#(and in desperate need of a gd NAP)

[futurefind]

//Thinking abt Sa being CarriedTM and its like... if you're v close to her and scooped her up straight out of bed (ie on one of her nights of crashing)? Yeah she'd absolutely finish her zzz in your arms even if you're travelling

But um... outside of that??? :') She'll begrudgingly accept an arm around her shoulders to help her walk... when she's grievously injured and only held together by spit ice ducttape and spite. Even when she can barely walk due to leg-impacting injuries :')

[lady-of-endless]

Helllloooo if requests are still open could I request reader taking care of RAMATTRA :3? There's alot of reader comfort out there but good gd this dude needs a nap.

Author's Note: Another request, I'm so happy! I agree with you 100%, let him get some rest. Thank you so much for requesting this ❤️ Hope you'll enjoy it

Taking care of Ramattra

Since he left the Shambali Monastery, Ramattra has become more of an overachiever. Humanity's continuous aggression towards omnics forced him to ignore his own needs just to work on plans, strategies, and new machines, all for a better future. He saw no problem with that but, he's not alone anymore, and you're worried for him.

When you propose taking a break for his own good, he simply replies with how he doesn't need it, changing the subject. Of course, he takes note of your worried expression from your face but does not want to bother explaining that you have no reason to be worried for him, at first.

"My system is running in optimal conditions. I do not require rest like humans do." He caved in and explained to you calmly, causing you to sigh in defeat. Even if you knew that it was true, it was his mind that needed rest more than his body. You understand that it will be complicated to get him to relax.

You noticed how he didn't even meditate the way he still used to even after leaving Shambali. It was a part of his routine but not anymore so it seemed. Instead of pointing it out, ask him if he can teach you how to do it. He will look at you over his shoulder in silence, pondering and analyzing your expression. It was his right to be suspicious as you never asked for this before. Right when you think he is going to refuse, the orb from his staff floats toward his right hand. "Follow me, and pay attention." He muttered. Somehow, this one trick to get him to rest went unnoticed.

Maybe you can try a straightforward approach as well. If he is working, walk to him, ask about what he's working on. As he talks, put a hand over his and gently pull him towards you by his hand. "And what is it you think you're doing?" He stops explaining and asks but still lets himself be guided by you. You tell him that you wish to read something to him and he refuses right away. This calls for desperate measures. "Just give it a chance. Like you did with me…" You say with a hopeful look in your eyes when looking at him. With that, consider it done. You knew that you got him with that one. "Fine, but it better not take long." He sighs in frustration as he lays down next to you.

In the first minutes, Ramattra just waits broodingly for this break to end. Gradually, as he listens to your voice and your breathing, he starts to lose track of time and forget about what he had to do later. He finds himself turning his body more towards yours, even maybe placing his head on your chest, hoping that you won't ask why.

That's the time he discovers another way of relaxing. It has even become his favorite. Laying his head on your chest, his sound sensor close to your heart. He is surprised by how pleasant the sound of it is. Listening to the steady beats makes him feel like every circuit from his body slows down and because he's alone with you, he allows it.

He cannot admit that he felt better afterward, but he surely won't let your thoughtful gesture pass without thanking you. "I am grateful for this moment of peace. Perhaps I can…find some time to repeat this in the days to come."

Even so, there's a long way to go if you expect him to take a break freely on his own. You will still have to keep an eye on him.

When he needed to think something over or find a solution to a problem, he usually traveled to Shambali where he watched the monastery alone, from afar. There is something in the scenery that brings him calmness every time. Plan a little trip to Shambali for him. Tell him that you need to go there for something and you need him to guide you. When his steps bring you two to his favorite spot, just stay silent and let him have a moment of peace. Watch how his shoulders drop and how his breathing becomes more deeply. He might remain silent or open up to you. If the latter happens, it usually leads to a deep conversation, and for him, this also counts as a way to relax.

[tsushimanoonryo]

If They Had a Kid…

Jin and @agentjjkelly

Name: Akira Sakai

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Short, skinny, and lanky as all hell. Looks very much like a dog in that weird teenage stage between puppy and adult where his feet are too big and he trips over everything.

Personality: He is awkward as hell and constantly feels like he’s missing out on stuff because of it. However, he tries desperately to get himself involved in things because he feels like he constantly needs to put himself out there. Instead, he just makes trouble for himself. Less in a sad way and more a hilarious way, though.

