Alistair Petrie as Robert Martin. I love him as an actor and especially after watching him in Cranford, I think he was an excellent choice for Harriet’s Mr. Martin.

Davies wrote the character to be a little more romantic (Actually buying Anne Radcliffe’s The Romance of the Forest, where originally Mr. Martin was supposed to forget to – something Emma uses as a mark against him to prove how he will age into an “gross vulgar old farmer” who is “obsessed with profit and loss”.)

I especially like an inserted scene where Mr. Martin, working in his field, sees a distressed Jane Fairfax from afar as she is walking home (I think from Donwell). I thought it drew an interesting parallel between two emotionally wronged characters that otherwise would have no interaction.

What’s with Mrs. Elton (Lucy Robinson)? I don’t think nearly enough people question this. I’ve seen it explained away as her being from Bristol and trying to make herself sound more hoity-toity to hide the fact that she’s New Money. I’m not positive on what a Bristol accent sounds like (For that is where Augusta Hawkins is from) but… this sounds like an American trying to sound posh. At some points she almost sounds Texan. It’s all very confusing, because the actress is British.  

Prunella Scales lists among her achievements being an outstanding actress and comedienne, as well as bringing into the world Samuel West, one of my all time favourite British screen crushes. She's probably best known for her work on Fawlty Towers, so its interesting to see her range as much less inscrutable Miss Bates. Her performance is by the book, but so much more engaging than Constance Chapman's 1972 offering, although i find her perhaps a shade too placid. She lacks a certain nervousness that I associate with the character (for more information, see my previous review.)

As for Bernard Hepton as Mr. Woodhouse, I can only say I. Didn’t. Like. Him. I have every consciousness of this being a personal bias. I have seen him play too many insufferable characters in too many things to like him as Emma’s lovable if tiresome father. This isn’t a knock on him or his performance; his reaction to Mrs. Elton is some great subtle visual comedy, this is just a me thing.

Another one of the better characterizations, though a relatively small role, is John Knightley. Played by Guy Henry, he is shown to be a good father, and an “Gentleman-like man”, with just the right blend of good humor and caustic comments.

Sets & Surroundings

I’d never paid MUCH attention to or questioned the houses and interiors used for estates in Austen adaptations until the 2020 version of Emma used such ridiculously lavish houses for relatively provincial gentry it forced me to sit up and pay attention. I think the houses used in this version are mostly suitable.

The part of Donwell Abbey’s exterior is played by Sudeley Castle in Gloucestershire. The Key words for Donwell from the text are “rambling and irregular” and while perhaps not as big as the Former Claremont House (Which, it is believed, was Austen’s inspiration for Donwell Abbey) it definitely is a suitable architectural style and situation and furthermore, having been purchased in the 19th century by a glove manufacturer and having been up to that point left in a little bit of a state of disrepair, fits the “neglect of prospect” Austen describes as well. Its interiors are a cobble-work of the Great Hall at Broughton Castle (Oxfordshire), various rooms at Stanway House (Gloucestershire), and the Strawberry beds at Thame Park (Oxfordshire)

(Top, left – Sudeley Castle; Bottom left – Trafalgar Park; Right – Dorney Court)

Trafalgar Park in Wiltshire and its interiors (a minty sage-green drawing-room fitting in perfectly with the mint-chocolate – primarily chocolate – color palette of the production) played the role of the Woodhouse’s home, Hartfield. A typical Georgian style house in red brick, I believe is consistent with Austen’s description of a “well built, modern house”.

Dorney Court in Buckinghamshire was used for Randalls, Mr. Weston’s recently purchased estate. It’s a Tudor style red brick house and it looks pretty on the mark from the front facade, but I think it’s still too big for a “small estate” with only two guest rooms (Although there’s no panic about the snow in this version – perhaps because it’s already snowing when they set out.)

My biggest problem is the lighting of this movie. I understand natural lighting and I LOVE it when you can even it out – but it is so dark in the evening scenes that it adds to the colorlessness of an already colorless production.

Fashion

Oh Jenny Beavan. You are a well-respected costume designer with good reason. However, I know that most of these costumes are rentals, but why is every-fucking-thing in this movie a shade of brown, beige or green?

As you can see, a rich tapestry of brown and beige. And this isn’t selective. this is (just about) every day-wear outfit in the movie (barring repeats and a few exceptions that I’ll give mention to below.)

Emma’s outerwear is brought to you by Hershey’s Chocolate. Also I’m not certain but I think  that her light brown redingote is the same one as Elinor’s in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility? If anyone can confirm, drop it in the comments.

Perhaps the evening wear will be more colorful?

Barely – Mrs. Weston in a brownish orange; Mrs. John Knightley in an orange-ish brown; Emma gets a dark blue? Or is that just the wintery glow from the window on a dark green velvet? Green (either so dark it’s almost black, or washed-out mint) appears to be the only color Emma is allowed to wear other than brown or ivory/white. Even her gown for the Crown Inn Ball (upper right) is an underwhelming and rather dingy ivory. The champagne number she wears for Christmas at Randalls is not only lack-lustre, but also sports what I’m now calling a “Bridgerton Bust” (where the Empire waist comes up too high, with the seam apparently resting across her bust rather than under it.)

The pink frock (seen properly only from the back) on Mrs. Weston is as close to real color as a main character gets in this production, and can be recognized as one of Jane Bennet’s dresses from the previous year’s Pride and Prejudice.

Even Jane Fairfax doesn’t get a break. Rather than putting her in Jane Fairfax Blue ™ (honestly, Jane Fairfax being costumed in blue is so consistent at this point Crayola should just name a crayon in her honor - this is gonna come back in future reviews) she gets a black-green evening number with no trim at all, and a succession of what the Ladies over at Frock Flicks like to call the “Dumpy Regency Little White Dress”, or drab gray-blues.

Some of the background dancers in the Crown Inn Ball scene get to wear pink! Why not put Harriet in a nice pink frock for this scene?! Why is this so difficult?!

Strawberry picking at Donwell is the only time main characters are consistently wearing identifiable colors that aren’t brown or green: Mrs. Weston in pink, Miss Bates in (oddly the most colorful dress of them all) a nice refreshing lavender blue; Jane gets grey/blue and Mrs. Elton, a pastel mint. Harriet is also given a little break in Mrs. Elton’s introduction scene in a (very) pastel blue frock, while Emma sports white (with a trademark green shawl.)

So how about the...

Similarly dull. I almost screamed for joy when I saw that Frank’s jacket was actually blue, and a vibrant blue at that. (The red is too close to brown, I’m sorry.)

So yes, in short the costumes, while perfectly technically accurate (I didn’t get a lot of caps of them but the trousers sufficiently tight, not that I care to look), are drab as a peahen.

As always I’ll outsource any dancing critique by linking Tea With Cassiane on YouTube, since I find her insights on the approach to dancing in Austen adaptations just fascinating and I would like to share such witty and informed reviews.

The Andrew Davies of it All…

*Strong Opinions Ahead*

There are so many reasons why this adaptation isn’t for me. First of all the very idea of making Emma, one of Austen’s most socially complex works (certainly her most vivid) into a sparse 107 minutes is baffling to me. Perhaps I can understand if it’s a Theatrical release but this is a TV production. Why not at least make it a two part special?

And besides the issue that, in order to make this fit the time frame, the story is severely truncated, there’s… the Andrew Davies of it all.

I have some issues with Andrew Davies’ screenwriting for this adaptation particularly. A LOT of issues. Where does one start? I think Knightley is a good place.

It’s not just the casting I don’t like here; but it does say something to me that they chose Mark Strong for this role. It’s a casting decision I discovered with disbelief when I first saw clips from this version in a Period Drama men compilation video on YouTube. I mentioned above that I know Mark Strong as unpleasant characters with man-handling habits. That’s the kind of role Mark Strong is associated with because that’s just what he does well. And I think this played into the casting here, because Davies’ interpretation of Knightley is a bit… fierce. He shouts SO MUCH in this movie and in scenes like the Harriet Smith debacle (where Mr. Knightley of the book even gets a bit angry with Emma) I can understand this, perhaps. But in the book Mr. Knightley takes many pauses to collect and calm himself, because his goal is not to quarrel with Emma but to argue a point. 97 Knightley takes no such pauses and spends the whole scene in what some might call an escalating rage.

Knightley’s cheerful arrival to Hartfield to tell Emma that Robert Martin intended to propose to Harriet is cut out so we start right off with his indignant exclamation of “She refused him?!” and it’s all go from there. To make matters worse, Emma’s own arguments are crippled by Davies’ editing. Many of her more (what might even latterly be considered “feminist”) arguments are cut out. In fact once Knightley gets going, he juggernauts his way through all of his rebukes and speeches from the book, but Emma hardly gets a word in edgewise after arguing that Robert Martin is not Harriet’s equal. What Austen wrote as a heated debate is turned by Davies into a one-sided tirade. (By don’t take my word for it, watch the clip.)