Special talents: He can trip over literally anything. Sometimes even nothing. The boy is the king of clumsy.

Who he likes more: Jin. He thinks his dad is so cool. Akira is wrong.

Who he takes after more: I think JJ because he at least tries to put himself out there, unlike Jin who would like everyone to leave him alone so he can take a GD nap.

Personal headcanon: He is lactose intolerant but keeps eating ice cream anyway because it tastes good.

Faceclaim: Ryan Potter

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[loptgangandi]

so! literally no one asked, but these last 3 weeks have been a hell of a ride let me TELL YOU 

so happy mun-day now you get to hear all about it!! (with pictures, I’m not a monster)

here’s the cliffnotes version: 

december week 1: simultaneously moved back into a place and took classes then moved out of that place while taking classes and planning a 2-day overland trip from sweden to madrid. took said trip. 

december week 2: attended the unfccc climate conference COP25 in madrid, got kicked out for protesting in solidarity with indigenous ppl & kids, got let back into COP the next day & proceeded to go to more panels and also protests. no i did not see greta thunberg but she was there. I did not see harrison ford either. I did shake al gore’s hand tho.

december week 3: week #1 with my mom’s new twin one-eyed cyclops kitties (yes both of them), spent the week frantically writing 2400 words of nonsense that hopefully resolved themselves into two coherent enough papers to snag me a nice grade then took a 36-hour trip up to london to see my sister perform at her bitchin new job.

elaboration under the cut.

Hell Week (or) Why You Sometimes Should Fly to Climate Conferences

So, after the nonsense with The Roommate From Hell (reddit rant here), I moved out of my room at her place and back into the dorms (where I still had a lease through the end of December). That required a fair bit of effort, but I moved things bit by bit over the course of about a week, and it was manageable. 

But I had to be out of the dorms and have the place clean by the time I left for the climate conference, which in itself was a whole lot of coordination. Wednesday the 4th of December was probably among the worst, most frustrating days I have ever had, and I desperately hope I never have to deal with that level of fuck this fuck you fuck me fuck everything for a very, very long time. Somehow -- by some miraculous act of the gods -- I pulled it out, and managed to get my stuff into my friend’s basement, my plants into another friend’s apartment, my bags packed, my room clean as a whistle, my self moved into my hostel, and to every damn class that week. My interrail tickets came the day I planned to leave -- it was a tight fit -- and I managed to book trains and busses from Uppsala to Madrid with half an hour to spare, and get on the first train (Uppsala to Stockholm) in good time.

The next 48 hours went like this:

Stockholm -> Copenhagen (by train): uneventful, but Copenhagen train station on a Friday night is a little dicey, especially when you’re dragging around a 45 lb suitcase and another 15 lbs on your back

Copenhagen -> Hamburg (by overnight FlixBus): Uneventful, and I was sitting by a window with no one sitting next to me, so I was able to doze a bit on the trip. 

Hamburg -> Basel (by high-speed rail): This one I should have booked. The website said that a reservation was recommended, and I understand why. If I’d had a quiet cabin -- or even just a consistent seat for the whole 7-hour journey -- I’d have been able to get a decent night’s sleep. Instead, I kept having to move to give people their reserved seats, and didn’t get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Basil -> Olten (train): this one was a mistake

Olten -> Brienz (train): where the fuck am I

Brienz -> Lausanne (train): oh right yes that’s the direction I want to go yes good get on that one

Lausanne -> Geneva (train): oh thank fuck, I 100% know where I am and am back on track. Sunglasses & 30 hours without sleep is a Look.

Geneva: Spend 3 hours with my mom, put a week’s worth of clothes into a considerably smaller suitcase, eat dinner. meet mom’s new kittens, Saga and Luna

Geneva -> Lyon (bus): Get confused about which bus to get on, get told off by the bus driver we were trying to convince to let us on his bus, realized mom had been trying to put me on the wrong bus. Get on the right bus. Go to Lyon with bus driver who speaks no French or English, only Spanish.

Lyon -> Barcelona (night bus): Hell. Just. Absolute Hell Bus. Wanted To Die all night. Assigned to aisle seat just before the very back next to a very, very tall man who was quite polite but had no room for his legs. Behind us were two men, one of whom was loudly chewing gum until he took off his shoes and fell asleep, the other of whom snored like a gd bulldozer. Aisle seat and wailing baby a few rows down meant that my chances of sleeping comfortably were 0. I did manage to doze off a bit, but only because I was so strung out from not sleeping the night before. Eventually made it to Barcelona alive and lent my phone to the very nice lady with the wailing baby (plus like 5 other family members, none of whom had cell service). 

Barcelona -> Madrid (train): Absolutely gorgeous train ride through the Spanish countryside that I really did want to stay awake to enjoy. Managed to do so until we got to an elevation where it was just thick, dense fog and I let myself fall asleep. 

Madrid: I arrived at my hostel groggy, dazed, and in pain from two bad nights in a row. I considered a nap, but also considered that I’d need to wake up early the next morning and would need to fall asleep. Opted to try to set up my COP25 blog instead. Failed due to aforementioned grogginess. Walked to the corner to get some food and tried to pay for it with Swedish kronor, which didn’t work. Apologized, explained to the amused man that it had been a long weekend, paid him in Euros instead. Used the hostel’s dry sauna (!!!!), took a shower, and went to bed. 

COP25 - The Old White Fuckening

So, listen, I’m not going to go into detail about COP. If you want to read about how much of a tonedeaf clusterfuck the negotiations were (as opposed to the really interesting, inspiring stuff happening in the side sessions), BBC has some good articles. 

If you want to listen to some of the press conferences and plenaries, here they are. I especially recommend the ones by the Women’s Earth and Climate Caucus, Fridays for Future, and as many of the Indigenous Peoples’ statements as you can (most of them are in Spanish and/or Portuguese. Because the COP was supposed to be held in Chile, many of the registered Indigenous participants were from Amazonas because it was supposed to not be far to travel). 

If you want to listen to some of the side events, the webcasts have been recorded here. Click the link, and then click “Join the event.” I again recommend the ones by Indigenous groups (if you can understand them -- we all had translation headphones in the sessions, but I don’t speak Spanish, so I can’t really go back and revisit them). Also, this "feminist attempt at connecting the dots” on “climate crisis, corporate power, and climate finance” and this one session from a Nigerian NGO and the government about One Health and the connection between climate change, disease, and other health risks -- and how badass Nigeria is at tackling them. 

On the subject of tonedeafness, some absolute bullshit went down on Wednesday, December 11th. 

Here is the article on BBC, but it’s a bit incomplete.

Here’s what happened.

COP25 2: The Old White Fuckeninger (Starring Military Police!)

So on Wednesday, December 11th, Greta Thunberg -- environmental wunderkind with truly glorious bitchface -- sat on a panel before a hall full of condescending adults in which she demanded accountability and immediate action from national leaders. 

At the end of her speech, the delegation of Fridays for Future -- Greta’s own youth movement, which has become a global phenomenon -- stormed the stage. Representatives of Fridays for Future admitted that they knew what they were doing was against the rules, and they were ready to face the consequences: having their admission badges taken away (being “debadged”), and not being blacklisted from future UNFCCC events. 

Neither of these things happened. Instead, UNFCCC praised the young activists, and let them keep their badges. 

A few hours later, another activist group in attendance -- not an Indigenous one, a point that was raised by a young Native American man during the Fridays for Future press conference -- staged a sit-in outside the main hall where a large plenary meeting was scheduled. Said meeting was full of gimmicks, including a live call to the International Space Station so an astronaut could talk about the view of climate change from space. 

I was going to attend the plenary. I joined the protest instead. 

Admittedly, the decision was partly made for me by security. After pushing, shoving, and jostling the (mostly adult, heavily Indigenous, mostly PoC, heavily female, heavily Queer) protesters, as well as violently snatching their badges off their lanyards, security started herding them -- as well as anyone in proximity -- out into the open docking area outside the hall. One woman nearby, who hadn’t meant to join the protest and who had just been filming, tried to duck out of the group and got sternly told by a security guard “No. Keep going forward. No turning back.” A similar thing had happened to me -- I hadn’t made up my mind about joining the protest, because I didn’t have all the information -- but security made the decision, and in the end, I’ll always prefer to be with the people facing the police rather than those they’re protecting. 

It was... furious. It was emotional. The leaders of the protest had us form a circle and turn our backs on security and the door. WoC -- many of whom were Indigenous -- led not just standard protest chants, but songs. Renewal songs, fight songs. The common theme was the intersection of environmental justice and femininity, queerness and suffering under colonization, anti-capitalism, anti-exploitation, and a call for colonizers to repay the colonized for all of the loss and damage already caused by climate change (climate reparations). 