The final cherry on top is having Emma, after Knightley leaves the room with the last word firmly in his grasp, childishly pout “You are wrong Mr. Knightley, and you will see you are wrong and then you will be sorry.” I half expected her to cross her arms and stomp her foot. Worth noting is the fact that Davies adds an additional “It was badly done. Emma,” in this scene where there was none in the book. Rather overkill to my mind. Is this his catchphrase?

At Box Hill, Davies has Knightley begin his climactic rebuke of Emma’s insulting behavior by grabbing her arm and hauling her aside, and concludes by leading her, still holding her arm, to the carriage. Well at least he doesn’t shout at her in this scene; but again, all but one of Emma’s responses are cut out and she stands there, pouting until Mr. Knightley leaves and then she bursts into tears.

When Mr. Knightly proposes to Emma I was feeling good about this scene, until he dropped the “I held you when you were three weeks old” line, and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Maybe you DON’T want mention how you held her when she was a baby after you asked her to MARRY you. But perhaps worse is Emma’s response to the line: “Do you like me as well now as you did then?”

Bringing up holding Emma when she was three weeks old at the proposal (A line which was not in the book) is bad enough but there seems to be a peculiar repeated emphasis on Knightley recalling Emma as a baby. He dragged it up previously when he and Emma make up after the Harriet debacle, as he holds John and Isabella’s baby daughter (whose name, I would mention, is Emma.) In this instance too, the line is a Davies addition.

Let’s talk about Knightley’s strawberry line.

This is delivered in voice-over as a transition to the strawberry picking party at Donwell, and is portrayed as a formal invitation: “Mr. Knightley invites you to taste his strawberries, which are ripening fast.”

At first I was confident that I was reading too much into this (but I think at this point I can safely say that I’m not). I can’t help bursting out laughing every time I hear that line. It was a questionable way to word that if you ask me, especially considering that this is (once again) NOT the line in the book, and it was NOT a formal invitation. It was said to Mrs. Elton and intended to be a joke.  

“You had better explore Donwell then,” replied Mr. Knightly “That may be done without horses. Come and eat the strawberries; they’re ripening fast.”

   ‘ If Mr. Knightly did not begin seriously, he was obliged to proceed so...’

   And here I thought Janeites hated adaptations that cut out “Miss Austen’s biting wit.”

To top it all off, we have Frank Churchill (Who I have already pointed out is a bit of a creep in this adaptation and even more detestable than he already was as Austen wrote him) praising Jane: this would be fine, if he wasn’t drooling into Emma’s ear about the turn of Jane’s throat, (He actually utters this line)

and how fine his dead aunt’s jewels will look against her skin. May I just be the first to say “Ehewhegaugh”.

I juxtapose this with the book where Frank's lines are almost exactly as Davies renders them, except Jane Austen never wrote the "have you ever seen such a skin?" Line. The difference i have highlighted in bold:

"... She is a complete angel. Look at her. Is she not an angel in every gesture? Observe the turn of her throat. Observe her eyes as she looks up at my father. --- You will be glad to hear that my uncle intends to give her all my aunt's jewels. They are to be new set. I am resolved to have some in an ornament for the head. Will it not be beautiful in her dark hair?"

Because talking about how pretty your fiancee's hair is, is normal and marginally less creepy than talking about what a fine skin she has or how lovely your (i cannot stress this part enough) dead aunt's jewels will look against it. Davies' script also makes no mention of having them reset, which makes me think he’s talking about the actual necklaces and bracelets Mrs. Churchill would have worn.

But hey, maybe its just a me thing.

Harriet Smith’s story suffers, primarily, I can with some candor admit, due to the time constraints. After Mr. Elton is married, we never see Harriet in any distress. It’s almost as though she’s forgotten all about it! Emma never has to appeal to her to exert herself or to move on. Perhaps this is better than Doran Godwin’s Emma gaslighting Harriet and manipulating her by constantly chastising her for… well general heartbreak (but that’s a bugaboo for a different review.)

My last complaint of note is that ludicrous harvest feast at the end of the movie. The whole concept of this scene just does not seem at all Janely to me. I was under the impression that I was meant to be watching an Austen. Not some bullshit Thomas Hardy knock-off. This is another Davies touch and I hate it more on the principal that it is one of his numerous, obsessive tweaks made solely to point out the existence of the lower classes.

If Davies wanted to show Mr. Knightley’s being an attentive landlord and gentleman farmer then I don’t see why he couldn’t just show Knightley actually running his farm?

“Okay’, you might say, “but I think the highlighting of the servants is to show how good Knightley is by treating them like real people compared to everyone else”, and I hear you. And in the situations where that is the case, like him greeting the Woodhouse’s butler and asking after his family I think that’s totally fine and in character. But things like the servants moving the knee cushions every time someone moves down the line at strawberry picking, to me, is AS ridiculous as the “servants clipping the lawn on their hands and knees with tiny scissors” trope. Like we get it, people took the lower classes for granted, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it would be easier and more realistic to have Mrs. Elton have to move her own knee cushion. I don’t think Knightley would instruct his servants, who he treats so well, to do that kind of thing, but you could write in Mrs. Elton’s expectation of it if you wanted. It seems like the kind of thing she would expect the landed gentry to do.

Screenwriter for some of the best loved Austen’s (including the sacrosanct 1995 P&P Mini-series and my favorite Sense & Sensibility), I thought of Davies for years as untouchable; until Sanditon happened and left everyone who knows anything about Jane Austen really wondering where this mess came from. I put it to you now that it was there in Davies all along.

Davies admitted, when talking about the drastic “Sexing Up” he did in Sanditon that he felt Austen’s works could have done with a bit more sex appeal. I can hardly disagree and additions like Darcy’s little swim in the pond and Edward Ferrars’ angsty wood-chopping are welcome and beloved. But it seems that what he really wanted all along was what he gave us in Sanditon; and finally, without actual source material to stand in his way, he had a chance let his dirty old man show and gave “Austen” the sexing up he thought it needed.

And it gets more troubling as you look back.

In my opening paragraph to this review I mentioned a 2008 blog post that not only agreed with me that there’s something very off about this screenplay, but gave me some possible insights as to why. It points out numerous things that I have always questioned in this version but have never seen anyone else criticize (though I am informed that more recently it has gained its’ share of critics). In fact the post itself actually points out that almost no one in the Austen Blog-sphere had (at that point) criticized this version’s faults in any meaningful way, but my favorite thing about it is that it points out what you find in Davies’ screenplay if you pay careful attention to it “Rather than sitting there and cataloguing what is “technically faithful and whatnot”.

Many Austen bloggers have kind of been playing Miss Taylor to Davies’ Emma for some two decades and change.

The most troubling thing of all is Davies own comments on Mr. Knightley (and other things, more inferred in his screen play). All of the aspects of this interpretation of Knightley that I mentioned earlier seem to stem from the fact that, as quoted in Sarah Caldwell’s book on his works, Davies thinks there’s “Something odd going on with Knightley.”

Davies clearly reads foul, or at least questionable, intentions in Mr. Knightley but I find it interesting that, rather than cutting out material he may have found troubling about Knightley in the book out of his screenplay, he doubled down by adding MORE troubling lines and situations (that were never in the book at all, and imagined solely by himself) in a romantic story with a happy ending.

Perhaps there’s not so much something odd going on with Knightley, Mr. Davies, but with you.

Final Thoughts

At this point I might ask what it is that everyone sees in this version that makes them think it’s so perfect, but that would be a bit pointless since all I’ve read since I discovered this version is people on elaborating on just that and I don’t care to hear much more.

“The lines are verbatim!” textually, perhaps, but it’s the ones that added that trouble me.

“The leads have so much chemistry!” I’m glad you think so, but I can’t find it.

“The costumes are damn near perfect!” And brown. So, so very brown.

As a 90's TV period drama, this version is pretty standard. It sticks to the book (except in those places where the screenwriter saw fit to dabble with some subtle but troubling suggestions about the characters.) And if it floats your boat, as always I'm glad it gives you what you want from the story.

I know I hold unpopular opinions on Jane Austen adaptations, and perhaps this is one of them, but every time I watch this version I feel the need to read the book as a cleanse. Perhaps Davies’s ferocious Knightley was simply a pendulum swing reaction to Douglas McGrath’s almost too laid back interpretation in the Miramax film from earlier in 1996, but even if that’s the case it’s just uncalled for and is my biggest turn off for this film.