Eventually, UNFCCC made a decision. They decided to close the door on us. Security “escorted” us to the docking bay entrance, and the military police took over. Fortunately, none of them started anything. Obviously, none of the protesters did either. We made it back to the venue entrance eventually, but only those with journalist/media badges were allowed back in; the rest of us were not. Even people with Observer badges (like mine) who hadn’t been part of the protest weren’t being allowed in. But some people who were panelists, delegates, etc. came out to stand in solidarity with us. 

Once it became clear that no more joint actions would be taking place, I went home, and waited to see whether the negotiators would be able to talk UNFCCC into letting us back in. 

They did. Can you imagine the headlines? “UNFCCC Kicks Out Protesters, Bars Civil Society Observers From Climate Talks.” 

Talk about going down like a lead balloon.

Which is about what the conference in general did. I was able to go back and get some more stuff out of it... including another big protest, this time led by Fridays for Future and sanctioned. It was so, so good. Many of the people from Wednesdays protest were also there, and while spirits weren’t exactly high, the emotions being expressed were more along the lines of determination and tenacity than fire and fury. Both are valid, and both have their place, and it was nice to have a balance -- especially at the end of the week, when we were all flat-out exhausted. 

The Aftermath

And then I just didn’t stop moving. Saturday and Sunday I spent exploring Madrid and staying out late, Monday I flew back to Geneva from Madrid (because absolutely fuck Spanish busses and also absolutely FUCK FRANCE’s weeks-long general strike that I’m sure was for something very important. I’m sure. Because France never strikes over trivial things). 

Tuesday-Friday was a takehome exam that I swear to god was more labor-intensive than my actual undergrad thesis, and Saturday-Sunday I flew to London to visit my sister at her new job as an actor in Shrek’s Adventure. Mom was supposed to go with me, but she has a slipped disk and sent me up alone. Which was nice -- my sister and I almost never hang out just the two of us. But that’s another thing I’ve been dealing with -- quite a bit of extra Stuff To Do that Mom Can’t Do because Back Hurty and there have been days when she literally could not move. 

But now I am here! I still have work to do, and it’s holidays so there’s Holiday Stuff happening, but I’m hoping to get back to writing here in the next few days. 

And if you’ve read all of this, you’re fucking incredible and I love u and here are some one-eyed black babie kitty gremlins for ur viewing pleasure.

<-Saga | Luna ->

They’ve got little bare patches on their tummies because bbies gotta be spayed

They got this tower two days ago and have learned to share, but the learning curve was steep

Saga doesn’t like cuddles but she likes pats and being in the vicinity of humans

Saga says hello

Pictured: Luna in my arms, Saga in Proximity

Luna stole my Spot!! >:C

If Saga steals something and then tells u to answer a riddle to get it back pls let me know. she does that sometimes. it’s very naughty.

[kandadiff]

Price of Freedom (2)

-

Jb’s chin jutted out angrily and it would have been funny if he wasn’t so angry. “So shes been planning this the whole time?” Jennie asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Seunghyun is going to-”

“No” Namjoon shook his head “That letter arrived when she went missing at the Hwang Farm.”

“she replied to the letter after her big fight with Seunghyun.” CL sighed playing with her phone, “Who’s going to be the one to tell them?”

“I don’t know.” Namjoon said walking over to the video “But Hoseok said she looked panicked that means shes going to want to leave soon. Bom, can you hack into the airports? Negan’s a rich guy, he probably has his own plane.” Song nodded and JB bit his lip in thought. 

“The docks too” Jb added “If not a plane then a boat,” he looked at Namjoon and CL who both nodded in agreement “You think they’ll leave tonight?”

“I think she’ll try, if shes that desperate.” CL said and sighed “But what are we going to do about Seunghyun? He is expecting to speak to her about the appointment she never went too and Jiyong always calls Arianna to say goodnight.”

“You should tell him Chaerin.” Jinyoung said simply “You always break the news the best to them.” He said and she rolled her eyes.

“If we don’t find them by then,” Namjoon said “then she can tell them, until then we scour the streets, airports and Docks. They aren’t from here and neither Adi or Kay know Korea as well as us. They can’t be far.” Jb nodded and all three leaders started giving out roles to the members, thankfully for them the Red Dragon’s had plenty of members to spare around town. JB even gave a quick call for some back up before he left to the docks himself. 

-

I woke up from a short nap in the bedroom on the outskirts of Seoul, the sun was setting through the window leaving a calming affect on the room for just a moment until I heard the page of a book turn and nearly jumped out of my skin seeing Camilla sitting on the chair in the corner. Thick glasses i’d never seen her in prominent on her face. “Hey I thought youd be out for the rest of the night.” She said with a small smile putting down her book. “Negan said id have to carry you, I’m glad I don’t have to.” I looked at her confused rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looking around the room. “Shawn is in the other room with Adi” she said sadly “Simon and Negan went with the others to go find food before we head back to the states, they wanted me to watch you.” I nodded sighing and threw the covers off me sitting up in bed. For a moment it was silent as the events of the day flooded back into my memory and the guilt started laying on me once again. “Can I ask you something, Kay?”

I gave her a look and shrugged “Sure.”

“Why do you want to go back? I mean, even just how your dressed.” She motioned to my clothes and despite them being splattered in blood they were expensive and nice, even the necklace that held a red dragon pendent cost a pretty penny. “I mean if I just saw you walking on the street - I’d be so... in awe.” I gave a weak smile “And no offense but what do you have left in the US? Cops are still looking for you for whatever you did over there and if they find you then your just going to be in hiding there.” 

“Things are different now.” I said and she eyed my stomach.

“Negan isn’t the father... is the guy you were on the news with, Is he?” I wanted to yell at her for being so nosy but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. All I could so was shrug “Does he know?” I nodded “Does he want it?” I nodded and she sucked her teeth “You think leaving is the best thing? I mean best case scenario you head to the states and he can’t find you... but then again the police will, Negan can’t buy every cop and worse case. You stay and I mean Negan doesn’t like to share and given your type of men neither does he probably.”

That made me gulp hard, in my haste to get away from the Red Dragon I didn’t even realize how right she was. I mean obviously I was out of my league and I didn’t doubt that V was going to say something about them being from America and me betraying them, oh god, Gd was going to kill me. I betrayed the group... oh my god I led you to shawn… that was a death penalty. I took you away from him, I saw what he tried to do to Mark and that was horrifying enough.. he was going to kill me and even if he didn’t he was going to kill Negan and Shawn in front of me. Right now I was only safe because of this baby and as soon as it came out of me TOP was going to check it for a DNA test and when the results for that come out. Oh god what if I lost the baby? Then I wasn’t safe anymore. If I managed to survive Gd, TOP would never let me leave again. Ever. I’d be on a leash... oh my god I made a terrible mistake. I need to leave. I was panicking I felt my self get hot and Camilla immediately rushed over to me. I was crying I felt the tears leak on my dress and Camilla tried to calm me down but my mind was moving to fast. 

TOP won’t stop looking for me just as GD would never stop looking for you and in the states I knew if he didn’t find me the cops would. I was safer here- the baby was safer here. At least for 9 months after that …. Oh god what was he going to do to the men? Would they kill V? or Yugyeom for me being kidnapped? I couldn’t breathe all these horrible images swirling around in my mind I started to sob so loud that Camila at a loss for what to do went to get Shawn an dyou from the bother room. You looked very pissed not at her but at Shawn but as soon as you saw me you softened. 

“What happened?” You rushed over to me pushing camila out of the way. 

“🍥We have to go back” I cried holding your hands tightly “🍥We can’t stay here, we need to go back home. They’ll kill me, they’ll kill everyone we can’t leave.”

-

[barbarabickelart]

When I moved to the State of Illinois in 2008 to teach art at Southern Illinois University, the then governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich was at the tail-end of a destructive leadership ride and about to be sentenced to 14 years in prison on corruption charges. George W. Bush was in his last year of a presidency that had declared a never-ending war on America that to this day shows no signs of peace anywhere, and I learned that women were not included in the American constitution - needing three more States to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment, and Illinois was one of them. As a Canadian who had managed to keep politics to the very edges of my life living in docile Canada, I was now deeply embedded in what felt like a political nightmare while teaching for a state university where political decisions decided whether students could get financial aide to enable them to study and whether I would have a pension, among other things. The last four years in Illinois I directed the University Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies program. One of the first such programs in the US, this program steadily grew over 30 some years but also systematically lost its funding. After my retirement I was not replaced and have yet to hear that the directorship position will be replaced, as administration is no longer willing to make it a paid position.