Tone: 3

Ribbon Rating: Badly Done! (40 Ribbons)

Casting: 5

Acting: 6

Scripting: 4

Pacing: 2

Cinematography: 4

Setting: 3

Costumes: 5

Music: 2

Book Accuracy: 6

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Wonder Woman 1984

The first 3/4 of 2017’s Wonder Woman was my favorite film of that year. The last 1/4 was my least favorite film of that year. What can I say, I have a complicated relationship with the DCEU, and the part I keep getting disappointed by is the big smash-em-up, explosions everywhere, muddy mess of orange/blue filter in the “climactic showdown” between hero and villain. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore, and I was so hoping that the Jazzercise vibes of Wonder Woman 1984 would do something different. 

As it turns out, this movie was trying to warn me like so many stories that have come before - be careful what you wish for. Just how badly did my wish go bad? Well...

I’d already heard some questionable things about the movie before I tuned in, so my expectations were tempered but I guess it was on me. I should have known better than to wish for a story with reasonable pacing, some kind of consistent tone, villains with discernable motivation, or a Wonder Woman movie that was actually about fucking Wonder Woman. I’m not even mad as much as I am puzzled. That and tormented by Pedro Pascal’s manic televangelist energy in my dreams. 

Some thoughts:

I have never wanted to go anywhere as much as I want to in 2020, and the place I want to go more than any other is Themyscira. Love this first sequence. Why is the whole movie not about Themyscira??

If the Olympics were like this whole long Amazonian warrior triathlon, I would be WAY more into track and field. 

Also I legit don’t understand the problem with her taking the short path? Like, it’s there for a reason? She just caught up to her horse? Someone explain this to me.

So this mall...basically the hub of American commerce in the 80s that was practically printing money, it made it so fast...is secretly a front for antiquities trading on the black market? And these unorganized-ass dipshit criminals who seemingly just walked in off the street and decided to engage in some light robbery today are after antiquities? Sure, Jan.

Ohh I miss Waldenbooks so much!

This thwarting of crime sequence in the mall feels so...cheesy. Schlocky, almost. Like a 50s comic book come to life. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the tone I was expecting. In the context of the whole film, we really blew our action load in these first 2 sequences, and also this is the last point in the movie in which Diana actually resembles her character from the first film.

I would also be stammery and blushy when talking to Diana Prince for the first (and second) time, but I’m kinda getting a gay vibe from Barbara. This meet-cute + date is definitely playing up romantic vibes. Kristen Wiig is so good at characters like these - in less than 2 scenes, I have such a clear picture of who Barbara is, what she wants, what she fears, and that’s all down to Wiig’s choices. [ETA: This makes it all the more infuriating when Barbara suddenly is like “I want to be an apex predator” when nothing about her character’s reaction to getting positive attention indicates she would want to start shitting all over everyone else.]

Pedro Pascal is skeeving me out as our villain Max Lord, which really just shows his range, because normally I love him and find him wildly charming in everything. But he’s playing this oil baron creep to the max, as they would say in the parlance of the 80s, and it makes my skin crawl. 

The mechanics of how Steve Trevor returns are wildly confusing. Why is this other guy involved at all? Are we supposed to be ok with the idea of Diana fucking *some other dude’s body* without his consent just because Steve’s spirit/consciousness/whatever is inside the guy? Also that guy DEFINITELY got fired from his job after going AWOL for a whole week, right? 

I am thrilled with Steve’s clothes montage. One of my favorite things in any 80s film, and his enthusiasm really sells it.

I do really like Diana and Steve playing detective, following clues, crafting theories. In spite of the absolute dumbassery of how Steve came back, Chris Pine and Gal Gadot have incredible chemistry and I do find their scenes together delightful. 

I think that’s why it’s so frustrating to me the way their entire relationship was handled. If the whole point of the wish going bad is that it has a cost, wouldn’t it have been better, instead of making Diana weak, to have Steve slowly start to be more and more of an asshole - aka not the Steve Diana remembered and loved? Make her realize that the Steve she knew and loved is really gone and she has to stop letting his memory hold her hostage. Maybe his last moment of self-awareness would be realizing that this wasn’t who he really was, and she was better off just remembering who he was and moving on rather than trying to hold on to this thing that isn’t good for her? 

The sequence with the fireworks made me emotional. The only time I’ve ever been on a plane on the 4th of July was when I was coming back from a visit with my uncle in Dallas. He had flown me, my mom, and my grandma down for a whirlwind trip, and we flew back the night of the 4th. I got to see fireworks from above for the first time, and it felt so magical. My uncle passed away 2 months ago, and feeling that magic again (via Diana and Steve) made me miss him and all the adventure he brought into my life something fierce.

Am I supposed to be like...anti- the idea of Barbara absolutely kicking the shit out of this drunk catcaller who attempted to assault her earlier in the movie? It feels like the film wants us to be like “oh no that’s bad” but my empathy goes on vacation for attempted rapists. 

Like...did anyone do ANY kind of fact-checking on this script? The Maya haven’t been “wiped from the face of the earth” there are still 6 million of them living in Central and South America. Escalators were invented in the 1890s for fucks’ sake. PLANES IN THE 80S DONT WORK LIKE PLANES IN 1918. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THOSE SWITCHES DO STEVE. Also...just because the plane is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore. Isn’t the whole point of radar to detect things that you can’t, y’know, SEE? Seriously, how many people fiddled with this script until it turned into an incomprehensible mess?

Did I Cry? OK yeah, I did when Diana and Steve had their conversation after they escaped the White House. But I feel like I should have cried more then, as well as earlier when Diana tells Steve that she only wants this one thing. I love Gal Gadot in this role, but I do wish her acting expressed a little more emotional depth and honesty for the moments like this that should really tug on the heartstrings.

I know Wonder Woman is bulletproof, but are we saying she’s also...immune to electricity? 

If there’s one thing that living through a global pandemic has taught me, it’s that we can’t rely on the inherent responsibility of every individual person to do the right thing in order to save their community (or the world). So the climax of this film really feels like a big ol’ fictional FUCK YOU to every person who has been quarantining since March as the US government twiddles their thumbs and relies on personal choice to lower infection rates. I know they made this film during 2019 and had no idea what would be coming, but this entire sequence was the most horrifying, short-sighted, offensive way to have good overcome evil I could imagine for a 2020 movie. “Just count on people to do the right thing and everything will be fine!” We’re WELL FUCKING PAST THAT, Diana. 

And maybe this is my debbie downer pessimistic ass, but the message “the world is a beautiful place the way it was” feels like some real bullshit. Do you mean the world is a flawed, complicated place where beautiful things exist DESPITE all the violence, inequality, and poverty? Ok, that I’ll buy, for sure. But “Everything was fine the way it was!” is uhh not what I would have gone with. That’s a first draft edit if ever I heard one. Seriously, how did this make it through MULTIPLE studio drafts and no one thought to point this out?  

I literally had to go back after the credits were over and rewind to figure out what happened to Pedro Pascal at the end. If I not only don’t care, but also can’t remember what happened to the villain at the end of the movie, that’s a big motherfucking problem.

I was giddily delighted by that first post-credits scene though! Probably the biggest moment of joy I felt during the film.

For being a Wonder Woman movie, it feels like there’s so little actual Wonder Woman IN the movie. The first film is rooted firmly in Diana finding her place in the world, understanding and coming into her power. This feels like she’s a bystander in her own life, and her most significant moments are always in the context of someone else’s narrative arc. And there’s nothing that comes even close to the breathless wonder of that No-Man’s-Land scene, aka one of the best superhero movie moments of all time. 

This doesn’t have the knowing wink of Aquaman or the nuanced character arcs of Birds of Prey. It doesn’t have the childish glee of Shazam! or any of the nonsensical grimdark bullshit of Zack Snyder’s entire ouvre. It feels like Wonder Woman 1984 suffers the same fate as its protagonist - a profound lack of presence or drive. Sure there are some fun sequences, and the actors are doing the best they can with a weak script, but it’s just not enough to save it. In a year where I saw so few contemporary films (focusing more on catching up on past films I’d missed), I can’t think of one that disappointed me more. 

[regrettablewritings]

Well I recently watched Trouble in the Heights, so let's go for Nevada Ramirez & Love, even if he perhaps has 1 bare inch of it in his whole body.

(I’m still fucking wheezing oh my gOD. Nevada Ramirez is 5′9″, and that ninth inch is composed completely out of the one inch of love he can actually express like a normal human being.) Similar to the Bruce Wayne one, though, some of these were sorta referenced in past Nevada pieces (what few there comparatively are). So, just in case, I included links to those pieces because they generally go into more detail in certain areas. Hope that’s all good!

Who said “I love you” first?: Well, you said it in that way first, so technically it was you. But if we just meant the actual soul of the phrase, of someone vocally expressing to another their love and interest in their well being, even without the exact words in place? It was Nevada. And even he didn’t necessarily notice it in the moment. Granted, even a sentence like, “Hey, don’t be stupid and just go straight home, understand me?” can slip Nevada’s notice as a sign of his own affection. He’s not nearly as in tune with his emotions as he’d like to think, really.

What are their primary love languages?: It’s really hard to place what a guy like Nevada’s love language could possibly be -- mainly because it’s hard to picture a guy like Nevada and a concept like love even inhabiting the same room. Being a gang leader and, well, just being Nevada Ramirez in total, he likes to give off the air that he doesn’t really necessarily need anybody — that everyone, from his underlings to even his past lovers are more or less side dressing he allows near him. But don’t be fooled: This little shit gets by on spoiling you and the affirmations he earns from them. The great thing about gifts is that in theory you could present them without needing to say much or even say anything at all. And given ‘Vada’s . . . less than delicate manner of speaking, this can be a good thing. And don’t get it twisted, he ain’t no sentimental pussy or nothing; he just sorta likes how your face glows when he just so happens to remember things like your favorite candy, or artist you mentioned wanting a framed piece by. He don’t need you to tell him he’s the best (he already knows he is), but it doesn’t hurt to hear you cry it as you practically fling yourself at him and smooch him silly. He also appreciates acts of service. Shady as his business is, it still demands a lot of the man. He won’t always express it completely but those nights when you show up at his place with his favorite takeout, or he comes home and finds the sheets have been cleaned or that you’ve done whatever he’d meant to have completed earlier that day? He almost wants to drag you to the edge of the bed and express his thanks to you. He appreciates it more than you would think.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?: Frequently, actually. There is hardly a moment wherein Nevada doesn’t have some part of him touching you: His hand resting on your hip or place in the back pocket of your jeans; your rump resting comfortably on his lap; his arm around you as you lean back in the VIP section of a club; or even just your legs over his own (or vice-versa) as you rest on the couch at home. Many would assume it’s just for show; that El Trujillo is simply asserting his dominance to all who might consider approaching you with sexual intent. They wouldn’t necessarily be wrong -- Nevada does intend to wordlessly yet loudly tell people that you belong to him. However, in addition to this, ‘Vada also just likes to show you off to everyone. And what better way to show the world his beautiful girl than to have her perched on his lap like a pretty bird on a branch?

What are their favorite things to do together?: To the surprise of no one, you two don’t have too, too much in common in terms of interest: Nevada, with his silver palate, enjoys eating out at restaurants with no less than four stars, and you enjoy going out to live shows, specifically on or even off-Broadway musicals. You don’t really care much for the strange food he likes, and he’s extremely particular about what sorts of show’s he’ll even bother with, but you do it for one another. But when it comes to what very few things you do enjoy in common, it ultimately gets narrowed down to two things: Cuddling on the couch and watching TV. Typically old shows or telanovelas because they’re both enjoyable and so terrible that neither of you can help but jeer at the bad acting, awful storylines, and cheesy sets and costumes. It’s a very strange bonding activity -- and certainly not one that anyone would associate with Nevada (and he wants to keep it that way). But it’s the one that you two enjoy the most after a long week, and a surefire way to help both parties relax and cheer up.

Who’s better at comforting the other?: Well, you’re one of the only one who can make him genuinely laugh if that says anything. Nevada isn’t an easy man to comfort, mostly because in his stubbornness, he’s become convinced that his power comes from his anger. So really, it should be sign enough that he even decided to go steady with you that he finds some sort of comfort in your presence (regardless of what he might tell you).

Who’s more protective?: Being a dealer of some infamy, Nevada is aware that he’s made more enemies than friends both in The Heights and out of them. As easy as it is to assume he doesn’t care too much about you, the reality is far from the truth: He cares deeply for you in his own Nevada way. When you go to one of his clubs, he’s never far away or not without you in his line of sight. There’s always a hand resting on your hip or your thigh, or he’ll, you’re always on his lap. Call it primal, but smart enough people who value their lives can take one look at ‘Vada’s hand resting on your ass and just know not to even bother with you. Slightly less smart may need to look at the man’s cold, murderous glower just for confirmation. And those with no sense of self-preservation have essentially signed their death warrant. But that’s in an environment he can control. Outside of his bars, his clubs, his restaurants where he’s a VIP? He’s a lot more quiet about it. Originally, he made sure you always had at least two Men-turned-bodyguards nearby you at all times, but you complained about how difficult it made everything from going to work to simply going shopping. “I don’t need your boys to know what types of tampons I use, Nevada!” you bristled. After much arguing, he eventually agreed to go another way about it: There’s actually more people with their eyes on you, often in disguise or paid off, but he’s made sure to put more distance on them so that you won’t feel as skeeved (or that you’ll even know they’re there for that matter). (For extra measure, if he can get you to agree to it, he’ll also have you equipped with a “Saturday Night Special” so to speak.) But be aware: The moment anyone so much as indicates even thinking about making you a target? That calm, cold demeanor rises to a simultaneously freezing yet infernal rage: You will be put on lock down or even ushered to a safe house until the threat can be dealt with. You will be escorted about the house at every moment by an armed man. And you will be kept safe until the threat has been literally disposed of.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?: Physical, because at least then he doesn’t have to say anything. Asshole behavior aside, Nevada knows damn well that he’s the absolute worst with words and that it honestly doesn’t take much to set you off. He figures that so long as he doesn’t have to actually say anything, he stands a better chance at not ticking you off and screwing himself over.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?: “The Wolf” by SIAMÉS. “Silvertongue” by Young the Giant. “Love Me Dead” by Ludo, if the roles were reversed . . . Nevada is just plain symbolic of something that’s bad for you but just feels so good to have. That in spite of how poisonous he actually is, he is capable of using just the right words and moves to have you addicted to him after just one drop. And in spite of everything he might insist or do, it works both ways: You’re both tragically and constantly craving the other, and it can wear you both out. But then again, that’s just what addiction is: Craving to the point of depletion. Though if you want something more optimistic, there’s also “Body Talks” by The Struts: Nevada doesn’t understand it himself but all he knows is that the very moment he laid eyes on you, he was going to do whatever it took to make you his — and, judging by your body language, you were perfectly happy to do that, so long as he worked for it. And let’s face it: El Trujillo ain’t afraid to get his hands dirty.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?: The problem is that Nevada does have the ability to give nicknames, but he’s mostly crap at it unless there’s an ulterior motive involved. Like when he wants to keep you from being mad at him or to stop you from pouting, he’ll teasingly run a finger along your jawline and pout back a cooing “Cariño” or “Muñequita.” If he means to seduce and tease? You’re his “Good Girl.” If it’s more like he’s for once asking you to do a favor, he’ll give out a quick “Babe” or something of that nature. But if he’s just trying to apply a nickname for the sake of using one? Don’t trust him with that. Trusting him to pick a pet name based on a characteristic of yours, or in reference to an event is just not a good idea. His bluntness almost always causes him to pick the wrong thing to focus on! For example: If you have a green thumb and have taken to keeping a small windowsill garden or a corner for your plants, he’s not going to reference a goddess of greenery or even a flower or spice — he’s going to try calling you “Dirtworm” or something! (And then get frustrated when you express distaste over the name.) You’re honestly probably going to have to guide him to what sort of names you’ll tolerate and what you won’t, which shocks every and all witnesses who know anything about Nevada. A romantic interest? Telling Nevada what to do? It’s more likely than you think! Even though he’ll go along with it to pacify you, the hot-tempered man obviously can’t help but feel as thought you’re being unreasonably picky. After all, he’s more than satisfied with the nicknames you usually give him. Granted, they’re just the same nicknames he’s been going by for years now: El Trujillo, Jefe . . . He used to be called “Daddy” in the VIP sections of his haunts, but that title has since been reserved only for you. That, and ‘Vada. And “Baby Boy”, but only very, very sparingly. Which is still more than he’d let anybody else get away with.

Thank you for your patience!

[mittensmorgul]

I'm still having a hard time understanding your definition of "canon relationship". Endgame material? Essentially happy? Featured in many episodes? I think most people simply consider "canon" = "it happened in the show/book/film". And Sam and Eileen have canonically had feeling for each other, on screen. What those feelings were and how much they may have been manipulated by Chuck, neither seems sure, but it doesn't make them any less of a thing that noticeably happened. Therefore canon.

When you need a semantic debate to somehow validate your favored ship, and you feel the need to debate semantics with a stranger on the internet in order to “win” and be proven “correct” in some way, we’ve all lost, friendo.

You’re absolutely right, with your definition of “canon.” It’s what has actually happened, in the case of Supernatural, on screen in the show itself. That’s not up for debate. You’re trying to introduce a strawman into this conversation.

I’m attempting to define, from a watsonian perspective, which means from WITHIN THE NARRATIVE, how the CHARACTERS THEMSELVES would describe their relationship. You’re giving me the doylist perspective, from outside the narrative, the fact that Sam and Eileen have a relationship of any kind-- romantic or otherwise-- in canon.