In my last semester in the US in 2009 I traveled to an artist residency in Egypt where I gave a presentation on the history of feminist art in North American. I shared with a shocked Egyptian audience of artists and art professors that the USA constitution did not hold equal rights for women. I facilitated a Nap-In and a Trance-Based Inquiry workshop in Alexandria to a receptive group of Egyptian art students and faculty, some of whom had been part of the Arab Spring uprising. On arriving back in Illinois, just after International Women’s Day, I was contacted by the communication director of my university asking if state funding had been given to the Nap-in and art installation that had just been installed at the university. F_X News had picked up the story and would run two slamming segments on F_X and Friends condemning and ridiculing the university and students for taking part in Nap-Ins, creating and sharing art expressing their dreams for diversity. The university was responding to the accusation that tax payers money had been given to enable students to nap for course credit (see earlier blog on this). 

America thus transformed me into a “slow activist” and a reluctant American citizen (I obtained my US citizenship while living there through my dad, who was American Canadian). I now am a Canadian American artist, researcher and teacher with renewed commitment to assisting all people to access their inner wisdom and connectedness to themselves, their community, their home place and the more than human worlds through radically slowed-down-creation-generating-processes like Nap-Ins and Trance-Based Inquiry practices.

One year after leaving the US I am invited back by a former art student (thank you Natalie Pivoney!) to exhibit art and offer workshops at the 8th annual Going Dutch Festival in Elgin, Illinois (just outside of Chicago). This festival began as a festival that would alternate each year showcasing the creative dance work of men and women, hence its name. As it turned out, after the first year the men left the organizing team and so it has continued as a women’s event, supported by some amazing men but run and mostly attended by generous, passionate and articulate women. Partaking in this festival offered me the opportunity to return to the Illinois with the Dream Scroll and to offer a Nap-In (one of the Gestare Art Collective’s creative practices)  and Trance workshop under radically different circumstances - in a supportive women-led arts festival.

I spent my 5 days in Elgin meeting energized, creative and smart women, most young women in their twenties, passionate about sharing their experiences and love for others with the world through their art practices. I attended a beautiful slow breath and movement workshop with Emily Navarra and Eric SmackDab of The Movement Kitchen and became part of a “Body Choir.” I attended the premier screening of a GD commissioned dance film by Talia Koylass entitled “The Good Christian” and had conversations with the dancers and choreographer about the importance of young women reclaiming their spiritual paths within the traditional Black Christian church community. I witnessed so many different dance forms, so many different bodies choreographed in powerful and tender expressive motion. Among them Rosie Trump’s With or Without Dance performers who carried me through the piece Fill in the Blank, transforming ordinary chairs into moving fluid architectural magic. I experienced critically informed performance artists such as conceptual dream performers Maddy Rager and Scott Crandall of Thanks You So Much For Coming who caused me to laugh and think simultaneously, and Brandy A. Rogers an artist teaching and story-telling through words and song. It was through Brandy’s performance that I “got” how Black Americans have decolonized the white Christian God from the God as judge and fear God story that I grew up with in the Missouri Lutheran church to the God is Love story. A powerful appropriation of the white Christian religion within a community who understands from their years of on-going oppression in the world of white supremacy that love trumps all and so love is truly God. Best of all though was being able to talk with many of these young artists and choreographers, discovering their passion and desire to deepen and extend their work and messages for their country and the world. Some joined me in my workshops and opened themselves up to the dangerous space of slowness, going inside to find and activate forgotten or repressed dreams and visions. To re-meet themselves in realms beyond cultural and political constraints through reclaiming trance and dream as a human storehouse of self-authorizing awareness and knowing.

And the final best aspect of the festival is how the connections generated in this festival will reverberate, some silently, slowly, others loudly and quickly into the future. A future that concurrently finds the current US president signaling that he will commute the sentence of Blagojevich, and the same week finding the State of Illinois approving the Equal Rights Amendment, 36 years late. May the future bring that one more needed State ERA approval forward (Nevada showed up with theirs last year) to enable the United States of America constitution to take the political blinders off and recognize and celebrate half of its population, try going dutch, and possibly begin the slide towards the recovery and healing of a country in much pain. A country so desperately in need of the love-based, gift-based, compassionate democracy that is visible in the lives and creative work of the many Americans I met in Elgin, Illinois. I return home to Canada feeling love for America and its people, for my sisters and brothers who are working hard to de-hypnotize their country from the escalating world-traumatizing nightmare we are all living, playing, struggling, working and creating within.