You’re attempting to conflate the two things, for the sake of winning an argument on the internet.

By your definition, Dean and Cas are canon, too. Which, I mean... they are, but that’s not the debate here, and it adds nothing to the fact that Eileen herself, in canon, has stated that she doesn’t feel her relationship with Sam is even real.

Yes, it happened in canon, but that’s not the whole story, either.

I mean, let’s use a completely non-shippy example here, to hopefully illustrate why “but they’re canon! it happened in canon!” is... an entirely irrelevant point in context. Let’s look at a canonical friendship to illustrate the point.

Canonically, Garth has tried to kill Sam. That happened, in canon. Garth wolfed out and attacked Sam. Sounds awful, right? Should we lose all sympathy for Garth? Should we believe that he did that of his own free will, and is an “evil” character now, because that very much did happen in canon? Or are we supposed to use our brains and understand that Garth literally did not have a choice, because he was acting under a form of mind control, being puppeted by Michael into attacking Sam? Are we supposed to have a better understanding of what actually happened in context, and correctly see this as “Michael tried to use a trusted character to harm Sam, playing on their preexisting friendship/relationship in order to lure Sam in to his trap, and using Sam’s trust and friendship with that character to harm him?”

Mary has canonically tried to kill Sam and Dean (in 12.03). Are we to assume that she obviously hates them and wanted them dead? Because canonically her actions would say we should! She tried to hurt them! Oh, but... she was possessed by a ghost, and wasn’t in control of her own actions... maybe we actually need to think about what that means... maybe Mary herself doesn’t actually want to kill her own sons...

Or if you’re a Mary hater and are willing to think the worst of her, how about the canonical fact that Dean has tried to kill Sam. That Dean has canonically told Sam that he wished he were dead? There you have it, Dean canonically has said “your life sucked the life out of my life” to him. Dean canonically rejected any sort of care for Sam. Are we supposed to take that at face value, just because it happened in canon? Or are we supposed to understand that Dean was a demon, and Honestly. >.>

Cas canonically kissed Meg that one time. Obviously they’re canon, right? What, they’re not? Oh, right, Dean even lampshaded the fact with the “give you an hour with Meg first” comment, to which Cas replied “Why would I want that?” Does a kiss make a couple “canon?” What does that even mean? “going canon” is a practically useless term in cases like that. The goalposts for what any one person would consider qualifies a romantic couple as “canon” are eternally shifting all over the field.

Let’s be better than that, and instead understand that we’re all talking about our individual interpretations of the same canon. We’re just seeing different things, because we are different people with different experiences and understandings of the characters and the overarching narrative.

I have repeatedly explained my understanding of Sam and Eileen’s relationship as canon itself has defined it. I have explained that my understanding of the relationship they had, offscreen and undefined by canon, between 11.11 and 12.17 has shifted dramatically since Eileen’s return in 15.06. I had, before this season, been willing to HEADCANON that Sam and Eileen could’ve had an established offscreen relationship based on the nature of their relationship we saw onscreen in 12.17. It was cute! It was exciting thinking that Sam had grown so close to someone!

It was... proven in s15 that the offscreen relationship we’d all headcanoned in s12 was... nothing more than a happy headcanon, and had not actually happened! THAT is what I mean when I have talked about what is ~not~ canon about their relationship. Let’s be very clear about that, because 

(gif source)

So, the debate over what is canon or what is not canon, to me personally, is an entirely useless conversation. Dean canonically hates chick flick movies. Also, he canonically loves chick flick movies. Sam canonically does not like bacon (15.06), and yet he canonically made a huge pile of bacon with Eileen in 15.07, but then was back to eating salad by the next episode. You can point at a lot of things that are “canon” to try and prove your point. To whatever end, or for whatever motive you may have in attempting to do so. That’s called “cherry picking.” (pay special attention to the section on Confirmation Bias) You have to be aware of what exactly canon is showing us as a whole, though, for it to have any actual meaning. 

At this point, after 15.09, Eileen has canonically chosen not to pursue a relationship with Sam, after she was canonically manipulated by an outside force into attempting to pursue a relationship with Sam.

She could, in canon, return to pursue a relationship with Sam! I am not here to speculate on that! It could happen! But it would be based in their canonical history, that is almost entirely muddied by Chuck’s interference in their relationship to this point. That is literal, actual canon!

But they had a cute relationship in 12.17! Chuck didn’t make them do that!

I have not denied that! That is obvious! But I’m not going to ignore everything that happened in s15 that has been (in canon! again!) defined as “not real.” As “not their own choice.” And I’m not going to suggest we just handwave the canonical fact that Eileen feels used, feels violated, by how Chuck attempted to manipulate her into seducing Sam, despite their canonical past interactions.

I mean, Sam carried out a two season canonical romance arc with Ruby. Their relationship is canon. He canonically had feelings for her, trusted her, fully engaged in the relationship with her. That’s not up for debate, but the in-canon CONTEXT of their relationship was a lie, you know? She lied to him for two years, with a specific goal in doing so. She manipulated him into all of that to free Lucifer from the cage. The fact that their relationship is canon is entirely irrelevant to any ANALYSIS of said relationship, and understanding it in context, and what it means for the characters.

So when you apply the context to Sam and Eileen’s relationship as it stands in s15, the fact it ~exists~ isn’t up for debate. The fact that they canonically interacted in a flirtatious fashion on screen, the fact they did anything together on screen isn’t up for debate. The reason WHY Eileen engaged in any of this, though, is also not up for debate. Chuck made it all happen, from the moment her ghost appeared in the bunker to the moment she told Sam she needed to leave, all of that is under a pall of Chuck’s influence. That... is also canon.

So anon, what do YOU mean when you say “they’re canon.” Do you mean they have established a mutually consensual romantic relationship? (because if so, then they are NOT canon) Do you mean “they have interacted in a way that can be interpreted as insinuating there is romantic interest between them?” Because I could give you that one. They definitely have potential in the future. Do you mean “They kissed on screen!” Because heck, what does that even mean?

Sam’s canonically kissed a lot of people! Jessica Moore! Lori Sorenson! Sarah Blake! Jo (well, he was possessed by Meg at the time, so does this one count? Their mouths touched...)! Madison the werewolf! Ruby! Amelia Richardson! Dr. Roberts! Amy Pond! Becky (though he was under a love spell for that one, so does that count? from how skeeved the entire fandom has always been by that one... even if Becky thought they had real feelings for each other “deep down,” does anyone think Sam actually consented to any of that?)! Annie Hawkins (self-reported by Sam, and we take his word for it)! That woman who propositioned his body while he’d been body swapped with Gary, so does that even count because only Sam’s body was used there? or did they even actually do anything beyond tying Sam’s body occupied by Gary to a bed and getting out the flail...)! And if we’re going meta, then Genevieve Padalecki in the French Mistake!universe! That hippie chick soulless sam had sex with when Dean was abducted by “aliens” that one time! and speaking of soulless sam, the hooker he was with in 6.03, and the apparent string of women he was with that we only learned about tangentially via 6.13!

Does that mean Sam has a canonical relationship with all of these women? YES. But... like... you can’t look at this list (which is probably not even complete) and suggest that all of these relationships are of equal canonical import, or that they are equivalent in emotional weight for Sam as a character. That’s... idiotic, frankly.

So, to me, the discussion of “what is canon” is like... irrelevant to anything I’m actually here for. The actual understanding of what the canonical relationship MEANS and how it informs character is what is actually important to me.

So please stop trying to undercut an actual discussion of canon with a semantics strawman. Thanks.

[ventingblacklist]

3x21  Susan Hargrave

“Scottie! Aren’t you the challenging woman to pin down.” 

We open with a guy named Samuel Rand having doubts about hiring Halcyon. Apparently his company’s competition is buying from terrorists and it’s hurting his company’s profits. Enter Halcyon, sent to sabotage the competition. 

“You’re offering a fair price, Scottie. I just don’t have a place to hide the expenditures....There’s no line item for engaging the services of armed mercenaries.”

‘Mercenaries’ is a pretty good description.

Right off the bat I don’t like Scottie. There’s something very off-putting about her. And I know it’s probably supposed to be some sort of equality thing that she’s all bold sexually, but all I can think is how everybody would throw a fit if a guy just grabbed a woman’s hand and was like, ‘here, feel my package. you like that? you feel empowered?’ 

Well, maybe in a certain context. But anyway. Moving on.

Point being, she doesn’t make a great first impression. 

But, the point of the scene is to more or less set up what Halcyon is. An independent organization that works ‘outside the lines’. And feels empowered doing so. 

“So many people live in fear of how they’ll feel if they step outside the lines. The surprise is, it usually feels just like this.”

A guy knocks on the door with news on one of their operations. There’s a problem. 

Scottie and Nez arrive at a warehouse full of dead Halcyon soldiers. Crates of guns are left untouched. 

Why so scared, Scottie? He just wants to talk.

Aram briefs the team on what Red told him. He was going over some files on his laptop right before Red showed up. Including the photo of Stalder with the woman.

“I showed him the picture, and he recognized her right away. Called her Scottie. Says she and her husband, Howard, own a corporation called Halcyon Aegis.”

And apparently, Red pulls off the attack that very night. Because this is Aram briefing the team the next morning. 

“Mr. Reddington says they are a private military-intelligence agency who specializes in operations too sophisticated or politically incorrect for anyone else.”

Can I just break in and say what a waste of time this all feels like? After learning everything? Here’s the task force running after supposed bad guys, who it turns out were really just trying to ‘rescue’ Liz from the ‘grip’ of Reddington and deliver her to her ‘father.’ 

Our FBI peeps are going to come out of this completely empty-handed. They can’t touch Halcyon and they won’t end up with Kirk. Solomon and company will laugh their way to the bank, and that’s that. The task force is everyone’s butt monkey. Now, I’m cool with them being Reddington’s butt monkey, but not everybody’s.

Ha. I’m starting to understand Cooper being so upset in 4b. All this impotent rage.

Anyway, Tom shows up. Cooper invited him. Cooper and Tom update the rest on Panabaker and Scottie.

They can’t find Stalder, but they do know who his assistant is. Amanda Bigelow. So they can use her to get to him. Tom offers to get close enough to get the information. 

Meanwhile, Red is asking Laurel to contact Halcyon under the pretense of hiring them. Scottie hasn’t yet responded to his request to talk.

I love Laurel. I miss Laurel. 

Hitchin: Halcyon’s off limits. Red: Elizabeth Keen is dead. Hitchin: I heard. And after all you did to protect her, too.

"Boy, I can’t wait to hurt you someday.”

"I’m sorry.”

Her apology actually seems sincere. It’s like she realizes that he’s actually really broken up about this.

Red: Are you? A former Cabal operative led the assault that resulted in her death. Matias Solomon. You bungled his execution. He works for Halcyon now. I want him, and I want Scottie Hargrave.

Hitchin: I despise Halcyon. They’re powerful, arrogant, and unchecked, but our government depends on them.

Red: Your government. Not mine.

“Give Halcyon a call, Laurel. Inform them that you have a job that requires their immediate attention.”

Laurel argues that she can’t just do things on her own, and Red’s like. Ha. That’s not true. So then she’s like, why are you dragging us into this?

Hitchin: The Cabal disavowed Solomon and made peace with Keen. We had nothing to do with this.

Now he’s pissed.

"Elizabeth Keen was well hidden from the demons of her past until you went after her, until you told the world she was Masha Rostova. You put a target on her back and invited someone to take a shot. Do not try my patience, Laurel. On this topic, I have perilously little of it.”

Laurel doesn’t want any part of it, but, well. It’s either this or Red will probably kill her too. She makes the call. 

Tom is wearing his ‘i’m an innocent schoolteacher-type’ glasses.

He sets up a device that will scan Amanda’s computer. Aram’s not getting anything so he calls Tom. Tom is annoyed that Aram has alerted Amanda to his presence. Aram tells him to get closer. Tom sits right next to her, but there’s still nothing. Her computer is protected somehow.

He packs up and goes to leave, but she starts talking to him. And now he’s got another way in.

Laurel has called one of Scottie’s close peeps to a meeting under the pretense of having a job for Halcyon. Really he’s being lured in so Red can kill him as a message to Scottie.

Red is clearly grieving. Not particularly caring about collateral damage, just as long as he brings whoever was behind the raid to his version of justice. 

Laurel is apologetic to Bradley. Reddington steps in.

Hitchin: I’m so sorry.

Bradley: About what? If this is about Agent Keen, what happened at the church, I had nothing to do with that.

Red: Friends and loved ones are dead.

“I need to speak with Scottie about the matter. I sent her a message. She ignored it. She’s scared. Can be a terrible thing for all when someone as ruthless as Scottie gets scared.”

“I need you to reach her for me, Bradley. I trust you would get through to her. I need her to pay attention to this.”

Bradley: I understand. Believe me, Mr. Reddington, there are very few people that Scottie pays better attention to than me.

Red: Yes, I’m counting on that.

And he shoots him. Laurel is all sad about it. Red isn’t.

Red: God, I’m starving. What time is it?

As Scottie plans the attack on the oil shipment with Nez, the second message is delivered.

Cooper is talking to the U.S. Attorney, Rodney Blakely. Trying to get a warrant to arrest Susan Hargrave. ha. Good luck with that.

Cooper: Who got to you? The A.G.? The White House? Who? My agent, my friend is dead because of Susan Hargrave.

No good. Warrant denied.

Cooper talks to the team. All they’ve got is a date with Amanda tonight and Bradley’s cell phone. 

Samar: Reddington got access to a secure cellphone from one of Halcyon’s account reps, Bradley Clark. Based on the bloodstains, I don’t think it was given voluntarily.

A cell phone that was called by Bradley’s phone is on right now and Aram is triangulating its location. He can’t get it exactly, but can get it within a few hundred feet.

Samar and Ressler go to find out who it is. They stop a guy they think it might be, but it’s actually the guy behind him, the Rand guy Scottie was talking to in the first scene. Samar gets a picture of him. 

Cooper says that bringing him in is pointless. He’ll show up with his five lawyers and they’ll get nothing out of him. Just like they got nowhere with Panabaker. And nowhere with the U.S. Attorney. Cooper is about ready to go rogue.

Ressler is like, so, what, the system isn’t good enough so we’re just going to do whatever it takes? 

Cooper -

“As far as I’m concerned, Susan Hargrave has Liz’s blood on her hands. When I watched them lower her into the ground, I promised myself that people would be held accountable, that I would see to it. And by any means, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

This all feeds into the Ressler vs. Red scene.

Cooper walks off and tells Reddington about Rand.

Red pays Rand a visit. 

Cynthia is the real star of the episode. 

Red gets info from Rand on Halcyon’s operation.

Aram briefs Tom on what to do with Amanda. He needs to insert a thumb drive that will break through her laptop security or whatever and get them the information.

Red comes into the post office to brief Cooper on his meeting with Rand. He loses himself for a moment looking at the post office without Elizabeth in it.

Halcyon has been hired to sabotage a sale of oil from terrorists to one of Rand’s company’s competitors. This competitor has been flooding the market and bringing down the price of oil. Which Red would be more than fine with, but hey. Terrorists. 

Cooper: You’re telling me Halcyon was hired to fight terrorism?

Red: No....This is about profits. Halcyon will be attacking on multiple fronts. I’m only interested in one aspect of the operation....a large shipment of the offending petroleum at the Port of Amsterdam.

Red wants them to stop Halcyon and take the oil. 

“The terrorists lose, we force Scottie Hargrave from the shadows, and turn a tidy profit in the process.”

Cooper’s like, uh, no. The government is taking that oil. But he says he’ll get a team to stake out the docks. The team is able to stop the place from blowing up.

Cooper: How are you holding up? Red: As long as we keep moving forward, I’ll endure.

Tom goes on his date. His bs is indistinguishable from his non-bs. 

Amanda seems like a nice gal. 

Tom gets the info and begs out. 

I’m not going to rip into Tom for the terrible optics of Liz being barely cold in the grave while he’s running around kissing people. Because he knows well and good that Liz actually isn’t in any sort of grave. He’s wrapping up loose ends before running off to live happily ever after.

Aram is impressed with Tom’s skills. While also being a little skeeved out that Tom can do that so soon after Liz’s death. Tom assures him that he loved Liz. I guess that’s enough for Aram. I guess that’s enough for everyone except me.

They go through Amanda’s conversations. Aram is all looking at Samar.

Tom: You know this is gonna end, right? Reddington was only here because of Liz. You, Samar, all of you… we’re only here because of her. So before it ends… just tell her. You’ll never know what she’s gonna say unless you do.

Ah, so now, Reddington was here for Liz, not using her to have a task force like Tom accused Reddington of in season two.

I can understand his mind changing, but that mind changing is almost always based on nothing.

I know K2 people are upset about the way Tom is written in season five, this supposed brilliant dude making all these errors. And I’m like, they’ve always been terrible on keeping Tom straight. This has been a problem since forever. Because they kept changing his story. But y’all didn’t care before because you had your ship. I get it. But, ya know. Welcome to the frustrated party.

Anyway. Moving on.

Scottie finally calls Reddington. 

She sets up a meeting at the airport. Really she’s just going to take the opportunity to deliver his head on a platter to Kirk as a peace offering for getting Masha killed. 

After she hangs up with Red, she calls Stalder. Aram and Tom listen in. 

Scottie: Hello, Benjamin. I have to imagine you are a little confused by recent events. Rest assured, we are not in the habit of kidnapping our own clients.

Stalder: ...No, I understand perfectly. My employer paid you to kidnap Elizabeth Keen, and then you not only failed to deliver the target, but your people got her killed. So then you went after me so you’d have a bargaining chip against my boss, who wants you dead.

Scottie’s in a pickle. She’s got two powerful entities breathing down her neck, each equally pissed off at the bungled operation. So she’ll kill one to appease the other. Or work with the other one to kill the first one, whichever really. As long as they both leave her alone. 

Scottie: I’m calling to offer your employer an olive branch...Raymond Reddington. If I recall our original conversation, you want him dead. If I kill him, would that help make things right between our companies?

Stalder says he’ll pass on the offer. 

Baz is staking out the airport. Calls Dembe and lets him know when Hargrave arrives. 

Tom calls to warn Reddington. Tells him Scottie intends to kill him. Red keeps the appointment anyway. 

He gets through with retinal-scan-defying glasses.

Scottie calls 911. One of the cops who show up is paid by Scottie to deliver Reddington to her. 

Red has anticipated all this. Dembe jumps the cop. 

“One quick look at the airport schematics revealed why Scottie chose the lounge on Concourse F. Conveniently located near a little-used loading dock.”

He duct tapes the cop to the wheel and has him drive in to meet Scottie. Scottie notices and tells her guy to close the door, but it’s too late. A sniper starts sniping. 

After the door closes, they’re looking around for the sniper. Then Baz and company jump out of the van the cop drove in.

The cop is killed in the crossfire. Scottie the only survivor. She’s scared now.

“God, that door is slow. I was hoping for a somewhat more dramatic entrance, but what the hell.”

“Scottie! Aren’t you the challenging woman to pin down.”

Ya know, you could have just told her you didn’t want to kill her. She might have met with you then. lol  But, ya know. Gotta have an episode. Plus this puts Red in the power position. Makes sure Scottie knows who’s calling the shots here.

The task force finds out Reddington escaped capture at the airport. Ressler and Samar go down to find out what happened. Cooper gets a report saying the oil they seized never made it into evidence.

Ressler: You think Reddington took it? Cooper: Let’s just say I get the feeling he has an agenda here he’s not sharing with us.

"I didn’t kill Masha. Elizabeth Keen, whatever you want to call her. She died in childbirth. Perhaps if she’d been in a proper hospital…”

Boom.

“Damn you!”

Red: Who hired you? Scottie: You know exactly who hired me. Red: I’d like to be sure. Scottie: Alexander Kirk.

Scottie is trembling a bit from here on out, but otherwise doesn’t show her pain or distress at all. Pretty stoic considering she thinks Red is going to kill her.

Red once fought off attackers with Howard in Kuala Lumpur. He claims a fondness for Howard. Apparently the feeling is mutual. 

Red is all shaking his head at Howard taking the job.

“I used to have such high hopes for your organization. High hopes for Howard...Companies can so easily lose their way. Forget what it was that made them great to begin with."

“I remember a time when your husband never would have taken a job from a man like Alexander Kirk, if only out of respect for his friends.”

I can’t imagine Red spending all this time and energy chasing down Scottie if he honestly thought Howard had taken the job. He just wants to hear this from her.

Scottie: Howard didn’t take that job. We haven’t had sex in four years. We’re rarely in the same country, let alone the same bed....I’ve been assuming a larger role in a management position lately.

Red: You don’t say.

Yeah, he’s not surprised to hear that.

Scottie: We’ve never been more successful. Listen, Red… I regret what happened to Elizabeth Keen. But her kidnapping was simply a business decision. You of all people should recognize that. We all do what we have to in order to survive. I know Howard and I do.

Ha. I’m sure Scottie was really suffering for cash.

Red: Survival is all relative. There are limits, even for people like us. Especially for people like us.

If people like the Hargraves don’t limit themselves, they become absolute tyrannical monsters. So much power. The spy capabilities alone. And the government won’t touch them, so they really have no check.

“When Kirk hired us to abduct Masha, he also wanted me to kill you. Sorry I didn’t take that job.”

That was an error in judgment.

You do not take Liz and leave Reddington alive. You simply don’t. You take both jobs or neither. ‘If you kill her, you better kill me. Or I’m going to kill you.’ 

But I suppose it all depends on what Scottie knows. 

I’d like to know what went on at Halcyon while they were planning this whole thing. She calls Kirk a ‘caring party.’ But Red was her husband’s friend (kinda sorta) so she turned down the kill contract.

She doesn’t seem to have any clue of Liz’s relationship to Red. If she did I don’t think she’d have taken the job at all. Unless she’s completely heartless. But having had her own child stolen, I just don’t see it.

Maybe that was part of it as well. Delivering the kidnapped child back to the father. Would be personal for her.

Or, probably more likely, she saw a powerful billionaire ally in Kirk and was eager to prove herself as the leader of Halcyon and she bit off more than she could chew. There might be more info in the next couple eps that I’ll get to when I get to them.

As always, the questions are - what did they know and when did they know it? The answers to those questions are vital to properly judging character actions. And the answers are seldom given.

And now the offer. 

"Elizabeth Keen is dead, which means you are, too. Alexander Kirk is coming to kill you. The only surprise is that I got to you first.... I didn’t come to kill you. I came here because you and I are about to climb into bed together, just for a quickie. We now share a mutual enemy.

“So, let’s get you bandaged up, not that you aren’t even lovelier with a little blood trickling down your arm.”

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

6.18 Where Bluebirds Fly

I’m having a difficult time writing an intro this week, because every time I think about the second scene my brain shorts out for a minute. I know a bunch of stuff happened other than this, but what?

In the past: On her way to the Emerald City, young Zelena befriends a woodcutter named Stanum, an unusual youth who does not fear her magic and who is impressed by her kindness and her use of magic to help others. Many years later, when she rules Oz, Stanum returns to ask his old friend for help. He is under a curse that will turn his body to tin unless someone helps him retrieve a magical heart guarded by a terrible monster.

Slightly terrible anyway.

At first inclined to dismiss his plea, Zelena is goaded into accompanying him in order to prove that she is indeed the most powerful witch around. Although she defeats the monster and retrieves the heart, she scoffs at the idea that having a friend would be worth the price the artifact demands: giving up her magic. She abandons Stanum to his fate.

In the present: The Black Fairy approaches Zelena and suggests that an alliance would be best for her and her daughter’s well-being. Hook and Emma’s morning plans are interrupted by Snow, who is determined to get this wedding in motion, but they are sidetracked by the news about the Black Fairy. Zelena is minded to take her on by herself, and stalks off. Regina is supposed to investigate the wand piece Tiger Lily sent to Emma but does not get around to it.

Rumple tells Belle about Gideon’s heart. The Blue Fairy remains in her coma, unable to be wakened until her magic is restored; Rumple has played into his mother’s hands by removing the one person who ever knew the Black Fairy from the conflict.

Zelena asks Belle to babysit while she goes off to the mines to hunt down the Black Fairy by herself. Charming discovers that Henry has tried to force the Final Battle to a good end using the magic pen, but it’s not working; Emma must fight. Henry, too, is drafted into the planning activities.

Regina finds Zelena and attempts to stop her. The argument escalates into a physical fight, causing a partial rockfall that blocks the way back.  

Snow and Charming argue about the suitability of different venues and eventually of doing this at all with the Final Battle looming; Emma at last intervenes and says they ought to wait. They love each other, they’re comfortable, and there’s no need to get married at high speed just in case they all die.

In the mines, there is more arguing until the sisters stumble across a vein of fairy crystal. The Black Fairy and Gideon arrive. Assigning her minion to delay Regina, the Black Fairy leads Zelena down to her lair and baits her into doing magical battle -- which turns all of the crystal dark, meaning that they can now be used to fuel her evil, um, whatever it is she plans to do that will be the Final Battle. She then poofs the sisters away. Regina tells Zelena that she may as well go back to Oz while the rest of them clean up her mess.

Zelena summons a twister from Oz to bring her the Crimson Heart, and use it to destroy her magic, returning the crystals to their normal state and thwarting whatever the Black Fairy wanted. It was probably bad.

From Zelena, the others learn about Blue’s condition and that she is being kept on ice in Gold’s shop. Emma uses a piece of the crystal to restore her magic, meaning that she can now be wakened.

The Black Fairy appears unperturbed by the crystal setback; the really important thing is that Rumple doesn’t learn (presumably from Blue) why she gave him up as an infant.

Parallels: The very heavy-handed Oz flashback talked about how what Zelena really needs is friends, and if she wasn’t so messed up she would value their lives more than her magic, more than this idea that she needs to be the strongest witch around. In the present-day timeline, she makes that sacrifice even though other people are not necessarily behaving a friendly fashion to her.

The line “who’s ready to put their hearts into some wedding planning” feeds into “the Black Fairy has Gideon’s heart?” in one of their odder transitions to date.

Snow draws the parallel between her wedding to Charming under threat from Regina and her desire to plan Emma and Hook’s; “it gave people hope.”

Wardrobe Department:

In Hindsight: I’m gonna have to assume that Dorothy came along and rescued this guy later, and also that once Glinda got banished, all of the other witch positions went evil, because what the hell else do I make of the “wicked witch of the North”?

I don’t particularly like the way they’re writing Snow, but I do feel that it’s consistent. She’s talking about her daughter’s wedding as if it’s a political stage event, not so much taking the lead on as entirely taking over the planning process in a way that makes Emma’s participation appear an afterthought, and this is, unfortunately, the way Snow seems to work. She talks a good game, but she never seems to be on quite the same wavelength as her daughter.

On to bigger issues. I have a problem with the writing on the show this season, at least as far as the Mills sisters are concerned. Maybe this is inevitable when you try to redeem a major villain, but it’s making me very uncomfortable. I feel like they’re crossing the line between explaining and excusing villainy these days. I posted this bit separately while I was writing this review, but I’m going to include it here and expand on it a little.

The show has not been all that big on showcasing acts of direct restitution. There have been a handful for Hook, there was Rumple’s death in 3a, and Ingrid’s death. But where they have done that, I always felt like the emphasis was where it ought to be, on the damage that was done to the other character. We know a lot about Baelfire, for instance, so Hook handing him over to Pan and Rumple letting him go through the portal are very meaningful events for all of the characters; the impact is clear. Ursula’s story was swiftly but fully sketched in “Poor Unfortunate Souls.”

With “Page 23″ and “Where Bluebirds Fly,” the emphasis is on the perpetrator’s emotional pain. We never learn anything at all about Stanum, about who he is or why he got cursed or why he’s so keen to befriend Zelena. He exists in the flashback purely to provide psychological analysis that is mirrored in the present day by the Black Fairy. In “Page 23” the focus is 100% on Regina -- not the fairy who destroyed her own life trying to save her, not the father she would later murder in cold blood, and not the villagers she terrorized for years.

With these two episodes, it seems like we are supposed to feel sympathy for Regina and Zelena while they are committing some of their most terrible acts of villainy, because the story has now gone to lengths to explain that they were sad the whole time. We ignore both the suffering they cause in others and the fact that they were sad due to situations they largely created themselves. The disposability of characters in this show has always been a problem, but it seems even worse than usual to me in these episodes. Ingrid became more sympathetic to us over the course of the season, but there was never a point where the show seemed to say “well, that’s all right then” about anything that she did.

(I can talk about “Swan Song” if anyone wants, but I feel the emphasis was very different there.)

When you provide a sympathetic focus to how the villain feels *while they are engaged in acts of villainy*, that’s… well, that kinda skeeves me out. It approaches if doesn’t downright become excuse-making; the audience is led to prioritize one character’s emotional state over others’ actual lives. The victims become invisible in this scheme. Given that we’ve already replaced Robin with a new version who was never Zelena’s victim -- a novel form of erasure I must admit -- I really cannot enjoy any of this storylne.

The Mills’ sisters relationship in this episode, in this whole season, has been one dose of high-octane weird after another. They start the season on a high note, but it quickly sours; even at her nicest, with all of the darkness(™) sucked out of her heart, Regina can’t forgive Zelena for her role in Robin’s death. The evil side of Regina, meanwhile, courts Zelena on the strength of their grotesque similarities, only to betray her and eventually try to kill her. Since the two Regina halves made up and split their evil difference, Zelena has barely been in the story at all, but it seems that Regina has extended no olive branches. In this episode, Regina -- who certainly doesn’t seem any nicer to me than she ever has in the past -- is quick to take on a self-righteous tone, quick to take offense and to dismiss her sister’s losses, quick to attack when Zelena fails to cooperate. She can be magnanimous at the end of the episode, of course, secure now in being the more powerful of the Mills sisters, but I am at a loss to figure how we’re supposed to take all of this.

It seems to me that they decided against Regina as the final villain at some point, but also that they forgot to write Regina as even marginally likeable after making that choice.

As much as I enjoy looking at her, the Black Fairy continues to be the worst villain in the history of the show, on a par with Hades. There’s no THERE there, no history, no connection, no motives -- a void where there should be a story element. Literally all she has done at this point is talk (and kill that one guy in the flashback). I could not care less about whatever additional bit of sad backstory they’re going to saddle Rumple with this weekend.

[sephirajo]

writer ask meme: 1, 5, 51

1. Tell us about your WIP!

The working title is Penny and the Golden City because I suck with titles and the file had to be called something and I already used that gag once upon a time naming a character... and, well, the important stuff:  

It’s set 200 years in the future, in an America where the United States is not a thing, I am pulling some inspiration from Fallout, the setting is Southern California, bombs were dropped by 45 on at LEAST LA, Sacramento and San Francisco.   Penny’s from a city in what used to be the Anza-Borrego National Park really close to the expanded Salton sea, which is now the Salton Bay and oops, there goes almost all of Mexicali.  The city is built into the ground and into the rocks there and hosts a doctor from one of the Domed cities that now house people who can afford to get into them and people who are desperate enough to be willing to take a deal to get in.

That’s important because Penny’s little brother has had TB pretty much all of his life and it’s reaching the point where he’s dying.  Given a tip by the Doctor (who in my head is totally played by Danny Trejo) Penny and her BFF Sam go to get put in touch with a group whose purpose is to help them steal a bunch of medicine from the local mega-Dome city and bring it back out to the Wastes. A heist that will save a ton of lives, if they can pull it off.

The Dome cities are Corporation run Authoritarian hellholes run by a group of three people named after the Greek fates.  No one knows outside of a select few, mostly board members, who these leaders are, only that there are three of them, and the position is one that is heavily competed for and comes with a very high mortality rate.  

Because there’s always a need for fresh labor, these cities contract people from the wastelands into work for all sorts of jobs from the menial to the highly technical, with the self taught and most talented able to compete and win a place inside with more rights than average Contracted Worker and Penny’s talented enough to try for that, giving them a way in to the city and on to the next part.  

So about the characters a bit, Penny’s full name is Penelope Pines, she’s half Indigenous Mexican and half African-American.  Her best friend, Samantha Zhong is half Chicanx/Chinese.  She’s transgender and thankfully has had access to hormones and a supportive family and friends and town because damnit in the future some things are going to be better. Once in they meet Emily Bartlett, the disaffected daughter of one of the ruling families and the one showing Penny the ropes in her new job.

Penny is a highly, highly talented programmer and robotics engineer, which bleeds into mechanics too.  Her father helped teach her, but she’s largely self taught and her crowning achievement is the recovery bot she rebuilt and reprogrammed with her father, which they named Cucaracha.  On account of him looking like a cockroach.  He acts like a corgi though. 

And um, I have a lot written already for character profiles and I’m still working on it and I worry it sucks and all that fun stuff, but yeah, still working on it.   Have it open and jot down ideas as they come to me, add notes, tweak the outline,  Next I have to start actually writing it.

5. Top five formative books?

Oh jeeze, this is hard. Um, Lord of Light, though reading it now makes me want to puke as Sam is a terrible person and the entire book a skeeve fest, but Zelazny had a talent for description t hat made me really hunger for his stuff, and hence A Night in Lonesome October is also on this list.  And at least there’s a lot less to hate about a dog.  His master being Jack the Ripper who is on a mystic crusade with all the other characters from horror and detective pop and folklore in one place? Sign me the fuck up.  There’s still tons of problematic shit in it but it happens through the lenses of the dog and really made me think of how you’d go about writing an animal that is relatable but still an animal. Then there’s War for the Oaks, which is even set in Minneapolis. :D I’ve read that like ten times.  Almost anything by @neil-gaiman.  The Great Gatsby, which is a study in characters that aren’t likable but a story that is still engaging and it’s description of 1920s Jazz Age America.  I swear, Zelda wrote more of that one that Scott. I will die on that hill.  When it comes to Star Wars and Sci-Fi writing, Timothy Zhan is my go to guy, he is also hella good.  And responsible for Thrawn. Mmmmm. Thrawn.  *cough*

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?

LOL I spam the shit out of my friends. I think my anxiety is part of it. I want to know what I’m writing is at least decent.  So yeah. :/ They get bothered. A lot. I will send entire blocks of text again because I found a typo.

Jeeze, @serenity2132 how do you put up with your broken hermana, lol. xD